>>> AND NOW ABC'S JIMMY KIMMEL LIVE. >> Dicky: FROM BROOKLYN - IT'S
"JIMMY KIMMEL LIVE"! TONIGHT -- HOWARD STERN,
THE NATIONAL LEAGUE CHAMPION NEW YORK METS, AND MUSIC FROM PUBLIC ENEMY,
BROUGHT TO YOU BY CIGNA. WITH CLETO AND THE CLETONES. AND NOW, AND HEY NOW, HERE'S
JIMMY KIMMEL! [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] ¶
>> Jimmy: THANK YOU, THAT'S VERY NICE. I APPRECIATE IT.
GRACIAS. AS WE SAY BACK IN L.A. HI, EVERYBODY.
I'M JIMMY, I'M THE HOST. THANKS FOR WATCHING. THANKS FOR STANDING.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] VERY NICE. IT'S MAKING ME UNCOMFORTABLE.
THANK YOU, THANK YOU. THANKS. WE HAVE MUCH TO GET THROUGH.
PLEASE BE SEATED. THANKS FOR COMING. THIS IS OUR FINAL SHOW HERE AT
THE BROOKLYN ACADEMY OF MUSIC IN BROOKLYN. AND I DON'T WANT TO LEAVE, I'LL
TELL YOU SOMETHING, IF I DON'T I WILL DIE. I WILL BE DEAD VERY SOON.
I CAN'T KEEP UP THIS PACE, THIS WEEK HAS BEEN JUST CRAZY. I'VE BARELY SLEPT.
THIS WEEK ALONE, I'VE BEEN HERE LIKE SEVEN DAYS. I THREW OUT THE FIRST PITCH AT A
METS PLAYOFF GAME. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] I DANCED WITH A PRIMA BALLERINA.
MARTY McFLY AND DOG BROWN SHOWED UP WHILE HUEY LEWIS PLAYED THE MUS
MUSIC. BILL MURRAY WAS HERE. THE METS ARE GOING TO THE WORLD
SERIES AND I HATE 300 SLICES OF PIZZA. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
THERE'S NOTHING LEFT ON MY BUCKET LIST, AND MY BUCKET IS EMPTY.
IN SEVEN DAYS, I'VE EATEN SO MUCH. I ATE AT FRANKIE'S FOUR TIMES IN
SEVEN DAYS. SOME OF THE LOCAL RESTAURANTS HAVE BEEN SENDING FOOD TO OUR
THEATER. THEY'VE BEEN GENEROUS TO THE POINT WHERE I CAN PROBABLY HAVE
THEM CHARGED WITH TEAMED MURDER. THIS IS A REAL E-MAIL EVERYBODY ON OUR STAFF GOT.
THIS IS THE SCHEDULE FOR JUST TODAY. CRONUTS AT 10:05 A.M., PIZZA
1:00 P.M. FROM THE HOUSE OF PIZZA AND CALZONE, MARK WAHLBERG SENT BURGERS AT 4:40 FROM
WALLBURGERS, THEN DEATH, I DON'T KNOW. BROOKLYN IS TRYING TO KILL US.
WHERE IS GUILLERMO? COME ON OUT, GUILLERMO. THERE HE IS.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] ¶ >> Jimmy: YOU'VE BEEN DOING A
BIG ENTRANCE. NO BIG CHOREOGRAPHED ENTRANCE FOR YOU TONIGHT?
>> Guillermo: NO, I'M TOO TIRED. >> Jimmy: YOU'RE TOO TIRED, YEAH.
WE HAVE TO TAKE GUILLERMO HOME AS SOON AS POSSIBLE. HE HAS A LIVER WAITING FOR HIM
AT L.A.X. WE HAVE A GREAT SHOW FOR YOU ON OUR LAST NIGHT IN BROOKLYN.
AMERICA'S SWEETHEART HOWARD STERN IS HERE TONIGHT. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
MAYBE IT WOULD BE SMART -- SHOULD WE GET THE BABA POLICE OUT OF THE WAY NOW?
ALSO TONIGHT, FROM THE NEW YORK METS, THE NEW YORK METS ARE ON THEIR WAY TO THE WORLD SERIES.
MATT HARVEY, JACOB deGROM, WILMER FLORES AND DAVID WRIGHT ARE HERE.
TICKETS TO SEE THE METS FOR THE WORLD SERIES GAMES IN NEW YORK RESPECT THEY'RE SAYING THEY'RE
GOING TO BE THE MOST EXPENSIVE TICKETS IN BASEBALL HISTORY. THE AVERAGE PRICE FOR A SCALPED
TICKET TO THE METS GAME IS $1,700. IT'S TERRIBLE.
THE ONLY PEOPLE WHO CAN AFFORD TO GO TO A METS GAME ARE DEREK JETER AND A-ROD RIGHT NOW.
BUT THE METS WILL BE HERE TONIGHT FOR FREE. AND THEN WE'LL HAVE MUSIC FROM
PUBLIC ENEMY. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] A LEGENDARY GROUP.
TOGETHER CHUCKY AND FLAVOR FLAV HAVE CREATED SOME OF THE FINEST SOCIALLY CONSCIOUS HIP-HOP AND
VH1 REALITY DATING SHOWS EVER. PUBLIC ENEMY'S BIGGEST HIT IS "FIGHT THE POWER" ON THE
SOUNDTRACK TO THE MOVIE "DO THE RIGHT THING" WHICH IS ONE OF THE MOST ICONIC BROOKLYN MOVIES OF
ALL-TIME. MAYBE THE MOST. SUCH A GREAT MOVIE, SUCH A GREAT
SONG. FIGHT THE POWER WAS THE SONG THAT INSPIRED ME TO STAND UP AND
DEMAND THAT STARBUCKS START CARRYING COCONUT MILK. "DO THE RIGHT THING" CAME OUT IN
1989. BROOKLYN HAS CHANGED A LOT SINCE 1989.
THERE USED TO BE MUGGERS RIGHT IN THIS NEIGHBORHOOD STEALING OLD LADIES' PURSES.
NOW THOSE OLD LADY PURSES ARE BEING WORN IRONICALLY BY HIPSTERS IN THE AREA.
THIS WEEK, 26 YEARS AFTER THE ORIGINAL, WE HAVE A SEQUEL TO "DO THE RIGHT THING" THAT I
THINK DOES AN EQUALLY GOOD JOB OF CAPTURING THE FEELING AND SPIRIT OF BROOKLYN, NEW YORK,
NOW. ¶ 1989 ¶ >> ARGGH!
>> THAT'S NOT YOUR PROPERTY, MAN. >> IT'S REALLY NOT YOUR
BUSINESS. >> WATER CONSERVATION IS EVERYONE'S BUSINESS.
>> OH, WOW. I'M SORRY, YOU'RE RIGHT. I SO APPRECIATE YOUR ECO
CONSNESS. CONSCIOUSNESS. >> WAKE UP, WAKE UP, TODAY IS
GOING TO BE A CHILLY ONE SO GET YOUR TWEED SWEATERS AND THRIFT SHOP SCARVES AND I HOPE THOSE
BEARDS ARE FULL. WE'VE GOT "PRAIRIE HOME COMPANION," "THIS AMERICA LIFE,"
HERE ON WE LOVE BROOKLYN PUBLIC RADIO. >> NO, NO, NO!
YOU JUST SCUFFED UP MY BRAND-NEW WHITE CONVERSE! >> SO?
>> SO! I WANT TO THANK YOU FOR THAT. BECAUSE IT GIVES ME THAT
LIVED-IN QUALITY AND THEY HAVE SO MUCH MORE CHARACTER NOW. ¶
>> MM, THAT FEELS SO GOOD. >> YOU NOTICED THESE ICE CUBES ARE CRAFTED BY WATER HAND-PUMPED
FROM A SUSTAINABLY HARVESTED SPRING AND FROZEN USING BICYCLE POWER.
TASTE THE SPICE. >> I DO. >> A HINT OF SRIRACHA.
>> OKAY! >> I'VE BEEN AT THIS PIZZERIA 25 YEARS.
I MAKE THE PIES MY WAY. NO TOFU. NO DUCK PAN CHET THAT.
NO QUINOA. >> YOU'VE GOT TO AT LEAST GO GLUTEN FREE.
>> OVER MY DEAD BODY. >> IT'S QUINOA. >> [ BLEEP ].
>> LOOK WHO IT IS. BLIND RAHIM. ¶
>> THAT IS TRITE, WATERED-DOWN, DERIVATIVE [ BLEEP ]. >> I COULDN'T DISAGREE MORE.
>> IT'S NICE TO KNOW WE CAN APPRECIATE EACH OTHER'S DIFFERENCES RESPECTFULLY.
GROUP HUG, GUYS, COME ON. >> UM -- EXCUSE ME. NONE OF THESE PEOPLE ARE WEARING
THRIFT SHOP BUNS. >> THIS IS A THRIFT SHOP? THIS IS A PIZZERIA.
WANT YOUR PEOPLE ON A WALL? GET YOUR OWN WALL, PRINCESS. >> OH, OH!
TRIGGER ALERT! TRIGGER ALERT! >> TRIGGER ALERT!
>> WHAT THE [ BLEEP ] IS WITH THIS TRIGGER ALERT? GET THE [ BLEEP ] OUT OF MY
PIZZERIA! >> DAIRY! >> THIS PIZZA PLACE DOESN'T CARE
ABOUT US. WE DEMAND TO KNOW WHERE THE INGREDIENTS ARE BEING SOURCED.
LET'S OCCUPY THE PIZZA PLACE. WHERE ARE THESE TOMATOES EVEN FROM?
>> HEY, HEY! THIS TRASH HAS NOT BEEN SORTED! >> OKAY, LET'S MAKE TWO PILES.
NUMBER 2 PLASTIC, NUMBER 5 PLASTIC. SEPARATE.
>> THIS WOULD NEVER HAPPEN IN THE BRONX. >> NOT A CHANCE.
¶ ¶ FIGHT THE POWER FIGHT THE POWER FIGHT THE POWER GOT TO
FIGHT THE POWER ¶ ¶ FIGHT THE POWER FIGHT THE POWER ¶
>> HEY. I KNOW THAT SONG. YEAH, BOY!
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] ¶ >> Jimmy: ALL RIGHT.
WE HAVE A GOOD SHOW FOR YOU TONIGHT. WE HAVE MUSIC FROM PUBLIC ENEMY,
THE NEW YORK METS ARE HERE, AND WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH HOWARD STERN!
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] ¶ >> Dicky: PORTIONS OF "JIMMY
KIMMEL LIVE" ARE BROUGHT TO YOU BY CIGNA WHO WANTS EVERYONE TO SAY AAH AND GET AN ANNUAL
¶ >> Jimmy: HELLO, THERE. WE ARE BACK.
FROM BROCK LINE TONIGHT, FROM THE WORLD SERIES-BOUND NEW YORK METS, MATT HARVEY, WILMER
FLORES, DAVID WRIGHT ASK JACOB deGROM ARE HERE. VERY EXCITING FOR ME PERSONALLY.
LATER, THEIR NEW ALBUM IS CALLED "MAN PLANS GOD LAUGHS." PUBLIC ENEMY FROM THE SMIRNOFF
STAGE. NEXT WEEK WE'RE BACK IN L.A. FOR ALL-NEW SHOWS WITH HARRISON
FORD, KRISTEN WIIG, JULIE BOWEN, KATIE LOWES, TREVOR NOAH, PLUS MUSIC FROM ELLE KING, BRETT
ELDREDGE, AND CARRIE UNDERWOOD. SO PLEASE JOIN US NEXT WEEK. OUR FIRST GUEST TONIGHT HAD TO
BE DRAGGED FROM HIS HOME IN PROTEST TO BE HERE TONIGHT. HE IS ONE OF THE GREAT
BROADCASTERS IN AMERICAN HISTORY, AND THE PRIDE OF NEW YORK.
LISTEN TO HIM IN THE MORNING AND ALL DAY ON SIRIUSXM SATELLITE RADIO, PLEASE WELCOME THE
UNPRECEDENTED HOWARD STERN. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] ¶
>> Jimmy: HOW ARE YOU? >> WHAT A LONG, STRANGE TRIP IT'S BEEN.
I MUST TELL YOU. YOU KNOW, I'VE BEEN DOING THIS FOREVER.
COMING ON TALK SHOWS. >> Jimmy: RIGHT. >> I HAVE TO SAY, AFTER YEARS
AND YEARS OF DOING LETTERMAN AND EVEN AT TIMES I DID LENO, I DID ALL THESE SHOWS.
I MUST TELL YOU, EACH TIME I DO IT, I HATE IT MORE AND MORE. [ LAUGHTER ]
ABSOLUTELY HORRIBLE. IT REALLY, IT'S TORTURE. BECAUSE YOU COME ON THESE SHOWS.
BY THE WAY, JIMMY AND I ARE VERY GOOD FRIENDS. THAT'S WHY I'M HERE TONIGHT.
>> Jimmy: IT'S AN ACT OF LOVE. CARLY FIORINA. >> AN ACT OF LOVE.
IT REALLY IS. >> Jimmy: I KNOW IT IS. >> IF WE WEREN'T ON TV I'D
SPREAD YOU OUT ON THIS DESK AND MAKE LOVE TO YOU. >> Jimmy: OH, THANK YOU.
>> JIMMY AND I GO ON VACATIONS TOGETHER, QUITE THE BROMANCE. I'M VERY FOND OF HIM DESPITE THE
FACT THAT JAY LENO SAYS YOU'RE MEAN AND DISGUSTING. I'M HERE TO TELL YOU YOU'RE
DISGUSTING BUT YOU'RE NOT MEAN. >> Jimmy: THANK YOU VERY MUCH. [ LAUGHTER ]
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] >> Jimmy: HE SAID I'M DISGUSTING?
>> A LITTLE BIT DISGUSTING. >> Jimmy: I KNOW YOU'D USUALLY BE IN BED FOR A COUPLE OF HOURS
BY NOW. >> I WOULD. FUNNY, YOU TALK ABOUT TRUMP.
I WANT TO BUILD A WALL AROUND MY APARTMENT. I DON'T WANT ANYTHING
INFILTRATING MY SLEEP. I LAKE TO LIVE A NICE, SEDATE LIFE.
I LIKE GOING TO THE RADIO STATION, DO THE RADIO SHOW, AND GO HOME.
I WAS DOING THAT "AMERICA'S GOT TALENT" FOR FOUR YEARS, I HAD TO QUIT.
IT WAS ENOUGH. >> Jimmy: I'M SURPRISED YOU DID IT THAT LONG, YOU COMPLAINED
ABOUT IT SO VERY, VERY MUCH. >> YOU KNOW, I THOUGHT IT WOULD BE FUNNY TO GO ON A NETWORK
TELEVISION SHOW AND HERE I AM FART MAN. I WOULD BE ON "AMERICA'S GOL
TALENT" AND SUDDENLY IT WOULD BE INTERESTING TO SEE ME JUXTAPOSED WITH A FAMILY SHOW.
>> Jimmy: RIGHT. >> THAT WAS FUN BUT IT WAS TORTUROUS.
I MEAN, I HATED EVERY BIT OF IT. >> Jimmy: WHAT IS IT ABOUT IT SPECIFICALLY THAT YOU HATED?
>> I HATED THE IDEA THAT REALLY WHAT I THOUGHT, I'M GOING ON NETWORK TELEVISION WHAT I'M
GOING TO DO IS DRESS UP. I WENT AND BOUGHT $100,000 WORTH OF WARDROBE.
>> Jimmy: YOU DIDN'T. >> I REALLY DID. >> Jimmy: $100,000?
>> I INVESTED IN MY WARDROBE. I GOT A PERSON TO DO MY HAIR. THEY WOULD HOT IRON MY AIR.
BECAUSE THERE'S NO FRIZZ. I WORKED OUT. I DECIDED TO DIET DOWN, GET
THIN. THEN I TURN ON THE TV EACH WEEK AND I'D WANT TO THROW UP.
I'M PUTTING IN ALL OF THIS WORK FOR MY LOOK, TO LOOK GOOD. >> Jimmy: RIGHT.
>> AFTER ALL OF THAT WORK I STILL LOOK LIKE A NIGHTMARE. TO ME.
I JUST DIDN'T LIKE IT. EVEN SITTING THERE WITH A GUY, HOWIE MANDEL.
I'M SITTING THERE ON "AMERICA'S GOT TALENT" LOOKING AT THIS GUY AND I GO, OH MY GOD.
HERE'S A GUY HAS NO HAIR, HE'S IN HIS 60s, AND HE'S BETTER-LOOKING THAN I AM AFTER
MY $100,000 WARDROBE. SO THE WHOLE THING WAS RATHER DEPRESSING.
>> Jimmy: DO YOU FEEL LIKE YOU'RE NOW MORE FOCUSED ON YOUR APPEARANCE THAN YOU WERE LIKE 25
YEARS AGO? >> LISTEN, I'M ON A NETWORK SHOW, I WANTED TO LOOK DECENT.
I'M SITTING THERE WITH HEIDI KLUM, SUPERMODEL. YOU GOT MEL BEE, NO SLOUCH.
>> Jimmy: RIGHT. >> I WANT TO FIT IN. I WANTED TO LOOK GOOD.
THERE WAS NOTHING YOU COULD DO. AND THEN I'M 6'5". SO I'D BE STANDING AND THEY'D
COME OVER WITH A CAMERA. AND THE CAMERA GUY'S LIKE 5'8". HE'S UNDERNEATH ME, SHOOTING UP
MY HUGE NOSTRILS. I'M LIKE, THIS IS TORTURE! WHY MY WASTING MY TIME?
>> Jimmy: THEY'RE DOING IT TO YOU RIGHT NOW, HOWARD, ACTUALLY. >> DON'T DO THAT!
I WOULD LITERALLY GO OUT THERE -- >> Jimmy: THEY LOOK GREAT.
>> I'D SAY TO THE DIRECTOR, LISTEN, YOU GOT TO SHOOT ME FROM FAR AWAY.
GET ME FROM THE RIGHT-HAND SIDE. DO NOT SHOOT ME FROM THIS WAY AROUND.
I'D BARK OUT ORDERS. I WAS LIKE BARBRA STREISAND GOING ON "THE ROSIE O'DONNELL
SHOW." REMEMBER WHAT HAPPENED? BARBRA STREISAND MADE HER MOVE
THE DESK AROUND. I TURNED INTO A PAIN IN THE DECK.
SHOOT ME FROM THERE. I'D GO HOME, IT MADE NO DIFFERENCE, THERE WAS NO GOOD
SIDE. THE WHOLE THING WAS, HOW ARE YOU BOYS DOING?
OKAY. >> Jimmy: THAT'S OUR BAND, YEAH. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
>> THEY'RE GOOD. IS THERE ANYONE IN THAT BAND NOT RELATED TO YOU?
CLETO'S YOUR UNCLE. >> Jimmy: CLETO AND I GREW UP ACROSS THE STREET FROM EACH
OTHER IN LAS VEGAS AND HIS DAD'S IN THE BAND. >> YOU GOT INTO MUSIC AND YOU'RE
STILL WITH YOUR DAD. WHAT A NIGHTMARE. ISN'T IT SOMETHING?
YOU GET INTO MUSIC -- >> Jimmy: MY PARENTS ARE HERE. >> OF COURSE THEY ARE.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] >> Jimmy: THERE THEY ARE. I THINK.
>> WHAT ARE YOU APPLAUDING HIS MOTHER? YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW HER.
JIMMY IS ONE OF THESE NEPOTISM GUYS. YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?
EVERYONE ON THIS SHOW IS RELATED TO JIMMY SOMEHOW. >> Jimmy: NOT GUILLERMO, WE
FOUND HIM IN THE PARKING LOT. >> GUILLERMO'S THE ONLY ONE. IT'S AMAZING BECAUSE I'M BACK IN
THE GREEN ROOM. THEY GO, JIMMY'S FAMILY WANTS TO SAY HELLO.
I GO, TELL THEM I'M ON THE PHONE. IT'S LIKE A NIGHTMARE.
YOU DON'T WANT TO OFFEND THEM BUT BEFORE YOU'RE COMING IT YOU DON'T WANT TO SEE JIMMY'S
FAMILY. I WAS THINKING, LET'S SAY GOD FORBID YOU LOSE THE SHOW, WHICH
YOU PROBABLY WILL, YOU KNOW. [ LAUGHTER ] IT'S GOT TO HAPPEN.
POOR JIMMY, HE'S GOING TO PRICE HIMSELF OUT OF THE MARKET. THEY'RE PAYING HIM A FORTUNE.
ABC'S GOING TO GET RID OF HIM ONE DAY AND YOU'RE GOING TO HAVE ALL THESE RELATIVES OF YOURS
THAT ARE GOING TO HAVE TO LOOK FOR WORK. THEY'RE GOING TO ABOUT TO THE
OTHER TALK SHOWS, I WORKED ON KIMMEL. REALLY, WHAT'S YOUR LAST NAME?
KIMMEL. GET OUT! HIS UNCLE SAL OR SOMETHING --
>> Jimmy: COUSIN SAL. >> NEPOTISM TO THE 10th POWER. >> Jimmy: YOU MET MY MOTHER LAST
TIME YOU WERE ON THE SHOW, NEXT MORNING YOU WENT ON YOUR RADIO SHOW AND TALKED ABOUT THE FACT
THAT YOU'D LIKE TO HAVE SEX WITH MY MOTHER. >> I'LL TELL YOU THE TRUTH.
>> Jimmy: YES. [ LAUGHTER ] >> Jimmy: THERE SHE IS.
>> COME ON, LET'S DO IT! RIGHT HERE. NO, I MEAN -- I HAVE A BEAUTIFUL
WIFE BUT YOUR MOTHER WAS SURPRISINGLY ATTRACTIVE. IMAGINE JIMMY WITHOUT THIS
BEARD. HE'S VERY ATTRACTIVE. >> Jimmy: YOU DON'T HAVE TO
IMAGINE, SHE'S RIGHT THERE. >> WELL, LISTEN. OH, SHE'S RIGHT --
>> Jimmy: HIDING HER HEAD. >> IF YOU PLAYED -- LISTEN, I DON'T WANT TO HAVE SEX WITH
JIMMY'S MOTHER. BUT IF YOU HAD TO DO AN "F" MARY KILL, IF IT WAS CAITLYN JENNER,
CLETO, AND YOUR MOTHER? I'M MARRYING AND DOING YOUR MOTHER.
>> Jimmy: THAT'S NICE. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] >> Jimmy: HEAR THAT, MOM?
HOWARD STERN IS HERE. BE RIGHT BACK! [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
¶ >> Dicky: PORTIONS OF "JIMMY KIMMEL LIVE" ARE BROUGHT TO YOU
BY CIGNA. WHO WANTS EVERYONE TO SAY AHHH AND GET AN ANNUAL
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] ¶ >> Jimmy: WE'RE BACK WITH HOWARD
STERN. THE METS AND PUBLIC ENEMY ARE STILL TO COME.
>> WHAT'S WITH THE BEARD? >> Jimmy: I TAKE THAT AS A COMPLIMENT BECAUSE I KNOW YOU'RE
SO GERM PHOBIC. FOR YOU TO PUT YOUR HANDS ON -- >> I WON'T TOUCH MY OTHER HAND
NOW. I'LL HAVE TO LAY IT HERE LIKE THIS?
HE TOUCHED PART OF MY BODY. THIS WILL MAKE IT BETTER. >> THAT'S GOOD.
SPEAKING OF BEARDS. >> Jimmy: YES. >> I IMAGINE YOU'RE GROWING THIS
BECAUSE OF YOUR HERO DAVID LETTERMAN WHO I -- HAVE YOU SEEN THE PICTURES OF LETTERMAN SINCE
HE RETIRED? WHAT'S GOING ON THERE? HOLY MACKEREL.
IT'S THIS BIG -- HE LOOKS LIKE A HOBO. HASIDIC PEOPLE LOOK AT THAT
LETTERMAN BEARD AND GO, THAT IS DISGUSTING! WHAT IS GOING ON WITH HIM?
>> Jimmy: HOW WOULD I KNOW? I DON'T KNOW. >> YOU KNOW EVERYTHING ABOUT
LETTERMAN FOR GOD'S SAKE. >> Jimmy: PAUL WAS HERE LAST NIGHT, WE COULD HAVE ASKED HIM.
>> I SAW PAUL WAS HERE, THAT WAS GREAT. POOR PAUL.
NOTHING TO DO ALL DAY. IT'S SAD, REALLY. JUST SITS HOME AND SMOKES WEED
ALL DAY, I GUESS. >> Jimmy: WOULDN'T THAT BE YOUR DREAM TO JUST SIT HOME ALL DAY
AND PAINT? >> YES. YOU KNOW, JIMMY AND I, WHEN WE
GO ON VACATION, WE GO OFF INTO THE WOODS FOR LIKE THREE DAYS. LIKE TWO MEN IN THE RENAISSANCE
ERA. WE GO OFF AND PAINT AND DRAW. >> Jimmy: YEAH.
>> WE'RE GOING TO GO IN THE WOODS. BUT NO.
YOU KNOW WHAT I MISS? >> Jimmy: WHAT DO YOU MISS? >> I WONDER IF YOU MISS THIS.
I MISS THE WARS. THE LATE-NIGHT WARS. >> Jimmy: DO YOU REALLY?
>> I REALLY TRULY DO. I LOVED WHEN YOU WERE FIGHTING WITH LENO.
>> Jimmy: I STILL AM, TURNS OW. >> IT TURNS OUT YOU ARE. HE OPENED HIS BIG FAT TRAP ABOUT
YOU. HE SAID THE REASON THAT YOU DON'T LIKE HIM IS BECAUSE YOU
WANTED TO GET IN WITH ME. >> Jimmy: YEAH. >> WHICH IS ABOUT AS BIZARRE AS
IT COMES. THE REASON YOU DON'T LIKE JAY, IF I CAN REVEAL THIS TO AMERICA,
IS BECAUSE YOU JUST DON'T LIKE JAY. YOU HATE HIM.
>> Jimmy: I DON'T HATE HIM. I DON'T HATE HIM. >> I DON'T LIKE JAY EITHER BUT I
MISS -- [ LAUGHTER ] WE REALLY DON'T.
WE TALK ABOUT THIS WHEN WE'RE ON VACATION. >> Jimmy: THAT IS NOT TRUE AT
ALL. >> YES, WE DO. [ LAUGHTER ]
THEY'LL TELL YOU. I LOVED WITH LETTERMAN HATING LENO.
IT MAKES SENSE. EVEN IN RADIO YOU GO TO WAR -- >> Jimmy: ESPECIALLY IN RADIO.
BUT IT'S A DIFFERENT TIME, A FRIENDLIER TIME. >> NO, IT'S NOT.
I WISH YOU COULD BE ON VACATION WITH JIMMY AND HEAR HIM TALK ABOUT THE OTHER LATE-NIGHT GUYS.
YOU'VE GOT TO BE A LITTLE BIT PHONY. YOU DON'T WANT TO START THE
WARS. >> Jimmy: WHY WOULD I AGREE TO THIS?
WHY WOULD I GO ALONG WITH THIS? >> TELL ME HOW YOU TALE ABOUT -- PICK ONE -- FALLON.
>> Jimmy: OKAY. I ACTUALLY LIKE HIM A LOT AND YOU KNOW THAT.
>> THAT'S TRUE. BUT HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT -- [ LAUGHTER ]
IS THERE ANYTHING YOU DON'T LIKE ABOUT HIM? >> Jimmy: NOT REALLY.
>> DO YOU THINK -- >> Jimmy: I WOULD BE WILLING TO SUBMIT TO A POLYGRAPH ON YOUR
SHOW THE NEXT TIME WE GO ON. >> THE NEXT TIME YOU COME ON I WILL DO THAT.
I THINK THAT WOULD BE A HUGE MISTAKE. >> Jimmy: I DON'T THINK IT
WOULD. >> I DON'T KNOW! >> Jimmy: WHAT IS THE BEST THING
ABOUT BEING HOWARD STERN? >> THE BEST THING ABOUT BEING HOWARD STERN RIGHT NOW IS THE
FACT THAT MY WIFE LOVES ME. SHE SO IS BEAUTIFUL. AND SO SWEET.
AND SHE SAVES ANIMALS. >> Jimmy: SHE REALLY IS. >> THE FACT THAT SHE LOVES ME IS
BEYOND MY COMPREHENSION. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] A GUY WHO LOOKS LIKE THIS SHOULD
NOT HAVE A WIFE LIKE THAT. >> Jimmy: I WAS GOING TO SUGGEST THAT THE BEST THING ABOUT BEING
HOWARD STERN -- TURNS OUT YOU'RE RIGHT -- IS THE GROUP OF FANS THAT YOU HAVE THAT SHOW UP TO
EVERY ONE OF YOUR APPEARANCES TO SUPPORT YOU. >> YOU'RE RIGHT.
>> Jimmy: SOME OF THEM ARE -- >> I HAVE VERY LOYAL FANS, YOU'RE ABSOLUTELY RIGHT.
>> Jimmy: SOME OF THEM ARE HERE IN THE AUDIENCE. I THOUGHT IT MIGHT BE FUN --
>> WHEN YOU LOOK AT MY FANS, REALIZE WHO THEY ARE TO ME -- I HAD A VERY DYSFUNCTIONAL FAMILY
GROWING UP. >> Jimmy: RIGHT. >> THESE PEOPLE ARE MY FAMILY.
>> Jimmy: LET'S MEET YOUR FAMILY. SOME OF THEM HAVE -- FIRST OF
ALL, YES, THIS GENTLEMAN RIGHT HERE. SIR, WHAT IS YOUR NAME?
>> HI, IT'S ME, HIGH PITCH. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] >> LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING.
THAT IS A FACE I LOVE. YOU KNOW, I THINK OF MYSELF AS A ROCK STAR.
AND THIS IS MY GROUPIE. WHAT A LIFE. >> OKAY, MY QUESTION IS, HOWARD,
DO YOU BELIEVE IN HEAVEN? IF SO, WILL BE I BE SKINNY? >> WHAT DID HE SAY?
>> Jimmy: HE SAID, DO YOU BELIEVE IN HEAVEN, IF SO, WILL I BE SKINNY?
HE'S ASSUMING HE'S GOING TO BE IN HEAVEN. >> I'M GOING TO TELL YOU
SOMETHING. I DON'T KNOW IF THERE'S A HEAVEN OR NOT BUT FOR CRYING OUT LOUD
YOU'VE GOT TO LOSE A FEW POUNDS, I'M WORRIED ABOUT YOUR HEALTH. WE ALL SHOULD DO AN INTERVENTION
RIGHT NOW. I AM WORRIED ABOUT HIM BECAUSE HE HAS PUT ON A COUPLE OF POUNDS
RECENTLY. >> Jimmy: ANOTHER GENTLEMAN YOU SHOULD BE WORRIED ABOUT, WHAT IS
YOUR NAME, SIR? >> HI, THIS IS ELEPHANT BOY. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
>> Jimmy: THE ELEPHANT BOY. >> ELEPHANT BOY HAS -- LET ME TALK TO HIM IN ELEPHANT.
>> Jimmy: PLEASE DO. [ INDISCERNIBLE ] >> MY QUESTION TO YOU, HOWARD,
IS WHEN YOU STAY OVER AT JIMMY'S HOUSE DO YOU HEAR JIMMY HAVING SEX?
>> ELEPHANT BOY, I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT YOU SAID. IN ABOUT TWO SECONDS JIMMY'S
NETWORK IS GOING TO COLLECTIVELY HANG THEMSELVES. >> Jimmy: WE HAVE ONE MORE
QUESTION. ONE MORE QUESTION FROM ONE OF YOUR FANS.
A LITTLE BIT FARTHER IN THE BACK. YES, SIR, WHAT IS YOUR NAME?
>> MY NAME IS CHUCK SCHUMER OF BROOKLYN. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
>> Jimmy: HOW THE HELL DID CHUCK GET IN THIS ROOM? >> CHUCK'S IN WITH THESE GUYS.
>> HERE'S MY QUESTION TO YOU, HOWARD. YOU WERE BORN IN QUEENS, I WAS
BORN IN BROOKLYN, WE STAYED IN NEW YORK. JIMMY WAS BORN IN BROOKLYN BUT
HE WHO HAVE HAD MOVED TO LAS VE WAS 9. IF HE'D STAYED IN NEW YORK YOU
THINK HE'D HAVE BEEN NICER AND MADE SOMETHING OF HIMSELF? >> SENATOR, I'M GOING TO MAKE A
PREDICT PREDICTION. BY THE WAY, THIS IS A GREAT
SENATOR. HE'S REALLY, REALLY UNBELIEVABLE.
>> THANK YOU. >> I'M NOT ONE OF THOSE PEOPLE THAT IS SO CYNICAL TO THINK THAT
ALL OUR POLITICIANS AREN'T TRYING. I BELIEVE THAT GUY DOES TRY FOR
THE PEOPLE OF NEW YORK. >> THANK YOU. >> Jimmy: THAT'S WHY HE'S PART
OF THE RAT PACK. >> IN FACT, I DIDN'T WANT TO SAY ANYTHING.
NOT ONLY IS HE FOR GAY MARRIAGE, HE'S DATING HIGH PITCH. >> Jimmy: THAT'S BEAUTIFUL,
CONGRATULATIONS. HOWARD STERN, EVERYBODY. LISTEN TO "THE HOWARD STERN
SHOW" ON SIRIUS XM. WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK EXAM! [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
¶ ¶ >> Dicky: EBAY AND DEAN GEL
COGID DAUGHTERS BY BIDDING ON THESE ONE OF A KIND GUITARS. AUTOGRAPHED BY JAY-Z, BILL
MURRAY, MICHAEL J. FOX, BRADLEY COOPER, HOWARD STERN AND MANY MORE.
ALL PROCEEDS FROM THE AUCTION BENEFIT ARTS EDUCATION AT THE BROOKLYN ACADEMY OF
>>> STILL TO COME, PUBLIC ENEMY AND THE NEW YORK METS. PEOPLE ARE SO BUSY IN NEW YORK
BUT IT'S IMPORTANT TO GET YOUR ANNUAL CHECKUP. WE TEAMED UP WITH CIGNA TO GIVE
SOMEONE TIME TO GET CHECKED UP BY HAVING COUSIN SAL TAKE OVER THEIR JOB AND DO IT FOR THEM.
>> Jimmy: HELLO. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU HAD A CHECKUP?
I'M HERE TO TAKE OVER FOR YOU WHILE YOU GET A CHECKUP, OKAY? ALL RIGHT.
YOU'RE GOING TO GO OUT HERE. ALL RIGHT. AND I'M GOING TO DO YOUR JOB.
IT'S GOING TO BE GREAT! GOOD LUCK. WHO LIKES SHOES?
OKAY, I FORGOT WHAT YOU ASKED FOR BUT THESE ARE ALL 10 1/2, TAKE YOUR TIME.
$140 FOR SHOES? NO, I'M NOT GOING TO LET YOU DO THAT, YOU'RE OUT OF CONTROL, GET
OUT OF HERE. SORRY, FOUND A FEW MORE. I LIKE THAT ONE.
¶ >> Sal: TRUST ME, YOU DON'T WANT THESE TOO BIG, YOU'LL GET
BLISTERS. COME ON NOW! HEY, GOOD-LOOKING.
YOU "SHOE" ARE PRETTY! YOU HAVE TO WANT IT, I DON'T
SEE YOU WANTING IT. WE NEED BETTER LIGHT. I ALMOST HAD IT.
HEY, THERE SHE IS. HOW'D IT GO? DID YOU GET CHECKED UP?
>> YEAH, IT'S ALL GOOD. >> Sal: MY WORK IS DONE. AS PAYMENT I'M GOING TO TAKE
THIS RING. ALWAYS WANTED ONE OF THESE. GOOD LUCK!
>> Dicky: CIGNA WANTS EVERYONE IN AMERICA TO SAY AHHH AND GET AN ANNUAL CHECKUP.
LEARN MORE AT CIGNA.COM/TAKECONTROL. >> Jimmy: WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK TO
MEET THE METS! ¶ [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
>> Jimmy: STILL TO COME, MUSIC FROM PUBLIC ENEMY. TWO NIGHTS AGO IN CHICAGO OUR
NEXT GUESTS FINISHED A SPIRITED AND VIGOROUS SWEEP OF THE CUBS TO STRONGARM THEIR WAY TO THE
FIRST WORLD SERIES APPEARANCE FOR METS IN 15 YEARS. PLEASE WELCOME DAVID WRIGHT,
WILMER FLORES, MATT HARVEY AND JACOB DEGROM, YOUR NATIONAL LEAGUE CHAMPION NEW YORK METS.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] ¶ [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
¶
>> Jimmy: THANKS FOR COMING. IT WORKED OUT BEAUTIFULLY FOR YOU GUYS TO BE HERE.
BY THE WAY, I WANT TO SAY, EVERY -- [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
>> Jimmy: IT'S REALLY EXCITING. I FEEL LIKE SINGING ALONG WITH
EVERYONE. WHAT A GREAT YEAR TO BE A METS FAN, REALLY.
I MEAN, WHO THE HELL EXPECTED THIS TO HAPPEN? DID YOU GUYS EXPECT THIS TO
HAPPEN? DID YOU FEEL LIKE YOU HAD A SHOT AT IT?
>> YOU GOTTA BELIEVE. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] >> Jimmy: THE TRUTH IS, WE NEVER
REALLY DO. DO WE? I MEAN, YOU GOTTA BUT YOU DON'T
SOMETIMES. >> NO, FUNNY THING, SPRING TRAINING WE HAD A MEETING ABOUT
WHAT IT WOULD BE LIKE WHEN WE GOT TO THE PLAYOFFS. AND HERE WE ARE.
>> Jimmy: YOU DID? >> WE DID. >> Jimmy: WAS THAT TERRY
COLLINS' IDEA? >> COLLECTIVELY. >> Jimmy: A GROUP IDEA TO HAVE A
MEETING ABOUT THAT. HOW STUPID WOULD YOU FOAL IF YOU'D HAD THAT MEETING AND YOU
WEREN'T IN THE PLAYOFFS? WHEN YOU WERE INJURED AND WATCHING THE TEAM DO WELL, DOES
IT DRIVE YOU CRAZY? ARE YOU HAPPY? IS IT A COMBINATION OF THOSE
THINGS? >> BOTH. I THINK THAT IT'S A -- A
MOTIVATING, DRIVING FORCE. WHEN YOU'RE HURT YOU WANT TO GET BACK AS QUICKLY AS POSSIBLE.
ESPECIALLY WHEN YOU SEE THAT'S GUYS PLAYING AS WELL AS THEY ARE.
>> Jimmy: ONE OF THE MOST AMAZING THINGS TO HAPPEN THIS SEASON IS YOU THOUGHT YOU WERE
TRADED. IT WAS JULY. YOU'RE IN THE MIDDLE OF THE
GAME. YOU THOUGHT YOU'D BEEN TRADED TO MILWAUKEE.
AND YOU WERE UPSET, WHICH WAS REALLY I THINK FOR A LOT OF PEOPLE A REMINDER THAT YOU GUYS
ARE HUMAN BEINGS AND THAT YOU HAVE FEELINGS AND THAT YOU HAVE FRIENDS AND A CITY THAT YOU
LOVE. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] AND THEN I NOTICED THAT -- IN
FACT, I WENT BACK TO WATCHED VIDEOTAPE. I NOTICED THAT DAVID FOLLOWED
YOU INTO THE LOCKER ROOM WHEN YOU CAME OUT OF THE GAME. WHAT DID DAVID SAY TO YOU WHEN
YOU GUYS WENT -- >> YOU KNOW, HE'S BEEN AROUND A LONG TIME.
HE KNOWS WHAT BASEBALL IS ABOUT. YOU KNOW, HE JUST TOLD ME SOME ADVICE.
TRADES HAPPEN, IT'S BECAUSE THE OTHER TEAM WANTS YOU. IT'S A BUSINESS, YOU'VE GOT TO
DEAL WITH IT. YOU KNOW, I DIDN'T WANT TO LEAVE NEW YORK.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] >> Jimmy: BECAUSE YOU'RE HERE, AND REALLY, THIS WOULD NOT HAVE
HAPPENED IF THAT TRADE -- REALLY UNLIKELY. NOTHING AGAINST YOU GUYS.
BUT SIS CESPEDES WOUND UP COMING TO THE TEAM, EVERYTHING FALLING INTO
MACE. DID YOU KNOW THERE'S A HALLOWEEN COSTUME THAT IS --
>> I GOT TOLD THAT TODAY. >> Jimmy: YOU DID GET TOLD THAT TODAY?
>> A COUPLE TOLD ME. >> Jimmy: I DON'T KNOW WHAT THE WEBSITE IS.
IF YOU WANT TO DRESS LIKE JACOB deGROM. >> THAT'S THE FIRST TIME I'VE
SEEN IT. >> Jimmy: I WANTED TO POINT OUT BEFORE THEY NAMED IT AFTER YOU
IT WAS CALLED -- SEE HERE IN THE CORNER -- THE BRUNETTE SEDUCTRESS.
[ LAUGHTER ] YOU DON'T GET A PIECE OF THIS, DO YOU?
>> NO, I DON'T GET A PIECE OF THAT. >> Jimmy: MATT, YOU'RE 2-0 IN
THE PLAYOFFS. WILL YOU BE THE GUY -- WILL YOU BE THE GUY TO HIT CHASE UTLEY
WITH A BALL? SOMEBODY STILL HAS TO PENALIZE HIM.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] >> I THINK IT'S ALREADY HAPPENED ONCE.
>> Jimmy: YEAH. >> HAPPENING AGAIN -- >> Jimmy: IT WOULD BE GREAT.
MAYBE IN THE OFFSEASON WE CAN ALL GET TOGETHER AND DO THIS. WAIT FOR HIM TO COME OUT OF HIS
HOUSE AND NAIL HIM WITH ONE. YOU GUYS ARE ENJOYING YOURSELVES?
WAS THERE A BIG CELEBRATION AFTER YOU GUYS BEAT THE CUBS? >> BIG CELEBRATION.
>> Jimmy: HOW BIG WAS THE CELEBRATION? I HOPE IT WASN'T TOO BIG.
>> IT WAS A BIG CELEBRATION. >> Jimmy: IT WAS A BIG CELEBRATION?
CAN WE SHOW THE VIDEO? THERE'S ONE THING I REALLY WOULD LIKE TO ASK YOU GUYS.
ALL THIS MASS TICK THAT GOES UP. WHEN YOU GUYS WIN THE WORLD SERIES -- YEAH, I DID SAY WHEN
YOU WIN THE WORLD SERIES. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] DON'T WEAR THE GOGGLES.
IT LOOKS LIKE THE SKI PATROL IS HAVING A NEW YEAR'S EVE PARTY. TEAR THE PLASTIC DOWN AND
DESTROY THE LOCKER ROOM. THAT'S WHAT A CELEBRATION IS SUPPOSED TO BE.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] >> TWO THINGS. ONE, I NEVER WEAR GOGGLES
BECAUSE YOU'VE GOSS TO EARN THE BURN. CHAMPAGNE BURNS WHEN IT GETS IN
YOUR EYES. TWO, OUR CLOTHES ARE BEHIND THAT.
>> Jimmy: DON'T WORRY ABOUT YOUR CLOTHES, THEY'LL GET YOU KNEW CLOTHES.
I WANT THAT LOCKER ROOM UNFIT FOR HUMAN LIFE WHEN YOU GUYS ARE DONE.
I'M GOING TO BE WATCHING. >> WE WIN THE WORLD SERIES, IT WILL.
>> Jimmy: I THREW OUT THE FIRST PITCH BEFORE GAME TWO, WILL I GET A WORLD SERIES RING?
>> WAS IT A GOOD PITCH? I DON'T REMEMBER. >> Jimmy: IT WAS A REALLY GOOD
PITCH. >> HAVE YOU GOT REPLAY? >> Jimmy: YOU SHOULD HAVE FELT
THE HEAT OF PRESSURE, OF COMPETITION ON YOU. IT WAS A BEAUTIFUL PITCH, YOU
WEREN'T WATCHING? I HAD THE IDEA THAT SPURRED YOU TO VICTORY BUT I GUESS NOT.
>> THAT'S WHY EVERYBODY CAME TO THE PARK? >> Jimmy: MAYBE NOT WHY THEY
CAME BUT IT'S WHY THEY STAYED FOR SURE. IT'S VERY GOOD TO SEE YOU GUYS.
THANK YOU SO MUCH. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] >> Jimmy: I HOPE TO SEE YOU
AGAIN. THE NEW YORK METS, EVERYBODY! THE WORLD SERIES STARTS TUESDAY
NIGHT ON FOX. WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH PUBLIC ENEMY.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] ¶
>> Dicky: MUSIC IN BROOKLYN ON "JIMMY KIMMEL LIVE" IS BROUGHT TO YOU BY SMEAR NOVEMBER,
EXCLUSIVELY FOR EVERYBODY. BRING RESPONSIBLY. >> Jimmy: THANK TO HOWARD STERN
AND THE METS. APOLOGIES TO MATT DAMON, WE DID RUN OUT OF TIME.
I THANK EVERYONE TO CAME TO SEE US IN BROOKLYN. WE'LL MISS YOU TERRIBLY.
THANES TO OUR LOCAL CREW, THANKS TO OUR GREAT CREW FROM BACK HOME.
IT WAS A LOT OF FUN AND WE WILL BE BACK TO WORK IN HOLLYWOOD MONDAY.
"NIGHTLINE" IS NEXT BUT FIRST, THIS IS THEIR ALBUM "MAN PLANS GOD LAUGHS" HERE TO SLAM THE
DOOR SHUT, PUBLIC ENEMY! [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] ¶ 1989
THE NUMBER ANOTHER SUMMER GET DOWN ¶ ¶ SOUND OF THE FUNKY DRUMMER
MUSIC HITTIN' YOUR HEART 'CAUSE I KNOW YOU GOT SOUL BROTHERS AND SISTERS ¶
¶ LISTEN IF YOU'RE MISSIN' Y'ALL SWINGIN' WHILE I'M SINGIN' ¶E ¶
GIVIN' WHATCHA GETTIN' KNOWIN' WHAT I KNOW WHILE THE BLACK
BANDS SWEATIN' ¶ ¶ AND THE RHYTHM RHYMES ROLLIN' ¶
¶ GOT TO GIVE US WHAT WE WANT GOTTA GIVE US WHAT WE NEED ¶
¶ OUR FREEDOM OF SPEECH IS FREEDOM OR DEATH WE GOT TO FIGHT THE POWERS
THAT BE ¶ ¶ FIGHT THE POWER FIGHT THE POWER
FIGHT THE POWER ¶ ¶ FIGHT THE POWER FIGHT THE POWER
FIGHT THE POWER ¶ ¶ WE GOT TO FIGHT THE POWER THAT BE ¶
¶ AS THE RHYTHM DESIGNED TO BOUNCE WHAT COUNTS IS THAT THE RHYMES
DESIGNED TO FILL YOUR MIND ¶ ¶ NOW THAT YOU'VE REALIZED THE PRIDES ARRIVED
WE GOT TO PUMP THE STUFF TO MAKE US TOUGH ¶ ¶ FROM THE HEART
IT'S A START A WORK OF ART ¶ ¶ TO REVOLUTIONIZE
MAKE A CHANGE NOTHIN'S STRANGE ¶ ¶ PEOPLE PEOPLE
WE ARE THE SAME ¶ ¶ NO WE'RE NOT THE SAME CAUSE WE DON'T KNOW THE GAME
YOU SAY WHAT IS THIS ¶ ¶ MY BELOVED LETS GET DOWN TO BUSINESS
MENTAL SELF DEFENSIVE FITNESS BUM RUSH THE SHOW ¶ ¶ YOU GOTTA GO
FOR WHAT YOU KNOW MAKE EVERYBODY SEE ¶ ¶ IN ORDER TO FIGHT
THE POWERS THAT BE ¶ [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] ¶
¶ DAMN DAMN MAN MAN LAUGHS AT GODS PLAN GOD LAUGHS AT MAN'S TRASH
MAN PLANS GOD LAUGHS ¶ ¶ LET IT BE WHAT IT IS FIGHT THE POWER
FOR THE KIDS ¶ WHO DON'T KNOW YOU MAY ASK YOURSELF
FIGURED OUT ¶ ¶ BAD NEWS IS BAD NEWS THE DAMN PLAN
GOT YOU CONFUSED ¶ ¶ HOOD NEWS NO GOOD NEWS
GHETTOBURBS SEE 'EM AS VIEWS ¶ ¶ AM I A RADICAL
AM I A RADICAL AM I A RADICAL AM I A RADICAL ¶
¶ AM I A RADICAL AM I A RADICAL AM I A RADICAL
AM I A RADICAL ¶ ¶ AM I A RADICAL AM I A PACIFIST
AM I SCARED TO FIGHT AIN'T ASKIN YOU ¶ ¶ AM I GROWN
DO I STAND UP AM I OWNED ¶ ¶ LET IT BE SPEAKING WORDS
BUT NO WISDOM MAKE 'EM DUMB DAMN THE PLAN THAT MAN MADE THREW THE MONKEY WRENCH ¶
¶ PRAISE THEIR FAVS WHAT THEY GAVE GET ATTENTION NOWADAYS ¶
¶ IT'S THE WAY THEY GET PAID TO GET SAVED PRAY TO A STAGE ¶ ¶ DO IT FOR THE CULTURE
DO IT FOR THE YOUTH ¶ ¶ DO IT FOR THE CULTURE DO IT FOR THE YOUTH ¶
¶ DO IT FOR THE CULTURE
DO IT FOR THE YOUTH ¶ ¶ AM I A RADICAL AM I A PACIFIST
AM I SCARED TO FIGHT AIN'T ASKIN YOU ¶ ¶ AM I GROWN
DO I STAND UP AM I OWNED ¶ ¶ BE THE CHANGE
YOU WANNA SEE AND WANNA BE LET IT BE ¶
¶ REVOLUTION WHAT IT IS BRING THE NOISE '89 ANOTHER SUMMER
WE TO ME WE TO ME ¶ ¶ '89 ANOTHER SUMMER WE TO ME WE TO ME ¶
¶ DO IT FOR THE YOUTH DO IT FOR THE YOUTH ¶ ¶ DO IT FOR THE YOUTH
DO IT FOR THE YOUTH ¶
¶ HIT ME GO GO YO YO ¶ ¶ GO GO GO GO GO GO GO GO
COME ON BROOKLYN ¶ ¶ GO FLAVOR GO FLAVOR GO FLAVOR ¶
¶ GOING GOING GONE ¶ ¶ NOW I DIALED 911 A LONG TIME AGO
DON'T YOU SEE HOW LATE THEY'RE REACTIN' ¶ ¶ THEY ONLY COME AND
THEY COME WHEN THEY WANNA SO GET THE MORGUE EMBALM THE GONER ¶
¶ THEY DON'T CARE 'CAUSE THEY STAY PAID ANYWAY THEY TEACH YA LIKE AN ACE
THEY CAN'T BE BETRAYED ¶ ¶ I KNOW YOU STUMBLE WITH NO USE PEOPLE
IF YOUR LIFE IS ON THE LINE THEY YOU'RE DEAD TODAY ¶ ¶ LATE COMINGS WITH
THE LATE COMIN' STRETCHER THAT'S A BODY BAG IN DISGUISE Y'ALL BETCHA ¶
¶ I CALL 'EM BODY SNATCHERS QUICK THEY COME TO FETCH YA ¶ WITH AN AUTOPSY AMBULANCE
JUST TO DISSECT YA ¶ ¶ THEY ARE THE KINGS 'CAUSE THEY SWING AMPUTATION
LOSE YOUR ARMS YOUR LEGS TO THEM IT'S COMPILATION ¶ ¶ I CAN PROVE IT TO YOU
WATCH THE ROTATION IT ALL ADDS UP TO A FUNKY SITUATION ¶
¶ SO GET UP GET GET GET DOWN 911 IS A JOKE IN YO TOWN ¶
¶ GET UP GET GET GET DOWN LATE 911
WEARS THE LATE CROWN ¶ ¶ SO GET UP GET GET GET DOWN
911 IS A JOKE IN YO TOWN ¶ ¶ GET UP GET GET GET DOWN
LATE 911 WEARS THE LATE CROWN ¶ ¶ ALL RIGHT BROOKLYN WHAT'S THE
NAME OF THE SONG ¶ ¶ WHAT'S THE NAME OF THE SONG BROOKLYN ONE, TWO ¶
¶ EVERYDAY THEY DON'T NEVER COME CORRECT YOU CAN ASK MY MAN RIGHT
HERE WITH THE BROKEN NECK ¶ ¶ HE'S A WITNESS TO THE JOB NEVER BEIN' DONE
HE WOULD'VE BEEN IN FULL IN 8-9-11 ¶ ¶ WAS A JOKE 'CAUSE
THEY ALWAYS JOKIN' ¶ NO WHOA NO WHOA ¶ ¶ THEY NEED TO BE
IN A PAWN SHOP ON A 911 IS A JOKE WE DON'T WANT 'EM ¶
¶ I CALL A CAB 'CAUSE A CAB WILL COME QUICKER THE DOCTORS HUDDLE UP
AND CALL A FLEA FLICKER ¶ ¶ THE REASON THAT I SAY THAT 'CAUSE THEY
FLICK YOU OFF LIKE FLEAS ¶ ¶ THEY BE LAUGHIN' AT YA WHILE YOU'RE CRAWLIN'
ON YOUR KNEES ¶ ¶ GET UP GET DOWN ¶ ¶ EVERYBODY GET UP GET UP GET
GET GET DOWN ¶ ¶ EVERYBODY GET UP GET UP GET GET GET DOWN ¶
¶ GET UP AND GET DOWN LATE 911 WHERE'S THE LATE CROWD ¶