yeah you earned a leadership Sterling
star
how were you showing leadership do you
want to talk a little more about it
is telling notion to never give up even
if it's too hard
and then did you also want to give
Lucian a sterling star that date
remember you came in from class and you
said Miss Jay we need to give Lucian a
sterling star which one did you give him
um a bravery
a bravery Sterling star and I heard you
use this word also the mountains never
give up
I mean that's another way the car never
give up
perseverance hey Nico are you setting
any goals for yourself for the new year
are there any Sterling stars that you're
hoping to earn that you're working on
the
um
peasants
and and the fire nice one what's the
present
I didn't say it's the firework and the
fireworks and the fire is just fire if I
look oh yeah
what's this one
zest
what does it mean to be zesty tell us uh
I don't know
oh well we're gonna work on that one I
think it means being excited about
learning something new
being your best
thanks Nico for sharing today
I want to see
what hold up your pencil box and show us
the rest of the Sterling
tell Mr presents how close are you to
the Sterling star celebration
uh one two three four five six seven
um I need two more to get ten
because I'm at seven actually I've need
three more to get ten
it's like a five and then when you get
to 15 what's gonna happen
uh I don't know all right yeah we're
gonna have lunch together again remember
yeah yeah right
great job Nico
and you said do you want to tell us a
little bit more about where the Sterling
Stars program comes from sure so the uh
24 character traits that you saw on the
board are uh come from uh via and uh the
way that we use the program is that it
is a strengths-based model and so you
know you tell a boy that he is kind he's
gonna feel like that kind boy and he's
going to uh emulate that in class he's
going to see it in himself recognize it
in others we make sure that we give boys
the language you can imagine that
teaching a four-year-old the word
perseverance or social intelligence uh
you know can seem like impossible and so
you know we make sure that we use it in
our everyday language we use it in our
daily uh second step program we use it
when we're reading stories uh just this
week for example during remote learning
we read a book called whistle for Willie
and really the boy in the story Peter he
was trying to whistle it was the goal
that he set and one of the boys put his
hand up and said oh that's like Terry
Fox that's perseverance that's not
giving up and so it becomes part of our
everyday language
um and it starts off in the primary
grades as an extrinsic reward so we have
these Sterling star stickers that
represent the character traits the boys
earned five and they receive us a
certificate from their homeroom teacher
at 10 uh they earn a second certificate
and uh they come and tell a story to the
division coordinator and a really
important part of the program is not the
certificate but the telling of their
stories and you you heard me go kind of
recount an event that happened to him
that's personal and that he has a
connection to those character traits
sees them in himself and sees them in
other boys in his classroom uh another
way that we make sure that we uh use the
character traits is that the boys
uh set goals for themselves and it's on
the first page of their report card and
so they're doing a self-reflection at
every assessment period and they're able
to articulate uh the strengths that they
see in themselves and the goals that
they may like to set
um and so I'll turn it over uh you know
this kind of a an overview of our of the
program and uh the Sterling Stars
stickers program happens uh from JK to
grade two and then character traits
continue past grade two but uh in grade
two you earn at 15 Sterling Stars you
earn a silver pin a star to wear on your
Blazer Mr Parsons comes for a lunch uh
and it's really an important milestone
for the boys that they have a chance to
sit down with the principal and share
those stories with them
well thank you so much Nico and Elisa
and I'm actually going to dismiss these
two because they're heading off to do
their reading groups
um so as part of our remote learning so
we wanted to start with them because
they are have a very busy afternoon so
thank you so much and have a great
afternoon and congratulations on all
your work with your character
development Nico great job thank you and
can I tell you one more thing one time
my dad saw Terry Fox
wow that is amazing that's awesome I
want to say to Nico that you showed a
lot of Bravery today talking to a lot of
people that you don't know on camera and
I think that was really wonderful so you
should feel really good about yourself
thank you for sharing that bravery I
love it
bye bye
so now we're gonna hear from Aaron and
like uh she said she they are a new
family to Sterling Hall so our character
development doesn't stop at the end of
grade two uh and right away
um her son Colton who's with us in grade
five now joined the character program
and jumped right into it because it's a
continuous program uh they start they do
character development social emotional
learning every morning and so he pulled
his family right into it as the boys do
and I wanted Aaron to share a little bit
of How It's impacted her son and her
family so thank you Aaron for uh joining
us today
thanks Susie I'm I'm happy to be uh
joining you today and and welcome and hi
again until the prospective parents
um as Susie mentioned our son Colton is
in grade five and is new to the school
just this fall uh so I'm going to share
a little bit about Colton's experience
so far specifically related to the
character program and how it's impacted
him and our whole family
um when my husband and I were
researching schools we were really drawn
to shs for many many reasons but one of
which was how the school does embed this
character learning throughout the
curriculum and throughout the whole
experience because we know that with a
Colton will be able to take this and use
this with him throughout the rest of of
his life uh regardless of the area of of
his life that he's applying the traits
to
um the character program has been a
really wonderful area of learning and
exploration for Colton and we really see
it and how he's developing academically
emotionally and socially
um we see the learnings from the program
starting to translate at home in a few
ways in Colton's Behavior his language
and how he interacts with the rest of
the family so I just thought I'd share a
little bit of a taste of how uh this is
translating and what this looks like
through through my eyes and Through The
Eyes of my husband
um from a behavior perspective we really
see evidence of quotes and building more
of a growth mindset
um we can always get frustrated
sometimes and Colton is a bit of a
perfectionist so he can struggle when
things aren't going a certain way or
when he doesn't immediately know an
answer and he's really honed in on the
word perseverance and what that means to
him and so we really see him trying more
and giving up less whether that's
related to learning to tie his skates or
working on a math program or creating a
video
um or figuring out how to play the
baritone which is new in music class so
that really has been uh fantastic for
for us to see
um from a language perspective Colton is
helping us all develop fluency around
character so I just mentioned
perseverance which is probably a great
word for all of us over the last couple
of years through kovid um and so not
only have we heard Colton use this word
to describe what he's trying to
demonstrate and work on but he's also
using it with his younger brothers
um we skate often as a family and last
fall our youngest son was really working
on his stopping he'd been trying and
trying and trying to stop which is a
tricky skill and one afternoon while we
were skating he'd been working on it and
he did it and he was really excited
um and when it we got off the ice I
overheard quotes and say archer I'm so
proud of you stopping is really hard and
you really persevered in and you got it
and that's awesome
um so that that I think that was really
cool to hear
um his language actually also stopped me
and my tracks late last year I was
probably wearing my frustration at the
end of a work day and he could see that
and so we asked what was wrong and I
told him I was stuck on a work problem
and I was trying to figure it out and um
he's a sensitive guy so he he expressed
concern that I was frustrated and asked
me how I was going to figure out the
problem and I said
well I'm probably gonna have to do some
research and some more reading and and
speak with my colleagues
um and his response really altered my
attitude uh for the rest of the evening
because he said you're really curious
Mom that's cool
um and so two things from that my
ten-year-old son told me I was cool
um but it was really meaningful to hear
him call out a trait that he was seeing
in me
um which leads me to the third and final
way that um I'd love to talk about the
way that we're seeing the character
program come to life in our family which
is
how we see Colton playing taking a
different leadership role
um or a new leadership role in our
family by really really focusing on
positives and strengths
um we are he is leading Us in touching
each other doing good things more often
and um and we're having car rides and
dinner table conversations about traits
and and what they mean to us and we can
see the self-fulfilling prophecy that
our our words are having our words to
each other
um is having
um we went to get our kids vaccine shots
um a couple of weeks ago in our middle
boys really quite nervous about shots
um and without prompting Colton uh
stepped in and reminded Bennett of the
ways he's been brave in the past like
when he had stitches and he kept
reminding him of How brave he is until
it was time for the shot at which time
Bennett uh bravely stuck out his arm and
told the nurse that he was super Brave
um which we thought was was pretty
awesome and really came from uh what
Colton had been uh saying to him so
hopefully these uh examples uh provide a
bit of insight into how the program is
impacting Colton and our family and in
four short months since since he started
at Sterling Hall but I just wanted to
close quickly with a really wonderful
parent moment from the end of last term
if I could and then I'll pass it over or
back to Susie um
Colton was reviewing his report card
with my husband and I and the first page
of the report card is the self
reflection and so we asked Colton to
read that to us and he spoke about how
he's kind and he's hard-working and he's
hopeful and he's funny and he spoke
about
um what he's working on and what his
goals are for the rest of this school
year and it was just it was really
awesome for us to see him demonstrate
self-awareness in the strengths in his
strengths and where he's developing and
what he's still working on developing
and we asked him how he felt about his
first term and he said I will never
forget this I wrote this in an email to
myself so I don't forget but he said
um it's awesome I think I'm really
growing up
um so I'm gonna leave it there I'm gonna
turn it back to Susie but hopefully that
was helpful uh to just uh share some
some ways that we're seeing the
character program in our family
thank you so much Aaron
um those are Goosebumps feeling little
stories that we we love and we're very
proud uh of our character program and it
continues like this right through until
the eighth grade
um and so when we hear Colton say you
know I think I'm growing up by the time
they leave in eighth grade they feel
like they're ready for ninth grade and
they can take on you know the world
um and so this much of this started
um with our principal Rick Parsons and
so I am going to pass all these great
practical examples and throw at this uh
throw it all his way for him to share
more take it away Rick thanks so much
thank you Susie and Aaron you know if
you can if whenever your son tells you
you're cool like that's amazing so I'm
going to take that one to the bank
when when
um some some people may not know why I
actually have two boys as well who are
20 and 23 and I don't think I've ever
been called cool so I'm I'm gonna kind
of celebrate Aaron for that for a moment
um you know
thank you Susie for the introduction I
do want to kind of maybe tip into that a
bit just to say this is my 10th year at
Sterling Hall
um but my whole career before was high
school and so
um you know in my last job some of you
may have heard me say this but you know
my last job was at the University of
Toronto schools right I was there for
for quite a while and I was the vice
principal there for eight years and I
found myself it's a seven to twelve coed
school and I just found myself
struggling to try to recalibrate the
moral compass of 16 and 17 year olds and
I just felt at some point like I just
need to do this we need to get to this
earlier and so this is what brought me
in many ways to Sterling Hall
um and uh and lots of other reasons too
but but my sense of the character
program is something that is so so
important for for me personally I really
think that it's it's probably the
Cardinal elements of everything that
we're doing in terms of trying to
develop and grow young people and so I'm
going to talk a little bit about some of
the framework and the theory behind it
how we start with the with the concrete
elements I think that are are fun and
and this might be a little drier but
I'll try and make it kind of quick but I
wanted to explain where it comes from
and and so let's start with the fact
that I mean we hear a lot of people
talking about character and and um the
first you know the first thing I want to
say is there's actually three kinds of
character
you know there is uh there's moral
character there's Civic character and
there's performance character and these
are different kinds of character and so
they're demonstrated in different ways
um and even in our uh do do you have uh
Susie do you have that a slide with the
with our our Sterling character
statement
and if you don't that's okay because I I
can just say it but it's you know we are
one of our Three core values of one is
Sterling character one is Sterling
learning and one of Sterling Community
Sterling character says we value and
develop
confidence and resilience which is
performance character kindness and
respect which is moral character and the
last one is is Civic character it says
with the courage to advocate for oneself
and for others
um and I think that that the reason it's
important to recognize three different
kinds of characters you cut you actually
achieve them and develop them in
different ways right so if we're looking
so there's the top of our screen okay so
that's we've did I get it right we value
develop confidence and resilience
kindness and respect with the courage
defecate for oneself and for others the
reason it's important and maybe we can
take that down and we'll come back to
that when I get into the Via character
strengths a little bit Susie
um is that if you think of performance
character as you know Steve Jobs
developing the iPhone you know 700
iterations that fail before you actually
have heard a lot of perseverance on this
call today you know before you actually
do it the performance characters
tenacity stick to it in his perseverance
determination those elements whereas
moral character is more from the heart
right it's kindness and compassion think
of Mother Teresa and then the concept of
Civic character is is really this this
fact that
um you know other people matter and and
it was the original character in schools
which was to kind of educate and create
an erudite populace that could vote and
um and contribute to society as a whole
and so that civic responsibility and so
um and and for the for the younger boys
you know the last part that says the
Civic character that says um with the
courage to advocate for oneself and for
others you know it was actually my First
Assembly in 2012 when I spoke to the
boys and I said you know big boys can
look out for themselves bigger boys that
go for others
um that's that's Civic character and
actually that's stuck and that's still
something in the school boys talk about
and I say I challenge you all to be
bigger boys
um and and I think that they know that
and so that the fact is that we're going
to work and Play and Learn together in a
community and we can contribute
positively and the more that we focus on
the needs of others it comes back in
this positive tautology so anyways
um that's kind of at least our character
statement but how do we how do we get
there
um and we have lots of tools we have
many tactics programs you heard of the
Sterling Stars program this is but one
program we have in the school because
this character program is ubiquitous is
embedded throughout everything that we
do if you're going to have an award for
a
for an athletic team the first thing
you're going to hear is the person's won
the award and then what character traits
they they uh they revealed in in winning
that award so everything is kind of
tried to connect to that
um and so in terms of having a framework
for conversations around it you know we
wanted to to find some common language
and so maybe you can put that back up
again Susie the framework it comes from
it's called values in action
and it comes from a character strengths
uh and virtues
book that was published in 2004 uh by
the by uh Marty Seligman
um and the late professor Peterson as
well and it was it came from these 24
words came from that book and this book
was developed uh over a research over
four years with 67 eminent social
scientists that effectively coded
a few thousand years of human history
right from from Socrates to the Bible
and everywhere in between
um and what they did was they coded it
and looked for traits that were common
and Universal
um to humanity and these are the 24 that
they came up with at the end of that
that project so that's that's where that
comes from
um and the second the second thing I
wanted to kind of mention about that is
that you know in education we're often
working from a deficit model which means
that we're looking for learning gaps and
then how to fill those learning gaps but
in character character work and
development is quite the opposite and
you heard Eliza John Muhammad say this
earlier it's a strength based model and
um and you know you can go to the Via uh
character website and yourself for free
to about a 15-minute
um test and it will order those 24 words
for you and we're all we all have a
different order
um and and the reason that I mention
that is because all our boys are unique
and we need to help them in the strength
based model to find what their strengths
are because uh while in in more
challenging times
um you know you can move through life
you know you're sorry less challenging
times you can move through life easily
but it's when you hit challenging times
you're going to move towards your
natural proclivities and behave in in
ways that are more attuned to you and so
it's important to see what are those
strengths those natural strengths in
each in each each boy and then how do we
amplify and augment those strengths how
do we celebrate them so really what you
want to do is make stronger strengths
rather than stronger weaknesses not that
these are weaknesses but you've got kind
of more relevant ones and so we do try
to focus on a strength based model
um it was also mentioned by Eliza uh
some of the research will tell us that
individuals act in ways consistent with
their sense of self
um and we heard that from Aaron I think
when
um you were talking about how Colton was
kind of amplifying The Bravery of of
Bennett and that if boys in this
research what what does this research
mean it means if we can help boys to
conceptualize themselves in certain ways
the research says they will strive to
act and behave in those ways so if they
believe that bravery is a past you know
past examples of Bravery
um are there then maybe you think wow
maybe I'm I'm the brave person and then
and you act bravely and it's the same
with perseverance it's the same with all
these things and so it's really
important to to try to to see boys and
catch them in the act of demonstrating
these wonderful 24 character strengths
at different times and then hold it up
as a mirror to them and show them that's
what perseverance looks like when you
don't give up on a tricky math problem
right as opposed to what perseverance
looks like on the soccer field or
somewhere else and so that's why it's
throughout the school and it's
everywhere and we're trying to get the
boys to be self-reflective about that to
see it in themselves and to recognize
that and then that will actually
create that positive psychology will
help to create a positive self-image and
then that behavior will follow and
that's kind of what we're trying to do
so I heard it I liked Aaron's use of it
is a self-fulfilling prophecy if we can
actually really show examples of Where
the boys catch them being brave that
they will believe they're Brave and they
will act courageously and I think that
that's a powerful powerful thing in our
school
um so I you know that's the other part
is the report card I think I can't
remember how many years we've had it
maybe five years on the report card now
where it's the front page of every
report card where the boys are asked to
to self-reflect what are the strengths
that you have and what are the things
that you're working on and and so to
have the boys to have agency uh in all
of this is really key and our mission
actually is to inspire and Empower each
boy and I think this is an example of
empowering them to be thinking about
themselves to how they want to grow in
what ways they see and celebrate the
strengths in themselves and in others
and I think that
um you know the last the last point that
I'll make about this is that um
we'll just say you know you can't call a
tulip a rose and I know that um
as parents we might like to curate or
choose what strengths we'd have for our
children for instance I'm just going to
choose one of my sons and say I would
love that his strength was
self-regulation but I think zest is
probably more accurate uh rendering of
his strengths and and that's okay
because these boys uh you know we need
to help celebrate them and we need to
find out what makes them unique and what
makes them special and what's kind of
interesting too is that you know as we
get into our um
you know our diversity equity and
inclusion work we actually call it Jedi
at the school it's Justice Equity
diversity and inclusion the boys like
did their Jedi work one of the things
that kind of is dovetails with it nicely
is the fact that we're all different we
have different strengths but all of that
is to be celebrated right like how
boring would it be if we all thought
exactly the same way and had the same
lens on everything and so it's um it
helps us to recognize that the
differences in people are actually are a
great strength to our community and a
strength to our classroom
um so I I've spoken for a little while I
want to give a little background of the
framework of where that comes from but I
think at this point I might kind of step
back and and uh and maybe take some
questions
foreign
has any Wonder abouts I'll throw a
question out there can you hear me by
the way
yep yep we can hear you oh perfect okay
well thanks for that it's super helpful
uh I find it very interesting and I love
how you guys weave it throughout the
school versus like have a set lecture
here memorize these 24 uh character
traits my question is you know there's
there's 24 out there which could be a
lot for a young kid particularly JK uh
SK type uh boy do you guys focus on
specific characteristics or character
sets early on and expand from there or
is it sort of like one of those things
where it's very kid specific and you
sort of tailor whatever their plan is uh
based on who they are
you're muted Rick
yep sorry first of all hi Steve uh great
great to meet you uh virtually
um I was just having a problem with my
headset so that's why I kind of took
that off all right can you hear me okay
okay
um so it's actually quite an astute
question if you look at we go back to
Sullivan and Peterson's book they say
there is a graduation of some of those
words that insert developmentally you're
going to come to I can tell you Prudence
is not when you see a lot in SK as an
example so
um you will come to those naturally at
certain developmental stages in life for
sure
um but from a from an educational point
of view you know we do explore all 24
just so they understand what they are
right and um and they're equipped to
recognize them when they're when they're
called out you know we have an assembly
every week and um run by the older older
boys run the great eights run the
assemblies you know and so the younger
boys get to see the older boys talking
about these words and wanting to know
what they mean and so from an
educational point we explore it all and
try and teach them but in terms of uh
the behaviors that we see because we're
trying to catch those those behaviors
and mirror back to them yeah there's
definitely a limited number depending on
you know what grade we're talking about
um and I would say we've just started
coding some of these report cards a
little bit too just to look um I'm a bit
of a data nerd so so looking at you know
which are the ones that come up most
commonly and um and Steve you're right
that you're going to see certain grades
and certain ages and stages you're going
to have a lot more kids who are going to
self-reflect on their strengths that are
that are common
um and so you're going to see a lot more
SKS talking about kindness
um one thing I will say having one of
those lunches I I they're my favorite
thing to do in the entire entire year
and when we I was asking one of the boys
it was a whole bunch of great ones and I
said what's the hardest star to get and
uh and they all looked around and they
worked on it honestly one came back and
had the most thoughtful answer he said
forgiveness
and I just thought yeah I get it I get
it the terrible injustices that happened
on the FourSquare court or whatever has
happened to recess right and and so um I
they're they're really thoughtful about
it and they and you know I think that
sometimes we don't give the boys
um enough credit for what they can
absorb
um I mean I think we just heard Nico
talking pretty eloquently about about
perseverance and demonstrating it in
action you know and and if someone's to
say to me
um I'm going to learn about perseverance
from a five-year-old I you know you
might kind of Wonder but it's it's true
even the jks will be talking about it so
I think it's important that we explore
all of those but but um you know
certainly there's going to be more
proclivity for certain words at certain
ages developmentally than in others
answers
the other thing is that some look
different at different grade levels you
know so they they definitely start with
like self-regulation in JK and SK but
that self-regulation would look
different once you hit grade six seven
and eight
right so you're you're talking more
about you know video gaming and that
kind of thing and time management and
self-regulation whereas self-regulation
and jksk could be managing your space
managing your hands managing more you
know as your emotions things like that
um and you know so they start to
understand just what it means
appropriately for their age
um as well and so it's a developing
character trait you're not going to get
into all of it and all of its aspects at
different at certain age levels
that makes sense yeah
any other questions
thoughts comments
don't be shy
if you have another one Steve pipe up
yeah I was going to I just want to
monopolize the question asking no no
okay uh but I guess giving time for
others to ask any questions or think
through questions how do you guys get
buy-in for something like this because
like I can see you know it's obviously
been super powerful
um and I think because there's a lot of
buying clearly from the kids I've seen
stuff like this go the other way where
you know sounds all theoretical and it's
not really practiced and it just kind of
goes over many people's heads um but it
sounds like you guys have solved for
that how did you how did you do that
are you cons buying from from whom
students students
like they they care about this this is
something they want to achieve they care
about the 50 or that you know getting
all the stars and the reward at the end
right so
um you know Eliza mentioned this a
little bit earlier which is with the
Sterling Stars program we only run that
from JK to grade two and that is their
external rewards right so that's the
driver they're getting their stickers
they're getting their I know she said
you know the 15 stars in a lunch with me
is supposed to be really exciting it's
because they get some sugary treat I'm
quite confident
um but but we do have some external
motivators for them and then and then
but you want to make it intrinsic and so
ultimately as you get to grade three to
grade eight it's a little more intrinsic
they want to do it because they want to
show they're proud of themselves and
they want to showcase these wonderful
skills and because you know I always
believe you get more with the carrot
than the stick and I think that the
concept of of positive psychology is
just that it's this idea that they're
gonna have a positive self-image and
um and that's something that they desire
I mean no who doesn't like me being told
that they're Brave like who doesn't like
being told that they're doing something
really well any of those 24
characteristics those those teachers
um celebrate the boys and the boys love
it and they want to celebrate each other
for it and so you know if you go into
any one of our our classrooms you're
going to see those 24 via character
strengths are on every wall and in the
homerooms you'll see
um Sometimes some boys initials uh will
be you know on some of those words
because they've been given they've been
celebrated for that
um and and so I I think that the the
buy-in you know I thought you're gonna
have to be buying for the teachers
because that to be honest 10 years ago
that was actually the bigger challenge
was to try to say no this is going to be
helpful but and it's taken a while but
as it's grown and they've seen the the
outcomes of the behavior changes in the
children
um it's significant you know I'll just
give you one I I very I remember one of
the very first Sterling star lunches we
did uh I think we only had by the way
everybody gets a star by the end of the
year like every we're getting everyone
through this everyone is going to
succeed
um we did I loved Aaron talking about
the growth mindset before because that's
something we talk about a lot we either
succeed or we learn right and you know
failure is a great opportunity for us
just to grow and
so it was it was the Sterling Stars
lunch and there it was a mix of JK's SKS
and grade ones and grade twos and there
was a boy and they all have recess
together that's the other thing to
understand is that the jk2s all have
recess together and there's expectations
on the older boys grade one and two to
look out for younger boys it's the
bigger boy concept that we talked about
right the courage to advocate for
oneself and for others so one of the
boys was saying you know he was you know
he got a star for kindness and I said
well what was tell me more about that
what'd you get it for he said well you
know I saw there's a JK who wasn't
playing with anyone at recess so I said
hey do you want to take shots on me for
soccer and um and I let him score but Mr
Parsons I totally could have saved it
but I let him score but I totally could
have saved it if I want you know and
it's it's you know these moments though
and then the teachers hear that and the
teachers see that and they think okay
we're looking out for other people we're
doing kind things you know we're
um and yet just to be celebrated for
doing wonderful things there's no buy-in
needed for the children it was really
more about is this framework going to
work for for teacher
um and and I think that as they see it
paying dividends I think that you know
the buy-in has been natural
right thank you
uh we do have another question uh does
the school have a mentor or or advisor
type of role to help the students in
character building
uh Rick do you want to address it or do
you want me to have a go yeah you can
have a you can have a go I've been
talking for a bit
so there are a couple of
uh answers to that question actually
uh so the every home room is in and of
itself a small
kind of Mentor group in that we call it
a community
in that they meet as a community every
day
and So within that group they solve
problems they have Community
circles and they would discuss issues in
there they might have building Community
circles they might have
um problem solving Community circles so
if they come in from recess and there's
a problem some boys aren't getting along
one of the boys might come in and say we
need a community Circle they might come
in and discuss this and this starts as
early in as JK and it goes right through
you know I've been in the hall and I've
seen two boys coming in in grade five
and they go to their teacher and say we
need to have a community Circle
this soccer teaming at recess is not
working
and then at the end of that Community
Circle you'll see a big chart paper go
up
uh in the hallway these are the rules
for making Fair teams that our class has
agreed upon and it's the boys who will
have come up with the rules and so they
will have decided they will have shared
using all I statements and they learn to
talk effectively through our social
emotional program
and so they Mentor in many ways each
other but their homeroom teacher is
their advisor and has been taught a
curriculum to take them through uh and
so there is that aspect of the program
that is very much a curriculum and they
they go through it and they are
accustomed to it and it goes right
through to grade eight
um there is also the Buddy program so
starting in JK right through grade eight
every boy has a buddy and starting in
grade four you are the older buddy and
you're buddied up with younger boy a
younger boy and you meet with them once
a week or once a cycle and you are
responsible for leading them uh and
modeling character so whether you're
doing reading or science or outdoor
creation of obstacle courses or
encouraging in Terry Fox or a house
activity or modeling your service
um or encouraging your little buddy when
he comes to do a talk in your classroom
from grade two uh it's your job to be
modeling the character traits and you
know it's amazing when the grade eight
boys are buddied up with JK and SK
the love of that relationship it is
amazing to see grade eights run up to
their little buddies and JK how are you
today and the JK's calling on their
grade 8 buddies you know with these big
eyes like they're rock stars and so that
gives the great eights a sense of I need
to model
and so they are a mentor there and so
starting in grade four these boys are
mentors for younger boys
um and then finally in grade eight every
boy has a faculty Mentor that they meet
with for half an hour every week
to help them
figure out who they are
um I always say I had my son in grade
eight last year and I said it was the
best half an hour of free counseling
around
uh because he he got to sit and talk
with somebody they walked around the
fields they went outside and my son
Ryder much of it was led by him
what was on his mind as he figured out
the kind of school he wanted to go to
the person he wanted to be what kind of
projects would help him develop he
discussed his leadership opportunity
because they're all on a leadership team
in grade eight which is I guess another
place where they have another advisor
um so it comes in Connecticut
I'll pass it on to you now Rick well
just to the point of the of the of the
mentorship program of the grade eight my
son graduated in 2015 and he's still in
touch with his teacher Mentor they're
still he's still getting advice on his
girlfriend and everything else that's
going on and to your point Susie it's
kind of nice to know there's this person
who knows him and cares about him in his
life that he can bring questions and to
that that don't involve his parents and
so you know I'm not expecting this
something that has to continue but I do
I do know that there are relationships
that are built that that are sustained
which are lovely I want to add you know
I think there's two there's two other
areas we could talk about certainly in
grades six to eight we have elective
programs
um uh for everything from woodworking to
whatever people want to be doing there's
lots of different things but my main
point here is we actually put the grade
six sevens and eights together in those
in those elective programs when we're
not in covet and we're not cohorting and
we also have an advisory program with
six sevens and eights and one teacher
Mentor that meets went to cycle and that
could be something to talk about
um and it's often the older boys want to
Mentor the younger boys so grade six
could come in and say I'm having a hard
time getting into the soccer game at
recess or something any advice and one
of the greatest oh can I take this one
you know and and help so this maybe also
goes to I think there's a question in
the chat about how how we do this
intrinsically with the older boys the
older boys as soon as he is kind of uh
indicated have so many opportunities to
Showcase their being older bigger boys
looking out for others and you know if
there's one thing we know about kids is
they always want to be seen to be older
and more mature than they are and
especially when they hit those years of
kind of 12 13
and so you know the first question I'll
ask to you know some knucklehead
Behavior or something grade seven I'll
say wow what would your learning buddy
say about that right that's the first
thing I think holy cow that's that's not
who I want to be seen as and so I think
there is a huge intrinsic
um desire to to grow up and to be mature
and to be seen as such and when you have
younger boys looking up to you you
definitely want to carry yourself with
that kind of maturity and and then the
interesting thing is then the younger
boys it's actually a self-fulfilling
prophecy as well because the younger
boys see the older boys behaving that
way and they think that's how you're
supposed to behave so they they aspire
to behave that way as well and so
whether it's our advisory groups or our
mentorship or our electives there's lots
of that um you know to the display of my
parents I went to Camp until I was 24
and uh and uh you know before getting my
real job but what I would take from Camp
experience with if anyone's had it you
know that you know if you your younger
younger child looking up to it older
counselor those relationships are
incredibly powerful you know what you
you know if you're 12 and a 16 year old
is giving you the time of day uh that's
a pretty amazing thing and so we've
tried to leverage that at school with
these older and younger relationships
and then the other thing um I wanted to
pick up on is something you mentioned
around Circle Susie so we've had circles
in our school
um for a number of years and they're
very purposeful
um and they also
and we go back to agency there are our
mission is to inspire and Empower each
boy and the agency comes from exactly
what Susie was discussing that they can
have a circle and they can problem solve
and they can um have agency around how
they're going to tackle a tricky issue
that's been bothering someone in the
class but the whole Community the whole
class is a community and the whole class
Community has to get engaged and
involved in that conversation together
and get aligned and agree to it so the
example Susie gave was you know an issue
with a soccer teams not being fair and
so they have a circle they work on it
and they they've now got a list of what
the rules are for how they make teams
for soccer recess that's Agency for boys
it's also celebrating a whole bunch of
positive characteristics about how we
solve conflicts in constructive ways
it's giving them the tools for that but
but going back to where the circles came
from I want to kind of mention there's a
psychologist Dr Stan Kutcher who's
actually a senator now
um who was at the school talking to us
about boys he was helping us with our
mental health and wellness audit that we
were doing at the school and you know he
said something that really resonated for
me um he said Rick they're not a lot of
places for boys safe spaces for boys to
discuss negative emotions that's a real
problem right and specifically fear
anger and sadness and as I think about
combating toxic masculinity and we know
that you know an all-boys school is
something that I think people get edgy
about with regard to that but I actually
think that all boys schools can be the
antidote to to Men Behaving Badly and
what I mean by that is we've created
safe spaces for boys to talk about
negative emotions where where they can
freely and safely do that the circles
are a perfect example I can almost tell
you inevitably most of those circles if
boys are calling for it or to discuss
things that they're angry or frustrated
or sad about you know things that happen
at recess things that were unfair and
and then when they go in then they talk
of it they say you know I I thought it
was you know some of the rules were
unfair on the FourSquare court at recess
or you know someone said I was out when
I wasn't really out as soon as somebody
else says yeah yeah I saw that or yeah
that's happened to me that immediately
validates that boy's feeling and which
is generally sadness or anger or
whatever so now the boys are validated
and now they have to problem solved and
they need to discuss it so I just wanted
to kind of point that out that the
circle sounds like a small thing they're
a massive thing for us I think that they
really help with the social emotional
learning they help with problem solving
agency and the fact is the teachers
aren't going to solve all the problems
of the voice they facilitate all those
conversations but they're asking
questions it's Socratic they're asking
lots of questions what should we do here
how would you want to handle that what's
different about that how did that make
you feel well you know I guess you know
that doesn't sound like very fun guys do
we really want him feeling this way okay
well how are we going to help him so um
you know for us that it's all about the
culture of the school it's about putting
the boys at the center of it and giving
them the power to kind of um to have
agency and really be the kind of people
they want to be to help contribute to
the community in a way that's positive
being bigger boys as they talked about
um and uh and I think that when
everybody's there's a collective Mass
towards doing that everybody is just
falls into line everyone wants to do it
everyone wants to be part of the circle
you don't want to be
um you know you don't want to be kind of
combating everybody when everyone's
solving problems together and and making
life better and ultimately the teachers
are going to say look we want to come to
school we want to be safe we want to
have fun you know we want to play
together and work together and learn and
grow together and fail and make mistakes
and dust ourselves off and try again and
we're going to support one another and
so doing that and I would say that the
adults model that incredibly at the
school I think we've got the most
incredible faculty and staff that I've
ever seen
um and I think that the boys are hugely
uh advantaged by that but I also believe
that we've got enough programs and
systems that they can get integrated in
I really appreciated that Aaron was
speaking today because
um you know effectively Colton's only
been at the school since September but I
think that that idea how quickly you can
integrate and kind of adopt the culture
um since you're even bringing that back
at home you know I think is signals how
the school really works to try and
create that sense of belonging and
comfort level and and then once you have
that Comfort level you're willing to
take those risks the risk could be
social for a new boy to a school right
they could be academic or athletic or
creative or Myriad of other examples but
um that that was a long story I spoke
for a long time there but um I hope that
that kind of made some sense and Aaron
you I know if you wanted to comment on
that because I've kind of invoking you a
little bit
so you're cutting in in and out on me a
little bit um Rick but absolutely I mean
it's just it's so embedded that uh that
it's you know we we almost started to
hear from Colton from the very very
beginning some of these things that he
was learning and
um and asking questions about which we
thought was awesome it gave us a chance
to have conversations we hadn't had with
him or with our boys before and he
continues to ask so it's been fantastic
and uh I think honestly belonging is the
number one word I would use to describe
how we all feel about the community
um I could get very sentimental and talk
about that for a long time but belonging
absolutely describes how we all feel and
certainly we are so thrilled that Colton
feels uh you know confident in his place
in the community
thank you for sharing that I should tell
you that you know when I arrived our
tagline was you've come to the right
place
um and what I said to everyone was
what's our I keep hearing about the
special sauce at Sterling Hall what's
the special sauce so we kind of sat
there we tried to dig into what the
Special Sauce was and the word and the
one word that came out and it was from
parents it was from faculty and it was
also from the kids was belonging and so
we changed our tagline to where boys
belong
but I I take your planner I think
the key to belonging is that that gives
boys the confidence to take those risks
that they need to grow that they it
gives them a chance to take a risk where
they're going to fail but they're it's
not good it's going to be
non-catastrophic failure right and then
we can get to telling them that that's a
growth mindset right we succeed or we
learn failure is our friend how do we
how you know we can take that
dispassionately and and without judgment
and and I think we we grow boys
beautifully as a result of that
environment but the teachers are the
ones that set that environment of
belonging and safety for the kids
okay
we do know from from research that a
growth mindset can very easily change
starting in grade six and so one of the
advantages we have is because we're uh
cicada eight we can help the boys
maintain that growth mindset for longer
which allows them to take more risks
because with a growth mindset you do try
more new things you do take more risks
um and that's what we want so during
those adolescent years when you're
really trying to figure out your
identity taking those risks in school uh
as you try to figure out who you are
um is so so important and so maintaining
that growth mindset for just as long as
you can and not clearly defining
yourself as I'm only this or I'm only
this we want the boys still to see
themselves as athletic creative and
everything else as they explore
um and come up with their identity
before moving on to high school so you
know that's so important to us that just
yeah give it a go make your mistakes
figure it out
um and that's why we see such value in
that K to eight
one thing thank you for that Susie one
thing I also wanted to add was
um there's a Johns Hopkins study that
came out in 2017 it was looking globally
at at boys and concepts of masculinity
and what we found there is is you know
by by as early as 10 years old children
are getting these concepts of
masculinity which suggests that first of
all you have to you have to be strong
you have to show the Empower you have to
be in control and you you kind of are
not sharing your emotions
and you know that terrifies me as an
adult who runs a boy school as a father
of boys
um I I think that so what we're also
trying to do is we're trying to allow
boys to be emotionally vulnerable
to talk about anger and sadness and fear
like openly in circles literally every
week and and for and the the natural
ability to do that is first of all
that's massive risk taking on an
emotional level but but that's where the
belonging also really helps us to allow
them to be exposed to those feelings
that quite frankly they get weird
societal uh
Revelations that these some feelings are
female or feminine right rather than
human and and we let them it's okay to
be sad it's okay to be afraid you know
it's okay to have all these negative
emotions and they need to have a place
to express those and if they can't if we
can't create those safe spaces in school
then I think that's a real problem
because we develop and build our
character in Social settings right and
um and I think that I think the school
does a really great job but it's very
purposeful you know I I kind of was
joking when we were back at school in
September after having been online last
spring someone was like how's it going
and I said I could not be more delighted
for all the terrible injustices that are
happening on the FourSquare court and on
the soccer field and all the conflict
resolution that is happening right now
this is what the boys have been missing
developmentally they really need it but
they also need to have a place where um
that's a safe place to do it and and the
belonging is key and how do we Foster
the belonging if the number one piece is
it's relational teach teaching
relational learning connections that
boys feel safe with the teacher and you
know the research is very clear with us
too which is that boys experience the
teacher before they experience the
learning meaning they will run through a
wall for a teacher with whom they have a
great relationship but the opposite is
also true they will self-sabotage for a
teacher for whom they don't have a good
relationship so just think about the
idea like I'm not doing my homework for
that Jack and any or whatever well
that's something by the self-sabotage
who loses there right so it needs to be
it needs to be the teachers creating
that environment that is relationally
strong and that gives confidence to the
boys to be themselves to express
emotions there's no tolerating kids you
know mocking other kids for expressing
emotions we know that's a really key
thing we need to focus on at the school
and so they can they can you know is it
okay to cry is it okay all these all
these things we can explore and that's
where I do believe we can combat
concepts of of masculinity that out in
the world are are really negative
um and have a deleterious impact on on
boys growth and development
I have to say we've we've seen we see
some of the risk-taking in simple things
uh like clubs for example boys new boys
come in uh and they start and you see
them come in and you know maybe they're
an athlete and they Define themselves as
an athlete when they come in and for the
first term
uh they just signed up for sports and no
clubs but in our second uh term you see
them try clubs that no way would they
have tried when they first arrived
uh and now they feel comfortable
risk-taking
and it's amazing to see so you know I
can think of new boys who arrived and I
looked at the sign up for clubs first
term nope it was all sports
second term they were trying things that
they would not have tried that were not
in their interests on their application
they were now doing playwriting art
debate
and they were taking these risks and
that was because of the relationships
they had built with the teachers the
Comfort they felt with their peers
and that's because of the relationships
at schools the risk-taking the
environment and that's in you know grade
five grade six grade seven that comes
much more naturally in the younger
grades but as they get older it's a
little scarier to take those risks and
that's where that's what we want and so
that's what we love
um and it's so great to see that you
know that's the intrinsic change and in
character and the risk-taking we see it
happening
um yeah so I think that's going to bring
us to our one o'clock time
um we're happy to hang around if you
have other questions I'm certainly happy
Nicole and I'll hang around if you have
admissions questions about anything
um thank you so much for coming
um hopefully you've learned tons about
our Great Character program uh
and uh yeah you always know where to
find us for admissions thank you Rick so
much thank you Aaron so much it's been
great to have you both and give us
insight into the character program and
thank you so much to all the parents for
joining us
um really great to see so many of you
here especially when you're also trying
to uh do online learning and we hope to
be back in school on Monday uh take care
everybody stay safe and healthy
um and we'll be in touch
thanks so much everyone stay well
thank you