住在德州的小镇 Living in a small Texas town,
有一件事是一定会有的 a few things are guaranteed:
比如一定会有养鸡的邻居 someone nearby will have chickens...
-乔治 -怎么了 - George... - ‭Yeah?
去把那些鸡给射爆了 Go shoot those chickens.
大家都会知道你的私事 Everyone will know your business.
你确定你要吃那个吗 You sure you want to eat that?
为什么不吃 Why not?
我听说你的甘油三酯高到破表啊 I heard your triglycerides are through the roof.
谁跟你说的 Who told you that?
我兄弟跟你的医生是牌友 My brother plays poker with your doctor.
但住在德州小镇也有好处 But on the brighter side, in a small Texas town,
人们会互相照顾 people take care of each other.
我很遗憾 Oh, I'm so sorry.
你记得那个维罗妮卡·邓肯女孩吧 You know that Veronica Duncan girl?
-小乔治喜欢的那个女孩吗 是的 - The one that Georgie likes? ‭- Yeah.
我在考虑让她来我们家住几天 I was thinking about having her stay here for a couple days.
-小乔治要生日吗 这么大礼 -不是啦 - Is it Georgie's birthday or something? - No.
她在家里挺惨的 She's just having a rough time at home.
怎么回事 What's going on?
她妈妈的男朋友酗酒 Her mother's boyfriend has a drinking problem,
最近情况越来越失控了 and... things have been getting out of hand.
你是故意等到我拿着啤酒才开始说的对吧 You waited till I had a beer to tell me this story, didn't you?
你什么时候手边没酒了 You always have a beer.
好消息 So good news.
我们家有客人要来住几天 We're gonna have a houseguest for a couple days.
别又是露丝婶婶 Oh, not Aunt Ruth.
她的胡子很刺人 Her beard is very scratchy.
我妹妹才没有胡子 My sister doesn't have a beard.
她剃掉了吗 Did she shave it?
不是露丝婶婶 It's not Aunt Ruth!
是维罗妮卡·邓肯 It's Veronica Duncan.
她来家里做客期间 And while she's here,
我希望你们都有最好的表现 I expect y'all to be on your best behavior.
你为什么要看着我 Why are you looking at me?
我有吗 Was I?
有啊 现在还在看 Yeah, and you still are.
那她要睡哪里啊 Where is she going to sleep?
她可以睡我房间 我不介意去睡沙发 She can have my room. I'm fine on the couch.
谢谢 Thank you.
她为什么要来跟我们住 Why is she staying with us?
因为她需要离开家里几天 Because she needs to be out of her house for a few days.
为什么 Why?
因为她的家人在处理一些 Because her family is dealing with
家庭上的私事 some personal business.
-什么样的私事啊 -这个嘛... - What personal business? - Well...
我听说她妈妈的男朋友是个酒鬼 I heard her mama's boyfriend is a drunk.
你从哪听说的 Where did you hear that?
妈在外面跟你说的时候我听见了 Mom told you outside and I heard it.
♪ 世上没人比我强壮 ♪ ♪ Nobody else is stronger than I am ♪
♪ 昨天我移了一座山 ♪ ♪ Yesterday I moved a mountain ♪
♪ 我相信我能当你的英雄 ♪ ♪ I bet I could be your hero ♪
♪ 我是个了不起的小家伙 ♪ ♪ I am a mighty little man ♪
少 年
谢尔顿
来流汗吧 Let's sweat!
正有此意 理查德 I plan on it, Richard.
哈喽 Hello?
你知道"哈喽"这个词是直到电话发明后 Did you know that word "Hello" wasn't used as a greeting
-才被用来当问候语的吗 -你好 约翰 - until the invention of the telephone? - Hi, John.
而要结束电话 To end a phone call,
最初的建议是说"就这些了" it was suggested to say, "That is all."
就这些吗 约翰 Is that all, John?
没 我是想邀请你明晚共进晚餐 No, I wanted to invite you to dinner tomorrow night.
很好 我们去哪吃 Great. Where we going?
我不能告诉你 是惊喜 I can't tell you that. It's a surprise.
那你要给我个提示 我好知道怎么打扮吗 You want to give me a clue so I'll know how to dress?
就打扮得像是要去墨西哥餐厅就行了 Well, dress as if you were going to a Mexican restaurant.
我们要去红门[西语]餐厅啊 Oh, we're going to Puerta Roja.
我不能告诉你 会破坏惊喜 I can't tell you that, it would ruin the surprise.
约翰 你知道会是我负责开车的吧 John, you do realize that I'll be the one driving us there.
行 是要去哪里没错 但其他的细节 Fine, we're going to Puerta Roja, but everything else
都会是惊喜 is a surprise.
就这些了 That is all!
再来一次 来吧 One more time! Come on!
抱歉了 埃克索尔 之后再挂回来 Sorry, Axl. You'll be back.
你在干嘛 What are you doing?
拍照记录 可能今生再也见不到了 Documenting. This may never happen again.
里面是什么 What's in there?
-别打开 -但里面是什么啊 - Don't open it. - But what's in there?
别打开 Don't open it.
你擦了古龙水吗 Are you wearing cologne?
没 No.
小乔治 我的嗅觉堪比北极熊 Georgie, I have the olfactory senses of a polar bear.
它们能闻到一米厚坚冰下的海豹气味 They can smell a seal through three feet of ice.
少管闲事 Mind your business.
他在演示信号理论 He's exhibiting Zahavian signaling theory.
-这是《星际迷航》的东西吗 -是生物学 - Is that from Star Trek? - No, biology.
他在展示出他值得人喜爱的优点 He's trying to communicate his more desirable qualities
来获取维罗妮卡的选择 in order to attract Veronica.
可惜他没有任何值得人喜爱的优点 Too bad he doesn't have any desirable qualities.
像电视里的丹扎一样帅 像他 Be the Danza. Be the Danza.
-像丹扎一样 -真是个二货 - Be the Danza. ‭- What a doofus.
你来啦 Hey, there.
谢谢你收留我 库珀太太 Thank you for having me, Mrs. Cooper.
-维罗妮卡 我来帮你提包 -你好啊 - Hey, Veronica. Let me take your bag. - Hi
-你擦了古龙水吗 -别担心 - Are you wearing Old Spice? - ‭Don't worry about it.
来 我给你介绍一下 Here, let me show you around.
好 Oh. O-Okay.
你肯定还记得我家客厅吧 Of course you remember the living room,
祷告小组活动就是在这里进行的 where we have our prayer group.
我的老天啊 Oh, my Lord...
这里是饭厅 我们就在这里吃饭 And this is the dining room. That's where we'll dine.
但早上的时候 我们会在厨房吃 But in the mornings, we dine in the kitchen.
当然啦 如果你想吃零食 Of course, if you'd like a snack,
零食会在冰箱里或者在食物柜里 that'd be in the refrigerator or the pantry.
-你懂的 就是正常储存零食的地方 -没问题 - You know, where your snack foods would be. - ‭Sure.
洗衣机 烘干机 Washer, dryer.
而且我们家还有那种洗衣片 气味芬芳 Plus, we got those little sheets that smell nice
还能够减少静电 and fight static cling.
-这里是我们的客厅 -你们好啊 - And here's our entertainment room. - Hey, guys.
-你好 -你好啊 - Hi. - ‭Hello.
我们家没有有线电视 不过也能看到 We don't have cable, but we do have
三大广播电视台呢 all three major broadcast networks.
这里是卫生间 你搞卫生之类的地方 Here's the bathroom, for hygiene and whatnot.
还有... 这里就是你睡觉的地方 And... here's where you'll be sleeping.
-我是不是占了你房间 -是啦 - Did I take your room? ‭- Yes,
不过我睡沙发上 but I'll be on the couch.
那里靠近电视又靠近厨房 Which is right near the TV and the kitchen,
所以我也挺滋润 so I'm peachy.
你好 我叫约翰·斯特吉斯 Hello. I'm John Sturgis.
我们订了位 We have a reservation.
请跟我来 Follow me.
你看这里像是需要订位吗 Was a reservation really necessary?
我不想冒任何风险嘛 I didn't want to take any chances. ‭
不行不行不行 Oh, no, no, no, no, no.
你坐那张椅子 I sit in that seat.
我坐这张 You sit here.
好吧 Oh, uh, okay.
到底是怎么一回事 What's going on?
你不记得吗 Don't you remember?
约翰 我连我刚才车停哪里都要记不住了 John, I don't even remember where I just parked.
我是在重演我们的初次约会 I'm recreating our first date!
同样的餐厅 同样的桌子 The same restaurant, the same table,
同样的外套 the same jacket.
不同眼睫毛 因为呢 Different eyelashes, though, because
它们每两三个月就会长一批新的 they regenerate every two to three months.
我的就会一样 Mine are the same, actually.
因为是假睫毛 They're fake.
我希望今晚能很特别 I wanted this night to be special
因为这是我们初次约会的一年纪念日 because it's the one-year anniversary of that date.
我们这年纪的人还有在庆祝那个的吗 Is that a thing that people our age celebrate?
不知道 我还没有这个年纪过 No idea. I've never been this age before.
而且我有一年没跟别人约会了 And I've never dated anyone for a whole year.
好啦 Well...
纪念日快乐 Happy anniversary. ‭
抱歉房间那么乱 Sorry for the mess.
我清空了这个抽屉来让你放东西 I emptied out this drawer so you can put your stuff away.
那你本来的衣服呢 Where are your clothes?
我把大多数都丢了 I threw most of them out.
你不需要这么做的 You didn't have to do that.
没事啦 反正它们又旧又一堆洞 It's okay. They were old and full of holes.
丢了也挺好的 And it worked out great.
我因此找到了一些鞭炮 跟一袋我的乳牙 I found some firecrackers and a bag full of my baby teeth.
谢谢 Thank you.
我还在你的床头帮你挂了十字架 Oh. I also hung a cross over the bed for you.
是我用冰棒棍与亮粉当材料 It's just Popsicle sticks and glitter. I glued it together
小时候在主日学校时粘的啦 in Sunday school when I was a kid.
会太过头吗 我可以帮你拿下来 Is-is it too much? I can take it down.
没 太... No, it's...
太太贴心了 it's really sweet.
你怎么哭了 Why are you crying?
小乔治提起了你不愉快的家庭生活吗 Did Georgie bring up your unfortunate home life?
没有 Uh, no.
那就好 我妈妈说别提 Good. My mom said not to,
这样你会感到舒服一点 so that you would be comfortable.
谢谢 Thank you.
你舒服吗 Are you comfortable?
我还记得你当时看起来有多可爱 And I remember how cute you looked
你的珍珠色衬衫与饰扣式领带 in your little pearl snap shirt with your bolo tie.
我想说那也不是我第一次了 但真是我第一次 Well, I'd say it wasn't my first rodeo, but it was.
谢谢你带给我这美好的一年 Thank you for a wonderful year.
-敬未来无数年 -敬无数年 - To many more. - ‭To many more.
接下来到了我今晚最后的惊喜 Which leads me to the final surprise of the evening.
-你在干什么 -等等 我不想破坏惊喜 - What are you doing? - Hang on, I don't want to spoil the surprise.
你都单膝下跪了 还挺好猜的 Getting down on one knee, it makes it pretty damn clear.
惊喜 Surprise!
康妮 你愿意当我的妻子吗 Connie, will you do me the honor of being my wife?
约翰 我也不知道了 Oh, John, I don't know.
-你怎么能不知道 -答案只有要或不要 - How can you not know? - It's a binary decision.
比那复杂多了好吗 It's more complicated th-than that.
-我不懂为什么啊 -我们很合 - I don't see why. - We're compatible.
我知道 我们也很享受对方的陪伴 I know. We enjoy each other's company.
-我知道 -而且我们的房事也十分愉悦 - I know. ‭- And we've become extremely proficient in the bedroom.
不费吹灰之力就能"宾主尽欢" There's very little wasted effort.
约翰 给我坐下 John, sit back down
然后你小声点 and lower your voice.
帮个忙吧 Little help?
-下去比上来容易多了 -行 - Down is easier than up. - Sure.
感谢主 赐予我们桌上的食物 Thank you, God, for this food we're about to receive,
为我们的身体提供营养 and for the nourishment of our bodies,
也保佑准备这餐点的人 and bless the hands that prepared it.
今天还要额外谢谢您 And an extra special thank-you for allowing us
让我们能分享家给朋友维罗妮卡 to share our home with our friend Veronica.
-阿门 -是的 - Amen. - Oh, yeah.
最后这件事要来个大大的阿门 That's a big amen on that one.
好啦 大家快开动吧 All right, everybody, dig in.
你要餐包吗 Would you like a dinner roll?
好 Mmm. Sure.
我觉得它十分配我们的晚餐 I find it really rounds out the meal.
-妈 -怎么啦 宝贝 - Mom? - Yes, honey?
我一定得坐在小乔治香水的下风处吗 Do I have to sit downwind of Georgie's cologne?
维罗妮卡 所以你是11年级吗 So, Veronica, I understand that you're a junior?
是的 先生 Mm. Yes, sir.
你对高中毕业后有什么计划了吗 Do you have any plans for after high school?
我希望能得到奖学金 I'm hoping for a scholarship to Baylor
去我们德州的贝勒大学攻读教育学位 so I can get a teaching degree.
我喜欢小孩子 I like kids.
真的假的 孩子吗 Really? Kids? Ugh.
你又高又漂亮 你应该当范纳·怀特[女星] You're so tall and pretty, you should be Vanna White.
她怎么能成为范纳·怀特 How can she be Vanna White?
范纳·怀特就是范纳·怀特[白色] Vanna White is Vanna White.
好 她可以成为范纳·布卢[蓝色] Fine. She can be Vanna Blue.
瞧 身边全是孩子时 See? This is the kind of nonsense you have
你就得听到这些胡言乱语 to deal with when you're around kids.
他说得对 He does have a point.
不 我喜欢这样 No. I-I love this.
我们家从来没有一起吃晚饭 We never eat dinner together at my house.
你一个人吃饭吗 You eat alone?
大多数时候是的 Mostly. Yeah.
真幸运 Lucky duck.
约翰 John...
我已经结过一次婚了 I've already been married once.
我真的没打算再结一次 I wasn't really planning on ever doing it again.
为什么 Why not?
我做别人老婆做了很长时间 I was somebody's wife for a long time.
我现在只想做康妮·塔克 I just like being... Connie Tucker now.
不是某太太 Not Mrs....
跟老公的姓 somebody else's name.
如果我跟你姓呢 Well, what if I took your name?
约翰·塔克 听起来不错 John Tucker, it sounds great.
像橄榄球员或是太空人 Like a football player or an astronaut.
你没听明白 You're missing the point.
我觉得让大家知道我们是一对 I just think it's important for people to know
这很重要 that we're an official couple.
不用结婚也可以的 We don't have to be married for that.
在广告牌 报纸上打广告 Buy a billboard, take an ad out in the paper.
我懂了 谢谢你 I understand. Thank you.
我们没事吧 Are we good?
没事 Yes.
但如果我比你先去世了 But if I should pre-decease you...
戒指归你 I want you to have the ring.
-好 -戒指会放在 - Fine. - It'll be in the...
梳妆台抽屉的右上角 top right corner of my dresser drawer.
-知道了 -在我的筒袜下面 - Got it. ‭- Under my tube socks.
维罗妮卡 维罗妮卡 Veronica. Veronica.
进来 Come in.
谢尔顿 有什么事 Hey, Sheldon, what's up?
我打印出了我使用卫生间的时间表 I printed out my bathroom schedule.
我不能代表我的家人发言 I can't speak for anyone else in this family,
但在这些时间里 but you can count on it being occupied
浴室肯定有人 during these times.
谢谢 Thank you.
非常有用 This is very helpful.
我知道 I know.
还有事吗 Is there anything else?
有 但我不准问 There is, but... I'm not allowed to ask about it.
没事 你什么都能问 Oh, it's okay. You can ask me anything.
很好 我不喜欢猫 Oh, good. I don't like cats,
但我和它们一样有好奇的天性 but I share their curious nature.
你想知道什么 What do you want to know?
你妈妈有男友吗 Your mom has a boyfriend.
是的 Yeah.
你的父亲呢 Where is your father?
我不知道 I don't know.
你为什么不知道 Why do you not know?
我很小的时候他就离开了 Well, he left when I was really young
我再也没有他的消息 and I never heard from him again.
你为什么住在这里 And why are you staying here?
我妈妈的男友不太好 My mom's boyfriend isn't very nice.
我明白 我姐姐也不太好 I understand. My sister isn't very nice.
所以你明白 So you get it?
是的 谢谢 I do, thank you.
好的 回头再聊 Okay, well, talk to you later.
7点到7点12分之间不行 But not between 7:00 and 7:12.
对 我看到了 Yup, I see it right here.
不如... So... how about
我煮一壶茶 我们放松一下 I make us a pot of tea and we'll get cozy?
好 很好 Sure, sounds good.
自己随意 我马上回来 Just make yourself comfy, I-I'll be right back.
薄荷茶行吗 Mint tea?
还是你想疯狂一下 放点木槿 Or would you like to go crazy and have a little hibiscus?
靠 Ah, damn it.
我可以一起看吗 Hey, can I join you?
当然 Sure.
你在看什么 What you watching?
《查尔斯当家》 Charles in Charge.
有点像《谁是老板》 但里面有恰奇 It's kind of like Who's the Boss? But with Chachi.
应该叫《恰奇当家》 They should have called it Chachi in Charge.
恰奇当家 Cha-Chi in Charge.
有三个CHA的音 我喜欢 That's three cha's. I like it.
小乔治 你真搞笑 Georgie, you're so funny.
真的 Really?
不是所有人都懂我 Not everybody gets me.
我懂你 I get you.
妈 如果你和这个男人上床 Oh, Mom. If you're sleeping with the man,
你应该嫁给他 you should be married to him.
我为什么来这里 Why do I come here?
我得找个更酷的妹子谈这个问题 I got to find a cooler chick to talk to.
你知道我是对的 You know I'm right.
我不认为是这样 I know no such thing.
这是我的人生 我不必因为我应该去做 It's my life, I don't have to do anything
而去做任何事 'cause I'm "Supposed to."
我去做是因为我想那样做 现在 I do it because I want to, and right now,
我不想结婚 就是这样 I don't want to, end of story.
-早上好 -要我给你做早餐吗 亲爱的 - Good morning. - Can I get you some breakfast, honey?
好 谢谢 Yes, please.
你和斯特吉斯博士的周年约会怎么样 How was your anniversary date with Dr. Sturgis?
你知道吗 You knew about that?
-是的 -所以你知道他打算求婚吗 - Yes. - So you knew he was gonna propose?
-求婚 -不知道啊 那太好了 - Propose? - No, that's wonderful.
不过他没告诉我 有点令人不安 Although, it's a little disconcerting he didn't tell me.
我以为我们关系好到他会说 I thought we were closer than that.
我们短期之内是不会结婚的 Well, we're not getting married any time soon.
你应该结 你老了 没剩下多少年了 You should. You're old; you don't have many years left.
我真的需要重新认识一帮人了 I really need to meet a whole new group of people.
你做什么呢 Hey, what you doin'?
帮忙你妈妈洗衣服 Helping your mom with laundry.
是 这通常是我的工作 Oh, yeah. That's usually my job.
也许你做完后 我们可以去商场一起玩 Uh, maybe when you're done, we can go down to the mall and hang out.
我答应你妹妹要带她出去享受女生时光 Oh, I promised your sister I'd take her out for some girl time.
也许我能一起去 Maybe I can come along.
那就不是女生时光了 Then it wouldn't be girl time.
不全算 但大部分是 No, not entirely, but it would be mostly.
听懂暗示 笨蛋 Take a hint, dummy.
你好 Greetings.
你已拨通约翰·斯特吉斯博士的电话 You've reached Dr. John Sturgis.
留下口信 我会联系你 Leave a message and I'll be in touch.
非常感谢 Thank you very much.
居然押韵 Hey, that rhymed.
约翰 我知道你在 接电话 John, I know you're there, pick up.
如果你不接电话 我会很生气 If you don't pick up, I'm gonna get really mad.
我很生气了 I'm getting really mad.
回我电话 Call me back.
抱歉 我知道这不是全世界最好玩的事 Sorry, I know this isn't the most fun thing in the world.
能坐在副驾驶位 I was happy just riding
我就很开心了 in the front seat of your car. ‭
你可能听过很多人这样说 You probably hear this a lot,
你美得像公主 but you're, like, princess pretty.
我不知道 Oh. I don't know about that.
但你绝对有做公主的条件 But you are definitely princess material.
在我能化妆之前 Well, until I'm allowed to wear makeup,
这就是我最漂亮的样子了 this is as hot as I get.
你不需要化妆 You don't need makeup.
希望你是对的 妈妈说我必须等到16岁 I hope you're right. Mom says I have to wait till I'm 16.
那一天的到来会比你想象中更快 That'll get here sooner than you think.
感觉不是 Sure doesn't feel like it.
别着急 Don't be in a rush.
说真的 Honestly...
-我宁愿像你这么大 -真的吗 - I'd rather be your age again. - ‭Really?
是的 Yeah.
做成年人 Being a grown-up is, uh...
很复杂 complicated.
也许如果我们同时许愿 Maybe, if we make a wish at the same time
我们能互换身体 we could switch places.
-你觉得可以吗 -值得一试 - You think? - It's worth a try.
好 Okay.
我们要怎么做 What do we need to do?
我们闭上眼睛一起说 We close our eyes and at the exact same time say,
"我希望可以交换身体" "I wish I could switch places."
准备 Ready?
一 二 三 One... two... three.
-我希望可以交换身体 -我希望可以交换身体 - I wish I could switch places. -I wish I could switch places.
怎么样 Well?
我还是我 你呢 I'm still here. You?
-一样 -太遗憾了 - Same. - That's too bad.
我很想开车回家呢 I really wanted to drive home.
-我能开吗 -好 - Can I anyway? - Sure.
-真的吗 -不行 - Really? - No.
求你了 我们能留下她吗 Please, can we keep her?
不 我们不能留下她 No, we cannot keep her.
因为谢尔顿我们不能养狗 We don't have a dog 'cause of Sheldon,
我为什么不能留下维罗妮卡 why can't I have Veronica?
我才不要跟你聊这件事 I'm not participating in this conversation.
我们可以把谢尔顿给维罗妮卡的妈妈 We could give Sheldon to Veronica's mom.
交换一下 Like a trade.
我去开门 库珀太太 I'll get it, Mrs. Cooper.
看她多能帮上忙 拜托 Look how helpful she is. Come on!
走开 Out.
你想做什么 What do you want?
收拾东西 你妈要你回家 Grab your stuff, your mama wants you home.
她要我回家时 Yeah, well, when she wants me to come home,
她可以打电话 she can call me.
靠 维罗妮卡 Damn it, Veronica.
我可没这心情陪你闹 I'm in no mood.
出什么事了 What's going on?
我来接她回家 I'm taking her home.
她不会跟你走的 She's not going anywhere with you.
-你说什么 -克林特 住手 - What'd you say? - Clint, stop.
你能放开我的孩子吗 You mind putting down my kid?
我们只是闹着玩 We were just playing around.
这是我妈妈的男友 克林特 This is my mom's boyfriend, Clint.
你好 克林特 有什么能效劳 Hello, Clint. What can we do for you?
我来接维罗妮卡 I'm here to pick up Veronica.
快点 Come on.
你想和这个男人走吗 You want to go with this man?
不想 先生 No, sir.
你听到了 You heard her.
谢谢你来 Thanks for stopping by.
你真的想和我作对 You really want to mess with me?
当然 Sure.
有何不可 Why not?
外面出什么事了 What's going on out there?
-你最好报警 -为什么 - You might want to call the police. - Why?
有个流浪汉在我们家门廊上睡着了 There's a bum sleeping on our front porch.
这是什么 What's this?
康妮·塔克骄傲地宣布 Connie Tucker is proud to annouce
她爱上了约翰·斯特吉斯博士 that she is sweet on Dr john strugis
他们正式在谈恋爱 and they are officially a romantic couple.
天啊 Oh boy.
我重返情场了 I'm back in business.