I like my ring, and it came...
from Mike's heart which is really good...
And I don't think you really have one.
I do have one.
And... and it belongs to you...
Mike, I just need you to back up...
All the way to... taking my ring back?
I love you, Mrs. McNamara.
The key for s'mores is getting the perfect proportion...
between the chocolate bar to a...
graham cracker...
- Look at that. - Nice.
You marry a woman you don't even know,
who tries to kill you.
I don't need a lecture.
Well, tell us what you don't like about yourself, Mrs. Pierce.
Well, I guess the fact that I'm not perfect.
Well, who is?
Barbie.
Is Barbie a friend of yours?
Well, I've worshiped her since I was a little girl...
- You mean the doll. - Uh, she's more than a doll.
Barbie and Ken are the synthetic embodiment...
of the ideal post-modern couple.
Not to mention they've been together...
for 50 years, never aging, just...
... changing outfits.
Of course, he doesn't have a penis,
and she...
- doesn't have anything. - Because they've made the...
ultimate monogamous commitment.
A sex-free relationship.
Well, this is all very interesting,
but, uh... why exactly are you here?
Show them, Skip.
Skip had his nipples removed,...
one less erogenous zone for him to think about.
And now, we'd like you to remove mine.
Look, we're not crazy, ok? We both very successful realtors.
Even in this market, we sold more houses last year than...
any other team in west Los Angeles...
- All the time. - All the time...
- It's like... it's like... - It doesn't stop...
big gumdrops on my... it's embarrassing.
I mean I would like to know what it's...
like to have someone look me in the eye...
- for once. - She has a beautiful mind...
- Thank you. - You too, honey.
So, how did you two meet?
Oh. Well... uh, we met at the...
national doll collectors convention...
in San Diego 5 years ago...
We've both been obsessed with Barbie and Ken...
Obsessed...
since we were little kids, and...
we just want to take one more step...
to... becoming more like them. That's all.
It's evolution.
So, what if the two of you split up?
How would you explain these...
modifications to your new partners?
We've both had tons of sexual relationsips...
Tons.
And they always ended up being...
about ownership and exclusivity,...
not about love.
Eliminating sex allows us to really relate.
We get to see each other outside of our own selfish demands.
Think about it.
If Barbie and Ken had been able to have sex,...
do you really think their marriage would have lasted 50 years?
Excuse me. Can you tell me where I might find a Dr. McNamara?
I have a package for him.
You found him. Just put it right here on the desk, please.
Sign here, please.
Thank you, Doctor.
You're welcome.
Aren't you gonna open it?
Okay.
Ok, what uh...
Uh... what is this?
Hold on a second.
What are you doing?
Helping you with your package.
Hey, Sean, your 2 o'clock...
Mrs. Cox, please...
We can still fit you in.
Thank you. I think I've seen enough.
Did you want to finish?
Finish what?
Who are you?
Where did you come from?
Boy, you are grumpy.
No wonder Dr. Troy wanted me to cheer you up.
Did you have anything to do with this?
Is she still here? I didn't get a chance...
to see her in person, but the agency...
told me she was a 10.
What the hell are you doing, calling...
a stripper to the office?
A stripper? Sean, I wouldn't do that to you.
She's a hooker...
- You bought me a prostitute? - Of course I did...
What the hell's wrong with you?
You've been wallowing in misery...
ever since Julia took the kids to New York.
I was just trying to make you feel better.
Cheap sex is not what I need right now.
In fact, I'm not interested in...
any kind of sex right now.
I'm thinking about taking a break...
- A break from sex. - What's' wrong with that?
Well, nothing, if you want to be a priest...
or just wallow in your mid-life...
- self-pitying crisis bullshit. - It is not 'self-pity,...
- It's self-preservation, ok? - Alright.
The last time I jumped into bed with...
someone after Julia, I wound up with Teddy.
And after that, with some...
drug addict stabbing me in the leg.
Which is why I thought I should pick this time.
Alright?
You know...
maybe Tracy...
had a point.
More often than not, sex ruins relationships.
And that's what messed up me and Julia his time.
That's what's complicated almost every relationship I've ever had.
I appreciate your concern for me.
Next time put it in a card.
Thank you...
- Oh, I ate too much.
Oh, thanks for the surprise tonight, sweetie...
- Ok? I'll call you later. - Wait. Honestly.
Have I gained weight since we started dating?
Sweetheart, you look fantastic. Trust me,...
Gotta go.
I am a little freaked out about this.
I mean, just answer me honestly.
Do I need to start smoking again?
Kimber.
Christian...
- Yes'. - This is' my friend Lola.
Hey.
So, uh... you two go wait in my office.
I'll be in in a second.
She's got a problem. Ok? Not you.
Sometimes I feel that's how I look.
So,...
you're uh... Lola...
- Wolad... - Wlodkowski.
Wlodkowski...
- What are you grinning at? - I'm just...
I'm just real happy for you. Is that so bad?
Happy for what?
You know...
He's a bit of an idiot, but he is a very good surgeon...
- Ok. - We're friends. Lola is not gay.
Me? No. Please.
I am a card-carrying hetero.
Although... Liz would be the first girl
I'd call if I was so inclined.
Yeah, we met at Adam and Eve's.
I've been going there since I was a kid.
The nudist camp?
Lizzie.
Who knew?
I was looking for something to help me love myself again...
after my divorce.
Sure...
- So, how can we help you? - She needs her moles removed.
I noticed them at the pool, and she came over to me...
- all on her high horse, gonna tell me that...
Yeah, well, she was staring,
which we do not we do.
But it's common with the nubees.
They get all distracted by genitals...
and... all the bare flesh.
In any case, I told her that you would...
removed them with no scar and that...
you would have give her a significant discount...
because she has no insurance.
Of course. You know that any...
friend of Lizzie's is a friend of ours.
In fact, because you're such a good friend, we'll just...
throw in some free lipo...
- You mean to make me skinny? - Um hmm.
You know...
I just figured, you know, you're walking around nude all the time.
Maybe you just want to streamline your silhouette a little bit...
- Oh, my God. - I didn't mean any...
No, I am not insulted, Liz, not insulted.
He is just a victim of his self-loathing, really.
Thanks, Doctor. But um...
I'll pass on the lipo. I'm fine with the way I am...
Ok.
You know, maybe you should come...
up to Adam and Eve sometime.
People discover all sorts of things about themselves.
It's hard to keep the secrets when you're naked.
Alright
I have no problem getting naked.
Oh, well, social nudity is something else.
It requires dropping facades and pretentions.
You've never had a really big woman,
have you, Doc?
Do I make you nervous?
Nervous? No. I...
Not a bit.
You're quite a lotta gal, Lola.
Not too much gal for you?
Now, some men just aren't ready for me...
and I am not just talking about the pounds.
Hey, you two...
Is it time to get a room?
Uh... no.
But I think it's time we took a look at those moles.
Mrs. Pierce...
before we get started, I'd like...
you to look over these consent forms.
It's to remind you that this is an elective surgery...
and you're aware of risks.
Skip already told me what to expect. I'm not concerned.
I'm excited, actually.
Now, are you planning to have kids?
Because if you're hoping to breastfeed...
Oh, I can't have children. Ken and Barbie never did, so...
Of course.
If you would open your robe?
And you promise there won't be scarring?
Ah, yeah.
Um, that's why I want to put you under anesthesia
Z-plasties will stop any keloids from forming.
Stop trying to impress me with the details, Dr. Sexy...
I just want to know I get my body back.
If you want to get your body back, try...
20 minutes on the treadmill every day.
Those gerbil wheels? Please.
I get enough exercise in the bedroom,
thank you very much.
You don't glow like this if you're not...
having great sex five times a week.
Believe you me...
- That tickles. - Sorry.
That's ok. I've always been sensitive.
Well, dermal nerve networks and concentrations...
of tissue around the ducts along with...
minute hair follicles in...
the areola itself, all contribute...
to the area's hypersensitivity.
Which is a fancy way of saying...
your nipples... Our...
nipples were designed for pleasure.
Well, you've never worn a bra before.
They have seen their share of pleasure...
over the years.
It'll be a relief to have them gone.
So you're not really interested in sex anymore?
Let me tell you something. When you...
don't have to worry abot it anymore...
you realize how much more there is to life.
I thought being nudist wasn't about having sex all the time.
It's not. I'm talking about my life outside the fold.
Really?
So between that and doing life...
you basically never have your clothes on.
Well... it is how God made us.
Some are better than others, huh?
Sorry to be blunt, Lola.
You're not my type.
You go for the more shallow, superficial dates.
You poor man.
You have no idea what you're missing, do you?
Don't you worry about what you'll be missing?...
- Sex wise? - Yeah.
I mean, it's not like it's a big mystery anymore.
Two people kiss... tongues touch...
hands rub the same parts...
Maybe they pinch and grab...
Maybe they smack an ass cheek or two...
Someone gets hard, someone gets wet,
you trade some fluids...
then it's all about the in and the out,
and the up and the down...
Someone screams, 'Oh, baby, yes' or 'Oh, God, please' and then...
Poof.
It's done.
Yeah, you put it like that, I guess I see your point.
Trust me. I'm celebate...
and I've never been happier.
That was the best orgasm I've ever had.
Liz is going to put you into uh... twilight.
Mmm.
That sounds delightful.
Yeah. And no scars, I promise. I'm good at that.
You're good at a lot of things.
I'd put you in the top 6 or 7 percentile.
Just say it.
I'm a scumbag, pussy-crazed dog, and I should be shot.
Get over yourself. I'm not your priest.
This woman is a force of...
nature, you know that? I mean...
she don't take no for an answer.
Yeah. Well, as usual... you got it wrong.
I am delighted.
What? That I had sex with a fat chick?
No, because you couldn't get to her.
You're right.
You know what? You could take a page out of her book.
She and living proof that beauty is not...
everything. You know what I'm saying?
I mean, it's how you feel on the inside...
- Right? - Wait.
You do something shitty and then you rub my face in it?
And because I don't fall apart, you give...
me a lecture on what's wrong with me?
You're an idiot, you know that.
Send these to Pathology.
You're right, I was out of line.
Yeah, well save it for someone...
who cares... the other idiot, Kimber.
She actually believes that the two of you are gonna...
walk into the monogamous... Ken and Barbie sunset together.
God bless her.
Oh my God... seriously?
I'm... I'm gonna wet myself. Look at this.
Fiber...
Hoodia...
Appetite suppressants...
Oh, yeah, here. This and my favorite one...
This sucks the fats out of the food...
and then leaks it out of your colon.
I have been killing myself to stay a size 0...
while you're off discovering your inner chubby chaser.
She wasn't... all that fat.
Oh honey, I saw her. You needed MapQuest to find her vagina.
But what you don't understand is... this is great.
Like, I'm happy. I can finally just... relax.
We... now I know...
we're still gonna be having sex when we're old and fat...
- Where you going?
I'm gonna go raid your freezer because...
I swear I saw some Cherry Garcia in there and I've never had it.
Come on, baby...
dive into your diva.
Timber... here comes Kimber.
Left...
Are you watching?
Wait... hold... hang... hang on, stop.
It... I'm sorry, it hurts me.
Alright, I'll get two spoons and fudge sauce, I'll be right back.
Stay right here, I'll be right back.
-I promise. -Take your time.
Found it.
Wow, this is really good. Here.
I've got you a spoon.
Come on. Let's get fat.
You two seem very happy together.
Of course. He's my fantasy come true.
Wouldn't you be?
Honey, I'm home.
Darling. Let me get that for you.
You had a hard day, come in and relax.
What's that smell?
I made your favorite... roast chicken.
Leg or breast tonight, honey?...
- How about both? - Oh, you're so silly...
- Are you okay? - Huh? Oh, fine.
Just tired.
I understand, let's go to bed...
- 'Night. - 'Night.
Oh, your hand...
- It's so soft. - It's my new lotion.
Honey, what if we push the beds together tonight?
We've never done that before. Something wrong, Sean?
I was talking with Christian at the office today...
and he mentioned something to me about blowjobs.
And well... it sounded like fun.
You mean putting your penis in my mouth?...
- Isn't that sex? - Not from what I understand.
I thought we should try it.
Okay, as long as it's not sex.
I guess you should pull down your pants first...
What?
No wonder we've never done this before...
Look.
Are you okay?
Fine.
I hope he's happy.
She's a perfect doll now...
- Have you seen my patient? - Ah, yeah.
I saw way too much.
She said her stomach was grumbling.
Oh, Jesus...
You'll blind someone.
Do you have a pannini press? 'cause I...
would kill for a grilled ham and cheese.
This is not your personal feeding trough,
and it's not Adam and Eve either. Here.
Put this on, until I find you a tent.
Well I'm... sorry. I just... I'm so used to being in the buff...
Yeah, well we don't need to see your flabby flesh around here.
Oh, I guess you thought you were dreaming when...
we humped like bunnies in your exam room?
Bunnies? I remember riding an elephant.
And then I got stuck in an overgrown bush.
Why would I give a shit what...
you think? You're just a shallow asshole...
whose in denial of the fact that...
some day you're gonna wake up and...
be fat, sagging and ugly.
I am an asshole, and maybe one day I...
will wake up fat, saggy and ugly.
But right now, I am embracing beauty.
And beauty is happiness, beauty is power...
beauty is confidence.
And don't tell me you don't agree..
It's time to go back to the watering hole,
hungry hippo.
You... are checking out..
Yeah?...
- You got a sec? - Yeah. Actually, I was just...
thinking about coming over to apologize.
Um... I was...
was harsh, and... and you didn't deserve it, and...
I had a... a really fun time with you.
Ok, enough.
I liked you better when you were honest.
Do you like being called a hippo?
It was interesting...
Bracing.
And then uh...
it made me see something.
I screwed up.
Why?
Well, half the battle with self-acceptance is...
acting as if you feel it even when you don't.
And I have become a really good actress.
I have all the right words, and the right moves and...
it works most of the time...
but... every now and then, I want to crawl away and hide.
Like...
when I... get a bad crush on a guy...
and... I know I'm never gonna be in the running.
That's when I do something bold and defiant.
Like walking around the office naked?
Yeah.
Look, I am not stupid and I'm not blind.
I'm just a gorgeous, sexy woman who's trapped in a fat body.
And I was raised to think that it's...
a sin to love myself... .
any other way but the way I am.
Please, you're not gonna turn into...
some self-hating person now, are you?
I want to know what it feels like... not to pretend I don't...
care about what people think.
I am tired of...
working so hard at this self-acceptance.
So, be honest with me.
What will it take? Lipo or... a tummy tuck?
Both.
I didn't think you'd be out of bed so soon.
Oh, look.
I've never been able to do this before.
No more gumdrops. Smooth.
Just like Barbie now.
Want to have a seat on the bed? I'll check those stitches.
You did such great work.
I can't wait for Skip to see them. He's going to love them.
Yeah.
What's wrong? I didn't pull a stitch or anything, did... ?
No, no, no. The surgery's fine. It's just...
What?
I spent my whole career trying to make...
women's breasts look more attractive...
youthful... so their husbands or boyfriends will notice them again.
And here you are with this perfect, natural set, and...
you're happy because I've completely desexualized you.
It's okay if you do not understand.
Most people don't.
Well, I think I do understand...
- And... I think it is very sad. - What are you talking about?
I had a moment where I imagined what...
it would be like to give up sex...
to have that kind of relationship when...
you don't touch each other, and it...
It what?
It isn't natural.
You're not just denying the act of sex...
You're denying intimacy, passion...
Skip and I are intimate.
We just...
choose not to be physical about it.
But how can you choose to give up that...
feeling you get when your skin...
makes contact with someone else's and that charge just...
runs through your whole body, like...
every nerve inside you just caught fire.
I mean, the way you described it...
hands grabbing, smacking...
That's about passion, fire.
And you're not trying to catch your breath.
You are trying to inhale someone else's.
And it's complicated... it's messy...
But I say every minute of the pleasure is worth...
the pain it might bring later...
because nothing on this Earth...
can make two people feel that good.
Lizzie, would you give me a break.
Lola, came to me and asked me for lipo.
You reduced a strong, proud woman into a self-loathing wallflower.
No, I did not. All I did was help her open open eyes.
You didn't help her out, Christian.
You broke her will...
- I did not. - And why?
All because you're not man enough...
to admit that you had a mind boggling orgasm with a fat girl.
And you discovered someone who has beauty on...
the inside and it scared you, and why?
Because you, underneath that shell...
that handsome shell, is nothing.
And the only thing you can...
do to make yourself feel better,...
is pull people down into your own personal little hell...
- Ok, feel better? - Yeah, I feel better...
Okay.
And you know what? Even better yet.
I'm not doing the surgery.
- Hi, Liz. - Hey, Jack...
- Liz. - Hi Javier...
- Liz... - Hi... Hi, Kyle.
Lizzie is throwing another fit.
We need to find another replacement...
What's going on?
Nothing. It's gonna be fine. Don't you worry.
Lola?
Hey, guys.
What are you doing here?
Saving your beautiful ass. Take that gown off because...
we're taking you out of here.
What the hell are you doing here? You can't come in here.
Get the hell out of here.
Alright, you put the scalpel down and nobody gets hurt.
You're kidnapping her?
Plastic surgery steals a person's humanity.
Look, fellas, I... I just want to shed a few pounds.
We won't let you do this.
We love you exactly the way you are.
Hey, if you want to keep ignoring the world we live in, be my guest.
That's the difference between us, doctor.
We don't live in your world.
We live someplace happier.
I'm sorry.
Are you sure they never make any mistakes on these biopsies?
Look, it's not a death sentence. We can...
remove the tumor, get rid of all the...
tissue surrounding it so that the...
melanoma cells are gone.
We can... do chemo, follow up by radiation.
We?
You can beat this.
I did.
Chemo...
Well, that could be the best diet ever, right?
I'll be a thin girl yet.
My mother would be so proud.
Beautiful on the outside...
scarred and cancerous on the inside.
Lola, you're beautiful.
You will always be beautiful, cancer or no cancer.
You're pathetic.
I didn't know you were gonna be home so soon...
You weren't supposed to see that.
Yeah, well I did...
I can clean up after myself.
No, that's fine. It'll stop me from strangling you.
I just wanted to try some of the things...
that I've always been afraid to eat.
Don't tell me that's the first time...
you shoved your fingers down your throat.
No, it's not, but it's the first time
I've had pepperoni pizza...
Listen, just explain something to me.
Is this little experiment over or not? Ok?
Because I don't do fat, and I don't do...
whatever the hell it was in there when...
you were throwing up, alright?
which night I come home. Understand?
You know, when I was in there, I was thinking...
that...
I truly hate myself.
And... it's the reason why I always go back to you,
Christian, is because you hate me the best...
and, for some reason, it just feels right.
What the hell are you talking about?
Go to brush your teeth. Get some mints.
I have.
Look at me.
Turn around and look at me.
Why are you with me, Christian? You think I'm stupid.
You think I am a slut. You think I'm pathetic.
It's so clear to me now.
You hate yourself like I do.
And that's why you always come back to me...
because you think I am all you deserve.
You were wrong about the stupid part.
That was pretty smart.
Now go get dressed.
I need some dinner.
So we'll put that on the books and see you next week.
And, again, thank you for understanding...
about that silly little office prank.
Yes. Well, now that I've met you, I can see...
you're not the type to engage in that sort of thing.
Bye.
Dr. McNamara.
I need to talk to you.
Skip. Uh...
I'm very busy right now.
If you'd ike to make an appointment...
Tracy told me what happened.
Um...
Let's step into my office.
I'm not upset.
In fact, I'm...
I couldn't be more relieved.
I wanted to thank you...
- Thank me. - Yeah.
It was bound to happen to one of us, sooner or later,...
and I'm glad it finally did because...
it... it helped me to finally deal with who I really am.
You mean you don't want to pretend that you're a doll anymore?
No. No, no, I still see myself as a model of Ken.
No, I meant that I can...
finally admit that I'm gay.
Joe,
would you like to meet the doctor?
Nice to meet you, sir.
Joe's been a 'Don't ask, don't tell'...
member on the army since '97.
And... an avid doll enthusiast like myself.
Skip and I have known each other for years...
only we could never admit how we really felt.
Now that we're together...
we're gonna explore the new postmodern...
version of a real relationship.
One that makes sense for us.
You mean...
- between Ken and G.I. Joe? - See? I told you he'd get it.
Don't tell me you're here to have your nipples removed.
No, no, no. Calf implants...
'Anatomically correct' is our motto.
Wow.
- Nice pad. - Do you like it?
You really live the life, huh?...
- Do you want something to drink? - I would love a drink.
Hey. Hi, Sean.
That's Kimber.
Looks like you're having fun.
Oh, yeah. Someone back there is getting a little hungry.
Hey, Sean.
Tracy, what are you doing here?
I love your Malibu Beach house.
It could use some color, but it's really quite lovely.
I'm sorry about Skip.
No, you're not.
Neither am I.
I just can't believe I couldn't see who he was really was...
even with all the pink cardigans and perfect hair.
Kimmy, won't all that sugar make me fat?
Oh, God, no. This is for Christian.
But I'm gonna get you some ice cubes.
- But I don't have any nipples. - Well, you have a lot to learn.
The body has thousands of sensitive spots...
and we're just gonna have to work to find yours.
Strawberries.
Come on, ladies, ladies. Come on.
Gabfest is over.
Sean... how's it hanging, baby?
You're beautiful, ladies. Ready to get back to business?
Keep those strawberries chilled.
What's Tracy doing here?
I'm sorry, buddy, but two Barbies are...
better than one. You know what I'm saying?...
Don't I know you from somewhere?
I'm the delivery girl from last week.
I love hookers. Right?
You can pay 'em to be whoever you want 'em to be.
Have fun.
Ladies. Ha ha ha.
Who do you want to be, Sean?
You know...
Tonight I think you should just be yourself.
Maybe it's you who wants to be somebody else.
I've 'done it that way too before...
- Ok. - Good.
So, who do you want to be?
I don't know.
Someone else.
Subtitles by 'Ladyhawk'
[addic7ed] corrected by chamallow35
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