There's no business like show business
Like no business I know
Let's go on with the show
There's no business like show business
Like no business I know
Yesterday they told you You would not go far
That night you open And there you are
Next day on your dressing room They've hung a star
Let's go on with the show!
You promised that you'll forget me not
But you forgot to remember
When that midnight choo-choo Leaves for Alabam'
I'll be right there I've got my fare
When I see That rusty-haired conductor man
I'll grab him by the collar And I'll holler, "Alabam'!"
That's where you stop your train That brings me back again
Down home where I'll remain Where my honey-Iamb am
I'll be right there with bells When that old conductor yells
"All aboard, all aboard!
All aboard for Alabamy"
For Alabam' For Alabamy
I’ll be right there with bells When that old conductor yells
"All aboard for Alabam'!"
When that midnight choo-choo Leaves for Alabam'
Stop!
In days of yore before the war When hearts now old were young
At home each night by firelight Those dear old songs were sung
Sweet melodies, their memories Around my heart still cling
That's why I like to hear a song
Like Mother used to sing
Won't you play a simple melody?
Like my mother sang to me
One with good old-fashioned harmony
Play a simple melody
Musical demon set your honey a-dreamin' Won't you play me some rag?
Just change that classical nag
To some sweet beautiful drag
Play copy from a tune that's choppy And you'll get all my applause
And that is simply because
I want to listen to rag
Won't you play a simple melody
Like my mother sang to me
One with good old-fashioned harmony
Play a simple melody
That's what you want to hear
A good old ragtime simple melody
"Peter Rabbit was a bad rabbit, so he was sent to bed without supper.
"But Flopsy, Mopsy and Cottontail had ice cream and raspberry jam. "
It's late.
- How late? - They didn't say.
I know. You didn't have to go there to learn that.
Don't yell at me, Molly. I don't run the railroad. Wake me when it comes.
- Terry. - Already?
No, no. This is a crummy way to bring up kids.
Don't send the kids to your mother because the train is late.
Steve ought to go to school, and they should be sleeping in beds.
It's not right, keeping them up all night like this.
I want them to have a real education. Arithmetic, spelling, geography.
You never went past sixth grade. It was probably really the fourth.
- Age is the only thing I lie about. - Nothing's wrong with your arithmetic.
You can count the house and tell me within 5 cents how much is there.
- That's not arithmetic. - No, that's higher mathematics.
Welfare workers will crack down on us, like in Pittsburgh.
- I handled it there, didn't I? - Quiet, you'll wake up the children.
Father dear, will you see if there's a dry diaper for the baby?
Is that what you mention in public?
Sometimes. Don't bother, he hasn't worn them for years.
If three children could be divided evenly...
The Westerner on Track 2. All aboard.
Come on, joy-boy, that's our train. Darling, wake up.
Porter.
Get these three and the big one. I’ll get the rest.
Honey, you take this one. Take good care of it.
Steve, ask Dad if he changed my berth to a lower.
- Katy, ask Pop if he made the change. - How about the change, Daddy?
Yeah, I got change for the porter.
- He's got it. - He got the lower, Mom.
Good. I hate sleeping in an upper berth with three kids.
Come on, honey.
Here's Flopsy. Here's Mopsy.
And you've got Cottontail.
And you too, Peter Rabbit.
Wait till you see our finish.
Terry yelled. He still wanted to keep them on the road with us.
But as they grew older, I won out.
We put them in a good Boston school.
Poor kids. That meant we had to figure out a new act.
You sure had a brilliant idea.
- I did. Eight beautiful blonds. - Nine.
- Nine? - Yes, nine.
A pretty girl
Is like a melody
That haunts you night and day
Just like the strain
Of a haunting refrain
She'll start upon a marathon
And run around your brain
You can't escape
She's in your memory
By morning, night and noon
She will leave you and then
Come back again
A pretty girl is just Like a pretty tune
A pretty girl
Is like a melody
That haunts you night and day
They go together like sunny weather Goes with May
Just like the strain
Of a haunting refrain
She'll start upon a marathon
And run around your brain
You can't escape No, no, no, no
She's in your memory
In your memory
By morning, night and noon
She will leave you and then
Come back again
A pretty girl is just Like a pretty tune
Terence had so much fun that I hated to spoil it.
But Saturday night, that was the end of that. It was goodbye, blonds.
We should go back. We'll get in trouble.
Katy's waiting for us.
You're not gonna go chicken now, are you? Come on!
Going somewhere?
Suppose you come in here, boys.
- What is it? - Trouble at school.
The children haven't caused trouble.
They're fine youngsters, and we'd like to keep them.
I thought we should talk. I hope I didn't interfere with your plans.
- We closed last night. - And we'd be laying off for Lent.
I didn't know actors gave up theater for Lent.
Actually, the theater gives up actors for Lent.
- Does the box office fall off? - Ours falls off, yours picks up.
To return to the children. They want to be back with you.
- Did they tell you that? - They tried to run away. Twice.
- Is the work too much? Are they dumb? - Not at all.
Father Dineen, if there's a problem, you don't have to horse around...
I beg your pardon.
Quite all right. There's nothing wrong with them.
Steve is a fine student. Quiet, serious, an unusual boy.
The sisters say Katherine's above average.
And Timothy?
Timothy is all boy, shall we say. A natural-born leader.
- Great kid, huh, Father? - Sometimes he leads the others astray.
Nothing serious. What I'm saying is,
the children aren't happy away from you.
Happy? They're supposed to be learning things.
I think you should have a talk with them and explain how you feel.
I find something precious in this feeling for you and your profession.
Of course, it's up to you to decide. Excuse me, I’ll get them.
Get that bit about Tim? "Natural-born leader. "
Look, birdbrain. He was saying we got a little gangster on our hands.
- The kids are staying. - Who says they're not?
- You're a pushover for those kids. - You're the one who always gives in.
Not this time. I’m gonna be as firm as the Rock of Gibraltar.
The Rock of Gibraltar!
This was the first time the kids saw the house in Jersey.
And what a time to face a big, fat mortgage. Crash!
Depression! People gave up the theater first.
The first thing the theater gave up was us.
What we did to make a buck. For a few seasons, we even split up.
She's not so good in the house But in the park you'd be surprised
She isn't much in the light But in the dark you'd be surprised
At a party or a ball I got to admit she's nothing at all
But in the Morris chair You'd be surprised
When I say coffee, I don't mean just any coffee.
I mean Shelby's aerated, vacuumized, flavor-in-the-bean coffee...
... which comes in three delicious grinds. Instant, perk and a drip.
So let's have another cup of coffee
Let's have another cup of Shelby's aerated coffee.
And let's have another piece of pie
Then one day things picked up.
We were in the chips again, playing big picture houses.
Till '37, when Tim surprised us all and graduated from high school.
We worked out a new act for the family.
Katy's love was dancing. And she was good.
Steve was no hoofer, but he could sell a song.
The name for the new act? What else? The Five Donahues.
We soon hit the top. Headliners in a big Hippodrome extravaganza.
Come on and hear, come on and hear Alexander's Ragtime Band
Come on and hear, come on and hear It's the best band in the land
They can play a bugle like never before So natural you want to go to war
That's just the bestest band what am Honey-lamb
Come on along, come on along Let me take you by the hand
Up to the man, up to the man Who's the leader of the band
And if you care to hear The Swanee River played in ragtime
Come on and hear, come on and hear Alexander's Ragtime
That raggy beat is in your feet Come on and meet
Alexander's Ragtime Band
Come on and hear Come on and hear
Alexander's Ragtime Band
Come on and hear Come on and hear
It's the best band in the land
And if you care to hear The Swanee River
Played in the ragtime
Come on and hear, come on and hear
The bonny music of Alexander's Ragtime Band
Come on along
Let me take you
By the hand
Up to the man
Who's the leader of the band
Come on and hear Alexander's Ragtime Band
Come on and hear, come on and hear It's the best band in the land
They can play a bugle like never before So natural you want to go to war
That's just the bestest band what am Honey-Iamb, come on
Come on along Let me take you by the hand
Up to the maestro, up to that man The leader of the band
I want to hear that "Swanee, " "Swanee River"
Play it, play it Play that ragtime
Hear, hear Hear, hear
Alexander's band is here
It must be the man It must be Alexander
He's the man, maker of the band Hear, hear
Come on and hear Alexander's Ragtime Band
Come on, come on, come on It's the best band in the land
They can play a bugle call
That's just the bestest band what am Honey-lamb
Come on along, come on along Let me take you by the hand
Up to the man The leader of the band
And if you want That "Swanee River" played in ragtime
Come on along, come on along Come on along, come on along
To see and hear That Alexander's Ragtime Band
It went great.
You know who was out front? Flo. Flo Zimmerman, my cousin.
Cousin Flo mit the strudel and lager beer. Skol!
- Right in the eye. - Hi, Timmy.
Hi, kid. I’ll be right with you. Excuse me, important business.
- You're excused. - Goodbye.
Have you ever talked with Tim about girls?
Yes, he wouldn't give me any numbers. It’s like teaching Dempsey to fight.
- I wish they'd chase people their age. - Me too.
- Hope the kids are ready. I’m starved. - Me too.
Come in.
Be with you in a minute.
- Mind if I go ahead? - Got a date?
No, I just feel like walking. I got some thinking to do.
If that's your idea of fun.
- See you later. - So long.
- What? - You feel something's bothering Steve?
He seems so far away these days. He's not always with you.
- Like a poet or something. - Maybe he'll write lyrics.
No, it's not that, it's... No, it's not that either, it's...
- I don't know, but it's something. - Yeah.
I’m glad we got that cleared up. Ready?
Katy, we're ready.
Katy, you in there?
Where is she? She's usually the first one.
Tim? Timothy?
- Excuse us. - Be right back.
Yeah, well, don't hurry.
Another gin and tonic, bourbon, scotch and soda...
And another ginger ale.
Ginger ale? Why don't you break down and have a real drink? Relax.
I’m completely relaxed.
The other place was a creep joint.
- And the one before it was a morgue. - I’ll check my hat.
Okay, baby.
Miss? Miss?
Welcome to Gallagher's Golden Pheasant Room.
Check your hat, sir?
Try it again, more from the chest.
You think so? My vocal teacher says it's all diaphragm.
All diaphragm? I'd say there's quite a lot else.
What's a girl with such tones doing checking hats?
I’m temporarily between engagements.
Six months temporarily. I have to eat and pay for singing lessons.
- You're a singer? I thought actress. - You think it's impossible.
I can see it now. You as Lady Macbeth. What a sleepwalking scene!
- I wonder if some evening you'd... - I don't give private auditions.
How now, brown cow?
Good evening, sir... Eddie, is he coming over?
The great Lew Harris is coming to hear you. He's on his way.
- Will you take over for me? - Sure. Why?
Lew Harris is coming.
- The producer? Good luck. - I’m gonna sing with the band.
- Sure this is the right dress? - He said you picked it out.
It cost an arm and a leg just to rent. I hope you know what you're doing.
Don't worry. I've known what I was doing since I was 6.
Does Gallagher know you're going on or is it a secret?
He knows. He knows I've worked in clubs.
How can you sing with a strange band?
I’m not. I've rehearsed with them all day, and they're very friendly.
The head waiter has a good table for you and Mr. Harris.
- The drinks are free. - He's in on it too?
Of course. He's even making the waiters stop serving while I sing.
This is the first time a client has ever managed me.
When you bring him back, I want to show him I can act.
I've been working on a scene from The Cherry Orchard.
Vicky, let's save the acting as a surprise for later. Much later.
Mr. Harris wants a singer, a hot singer. What are you singing?
After You Get What You Want, You Don't Want It.
Vicky, will you forget that elocution stuff?
It's After you get what you want. After, after, after.
You run down and wait for Mr. Harris. I’ll change.
After. After.
- The girls say you can't be trusted. - What else do they say?
Excuse me. May I please get by here?
If it isn't Ethel Barrymore. Lionel and I...
Please, let's not play any more games. I’m in an awful hurry.
- I must be losing my grip. - You're getting old. Almost 20.
What difference does it make how old a man is?
One man in 20 years may still be a baby.
Another may have seen everything, done everything.
It’s not how old you are, it's how you've lived.
The wine you have drunk, the music you've heard, the women you've known.
- The stories I could tell you, kid. - So tell me.
I’ll take the bottle, and bring a double gin for Snow White.
You're real cute. Well, bottoms up.
- You're pretty cute yourself. - That's more like it.
You were great in the show tonight. You were swell.
Thank you. But you didn't see all of it.
We have a lot of comedy stuff. Real slapstick.
- I like slapstick. - We have one bit that never fails.
I’ll show you. Put your hands out flat.
I take these two glasses and put them like so.
- And? - That's all.
Bye.
Hey!
- Mr. Harris. We have a reservation. - Yes, sir. This way, please.
Ladies and gentlemen, Gallagher's has a surprise for you tonight.
A new, young talent, Miss Victoria Hoffman.
Come on, let's give the little girl a big welcome.
After you get what you want You don't want it
If I gave you the moon
You'd grow tired of it soon
You're like a baby
You want what you want When you want it
But after you are presented
With what you want You're discontented
You're always wishing and wanting For something
When you get what you want
You don't want what you get
And though I sit upon your knee
You'll grow tired of me
'Cause after you get what you want
You don't want What you wanted at all
Changeable You've got a changeable nature
Always, always changing your mind
There's a longing in your eye Hard to satisfy
And here's the reason why
'Cause after you get what you want
You don't want it
If I gave you the moon
You'd grow tired of it soon
You're like a baby
You want what you want When you want it
But after you are presented
With what you want You're discontented
You're always wishing and wanting For something
When you get what you want
You don't want what you get
And though I sit upon your knee
You'll grow tired of me 'cause
After you get what you want
You don't want what you wanted at all
Baby, I don't mean to make you blue
But you need a talking-to
'Cause after you get what you want
You don't want what you wanted at all
I know you.
- What do you think? - I’m interested.
I knew it! I knew you'd flip your lid over this girl.
How do you do, Mr. Harris?
Hello, Mr. Harris.
Hi there, Mr. Harris.
I’m waiting for someone terribly important.
This is important too. I’m from Variety How about an interview?
- This isn't a joke? - Not when I’m working.
- But I’m expecting these people. - Let's start and see how far we get.
- Have you had any previous experience? - Doing what?
I meant your career, but I'd be interested in anything.
- I see. I’ll give you my number. - Why don't you?
I have a better idea. I’ll call you tomorrow at Variety to make a date.
- Tomorrow is my day off. - I was afraid of that.
Excuse me, that must be my guest.
- This is Lew Harris. - Charmed, I’m sure.
I enjoyed your performance.
Did you? Come in. This gentleman was just leaving.
Tim Donahue, how are you?
I hear you're knocking them dead at the Hippodrome.
Of The Five Donahues? Great act. I didn't know you knew him.
We just met. It was sweet of you to tell me how much you admired my work.
When one performer troubles to tell another, that's praise indeed.
Tell your family I appreciate it, but I can't join your act.
I will. They'll be brokenhearted.
I’m sorry, but there are five of you already.
I prefer working as a single, if you know what I mean.
And I think you do.
She's mad about me.
I've been looking everywhere for you.
I fumbled, and the coach took me out. Cute step.
Let's go where they appreciate me.
This is silly! They're not children anymore.
- I got a good hand. - They can take care of themselves.
Exactly. You go.
Why didn't they tell us? Sneaking out...
That's just part of growing up.
- Remember our first date? - Yeah.
- We didn't tell anybody either. - No.
Remember how late we stayed out?
You should've been ashamed of yourself! Where the heck is Katy?
- Take it easy. You've got me worried. - It’s about time, you big lug.
Here's a taxi.
What do you mean by coming home at this hour?
How sweet of you to wait up, Pop. Do pay the cab fare. I’m flat.
- Where'd you get her? - Gallagher's.
- How much? - $6. 20.
$6. 20? How did you come?
- I got her home, didn't I? - You got change for $20?
For all I know, he's still sitting there, dripping!
I used to use a handbag full of nickels.
Anybody got fresh, clunk! We called it the Woman's Defender.
What's funny? She stays out all night, and you think it's a joke.
Some parts of Katy's education I’ll match against anybody's.
- Tim get home yet? - Why? You know where he is?
No, I just wondered.
- Where in blazes have you been? - Church.
- I've heard it all. - Seriously.
- At this hour? - I went for a walk in the park first.
- Who with? - Nobody, just myself.
Mom and Dad, there's something I want to tell you.
- I've given this a lot of thought... - Go on.
- I’m going to be a priest. - A what?
- A priest. - You're kidding.
What are you talking about?
I know this comes as a big shock. I want it more than anything else.
- A priest? You must be... - Let him finish.
I talked to Father Dineen. I’m to report to the seminary next week.
I won't let you do it. Stay out of this.
You're young. You don't know what a wonderful thing life can be.
To fall in love and raise a family. I won't let you give all that up.
I've thought about it.
Some people are meant to be one thing, some another.
What about your work? What about the theater?
It’s just a change of booking. The church has had a pretty long run.
I hope I have the talent for it.
Beats me. I can't figure it out.
Come on along, come on along Alexander's Ragtime rand
- Hello, everybody. - He's crocked!
I beg your pardon, Mother. Stinking. I forgot to remove my hat.
I’ll fix him. I've been handling him all his life.
Is there some dispute going on? Could I be of any...
Could I... Mom, I don't feel so well.
Oh, no, you don't. Upstairs for you. I just had this carpet cleaned.
What a family! One sneaks off to a nightclub, one comes home drunk...
... and you, I might have expected you to be drunk.
But I’ll be a Hindu swami if I expected this.
Don't take it so big.
Steve might turn out to be something big, like a bishop or cardinal.
The only cardinal I want in our family is one who plays for St. Louis.
Big man now, coming home like...
- You're drowning me! - Don't put any ideas in my head.
Down, boy, down. And don't come up till I tell you.
Here. Give me that.
- Please, Mom! - It hurts you more than it hurts me.
Now get in there.
- I’m getting there. - Come on, get in, hurry up.
This way. Put your head on the pillow. Come on.
Let's have it. Who were you out with?
- Lillie Sawyer. - That tomato?
I think I asked her to marry me. I know I proposed something.
I bet you did. What did you have to drink?
I don't remember, but we topped it off with champagne and root beer.
- I was trying to forget... - What?
I don't remember. Another girl, I think.
Little man, you've had a busy night.
- Everything's going round and round. - I know.
Go to sleep. We'll talk this over in the morning.
I’m sorry.
I know you are. I’m sorry too, if I hurt you.
But we'll make a man out of you even if we have to murder you first.
- Thanks, Mom. - Go to sleep.
- Good night, Mom. - Good night.
- Is he all right? - He's fine now.
But what he'll feel like tomorrow. Anyway, I hope so.
Steve, I want to talk to you.
Sure, Mom.
Are you disappointed in me too, like Dad is?
You can't blame him, the way you told him, cold, without any buildup.
He wasn't looking for it. He had different plans for you.
- There's Katy and Tim. - But you're the firstborn.
There's always something about the first.
Life's funny. You raise a kid backstage,
you teach him how to sing and dance,
and how to make people laugh.
And then one day this.
Why? How come?
I don't know. It’s inside me. It must have always been there.
It’s like losing you, Steve. Not really, but...
- Then you are disappointed? - No, it's a wonderful thing.
I’m just not used to it yet. But I’m proud.
Very proud.
Remember you vowed By all the stars
Above you, remember?
Remember, we found A lonely spot
And after I learned To care a lot
You promised that you'd Forget me not
But you forgot To remember
Come on, have another sandwich.
Come on, let's go inside.
Showtime! Quiet!
Showtime!
All get settled down someplace.
Since you were nice enough to surprise me, I have a surprise for you.
We have some talented young people here.
Songs, dances, impressions and they'd like to perform for you.
This act hasn't been seen in 20 years.
If I’m any judge of talent, it'll never be seen again.
The Two Donahues!
When that midnight choo-choo Leaves for Alabam'
I’ll be right there I've got my fare
When I see That rusty-haired conductor man
I’ll grab him by the collar And I’ll holler "Alabam'!"
That's where you stop your train That brings me back again
Down home where I’ll remain Where my honey-lamb am
I will be right there with bells When that old conductor yells
"All aboard, all aboard!
All aboard for Alabamy"
For Alabam' For Alabamy
I’ll be right there with bells When that old conductor yells
"All aboard for Alabam'!"
When that midnight choo-choo Leaves for Alabam'
We thank you. Would you like to say a few words?
- Yes... - Thank you, that's enough.
Now, the piиce de resistance.
We were supposed to add a song to our act, but the singer got a new job.
It’s not as much money as we paid, but it's what he wants.
Would you like to hear it?
Ladies and gentlemen, your guest of honor, Steven Donahue.
Thank you.
Couple of years ago in Memphis, I heard a song that impressed me.
Snap your fingers, clap your hands
and come along with me, we'll have some fun.
Brothers and sisters
Listen, you nonbelievers, listen
You better start to believe
All you doubters Be hallelujah shouters
Or else you're going to grieve
There's no time to wait
You may be too late
So listen You don't know what you're missin'
Until you start to believe
If you believe
That there's a heaven
You'll get to heaven
If you believe
If you believe that there are angels
You'll see the angels
If you believe
I'm not making promises
To the doubting Thomases
But if you believe The Lord can help you
The Lord will help you
If you believe
- Do you believe? - We do, we do
Jonah went out one night in a gale Do you believe that?
Soon he was swallowed up by a whale Do you believe that?
Daniel lay with lions that roared Noah was on his ark when it poured
Moses looked up and spoke to the Lord Do you believe that?
We do
Now I'm not making promises
To the doubting Thomases
But if you believe The Lord can help you
The Lord will help you
If you believe
Thank you. Don't take this as my farewell performance.
I’ll be rehearsing for four years.
When the new act's ready, new material, new costumes,
I hope you'll all find the time to see me. Will you?
Somebody put a slice of raw onion in the sandwich.
You better give me a bite. I need an excuse too.
Florida. We now take you to beautiful Florida.
Land of golden sunshine, balmy breezes, swaying palm trees.
Playground of the millionaires.
Things were going swimmingly, one winter we even vacationed there.
Some vacation. Two shows a night. Three on Saturdays.
A tropical heat wave
Those are the new Heat Wave costumes?
You like? You better, they cost a week's salary.
A week's salary? We can always eat the act.
Hands off, those grapes cost a dollar each.
Muchachas, we're in the wrong business.
Take the arrangements to the band and go over it.
And if you see Katy, send her in here.
Hold it.
Try the vocal first. When the boys get here, we'll take it from the top.
- Okay, honey, let's try it. Hi, Tim. - Hi.
Vicky, do you know Tim Donahue? Miss Vicky Parker.
- Hello, Mr. Donahue. - Victoria Hoffman, Gallagher's.
He said Parker. Don't tell me you're married.
Don't tell me this is another interview?
- Are you? - Mack.
Did you know Mr. Donahue in his spare time is a reporter?
- Are you? - No, Mr. Donahue.
My new manager is doing me over.
New name, new clothes, new... I guess everything else is the same.
My ear tells me you're not using as much diaphragm.
My vocal teacher is gone with the wind. Please don't remind me.
I thought this was just gonna be another nightclub engagement.
I couldn't have said it better.
- May we get on with the rehearsal? - I’ll just sit here and watch.
- It won't bother me. - It'll bother me, but I like it.
Okay, Mack.
We're having a heat wave
A tropical heat wave
The temperature's rising It isn't surprising
Hold it! Wait a second! Hold it, fellas.
- This is terrible. - Terrible?
No, it's just, you can't use that song.
We're using it. We have new costumes and arrangements. It’s big.
- You're joking. - I wish I was.
But "Heat Wave" is my big number too. What are we going to do?
My whole act's built around it. I have boys working with me...
But you're the headliners, so I guess it's out.
I’ll go back to New York.
You can't. What about everything we're gonna do together?
But, Tim, what else can I do? It puts me in a terrible spot.
I’ll tell you what, forget the whole thing. It’s your number.
We'll work it out. I’ll talk to them. See you.
- I hope so. And thank you, Tim. - Yeah, I’ll see you later.
- That was close. I was worried. - I never had a doubt.
Gentlemen, the winner and new champion!
We're having a heat wave A tropical heat wave
The temperature's rising Not surprising, she certainly can
Cancan
She started the heat wave By letting her seat wave
In such a way that the customers say That she certainly can cancan
Gee, gee, her anatomy
Makes the mercury jump
To 93
We're having a heat wave A tropical heat wave
The way she moves The thermometer proves she can
- What's your name, honey? - Pablo
- Chico - Miguelito
Pablo, Chico, Miguelito
Cancan
Pablo, it say here Under "Weather Report"
It say:
A front of warm air Is moving in from Jamaica
Moderately high barometric pressure Will cover the Northeast and...
- Where else? - The Deep South
Small danger of fruit frost
Hot and humid nights can be expected
St. Vincent, 95 Guadeloupe, 97
San Domingo, 99 Martinique, 105
We're having a heat wave
A tropical heat wave
The temperature's rising It isn't surprising
You certainly can, can
I started this heat wave by
And in such a way that The customers say that
- I certainly can - Cancan
It’s easy to see why he did it.
Makes the mercury
Rise to 93
We're having a heat wave
A tropical, tropical heat wave
The way that I move That thermometer proves
She certainly, certainly Certainly can
I certainly, certainly, certainly can
Cancan
Then what happened?
After Lew Harris bought my contract, he put me on the road.
He said I had to learn, and I talked like I had marshmallows in my mouth.
- I liked it. It was different. - Yes. Like green hair.
Yeah, it's lovely.
I didn't think anything like this could happen to me.
Anyway, I guess Lew thinks I’m ready now.
He's building a new revue around me next season on Broadway.
I'd like to build a barbed-wire fence around you.
- Where should we honeymoon? - What?
We should stay here. We wouldn't waste time traveling.
And they say the rainy season's coming on.
- I have to go. It’s getting late. - Let's get a sandwich. I’m hungry.
We just had spaghetti. You bought me bread sticks.
When we're married, we won't eat out. We'll bake our own bread sticks.
- Grow our own wheat? - A big family has to cut corners.
- Just how large a family? - A quartet.
Baritone, tenor, soprano, alto. Like the script so far?
You left out an important part. The menace.
Don't need one. We'll keep it light and airy.
What if your heroine's a career woman? Gonna fight her to the top.
I’ll clear the path for her. I’m trustworthy, loyal, helpful,
friendly, courteous, obedient, thrifty, brave, clean and reverent.
We can start a fire without rubbing two sticks.
- What do you say, Vicky? - Don't call us, we'll call you.
- Good night, Tim. - Really? Is that all?
Good night.
I forgot to return your bread stick. I’m sorry.
- I’ll forgive you. Good night. - Is that still all?
I had a wonderful evening. I like you. I hope you ask me out again.
If you want to kiss me good night...
Good night.
A man chases a girl
Until she catches him
He runs after a girl Until he's caught
He fishes for a girl Until she's landed him
It all comes out Exactly the way she thought
Uncertain He tags along behind
Uncertain Till she makes up his mind
A man chases a girl Until she catches him
But don't run too fast While you are saying no
And once you've caught him Don't ever let him go
A man chases a girl
Until she catches him
He runs after a girl
Until he's caught
He fishes for a girl
Until she's landed him
It all comes out
Exactly the way she thought
"Latin and I are finally on speaking terms.
"I am not as worried about exams as I was a month ago.
"But I’m grateful for all the help I can get. Light a candle.
"Light four candles. I miss you all very much. Love, Steve.
"Pax vobiscum. That's Latin for 'Peace be with you. '"
Let's see. It wouldn't surprise me if he's top of his class.
Good morning, Pop. Morning, Mom.
Try again. I’m your father. She's your mother.
Let him alone. He hasn't got anything straight for weeks. Why start now?
- What's up? - Let him eat. He needs his strength.
I’ll get it.
Hello?
Yes, he's here.
That girl who steals everybody's material wants to talk to you.
- She'll hear you. - Maybe she'll give my song back.
Hello, Vicky. How are you this morning?
Yeah, it's me. No, really.
No, there's nothing wrong. It’s just...
Capacity. Standing room only.
No, I haven't had a chance to tell them yet... Excuse me.
Wait just a minute, Vicky. Excuse me, Mom.
Excuse me.
- I think they're married. - Who?
Tim and that girl. You heard him. What else?
- No, no, no. - Of course that's it. What'll we do?
- They're not married. - Then they're planning it. Stop them.
- Me? - You run this act.
- When things go wrong, I run it. - Don't yell at me.
Who do you think you are, Whispering Jack Smith? Come in.
It’s Love's Young Dream. He locked himself in.
- There's no knob inside. - I’ll complain to the management.
Tell them and get it over with, will you?
Mom, Pop, Katy and me, we... Me and Katy...
Lew Harris is starring Vicky Parker in a Broadway revue next season.
I've got the title. Something Borrowed, Something Blue.
Come on, Mom.
Vicky wants Tim and me in it, so she had Mr. Harris catch our act.
He liked us. So he wants to sign us.
And the question is, should we or shouldn't we do it?
First she takes our song, and now...
This kid and I have just gotta wind up the best of chums.
I think it's great. It’s just wonderful.
- It’s just Katy and me. - We didn't commit...
Are you worried about us? We were an act before you were an idea.
You weren't even penciled in. This is what we raised you for.
- What do you say, Mom? - Okay.
On one condition. They have to take the four Cuban costumes too!
I love you.
Orchids to Molly and Terry. Back to two slices, but still a smash.
Their kids open in Lew Harris' Manhattan Parade next month.
If they're like Mom and Pop, look for hat-tossing by critics.
Okay, kids, here we go.
Quiet, everybody! Settle down.
We'll take it from the top. Now watch those phone cues. Ready?
One, two.
- Hello? - Here we go.
- Sorry, not tonight. - That was quick.
- Yes? - Jim, Jack, Jeffrey?
- No, it's just that I’m languid. - It’s nice to know you.
- Physically I’m in good shape. - You can say that again.
It’s my attitude that's passive.
- You're the only one I love. - That's all. He's hooked.
- Bye now. - Bye now.
- Hello? - We're off again.
- Not tonight. - She's languid.
- Quiet. - Bill, Bobby, Bruce?
It’s that I’m supine.
- That's a word? - Who knows?
- Physically I’m in good shape. - She said it again.
- But mentally I’m comatose. - Quick, the dictionary.
- You're the only one I love. - New fish, same hook.
- Bye now. - Bye now.
She won't get up, she won't go out Baby, what's it all about?
Why, why, why, why, why?
Well, in simple English I'm lazy
I want to be lazy
I long to be out in the sun
With no work to be done
Under that awning
They call the sky
Stretching and yawning
And let the world go drifting by
I want to peep
Through the deep, tangled wildwood
Counting sheep till I sleep
Like a child would
With a great big valise full
Of books to read
Where it's peaceful
While I'm killin' time
Being lazy
Wrong number
Oh, Sam, you're sweet!
- I did that lyric over. Wanna see? - Thanks, Charlie.
They're just what Vicky needed. They make her look great.
They sure do.
You know something, Lew? I think I’m gonna marry that girl.
- You what? - Don't get nervous. I mean Donahue.
With a great big valise full
Of books to read
Where it's peaceful
While I'm killing time
Being
lazy
Fine, kids! Keep it that way. Let's go to lunch.
Lunch, everybody. Back at 2:00 sharp.
I’m starved. I’ll be with you in two minutes.
Tim, toward the finish, when I slide over the couch, am I too close to you?
Can a bee be too close to honey? Let's eat.
We'll eat upstairs. That'll be less tiring.
- We can't take chances with our star. - Can I have a rain check?
That dance looked great. Nice work, boy.
- "Boy, " you can take me to lunch. - Come on.
- I fixed it. We have Friday off. - Yeah?
- Where are we going? - Church. Steve is being ordained.
How could you forget that? Don't you think of anything but Vicky?
- No. - Miss Donahue?
- Hello. - Excuse me.
- Are you free for lunch? - Don't worry about me, Sis.
- I’m insincere, but would you join us? - Thanks. I’ll send for a sandwich.
- Be sure and eat now. - You seemed to enjoy that number.
Up at the altar, I was real scared.
- The ordaining was beautiful, Steve. - Any idea where your parish will be?
- I haven't been assigned yet. - Don't let them put you in the sticks.
Charlie, I’m sorry. You haven't met Charlie Gibbs.
- Charlie, Father Steven Donahue. - Congratulations, Father.
This is family, and I hate to butt in
but will you have time soon to perform a wedding?
- A wedding ceremony? - That's right.
- Who are you going to marry? - You.
- When did this happen? - First I've heard of it.
It’s the first I've heard of it too.
It’s my turn to congratulate you. I'd be happy to perform the ceremony.
Whenever you're ready, just call. Have black suit, will travel.
I’ll congratulate him too. I’m giving the bride away.
- Tim? - Yeah, ready?
Dinner's planned. Pheasant under glass, broccoli Hollandaise...
Not me. I’m a girl with simple taste. Steak, French fries and a salad.
Then steak it'll be. Hitch on.
- Nelly, what's that? It’s not for me? - It’s your first dress.
- I thought it was out. - Mr. Harris put it through.
- He wants to see it now. - Then I have to see him now. Thanks.
- Steak, French fries, remember? - You go ahead.
I thought I'd convinced Lew about the dress. I have to try again.
- I won't be long. I’ll join you. - I’ll give you 20 minutes.
- I’ll be there as soon as I can. - All right, but don't be long.
- Good night, Kelly. - Good night.
- I still see nothing wrong with it. - My entrance must make an impression.
This dress won't do. This purple is wrong for me.
The color is heliotrope.
Heliotrope, hydrangea, petunia! It’s still the wrong shade of purple.
Simmer down. For two hours I haven't been a producer, I've been a referee.
- Do you want me to look right? - Everyone else thinks it's wonderful.
She doesn't like that it's classic. In color and line it's different.
Different from anything I’ll wear.
Let's be practical. The dress cost $1400, and that's not heliotrope.
Yes? Just a minute.
- Did you have a date with Donahue? - Poor Tim! What time is it? Oh, no.
Hello, Tim. I’m terribly sorry. It’s taking longer than I thought.
Yes, I know, but... Start your dinner. I won't be long.
I will. Bye.
- Fourth round coming up. - This argument's ridiculous.
Are we alive or are we dead?
Just as I thought. Dead.
As long as we're not on the air, I can speak freely.
The time is now...
... 12:31 a. m. It’s tomorrow morning.
First, the news.
It’s all bad, so we'll skip it.
Instead, we'll bring you the musical portion of our program.
This number is dedicated to a girl who's about to become a big star.
She knows exactly where she's going.
And who she's going there with.
With whom she's going there with.
I dedicate this to her, and to me, because I ain't going there with her.
Well, hello, Miss Parker!
I didn't know Geoffrey would be there and that we'd get into a hassle.
Geoffrey was there too?
Geoffrey, Geoffrey, here Geoffrey.
I don't see him. Do you?
However, that doesn't mean he wasn't there
because I can't see anything. Not even things in front of my nose.
- What things? - You want me to spell it out for you?
No. Maybe it's crazy to explain anything to you, the way you are now.
But try to understand. To you this is just another show.
You were born to this business.
You never had to pound down doors to get people to listen to you.
Your family did it all.
It’s different for me. I've been alone since I was 15. This is my big chance.
It’s make or break.
Don't worry, you'll make it.
You've got what it takes and you know how to use it.
I don't have to take that from you.
Why should I? I don't owe you a thing.
No, you don't. You only owe Lew Harris. You owe him everything.
And you're not a girl who welches on her debts.
Get out. Get out of here!
- Did you send the flowers? - For the 40th time, yes, I sent them.
- They'll arrive by 7:30. - What about the reservation at 21?
I made it. Relax. You'd think it was our opening.
- I wish it was. Those poor kids! - Just another show. They'll be great.
Hello. Hello?
Katy? What's the matter, honey? You sound like you're crying.
What? No. Where?
- Is he hurt bad? - Who's hurt?
Was there anybody with him? I see.
- Is it Tim? - Yes, but he's not hurt bad.
I’m gonna go right out there. What hospital did you say? I got that.
Stop crying and get hold of yourself.
I’ll send Mother right to the theater. Yes, I’m leaving this minute. Bye.
What happened?
He was with a girl and the car rolled. He'd been drinking in White Plains.
Are you sure he's not badly hurt? What about the show? Why would he...
Now look, get a cab and go down to the theater. Katy needs you.
- You'll call as soon as you see him? - Yes, don't worry.
Taxi, taxi...
- We'll just have to cut it. - But it's Katy's best spot.
- The understudy can't do it. - Wouldn't mean a thing.
He can do others, but not that one.
Maybe the best thing to do would be to postpone.
- Why don't I do it with her? - You?
- I've rehearsed it with her. - That's crazy.
It'll work. I’ll fake the dancing, but I've done that for years.
- You think you could sell it cold? - No, I’m just talking. Of course!
- Why not, Lew? - Okay, Molly, you're on. You're hired!
Get wardrobe up here.
Take them down, I’ll send the orchestra leader.
- Me and my big mouth! - All right, we've got a show to do!
- I'm an old salt - I'm a young salt
In the Navy We've been working very hard
I was part of that flotilla With Dewey in Manila
I'm a new recruit At the Brooklyn Navy Yard
Tonight we're on a spree And feeling flowery
We've got a date With gals and drinks and food
Across the Brooklyn Bridge And to the Bowery
And I'm gonna get the kid tattooed
- Tattooed? - Tattooed
A sailor's not a sailor Till a sailor's been
Tattooed
Here's an anchor from a tanker
That I sailed upon When first I went to sea
Here's another of my mother
Takes me back To when I sat upon her knee
Here's a crimson heart With a cupid's dart
Here's a battle cruiser And when I sit down
On that too There's a tattoo
Of my hometown
- To the Bowery - To the Bowery
Across the Brooklyn Bridge And I'm just in the mood
He'll be filled with mixtures And covered up with pictures
I can't wait to be 'Twill be great to be tattooed
- Tattooed - Tattooed
A sailor's not a sailor Till a sailor's been
Tattooed
- Tattooed - Tattooed
A sailor's not a sailor
Till a sailor's been tattooed
Oh, a sailor's not a sailor Till a sailor's been tattooed
Tattooed Tattooed
A sailor's not a sailor Till he's been tattooed
Tattooed Tattooed
A sailor's not a sailor Till a sailor's been...
... tattooed
Hi, Pop.
How's the girl?
All right. She has a few stitches, but they won't show.
- And you? - I’m fine.
They took a couple x-rays. They want me to stay for observation.
Let's have it, what happened?
- Didn't they tell you? - I wanna hear it from you.
Okay. I was drunk. I was loaded.
Girl took the wheel, and I passed out.
Then we're in a ditch, car rolled over a few times
and that's the whole story.
If you think that's it, you have less sense...
I thought you were a kid who got out of line.
You're not a kid, you know the score.
- You know what you pulled? - You mean, "The show must go on"?
They'll get the show on without you. You're not that important.
You didn't hurt anybody but yourself.
I had the chance of a lifetime and I blew it. So?
What's got into you? Who do you think you are? You're nothing.
You made yourself nothing, punk! I don't care if I ever see you again.
It’s a big corn crop this year, but...
- What? - Corn. H-A-M, corn.
- Did you put in a clean shirt? - Yeah.
Remember, you promised not to be too tough.
- He's no good. If you heard him... - It’s not all his fault.
I found out a lot. The Parker girl gave him a bad time.
- I knew she was no good for him. - Blame her. Everyone else blames him.
- Will you say you're in the show? - Only for a few days.
It’s down here.
- Can I help you? - My son is... What's wrong?
He's not here. He picked himself up last night and walked out.
He left this note for you.
"I’m sorry I gave you such a bad time.
"I think Pop was right. You'll all be better off without me.
"See you around sometime.
"Don't worry. Love, Tim. "
"Don't worry. " That's a laugh.
You start worrying when they're born, and you never stop.
Even after they bury you, I bet you never stop.
We did everything we could to find him. Went to the police.
Checked booking offices, in case he tried to work.
Even hired detectives of our own.
We even heard he was working under a fake name
with a trio down in Greenwich Village.
Oh, Marie
- The dawn is breaking - Take a peek at that sun
- Sweet Marie - Better open your eyes
- You'll soon be waking - Now's the time to arise
- Oh, Marie - My broken heart
My heart is aching
For you For you
My sweet Ma-Ma-Marie
Everyplace you went, you saw more and more uniforms.
Half the world was fighting already, the other half rehearsing for it.
Even Steve had applied to go over as a chaplain.
Better wait under here, Miss Parker. I’ll only be a minute.
Thanks, Kelly.
- Kelly found a cab. May I drop you? - No, thanks.
We'd have a chance to...
It’s okay. There are plenty of cabs. I’ll find one.
- All ready? - I changed my mind. I’m not going.
Come on. You can drop me off, then go to the club for a few laughs.
I’ll get you for a midnight movie.
I’m just not up to it.
Okay. See you later.
I found some arrangements we did with the kids. Let's go over them.
- What for? - The Actors' Fund's having a benefit.
The Hippodrome's closing. They want old acts to perform.
- I’m old, they can tear me down too. - They want us in the show.
- I haven't done an act since... - Stop talking this way. It won't help.
You gonna spend the rest of your life blaming yourself?
I miss him too, every day, every minute.
At least I keep going. How do you think I feel, working with that girl?
- We're going into town. - Why?
So we can go down Broadway, and you can stare at every kid?
Molly, stop nagging me! I said I’m not going and I’m not.
I won't be here to play that benefit.
- Where you going? - To find him.
- How do you know where to look? - I don't.
- But I have to do something. - I’ll be late if I don't go now.
Promise you won't do anything crazy. I’ll be early.
- I’ll skip the curtain call. Okay? - Sure, Molly.
- Hello, Molly, darling. - Bobby!
- Mrs. Donahue. - Yes?
You and your daughter are in 12A. Up the stairs.
- I’ll hang your dress up. - Thanks.
Let me start things off. I can handle her.
You know how often I've tried at the theater.
She just won't listen to me.
- Hi, Mom. I’ll take that. - A little crowded in here, isn't it?
I've moved upstairs. You and Vicky are sharing.
Oh, are we?
- I’ll dress in the powder room. - You will not.
- I told you. - It'll work.
Probably not, but I’m curious.
- I think you owe Vicky an apology. - This isn't my idea.
It’s mine. It’s time you two straightened things out.
So that's the plot. So my daughter...
- You are my daughter? - I think so.
She thinks we should be friends. Mind if I ask what we have in common?
- It’s very simple. You both love Tim. - I see.
Aren't you a little late?
I might be. I hope not.
Mom, I’m crazy about you, but you're stubborn and awfully tough.
You can't go on blaming Vicky. Tim did this whole thing to himself.
I was around. I saw it. You gotta hear her side of it.
I’m getting out of here. The doctor said not to get excited.
Be a little easy, will you, Mom?
Maybe I’m tough and stubborn
but it's hard to believe you're really in love with Tim.
I don't know how to convince you, but it's true.
- Then fit Lew into this picture. - You know Lew did everything for me.
He may have had ideas, but I didn't share them.
There was no one for me but Tim.
- Too bad you didn't let him know. - I tried to.
But he was pretty stubborn too.
Come in.
- Steve! - Mom!
It’s so good to see you. You look wonderful.
Thin, but wonderful. Excuse me.
This is Tim's brother. Steve, Vicky Parker.
How do you do?
I’m glad to know you. Tim talked about you a lot.
- He was proud of you. - He talked a lot about you too.
That's nice. Excuse me.
I’ll find out where I’m spotted in the show.
Vicky, will you do me a favor?
If you see Katy, tell her her mother isn't stubborn.
It'll take a few years to change her mind
but she's not stubborn.
- Thanks, Mrs. Donahue. - See you later.
- So that's the girl? - Yeah. Nice girl too.
I was wrong again. Why didn't you say you were coming?
I didn't know.
We just got a 24-hour pass. I knew you were doing a show here...
- A 24-hour pass? Does that mean... - It means a 24-hour pass.
Don't doubletalk me.
I’m not supposed to say anymore. Besides, I don't know anymore.
- Shouldn't you get ready? - I’m all made up.
Just have to put my dress on. Only be a minute.
- Is Pop back? - No.
- How did you know? - Katy wrote me.
I wish there was some way we could help you.
Did she write you're gonna be an uncle?
Yeah, isn't that great? She booked me for the christening.
At least she and Charlie are happy.
- Any news about Tim? - Not a word.
It’s over a year. Even the detectives have given up.
I still believe he'll be back.
I’m not so sure. Sometimes I think we'll never see him again.
Mom.
Don't lose faith.
I don't always think that. Just sometimes.
- You're on next. Five minutes. - Be right with you.
- You wanna watch from the wings? - Yeah, that'll be great.
Okay, I’ll fix it.
There's no business Like show business
Like no business I know
Everything about it is appealing
Everything the traffic will allow
Nowhere could you get That happy feeling
When you are stealing That extra bow
There's no people Like show people
They smile when they are low
Yesterday they told you You would not go far
That night you open And there you are
Next day on your dressing room They've hung a star
Let's go on with the show
The costumes, the scenery The makeup, the props
The audience that lifts you When you're down
The headaches, the heartaches The backaches, the flops
The sheriff who escorts you Out of town
The opening when your heart Beats like a drum
The closing When the customers don't come
There's no business Like show business
Like no business I know
You get word Before the show has started
That your favorite uncle Died at dawn
On top of that Your pa and ma have parted
You're brokenhearted But you go on
There's no people Like show people
They smile when they are low
Even with a turkey That you know will fold
You may be stranded Out in the cold
Still you wouldn't change it For a sack of gold
Let's go on with the show
Let's go on with the
show!
Tim!
Why did you do it, Tim? Why?
I had to, Mom. I had to work things out for myself.
- Where's Pop? - He's...
Here, son.
Hello, Pop.
- Oh, Terry! - Hi, Molly.
You'd think I'd been lost.
You're supposed to lead us into the big number.
I’ll be right with you. Somebody give me a handkerchief.
You all hold it, I’ll take care of this. Stand by.
Thank you for being so patient. My wife got a little excited.
Our last show here was the last time The Five Donahues appeared as an act.
Then lots of things happened. That's how it was until just now
when The Five Donahues reunited.
We're sentimental about this place
so we want to do Alexander's Ragtime Band,
the number we did here.
Ladies and gentlemen, The Five Donahues!
Come on and hear, come on and hear Alexander's Ragtime Band
Come on and hear, come on and hear It's the best band in the land
And if you care to hear "Swanee River" Played in ragtime
Come on and hear, come on and hear Alexander's Ragtime
That raggy beat gets in your feet
Come on and meet
Alexander's Ragtime Band
There's no business, there's no Business that's half so thrilling
Cowboys, the tumblers The wrestlers, the clowns
The roustabouts that Move the show at dawn
The music, the spotlights The people, the towns
The thrill of that applause When you go on
You're standing out in front On opening night
And there's your billing Right up there in lights
There's no people Like show people
They smile when they are low
Even with a turkey That you know will fold
You may be stranded Out in the cold
Still you wouldn't change it For a sack of gold
You go on with the show
There's no business like show business Like no business I know
Everything about it is appealing
Everything the traffic will allow
Nowhere can you get That happy feeling
When you are stealing That extra bow
There's no people Like show people
They smile when they are low
Yesterday they told you You would not go far
That night you open And there you are
Next day on your dressing room They've hung a star
Let's go on with the show
There's no business like show business Let's go on with the show!