Hey guys, it's Kei from Asian Boss.
Previously, Asian Boss had a video called
"Do Japanese guys like dumb girls?",
which was highlighting a social trend in Japan of Japanese guys
preferring girls that are dumber than them.
While we did interview many Japanese people,
we wanted to dig into this issue deeper.
We wanted to find out how this mindset
affects Japanese women when it comes to saying their own opinions.
Today is going to be a panel discussion
and we have our friends who have been educated both in Japan and
also have lived overseas, too.
- This is Ami. - Hi.
- This is Mari. - Hi.
- And this is Yuka. - Hey.
I'm gonna show you a part of the video that we've made previously,
and then we're gonna get to the discussion.
So what do you think about the video?
Sad...
Sad?
Insulting.
Insulting?
And I think the majority actually do believe with this idea.
In Japan, the custom is,
"guys need to be strong,
and girls need to just obey them".
Right, but does that actually mean that girls have to act dumb?
But acting dumb, kind of,
helps guys lead the situation, right?
If the girl is dumb,
he's going to be like,
"Oh you don't know, let me help you",
"Oh let me do this/that for you".
And they will have more confidence in themselves.
And I don't know if "dumb" is the right way to express it,
it might be like holding their opinions,
not like being silly or anything.
but you know,
even though they know something about it,
they might just pretend that they don't know.
Do you feel that Japanese men are threatened by females?
I definitely do think so.
- Insecure. - Insecure?
Yes, that'd...
be a better term, I guess.
I mean...Japanese people in general...
regardless of their gender...
they're not really confident about themselves.
And then in Japanese culture, there's also certain expectation towards guys
that they should be, like,
better or superior to girls.
For example,
I graduated from Waseda University,
and when I tell people about that,
people will be like, "Oh, you're from Waseda",
then you know... they don't talk to me, they stop talking to me.
In Japanese society if you're smarter,
or you went to a better university than the other guy for example,
they will be taken back a bit.
Exactly.
When I was in collage, I went to a bar with some friends,
guys would talk to us, right? And then
we're all from the same university.
And then, you know... I went to a pretty good university in Tokyo.
And then if I say the name, people would know.
Guys are like "are you guys still students?", we're like "yeah".
And then they're like "Where do you go?",
and then we'd just say it.
And then guys are like,
"oh, OK, um... have a good night!"
you know.
Yeah, yeah, exactly.
Really?
That happens, yes!
And then I was so sick of it,
so one night,
I decided that I was gonna act dumb.
Because I knew.
Just like the video.
Because I know guys would like it.
So I was at the bar with friends,
and we were like "we're gonna say that we're from some women's university".
They were like, OK, good.
We made all the plans,
and they were like so where did you guys go?
"Ah... I go to like this university,
it's a women's college".
The guys were like "that's cool",
and we were talking for 30 minutes.
And the guys are like,
"Are you really sure you're from that university?"
- Really? - How did they know?
I don't know, maybe the way we talk.
And I was like "Yeah, I mean, I go there".
And he was like
"You don't sound so dumb".
That's the exact sentence he said to me.
He said "You don't sound dumb enough to go to that college".
"Where do you really go?"
and then I told him the truth.
And he said "Oh OK, so you're one of those".
And I was like "What do you mean one of those".
He's like, "You know...
you're one of those smart ladies".
And then he just left.
- What? - Yeah, exactly.
And adding to Ami's story,
not only college but like your job.
- Exactly. - Having a better job than men.
Then you would have less opportunity to date the guy you're looking for.
If you had a higher salary than men,
you would definitely not tell them either.
Or if you live in a better apartment or something.
Oh yeah...
Guys be like...
"You live in a really fancy apartment".
Oh it's bigger than my place.
Okay...
Do you almost think that could almost be a positive thing,
because you're weeding out the people who you shouldn't really want to be with,
or,
do you think you're actually weeding out the people who you think you really want to be with too.
-Do you get what I mean? -Yes
Because I can almost see some Japanese guys would be okay with it.
Do you actually want a Japanese guy like that?
But that possibility is really really tiny.
- Super little. - Yeah they don't want to go for that.
Yeah exactly.
It's like 3% or even less.
Japanese women want to get married a lot so...
by hiding their true reality,
where they belong and everything,
if that can make themselves get into a relationship,
- I guess that's an option. - And lead to marriage, yeah...
Do you actually think a lot of girls
don't actually try to study or don't actually do this
because men are like this in Japan.
Yeah, I think that could be a case.
Because a lot of girls think, "If I'm dumb,
guys are going to think I'm cute
and then they're going to want to help me", right?
In the end, those girls get more guys,
and then they end up getting married,
and then stay at home,
and they don't have to work, right?
What's the point of studying?
Especially cute girls.
Especially models.
I'm really sorry to say this but...
I have a lot of model friends
and they really try to tone down
their intelligence.
I asked one of the models our company has,
I asked her "What do you know about Donald Trump?"
And she said "Is it a Disney character?"
I'm serious.
That is a little too extreme.
I think a lot of Asian girls...
super pretty Asian girls...
they just get way too pampered
that they don't try to put in effort to really build their internal selves up.
They would put everything, every effort to making themselves beautiful.
But the question is, are you reading everyday, are you trying to build yourself up?
And unfortunately you see a lot of
insecure girls because of this.
Outside might be super beautiful but
inside there's more to work on.
While talking to my friends in Western countries,
we do actually talk about political issues,
but we don't really talk about that in Japan.
It's like the culture that we have.
Maybe that is sort of related to...
doesn't like force yourself to learn about news, and get up to date with all the topics.
I do feel that in Japan,
people don't really discuss any deep conversations.
No.
Yeah exactly.
Girls' ultimate goals are
getting married.
So for example, if I go to "gokon"...
How would you describe gokon in English?
-Drinking party with guys? -like 3 on 3 or something.
We have the term, sa, shi, su, se, so.
So we should say, sa, shi, su, se, so.
So we should say those words to admire guys...
to be liked.
I was at a drinking party with 4 guys and 4 girls,
during the drinking party, that one guy started talking about his business.
I was really interested.
So I was like "How do you monetize?" or
"What's your goal?", "What's your objectives" whatever...
and then after the dinner party, the organizer texted me,
and he was like, Mari that was really great tonight but um...
well, those 3 guys didn't really enjoy because you asked a lot of
whatever, like, work things...
something that was intense,
it was not intense but I was so curious
so I asked a lot of questions.
But they didn't like that, because they just wanted to have fun,
so they just wanted me or girls to be drunk
and have stupid conversations.
So they don't like to have serious conversations.
Right, right.
I just wanted to have a profound conversation.
It's just that I was really sad
when that organizer texted me and told me that.
It was like, I didn't mean to offend them.
I just wanted to have a good time together.
I just wanted to make this point clear that,
women are not trying to be dumb.
They're trying to take this communication style because
they want to be accepted by the male that you're talking to
because they understand that males want to be in a dominant position in Japan.
That's why an educated person, like a non educated person
would actually try to act themselves as if they don't know the situation.
Because it actually creates a good atmosphere, creates a good conversation.
I actually read this Japanese article,
and it said that,
"Guys don't actually like dumb girls,
but guys like girls that are smart enough to act dumb".
If you have to filter what you have to say,
or you can' t actually say what you want to say sometimes,
what kind of effect do you think it has to the female mind?
I think it definitely takes away
motivation for girls to learn something.
Because in order to express your opinions,
you have to know stuff, right?
You have to have certain knowledge,
but if you don't have many chances to express your opinions,
you're not gonna spend your time to learn whatever.
That's what I think as well.
I think a lot of people will just stop thinking.
It kind of gets depressing when you think about it.
I got to where I am
by making a lot of effort.
By studying a lot, by working hard,
but they don't like to see it. They don't like to appreciate it.
And that kind of makes me depressed.
So how do you think girls saying opinions actually could be improved, or should it be improved in the first place?
Do we just accept it like the way it is right now?
I think there are generally underlining ideas
that hiding your own feelings can be accepted in Japan,
and I think this should be changed,
when the world is moving globally.
At least I want people to change their style when they're talking to foreigners outside of Japan
because this doesn't really... can not be accepted when you're talking to a foreigner outside of Japan.
Because they don't talk like that,
and they would like to discuss more deeply about the topics.
I think it should be improved because...
it's such a waste.
Like girls with great opinions, great feelings,
if they hold off, it's such a waste.
Yeah, they should be more confident about their feelings, and they brave about what they're feeling about it.