Look out, here he comes.
Eddie, Eddie, you asked to see me?
Yes, Mr. Fenner. My brothers and I wish to draw the management's attention to the increased cost of living, and furthermore,
No, no, please don't tell me that this is another demand for higher wages.
No, Mr. Fenner, we just want a little more money.
So that our week's wages will buy what it used to.
I've been sitting at this bench for three years, and I should have a bigger basic.
Blimey, your basic's big enough already
No, Mum
Now look, girls, the average wage here is £10.04
You should have a lot of money left over at the end of the week
I just have a lot of wheat left over at the end of my money
A perfect grasp of high finance
You might very well end up as our next Chancellor
The basic cost of living is based on the cost of basic essentials
They haven't gone up that much
Oh, haven't they?
Lunchtime I went through three quid
For lunch?
No, for make-up
It's murder, just trying to excuse
Here, look, look at this clip
Look, you can't get a slip worth showing under a quid
And you can't get a good show of a dab under tuppence
Look, Paddy, get on with the work
The summer will very likely be over before the end of the week
Look, Mr Fenner, please be reasonable
We only want a little more money because our basic necessities have gone up
And I'm only not giving it to you because I've squandered it on trivialities
Like rent, rates, electricity, gas, repairs and Mrs Fenner
I bet she needs a lot of repairs.
I'd like to see you say that to her face.
Quite, I'm thinking, now listen, if he won't give us more money,
we'll just have to think up a profitable sideline.
Look what I'm down to. One and sixpence for twenty.
The new economy fag.
I think it's a tobacco-tipped filter.
Now, just a minute now, I've got to think.
To due consideration, your executive committee have decided upon a suitable sideline.
And I have much pleasure in announcing the opening of the Hong Kong Chinese hand laundry.
Earring.
Eyeliner.
Now, right, let's get organised.
Now we've got basins, hot water, soap, starch, irons.
And where else do we need to run a laundry?
Dirty washing.
What would Mr Fenner think?
He'll think they work here.
Don't worry, Lil. We've appointed an agent.
Yes, everything's going to be collected from Nicky's barbershop, you see.
He's going to be our middleman.
Things are going pretty good, eh?
Great, Nick, great. Listen to this. Look at this.
In the last three days, we've made ten quid.
And you're on ten percent for collecting the dirties.
A nice little sideline for both of us.
Hey, funny life. One minute I'm cutting hair, next minute I'm collecting laundry.
Yeah, well, watch it, otherwise you give a short back and sides.
Oh, dear, dear. I hope it keeps up. I've never seen our girls work so hard.
Yeah.
I'm going to wash the dirt right out of his shirt. I'm going to wash the dirt right out of the wall of his shirt.
I wouldn't like to meet him in the dark. Look at this.
Crikey. How on earth did you get lipstick there?
Ponder.
Yeah, all right. Well, you've had your ponder. Now get moving.
There's more to do. Come on, get her moving.
Here, this shirt's up. Right, I'll take that out and get it packed.
You carry on. I'll give you a shout. It's finished. I'll see you then.
Oh, no fear. It's no fun in squeezing a man's shirt unless he's in it.
One done, Rhys. You've got the box ready.
How are you?
Yeah. I've just taken one of our labels on this box.
Here you are. Right, we'll bang that in the box.
Yeah, all right then. You keep my own fanner, will you?
Yeah, I'll watch his office.
Yeah, that's it. I want to put a couple of pins in it, you see? It makes it look nice.
Yeah. I could never understand why men's shirts have all those pins in them.
No, neither did I. I bought a cheap one. I got it home, took the pins out and it fell to pieces.
Here, is his office door shut?
Yeah, he's probably counting all that lollies too stingy to give to us.
Yeah.
Some mingy old,
Basket?
Yeah.
No, no, I was in the stock room. I'm sorry if I surprised you.
I'll wear a bell round my neck if it'll make it any easier.
Wait, what have you got there? A shirt, isn't it?
Yes, a shirt. It's my shirt, Mr Fenner. The girl just delivered it from the laundry.
It's still warm.
Yes, well, it's the new laundry, you see. It's the speedy service, it's called. A new Hong Kong Chinese laundry opened up.
Chinese. If I could get my girls to do work like that, I should be a happy man today.
Now, Petty, I want to have a word with you about the restroom.
Hey, about the restroom.
Don't worry, I'm not having it pulled down.
And you and the girls won't be able to use it for a day or two. I'm having a plumber in, you see, to put in some new basins.
He's starting work this afternoon.
This afternoon?
No, no, I'm afraid that wouldn't be convenient, Mr. Fairnail.
Well, I mean, if my brothers can't get into the restroom to wash,
I don't know what might happen.
Production might go up for a start.
Do you think you'll get the girls to finish that laundry before the plumber comes?
Well, we'll have to do our nuts.
Yeah, go on.
Here, go.
Go.
Panic stations.
Everybody on the laundry.
Come on.
And you'll have to work right through the lunch hour.
This shirt's not dirty.
You got any more snowflakes?
Plumber's here. It's outside Biffenna. Waiting to start.
What? It's only lunch here. He's got no right to be here so early.
Well, don't blame me. Take it up with the Plumber's Union.
You've got to get this stuff out of here.
He's turned the water off already. Look.
Yes, look. Oh, marvellous.
What do we do with the Hong Kong laundry while the plumber's here?
Well, bung it on a slow boat to China.
Now, it's no good.
You'll never find another place like this.
Hot water, basins and all the gear.
Oh, won't we? Here.
Isn't Nicky's Barbershop closed this afternoon?
Yeah, that's right.
Right, we'll borrow it.
Come on, girls. We're transferring to Nicky's Barbershop.
Go on, everybody take something.
Come on, everybody out.
Oh, you'll never get this lot past, Fenner.
Oh, we won't, but you will.
Our coats are outside, my darling.
Come on, you're going to slip this lot over your jacket.
Oh, no, no.
Steady on, dear.
Don't break it before we've even had it fitted in.
This plumbing job's costing me a fortune, you know.
Those old basins, of course, those old basins,
they must have leaked very badly.
Yes, Mr. Fedder.
You've no idea the hot water you girls have been using the last few days.
Anybody'd think we were running a laundry.
Hello, Mr. Feller.
I just told the girls about the plumber coming.
And, you know, they'll be out in a minute.
He's just gone to get his tools.
That suit's very tight on you, isn't it, Rich?
Are you putting on weight?
No, it's a thick vest I'm wearing.
Oh, yes, thick vest.
Well, I'll go now, Mr. Feller.
Have me lunch now.
Don't look now, but your slip is showing.
Oh, no, that's the vest I was telling you about.
Do all your vests have black lace on the bottom?
Well, it's the latest incontinental.
It's very healthy, you see.
You've got the holes in it.
The air goes in and,
It's very healthy.
Don't worry.
Your secret is safe with me.
Girls, come on out now.
The plumber's here.
What have you got there, your lunch?
No, I'm going to do some washing.
It's my smalls.
You're putting on weight, aren't you?
Well, you see, she's been working very hard, you see.
And it gets so hot in this workroom.
and the perspiration just rolls off.
Not here it doesn't.
The only time Lily ever got hot working
was when she fell asleep and burnt herself on the electric iron.
Lily, dear, your shopping basket is dripping water.
My pussy's pissed.
Don't make a mess in my shop.
I don't like you here like this.
Well, you can stay in the office if you like.
Oh, no, he's my half-holiday.
I go to see the football.
Goodbye.
Goodbye, Nick.
I'm warning you, no mess.
No, Nick, no.
Oh, Reg, we should have bought more soap.
Oh, there's plenty of shampoo there, use that.
Oh, yeah, which shall I use? I've got beer shampoo or lemon rinse.
Well, bung a bit of both in, we'll have a nice shandy.
Here, hang on, open that shirt, I'll see how those are getting on.
Oh, I forgot my pinny. I've just got one more to do.
Here, be careful, that collar's all frayed.
What are you doing, fumigating it?
No, a lacquer.
Here, that won't do any harm, will it?
Look let's look at the big guy steady with his shirt
Sorry, mr. Fanner, we're close. You want a quick shave for one customer. You've got time for me
The same you know they don't want to work
I've got a bunch of girls at the factory down the road there bone-idle. They are have you been in this country long?
All right, you keep it hang on a minute
Mr. Fenner, please don't take off the hot towel, huh?
It's softening the beard, huh?
Are you all all right, sir? You were finished, huh?
I just finished you off, huh?
Oh, good-bye, sir. Come again, huh?
Just a quick shave.
Just a quick shave. That's all I want, you know.
Oh, yes, Mr. Fenner.
I've got to smarten up to see a client with no hot water at the factory.
Yes, Mr. Fenner.
Won't be a minute, Mr. Fenner.
Just shave me face. Leave the air on me legs.
Oh, yes, Mr. Fenner. Please, Mr. Fenner, Mr. Fenner, do not take off the towel from the eyes, eh?
Otherwise, the shop gets in there, and it's very painful, eh?
Come on, Bill, keep twisting.
Hurry up!
Go get out there. You, go on, you get up there.
I'll do it, love.
Hurry up, I can't keep this up for long.
I'll put your motor shopper on, Mr. Fenner, eh?
I'll plenty of the shop.
Go to the shave, eh?
Excuse me please
I'll just get a little more
Mr. Fennel, just a moment
Nice day
I beg your pardon Mr. Fennel
I say it's a very little more
Need to sharpen the razor, huh?
Wonder man in me a minute, huh?
No, Mr. Fennel
Mr. Fennel
Why do you know to come back tomorrow for the shave, huh?
No, I must have it smart enough
Just to shave, you know
No, that's all I want. I don't want shock-treatment.
Make it easy, Dick.
I just go, keep it still, huh? Go on off the move.
What happened?
He dropped a bottle.
What have you done? That's hair dye for brunettes.
Oh, well, it'll grow out, then.
Eh?
Well, mine does. Look.
Now look, hurry up and get out of here before you get suspicious,
and take that stuff with you.
This towel's getting cold.
Oh, yes, yes, Mr. Fenner. Please, don't touch it. I'll fix it, huh?
I'll fix it at the towel for you, huh?
Just keep it still, Mr. Fenner.
There you are, Mr. Fenner. I'll hot it up for you.
Just bung it in a bucket of bleach.
Spoilers!
Spin round to Nicky's place for a shave.
Believe me, I shan't go there again.
Or if I do, I shall ask for chloriform.
He's raving mad.
There I was, sitting down in the middle of a shave.
He went off and left me.
Well, perhaps he can't stand the sight of blood.
Don't laugh, Reg.
You know, Reg, there are times when I wish that you were just a little bit more intelligent.
But then, of course, I realise that if you were just a little bit more intelligent,
you would not be here working for me.
What are we going to do about this shirt?
Look, we just have to send them back as they are.
What, covered in stains?
Yeah, just like we were running a real laundry.
Don't worry, nobody ever bothers to complain these days.
And they wouldn't dare.
I'm not fed up with this laundry.
Yesterday, I tell you, no mess in my shop.
You make a big mess, and big damages besides, also, too.
And this morning, nothing but complaints.
Twenty phone calls I have.
Well, you couldn't have had twenty.
We only messed up one lot of washing.
These calls are all from the same woman.
She say her laundry's ruined, covered in blotches.
Well, it was an accident. The girls couldn't help it. They spilt the bottle of dye over it.
But it'll wash you out sooner or later.
Don't tell me. You tell a woman. She's a-coming here.
Here?
She said if I don't tell the address of the Hong Kong laundry, she goes to the police.
I can't have no trouble with the police. I'm not naturalised. I could be exported.
Well, you should do well on the common market.
This is not your. This is not my problem. It's yours. This woman will be here in ten minutes.
I go. From now on, I stick to the barbering.
The Hong Kong Laundry is about to receive its first angry custom. We've got a load of explaining to do.
There's no such thing as the Hong Kong Laundry.
That's what we've got to explain.
Don't worry.
Don't worry. We'll think of something.
I'll hurry up without notice. Look, the woman will be here in a minute.
Well, it takes a lot of time.
Notice and stick a load of them around the gaff, because we've got to make the place look authentic.
Now, where's Ridge? Ridge?
No, my name's not Ledge. Honourable Tube Fong.
This is old Lil Licorice.
Well, these girlies, we must let the lady think I train you in real Chinese method.
What a scream.
You want to watch it, love, otherwise you'll knit yourself a rice pudding.
No, he can't. It's all planned. No, he can't.
He can't leave his office. He's not likely to come in here without his trousers on, is he?
Well, he's still wearing his trousers.
He won't be for long. Not if Paddy's little scheme works.
Mr. Fiena, on behalf of the union, my brothers and I thought we'd like to liven up your office, so we brought you some flowers.
Oh, well, that is really a very lovely,
You girls are always full of the loveliest of,
Isn't that rather a lot of water for just one flower?
Well, this particular type of flower just bubbles up the water.
Yeah.
Oh, be gone in a minute.
Well, then, put it over there, dear, on that shelf, would you?
What? We're going to put it on your desk like that, you see.
Well, I don't want it here, dear, you see, because somebody might knock it over.
We don't want it all over the carpet, do we?
No, not over the carpet.
No, but you don't have to worry, Mr. Finner, because that's the new kind of barge.
You see, it's special, it's unfillable.
Is it?
Yeah, Paul, but it won't go over.
Now, look what you've done. Water all over me.
Now, what am I going to do?
Oh, Mr. Finner, don't worry.
I'll get the girls to dry them off over the steam press.
you just get out of them and no it's all right we'll go outside the door and you just hand them
around the door we won't look all right is everything coming off no one needs trousers
you are here with my trousers and be as quick as you can will you because somebody might come
into the workroom you see i shouldn't like anybody to see me like this no well i'll pull down the
blind manager of this laundry take me to him at once oh yes mr tufong is expecting you madam this
This way.
Manager.
Oh, yes, madame.
Laundry in there.
Repair department in here.
Very big repair department.
I'm not surprised.
Look what you've done to my laundry.
I ought to sue you.
You've ruined my husband's shirts.
Look at those stains.
No, excuse, please.
Not stain.
Chinese laundry mark.
And I shall never know what you did to my blouse.
Maybe, madame, we can get white stains out of blouse.
This has to be a white blouse.
and this and this and look at this
I expected my laundry to be done by Chinese people
not by this heavy-handed bunch of morons
no madam it's not fraud no
no we're not Chinese you see no we're not
no but Mr Tu Fong has taught us to do the laundry in the Chinese way
yeah we do everything from right to left
he's even given us Chinese names
yeah I'm Lotus Blossom
yeah and I'm running water
training or not you appear to have scorched my clothes oh no now madam passionflower is most
careful with the ironing passionflower darling show the lady passionflower always use time-honored
method of getting iron down to the right temperature oh passionflowers are coolie this
doesn't alter the fact that my husband's shirts have been ruined i demand full compensation five
My pure silk shirts have been ruined.
,lounds.
Fifteen quid.
Excuse, please.
Perhaps you should report it to our Ed Office.
Oh, where is that?
What is the address?
Uh, 62 High Street, Hong Kong.
Don't trifle with me.
Now, either pay up now or I'll take you to court.
So sorry, madam.
Excuse, please.
A big bat.
Quick, let's give her her money and get rid of her.
Yes, it's all our profit.
So sorry, madam.
Great money.
hello
I want my trousers
who's that woman in there
what woman, where, where
Paddy it may surprise you but I can see
perfectly well without my trousers
can you
the woman with the money
oh she's collecting for charity
yes it's a very deserving
charity, it's for people without
clothes
I know just how they feel
this way out madam
how do you do madam, I'm the proprietor
of this place are you chinese no i'm waiting for my trousers how did you get on in there i bet you
didn't get much from that lot on the contrary i found your staff very generous i did very well
oh well in that case i'd better give you a little something myself how much did they give you 15
pounds 15 pounds what's a pity i've left my wallet in my trousers that's quite all right 15 pounds
is more than enough.
Now, girls, girls, I want to work with you.
Now, I have been thinking.
Oh, have you?
Now, look, a day or two ago, you all told me
that you were starving and you demanded a cost of living bonus.
Oh, yeah.
I've been working out a way in which I could give it to you.
Oh, no, no.
Not now.
If you can afford £15 for charity,
you're not getting a cost of living bonus.
Come on now, back to work.
Get on with those sunsuits.
Oh, no, no, we can't, Mr. Bennett.
We've run out of material.
Well, get some more.