1 00:01:10,066 --> 00:01:10,098 [BOTH MOANING] 2 00:01:10,099 --> 00:01:10,131 It's about to come, it's about to come, it's about to come. 3 00:01:10,165 --> 00:01:10,231 [MOANS] 4 00:01:10,265 --> 00:01:10,365 ANNOUNCER: In your face, in your hair. 5 00:01:10,165 --> 00:01:10,231 I can't believe you bid $1200 for this. 6 00:01:10,165 --> 00:01:10,398 ♪ And now you're rollin' In this heap ♪ 7 00:01:10,099 --> 00:01:10,298 ♪ You paid for this dirty Berber rug ♪ 8 00:01:10,299 --> 00:01:10,365 Which isn't actually so bad, because I think 9 00:01:10,366 --> 00:01:13,070 you can get these stains out with a little club soda. 10 00:01:17,143 --> 00:01:18,843 This is all worthless. 11 00:01:18,844 --> 00:01:21,462 Keep looking. We'll find something. 12 00:01:24,033 --> 00:01:25,200 Bingo. 13 00:01:26,635 --> 00:01:29,804 This is ridiculous, Michelle. It's such a waste of time. 14 00:01:29,805 --> 00:01:31,572 What's that? 15 00:01:33,842 --> 00:01:36,310 "Found footage" that we found. 16 00:01:36,311 --> 00:01:38,179 Wouldn't it be amazing if it was one of those 17 00:01:38,180 --> 00:01:40,481 celebrity sex tapes and we could sell it for millions? 18 00:01:40,482 --> 00:01:42,183 Oh, my God, oh, my God. Put it in. 19 00:01:42,184 --> 00:01:43,985 MICHELLE: All right. 20 00:01:46,939 --> 00:01:48,790 [PHONE RINGING] 21 00:01:53,696 --> 00:01:56,564 OPERATOR [OVER PHONE]: Carlsbad Police, what's your emergency? 22 00:01:56,565 --> 00:01:57,766 WOMAN: Five. 23 00:01:57,767 --> 00:01:59,100 OPERATOR: Excuse me? 24 00:01:59,101 --> 00:02:01,569 WOMAN: Five. 25 00:02:01,570 --> 00:02:02,970 Five. 26 00:02:02,971 --> 00:02:05,006 OPERATOR: Five what, ma'am? 27 00:02:05,007 --> 00:02:10,879 WOMAN: ♪ Five dollar footlong ♪ 28 00:02:10,880 --> 00:02:12,814 OPERATOR: Ma'am, what's your emergency? 29 00:02:12,815 --> 00:02:14,816 CALLER [IN DEEP VOICE]: I'm a man, douche bag. 30 00:02:14,817 --> 00:02:17,285 My voice is altered because I've got eight demons in me 31 00:02:17,286 --> 00:02:18,920 all taking turns to speak. 32 00:02:18,921 --> 00:02:21,188 Anyway, I killed five people. OPERATOR: I'm sorry? 33 00:02:21,189 --> 00:02:24,793 CALLER: I served them six-inch tuna subs that I wiped my ass with. 34 00:02:24,794 --> 00:02:26,561 They all died from toxoplasmosis. 35 00:02:26,562 --> 00:02:28,362 OPERATOR: Who? 36 00:02:28,363 --> 00:02:31,198 CALLER: The entire cast of The Artist, including that dog Uggie. 37 00:02:31,199 --> 00:02:32,333 OPERATOR: What? 38 00:02:32,334 --> 00:02:34,001 CALLER: Send the police, jerk-off. 39 00:02:34,002 --> 00:02:37,521 And if you're hungry, I still have half a sandwich left. 40 00:02:37,522 --> 00:02:39,257 [DIAL TONE] 41 00:02:39,258 --> 00:02:42,260 [♪] 42 00:02:42,261 --> 00:02:45,230 MAN: The Carlsbad community was leveled by tragedy today 43 00:02:45,231 --> 00:02:47,565 as three clergy members were found dead. 44 00:02:47,566 --> 00:02:50,685 At 11:47 p.m. in the evening, 45 00:02:50,686 --> 00:02:55,657 there was a call into our office in a facsimile 46 00:02:55,658 --> 00:03:01,496 saying that there may have been or might be a murder situation. 47 00:03:01,497 --> 00:03:04,715 But we cannot confirm or deny that the cast of the film, 48 00:03:04,716 --> 00:03:09,120 The Artist, has been murdered in the basement of this house. 49 00:03:09,121 --> 00:03:14,475 I, myself, am not a fan of the film. Didn't really get it. 50 00:03:21,750 --> 00:03:24,285 Hi, my name is Dana Rosti, 51 00:03:24,286 --> 00:03:27,071 and we're shooting a documentary. 52 00:03:27,072 --> 00:03:29,373 MICHAEL: Why are you shooting a documentary? 53 00:03:29,374 --> 00:03:31,643 Well, when I was 10 years old, 54 00:03:31,644 --> 00:03:34,979 my father murdered some people in our basement. 55 00:03:34,980 --> 00:03:37,348 And I just found out that he murdered them 56 00:03:37,349 --> 00:03:40,318 while an exorcism was being performed. 57 00:03:40,319 --> 00:03:42,153 On him. 58 00:03:42,154 --> 00:03:43,405 By clowns. 59 00:03:43,406 --> 00:03:45,773 Without his pants. 60 00:03:45,774 --> 00:03:49,810 I'm sorry, can we stop for a second? 61 00:03:49,811 --> 00:03:52,613 DANA: After six months of going to trial, 62 00:03:52,614 --> 00:03:54,049 my dad was proven not guilty 63 00:03:54,050 --> 00:03:57,952 based on insanity, but I didn't believe that. 64 00:03:57,953 --> 00:03:59,804 Wait a minute. 65 00:04:02,074 --> 00:04:05,977 Yeah! Ragh! Ragh! 66 00:04:05,978 --> 00:04:08,846 It's the Olympics. Whoo! 67 00:04:08,847 --> 00:04:13,034 Oh! Hello. Ugh! 68 00:04:13,035 --> 00:04:14,785 [SCREAMS] 69 00:04:14,786 --> 00:04:17,621 How about a five-way? 70 00:04:17,622 --> 00:04:19,623 DANA: A year later, he was transferred 71 00:04:19,624 --> 00:04:22,160 to one of the top psychiatric facilities in the world. 72 00:04:22,161 --> 00:04:24,445 Which happens to be in Italy, 73 00:04:24,446 --> 00:04:26,915 which is, like, in a whole other country. 74 00:04:29,502 --> 00:04:31,669 Are we recording? MICHAEL: We're on. 75 00:04:31,670 --> 00:04:33,905 And this is camera one? MICHAEL: Yeah. 76 00:04:33,906 --> 00:04:36,407 And this is camera two? 77 00:04:36,408 --> 00:04:38,876 And this is the Steadicam. 78 00:04:38,877 --> 00:04:40,111 And this is my 3D camera? 79 00:04:43,766 --> 00:04:46,918 And this is my motion-capture camera? 80 00:04:48,387 --> 00:04:50,322 Okay. 81 00:04:50,323 --> 00:04:52,089 Let's do this. 82 00:04:52,090 --> 00:04:54,242 You came on a very good day today, Miss Rosti. 83 00:04:54,243 --> 00:04:58,596 Your father is in very high spirits. 84 00:04:58,597 --> 00:05:02,500 DANA: Italy had cutting-edge equipment, brilliant doctors. 85 00:05:02,501 --> 00:05:06,571 I need three CCs of marinara, stat. 86 00:05:06,572 --> 00:05:09,807 DOCTOR: So listen, there's a good chance he might not even remember you. 87 00:05:09,808 --> 00:05:12,043 DANA: Okay. Don't take offense to that. 88 00:05:12,044 --> 00:05:14,845 It's just part of the disease. Right. 89 00:05:14,846 --> 00:05:16,847 [DOOR BUZZES] 90 00:05:23,139 --> 00:05:25,006 Okay. 91 00:05:25,007 --> 00:05:28,309 Let's just go with one camera, okay? Great. 92 00:05:31,613 --> 00:05:33,514 [♪] 93 00:05:36,518 --> 00:05:39,336 Dad? Do you remember me? 94 00:05:41,139 --> 00:05:43,073 Connect the dots. 95 00:05:44,759 --> 00:05:48,830 Connect the dots. Connect the dots. Connect the dots. 96 00:05:48,831 --> 00:05:51,248 Connecticut. No, dumb-ass. 97 00:05:51,249 --> 00:05:53,451 Connect the dots. 98 00:05:53,452 --> 00:05:55,803 I'd rather play Candy Land or Jenga or something-- 99 00:05:55,804 --> 00:05:58,238 I'd rather play Connect the Dots and Dana Shut Up. 100 00:05:58,239 --> 00:05:59,674 Okay. 101 00:06:05,881 --> 00:06:08,249 Great. Now give me your phone. 102 00:06:08,250 --> 00:06:09,984 What? Give me your phone. 103 00:06:09,985 --> 00:06:11,952 Give me your phone. Give me your phone. 104 00:06:11,953 --> 00:06:14,439 I'm getting it out of my purse. Give me your phone. 105 00:06:17,609 --> 00:06:19,827 And, bam! 106 00:06:19,828 --> 00:06:21,495 You just bought me two Taiwanese hookers 107 00:06:21,496 --> 00:06:24,532 for the price of one on Croupon. Hm? 108 00:06:24,533 --> 00:06:27,251 Listen, I came here 109 00:06:27,252 --> 00:06:29,754 because I have to tell you something really important. 110 00:06:30,706 --> 00:06:32,073 Shh. 111 00:06:37,863 --> 00:06:38,979 [GASPS] 112 00:06:38,980 --> 00:06:41,765 Dad. Now get out of here. 113 00:06:41,766 --> 00:06:43,968 I ain't got time for you no more. 114 00:06:43,969 --> 00:06:48,022 [IN BRITISH ACCENT] "Out," he said. Away with you. 115 00:06:48,023 --> 00:06:51,626 Out. I'm a pretty princess. 116 00:06:51,627 --> 00:06:54,261 [IN NORMAL VOICE] Say it! DANA: You're a pretty princess. 117 00:06:54,262 --> 00:06:56,331 HERB: Louder! MICHAEL: You okay? 118 00:06:56,332 --> 00:06:58,866 Yeah, I'm fine. 119 00:06:58,867 --> 00:07:01,769 HERB: Finally. Ling Mi One and Ling Mi Two. 120 00:07:01,770 --> 00:07:03,804 Who's sitting on my face first? 121 00:07:03,805 --> 00:07:05,340 DANA: Since that day, 122 00:07:05,341 --> 00:07:07,675 I never went back to see my old man. 123 00:07:13,282 --> 00:07:15,149 DANA: While I was building a career, 124 00:07:15,150 --> 00:07:17,184 I was looking for the man of my dreams. 125 00:07:17,185 --> 00:07:18,752 And I found him 126 00:07:18,753 --> 00:07:23,074 the way all attention-seeking narcissist slut-bags do. 127 00:07:23,075 --> 00:07:24,909 [♪] 128 00:07:31,066 --> 00:07:34,552 Dana. Oh! 129 00:07:34,553 --> 00:07:37,338 That's me. That's not you guys. 130 00:07:37,339 --> 00:07:41,626 Okay, here. Just hold that. That's for you. Okay. 131 00:07:44,596 --> 00:07:46,864 Will you accept this rose? 132 00:07:46,865 --> 00:07:48,766 I would love to. 133 00:07:54,940 --> 00:07:56,473 Okay. 134 00:07:58,410 --> 00:07:59,643 Okay. 135 00:07:59,644 --> 00:08:00,978 Yeah? DANA: Yeah. 136 00:08:00,979 --> 00:08:03,047 AARON: Want this? Yeah, oh, ride that donkey. 137 00:08:03,048 --> 00:08:04,381 DANA: Yeah. Yeah. 138 00:08:04,382 --> 00:08:06,851 AARON: Yeah. Join in, dude. Join in. Come on. 139 00:08:06,852 --> 00:08:09,220 DANA: Aaron and I fell in love 140 00:08:09,221 --> 00:08:11,522 and got married three months later. 141 00:08:14,309 --> 00:08:19,013 He had a beautiful 2-year-old daughter named Liz. 142 00:08:19,014 --> 00:08:22,783 DANA: And a New York strip for you, young lady. Oh, I forgot. 143 00:08:22,784 --> 00:08:24,668 It was just a matter of time 144 00:08:24,669 --> 00:08:26,904 before I picked up the whole mothering thing. 145 00:08:26,905 --> 00:08:29,540 AARON: It's good. All right. 146 00:08:30,792 --> 00:08:32,960 Can't have a steak without your steak knife. 147 00:08:32,961 --> 00:08:34,879 Good girl. AARON: Good girl. 148 00:08:34,880 --> 00:08:36,747 Yummy. 149 00:08:36,748 --> 00:08:39,917 Okay, eat up, ducky, they're starving in Africa. 150 00:08:43,522 --> 00:08:46,190 DANA: Ah, Liz grew up so fast. 151 00:08:46,191 --> 00:08:48,326 She was your typical teenage daughter, 152 00:08:48,327 --> 00:08:50,528 with a few issues to work out. 153 00:08:50,529 --> 00:08:53,447 DANA: Oh, no, honey, now, don't. Don't-- Ah! 154 00:08:55,533 --> 00:08:57,434 We had Jonah about a year ago. 155 00:08:57,435 --> 00:08:59,136 People say we're overprotective, 156 00:08:59,137 --> 00:09:01,405 but I don't really see it. 157 00:09:01,406 --> 00:09:04,008 Our family was growing, so it was time 158 00:09:04,009 --> 00:09:06,344 to move out of our cramped one-bedroom rental 159 00:09:06,345 --> 00:09:09,347 that we shared with the 12-member Rodriguez family. 160 00:09:09,348 --> 00:09:11,015 After an exhaustive search, 161 00:09:11,016 --> 00:09:14,652 I found that the house I grew up in was available. 162 00:09:14,653 --> 00:09:18,089 DANA: This is amazing. It's so peaceful here, honey. 163 00:09:18,090 --> 00:09:19,791 AARON: I know, sweetheart. 164 00:09:19,792 --> 00:09:22,060 Another big milestone for the Galen family. 165 00:09:22,061 --> 00:09:23,962 [GRUNTS] 166 00:09:23,963 --> 00:09:25,763 Okay. Let's do this. 167 00:09:26,815 --> 00:09:29,116 Okay. 168 00:09:29,117 --> 00:09:30,985 Welcome to the new house, everyone. 169 00:09:30,986 --> 00:09:32,487 Well, this is my beautiful daughter 170 00:09:32,488 --> 00:09:34,188 coming down our new stairs. 171 00:09:34,189 --> 00:09:37,892 There is my little man with my favorite gal. Hello, sweetie. 172 00:09:37,893 --> 00:09:39,093 Okay. 173 00:09:39,094 --> 00:09:40,561 [DANA COOING] 174 00:09:40,562 --> 00:09:42,263 This house will work. 175 00:09:42,264 --> 00:09:45,099 I just took the biggest dump upstairs. 176 00:09:45,100 --> 00:09:47,969 [RAZZES] 177 00:09:47,970 --> 00:09:49,603 Felipe. 178 00:09:49,604 --> 00:09:53,007 Yes, missus? It's time for Jonah's bath. 179 00:09:53,008 --> 00:09:56,377 Oh, no, no, no. Sorry, not tonight, missus. 180 00:09:56,378 --> 00:09:59,797 Just kidding. 181 00:09:59,798 --> 00:10:02,616 AARON: Baby, come over here. If I may propose a little toast? 182 00:10:02,617 --> 00:10:05,452 Very romantic. Oh, well, thank you. 183 00:10:05,453 --> 00:10:08,055 To nothing but beautiful memories in our new home. 184 00:10:08,056 --> 00:10:09,523 Oh, babe. 185 00:10:09,524 --> 00:10:11,492 I love you. I love you. 186 00:10:11,493 --> 00:10:13,860 Cheers. Cheers. 187 00:10:19,868 --> 00:10:21,802 Make sure you record every moment. 188 00:10:21,803 --> 00:10:23,538 This is gonna be riveting to watch. 189 00:10:23,539 --> 00:10:26,707 AARON: I just wanna document our first full week in this house. 190 00:10:26,708 --> 00:10:27,942 I'll edit it later. 191 00:10:27,943 --> 00:10:30,278 It's all part of the master plan, babe. 192 00:10:30,279 --> 00:10:31,745 I'm gonna do it at the same time. 193 00:10:32,764 --> 00:10:33,964 It's so-- 194 00:10:33,965 --> 00:10:35,132 [CELL PHONE CHIMES] 195 00:10:35,133 --> 00:10:36,500 Ooh, text. 196 00:10:38,169 --> 00:10:40,103 Yes. What? 197 00:10:40,104 --> 00:10:41,405 I got the meeting. 198 00:10:41,406 --> 00:10:44,308 Honey, that's wonderful. I know. 199 00:10:44,309 --> 00:10:46,377 Oh, they wanna schedule it for next week. 200 00:10:46,378 --> 00:10:48,879 Oh, baby, I'm so proud of you. 201 00:10:48,880 --> 00:10:50,514 [KISS] 202 00:10:50,515 --> 00:10:53,517 This is a big deal, honey. It's the Umbrella Corporation. 203 00:10:53,518 --> 00:10:56,954 If I get this, I won't have to consult for anyone again. 204 00:10:56,955 --> 00:10:59,256 And you won't have to work the corners anymore. 205 00:10:59,257 --> 00:11:02,025 Oh, baby, you've worked so hard for this. 206 00:11:02,026 --> 00:11:05,162 Thank you. 207 00:11:05,163 --> 00:11:08,265 Hey, you feel like christening the new house? 208 00:11:08,266 --> 00:11:10,634 Well, the kids are asleep. 209 00:11:10,635 --> 00:11:12,837 You know how to turn me on. Yeah? 210 00:11:12,838 --> 00:11:14,271 Wanna move some boxes, baby? 211 00:11:14,272 --> 00:11:17,175 AARON: Oh, the only box I'm interested in is yours. 212 00:11:19,745 --> 00:11:21,679 [BOTH MOANING] 213 00:11:21,680 --> 00:11:24,381 [MACHINE BLOWING] 214 00:11:24,382 --> 00:11:26,050 [BABY CRYING] 215 00:11:26,051 --> 00:11:29,087 Either one of you losers might wanna take care of this. 216 00:11:35,127 --> 00:11:36,527 You should get out. 217 00:11:36,528 --> 00:11:39,463 Mommy and Daddy are playing gardener. 218 00:11:39,464 --> 00:11:42,100 [SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY] 219 00:11:42,101 --> 00:11:44,001 Order a pizza. 220 00:11:44,002 --> 00:11:45,336 Mushrooms? 221 00:11:45,337 --> 00:11:46,604 [SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY] 222 00:11:46,605 --> 00:11:48,672 Green peppers and mushrooms. 223 00:11:51,243 --> 00:11:56,547 First full night in this house, total awesomeness. 224 00:11:56,548 --> 00:11:58,782 Let me get this here. 225 00:11:58,783 --> 00:12:00,884 There we go. 226 00:12:02,921 --> 00:12:04,288 [LIZ SCREAMS] 227 00:12:05,524 --> 00:12:07,625 What? What? What is this mess? 228 00:12:07,626 --> 00:12:10,043 Who tossed around all the furniture? 229 00:12:10,044 --> 00:12:12,546 Liz, what the hell happened here? 230 00:12:12,547 --> 00:12:15,416 Don't know. I was just about to post my nudes on Twitter 231 00:12:15,417 --> 00:12:18,719 and then I came in here and saw this. 232 00:12:18,720 --> 00:12:21,138 [DANA SCREAMS] 233 00:12:21,139 --> 00:12:24,008 Baby? Dana? 234 00:12:25,561 --> 00:12:28,462 What the hell? Who redecorated the room? 235 00:12:28,463 --> 00:12:30,881 You know, it's actually pretty nice, 236 00:12:30,882 --> 00:12:33,016 in a retro kind of way. 237 00:12:33,017 --> 00:12:36,386 Honey, it looks like Neil Patrick Harris threw up in here. 238 00:12:36,387 --> 00:12:37,588 [FELIPE SCREAMING] 239 00:12:37,589 --> 00:12:39,690 Oh, for chrissakes. 240 00:12:43,695 --> 00:12:45,829 Oh, my God. 241 00:12:47,949 --> 00:12:50,083 Wait. What? 242 00:12:50,084 --> 00:12:51,818 Dana doesn't know how to cook. 243 00:12:51,819 --> 00:12:54,705 Where did all this food come from? 244 00:12:54,706 --> 00:12:58,608 Aaron, what the hell is going on here? 245 00:12:58,609 --> 00:13:01,645 Yeah, Dad, this is fucking weird. 246 00:13:01,646 --> 00:13:03,681 But for some reason, I wanna shoot it. 247 00:13:03,682 --> 00:13:05,482 AARON: I don't know what this is either. 248 00:13:05,483 --> 00:13:07,952 Could be your classic suburban burglar 249 00:13:07,953 --> 00:13:09,987 or a practical joke by Martha Stewart. 250 00:13:09,988 --> 00:13:12,423 WOMAN: You're wrong on both counts. Heh. 251 00:13:12,424 --> 00:13:15,292 It's just sweet old me, Paula Bean. 252 00:13:15,293 --> 00:13:19,397 I just wanted y'all to taste my new low-fat recipe. 253 00:13:19,398 --> 00:13:21,348 [♪] 254 00:13:29,808 --> 00:13:32,410 Hey. Sorry I'm late. 255 00:13:36,014 --> 00:13:38,715 You guys shooting a reality show or something? 256 00:13:38,716 --> 00:13:41,718 No. No, that's my daughter Liz. Hi, babe. 257 00:13:41,719 --> 00:13:43,387 Hey, sunshine. 258 00:13:43,388 --> 00:13:46,190 You like things that dangle? 259 00:13:46,191 --> 00:13:48,859 We're gonna saturate this space with cameras. 260 00:13:48,860 --> 00:13:50,994 Okay? I'm gonna put one up in that corner. 261 00:13:50,995 --> 00:13:52,947 Right? That way you get it coming this way. 262 00:13:52,948 --> 00:13:55,215 One up in this corner, opposite direction, boom. 263 00:13:55,216 --> 00:13:57,151 One from the dining room, bam. 264 00:13:57,152 --> 00:13:59,770 Triangulation of coverage. 265 00:13:59,771 --> 00:14:02,440 Put one over the stove, right, get it pointed this way. 266 00:14:02,441 --> 00:14:04,709 One on top of the TV, pointed this way, 267 00:14:04,710 --> 00:14:06,711 that way we get the full coverage in here, okay? 268 00:14:06,712 --> 00:14:08,613 All right, yeah. That's good. Okay. 269 00:14:08,614 --> 00:14:10,981 Oh, I forgot to put this on the list. 270 00:14:10,982 --> 00:14:13,050 Oh, you can install a camera on this? 271 00:14:13,051 --> 00:14:15,853 No. To fuck on. 272 00:14:15,854 --> 00:14:18,522 Then I install a camera. Ha-ha-ha! 273 00:14:18,523 --> 00:14:21,125 Okay, there's more house. Let's go. 274 00:14:21,126 --> 00:14:23,177 We got one directly above the crib 275 00:14:23,178 --> 00:14:24,979 and then one over here up the bunny's ass. 276 00:14:26,948 --> 00:14:28,248 Hey. 277 00:14:28,249 --> 00:14:29,784 This seems sturdy, right? 278 00:14:29,785 --> 00:14:32,153 Good for a nice blowing, right? 279 00:14:32,154 --> 00:14:34,922 You just slide in between the slats and then... 280 00:14:34,923 --> 00:14:36,890 We'll get another one right here coming in. 281 00:14:36,891 --> 00:14:38,892 We got this one pointed directly this way 282 00:14:38,893 --> 00:14:41,429 and then one directly over the bed. 283 00:14:41,430 --> 00:14:44,699 AARON: Wait, why our bed? Don't worry about it. 284 00:14:44,700 --> 00:14:47,835 KAT: Oh, look at this fucking great bathroom. 285 00:14:47,836 --> 00:14:50,604 Oh, shit, this is fucking beautiful. 286 00:14:50,605 --> 00:14:53,023 We're gonna stick one here pointed at the bathtub. 287 00:14:53,024 --> 00:14:55,726 We got one high in this corner, directed at the shower. 288 00:14:55,727 --> 00:14:57,961 And then one in the toilet. 289 00:14:57,962 --> 00:14:59,630 AARON: Excuse me? Huh? 290 00:15:01,366 --> 00:15:03,183 [♪] 291 00:15:48,930 --> 00:15:51,498 [DEVICE BUZZING] 292 00:16:07,265 --> 00:16:09,266 [HUMMING] 293 00:16:17,158 --> 00:16:19,326 DANA: What are you doing in my shower? 294 00:16:19,327 --> 00:16:22,929 Get out, out, out. 295 00:16:29,170 --> 00:16:30,437 Really? 296 00:16:32,924 --> 00:16:34,591 Sorry. 297 00:16:34,592 --> 00:16:36,894 These are my nieces. 298 00:16:47,939 --> 00:16:50,757 [BABY COOING] 299 00:16:56,397 --> 00:16:59,666 [MOANING] 300 00:16:59,667 --> 00:17:01,802 I love the pool heaters. 301 00:17:01,803 --> 00:17:03,871 I love the pool heaters. 302 00:17:03,872 --> 00:17:06,239 I love the pool heaters. 303 00:17:22,741 --> 00:17:25,175 [THUMPING] 304 00:17:50,135 --> 00:17:51,885 [AARON YAWNS] 305 00:17:51,886 --> 00:17:53,220 Morning, honey. 306 00:17:53,221 --> 00:17:56,456 DANA: Somebody slept in this morning. 307 00:17:56,457 --> 00:17:58,725 I like sleeping. 308 00:17:58,726 --> 00:18:02,829 Especially when it's sweet dreams about you. 309 00:18:02,830 --> 00:18:04,831 What? What is that? 310 00:18:04,832 --> 00:18:07,868 What? There's writing on your face. 311 00:18:07,869 --> 00:18:11,238 Oh, yeah, I do that every night. It's good for the skin. 312 00:18:12,640 --> 00:18:16,159 What the hell is going on here? 313 00:18:16,160 --> 00:18:18,495 And this is exactly why we have cameras, 314 00:18:18,496 --> 00:18:20,730 so we can get to the bottom of this stuff. 315 00:18:22,233 --> 00:18:23,633 What the... 316 00:18:23,634 --> 00:18:26,203 DANA: Oh, my God. Oh, my God, honey, we have ghosts. 317 00:18:26,204 --> 00:18:28,205 Okay, okay. No, honey, it's okay. 318 00:18:28,206 --> 00:18:30,141 I think you're being a little over dramatic. 319 00:18:30,142 --> 00:18:32,376 Oh, I'm sorry, really? What would you call that? 320 00:18:32,377 --> 00:18:34,445 It could be a million different things. 321 00:18:34,446 --> 00:18:36,480 Like what? 322 00:18:36,481 --> 00:18:40,301 Could be the air conditioning, window was left open. 323 00:18:40,302 --> 00:18:41,768 Scientologists. 324 00:18:41,769 --> 00:18:44,571 No. I am sorry, honey, those are ghosts 325 00:18:44,572 --> 00:18:46,539 and I am freaking out right now. 326 00:18:46,540 --> 00:18:49,009 Okay, Dana. Dana, look at me. Calm down, okay? 327 00:18:49,010 --> 00:18:50,844 They're not ghosts. 328 00:18:50,845 --> 00:18:56,183 There is no such thing as ghosts. Trust me. 329 00:18:56,184 --> 00:18:57,484 Okay, fine. 330 00:18:57,485 --> 00:18:59,619 Attention, all ghosts. 331 00:18:59,620 --> 00:19:02,856 If you're here with us right now in this house 332 00:19:02,857 --> 00:19:06,226 for the love of Jesus, give us a sign. 333 00:19:07,428 --> 00:19:11,999 Okay. I guess you're right, honey. 334 00:19:12,000 --> 00:19:13,500 Ohh... 335 00:19:15,737 --> 00:19:17,905 Goddamn Scientologists. 336 00:19:17,906 --> 00:19:20,090 [CHUCKLES] 337 00:19:26,614 --> 00:19:29,349 I just don't understand why this is happening to us. 338 00:19:29,350 --> 00:19:31,551 I think I do. 339 00:19:31,552 --> 00:19:33,404 What? 340 00:19:34,539 --> 00:19:35,939 [SIGHS] 341 00:19:35,940 --> 00:19:38,242 It all started when I was 7. 342 00:19:39,810 --> 00:19:41,811 I was getting drunk with my sister. 343 00:19:41,812 --> 00:19:43,447 We'd use tiny teacups, 344 00:19:43,448 --> 00:19:45,416 that way our parents never knew. 345 00:19:45,417 --> 00:19:47,351 Don't put that there. Why? 346 00:19:47,352 --> 00:19:49,453 Because Jeremy's sitting there. 347 00:19:49,454 --> 00:19:51,455 Jillian, you gotta stop with this ghost thing. 348 00:19:51,456 --> 00:19:52,756 You sound crazy. 349 00:19:52,757 --> 00:19:55,825 I'm not crazy, I'm just telling you the truth. 350 00:19:55,826 --> 00:19:58,312 [TOILET FLUSHES] 351 00:19:58,313 --> 00:20:02,649 Sorry, Jillian, that one was a little tougher to pinch off. 352 00:20:02,650 --> 00:20:04,034 [SPEAKS INDISTINCTLY] 353 00:20:04,035 --> 00:20:06,220 Okay. Tea me up. 354 00:20:06,221 --> 00:20:08,555 But Jeremy Lin wasn't even a Knick back then. 355 00:20:08,556 --> 00:20:11,024 And I didn't know you had a sister. 356 00:20:11,025 --> 00:20:13,643 She was deported to Guatemala when I was 10. 357 00:20:13,644 --> 00:20:15,712 But that's not the point. 358 00:20:15,713 --> 00:20:17,648 The point is that two years after that, 359 00:20:17,649 --> 00:20:20,951 my father killed the entire cast of The Artist, 360 00:20:20,952 --> 00:20:23,436 including Uggie the dog. 361 00:20:23,437 --> 00:20:26,373 Why? That was a great movie. 362 00:20:26,374 --> 00:20:29,692 Frankly, I don't understand why the whole film had to be silent. 363 00:20:29,693 --> 00:20:31,094 But anyway, 364 00:20:31,095 --> 00:20:33,663 it wasn't until I was 20 years old that I found out 365 00:20:33,664 --> 00:20:35,632 my father killed those people 366 00:20:35,633 --> 00:20:37,167 during an exorcism. 367 00:20:38,069 --> 00:20:39,469 What? 368 00:20:39,470 --> 00:20:42,956 I know. It's crazy, huh? Yeah. 369 00:20:42,957 --> 00:20:46,760 He's been in a psychiatric hospital in Italy ever since. 370 00:20:46,761 --> 00:20:48,628 Who's the person that walked you down the aisle 371 00:20:48,629 --> 00:20:50,230 and comes over for the holidays? 372 00:20:50,231 --> 00:20:53,617 Oh, sweetie. He's just an actor. 373 00:20:53,618 --> 00:20:56,453 His name's Joel Solomon. He's very talented. 374 00:20:56,454 --> 00:20:59,222 I called him Pop-Pop. 375 00:20:59,223 --> 00:21:00,624 Listen, I... 376 00:21:00,625 --> 00:21:03,360 I really think we should call in the Ghost Brothers. 377 00:21:03,361 --> 00:21:06,764 No way. Honey, those guys are scam artists. You know that. No. 378 00:21:06,765 --> 00:21:08,966 Okay. Are you coming to bed? 379 00:21:10,334 --> 00:21:12,886 Not yet, I'm only halfway done with this, honey. 380 00:21:12,887 --> 00:21:14,788 I need at least 45 more minutes. 381 00:21:59,867 --> 00:22:03,153 ♪ Babe ♪ 382 00:22:03,154 --> 00:22:07,024 ♪ I've missed your touch ♪ 383 00:22:07,025 --> 00:22:10,227 ♪ It's long since we-- ♪ 384 00:22:15,082 --> 00:22:18,468 DANA: I know, it's all gone. Let's get something to eat. 385 00:22:18,469 --> 00:22:20,336 Let's get some milk. 386 00:22:22,206 --> 00:22:23,774 What the--? 387 00:22:25,309 --> 00:22:27,644 I just bought two containers of milk. 388 00:22:27,645 --> 00:22:29,929 Who drank it all? 389 00:22:29,930 --> 00:22:31,482 [DOORBELL RINGS] 390 00:22:31,483 --> 00:22:34,518 Hello, we are the Ghost Brothers, here to investigate. 391 00:22:34,519 --> 00:22:37,687 [♪] 392 00:22:37,688 --> 00:22:40,790 It is so thick in here, dude. So many ghosts in the air! 393 00:22:40,791 --> 00:22:44,077 I know what you mean. It's like we're breathing in ghosts. 394 00:22:44,078 --> 00:22:46,346 Dude, I am choking on a ghost right now. 395 00:22:46,347 --> 00:22:48,515 I am choking on a ghost. EVAN: Spit that ghost out. 396 00:22:48,516 --> 00:22:50,683 Spit that ghost out right now. 397 00:22:50,684 --> 00:22:52,469 Spit it out! I'll punch it out if you want! 398 00:22:52,470 --> 00:22:53,937 DANA: Guys! 399 00:22:53,938 --> 00:22:56,539 You guys are professionals, right? 400 00:22:56,540 --> 00:22:59,810 Yeah, 100 percent. We even have business cards. 401 00:22:59,811 --> 00:23:02,779 Call me the middle man. There you go. Super legit. 402 00:23:02,780 --> 00:23:05,315 EVAN: Call us because we're always open. Daily. 403 00:23:05,316 --> 00:23:08,401 TAYLOR: Did you hear that? That TV just turned on! 404 00:23:08,402 --> 00:23:10,770 TAYLOR: We're gonna die. Here we go, let's go. 405 00:23:10,771 --> 00:23:13,307 Rack them up, dude. This is what we've been training for. 406 00:23:13,308 --> 00:23:15,008 LIZ: Uh... 407 00:23:15,009 --> 00:23:16,710 I turned it on. 408 00:23:16,711 --> 00:23:20,347 She turned it on. So... 409 00:23:20,348 --> 00:23:23,250 She's possessed by ghosts! She's possessed by ghosts! 410 00:23:23,251 --> 00:23:25,669 [SCREAMING] 411 00:23:27,538 --> 00:23:28,822 [EVAN HOOTING] 412 00:23:28,823 --> 00:23:32,375 Oh, my Lord! I am a-- 413 00:23:32,376 --> 00:23:33,694 Oh, my God. 414 00:23:33,695 --> 00:23:35,462 These ghost readings are off the charts. 415 00:23:35,463 --> 00:23:37,997 Dude, there are 57 ghosts in that bathroom over there. 416 00:23:37,998 --> 00:23:39,499 What? Three in my pee stream. 417 00:23:39,500 --> 00:23:40,667 Off the record. 418 00:23:40,668 --> 00:23:42,536 Where are you getting these numbers from? 419 00:23:42,537 --> 00:23:43,837 [SNEEZES] 420 00:23:43,838 --> 00:23:45,905 A ghost was just born in my hand. 421 00:23:45,906 --> 00:23:48,525 What do we do? Flamboyant scream? 422 00:23:48,526 --> 00:23:49,543 Uh, duh. 423 00:23:49,544 --> 00:23:50,911 [BOTH SCREAMING] 424 00:23:50,912 --> 00:23:52,679 Stop it! Stop! 425 00:23:52,680 --> 00:23:58,368 Oh, my God! Oh, my God! Oh, my God! 426 00:23:58,369 --> 00:24:02,322 Seriously? This is what you brought into our house? 427 00:24:02,323 --> 00:24:05,558 All right, so we found about 70 ghosts in your house total. 428 00:24:05,559 --> 00:24:07,344 Fifty-five up there in your bedroom. 429 00:24:07,345 --> 00:24:10,864 Also, it's our day off, so we charge double for that. 430 00:24:10,865 --> 00:24:14,167 So, whatever you guys think is fair. 431 00:24:14,168 --> 00:24:16,469 So basically, free? 432 00:24:16,470 --> 00:24:20,040 I was thinking moreover, like, $3. 433 00:24:20,041 --> 00:24:22,242 AARON: Fine, deal. Go. 434 00:24:22,243 --> 00:24:25,112 Thank you so much. Hell, yeah. 435 00:24:25,113 --> 00:24:26,763 If you need us, we will be in our van, 436 00:24:26,764 --> 00:24:28,064 watching the perimeters. 437 00:24:43,281 --> 00:24:45,748 [THUMPING] 438 00:25:08,589 --> 00:25:10,507 [BABY SCREAMS] 439 00:25:16,531 --> 00:25:21,384 [DOOR SLAMMING SHUT] 440 00:25:27,224 --> 00:25:29,776 A door doesn't wake you? You deaf? 441 00:25:29,777 --> 00:25:31,645 I knew I had to step up my game 442 00:25:31,646 --> 00:25:34,381 or I'd get kicked out of the house. 443 00:25:39,153 --> 00:25:42,605 [FELIPE MOANING AND SPEAKING IN SPANISH] 444 00:25:42,606 --> 00:25:46,810 I love the pool cleaners. I love the pool cleaners. 445 00:25:46,811 --> 00:25:50,080 I love the pool cleaners. 446 00:25:55,703 --> 00:25:57,937 Oh, do the left nut. 447 00:25:57,938 --> 00:25:59,939 Left nut. 448 00:25:59,940 --> 00:26:02,375 Oh, my hair. 449 00:26:11,252 --> 00:26:13,853 [GRUNTING] 450 00:26:15,989 --> 00:26:17,574 [SMOOTH LOVE MUSIC PLAYING] 451 00:26:17,575 --> 00:26:20,126 ♪ There's something about The way you do your thing ♪ 452 00:26:25,349 --> 00:26:27,967 ♪ I can't take My eyes off you ♪ 453 00:26:29,870 --> 00:26:31,154 [LIZ GASPS] 454 00:26:33,974 --> 00:26:35,808 [DOORBELL RINGS] 455 00:26:35,809 --> 00:26:38,611 DANA: Liz, you have a visitor. LIZ: What the--? 456 00:26:43,350 --> 00:26:45,535 Good morning, young lady. 457 00:26:45,536 --> 00:26:50,473 Hey. I was just looking for my earring. 458 00:26:50,474 --> 00:26:52,074 There it is. 459 00:26:53,511 --> 00:26:55,378 Who said you could come to my room? 460 00:26:55,379 --> 00:26:57,613 Well, I apologize for barging in. 461 00:26:57,614 --> 00:26:59,716 Your mother gave me permission. 462 00:26:59,717 --> 00:27:02,836 Well, what if I didn't want you to come up? 463 00:27:02,837 --> 00:27:06,088 I had a sneaking suspicion 464 00:27:06,089 --> 00:27:07,957 you did. 465 00:27:07,958 --> 00:27:09,726 And how's that? 466 00:27:09,727 --> 00:27:13,814 By the very way you were staring at me. 467 00:27:13,815 --> 00:27:16,316 Say what? I wasn't staring at you, dude. 468 00:27:16,317 --> 00:27:18,751 I was writing in my journal. 469 00:27:18,752 --> 00:27:20,636 Hm. 470 00:27:26,410 --> 00:27:30,113 Look, I don't know what you want, but I'm really busy. 471 00:27:30,114 --> 00:27:32,982 I was just about to pierce my pancreas. 472 00:27:32,983 --> 00:27:34,618 Mm-hm. 473 00:27:34,619 --> 00:27:39,923 ♪ I just came To say hello ♪ 474 00:27:41,709 --> 00:27:44,811 ♪ Hello ♪ ♪ Hello ♪ 475 00:27:44,812 --> 00:27:46,346 Come to Abe. 476 00:27:46,347 --> 00:27:47,513 [LIZ MOANS] 477 00:27:50,167 --> 00:27:51,901 Oh, shit-burger. 478 00:27:53,036 --> 00:27:55,204 LIZ: What? ABE: Gotta go, babe. 479 00:27:55,205 --> 00:27:58,458 Getting the hairy eyeball from my sweet slut. 480 00:27:58,459 --> 00:28:00,493 Yeah. Check you later, though. 481 00:28:00,494 --> 00:28:02,829 Can't wait to get inside that oval office. 482 00:28:02,830 --> 00:28:04,965 Ugh-- Ah! 483 00:28:04,966 --> 00:28:06,032 Stay free. 484 00:28:06,033 --> 00:28:07,100 [LIZ SCOFFS] 485 00:28:07,101 --> 00:28:08,768 But wait! 486 00:28:08,769 --> 00:28:11,904 I didn't even get to show you my Apple product placement! 487 00:28:19,614 --> 00:28:20,997 Is this thing on? 488 00:28:20,998 --> 00:28:23,600 Hello, America! Hello, America! 489 00:28:23,601 --> 00:28:25,936 All right, we came here expecting to find 490 00:28:25,937 --> 00:28:27,871 a bunch of ghosts, and guess what? 491 00:28:27,872 --> 00:28:30,540 We did. 492 00:28:30,541 --> 00:28:32,609 I didn't say any of that just now. 493 00:28:32,610 --> 00:28:34,961 You're possessed. Dude, kill me. 494 00:28:34,962 --> 00:28:36,846 [HYPERVENTILATING] 495 00:28:38,282 --> 00:28:41,451 I'm trying, but I can't. Why? 496 00:28:41,452 --> 00:28:44,587 Because I'm possessed, too. 497 00:28:44,588 --> 00:28:47,540 We're both possessed by ghosts! We're both possessed by ghosts! 498 00:28:47,541 --> 00:28:50,309 [SCREAMING] 499 00:29:01,822 --> 00:29:03,423 Yes, Miss Liz? 500 00:29:03,424 --> 00:29:06,459 I thought maybe we could talk. 501 00:29:06,460 --> 00:29:08,995 FELIPE: Come on in. Come on. 502 00:29:08,996 --> 00:29:10,963 Sit down. 503 00:29:10,964 --> 00:29:12,365 Oh, uh... 504 00:29:12,366 --> 00:29:15,368 Don't worry about that. Felipe was just tanning. 505 00:29:15,369 --> 00:29:18,738 Just some tanning. There you go, sit down. 506 00:29:24,645 --> 00:29:26,479 [CHITTERING] 507 00:29:27,698 --> 00:29:30,300 Oh! Heh, heh. 508 00:29:30,301 --> 00:29:34,070 Don't worry, they don't bite. 509 00:29:34,071 --> 00:29:35,522 Ay-ay-ay. 510 00:29:35,523 --> 00:29:39,042 So, what can I help you with? 511 00:29:39,043 --> 00:29:40,944 It's about a boy. 512 00:29:40,945 --> 00:29:43,379 Of course it is. 513 00:29:43,380 --> 00:29:45,932 His name is Abraham, and I just don't know 514 00:29:45,933 --> 00:29:48,251 if I've already blown it with him. 515 00:29:48,252 --> 00:29:52,939 I really like him. I think about him all the time. 516 00:29:54,742 --> 00:29:57,076 [SPEAKS IN SPANISH] 517 00:29:59,230 --> 00:30:00,630 [SQUEALS] 518 00:30:00,631 --> 00:30:04,334 There are certain things you can do to-- How you say? 519 00:30:04,335 --> 00:30:05,835 --to win him over. 520 00:30:05,836 --> 00:30:07,704 Like what? 521 00:30:07,705 --> 00:30:11,240 It's called "Roofie and Bang." 522 00:30:11,241 --> 00:30:13,209 A "Roofie and Bang"? 523 00:30:13,210 --> 00:30:14,744 Mm-hm. 524 00:30:16,981 --> 00:30:20,300 Ah! Just put one of those in his Amaretto Sours, 525 00:30:20,301 --> 00:30:22,201 and he's yours for the rest of the night. 526 00:30:22,202 --> 00:30:25,088 And the best thing is that they wake up the next morning 527 00:30:25,089 --> 00:30:28,291 not knowing I stuck my cheese between their crackers. 528 00:30:28,292 --> 00:30:33,446 Ha, ha! It's fabulous. Have fun. 529 00:30:54,518 --> 00:30:56,819 DANA: No. 530 00:31:21,328 --> 00:31:23,329 [♪] 531 00:32:06,006 --> 00:32:08,574 [BRAYS] 532 00:32:45,212 --> 00:32:47,213 [PLAYING MARIACHI MUSIC] 533 00:32:51,418 --> 00:32:53,419 [SINGING IN SPANISH] 534 00:33:05,999 --> 00:33:08,000 [FELIPE HUMMING] 535 00:33:11,872 --> 00:33:13,907 Poor little baby. 536 00:33:13,908 --> 00:33:16,910 Are you hungry? Are you hungry, baby Jonah? 537 00:33:16,911 --> 00:33:18,411 Come here. 538 00:33:18,412 --> 00:33:22,181 Oh, just kidding. 539 00:33:26,854 --> 00:33:28,855 Shh! 540 00:33:49,309 --> 00:33:51,310 [TCHAIKOVSKY'S "SWAN LAKE" PLAYING] 541 00:34:26,863 --> 00:34:28,564 [SCREAMING] 542 00:34:32,803 --> 00:34:34,603 Help me! 543 00:34:58,562 --> 00:35:00,763 [GRUNTS] 544 00:35:17,364 --> 00:35:20,533 Jesus Christ. Dude, are you okay? 545 00:35:23,002 --> 00:35:24,403 [GROANS AND SPEAKS GIBBERISH] 546 00:35:24,404 --> 00:35:27,039 What the hell is this doing here? 547 00:35:27,040 --> 00:35:29,908 And who the hells are you? You? 548 00:35:29,909 --> 00:35:32,044 I'm directing. We're... 549 00:35:32,045 --> 00:35:35,381 Ahh! Leave me alone! 550 00:35:51,432 --> 00:35:53,065 [FELIPE GROANS] 551 00:36:04,060 --> 00:36:05,961 AARON: Oh, sweet Lord. 552 00:36:05,962 --> 00:36:07,430 Oh, my God. 553 00:36:07,431 --> 00:36:09,882 Oh, my God. 554 00:36:09,883 --> 00:36:13,452 Oh, no. Oh, no. No, no, no. 555 00:36:18,125 --> 00:36:19,926 Oh, thank God. 556 00:36:19,927 --> 00:36:21,643 If that thing had been left out another hour, 557 00:36:21,644 --> 00:36:24,080 we would've had ourselves a murky pool. 558 00:36:24,081 --> 00:36:26,315 Hey, Felipe. 559 00:36:39,262 --> 00:36:41,881 [COOING] 560 00:36:53,377 --> 00:36:55,378 [THUMPING] 561 00:37:03,653 --> 00:37:05,654 [FOOTSTEPS APPROACH] 562 00:37:49,499 --> 00:37:51,500 [FARTING] 563 00:38:02,179 --> 00:38:05,264 Bam! Dutch oven, bitch. 564 00:38:05,265 --> 00:38:06,999 [AARON SNORING] 565 00:38:10,821 --> 00:38:13,856 [♪] 566 00:38:41,468 --> 00:38:42,635 [DANA WHISTLES] 567 00:38:47,825 --> 00:38:49,258 ♪ Aw, baby ♪ 568 00:38:49,259 --> 00:38:50,559 [SMOOTH LOVE MUSIC PLAYING] 569 00:38:50,560 --> 00:38:52,995 Oh, thank you, honey. 570 00:38:52,996 --> 00:38:54,930 [MOANING] 571 00:38:57,234 --> 00:38:59,318 Your nose is cold. 572 00:38:59,319 --> 00:39:02,288 Oh, baby, the eggroll. 573 00:39:02,289 --> 00:39:04,940 Teeth, teeth, teeth. 574 00:39:04,941 --> 00:39:08,027 Oh, you need a haircut. 575 00:39:25,778 --> 00:39:26,979 TAYLOR: There's so much-- 576 00:39:26,980 --> 00:39:29,114 EVAN: Get it off me. Get it off me. 577 00:39:34,304 --> 00:39:36,405 Good morning, sweetheart. 578 00:39:36,406 --> 00:39:39,208 Hi. Hi. 579 00:39:39,209 --> 00:39:42,010 You know, I gotta tell you 580 00:39:42,011 --> 00:39:45,114 that was a really nice surprise you gave me last night. 581 00:39:45,115 --> 00:39:46,682 Huh? 582 00:39:46,683 --> 00:39:48,284 I'm telling you, baby, 583 00:39:48,285 --> 00:39:52,755 it's moments like those that make this marriage so exciting. 584 00:39:57,294 --> 00:39:59,428 [AARON WHISTLES] 585 00:39:59,429 --> 00:40:02,865 What? This... 586 00:40:02,866 --> 00:40:05,534 [AARON MOANING ON-SCREEN] 587 00:40:08,204 --> 00:40:11,574 [SQUEALS] 588 00:40:11,575 --> 00:40:12,758 You want to mess with me? 589 00:40:12,759 --> 00:40:16,795 You've messed with the wrong person, jerk-off. 590 00:40:16,796 --> 00:40:18,748 Aaron, what are you doing? 591 00:40:18,749 --> 00:40:20,683 Dana, they have crossed the line, 592 00:40:20,684 --> 00:40:23,085 and I am not taking their crap anymore. 593 00:40:23,086 --> 00:40:24,620 Sweetheart, please. 594 00:40:24,621 --> 00:40:26,021 I think if we just lay low 595 00:40:26,022 --> 00:40:30,493 and we don't interact, they'll go away. 596 00:40:30,494 --> 00:40:33,429 Yeah. 597 00:40:33,430 --> 00:40:35,297 Okay. 598 00:40:35,298 --> 00:40:36,832 Okay, fine. Okay. All right. 599 00:40:36,833 --> 00:40:38,100 I'm giving it one week. 600 00:40:38,101 --> 00:40:39,135 That's it. Okay. 601 00:40:39,136 --> 00:40:40,569 Got it? Yes. 602 00:40:40,570 --> 00:40:43,205 I've got a big interview and I am not gonna have it screwed up 603 00:40:43,206 --> 00:40:45,841 by a bunch of ghosts. I understa-- 604 00:40:45,842 --> 00:40:48,310 Sweetie, we have to go. 605 00:40:48,311 --> 00:40:50,379 We have to run those illegals across the border. 606 00:40:50,380 --> 00:40:52,314 Oh, my God. Is it noon already? Baby, yeah. 607 00:40:52,315 --> 00:40:53,415 Go, go. 608 00:40:53,416 --> 00:40:56,285 Illegals don't keep in the heat, sweetie. 609 00:40:56,286 --> 00:40:58,287 [DOOR OPENS AND CLOSES] 610 00:41:42,065 --> 00:41:44,049 [♪] 611 00:41:44,050 --> 00:41:46,569 MAN [ON TV]: He maintains a strict plant-based diet. 612 00:41:49,889 --> 00:41:51,223 [CAN OPENING] 613 00:41:56,246 --> 00:41:58,748 CHEF: Beat an egg white. I made it faster than the machine. 614 00:41:58,749 --> 00:42:00,015 [GHOST BELCHES] 615 00:42:00,016 --> 00:42:01,784 Over the counter. Yes. 616 00:42:01,785 --> 00:42:03,569 Yes. One, two, 617 00:42:03,570 --> 00:42:06,805 three, go. 618 00:42:17,034 --> 00:42:19,035 [GHOST INHALING] 619 00:42:32,482 --> 00:42:34,483 [COUGHS] 620 00:42:41,158 --> 00:42:42,575 WOMAN: Oh, yeah, baby. 621 00:42:42,576 --> 00:42:44,243 [GHOST'S ZIPPER UNZIPS] 622 00:42:44,244 --> 00:42:47,879 GHOST: Oh, that's right. Oh, that sort of feels-- Feels so good. 623 00:42:47,880 --> 00:42:50,382 So smooth. You're a dirty little one. 624 00:42:50,383 --> 00:42:54,119 You're a dirty little minx. Oh, you-- Oh! Oh! Oh! 625 00:42:54,120 --> 00:42:55,921 Look at it. Look at it. Oh! 626 00:42:55,922 --> 00:42:58,023 [SEMEN SPLATS] 627 00:43:01,527 --> 00:43:04,263 And you thought we couldn't fit 20 of them into one van. 628 00:43:04,264 --> 00:43:06,732 Well, once again, honey, you were right. 629 00:43:06,733 --> 00:43:09,034 Thank you, sweetie. 630 00:43:09,035 --> 00:43:12,087 [SNIFFS] 631 00:43:12,088 --> 00:43:13,856 Honey, do you smell something burning? 632 00:43:13,857 --> 00:43:17,026 DANA: No. 633 00:43:17,027 --> 00:43:19,111 Something's burning. 634 00:43:29,256 --> 00:43:31,390 Ectoplasm. 635 00:43:40,267 --> 00:43:42,734 Son of a bitch! 636 00:43:44,855 --> 00:43:47,022 DANA: Aaron, you're wasting all of it. 637 00:43:47,023 --> 00:43:49,792 Don't worry, honey. It's only the cheap stuff from Tijuana. 638 00:43:49,793 --> 00:43:52,495 I just don't get what this is gonna prove. 639 00:43:52,496 --> 00:43:55,764 It's gonna prove that we're not going out of our minds. 640 00:43:55,765 --> 00:43:58,567 If anyone or anything is coming into this room, 641 00:43:58,568 --> 00:44:02,605 we'll have a clear idea of what we are dealing with. 642 00:44:05,909 --> 00:44:07,576 Whoo! 643 00:44:30,867 --> 00:44:33,903 [THUMPING] 644 00:44:33,904 --> 00:44:35,170 [CRASH] 645 00:44:35,171 --> 00:44:37,273 What was that? 646 00:44:37,274 --> 00:44:39,825 Holy sweet nuts. 647 00:44:43,964 --> 00:44:46,582 Sweet potato pancakes, would you look at that? 648 00:44:46,583 --> 00:44:48,217 DANA: It's scary. 649 00:44:48,218 --> 00:44:50,719 AARON: It's okay, baby. It's okay. 650 00:44:50,720 --> 00:44:52,288 DANA: So scary. Don't get too-- 651 00:44:52,289 --> 00:44:54,290 DANA: Oh, look. 652 00:44:54,291 --> 00:44:58,860 AARON: Oh, honey, he's just a witty-bitty thing. 653 00:44:58,861 --> 00:45:02,731 Oh, it's so cute. 654 00:45:02,732 --> 00:45:04,933 Oh, no. I knew it, honey. He's a baller. 655 00:45:04,934 --> 00:45:07,519 DANA: Oh, no. It's okay. 656 00:45:07,520 --> 00:45:09,755 DANA: You know what they say about big feet. 657 00:45:09,756 --> 00:45:13,058 AARON: Don't worry, baby. Don't wo-- Huh. 658 00:45:13,059 --> 00:45:14,493 They end here. 659 00:45:14,494 --> 00:45:16,261 This is weird. 660 00:45:16,262 --> 00:45:18,296 DANA: Oh, my God. Did you leave that open? 661 00:45:18,297 --> 00:45:21,066 AARON: What, the--? Oh. 662 00:45:21,067 --> 00:45:22,534 No. 663 00:45:22,535 --> 00:45:24,670 DANA: Oh, we are so fucked. 664 00:45:37,834 --> 00:45:40,769 I'm the raccoon that snuck into your attic. 665 00:45:40,770 --> 00:45:42,071 Scratchy scratchy. 666 00:45:42,072 --> 00:45:45,390 Now your power bill's through the roof. 667 00:45:45,391 --> 00:45:47,993 If you got home insurance where you got car insurance, 668 00:45:47,994 --> 00:45:50,879 then you're gonna have to pay for this all by yourself. 669 00:45:50,880 --> 00:45:53,048 So get Upstate. You'll save money 670 00:45:53,049 --> 00:45:55,017 and be better protected from mayhem 671 00:45:55,018 --> 00:45:56,802 like me. 672 00:45:56,803 --> 00:45:58,303 [LAUGHS] 673 00:46:00,507 --> 00:46:03,742 DANA: Okay, ducky, so you wanna give him his baba in half an hour 674 00:46:03,743 --> 00:46:06,562 and give him the soy formula because he's had a lot-- 675 00:46:06,563 --> 00:46:09,748 Bitch, I got it covered. 676 00:46:09,749 --> 00:46:12,434 Get the hell out. Okay. Bye, now, sweetie. 677 00:46:12,435 --> 00:46:15,805 Okay. Okay. Oh. And we're shoving now. 678 00:46:15,806 --> 00:46:17,439 That's good. 679 00:46:17,440 --> 00:46:19,791 [BABY CRIES] 680 00:46:19,792 --> 00:46:22,628 LIZ: He's okay. He'll walk it off. Just go. 681 00:46:22,629 --> 00:46:25,598 I got you. It's okay. Bye, buddy. 682 00:46:26,833 --> 00:46:31,036 LIZ: You smell like a dumpster. Yeah. 683 00:46:45,134 --> 00:46:46,669 [CELL PHONE CHIMES & BABY THUMPS] 684 00:46:46,670 --> 00:46:48,170 [BABY CRYING] 685 00:46:51,774 --> 00:46:53,576 My bad. 686 00:47:02,619 --> 00:47:06,422 Dude, seriously? 687 00:47:06,423 --> 00:47:08,757 Dude, they dropped me all the time. 688 00:47:08,758 --> 00:47:11,893 Look how good I turned out. 689 00:47:11,894 --> 00:47:13,395 [GLASS SHATTERING] 690 00:47:29,179 --> 00:47:30,946 MAN: The Tasmanian monkey is not one 691 00:47:30,947 --> 00:47:33,332 to shy away from a good ass-humping. 692 00:47:33,333 --> 00:47:36,201 With its muscular hind legs and powerful thrusts 693 00:47:36,202 --> 00:47:38,203 that can pull a 1-ton truck... [KNOCK ON DOOR] 694 00:47:38,204 --> 00:47:40,472 ...this rare species is-- 695 00:47:46,396 --> 00:47:49,664 Sorry to barge in. I just locked myself out of the house. 696 00:47:49,665 --> 00:47:52,734 Can I use your phone? Yeah. 697 00:48:00,059 --> 00:48:02,661 You mind if I take my pants off? 698 00:48:02,662 --> 00:48:06,531 Uh... No. 699 00:48:06,532 --> 00:48:08,466 You mind if I deep French kiss you 700 00:48:08,467 --> 00:48:10,936 while I fondle your 12-year-old boy ass? 701 00:48:10,937 --> 00:48:13,238 Okay. 702 00:48:17,527 --> 00:48:19,394 [BOTH MOANING] 703 00:48:21,581 --> 00:48:23,014 My name is Alice, 704 00:48:23,015 --> 00:48:25,517 and this is my world. 705 00:48:25,518 --> 00:48:27,519 [♪] 706 00:48:38,848 --> 00:48:40,849 [RAPPING ON DOOR] 707 00:48:44,487 --> 00:48:46,521 LIZ: Shit! You guys gotta get out of here. 708 00:48:46,522 --> 00:48:48,223 But we just got started. 709 00:48:48,224 --> 00:48:50,892 I don't care! Get out! Okay! 710 00:48:54,814 --> 00:48:57,916 Guess we'll just have to do each other. 711 00:48:57,917 --> 00:49:00,285 LIZ: Leave. 712 00:49:02,021 --> 00:49:04,840 Well, hello. 713 00:49:04,841 --> 00:49:09,878 Maybe your friends would care to stay for a libation? 714 00:49:09,879 --> 00:49:12,681 Or two. 715 00:49:12,682 --> 00:49:14,216 LIZ: Uh, no. 716 00:49:14,217 --> 00:49:15,750 [SMOOTH LOVE MUSIC PLAYING] 717 00:49:15,751 --> 00:49:19,388 ♪ Baby ♪ 718 00:49:19,389 --> 00:49:22,257 ♪ Mm, you and I Belong together ♪ 719 00:49:22,258 --> 00:49:24,159 You know, 720 00:49:24,160 --> 00:49:30,132 I greatly apologize for intruding upon your privacy. 721 00:49:30,133 --> 00:49:33,268 Not at all. Sit down. Oh. 722 00:49:33,269 --> 00:49:36,572 Can I get you something to drink? 723 00:49:36,573 --> 00:49:38,740 Amaretto Sour? 724 00:49:38,741 --> 00:49:41,744 No, I don't think that'll be nece-- Oh, why, thank you. 725 00:49:41,745 --> 00:49:45,130 Is that John Wilkes Booth? Where? 726 00:49:45,131 --> 00:49:47,448 My mistake. I hate that guy. 727 00:49:47,449 --> 00:49:49,051 Me too. 728 00:49:49,052 --> 00:49:51,069 Anyways, 729 00:49:51,070 --> 00:49:52,437 I'm glad you're here. 730 00:49:52,438 --> 00:49:54,606 As am I. 731 00:49:54,607 --> 00:49:57,192 You look thirsty. 732 00:49:57,193 --> 00:49:59,527 Drink, drink, drink. 733 00:49:59,528 --> 00:50:02,664 All the way. 734 00:50:02,665 --> 00:50:04,933 Good boy. 735 00:50:06,469 --> 00:50:08,236 Come to Abe. 736 00:50:09,455 --> 00:50:10,989 Oh, yeah. 737 00:50:10,990 --> 00:50:12,224 [MOANING] 738 00:50:13,492 --> 00:50:16,177 I'm Abe Lincoln. 739 00:50:17,380 --> 00:50:19,815 Wow, you know, I am feeling a little sleepy. 740 00:50:19,816 --> 00:50:21,216 Don't fight it. 741 00:50:21,217 --> 00:50:22,984 I want you to show me the Lincoln Monument. 742 00:50:22,985 --> 00:50:25,120 Yeah, I want you to go to the South. 743 00:50:25,121 --> 00:50:26,554 Yeah, take me to the South. 744 00:50:26,555 --> 00:50:28,323 You wanna see the Lincoln Monument? 745 00:50:28,324 --> 00:50:30,158 Show it to me. Mm. 746 00:50:30,159 --> 00:50:32,944 [GRUNTS AND SCREAMS] 747 00:50:36,132 --> 00:50:39,968 FELIPE: Sorry, bitch. He's mine. 748 00:50:39,969 --> 00:50:41,636 What in tarnation? 749 00:50:41,637 --> 00:50:44,606 FELIPE: You're in good hands now, papi. 750 00:50:44,607 --> 00:50:49,544 Felipe was the one who created the Roofie and Bang. 751 00:50:49,545 --> 00:50:52,581 LIZ: Hey! Let me out! 752 00:50:52,582 --> 00:50:56,185 FELIPE: I want to free your penis slaves. 753 00:51:01,473 --> 00:51:03,859 ABE: Rats! 754 00:51:03,860 --> 00:51:06,962 FELIPE: Oh. Your nipples, mm, 755 00:51:06,963 --> 00:51:09,764 they taste like copper pennies. 756 00:51:17,389 --> 00:51:20,342 FELIPE: I'd like to invite you to the Teabag Party. 757 00:51:20,343 --> 00:51:22,076 [ZIPPER UNZIPS] 758 00:51:24,413 --> 00:51:26,248 Abraham? 759 00:51:26,249 --> 00:51:27,483 Abraham! 760 00:51:27,484 --> 00:51:31,954 ABE: Help me! Help me! Help me! 761 00:51:31,955 --> 00:51:35,123 Abe Lincoln's getting teabagged! 762 00:51:35,124 --> 00:51:36,892 [LIZ SCREAMING] 763 00:51:39,012 --> 00:51:41,262 No, stop it! 764 00:51:41,263 --> 00:51:42,798 [FELIPE GRUNTS] 765 00:51:42,799 --> 00:51:44,800 FELIPE: Take this, you dragon tattooed slut! 766 00:51:44,801 --> 00:51:47,669 [THUMP & LIZ GROANS] 767 00:52:01,100 --> 00:52:03,167 [GROANS] 768 00:52:03,168 --> 00:52:05,070 Abraham. 769 00:52:09,208 --> 00:52:11,143 Abraham. 770 00:52:14,213 --> 00:52:16,315 Abraham? 771 00:52:18,184 --> 00:52:19,685 Abraham. 772 00:52:19,686 --> 00:52:21,687 Abraham! 773 00:52:24,323 --> 00:52:26,658 Let me in! 774 00:52:26,659 --> 00:52:30,094 Let me in! 775 00:52:36,352 --> 00:52:38,920 [SCREAMS] 776 00:52:45,428 --> 00:52:47,429 [BABY CRYING & FOOTSTEPS APPROACH] 777 00:53:21,631 --> 00:53:25,300 JONAH: Mom, Dad, it's me, Jonah. 778 00:53:25,301 --> 00:53:27,603 Where do I start? 779 00:53:27,604 --> 00:53:29,888 It was just supposed to be for one night. 780 00:53:29,889 --> 00:53:31,356 I wanted to be cool, you know? 781 00:53:31,357 --> 00:53:35,894 I wanted to be more than just a baby in the crib. 782 00:53:35,895 --> 00:53:39,030 And then things got a little out of control. 783 00:53:39,031 --> 00:53:40,815 [UPBEAT DANCE MUSIC PLAYING] 784 00:53:45,571 --> 00:53:47,538 [CHEERING] 785 00:53:52,078 --> 00:53:54,913 Excuse me! Excuse me, please! 786 00:53:54,914 --> 00:53:57,849 You're all gonna have to shut this down 787 00:53:57,850 --> 00:54:00,551 or I'm gonna have to call the cops. 788 00:54:16,185 --> 00:54:18,453 DANA: It's about time we had a proper date night. 789 00:54:18,454 --> 00:54:20,489 AARON: Well, it was a wonderful night. 790 00:54:20,490 --> 00:54:22,491 I'll tell you what I am excited about. 791 00:54:22,492 --> 00:54:25,142 Having a chocolate muffin for dessert. 792 00:54:25,143 --> 00:54:27,746 That is for tomorrow, young man. 793 00:54:27,747 --> 00:54:32,216 Wow. Honey, there's no mess. 794 00:54:32,217 --> 00:54:33,552 I'm so impressed. 795 00:54:33,553 --> 00:54:36,755 I told you, Liz is responsible to handle all of this. 796 00:54:36,756 --> 00:54:38,657 DANA: You know, once again you were right. 797 00:54:38,658 --> 00:54:40,391 Thank you, dear. 798 00:54:43,328 --> 00:54:45,280 Shh, shh. 799 00:54:46,882 --> 00:54:50,018 Hey, Jonah. 800 00:54:52,805 --> 00:54:55,590 Is that a wine cooler? 801 00:55:09,238 --> 00:55:11,322 [CHITTERING] 802 00:55:11,323 --> 00:55:14,993 MAN: Ooh! Look at that. Honey Badger don't give a shit. 803 00:55:14,994 --> 00:55:17,445 He'll just run through your bedroom while you're sleeping. 804 00:55:17,446 --> 00:55:19,547 Honey Badger don't care. 805 00:55:21,884 --> 00:55:23,485 [SHATTERING] 806 00:55:23,486 --> 00:55:25,487 [WHIRRING] 807 00:55:30,993 --> 00:55:32,994 [CLUCKING] 808 00:55:35,898 --> 00:55:37,782 It's not even fun anymore. 809 00:55:42,772 --> 00:55:45,173 [GASPS] 810 00:55:45,174 --> 00:55:46,541 Honey? 811 00:55:46,542 --> 00:55:49,778 Honey, wake up. I already gave you a handy. 812 00:55:49,779 --> 00:55:51,762 Did you hear that? 813 00:55:51,763 --> 00:55:54,098 Something downstairs. 814 00:55:59,138 --> 00:56:03,225 No, no, no, no, no, no. 815 00:56:03,226 --> 00:56:05,460 Damn it, no. 816 00:56:12,051 --> 00:56:13,751 Oh, my God. 817 00:56:13,752 --> 00:56:15,720 AARON: No! 818 00:56:15,721 --> 00:56:17,355 Sweetie! 819 00:56:17,356 --> 00:56:20,675 Damn it. What is it? 820 00:56:20,676 --> 00:56:23,612 Someone ate my chocolate muffin. 821 00:56:23,613 --> 00:56:24,812 Yeah. 822 00:56:24,813 --> 00:56:27,081 [GLASS SHATTERS] 823 00:56:27,082 --> 00:56:28,650 DANA: Babe? 824 00:56:31,220 --> 00:56:33,287 Oh, my God. 825 00:56:36,458 --> 00:56:39,360 Oh, that's seven years bad luck. 826 00:56:45,351 --> 00:56:48,269 AARON: They swapped out all the family photos. 827 00:56:48,270 --> 00:56:50,972 I gotta document this. 828 00:56:50,973 --> 00:56:52,540 Oh. 829 00:56:52,541 --> 00:56:54,176 Honey? 830 00:56:55,812 --> 00:56:58,079 Something's breathing on me. 831 00:56:58,080 --> 00:57:01,399 And it smells like chocolate muffin. 832 00:57:01,400 --> 00:57:03,634 Wow. 833 00:57:03,635 --> 00:57:07,072 A lot of them look like they're from the turn of the century. 834 00:57:07,073 --> 00:57:08,773 DANA: And now it's feeling me up. 835 00:57:10,643 --> 00:57:12,777 Oh. Ooh! 836 00:57:12,778 --> 00:57:14,045 Who's a naughty ghost? 837 00:57:14,046 --> 00:57:15,930 AARON: Wow, baby, you gotta look at this. 838 00:57:15,931 --> 00:57:18,299 The ghost's great grandfather's ghost 839 00:57:18,300 --> 00:57:20,535 is in a picture with President Roosevelt. 840 00:57:20,536 --> 00:57:22,070 DANA: Oh, yeah, you're a bad ghost! 841 00:57:22,071 --> 00:57:24,205 Do it to me like it's paranormal! 842 00:57:24,206 --> 00:57:26,807 Looks like Hitler's ghost is here. 843 00:57:26,808 --> 00:57:29,544 Yeah! Yeah, fuck me like you don't know me! 844 00:57:29,545 --> 00:57:31,429 Oh, God, you're such a big ghost! 845 00:57:31,430 --> 00:57:34,716 God, I love poltergeists! Yeah! GHOST: Right, right, right. 846 00:57:41,791 --> 00:57:44,692 DANA: Okay. 847 00:57:44,693 --> 00:57:46,228 BOTH: Whoa! 848 00:57:46,229 --> 00:57:48,730 Close the door! Close the door! Close it! 849 00:57:48,731 --> 00:57:50,332 DANA: Sorry. 850 00:57:53,819 --> 00:57:57,088 EVAN: Hello. Hi. Come on in. DANA: Hi. 851 00:57:57,089 --> 00:57:58,756 EVAN: We weren't expecting visitors. 852 00:57:58,757 --> 00:58:00,258 DANA: Oh, no, that's okay. 853 00:58:00,259 --> 00:58:03,328 It's small, but we get by. DANA: Didn't mean to intrude. 854 00:58:03,329 --> 00:58:05,046 EVAN: Sit down, welcome to our humble abode. 855 00:58:05,047 --> 00:58:06,797 TAYLOR: Welcome. We know it's not much. 856 00:58:06,798 --> 00:58:10,901 Hey, what you guys saw back there, totally nothing. 857 00:58:10,902 --> 00:58:13,188 Hey, we're not here to judge. Yeah, no. 858 00:58:13,189 --> 00:58:15,489 That was actually science, okay? EVAN: Yeah. 859 00:58:15,490 --> 00:58:17,291 We can't really get into it because it's-- 860 00:58:17,292 --> 00:58:20,111 AARON: Guys, it's fine. It's fine. Listen. 861 00:58:20,112 --> 00:58:23,347 Things are getting worse at the house. 862 00:58:23,348 --> 00:58:27,535 Um, hey, uh, why are you filming all of this? 863 00:58:27,536 --> 00:58:30,688 I just feel the need to record everything. 864 00:58:30,689 --> 00:58:32,306 Good call. Yeah, good call, my man. 865 00:58:32,307 --> 00:58:34,075 We actually do the same thing. 866 00:58:34,076 --> 00:58:35,777 Camera twins. Let's go. 867 00:58:35,778 --> 00:58:37,094 Okay, look, guys, Okay. 868 00:58:37,095 --> 00:58:39,531 we really, really need your help. 869 00:58:39,532 --> 00:58:41,799 EVAN: All right. Step number one. 870 00:58:41,800 --> 00:58:45,420 You gotta hire yourself a Hispanic gay manny, all right? 871 00:58:45,421 --> 00:58:48,039 But he's not gonna do any of his chores. 872 00:58:48,040 --> 00:58:49,391 Instead, this is the kicker. 873 00:58:49,392 --> 00:58:51,059 Here's the kicker. I love this part. 874 00:58:51,060 --> 00:58:53,361 This is great. He's gonna be up in his room 875 00:58:53,362 --> 00:58:55,030 all day with some secret lover 876 00:58:55,031 --> 00:58:57,982 that nobody really knows or understands at all. 877 00:58:57,983 --> 00:59:01,018 I'm sorry. Are you frigging kidding me? 878 00:59:01,019 --> 00:59:03,721 What, effing? 879 00:59:03,722 --> 00:59:06,507 You've just described our manny Felipe. 880 00:59:06,508 --> 00:59:08,009 Great. Awesome. All right. 881 00:59:08,010 --> 00:59:10,344 I'll check that one off. Moving on. 882 00:59:10,345 --> 00:59:12,046 TAYLOR: All right, here we go. Number two. 883 00:59:12,047 --> 00:59:14,048 You're gonna have to do a very bad job 884 00:59:14,049 --> 00:59:16,217 at raising a teenage girl, okay? 885 00:59:16,218 --> 00:59:18,886 That way she can have a very rebellious phase in her teens. 886 00:59:18,887 --> 00:59:21,188 I'm talking tattoos. I'm talking piercings. 887 00:59:21,189 --> 00:59:24,325 I'm talking things to do with dragons. You get my drift? 888 00:59:24,326 --> 00:59:26,211 [CLEARS THROAT] 889 00:59:26,212 --> 00:59:27,795 You guys? Okay. 890 00:59:27,796 --> 00:59:29,497 Great. You guys already have that. 891 00:59:29,498 --> 00:59:31,949 Here's number three. Aaron, this is just for you. 892 00:59:31,950 --> 00:59:34,886 All you gotta do is stumble upon two naked dudes in their van. 893 00:59:34,887 --> 00:59:38,423 That's it. That's all there is to it. 894 01:00:07,586 --> 01:00:10,354 [DANA SCREAMS] 895 01:00:10,355 --> 01:00:12,256 DANA: Aaron! Aaron! 896 01:00:12,257 --> 01:00:15,159 No, no! 897 01:00:15,160 --> 01:00:16,827 Aaron! 898 01:00:17,963 --> 01:00:19,397 AARON: No. 899 01:00:19,398 --> 01:00:21,665 [SCREAMING] 900 01:00:42,404 --> 01:00:45,456 [CASH REGISTER BEEPING] 901 01:00:48,493 --> 01:00:50,594 [SCREAMING] 902 01:00:55,384 --> 01:00:58,169 Fuck. I forgot the crisps. 903 01:01:06,729 --> 01:01:08,830 [GROANS] 904 01:01:08,831 --> 01:01:10,398 Oh, good morning. 905 01:01:12,083 --> 01:01:15,152 How long have you been up? Honey? 906 01:01:15,153 --> 01:01:18,272 You okay? Hello? 907 01:01:19,308 --> 01:01:21,509 Dana? 908 01:01:21,510 --> 01:01:24,962 Dana. Honey, talk to me. What are you--? 909 01:01:29,701 --> 01:01:31,702 [♪] 910 01:01:31,703 --> 01:01:33,955 Holy mother of cotton. 911 01:01:33,956 --> 01:01:38,092 Dana. Baby? Baby. Say some-- 912 01:01:39,878 --> 01:01:43,147 "Get out of my house... 913 01:01:43,148 --> 01:01:46,851 ...buttnuts"? 914 01:01:46,852 --> 01:01:48,937 [TELEPHONE RINGS] 915 01:01:50,405 --> 01:01:52,006 Hello? 916 01:01:53,025 --> 01:01:54,758 Hello, sir. 917 01:01:54,759 --> 01:01:57,078 You wanna come here? 918 01:01:57,079 --> 01:02:01,149 No, no. That's fantastic, sir. My house is your house. 919 01:02:01,150 --> 01:02:02,650 Bye-bye. 920 01:02:04,653 --> 01:02:07,505 Dana, that was the CEO of the Umbrella Corporation. 921 01:02:07,506 --> 01:02:11,358 He's coming here. Isn't that great? Wha--? 922 01:02:11,359 --> 01:02:12,894 Oh, right. 923 01:02:12,895 --> 01:02:14,728 I've gotta figure out 924 01:02:14,729 --> 01:02:17,598 how to get you depossessed before he gets here. 925 01:02:20,402 --> 01:02:22,303 But since you're unconscious anyway... 926 01:02:22,304 --> 01:02:24,772 No. 927 01:02:24,773 --> 01:02:26,174 Okay. 928 01:02:26,175 --> 01:02:28,259 [♪] 929 01:02:41,524 --> 01:02:42,807 [DOORBELL RINGS] 930 01:02:45,894 --> 01:02:48,295 AARON: Sluggy? 931 01:02:48,296 --> 01:02:51,265 Sluggy Kornnutz, exorcism specialist. 932 01:02:51,266 --> 01:02:54,269 [GROWLING] 933 01:02:57,790 --> 01:02:59,273 [GROWLING] 934 01:03:03,345 --> 01:03:08,749 In the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and all of his saviors, 935 01:03:08,750 --> 01:03:11,219 I command you, evict this body 936 01:03:11,220 --> 01:03:16,206 and return back to the bowels of hell from whence you came. 937 01:03:17,776 --> 01:03:19,677 Defiant one. 938 01:03:21,112 --> 01:03:23,581 They hate this. 939 01:03:23,582 --> 01:03:26,551 [PANCHO & SANCHO'S "GHOST BROTHERS" PLAYING] 940 01:03:34,676 --> 01:03:35,810 [MUSIC STOPS] 941 01:03:35,811 --> 01:03:37,795 What? What? What? What's going on? 942 01:03:37,796 --> 01:03:40,781 She's being possessed by the deadliest of demons: 943 01:03:40,782 --> 01:03:42,616 her inner demons. 944 01:03:42,617 --> 01:03:45,353 We all have them. We try to fight them on a daily basis, 945 01:03:45,354 --> 01:03:46,587 whether it's eating 946 01:03:46,588 --> 01:03:48,622 the last half-pint of strawberry ice cream 947 01:03:48,623 --> 01:03:50,691 or shooting up an armful of smack-- 948 01:03:50,692 --> 01:03:53,461 Sluggy. Please. 949 01:03:54,897 --> 01:03:56,330 Sorry. 950 01:03:56,331 --> 01:03:59,083 Time to bring out the big guns. 951 01:03:59,084 --> 01:04:02,219 AARON: What are you doing? An intervention. Ahh! 952 01:04:02,220 --> 01:04:04,989 Stop, stop. Stop it. 953 01:04:04,990 --> 01:04:08,993 What? What's wrong? You're not shooting my wife. 954 01:04:11,830 --> 01:04:16,117 Suit yourself. We'll stick with the chosen plan. 955 01:04:17,786 --> 01:04:19,804 [♪] 956 01:04:25,210 --> 01:04:28,195 [SPEAKING IN HEBREW] 957 01:04:40,992 --> 01:04:42,960 [GROWLING] 958 01:04:52,404 --> 01:04:55,106 [FARTS] 959 01:05:04,482 --> 01:05:07,935 Oh! I'm okay. I'm back. 960 01:05:09,588 --> 01:05:12,623 Mazel tov! ALL: Mazel tov! 961 01:05:14,092 --> 01:05:15,626 ["HAVA NAGILA" PLAYING] 962 01:05:18,880 --> 01:05:20,498 Ugh! Oh! 963 01:05:21,817 --> 01:05:23,117 [DOORBELL RINGS] 964 01:05:26,354 --> 01:05:29,991 You've got 20 minutes to knock my socks off. 965 01:05:29,992 --> 01:05:34,628 But first, I need your bathroom. I just sharted myself. 966 01:05:41,286 --> 01:05:43,688 [♪] 967 01:05:48,893 --> 01:05:50,961 Very impressed. 968 01:05:51,996 --> 01:05:55,165 You've got everything covered. Thank you. 969 01:05:55,166 --> 01:05:57,868 What do you know about umbrellas? 970 01:05:57,869 --> 01:06:00,121 I'm sorry? 971 01:06:00,122 --> 01:06:04,358 What do you know about umbrellas? 972 01:06:07,195 --> 01:06:09,564 You... 973 01:06:12,451 --> 01:06:14,585 ...use them when it rains? 974 01:06:16,004 --> 01:06:17,371 Aaron, 975 01:06:19,074 --> 01:06:20,190 you're hired. 976 01:06:20,191 --> 01:06:21,926 [CROWD CHEERS] 977 01:06:21,927 --> 01:06:23,728 AARON: Oh, my God. 978 01:06:24,997 --> 01:06:28,883 All right. Hi. Oh, my God. Hey. Thanks, guys. 979 01:06:28,884 --> 01:06:30,334 All right, enough. 980 01:06:30,335 --> 01:06:32,936 Listen, I need to use your bathroom again. 981 01:06:32,937 --> 01:06:37,308 This time, not only did I shart, but I peed myself too. 982 01:06:37,309 --> 01:06:38,893 Of course-- 983 01:06:41,246 --> 01:06:44,214 You didn't pay your electric bill? 984 01:06:44,215 --> 01:06:46,017 That's a loser move. 985 01:06:46,018 --> 01:06:48,853 Winners pay their bills. 986 01:06:48,854 --> 01:06:49,820 No, no, no, I pay my bills. 987 01:06:49,821 --> 01:06:52,306 All the time. I'm a winner. Ask anybody. 988 01:06:52,307 --> 01:06:54,475 There's a short. There's a short in the breaker. 989 01:06:54,476 --> 01:06:55,893 It happens all the time. 990 01:06:55,894 --> 01:06:57,562 I know that you've got a plane to catch, 991 01:06:57,563 --> 01:06:58,963 so why don't we just go out and--? 992 01:06:58,964 --> 01:07:00,197 [TV TURNS ON] 993 01:07:01,149 --> 01:07:06,453 Mm. Oh, thank you, honey. 994 01:07:08,657 --> 01:07:11,759 I've done some messed-up shit in my life, 995 01:07:11,760 --> 01:07:14,995 but that is insanity. 996 01:07:14,996 --> 01:07:17,348 Aaron, you're fired. 997 01:07:18,767 --> 01:07:22,169 What--? Wait, wait, no, no, no. I can explain. I can explain. 998 01:07:22,170 --> 01:07:25,072 Wait, sir. Sir. Right over here. Look. Look in the closet. See? 999 01:07:25,073 --> 01:07:27,708 We've got three umbrell-- Look. Look, one of the umbrellas 1000 01:07:27,709 --> 01:07:30,244 is already open in case it rains in the house. 1001 01:07:30,245 --> 01:07:32,045 Sir, just give me one more chance, please. 1002 01:07:32,046 --> 01:07:34,348 I'm gonna borrow your dog for a few days. 1003 01:07:34,349 --> 01:07:36,417 I don't know if-- Fantastic. 1004 01:07:36,418 --> 01:07:37,551 [WHISTLES] 1005 01:07:37,552 --> 01:07:39,720 ♪ Baby ♪ 1006 01:07:39,721 --> 01:07:42,523 ♪ There's something about The way you do your thing ♪ 1007 01:07:42,524 --> 01:07:45,960 Generic? Loser. 1008 01:07:48,930 --> 01:07:51,031 Damn it. 1009 01:07:51,032 --> 01:07:53,701 Damn it! Shit! 1010 01:07:53,702 --> 01:07:57,838 Yes. Now, that felt good. Bloody good. 1011 01:07:57,839 --> 01:07:58,906 [GHOST LAUGHING] 1012 01:07:58,907 --> 01:08:01,309 So you think that's funny? 1013 01:08:01,310 --> 01:08:04,278 Why don't you come out and show yourself, you son of a bitch? 1014 01:08:04,279 --> 01:08:06,063 GHOST: Oh, you're so stupid. 1015 01:08:06,064 --> 01:08:09,900 Yeah, sure, it's easy to haunt people when you're invisible. 1016 01:08:09,901 --> 01:08:13,087 Come out here, you wuss. GHOST: I'm a ghost. 1017 01:08:16,258 --> 01:08:17,825 [CACKLES] 1018 01:08:19,361 --> 01:08:22,946 Holy shit. [MUFFLED] Calm down. 1019 01:08:22,947 --> 01:08:26,717 Now is not the time for fear. 1020 01:08:26,718 --> 01:08:29,687 That comes later. 1021 01:08:29,688 --> 01:08:31,539 What? 1022 01:08:31,540 --> 01:08:35,576 Huh? I said, calm down. 1023 01:08:35,577 --> 01:08:40,314 Now is not the time for fear. That comes later. 1024 01:08:41,499 --> 01:08:43,900 I'm sorry, I'm not getting it. 1025 01:08:43,901 --> 01:08:46,220 [GROWLS] 1026 01:08:46,221 --> 01:08:48,356 You dumb-ass. 1027 01:08:48,357 --> 01:08:51,158 I said, calm down. 1028 01:08:51,159 --> 01:08:54,362 Now is not the time for fear. 1029 01:08:54,363 --> 01:08:55,763 That comes later. 1030 01:08:55,764 --> 01:08:59,233 Oh, okay. No, no, no, I'm kidding. I'm kidding. 1031 01:08:59,234 --> 01:09:01,868 Oh, shit. Oh, God. Ahh! 1032 01:09:12,664 --> 01:09:15,866 What on earth is going on down there? 1033 01:09:17,185 --> 01:09:21,555 Honey, hi. You think you could give me a hand? 1034 01:09:25,026 --> 01:09:29,463 Why is Manuel the Guatemalan gardener shirtless? 1035 01:09:31,316 --> 01:09:34,685 All right. I got you now. 1036 01:09:34,686 --> 01:09:37,021 Been waiting a long time. 1037 01:09:40,325 --> 01:09:42,542 [GRUNTING ON TV] 1038 01:09:42,543 --> 01:09:45,579 This is some good shit. The best. 1039 01:09:45,580 --> 01:09:48,132 SLUGGY: Buttery, isn't it? Amazing. 1040 01:09:54,189 --> 01:09:56,023 That's my cock. 1041 01:09:57,158 --> 01:09:59,594 You'd think it would be circumcised. 1042 01:10:06,301 --> 01:10:08,970 This is the scary part. 1043 01:10:08,971 --> 01:10:11,255 [GRUNTING] 1044 01:10:11,256 --> 01:10:13,557 What the hell is going on? 1045 01:10:15,426 --> 01:10:19,529 Welcome! Welcome to the 74th Annual Hunger Games. 1046 01:10:19,530 --> 01:10:23,617 May the odds be ever in your favor. 1047 01:10:23,618 --> 01:10:27,321 AARON: Oh, for the love of God, please have mercy! 1048 01:10:29,157 --> 01:10:31,442 I don't want my ass to be branded! 1049 01:10:31,443 --> 01:10:34,111 [GASPING AND GRUNTING] 1050 01:10:34,112 --> 01:10:36,280 [GHOSTS SCREAM] 1051 01:10:53,365 --> 01:10:56,717 [♪] 1052 01:10:56,718 --> 01:10:58,719 DANA: Oh, my God. Honey. 1053 01:10:58,720 --> 01:11:00,521 It's the Ghost Brothers. 1054 01:11:00,522 --> 01:11:01,721 [BOTH LAUGH] 1055 01:11:01,722 --> 01:11:04,224 BOTH: Take that, douche bags! 1056 01:11:04,225 --> 01:11:05,575 You saved our lives. 1057 01:11:05,576 --> 01:11:08,862 Oh! Oh, thank you so much. 1058 01:11:08,863 --> 01:11:10,013 [BLADE FLICKS] 1059 01:11:11,582 --> 01:11:14,651 [♪] 1060 01:11:20,392 --> 01:11:22,860 Oh, yeah, we're getting out of here. 1061 01:11:24,495 --> 01:11:27,681 Oh! Oh, no. 1062 01:11:27,682 --> 01:11:29,467 Oh, no, dude. 1063 01:11:32,521 --> 01:11:34,087 Ohh! 1064 01:11:34,088 --> 01:11:35,623 Abe Lincoln, bro. 1065 01:11:35,624 --> 01:11:39,076 Hey, hey, hey, Abraham Lincoln! 1066 01:11:39,077 --> 01:11:40,110 What are you doing? 1067 01:11:40,111 --> 01:11:42,446 Killing ghost hunters. 1068 01:11:42,447 --> 01:11:43,897 But you're a vampire slayer. 1069 01:11:43,898 --> 01:11:47,617 Yeah, well, getting tea-bagged by a ghost changes a man. 1070 01:11:47,618 --> 01:11:50,905 DANA: Oh, my God! 1071 01:11:50,906 --> 01:11:52,372 Ow! 1072 01:11:52,373 --> 01:11:55,092 No, no, no! Please, don't! Don't! 1073 01:11:55,093 --> 01:11:56,943 Die, you son of a bitch. 1074 01:11:56,944 --> 01:11:59,129 Oh! Die! 1075 01:11:59,130 --> 01:12:02,299 [RATTLING] Abe Lincoln's getting Tased. 1076 01:12:02,300 --> 01:12:04,935 Leave my dad alone, bitch. 1077 01:12:06,571 --> 01:12:08,505 AARON: Liz? Honey. 1078 01:12:08,506 --> 01:12:10,608 AARON: Honey, you look great. 1079 01:12:10,609 --> 01:12:12,409 What happened to you? 1080 01:12:12,410 --> 01:12:16,062 Guys, I'm so sorry for being the rebellious, 1081 01:12:16,063 --> 01:12:18,265 skanky, slutty teenager for so long. 1082 01:12:18,266 --> 01:12:21,051 You two deserve better than that. 1083 01:12:21,052 --> 01:12:22,920 You've been the most amazing parents, 1084 01:12:22,921 --> 01:12:24,655 and I love you both so much. 1085 01:12:24,656 --> 01:12:26,857 AARON: Oh, honey. We love you. DANA: We love you. 1086 01:12:26,858 --> 01:12:29,993 Ah. Ow, ow. That's an ax. That's an ax in my arm. 1087 01:12:29,994 --> 01:12:32,613 There is one more bit of exciting news. 1088 01:12:32,614 --> 01:12:34,764 You got off the meth? Your herpes cleared up? 1089 01:12:34,765 --> 01:12:36,800 You're not a lesbian anymore? 1090 01:12:36,801 --> 01:12:39,036 No. I met the most amazing guy, 1091 01:12:39,037 --> 01:12:40,838 and he's brought so much positivity 1092 01:12:40,839 --> 01:12:43,140 to my life on so many levels. 1093 01:12:43,141 --> 01:12:47,178 Mom and Dad, meet my new boyfriend Otto. 1094 01:12:47,179 --> 01:12:48,862 [HUMMING] 1095 01:12:50,615 --> 01:12:52,716 Isn't he the sweetest? 1096 01:12:55,453 --> 01:12:57,271 Does Otto have a five-year plan? 1097 01:12:58,857 --> 01:13:00,690 Uh, he's Jewish. 1098 01:13:00,691 --> 01:13:04,278 Oh, I love Jews. That's a good plan. I like it. 1099 01:13:18,326 --> 01:13:21,812 I stood face to face and fought off an attack, 1100 01:13:21,813 --> 01:13:24,648 and I know that you want all of the facts. 1101 01:13:24,649 --> 01:13:28,518 So stick a fin in your ear and dig out the wax! 1102 01:13:31,606 --> 01:13:32,973 [CLATTERING] 1103 01:13:37,312 --> 01:13:40,681 Oh... ALL: Felipe! 1104 01:13:40,682 --> 01:13:42,632 FELIPE: I'm just kidding! 1105 01:13:42,633 --> 01:13:46,453 WALRUS [ON TV]: The cameras they had taped and the mouse was afraid 1106 01:13:46,454 --> 01:13:48,956 that his ass would get laid. 1107 01:13:48,957 --> 01:13:52,126 If my ass would get laid! 1108 01:13:52,127 --> 01:13:54,728 [♪] 1109 01:13:58,566 --> 01:14:00,634 Hey, gang! DANA: Dad? 1110 01:14:00,635 --> 01:14:02,202 I know, I know. 1111 01:14:02,203 --> 01:14:04,070 Yeah, I got kicked out of the hospital 1112 01:14:04,071 --> 01:14:06,206 for lewd misconduct, whatever that means. 1113 01:14:06,207 --> 01:14:07,875 So I thought I'd stay with you. 1114 01:14:07,876 --> 01:14:09,859 Oh, no, we don't have the-- 1115 01:14:09,860 --> 01:14:12,095 Cool. Come in, ladies. We got company. 1116 01:14:12,096 --> 01:14:14,331 Awesome. Discount whores. 1117 01:14:14,332 --> 01:14:15,865 The best. 1118 01:14:15,866 --> 01:14:18,735 This is, uh, uh, uh... 1119 01:14:18,736 --> 01:14:20,170 Bah! 1120 01:14:20,171 --> 01:14:22,005 Okay, well, if you need me, 1121 01:14:22,006 --> 01:14:25,275 I will be upstairs doing the Jamaican Donut. 1122 01:14:25,276 --> 01:14:28,545 Yeah. It's like yoga, except it's stinky. 1123 01:14:28,546 --> 01:14:30,481 Then we'll do a Pittsburgh Platter, 1124 01:14:30,482 --> 01:14:32,316 Cleveland Steamer. We'll mix it up. 1125 01:14:32,317 --> 01:14:34,718 AARON: So that was your real father? 1126 01:14:34,719 --> 01:14:36,636 Yeah. 1127 01:14:36,637 --> 01:14:38,405 I like him. 1128 01:14:38,406 --> 01:14:40,040 I like him a lot. 1129 01:14:43,461 --> 01:14:44,929 Are you effing kidding me? 1130 01:14:44,930 --> 01:14:47,431 This is the biggest piece of crap video I've ever seen. 1131 01:14:47,432 --> 01:14:49,800 I know. We aren't getting squat for it. 1132 01:14:49,801 --> 01:14:51,601 ADELE: I don't know. 1133 01:14:51,602 --> 01:14:56,189 Well, I thought it was pretty damn good. 1134 01:14:56,190 --> 01:14:59,693 Could one of you be a dove and get me another tub of popcorn? 1135 01:14:59,694 --> 01:15:03,296 Extra butter, please, with a splash of patchouli oil? 1136 01:15:03,297 --> 01:15:07,251 [♪] 1137 01:17:35,065 --> 01:17:37,501 [♪] 1138 01:17:57,655 --> 01:18:01,157 ♪ I like the taste of honey ♪ 1139 01:18:01,158 --> 01:18:05,028 ♪ This ain't from a honey bee ♪ 1140 01:18:05,029 --> 01:18:08,732 ♪ I like the sea and sunshine ♪ 1141 01:18:08,733 --> 01:18:11,301 ♪ I like to feel I'm free ♪ 1142 01:18:27,184 --> 01:18:30,987 ♪ I like the icy water ♪ 1143 01:18:30,988 --> 01:18:34,491 ♪ I like to feel I'm tall ♪ 1144 01:18:34,492 --> 01:18:38,261 ♪ I like your lips On my lips ♪ 1145 01:18:38,262 --> 01:18:41,431 ♪ I'll catch you When you fall ♪ 1146 01:18:41,432 --> 01:18:44,401 ♪ I like it that way ♪ 1147 01:18:44,402 --> 01:18:46,970 ♪ Yes, I like it that way ♪ 1148 01:18:48,473 --> 01:18:50,707 ♪ I like it that way ♪ 1149 01:18:51,743 --> 01:18:54,244 ♪ Yes, I like it that way ♪ 1150 01:19:11,562 --> 01:19:15,265 ♪ I like the color purple ♪ 1151 01:19:15,266 --> 01:19:18,902 ♪ It makes my world go round ♪ 1152 01:19:18,903 --> 01:19:22,639 ♪ I like the shady palm tree ♪ 1153 01:19:22,640 --> 01:19:25,609 ♪ When I lay on the ground ♪ 1154 01:19:25,610 --> 01:19:27,477 ♪ I like it that way ♪ 1155 01:19:28,813 --> 01:19:31,080 ♪ Yes, I like it that way ♪ 1156 01:19:32,950 --> 01:19:34,984 ♪ I like it that way ♪ 1157 01:19:36,320 --> 01:19:38,688 ♪ Yes, I like it that way ♪ 1158 01:19:40,425 --> 01:19:43,092 ♪ I like it that way ♪ 1159 01:19:43,093 --> 01:19:45,028 ♪ I like it that way ♪ 1160 01:19:46,297 --> 01:19:48,632 ♪ Yes, I like it that way ♪ 1161 01:19:50,568 --> 01:19:52,335 ♪ I like it that way ♪ 1162 01:19:53,704 --> 01:19:55,939 ♪ Yes, I like it that way ♪