現在 不是吧
Nah. Now, seriously,
潘妮 潘絕不可能
there's no fucking way that Penny Pann
贏過這波濤洶涌
can compete with these tits!
- 你愛它嗎 - 我愛什么
- Do you love it? - Do I love what?
喜劇
Comedy.
單口喜劇 你愛它嗎
Stand-up. Do you love it?
說真的嗎
Seriously?
我已經做這個有一陣了
Well, I've been doing it a while.
這么跟你說吧
Okay, let's put it like this.
只要這世界上還有其他任何
If there was anything else in the entire world
能讓我養家糊口的事 我都會去做
that I could possibly do to earn a living, I would.
任何事 哪怕是去三K黨做干洗工
Anything. I'm talking dry cleaners to the Klan,
殘疾兒童肖像畫師 屠宰場打下手
crippled-kid portrait painter, slaughterhouse attendant.
如果有人對我說“萊納德 要么你去吃個人頭
If someone said to me, "Leonard, you can either eat a guy's head"
要么去科帕講兩周單口”
or do two weeks at the Copa,"
我會回答 “他媽的給我鹽”
I'd say, "Pass the fucking salt."
這是份糟糕至極的工作
It's a terrible, terrible job.
就不應該存在
It should not exist.
就像癌癥和上帝
Like cancer and God.
對不起
Sorry.
我去了瓦里克警局
I went to the Varick station instead.
- 你為什么會走錯 - 因為你更喜歡瓦里克
- Why the hell would you do that? - 'Cause you like Varick better.
老天 寶貝 被抓了是沒得選的
Jesus, Honey, you don't get to pick.
但你愛單口嗎
But do you love it?
他喜歡
Yeah. He loves it.
打擾下 可以給我開保釋金的收據 或
Excuse me. Do I need a receipt for the bail money, or...
下一位贏得滿堂喝彩的女士
And next up in a night full of triumphs,
我妻子忘記讓出租車司機停里程表
Honey forgot to tell the cabdriver to turn the meter off.
他要價20美元還不接受大麻付款
He's up to 20 bucks and refuses to get paid in weed,
- 所以我想你能不能 - 當然 給你
so I was wondering if maybe you... Of course. Here.
- 記我賬上 - 好的
- Put it on my tab? - Sure.
對了 如果你需要找律師
And, hey, if you need any help finding a lawyer,
我有一抽屜名片
I've got a drawer full of cards.
- 只是別告訴別人我在哪兒 - 律師
Just don't tell anyone you know where I am. -Lawyer?
- 收據 - 什么
- Receipt. - What?
你說律師是什么意思
Wha... What did you mean "lawyer"?
為什么要提律師
Wait, wh-what about a lawyer?
- 等等 - 你說
- Hold on. - You said
如果我要找律師
if I need help finding a lawyer.
為什么我需要律師
Why do I need help finding a lawyer?
你被捕了 就得上庭 上庭就需要律師
You got arrested, arrested means court, court means lawyer.
- 但我為什么要找律師 我被保釋了 - 所以呢
But why do I need a lawyer? I got bailed out. -So?
- 就在被捕當晚 - 所以
- On the night I was arrested. - So?
- 我都沒在警局過夜 - 你想說什么
- I didn't sleep there. - Where is this going?
我被捕當晚就被保釋了
I got bailed out on the night I got arrested.
就像什么都沒發生過一樣
It's almost like it didn't even happen.
- 但確實發生了 - 很快啊
- But it did happen. - But very quickly.
我的建議是 給自己辯護吧
My advice: be your own lawyer.
- 還在走表 - 我該
- It's ticking. - I should...
- 等等 - 怎么
- Wait. - Yes?
怎么了
What?
我
I...
你
You...?
我 我不知道該做什么
I-I don't know what to do.
那么 現在是早上
Well, it's morning.
吃個早餐吧
Go have breakfast.
Orange 字幕組
萊尼 等死我了
Lenny, for Christ's sake, I'm dying here.
Orange 字幕組
原創翻譯 雙語字幕
知道了 干坐在出租車里確實不好受
Yes, sitting in the cab must be harrowing.
別再從窗外扔下來了 扔進垃圾桶啊
Stop throwing it out the window and put it in the trash.
看吧 狗都受不了你
See, even the dog is upset about it.
- 沒有 - 你撞倒她了
- No. - You tackled her.
推 就輕輕推了下
A nudge. A gentle nudge.
你就是撞倒她了 就像她跑到十碼線了一樣
You took her down like she had the ball at the ten-yard line.
我只是覺得不該給那人
I simply felt it went to the wrong person.
她完全不值 而且這花這么漂亮
She'd waste it. And this is a very nice bouquet.
- 她的耳朵還在震呢 - 里面還有梔子花呢
- Her ears are still ringing. - It has gardenias in it.
殘忍 我的妻子真殘忍啊
Brutal. My wife is brutal.
很完美是不是
It was perfect, wasn't it?
是啊 完美
Yeah. Perfect.
完美的婚禮
Perfect wedding,
完美的早餐 完美的人生
perfect breakfast, perfect life.
所以
So...
- 最后的機會 - 干嘛
- Last chance. - For what?
我們還可以買下街角那個公寓
We could still get that apartment around the corner.
- 喬爾 - 我們可以每天來這吃早餐
- Joel... - We could eat here every day.
- 我知道 - 我們可以成為城里人
- I know. - We could be downtown people.
周圍就是各種俱樂部 公園
Close to the clubs, the park.
- 你喜歡公園的 - 也愛濱江公園
- You love the park. - Riverside's a park, too.
我還以為你想做個時尚少婦
I thought you wanted to be a cool chick.
即使我和一個門衛
I can be a cool chick with a doorman
守著臺老舊冰箱我也能做個時尚少婦 不是嗎
and a Kelvinator Foodarama refrigerator, can't I?
當然 你可以的
Yes, you can.
我真的很喜歡那套公寓
I really love that apartment.
我從小在那長大
I grew up in that building.
離我父母還那么近
My parents are so close.
- 確實近 - 當我們有了孩子
- Very close. - When we have kids,
我們可以上樓把孩子扔給他們
we can just go upstairs, drop them off,
去市中心通宵做對夜貓子
go downtown, and be cool cats by night.
我們可以擁有這一切
We can have it all.
我都沒辦法拒絕你
I'm not gonna say no to you.
尤其是在我看到你能力之后
Not after I saw what you're capable of.
- 你愛我嗎 喬爾 - 羅切斯特大概愛過
- You love me, Joel? - Rochester probably loved
他的第一任妻子 她后來瘋了
that first wife of his, and then she went nuts
然后把房子燒了
and burned the house down.
你愛嗎
Do you?
我愛
I do.
到衛生間來找我
Meet me in the bathroom.
- 什么 - 兩分鐘后
- What? - Two-minute head start.
你開玩笑嗎 你還穿著結婚禮服啊
A-Are you kidding me? You're in a wedding dress.
請問 女士洗手間在哪兒
Excuse me. Where's the ladies'?
謝謝 計時開始
Thanks. Clock starts now.
你到底是誰啊
Who are you?
我還以為我娶了個乖女孩
I thought I married a nice girl.
你才沒有
You did not.
? 背景音樂 Dance Only With Me
? 起舞吧起舞吧 ? ♪ Dance, dance ♪
? 只與我一人 ? ♪ Only with me... ♪
一個人嗎
You alone?
是的
Yes.
? 愛情 愛情 ? ♪ Love, love ♪
洗手间故障
? 只愛我一人 ? ♪ Love only me ♪
? 直到我們甜蜜的 ? ♪ Till all our sweet ♪
? 樂曲 ? ♪ Music ♪
? 慢慢消散 ? ♪ Is gone. ♪
城市之勺餐廳 24小時營業
二
喬爾拋棄你了
Joel left you.
我知道 當時我在 你怎么知道的
I know. I was there. How do you know?
他現在就在我家
He's at my house right now.
什么
What?
- 伊莫 - 噓
- Imo... - Shh.
- 我的胳膊 - 噓噓
- My arm. - Shh. Shh.
喬爾拎著個小巧的女士手提箱出現在我家
Joel showed up at our house with this tiny girl suitcase,
之后和阿奇去了書房
and he and Archie went into Archie's office
關上了門 我只聽到了
and shut the door, and all I could hear was
“保齡球”和“熊貓” 你們因為保齡球吵架了嗎
"bowling" and "pandas"... did you fight about bowling?
- 沒啊 - 那熊貓呢
- No. - Was there a panda?
- 沒有 - 那就不是熊貓了 但我記得有P
- No. -Well, maybe it wasn't pandas, but it had a "P."
喬爾是為了他的秘書離開我的
Joel left me for his secretary.
什么
What?
- 潘妮 潘 - 潘妮和熊貓的發音相似
- Penny Pann. - Pann like panda.
- 聽著是像熊貓 - 天啊
- Pann like panda. - My God.
女士們 各就各位
Ladies, take your place.
- 他的秘書嗎 - 他的智障秘書
- His secretary? - His idiot secretary.
- 就算不是智障也好不到哪里 - 還是會好一點
Wouldn't be better if she was smart. Actually it would.
各位 手臂舉過頭
Everyone, arms to the sky.
滾到底
Rag doll down.
抖起來
Shake it out.
秘書 也太沒創意了
His secretary. How unoriginal.
他最近做的事都沒什么創意
Unoriginality is kind of his thing lately.
擺上來
Rag doll up.
撿起你們的彈力繩
Grab your Lythe-lines.
總是那些女孩子
It's always those girls.
- 哪些女孩 - 那些文秘
- What girls? - Those shorthand girls.
那些上秘書專科學校學速記的女孩子
Girls who go to secretarial school and learn shorthand,
然后通過這個去接近我們的丈夫
and that gives them entre to our husbands.
一旦她們接近了我們的丈夫
And once they have entre to our husbands,
他們的魂就被勾走了
our husbands entre right into them.
文秘女孩
Shorthand girls.
我本來也有可能成為文秘的
I could have been a shorthand girl.
我也可能去做些秘書之類的工作
I could have gone out into the workforce with my shorthand,
但我沒有 我結婚了
but I didn't... I got married.
我選對了路
I did it the right way.
- 有遠見 - 那當然
- Longhand. - That's right.
最糟的是 我一點都沒察覺到
The worst part is, I didn't suspect a thing.
我還以為我們是模范夫妻
I just thought we were a great couple.
我也這么認為
I did, too.
我一直跟阿奇說 “米琪和喬爾
I told Archie constantly, "Midge and Joel,
他們是模范夫妻”
they are a great couple."
撿起你的瓶子
Grab your bottles.
喂 別那么用力
Hey, stop working so hard.
- 為什么 - 你會變得和她們一樣了
Why? -You're starting to look like them.
- 那些離過婚的 - 別忘了
- The divorcees? - Do not forget,
我們來健身是為了吃芝士蛋糕
we do this so we can eat cheesecake.
她們來健身是為了找到新男人
They do this because they need to find new men,
或者是為了死了驗尸時沒那么難看
or at least look trim for the coroner after they die alone.
那是瑪莎 柯蓋林嗎
Is that Martha Kilgallin?
- 她什么時候跑角落去了 - 上周
- When did she join "the corner"? - Last week.
理查德帶著手提箱和一堆酒
Richard went straight to a lawyer's office
徑直去了律師事務所
with his suitcase and his portable bar,
就這樣 三個變成了四個
and just like that, three became four.
現在是五個了
Now five.
除了我還有誰知道
Who knows besides me?
我父母 喬爾 阿奇
My parents. Joel, Archie.
我們不會說出去的
Well, we won't tell.
大家遲早會發現
People will find out, eventually.
我就應該直接告訴大家
I should just come out with it and tell everyone
然后這事就過去了
and get it over with.
好吧 我們理下思路
All right, let's think this through.
如果你告訴了人們 那至少
If you do tell people, then at least
你掌握了發言權
you could control the narrative.
懂我的意思吧
You know what I mean...
讓自己占據有利處境
frame yourself in the best light.
處理得當的話 也許你只會后退幾排
Done right, maybe you just get pushed back a row or two,
不會一直被扔在角落
not all the way into "the corner."
也許吧
Maybe.
或者你覺得喬爾還會回心轉意
Unless you think Joel is coming back.
因為如果你覺得喬爾還會的話 就好辦多了
'Cause if you think he's coming back, then it's better
那你就不用告訴大家 因為等他回心轉意
you don't tell anybody, because then he'll be back,
就沒人知道他還拋棄過你
and no one will have known he left.
但你如果你告訴了大家 然后又和好了
But if you tell them he left, and then he comes back,
你不過是個與出軌丈夫和好的棄婦
you'll still be the person that he left, only now he's back.
但大家一直會記得你被拋棄過
But they'll know that you were left,
即使之后你沒有被拋棄
even though you aren't left now.
我都不知道這個屋里還有哪個角落
And I don't know what corner of the room
能容下這樣的你了
you stand in to be that person.
好的 女士們 螃蟹步
All right, ladies, crab walk.
背景音樂 T'Aint What You Do
? 不是你做的嗎 ? ♪ Ain't what you do ♪
? 像是你做事的方式 ? ♪ It's the way that you do it ♪
? 不是你做的嗎 ? ♪ Ain't what you do ♪
? 像是你做事的方式 ? ♪ It's the way that you do it ♪
? 不是你做的嗎 ? ♪ Ain't what you do ♪
? 像是你做事的方式 ? ♪ It's the way that you do it... ♪
- 嘿 喬爾 - 早安 托尼
- Hey, Joel. - Hey, morning, Tony.
? 不是你做的嗎 ? ♪ Ain't what you do ♪
? 像是你做事的時機 ? ♪ It's the time that you do it ♪
? 不是你做的嗎 ? ♪ Ain't what you do ♪
? 像是你做事的時機 ? ♪ It's the time that you do it ♪
? 不是你做的嗎 ? ♪ Ain't what you do ♪
? 像是你做事的時機 ? ♪ It's the time that you do it ♪
? 這就是結果 ? ♪ That's what gets results ♪
? 你可以更努力 ? ♪ You can try hard ♪
? 別太當真了 ? ♪ Don't mean a thing ♪
? 輕松一點兒 ? ♪ Take it easy ♪
? 和我一起說 ? ♪ Please say it ♪
? 接著一起搖擺 ? ♪ Then your jive will swing ♪
? 不是你做的嗎 ? ♪ It ain't what you do ♪
? 像是你做事的地點 ? ♪ It's the place that you do it ♪
? 這就是結果 ? ♪ That's what gets results ♪
莫伊舍
Moishe.
這有個手印 吉米
That's a handprint, Jimmy.
- 麥瑟爾先生 - 這里 就在夾克這里
- Mr. Maisel... -Right there, right on the jacket.
- 一個手印 不是我的 - 我知道
- A handprint. Not my handprint. - I know.
但我夾克現在成這樣了
But it is my jacket, which is now ruined
因為這里 左手邊
because right there, left hand,
- 很明顯 - 我會查出
- clear as day. - I'll find out...
我要你找出這個該死的手印是誰弄的
I want you to find out whose goddamn handprint that is,
然后帶過來見我 明白了嗎 好嗎 好的
and you bring him to me. Yes? Good? Great.
干的好 女士們
Good work, ladies.
- 保持下去 - 爸
- Keep 'em hum, hum, humming along. - Pop?
我就愛聽這機器運轉的聲音
Love to hear the sound of the machines.
- 你看起來沒病啊 - 爸
- You don't look sick. - Pop?
康復了
Miraculous recovery?
現代科學的又一大奇跡嗎
Modern science score another knockout?
- 我沒病 - 是嗎
- I'm not sick. - That's not what I heard.
可我聽說你病了 釘住
I heard you were sick. Pin.
安靜
Quiet.
親家母一小時前打電話給我
Mother-in-law called an hour ago,
說家里每個人都病了 每個人
said everyone in the family is sick. Everyone.
你他媽在干嘛
What the hell are you doing?
我說的是系脖 你這是吊帶
I said halter. That's a sweetheart.
- 系脖懂嗎 - 對不起 麥瑟爾先生
- Halter! Halter! Halter! - Sorry, Mr. Maisel.
你岳母說所有家人都病了
Your mother-in-law called and said the whole family is so ill
連開齋日都取消了
that break fast is canceled.
病到連這么神圣的日子都取消了
So ill, the holiest of holy days cannot happen.
要是真這么神圣 那工廠怎么還開工啊
If it's so holy, why do you keep the factory open?
- 你是想要一巴掌吧 - 我就說說
- You want a smack in the face? - I'm just saying.
這些人以此為生
Those people get paid by the piece.
你想他們一天不能工作嗎
You want to take a day's work away from them?
上帝會想看他們餓肚子嗎
God wants them to go hungry
- 就因為我不開張 - 好了
- because I shut my doors? - Fine.
這有一半的人是異教徒
Half of those people out there are gentiles.
你去和他們解釋什么是贖罪日吧
You go explain Yom Kippur to a gentile.
我們很開心 雖然我們餓著肚子
"We're happy, but we're starving.
這是新的一年 但我們身負罪惡
It's New Year's, but we're guilty."
聽著像是無信仰者說的話 爸
Sounding like a nonbeliever, Pop.
不 我可不是無信仰者 我是個信徒
No, I'm not a nonbeliever. I am a believer.
我堅信我所擁有的一切都是因為“他”
I believe that everything I have is because of Him.
是他賜予我這一切
And these, which he gave me.
- 是亞伯對吧 - 什么
- It's Abe, right? - What?
- 是亞伯取消了晚餐 - 不是
- Abe canceled dinner? - No.
- 亞伯是個無信仰者嗎 - 亞伯沒有取消晚餐
- Abe's a nonbeliever? - Abe did not cancel dinner.
那個笨蛋取消了晚餐
That schmuck cancels the dinner.
- 多神圣的晚餐啊 他取消了 - 不是亞伯
- A holy dinner, he cancels. - It's not Abe.
你母親很難過 亞伯知道嗎
Your mother's very upset. Does Abe know that?
- 不是亞伯 - 救贖日
- It's not Abe. - Yom Kippur
對你母親而言非常重要
is a very big deal for your mother.
有面食 她看著那些孩子
There's kugel, she sees the kids.
- 是的 我知道 - 你覺得這種日子天天有的嗎
Yeah, I know. -You think that happens every day?
你覺得每天都能看到孩子們吃面嗎
You think every day there's kugel and kids?
- 你能不能 - 有人在哭
- If you'd just... - Ooh, there was crying.
哭得那么傷心
So much crying.
哭了有四五十分鐘
A good 40 to 50 minutes of crying.
最后我說 “雪莉 如果亞伯不想
And finally, I said, "Shirley, if Abe doesn't
我們出現在他的家里 我們要怎么辦”
want us at his house, what are we gonna do?!"
爸 求你別說了
Pop! Please, just stop talking.
我不說了
I'm not talking.
你也不說了
You're not talking, either.
有時候安靜更讓人舒適
Quiet's nice sometimes.
我有話和你說
I have to tell you something.
說吧
Okay.
米琪和我分手了
Midge and I are splitting up.
這就是為什么晚餐取消了
That's why dinner was canceled.
我們昨晚分手了
We split up... last night.
她叫什么
What's her name?
- 誰 - 那個女孩
- Who? - The girl.
- 不是 - 戴克西 迪克西
- No, no, no, no. - Trixie, Dixie...
- 不是那么回事 - 不是嗎
- It's not like that. - No?
不是 是我們不愛了
No! No. It didn't work.
不是誰的錯
It's nobody's fault.
自然而然地發生了 好嗎
Sometimes these things happen, okay?
出于好意 人們隨著成長就彼此分開了
People with the best of intentions just grow apart.
僅此而已 就想讓你知道這點
That's all. Just wanted you to know.
知道你和米琪分手了嗎
That you and Midge split up?
- 是的 - 好的 我很遺憾
- Yes. - Okay. Sorry to hear it.
我一直很喜歡米琪
I always liked Midge.
不是對的人 是嗎
Just not the one?
打電話告訴你母親這件事太殘忍了
That's gonna be a hell of a phone call to your mother.
等我回家我會打給她的
I'll do it when I get home.
回家 好的 你回家后打電話給你母親
Home? Okay. You'll call your mother when you get home
讓她知道你的婚姻完蛋了
and let her know your marriage is over.
那太棒了 嘿
That'll be terrific. Hey!
別打給你媽媽了 我會告訴她的
Don't bother calling your mother. I'll tell her.
你拖在地上的那卷粉色薄紗
That roll of pink tulle you're dragging across the ground...
是法國的
it's French.
你知道還有什么是法國的嗎 斷頭臺
Do you know what else is French? The guillotine!
一分鐘不看著
Turn your back for one minute,
就都變成鄉下白癡
everybody is the village idiot.
好吧 至少亞伯會很開心
Well, at least Abe's gonna be happy.
- 你在說什么 - 他從來都沒看上你
- What are you talking about? - He never thought much of you.
-不可能 - 不可能嗎
- That's not true. - No?
好吧 我錯了
Okay. My mistake.
放下
Put it down!
放 讓我看看你的手
Put it... Let me see your hand.
舉起左手 馬上
Up in the air... left hand right now!
早上好 教授
Morning, Professor.
早上好 維斯曼教授
Good morning, Professor Weissman.
數學系
就是這樣
There it is.
好好研究下
Study it.
現在 這個矩陣是由兩個行向量組成
Now, this matrix is composed of two row vectors...
V1和V2 但只有一個秩
v-one and v-two, but the rank is only one.
有人能告訴我為什么嗎
Can anyone tell me why?
不 不
No. No.
不 不 杜魯門
No. No. Truman?
因為一旦轉換成梯陣式
Because once it's reduced to echelon form,
就只有一個獨立的向量
there's only one independent vector.
答對了 現在有人能告訴我這個矩陣的零向量嗎
Correct. Now, can anyone tell me the nullity of this matrix?
不 不 不 不
No. No. No. No.
- 杜魯門 - 又是他
- Truman? - Unbelievable.
抱歉 你有什么要說的嗎
I'm sorry. Do you have something to say?
你從來不叫我 也不叫別人
You never call on me. You never call on anyone.
你只會抽杜魯門
You only ever call on Truman.
杜魯門知道答案
Truman knows the answers.
杜魯門總是知道答案
Truman always knows the answers.
是的 但是我們也能知道答案
Yes, but we could know the answers.
真的嗎 你知道嗎
Really? Did you?
不知道
No.
- 你知道答案嗎 - 不知道
- Did you know the answer? - No.
不知道 你知道答案嗎
No? Did you know the answer?
- 不知道 - 不知道
- No. - No.
所以你們沒人知道答案
So none of you knew the answer.
- 沒有 - 除了杜魯門
- No. - But Truman.
但是我們本可以知道答案 這才是重點
But we could have known the answer. That's the point.
本可以
Could have?
本可以 查理
Could have. Charlie...
- 蘭斯 - 本可以 沒意義
- Lance. - Could have doesn't count.
也許 沒意義
Maybe doesn't count.
我猜的 也沒意義
"I took a shot" doesn't count.
因為這個房間是一個
Because this room is a sanctuary
遠離外面世界變數的圣所
from the variables in the outside world.
在這里 我們和絕對打交道
In this room, we deal with absolutes.
在我的課上
Period.
在這個房間里
In this room...
這才是重要的
this is what counts.
這兩個向量是共線的
These two vectors are collinear.
它們在一條線上
They go... together.
并且它們永遠都會在一條線上
And they will always go together.
這是神圣的數學誓言
This is the solemn vow made by mathematics.
在這里 V2永遠不會打破這個誓言
In this room, v-two is never going to break that vow
并且決定它不再需要其它的向量
and decide that it doesn't need the other vector anymore,
決定了它會逃跑并變成線性獨立
that it's gonna run off and become linearly independent.
V2永遠不會某天下班回到家
V-two is never going to come home from work one day
告訴V1 你知道嗎
and tell v-one, "You know what?"
我覺得我需要自己的向量空間
"I think I need my own vector space.
再見
See ya."
然后V1的爸爸不得不走進來告訴她 不
And then v-one's dad has to come in and tell her, "No",
你不能讓V2那么做
"you can't let v-two do that.
你 你要讓V2回來
You-you got to go get v-two back,"
一個暫時的解決方案
an impermanent solution,
因為V1的父親不會永遠在她身邊
because v-one's dad is not gonna be around forever
去解決V1所有的問題
to solve all of v-one's problems.
記下來
Write that down.
背景音樂 ? American Beauty Rose
? 雛菊很迷人 鳶尾很甜美 ? ♪ Daisy is darling, Iris is sweet ♪
? 百合很可愛 花對所有的 ? ♪ Lily is lovely, Blossom's a treat ♪
? 甜心都是一種享受 ? ♪ Of all the sweethearts ♪
? 每個男人都會遇到所愛 ? ♪ A guy could meet ♪
? 我最終選了漂亮的美國玫瑰 ? ♪ Well, I finally chose an American beauty rose ♪
? 月桂會擁抱你 ? ♪ Laurel will hug you ♪
? 蘭花是神圣的 ? ♪ Orchid's divine ♪
? 我還是選了一朵漂亮的美國玫瑰 ? ♪ Still I finally chose an American beauty rose. ♪
就這樣 喬爾在半夜離開了
And just like that, Joel left, in the middle of the night,
- 像一個飛賊 - 天吶 太糟糕了
- like a cat burglar. - God, that's terrible.
我很驚訝 他看起來
I'm so surprised. He seemed
很愛米琪 今天要加糖嗎
so crazy about Midge. You want sugar today?
不用 要不加一塊
No. Maybe a lump.
- 兩塊 - 我放了三塊
- Two lumps. - I put in three.
現在你壓力挺大的
It's a stressful time.
喝吧
Drink.
可憐的米里亞姆怎么樣了
How is poor Miriam?
誰能和她談談心呢
Who can tell with her?
你知道嗎 我可能察覺到了不對勁
You know, maybe I sensed something.
但上周 我還叫她再要個孩子
But just last week, I told her to get pregnant again.
太燙了
Too hot.
我跟她說 30歲之前要3個孩子 是我的錯
I told her, "Three before 30." That was my mistake.
生米里亞姆和諾亞之間我隔太久了
I waited too long between Miriam and Noah.
- 我只能要兩個了 - 親愛的 先喝茶吧
- I could only fit in two. - You need to drink the tea, honey.
但是米里亞姆就是米里亞姆
But Miriam is Miriam.
她想到處游玩
She wanted to play and run around
像費里尼電影里一樣穿黑衣服
dressed in black like a FellinI film.
意大利電影導演 非理性主義和狂歡復調詩學的代表
現在不燙了
It's fine now.
她冰箱里有啤酒
There's beer in her refrigerator.
- 天吶 - 喬爾覺得她輕浮
- Dear. - Joel thinks she's frivolous.
- 所以他拋棄了她 - 她一直在做她自己
- That's why he left. - She's always been her own girl.
你還記得
Do you remember when
她想學開車那會兒嗎
she wanted to learn to drive?
因為她發現了粉色的駕駛手套
Because she found pink driving gloves.
米琪的所有想法都是由配飾激發的
Everything with Midge starts with an accessory.
亞伯怎么說的
How's Abe taking all this?
亞伯今天早上起床就去上班了
Abe got up this morning and went to work.
就算世界要毀滅 他還是會起床去上班
The world could be ending, and he'd get up and go to work.
如果哥倫比亞大學沉入了海里
And if Columbia University fell into the ocean,
他就會在家里工作
he'd work from home.
- 給你 - 拉比知道嗎
- Here. - Does the rabbi know?
- 什么 不 天啊 不知道 - 很好
- What? No. God, no. - Good.
- 你能想象嗎 - 我不想
- Can you imagine? - I don't want to.
茶葉占卜
我們都生病了 我這么告訴他的
We're all sick. That's what he knows.
非常 非常嚴重 你今天沒見過我
Very, very sick. You did not see me today.
我能跟誰說啊 沒人 這兒就我一個
Who am I talking to? No one. I'm alone here.
好的 我們來看看這個
Okay, let's take a look at this.
我對不起她 在某種程度上
I failed her. I failed her somehow.
我家族的每個人都結婚了
My whole family, everyone's married.
亞伯家族的每個人也都結婚了
Abe's family, everyone's married.
我應該送她去巴黎的 我媽媽就送我去了巴黎
I should've sent her to Paris. My mother sent me to Paris.
巴黎很棒 但是米琪沒去是好事
Paris is wonderful, but it's good Midge didn't go.
那對她來說很危險
There was danger for her there.
- 太多誘惑了 - 是的
- Too much bread. - Yes.
好的 來看看
Okay, let's see.
我只需要知道是不是
I just need to know whether or not
真的要分開
this separation is actually going to happen.
- 我看見了一個鐵錘 - 鐵錘是好事嗎
- I see a hammer. - Is a hammer good?
你要是想掛一幅畫它是不錯
It is if you want to hang a picture.
拜托 迪娜
Please, Drina...
鐵錘象征勝利 你會勝利的
A hammer means triumph. You will triumph.
這些茶葉說整件事將以和平和幸福告終
And the leaves say this journey will end in peace and happiness.
勝利 和平和幸福 你確定嗎
Triumph? Peace and happiness? You're sure?
- 你懷疑茶葉嗎 - 不 從不
- You're doubting the leaves? - No. Never.
好吧 你還是很擔心 迪娜看出來了
Okay, you're still nervous. Drina knows this.
我告訴你怎么做
I'll tell you what.
我給你一個符咒 把這個
I'll throw in a charm. Put this
在米里亞姆的枕頭底下放一周
under Miriam's pillow for a week.
它會帶來好運
It'll help the luck stick.
我的天 這是什么味道
My God, what is that smell?
是單寧根 就告訴米里亞姆
Tannis root. Just tell Miriam
墻里有老鼠死了什么的
a rat died in the wall or something.
- 謝謝你 迪娜 - 別擔心
- Thank you, Drina. - Don't worry.
米里亞姆會振作起來的
Miriam will land on her feet.
相信我
Take it from me.
你今天用支票付款嗎
Are you paying by check today?
麥瑟爾夫人 稍等
Hey, Mrs. Maisel! Hold on a sec!
- 怎么了 - 有人來這找你
- What's wrong? - Some guy showed up here looking for you.
我叫他在這等 但是他強行沖了進去
I asked him to wait down here, but he pushed right past.
- 差點咬到我 - 不
- Almost bit me. - No.
- 我現在就報警 - 別報警
- Hey, I'm calling the cops right now. - Don't call the cops.
沒什么大事
Everything's fine!
- 早上好 麥瑟爾夫人 - 早上好
- Good morning, Mrs. Maisel. - Good morning.
對不起
I'm sorry.
- 你在跟我開玩笑嗎 - 我知道
- Are you fucking kidding me? - I know.
- 我知道 - 九點半
- I know. - 9:30.
我早上九點半起床
I got up at 9:30. In the morning.
你知道我上一次九點半起床是什么時候嗎
You know the last time I was up at 9:30 in the morning?
是我整夜沒睡
It was the last time I stayed out all night
然后早上九點半到家
and got home at 9:30 in the morning.
那是我上一次早上九點半起床
That is the last time I was up at 9:30 in the morning.
抱歉 昨晚太難熬了
I'm sorry. It was a rough night.
是你先找上我的 好嗎
Hey, you came to me, okay?
你知道 我 我沒讓你去敲我的門
You know, I-I didn't ask you to bang on my door.
我連我住哪兒都沒告訴你
I didn't even tell you where my door was.
你找到了我的地址
You figured out where it was
然后你跑去我家 然后你自己主動
and then you came there and then you banged on it
- 敲的門 - 我忘了
- of your own free will. - I forgot.
感覺好多了
Much better.
你忘了真是太好了
It is so much better that you just forgot.
你知道嗎 我就怕你還記得
You know, my fear was that you remembered
然后選擇不見我
and chose not to meet me.
但是現在我知道 我甚至沒有進入
But now that I know I literally didn't even enter into y...
我們在哪兒 這是什么地方 凡爾賽宮嗎
Wh-Where the hell are we? What is this, fucking Versailles?
這是我的公寓
It's my apartment.
你的餐桌可以坐下30個人
Your table is set for 30.
誰會準備30套餐具
Who has cutlery for 30?
天吶 這是什么 飛機跑道嗎
Jesus Christ, what is this, a landing strip?
你的飛機在哪兒 在浴室嗎
Where is your airplane, in the bathroom?
我不知道你來頭這么大
I had no idea you were such an important person.
我要是知道英國女王放了我鴿子
If I had realized that the queen of England had stood me up,
我就理解了 但是我以為
I would have understood. But I just thought
你只是某個需要我幫助的醉酒家庭主婦
you were some drunk housewife who needed my help.
我不知道你和查理曼大帝是親戚
I had no idea you were related to fucking Charlemagne.
因為如果凱瑟琳大帝出現在我面前說
'Cause if Catherine the Great had shown up and said,
我們十點見吧 我也許就不會期待
"Hey, let's meet at 10:00," I probably wouldn't have expected
她的出現 但是你要告訴別人你是誰
her to show up either. But you have to tell people who you are.
因為他們會認為
'Cause if all they have to go on is the fact
是你預約見面又忘記了這回事
that you make appointments and then forget about them,
他們會覺得你是一個目中無人的混蛋
they're just gonna think you're a stuck-up twat.
這是一個很容易犯的錯誤
It's an easy mistake to make.
我差點也犯了同樣的錯
I almost made that same mistake.
但剛才我看見你的餐廳被布置成議會桌的樣子
But then I saw your dining room was set for Parliament...
這是 這是什么
What the... What is this,
一個備用的地方以防你們厭煩了另外一個嗎
a backup place in case you get bored with the other one?
這里到底什么情況怎么回事
What the hell is going on here?
- 他們都已經吃過了 米里亞姆小姐 - 謝謝 塞爾達
- They've already eaten, Miss Miriam. - Thank you, Zelda.
嘿 塞爾達 你去過樓下的公寓嗎
Hey, Zelda, have you seen the place downstairs?
- 會讓你大開眼界的 - 你好 女士
- It will blow your mind. - Hi, lady.
什么 我們要去哪兒
What? Where are we going?
為什么我要牽著這孩子
Why am I touching this child?
- 為什么這孩子牽著我 - 女士好
- Why is this child touching me? - Hi, lady.
為什么這孩子手上黏糊糊的 為什么你的手這么黏
Why is his hand sticky? Why is your hand sticky?
他的手摸了什么 為什么現在這么黏
Where has his hand been that it is now currently very sticky?
- 女士好 - 為什么我還牽著這孩子
- Hi, lady. - Why am I still holding this child?
他找不到回家的路了嗎
He can't find his way home from here?
我媽媽把我忘在休戰紀念日游行的時候
I made it home just fine when my mother forgot me
我也順利找回家了
at the Armistice Day Parade.
一個獨臂老兵給了我五分硬幣
An old soldier with one arm gave me a nickel
我自己坐車回家了 不用謝
and I took the bus home. You're welcome!
你孩子真懂禮貌 教得真好
Real polite kid you got there. Good job.
你要點冰茶嗎
Would you like some iced tea?
我要點冰茶嗎
Do I want some iced tea?
我想想 去你的
Let me think. Fuck you.
不 我不要什么冰茶
No, I do not want any iced tea.
首先 你放我鴿子
First, you stand me up.
其次你帶我在白金漢宮里進行巴丹死亡行軍
Then you Bataan Death March me through Buckingham Palace.
你讓我牽了你孩子的臟手
You make me hold your kid's filthy hand,
這意味著我現在可能攜帶了14種不同的霍亂病毒
which means I probably got 14 different kinds of cholera right now.
快坐 我拿點冰茶來
Sit down. I'll get us some iced tea.
坐哪兒 這兒嗎 什么 坐這兒 你開玩笑嗎
Sit where? Here? What, on this? Are you kidding me?
我才不要坐這兒
I'm not sitting in here.
這不是用來坐的家具
This is not furniture for sitting!
這些是當你死了個有錢叔叔時
This is furniture you get appraised
被用來低價估賣的家具
when a rich uncle dies.
你真的應該用塑料
You really should put plastic
- 把這些都包起來 - 沒關系的
- over all of this. - It's fine.
那兩個真是你孩子嗎
Are those two really your children
還是我們非法闖入綁架的孩子
or did we just break in and kidnap a couple kids?
- 他們當然是我的 - 只是確認下
- Of course they're mine. - Well, just making sure.
畢竟在和有前科的人結交
I mean, when you fraternize with an ex-con...
你知道我必須找個律師上法庭嗎
Hey, did you know that I have to get a lawyer and go to court?
- 是啊 - 即使我
- Yes. - Even though I got
在被捕當晚就被保釋了
bailed out on the night I got arrested.
這有什么關系嗎
What the hell does that have to do with anything?
- 這不算個事嗎 - 當然不算
- So it's not a thing? - No, it's not a thing.
為什么我覺得這是個事呢
Why do I have it in my head that it's a thing?
不知道 可能是因為皇室近親交配
I don't know, lady. Maybe it's all that royal inbreeding.
這個公寓沒那么奢華
This is not that fancy of an apartment.
這太荒謬了 整個逮捕事件
It's just ridiculous. That whole getting arrested thing.
就因為我說了幾句臟話
So I said some bad words.
你可是在大庭廣眾之下坦胸露乳了
Well, and you flashed the room.
- 什么 - 你在大庭廣眾之下坦胸露乳了
- What? - You flashed the room.
你把你的上衣脫了
You pulled your top down.
- 我沒有 - 你有
- I did not. - You did, too.
你觸及了底線他們就進來了
You hit a switch and out they came.
- 太荒唐了 - 開飯了 孩子們
- That's ridiculous. - "Soup's on, boys!"
如果我真做了 我一定會記得
If I did that, I'd remember.
- 要蛋糕嗎 - 不 我不想吃蛋糕
- Cake? - No, I do not want cake.
你知道嗎 我想知道我在干嘛
You know what, I would like to know what I am doing...
喔
Wow.
這個蛋糕 很可愛
That-that is an adorable cake.
我對今天的事很抱歉
I'm sorry about today.
真的很抱歉
I really am.
好吧
Okay.
讓我們忘掉這個早上 好嗎
Let's just forget about this morning, okay?
我現在在這兒 我們可以現在開始
I'm here. We can start now.
你有紙筆嗎
You have any paper? Pen?
或者羊皮紙和羽毛筆
Maybe parchment and a quill?
- 為什么 - 這樣我可以寫點東西給你
- Why? - So I can write down some stuff for you
- 以用作舞臺表演 - 不 不要
- to talk about onstage. - No, no, no.
這樣 我對早上的事很抱歉
Look, I'm-I'm sorry about this morning,
但昨天你見到的那個女人
but that woman last night,
她不是我
she was not me.
這才是我 我才是我
This is me. I am me.
我將是那個站在
I'm the woman who's gonna be standing
瑪莎·基爾蓋倫身旁 絕望且像頭豬
in the corner next to Martha Kilgallin,
- 一樣流汗的女人 - 基爾蓋倫
- desperate and sweating like a pig. - There are two Ls
- 有兩個Ls嗎 - 我將是那個
- in "Kilgallin"? - I'm the woman who's gonna get elbowed
在肉店被推開的女人 這樣一來其他女人
out of the way at the butcher shop so that other women
就能買到最好的羊肉 那些為丈夫
can get the best lamb chops. Other women who have husbands
買菜的女人 沒人會在意你給自己買的羊排
to shop for. Nobody cares if you're ordering steak for one.
這就是我 這就是真正的我
That's me. That's the real me we're dealing with.
而她并不有趣 她既悲傷又窘迫
And she's not fun. She's sad and embarrassed
并且 你在干嘛
and... What are you doing?
我在記筆記 這些句子太好了
I'm making notes. This is great stuff.
這些并不是什么好句子
This is not great stuff.
這是我分崩離析的生活
This is my life falling apart.
我丈夫拋棄了我 你能理解嗎
My husband left me. Do you understand that?
他拋棄了我 拋棄了我的孩子 你見過我的孩子了
He left me, left my children. You've met my children.
見到了 其中一個還傳染了我黑鼠疫
I did. One of 'em gave me bubonic plague.
那是果凍 我天 孩子手上
It was jelly, goddamn it. Children get jelly
- 沾了果凍 - 好 放松
- on their hands. - Okay. Relax.
那個在俱樂部出現又說了瘋話的女人
The woman who showed up at that club and said those crazy things
只是處于一種狀態
was in a state.
一種瘋狂的情緒中
A manic emotional state.
扯淡 你享受其中
Bullshit. You loved it.
是的 有一瞬間我很開心 行了吧
Yes! For a moment it-it was glorious, okay?
有一瞬間 我的那些言行
F-For one moment, I said and did things
我之前都沒說過也沒做過
that I've never done or said before.
但現在我完全記不清了
But-but that is all a complete blur to me now.
我不知道我怎么做到的
I don't know how I got there.
我不知道要怎樣重新做到
I wouldn't know how to get there again.
而我也不想嘗試 你明白嗎
And I'm not gonna try. Do you understand?
嗯
Yeah.
我明白
I understand.
讓我從大老遠跑到上西區
Made me come all the way to the Upper West Side.
甚至不是為了看醫生
Didn't even have a doctor's appointment.
等等
Wait.
保釋的錢
For the bail.
再見
See ya.
不要太多肥肉 他就吃那么多
Not too many fatty pieces. It's all he'll eat.
好的 維斯曼夫人
Yes, Mrs. Weissman.
剩的可以留著明天吃
The rest can be leftovers for tomorrow.
亞伯 晚餐上桌了
Abe! Dinner's on the table!
- 喂 - 羅斯
- Hello? - Rosie?
天啊 羅斯 是你嗎
My God, Rosie, is that you?
對 是我 雪莉
Yes, it's me, Shirley.
羅斯 我要瘋了
Rosie, I'm beside myself.
我感覺一棟房子剛從我頭頂坍塌了
I feel like a building just fell on my head.
一個街區的 一整個街區的房子
A block. A whole block.
我覺得34層剛剛從6層和7層間
I feel like 34th between Sixth and Seventh
砸落在我頭上
just fell right on my head.
我以為晚飯上桌了
I thought dinner was on the table.
冷靜 你聽起來喘不過氣
Calm down. You sound winded.
我看見胡蘿卜 土豆
I see carrots, potatoes...
色拉在桌上
Hey, the salad's on the table.
- 我在和雪莉說話 - 雪莉
- I'm talking to Shirley. - Shirley?
正好 讓她別掛
Great. Tell her to hang on.
我想接上揚聲器
I want to put her on speakerphone.
雪莉 你能稍等一會兒嗎
Shirley, will you hold on just one minute?
你不是要掛電話吧
You're not hanging up on me, are you?
不會 我馬上回來
No, I'll be right back.
人們都認為我是個堅強的人 但我不是
People think I'm such a strong person, but I'm not.
快 在她用電話線自縊前
Hurry, before she hangs herself with the phone cord.
好的 好了
Okay. And... go.
雪莉 你還在聽嗎
Shirley, are you still there?
- 快不行了 - 好
- Barely. - Okay, good.
繼續 你剛說
Go ahead. You were saying?
我剛說我的心碎了
I was saying my heart is broken.
- 太好了 - 什么
- Excellent. - What?
沒什么 繼續 雪莉
Nothing. Go ahead, Shirley.
我沒有去贖罪日晚餐
I didn't get to have my Yom Kippur dinner.
我的心被掏空了
It was ripped out from under me.
就像我們去博卡時看到的那個魔術師
Just like when we went to Boca and we saw this magician
Orange 字幕組
原創翻譯 雙語字幕
他從一張擺好東西的桌上
and he ripped a tablecloth out
扯下了桌布
from under a completely set table.
只是換成我 所有的東西都落在了地板上
Only in my case, everything falls to the floor
摔了個粉碎
and smashes into a million pieces.
讓她聲音大點
Tell her to speak up a little.
雪莉 親愛的 你能大點聲嗎
Shirley, dear, could you speak up?
一整年里我都在期待那段晚餐
I look forward to that dinner all year!
但后來我聽說你患了嚴重的流感
But then I heard you all had such a terrible flu.
我都快窒息了 流感是很嚴重的
My heart stopped. I mean, the flu is very serious.
人們因流感而亡 但莫伊舍告訴我
People die from the flu. But when Moishe told me
你并不是真得了流感 我就放心了
you didn't actually have the flu, I was so relieved.
感謝上帝 我不用擔心這個了
"Thank God, I don't have to worry about that."
但后來他說孩子們分手了
But then he said the kids split up,
突然我就希望所有人都患了流感
and suddenly I just wished everybody had the flu.
- 分手 - 現在我還有什么
- Split up? - Now what do I have?
沒有贖罪日
No Yom Kippur.
沒有兒媳婦
No daughter-in-law.
沒有孫子孫女
No grandchildren.
他們永遠都是你的孫子孫女
You'll always have the grandchildren.
當然 是的 只是概念上的 但
Well, sure, yes, as a concept, but...
雪莉 你什么時候聽說孩子們分手了
Shirley, when did you hear the kids were breaking up?
- 剛剛 - 你確定嗎
- Just now. - You're sure?
確定 喬爾下午見了莫伊舍 之后
Yes. Joel came to see Moishe this afternoon and...
等等 是誰 我在和誰說話
Wait, who is this? Who am I talking to?
是亞伯 雪莉 現在盡量冷靜
That was Abe, Shirley. Now, try and calm down.
我保證你會再見到孫子孫女的
I promise you'll see the grandchildren again.
什么時候 什么時候能再見到他們
When? When am I gonna see them again?
下個贖罪日 我多大年紀了 才20嗎
Next Yom Kippur? What am I, 20?
也許一小時后我就死了
I could be dead in an hour!
我聽說最近蔓延著嚴重的流感
I hear there's a terrible flu going around.
不 流感不是真的 雪莉 流感只是個借口
No, the flu wasn't real, Shirley. The flu was an excuse.
現在人們回避家人都需要找借口了嗎
Now people need an excuse not to see family?
世界成什么樣了
What a world.
她沒去找他 我讓米里亞姆去找他的
She didn't go to him. I told Miriam to go to him
- 但她沒去 - 亞伯 亞伯
- and she didn't go to him. - Abe, Abe...
- 誰 - 沒事 雪莉 我在
- Who? - Nothing, Shirley, I'm here.
我只希望我們能團聚
I just wish we could all be together
只一次就好
just one more time.
共享一次晚餐
One dinner.
我理解 雪莉
I know, Shirley.
一次晚餐
One dinner.
讓我們能慶賀新年
So we can celebrate the new year.
讓我能再見到我的孫子孫女
So I can see my grandchildren again.
讓我們能 再成為一家人
So we can... be a family.
我明白你的意思 雪莉 現在我先掛了
I hear you, Shirley. Now let me let you go.
我保證會和米里亞姆談談 我們之后再聊
I promise I will speak to Miriam and then we'll talk later.
我現在就和她說 拜 羅斯
I'm gonna try her now. Bye, Rose.
不 雪莉
No... Shirley.
雪莉
Sh-Shirley!
塞爾達 快開門
Zelda! Open the door!
快開門
Open the door!
不 我保 沒有 我保證
No, I pr... I-I am not. I promise you. -
不 對
No, yeah,
那不是真的 雪莉
Well, that's not true, Shirley.
我保證 你死前一定能見到孩子們
I promise you'll see the children before you die.
去他的
Damn it.
對 當然 他們愛你
Yes, of cour... Yes, they love you.
他們也很想你 對 我非常非常肯定
And they miss you. Yes, I'm-I'm very, very sure.
對 我確定
Yes. Yes, I'm sure.
好
Okay.
當然
Of course.
我 我完全理解
I, I-I understand completely.
周四的晚餐會如期
Thursday dinner will be fine.
對 我保證
Yes, I promise.
所有人都會來 好的
Everybody will be there. Okay.
嗯嗯 好的 拜拜 雪莉
All right. Yes. A ah, okay. Bye-bye, Shirley.
她腦子都裝的是些什么
What a terrible place the inside of her head must be.
我本來想提醒你
I tried to warn you.
但你的號碼里有太多9
You have so many nines in your number.
- 星期四晚上嗎 - 是的
- Thursday night? - Thursday night.
我可以幫你推掉
Well, I can get you out of it.
真的嗎 怎么推
Really? How?
我不知道 喬爾呢
I don't know. And Joel?
- 他也要來 - 要我打電話通知他嗎
- He is expected. - Should I call him for you?
你以為雪莉還沒告訴他嗎
You really think Shirley hasn't gotten to him already?
你說得對
You're right.
沒關系
It'll be fine.
我終歸是要見他的
I'll have to see him eventually.
畢竟 我們還有孩子
I mean, we have the children.
我們得成熟地處理這件事
We'll just... have to be adults.
你穿什么
And what are you gonna wear?
- 問這個干嘛 - 穿你的那條紅裙子
- Why? - Wear your red dress.
那是晚宴服
That's an evening dress.
這就是晚宴啊
It's dinner. That's evening.
- 媽 - 如果你要見喬爾
- Mama... - If you have to see Joel,
那他也要見你 如果他要見你
then he has to see you, and if he has to see you,
你就要美得讓他后悔莫及
he should see what he's missing.
那不是這個晚餐的本意
That is not what this dinner's for.
你現在是單身女人
You're a single woman now.
參加晚宴就是為了吸引人的眼球
That's what every dinner's for.
- 早 麥瑟爾先生 - 早 魯埃拉
- Morning, Mr. Maisel. - Morning, Louella.
杰克 中午之前我會把提案交到你的桌子上
Jack, I will have that proposal on your desk by lunch,
我保證
I promise.
早 麥瑟爾先生
Good morning, Mr. Maisel.
潘恩小姐請病假了嗎
Did Miss Pann call in sick?
潘恩小姐嗎 沒有
Miss Pann? No.
我是你的新助理 莫斯科維茲夫人
I'm your new girl, Mrs. Moskowitz.
- 我的 - 講個小故事
- My... - Funny little story:
第一次見面的時候 你還是個小屁孩
I met you when you were an itty-bitty boy.
一晃眼 我都在這兒工作這么長時間了
That's how long I've been working here.
你爸爸以前會帶你來看你的叔叔
Your father used to bring you here to visit your uncle
你穿著綠色的小褲衩到處跑
and you'd run around in those little green pants.
沒錯 抱歉 誰讓你來這里的
Yeah, I'm sorry, who assigned you to this desk?
人事部的約翰 米克斯
John Meeks in Personnel.
啊 你以前可會玩溜溜球了
Aw, you were so good on the yo-yo.
你現在還玩嗎
Are you still good on the yo-yo?
我不知道
I don't know.
卡羅爾 莫斯科維茲
Carol Moskowitz
是公司里最好的助理之一
is one of the best secretaries we have here.
打字快 總是笑瞇瞇的
Good typist, always has a smile for you,
而且還泡得一手好咖啡
plus, she makes a terrific cup of coffee.
鑒于你從小她就認識你
We just thought this would be a good fit,
我們覺得 她是做你助理的絕佳人選
seeing as how she knew you when you were a boy.
所以 你們就讓潘妮走了 把她炒了
So, that's it? Penny's gone? Fired?
她沒被炒 我們只是
She is not fired, we simply
把她調到了財務部
moved her to the billing department.
你們只是調動了 你知道的
You simply moved... You know...
我是這里的副會長 約翰
I'm a vice president here, John.
你們應該征詢我的意見
I should've been consulted.
誰做我的助理
Have a say over who my secretary is.
或者我的助理什么時候被調去財務部 總得問問我吧
Or when she's been moved to the billing department!
抱歉 喬爾 不是我決定的
Sorry, Joel. Out of my hands.
這是上面的意思
This came from the top.
- 來勢洶洶啊 - 別插手我的事
- That's some entrance. - Stay out of my life.
啊哈 我猜對了
Aha! I was right.
- 我沒開玩笑 - 開始我還不確定
- I mean it. - I wasn't sure at first.
聽到那個名字 潘妮 潘恩 我就想
I heard that name, Penny Pann, and I thought,
這名字也太蠢了吧
"Well, that's a stupid name,"
我猜就是她了 果然被我猜中了
but I took a shot and I was right.
- 這是我的工作 - 猜對的感覺真好
- That is my job. - I love being right.
這是我的工作 我的辦公室
My job, my office!
我知道 你的工作和辦公室都是我給的
I know, I got you that job and that office.
- 現在不是在說這 - 你本來該在這里
- That's beside the... - You were supposed to work
和我一起工作 但是你不愿意
here, with me, but you didn't want to.
這里的工作太累了
Work was too hard here.
- 會把你的衣服弄臟 - 你知道不是因為這個
- Might get your suit dirty. - That's not why and you know it.
我傷心嗎 肯定的 但你他媽的終究是我兒子
Was I hurt? Sure. But fuck me, you're my son.
所以 我打電話給你叔叔請他給你份工作 一份體面的工作
So, I call my brother, I say give him a job, a good job,
不要庫房里的活 也不要做小職員
not a bullshit job in a storeroom or as a clerk.
還不能是端茶送水 跑腿打雜的小廝
No getting bagels, no running errands like a schlemiel.
都不行 給他一間辦公室 還有一個叫潘妮 潘恩的秘書
No, give him an office, and a secretary named Penny Pann.
全都是我給你的
I did that for you.
所以現在我也可以把她調走
And I did this for you also.
滾出我的生活
Stay out of my life!
? 爸爸喜歡曼波舞 ♪ Papa love mambo ♪
星期四晚上
? 媽媽喜歡曼波舞 ♪ Mama loves mambo ♪
小家伙 要把這些都吃完
All of this goes in that mouth
才能離開桌子
before you leave this seat, young man.
- 澤爾達 - 我會看著他的 米麗亞姆小姐
- Zelda? - I'll have eyes on him, Miss Miriam.
謝謝 澤爾達
Thank you, Zelda.
真香啊
Everything smells delicious.
? 媽媽喜歡曼波舞 媽媽喜歡曼波舞 ♪ Mama loves mambo ♪ - ♪ Mama loves mambo ♪
? 他平衡著身體的重量 ♪ Evens his weight with it now ♪
? 他后退一步 她前進一步 ♪ He goes to, she goes fro ♪
? 他舞步輕快 ? ♪ He goes fast ♪
- 喬爾 - 對不起
- Joel? - Sorry.
我 我沒敲門
I, I didn't knock.
我直接就進來了 然后我
I just... started to come in, but then I...
我不知道該不該 所以我
I didn't know if I should, so I...
- 又把門關上了 - 所以呢
- closed it. - So what's the verdict?
進還是不進
In or out?
進
In.
? 爸爸喜歡曼波 ♪ Papa loves mambo ♪
提醒你一下 起居室在那邊
Living room's that way, unless you forgot.
- 我去換件外套 - 我怕你忘了
- Going to get a jacket. - Wasn't sure if you forgot.
- 我就離開了一天 米琪 - 還不夠久 是吧
- Been gone one day, Midge. - That long, ha?
- 簡直好極了 - 是啊
- This is going really well. - Yeah.
那天我工作到很晚 四周一片寂靜
So I'm at work late, it's stone quiet,
我聽到裝紐扣的箱子里有窸窸窣窣的聲音
and I hear a rustling noise from a button crate.
我給你講過這個嗎 亞伯
Have I told you this story, Abe?
事實上 莫伊舍 我不記得你講過
Actually Moishe, you haven't, that I know of.
很好 然后我就抓起一把剪刀
Good! So I grab a pair of scissors,
我手腳并用爬到箱子那里
I'm on my hands and knees crawling over to the crate,
我打算來個突襲
I'm gonna surprise attack.
我跳起來 一把把蓋子掀掉
I jump up, and I rip the top off,
徒手哦 一下就掀掉了
bare hands, right off!
兩只雞從里面跳了出來
Two chickens jump out.
活蹦亂跳的雞
Live chickens!
他們是在澤西島的某地跳進來的
They jumped in somewhere in Jersey,
然后坐船渡過哈德孫河
and took a ride across the Hudson!
我挺佩服那倆家伙的
Let me tell you, I admired those boys.
而且它們真是美味
And they were delicious.
這 這是什么
What, what are those?
Gougères 法式奶酪泡芙
Gougères. French cheese puffs.
法國菜很咸 是故意的嗎
French food is salty. Is that on purpose?
- 也許吧 - 你知道嗎
- Probably. - Did you know
許多法國女人嫁不出去
a lot of French women aren't married?
因為她們總是在沙灘上裸著上身
Because they're always going topless on their beaches.
男人可以免費看光她們 就不會向她們求婚了
Men see if for free, they're not gonna propose.
你知道我剛想到什么了嗎
You know what I just realized?
我們從沒在你們家用過晚餐 亞伯
We never do these things at your house, Abe.
我們家更寬敞
Our place is bigger,
莫伊舍 接待客人更方便
Moishe, more entertaining space.
抱歉 諸位 我來晚了
Sorry I'm late, everybody.
喬爾 謝天謝地 你終于來了
Joel. Thank God.
你好 媽
Hello, Mom.
你好 羅斯 亞伯
Hello, Rose. Abe.
你好 喬爾
Hello, Joel.
有人在使眼色 雪莉
Somebody's sending a message, Shirley.
什么眼色 你說什么呢
What message? What are you talking about?
伊森想跟大家說晚安
Ethan wanted to say good night.
- 爸爸 - 嘿 小家伙
- Daddy. - Hey, pal.
過來
Get over here.
穿了新睡衣
You got your new pajamas on?
不錯 真好看 去給奶奶打招呼 好嗎
Looks good, it looks good. Go say hi to Grandma, okay?
- 耶 奶奶 - 過來 伊森
- Yeah. Grandma. - Come here, Ethan.
真是個乖寶寶
You are such a precious boy.
好了 過來 到爺爺這來
All right, come on, come to Grandpa.
不 我不想讓他走
No, I don't want him to go.
下次抱他可能要等到猴年馬月了
This might have to last me for a long, long while.
你想道奇隊（美國加州洛杉磯的一支職棒大聯盟球隊）了嗎
You miss the Dodgers?
你知道嗎 因為你他們離開了
You know, they left because of you, right?
- 莫伊舍 - 他們離開是因為
- Moishe. - They left because
你從不去看比賽 他們說
you never went to a game, and they said,
伊森到底什么時候才來看比賽
when the hell is Ethan coming to a game?
雪莉 你需要什么東西嗎
Shirley? Do you need something?
我的天
Thank goodness...
又跑了
There he goes.
你知道 我對喬爾印象最深的就是他穿著綠色的小褲衩
You know, my strongest memory of Joel is him running away from us
從我們身邊跑開
in his little green pants.
你還好嗎 米里亞姆
How are you doing, Miriam?
我很好
I'm doing fine.
如果你有什么需要 盡管跟我和雪莉說
If you ever need anything, Shirley and I are here for you.
謝謝
I appreciate that.
你知道嗎 我妹夫死得早
You know, when my sister's husband died young,
我妹妹就去養老院當志愿者
she started volunteering at the old ladies nursing home,
為老太太讀故事 教她們跳恰恰舞
reading stories, teaching cha-cha classes,
諸如此類
things like that.
借以消磨漫長孤寂的白天
Helped her get through the long, lonely days,
晚上 她就玩拼圖 畫畫
and at night, jigsaw puzzles, portraits,
她最喜歡畫的是籃子里的小狗
basket of puppies was a big one.
請允許我離開一下
Could you excuse me just a minute?
? 你知道 我們注定 ♪ You know that we were meant ♪
? 不止是朋友 ♪ To be more than just friends... ♪
你能跟我來臥室一趟嗎
Can I see you in the bedroom a minute?
我就不懂
I just don't understand
為什么你不叫我帶點東西過來呢
why you didn't ask me to bring something.
因為你是客人 雪莉
Because you're a guest, Shirley.
我都不知道這是什么
I don't even know what this is.
我來做湯 湯我會做
I'll make soup. Soup we understand.
雪莉 你是客人 你是我們的客人
Shirley, you're a guest. You're our guest.
你是客人
You're a guest.
- 這是什么 - 雞湯
- What is that? - Chicken soup.
從哪兒來的
Where did that come from?
我上次來的時候放冰箱里的
I put it in the freezer last time I was here.
你們有逾越節薄餅嗎
Do you have any matzo meal?
算了 我包里有
Never mind, I have some in my purse.
我記得我帶了些
I think I brought some...
就站那兒吧
Stop there.
我不是個暴力的人 喬爾
I am not a violent man, Joel.
不然的話 我就會把你帶上樓
But if I were, I would take you upstairs to my apartment
把你從我的窗戶扔出去
and throw you out the window.
知道為什么我不把你從這個窗戶扔出去嗎
Do you know why I'm not throwing you out this window?
- 不知道 - 因為我的窗戶所在的樓層更高
- No. - Because my window
我想確保能摔死你
is on a higher floor and I want to make sure it sticks.
- 亞伯 - 別
- Abe... - No.
別叫我亞伯
You do not call me Abe.
- 那叫你什么 - 什么也別叫
- What do I call you? - Nothing.
什么也別叫
You call me nothing.
不要跟我說話 也別看我
You don't talk to me or look at me.
如果你在街上看到我 就馬上穿到街對面去
If you see me on the street, you will cross the street,
不管有沒有人行道
whether or not there is a crosswalk present.
你走路安不安全再也不關我的事
Your pedestrian safety is of no importance to me anymore.
- 我 - 你怎么 你很抱歉
- I... - You what? You're sorry?
你不是故意的 事情就那樣發生了
You didn't mean to do what you did? It just happened?
你們還有孩子 喬爾
You have children, Joel.
- 你發過誓的 - 我知道
- You made promises. - I know.
你這個傻小子
You stupid, stupid boy.
你上哪兒再找像米里亞姆這么好的姑娘啊
Where are you going to find a girl like Miriam again?
晚飯好了 爸爸
Dinner's ready, Papa.
需要我幫忙嗎
Can I help you with that?
我可以的
I've got it.
你今晚很漂亮
You look really beautiful tonight.
我還端著一盤肉呢
Well, I've got an armful of meat.
是啊 無傷大雅
Yeah, that can't hurt.
我們可能要好好商量下后續的事情
We should probably figure out some logistics.
后續
Logistics?
這兒還有你的東西 衣服什么的
You have things here. Clothes.
如果你需要 我可以都給你打包
I can pack them all up for you, if you'd like.
好吧
Okay...
我可以時常來看看孩子嗎
Can I come by and see the kids sometimes?
我會把他們帶出去玩的
I'll take 'em out so I'm not here.
當然 你是他們的爸爸
Of course. You're their dad.
他們愛你 我們會處理好的
They love you. We'll figure something out.
- 我們該入座了 雪莉 - 我知道
- We're sitting down, Shirley. - I know.
我只是想再做一件事
I just wanted to do one more thing...
你做的已經夠多了
You've done so much already.
開飯了 各位 來吧
Dinner, everyone. Move.
背景音樂 ? I Let A Song Go Out Of My Heart
? 我一直不懂得音樂的甜美 ? ♪ I won't know sweet music ♪
? 直到你回來 ? ♪ Until you return ♪
? 某天 ? ♪ Someday ♪
亞伯 我知道你才是這次聚會的主人
Abe, I know this is your gathering,
但我想占用幾分鐘說說家事兒
but I'd like to take a moment to talk about family.
- 很好 - 我知道我們正在經歷
- Terrific. - I know we're going through
一段艱難的時光 我只是想
a rough, rough time, and I just want to
謝謝各位今晚的到來
thank everyone for coming together tonight.
- 你聞到燒焦的味道了嗎 - 因為在這樣困難的時期
- Do you smell something burning? - Because by coming together
我們聚在一起
under these trying circumstances
向下一代展示
we're showing future generations,
包括你的伊森和埃絲特 在這種艱難的時刻
your Ethans, your Esthers, that in times of hardships,
自我犧牲是必不可少的
self-sacrifice is often necessary.
就像1943年 我從德國解救十三個猶太人時
Like the sacrifice I made pulling 13 Jews out of Germany
- 所做的犧牲一樣 - 又開始了
- in 1943. - Here we go.
我接到一通電話 我并不知道他們是誰
I got that call, I didn't know who these people were,
我也不知道怎么辦 我只知道有十三個猶太人
I didn't know how to do it, I just knew there were
想要逃離德國
13 Jews that wanted out of Germany,
而我就是幫助他們出逃的那個人
and I was the man to get them out.
我付出了很大代價 為每個人都花了一筆錢
At great cost. What I paid per head.
- 好了 可以開始吃飯了 - 盡管如此
- Okay, time to eat. - Anyhow,
前幾天 我坐在圣殿時
the other day, sitting in temple,
看著我們旁邊的那些空椅子
looking at all the empty seats next to us...
那是我們還是一家人時買的位置
seats we paid for as a family...
我陷入了深深的悲傷
I was filled with great sadness.
有什么問題嗎 亞伯
Something wrong, Abe?
實際上 錢是我付的
Seats I paid for, actually.
你本來是要還我的
You were going to pay me back...
所以就是因為錢嗎
So it's about money.
我沒想到你會為此難受
I didn't realize you were hurting.
我沒有難受
I'm not hurting.
我只是說我們之前說好了的
I'm just saying we had an agreement.
好吧 你看起來生活很幸福
Well, you seem to have a nice life,
你有一個溫馨的家
you've got your lovely home,
有一個仆人
you've got your servant here.
塞爾達不是仆人 她只是個員工
Zelda is not a servant, she's an employee.
- 她是家人 - 對 她也是家人
- She's family. - Family, too.
而且收入不錯 也有假期
And well-paid, with vacation time.
去年她還去了荷蘭
She went to Holland last year.
- 冰島 - 冰島 比荷蘭還好
- Iceland. - Iceland. Better than Holland.
在過去 我們也是奴隸
In ancient times, we were the slaves.
- 我們不擁有奴隸 - 我沒有擁有她
- We don't own slaves. - I don't own her!
我們能不能冷靜一下 喝點湯
Can we all just calm down, eat some soup?
荒謬 我們難道都要坐在這兒
This is ridiculous! Are we really just going to
假裝享受這個夜晚嗎
sit here and pretend everyone's having a nice evening?
我們并沒有很享受這個晚上
We're not having a nice evening.
好 那我就直說了 這個分手
Fine, then I'll say it. The separation...
荒謬的分手 是不可能的
this ridiculous breakup... it's not going to happen.
這不是談這個話題的場合
This is not the place to have this conversation.
沒人在跟你說話
No one's talking to you.
亞伯 你準備怎么辦
What are you gonna do about it, Abe?
難道要讓米利亞姆失去丈夫的保護
Going to let Miriam here just suddenly drift along
孤苦無依嗎
without a husband to protect her?
她要怎么度過自己的人生
She's gonna do what with her life?
整天坐在那里吃著糖果
Sit around all day long eating bon-bons,
看著 女王的一天
watching Queen For A Day.
- 那就如了你的意嗎 - 當然不是
- Is that what you want for her? - Of course not!
- 但是那馬上就會成為現實了 - 不會
- That's what's gonna happen. - It's not!
- 會 - 我準備回學校
- Is too! - I'm going back to school!
- 什么 - 學校
- What? - School?!
拜托大家 冷靜下來 冷靜
Everybody, please, just calm down, calm down.
憤怒和意氣用事都是毫無意義的
All this anger and emotion is pointless.
茶葉表明了他倆不會分手的
The leaves said that the separation will not happen.
所有一切都會和平幸福地結束
It's all going to end in peace and happiness.
麻煩你們兩個跟我來一下臥室
Can I see you two in the bedroom a minute?
你向我發過誓不再見那個瘋子
You swore to me you wouldn't see that crackpot anymore.
迪娜是我的朋友 她很有天賦
Drina's a friend, and she's very gifted.
她解讀茶葉渣 還有你
She reads sediment. And you,
我告訴過你讓他回心轉意
I told you to go get him back.
什么
What?
我跟你說了讓你化好妝
I told you to fix your face,
穿個漂亮裙子 讓他回心轉意
put on a nice dress and get him back.
- 到底發生了什么 - 我
- What happened? - I...
你忘了怎么化妝嗎
You forgot how to fix your face?
- 還是找不到裙子 - 不是
- You couldn't find a dress? - No.
- 那是什么 - 如果他不想回來的話
- Then what? - I don't want him here
我也不想他回來
if he doesn't want to be here.
你當然想
Of course you do.
你想讓他回來
You want him here no matter what
無論他有什么想法或是感受
he thinks or feels or wants.
- 不 - 米里亞姆
- No. - Miriam,
因為你 我們不得不和那個男人待在一起
because of you, we are stuck in this house with that man
聽他的長篇大論
and his bloviating and speeches.
我不得不說 如果他再提一次
And I have to say, if he talks about getting
關于幫助那十三個猶太人逃出德國的事
those 13 Jews out of Germany one more time...
- 亞伯 - 他把他們帶過來
- Abe... - He brought them here
然后關在自己的工廠里
and stuck them in his factory.
讓他們在那兒工作
They're all working there.
他有給那些可憐的人工錢嗎
Is he paying these poor people?
有供他們使用的衛生間嗎 我見過他們
Are there toilets for them? I've seen their faces.
我不是很確定 但是他們中一定有人會想
I can't be sure of this, but one of them has a look like,
我應該回德國碰碰運氣
"I should have taken my chances back in Germany."
爸爸
Papa.
他真是個自大的混蛋 我就這么說了
He's a pompous ass! I said it.
你們聽到了嗎 是冰箱的聲音嗎
Did you hear that? Is that the fridge?
天吶 她在找甜點了
God, she's going after the dessert.
雪莉
Shirley!
你真的準備回學校嗎
Are you really going back to school?
不
No.
你準備怎么辦
What are you gonna do?
我不知道
I don't know.
這是什么意思
What's this for?
我也不知道
I don't know.
我們去哪兒
Where we gonna go?
我不在乎 大街上 我還在乎什么
I don't care, the street... what do I care?
- 天吶 - 哦 你在嚇唬我
- God. - Aw, you're bluffing.
我沒有嚇唬你
I'm not bluffing.
這不是你想的那樣
This is not a bluff you want to call.
我什么也沒做
I'm doing nothing.
這全怪你 孩子
This is all you, my boy.
你瘋了嗎 這是結婚禮物
Are you crazy? It was a wedding gift.
什么是結婚禮物
What was a wedding gift?
這是給結婚夫妻的禮物
A wedding gift to a married couple.
給你和米里亞姆的
A gift for you and Miriam.
你說你們兩個不是夫妻了
You say there's no longer a couple?
好啊 我收回這個禮物
Fine, I'll take it back.
這個公寓在我名下
The apartment is in my name.
我想怎樣就怎樣
I can do what I want with it.
- 你們的公寓在他名下 - 你為什么要這樣做
- He owns your apartment? - Why would you do this?
你說你想要我滾出你的生活
You say you want me out of your life.
好啊 我這就滾出你的生活
Okay, I'm out of your life.
但是我要帶著公寓一起走
But I'm taking the apartment with me.
你真是個混蛋
You're a real son of a bitch.
喬爾 這不是真的
Joel. It-it's not true.
告訴我這不是真的
Tell me it's not true.
你不是準備重回學校嗎 米里亞姆
You going back to school, Miriam?
讀個商科吧
Take a business class.
因為這個男人
'Cause the boy here doesn't know
- 屁都不懂 - 我說 我們還有鄰居呢
- his ass from his elbows. - Hey, hey, we have neighbors.
他對數字一竅不通
He's fuckin' lousy with numbers.
你們破產了 你們只能勉強糊口
You guys are broke. You're living hand to mouth.
喬爾給你買花 那都是我的錢
Joel buys you flowers, they're from me.
- 喬爾 - 你什么也沒有
- Joel... - You own nothing.
你的公寓屬于我 他的工作是他叔叔給的 也就是我的
Your apartment is mine, his job is his uncle's, so mine.
他沒出一分錢 也沒存一分錢
He's provided nothing, he's saved nothing.
喬爾 說話啊
Joel, please talk.
你沒告訴她 你的妻子不知道這件事
You didn't tell her. Your wife, she didn't know.
- 兩個不懂事的孩子 - 行 滾出我的房子
- Toddlers, both of you. - Okay, get out of my house.
- 你說的是我的房子 - 我不管是誰的
- You mean my house. - I don't care whose house it is!
- 滾出去 - 我們要說清楚
- Get out if it! - Let's be clear about it...
莫西 滾出去 我說你們兩個滾出去
Mosh, get out of here! I said get out, both of you!
住手 把他給我轟出去
Just stop... Just take him out of here...
- 快樂的家庭 - 雪莉
- The happy family. - Shirley...
威奇托市
Wichita.
威奇托市
Wichita.
威奇托市
Wichita!
- 不好意思 小姐 - 哈
- Excuse me, Miss. - Ha!
披著虛偽的外衣 威奇托市
Clothed in mendacity, Wichita.
滴 怎么 拜托
Dripping... What the... Come on.
Ya zhivu v bolshom dome na kholm
Ya zhivu v bolshom dome na kholm.
這是俄語 混蛋
That's Russian, motherfucker!
又開始了
And here we go.
我學的是俄國文學
I was a Russian literature major,
剛才那句來自一本書
and that line was from a book,
或者是一首詩 我記不住了
or a poem... I can't remember.
我只記得
All I can remember is.
Ya zhivu v bolshom dome na kholm
Ya zhivu v bolshom dome na kholm,
意思是 我住在山上的大房子里
which means, "I live in the large house on the hill."
真好笑
That's funny.
太好笑了
That's really funny.
好笑的原因是
And the reason it's so funny is because
我曾經也住在山上的大房子里面
I used to live in the large house on the hill.
而現在 我無家可歸了
And now I live nowhere.
一個小時以前 我的地址變成了"啊哈"
As of an hour ago, my address changed to "ahah".
看吧
See,
我的生活在今天徹底分崩離析了
my life completely fell apart today,
原因是這樣的
and here's why.
我的公寓在我公公的名下
My father-in-law owns my house.
他在他兒子拋棄我后把公寓收了回去
And he took it back when his son left me.
事實上 這件事聽起來并不好笑
Actually, that doesn't sound funny at all.
聽起來 糟透了
That sounds... awful.
非常糟糕 對嗎
Biblical, right?
就像 就像人類始祖亞當和夏娃
Like, like it's Adam and Eve time,
我嫁給了亞當的兒子 該隱
and I marry Adam's son, Cain.
我們有了自己的房子 我認為我們很幸福
We get a nice little place, I think we're very happy,
然而有一天 該隱離開了我因為
and then one day Cain leaves me for,
我不知道 他的弟弟亞伯
I don't know, his brother Abel,
因為那時候就他媽只有四個人
because there's only four fuckin' people
在這個地球上
on the planet at this point.
然后亞當 亞當收回了我們的房子
And then Adam... Adam takes my house
然后讓我去玩拼圖游戲
and tells me to do jigsaw puzzles.
天吶 我怎么不知道那房子不是我們的
God, how did I not know it wasn't our house?
我怎么這么蠢 我的意思是 我從沒想過問一下
How stupid am I? I mean, I never thought to ask,
我說 以防你和你的秘書私奔
"Hey, in case you leave me for your secretary,
我們的房產契約是怎么寫的
what's the situation with our deed?"
是因為胸罩 對吧
It's the bras, right?
一定是因為胸罩
It's the bras.
還有 還有緊身衣和束腹帶
And the... the girdles and the corsets,
都設計的緊得像是要切斷你的大腦血液循環
all designed to cut off the circulation to your brain,
讓你走在路上隨時都有可能暈過去
so you walk around on the verge of passing out,
然后你看著你的丈夫 他告訴你的事
and you look at your husband, and he tells you things,
你就都相信了
and you just believe them.
就像 就像你還是小女孩的時候
Like, like when you're a little girl,
人們都說 公主在魔法城堡里
and people say, "The princess lived in a magic castle
住了一百年
for a hundred years."
然后王子爬上來
"And then a prince climbed up the side,
殺死了一條龍 親了公主 把她喚醒了
slayed a dragon, kissed her, woke her up,
然后他們過上了幸福的生活
and they lived happily ever after."
而你認為 還蠻可信的
And you think... that's plausible.
其中有些細節很模糊
Couple of details are fuzzy,
但是 我買賬
but sure, I'll buy that.
之后 你發現 王子的父親是這座城堡的主人
Later, you find out the prince's father owns the castle,
王子的秘書會速記
the prince's secretary knows shorthand,
然后睡美人就被甩了
and Sleeping Beauty's screwed.
你們聽說過會速記的女孩嗎
You've heard about the shorthand girls?
她們所掌握的生活技能
These are girls whose skill in life
就是不寫完整的句子
is not writing full sentences.
而我 我在大學學習俄語
Meanwhile, I went to college to learn Russian.
說到伏特加 這里為什么不提供酒呢
And speaking of vodka, why don't they serve booze here?
我要喝酒
I need a drink.
我要喝烈酒
I need a stiff drink.
我需要一杯足夠烈的酒 讓我能夠搞砸一切
I need a drink so stiff I could blow it.
對不起 這樣不夠淑女
Sorry, that's un-ladylike.
你看起來受到了冒犯
You look offended.
我不是故意要冒犯嬌弱的人
I don't mean to offend the delicate.
我過去也很嬌弱 很討人喜歡
I-I used to be delicate. I was delightful.
我曾經是一朵鮮花 香如玫瑰
I was a goddamn flower. I smelled like roses,
太陽照在我的屁股上
and sunshine shone out of my ass.
怎么了
What?
我說的是陽光
I said sunshine.
我說 回家后 檢查一下房產證的名字
Hey, when you get home, check the name on your deed.
開玩笑吧
You are kidding me.
我知道對于你們來說
I know I must seem a bit angry
我現在看起來又生氣又神經錯亂 對 我就是
and deranged to you all right now, and I am.
我承認 接下來幾個小時里
I'll admit, I would like to repeatedly kick
我想要踢遍
every man in here in the balls
這里每一個男人的蛋蛋
over the course of the next several hours.
然而我不會這樣做 我還是個淑女
I won't, though. I am still a lady.
一個淑女從來不會狂踢男人的蛋蛋
And a lady never kicks men repeatedly in the balls
超過二三十分鐘
for longer than 20, 30 minutes tops.
因為那之后她們的束腰帶就會讓血液不流通
Because then their girdles start to draw blood.
好了 好了
All right, all right.
我告訴過你要注意談吐 你知道這里的規矩
I told you about the language. You know the drill.
佩盧索警官
Officer Peluso...
女士們先生們 這是佩盧索警官
Ladies and gentlemen, Officer Peluso!
就在前幾天 他逮捕了我
He arrested me just the other night.
現在就從那里下來 不然我就上去了
Come down from there right now or I'm coming up there.
警官 不好意思 我現在一個人上班
Officer, sorry, I work alone.
很明顯我的后半生也是這樣
Now, and apparently for the rest of my life.
我數到五 一
I'm gonna count to five. One...
我的表演結束了 各位 下周請繼續收聽
That's the end of my show, folks. Tune in next week,
我的祖母偷了我的珍珠 還上了我的男朋友
when my grandmother steals my pearls and fucks my boyfriend.
五 我們走 佩盧索
Five! Let's go, Peluso.
那是我的客戶
That's my client.
Orange 字幕組
現在開始 拍照要收費了
We charge for pictures now.
原創翻譯 雙語字幕
Orange字幕組 原創譯制
翻譯/Translator：Libsu蘇蘇 Twinkle Piper 三水 萌萌的萌
? 嘟嘟嘟嘟嘟嘟嘟嘟 ? ♪ Doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo ♪
校對/Righter：習習習
后期/Typesetter：Libsu蘇蘇
壓制/Encoder：失夢旅行
? 嘟嘟嘟嘟嘟嘟嘟嘟 ? ♪ Doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo ♪
監制/Coordinator：Libsu蘇蘇
Orange高分冷門劇制作組
Orange字幕組 http://www.orangesub.com/
兩天更新一集 下集更新時間 12月15日 幫助我們加快進度 加入QQ群489216448
? 你讓你媽媽都亂了 ? ♪ You've got your mother in a whirl ♪
版權所有 ?2017 亞馬遜影視電視公司 Translate By OrangeSub Television Drama Team
? 她都分不清你是男是女 ? ♪ She's not sure if you're a boy or a girl ♪
? 寶貝 你的發型真不錯 ? ♪ Hey, babe, your hair's all right ♪
? 寶貝 我們出去過夜吧 ? ♪ Hey, babe, let's go out tonight ♪
? 你喜歡我 我喜歡這感覺 ? ♪ You like me and I like it all ♪
? 我們喜歡跳舞 看起來不食人間煙火 ? ♪ We like dancing and we look divine ♪
? 你愛那些樂隊 他們在賣力演奏 ? ♪ You love bands when they play it hard ♪
? 你還想要更多 還要更快一點 ? ♪ You want more and you want it fast ♪
? 他們把你放倒 還說我有問題 ? ♪ They put you down, they say I'm wrong ♪
? 你才有問題 勾搭他們 ? ♪ You tacky thing, you put them on ♪
? 叛逆 反抗 你撕破裙子 ? ♪ Rebel Rebel, you've torn your dress ♪
? 叛逆 反抗 你臉一團糟 ? ♪ Rebel Rebel, your face is a mess ♪
? 叛逆 反抗 他們怎么知道 ? ♪ Rebel Rebel, how could they know? ♪
? 性感的你 我太愛你了 ? ♪ Hot tramp, I love you so ♪
? 你呢 ? ♪ Don't ya ♪
? 嘟嘟嘟嘟嘟嘟嘟嘟 ? ♪ Doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo ♪
? 你讓你媽媽都亂了 ? ♪ You've got your mother in a whirl ♪
? 她都分不清你是男是女 ? ♪ Cause she's not sure if you're a boy or a girl ♪
? 寶貝你的發型真不錯 ? ♪ Hey, babe, your hair's all right ♪
? 寶貝 我們出去過夜吧 ? ♪ Hey, babe, let's stay out tonight ♪
? 你喜歡我 我喜歡這感覺 ? ♪ You like me and I like it all ♪
? 我們喜歡跳舞 看起來極好 ? ♪ We like dancing and we look divine... ♪