Morning, AI. Morning, Fred. Morning, Sam.
Cider Mill's opening Saturday. Big parade and free cider for one and all.
Thank you.
Cider Mill's opening Saturday. Big parade and free cider for one and all.
Thank you.
Keep it going, kids. You're red, you're delicious...
you're about to have the juice sucked out of you.
- There she is, our spunky entrepreneur. - I am the "über Trump Murdoch Maximus."
- Apple down. - Apple down!
Hold it, everybody, apple down. Okay, roll her over.
Have a nice day.
LEAFLETER: opening Saturday. Big parade, free cider for one and all.
And two eggs over easy, got it. Just be a couple minutes. Caesar, order.
Since they were both actually royalty...
their child would have a real claim to the Judean throne.
So Mary Magdalene goes to Gaul to have the kid.
She's also supposed to run the church after his death...
but that's not what Peter wants, right?
But all that got covered up later on by Constantine...
after the Council of Nicea purged the Christian...
Oh, my God, will you stop talking about this?
This is the number one book in the country.
- Well, it's my number one bummer. - Okay, guys, what'll you have?
Burger for me, nothing healthy on it, extra cheese and, of course...
an order of wink-winkers.
- You don't have to call them that, Zach. - Just want to make myself clear.
I told you guys I'd throw you free fries...
not a big deal since they're usually ones...
we wind up throwing out anyway from making too many...
which means you don't have to call them wink-winkers...
or nudge-nudgies or know-what-I-meanies...
or anything else in verbal code, especially if it's cute-cutesy.
I will abide by that.
- Brian? - Same thing, burger and fries.
- Dude, that's cute-cutesy. - She said not to be verbally cute-cutesy.
It was a blanket moratorium on anything cutesy concerning the fries.
- I'll be back. - Cokes, too.
- Better get my money ready. - That's not embarrassing.
Hi, Lane.
Lorelai, hi. Would you like your usual to go?
Yes, and quick-quick, please.
You know, people are calling you "the blur."
That's mean, or is it? What is that?
You're not around and you're always running, swoosh, blur.
That's business, baby. If you slow down, they might catch up with you.
Still no Luke, huh?
Liz and T.J. are still not back up on their feet.
Luke's calling the Renaissance Faire his Vietnam without all the fun shooting.
Poor guy.
I made it extra strong.
It should blacken your teeth and rot your stomach.
- Bless you. - No prob.
- All from Rory. - I'm sorry, just being nosey.
No, go ahead, read. I'm sure it's stuff she already told you.
Yeah, probably.
- You are ready to swoosh. - The blur is off.
- And don't over-tip. - Try and stop me.
Hey, guys.
- Hey, Lorelai, get yourself a wink-winker? - What?
- Please erase this from your brain. - I will definitely try.
I'm telling you, I was going crazy. I was in bed for six weeks.
It was fractured in three places. That's why it took so long to heal.
But thank God for my big brother.
[Girls giggling]
- Morning, Lucas. - Hey, Henry, how's your beard?
You've always asked that, and I always laugh.
Well, it's our thing.
Come here. Got some dish.
You know Hay Bale Bill, the guy that totes the hay bales?
Yeah, I've seen him around.
Got caught in a tent last night with Annie from the grog booth.
Isn't she engaged to the fruit-ice guy?
Yeah, and the fruit-ice guy comes back, and there's Annie and Hay Bale...
so he tears the tent to pieces.
Now the grog people have to hide her. They set up a fort made out of kegs.
- Crazy stuff. - I'll keep you posted.
All right. See you later.
- Luke? - What, T.J.?
You're putting the pewter next to the turquoise?
Looks like it.
We don't usually put the pewter next to the turquoise.
Well, I'm a maverick.
[Slurping]
- Might be why the pewter ain't moving. - Pewter's moving just fine, T.J.
- Excuse me? - Hi, there. Can I help you?
Yeah. I'm looking for the Shakespeare stage.
Okay, you walk past the Calumba booth...
veer right at the drinking horns, then left at the antler ark.
- Thank you. - Uh, huh.
- Luke? - What, T.J.?
You didn't use the approved Faire language with that customer.
Maverick, me. Don't forget that.
There's undercover Faire officials walking around.
- They look for that kind of stuff. - Well, they should get real jobs.
Would it kill you to shoot her a "good morrow"?
Look, T.J...
- I don't believe it. - I know, the Yanks went with Mussina...
they should have gone with Brown.
- You're watching TV. - I'm not ready for my nap.
- You're milking it. - I'm convalescing.
And you're milking me. But no more.
Find some help, get a crutch, because by week's end, I'm gone.
Liz, you hearing this?
What? Sorry. I was listening to my Deepak Chopra.
I got things to do. I got a business, hopefully a life.
Prithee you jest, good sir, and leave us short of hand?
- I ain't jesting. - But my arm.
Had no trouble reaching into a tub of caramel corn last night...
while you were scratching yourself with the other.
- Your dexterity's fine. - T.J., it's time for him to go.
So you're gonna break up the team.
I'm no good to you. I'm not moving the pewter.
[Baseball game playing on TV]
Don't want you to get in trouble with the undercover squad.
And here we are, Room 518...
a beautiful room, very special for you, Mrs. Gilmore.
- It's nice. - It's hot.
I will adjust the air for you, no problem on my end.
It's a spectacular view, very nice. A little balcony there.
- It's different. - Something is different?
The view, it's different.
- Wow. It's pretty spectacular. - It's not the same.
It's the same room you had two years ago, signora, 518.
The ruins, they used to be closer. Something move?
- I don't think so. - That pillar is in a different place.
I think the ruins are probably where they've been...
for the past 2,000 years, Grandma.
We can get you another room, signora, no problem.
No, it's fine.
- Smokers? - I despise smokers.
Rory, I told you before, you do not move luggage.
- Yes. Please, we will do that. - Sorry.
Your high tea is still at the same time?
We'll need to book some private tours...
the Vatican, the Villa Medici, and private, just the two of us.
The concierge in Florence stuck us with a Belgian couple...
at the Uffizi who didn't know a fresco from a ferret hole.
And the ruins, of course. Make sure the guide's not too dry.
So different.
The hanging bags should be hung, not laid on the bed.
Excuse me, how far away are we from the catacombs?
Close, but your grandmother would not like the catacombs.
- Bones disturb her. - It's for me, my grandmother...
usually takes a nap this time of the day, so I go off and do my own thing.
- Yes, a nap. - We need two more pillows.
I will see to it. Anything else I can do?
- That should do it, thank you, Luciano. - Thank you very much.
Good evening. Thank you.
Let's sit down and pick our restaurants.
That's three nights, that's three lunches and three dinners.
We'll take our usual passeggiata around the Piazza Navona...
but let's pick the restaurants.
Do you want to pick them before your nap or after?
- I'm skipping my nap today. - Really?
- Absolutely, I'm not the least bit tired. - Good.
- Couldn't hide it any better than that? - Hide what?
I don't take my nap, you don't get to go out on your own.
- Grandma, I wasn't thinking that. - I was kidding. I'm exhausted.
I'm not sure I'll even make it to the bedroom.
I may just drop down here on the carpet.
Thank you, Grandma. It's all cultural stuff, I promise.
Just kind of faster and funkier.
- Go enjoy your funk. - Thank you.
Say, when was the last time we called your mother?
Not sure.
- Have we called her this week? - I think you did.
We'll call when you come back.
- Okay. Bye. - Bye-bye.
- Morning. - Morning.
Rob, I want to keep these brochures...
nice and neat in the rack here, none of them askew.
Otherwise, it gives the place that we'll-leave-the-light-on-for-you feel...
- that we're desperately trying to avoid. - I got you.
That is, if we ultimately decide that we don't mind...
having brochures here in the lobby.
The jury's still out on that.
You know what? Jury's back, brochures are out.
I'll just take this in the office.
- Michel. - Good morning.
- What are you doing? - Hiding.
- From me? - No.
- From? - Suffice it to say that...
my hiding is not costing the Inn any income, in fact, I'm overdue for my 10.
So consider this my 10, and you are now conducting business...
with an employee who is officially on his 10...
which is in direct violation of union rules.
- You're not in a union. - I'm in a union of oppressed Frenchmen.
The UOF. Got it, all right, carry on.
There is a spot on the floor over here that the vacuum never quite reaches.
Let's make sure it does. Thank you.
Hi, it's the Krumholtzes. How are you doing today?
- Great, are you always here? - I give that illusion.
So, what's on the agenda today?
Mike and I would love to hit some antique stores.
- We can guide you to the best of them. - But the kids would love to stay here.
You got games and books and they'd be bored stiff with us.
They can absolutely stay here, there's always people around.
- Is Michel going to be here? - Yes.
Good, he is their favorite.
Michel? Have they met Michel? Have you met Michel?
- He's funny. - They love him.
He chases them around and shouts and pretends to be mad...
and they laugh and laugh.
Well, Michel is here...
and I'm sure he would be happy to look after you guys...
while your parents are gone.
In fact, he's playing hide-and-seek right now...
and if you go over to the reception area...
I guarantee you'll be getting warm, warmer, hot.
Goodie, let's go, come on.
Have a good day.
- Morning. - Morning.
Who needs coffee? I'll get you some coffee right there.
When Sookie gets in...
tell her I want to go over the layout for the dinner menu.
I want to go another way. I'll be in my office. Thank you.
You found him. Good job, Krumholtzes.
He grounded us and told us to go do something to ourselves.
- He used a dirty word. - And I'm destined to use many more.
No, you're not. Come here.
It is not my job to entertain little people.
Michel, the Krumholtzes are in our most expensive room.
We need people like them to be happy...
so they tell other people like them they were happy.
Because we are a new business, and we all have to go...
above and beyond the call of duty until we are established.
- So you watch them. - I hate kids.
- This isn't fair. - You're a profit participant.
Happy Krumholtzes equal lots of profits, participant.
Who wants to play some insipid board game with me?
We want to play an insipid board game.
Yeah, let's play Chinese checkers.
[Mobile ringing]
- Hello? - Lorelai, it's your mother.
- Hi, Mom. - I'm calling from Rome.
The line is crystal clear, you don't have to yell.
Sorry, I still think transcontinental calls are a bigger deal than they are.
You're coming in fine. So, Rome?
Our last stop, and a good thing, too, because I don't know how long...
I can keep these randy European men off me.
Excuse me?
They're terrible flirts here. Gorgeous, but so forward.
- You want to talk to Rory? - Sure, is she there?
Yes, she is, hang on. Rory.
- Hello? - Hi.
- So, Rome?
Yep.
- Weather good? - Hot in the day, cooler at night.
That's kind of what we're having here.
Hmm.
Coinky-dink.
Yeah, so...
So...
I guess I'll be seeing you in a couple of days.
Yep.
Great, then. Be safe and watch out for those Italian men...
especially ones named Randy.
- I will. Bye. - Bye.
Didn't look like a quarter would bounce off it.
Gotta have those bouncing quarters.
I think the pink purse with the gold clasp is my favorite.
We probably could have gotten all this stuff at home, Grandma.
- Now we have to pay duty on them. - But if you buy them back in the States...
then you can't say, "I picked this up in Rome."
Hello. May I help you, please?
[Both speaking in Italian]
He called me pretty lady. It just never stops.
You got the gams, Grandma.
Rory, what do you want?
A triple espresso.
[Waiter speaking in Italian]
He won't stop.
[Waiter speaking in Italian]
[Emily laughing]
The fact is, we've got five original songs ready to play live.
A 40-minute gig means we can fill it out with six or seven covers.
- No problem. - Problem.
Our covers are tight and people dig them.
We play Fell In Love With A Girl as good as The White Stripes...
so how is one of our originals gonna stack up coming after it?
We could play all our originals up top, then close with our covers.
That's asymmetrical, man. We could lose our audience...
if we play a bunch of originals in a row.
Our covers are just too good.
I say we cut any cover song that overpowers our originals.
- So no Suffragette City. - And no White Stripes.
Lithium is gone, the Radiohead, both Pixies.
- No Dandy Warhols. - Or Velvet Underground.
Wait, guys. You're cutting every good cover song we play.
But maybe that's the key.
Yeah, if we play nothing but crappy covers...
our originals will stand out.
- Brilliant. - What?
- Anything by Men At Work. - Or Chicago, Wings.
- Styx. - Culture Club.
We throw in a Quarterflash, they'll be eating out of our hands.
Okay. This is just kooky.
I say we reconvene tonight and figure it out then.
- I got to get to work, anyway. - I'll see you at home tonight.
- I'll get you some more water? - Thanks.
- Well, hello. - Hi, there.
- Hi, Zach. - Trina. How you doing?
Cheryl, come on. Shoot me some.
Come this way.
You sit there. I want you to sit right here.
It's your turn.
Really, that fact has not changed since you said it 10 seconds ago.
If you lose, will you do that thing...
where you pretend to get all mad and you hit the board...
and send the marbles flying all around?
- Yeah. - I am not going to lose.
Hi, kids. Michel, do we have any double-A batteries?
How can a man play Chinese checkers with all these interruptions?
- They're still not vacuuming that spot. - It's your turn, Michel.
- You redundant little rodent. - Michel, the batteries?
Are in the office, far right drawer of the credenza. Damn!
Is where water is stored to power electrical facilities. Thanks, Michel.
It's your turn again.
Why are the dining room tables always out of place?
Lorelai.
Excuse me.
Okay, table's perfect now.
Who keeps moving them out of place? I want a name.
Cruel sadistic table fairies? Come into the pantry with me here.
I can give you a minute, that's it.
I've been trying to figure out a way how to bring this up and now...
- What's that? - I cleared a plate.
You don't clear plates.
- The plate was empty, so I grabbed it. - Give me the plate, you've gone nutty.
- What? - Now you're mad, I hate making you mad.
- I have the worst people skills. - I'm not mad or nutty.
But you are, and you have been for weeks.
The nutty don't usually know that they're nutty, thus the nutty.
- Sookie, I'm very busy. - Doing other people's work.
- I am not. - It's your job to change sheets...
- fluff pillows? - No.
Brush the horses, fold the points on the toilet paper?
Sookie, we're breaking in new people. I'm picking up the slack.
- I'm new? Michel's new? - I'm not doing your jobs.
Two weeks ago, I come in and my refrigerator...
which is sorted by a system that I have honed for 10 straight years...
is completely rearranged.
The meat's on the top, and the vegetables are on the bottom.
It's Apocalypse Now, baby.
I yelled at the staff, but now I know it was you.
- It was messy. - It was my messy.
I couldn't find anything in there for days. I kept reaching in for strawberries...
and coming up with liver, that's not pleasant.
I promise not to touch the fridge again.
You're yelling at the employees. You never yelled before.
- I'm yelling? - You've got to go home once in a while.
Sookie, we're a new business, it's time-consuming.
How many times have you fallen asleep at your desk in that office of yours?
- Once. - No.
Once, you fell asleep on a stapler, and the whole next day, you had "Swingline"...
printed backwards across your face.
Look, you've fallen asleep at that desk a hundred times.
I'm here when I'm here. I can't change that. I'm sorry.
Want to know the last time I saw staff and maids...
looking this scared of their boss?
- Your mother's house. - Ow. Knife in the gut.
Well, I'm sorry to deal from the bottom of the deck, but that's reality.
- I am pretty burned out. - Me, too. We all are.
It's been hard.
- I will take a break. - Good.
Not this week because stuff's been piling up, but...
And not next week. God, I don't know.
- Now. - Stop.
- Wait, I'm being kidnapped. - Go home and relax.
I have no one to hang out with.
I'll hang out with you sometime this week. I need a break, too.
We'll have a girlfriend day.
We'll get manicures and jump rope and talk about boys.
The whole cliché thing. Now, go. And don't stop for nothing.
- Okay, I promise. - Go.
[Michel yelling]
Yes. Do it again!
Hold it.
Good girl. Now, get your things and go.
Bob, are you sure you want to...
Nope, keep going.
[Mobile ringing]
- Hello? - It's me.
- Oh, hello. - Bad time? Are you busy?
Trying not to be. How are you doing?
- Good, you? - Good.
I was at the corner of Bark and Cheese today.
Bark and Cheese? Really?
- And it's exactly the same. - Exactly the same?
Was there a tiny little Italian dog...
in a basket barking the whole time you were there?
Not this time, but I definitely had flashbacks.
Did you have a nice piece of cheese with your coffee?
I still say I said the correct word for "cream" in Italian.
I even pointed at my coffee when I asked for it.
- How could I be asking for cheese? - But cheese you were brought.
- Stinky cheese, the worst, don't forget. - That you proceeded to eat.
Because I hate people who make mistakes when they order...
especially in a foreign country...
and then make a big to-do when they get the wrong thing.
Ugly American, yuck.
So you admit it was a mistake. You did say "cheese."
I know French, a bit of Spanish, but my Italian, not so good.
Being trilingual is plenty for a young lady.
Yeah.
- Mom? - Yeah?
I'm sorry.
- It's okay. - I screwed up.
I screwed up so bad.
- I handled everything wrong. - Oh, honey.
I keep reliving everything over and over. It's such a mess.
- I just want to fix it. I have to fix it. - You will.
- I know, I just... I need a favor. - Okay.
- It's big. - Okay.
I wrote a letter to Dean.
- Could you get it to him? - Oh.
I don't know how else to do it. I can't just mail it to his apartment.
- It's a big favor. - Honey, I don't know.
It's a lot to ask, but I think that this will make everything better.
Please. I can't wait until I get home.
- I have to do something now. - A letter?
Get it to me, and I will get it to him.
Thank you.
Have some espresso and Limburger for me.
I will.
- I love you, Mom. - I love you, too. Bye.
Bye.
You know, I think if you made it a little fuller...
- Go! - Going.
I want to thank thee, kind lady, for your purchase.
Please take one of my cards. Note the website.
- And do enjoy your day at the Faire. - Thanks.
I am kicking ass.
- Who knew I was a master salesman? - So I'm all packed and ready to go.
Good, and don't worry about nothing, because we're all cool here.
That's the thing. In 10 years, I could die...
and they could very well trace it back to this moment.
"He got back up on his feet too fast." That's what they could say.
It's weird when people who aren't doctors start thinking they're doctors.
- He'll be fine. - Gosh, I was so worried.
So, I'm gonna make a phone call, and then I'll go.
Okay.
Hon, could you try and get this cash box open?
- It's stuck again. - If you want.
It's just I was holding this screwdriver before and I almost blacked out.
- I'll try again. - Thanks.
Luke, don't forget the undercover guys, they look for cell phones.
I'll keep an eye out.
Luke, I'm being your friend here.
[Phone ringing]
- Hello? - It's me.
- Huzzah and prithee. Art thou... - Stop.
- Sorry, how are you? - Good.
Sorry, that was incomplete. How are you, you big fat liar?
- What? - You said you would be home yesterday.
I'm coming home today for sure.
What's that, Lucy? A football for me to kick?
I mean it this time.
Whoa. Man. Whew!
- It's a done deal. - I'll believe it when I see it.
Did I tell you about Bill?
Hay Bale Bill? No, spill.
He crawled in a tent with Grog Booth Annie.
- No way. - He did.
But she's engaged to the fruit-ice guy.
- It's not gonna last. - Oh, boy.
You feeling okay?
- I'm very nauseous. - Not you, T.J.
I'm fine, I just have a little assignment I've got to do.
So, what lie are you gonna tell me about coming home now?
I'm coming home today.
- So, next week? - Today.
Milady, dost thou have Pepto-Bismol on thee? Or breadstuffs?
- This month at least? - Today.
- See you when Hillary's president. - I'll see you later today.
Bye.
- Looking for something specific? - No.
You remember those earrings you got me before?
- Yeah. - You have a necklace...
that would match that?
Yeah, I think so. You give them to a girl?
- Yeah. - Anyone I know?
You know, it's just someone.
Dark hair, bright blue eyes? You were just talking to her?
I could tell 'cause you grin a lot when you do.
- It's Lorelai. - It's Lorelai! Huzzah!
Huzzah!
I never got the whole "huzzah" thing.
I am so happy for you, you've found your T.J.
Please, don't put it like that.
I've had dreams about you two being together...
and my dreams always come true.
- Dream me a healthy spine, sweets. - You're not gonna be alone.
Yeah, yeah. The necklace.
- Perfect? - Perfect.
So, go give it to her.
- Take care, sis. - I love you, big brother.
Whoa. One hug and my back would snap in eight pieces.
Good morrow, buddy.
CROWD: Huzzah!
Excuse me, I'm looking for Dean.
Thanks.
We get lots of stuff from local farms, but a lot of the time...
it's hard to predict when it's gonna come in...
and how much of it we're gonna get.
We're kind of at the mercy of the guys...
of the farmers themselves, because they sell out a lot.
But why don't you leave your name and number...
when you check out, and we'll give you a call...
as soon as the eggs you want come in, okay?
- Dean. - Hi.
- What's that? - It's a letter for you from Rory.
What happened? Where is she?
- Just take the letter. - She went to Europe, right?
Miss Patty said she went to Europe. What happened? What's she doing there?
Who is she with? When's she getting back?
Soon, just take it.
- Where is she? - Europe.
- With who? - Her grandmother. Look, take it.
No, why did she go? I mean, whose idea was it?
- That doesn't matter. - It does.
Dean, please, I'm a messenger, nothing more.
Just take it.
Onion, guacamole...
a little red pepper over butter lettuce and endive. It could be a big seller.
But, Caesar, it's not the salad.
The salad looks delicious. It's what you're calling it.
- Caesar's salad. - Right.
- So? - There's already a Caesar salad...
it's kind of famous.
That's "Caesar salad." Mine's got an apostrophe "S."
I don't think that makes it less confusing.
Customers.
- Keep going, Zach. - Yeah, this is the bomb.
So, Mary Magdalene goes to Gaul to have the kid, right?
That's the slutty one, right? Not the mom?
It's so confusing 'cause they're all named Mary.
She's not the mom, but she's not slutty.
That's what this dude Constantine wanted you to believe, right?
He was purging the "E! True Hollywood Story" part of it...
for his own benefit.
Turned the whole thing into Hollywood Babylon...
and chicks got the short end.
God, I just want to spend like three straight years...
doing nothing but reading, you know?
- What book? - What?
- You're supposed to wait to be seated. - Since when?
Since always. That's what they do at Denny's, that's what we do here.
Okay, my usual table where I always sit. Okay, Lane?
- Fine, Zach, what will you have? - Allow me to order for you girls.
- Sure. - A ham sandwich for the lady on my right.
Light mustard, right, Trin?
Is that a yes, Trin?
That's a yes. Burger, no cheese for Cheryl.
Cheeseburger for me and go ahead and shoot everybody here some fries.
Free fries are for friends and family only, sorry.
- Another new rule? - Nope, old. Old as Moses.
Okay, just bring me my order and we'll all share.
- Sorry, no. - What?
You get free fries, you have to eat them.
- I can't share my own fries? - That's right.
- That's bogus. - Tough. They're for you, not these girls.
They're to be consumed by you, and you alone.
I don't believe this.
I'll be watching to see if you share, so don't get any big ideas.
Just forget about it, okay? We'll go to Al's Pancake World.
- Fine. Go. - We are.
- Good. - Come on, girls.
- Hey. - What?
- Sorry, we didn't know. - Know what?
Know what?
- So... - So, this is nice.
- Being away from the Inn for a whole day. - You get some perspective.
Just looking at something other than those same stupid walls.
- What a relief. - It all falls away.
My meat guy better not screw me like he did yesterday.
Oh, my God, the gutters. That's what I forgot.
I told Steve that if he doesn't relieve Norm by 3:00...
Did I tell Michel to have the guy check all the radiators or just the one...
- No, I did. - Okay.
[Laughing and sighing]
- Now it's falling away. - It's starting to.
LINDSAY: I hate you, Dean, I hate everything!
Let's just talk.
I don't wanna talk, I don't want you here.
- I'm sorry, okay? - You're sorry?
Oh, my God.
- You've got my... - Don't you dare!
That's what happens when you get married too young.
- Yeah, that must be it. - This is juicy.
I usually only get to hear about these things.
I never get to see them.
Lucky us, come on.
LINDSAY: I hate you, Dean.
But you definitely prepped the sauce for the duck?
Because the duck without the sauce is a duck that we can't use.
The sauce has to be prepped early. I know you said it, say it again.
Stop saying, "Let it go." Stop saying, "Let it go."
John, stop it.
Stop it! I am letting it go.
I just need you to assure me that everything's getting done...
so that I know I can fully let it go.
RORY: Hello? LORELAI: Kitchen!
I am hanging up, but I am not letting it go.
- Mom. - My traveler.
- I missed you. - I missed you, too.
- Sookie. - You remember who I am.
- Hello. - Hi.
Hello, Lorelai. Hello, Sookie.
- Hi, Emily. - Hi, Mom.
Don't, I smell like airplane.
- I guess I should go get my bags. - Rory, you do not touch bags.
- I thought that was just a Europe thing. - The driver's bringing them in.
We had such a trip. Rory will fill you in. Spare her the more salacious aspects.
- Salacious aspects? - Those European men...
young, old, in between, they saw us coming.
- They saw you coming where? - We were like magnets, such high libidos.
You weren't walking around wearing your...
"hot and wealthy" sandwich board, were you, Mom?
- She was very popular. - I should go.
I bring you back a charming, cultured, well-mannered young lady.
- Don't undo it. - I will definitely try not to not undo it.
Goodbye, all. Goodbye, Rory.
- Bye, Grandma. - Nope. Airplane.
- I can take it. Thanks, Grandma. - Ciao.
- Come here, you. - So, what are you guys doing home?
We're trying to get some distance from the Inn.
And it's going through the roof. Not the Inn's roof, that's solid as a rock.
You know what I mean. We're booked to 90% capacity.
And the restaurant, we're turning people away.
- You know all that. - No, keep going.
Customers agree that, despite Michel, we're their favorite Connecticut inn.
But that's nothing compared to the big town news.
Wow, what?
We walked past Dean's place...
and Lindsay was throwing his stuff out on the street.
They were really going at it. It was like Raging Bull.
There's yelling and screaming.
Sookie, you're exploding all over the poor girl.
Sorry.
And she's probably hungry. You're hungry, right, honey?
I'll whip us something up.
No, you said you had to pick up Davey, so we'll go out. We'll call you later.
- Okay. - Okay, let's go.
Talk to you later.
See you later, Sookie.
What happened?
It was unbelievable. It was bad.
She was yelling, she was throwing things, he was yelling, she called him a jerk.
It was very violent and very public. Other people saw it. It was horrible.
- This was not supposed to happen. - You!
You should be ashamed of yourself for what you did.
- Just wait. - What did she ever do to you?
How did she hurt you? Why are you doing this?
- Theresa, please, calm down. - Calm down?
My little girl has to come home and find your heinous letter in Dean's jacket.
- We're in the street... - You little monster.
Hey! Pull back, lady.
There aren't hundreds of other boys in the world?
You have to go after her husband?
Stop attacking my daughter right now.
You're upset, I get it, but you do not do this.
She slept with my son-in-law. She broke up a marriage.
- Are you proud? - She did not break up a marriage.
- What do you know of this? - Enough, I know Rory.
All I know is that now my Lindsay is devastated...
Dean is back with his parents, lives are destroyed...
and you and your daughter can go to hell.
Okay, I have got to know what was in that letter.
I told him that...
that night was special and...
that I wasn't sorry that it happened.
But he's married, and...
he has to figure out his life.
So I was going to make it easier for him...
and take myself out of the mix.
- That was a very good letter. - I can't believe she found it.
- We can't keep standing here. - I know.
These streets are dangerous right now.
- Very. - Come on.
Anything you want, it's on me.
Pie, cake, pancakes, pan pie, cake pan, panacockin.
Say the word or make one up, it's yours.
- Chair feels good. - Yeah. A chair does feel good.
- I think a root beer might be good. - Root beer sounds good.
- It's on the house, so go crazy. - Luke.
Hey. Hi, Rory, welcome back.
- Thanks. - Are you okay? You look a little pale.
You know, pale's the new tan. So, you're here.
- You're not a mirage. - I told you I was coming back.
But you lied to me repeatedly for weeks, so your credibility's been shattered.
I know, it's been seven weeks.
Seven weeks.
You know, I just remembered I have an errand to run.
Yeah?
I got to go to the pharmacy. I'm gonna go now.
Lane's here, she'll bring you your root beer.
Lane, I got to run down to the pharmacy, got an errand.
- Okay. - So I'll just be back in a bit.
- Rory? - Hey, you.
- You're back. Our girl's back. - I know.
- We need to consult. - Sounds serious.
- I'm in a quandary. - Other people's quandaries, I'm all ears.
You know, I just remembered...
I have to go to Doose's to pick something up.
- You need a banana or anything? - I'm good.
- Are you sure? - I'm consulting on a quandary. Go.
Okay, I'll be right back.
So, my quandary, are you ready? And I need honesty.
- Shoot. - Am I in love with Zach?
What?
I need to know if you think I'm in love with Zach...
because a dirty trollop suggested it...
and they're generally reliable about these things.
- A dirty trollop? - She said something to me...
and gave me this knowing, worldly look...
that seemed to suggest I was acting in a way...
that said I have a thing for Zach, or she was hitting on me.
I just need to know your thought on this.
Are you listening?
- There you are. - Hi.
So, you really ran an errand.
I didn't run an errand, but I sort of kept up the pretense.
So I went in the pharmacy.
So I was in the pharmacy, so I had to buy something.
I feel kind of dumb.
Yeah. But you didn't really have an errand, right?
No, it was just getting kind of crowded back there, you know?
- Yeah. - So I brought you something.
My own smokes, ginchy.
That's beautiful.
I think that'll match the earrings I got you before.
- If they don't, I'll take them back. - Definitely goes.
- Yeah, look at that, perfect match. - Perfect match.
[Cymbals crashing and band music playing]
I don't believe it. What the hell is this?
- Cider Mill. - For the love of...
- Hurry up, Michel! - What are you doing here?
- I'm enjoying the Cider Mill parade.
Such culture I've been missing all these years.
This band, so subtle. Like a polo mallet hitting your head.
- Come on! - Come on.
Don't pull, I'm fragile.
- This town... - Is our town, this town is so glamorous.
- So, we'll hook up later, maybe. - We'll hook up later, definitely.
Good.
- I love the necklace. - Good.
Good.
I'm sorry. Oh, no!
Let me pay you.
I don't have any cash. Would you take an IOU?
Have you been to the Dragonfly Inn? The food is great, would you like to...
I know. Do you smoke?
Hi.
I hope this is okay.
I wasn't sure where to call, and I just had to...
- Are you okay? - Am I okay?
Yeah, I mean, how do you feel?
- I'm sorry, that's a stupid question. - No. It's not a stupid question.
Let's see. How do I feel?
Actually, I feel like an idiot.
- Why? - Why?
Because I was married, Rory, married.
And I threw it all away for someone...
who dumped me once and then just bailed on me.
- I didn't just bail on you. - I hurt everybody.
I hurt Lindsay, I hurt her parents, I hurt my parents...
and now I'm back at home...
and you're in Europe with your grandmother.
And what the hell was I thinking? What am I doing? What's wrong with me?
Nothing.
I got to get ready for work.
RORY: So, finish your story.
LORELAI: Everybody knows you don't mess with Hay Bale Bill.
So, Hay Bale goes off and punches the guy...
and it turned out to be the wrong guy...
all over this perceived insult about his girlfriend's legs.
Wait, which one had hairy legs? Annie the Grog Girl or Ocarina Jane...
who secretly sold pot behind the brass-rubbing booth?
- You mean "hairiest." - Egads.
I'm thinking bathing-suit season at the Renaissance Faire...
is only enjoyed by the blind.
I should bring steak sauce, right?
- For what? - Pizza.
- I just got back from Italy. - So?
So they'd shoot you in Italy for that.
But this is America, where we unapologetically bastardize...
other countries' cultures...
in a gross quest for moral and military supremacy.
I forgot. Bring on the imperialistic condiments.
Do you think Annie the Grog Girl made a pass at Luke?
I'm sure he rebuffed her, but he was there a long time.
I hope not. I'd joust the little slut.
- So, you want to talk about... - Something to watch?
- Yes. Something to watch. - You pick.
Will you be mad if it's Showgirls again?
I got the Deluxe Edition with shot glasses and a drinking game.
Sanctuary.
Let me show you one thing before Showgirls, okay?
- What? - Home movies from my trip with Grandma.
- You have home movies? - She was in fine form.
The signora distinctly wrote:
"South rooms with a view and close together."
Instead of which, she has given us north rooms...
without a view and a long way apart.
- She gets very British when she's abroad. - Yes.
Hurry and get dressed, dear...
or we'll miss our dinner on top of everything else.
- And you look very innocent and pretty. - It was a great view.
I don't know what she was talking about.
What we were led to expect.
I thought we were going to see the Arno.
The signora distinctly wrote:
"South rooms with a view and close together."
Instead of which, she has given us north rooms...