我有时觉得自己的生活很幸运 Lucky, it's how my life feels sometimes.
就像它不属于我 Like it isn't mine
除了那些糟糕的另类现实 but some fucked-up alternate reality.
我是个幸运的人 I'm a lucky man.
你觉得我没有意识到这一点 You think I don't realize that.
我第一次杀害的人叫埃迪 First time I killed, name was Eddie.
我永远都不能忘记他的眼神 Can't forget the look in his eyes.
恐惧 Fear.
我以前从来没有见过 Hadn't seen anything like it before.
深深的恐惧 Pure fear.
他本可以想尽一切办法活下来 He would have done anything to live.
但我有枪 But I had the gun
西塞罗已经下了命令 and Cicero gave the order.
埃迪的运气已经用完了 Eddie's luck had run out.
我想我是幸运的那个 Guess I'm the lucky one.
杰森 谢谢你 Jason, thank you.
真是场很棒的表演 That was a really strong performance.
你震撼到我了 You got me.
这里 Right here.
我想说 杰 I've gotta say, Jay--
嗯 哦 你介意我叫你杰吗 Um, oh, do you mind if I call you "Jay"?
当然不 Sure.
杰森 我很好奇 我们发给你的 Jason, I was wondering is-- was that on the script
剧本上这样写了吗 that we sent you?
嗯 是的 就在这里 Uh, yeah, look, it's right here.
你知道的 你在读 You see, you were reading the-- the character
汉克的对话 of Hank's dialogue.
是的 是的 我知道 Yeah, yeah, I know that.
我们觉得你更适合汤米 Well, we kind of saw you more for Tommy.
汤米 Tommy?
汉克的好朋友 Hank's uh, stoner buddy.
一个有趣的家伙 The fun guy.
我知道汤米 但 I know who Tommy is, but--
兄弟 这是最适合你的角色 Dude, it's the perfect role for you, bro.
我的意思是我们觉得你很适合当店员 I mean we loved you in Clerks.
还有店员二号 And Clerks II.
爱你 Loved you.
来吧 兄弟 Come on, dude,
找到自己合适的位置 pooch to the doochilly moochilly.
Snooch to the-- ugh.
萨姆 论诺克斯 Sam Lennox.
打扰一下 Excuse me?
黄金火箭 The Golden Rocket.
我知道萨姆论诺克斯 Yeah, I know Sam Lennox.
我家里有根曲棍球棒 I've got a hockey stick back at my place
黄金火箭亲自签过名 signed by the Golden Rocket himself.
是我最有价值的收藏之一 It's one of my most prized possessions.
那个人可以迅猛的出击让其他的混蛋都活不下去 That man could hit a slap shot like no motherfucker alive.
比赛的剩余部分便没有如此激动人心 Rest of his game wasn't up to much,
但是那次出击 but that slap shot...
碰 Pow!
他以做一件不可思议的事而建立了自己的事业 He built a career for doing one thing incredibly.
那个人是个传奇 And the man is a fucking legend.
你或许需要想一想 You might wanna think about that, mate.
你知道的 我每次都会看一看挂在我墙上的曲棍球棒 You know, I do every time I see that stick on my wall.
你让我们了解了那一部分 You let us know about the part.
我会通知你的 I'll let you know.
我的信息都在这里 All my details are on here.
你可以随时联系我 白天晚上都可以 You get in touch anytime, day or night.
我会的 谢谢 Will do, thanks.
杰 Jay.
碰 Pow!
梅维斯 Mewes!
杰 梅维斯 Jay Mewes?
怎么了 兄弟 What's up, man?
兄弟 我能和你合影吗 Dude, can I get a picture with you, huh?
好的 好的 当然 Sure, yeah, sure, of course.
哦 兄弟 你真他妈的是个传奇 Oh man, you're a fucking legend.
我简直不敢相信你还活着 兄弟 I can't believe you are still alive, bro.
谢谢 是的 谢谢 Thanks, yeah, thanks for that.
兄弟 你们应该再做一部杰和沉默的鲍勃的电影 Dude, you guys should do another Jay and Silent Bob movie.
嗯 是的 这取决于凯文 Um, yeah, it's up to Kevin.
太棒了 谢谢你 兄弟 This is awesome, thanks, man.
不用客气 No problem, yeah.
你好 我是杰森 梅维斯 Hey, I'm Jason Mewes
我在新泽西一座叫做高地的小城里长大 and I grew up in a small town called "Highlands", New Jersey.
你可以说我就是那个全城都知道的 You could say I was that mischievous kid
淘气的孩子 known around the town,
但事实上我的童年并不美好 but the truth is my childhood was kind of fucked up.
我的妈妈经常开车到处逛 My mom used to drive around
并且让我从邮箱里偷东西 and have me steal from mail boxes.
她单身 有三个孩子 没有钱也没有工作 She was single, three kids, no money, no job.
至少没有一个要缴税的工作 Well, at least not a taxable one.
哦 我有没有说她有毒瘾 Oh, and did I mention she was addicted to drugs?
我猜心理医生会告诉你 Guess a shrink would tell you
这部分内容在以后会变得很重要 that part kind of becomes relevant later on.
我妈妈死于毒品 The drugs killed my mom,
但是这并不是我想要讲的 but that's not the story I'm here to tell.
至少不是今天 Not today anyway.
我想要讲一讲我一个叫做凯文史密斯的兄弟 I wanna talk about a dude named "Kevin Smith".
那个混蛋改变了我的一生 This motherfucker changed my life.
当他第一次遇见我的时候 他并不想继续跟我交往 He didn't really wanna hang out with me when he first met me,
但我不会放过他的 but I would not leave it alone, man,
直到他开始发现我很有趣 until finally he started finding me funny.
在你知道之前 我们一直在外面逛街 Before you know it we're hanging out all the time,
读喜剧书或者类似的 reading comic books and stuff.
形影不离 Inseparable!
但我自己有点超前了 But I'm getting a little ahead of myself here.
我开始在新泽西做屋顶工人 I started working in New Jersey as a roofer
就是那时凯文有了想做电影这个疯狂的念头 while Kevin had this crazy idea he could be making movies.
所以他去了电影学校 So he went off to film school.
我知道凯文做的下一件事就是退学 Next thing I know Kevin quits film school
并且他把自己所有的积蓄 and he's using all his credit cards
都投资到了自己的电影上 to make his own movie.
对职员有些疯狂 Some madness about clerks.
然后杰和沉默的鲍勃出生了 And thus Jay and Silent Bob were born.
我是杰这是我的异性恋伴侣沉默的鲍勃。 I'm Jay and this is my hetero life mate Silent Bob.
我是阴蒂指挥官 I am the clit commander.
15美元 小家伙 ? 15 bucks, little man ?
把那东西放到我手里 ? Put that shit in my hand ?
公平 Justice!
谢谢你的付出 克莱尔 Thank you for your contribution, Claire.
谢谢你的帮忙 Thank you for the chip in.
我知道现在看起来不像 但是 I know it doesn't seem like it right now, but--
会越来越好的 It's gonna get better.
你必须要勇敢并且坚持住 You just have to be brave and hang in there.
谢谢 Thank you.
每个人都认为我是黑帮 Yeah, everyone thinks I'm a gangster,
因为我扮演的角色 杰 你知道吗 because of the roles I play, Jay, you know?
你是维尼琼斯 你是个混蛋 You're Vinnie Jones, you're a fricking badass.
我是说你从足球明星变成了电影明星 I mean you're a soccer star turned movie star.
谁能做到 I mean who does that?
没有人 杰 No one, Jay.
没有人他妈的能做到 No one fucking does that.
嗯 Hmm.
- 我曾经给你看过 - 什么 - I ever show you that. - What?
想让我在扣球的时候捏乳头吗 You want me to work the nipples while I cup the balls?
不 我他妈的不是这个意思 No, I fucking don't.
不 你从哪搞到的 我从来都没见过 No, where did you get that? I've never seen that.
庄园后面 Back in the manor,
年长的人让我躺下 在我胸口刻了大本钟 older lads held me down, carved Big Ben in me chest.
他们做的真不错 真的很棒 They didn't do a bad job, it's pretty good.
你知道的 杰 生活不是像在公园散步那样简单 兄弟 You know, Jay, life's not a walk in the park, mate.
对你我来说生活都很艰辛 Could have been very different for you and me.
是的 That's very true.
是的 每当我消极的时候 You know, whenever I get negative
我就回去照镜子 I always have a look in the mirror,
看一看我的伤疤 就是这个钟 I look at the scar, the clock,
- 你知道我什么意思吗 - 嗯 - you know what I mean? - Hmm.
它带来这一切并且让我脚踏实地 Brings it all, keeps me grounded.
去他妈的球 是你 Fuck my balls, it's you!
那个胖子在身边吗 Is the fat one nearby?
他可能在家 He's probably at home.
你好 兄弟 你能帮我找个胖男孩吗 Hey, mate, have you got a fat boy for me?
一个胖男孩 A fat boy?
不是你想的那样 Not what you're thinking, ugh!
哦 你真漂亮 Oh, you beauty!
相信我 先生 你他妈用这个婊子可以 Believe me, sir, you could attack Russia
去攻打俄罗斯了 with this mother bitch.
- 我会试一试的 兄弟 - 请小心 - I might try it, mate, - Please, be careful,
健康和安全记录不是 the health and safety record is not--
酷 他很酷 Cool, it's cool.
这是我的 兄弟 下周是他的生日 It's for my mate, it's his birthday next week,
他爱这个 he loves this shit.
混蛋 Motherfucker!
怎么了 What's the matter?
这个在eBay上的混蛋 This motherfucker on eBay, man.
你又背着你老婆买东西了 You're buying stuff behind the Missus' back again?
是69 Hardwyre Hactivist This is number 69, Hardwyre Hactivist.
我太想要这个了 维尼 它让我的蛋蛋燃烧 I want this so bad, Vinnie, it makes my balls burn.
你可以买一点油 你懂的 儿子 You can get cream for that, you know, son?
这个东西多少钱 How much you paying for this fucking thing?
太贵了 兄弟 Way too much, man.
如果我遇见这个混蛋 If I meet this motherfucker,
我要让他把他的狗和电话都吃掉 I'm gonna make him eat his dog and phone.
是狗和骨头 兄弟 It's dog and bone, you prat.
- 什么 - 狗和骨头 - What? - Dog and bone
是伦敦押韵的电话俚语 is Cockney rhyming slang for phone.
狗 骨头 电话 你他妈的提线木偶 Dog and bone, phone, you fucking muppet.
等一等 木偶和什么押韵 Wait, what does muppet rhyme with?
没有 Nothing!
你是木偶 You are the muppet!
我很喜欢 维 I appreciate this so much, Vin.
播客有一个小时的车程 The podcast is an hour's drive away
为了凯文 我不能迟到 and I can't be late for Kevin.
我会遵守交通规则 我会尽量快点开 I will obey every traffic law, I will go the speed limit.
你会被迫停车 You get pulled over,
你会在监狱呆上一晚 you're gonna be in jail all night,
然后我就不得不去保释你出来 then I'm gonna have to come and bail you out.
我的驾照被吊销了 我没法租车 Well, my licence is suspended, I can't rent a car.
就一晚 It's for one night.
如果你不说 我不会说的 I won't tell if you don't tell.
出事了你自己负责 You break it, you buy it.
哦 我的天呐 我看起来好老 Oh my God, I look so old.
天呐 妈的 我不喜欢 兄弟 God damn it, I hate it, man.
我看起来就像是我的爸爸上了我的奶奶 I look like my father fucked my grandmother
然后生了我 and had me as a baby.
这就是我今晚要讲的 That's what I'm gonna talk about tonight on the show.
你或许会想要听一下 You might wanna lighten up a little bit,
你太他妈的郁闷了 you're so fucking bummed.
怎么了 犹豫男孩 What's the matter, little boy blue?
没什么 只是 It's nothing, it's...
哦 今天试镜 不是吗 Oh, today was the audition, wasn't it?
没成功 Didn't work out.
他们想让你扮演杰 对吗 They just wanted you to be Jay, right?
他们的选角导演是个混蛋 Their casting director is an asshole.
我只是不明白他们为什么不考虑我 I just don't understand why they can't consider me
来演一个严肃的角色 for a serious role.
他们并不一定认为你是一个演员 They don't necessarily think of you as an acteur,
从你进屋那一刻起 like the moment you walk into the room
老实说 这可能是我的错 and that's honestly, probably my fault,
因为我让你成为了这种性格 'cause I've made you this character.
不 我不觉得这是你的错 No, I don't think it's your fault.
你让我摆脱了困境 You lettin' me off the hook.
很好 因为我总觉得这是你的错 Good, 'cause I always thought it was your fault,
因为我是根据你的性格塑造的 because I based the character on who you were
当你还是个孩子的时候 when you were a kid.
所以 从技术上讲 你他妈是自掘坟墓 So technically, you dug your own fucking grave.
去你妈的 滚 Fuck you, Moves,
我只想被认真对待一次 I just wanna be taken serious for once.
你为什么不问问欧哈洛伦呢 他正在拍电影 Why don't you ask O'Halloran, he's making a movie.
布莱恩欧哈洛伦在拍电影 Brian O'Halloran is directing?
他给了影棚一个脚本 He submitted a script to the studio,
他们疯了 然后就他妈的买了 they went apeshit, they fucking bought it,
并且让他当导演 and they're letting him direct.
嗯 奥德赛 Um, The Odyssey.
没门 奥德赛 No way, The Odyssey.
我是在做教条的时候读到的 I read that while we were doing Dogma
并且我们已经讨论了很多次了 and we talked about it a million times.
兄弟 我很适合演主角 Dude, I'm like perfect for the lead.
哦 好的 Oh, okay.
听着 我觉得主角 Well, look, I think the main character
很适合你 is very much like you.
不管你会不会演主角 Whether or not you should play the lead,
这完全不一样 that's a whole different discussion.
你能帮我跟他聊聊吗 Can you talk to him for me?
我觉得你直接跟他聊更好 It will sound better coming from you.
我不想卷进来 I-- I don't wanna get involved.
我不想给布莱恩欧哈洛伦打电话 I don't want to call Brian O'Halloran.
你知道给他打电话会发生什么的 You know what happens when you call Brian O'Halloran.
嘿 伙计 "Hey, man, pussy, man."
他能谈两个小时阴部 He talks about pussy for like two hours and shit.
我已经46了 我已经不想再讨论这个了 I'm 46, I'm done talking about that.
这就是你需要做的 Here's what you need to do.
你必须让那帮傻子看到实力 You gotta drop science on the fools.
你不能走进屋子 You can't just walk into a room
就开始展示 and be like "Snooch to the nooch."
他们已经看过了 兄弟 They've seen that shit, man.
杰和傻乎乎的比尔就在那儿 Jay and silly Bill are over.
他们想看到的是 走进屋子 What they want out of an actor walk in to the room,
是威风凛凛 兄弟 it's commanding presence, man.
就像你是权威一样走进来 Walk in there like you're the authority
并且教他们点方法 and drop some method on their asses.
方法 Method?
是的 该死的丹尼尔戴刘易斯 Alright, fucking Daniel Day-Lewis
在我的左脚中 记得吗 in My Left Foot, remember that shit?
不 No.
是的 敢死队 Alright, Suicide Squad.
- 记得杰瑞德莱托吗 -是的 - Remember Jared Leto? - Yes.
当他们在拍电影时 While they're making that movie,
媒体上到处都是关于 there were all these stories in the press
他正在采取行动的报道 about he was going method on it.
他试图走进人物 He was trying to get into the heart and soul
的内心深处 of that character.
这就是方法 That's what method is.
方法就是当演员比如你自己 Method is when an actor, such as yourself,
紧紧沉湎于他们自己 just immerses themselves,
全身心的投入 puts their head straight up the ass
不管扮演什么角色 of whatever character it is they are playing.
莱托把头伸到小丑的屁股上 Leto stuck his head right up the Joker's ass.
即使当他不在摄影机前的时候 Even when he wasn't on camera,
他仍然有小丑的心态 he was still in the Joker mindset.
正如我们从那部电影中看到的 它并不总是奏效 And as we saw from that movie, it doesn't always work.
但是丹尼尔戴刘易斯做到了 But like-- like Daniel Day-Lewis made it work
在我的左脚中 那个混蛋在轮椅上 in My Left Foot, motherfucker is in a wheelchair
为这个角色准备了26年 for like 26 years prepping for that role
这样的狗屎 and shit like that.
我不理解你他妈说的话 I don't understand a word you're fucking saying.
马特达蒙曾告诉过我 Matt Damon once told me about it.
我不理解 I didn't get it.
他向我解释了 而且解释得很清楚 He explained it to me and he explained it thusly,
他说 读书 he said, "Read a book."
他说 读书 He goes, "Read this book."
我会发短信告诉你书名 And I'm gonna text you the name of this fucking book.
读这本书 他告诉我 我向你发誓 "Read this book," he tells me, "And I swear to you
你不仅会理解方法表演 not only will you understand method acting,
你还会变成一位更好的导演 but you yourself will become a better director."
我他妈从来没有读过 And I never fucking read it.
你知道谁写的吗 本 You know who did? Ben.
他得过奥斯卡 And he won an Oscar.
是这儿吗 出现了吗 Is it there? Did it pop up?
是的 出现了 Yeah, it popped up.
你他妈真可爱 You're the sweetest fucking person
我知道在这个世界上 说实话 I know in this world, honestly.
听着 你有一个一百万美元的心脏 Look, you've got a $1,000,000 heart.
不值钱的脑子 但是心价值百万 Nickel-head, but a $1,000,000 heart, man.
兄弟 世界上很少有人会喜欢你 Very few people like you in the world, man.
甜心会被杀死 Sweethearts get killed in this business.
你必须成为一个混蛋 兄弟 You've got to be a badass, dude.
你要走进一个房间 当一个混蛋老板 You gotta go into a room, be the motherfucking boss.
老板 The boss?
混蛋老板 The motherfucking boss!
试一试 One up.
有首歌 兄弟 这首歌 There is the song, brother. The song.
我们来练习一下 兄弟 We gotta do our exercises, man.
好的 准备好了吗 Okay, ready for this?
狮子脸 Lion face.
咆哮 Roar!
柠檬脸 Lemon face.
狮子脸 Lion face.
吸吊的脸 Dick-sucking face.
- 现在 好了 - 太好了 - Now, we good. - Yeah!
- 让我们开始吧 - 好 - Let's go do this. - Yeah.
去找他们 兄弟 去找他们 Go get 'em, man, go get 'em.
好 兄弟 Yeah, boy, yeah!
等一等 等一等 给 Hold on, hold on, give it.
- 抱我一下 - 哦 - Give me a hug. - Oh.
我爱你兄弟 I love you, bro.
搞笑一点 让我笑 让我笑 Be funny, make me laugh. Make me laugh!
哈哈哈哈 Ha, ha, ha, ha!
乔治 你这个混蛋 你管自己叫保安 George, you asshole, you call yourself security.
我告诉你我不想再见那个拉丁女孩了 I told you I don't wanna see that Latina girl
或者那样的女孩 or any girl for that matter!
是是是我 It-- it-- it-- it's me.
我在线上跟你聊过方法表演那本书 I-- I-- I talked to you online about the method acting book.
旁边有别人吗 Is there anyone else around?
没有 没有 只有我 No. No, it's just me.
在吗 Hello?
去他妈的角落打个盹 Snooch to the motherfucking nooch.
我不敢相信真的是你 I can't believe it's really you.
等一下 我们彼此认识吗 Wait a second, do we know each other?
15美元 小家伙 ? 15 bucks, little man ?
把狗屎放在我手上 ? Put the shit in my hand ?
费尔南多和 如果没有钱 FERNANDO AND ? If that money doesn't show ?
那么你就欠我 欠我 欠 ? Then you owe me, owe me, owe ?
如果没有钱 ? If that money doesn't show ?
你就欠我 欠我 ? Then you owe me, owe me ?
欠 ? Owe ?
不要爱上我 Do not fall in love with me.
等一等 你什么意思 我的意思是 Wait, what-- what do you mean? I mean...
你要在我家干嘛 What are you doing in my house?
哦 我来这想买书 所以 Oh, I came here to purchase the book, so...
你想死 孩子 You wanna die, Snoogans Boy!
先生 我只是 What tha-- uh, sir, I'm just--
我叫费尔南多比利亚 My name is Fernando Villareal.
我我我 I-- uh, uh, uh...
哦 是的 Oh, yeah.
我只是在和你开玩笑 I'm just messing with you.
兄弟 见到你很高兴 It's a pleasure to meet you, man.
我看过你所有的电影 I've seen all your movies.
谢谢 Thanks.
你真的觉得我会开枪吗 You thought I'd shoot you for real, huh?
嗯 我 Well, I uh, I've--
我觉得你在跟我开玩笑 Thought you were messing with me,
Thingything先生 Mr. Thingything.
我看看能不能用警长的枪射你 I'll see if I shoot you with uh, chief of police's gun.
他妈的什么 What the fuck?
仔细听我说 梅维斯 Listen to me very carefully, Mewes.
我不能把书卖给任何人 I cannot let this book go just to anyone.
现在只有一本了 It is the only one in existence.
你必须仔细品读 You have to read it slowly.
你不能把它当作主要内容 You can't mainline it.
与别的书断章取义 Cut it up with other books.
可以读一些乔叟 狄更斯 Get some Chaucer, Dickens in you at the same time.
狄更斯 Uh, Dickens uh--
一旦你开始读这本书 你就不能停下来 Once you read the book, you can't unread it.
它并不是指导你表演的 It is not a guide to successful acting,
它指导的是生活 it is a guide to life.
凯利 宝贝 你在家吗 Carrie, baby, you home?
过来 混蛋 Come on, motherfucker.
哦 嘿 宝贝 Oh, hey, baby.
你去哪了 Where you been?
和一些女朋友出去了 Just out with some girlfriends.
哦 Oh!
那是什么 What's that?
是维尼的 It's Vinnie's.
你把维尼的炸弹带进屋里来了 You brought Vinnie's bomb into the house?
不不 不是炸弹 只是个胖男孩 No, no, it's not a bomb, it's a fat boy.
好吧 我要把这个炸弹 Alright, I'll get the bomb--
扔出去 Out of the house.
我之前就给你打过电话 I tried to call you earlier.
你今天修好屋顶了吗 Did you fix the roof today?
你知道我是什么意思 对吗 You do know what this means, don't you?
杰已经变坏了 Jay's been a bad Jay.
杰变坏了会发生什么呢 And what happens when Jay's been a very bad Jay?
我是阴蒂指挥官 I am the clit commander.
哦 Oh!
来吧 来指挥我 Command my clit, commander.
我来了 Snoochie boochie!
来吧 来指挥我 Oh, command my clit, commander.
感受愤怒 Feel the anger.
真实地去感受 Feel it for real.
妈的 Fuck!
草 Fuck you.
什么 What?
什么 What mother...
斯内其不其斯 Snoochie boochies.
- 斯内其不其斯 - 太多了 - Snoochie boochies. - So much shit.
- 斯内其不其斯 - 妈的 - Snoochie boochies. - Fuck.
欢迎来到电影明星排行网站 Welcome to moviestarrating.com.
请输入你最喜欢的电影明星 Type in your favourite film star
在我们的图表中找到他们的排名 to find out their rating on our charts
以及他们对电影事业 and thus their current importance
的重要性 to the movie business.
我很抱歉 I'm sorry.
没有查询到该演员的有关消息 There's no current news about this actor.
或许你拼写错了 Perhaps you spelled it incorrectly.
怎么了 What the hell?
他妈的 Fuck you.
是采取果断行动的时候了 Time for drastic action.
我要告诉他们我疯了 I'll show 'em crazy.
好莱坞需要点刺激的事 Hollywood wants something drastic.
吓唬一下他们 Scare 'em for real.
是的 That's right.
告诉我方法 Give me that method.
方法 Method!
怎么了 What the fuck?
- 杰森 - 嘿 混蛋 - Yes, Jason? - Hey, motherfucker--
- 谁啊 - 妈的 - Whoa! - Fuck.
你觉得我配不上你的烂片 You don't think I'm good enough for your piece-of-shit movie,
- 啊 - 我他妈没这么说 妈的 - huh? - I didn't fucking say-- shit.
哇 哇 哇 哇 Whoa, whoa whoa, whoa.
杰 哇哇哇 Jay-- Whoa, whoa, whoa.
你觉得你很了解我吗 混蛋 You think you know me, bitch?
你一点都不了解我 You don't know me.
杰 杰 哇 Jay, Jay, whoa!
- 哇 - 碰 混蛋 - Whoa! - Pow, bitch!
哇 哦 Whoa, oh!
一定有误会 It was just a misunderstanding!
哦 你这个混蛋 Oh, you motherfucker!
你在哪 Where the fuck are you?
你在哪 Where the fuck?
妈的 钥匙 Shit, the keys.
妈的 他在哪 Fuck, where is he?
妈的 杰森 别蠢了 Shit, Jason, don't be stupid.
哦 混蛋 Oh, motherfucker!
你 混蛋 You, motherfucker!
碰 Pow!
哦 妈的 冷静点 Oh shit! Be calm.
把这个拿开 深呼吸 Get this out of the way and breathe.
危害 Hazards.
相反 Reverse.
我拿到了 I got this.
哦 Oh.
好的 好的 Okay, okay.
好的 Okay.
好的 Oof, okay.
唷 Phew!
你还好吗 兄弟 You cool, bro?
我想我可能把你的车撞坏了 I think I might've nicked you with the car there.
安东尼 Anthony?
兄弟 Bro?
好的 Okay.
好的 杰森 梅维斯 你做到了 兄弟 Okay, Jason Mewes, you got this, man.
好的 用这个方法 Okay, method this.
你明白的 You got this.
来吧 Come on.
哦 对不起 Oops, sorry about that.
好的 Alright.
哦 妈的 Oh shit!
兄弟 这很危险 Not cool, bro.
他没看见我 兄弟 He didn't see me, man.
我会瑜伽 I do yoga.
妈的 他可能看见我了 Fuck, he might've saw me.
妈的 What the fuck!
妈的 Fuck!
他妈的他可能看见我了 草 He might've fucking saw me, shit.
他没看见我 Nah, he didn't see me.
他应该没看见我 He couldn't have seen me.
我这样了 I was like this.
这样 Like this.
他可能已经看见我了 He might have saw me.
他没看见我 我太他妈好了 Nah, he didn't see me, I'm too fucking good.
妈的 Shit.
杰 你他妈在干嘛啊 Jay, what the fucking hell are you doing?
嗯 我正要还你的车 Uh-- I was just returning your car.
我的意思是 I mean I--
为什么不等到明早呢 Why couldn't you wait till the morning?
我以为你想要我早一点还车 对吧 I just thought you needed the car back early, right?
- 所以 不 我并不需要 - So... - No, I don't need it early.
对不起 兄弟 我只是 I'm sorry, bro, I just--
我只是想要确定已经还给你 I just wanted to make sure you had it--
要做电梯吗 Do you want a lift?
不不不 我想走走 No, no, I'm gonna walk, the la--
如果你想你可以留下 Stay here if you want.
不 我家里的老女人想要我回家 No, it's like my old lady wants me home,
比如拥抱之类的 like do the like cuddling and stuff.
还有 她要我减肥 Plus, she has me on this diet thing,
她觉得我会胖的 所以我想走走 she thinks I'm getting fat, so I'll walk.
- 哦 - 那好吧 - Oh! - It's fine.
谢谢 Thank you.
去他妈的提线木偶 Fucking muppet.
妈的 Fuck that.
嘘 ? Shh ?
太安静了 ? It's oh so quiet ?
嘘 嘘 ? Shh, shh ?
太安静了 ? It's oh so still ?
碰 婊子 Pow, bitch!
嘘 嘘 ? Shh, shh ?
你独自一人 ? You're all alone ?
嘘 嘘 ? Shh, shh ?
如此安静直到 ? And so peaceful until ?
你坠入爱河 ? You fall in love ?
又充满活力 ? Zing boom ?
头上的天空 ? The sky up above ?
又充满活力 ? Zing boom ?
刻下 ? Is caving in ?
哇 ? Wow, bam ?
你从来没有这么迷恋过一个男人 ? You've never been so nuts about a guy ?
你想要笑 想要哭 ? You wanna laugh, you wanna cry ?
你在胸口画十字 希望死去 ? You cross your heart and hope to die ?
杰森 Jason.
- 杰森 杰森 - 嗯 - Jason, Jason! - Huh?
维尼出事了 Something's happened to Vinnie.
- 维尼 - 听着 - Vinnie? - Listen.
几个小时前 约翰先生 Early hours of the morning, Mr. Jones,
就是那个著名的英国运动员和电影明星 the well-known British sports and movie star
被拘留了 was taken into custody.
我们的消息来源称指控是谋杀 Our sources report that the charge is homicide.
约翰在足球界颇有声望 Jones has a reputation on the soccer field
由于他的好色和他的大力铲球 for grabbing genitalia and for his big hard tackles.
这会上新闻的 That'll be the press.
他们知道你们是朋友 They know you guys were friends.
杰森 梅维斯 我本应该知道 Mr. Jason Mewes, I should have known.
打扰一下 Excuse me?
我想问你几个问题 I need to ask you a few questions
关于昨晚发生在好莱坞 regarding a homicide that happened
的凶杀案 in the Hollywood Hills last night.
凶杀案 我可能帮不到你 A homicide, I can't help you with that,
我昨晚一整晚都在家 I've been home here the whole night.
- 不要抵抗 - 等一等 - You need to stop resisting. - But, wait a second.
我没有抵抗 我只是说 I'm not resisting, I'm just saying
我不知道关于凶杀案的任何事 that I don't know anything about a homicide--
怀疑是抵抗 Suspect is resisting!
你有权利保持沉默 You have the right to remain silent.
安东尼科斯塔里诺这个名字听起来耳熟吗 Does the name Anthony Costalino ring a bell?
不 No.
他昨晚在他家外面被杀了 He was murdered outside of his home last night
显然是肇事逃逸 in an apparent hit-and-run.
嗯 很抱歉听到这个不幸的消息 Uh, I'm s-- sorry to hear that.
我们有理由相信可能发生了争吵 We have reason to believe that there was an altercation
屋子里的争吵演变成了谋杀 that took place inside of his home prior to the murder.
嗯 恕我直言 警官 Um, with all due respect, officer--
侦探 Detective.
这跟我有什么关系 What does that have to do with me?
维尼约翰的车被指认 Vinnie Jones' car was confirmed
- 为逃逸车 - 什么 - as the hit-and-run vehicle. - What?
就在汽车疾驰而去之前 The neighbor was able to write down the plates
邻居把车牌记了下来 right before the car sped off.
我们发现了头部和骨骼的碎片 We found fragments of brain and skull--
- 兄弟 - 在烤架上 - Buddy? - All up in the grill.
我想是杀手忘记清理了 对吗 I guess the uh, murderer forgot to clean that up, didn't he?
那么 维尼怎么说 Well, what does Vinnie have to say about it?
我感觉我要疯了 It's like I'm going off my fucking head.
维尼坚决否认所有指控 Vinnie is adamantly denying all charges.
目击者呢 And the witness?
我们很幸运目击者说 We were lucky the witness said anything--
哦 我的天呐 Oh! Oh my God!
他受到了惊吓 He's a bit traumatized by the situation,
医生说他一周之后就会痊愈 but the doctor said that he'll be back in a week
到时候我们会好好跟他了解一下 and we'll be having a nice little chit chat with him
那晚到底发生了什么 about exactly what happened that night.
他或许没有仔细想就告诉了你们 He-- he probably would have blurted something out
车牌 对吗 when he gave you the plates, right?
他可能什么都不知道 So he probably doesn't know anything.
你认得这个吗 梅维斯先生 Do you recognize this, Mr. Mewes?
那是我的钱包 我一直在找它 This is my wallet, I've been looking for that.
我们在约翰先生的车里找到了他 We found it in the back of Mr. Jones' car.
你知道吗 实际上 我在超市里 You know what, actually, I was in the supermarket.
他昨天送我去超市 He-- he drove me to the supermarket yesterday
我想我一定是那个时候落在车上了 and I think I must have dropped it in there.
- 我的意思是 - 你开车了 - I mean... - And you were driving the car?
不不不 维尼开车 No, no, no, Vinnie dropped me.
因为你不能开车 Because you are not allowed to drive,
对吗 梅维斯先生 are you, Mr. Mewes?
我从今天起就可以开车了 I can drive starting today.
你因为超速被吊销驾照 You lost your license for speeding.
从一个朋友的车后座里 Finding a wallet in the back seat
找到钱包这个理由已经足够 of a friend's car is enough reason
指控一个人谋杀了吗 to charge someone for murder?
我们应该以谋杀逮捕你吗 Should we arrest you for murder?
难道这不是我在这里的原因吗 Isn't that why I'm here?
你在这里 因为你拒绝逮捕 You are here, because you were resisting arrest
并且你对彼得森探员和我 and you showed extreme aggression
表现出极端的侵犯 towards detective Peterson and myself.
你没有提出指控 You're not pressing charges.
不 No.
但梅维斯先生 现在不要走远 But, Mr. Mewes, don't go far now.
希望不 Hopefully not.
维尼可以探望吗 Is uh, Vinnie allowed to have visitors?
你们快把我弄出去 You've gotta to go and get me out of here.
你得救我 You gotta spring me.
我会在牢房里吗 And I'll be in the cell?
我在这里快疯了 I'm-- I'm going insane here.
这种感觉越来越强烈 This is getting deeper and deeper in the shit.
好的 兄弟 Yeah, mate.
给我五分钟 你会离开吗 Give us five minutes, will you leave?
很高兴见到你 兄弟 Pleased to see you, mate.
他们也抓了我 They brought me down, too.
他们在你的车里发现了我的钱包 They found my wallet in your car.
我知道 但我没告诉他们你的名字 I know they did, but I didn't give 'em your name.
我有很多优点 Plenty of things I am.
其中之一就是我不是墙头草 One thing I ain't is a fucking grass.
很抱歉我不得不这样问 But I'm sorry to have to ask this.
不 我知道你要说什么 No, I know what you're gonna say.
你和这件事有关系吗 You have anything to do with this at all?
兄弟 我发誓我没有 Man, I swear I do not.
我不知道发生了什么 I don't know what-- what's going on here.
这么说真尴尬 I'm embarrassed to fucking say it.
你见过那个古怪的人吗 安东尼科斯塔里诺 You ever met this geezer, Anthony Costalino?
从来没见过 Um, never.
你没看到周围有任何人 You never saw anyone around
当你停车的时候 对吗 when you dropped the car off, did you?
任何一点细节都有可能帮我脱离险境 Any little detail that could help me out a little bit
杰 and-- Jay.
杰 任何事 Jay? Anything.
不 我什么都没看到 你知道的 No, I didn't see anything, you know?
一点都没有 Nothing at all.
这肯定是我多年前做过的事 It's gotta be something I'd done years ago
他们对此有意见 and they've got the beef about it.
认真的吗 Seriously?
想把我缝好 Trying to stitch me right up.
他们在门上发现了那白痴的血 They found the idiot's blood on the door fucking mat.
我已经举过很多次手了 I've put me hands up loads of times.
去他妈的犯罪 就是你做的 是的 Fucking do the crime, you do the time, and that's it.
我对此无能为力 杰 I've got nothing to do with this, Jay,
你知道的 you know that.
你知道吗 You know-- you know what?
我会处理的 兄弟 I'm gonna fix this, bro.
我会把你救出去的 I'm gonna get you out.
你会处理的 是什么意思 What do you mean you'll fix it?
你怎么处理 How can you fix it?
静观其变 Just sit tight.
静观其变是什么意思 What do you mean sit tight?
杰 Jay!
我可以和阿诺德侦探通话吗 Can I speak to Detective Arnold, please?
谈什么 And what is it concerning?
是关于维尼约翰的凶杀案的 It's about the Vinnie Jones murder.
稍等一下 One moment please.
你好 吉娜 我 Hi, Geena, I've--
我知道你因为谋杀被逮捕了 I know you got arrested for murder
或者类似的事 or something like that.
你还在外面吗 Are you out yet?
因为如果你没有 不论你在做什么 Because if you're not, whatever you are doing
都不如现在这事重要 is not as important as this right now.
即使你还在被逮捕中 And even if you are still under arrest,
你必须要逃跑 you need to escape.
伊娃坎贝尔来自山楂树之恋 Eva Campbell from Haw fucking thorn productions,
- 她让你进去 - 山楂 - she wants you to come in. - Hawthorn?
上个月他们刚刚拒绝了我的一个角色 They just turned me down for a role last month.
奥利弗拉德本刚打电话来请病假 Oliver Radburn just called in sick,
在拍摄的第一天 first day of the shoot.
他还好吗 Is he alright?
哦 谁知道呢 Oh, who the hell knows?
生产方今早在电视上 The producer saw you getting arrested
看到你被逮捕了 on TV this morning.
想到你已经非常适应角色了 Thinks you fit in the role perfectly,
但你得马上进去 but you gotta make it in there right now.
伊娃说他们正处于生产中 Eva says they are holding the entire production.
他们坐在那一小时就会浪费几千美元 They are sitting around wasting thousands of dollars an hour.
这就是电影事业 This is the film business.
你没有浪费钱 You don't waste that kind of money--
这不是他妈的90年代 Ain't the fucking '90s.
他们很失望 They're desperate!
有很多线吗 Is there many lines?
伊娃快疯了 Eva is going crazy.
她说这部分会是游戏转折点 She says this part is a game-changer,
职业转折点 a career-changer.
可以偷走整部电影 Could steal the entire movie.
这是肯定的 You're looking at a guaranteed theatrical.
这会把你带到你想去的地方 This is gonna slam you right where you wanna be.
机会不会像这样掉到你腿上 Opportunities don't drop in your lap like this.
真是场完美风暴 你这个婊子生的 It's a perfect storm, you son of a bitch,
别他妈搞砸了 so don't fuck this up.
给我滚过去 Get your ass over there
路上尽量不要杀人 and try not to kill anybody on the way.
天呐 吉娜 Jesus, Geena!
什么 太快了 What? Too soon?
哦 天呐 别开玩笑了 Oh God, you can't take a joke.
好吧 你给我滚下去 Alright, well, just get your ass down there,
好的 杰森 Alright, Jason?
杰森 Jason?
哦 过来 杰森 Oh, come on, Jason.
- 你想看看我吗 - 你在哪 - You wanna see me? - Are you there?
杰森 Jason!
嗯 我 Yeah, I, uh--
杰 Jay!
- 我 跪下 - I, uh-- - Drop in your lap.
职业转折点 Career-changer.
伊娃坎贝尔 Eva Campbell.
机会 Opportunities.
偷走整部电影 Steal the entire movie.
别搞砸了 Don't fuck this up.
是的 我想确保我们之间没有 Yeah, I wanted to make sure there is no bad blood
敌意 并且我想说 between the two of us and I was just gonna say
如果我能提供进一步帮助的话 if I can be of any further assistance,
请给我打电话 just please give me a call.
我希望你能找到真正的凶手 And I hope you find the real killer.
谢谢 Thanks.
梅维斯 Mr. Mewes!
杰 Mr. Jay!
你好 大卫 Hello, David.
你试过针灸吗 Have you ever tried acupuncture?
你看真正让人惊讶的是如果这有根刺 You see what's really amazing is if you stab right here--
你同时感觉到脚上的疼痛 You feel the pain simultaneously in your feet.
停 停 Cut! Cut!
天啊 停 For God's sake, cut.
开灯 Put the light on.
好的 开灯 Okay, lights up, please.
杰森 Jason,
亲爱的 真的很令人着迷 darling, that was absolutely spellbinding.
谢谢 Thank you.
哦 你在用你学习的方法吗 Uh, oh, are you doing your method there?
对不起 Sorry.
我会给你一点时间 Uh, I'll give you a moment.
哈罗德 亲爱的 我相信你很痛 Harold, darling, I believed your pain,
但你你最后忘了提示 亲爱的 but you forgot your cue at the end, darling.
传递出去 知道吗 Um, passing out, remember?
哦 你他妈的相信我痛 Oh, you believed my fucking pain,
因为我真的很痛 'cause I'm in fucking agony.
我告诉过你刀刃太锋利了 I told you that blade is too sharp.
我能看看刀锋吗 May I see the blade, please?
混蛋梅维斯的角色 That bastard Mewes' role.
他很享受 Uh, he's-- he's enjoying this.
我能从他眼里看到 I could see it in his eyes.
哦 天呐 哈罗德 Oh, for God's sakes, Harold.
兄弟 起来 刀锋并不是很锋利 Man up, the blade's not that bloody sharp.
午饭时间 所有人 Lunch, everybody.
午饭时间 所有人 Lunch, everybody!
午饭 That's lunch.
是的 我在RADA呆了三年 Right, I spent three fucking years at RADA...
他妈的安静 他妈的海绵宝宝在想 Fucking silent, fucking Sponge Bob thinks
他他妈的是罗伯特德尼罗 he's fucking Robert De Niro.
杰森 梅维斯 Mr. Jason Mewes!
一句话 先生 A word please, sir.
那真的是一场很令人印象深刻的演出 That was a very impressive performance young man,
十分印象深刻 very impressive.
谢谢你 先生 Thank you, sir.
我能从你眼睛里看到 I can see that look in your eyes.
是贪婪 这他妈的是炸药 It's green, it's fucking dynamite.
不要再给你斯努根了 不需要了 先生 No more Snoogans for you, no, sir.
整个方法都非常适合你 This whole method thing suits you very well.
他会带你脱离黑暗 It brings out all of your darkness.
哦 是的 Oh yes.
斯内其不其 Snoochie boochies.
我是阴蒂指挥官 I am the clit commander.
杰森梅维斯回来了 Jason Mewes is back.
在被逮捕之后 Straight after getting arrested,
梅维斯在针灸杀手中得到了一个角色 Mewes landed a role on Acupuncture Killer
并且制片人 and the producers are--
我甚至不应该出现在这里 I'm not even supposed to be here right now.
好莱坞谣言四起 Rumors are flying all over Hollywood
关于布莱恩奥哈洛伦将在他的电影 about who Brian O'Halloran is going to cast
奥德赛中扮演的角色 in his movie The Odyssey,
这部电影很快就要开始拍摄了 which is due to start filming very soon.
奥哈洛伦 妈的 O'Halloran, fucker.
这是布莱恩奥哈洛伦 This is Brian O'Halloran.
很明显 我不应该出现在这里 Clearly, I'm not supposed to be here right now.
所以请在哔的一声之后给我留言 So leave me a message after the beep.
斯坦茶 Stan tea, please.
嘿 你能给我打回来吗 Hey, can you please uh, maybe give me a call back
或者接电话 or answer your phone?
谢谢 兄弟 Thanks, brother.
妈的 兄弟 Fucker, man!
他在跟踪你 踢你的屁股 He's-- track you down and kick that ass.
哦 妈的 哦 妈的 Oh shit. Oh shit.
杰 是我 Jay, it's me.
是我 杰森 It's me, Jason.
我 谁 - 谁是我 Me? Who-- who's me?
- 是迪安 - 迪安该隐 哇 - It's Dean. - Dean Cain, whoa!
兄弟 不 闭嘴 Dude, no! Sh-- shut up.
如果我被抓住 我就要被限制 If I get caught out here, I'm gonna be signing shit
一个月 for a month.
好吧 你不知道这些混蛋行动有多快 Okay, you have no idea how fast these fuckers mobilize.
是啊 伙计 很高兴见到你 Yeah, dude, it's great to see you, cuz,
但我觉得没人在乎 兄弟 but I don't think anyone cares, brother.
我昨天伤了这该死的孩子的心 I broke this fucking kid's heart yesterday,
因为我不会飞 because I couldn't fly.
你不能飞吗 You can't fly?
他要我立马起飞 He wanted me to take off right then and there.
- 真的吗 - 我不骗你 - Seriously? - I shit you not.
但这很酷 伙计 But it's pretty cool, dude,
你已把自己铭刻在历史中 you have cemented yourself into history.
你扮演了该死的超人 You played fucking Superman.
我可以通过谈判实现中东和平 I could negotiate peace in the Middle East
同时将朝鲜统一为一个统一的和谐国家 whilst unifying Korea into one single harmonious state
找出谁枪杀了肯尼迪 and figure out who shot JFK.
猜猜他们想跟我说什么 And guess what they'd wanna fucking talk to me about?
这有点令人失望 That is sort of a bummer.
我仿佛在梦中见到他们 I seem 'em in my dreams.
粉丝们 他们无处不在 The fan boys, they are everywhere.
即使我睡着了 我也逃不掉 I can't escape even when I'm asleep.
有一天我会被击毙的 I'm gonna get shot one day
你知道我能看到的 and you know what the last thing is
最后一件事是什么 that I'm gonna see?
嗯 萨德 Um, Zod?
是一些狂热分子 It's gonna be the disappointed face
失望的表情 of some fanatic
他对我挡不住一颗子弹感到非常惊讶 who is absolutely astounded that I can't stop a bullet.
子弹打穿了我 杰森 Bullets, they fucking pierce me, Jason.
妈的 Fuck!
我听说你最近很忙 So I hear you've been busy lately.
是啊 伙计 我刚刚有个很棒的演出 伙计 那是 Yeah, dude, I just had this sweet gig, man, that's--
我不是这个意思 That's-- that's not what I'm talking about.
- 逮捕 - 哦 - Arrested. - Oh.
你觉得怎么样 How's that working out for you?
相当好 兄弟 Really good, bro.
我告诉你就像人们用一种完全不同的方式 I'm telling you like people have seen me
- 看我一样 - 那很好 那很好 - in a whole different way. - That's good, that's good.
接下来你准备了什么 What have you got lined up next?
现在没事 但是 Uh, nothing right now, but--
杰森 你得趁热打铁 伙计 Jason, you have to hit now while the iron is hot, man.
你现在要努力 You need to capitalize right now,
得到角色 get the roles while you're benefiting
并且额外受益 from the extra profile.
我现在就想要这个脚本 对吧 I'm actually trying to get this script right now, right?
- 是布莱恩噢哈洛伦写的 - It's written by Brian O'-- - O'Halloran.
- 是的 对的 - 你知道的 - Yeah, right. - You know it?
兄弟 大家都知道 Dude, everybody knows it.
这是全城的热门话题 It's the talk of the town.
他们已经把它安排在奥斯卡季上映 They're already scheduling it for an Oscar seasons release.
奥哈洛伦他会帮你牵线搭桥吗 Is-- is O'Halloran-- is he gonna hook you up?
我是说我希望他能帮我和领导 Well, I mean I'm hoping that he's gonna hook me up
牵线 with the lead.
等等 你是说奥斯卡吗 兄弟 But wait, did you say Oscars, bro?
你 You--
- 什么 - 你一直很乖 杰森 - What? - Have you been behaving, Jason.
- 当然 我很乖 Of course, I am.
你不是在 我的意思 你明白的 You're not back on the-- I mean, you know?
不不 No! No.
工作室的照片吗 Studio picture?
开什么玩笑 You fucking kidding me?
你认为电影公司会给你提供线索 You think the studio is gonna offer you the lead
希望获得奥斯卡奖 in an Oscar hopeful?
即使奥哈洛伦真的为你加油 Even if O'Halloran really goes to bat for you,
你还得再因为头条新闻被抓一次 you still gotta get arrested again for the extra headlines.
等等 什么 Wait, what?
即使噢哈洛伦 Even if O'Halloran--
不不不 关于逮捕的事 No, no, no, about the arrest thing.
- 我们在哪 - 嘿 - Where do we-- - Hey!
- 能帮我快速拍张照片吗 - 哦 我吗 - Can I grab a quick picture? - Oh, me?
- 是的 - 好 当然 - Yeah. - Yeah, sure, yeah.
嘿 兄弟 好了 Hey, man, alright.
所以 好吧 So, alrighty.
- 不错 - 太棒了 - Nice, bro. - Awesome.
- 碰 碰 - 是的 兄弟 - Pound it, pound it. - Yeah, bro.
- 谢谢你 - 谢谢你 - Thank you. - Thank you.
是的 Yeah.
小心 杰森 Be careful, Jason.
不要做蠢事 不值得 And don't do anything stupid, it's not worth it.
好的 我知道 很好 Alright, I know, that's good.
你要起床了 You're gonna get up?
不不 我很好 我在这里很好 No, no, I'm good. I'm good here.
好的 Okay.
等一回见 兄弟 I'll see you later, bro.
很高兴见到你 Good to see you.
哦 能帮我拿点咖啡吗 Oh, c-- co-- could you get me my coffee?
这里 Here.
谢谢 Thanks.
洛杉矶警察局在今天的新闻发布后成了热门话题 The LAPD is a buzz today after news
新闻说一个证人在维尼约翰谋杀案中挺身而出 of a witness coming forward in the Vinnie Jones murder case.
目前信息匮乏 Information is scarce at this point,
但我们的线人相信目击者确实看到了凶手 but our sources believe the witness did see the murderer
并能认出他 and will be able to identify him.
到目前为止 琼斯先生没有做出任何回应 As of yet, we have no comment from Mr. Jones's representatives
杰森梅斯也没有 or indeed from Jason Mewes,
他和琼斯是在同一天早上被捕的 who was arrested on the same morning as Jones.
待在我们身边 直到天明 Stay with us as the day gets--
等一等 Wait a second.
我听说我们找到了梅斯先生 I'm hearing that we've located Mr. Mewes
下面是本台记者奥利弗为您带来的现场报道 and our reporter Oliver is with him live.
奥利弗 Oliver?
梅维斯先生 Mr. Mewes!
你对最近发生的事情怎么看 How do you feel about recent events
关于你好朋友的谋杀案 regarding the murder case of your good friend
还有臭名昭著的抢球手维尼琼斯 and notorious ball grabber Vinnie Jones?
一位证人站出来说 A witness has come forward to say
他们记得在凶杀案发生的那个晚上看见过那个司机 they remember seeing the driver on the night of the murder.
等等 什么 Wait, what?
你现在愿意承认你的好朋友 Are you now willing to admit that your good friend
是一个杀手吗 并且他和英国 is a killer and never actually let go
黑帮有关系 of his British gangland connections?
琼斯真的是黑社会的秘密老大吗 Is it true Jones has been a secret gangland boss
恐吓好莱坞吗 terrorizing Hollywood?
维尼的电影角色是通过恐吓获得的吗 Does Vinnie get his movie roles through intimidation?
不可能 他是个很好的人 No way, he is a very nice guy--
你有什么没告诉我们的 梅维斯先生? What are you not telling us, Mr. Mewes?
梅维斯先生 梅维斯先生 Mr. Mewes! Mr. Mewes!
- 你不是什么 - 梅维斯先生 - What are you not-- - Mr. Mewes!
梅维斯先生 Mr. Mewes!
警方严密封锁了 Police are keeping tightly sealed
关于在维尼琼斯谋杀案 as to the identity of the witness
中证人的身份 in the Vinnie Jones murder case,
但很多人都在猜测这是谁 but many are speculating as to who it could be.
我的意思是它可以是任何人 I mean it literally could be anyone.
洛杉矶是一个非常大的地方 LA is a really big place.
不是我 It's not me.
他就在这里 There he is.
好了 我 Alright, I'm...
只想警告他 ...just gonna warn him.
只想警告他 Just warn him.
兄弟 没关系的 Bro, it's okay.
他只是 It's just...
不要像 Don't be startled like, uh...
嘿 兄弟 没事的 Hey, bro, it's-- it's cool.
看 嘿 Look, hey!
It's cool. 很酷
我只是想知道斯坦李住在哪里 I just wanted to know where Stan Lee lives.
我知道他住得很近 I know he lives close.
我想知道如何去他家 I just need a little help getting to his house.
妈的 你他妈的别动 Fuck, don't you fucking move--
否则我就杀了你 婊子 Or I'll cut you, bitch.
你在干嘛 What are you doing?
当他们问你那天晚上是否见过我 When they ask you if you saw me that night
你就说你没有 you're gonna say you didn't.
我没见过你 I d-- I-- I didn't see you.
等一等 什么 Wait, what?
不不 我以为我看到那个英国足球小子了 No, I-- I thought I saw that British soccer guy
他们不停地播报新闻 they keep putting on the news.
天很黑 It was dark I th--
我看到 I saw...
- 嘿 - 不 - Hey! - No!
我以为你在警告我 I thought you were giving me a warning.
- 但是 我 - 你要杀死我 - But I am. - You're trying to kill me.
不不不 你想逃跑 No, no, no, you were trying to run away.
你就是那个沉默的杰 You're that silent Jay guy.
哇 Whoa!
看 你让我做了什么 Look, what you made me do!
我要报警 Oh, I need 911, 911!
哦 这里 我帮你拿 Oh, here, let me get it for you.
哦 妈的 Oh fuck!
我需要一辆救护车 I need an amb-- ambulance.
- 该死 伙计 好吧 - 天啊 我快死了 - Shit, dude, alright. - God, I'm dying.
伙计 应该没问题 Dude, that should be okay.
这是哪条街 What-- what, um, what street is this, again?
这是枫树大道 你这个混蛋 It's Maple Boulevard, you fucking asshole!
妈的 Holy shit!
你昨晚就是这幅表情 That was your face that night.
我又想起来了 It's coming back to me.
我会让你付出代价的 I'm gonna make you fucking pay.
我会让你付出代价的 I'm gonna tell 'em what you did.
我会让你付出代价的 你这个混蛋 I'm gonna make you fucking pay, you bastard!
你脸色很苍白 兄弟 You're looking pretty pale, bro.
你脸色很苍白 兄弟 Are you fucking kidding me?
不不不 不要 No, no, don't g--
不要走 不要走 请帮我叫辆救护车 Don't go, don't go away, please, come back.
叫辆救护车 Call an ambulance please.
我那晚什么都没看到 I didn't see anything that night, man.
我不认得你 I don't know-- I don't know your face.
我不知道你长什么样子 I don't know what you look like.
我从来没看过你的电影 I've never seen any of your movies.
很好 That's good.
我今天不该来的 兄弟 I wasn't even supposed to be here today, bro.
你在干嘛 What are you doing?
你在干嘛 What are you--
哦 Oh!
不不不不不 No, no, no, no.
不要 Pleased don't-- don't do that.
不要 不要 Don't-- don't--
把它放在你的口袋里 把它放在你的口袋里 Put that in your pocket, go put it in your pocket.
把它收起来 收起来 Put it away, put it away!
不不不 Oh, oh, no.
不要 Please, don't.
哦 妈的 Ow, shit!
你为什么要那么做 Why did you do that?
听着伙计 我只是来警告你 兄弟 Look, dude, I was just here to warn you, bro.
这不是我 我不是冷血杀手 It don't come natural to me, I'm not a cold-blooded killer!
我 I'm f--
我感觉 I feel like...
我头晕 I'm dizzy.
哦 妈的 Oh shit.
我在干嘛 What am I doing?
我差点故意杀了这个混蛋 I almost fucking actually killed this motherfucker on purpose.
天啊 我他妈的在干嘛 Oh God, what the fuck am I doing?
什么他妈的 What the fuck!
等一下 Wait a second.
等一下 Wait.
维尼进监狱了 Vinnie's in jail.
他们会知道不是他干的 They're gonna know it wasn't him.
好的 那是对的 Okay, that's right.
妈的 去他妈的 Shit! Holy fuck!
妈的 Holy fuck!
天呐 Holy sh--
天呐 Holy shit.
呼气 兄弟 Breathe out, man.
哦 来吧 兄弟 Oh, come, man.
哦 Oof!
- 打扰一下 - 哇 - Excuse me? - Whoa!
兄弟 Dude.
你他妈的怎么了 兄弟 What the fuck is wrong with you, man?
兄弟 你怎么了 Well, what's wrong with you, bro?
你他妈的怎么了 兄弟 What the fuck is wrong with you, bro?
你是谁 Who-- who are you?
我他妈的有点神经问题 I have fucking nerve issues, man.
你不能随便对着别人的脸尖叫 You can't just randomly scream in people's faces.
你不了解我 你差点杀了我 You don't know me, you could've killed me, man.
你是个安全官员 So you're a security officer.
我是个该死的保安 I'm the fucking security officer.
乔治 亚伯拉罕 安全官员 George Abrahams, security officer.
一个神经有问题的安全官员 A security officer with nerve issues.
伙计 我 我他妈的 Dude, I'm-- I'm a fucking--
我是保安人员 先生 I'm a security guard machine, sir.
我就像365度的雷达 I'm like a 365° radar, man.
我看到所有的角度 狗 I see all the angles, dog.
你挡不住我 You can't get past me.
我为此道歉 Well, I apologize for that,
因为我确实需要见见弗兰戈 because I do need to see Ferrango, man.
不能这么做 Can't do it.
我必须警告他 I have to warn him.
你有什么要警告他的 What do you have to warn him about?
有个拉丁裔女孩和她的几个朋友 There's a-- a Latina girl, and a couple of her friends,
我来这里的时候路过他们 and I passed them when I was coming here.
妈的 他们在一起很危险 Fuck, they're dangerous in a group.
- 是的 - 妈的 - Yeah. - Shit.
哪个方向 Which direction?
往那边走 大约三个街区 Uh, that way, about three blocks.
- 谢谢 兄弟 - 酷 - Thanks, dude. - Cool.
我找到你的骑士了 I got your knight.
你知道那是什么意思 You know what that means.
哦 这个混蛋 Ay este pendejo!
你读得太快了 You've been reading it too fast.
我看你一眼就知道 I can tell just by looking at you.
你在第几页 What page are you on?
我不知道 大概 200 I-- I don't know, like 200.
嗯 C--
嘿 嘿 振作起来 Hey, hey, snap out of it.
我是怎么控制这些情绪的 What did I tell about keeping those feelings in check?
回家吧 回家了 Just-- just go home. Go home.
睡吧 Sleep it off.
不要再想那本书了 Forget about the book for a couple of weeks.
有点效果 It's working a little bit.
- 有点效果 - 我很抱歉 维拉利尔先生 - It's sort of work-- - I am so sorry, Mr. Villareal.
他 他从我身边溜走了 He-- he snucked past me.
你就是个混蛋 You Brutus motherfucking Spoodle.
好的 好的 It's okay, it's okay.
梅维斯 梅维斯 Mewes! Mewes!
你得放松 伙计 You have to relax, man.
处理所有正在发生的事情 Process everything that's going on
在你发疯之前 before you go loco.
该死的好莱坞 Damn Hollywood.
所有这些演员都把这里变成了战区 All these actors are turning it into a warzone.
但是这些家伙掩盖了他们的踪迹 But these guys covered their tracks.
他们的方法肯定有些疯狂 Definitely some madness in their method.
是非常疯狂 你这个白痴 It's method in the madness, you idiot.
很好 Fair enough.
你知道杰森梅斯和这个案子有关 对吧 You do know that Jason Mewes is linked to this case, right?
他是 He is?
他和维尼琼斯在同一天被捕 He was arrested the same day as Vinnie Jones.
但你不认识杰森梅维斯吗 But don't you know Jason Mewes?
杰森 梅维斯 Jason Mewes?
那个油嘴滑舌的家伙 That smoochie boochie guy?
是的 那个贪睡的家伙 是的 那个家伙 Yes, the snoochie boochie guy. Yeah, that guy.
我从来没见过他 但是 伙计 我听说他是个笨蛋 I never met him, but, boy, I heard he's a knucklehead.
我们不可能都是圣人 Well, we all can't be saints.
哦 糟糕 侦探来了 Oh crap, here comes the detective.
听着 我没有什么好跟他说的 Look, I uh, I got nothing good to tell him here.
你可能想要 You might wanna--
够了 Enough said.
我要走了 I'm out of here.
向上 向前 吉姆 Upward and onward, Jim.
是的 是的 是的 向前 向上 Yeah, yeah, yeah, onward and upward.
韦恩 Wayne!
韦恩 Wayne.
很好 Good--
很高兴见到你 先生 Good to see you, sir.
那是谁 Who's that?
哦 那是斯坦 李 Oh, this is Stan Lee.
- 他是邻居 - 传奇 - He's the neighbor. - Legend.
是 他是 Yeah. Yes, he is.
闭嘴 给我个好消息 Shut up, give me some good news.
我什么也没得到 I got nothing.
这家伙要么是个专业人士 This guy was either a professional
或者他是个幸运的狗娘养的 or he was one lucky son of a bitch.
你有凶器吗 You have the murder weapon?
我的人正在搜索这个区域 My guys are searching the area right now,
但说实话韦恩 but I'll be honest with you, Wayne,
我认为我们不会有积极的结果 I don't think we're gonna have positive results.
如果这是黑帮的地盘 他们可一点也不马虎 If this was gangland, they're not sloppy.
我们不会发现的 We're not gonna find shit.
走了 Go.
该死的白痴 Fucking idiot.
混蛋 You motherfucker!
肯定有什么不对劲 Something's definitely not right.
- 杰森 - 什么 - Jason. - What?
最近发生在琼斯谋杀案中的一件事 ...the most recent incident in the Jones murder case.
现在把最新消息交给奥利弗 Over to Oliver for all the latest.
我们现在确认了死者的尸体 We now have confirmation that the body of the victim
是维尼约翰谋杀案的主要证人 is principal witness in the Vinnie Jones murder case.
洛杉矶警察局的消息人士也告诉我们在受害者尸体 LAPD sources are also telling us the body of the victim
的胸前刻着一个符号 was found with a symbol carved into its chest.
据说这个符号 Rumor has it that this symbol
是英国黑帮谋杀的标签 is a British gangland murder tag,
暗示执行 indicating an execution.
正如你从警察的照片中看到的 As you can see from the police photos,
琼斯先生确实有黑帮的伤疤 Mr. Jones does have a gangland scar
在他的胸部 on his chest.
这是否与谋杀有关 Whether this links him to the murder
只有时间才能证明 only time will tell.
你真的认为维尼和这个凶杀案 Do you really think that Vinnie had something to do
- 有关吗 - 你知道吗 - with these murders? - You know what?
我在分散自己的注意力 I'm sort of distracting myself from it all.
嗯 Huh.
你知道的 做让你高兴的事 You know, do whatever makes you feel good.
嗯 Hmm.
也许当你在做的时候 And then maybe while you're at it
你可以像你承诺的那样修屋顶 you could fix the roof like you've been promising.
哦 我要买一把钉枪 所以 Oh, I have to buy a nail gun, so...
如果你现在走 你可以在聚会前回来。 If you go now, you can be back before the party.
- 聚会 - 你忘了 - Party? - You forgot about the party.
你知道凯文不想 You know that Kevin doesn't wanna go
一个人去埃斯特班 to Esteban's by himself.
斯诺奇不其 Snoochie boochies.
我是阴蒂指挥官 I am the clit commander.
杰森梅维斯不太可能 Jason Mewes continues his unlikely rise
电影明星排名上上升 up the Movie Star Rating charts
他发现自己又上头条了 as he finds himself back in the headlines
在维尼琼斯的证人被发现在一夜之间被谋杀后。 after the Vinnie Jones witness was found murdered overnight.
是的 Yes.
我现在不该在这里 I'm not even supposed to be here right now.
布莱恩奥哈洛伦证实奥德赛号的拍摄 Brian O'Halloran has confirmed shooting on The Odyssey
将于下月初开始 is set to begin at the start of next month,
这就意味着演员名单马上就要公布了 which means a cast announcement must be imminent
似乎有一半的好莱坞演员想加入 as it seems half of Hollywood wants in
奥斯卡获奖者的角逐 on the likely Oscar contender.
我快接近你了 混蛋 I'm closing in on you, motherfucker.
凯莉 我要出去买把钉枪 Carrie, I'm going out to buy a nail gun.
首席安德森 Chief Anderson.
警长 我是阿诺德侦探 Chief, detective Arnold here.
怎么了 侦探 What is it, detective?
我想把杰森梅斯带回来 I wanna bring Jason Mewes back in.
你已经问过梅维斯了 但什么也没得到 You already questioned Mewes and got nothing.
你重复了这个过程 You repeat that process
这个部门在媒体眼中是什么样子的 and what does this department look like to the press?
哦 拜托 他会说话的 Oh, come on, he's gonna talk.
- 我只想让他闭嘴 - 警官 - I just need him to-- - Drop it, detective.
你明白吗 Do you understand me?
好吧 首席 随你怎么说。 Alright, chief, whatever you say.
当然 Sure.
宝贝 Hey, babe.
是的 当然 我大约8点回家 Yes, of course, I'll be home about 8:00
我有新的手铐 and I have the new handcuffs.
有些事就是不对劲 Something just isn't right.
制片人对即将到来的来自针灸杀手组的杰森 Producers are raving about the daily footage coming
的镜头赞不绝口 解释说梅维斯 from the Acupuncture Killer set, explaining Jason Mewes
正在做不可思议的事 is doing incredible work
被逮捕是最好的事情 and getting arrested was the best thing
在他的职业生涯中 that could have happened to his career.
否则 他们绝对不会想到他会出演这个角色 Otherwise, they never would have thought of him for the role.
汤米 你能告诉我吗 Tommy, could you tell me
那个科斯塔里诺又在哪里工作 where that Costalino guy worked, again?
等等 什么 我刚才看到了什么 Wait, what? What the fuck did I just see?
-请问 -回答问题。 - Excuse me? - Answer the question.
我不是你的眼睛 杰森 I'm not your eyeballs, Jason.
你刚才在干什么 What were you just doing?
不同于一个女朋友 Skyping a girlfriend.
- 那是什么女朋友 - 梅根来自欧洲。 - What girlfriend is that? - Megan from Europe.
在欧洲的梅根想看你的咪咪 Megan in Europe wanted to see your titties?
你在说什么 What are you talking about?
当我走进门时 When I walked through the door,
你对着镜头露出了你的咪咪 you were flashing your titties to the camera.
你太他妈疯狂了 You've been acting fucking crazy.
我每次都要帮你争取 Is this what I'm gonna have to deal
你想要的好莱坞角色吗 with every single time you're up for some Hollywood role?
我要把杰找回来 I need the old Jay back.
还有沉默的鲍勃 Silent Bob, too?
去你妈的 Fuck you!
我想要那个我爱上的男人 I want the man I fell in love with.
这很奇怪 因为你有点疏远 That's weird, 'cause you've been a little distant
他 最近 from him lately.
杰森 你他妈有点偏执 好吗 Jason, you're being fucking paranoid, okay?
是我 It's me.
你会愿意让我相信的 不是吗 You would love for me to believe that, wouldn't you?
你要去哪里 Where are you going?
为聚会做准备 Getting ready for the party.
你好 你好 Hello, hello!
杰森 梅维斯 Jason Mewes.
丹尼 特乔 我不知道你会来 Danny Trejo, I didn't know you'd be here
这是什么 and what-- what's the--
我正在为一个新角色努力 I'm method acting for a new role now,
就这么办吧 卡布隆 好吗 just run with it cabron, alright?
是的 但是 我不 Yeah, but, I don't--
我以为你会和你的小凯莉在一起 I thought you'd be here with your little Carrie.
她开了她自己的车 她要在这里见我 但是 She took her separate car, she's gonna meet me here, but--
我觉得最好不要在天堂里惹麻烦 对吧 That better not be trouble in paradise, I'm sensing, is it?
不 不 一切都很好 我保证 No, no, everything's good, I promise.
你确定吗 因为你知道你能和我说话 Are you sure? 'Cause you know you can talk to me.
我知道 但我不喜欢你是苏 I know, but I do not get like-- are you su--
听着 我一直想跟你说几句废话 Look, I've been wanting to have a little chitty chatty poo
- 和你 - 一点 - with you. - A little--
一点废话 a little chitty chat?
让我们开始吧 有什么事吗 Let's do it. What's up?
我听说了 Well, I've been hearing
关于你抓球器有问题 about you having trouble with the ball grabber.
抓球器 The ball grabber?
他们就是这么叫他的 That's what they call him.
你知道 我很担心你 杰森 And you know, I worry about you, Jason.
- 你知道的 - 我知道 - You know that. - I know.
如果那个混蛋跟你上床 If that motherfucker fucks with you,
我要把他的心脏挖出来 I'll cut his fucking heart out.
该死 丹 我很感激 Shit, Dan-- I mean I appreciate that.
谢谢你 Thank you.
你知道他们叫我什么吗 You know what they call me?
弯刀 对吗 Machete, right?
你知道为什么吗 You know why?
因为那部电影 Uh, because of the movie.
因为我有一把大砍刀 Because I got a big motherfucking machete,
这就是为什么 that's why.
一个大砍刀 A big machete.
哈利奎恩史密斯 Harley Quinn Smith!
哦 就像我活着和呼吸一样 Oh, as I live and breathe.
- 丹尼 - 哦 冷静一下 - Danny. - Oh, be still my heart.
丹尼 没想到会在这里见到你 Danny, I didn't expect to see you here.
为什么每个人都这么说 Why does everybody keep saying that?
小女孩就不能玩得开心点吗 Can't a little girl have some fun?
伙计 你是来接凯文的 Dude, you're here to pick Kevin up?
是的 我想他比我更喜欢我的新驾照 Yeah, I think he's enjoying my new license more than I am.
哈利 天哪 Harley, oh my God!
嗨 Hi.
- 我们能自拍吗 - 当然。 - Can we take a selfie? - Of course.
好吧 我继续 好吧 哈利 Alright, I'm gonna go ahead, alright, Harley.
- 再见 - 你能告诉爸爸吗 - Bye. - Uh, will you tell dad
我等着 that I'm waiting.
我害怕得不敢去 我觉得我永远也逃不掉了 I'm too scared to go and I feel like I'll never escape.
没问题 没问题 No problem, no problem.
记住 他们不是同性恋 Remember, it's not gay as long as the balls
不要碰下巴 don't touch the chin.
哦 不错 那将是一个守门员 Oh nice! That's gonna be a keeper.
快乐 很高兴认识你 伙计 Pleasure. Nice meeting you, man.
先生 Sir!
你他妈的去哪了 伙计 Where the fuck have you been, dude?
你他妈的去哪了 Where the fuck have you been?
等等 你在说什么 Wait, what are you talking about?
别那么做 Don't fucking act like that.
就像你不认为我会发现一样 伙计 Like you don't think I was gonna fucking find out, man.
混蛋 都写在你脸上 Motherfucker, that shit is written
满满的罪恶感 all over your face, the goddamn guilt.
你以为我不会知道 You didn't think I'd know.
你在说什么 What are you talking about?
我说的是你在那栋房子里吸人血 I'm talking about you up in that house sucking dick,
因为我能看到精液就在那里 'cause I can see the cum right there.
- 没有 - 哦 妈的 - None! - Oh, shit!
嘿 你还记得我们把对方拉开的时候吗 Hey, you remember when we jerked each other off
在泳池里 in the pool?
那是一段美好的回忆 That's a great memory.
-你拿到那本书了吗 -我拿到了 - Did you get that book? - I did.
我读过这本书 伙计 它让我的手艺 I read the book, dude, and it is taking my craft
上了一个台阶 on a whole another level.
这真的很棒 谢谢你 It's awesome. Thank you.
对 伙计 操 你知道吗 伙计 Right on, man. Fuck, you know what, dude?
去他妈的 Fuck all that holy shit.
我只是在想 维尼 琼斯 I was just thinking, Vinnie Jones.
怎么了 伙计 What the fuck, man?
不要在游泳池里大便 Don't shit in the pool.
或许他真的和 Maybe he did have something to do
选角导演有关系 with that casting director.
你知道我在说什么吗 You know what I'm saying?
我是认真的 别在泳池里拉屎 I'm serious, don't shit in the pool.
布莱恩噢哈洛伦在这吗 他出现过吗 Brian O'Halloran here? Do you know if he showed up?
你是认真的吗 Are you serious?
我说的是该死的维尼 琼斯 I'm talking about fucking Vinnie Jones,
你在说 you're talking about Bri--
布莱恩噢哈洛伦在这里 Yeah, Brian O'Halloran is fucking here,
我进去的时候从他身边经过 I passed him on the way in.
船长的阴蒂 Captain clitoris.
哦 Oh!
我要去跟他谈谈 I'm gonna go talk to him about that--
等等 哈利 奎恩来接你了 Wait, Harley Quinn came here to pick you up.
她的前面 不好意思 She's out front. Sorry--
我的孩子来了 My fucking kid's here.
我们为什么坐在这里聊天 Why are we sitting here talking?
我们他妈的离开这里 婊子 Let's get the fuck out of here, bitch.
杰和沉默的鲍勃 好久不见了 Jay and Silent Bob, it's been a while.
- 嘿 - 嘿 - Hey! - Hey!
非常感谢你来参加我的聚会 Thank you so much for coming to my party.
我们的聚会 Our party.
天啊 我他妈的玩得很开心 Oh my God, I had a fucking blast.
我们只是坐在这里聊天 We've just been sitting here talking,
他正在楼上的房子里经历不幸 he was upstairs having misadventures in the house
妈的 and shit.
但我要走了 But I'm gonna go.
我有个播客要录 我得离开这里 I got a-- a podcast to record and I gotta light out of here.
我有9个播客 I got like nine podcasts.
所以我很喜欢在这里 So I've loved being here.
谢谢你邀请我们 Thanks for having us.
但是 我们才刚刚开始 But-- but we're just getting started.
不幸的是 我的孩子在车里热的像条狗 Sadly, I got my kid sweating in the car like a dog
我应该赶在她体温过高死掉之前走 and I should probably go before she overheats and dies.
- 快乐 - 谢谢 - Pleasure! - Thank you.
- 玩的开心 - 嗯 - Pleasure. - Uh.
很遗憾听到分手的消息 伙计们 Sorry to hear about the break-up, fellows.
有意识的解偶联 Conscious uncoupling.
杰森 你下周二要做什么 Jason, what are you doing next Tuesday?
与其说杰森是你的朋友 不如说他是我的朋友 Jason is more my friend than he is yours.
你已经和布莱恩太黏了 You already got too clingy with Brian
现在他要走了 凯文刚刚离开 and now he's leaving. Kevin just left.
按这种状况 我们的聚会 At this rate, we're not gonna have
不会邀请到名人 any famous people at our party!
布莱恩要走了 我得去追他 Brian's leaving, I gotta catch up with him.
看看你做了什么 Look what you did?
我的名人朋友对我来说就是整个世界 My famous friends mean the world to me
而你 你的口交是世界上最糟糕的。 and you-- you give the world's worst blowjob.
嗯 Mmhmm.
你父亲不是这么说的 That's not what your father said.
今天甚至不应该来这里 Not even supposed to be here today.
不不不更像是 No, no, no, no, it's more like,
我今天甚至不应该在这里 "I'm not even supposed to be here today."
一开始强调的重点更重要 See the emphasis is stronger at the start.
我今天甚至不应该在这里 I'm not even supposed to be here today.
那就这样吧 There you go.
好多了 Much better.
你知道 我把所有的情绪都放在这里 You know, I keep all my emotions like right here,
- 表面上 - 嗯 - on the surface. - Hmm.
存储并准备好操作 Stored and ready for action.
嗯 Hmm.
它允许我访问我的主管需要的任何东西 It allows me to access whatever my director needs.
完全不可思议 Totally amazing.
例如 快乐 For example um, pleasure.
是的 我喜欢快乐 Oh yeah, I like pleasure.
我们俩就是这样 That makes two of us.
布莱恩 嘿 怎么了 宝贝 Brian, hey, what's up, baby?
- 哦 嘿 - 你怎么样了 - Oh, hey. - How you doing?
杰 伙计 你好吗 Jay, man, how you doing?
我很好 兄弟 你呢 I'm good, man. How are you?
都过去了 It's been a while.
这一切发生后 Uh, how is everything since the arrest
还好吗 and all that?
哦 是的 其实没那么糟 Oh, yes, actually not that bad.
我得到了一些非常有趣的角色 I've gotten some really interesting roles,
因为媒体和宣传 because of the press and the publicity.
它让人觉得哇哦 It's made it like whoa--
哦 伙计 伙计 小心那媒体 哟 Oh, dude, dude, be careful with that press, yo.
你知道它会怎样影响你 你知道的 You know how it can turn on you, you know that.
是的 但是 嘿 凯文跟你说过 Oh yeah, but-- hey, has Kevin spoken to you
奥德赛吗 about The Odyssey?
我相信我们能把你放进去 You know, I'm confident we could slide you in there.
给我个机会和演播室谈谈 Just give me a chance to talk to the-- to the studio.
你是认真的吗 You're serious?
老兄 我认识你多久了 Dude, how long have I known you?
当然 我是认真的 Of course, I'm serious.
别担心杰我支持你 Don't worry, Jay, I got your back.
太疯狂了 伙计 It's so crazy, dude.
人们说 即使你能说服布莱恩 People were saying, "Even if you can convince Brian
你可以演好这部电影 that you can carry this studio movie,
他也永远说服不了演播室 he's never gonna convince the studio
- 让你来演主角 - 哇 哇 对不起 - to let you play the lead." - Whoa, whoa, I-- I'm sorry.
伙计 你还记得我们是根据教条来讨论的吗 Dude, you remember we were talking about it on Dogma
很多年前 so many years ago?
那时我就知道我是完美的 I knew then I was like perfect--
- 妈的 杰 杰 - 就这个角色而言 伙计 - Shit, Jay, Jay. - For the part, dude.
妈的 杰 我 我 我不知道你 Shit, Jay, um, I-- I-- I didn't know that you--
你以为我在说主演吗 Were you thinking I was talking about the lead?
是的 是的 是的 马库斯 对不起伙计 Yeah, yeah, yeah. Marcus, sorry dude.
记住它们的相似之处 The-- the-- remember the similarities
我和他的相似之处 to me and him--
我们是多么的相似 And how much we are alike.
- 妈的 兄弟 - 我是 - Shit, bro, I-- - I am--
我想多写几行 I was thinking more of a few lines
像是客串什么的 li-- like-- like a cameo or something.
什么 你觉得我做不到 What? You don't think I'm capable?
- 我可以的 兄弟 就像 - 不不不不 - I'm capable, bro, like-- - No, no, no, no, no.
听着 我得走了 Listen, um, I gotta run.
我要给演播室打个电话 Uh, what I'll do is I'll call the studio
我会说服他们把你带进来 and I'll persuade them to bring you in
试镜什么的 for an audition or something.
- 是啊 试镜 -是的 是吗 - Yeah, an audition. - Yeah, yeah?
当然 听起来不错 Sure, yeah, yeah, sounds great.
好的 我再跟你谈 Alright, I'll talk to you again.
- 谢谢 - 保持联系 好吗 - Thanks. - We'll be in touch, alright?
是的 谢谢 兄弟 Yeah, thanks, man.
对不起 我马上就回来 Oh, if you'll excuse me, I'll be right back.
嗯 杰森 Uh, Jason.
蒂姆的事我很抱歉 I'm so sorry about Tim.
坦率地说 我感到很尴尬 Frankly, I'm embarrassed.
你来的时候我们应该拍张自拍照 Oh, we should take a selfie while you're here.
你可以发推特给我 You could tweet it to me.
我的账号是@EstebanJovi ?祝福? earthtoJason My handle's @EstebanJovi ? blessed?earthtoJason.
嗨 欢迎参加我的聚会 我是说 Hi, welcome to my party. I'm talking to--
伙计 别他妈的碰我 我要杀了你 Dude, don't fucking touch me, I'll kill you!
宝贝 你真勇敢 Baby, you were so brave.
我知道 I know.
杰森 Jason!
别忘了我告诉过你的 小心那个抢球者 Don't forget what I told you, watch out for that ball grabber.
布莱恩 Brian!
阿诺警官 Officer Arnold.
是侦探 It's detective.
我能帮你什么吗 我的朋友 What can I help you with, my friend?
你怎么知道 How exactly did you know
选角导演安东尼科斯塔里诺 the casting director Anthony Costalino?
我不知道 I didn't.
我想是我第一次听到他的名字 Uh, I think the first time I heard his name
就是你逮捕我的时候 was when you arrested me.
这很有趣 That's-- that's funny.
真有趣 你知道为什么吗 That's funny, you know why?
因为我打电话给演播室 他们告诉我了 'Cause I called the studio and they told me
那天你和他在一起 that you are in a casting with him that day.
嗯 Uh.
我一定 一定是忘了 Um, I uh, well, I must-- must have forgot.
- 我有很多 - 你一定有 - I get a lot of-- - You must have.
很多选角调用 Call m-- a lot of casting calls.
哦 这只是个大巧合 对吧 Oh, it's just a big coincidence, right?
是啊 我想一定是 Yeah, it must have been, I guess--
但问题是我他妈的不相信 But the thing is I don't fucking believe
巧合 草泥马 in coincidences, motherfucker.
当我找到足够的证据 And when I get enough evidence on you,
我要埋葬你 把你关起来 I'm gonna bury you and put you away
很长一段时间 for a very long time.
酷 伙计 他妈的怎么了 Cool, man, what the fuck?
怎么了 伙计 What the fuck, man?
睡得很好 梅维斯 Sleep well, Mewes.
你自由的日子过得很慢 Your days of a free man are slowly--
减少 草 Dwindling-- fuck!
吉娜 Geena!
嘿 吉娜 我有急事找你 Hey, Geena, I need to speak to you urgently!
天呐 Jesus, Mary's cunt!
你吓了我五年 混蛋 You scared five years off of me, asshole.
你想过抽 Have you ever thought about smoking
大麻吗 a little marijuana?
这可能会使你稍微安定下来 It might settle you down a touch.
我需要一些短期工作 最好是现金 赚大钱的 I need s-- uh, some quick gigs, preferably cash, big earners.
你需要很多钱 而且要快 You need lots of money and fast.
趁我还活着 给我封个该死的爵士怎么样 杰森爵士 How about a fricking knighthood while I'm at it, Sir Jason.
我是认真的 吉娜 I'm serious, Geena.
为什么想要只做正经事 What happened to uh, "I only want to do serious shit,
不再有该死的黏糊糊的东西了 no more Snagins fucking goochy"?
我只是需要一些现金 I just might need some quick cash
因为有事情要发生 for something coming up.
基督 杰森 什么 Christ, Jason, what?
你有那个律师的电话号码吗 Hey, do you have that lawyer's number
能给我吗 and can I have it?
你需要冷静下来 You need to calm down.
不 你得给我个机会 赚那个百分比 No, you need to give me a gig, earn that percentage.
原谅我 Excuse me.
狗屎 Shit!
- 草 - 操你妈的 - Fuck! - Fuck you!
- 妈的 - 怎么了 - Shit! - What the fuck is wrong
你们他妈的怎么了 with you fucking people, man, this is shit.
想让自己死 Trying to get yourself fucking killed?
你想让自己死 You trying to get yourself fucking killed?
把密码给我 Give me the code.
不 No.
你在做什么 What are you doing?
把密码给我 Give me the fucking code.
5-6-3-3-7-5 5-6-3-3-7-5--
不不不不不 No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
用你那该死的舌头放进去 Put it in with your fucking tongue.
- 我的舌头 - 是的 - My tongue? - Yes!
好的 Okay.
- 你确定吗 - 是的 - Are you sure? - Do it!
- 好吧 - 现在 - Okay. - Now.
是开着的 It's open.
谢谢 Thanks.
不客气 You're welcome.
是直的吗 Is it just straight down?
对对对 左边 Yeah, yeah, to the left.
老大 我是阿诺侦探 Boss, it's detective Arnold.
我需要和你谈谈 I need to talk to you.
首席 Chief?
在吗 Hello?
破门而入对你很重要 探长 Breaking and entering mean much to you, detective?
我听到一些痛苦的声音 I heard some distress.
我有正当理由去调查 I-- It was uh, had justification to uh, investigate.
也许我有理由开除你 Maybe I have justification to fire your ass.
你穿什么 What are you wearing?
首席 我想和你谈谈 Chief, I need to talk to you.
关于杰森梅维斯吗 Is this about Jason Mewes, again?
那个男孩 Snoogans boy?
- 他很酷 - 闭嘴 亲爱的 - He's a cool guy. - Shut the fuck up, lover boy.
你没那么漂亮 你知道吗 You're not that beautiful, you know that?
宝贝 Baby!
看着我的眼睛 警探 Look into my eyes, detective.
就像把你送到 It'll be like transporting yourself
一个最纯粹最美丽的沙漠 to an everlasting desert of the purest beauty.
所以你真的认为杰森梅维斯在密谋 So you really think that Jason Mewes plotted
在洛杉矶警局的眼皮底下进行了谋杀 and carried out a murder under the noses of the LAPD?
杰森梅维斯 Jason Mewes was--
维尼琼斯杀了那个选角导演 Vinnie Jones killed that casting director
并下令谋杀证人 and ordered the witness murdered.
- 就是这样 - 废话 - That's it. - Bullshit!
开启和关闭 你被迷惑了 侦探 Open and shut. You're obsessed, detective.
别管他妈 否则我要起诉你 Leave Mewes the fuck alone or I will prosecute you
因为擅闯民宅 for breaking and entering.
首席 你不是只见树木不见森林 Chief, you're not seeing the trees for the wood.
你对你的眼睛做了什么 And what are you doing with those eyes
把它们当作某种武器 and using them as a-- some sort of weapon?
别用你那该死的眼睛看了 伙计 Stop doing that with your fucking eyes, man!
哦 是我麻木了 Oh, it's I'm numb.
我觉得很奇怪 I feel very strange.
我对自己的性取向很满意 I'm comfortable with my sexuality
直到这一刻 until this very second.
我爱你 I-- I love you.
哦 你怎么敢 Oh. How dare you.
去你妈的 Fuck you!
你这个狗娘养的 You beautiful son of a bitch!
去你妈的 Fuck you.
草 Fuck this.
我要杀了那个婊子 Fuck! I'll kill that son of a bitch.
草 Oh, fuck you.
接电话 你这婊子 Oh, pick up, you cunt.
马什法官 好久不见了 Judge Marsh, it's been a while.
恐怕不太好 先生 I'm afraid not so good, sir.
是啊 我得帮墨西哥的忙 Yeah, I'm gonna need to call in that Mexico favor.
体制让我失望了 正义需要伸张 The system's failed me and justice needs to be served.
我已经告诉过你我没有派任何匪徒来 I've already told you I didn't send any gangsters
杀那个老头 to kill that geezer.
我甚至不认识黑帮 I don't even know any gangsters.
我告诉过你我是英国人吗 Did I ever tell you I was English?
什么 What?
是的 实际上我出生在英国 Yeah, actually I was born in England.
我奶奶来自埃塞克斯 My grandma was from Essex.
我宣誓效忠女王 I pledge my allegiance to the Queen.
这是一个众所周知的事实 我甚至可能是 It's a known fact that I might even be related
夏洛克·福尔摩斯的血统 to the bloodline of Sherlock Holmes himself.
小说中的人物 The fictional character?
你知道梅维斯看到安东尼卡斯塔里诺了吗 Did you know that Mewes saw Anthony Costalino
就在他被杀的那天 on the day that he was murdered?
他他妈的什么 He fucking what?
他的角色选得不太好 He was in a casting which didn't go too well.
我不知道 你可以说我疯了 I don't know, I mean um, call me crazy,
但这是一个很大的巧合 but that's sort of a big coincidence
我想他没跟我们任何人提过 and I thought he failed to mention to any of us.
不是吗 Don't you?
是的 Yeah.
琼斯先生 你准备好接受好消息了吗 Are you ready for some good news finally, Mr. Jones?
继续 Go on.
我和当权者谈过了 I've talked to the powers
那位法官是我的好朋友 that be a judge that I'm quite good friends with.
有一次我们在卡波过周末 We had a weekend in Cabo once,
但这不是这里也不是那里 but that's neither here nor there.
他认为我们没有足够的证据把你留在这里 He's decided that we don't have enough evidence to keep you here
我们会保释你出来的 and we're gonna let you out on bail.
现在规矩点 Behave yourself now and--
遵守保释条件 Adhere to those bail conditions.
在英国怎么说 How do they say it in England?
恭喜 Uh, cheerio.
打吗 ? Hit it ?
我得到了什么 ? I got ?
打吗 ? Hit it ?
我只有一件事要拒绝吗 ? I got just one thing to turn away ?
打吗 ? Hit it ?
我拿到了 ? I got ?
他妈的什么 What the fuck?
他妈的什么 这是废话 What the fuck? This is bullshit.
喂 Hello?
打扰一下 Excuse me?
还想要吗 儿子 Want more, son?
让我解释一下 维 来吧 伙计 兄弟 Let me explain, Vin, come on, dude, bro!
我不敢相信你会让我在那间牢房里烂掉 I cannot believe you were gonna let me rot in that cell.
听着 伙计 让我解释一下 维 Look, dude, let me explain, Vin.
什么 What--
杰 你真是个好朋友 Some kind of mate you are, Jay.
杰已经死了 Jay is dead.
事情发生了变化 Things have changed.
哦 妈的 Oh, motherfucker.
真的吗 Really?
哦 维尼 Oh, Vinnie, please.
兄弟 你冷静一下 Please, please, buddy!
妈的 Shit, shit.
妈的 维尼 我 Shit, Vinnie, I'm-- It was sh--
这是个误会 兄弟 It was a misunderstanding, bro!
兄弟 Bro!
斯诺干 你这个提线木偶 Snoogans, you muppet!
维尼 你还好吗 Vin, you okay?
打他 ? Hit it ?
我得到了 ? I got ?
杰 Jay?
杰 是你吗 Jay, is that you?
杰森 Jason?
这到底是怎么回事 What the hell?
亲爱的 Honey?
你他妈的在干吗 What the fuck are you doing?
修理屋顶 Fixing the roof.
在半夜 In the middle of the night?
你想让我打扮成杰 What, do you want me to dress up as Jay
却不修理屋顶 and not fix the roof?
好了 宝贝 下来 Okay, baby, come down.
你真的 真的 吓到我了 You're really, really starting to scare me now.
我是杰森 I am Jason.
杰森 梅维斯 Jason Mewes!
你今晚可以睡沙发 杰森 梅斯 You can sleep on the couch tonight, Jason fucking Mewes.
他妈的什么 What the fuck?
是的 杰森 Yes, Jason.
你想杀了我 You're trying to kill me.
嘿 你在干什么 Hey, what are you doing?
你会让我在那间牢房里烂掉的 You were gonna let me rot in that cell.
当杰森很坏的时候会发生什么 And what happens when Jason is very bad?
我 I'm com--
我来找你 狗娘养的 I'm coming for you, son of a bitch.
我 I'm--
和 And...
行动 Action.
引发另一场大骚乱 ? Starts another big riot ?
活力 ? Zing ?
那有什么用呢 ? So what's the use ?
哇 ? Wow, bam ?
坠入爱河 ? Of falling in love ?
天塌下来了 ? The sky caves in ?
魔鬼挣脱了 ? The devil cuts loose ?
你吹 吹 吹 ? You blow, blow, blow ?
发脾气 ? Blow your fuse ?
斯诺干男孩 Die, Snoogans boy!
碰 Pow!
天呐 Holy!
当你坠入爱河 ? When you fall in love ?
哦 ? Oh ?
杰杰杰杰杰 ? Jay, Jay, Jay, Jay, Jay ?
杰森 梅维斯 ? Jason fucking Mewes ?
梅维斯 梅维斯 ? Mewes, Mewes ?
杰森 妈的 ? Jason fucking ?
- 杰森 - 梅维斯 - ? Jason ? - ? Mewes ?
哦 ? Oh ?
杰森 梅维斯 ? Jason Mewes ?
杰森 妈的 妈的 ? Jason fucking, fucking, fucking ?
梅维斯 ? Mewes ?
琼斯先生昨晚没能回到中途宿舍 Mr. Jones failed to return to the halfway house last night,
他有争议的保释的严格条件 a strict condition of his controversial bail.
早期的理论来自洛杉矶警察局 Early theories coming out of the LAPD
是琼斯先生利用了他在英国黑社会的关系 are that Mr. Jones used his British gangland connections
把他偷运出境 to smuggle him out of the country.
现在注意力转向首席侦探 Attention now turns to the lead detective
因为是阿诺侦探 in the case as it was Detective Arnold
支持琼斯保释的人 who supported Jones's bail.
保释 失败 #Bail, #fail, #bailfail.
不知道他怎么花了这么长时间 Wonder what took him so long.
你在等人吗 Are you expecting someone?
别担心 Don't worry about it.
嗯 Hmm.
警官 这么早就去喝酒了 Little early to be drinking there, officer.
是侦探 It's detective.
康复的第一步是承认你有问题 First step to recovery is admitting you have a problem.
我知道是你干的 混蛋 I know you did it, motherfucker.
你躲在警徽后面真是幸运 You're lucky you're hiding behind that badge
要不我就打你一巴掌 警官 or I might have to bitch slap you, officer.
觉得你很坚强 是吧 Think you're tough, huh?
不那么艰难 Not so tough--
现在是你了吗 混蛋 Now are you, motherfucker?
你认为我做不到 You don't think I'll do it.
你以为我不会扣动扳机 You don't think I'll pull the fucking trigger.
我是你未来演员的两倍 I'm twice the actor you'll ever be.
我是英国人 I'm English.
我发明了他妈的表演 你知道的 I invented fucking acting, you know.
我应该拥有你的事业 I should have your goddamn career
你应该进监狱让你的混蛋挨打 and you should be in jail getting your asshole licked
还是被一个穿着连体衣的胖子打 by a fat man in a jumpsuit.
这不是你最后一次听我说 梅维斯 It's not the last you've heard of me, Mewes.
混蛋 Fucker!
狗娘养的 Son of a bitch.
那是什么鬼东西 What the hell was that?
一个卖保险的人 Some guy selling insurance.
我听到叫喊 I heard yelling.
只是保险而已 Uh, it's just insurances.
是的 Right.
洛杉矶警察局已经展开了正式的搜捕行动 The LAPD have launched an official manhunt
缉拿英国足球明星转型为电影明星的维尼琼斯 for British soccer star turned movie star Vinnie Jones.
他因为涉嫌 He is wanted on suspicion
安东尼科斯塔里诺谋杀案而被通缉 of the murder of Anthony Costalino
以及命令黑帮成员进行打击 and for ordering gang members to put a hit
关于科斯塔里诺谋杀案的唯一证人 on the only known-witness to the Costalino murder.
警方没有发现琼斯的踪迹 Police have found no trace of Jones
但他们发现他租来的车被遗弃了 but they have found his rental car abandoned.
杰森 谁爱你 宝贝 Jason, who loves you, baby?
怎么了 吉娜 Yo, what's up, Geena?
吉娜签了 Geena nailed it.
签名秀 一些极客的屁话 Autograph shows, some geeky bullshit,
活动卖完了 event's sold out.
明天上午9点整 Tomorrow at 9:00 a.m. sharp.
他们会给你提成 现金在手 They'll give you your cut, cash in hand.
蹦 哦 Boom. Ooh!
- 对不起 我做不到 - 什么 - Sorry, I can't make it. - What?
但 但你说 But-- but you said--
忘了我说的话 好吗 Forget what I said, alright?
给我找个演播室选角 And get me a studio casting already.
杰森 Jason!
我得把这家伙的脑袋拧出来 I have gotta fuck this guy's brains out.
他不太听话 He is untameable.
嘘 Psst!
你总是穿成那样 兄弟 You always dress like that, bro?
给聪明人说句话 A word to the wise
关于你的朋友布莱恩噢哈洛伦 about your friend Brian O'Halloran.
看来他不像你想象的那么好 Seems he's not as good a friend as you thought he was.
等等 你知道凯莉和布莱恩的事吗 Wait, you know about Carrie and Brian?
- 什么 - 你刚刚说 - What? - You just said--
- 我知道 但是凯利 - 是的 - I know but Carrie? - Exactly!
- 不 - 嗯 - No! - Huh?
布莱恩想操你 Brian tried to fuck you.
凯莉吗 Carrie?
- 布莱恩和凯莉上床了 - 布莱恩上过我 - Brian fucked Carrie? - Brian fucked me?
不 No!
等一等 什么 Wait, what?
布莱恩什么时候睡过我 How did Brian fuck me?
我有工作室看到的非常可靠的证据 I have it on very good authority that the studio saw
针灸杀手的早期镜头 early footage of Acupuncture Killer
他们喜欢你演奥德赛的主角 and they love you for the Odyssey lead,
尤其是布莱恩的故事 especially hand-in-hand with Brian's own story,
某种完美的宣传风暴式的交易 some publicity-perfect storm kind of deal.
这不可能是真的 This can't be true.
布莱恩不认为你能胜任这个角色 Brian didn't think that you could handle the role.
他特意去确认一下 He went out of his way to make sure
你没有得到这份工作 you did not get the offer.
伙计 我得走了 Dude, I gotta go.
打他 ? Hit it ?
我得到了 ? I got ?
我从来都不明白一个演员 I never understood how an actress
可以预期显示出弱点 can be expected to show vulnerabilities,
展现她真实的自我 真正展现她自己 show her true self, really reveal herself
如果她不信任 if she doesn't trust--
哦 布莱恩 Oh, Brian!
哦 我的天呐 兄弟 Oh my goodness, bro.
杰 兄弟 Jay, hey, man.
伙计 真不敢相信我碰到你了 Dude, I can't believe I ran into you.
我在外面散步 哇 I was walking around outside and it's whoa!
杰 那不是你的车吗 Isn't that your car, Jay?
不 那不是我的车 No, it's not my car.
老兄 车牌上有你的名字 Dude, it's got your name on the license plate.
奥德赛 The Odyssey.
是的 Oh, yeah.
杰 关于那个 Um, Jay, about that--
布莱恩给了我这个角色 我知道 Brian got me the role, I knew it.
事实上 我打电话给演播室 杰 Actually, I called the studio, Jay,
我为你而战 我真的为你而战 and I fought for you, I really did, man,
但它们的方向不同 but they're going in a different direction.
我认识的布莱恩会说 梅维斯演主角 The Brian I know would say, "Mewes gets the lead part."
杰 我已经尽力了 Jay, I did everything I could.
这是他妈的胡说 兄弟 It's fucking bullshit, bro.
我们该走了 Oh, we should get going.
让我给你一点建议 杰森 Let me give you a little piece of advice, Jason.
你听说过曲棍球运动员 Did you ever hear of a hockey player
叫萨姆伦诺克斯 by the name of Sam Lennox?
拜托别这样兄弟 Fucking don't do this, please, bro!
杰 你还好吗 Jay, you alright?
你需要打电话给别人 还是直接说出来 Do you need to like call someone or talk it out or--
或者我应该 Or maybe I should--
或者你应该为你的朋友挺身而出 Or maybe you should stand up for your fucking friend, man,
请 please.
我将会看到 I'll see around.
伙计 你知道吗 Dude, did you know?
什么 What?
布莱恩不想让我参演奥德赛 That Brian didn't want me in The Odyssey!
谁告诉你的 Who told you this?
别骗我 Don't lie to me!
我没撒谎 我只是问问 I'm not fucking lying, I'm just asking.
你知道吗 And you know what?
最近你真的没钱了 Lately, you're really out of fucking pocket, man,
忘了这段感情之类的 forgetting the relationship and shit like that.
真糟糕 你没告诉我 对吧 Oh, that's fucked up, you didn't tell me, alright?
布莱恩在我背后捅刀子是一回事 但你呢 Brian stabbing me in the back is one thing, but you?
来吧 Come on!
我没有在背后捅你一刀 混蛋 I didn't fucking stab you in the back, motherfucker.
就像你曾经想过的那样 Like did it ever occur to you
也许我是在为你着想 maybe I was looking out for your best interests?
哦 如何 Oh, how exactly?
很好 你知道吗 Fine. You know what?
妈的 Fuck.
我爱死你了 好吗 I love you to death, okay?
你就像我最好的朋友 You're like my best friend in the world,
但好像你不是男主角 but like you are not a leading man.
布莱恩要拍电影 And Brian's gonna make a movie
全世界都会看到的 the whole fucking world's gonna see.
如果你在舞台上失败了 那就太大了 And if you fail on that stage, man, that's huge.
很难从这种情况下走出来 And it's tough to get out from under that
真的很令人伤心 and it fucking hurts.
当你失败时 你就什么也不是了 When you carry a flop, you turn to fucking shit.
我变成了一个瘾君子 I-- I became a stoner.
你想过为什么吗 Do you ever wonder why?
扎克和米里在拍色情片 Zack and Miri Make a Porno.
你开始变得物质 对吗 You start turning to substances, okay?
我就是这么说的 That's me saying it.
人们还在开塔斯克的玩笑 People are still fucking making fun of Tusk,
还有该死的小老鼠之类的 and fucking Mallrats, and shit like that.
我最大的恐惧就是电影失败了 And my big fucking fear is the movie flops
而你却无所事事 and you're sitting around
想他妈的减轻疼痛 wanting to fucking dampen the pain,
也许你他妈的 then maybe you fucking...
来吧 你说得对 兄弟 Come on, you can say it, bro.
我们真的不想这么做 伙计 We don't really wanna do this, dude.
就像我很享受这个过渡期 Like let's just-- let me enjoy my joint.
说吧 兄弟 快点 他妈的说吧 Just say it, bro, come on, fucking say it!
也许你又开始吸毒了 好吗 Maybe you start fucking using again, alright?
也许你会得到一个该死的12口径的 Maybe you fucking wind up with a goddamn 12-gauge
在你的手臂上 in your arm.
也许我得再带你去九个康复中心 Maybe I gotta fucking take you to nine more fucking rehabs,
看着你用完另一个 watch you run out of another one,
我他妈的要做你的降落伞 and fucking I gotta be your goddamn human parachute,
把你从他妈的谷底救出来 save you from the fucking rock bottom
你总是想拖着 that you're always trying to drag
我们俩都他妈的冷静下来 both of us fucking down to, man.
对不起 不是无缘无故的 I'm sorry, not for nothing,
但我又经历了一次 伙计 but I go through that shit again, dude.
我有了自己的孩子 I got a kid of my own!
你在我的电影里演得太棒了 You're fucking great in my movies.
别误会我的意思 Don't get me wrong.
你生来就是要演杰的 但妈的 伙计 You're born to play Jay, but fuck, dude,
那是份大工作 你又不是演员 that's a big fucking job and you're not that actor.
所以别再他妈纠缠别人了 So stop fucking hounding people about it.
或者它不会掉下来 它他妈的会飞起来 Or maybe it doesn't flop, and it fucking skyrockets,
我生来就是要演奥德赛的 and I'm born to play the fucking Odyssey.
我搞定了 我的事业超越了你 I nail it, my career surpasses yours,
我又不在你的口袋里 and I'm not in your fucking pocket
- 想抽就抽 - 好的 - to pull out when you want. - Yeah.
然后你就让我参演你的电影 And then you put me in your movie
我的狗屎杀了他 and my shit kills it, and for the first time ever
在凯文史密斯电影史上第一次 in the history of Kevin Smith movies,
电影可以赚钱 the movie makes money!
那这怎么样 How about that shit?
好吧 我觉得现在不是 Okay, I'm-- like this is so not the fucking time
做这个的时候 to even do this.
就像 Like...
我不知道你有没有注意到 I don't know if you noticed,
但我要去看喜剧了 but I'm about to go to a fucking comedy show!
所以你知道吗 伙计 So you know what, dude,
如果你真的这么想 if that's really the way you feel about shit,
就滚蛋 Like fuck off.
去你妈的 Go fuck yourself.
你知道吗 去吧 You know what? Go step on that.
沉默的鲍勃想让杰去那个该死的地方 Silent Bob wants Jay to go step on that fucking joint.
老兄 Ferny, man.
我得炒了那个保安白痴 I gotta fire that security idiot.
凯文和奥哈洛伦在一起工作 Kevin and O'Halloran are fucking working together,
- 兄弟 毁了我 - 什么 - dude, to destroy me. - What?
伙计 他们想破坏我的事业 Dude, they're trying to sabotage my career.
杰森 放松 兄弟 Jason, relax, man.
这是怎么呢 What's going on?
我搞砸了 伙计 I messed up, dude.
我读了整本书 I read the whole book.
哦 妈的 Oh, shit!
我一步一步来 I followed it step-by-step
这让我清醒了 伙计 and it cleared my thoughts, dude,
一开始我以为我能搞定 and at first I thought I could handle it,
但是和凯文在一起，然后 然后我 我觉得 but then with Kevin and-- and then I-- I feel
就像我失去理智一样 伙计 like I'm losing my fucking mind, man.
呼吸 杰森 Breathe, Jason.
我要疯了 I'm going crazy.
不 你进步了 No, you are evolving.
你从另一个角度看世界 You're seeing the world from a different plane!
这本书就是这么对你的 伙计 The book does that to you, man.
我去过那里 I've been there.
你什么意思 What-- what do you mean?
杰森 我也是个演员 Jason, I, too, was an actor,
在我的祖国非常受欢迎 hugely popular in my home country.
但我被诅咒了 But I was cursed.
我遇到的每个人都无可救药地爱上了我 Everybody I meet falls hopelessly in love with me.
相信我 杰森 这是个诅咒 And believe me, Jason, it is a curse.
所以就像你一样 我决定改变 So just like you, I decided to change,
打破诅咒 beat the curse.
所以我来到美国表演 扮演坏人 So I came to America to act, to play the bad guy,
那家伙 the gangster and--
有一天深夜 我遇到一位导演 and one day I met with a director late at night,
当然 他无可救药地爱上了我 and he of course, was hopelessly in love with me,
我有一个计划 and I had a plan.
好吧 Okay.
你觉得我是怎么认识警长的 How do you think I met the chief?
她逮捕你吗 She arrested you?
我平生第一次坠入爱河 For the first time in my life I was in love,
彼此深爱着对方 deeply in love.
她篡改指控 使其消失 She massaged the charges and made them disappear.
为了她 我停止演戏 躲避 For her, I quit acting and went into hiding
所有爱我的人 from all who loved me.
我从未后悔 And I don't regret it for one second,
因为是时候放弃这本书了 because it was time to give up the book,
但只有对的人 but only to the right person.
我不能正常思考 Uh, I can't think straight.
好吧 凯文 他背叛了我 Right, well, Kevin, he betrayed me,
他伤透了我的心 伙计 he broke my heart, dude.
然后是奥哈洛伦和凯莉 And then O'Halloran and Carrie--
杰森 只要有沉默的鲍勃 Jason, as long as there is Silent Bob,
总会有杰的 there will always be Jay.
任何事任何人都有可能把杰变成杰森 Anything and anyone in the way of turning Jay into Jason
必须处理 must be dealt with.
这就是为什么我选择给你这本书 This is why I chose to give you the book.
你是对的 You are right.
谢谢你 小伙子 Thanks, man.
哦 杰森 Oh, and, Jason!
我觉得这可能会有用 I have a feeling this might come in useful.
你是个危险的人 费尔南多 You're a dangerous man, Fernando.
你就在那里 There you are.
我今天都不应该在这里 I'm not even supposed to be here today.
今天甚至不应该来这里 Not even supposed to be here today.
没错 草泥马 That's right, motherfucker.
那部电影 Carried that movie.
我得再看一遍 Oh, I gotta see this again.
我今天都不应该在这里 I'm not even supposed to be here today.
每次都要杀了我 伙计 Every fucking time, it kills me, man.
你想要什么 You want what?
休息一下 A blowie.
没什么大不了的 Not a big deal.
不会持续太久的 It won't last long.
你可以忘了它 你这个小混蛋 You can forget about it, you little shit.
你已经给我看过你的咪咪了 Oh, you've already showed me your titties.
我的未婚夫 For my fiancé.
他非常想要那本漫画书 他自己可能会把你给炸了 He wants that comic book so bad he'd probably blow you himself.
而且 除非你看到乳头被夹住 否则它也不是完全的乳头。 Also, it's not the full titty unless you see the nip.
我今天都不应该在这里 I'm not even supposed to be here today.
哦 兄弟 Oh, man.
他妈的什么 What the fuck?
发生了什么事 What is going on?
这不是下雨 It's not raining.
该死的 Fucking sake.
愚蠢的镜子 Stupid mirror.
耶稣 Jesus!
耶稣 Jesus?
谁让你进来的 Who let you in?
来吧 Come on.
来吧 耶稣 看 Come on, Jesus. Look out.
好孩子 Good boy.
他妈的怎么回事 Fuck is going on?
找到你了 妈妈 Got you, mother--
杰 Jay?
你在这里干什么 What are you doing here?
怎么了 杰 What the fuck, Jay?
哦 Ow!
哦 兄弟 你这个混蛋 Oh, man, you son of a--
好吧 好吧 Okay, okay.
给我看完整的乳头 我们就成交了 Show me the full titty and we have a deal.
回到里面去 滚出去 Go back inside and jerk off.
哦 天呐 Oh God!
是的 Yeah.
哦 Oh!
你喜欢那该死的金色火箭 You like the fucking Golden Rocket?
杰 你可以去演奥德赛 Jay, you can have The Odyssey.
凯利 Carrie.
我知道你和凯莉的事 混蛋 I know about you and Carrie, motherfucker!
凯利呢 What about Carrie?
凯利 Carrie?
杰森 Jason!
谁在哪 Who the hell is that?
你要谋杀布莱恩奥哈洛伦吗 Are you about to murder Brian O'Halloran?
我看到电脑上有什么 对吧 Look, I saw what was on the computer, right?
我看到你们在埃斯特班拥抱 And I saw you guys hugging at Esteban's.
不 No.
杰森 你混蛋 Jason, you asshole.
我让布莱恩把你当回事 I asked Brian to take you seriously
- 作为埃斯特班的演员 - 是的 - as an actor at Esteban's. - Yeah.
我告诉他这对你来说意味着整个世界 I told him it would mean the world for you
如果你得到了奥德赛中的角色 if you got the role in The Odyssey.
是啊 伙计 是啊 奥德赛 Uh, yeah, man, yeah, The Odyssey.
我也是隔壁的布莱恩 This is also Brian from next door.
我一直在竞拍那该死的漫画 I've been bidding on that fucking comic
想作为礼物送给你 as a surprise to you.
我也一直在竞价 I've been bidding on that as well.
你是另一位竞标者吗 You are the other bidder?
你就是那个粗鲁的小混蛋 And you're that rude little motherfucker.
他妈的坐下 Sit the fuck down!
你差点为了我杀了布莱恩 You were about to kill Brian for me?
不完全是 Not exactly, but...
我想是的 Well, yeah, I guess I was.
宝贝 Baby.
凯利 Carrie.
我爱你 I love you.
我也爱你 I love you, too.
我们要怎么对付奥哈洛伦 What are we gonna do about O'Halloran?
宝贝 他现在是证人了 Baby, he's a witness now.
奥德赛 你说得对 The Odyssey's, you're right about it.
我不是证人 I'm not a witness.
我什么也没说 I'm not saying anything.
好 我想你最好把工作做完 安吉尔 Well, I guess you better finish the job then, angel.
你确定吗 You sure?
不 No, please.
另一种是什么 What's the alternative?
什么 What?
我想你是对的 I guess you're right.
杰森 等等 Jason, wait.
那是什么 What is it?
替我说 Say it for me.
请 Please.
哦 是的 Oh yeah.
斯诺干 曹尼玛 Snoogans, motherfucker!
你被判一级谋杀罪 You have been found guilty of murder in the first degree.
在法庭上的沉默 Silence in court!
还主演了《疯狂店员》等电影 ...also starring in such movies as Clerks,
追艾米 马尔拉特已经被召回 Chasing Amy, and Mallrats has been called back
当陪审团作出裁决时 他进入了法庭 into the court as the jury has reached a verdict.
有能力树立榜样的名人 A celebrity capable of setting an example.
相反 你选择了行动 Instead you chose to act
以一贯卑鄙的方式 in a consistently despicable manner,
无论是在屏幕上还是在播客上 be it on the screen or over a podcast.
案件的关键在于DNA证据 The crux of the case came when DNA evidence
DNA证据是在犯罪现场发现的 was found at the scene of the crime.
因此 法院别无选择 Therefore, this court is left with no choice
而是判处无期徒刑 but to impose a sentence of life imprisonment.
你现在对法庭有什么要说的吗 Do you have anything to say to the court at this time?
史密斯先生 Mr. Smith?
我——我不能——我不能相信这一切正在发生 I c-- I can't-- I can't believe this is happening.
不是我 伙计 It wasn't me, man!
- 我是无辜的 - 到这结束 - I'm innocent. - That'll do.
不是那个胖的 是那个瘦的 It wasn't the fat one, it was the skinny one!
- 安静 - 兄弟 - Silence! - Man!
大麻烟的残余 The remnants of a marijuana cigarette
有凯文·史密斯的DNA痕迹 with traces of Kevin Smith's DNA was found
在布莱恩噢哈洛伦的尸体上被发现 on the body of Brian O'Halloran.
沉默的鲍勃想让杰去 Silent Bob wants Jay to go step
那个该死的地方 on that fucking joint.
有些人认为这起谋杀是疯狂行为的结果 Some suggest that this murder is the result of reefer madness.
因为凯文史密斯是一个强烈支持吸食大麻的人 As Kevin Smith was a loud proponent of marijuana smoking,
这就带来了问题 it brings into question--
等等 等等 Wait. Wait, wait!
等等 我有突发新闻 Wait, I'm getting breaking news.
凯文史密斯被判 Kevin Smith has been found guilty
为布莱恩奥哈洛伦凶杀案的凶手 of the murder of Brian O'Halloran.
凯文 凯文 Kevin! Kevin!
他在这里 凯文 Here he is. Kevin.
快走 婊子 Move, bitch!
- 凯文 - 凯文 史密斯 - Kevin! - Kevin Smith.
- 让开 婊子 - 不是我 - Out of my way, bitch! - It wasn't me.
凯文 凯文 Kevin! Kevin!
拜托 不是我 是另一个人 Come on, man, it wasn't me, it was the other guy!
拜托 Come on!
是杰 It was Jay!
杰 Jay!
我要感谢为这个案子付出这么多努力的侦探们 I'd like to thank the detectives who worked so hard on this case
给我们一个迅速公正的判决 to bring us a swift and just verdict.
维尼·琼斯最近怎么样 What's the latest with Vinnie Jones?
他和这个案子有关吗 Does he link to this case?
洛杉矶警察局有一份悬而未决的逮捕令 The LAPD has an outstanding arrest warrant
因为文森特·琼斯涉嫌两起谋杀案 for Vincent Jones regarding two separate murders.
然而 最新情报显示他目前正在躲藏 However, latest intelligence suggests he's currently hiding
在他的犯罪网络中 in the United Kingdom amidst his extensive criminal network
在英国黑社会内部 within the British underworld.
- 杰 - 杰森 - Jay! - It's Jason!
杰森 快走 婊子 Jason! Move, bitch.
杰森 你觉得法院的判决怎么样 Jason, how do you feel about the court's decision?
完全不对 Absolutely mortified.
你还相信凯文是无辜的吗 Do you still believe Kevin was innocent?
现在 我相信你知道 凯文嫉妒 Now, I believe you know, Kevin's jealousy
布莱恩·奥哈洛伦的导演生涯 over Brian O'Halloran's career directing,
有点怪 it's a little funky,
但我无法想象凯文会做这样的事 but I can't imagine Kevin doing anything like this.
哦 杰森 Oh, Jason.
杰森 是真的吗 Jason, is it also true
你被雇佣到本来应该是什么样子 that you've been hired onto what would have been
奥哈洛兰的导演处女作 Mr. O'Halloran's big directorial debut?
布莱恩和我谈了很久 Well, Brian and I spoke at lengths
关于我在奥德赛中扮演主角 about me playing the lead in The Odyssey,
事实上是第一次 and matter of fact the first time
他给我看了这个项目 它是基于一套教条 he showed me the project, it was on the set of Dogma.
所以我想我应该坚持到底 So I think I should follow through with it
还有谁比克里斯诺兰更棒呢 and who better than Chris Nolan
填补布莱恩的空缺 to fill Brian's remarkable shoes.
我是说会很棒的 太好了 I mean it's gonna be great. Great.
哦 杰森 最后一个问题 Oh, Jason, one last question.
杰森 杰森 Jason! Jason!
阿诺德先生 Mr. Arnold!
- 阿诺德先生 - 侦探 - Mr. Arnold! - Detective.
你不觉得你来这里有 Do you not believe your presence here
点不合适吗 考虑到你 is a little inappropriate considering what you--
杰森 梅维斯是一名犯罪策划者 Jason Mewes is a criminal mastermind.
你对梅维斯的痴迷据说 Your obsession with Mewes is alleged
可以追溯到你试镜杰森的 to have dated back to your unsuccessful audition
一个角色失败的时候 for a role that Jason was offered.
向窥探者致敬 Noogles to the snoo--
- 不 下一个 - 哦 - No, next. - Oh.
这是有根据的 你不能证明 That's substantiated and you can't prove that.
你蒙受了耻辱 被驱逐出原力 You have been disgraced, thrown off the force,
并可能面临刑事攻击指控 and could face criminal assault charges
在这个臭名昭著的安全视频被泄露之后 after the infamous security video was leaked.
现在是你了 混蛋 Now are you, motherfucker?
而你今天仍然站在这里坚持 And yet you stand here today still insisting
梅维斯是杀人犯 that Mewes is a murderer?
如果我要把每一秒都花光 If I have to spend every goddamn second
我的余生都在证明杰森·梅斯是个杀人犯 of the rest of my life proving that Jason Mewes is a murderer,
我会的 I will.
我是夏洛克·福尔摩斯的后裔 I'm a descendant of Sherlock Holmes,
草泥马 motherfucker.
我能解决任何问题 I can solve anything.
听到了吗 梅维斯 You hear that, Mewes?
我来找你了 狗娘养的 I'm coming for you, son of a bitch.
你这个混蛋演员 You cock-sucking actor, motherfucker.
我来找你了 I'm coming for you!
没有什么能阻止我 Nothing will stop me!
绝对没有 Absolutely nothing!
傻瓜 Fucker!
如果他和夏洛克·福尔摩斯有亲戚关系 If he's related to Sherlock Holmes,
然后我就操瑞恩·高斯林 then I am fucking Ryan Gosling.
现在让我告诉你 我他妈的不走 And let me tell you now, I am not fucking Go--
我们有了一个新的头号最重要的电影明星 We have a brand new number 1 most important movie star
在这个世界上 in the world.
没错 丹尼·特乔在上面 That's right, Danny Trejo is on top
作为世界上最重要的电影明星 as the world's most important movie star.
黑吃黑的废物 Piece of shit!
你自己看 你为什么不喝一口呢 See for yourself. Why don't you have a sip?
- 我会割断你的喉咙 - 为什么 - I will cut your throat, bitch. - Why?
你没看见我碾过任何人 You didn't see me run anyone over.
- 我没看见你 - 等一等 什么 - I didn't see you. - Wait, what?
我想可能是这样的 I thought maybe it was that
英国足球流氓变成了演员 English soccer thug turned actor,
因为他们一直在新闻上给他看 'cause they keep showing him on the news,
但我被车灯照瞎了眼睛 but I was blinded by the headlights,
- 我看不到 - 哇 - I didn't see. - Woah!
回到这里 伙计 Back here, dude.
伙计 是我 Dude, it's me.
我是谁 Who's me?
是扎克 It's Zach.
他妈的什么 What the fuck?
- 扎克加利根 - 嘘 - Zach Galligan? - Shhh!
小点声 兄弟 Keep your voice down, man.
我要在这里签名一个月 I'm gonna be signing shit here for a month.
扎克 你没接到电话吗 Zach, didn't you get a call?
你知道 这孩子向我走来 You know, this kid came up to me...
什么 What?
接电话 什么 Get a call. What?
- 不是这样的 - 对不起 兄弟 - That's not the line. - I'm sorry, bro.
我们把这个角色交给迪恩·凯恩了 Uh, we gave this part to Dean Cain.
什么 你把它给凯恩了 What, you gave it to Cain?
超级婊子 Super bitch?
迪恩·凯恩 Dean Cain.
他不是在小鬼头或小鬼头2里 He's not in Gremlins or Gremlins 2.
扎克 我给你的角色是导演 Zach, I gave you the part as the director.
但我可以做成两部分 But I can do two parts.
这就是为什么我要用这种口音 That's why I did the accent.
兄弟 我不知道该说什么 Bro, I don't know what to say.
你干嘛不去看你的电影 Why don't you go watch your fucking movie?
我需要一辆救护车 I need an ambulance.
不 那看起来很痛苦 No shit, 'cause that looks painful.
你杀了那家伙 You killed that guy.
你脸色很苍白 兄弟 You're looking pretty pale, bro.
你在开玩笑吧 Are you kidding me?
你在照片里给了我什么 What have you got for me in the picture, huh?
就像它可以像结束-标题序列 It's like it could be like end-title sequence?
也可以是人群序列 Or it could be like a crowd sequence
就像 嘿嘿 小鬼 and it would be like, "Hey, hey, Gremlin dude!"
你知道 如果我那样演的话 You know, if I act something like that.
你说呢 What do you say?
我完全准备好了 We are fully casted.
你得帮帮我 You gotta help me out.
我需要看屏幕的时间 I need screen time.
我他妈的想留在游戏里 I'm trying to fucking stay in the game.
好的 听着 我要和我的制片人杜和罗波谈谈 Alright, listen, I'll talk to my producers Dom and Rob,
看看我们能不能 see if we can--
别把我推下去 兄弟 Don't pawn me off, bro.
我不 I'm not.
闭嘴 Shut up!
停 And cut.
谢谢 谢谢大家 Thank you, everyone.
这是一个图片包装 That is a picture wrap.