是 首相
第二季 第三集
翻|校|監 草草
時間軸 想念Gallifrey的Wholock
后期 8T
外交事件
-首相 -漢弗萊 - Prime Minister. - Humphrey,
我們得談談海底隧道動工的 we've got to discuss this publicity ceremony
-宣傳儀式的事 -好 - for the start of work on the Channel Tunnel. - Yes.
外交部又在拖 The Foreign Office is stalling, again.
他們說框架協議 Well, they say the heads of agreement
還沒敲定呢 still haven't been finalised.
也該敲定了 Well, it's about time they were.
重大場合 Big occasion.
大門落成 The inauguration of the great gates,
奠基儀式 laying of the foundation stone
由首相 詹姆斯·哈克閣下主持 by the Prime Minister, the Right Honourable James Hacker.
我們兩個偉大的主權民主國家間 This historic link between our two great
歷史性的鏈接 sovereign democracies.
規模空前的報道 Great coverage.
但外交部還沒跟法國人談妥一切 But, the F.O. haven't agreed everything with the French.
是 我已決定唯一的辦法 Yes. Well, I have decided the only solution
就是我跟法國總統召開一次峰會 is for me to have a summit meeting with the French president
親自解決問題 and sort it out myself.
我不知道您在考慮 I had no idea that you were considering
如此令人一震的辦法 such a stimulating approach.
是的 Well, I am.
首相 您認為您個人有能力 Prime Minister, do you believe that you personally are capable of
完成跟法國人的談判嗎 concluding this negotiation with the French?
也不會太難吧 Well, it shouldn't be too difficult,
都有哪些重要問題 what are the outstanding points of issue?
他們的主要關注點是主權問題 Well, mainly they're concerned with sovereignty.
您認為邊界該劃在哪 Where do you believe the frontier should be?
-邊界 -英國和法國的邊界 - Frontier? - Frontier between Britain and France.
現在的邊界不行嗎 不管是在哪 Well, what's wrong with wherever it is now?
三英里界 The three-mile limit.
那隧道中段歸誰呢 Who would own the middle of the tunnel?
英國認為 我們該各自管一半 You see, the British position is that we should own half each.
是 這聽上去挺公平 Yeah. That seems fair.
是啊 但問題是 法國人不覺得這公平 Yes, well, the only thing is the French don't think it's fair.
他們希望邊界設在多佛 They want the frontier to be at Dover.
真荒唐 That's ridiculous.
那么列車的主權又歸誰呢 And who would have sovereignty over the trains?
如果法國列車 You see, if a crime was committed
在英國段行駛期間發生了犯罪 on a French train in the British sector,
那么管轄權歸誰 英國還是法國 who would have jurisdiction, the British or the French?
英國啊 Well, the British.
呃... Well...
不 法國 No, the French.
不 英國 No, the British.
如果一具尸體在法國段被從一輛 And if a body was pushed out of a British train
英國列車上拋下來 管轄權該歸誰 in the French sector, who would have jurisdiction?
法國 Well, the French.
不 英國 No, the British.
如果一輛英國貨車在英國段上了一列 You see, if a British lorry was loaded onto a French train
法國列車 管轄權該歸誰 in the British sector, who would have jurisdiction?
英國貨車 歸英國啊 Well, a British lorry, the British...
或是法國 or the French.
犯罪管轄權能不能分成兩段 Could criminal jurisdiction be divided into two legs?
往和返 Home and away?
謝謝了 伯納德 Yes, thank you, Bernard.
我們要把邊界站設在隧道中間嗎 Should we have a frontier post in the middle of the tunnel?
好 Well, yeah.
-不 -半途 - No. - Halfway across?
-不嗎 -不 - No? - No.
還有海關和移民通關 Or should we have customs and immigration clearance
是該設在一端 另一端 還是兩端 at one end or the other or both ends?
無意冒犯 漢弗萊 With respect, Humphrey,
這都是談判時該交給律師談的內容 these are points for the lawyers to discuss in the negotiation.
沒錯 首相 Precisely, Prime Minister, but I
但我好像聽您說您想自己處理 thought I heard you say you wanted to handle it yourself.
當然了 我并不想談論 Well, obviously, I don't want to discuss
深奧的國際法問題 points of abstruse international law.
我想談妥政治問題 I want to get the political points settled.
主權不是政治問題嗎 好吧 So sovereignty's not political? I see.
有意思 How interesting.
還有標識牌 Now, about the signs.
法國希望標識牌 Now, the French want the signs to be
都是法語先 英語后的 in French first and English second.
不 這我不能答應 No, I won't agree to that!
您不同意就別想辦儀式 Well, you can't have your ceremony until you do.
要不法國那邊是法語先 Well, how about French first at the French end
英國這邊是英語先呢 and English first at the English end?
那車上呢 What about on the trains?
拜托 漢弗萊 這重要嗎 Really, Humphrey, does it matter?
法國人覺得重要 It matters to the French.
還有菜單呢 法語還是英語 What about the menus? French or English?
不能半路時換嗎 Well, couldn't they be changed halfway over?
不 法國人很堅決 No. The French are adamant.
這就是為何英國和法國的協和飛機 You see, that is why both the British and French Concorde
拼法都是法語式的 以e結尾 are spelt the French way with an E at the end.
我們跟法國人打交道時就沒贏過嗎 Don't we ever get our own way with the French?
有時吧 Well, sometimes.
上次是什么時候 When was the last time?
滑鐵盧戰役 1815年 Battle of Waterloo, 1815.
當然 And of course,
法國人可能還會提出劫車的棘手問題 the French may raise the vexed question of hijacking.
劫車 Hijacking?
如果恐怖分子劫持了列車 Now, what if terrorists were to hijacked the train
并威脅要炸掉列車和隧道呢 and threatened to blow up the train and the tunnel?
把這攤子事都交給法國人吧 Let's give the French jurisdiction over the whole lot there,
讓他們去操心 where it's their problem.
瞧 首相 You see, Prime Minister,
如果是您去談判 if you had been handling the negotiations,
您會把一切都交給法國人 you would've just handed everything over to the French.
我個人認為 法國人肯定會想些 But I personally believe that the French will come up with some
偷雞摸狗的手段來博取優勢 totally underhand ploy to gain the advantage.
但您肯定已經料到了 首相 But no doubt you've already anticipated that, Prime Minister.
我細想之后 覺得也沒必要 Yeah, on second thoughts, I don't think it's necessary
親自去參與談判 for me to conduct these negotiations personally.
如果必須做些喪權辱國的讓步 If humiliating concessions are going to have to be made,
那還是讓外交大臣去吧 I'd rather the Foreign Secretary make them.
很明智 首相 Very wise, Prime Minister.
我們喝杯雪利酒吧 伯納德 Let's have a glass of sherry, Bernard.
首相 我們現在能談談您前任的回憶錄 Prime Minister, may we now discuss the vexed question
這個惱人的問題了嗎 of your predecessor's memoirs?
天啊 又怎么了 Lord, what now?
看來 最后一章 Well, it seems that the final chapter
是關于他的辭職和您升任首相的 concerns his resignation and your accession to the premiership.
因此 他想調取一些政府文件 To that end, he wants access to certain government papers.
我們不能阻止這部回憶錄嗎 Can't we stop these bloody memoirs?
很遺憾 回憶錄算是職業危害 Well, memoirs, alas, are an occupational hazard.
讓我難過的是背叛 It's the betrayal that upsets me.
我讀到他的書頭七章時 Until I read the first seven chapters of his book,
還以為我們是朋友呢 I thought he was a friend.
他說了我好些令人震驚的話 He says some shocking things about me.
比如呢 Such as?
他說我兩面派 Well, he calls me two-faced.
那可太不對了 That was very wrong.
-你承認他不對 -當然了 干杯 - You admit he was wrong? - Yes, indeed. Cheers.
這么不謹慎真不可原諒 Unforgivably indiscreet.
不謹慎 Indiscreet.
而且說得不對 And wrong.
他怎么能這樣編我的謊話 How can he tell such lies about me?
什么謊話 What lies?
對 我懂了 Yes, I see.
對他有什么好處 What's in it for him?
-銷售量嗎 -不 不是那個 - Bestseller? - No, it's not that.
他撒謊不是為了利益 He lies not because it's in his interest,
而是出于本性 but because it's in his nature.
他這人就是奸詐 惡毒 He's treacherous, malevolent...
卑劣 and vile.
如果他覺得自己還能授勛 加入半官方機構 If he thinks he's gonna get any more honours or quangos,
或皇家專門調查委員會 他可就想錯了 or Royal Commissions, he's got another think coming!
只要我在 他別想再得到一點認可 He's not getting one ounce more recognition while I'm here!
是 這是要緊事嗎 因為... Yes. Look, is this important? Because...
不是吧 No?
他是到院已死嗎 He was dead on arrival?
這樣啊 謝謝 I see. Thanks.
-壞消息嗎 伯納德 -是 - Bad news, Bernard? - Yes...
也不是 and no.
您的前任 大不列顛及北愛爾蘭 Your predecessor, the previous Prime Minster
聯合王國的前任首相 of Great Britain and Northern Ireland,
剛因心臟病過世了 has just died of a heart attack.
真不幸 Tragic.
-不幸 -不幸 - Tragic. - Tragic.
他是個偉人 He was a great man.
-偉人 -偉人 - Great man. - Great man.
他會備受懷念 He'll be sorely missed.
-備受懷念 -備受懷念 - Sorely missed. - Sorely missed.
他的回憶錄也是 So will his memoirs.
這下無法完成了 Which will never be finished.
-可惜啊 -可惜 - Alas. - Alas.
據說 他臨死時 Apparently, just before the end,
表示希望能得到國葬 he expressed a hope that he might have a state funeral.
但既然您不想再給他任何榮譽了... But in view of your wish to pay him no further honour...
不 伯納德 你一定是誤會我了 No, no, no, Bernard, no, you must have misunderstood me.
我相信會有很多人 I'm sure a tremendous number of people
想參加他的葬禮 will want to attend his funeral.
-向一位偉大首相致敬嗎 -對 - To pay tribute to a great Prime Minister? - Yeah...
并確保他真死了 and to make sure he's dead.
七位英聯邦總理 Seven Commonwealth Prime Ministers,
美國副總統 the American Vice President,
蘇聯外交部長 Russian Foreign Minister,
六位歐洲總理和首相 six European Prime Ministers.
不錯啊 Pretty good.
很不錯 首相 Very good, Prime Minister.
-而我是東道主 -是的 - I am the host. - Yes, indeed.
在各國領袖之中 Amongst all the world's leaders,
位于世界舞臺中央 centre of the world stage.
-莊重而堅毅地承受悲痛 -是啊 - Bearing your grief with dignity and fortitude. - Quite.
莊重的悲痛很受選民喜愛 Dignified grief goes down very well with the voters,
尤其是與世界政治家們一同展現時 especially when it's shared by world statesmen.
多么美妙啊 死亡 It's a wonderful thing, death.
沒什么爭議性 So uncontroversial.
這個對法國總理的疑問是怎么回事 What's this query against the French Prime Minister?
那應該就是 Well, I expect that's what
法國大使來見您要談的事 the French Ambassador's coming to see you about.
-到時會給電視臺攝影機留夠地方吧 -是 - Plenty of room for television cameras, won't there? - Yes.
架在10號門外 還有這一路上 Outside No.10, along the route,
在教堂外 在教堂內 outside the abbey, inside the abbey.
一臺正對著我的長椅 One pointing directly at my pew.
那樣的話 攝影師就得站到布道壇上了吧 Now, wouldn't that mean putting the cameraman in the pulpit?
那可以吧 Will that be all right?
那大主教可能就沒地方站了 It won't leave a lot of room for the Archbishop.
那... Well...
他要去哪布道呢 So where will he preach from?
我想他必須站在布道壇上 I think he'll need to be in the pulpit.
那我的攝影機呢 Where will my camera be?
倒是還有主祭臺 Well, there's always the high altar, but
但大主教可能還需要用那里 I think the Archbishop may need that as well.
他以為自己是誰啊 Who does he think he is?
他可能以為這是場宗教儀式 Well, he probably thinks it's a religious ceremony.
沒人告訴他這是政黨政治活動 Nobody's told him it's a Party Political.
是 伯納德 Yes, Bernard?
法國大使到了嗎 The French Ambassador here, is he?
是 他就來 我可以先跟您說句話嗎 Yes, he's on his way, but could I have a word first?
法國總理不來了 The French Prime Minister isn't coming.
將是法國總統來 The President's coming instead.
總統 太棒了 President? That's marvellous!
-不 首相 這很糟糕 -怎么了 - No, Prime Minister, it's terrible! - Why?
女王三年前出訪法國時 Well, when the Queen visited France three years ago,
送了他一只拉布拉多小狗 she presented him with a Labrador puppy.
現在 他要帶來一只它的幼崽 And now he's bringing one of its puppies
-作為回送她的禮物 -不 - to present her with in returen. - No!
-恐怕是的 -我就知道 - I'm afraid so. - I knew it!
有什么問題 What's the problem?
這不是挺好的表示嗎 It seems to be rather a nice gesture.
這是有所表示 但才不好 It's a gesture, all right, but hardly a nice one.
-怎么了 -女王陛下只能拒絕接受 - Why not? - Well, Her Majesty will have to refuse it.
為什么 Why?
-檢疫 首相 -檢疫 首相 - Quarantine, Prime Minister! - Quarantine, Prime Minister!
不能隨便讓狗入境 You can't just import dogs!
它得在希思羅機場的隔離狗舍待六個月 It'll have to spend six months in quarantine kennels at Heathrow.
天啊 Lord.
法國人會理解的吧 Well, the French will understand that, won't they?
他們私下當然理解 They'll understand it all right, privately,
所以他們才要這么做 that's why they're doing it,
他們明面上會拒絕理解的 but they'll refuse to understand it officially.
外交部得解決這個問題 Well, Foreign Office will have to sort it out.
-把彼得叫來 -是 - Get Peter in here. - Yes.
漢弗萊 Humphrey,
他們是想制造外交事件 they're creating a diplomatic incident
好在海底隧道的談判中得償所愿 so they can get their own way over the Channel Tunnel.
說得太對了 首相 Of course, Prime Minister!
-彼得 你聽說了嗎 -是 首相 - Peter, you've heard the news? - Yes, Prime Minister.
-太遺憾了 -我們怎么辦 - I'm terribly sorry. - What are we going to do?
我不知道 Well, I don't know.
你可是我的外交私人秘書 Well, you're my Foreign Affairs Secretary.
是 我們會想辦法解決 Yes, we'll try and find a way around it,
但檢疫是內政部負責的 but the Home Office is responsible for quarantine.
叫格雷姆來 Get Graham in here.
你不能讓他們撤回贈禮嗎 Can't you get them to withdraw this gift?
我們什么都試了 We've tried everything,
我們提議贈送一幅狗狗的油畫 we've suggested an oil painting of the puppy,
或是銅像 瓷像 a bronze, a porcelain model.
完全不行 Not a hope.
去他的 這句話也可以理解為: 讓他們見鬼去
不能讓他們把它做成標本嗎 Couldn't you get them to stuff it?
我們當然想... Well, there's nothing we'd sooner...
標本啊 不不 絕對不行 Taxidermy. No, no, no, no chance.
格雷姆 你得去跟你內政部的人說 Graham, you've got to tell your chums at the Home Office
他們得想辦法繞開檢疫規章 they must find a way round these quarantine regulations.
這恐怕絕無可能 首相 I'm afraid it's out of the question, Prime Minister.
為什么 What do you mean?
首先 我們一向嚴格對所有 In the first place, we enforce them vigorously
英國公民和外國公民執行規章 with all British citizens and all foreign nationals,
絕無例外 without exception.
其次 And in the second place,
《檢疫法》是女王簽署的 the Quarantine Act is signed by the Queen.
她不能做唯一違反自己簽下的法律的人 She can't be the only one to break her own laws.
絕無可能 Out of the question.
法國大使來了 首相 The French Ambassador's here, Prime Minister.
不 叫他等一下 No. Ask him to wait for a moment.
回外交部去 Look, get back to the Foreign Office.
叫他們跟內政部聯絡 Tell them to talk to the Home Office.
就說我們必須想辦法解決 Say we've got to find a way round this.
你們都跟伯納德保持聯系 And both of you keep in touch with Bernard.
伯納德 你再跟王宮聯絡 Bernard, you liaise with the palace.
漢弗萊 你去聯絡司法人員 Humphrey, you talk to the law officers
協調整件事 and co-ordinate the whole thing,
-好嗎 -好 - right? - Right.
我去內閣辦公室設個行動室 I'll set up an operations room in the Cabinet Office.
我們還需要做什么嗎 Is there anything else we ought to do?
我覺得您現在得見法國大使了 Well, I think you should see the French Ambassador now,
-首相 -好吧 - Prime Minister. - Yeah. All right.
叫他進來 Wheel him in.
別走 漢弗萊 我可能還需要幫忙 Don't you go, Humphrey! I might need support.
紙
我需要拿什么文件來嗎 Do I need any papers?
不 海綿和毛巾就夠用 No, just a sponge and a towel.
法國大使閣下 首相 His Excellency, the French Ambassador, Prime Minister.
-閣下 -漢弗萊 - Excellency. - Humphrey.
首相 多謝您抽時間見我 Prime Minister, you're most kind to give me your time.
榮幸 Enchanté.
請坐 Do sit down.
聽說您急著想 I understand you're anxious
敲定海底隧道的協議 to finalise the agreement for the tunnel?
是的 沒錯 事實上... Yes. Very much so. In fact...
也不急啦 No real hurry.
-不過也希望能... -是啊 - It would be nice if... - Quite.
我國政府認為 My government feels that
如果我們借葬禮的機會... if we were to take advantage of the funeral...
對了 深表遺憾 My condolences, by the way.
真是不幸的損失 A tragic loss.
不幸 不幸 Tragic, tragic.
如果我們能借葬禮的機會 If we were to take advantage of the funeral
讓您跟我國總統談談 for you and our President to have a few words...
是啊 不過 Yes. Well, of course,
我到時要接待一大批尊貴的賓客 I will be host to a large number of distinguished people.
所以可能不好辦 It may not be very easy.
您不想跟我們總統談話嗎 You do not wish to speak to our President?
不 我當然想 想 Yes, yes, yes, of course. Well, yes...
也不想 and no.
當然想談 但談判... Speak, yes, of course, but negotiate...
您難道不覺得這種朋友間的小爭端 Don't you think these little quarrels between friends
最好還是當面談清 解決好嗎 are best resolved by just talking together, face to face?
是 朋友間 對 Yeah. Between friends, yes.
不然 總統可能會覺得受傷 Otherwise, I think the President may be hurt.
不是說他個人 而是覺得法國遭到了怠慢 Not personally, but as a snub to France.
不不 絕無此意 我們是好朋友 No, no, no. No intention. Great friends.
太棒了 Excellent.
第二件事 是訪問期間 我國使館的安全問題 The second point is the security of our embassy during the visit.
是 警察總監告訴我 一切盡在掌握 Yes, the Police Commissioner tells me that everything's in hand.
我國政府要求準許法國警察 My government requests that the French police
來守衛大使館 be permitted to guard the embassy.
法國警察 不 那不可能 French police? No, that's not possible.
也不是全無可能吧 It is surely not impossible?
你難道不信任英國警察嗎 Don't you trust the British police?
我國政府對英國警察不做評價 My government makes no comment on the British police.
但如果能由法國警察負責 But our President would be happier
我國總統會更高興 if the French police were in charge.
我... Well, I... I...
問題是 閣下 You see, the problem, Excellency,
倫敦有一百多座大使館 is that there are well over a hundred embassies in London.
他們肯定都希望帶自家警察來 Now, no doubt they'd all want their own police.
大部分還會帶著機關槍來 Most of them would carry machine guns.
英國政府不... Now, Her Majesty's government is not...
完全相信這會讓倫敦更加安全 totally convinced that that would make London a safer place.
我國政府將會非常失望 My government will be most disappointed.
但現在我可以談一件開心的事 But now I can turn to a happy matter.
我國總統將帶來一件小禮物 Our President will be bringing a little present with him,
他會將禮物呈給女王陛下 which he will be presenting to Her Majesty.
太棒了 How charming.
是一只小狗 A little puppy.
妓女
她叫珂珂特 Her name is Cocotte.
珂珂特 Cocotte.
它是那只 女王陛下 She comes from the litter of the
上次來法國進行國事訪問時 very same Labrador that Her Majesty graciously
親切贈予總統的拉布拉多的后代之一 presented to the President on her last state visit to France.
或許 您可以把 Perhaps, you will let him know
贈禮儀式的安排告知他 the arrangements for the presentation.
當然 這真是個好想法 Of course, delightful thought.
但恐怕贈禮儀式只能在 But I'm afraid the presentation won't be possible
六個月后舉行 for another six months.
因為我國的《檢疫法》 Our quarantine laws, you know.
但這太荒唐了 But that is absurd.
貴國女王在國事訪問期間送了只狗 Your Queen gave her dog during her state visit.
我國總統怎么就不能禮尚往來了 Why can our President not do the same?
這是個好想法 我們當然樂意 但... Yes, delightful thought, nothing we'd rather, but...
法律就是法律 the law is the law.
這項法律的目的肯定是為了攔住染病動物吧 Surely the law exists only to exclude infected animals?
是 Yes.
您難道是說 法國總統 Do you suggest the President of France
會把一只染病小狗 would present the Queen of England
送給英國女王嗎 with a diseased puppy?
不不 No, no, no...
那就這么定了 Then it is settled.
不 沒定 No, it is not settled.
恐怕你必須向總統提出 I'm afraid you must suggest to your President
讓他帶別的禮物來 that he brings a different gift.
絕無可能 Out of the question.
如果是總統一人 或許還行 Were it the President alone, perhaps.
但總統的妻子 我們的第一夫人 But the President's wife, our first lady,
也下定了決心 她心意已決 has set her heart on it. She is determined.
我們會盡全力的 但這可能做不到 Well, we'll make every effort, but it may not be possible.
首相 這份禮物是作為 Prime Minister, I cannot tell you
女王陛下當初送總統的禮物的回禮 the gravity of the affront my government would feel
如果她拒絕收下 那對我國政府 if Her Majesty were to refuse a gift in exchange
將是難以言述的巨大羞辱 for the one our President accepted from her.
這恐怕會被視為 I fear it would be interpreted
冒犯了法國 也冒犯了 as both a national and a personal affront
總統和他妻子 to the President and his wife.
閣下 您務必要叫總統 Excellency, you must ask the President
別帶那只母狗一起來 not to bring that bitch with him.
不不 小狗 No, no, the puppy.
我是說那只小狗 I meant the puppy.
我們為什么要為那些夫人安排那么多行程 Why we have to lay on all these visits for the wives?
外交部喜歡這樣 The Foreign Office like it.
讓她們不礙事吧 Keeps them out of the way, I suppose.
她們怎么不能陪伴她們的丈夫 Why can't they be with their husbands?
她們的丈夫要忙啊 Their husbands're busy.
也就是在葬禮上嘛 Only at the funeral itself.
親愛的 他們又不是為葬禮而來 Darling, they're not coming here for the funeral.
他們是為政治而來 They're coming here for the politics.
這是場工作葬禮 This is a working funeral.
事實上 上次在挪威的那場葬禮 As a matter of fact, that funeral in Norway,
我 還有法國人和德國人 都忙著 we were all so busy, the French, the Germans and I,
談論農業配額的問題 甚至忘記去大教堂了 talking about farm quotas, we forgot to go to the cathedral.
他們注意到了嗎 Did they notice?
是注意到了 我們到晚了 They noticed, all right. We got there late.
推說是因為安保 Blamed security.
現如今安保問題能背任何鍋 You can blame security for almost anything nowadays.
所以這場葬禮就像是一場峰會 So this funeral will be a sort of summit conference.
對 Yes.
簡直是天賜良機 It's a heaven-sent opportunity.
真是天意呢 Literally.
是啊 Yes.
比峰會好多了 因為沒有任何期待 Much better than a summit because there are no expectations.
人們不會期待領袖參加葬禮歸來時 People don't expect their leaders to come back from a funeral
達成禁止核試驗或削減農業配額的協議 with test-ban agreements or farm quota reductions,
所以我們能切實進行有意義的討論 so we can actually have some meaningful discussions.
峰會只是公關鬧劇 A summit is just a public-relations circus.
難道就沒人是去葬禮上向一位老友致意的嗎 Isn't anyone coming to the funeral to pay tribute to a friend?
老友 A friend?
如果只有他的朋友去教堂 If only his friends came to the abbey,
那連法衣室都站不滿 we wouldn't even fill the vestry.
他的死對世界的貢獻 You know, he's done much more for the world
遠超他這輩子所做的貢獻 by dying than he ever did in the whole of his life.
你定好儀式內容了嗎 Have you agreed the service?
嗯 一直演奏音樂 Yeah, lots of music.
那好啊 That's nice.
管風琴演奏的時候能好好談事 You can have useful discussions when the organ's playing.
當然 聽《圣經》選讀和祈禱時就得閉嘴了 Have to shut up for the lesson and the prayers, of course.
那布道呢 What about the sermon?
那是倒時差補覺的時機 That's when you catch up on jet lag.
是 這場葬禮來得正是時候 Yes. This funeral has come at exactly the right moment.
我們有好多事需要談 We've got all sorts of things to discuss,
關于北約 華沙條約 當然還有中東 about NATO, the Warsaw Pact, the Middle East, of course.
如果你們不能在接下來三天里都解決好呢 And what if you don't sort it all out in the next three days?
我們只能希望很快有 We'll just have to hope that before too long
另一個重要人物歸西 somebody else important snuffs it.
是 我跟內政部通過話了 Yes, I've spoken to the Home Office.
他們說 絕對找不到理由 They say there's no possible grounds
通過一項議會法案 to pass an Act of Parliament,
允許這只狗進入英國 to allow this particular dog into Britain.
我知道授權法案能給任何事授權 I know an enabling act can enable anything,
但首相認為 but the Prime Minister feels
這只會讓他在下次選舉中敗選 it would merely enable him to lose the next election.
伯納德 你考慮過 Bernard, have you thought about
把整個白金漢宮 turning the whole of Buckingham Palace
變成狗的隔離區嗎 into a quarantine zone for dogs?
-你說真的嗎 -就提個想法 - Are you serious? - Just a thought.
那些柯基怎么辦 What about the corgis?
稍等 Hang on.
格雷姆 給王宮打電話 Graham, phone the palace now,
確認女王陛下沒有被正式告知 and check with Her Majesty's not been told officially
關于贈禮的提議 that this gift has been proposed,
那么她就不會被指拒收了 喂 then she can't be implicated in refusing it. Yes.
是 我們需要同聲傳譯員 Yes, we will want simultaneous translators.
不 首相見 No, not when the Prime Minister meets
英語國家元首時不需要 the leaders of the English-speaking nations.
是 英語國家 Yes, the English-speaking nations
可以包括美國 can be said to include the United States...
就算是大度吧 with a certain generosity of spirit.
抱歉 我得掛了 Sorry, I've got to go.
是 今天有大概10位首相和總理乘機抵達 Yes, yes, about 10 Prime Ministers are flying in today.
政治保安處要瘋了 Special Branch are going crazy.
皇家海軍陸戰隊的樂隊也是 So is the band of the Royal Marines
他們還得演奏所有的國歌 who's got to play all the national anthems.
這樣啊 謝謝 I see. Thanks.
阿根廷不來了 這倒正好 Argentina's not coming. That's a bit of luck.
因為福克蘭群島嗎 Because of the Falklands?
不 因為他們的國歌有六分鐘呢 No, because their anthem goes on for about six minutes.
嗯 Yeah.
我知道你在擔心狗的事 Look, I know you're worried about this dog.
我也是 I am worry about it too.
聯絡下我們在巴黎的大使 Look, talk to our ambassador in Paris.
看他能不能給它使絆子 See if he can think of a way to nobble it.
就...給它下點藥 You know, slip it something.
1978年 一名保加利亞異見者和記者 在倫敦被人以毒傘尖刺殺
看看保加利亞人還有沒有多余的傘尖 See if the Bulgarians have got any spare umbrella tips.
伯納德 還有個辦法 Bernard, there is one possibility,
把白金漢宮從概念上 make Buckingham Palace notionally
變成法國大使館的一部分 an extension of the French embassy,
這樣那只狗就還算在外國領土上 then the dog would still be on foreign territory.
彼得 首相還在爭取 Peter, the PM is fighting
海底隧道的主權呢 for the sovereignty of the Channel Tunnel.
你覺得他會怎么看待白金漢宮的主權 How do you think he feels about the sovereignty of Buck House?
你覺得君主會怎么看待 How do you think the sovereign feels
白金漢宮的主權 喂 about the sovereignty of Buck House? Yes.
不 教堂里不能按字母表順序坐 No, we can't have alphabetical seating in the abbey.
那樣的話 伊拉克和伊朗要坐一起了 You'd have Iraq and Iran next to each other.
以色列和約旦也要坐在同一張長椅上 Plus Israel and Jordan all sitting in the same pew.
我們可能會引發第三次世界大戰 We'd be in danger of starting World War III.
我知道愛爾蘭也是I開頭 但不行 I know Ireland begins with an I, but no,
愛爾蘭不會讓情況好些 Ireland doesn't make it any better.
愛爾蘭從不會讓任何事好些 Ireland doesn't make anything any better.
對了 確保大家都知道 By the way, make sure everyone knows
如果教皇使者說 that the papal envoy says,
"本座意欲洗手" "We desire to wash our hands",
意思是他想去撒尿 it means he wants to go and have a pee.
是 尊稱"本座" Yes, a royal "we",
同花順
然后就"本座沖水"了 followed by a royal flush.
小心南非人 Watch out for the South Africans.
人權問題嗎 Problems with human rights?
不 他們想賣更多葡萄柚 喂 No, they're trying to unload more grapefruit. Yes.
伯納德 王宮問 Bernard, Bernard, the palace wants to know
紅毯有沒有問題 if there's a problem about the red carpets.
女王陛下在擔心 And Her Majesty is worried
象牙海岸的總統 that the President of the Ivory Coast
想給她授予大象勛章的事 wishes to award her with the Order of the Elephant.
等等 Hang on.
格雷姆 我們不能再弄只動物來了 Graham, we can't have another animal,
更別提大象了 especially an elephant.
整個白廳 內政部 The whole of Whitehall, the Home Office,
外交部 內閣辦公室和衛生和社會保障部 Foreign Office, Cabinet Office, the DHSS,
都因為一只小狗忙活近一周了 we've all been tied up with one puppy for nearly a week!
政府都癱瘓了 大象不行 Government's been paralysed. No elephants!
塞浦路斯大主教的正確稱呼 The correct mode of address to a Cypriot archbishop
不是極樂閣下 而是至福閣下 is not Your Ecstasy, it's Your Beatitude.
老天爺 喂 什么事... For God's sake, yes, what is it...
抱歉 首相 Sorry, Prime Minister.
我這就進去 I'll come in straight away.
那是什么 伯納德 What on earth is that, Bernard?
這是海底隧道文件 首相 It's the Channel Tunnel file, Prime Minister.
-不 另一摞 -那是小狗文件 - No, no, the other one. - That's the puppy file.
那件事進展如何了 Where have we got to with that?
今早重量達到了三磅半 Well, it weighed in at three and a half pounds this morning.
-小狗嗎 -不 文件 - The puppy? - No, the file.
不 情況如何了 No, but what's happening?
目前 我們已告訴法國人 Well, at the moment, we've told the French
機場安保將別無辦法 只得扣下小狗 that airport security will reluctantly have to impound the puppy
留在希思羅機場隔離 and keep it in quarantine at Heathrow.
-他們怎么說的 -他們還沒回復呢 - What do they say? - Well, they haven't reply yet.
但我們也說了 We did point out,
機場在白金漢宮到溫莎堡之間 it was on the route from Buckingham Palace to Windsor,
所以女王去的路上可以去探訪它 so the Queen will be able to visit it on the way.
能去探訪隔離的狗嗎 Can you visit quarantined dogs?
如果不能 Well, if she can't,
她可以在車經過M4高速時向它揮手 she can sort of wave to it as she drives down the M4.
你覺得他們會怎么辦 What do you think they're gonna do?
我猜他們會威脅 Well, I presume they'll threaten
如果我們不在海底隧道上妥協 to publish the story if we don't
他們就把這件事曝光出來 give in on the Channel Tunnel.
首相 不好意思 我有緊急消息 Prime Minister, excuse me. I have urgent news.
希望是好消息 I hope it's good news.
是也不是 Well, yes and no.
警方剛在法國大使館領地內 The police has just found a bomb in the grounds
發現了一枚炸彈 of the French Embassy.
什么 What?!
誰放的 Who put it there?
我們還不知道呢 Well, we don't know yet.
有動機的人很多 Lots of people could have a motive.
嗯 我就有 Yeah, me, for a start.
幸好我們發現了... It's a good thing we found it...
是吧 I suppose.
另一則消息更糟了 Well, the other news is even worse.
法國總統不打算乘飛機來參加葬禮了 The French President is not flying in for the funeral.
那太棒了 That's marvellous!
他不飛來了 他要乘車來 He's not flying, he's driving!
而且要保密 Secretly!
把飛機當作障眼法 玩個聲東擊西 The plane is just going to be a blind, a security decoy.
那是個好主意吧 Well, that's good idea, I suppose.
聰明絕頂 他這下可以帶上小狗了 A brilliant idea! He can bring the puppy!
不行 No!
首相 您是打算準許 Prime Minister, are you prepared to give permission
攔截并搜查法國總統的車嗎 for the French President's car to be stopped and searched?
您是打算侵犯他們的外交豁免權 Are you prepare to violate their diplomatic immunity
并搜查外交郵袋嗎 and search the diplomatic bag?
就算是他們也不會把小狗裝進袋子里吧 Even they wouldn't put a puppy in a bag.
打包袋
那就是狗袋了 It'd be a doggy bag.
如果我們真搜了 并找到了 And suppose we search and found it,
直譯: 把貓放進鴿群里
那可真要引發麻煩了 that would put the cat among the pigeons.
但能曝光他們 把狗從袋子里放出來 But let the dog out of the bag.
是 但首相 萬一沒有呢 Yes, but Prime Minister, just suppose it wasn't there?
是啊 Yeah.
我不能冒險 I can't take the risk.
但如果真有 But if it was there,
他們會直接駛入法國大使館 they'll drive straight into the French embassy
那只小狗就會進入法國領土 and that puppy will be on French territory here,
但卻是在倫敦之中 right in the middle of London!
成了懸在我們頭上的麻煩 Hanging over our heads.
希望它馴化好了 Better pray it's house-trained.
首相 真抱歉 Prime Minister, I'm so sorry,
不好意思 首相得失陪了 女士 would you excuse the Prime Minister, ma'am?
謝謝 Thank you.
首相 我們有麻煩了 Prime Minister, we have a problem.
您跟法國總統談過了嗎 Have you spoken to the French President yet?
就交換了幾句精心措辭的話 Well, just a couple of well-chosen words.
具體是什么呢 What, precisely?
晚上好[法語] Bonsoir, actually.
首相 您不能再推遲了 Prime Minister, you can't put it off any longer.
他只會把這也當做冒犯 It'll be just one more thing for him to take offence at.
他不會那么容易被冒犯吧 Surely, he can't be that easily offended, can he?
當然不會 Well, of course, not,
但據我們得到的消息 but our information is,
作為不再糾結狗的鬧劇的交換條件 that in exchange for dropping this whole nonsense with the dog,
他們堅持要拿到三英里界起的 they insist on sovereignty over the tunnel
隧道主權 from the three-mile limit.
這太荒唐了 That's absurd.
這是談判立場 Well, that's the negotiating position.
但實際上 他們樂意讓步 從隧道中央 In reality, they'll concede to a 50-50 split
對半平分主權 midway across the Channel
只要我們同意將法語作為所有 as long as we agree to French as the first language
標識牌 訊息 on all signs, all information,
印刷品和菜單的第一語言 all literature, all menus, everything.
法語在英語之前 French comes before English.
我必須讓步嗎 Must I concede?
如果您還想要奠基典禮 那是的 If you want your foundation-stone ceremony. Yes.
好吧 他在哪 All right. Where is he?
哈克太太 Mrs Hacker,
您見過聯合國教科文組織的貝朗熱先生嗎 have you met Monsieur Berenger from UNESCO?
晚上好 貝朗熱先生 Bonsoir, Monsieur Berenger.
女士 這場葬禮真不錯 Madam, this is such a good funeral.
蘇聯前主席
比安德羅波夫的好多了 Much better than Andropov's.
那次氣氛好沉重 That was awfully gloomy.
我很高興您感到盡興 I'm so glad you're enjoying it.
首相 您有時間嗎 Prime Minister, got a minute?
美國副總統 The American Vice President.
副總統先生 Mr Vice President.
我剛剛在跟蘇聯人聊天 I was just talking to the Soviets.
蘇時任主席
葛羅米柯有個特別逗的波蘭笑話 Gromyko's got a great Polish joke.
時任波蘭人民共和國國務委員會主席
-什么笑話 -雅魯澤爾斯基 - What is it? - Jaruzelski!
總監 Commissioner...
這位是聯合國教科文組織的貝朗熱先生 can I introduce you to Monsieur Berenger from UNESCO?
聯合國教科文組織 UNESCO?
對 Yes.
真是個不錯的小國家 Gallant little country.
漢弗萊爵士 Sir Humphrey!
您還記得蘇聯大使吧 You remember the Soviet Ambassador.
前任首相的離世 You know, the death of the past Prime Minister
真是讓人難過 is a very sad occasion.
是啊 很難過 Yes, yes, very sad...
但對于英國來說 這并非損失 But it is no loss for Britain.
你知道他的問題在哪嗎 You know what his trouble was?
他這里夠用 這里夠好 He had plenty here, plenty here...
但這里空空 but nothing here!
怎么了 伯納德 Yes, Bernard?
請原諒 副總統先生 Forgive me, Mr Vice President,
我得去找我們的法國朋友聊了 I must go and talk to our French friends.
好 但我還想跟你談 Right, well, I did want to talk to you
德國北約基地的事 about the NATO bases in Germany.
-明天在威斯敏斯特教堂談吧 -說好了 - Tomorrow, Westminster Abbey. - You got a deal.
首相 您得馬上看這份安全文件 Prime Minister, you need to see this security file, immediately.
現在不是時候 伯納德 Not now, Bernard,
我正要去跟法國總統談 I'm about to talk to the French President.
是 但您得先看看這份文件 Yes, but you should see this file first.
法國大使館的那枚炸彈 首相 That bomb in the French Embassy, Prime Minister,
是法國警察放在那里的 was planted there by the French police.
你開玩笑呢吧 You're not serious?
為什么 Why?
他們就想看能不能讓我們出丑 To see if they could catch us out,
證明我們安保能力差 to prove our security inefficient.
非法將爆炸物偷運入英國 Smuggling explosives into the UK illegally?
-是的 -你有證據嗎 - That's correct. - Have you got proof of this?
我們在他們的酒店里找到了匹配的引爆器 We found a matching detonator in their hotel,
他們招了 they've confessed.
這太棒了 This is wonderful!
漢弗萊 讓我先跟總統單獨聊兩分鐘 Humphrey, give me two minutes alone with the President.
然后我給你打信號 你就拿文件進來 And then when I give you a signal, bring that file in.
好 Right.
首相 什么信號 Prime Minister, what will the signal be?
真抱歉 總統先生 I'm so sorry, Monsieur le President.
他肯定就來了 I'm sure he's just coming.
總統先生 Monsieur le President...
隧道的事 the tunnel.
隧道 是啊 但首先 The tunnel. Indeed, but first of all,
讓我們解開關于小狗的 can we clear up this silly misunderstanding
愚蠢誤會吧 about the little puppy
我打算明天將它作為回禮呈給女王陛下 which I am presenting as a return gift to Her Majesty tomorrow?
不 沒什么誤會 No, there's no misunderstanding.
很抱歉 但我總不能讓女王違法 I'm very sorry, but I can't ask the Queen to break the law.
我可沒想讓女王違法 I do not want the Queen to break the law.
我不過是希望首相能通融一下 I merely ask the Prime Minister to bend it.
很抱歉 我真做不到 I'm deeply sorry. If I possibly could.
如果法國人民得知了這樣的回絕 If the French people learn of this rejection,
那是給國家的一記耳光 a national slap in the face...
-隧道 -隧道 - The tunnel. - The tunnel?
但你讓我很難做 But you make it very difficult for me.
法國人民絕不會接受第二次被羞辱 The French people will not accept a second slap in the face
而且你還拒絕了我們十分合理的 and you are rejecting our very reasonable proposal
把法國主權邊界設在多佛的提議 for French sovereignty as far as Dover.
不過 先不說那個 However, setting that to one side,
還有哪種語言 there is the question of which shall be
該作為第一語言的問題 la langue de preference, the first language.
漢弗萊爵士 Sir Humphrey,
我剛看到了明天的儀式安排 I have just seen this order of service for tomorrow.
這太羞辱人了 It is deeply embarrassing.
這段贊美詩 This hymn.
銀行
《在約旦河岸 施洗者哭泣》 "On Jordan's Bank, The Baptist's Cry"?
怎么了 Why?
你不知道約旦銀行昨天破產了嗎 Don't you know the Jordan Bank went bust yesterday?
但說來 如果半數標識牌是法語先 But surely, if we have half the signs in French first
半數是英語先的話... and half the signs in English...
那才公平吧 that's fair?
但不合邏輯 It's not logical.
邏輯重要嗎 Does logic matter?
法律重要嗎 Does law matter?
是的 英國可是歐洲國家中唯一仍 Yes. Britain is the only country in Europe still...
沒有狂犬病的 free of rabies.
真抱歉 伯納德會為您解決的 I'm so sorry. Bernard will handle this for you.
伯納德 失陪了 Bernard, excuse me...
總統先生 可以失陪一下嗎 Monsieur le President, will you please forgive me?
首相 您得馬上看看這個 Prime Minister, I think you ought to see this, urgently.
不 我不相信 No, I don't believe it!
總統先生 Mr President,
我得請您做出解釋了 I shall have to ask you to explain this.
不用我說 I need hardly say
此事多么嚴重吧 how grave this matter is.
首相 Prime Minister, I...
我得請您相信 我對此毫不知情 I must ask you to believe that I had no knowledge of this.
一位來賓企圖欺騙英國政府 An attempt by a guest to deceive Her Majesty's Government?
非法地將爆炸物偷運入英國 Illegally smuggling explosives into the UK?
但您得知道 法國政府 But you must know that the French Government
從來不知道法國安全部門在干什么 never knows what French Security are doing.
您是說 您不能為他們負責嗎 You mean, you're not able to take responsibility for them?
不 我不是那意思 No, that's not what I mean. But...
但如果這報告為真 if this report is true,
那我向您表示深深的遺憾 請您務必接受 I must ask you to accept my profound regrets.
恐怕是真的 It's true enough, I'm afraid.
謝謝 首相 Thank you, Prime Minister.
謝謝 Thank you.
這下首相可就難辦了... You see, it makes it so difficult for the Prime Minister...
關于海底隧道的事 over the Channel Tunnel.
等炸彈的新聞爆出 When news of this bomb is published,
英國人民肯定不會樂意讓步了 the British people will want to make very few concessions.
他們會不敢確定能不能安全地 They won't know whether it's safe to...
穿過隧道 go through.
-要是里面有法國官方炸彈呢 -就是 - It could be full of official French bombs. - Absolument.
當然了 為了維護英法友誼 Of course, in the interests of Anglo-French friendship,
我們或許也可以忽略你們安保人員的罪行 we could overlook the crimes of your security men.
那么... I suppose...
主權對半分 sovereignty halfway across?
容我寫下來 I'll just write that down, if I may.
半數標識牌英語在前 Half the signs in English first
兩個月后 動工儀式將在 and the starting ceremony in two months...
多佛舉辦 in Dover.
以此展現我們兩國間 As an expression of the enduring warmth
長久的好感和相互的信任 and trust between our two countries.
明天葬禮時帶一份公報草稿來 Let us have a draft communiqué at the funeral tomorrow,
好嗎 漢弗萊 would you, Humphrey?
是[法語] 首相 Mais oui, Prime Minister.