- Damn it, Erica, hand that gun over to me. - You were so sure you held
all the cards, weren't you? So sure that you could just
- force me not to file for divorce. - [laughing]
Well, think again, Adam Chandler.
[siren wailing]
[Adam] Erica, the gun is my property, and I want it.
[Erica] Not until I've had a very good explanation.
Shit! Shit!
[siren wailing]
- [laughter] - What's going on?
The drunk driving in Atlanta, remember?
- [man] He see you? - [driver] I don't think so.
Get up.
- Whose is this? - That's mine.
I don't know. Eighty in a 55.
You ain't never gonna get away with it.
- Oh, ye of little faith. - [laughter]
- Did you fix that transmitter? - Ready to rock, boss.
- What's going on? - Turn me on.
- I'm just a country boy. - [laughter]
- I'll cover that. - Yo, Roger, frequency six. Check your local listings.
- He's got a cold reading. Ten dollar ante, who's in? - I'm with my boss.
- I'm bettin' with Lucille. - Praise you, Lucille.
I say he can't do it. He can't do it.
Where's your loyalty?
Ooh, child, he looks nasty.
[man] This is gonna be good. This is gonna be real good.
- [woman] What's a cold reading? - [woman 2] Shh. Listen.
Is this beautiful country, or what?
- How fast was I going? - Eighty in a 55.
- Whoa. Really? - License and registration.
Yes, sir. Yes, sir. Let's, uh, see what we got here...
...Lowell. Let's see...
A playing card. My only royal flush. Signed by Shorty Caswell.
And, let's see, we got, uh...
License and registration, sir.
[laughter]
Relax, Lowell, where's the fire?
I'm gonna ask you one more time, sir.
Do you or do you not have the documents?
'Course I do. You know, I got 'em.
I'm a law abiding citizen, just like yourself.
The difference is,
I know there's more to life than my nine-to-five.
If you knew that, you'd still have a wife
and daughter to go home to.
Sir, put your hands on the bus, feet apart.
Ooh. A little cranky, aren't we?
- What's he doing? - Going too far, as usual. Big surprise.
Whoa! Gee, Lowell, you could have at least bought me dinner first.
We're gonna take a walk over to the car, sir. This way.
- He's going to jail. - He stopped writing, didn't he?
[laughter]
Oh, man.
Enough about me, Lowell.
It's not really me you're mad at.
You're mad at yourself.
Because you lost the one person who really loved you.
You have the right to remain silent.
[woman] Frequency of names.
[Lowell] Anything you say can and will be
- used against you in a court of law. - By decade, by religion.
I'm not talking about your ex-wife.
You know who I'm talking about, Lowell.
- [woman] Come on. - I'm talking about...
...Cathy.
Cathy. Son of a bitch.
The guy has balls the size of cantaloupes.
You think I don't know how it is?
Risking your life for minimum wage?
Never enough for those pretty dresses or that, uh,
fancy summer camp all her friends went to.
Then some rich asshole takes not only your wife,
but your own little girl.
Have you seen her?
Can't say that I have, Lowell. But I know people.
And I know she misses the way you protected her. Made her feel like a princess.
The way you smiled at her the night of the prom.
The good times you had teaching her the violin.
- The what? - [laughter]
Violin.
Claire de lune,
we played that together.
No rich stepdaddy can give her that, Lowell.
She hasn't called in over a year.
'Cause you made her choose between you and her mother.
Brother, you drove her away.
- Maybe I'll call her tonight. - Tonight.
When I got a phone right there on that bus.
You wouldn't mind?
My brother Lowell,
what are friends for?
- [cheering] - [laughter]
And after I talk to her, I'm gonna go up on the weekend and see her.
- Thank you, brother Lowell. - I can't thank you enough, and thanks for these.
- Praise the Lord. - Yes, sir.
- [woman] Did she win? - [man] She won.
And he made a donation. Unbelievable.
OK, I got the Wellesley decal thing, I got the wedding band,
but a cop who plays violin, what was that?
Red mark on the jaw from the chin rest.
You know me, Janey, I know people.
[Jane] Yeah, well, I'll make it back.
- [man] Lucille's a winner. - Just when you least expect it.
I always expect it, Janey, that's why I always win.
All I know, if it wasn't for you, I'd be playing doctor with some car thief.
- What can I say, man? - Just say, "Thank you, Jesus!"
[¶ Don Henley: Sit Down You're Rockin' The Boat]
¶ I dreamed last night ¶
¶ I was on the boat to heaven ¶
¶ By some chance ¶
- ¶ I had brought my dice along ¶ - [explosion]
- Hey, pal, you OK back there? - [man] Something's blown.
- Yeah. - What's happening?
Truck's blowing smoke, man.
- Next exit, let's get off. - [man] You got it.
¶ And the people all said sit down ¶
¶ Sit down You're rockin' the boat ¶
¶ 'Cause the devil will drag you under ¶
¶ By the sharp lapels of your checkered coat ¶
¶ Sit down Sit down ¶
¶ Sit down You're rockin' the boat ¶
¶ As we sail ¶
¶ On that tiny boat to heaven ¶
¶ Great big wave ¶
¶ Came and washed me overboard ¶
¶ And as I sank ¶
¶ Oh, I hollered "Someone, save me" ¶
¶ That's the moment I woke up ¶
¶ Thank the Lord ¶
¶ And I said to myself "Sit down ¶
¶ Sit down You're rockin' the boat" ¶
¶ People all said, "Sit down ¶
¶ Sit down You're rockin' the boat ¶
¶ I said to myself, "Sit down ¶
¶ Sit down You're rockin' the boat" ¶
¶ Sit down Sit down ¶
Oh, yeah, oh, yeah, this is the place. Nowhere.
This is nowhere.
Hey, what's up?
We don't get a replacement part until Tuesday.
Yeah, we're talking four days.
- Shit, we'd clean up in Topeka. - Well, I'm exhausted.
- We could use a break anyways. - You gonna get one.
- We got no choice. - [man] I always have a choice.
Set up. We'll play here.
Here?
¶ 'Cause the devil will drag you under ¶
Here.
¶ Sit down Sit down ¶
¶ Sit down You're rockin' the boat ¶
¶ Sit down Sit down ¶
I can smell trouble like shit on a griddle.
Take a look at what just walked in.
Dolores, you are such a bone-hound.
Well, everybody needs a hobby. Even you.
[laughs]
- Sit down here, baby. - [indistinct chatter]
Whoa. They believe. Yes!
Marva, huh? As in "marvelous"?
- As in my grandmother. - Not for a second.
- I'm Jonas. - Hi.
What's the matter? Something got you down all of a sudden?
I never knew a problem a little Chuck Berry couldn't solve.
It's broken.
Well, maybe I can fix it.
Life's too short to go without music.
Why don't you try a laying on hands?
Gee, I wish I could, ma'am, 'cause I know how Jesus loves to rock.
[Dolores] Where's your manners? He's a preacher.
Be polite.
Mmm. Corn relish. I hate corn relish.
OK, first female serial killer?
- Aileen Wuornos. - [man 2] How many victims?
- [man] Eight with a .38. - Special today, steak.
We're out of liver. No fish, no ham, no spinach.
- Awful lot of "no's" there, Marva. - No lip.
I'll take the diet plate, please.
- She wants me. - [scoffs] Yeah.
- I think you should stick with your Bible-boinkers. - Jane.
A woman is like a slingshot.
The greater the resistance, the further you can get with them.
Besides, she's warming up. I can tell.
I wonder what brought him to the service of our Lord?
You know, Georgette,
to me, there's no thrill greater than the thrill of preaching.
First moment, you wonder, "Can I touch them?
Will they feel what I feel?"
Sometimes, they don't feel it at first.
- That sense of longing, of needing the Lord. - [Georgette] Yeah.
You know how it feels to really need something, don't you, Georgette?
- Mm-hmm. - Can I take your order?
Two chilies. Hold the onions.
But sometimes a person doesn't even know what they need.
[Georgette] Yes. Yes. Mm-hmm.
[Jonas] They wake up itchy,
hungry for whiskey or money or food.
But what they really need... is love.
Sweet, tender caresses of the Lord.
- Amen. All right, reverend. - Amen.
- May I take your order? - Sure.
I'll have the KKK omelet.
- Whites only. - [laughing] Get out of here.
I'm kidding. I'll have a decaf and toast.
And I give 'em that love, Georgette.
That, and salvation.
And when I say "salvation," I'm talking about the only thing in this world that matters.
More comforting than a lover.
More valuable than diamonds and gold.
Come on, preacher. Come on!
See this?
It was a gift from my sainted mother, the year I graduated seminary.
- God bless her. - Very nice.
[all gasping]
I'll get it.
[all gasp]
See, Marva, nothing has value without salvation.
- He put it in the water! - Just like it was baptized.
[indistinct chatter, laughter]
- What's the date? - Uh, two... Hey, it's a small town.
- Someone could notice that. - True. It pisses off the law
- if they think I got a year's salary on my wrist. - Come on.
The sheriff's name is Braverman. He's clean.
Clean? Ugh.
Mr. Nightengale, "arbitrary" is not an issue here.
We've got a 27 percent unemployment rate.
- And I need 20 guys for four days. - Great, 26 percent.
Look, no new permits until the plants reopen
or till our farmers get some rain.
Till then, this town can't afford a revival. Sorry.
Oh, no. I understand, sheriff.
You're just trying to do your job.
No, Jane, he's trying to restrict trade.
Listen, Braverman, I got a room full of New York lawyers
just dying to take on some bush-league badge
interfering with religious freedom.
Now, I got the fee, I'll do the paperwork.
You give me the permit, or I dial 212.
- Knock yourself out. - I'll take care of it.
Don't take it personally, boss.
Just chalk one up for the big guy upstairs.
So is all of this absolutely necessary, Will?
[Jonas] Local law. "The Attack of the Puny Brains."
Look, I kissed up to him, I got the permit.
Besides, this one was kind of cute for a change.
Now, concentrate. Population, 22 something.
- Median family income, 21,000, but that was two years ago. - Cute?
He can shut us down.
I don't have to remind you what our nut is.
[both] Thirty-five hundred a day.
Every town, another puny brain. I've been fighting them all my life.
You give a little man a little power, and suddenly the schmuck thinks he's powerful.
Oh, yeah. I've seen that happen before.
OK, main industries, wheat and corn.
Ancillaries have had massive layoffs and the banks report
22 percent farm foreclosure on account of five years of dry weather.
And the motel guy told me if they don't get rain by this weekend,
this year's crops'll fail too, so we can use that, put it right in.
Would you stop drumming? Jonas, stop!
- What a shit hole. - Well this was your choice, Einstein, so live with it.
Average education, tenth grade.
- Richest family in town, the Rayloves. - Rayloves?
Twelve towns, same situation within 40 minutes by car,
- so you have to figure. - Jane, I gotta get you a man.
You've been on the road too long. I'll tell you what.
We're gonna hire us a new Angel, and I don't even care if the guy can sing.
- You pick him. - You finished?
It's time to get excited.
A town this deep in the crapper's got nowhere to turn but God.
¶ Paradise by the dashboard light ¶
Kansas radio. When the going gets tough,
the tough dial SOS.
And speaking of things getting tough,
I've got someone here who says he can help.
Jonas Nightengale,
a man who knows about the value of spirit.
Thank you, Jerry Joe. Thank you.
You know, as I look out your window,
Rustwater reminds me of my own hometown.
The drug store soda fountain,
the little movie theater, the one with the real butter.
And it warms my heart,
so many people working so hard, deserving so much better.
Well, I know how it feels to see old man Raylove driving around town
in his fancy car, all the while thinking,
"Hey, I want me a car like that."
The problem, Jerry Joe, is, uh,
we've got nothing to believe in.
Can't believe in the community with all the trouble
that's going on out there. It seems sometimes
even the family. So, what are you gonna believe in?
The biggest power, the biggest man with the plan.
[shuts radio off]
Thirty seconds.
So I'm here, brothers and sisters, to remind you
that tonight at the Rustwater campground,
you, too, can be saved.
If you're already walking with Jesus,
you come and celebrate your faith along with your neighbor.
It's been too long since you've seen them anyway.
If you're still driving that beat-up pickup,
eating macaroni helper and day-old bread,
then you come on out and celebrate the miracle of faith,
the power of healing, and you too can wake up saying,
"Thank you, Jesus!"
¶ I been lonely I been cheated ¶
¶ I been misunderstood ¶
¶ I been washed up I been put down ¶
¶ And told I'm no good ¶
¶ But with you I belong ¶
¶ Because you help me be strong ¶
¶ There's a change in my life ¶
¶ Since you came along Oh, yeah ¶
¶ Oh ¶
¶ Oh, yeah ¶
¶ Now, I don't mind working so hard everyday ¶
[Jonas] Boy, your wife is some character. She was great to meet.
Listen, I'm Jonas Nightengale. I want you to come down to the Rustwater campgrounds tonight.
We'll have an old-fashioned revival. Lots of music,
lots of people singing. So come on down,
and bring your wife along with you. We'll see you there tonight.
Bye-bye.
Thank you.
¶ But now I found you ¶
¶ And with you I'll remain ¶
¶ I been lonely I been cheated ¶
¶ I been misunderstood ¶
¶ I been washed up I been put down ¶
¶ And told I'm no good ¶
¶ But with you I belong ¶
¶ 'Cause you helped me be strong ¶
¶ There's a change in my life ¶
Hey! What's your name?
Yeah, you go to high school here?
No? Do you go to college?
¶ Now a man A man gets crazy ¶
¶ When his life is all wrong ¶
¶ And a heart gets weary ¶
¶ When it doesn't belong ¶
¶ When the road gets rocky ¶
¶ Lord, you've got to keep on ¶
¶ Let the new light come shining on through ¶
¶ I've been lonely I've been cheated ¶
- ¶ I've been misunderstood ¶ - Tomorrow night.
Hey! Hey, hey, hey, hey. Jonas Nightengale.
Here, I'll hold that for you. How are you? Good to see you.
Tell you what. Keep your eye on the squirt gun, all right?
One, two,
three! Gone.
- [laughter] - Come to the tent meeting. Miracles and wonders.
¶ I been cheated I been misunderstood ¶
¶ I been washed up I been put down ¶
¶ And told I'm no good ¶
¶ But with you I belong ¶
¶ 'Cause you helped me be strong ¶
¶ There's a change in my life ¶
¶ Since you came along ¶
¶ I been lonely I been cheated ¶
¶ I been misunderstood ¶
¶ I been washed up I been put down ¶
¶ And told I'm no good ¶
¶ But with you I belong ¶
¶ 'Cause you helped me be strong ¶
¶ There's a change in my life ¶
¶ Since you came along ¶
¶ I been lonely I been cheated ¶
I tell you what. I sink this one, you guys come to the revival meeting tonight?
- [all muttering] - Yeah, all right.
OK.
¶ But with you I belong ¶
¶ 'Cause you helped me be strong ¶
¶ There's a change in my life ¶
¶ Since you came along ¶
¶ I've been lonely I been cheated ¶
¶ I been misunderstood ¶
¶ I been washed up I been put down ¶
¶ And told I'm no good ¶
¶ But with you I belong ¶
¶ 'Cause you help me be strong ¶
¶ There's a change in my life ¶
¶ Since you came along ¶
¶ Oh ¶
¶ Oh, yeah ¶
¶ Oh ¶
¶ Yeah ¶
[applause]
[Jane] Good afternoon, sir.
Sheriff Braverman sent me to check for violations.
I just bet he did. Go right ahead. We're clean. Go on.
Knock yourself out.
Great. It's a friggin' hootenanny.
You've been very busy, Will.
- Just doing my job. - Yeah, I can see that.
Well, it's been a really long day. Can I buy you a beer?
Tell me, do most of the cops fall for your act?
[laughs]
- Yeah. - I bet they do.
- Well, ma'am, sorry about the drink, but I'm on duty. - Ma'am?
No, no, no, no. My mom is "ma'am."
You can call me Jane.
All right.
- Goodbye, Jane. - Goodbye, Will.
Ah! Ooh! Ooh! [laughs] Just kidding.
[knocking]
You have any towels?
Wow, nice room.
What's the matter? You seem down.
Oh, I'm just bummed about Topeka.
I wanted to see that breeder.
You can't keep a Great Dane on a bus, Jane.
Why not? It'd be great company.
Jonas, why don't you just give this to me already.
You know it looks better on me.
You'll get it when I die.
Unless you kill me.
And it's in my will that way.
My offer still holds for a new Angel.
Oh, yeah, right. I can just see it.
"Wanted, single tenor who shares an interest
in gourmet cooking and mail fraud".
[Jane] So, what's new with Miss Congeniality?
[Jonas] Nothing, and I'm using all my "A" material.
How could she not go for it? Everybody goes for it.
[Jane] So you strike out for once in your life.
- I mean, what do you care? - She's got me curious now.
It's like she's got fuming down to an art.
Besides, it's a matter of principle, like, uh, a quest.
Sort of a "Holy Grail of road pussy" kind of thing?
Eloquent as always.
[man] Tambourines, T-shirts, bumper stickers, Bibles.
Tambourines, T-shirts, bumper stickers, Bibles.
- Get your Bibles right here. - [man 2] How you doin'?
- How you doin'? Come in. - [indistinct chatter]
Let us sell you Bibles.
T-shirts, bumper stickers.
- Come on up. - Come right in.
Come on! Bumper stickers!
- Come right in. - [organ music plays]
Have you ever seen anything like that in your life?
[man] Here you go. Come right in.
- Bless you. - Yes. Bless you. Bless you.
Come right on in. Come right on in.
Hi, how are you?
- Hey, how's it going? - [man] OK.
Let's see what we got.
Hoov, where are you?
Ah. There you are. Ooh, nice suit.
Guys.
Excuse me, ma'am. Are you from Rustwater?
Oh, no. I drove 30 miles to be here.
Thirty miles! That far. What is your name?
- Emma. Emma Shlarpe. - Well, Emma,
I have a great seat right down in front of the preacher for you.
I wonder, since you came so far, would you like to have it?
- Oh, yes. - Why don't you just sit right here,
and I'll roll you right on down there.
That's very nice of you, young man.
Well, it's a much better view, and this ol' chair
is a lot softer than those folding chairs.
Thank you.
We've had nothing but trouble with that old man. He's mean.
He's got 80 yards of electrified fence just spittin' distance to the house.
You know, our kid's gonna play over there, and somebody's gonna get hurt.
And, wait a minute...
[man] Gives you a warm feeling, like a pot belly stove.
[clears throat] Guy in cowboy hat says he loves Jesus.
That's funny, I thought they were just good friends.
Well, make sure somebody hits him up personally, all right?
[man] Absolutely.
- [girl] You like it? - [man] Yeah.
- [girl] I made it myself. - Oh. Matt?
- You here alone? - No. I'm here with my mom,
but if she catches me talking to you... I gotta go, OK?
But... Can I see you after the show?
Nice to see you.
[Jane] Girl in glitter jeans is pregnant.
Her mother's been beating her.
That's nice.
Where is she sitting? Oh. Town's small, Jonas.
- Don't mention that she's knocked up, all right? - I'll be good.
Did you study my summary on the old folks?
Yeah, and I pumped the Grange ladies for who's been sleeping around.
- They couldn't wait to tell me. - Tiny, you got the smoke ready?
Uh-huh. What's Roger doing?
Tell him five shills is enough. He ought to get out of there.
Come on, the Angels will see him.
What's the deal with the cherry hat again?
Uh, electric fence.
Visualize the fence with cherries on it or something like that.
What do you like, this or this?
OK. You ready to check your receiver?
I'm having an accessory crisis.
Testing, sibilance, one, two.
- Jonas, can you hear me? - That's fine.
- Boy, are you a tough room. - The dark gray, definitely.
You look gorgeous.
Always look better than they do, Jane.
And now let's go give some empty lives a little meaning.
¶ Are you ready for a miracle? ¶
¶ Ready as I can be ¶
¶ Are you ready for a miracle? ¶
¶ The spirit will set you free ¶
¶ Are you ready? ¶
¶ Are you ready? Are you ready for a miracle? ¶
¶ Are you ready for a miracle? ¶
- ¶ Ready as I can be ¶ - ¶ Yeah ¶
¶ Are you ready for a miracle? ¶
¶ The spirit will set you free ¶
¶ Are you ready? ¶
¶ Are you ready for a miracle? ¶
[Jonas] Are you ready for a miracle?
¶ Jesus taught the lame to walk ¶
¶ Destroyed the devil's plan ¶
Be strong in the Lord and in the power of his might.
¶ Are you ready? ¶
Be strong in the Lord
and the power of his might.
Put on the whole armor of God that ye may be able
to stand against the wiles of the devil!
Come on, Hoov. Come on, man. Goose 'em.
We got a cold audience out there.
[Jonas] Yes, I'm ready. Yes.
I hear Satan knocking, but he can't come in.
- Yes, sir. - Come on, people.
Turn it loose. Let him fix it and let him in.
Take it down just a minute, Angels.
I got to talk to these people.
All right, I got to talk to these people just a sec.
- I want to tell you a story. - Come on, this'll move ya.
[Jonas] About a man from New York City.
A man named Thomas.
Now, Thomas lived on Fifth Avenue.
Views of Central Park, even from the bathroom.
Beautiful wife, two sweet kids.
But his life was a mess, and you know why?
Because of the fear.
He was afraid his business would fail.
Afraid his children would fall victim to foul play.
Afraid his hair would fall out and his wife would stop loving him.
Afraid of death. But death's a breeze.
You ever heard anyone coming back to complain? No.
- It's life that'll kill you. - Hey, Matt. Give your people a wakeup call.
[Jonas] ...prisoner and Thomas was a prisoner of fear!
- Amen, preacher! - So he got himself a lawyer for his business,
- a guard for his babies... - Hallelujah!
...a $2,000 hairpiece
and a world-class doctor.
- But was Tom happy? - No.
No! N-O.
Because when Thomas finally came to me,
he still had the fear.
And the fear is bigger than lawyers and doctors.
The fear is bigger than money or real estate.
- Amen! - There's only one thing bigger than the fear, my friends.
Only one thing.
And that one thing
- is the faith. - [cheering]
Faith that the universe will need his skills!
Faith that his woman loves what's in his soul,
not what's on his head!
Faith that his children will be protected,
not by a man with a .357 Magnum,
but by The Man with the 12-gauge
super-charged grenade launcher of love!
- [laughing] - And that man, brothers and sisters,
that one man is one man, and one man only.
- That man is Jesus Christ! - [cheering]
- Yeah. - And if you want to feel happy,
all you got to do, if you want to feel loved,
all you got to do, if you want to feel faith,
if you want to feel strong, if you want to walk tall,
all you got to do, all you got to do,
all you got to do is get saved!
- [cheering] - Say, "Thank you, Jesus!"
- [crowd] Thank you, Jesus! - Thank you, Jesus!
- [crowd] Thank you, Jesus! - Say, "Hallelujah!"
- [crowd] Hallelujah! - Lookin' good, Jo Jo.
...pumping through my veins. I feel a healin' comin' on.
¶ I feel a healing coming on ¶
Before I can do any healin' at all,
I need to know you're on the side of the Lord.
I need a sign of your faith.
I'm not asking you to pay for this
beautiful music, no.
I'm not asking you to pay for the word of God.
- N-O. - What I do need
is some token that you believe.
[Jane] How about that ruby ring?
That you belong to the most exclusive club in the universe.
The club that only God's faithful and generous can join.
- Then and only then... - Come on, give me that ring. What do you say?
...no one can keep you out of the kingdom of heaven.
- You tell her I'm gonna kill her. - You're meat, baby.
OK, I'll be good. [laughs]
[Jonas] We are going to pass among you.
Now, remember, the more you give, the more you live.
- Praise the Lord, brother. - [Jonas] People, the Lord spoke to me tonight
to remind me that he is searching for some special people
to receive great rewards in money and material goods.
And he wants these special people to be saved right up here on the stage with me.
It's sad out there, that's all I have to say.
It's burgers tonight.
Oh, people,
the Lord is speaking to me right now.
- It better be good. - [Jane] Just relax.
Cherry hat, section four, row F.
You sir, in the brown jacket, I feel a burden you're carrying.
- Who, me? - Yes, sir.
Now, stand up and tell me if I'm hearing the Lord right.
You're having a problem with your neighbor, am I right?
- I sure am. - He's building a fence, gonna harm your kids, right?
- Yes, sir! - The Lord tells me...
- Amazing! - ...make him your friend.
You talk to him and serve him up your best fried chicken.
'Cause yours is the best in the county, ain't it, ma'am?
- You know it is! - Whoa, boy, I'd love to get me some of that!
Come on up and thank the Lord for his saving!
[cheering]
Section five, row A is the glitter jeans. Remember glitter jeans?
Sister, you're suffering deeply.
You're worried about your little girl, aren't you?
- Yes, reverend. - Stand up, darling.
The Lord tells me that a strike unto any of his children
- is like a strike unto Him. - Lord, I hear you.
- Please forgive me. - Jesus forgives you! Now say, "Hallelujah."
[crowd] Hallelujah!
Fishing cap, section four, row F.
You, sir. Come up on stage and be cured of your gambling.
- [man] Praise the Lord! - [choir sings]
That's incredible! Section one, pink mumu.
- She lost her job at the mill. - And you, ma'am,
in the nice pink dress, receive the Lord and you will find another job.
- [gasping] - [Jane] Section three, first row,
- the white shirt, back problem. - And you, sir.
Believe in the Lord and cure your backaches!
[Jane] Same section, yellow shirt, hearing problem.
And you, sir, in the yellow shirt, come on up on stage.
Hearing problem.
Section two, the blue-haired lady. She's got arthritis.
And you, too, ma'am, come on up on stage.
Oh, we're gonna help some people tonight.
Ah! We are!
[choir singing]
- Oh, yeah, help me, Lord. - [Tiny] This guy's got trouble with his neighbors.
Then do it, let him fix it, let him in.
- Ah! - [applause]
Whew! I'm feelin'... I'm feelin' something tonight.
- Preacher, he's got a sore neck. - Receive the anointing
- in the holy name of Jesus! - [grunts]
- [cheering] - Say, "Thank you, Jesus."
- This lady needs a job, reverend. - You need a job?
You need a job? Now you're working for Jesus!
- Phew! - He's a gamblin' man, preacher.
Well, get the strength in your life.
Holy name of Jesus. Praise his name.
This man can't hear a thing, reverend. Can't hear a thing.
Hear the word! Hear the word! Hear the word!
In Jesus' holy name.
[choir vocalizing]
Welcome to the kingdom of heaven.
- Arthritis in the shoulders, preacher. - Arthritis in your shoulders?
Take the hand of God's right-hand man.
Believe in the power of the Lord.
You believe in the power of the Lord.
Raise your hands. Raise 'em up.
Now wave 'em around. Wave your hands like this.
Say, "Thank you, Jesus!" Thank you, Jesus!
Someone over here just been cured of their asthma.
- Hello, friend. - She's got bone trouble.
Hold it, hold it, hold it, hold it. Take it down just a second.
We got someone special here.
What's your...? What's your name, darlin'?
- Emma Shlarpe. - Emma, how long you had trouble with your bones?
- Years. - Well, God's gonna make a miracle for you tonight.
Oh, Lord, I'm just a man like any other.
But send a miracle through my hands to help my sister Emma.
[moaning]
Come on, Emma. Come on. Show me the power of the Lord.
Praise God. Praise God. Praise God.
- Get up, get up! - Thank you, Jesus.
Come on, Emma. Walk to me, Emma.
[crowd cheering]
Yes! Yes!
Ho, it's a miracle! Hallelujah! It's a miracle!
Dance, Emma, dance!
- [choir singing] - Oh. Say, "Thank you, Jesus."
- Thank you, Jesus. - [choir singing]
[cheering]
Thank you. Thank you. Thank Jesus.
- In the name of Jesus. - [cheering]
[choir continues singing]
[cheering]
[Jane] Hey.
How'd we do?
About four grand.
Hey!
[knocking on door]
Hey, Tony, I'm dressing.
Sorry, pal.
[Jane] What is he doing here?
Well, well, well. If isn't my new best friend.
Let's see, we've had the fire department, we've had the sanitation department.
What do we got now, the Girl Scouts?
Nightengale, we both know there's nothing I can do legally.
I'm here man-to-man.
Folks have lost their jobs, their land.
They can't afford to feed their families.
So they sure can't afford a con man like you.
Do a good thing. Pack it up.
That's some plain talk, Will, so I'll give you a little in return.
- Good night, folks! - [boy] Good night, sir.
Let's assume for a second I was what you said I was.
Up in New York, they got Broadway shows that cost
sixty-five dollars a pop just to walk in the door.
Now, maybe you like the show, and you leave humming a tune,
or maybe you don't, and you kick yourself.
I give my people a good show,
plenty of music, worthwhile sentiments,
and most of them go home with a little hope in their lives that wasn't there before.
Now, usually, I only play towns that can afford me.
But, uh, what about towns like this that really need me?
You don't care what these people need.
Your truck broke down and you're looking to cash in.
Ooh, a pissing contest. Can I watch?
- I won't just go away. - Now, that sounds good.
'Cause you owe me that drink, Will.
Jonas, don't you have something to do? Get on the bus!
Will, what's that guy from the sanitation department's name?
Seriously. Phil? Oh, I called him Frank.
Anyway... [continues indistinct]
[rooster crows]
[knocking]
[Jonas] Come on, Janey, wake up, baby.
God! It's 8:00, Jonas.
Don't you think I know what time it is? I've been driving all night.
Wait'll you see this.
- Close your eyes. - They were closed.
Come on, close 'em. Come on, come on, come on, come on. Pucker up.
Kiss. Big kiss.
- Whoa! - Oh! [laughs]
Hi! Oh, where'd you get him? Her? Him.
I found a breeder in Clydedale.
I convinced him it was in his best interest to open late.
So let's hear it for insomnia. Hey, you.
I was worried about your lack of companionship.
- What's his name? - Well, he's real smart
and hung like a moose, so I kind of thought...
- Jack from Neptune! - Come on, come on!
- [laughs] I know, Jonas Junior. - Jonas!
- Jonas! He's a good boy, too. - He's great.
[laughs]
- [Jane] So here we'll make "such" as "drought." - [Jonas] All right.
[Jane] "Really" is "rain", and we'll make "won't" "tornado."
- [Jonas] OK, try me. - [Jane] All right.
"Brother Jonas, I'm wondering,
won't you tell me what question burns inside this woman's heart?"
She wants to know if there's gonna be a twister at her son's home in Wilmington.
- No, "wondering" is Wichita. - Wichita. Damn.
- I really don't want to go into this audience tonight. - Why? You're good at it.
- Well, that's not the point. - Relax. Pathos isn't contagious.
Besides, the badge saw the setup on the bus last night.
- We can't take the chance. - Yeah.
- What'd you two do after dinner, anyway? - Nothing.
- I'm just greasing the wheels. - Till one in the morning? That's a lot of grease.
Ooh. Jonas, your spies are slipping. I was out till two.
You know how to play this, Jane. Just watch your step.
Mr. Nightengale. I'm so glad I caught you.
I was at your meeting last night, and I heard what you said
to that poor family who lost their farm.
My husband lost his job a few months ago, too,
and it's been pretty hard putting food on the table.
Well, I'm sorry to hear that, ma'am. Why don't you come down to the tent tonight,
- and maybe I can help you with your problem. - Oh, heavens, it's not me.
I always say, "The best way to forget your own troubles
is to help someone else with theirs".
This is for that unfortunate family.
Will you see that they get it?
I certainly will, ma'am.
That's mighty Christian of you.
Bless you.
[laughs] You try it and you're toast.
Ah! [screams]
[laughing] Oh!
You're gonna get it now.
[screams]
[Marva laughing, screaming]
Hey, rev. Lookin' for some souls to save?
You know me, I hate to see even one get away.
Souls, that is.
Look what I brought you. They say it's the best in town.
- Hey, kid, how about a game? - Da.
- I thought you said you had homework. - I'll do it later.
Little Russkie, huh?
I ever tell you I was East Coast Chess Champion 1971?
[boy] My sister's a total slave driver.
- Go ahead and make your move. - Hey, kid, what do you think I just did?
[chuckles] That was a pretty neat trick you did yesterday.
Well, you know what they say, "The hand is quicker than the eye."
So they tell me.
Nice move, kid.
Hey, Marva, can I have a thй glacй?
It's French for "ice tea."
- So where's your church? - On every street corner in every town.
- So you don't have a church. - I have a ministry,
and if you ever sat through church, you know that's better.
My grandmother used to take me with her.
So you believe in miracles, right?
Concentrate on your game, Boyd.
I'd like to hear what your sister has to say on the subject.
I believe in life.
What it does to you, and what you do back.
Never underestimate the power of belief, boy.
With it, I've seen a mute sing "Hallelujah"
and I've seen an old man get out of his wheelchair and dance.
When you've got it, you've got the power of every ocean
and every star right in your hand.
Without it, you've got nothing.
Everyone you meet is just another sinner,
and everywhere you go is just another hell.
I'll be outside.
My sister thinks you're a fake.
Well, maybe I am, and maybe I'm not.
If I get the job done, what difference does it make?
Well, you're gonna need a miracle now, reverend,
'cause check and mateski.
[laughs] This town is full of single women.
Why won't you leave me alone?
I don't know, must be your money.
You know, Marva, I've seen a lot of people lie to themselves,
but they don't fool anyone.
Lying, huh? Your personal area of expertise?
That's not true. My talent is telling people the truth.
Like that picture on the wall in there.
That was just about the best day of your life, wasn't it?
- One of. - Sure it was.
You were young, you were free,
still had that spark in your eye.
Now, I look at you hiding out in that diner,
never letting anyone get next to you.
I'll bet the last time you had a man was when Nixon was in office.
How I live my life is none of your business. Now, what do you want from me?
I just want to know how come you gave up.
A drunk truck driver did that.
Four hours stuck in a crash watching our mom and dad die.
Doctors did all they could.
Took tests,
stuck him with needles a foot long,
all for nothing.
So he had me take him to a preacher.
The preacher got him up on stage.
When it was all over, he was still on his crutches.
Now, do you want to know what that man said to my little brother?
He said that it was his fault
'cause his faith wasn't strong enough.
Well, let me tell you something,
all that boy has is faith.
So the last thing he needs is another phony messing with his head, OK?
And the last thing I need is another snake-oil salesman
using my little brother to get me into bed.
Hey, rev, how about a rematch?
Uh, sorry, kid, I gotta go.
[laughs] Can't stand the heat, huh?
Got it in one, kid.
[Will] If I pick it too soon, it won't sweeten.
If I leave it on the stock too long, it rots on the way to market.
Too much rain turns it moldy,
too little, it's hog feed.
Timing's everything.
Same as in my business.
You know, you gotta pick 'em while they're ripe.
Come on, Will, I know you think I'm crooked, so why'd you ask me here?
Well, you know those programs
where they take delinquents out to the woods
- and rehabilitate them? - This isn't the woods.
Smart girl.
I knew you were worth saving.
You've got too much going for you, Jane, to be somebody's front man.
[coach] OK, guys, let's go.
Pick it up, pick it up.
- Hey, rev. - Hey, kid.
Watch.
My dad used to lift weights.
- He was state champion. - That's great, comrade. You gonna compete?
Yeah. All the events you do sitting down.
It's just something I got to do.
- You have anything like that, rev? - Something I've gotta do?
No, kid, I stick with what I want to do.
It's a tough policy, but it works for me.
Do you always jog in a cowboy hat like that?
I used to jog in my boots.
What'd the doctors tell you?
The doctors have nothing to do with my leg.
I'll walk if it's God's will.
Listen, kid, God doesn't have a trucker's license.
What do you think, you were chosen to suffer?
If you've done everything you can,
doctors, therapy, everything, that's great.
But if you haven't, you better get off your ass, 'cause nobody up there
is gonna do it for you, that's for sure.
Look, kid.
Everybody's a loser one of these days.
Trick is not acting like a loser.
I believe things happen for a reason.
Fine. You want to believe that?
That's great. I'm gonna run.
[indistinct chatter]
[gospel music plays softly in background]
Hi. Sorry I'm late.
I'm worried about that two-man code.
Yeah, maybe, but that's not why you're late.
Oh, these for me?
- [laughs] - Can I read it?
Gidget goes Dust Bowl. Fine. Have your little secret.
Look, um, Will said he's got a surprise for you.
Something about giving you enough rope.
Why don't you tell him to go kick some shit.
There's not enough rope in Kansas to hang this boy.
Besides, wait till you see the pitch.
I've got a little surprise myself.
- ¶ Oh, Jesus ¶ - ¶ Jesus on the mainline ¶
- ¶ Tell him ¶ - ¶ Tell him what you want ¶
- ¶ Lord Jesus, tell him ¶ - ¶ Jesus on the mainline ¶
- ¶ Jesus is on the mainline ¶ - ¶ Tell him what you want ¶
- ¶ Tell him ¶ - ¶ Call him up and tell him what you want ¶
¶ Call him up, call him up ¶
- You tell him! - ¶ Tell him what you want ¶
¶ Call him up, call him up Tell him what you want ¶
- ¶ Jesus is on the mainline ¶ - ¶ Tell him what you want ¶
- ¶ Tell him ¶ - ¶ Call him up and tell him what you want ¶
¶ Call him up ¶
Whoa! Am I in white boy heaven or what?
Yes! That was beautiful, children.
Children? Hmm.
Now, I want to tell you a little bit about myself.
You look at me, and you see a man who seems a lot like you.
Well, all my life, I've been different.
At first, it was a curse,
but soon I discovered the blessing of my birth.
- [crowd murmuring] - Now what was it, you ask, made me different?
In an isolated cabin, deep in the Appalachian Mountains,
Jonas Nightengale was born
with a caul about his face.
He told me his father invented Teflon.
Some would say it's an old wives' tale, the power of the caul,
but I've seen some pretty smart old wives in my day,
and they say a baby born with the caul is given the second sight.
The sight inside a man's soul.
- Now Sister Jane Larson is gonna pass among you... - Brother Jonas.
[Jonas] ...and I want you to ask her the questions burning in your hearts.
And I am going to reach deep inside mine
and find an answer placed there by God.
What can Brother Jonas do for you tonight, sir?
How much longer do I have?
Brother Nightengale,
can you tell me the answer to our brother's question?
I'm hearing the voice of angels, Jane.
Our brother's worried how long he has to go.
- Praise be! - [Jonas] And I say to you it doesn't matter
whether you got ten years or ten minutes.
What matters is that you really live while you're alive.
So when God's chariot arrives, you're ready to step on board!
- [cheering] - [Jonas] Yes, sir!
I've been widowed now about a year.
My husband couldn't handle it when they repossessed the farm.
He killed himself one night in the barn.
I just need to know, has the Lord forgiven him and welcomed him to heaven?
Our sister would sincerely like to know about a loved one.
Well, I'll just give you your answer, sister.
He rests with the angels.
He says God has forgiven him,
and he asks you to do the same.
[crowd murmuring]
When is it gonna rain?
This man's question is really important.
Oh, boy.
You want to know what every man, woman and child in this tent wants to know.
[crowd yelling]
You want to know when's it gonna rain!
- [crowd] Yes! - Let me ask you this question.
What is rain, anyway?
Is it the sweet nectar your crops are craving? Is it tears of joy?
Or is it the rain that falls on every life,
the dressing down for your boss,
the harsh word from a loved one,
- the bank pounding on the door. - [crowd responding]
So when you say to me, "Jonas, when's it gonna rain?"
Well, all I can say is...
..."When's it gonna stop?"
[crowd murmuring]
In the book of Psalms, the 27th chapter reads as thus:
"The Lord is my light and my salvation. Of whom shall I fear?"
¶ The Lord is my light ¶
¶ And my salvation ¶
- The Lord is the strength! - [music plays]
- The Lord is my strength! - [music plays]
- The Lord is your strength! - [music plays]
- The Lord is the strength of my life! - [music plays]
¶ For whom shall I be ¶
¶ God ¶
[Angels singing prayers]
I feel a healing coming on!
Whew! How many love Jesus?
- [cheering] - Are you ready for a miracle?
[Angels singing]
¶ Yes, sir ¶
¶ The Lord is the strength of my life ¶
- [all shouting] - That is the word of God!
Yakity-yak, God's talking back!
- Hey, brother, how you doin'? - Amen, brother! Amen.
Whoa, people! Ah! Hallelujah, sister!
Hallelujah! Praise Jesus! You are a slave in the spirit.
Receive the holy anointing of Jesus.
Let Jesus fix it, brother. Hey, somebody run! Somebody run!
- Me? - You, brother, feel the power of the Lord!
Celebrate the Lord, brother! Celebrate the Lord.
- Yes! Oh! - Hallelujah, sister. Hallelujah!
- [woman screams] - Praise Jesus. Praise Jesus.
You're not gonna need this any longer. I cast out your chains.
- [cheering] - Amen!
[woman screams] The sign of the cross!
- Look! - He's in the room! He's in the room!
He's alive! He's alive! He's in me, he's in you!
I see him in your eyes! I feel him beating in your hearts!
Touch Jesus! Reach up and touch Jesus!
Nice to see you again, sister. Hallelujah. Receive God.
Praise Jesus! Praise his name! Praise the Lord! Praise Jesus!
Receive his holy name.
- Say, "Hallelujah!" - [crowd] Hallelujah!
I've never seen a room so full of God.
You stand up and say, "Thank you, Jesus."
- Somebody say, "Amen!" - [all] Amen!
[Angels singing]
- Oh! - [Will] Hey!
- ¶ The Lord is... ¶ - Hey!
[Will] Wait a minute, reverend.
I want to testify.
- ¶ The Lord is ¶ - ¶ The Lord is ¶
[music stops]
I said I want to testify.
So, speak up, sheriff.
Before you leave with your hard-earned money in those buckets,
I want you all to know where it's going.
Alias Jonas Nightengale,
born Jack Newton, does not come from the Appalachians.
- He was born in The Bronx. - [crowd groans]
The closest he ever came to a church was The Mary and Joseph Orphanage,
where he lived from the age of five to 15.
Then he ran away to begin a life of crime,
including convictions for...
...shoplifting, possession of marijuana
- and grand theft auto. - [crowd groaning]
All before the age of 18.
Then he was arrested for selling fraudulent artworks
and passing bad checks.
Now, if you feel you've gotten a good night's entertainment,
then go ahead, tip the dancing bear.
- [crowd murmuring] - But, if you think this money's
going to a man of God, you'd better think again.
[all shouting]
- [man] He's a fake! - Ain't no way he's a man of God.
[all continue shouting]
Brother Will!
Everything you said is true.
Absolutely true.
Yes, I was born to lowly circumstances.
Yes, I ran with a bad crowd that taught me to smoke weed and steal.
- [crowd murmuring] - I hung out in bars.
And I hot-wired cars.
I grew up mistreated, so I lied and I cheated.
I learned hard crime and I served hard time.
I have walked that crooked road,
and I have danced with the demon Satan.
I've been face down in the gutter,
and looked up into the face of God.
- Amen! - [crowd shouting]
And I say to you tonight, if you want to give up the bottle,
who you gonna talk to?
- Someone who's never touched a drop? - [crowd] No!
And if you want to give up womanizing, who you gonna talk to?
Some pale-skinned virgin priest?
- [all] No! - If you want to give up sin,
and I believe everyone here tonight wants to give up sin...
[all shouting]
...who can lead you off that crooked road? You need a real sinner, people.
A sinner of such monumental proportions,
that all your sins wrapped up in one
couldn't possibly equal the sins of this king of sin.
- [crowd shouting] - Because you know
if he can walk that straight, righteous path,
if he can go from grift to grace, from sin to sanctity,
from lowliness to holiness,
then you, with all your everyday sins,
can rise up like an angel,
and ride that golden elevator
to God's own penthouse in the sky.
[crowd cheering]
Hey, Jake! Jake Bradley!
Now, just yesterday, the bank gave you last warning on foreclosure.
How much you put in the bucket?
- Ten dollars. - And Sadie McElroy,
you've got two boys in junior college.
Your husband's been out of work for, what, six months?
I put in 20, Will. I need all the help I can get.
- [crowd] Amen. - [murmuring]
I don't know what to say to you.
You folks have been warned.
Right you are, Sadie, you need all the help you can get. And you, too, Jake.
All of you. I see your town and I know what you're going through.
But there can be no price on salvation.
So I want you to take back all your money. That's right, you heard me!
Every last cent. Bring those buckets out. You take your money back.
Sadie, if you put in 20, you take out 20. Jake, you put in ten, take out ten.
Go ahead.
'Cause the Lord knows you still have doubt in your hearts.
And without your faith, I cannot deliver the word.
- Praise the Lord. - For the Israelites, he parted the sea.
To Moses, he spoke from the burning bush.
And tonight, in your hour of doubt, the Lord God Almighty has spoken to me.
- [cheering] - He said, "Jonas.
Jonas, expect a sign."
And if God's wisdom is proven to you,
then and only then may you support this ministry.
Because God don't want no doubt money, no!
- [all] No! - And I don't want no doubt money!
N-O! Because doubt money burn the fingers of the righteous!
And I, Jonas Nightengale, will not be burned!
[cheering]
[crowd groans]
- Boss, you all right? - Of course I'm all right.
Plant the twenties before they leave.
¶ It's a highway up to heaven ¶
¶ To walk there, you've got to have a pure heart ¶
¶ It's a highway up to heaven ¶
¶ No one can walk there You've got to have a pure heart ¶
¶ It's a highway up to heaven... ¶
- Look, Jane... - Try groveling.
It goes a long way with me.
I told you I had a job to do.
Doing your job is one thing,
trying to destroy a human being is another.
[chuckles] Nuclear winter wouldn't destroy that man.
Oh, yeah?
Let me tell you something that your snooping didn't turn up.
Do you know how he landed in that orphanage?
- I assume his parents died. - His parents?
God only knows where his father is.
His sainted mother took him out shopping one day.
Told him she forgot her wallet and that she'd be right back, he should wait on the corner.
Four days later, he's there, waiting.
So the cops lug him off to Our Mother of Neglect,
where for five years he waits for her, still believing she's going to come and get him.
Finally, he just wised up.
The jails are full of stories like that.
Yeah. They sure are.
And that's why if Jonas was wearing pantyhose
and pointing a rifle off the book depository, it wouldn't surprise me.
But he's not.
All he's doing is selling fairy tales to a bunch of people who thank him for it.
And the last thing he needs is a judgmental asshole like you
throwing his past up in his face.
[knocking on door]
Open up, boss, it's me.
This better be good.
[indistinct chatter]
Excuse me. Pardon me. Excuse me. Pardon me.
The reverend has just arrived.
[all shouting]
[man] God bless you, Father.
Praise the Lord!
You've outdone yourself.
He preached last night that God would send a sign.
Friend, I've seen a hundred signs.
A magnificent sunrise,
a green light when I thought it would turn red.
But never have I seen anything like this.
[Will] Ramsey, you were watching the tent last night.
Anybody come in here? Maybe switch crucifixes?
No, sir. Not a soul.
Praise the Lord! It's a miracle!
- [all shouting] - [cameras clicking]
¶ Are you ready for a miracle? ¶
¶ Ready as I can be ¶
- ¶ Are you ready for a miracle? ¶ - ¶ Spirit will set you free ¶
[radio] An alleged miracle in the town of Rustwater,
whose population of 22,000, in the last few hours,
has swelled to over 31,000 people.
¶ Are you ready for a miracle? ¶
¶ Ready as I can be ¶
¶ Are you ready for a miracle? ¶
¶ The spirit will set you free ¶
¶ Are you ready? Are you ready? ¶
¶ Are you ready for a miracle? ¶
¶ Jesus went unto the well ¶
¶ And made the water wine ¶
¶ Raised up Lazarus from the dead ¶
¶ Restored sight to the blind ¶
¶ Jesus, man of Galilee He walked across the sea ¶
¶ He said, "Greater than this you shall do" ¶
¶ Gave power to you and me ¶
¶ Are you ready for a miracle? ¶
¶ Ready as I can be ¶
¶ Are you ready for a miracle? ¶
¶ The spirit will set you free ¶
¶ I'm ready I'm ready ¶
¶ Ready, ready ¶
[woman on radio] Rumor has it that the crucifix
can perform miracles. A local man who sustained a burn last night
says his wound had miraculously healed by morning.
Of course, the big question on everyone's mind is...
[Jonas] What are we doin' about the rain?
[Jane] Tiny's having some pamphlets printed up on rainmaking,
so we'll use them.
You know, there's gonna be some really sick people out there tonight.
Seat them in the back so it's harder for 'em to get on stage.
And we always have our malpractice insurance.
[both] Only if your faith is strong enough.
- Damn, this was a new shirt. - Have you tried turpentine?
Yes. That trick's worth it, though.
An oldie but goodie.
Jonas, have you had any sleep lately?
Too busy to sleep. Places to go and people to do.
How's the badge taking all this, anyway?
I don't know. I heard he couldn't get an art expert out until Tuesday.
You heard? Little lovers' tiff?
- Wonder how he got so well informed. - Screw you.
I'm not the one giving out free samples.
I just feel bad is all. These people are so broke.
Gee, Gidge, you feel bad for the poor people, but you want to keep their money.
What's a girl to do?
Move to Kansas?
Marry old Will and slop the hogs?
Take it from me, babe, you can't have it both ways.
I don't believe I defended you.
I'm so sick and tired of your manipulating.
Manipulators are sneaky, I'm obvious.
- [door slams] - And right.
[Will] You feeling better now?
[Jane] Yeah. I guess I just needed to be alone.
I'll take that as a compliment.
[Jane laughs]
It's before six, I got to go.
Ooh.
Places to go, people to rip off.
Oh, you should talk. Here you are consorting with the enemy.
Yeah, well... [laughs] I'm an easy consort.
You ever think about settling down?
My mother taught me never to settle.
You're fast on your feet, Jane.
Someday, you may want to slow down.
Well, sorry, Will, I don't do slow.
Come on, I want to show you something.
They travel over 2,000 miles and end up here,
back with the same mate, year after year.
What are you talking about? I don't see anything.
They started arriving last week.
There's only about a few thousand right now.
What started arriving? I don't see anything.
Watch.
[Jane] Whoa!
Wow! [laughs]
[laughing] Oh!
[both laughing]
- Ain't they beautiful? - Oh!
- [laughs] - They like me.
Fantastic!
[sighs, laughs]
Jane, I'm not a flashy guy,
but what I promise, I deliver.
I'd like to make you some promises.
Will, you've known me three days.
I'm a quick study.
[laughs]
By Tuesday, you'll be gone.
If I had more time, I'd take it.
Why don't you come tonight? It's gonna be fun.
The crew has a bet going.
Everybody had to come up with some ridiculous word or phrase,
and Jonas has to work them into his sermon.
And if he doesn't do it, then you win the pot.
So guess what my phrase is?
Aluminum siding.
- Aluminum siding! - [cheering]
That's right. You can get caught up in the frills of life,
the Samsonite luggage, the Amana washer-dryer,
but you know what's really important. Don't you? That's right.
- Are you ready for the truth? - [cheering]
- Are you ready for the word? - [cheering]
All right, we got to get back to that old-time religion.
Where the hell is she?
All right. What if I told you that one good deed
would return ten good deeds unto you? Would you believe me?
Then what if I told you that one righteous day
would return ten days of good fortune? Would you believe me?
- [cheering] - Then what if I told you that one dollar spent
in the service of the Lord would return your money ten-fold? Would you believe me?
- [cheering] - Yo, I'm here.
All right, it's about time for a miracle!
- [cheering] - I believe, brother. I believe!
What is it, brother? Come on up here, don't be shy.
You're among friends. You want to testify?
- Yes, I do. - What's your name?
- Calvin Tweedy. - Calvin, go ahead.
I heard what you said last night
about giving more than I could.
I only had ten dollars in my wallet,
but my wife Kate made me give it all.
God bless you, Kate, that's the idea.
[Calvin] Then, when you said to take it back, I did that.
But this morning, I had 30 dollars in my wallet.
And I didn't have no 20-dollar bill before that.
Well, hallelujah! It's a miracle! It's a miracle.
- It happened to me, too! - Me, too! I got 40!
[Jonas] Well, hallelujah! It's a miracle! We got to turn it loose, Bruce,
and get back, Jack! Brothers and sisters, this Rustwater, Kansas,
- is some kind of holy town. - [cheering]
I've never seen such a demonstration of the Lord's plenty.
- Somebody say, "Amen!" - [crowd] Amen!
- Somebody say, "Hallelujah!" - [crowd] Hallelujah!
Well, all right, let's give some empty lives a little meaning!
[music begins]
Oh, I believe we're gonna see some serious miracles tonight.
Now, come on up 'cause I'm working for Jesus.
And he's coming through me special delivery! Hallelujah!
Hallelujah, sister! Whoa, whoa.
A fever is on me! A fever is on me!
Whoa! Do you hear the Lord callin'?
Fall into the spirit of Jesus Christ!
Prepare to receive your miracle!
Oh, I'm feeling the power tonight! I'm feeling the power!
Invite him in, sisters, invite him in!
Somebody over here has just been cured of their rheumatism.
Receive a fresh anointing! Watch out, I'm vibrating!
I'm vibrating! Oh, I'm vibrating with Jesus!
Oh! I'm feeling the power! Come on, brother.
Well, let Jesus fix it. You gotta let Jesus.
He's speaking the language of the Lord.
He's speaking the language of the Lord. Hallelujah!
- [crowd cheers] - Fall into Jesus.
Angels of Mercy! Whoa!
I'm boxing for Jesus!
Oh, this room is burning up with the fever of the Lord!
Hallelujah, brother!
Hey, rev.
Hey, rev. Hey, rev, what about me?
I don't think I got any more healing power left in me tonight.
- Rev, what about me? - That's it.
I'm all done in from the service of the Lord.
Come on, say, "Thank you, Jesus." That's right. Dance, brother!
Dance, brother! Come on and celebrate the miracles of the Lord!
- [woman] What about the boy? - [man] What about Boyd?
[man] One more! One more! One more!
So glad you could make it.
I had to cold read 20 people and I was not brilliant.
I think you got a little problem here.
[crowd] One more! One more!
- One more! One more! - Take it from me, babe.
- You can't have it both ways. - [crowd chanting]
[crowd continues chanting] One more! One more!
[crowd cheers]
You asked for one more demonstration of the Lord's kindness.
One more show of faith. 'Cause that's what this is about. Faith.
You got to have it or you can't get healed.
- [cheering] - If there's any doubt in your hearts,
the Lord cannot deliver his healing.
If there's even one among you who doubts.
Like you, Brother Will. I know you have doubts,
but even you must believe because this boy's chances of walking are in your hands.
[man] Amen.
[crowd gasping]
Brothers and sisters, I ask you to consider
that tonight the fate of an innocent
rests in the heart of a cynic.
[choir chatters indistinctly]
- There you go. - Release your faith.
Hallelujah! Another miracle! Hallelujah!
Have faith in Jesus! Thank you, Jesus!
[all clamoring]
[reporters clamoring]
[Jonas mutters]
All right, are you gonna tell me what really happened out there?
I've been had, that's what happened. I've been hustled.
- What are you talking about? - I got to admit, they got a great act.
The waitress and Tiny Tim. That story about the trucker,
not just a trucker, Janey, a drunken trucker.
- Details, the mark of a great con. - Forget it, Jonas.
Not those two. They're not like you.
Come on, remember me? I'm Jane, your partner in crime.
Did you get a load of those rubes?
They're going out of their minds.
I had to get the boys to start clearing the tent,
or else those yokels would have torn it down.
You ought to see the money coming in. It's through the roof, man.
[Hoover] All I know is that by this time tomorrow afternoon,
we're gonna be all over every television station in the country.
Hey, do you know what that means? We could play here all...
So come on. You can tell me the truth.
What is this, an elaborate setup or what?
- [Hoover] Hello, Leon. - What do you think?
- [Hoover] Great, man. - Holy shit.
Jonas, I got to hand it to you. I don't know how you did it,
but gettin' that kid in the act was a stroke of genius.
[Matt] You give that kid a haircut
and you put him in some fancy clothes.
You put that kid on the stage, it's money in the bank, man!
Maybe we could even get him to reenact it.
[Matt] Do you know what we could bring in in Dallas in one week?
One week? Seven figures! Seven figures, man!
Jonas, man! What do you think?
Come on, Jonas.
- Do it. - You're a genius, man!
[laughs] Genius!
Jonas, wait.
Listen to me.
I know we made a lot of money this way,
and until now, it's been great.
But I'm telling you, this is different.
- Oh, come on, Janey. - No.
Look, that is not one of our shills in there.
Something happened. I don't know what it is, but it happened.
- You're right about that. - Goddamn it, Jonas!
You can't take this away from him.
And you can't make him into a sideshow.
You think not?
Oh, wow! You just really don't give a shit
about anybody or anything, do you?
Janey, I never pretended I did.
God, you're right.
You never did.
You still don't care who you hurt.
See how this feels.
Jane!
Janey!
Hey, boss.
Remember me?
Jack Newton.
I've got a question for you.
Why'd you make so many suckers?
You say, "Love never endeth."
Well, I say love never starteth!
You say, "The meek shall inherit the earth."
And I say the only thing the meek can count on
is getting the short end of the stick!
You say, "Is there one among you who is pure of heart?"
- And I say not one! - [Boyd] Rev?
Hello, Boyd.
Why aren't you out signing autographs or dancing?
I need to ask you a question.
Um, I want to know when you plan to leave town.
Leave? A couple of days, I guess.
Well, I... I wanted to know if I could go with you.
- Well... - I can do a lot of things. I'll earn my keep.
You're a little too old to be running away with the circus, aren't you, kid?
No, it... it's not that.
Like... you made me walk again, OK?
A lot of people tried to do that, but they couldn't.
Hold it, kid. I had nothing to do with you walking.
Sure, you did. Everybody saw it.
Look, I run a show here. It's a lot of smoke and noise,
and it's strictly for the suckers.
I've been pulling one kind of scam or another since I was your age.
And if there's one thing I know,
it's how to spot the genuine article.
Because that's what you got to watch out for.
Not the cops. You can always get around the cops.
But the one thing you can never, ever get around
is the genuine article. And you, kid,
are the genuine article.
Are you saying you think you're a fake?
I know I'm a fake.
Well, what difference does it make if you get the job done?
Kid,
it makes all the difference in the world.
Boyd?
Everyone's looking for you.
OK.
Well, what do you think?
All right, kid, I'll tell you what.
I'll meet you in front of the diner tomorrow at ten in the morning.
So I'll see you then.
I'll be back in a bit.
I want to thank you.
I don't know why my brother's walking,
but I'll be grateful for the rest of my life.
Marva...
Tomorrow at ten in the morning, your little brother's
gonna be standing on the sidewalk in front of the diner.
- Would you give him a message for me? - Yeah.
Would you tell him
that just because a person didn't show up,
doesn't mean that the person doesn't care about him.
[indistinct chatter, laughter]
[indistinct chatter]
Have you read it? OK, we're gonna go over it again, OK?
"The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not want..."
- Here you go. - Oh, thank you.
Come on back for seconds.
[baby crying]
Jane?
- You OK? - Hi.
[brakes squealing]
Thanks.
Souvenir. It was someone I once knew.
- Where you headed? - Pensacola, Florida.
Never been there.
Are you in some kind of trouble?
No, no, no, no, sir.
Maybe for the first time in my life, I'm not.
[rain pattering]
Well, damn. Would you look at that.
[thunder crashes]
[laughs]
Yes, sir!
[baby cooing]
[thunder rumbles]
[cow mooing]
[whinnies]
Praise Jesus.
[Jonas] Come on, baby!
Come on, baby, rain!
Rain!
Thank you, Jesus!
Whooo-hooo!
Whoo-hooo!
[¶ Jesus On The Mainline]
¶ Well, Jesus is on the mainline ¶
¶ My Jesus is on the mainline ¶
¶ You got to call him up and tell him what you want ¶
¶ Call him up Call him up ¶
¶ Tell him what you want ¶
¶ Call him up Call him up ¶
¶ Tell him what you want ¶
- ¶ Call Jesus ¶ - ¶ Call him up ¶
¶ Tell him what you want ¶
¶ Call him up and tell him what you want ¶
¶ Are you ready for a miracle? ¶
¶ Ready as I can be ¶
¶ Are you ready for a miracle? ¶
¶ The spirit will set you free ¶
¶ Are you ready? Are you ready? ¶
¶ Are you ready? ¶
¶ Are you ready for a miracle? ¶
¶ Blessed be the ones who mourn ¶
¶ For they shall find their peace ¶
¶ Blessed be the ones who thirst ¶
¶ And blessed be the meek ¶
¶ Are you ready? ¶
¶ Ready Are you ready? ¶
¶ Ready ¶
¶ Are you ready for a miracle? ¶
¶ Ready as I can be ¶
¶ Are you ready for a miracle? ¶
¶ The spirit will set you free ¶
¶ Tell me, are you ready? ¶
¶ Ready Ready ¶
¶ Are you ready? Are you ready for a miracle? ¶
[cheering]
[¶ It's A Highway To Heaven]
¶ It's a highway up to heaven ¶
¶ To walk there, you've got to have a pure heart ¶
¶ It's a highway up to heaven ¶
¶ Walking on that king's highway ¶
¶ It's a highway up to heaven ¶
¶ No one can walk there You've got to have a pure heart ¶
¶ It's a highway up to heaven ¶
¶ Walking on that king's highway ¶
¶ Walking on the king's highway ¶
¶ Running on the king's highway ¶
¶ Hallelujah Hallelujah ¶
¶ Hallelujah, hallelujah ¶
¶ Walking ¶
¶ I'm gonna keep on singing ¶
- ¶ Shouting ¶ - ¶ Shouting ¶
¶ Walking, walking Singing, shouting ¶
¶ walking, walking, singing Shouting ¶
¶ Walking, talking Singing, shouting ¶
¶ Walking, walking ¶
¶ Singing ¶
¶ I'm gonna keep on walking ¶
¶ On the king's highway ¶
- ¶ Walking ¶ - ¶ Walking ¶
- ¶ Singing ¶ - ¶ Keep on walking ¶
- ¶ Singing ¶ - ¶ Walking ¶
¶ Talking, singing, shouting Walking, talking, singing ¶
¶ Talking, walking Singing, shouting ¶
¶ Walking on the king's highway ¶
[cheering]
[woman] Hallelujah!
Oh, bless you!
Whoa! Hallelujah!