We want the head of Shahdov!
Where is he?
He's gone! To the treasury!
Traitor! Thief! He's taken everything.
Your Majesty, say a few words to the American people.
Just a moment.
- Who are you? - His Majesty's Ambassador.
- Jaume! - Your Majesty!
Glad to see you alive and well.
We fooled them!
Come on, break it up, get a move on!
- My securities, are they safe? - Turned over to Dr Voudel.
He says as your Prime Minister, he has charge of everything.
Him? I wouldn't trust that crooked...
There he is!
Your Majesty!
- My securities, where are they? - Safely deposited.
In my name?
We cannot discuss that here. First we must get rid of the press.
This way please.
Smile, Your Majesty!
One over here!
- Another one here! - One serious.
Please gentlemen, no more pictures.
His Majesty King Shahdov has been through a bloody revolution.
I hope you will keep this interview as brief as possible.
Your questions, please.
I understand you got away with all the loot.
If you're referring to what legally belongs to His Majesty's government,
documents were transferred out of the reach of revolutionary thieves.
Where are they?
That question is of a private nature and cannot be answered.
You may answer.
They are safely deposited in a bank.
- In whose name? - That is also of a private nature.
You may answer.
As P.M. Of His Majesty's Government in exile,
they are in my name
until His Majesty deems fit to have them otherwise.
Then I think I'll have them otherwise.
Be calm, Your Majesty. First you must pass through Immigration.
Any further questions?
How about this controversy over atomic energy?
Ladies and gentlemen, that's how I lost my throne.
I wanted atomic energy for domestic use
but my ministers wanted atomic bombs.
Nevertheless, I have nuclear plans that will revolutionize modern life
and bring about a Utopia undreamed of!
Your Majesty, if I might interrupt, the Immigration Officer is waiting.
- I beg your pardon. - This way, Sir.
That will be all, gentlemen.
Here, Sir, for the fingerprinting.
Your right hand please, Sir.
Your Majesty, won't you say a few words to the American people?
I am deeply moved by your warm friendship and hospitality.
This big-hearted nation has already demonstrated its noble generosity
to those who seek a refuge from tyranny. Thank you.
Here are the funds of the treasury, Sir.
I hope this will allay your suspicions.
You should have said anxiety and saved us both embarrassment.
Is this all there was in the treasury?
- That is all, Sir. - No wonder we had a revolution.
- Where are the books and records? - They were left behind.
I see.
So the funds and securities are deposited in the First National?
- That is right, Sir. - Then let's go there.
It's too late now, Your Majesty. The banks are closed.
Is that all, Sir?
Yes Dr Voudel, but make yourself available at 10 tomorrow morning.
- That's when the banks open? - Yes, Sir.
Why didn't he tell you he'd taken the funds of the treasury?
I don't know and I don't care.
But the press will accuse you.
A King is accused of many things, Jaume.
Your Majesty, you must remember...
Remember! After what I've been through I want to forget.
Tonight I want the light and the frivolous.
- I want to see the town. - Steady, Sir, steady!
Jaume, if you knew what it means to breathe this free air!
This wonderful, wonderful America!
Its youth! Its genius! Its vitality!
The glamour of it all! New York! America!
When I think of a million dollars
Tears come to my eyes
I think of all the blue...
- Would you like to go to a movie? - Love it.
I got shoes
Shoes to step on all your blues.
When you do that rock and roll with me tonight
Seems noisier here than outside.
It'll be quieter in a moment when the picture comes on.
You're not well Take a pill
Do you think this sort of thing is healthy?
Gee, that sends me!
She bit me!
Completely insane.
First row? Isn't this rather close?
It's the best we could get, Sir.
Who's there?
Leonard!
I've gotta kill ya honey.
It's for ya own good.
Missed!
It's no use, honey.
Our love has no place in this world.
That isn't true. We can go to Denmark.
Stick 'em up! This is it!
Let's go.
This way, Sir.
I'll get you a waiter.
This is more agreeable. Not so noisy.
Thank you very much.
- What are you having? - I don't know.
I think I'll have some caviar.
- What will you have? - I'll have the same.
Caviar.
Caviar!
How?
Look!
Caviar!
I think I'll have something else.
Have you any turtle soup?
Turtle soup, yes.
Turtle soup. Two.
Who?
Turtle!
Turtle! Turtle!
Soup!
Good morning Mr and Mrs America and all the ships at sea.
This is the 10 o'clock edition of the news.
King Shahdov, dethroned Monarch of Estrovia,
who escaped his country with the treasury, arrives in America.
King Shahdov brings to the States a vast fortune and his atomic plans
in the hopes of revolutionizing modern life
and bringing about a Utopia.
Your Majesty, Voudel checked out last night and left for South America!
- Call up the bank! - I did.
They said all funds had been withdrawn the day you arrived.
He's stolen everything!
Then we shall expose him as a thief and a scoundrel.
It's no use. We have no records, no legal claim.
We're broke, Jaume.
You still have your atomic plans.
Blueprints. It'll be difficult financing blueprints.
To think you're accused of absconding with the treasury!
I'd sooner be thought a successful crook than a destitute monarch.
Very well.
Her Majesty's arrived and is on her way up.
Not a word to anyone that we're broke.
Your Majesty,
may I say that what small fortune I have is entirely at your disposal.
Jaume, dear Jaume.
If we can get finance for these atomic plans,
we'll have all the money we want.
Irene!
- When did you arrive? - An hour ago. I flew in from Paris.
- Alone? - Yes.
It's all horrible.
Well, at least I still have a head on my shoulders.
- How is your family? - Very well, thank you.
Good! Are you staying long?
I'd like to return to Paris as soon as possible.
Very well.
I won't keep you longer than necessary. After what's happened,
I think we ought to come to some understanding.
Irene, we've always been friends.
Good friends, if nothing more.
Always been honest with each other,
and as you know, our marriage was an affair of the State.
You were not happy and naturally
you not being happy, neither was I.
I was to blame for that.
Nonsense!
You were young
and very much in love.
Unfortunately, not with me.
No, neither was to blame. It was the Throne
and now the Throne no longer exists.
You want a divorce?
I want you to be happy.
I'll do whatever you wish.
I only wish to end the hapless years you spent with me.
They were by no means hapless.
Then let's call them years of a friendly misalliance.
Cheer up! Let me order you some lunch.
Why is life so complicated?
How dull it would be if it weren't.
Main office.
Give me room service, please.
Room service.
Will you send up a menu?
Good heavens!
Come in!
Telegram, Sir.
Gracious! I thought it was the menu.
Excuse me.
From that Cromwell woman again about dinner this evening.
- You're definitely not going? - Definitely.
There's one thing we haven't discussed. Alimony.
I don't need it. I'm quite rich, you know that.
From a lady about to get a divorce, that's an incredible statement.
Do you realize today happens to be the anniversary of our wedding?
Well, you look happier now than you did then.
What a bore I must have been.
Considering we were on our honeymoon,
you weren't exactly amusing.
You must have hated me.
- On the contrary, I loved you. - How could you?
I thought you were too young to know your own mind.
But you weren't.
- You haven't eaten a thing. - I'm not hungry.
Let me order you something else.
Thank you. I must think about leaving.
You're returning to Paris?
Yes. And you?
I must stay here.
- Why? - Money.
According to the press, you have millions.
I shall need them if I'm to put through this atomic project.
Excuse me.
This is Transatlantic Airways. We're holding reservations to Paris
if her Majesty intends leaving?
Thank you. Her Majesty intends leaving.
Porter! My boarding ticket.
Here are your chocolates with the nougat inside
and those banal movie magazines you're so fond of.
Allow me, Madame.
Passengers for London and Paris check through Gate 9 please.
That's you.
Take good care of yourself.
Don't forget your magazines.
Write me if ever you need anything.
I will.
Let me hear from you once in a while. Don't forget.
I won't.
It's the Cromwell woman again about dinner this evening.
The answer is no.
You won't change your mind?
I'm not accessible to strangers for the price of a free dinner.
I'm sorry but His Majesty regrets he's unable to come this evening.
- Who is this creature? - A prominent hostess here.
Publishes several women's magazines and owns an important TV network.
Well, I have neither aspirations
to appear on television nor to write for women's magazines.
We haven't come to that yet.
Besides I'm in no mood for dinner parties.
Your Majesty, the Queen's departure has upset you.
To part is to die a little.
Her Majesty looked ineffably sad when she left.
Are you sure you want this divorce?
I'm sure the Queen does.
I'll swear Sir, she's beginning to love you.
Wishful thinking Jaume, wishful thinking.
I'd sell my soul for love
If I could find true love
There's nothing in the world
I wouldn't do.
I'd commit every sin
If I could win
Someone that's tender and true
Like Faust I'd sign away
My soul
If I could say
I'd found the one, the only one
To love, to love
I'd sell my soul
For love
Help!
Did you say help?
Help!
I'd better telephone downstairs.
Here! Stay where you are!
Help!
Go away! Help!
I wish, I wish you'd make up your mind.
- Help! - Wait a minute.
Where are you?
It's all right.
If you'd just... cooperate.
There you are!
Who are you, Sir?
I am... King Shahdov.
- What happened? - I slipped and hurt my ankle.
Could I...
Thank you.
It's all right, I won't hurt. I have a green thumb.
My name is Ann Kay. How do you do?
Nicely, thank you.
I'm to meet you tonight at Mona Cromwell's.
I'm sorry, I'm not going.
Oh no! Everyone will be so disappointed.
Really?
Jaume, answer the telephone.
I beg your pardon, Sir.
Of course, if you're going to be there,
I might consider.
I'll telephone you're coming!
Not yet. We've hardly got acquainted.
But I must telephone.
And I must jump into a hot tub!
Madame Cromwell, I'm sorry
but His Majesty is quite definite. He's not going.
Hello, honey.
Are you nervous,
bothered and upset?
Take off your clothes.
Relax.
With a bottle of Whitbread's beer
It'll give you pep and give you cheer
Remember,
Whitbread's beer.
Your Majesty, it's that persistent Cromwell woman again.
I've changed my mind. We're going.
I don't understand.
Nevertheless, we'll go.
Then do you mind if I stay home? I'm rather tired tonight.
Of course, if you're tired.
- Where's Ann? - There she is now!
Well, I got him.
You certainly did. Tell me, how did you do it?
I rented the suite next to his.
So now you're living in the Ritz!
Not on your life! It's too dangerous.
I'll be back in my own apartment tonight.
So you got a King on your program.
Not so loud! He doesn't know it.
What sort of guy is he?
At dinner parties they say he's gay and amusing
if you get him in the mood.
And that's up to you.
Take over, I've got to look for that husband of mine.
- Fred! I've been looking for you. - Here I am honey.
- Who's watching below? - The doorkeeper.
He'll telephone the butler the moment the King arrives.
What's all this business about curtseying to the King?
Haven't you ever been presented at Court?
Only for speeding.
Don't let them kid you. Just do as the ladies do.
And another thing, you don't sit before he does.
After 36 holes of golf, I hope he sits quick.
Me too, with my swollen kneecap!
Well, here's a chance to sit before he gets here.
His Majesty, King Shahdov!
Your Majesty, may I present Miss Ann Kay.
How do you do? We've met before.
And Mrs Rochauser.
How do you do?
Miss Pam Butterworth.
- And Mr Bill Johnson. - How do you do?
Excuse me.
Mrs Vera Loose...
Can you hear me?
- Where's Hank? - That's him.
Hank, how goes it?
All lined up for television.
What's the routine?
I'll do the deodorant ad first then see if I can get the King going.
I'll give you two buzzes to start your commercials.
By the by, is that an El Greco?
Oh no, Sir. He's a Filipino.
I mean the picture opposite.
I'm not sure. My wife bought it at an auction sale.
Indeed!
Would Your Majesty care to sit down?
Thank you.
Your Majesty is served.
Don't you think Miss Ann Kay very attractive?
Very, the little I've seen of her.
Madame, your health!
And... how is your ankle?
Much better, thank you Sir.
If it gives you any further trouble, just knock on my door.
Frankly, I hope for the worst.
- You want to see me suffer? - I want to see more of you.
- I find it close in here. - Could be closer.
And the atmosphere quite stuffy.
It's anything but that.
How fortunate people no longer consider the problem
of perspiring in stuffy rooms.
I beg your pardon?
Think of pretty young girls being unpopular at dances
and they don't know why.
I don't follow you.
The answer is B.O.
- B.O.? - Body odor!
But now that can be eliminated,
because there is such a thing as FRESH.
That wonderful, soothing, luring deodorant.
It keeps underarms dry.
Remember, you're lovely to be near only when underarms stay dry.
That's why lovely women use it.
Remember: Keep fresh,
be fresh, with FRESH deodorant.
Who is this young lady? I find her very odd.
She is a brilliant advertising specialist.
Really! She certainly has it on the brain.
Do you usually go off the deep end this way?
- You think I'm crazy? - I know so.
I know Your Majesty is a wonderful actor who's played Hamlet.
I've dabbled in private theatricals.
I'd give anything to see your Hamlet.
Maybe you will one night.
Why not tonight?
OK, a private performance.
To be or not to be...
Now!
- You mean here? - Why not?
Oh no, no, no!
I'll get everyone quiet.
Ladies and gentlemen,
we are privileged to witness a great historic moment.
His Majesty King Shahdov
has graciously consented to give us Hamlet's To Be Or Not To Be.
There are many ways of playing the soliloquy of Hamlet.
There's the pale, thoughtful, anemic Prince.
There's the mad, bombastic one. Which do you prefer?
Anything but anemic.
Very well.
"To be, or not to be:
"That is the question.
"Whether 'tis nobler to suffer
"the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune,
"or to take arms against a sea of troubles,
"and by opposing end them?
"To die: To sleep, no more,
"and by a sleep to say we end
"the thousand natural shocks that flesh is heir to,
"'tis a consummation devoutly to be wished.
"To die, to sleep...
"To sleep,
"perchance to dream:
"There's the rub.
"For who would bear the whips and scorns of time?
"The oppressor's wrong, the proud man's contumely,
"the pangs of despised love,
"the law's delay.
"The insolence of office, and the spurns that patient merit
"of the unworthy takes,
"when he himself might his quietus take
"with a bare bodkin?
"Who would fardels bear, to sweat
"and grunt under a weary life?
"But that the dread
"of something after death
"that undiscovered country
"from whose bourn no traveler returns
"puzzles the will
"and makes us rather bear those ills we have
"than fly to others that we know not of?
"Thus conscience..."
- I've forgotten. - Oh no! Please go on.
No, no. I'm sorry.
You've just heard a recital of Hamlet
by His Majesty King Shahdov.
We now return to Ann Kay's Real Life Surprise Party
after station identification.
This is station KXPA.
How can I thank you?
What a privilege. What genius!
- You liked it? - You have such power, such anger!
What a success you'd be as an actor.
But actors need more than genius to succeed.
- They need good sound teeth. - Naturally.
Have you the assurance to speak
and face others without danger of being repellent?
There you go again!
How can an actor play opposite a lovely leading lady
if he's uncertain?
But with OXYTONE Toothpaste he has confidence and control,
for OXYTONE Toothpaste is the breath of violets.
OXYTONE will arrest decay, remove yellow film
and restore teeth to a beautiful whiteness.
You'll never regret,
you'll never fret, if you use OXYTONE Toothpaste.
You know, you're giving me a terrific complex.
Really?
I thought you were crazy, but now I'm positive.
I thought you liked crazy people.
Yes, but how can you suddenly branch off into toothpaste?
It must be an association of ideas. Tomorrow I go to my dentist.
How boring.
Most boring!
You know, you really are funny.
You think so?
I must tell you some of my jokes. Naughty ones!
Yes, can't we join in the conversation?
Well, we were discussing dentists.
I loathe when you're helpless, your mouth full of instruments,
and they answer the telephone.
- For example, do you mind? - Not at all.
Just to illustrate.
You see, will you open your mouth, please?
When you're in this position,
invariably the phone rings.
He answers it. You can't move. He treats you like a drain pipe.
For the last hour and a half you've been entertained by King Shahdov
on Ann Kay's Real Life Surprise Party.
This is Station KXPA.
Still up?
- I haven't slept a wink. - Indeed?
Your Majesty! After your positive refusal to appear on television,
to see you reciting Hamlet,
putting knives and sugar tongs down that wretched woman's throat!
Are you mad?
After what I saw, Your Majesty, perhaps I am.
- You saw me on television? - It's all so insane.
I'm an idiot! I thought something peculiar was going on!
They must have had hidden cameras.
- What do you mean? - I knew nothing about it.
Outrageous. Sue them for damages!
Let's get out in the air.
It's rather late, Your Majesty.
I can't sleep. We'll go to a nightclub.
We should return to Europe.
Don't be absurd. We need money.
After what's happened, no businessman'll take you seriously.
Why?
Your Majesty! A King playing Hamlet on television!
They'll question your sanity.
I suppose chasing a golf ball just to put it in a hole is sane?
I prefer Hamlet to golf.
- We're ruined. - Nonsense.
John, there he is!
Your Majesty, may I congratulate you, Sir.
My wife and I saw you on television
and I just want to say you certainly are a man of talent,
and may I say so, Sir, a true democrat.
Thank you very much.
I'd like you to shake hands with my wife.
Honey, this is His Majesty...
pardon me, King, what is your last name?
That's it, King Shahdov!
How do you do?
Could I have your autograph for my little boy?
Yes, by all means. Have you a piece of paper?
I only have a Kleenex.
That'll do. A pen?
No, I don't have a pen.
How do you expect a man to write if you ain't got a pen?
I sure hope it doesn't ruin your pen.
Sir, can I have your autograph please?
Will you let us have the details?
- More mail, Sir. - Take them in the next room.
That telephone's been ringing for a week now.
We haven't had a moment's peace.
We'll let you know in due course.
Juniper Eyewash Company offering $5,000 to appear on their program.
- Juniper what? - Eyewash.
Here's an offer from King's Lager Beer.
The answer is no. King's Lager Beer!
Very well, I'll take it in the next room.
Come in!
Your Majesty, my name's Johnson.
Advertising Rep for Crown Cheese.
For 2 words that won't take more than 40 seconds of your time,
Crown Cheese will give you $10,000 to appear on television.
All you have to do is spread Crown Cheese on a piece of toast,
take a bite, say "yum, yum" and $10,000 are yours.
Show this gentleman to the door.
Are you crazy? $10,000 for 2 words?
You don't have to memorize them, they'll be on a blackboard!
This way, Sir.
It's that creature who was with you on television, Miss Ann Kay.
- Have her come up. - Tell Miss Ann Kay to come up.
The audacity of that woman to come here after what happened.
Your Majesty, it's a changing world, different values.
So it seems.
"Yum, yum!" That's worth $10,000?
- Good morning. - Well! Come in.
Congratulations Your Majesty.
You've electrified the whole country.
Thanks to your peculiar ideas of hospitality.
They're not mine, Your Majesty.
What do you want?
Mrs Cromwell asked me to deliver this.
I believe there's a check inside for $20,000.
Quite so. This will save me the trouble of returning it to her.
I'm sorry you're angry.
I'm sure my anger means nothing to you, Miss Kay.
Neither does my contempt.
Good morning.
That was a quick interview.
Jaume, put this in the wastepaper basket.
At 12 o'clock you are to visit a progressive boys' school.
I think it good policy after that awful television business.
Have you heard from the Atomic Commission?
Not a word. I've telephoned them every day
for a week now, but can't get through.
If we don't hear from them, some of these offers may be worthwhile.
We haven't come to that yet.
Do you realize you've torn up a check for $20,000?
Yes, from that Cromwell woman.
Good.
By the bye, what is our bank balance?
912 dollars, to be exact.
What? Get some sticking plaster! Thank Mrs Cromwell for the check!
Surely you're not accepting it?
A bird in the hand, my dear fellow.
But Your Majesty's honor, your pride?
Pride? A King has no false pride. Call her up!
It's 11:20, if you're going to the school you'd better dress.
Call up Mrs Cromwell.
Here he is now!
Your Majesty! Just a moment!
Welcome, Your Majesty!
How do you do? This is my Ambassador.
Well, young man?
Your Majesty, we're not officially open yet
but I thought you'd like to see the exhibit, then review the children.
I see.
Your Majesty.
I do hope you don't mind these press photographers.
One of the curses of the 20th century, I'm afraid.
I'm sorry gentlemen, that will have to be all.
I'm very sorry, that is the last now.
I hope you don't mind the press photographers.
After all, a Royal TV star is quite an attraction.
May I explain to Your Majesty what we're trying to do?
A progressive school strives to develop a child's individuality,
to give him full rein to express his feelings and desires
on the theory that individuality and genius are cognate.
Interesting.
We encourage these little people to run their own affairs.
Some prefer the fine arts, others the occupational crafts.
This young man wishes to present you with a sample of his art.
Well! Very kind of you.
Pardon me!
Go to your room at once.
We believe the seeds of genius are in all children.
We strive to develop their instincts, encourage their impulses.
Here is an ambitious young sculptor.
- What's that you're making? - Fig leaf.
Interesting.
Nothing interesting about a fig leaf.
Open, frank, uninhibited. That's what we encourage.
Telephone message for Mr Jaume.
- Did they give any name? - Miss Ann Kay.
Might be about that check, you'd better go see.
- Where is the telephone? - This way, please.
Show His Excellency to my office.
This way, Your Majesty.
And here is our bakery.
Excuse me, Your Majesty.
And this young man specializes in Viennese pastries.
This is some of our little friend's handicraft.
These are exactly the same as the ones he's been making.
- Would you like to taste one? - Oh no, thank you.
And here, Your Majesty, we have an infant phenomenon.
A remarkable child of ten.
He's quite a historian, editor of our school magazine.
Very interesting.
This, Your Majesty, is Rupert, our young editor.
How do you do, Rupert?
Sit down.
- What's that you're reading? - Karl Marx.
Surely you're not a communist?
Do I have to be a communist to read Karl Marx?
That's a valid answer.
Well, if you're not a communist, what are you?
- Nothing. - Nothing?
I dislike all forms of government.
But somebody must rule!
And I don't like the word "rule".
Well, if we don't like the word "rule", let's call it "leadership".
Leadership in government is political power
and political power is an official form of antagonizing the people.
What magazine did you say he edits?
A commentary on current events.
Pardon me, Your Majesty.
But my dear young man, politics are necessary.
Politics are rules imposed upon the people.
But in this country rules are not imposed,
they are the wish of all free citizens.
Travel around a bit, then you'll see how free they are.
You didn't let me finish.
They have every man in a straightjacket
and without a passport he can't move a toe.
In a free world they violate the natural rights of every citizen.
They have become the weapons of political despots.
If you don't think as they think you're deprived of your passport.
To leave a country is like breaking out of jail.
And to enter a country is like going through the eye of a needle.
Am I free to travel?
Of course you're free to travel.
- Only with a passport! - May I say something?
Only with a passport!
Do animals need passports?
Have you finished?
It's incongruous that in this atomic age of speed
we are shut in and shut out by passports.
If you'll shut up and let somebody else talk!
- And free speech, does that exist? - No, you've got it all.
And free enterprise?
We were talking of passports.
Today it's all monopoly.
All right, now will you...
Can I go into the automobile business and compete?
If I can get in a word!
Not a chance! Can I go into the grocery business and compete?
- Will you shut up? - Not a chance!
Monopoly is the menace of free enterprise.
As I look back 60 years ago...
Where were you 60 years ago?
He was a glint in his great grandfather's eye!
Very well, now. Have you finished?
Now let me say something.
Let me tell you how wrong you are. In the first place...
I've forgotten what I wanted to say.
And the atomic bomb!
It's a crime that when the world cries for atomic energy
you want to make atomic bombs.
Me?
I'm against atomic bombs!
You want to wipe out civilization, destroy all life
on this planet!
You still think you're living in the 19th century!
I lost my throne because I didn't want atomic bombs!
You and your kind think atomic bombs can solve your problems.
Listen, you little rat!
Today man has too much power.
The Roman Empire collapsed with the assassination of Cesar - why?
Because of too much power.
Feudalism blew up with the French revolution - why?
Because of too much power.
And today the whole world will blow up - why?
Because of too much power.
The monopoly of power
is a menace to freedom.
It degrades and victimizes every individual.
And where is the individual?
I don't know.
Lost in terror because he is made to hate instead of love.
If civilization is to survive we must combat power
until the dignity and peace of man are restored.
What's the meaning of this?
- Any news? - No, Sir.
Nothing from the Atomic Commission?
Not a word. I wrote them again last week but have had no reply.
Strange.
No news. No social invitations.
- I believe it's a boycott. - Why?
It could be something you said.
Your interview with the press was rather political.
You mentioned your atomic plans
would revolutionize modern life and bring about a utopia.
What's wrong with that?
Well, at the moment, everyone's in such a state of hysteria
that such talk as utopia terrifies them.
I never heard such nonsense.
What's that?
Might be news from the Atomic Commission!
No, it's the hotel bill. I know the envelope, they've sent it 5 times.
How much do we owe them?
$11,000.
Isn't that exorbitant?
Well, we've been here 6 weeks.
It also includes $3,000 you've had in cash.
How much have we left?
Not a penny, Sir.
Too bad we didn't accept those TV offers.
I think we should move to a cheaper hotel.
No, it's quite comfortable here.
But the atmosphere's becoming frigid.
Even the waiters are getting rude.
I've been trying to get one for 10 minutes.
Would you like some lunch, Sir?
Something simple. Caviar, toast and onions.
Caviar?
Yes, a large tin of it, and chop the onions very fine.
Same for you, Jaume?
Thank you, Your Majesty, I'll take a ham sandwich and a beer.
And some vodka, on ice!
Your Majesty!
What's the meaning of this?
Pardon me, Sir.
Your Majesty, I've just got to talk to you.
Please, listen first and if you don't like it, throw me out.
Your Majesty, I never take no for an answer.
I have a check for $50,000 from the Royal Crown Whiskey Co.
I know you don't need the dough...
Be seated, Miss Kay.
Thank you, Sir.
Your Majesty, here's the proposition.
You're on television, seated in a beautiful baronial hall.
A butler pours you a glass of Royal Crown Whiskey,
and with your natural majestic charm you say a few words and drink.
I'm to advertise whiskey?
I know it's beneath your dignity, but there's $50,000 in there.
If you don't want the money you can give it to charity.
That's a peach of an idea, that charity angle!
We'll advertise it in all the papers.
I don't think it becomes His Majesty to advertise his charitable donations.
Personally I think it's most distasteful.
OK King, you're the doctor!
About the payment, when do we...
On signing the contract.
Jaume, attend to that matter at once.
Then it's a deal? Great!
Take him to the studios, get him mugged.
We want pictures. Lots of dignity.
Say, you haven't got your crown with you?
Under no circumstances will I wear my crown.
OK King, you're the doctor!
Herbert, a little to the right.
May I suggest holding your glass to one side? It's hiding your face.
There's a shadow.
Now one without the glass.
Herbert, bring up a dozen colored plates.
You're really photogenic.
You still want to beguile me?
But I mean it.
You fooled me once.
And you've never forgiven me?
You're nothing but a delusion and a snare.
I'm not really.
This is my revenge!
Do you want the large... Oh, excuse me!
Yes, Herbert, what is it?
Do you want the large colored plates or the three-quarters?
The large ones.
No, you'd better stay here! Go ahead, get the large size.
He's gone?
I want you to look handsome, honey. Good luck.
He's ready!
All right, let's have one more rehearsal.
Now remember King, give it that majestic stuff.
- You ready, butler? - Go ahead!
Your Royal Crown Whiskey, Sir.
Thank you, Melrose. Royal Crown Whiskey I always enjoy.
I know it, Sir. Your Gracious Majesty is never without it.
- I don't like that last line. - Right, it might get a laugh.
Cut that last line.
From your line please, King.
Thank you, Melrose. Royal Crown Whiskey I always enjoy.
I know it, Sir.
That too can get a laugh.
Don't emphasize it, say it lightly: "I know it, Sir".
Thank you, Melrose. Royal Crown Whiskey I always enjoy.
I know it, Sir.
Cut it out entirely. Just nod.
Your health, Melrose!
What a flavor! So strong, yet so mild.
So caressing as it slips down the throat.
Then comes that warm afterglow that energizes and exudes goodwill.
That's why I like Royal Crown Whiskey.
- How's that? - Great.
Give me the real whiskey. Now quiet, everybody.
Wait for the red light, King!
Your Royal Crown Whiskey, Sir.
Thank you, Melrose. Royal Crown Whiskey I always enjoy.
- Your health, Melrose. - Thank you, Sir.
Say, what the...?
Cut it! Kill it! Cut it!
Went down the wrong hole!
What a fiasco!
- What started the coughing? - The whiskey.
Never tasted such beastly stuff in my life.
In a civilized country we drink wine.
And that abusive Johnson man!
While I'm choking to death, threatens to sue me!
Oh well, there's one consolation. We've got their $50,000.
You've cashed the check, I hope?
- It's the Kay woman again. - Have her come up.
Will you send Miss Kay up, please?
Wonder what she wants? The money back, I suppose.
Oh no, this girl's rather decent.
They're all decent until money's involved.
Not in this case.
This girl's trying to help.
What's her interest in you?
I'd rather not discuss it.
You might be shocked, or agreeably surprised.
We're in!
We got 'em rolling!
Shell Oil, Imperial Tobacco, Lipton's Tea!
They're all hot. You can write your own ticket!
I don't understand.
Neither does anyone, but it's a smash hit!
Everyone's talking about it.
Talking about what?
The broadcast! It's the biggest laugh on television.
They all figured it was deliberate.
The sponsor thinks it's the most original idea he's ever had.
They're going to give it another nationwide hook-up!
Hiccup?
That means you can get another $20,000 extra!
It's all very bewildering. I don't understand it.
What's wrong?
If you're to advertise hormones, you have to look young.
I think we'd better advertise something else.
Of course not, this is a very important contract. Smile.
No, don't do that.
The chin up.
I know. All this flabby business here.
What plastic surgery could do for you!
All that flabby business could be eliminated.
- Including the wattles. - Wattles?
The baggy...
Under the eyes.
You just don't like me, do you?
Nonsense! A little lift here and there and you'd look quite young.
For instance,
all this can be pulled back and eliminated.
Same with the nose.
I don't think I want my nose eliminated.
No silly, but it could be improved.
It should be raised a little.
My nose?
You'd be surprised the youthful effect it'll give you.
Go like this.
Don't be silly!
Don't be shy!
Pull it back. All back, tight!
How young you look!
Yes, but I'm strangling to death.
But what a difference!
Of course it accentuates the small chin,
but that can be built up with paraffin.
How horrible.
If you don't like paraffin,
you can have skin grafted from another part of your body.
Don't let's go into that.
But you've got to look attractive for television.
So you don't think I'm attractive?
I think you're beautiful.
Now to business.
Now let's have a real big smile.
No, no. That's too much.
Show's the receding gums.
But that too can be fixed.
From another part of my body, I suppose.
Well, you'd be surprised.
I'd rather not think about it.
Gee, I've got an idea.
The before and after effect of taking hormones.
We'll take a picture now with everything sagging,
and then another one when you've had your face lifted.
I promise you I can get you another $100,000 extra.
I'll have to think it over.
No, Sir. Not a stitch showing.
Good! Just like a barber's shop.
Now can I take a look?
Today you can present yourself to everybody.
Good heavens! What's that?
It's a shock at first, but you'll get used to it.
Not that face, never!
You don't like it?
What have you done to my nose?
It's all there, Sir. We've just raised it slightly.
- But the lip? - I think it's cute.
You like it?
You look 20 years younger.
For a while you must be careful not to stretch anything.
There's no fear of that.
At least until everything's healed.
- But the profile! - It's very collegiate.
Who is it?
It's me, Ann.
- Heavens alive! - What is it?
Your face! What have they done to it?
You don't like it?
The lip! They've shortened it too much.
This is a fine time to tell me.
But you can't appear on television like that!
I knew it! They've taken off too much of my lip.
Don't get excited. They can put back your lip.
From another part of my body, I suppose?
No, it can be lowered by letting a pleat out.
Do you think my face is a skirt?
Smile.
That isn't smiling.
I have to be careful not to stretch anything.
You don't have to be that careful.
Yes I do. It's all tucked up behind the ears.
That shouldn't bother you. Laugh!
My dear, that isn't laughing. Laugh naturally.
I'm laughing naturally.
But that isn't natural, what you're doing.
Now you're making me self-conscious.
Laugh freely. Don't be afraid.
I'm not afraid.
Besides there's very little to laugh at.
In fact, there's nothing to laugh at.
Good evening, Miss Kay.
The man's a complete ass.
Frankly, I'm beginning to like it.
Sorry, Sir. It was the first shock at seeing you.
Evidently you don't like it.
- I suppose I'll get used to it. - Well, I won't.
It's all very depressing.
Don't be depressed. We'll go out tonight, that'll cheer you up.
Nothing will cheer me up.
Now that it's ended
The romance is over
The passion is gone
Like the wind
And the rain
Gone are the joys
Of our madness
But the sadness
Goes on and on
Like an old-fashioned song
When I dream...
My lips won't meet.
I can't even drink through a straw.
Don't worry, you'll get used to it.
I can't pronounce my P's or my M's.
It's terrible.
I'm so depressed.
Stop thinking about yourself!
There are two comedians on next. They're very funny.
I'm in no mood for anything funny.
A laugh will do you good.
The doctor said I'm not to laugh. I might split something.
What's wrong?
I've come undone!
- What? - It's all slipped.
- Let me have a look! - No, no. Never!
No, Sir. Not a scar.
Good. It's all my own original face.
Every bit of it, Sir.
This isn't from another part of my body, I hope?
No, Sir.
I even like my wattles.
- What do you think? - Frankly, I liked the other face.
Well, I don't.
To me, it was more youthful.
What do you think?
Cute. You look 10 years younger.
Thank you.
- Send the bill to the hotel. - I'll do that, Sir.
- My overcoat. - It'll be in the waiting room, Sir.
This way, Sir.
Hi, King!
Don't you remember me?
I do, the most obnoxious brat I've ever met.
That's too bad, but I don't feel that way about you.
Oh, you don't?
We might have argued, but I thought our talk was stimulating.
What are you doing out in this weather?
Taking a vacation.
You look it.
Why aren't you at school?
I've graduated.
Why, you're shivering and blue! Your clothes are sopping wet.
Don't worry, I'm OK.
You'd better come along with me.
You won't give me over to the cops?
- Of course not. - You promise?
Come along before you catch your death of cold.
This way, boy. This way.
First thing is to take off your wet clothes and get into a hot bath
before you catch pneumonia.
Come on, straight forward here.
Right on through. Into the bathroom.
This way.
Sit down and get your clothes off.
Are you hungry? Good.
Jaume, order some hot soup and chicken sandwiches.
For one?
Room service, please.
We'd like some hot soup and chicken sandwiches for one.
Yes, thank you.
But Your Majesty, I don't understand.
This is the brat I told you about. Obnoxious, offensive, but a genius.
I still don't know what it's all about.
Neither do I, but I intend to find out.
Stop dallying, young man!
When you're through taking a bath, put on these things.
That's the idea. Hurry up, get in there.
Now, are you warm?
Just peachy.
Now young man, I want the truth. How is it you're in this condition?
- I ran away from school. - Why?
They want to question me.
- What about? - My folks.
What have they done?
Nothing but maintain their constitutional rights,
as any red-blooded American would do.
Enough, enough.
The moment you put him in a hot bath, he gets red-blooded.
Your Majesty, may I have a word with you alone?
Hurry up out of that bath, put on these things and come into the room.
What are you going to do with this boy?
Let him stay here till his clothes dry.
You have a broadcast in 20 minutes. You cannot leave him alone here!
Why?
He's run away from school.
His parents are in trouble. It's quite obvious what they are!
- Communists? - Precisely.
So what?
But you cannot afford to be involved in such a situation.
Should the boy freeze to death just because his parents are communists?
What if they are communists?
Are we to send him into the street in wet clothes?
At least we can wait till they're dry.
Jaume, what are you looking for?
Dictaphones!
You've been here too long.
Next thing you'll be saying the boy's a communist.
You can't be too sure of anyone.
Gee, these are swell!
Sit in that chair, boy.
Food will be here in a moment.
Now... Tell me, are you a communist?
Yes Sir, I am.
I thought you disliked all forms of government?
I do, but I'm so sick and tired of people asking me if I'm this or that.
So then if it pleases everybody, I'm a communist.
Boy, bring that chair up to the table.
Hot soup and chicken sandwiches, Sir.
Sign the check, Jaume.
Is His Majesty King Shahdov there?
No, he's gone out.
Have you any idea when he will return?
He left an hour ago. He should be back any moment.
- Thank you. - You're welcome.
Telegram for His Majesty!
There's a strange kid in that apartment.
I've never seen him before.
Who are you, son?
Me? Who are you?
I'm the house detective. What are you doing here?
Waiting.
Waiting for who?
My uncle.
Your uncle?
Hi, Uncle. This is the house detective.
Pardon me, Sir.
I didn't realize he was your nephew. Just checking up.
Quite so.
Well, Your Highness?
I'm sorry, Sir.
Explain yourself!
Well, he came in and wanted to know what I was doing
and when he said he was a cop, I got scared.
So I said I was waiting for my uncle and then you came in.
Why pick on me for your uncle?
You were the only one around.
Thank you.
The weather seems to be clearing up, so our friend can be on his way.
- Meet Prince Rupert. - What?
Been telling the house detective I'm his uncle.
I knew something like this would happen.
I'm sorry. I'll go.
Don't be foolish, your clothes are still wet.
Jaume, you'd better buy him some new ones.
Three gentlemen from where?
The Atomic Commission?
I can't hear.
They're leaving Washington today?
They're on their way!
We're cut off.
They said they're leaving today or they're on their way.
It was a bad connection.
If they're on their way we'd better get the plans.
Right, it requires both our signatures. Oh, the boy!
We'll discuss that.
We'll get him some clothes.
Then we'll be rid of him?
Of course. He'll be gone hours before they get here.
I'm sure His Majesty's in. He was a moment ago.
This way gentlemen, please. Kindly be seated.
Good afternoon. Is His Majesty in?
He just left.
I believe I'm addressing the King's nephew, am I not?
I thought so. That's what I just heard.
The King's nephew. Well, indeed!
This is an unexpected pleasure.
Have you any idea, Sir, when His Majesty will return?
He said he was going to the bank to get some plans.
Then we'll wait.
I'll leave you gentlemen with His Royal Highness.
Your Highness,
is this your first visit to our country?
Oh no, I've been here a long time. Practically all my life.
Is that so?
Sounds like a real American boy, don't he?
He sure does.
Do you go to school here?
Yeah, in Brooklyn.
Brooklyn! So your daddy wants you to have an American education?
Well, you see,
my father don't believe in this King business,
so he changed his name and came to live in Brooklyn.
That's where he met my mother.
She didn't know he was a Prince.
She just thought he was an ordinary emigrant,
but she loved him, so she married him.
That's how I was born.
That's how the King became my uncle.
But my uncle don't speak to my father because they always quarrel.
One time they were going to fight a duel.
That's why my father came to America,
to give air and sunlight to his thoughts.
The land of the free and the home of the brave was his inspiration.
But today that freedom is threatened.
Committees are searching men's minds, controlling their thoughts.
And those who have the courage to stand up are boycotted,
lose their jobs and are left to starve.
Say, what the...?
They are condemned without trial.
Look here, young man!
Such procedure debases the legality of our courts,
which says that no state may deprive any person of life,
liberty, freedom of speech, without due process of law!
This will about fit him.
Put this with the other things.
Rather fun.
We don't want the Commission to arrive while that boy's there.
Hurry up, please!
- Scandalous! - Outrageous!
These investigations, Sir, are necessary
when our security is threatened.
With the hydrogen bomb you have no security.
Why, that's communist talk!
Only with world cooperation and understanding are we secure.
If you were older, Sir, I'd report you to the authorities.
All right, report me!
Make me give names! Make a sniveling stool pigeon out of me!
Brainwash me! But you can't.
They couldn't brainwash the signers of the Declaration of Independence!
And you can't brainwash me.
Nobody wants to brainwash you.
Enough!
Excuse me, gentlemen.
- I can't take it! - You'll take it all right.
These bigoted bombastic people look as if they're going to explode!
I'm sorry, gentlemen, for this unfortunate occurrence.
Fits well.
Tell me, whatever started the argument?
I don't know. I just get going and I can't stop.
You think too much.
I can't help it.
You should play more.
Who can I play with?
Haven't you any friends your age?
They bore me.
Why?
All they think about is Superman, cowboys.
- What's the matter with that? - I hate Superman.
You hate a lot of things, don't you?
I don't hate you.
Nevertheless, you must return to your school.
You can't stay here. Especially as Prince Rupert.
I had to tell those gentlemen the truth.
You didn't tell them my name.
I don't know your name.
Yes you do, Rupert.
- Rupert what? - Macabee.
Macabee! A Scot!
No wonder you're a non-conformist.
- Is that your move? - There's no other move.
Very well.
Set them up. We'll play again.
Where's Mr. Jaume?
He went down to the bank with the plans.
Were the gentlemen interested?
They say they have similar plans of their own.
This is another televised recording of the investigation
of the Congressional Committee on Un-American Activities
going on in the Federal Building downtown New York City.
They'll expose communism in all branches of American institutions.
The Committee has already questioned scientists,
educators, churchmen, writers and actors.
But first a glimpse of the humorous side.
The investigators indulge in a Hollywood touch,
to make themselves photogenic before appearing on television.
And now for a more serious aspect.
The actual investigation in progress.
The chairman is questioning a witness.
Raise your right hand.
Do you swear to tell the truth?
I do.
- State your name. - James Durkin.
- Profession? - School teacher.
Mr Durkin, were you ever a member of the Communist Party?
I was, Sir. I joined the Communist Party in 1940, resigned in 1950.
In 1940 did you meet Mr and Mrs Macabee, school teachers?
I did, Sir.
Mr and Mrs Macabee, stand up.
Take a look at this man and woman.
Are they the same Macabees that you met in 1940?
They are, Sir.
To the best of your recollection,
were they at that time members of the Communist Party?
They were, Sir.
That's all, Mr Durkin.
Mr Macabee will now take the witness stand.
On the witness stand, Macabee admitted he had been a communist,
but had resigned 5 years ago.
When asked to give information about other party members,
Macabee refused to answer.
Mr Macabee, if you don't answer you'll be charged with contempt.
I will answer any questions concerning myself,
but it is against my conscience to give names
or to inform on other people.
This Committee cites witness for contempt of Congress. Remove him.
I charge this committee with fomenting a cold civil war of hate...
James Macabee now faces contempt charges.
If convicted he'll receive a minimum sentence of 1 year per charge.
KXPA now returns you to popular music from the hit parade.
There there, Rupert.
Here, take this.
What shall I do?
Staying away from school won't help now.
Supposing I take you back in my car?
Then tomorrow I'll come visit you.
- You promise? - I promise.
My name's Ulrich, Sir. United States Marshal.
What can I do for you?
I'm looking for Rupert Macabee, Sir.
- Come in. - Thank you, Sir.
So there you are!
What is it, Marshal?
He's just missing from school and I've come to take him back.
Supposing I save you the trouble and take him back myself?
I'd like to oblige, Sir, but we have our orders.
- Would you like me to come along? - I'll be OK, Sir.
Sure he will, we're not going to eat him.
Remember what you promised?
I do. I'll be along tomorrow.
All right son, let's go.
Just a minute! Here's the rest of your apparel.
- Here's your overcoat. - I'll take the rest, Sir.
Thank you. There.
Thank you, Sir.
All right, son.
Thanks. For everything.
What's the line up for the news?
Mr and Mrs Macabee have just been cited for contempt of congress.
Who cares about schoolteachers?
And their 10 year-old son has just been found.
That won't set the world on fire either.
He was picked up in King Shahdov's suite at the Ritz.
Wait a minute! Yeah, we got something there!
Will that be all, Sir?
- Some hot water. - Sorry, Sir.
I have a strange feeling I'm being followed.
It's your imagination.
I hope so. Where's the boy?
He's gone.
A U.S. Marshal called for him.
- Here? - Yes, here.
Sit down and have some tea.
Dear, dear. I wish this hadn't happened.
- Why? - To be arrested here!
He wasn't arrested.
The newspapers will make an ugly story of it.
What do they know?
They know everything. They may be listening now.
You're being slightly hysterical.
There, you see! I've made a complete ass of myself.
I'm sorry.
I'm not an alarmist,
but if the newspapers find out that boy was here...
- What time is it? - 5 o'clock.
Turn on the radio. We're just in time for the news.
Good afternoon, Mr and Mrs America and all the ships at sea.
Rupert Macabee, son of the schoolteachers
charged with contempt of congress, was picked up at the Ritz
where he's been hiding since his disappearance.
Sensational developments since the boy's arrest
involve a dethroned monarch said to be paid by communists.
Latest developments uncovered an international atomic spy ring.
This reporter, in cooperation with our secret agents,
are following clues to bring these foreign conspirators to justice.
Turn it off! Turn it off!
The whole thing is too silly for words.
Royal Communist!
The expression is a reductio ad absurdam.
Jaume, you're nervous. Let me do that.
Of course you are.
You don't know what you're doing.
- Sugar? - T... t... two.
- You're stuttering. - M... m... me?
Hot water, Sir.
Come in!
We'd better call up Green, the lawyer.
Plaza? 72038 please.
Is that A.P. Green's law office? Mr Green?
Just a moment please. His Majesty wants to speak to you.
Mr Green on the phone.
There's a man outside.
This is King Shahdov.
Don't say too much over the phone.
Then you've heard the news?
Yes. You'd better come right away.
I see.
Be careful not to be served with any papers.
I don't want you subpoenaed until you've seen me.
Right-o!
- We must leave right away. - Very well.
- Is the coast clear? - He's still there.
I might try the fire escape.
I have an idea.
You wear my hat and I'll wear yours.
He'll follow me and that will give you a chance to get away.
Now wait a moment. I'm all confused. Who am I?
You're me and I'm you. We just exchange hats.
Ah, very good! Here.
Do I look like that?
- Who is it? - It's me, Ann.
Open the door.
Did you hear that broadcast?
Yes, we're on our way to see a lawyer.
That makes my American blood boil!
There's a man outside waiting to subpoena me.
Don't worry about that. I'll take care of him.
I'll go out first, hold him in conversation, then you can get away.
Good! Go ahead!
Well, if it isn't Harry!
- My name's not Harry. - What is it?
- Irving. - Of course, Irving!
Well, how are you?
I don't know you.
Don't be silly. Take off your glasses.
Stop, just a minute!
Can I have your autograph, please?
All right.
Come on out. Hurry up, please.
One at a time, please. All right, all right.
Your Majesty, King Shahdov?
All right. There you are.
That's OK, you can keep that.
All these for the plane?
Yes. The trunks are to go by freight.
Miss Kay is on her way up.
Remember Sir, you haven't much time if you want to visit that boy.
Good morning. I've come to say goodbye.
I'd come to the airport but I've a broadcast.
Who gave you this?
I beg your pardon?
Jaume, will you go downstairs and pay the bill?
It's already paid, Your Majesty.
- Then pay it again. - Oh, of course, yes.
I hate to see you go. Why don't you stay?
It's too crazy here.
Don't judge by what's going on today. It's a passing phase.
Very soon it'll all be over.
Quite so. In the meantime, I'll sit it out in Europe.
That Committee affair has made you the most popular man in America.
From now on you can write your own ticket.
I've bought it. Back to the Continent.
Telegram, Sir.
It's all right, Sir. Everything's being looked after.
Excuse me!
From the Queen.
She's decided not to get a divorce.
Well, aren't you happy?
I don't know. Maybe.
- Where is she? - Paris.
Then why don't you stay and have her over?
With you around?
Oh honey, you know we don't mean that much to each other.
There you go, giving me another complex.
You must leave immediately if you're to visit that boy's school.
Very well.
Goodbye, Ann.
Take care of yourself.
You know I'm very, very fond of you.
I'm going to miss you, honey.
If I were only 20 years younger!
You'd better get back to your Queen!
Come on, you'll be late.
Don't forget your hat!
This way, Your Majesty.
How do you do, Sir. Won't you sit down?
Will you have the boy brought in?
How is the little fellow?
He's been through quite an ordeal, poor chap,
but he's doing better now his parents are out of jail.
But I thought they were sentenced to 2 years?
They were. But the Committee recommended a suspended sentence
so now they're free.
Indeed?
And they can thank the boy for that.
The parents were foolish, stubborn, protecting others. Fortunately,
the boy cooperated.
Cooperated?
It's been a happy solution all round.
I see.
Here he is! Rupert, there's someone here to see you.
Hello, Rupert.
I brought you some toys
and one or two things I thought might amuse you.
He looks pretty good, don't you think?
We still have our moods and doubts, don't we Rupert?
But I keep telling him he has nothing to worry about.
We consider Rupert a hero and a real patriot.
We're all very proud of him here.
Now come, Rupert. I thought we were all over this.
Cheer up, Rupert.
When all this hysteria is over,
I'll have you and your family come and visit me.
- You promise? - I promise.
Poor little fellow, I think a trip would do him good.
But of course, there are complications.
Well, let's hope they'll soon be over.
I hope so too, Sir.
We all hope.
This is nothing to worry about.
Subtitles: Sionann O'Neill
Subtitling: TVS - TITRA FILM