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哦 见鬼... Oh, bollocks.
我们遇到一点问题 We've got a problem.
- 一场网络攻击？ - 是的 首相大人 - A cyber attack? - Yes, prime minister.
唉 我喝了两瓶红酒 吃了半包安眠药好不容易才睡着... Ahh... Took me two bottles of wine and half a packet of sleeping pills to finally nod off.
然后你把我吵醒 就因为某个胖手指的黑客偷了你的密码？ And you wake me because some fat-fingered hacker's pinched your pin number?
实际上问题要比您说的更严重一些 首相大人 Well, it's a little more serious than that, prime minister.
- 嗯？ - 我们所有在职特工的身份都暴露了 - Hmm? - The identities of every one of our serving agents have been exposed.
什么？ What?
- 谁在发动这场攻击？- 我们还不确定 夫人 - Who's doing this? - We're not sure, ma'am.
所以在我主办自己的第一场 G12峰会的一周前 So one week before I host my first G12 summit,
整个英国的安全设施都瘫痪了？ britain's entire security apparatus has been taken down
而且你对此毫无头绪？ and you know absolutely nothing?
那确实非常好地说明了说明了当前的情况 是的 夫人 That does pretty much sums up the situation, ma'am, yes.
好吧 那你最好赶紧找些能弄清真相的人！ Well, you better get someone on it and find me some answers!
是的 不过那正是问题所在 我们没有可以调查的特工了 Yes, but that's the problem. We don't have any agents left.
他们都已经曝光了 They've all been outed.
所以找个老特工回来！ So bring back an old one!
所有小队听着 这里是朱丽叶 原地等待目标出现 All units, this is Juliet echo. Stand by for target coordinates.
锁定目标 重复 目标已锁定 Target acquired. Repeat, target acquired.
好嘞 看看我们抓到了谁？ Now then, what have we here?
抱歉 先生 Sorry, sir.
别在意 巴格利 Never mind, baggaley.
你的隐蔽和伪装能力毫无疑问有了进步 Your concealment and camouflage work is definitely improving.
谢谢您 先生 Thank you, sir.
快来啊 Come on.
你也是 伊巴杜拉 You, too, ibadulla.
出色极了 那是一流的大号陷阱洞 Excellent. That is a first-class man-trap.
奖励 6点学院分！ Six house points. Yes!
好的 让我们赶紧回学校吧 以免看守发现你们不在 Right, let's get back to school before matron notices you're missing.
还有别担心 这里已经没别的陷阱了 And don't worry, there aren't any more booby traps.
当然这个是有点大 Apart from this one, of course.
英格力士老师？ Mr. English?
我们没见到他 先生 We haven't seen him, sir.
好吧 Huh.
而这... 就是伪装 And that's camouflage.
然后...出发！ And go!
接着是你 And go.
走你 And go.
您们孩子的安全是我们最重视的问题 The welfare of your children is our Paramount concern.
他们从不用直面任何不必要的风险 They're never exposed to any unnecessary risk,
我可以向您们保证 I assure you.
我觉得该给你的炸弹处理课给个F 哈特斯利 I think that's an "f" for your bomb disposal coursework, hattersley.
你今晚看上去特别地美丽动人 "You're looking particularly beautiful tonight."
你今晚看上去特别地美丽动人 You're looking particularly beautiful tonight.
叮！~ "Ching!"
叮！~ Ching!
祝您半学期愉快 先生 - 多谢 - Have a good half-term, sir! - Thank you.
致 乔尼·英格力士
憨豆特工3
憨豆特工3 再度出击！
你不会是真的在告诉我 我们就只有他了吧？ Are you seriously telling me this is all we've got?
他们中大多数人要么已经去世 Most of them are either dead,
要么正处于前列腺手术后恢复期 having hip operations or recovering from prostate surgery.
好吧 Okay.
在您们听取任务简报之前 我们需要你重新签署这份官方保密协议 Before your briefing, we'll need you to re-sign the official secrets act.
谢谢 Thank you.
多谢 Thank you.
谢啦 Thank you.
非常感谢 Thank you very much.
你们中任何绅士还记得这个吗？ Any of you gentlemen remember this?
哦 万宝龙爆破笔 好些年没见过了... Ooh, the Montblanc blaster. Haven't seen one of those for years.
拿掉笔帽 如果没记错的话 在20秒内将笔帽重新盖上 Take the cap off and, if memory serves, you've 20 seconds to replace it
或是把它当做击晕手榴弹引爆 or it detonates with the force of a stun grenade.
谢了 Thank you.
茶在左边 先生们 Teas on the left, gentlemen.
咖啡在右边 And coffees on the right.
棒极了 Excellent.
哦 可恶 我忘付账了 Oh, damn it, I forgot my pills.
还是喝咖啡吧... Coffee. Oh.
来 请让我为你端 Here, let me help you with that.
茶吗？ Tea?
哦 这杯似乎需要加上一点热水 Ooh, this one just needs a little top-up of hot water.
失陪了 我马上回来 I'll be right back.
哦... Ohl
啊 早上好 抱歉让你等了这么久 ah, good morning. Sorry to keep you.
其他人到了吗？ Are the others here?
呃... Um...
哦 Oh.
他们... 他们犯困了... They, um... they nodded off.
好吧 Right...
所以说你到底是谁？ And who are you exactly?
英格力士 English.
- 乔尼·英格力士 - 好吧 - Johnny English. - Well...
英格力士 "English..."
你将马上动身出发 You'll leave immediately.
我的人会在路上 给你完整介绍这次任务的内容 My people will give you the full briefing en route.
对了 你有什么需要的吗？ Oh, is there anything you need?
是的 我需要鼻腔型神经喷雾毒剂 和一套四号外骨骼装甲... Yes, nerve gas nasal spray, a type-four exoskeleton...
你还是写一份清单比较好 You should probably start a list.
还有一枚绞杀手表 橡皮表带 不要钢表带的款式 And a garroting watch, with a rubber strap, not the steel bracelet
因为钢表链会卡住我手腕上的汗毛 because the links get caught in the little hairs on my wrist.
哦 我还需要一位鲍夫 Oh, and I'll also need a bough.
Bough也有树枝的意思
什么树枝？ What's a bough?
长官！ Sir!
见到你真是太棒啦！ Wonderful to see you!
好啦好啦 鲍夫 咱们要去执行一个任务 不是去度蜜月 Yes, all right, bough. We're going on a mission, not a honeymoon.
哦 当然是的 长官 Yes, of course, sir.
我想应该是你皮带上的扣针卡住了我的衬衫 长官？ I think it's the pin of your buckle, sir. It's caught on my jumper.
安啦 我看得出哪里出了问题 鲍夫 Yes, I can see what's wrong, bough.
如果你往左边动 我往右边 If you go to your left and I'll go to my right.
抱歉 不对 如果你走你的右边 我走我的左边 I'm sorry, no, if you go to your right and I'll go to my left.
也不对 如果我顺时针转身 你逆时针转 No. If I go clockwise and you go anti-clockwise...
呃 不 我觉得这好像更弄不开了 长官 Er, no, I think that's making it worse, sir.
唔... 我真意外这竟然不管用... Hmm. I'm surprised that didn't work.
早安 先生 我准备好了您的特工通信装备 Good morning, sir. I have your agent activation pack here.
内部生产的专用智能手机 Department-issue smartphone.
580万像素 4.7寸高清屏 580-megapixel camera, 4.7-inch retina hd display.
哼哼 挺巧妙 所以说它能发射出什么？毒飞镖？ Hmm-hmm. Ingenious. And what does it shoot? Poison darts?
它...不能发射任何东西 就是部手机 It doesn't shoot anything. It's a phone.
上面有 Twitter 和 Instagram There's a Twitter handle, instagram feed
Uber 优步 海外的滴滴打车 始创于美国硅谷
以及支持安全登录的 部门专用 Uber账户 and secure login for the department uber account.
他在搞什么 鲍夫？ What's he on about, bough?
我需要一件武器 不是一连串的不实用的官腔废话 I need a weapon. Not a box of gobbledygook.
我想... 呃，英格力士特工想尝试说的重点是... I think, uh, what agent English is getting at
长官 所有这些程序都是高度可追踪的信息源 Sir, is all this is highly trackable.
因为我们面对的是一个非常复杂的数字目标... But since we're dealing with a very sophisticated, digital target,
所以我们可能需要采取更低调、低科技的方法来避免被注意到 We might be less visible if we took a more analog, low-tech approach.
正是如此 Exactly.
我明白了 I see.
啊 那有什么我可以帮你提供的吗？ Ahh, Is there anything else I can get you?
一把枪 A gun.
我们...已经不再生产枪支了 We don't really do guns anymore.
只是 给他把枪 Just get him a gun.
好吧 枪枪 Right, a gun.
好吧 实际上第一次拿出这个 Right. Haven't actually done one of these before.
“根据健康和安全指示第14条 我有义务告知您—— "It is my obligation under section 14 of the health and safety directive to inform you
你将使用的设备可能会造成创伤和肢体伤害...” "that the equipment with which you are about to be issued can cause injury and bodily harm.
“更多需要注意的是 任何对坚果过敏的特工都应该知道追踪嫁枣油的痕迹...” "Furthermore, any agents with nut allergies should be aware that traces of cashew oil..."
谢谢你 Thank you.
好吧 交通工具 Right, transport.
所以 选辆你想开的吧 So, take any hybrid you want.
就是她啦 I'll take this one.
哦 别开玩笑了 英格力士 这辆是古董纪念品 Oh, don't be ridiculous, English. This car is a relic.
喝汽油 漏燃油 连被动安全装置都没... Drinks petrol, leaks oil and has no passive,
更别提主动安全了 let alone active safety features.
你知道这辆车还缺少什么吗 长官？ Do you know what else it doesn't have, sir?
它也没搭载卫星导航和电脑芯片 Satellite navigation or a single computer chip.
这让它在数字敌人面前完全隐形 Making it completely invisible to a digital enemy.
英格力士特工要求的装备拿来了 长官 The equipment agent English requested, sir.
谢啦 Thank you.
- 手机 鲍夫？ - 好的 - Phone, bough? - Yeah.
那高科技恶棍永远看不到我们接近他... That hi-tech villain of yours will never see us coming.
让我们来看看都有什么 Let's see what they've given us.
外骨骼装备 爆炸棉签 充气式旧鞋盒 Exoskeleton, exploding cotton buds, the old shoebox inflatable.
嗯哼 Hmm.
- 哦 这是什么？ - 瞬间释放超高能量的药片 - Ooh, what are these? - Instant release super high energy pills.
未成年观众 注意这是电影 别做傻事
就像把手指插到电源插座里 高度推荐 Like sticking your fingers in an electric socket. Highly recommended.
好吧 所以这红色的一定是令人昏睡的强力安眠药 Right, so, the red ones must be the total knockout sleeping pills.
对啦 Correct.
唔... 可能还是贴上标签比较好 Hmm. Probably worth labeling these.
哦 Oh.
看啊 长官 还有小糖果 Look, sir. Sweeties.
哦呜~ Ooh.
让我尝尝 Hang on a minute.
我一直很喜爱这些果冻软糖 I always did love a jelly baby.
我可不喜欢 鲍夫 果冻是凝胶炸药的缩写 I wouldn't if I was you, bough. "Jelly" is short for gelignite.
一小口就会轰掉你的头 One bite and it'll take the top of your head off
连同这辆车的车顶一起 along with the roof of the car.
所以这些是用来做什么的？ So, what does this do?
只是卷磁带 鲍夫 It's a mixtape, bough.
- 所以 目的地是？ - 法国南部 长官 - So, destination? - South of France, sir.
那次网络攻击似乎是从一家旅馆的Wi-Fi信号发出 That cyber attack seems to have been launched from the Wi-Fi signal of a hotel in antibes.
Initial D！
长官 我刚从总部收到一份传真 Sir? Sir, I've just had a fax through from hq.
调查旅馆里所有使用Wi-Fi 的旅客背景身份 Background checks on all the guests that accessed the Wi-Fi network.
你瞧 谁需要用电子邮件？ You see? Who needs email?
呃... Um...
有个名字被重点标记了 长官 One name has raised a red flag, sir.
塞巴斯蒂安·林奇 前陆军军事情报人员 Sebastian lynch, ex-army and military intelligence.
现在他服务于出价最高的买家 Now selling his services to the highest bidder.
- 我们到哪儿才能找到他？ - 就在你正前方 长官 - Where do we find him? - Directly ahead, sir.
他预定过 科特迪罗餐厅八点的座位 He's got an 8:00 reservation at the cote de roc restaurant.
问题在于如何接近 进行全面监测 长官 The problem's going to be getting close enough for a full surveillance, sir.
不一定非要如此 Not necessarily.
计划简单 一共两步 你分散注意力 我去拿手机 Simple plan, two parts. You provide the distraction, I'll get the phone.
- 好的 长官 - 以及从现在开始 - Yes, sir. - And from now on,
或许我们该装作法国服务员的口音 perhaps we should sound like French waiters.
法果腔？ French waiters?
似的 Yees.
上吧 Go on.
你现在忙完了吗？ Are you finished now?
面包圈？ Bread roll?
好的 多谢 Yes, thank you.
出色的选择 女士 Excellent choice, madame.
晚上嚎 Good evening.
泥们孩好吧？ How are you?
要面包圈吗 先生？ Bread roll, sir?
好的 谢谢 Yes. Thank you.
再等一下 One second.
不好意思 能否麻烦？ Excuse me, would you mind?
哦 好滴 晚上嚎 Oh, yes. Evening.
月色真美 Evening.
蟹蟹 Thank you.
我手机呢？ Where's my phone?
在那儿呢 That is your phone.
哦呜 Ooh.
谢谢 Thank you.
这位先生！ Monsieur.
那个... 能请你帮我去掉我妻子的龙虾壳吗？ The, uh, shell on my wife's lobster, could you remove it, please?
好滴 Yees.
呃... 恩姆... Uh... um...
哼嗯... Hmm.
让我帮泥砸开吧 Let me crack it for you.
这是当年憨豆在法国餐厅 被吃掉那只龙虾的复仇吗www
噢！哦！ Ow! Oh!
噢呜！ Owl
你好？ hello?
塞巴斯蒂安 别掺和 Sebastian, don't get involved.
哈 Ah.
哒哒~ Voila.
嗯... 祝您好胃口 Hmm. Bon appétit.
简直完美 鲍夫~ Textbook, bough.
只是些假期照片 长官 Just holiday snaps, sir.
等一下 这照片 Wait a minute, this photo.
是敌人接入Wi-Fi 攻击我们的那天 还有看 It was taken the same day our villain accessed the Wi-Fi, and look.
无论谁在那艘游艇上 Whoever was on that yacht
都可以轻松地使用旅馆Wi-Fi 发出那个信号 然后乘船离开 could easily have used the hotel's Wi-Fi, sent that signal and then just sailed away.
我想现在是我们付费参观 Dot CALM号的时候了 I think it's time we paid the Dot CALM a visit.
运算法则 Algorithms.
我们的身边无处不在 We are surrounded by them.
运算法则推动着我们的生活 Algorithms run our lives,
选择电视节目 播放喜爱音乐 甚至帮我们找到一个约会 choose our TV shows, stream our music. Even find us a date.
我好像认识这家伙 不是吗？ I know this chap, don't I?
没错 他就是那个和卡戴珊约会的硅谷亿万富翁 Yes, he's that silicon valley billionaire who dated a Kardashian.
两位卡戴珊姐妹 还有黑眼豆豆女主唱 闭嘴好好看 Two Kardashians and a black-eyed pea. Keep watching.
但让我们假设有个针对于整个国家的运算程序 But supposing there was an algorithm for an entire country.
一个应用于每个人自身问题的运算程序 A single algorithm that could be applied to every one of its problems.
一个运算程序可以让平庸国家变得—— A single algorithm that could take a second-rate nation and make it
世界一流 world class.
每个国家都数据泛滥 Every nation is awash with data.
所以现在 我们比任何时候都需要将这些数据用于为人们服务 So now, more than ever, we need to put that data to work for the people.
这几行代码就能带来那种改变 These few lines of code will deliver the kind of change
他们长久以来 一生所梦想的 they have been dreaming of their entire lives.
我是 Xander 我热爱数据 I am Xander. I love data.
他真他喵聪明 He's so clever.
他年轻 性感 他取得了非同凡响的成功！ He's young, he's sexy, he's insanely successful!
乔布斯：Excuse 喵？
这正是人们与我交流合作所需要的品质！ Just the qualities we need people to associate with me!
好吧 首相大人 Yes, prime minister.
人们会变成那样 等他过来和我们一同工作时 And they will do when he starts working with us.
但为什么硅谷的亿万富翁会和我们一起工作？ But why would a silicon valley billionaire work with us?
你只管把他安排进10号的日程 让我来搞定他 Just get him into number 10 and let me work on him.
- 好的 夫人 - 快去快去 - Yes, ma'am. - Go on.
哦 老天 又怎么了？ Oh, god, now what?
又发生了另一次袭击 首相大人 There's been another attack, prime minister.
- 又来！ - 空中交通管制 - Oh! - Air traffic control.
有人把前往欧洲的每场航班都改到卢顿了 Someone's rerouted every flight in Europe to luton.
看在上帝份儿上 告诉我你派到这个领域的特工取得了一些进展！ For god's sake, tell me the agent you've got in the field is making some progress!
所以 我们怎么才能找到那艘游艇？长官 So, how are we gonna find the location of that yacht, sir?
很简单 鲍夫 我们给MI7打电话就行了 Very easily, bough. We ring MI7.
你好 你好？是的 我需要一艘船的位置 它叫—— Hello, hello? Yes, I need the location of a boat called...
你好？你好 是的 一艘叫 Dot CALM的船 Hello? Hello, yes. A boat called the Dot CALM.
对 是个双关语没错 Yes, it's a play on words. Yeah.
哪里？ Where?
看上去就在半公里外 长官 Looks about half a mile out, sir.
所以我们是游泳去还是... Do we wanna try and swim it or...
不用 鲍夫 这里该充气鞋盒出场啦 No, bough. This is a job for the shoebox inflatable.
不 别在车里打开它！长官！ No, don't open it in the car, sir!
你那边能摸到门把手吗？ Can you reach your door handle?
不能 长官 No, sir.
我试试我这边 I'll try my side.
好的 鲍夫 我们的目标是在不被察觉的情况下登船 Right, bough, our aim is to get on board without anyone noticing.
所以具体怎么做？ And how are we gonna do it?
- 磁力鞋出场 - 机智 长官 - Magnetic boots. - Brilliant, sir.
用法简单 Simple mechanism.
左开关激活左边鞋子 右开关激活右边的 Left switch activates left boot. Right switch activates right.
好的 行动吧 Okay, let's go.
记住 这次任务中最重要因素的是出其不意 Remember, the absolutely vital element of this mission is surprise.
除非你起得特别早 才可能胜过英国情报人员 Now, you have to get up pretty early in the morning to outwit British intelligence.
行动！ Quick!
晚上好 先生们 Good evening, gentlemen.
让我们先从自我介绍开始吧？ Shall we start with your names?
显然你并不清楚自己在和谁打交道 Clearly you have no idea who you're dealing with.
所以我才在问你的名字 That's why I'm starting with your names.
实际上 你能到下面来吗？ Actually, would you mind coming down here?
这样真的很难交流 It's really hard to have a conversation like this.
我有个更好的想法 I have a better idea.
情况不妙 这门坚若磐石 长官 It's no good, it won't move, sir.
那让我们来测试下 We'll see about that.
低强度爆炸棉棒 Low-intensity exploding cotton bud.
会不会有点过于火爆了？这里空间狭小 长官 That's quite a powerful charge for such a small space, sir.
哦 想太多 Oh, nonsense.
这声音就像爆米花一样轻微 There will just be a slight pop.
我们要不要去找货舱 然后搜寻那个信号来源？ Shall we locate the hold and look for the source of that signal?
我觉得我们应该去找货舱！然后搜寻那个信号来源！ I think we should locate the hold and look for the source of that signal!
走起！ Come on!
我猜咱们找到恶棍了 鲍夫！ I'd say we have our villain, bough!
你需要小点声 长官！ You need to keep your voice down, sir.
还有我们绝不会让他溜走 And we're not going to lose him.
把果露泉给我 Hand me the sherbet fountain.
吸三下位置发送器就会激活 Three sucks and the location transmitter is activated.
“杜松子酒店”将从3万英尺的高空中 以充满敌意的姿态出现 This gin palace will show up as a hostile from 30,000 feet.
哇哦 Hmm.
这就成了敌人的靶子 This is now an enemy target.
麦丽素何在？ Aniseed balls.
如果你想杀我 那么你已经动手了 If you'd wanted to kill me, you would have already done so.
后会有期 Till we meet again.
噢 Owl
好吧 比我预期的还快 Well, that was sooner than I expected.
噢 噢 噢... Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow.
你觉得她是谁 长官？ Who do you think she is, sir?
这个嘛 如果她不是那艘船的主人 Well, if she's not the owner of that yacht,
那她一定知道那船是谁的 then she knows who is.
不论哪种 她是这次事件的关键 Either way, she's the key to this case.
在这次事件发生之前 你在教书吗 长官？ Is it true you were teaching, sir? Before all this blew up?
如果“教书”你指的是... If by "teaching" you mean
我寻找有潜力的谍报人才 那么是的 我在“教书” scouting for potential intelligence operatives then yes, I was.
这样 Hmm.
实际上 我已经结婚了 长官 不知你听说了没 I actually got married, sir. I don't know if you heard.
没 No.
好吧 Hmm.
她叫 丽迪雅 Yeah, Lydia.
可爱的女孩 Lovely girl.
你从没想过自己结婚的事吗？长官 You never think about getting hitched yourself, sir?
已婚男人没有生活可言 鲍夫 伴随危险、持续不断旅行的生活... This is no life for a married man, bough. The danger, the constant travel.
给您 先生 Here you go, sir.
丽迪雅在我的生活中更重要 长官 More Lydia's life than mine, sir.
她在海军 She's in the Navy, you see.
做什么 是厨师吗？ What, as a cook?
还是某种海航秘书或是什么的？... Or some kind of seagoing secretary or...
哦不 长官 她是核潜艇的长官 Oh, no, sir. She's the captain of a nuclear submarine.
哦 这样啊 Oh, right. Hmm.
你觉得我们该给那辆红色阿斯顿加点油吗？ Do you think we should get some petrol for the Aston, sir?
不用 阿斯顿马丁实际上非常经济 鲍夫 No. An Aston Martin is surprisingly economical, bough.
此外 看来我们有客人到了 Besides, it looks like we're in business.
动身吧 Come on.
看起来像是辆电动的车 Looks like an electric car, sir.
是啊 发动机声音听上去跟鼻毛修剪器一样 Yes, and sounds like a nose hair trimmer.
一堆3A电池不可能是经典款式的英国马力对手！ A bunch of triple-a batteries is no match for old-fashioned British horsepower.
看看她的过弯 看上去很轻松不是吗？长官 Look at her cornering. Seems so effortless, doesn't it, sir?
什么？ The what?
我说导弹 鲍夫 那个搭载有催泪弹头的 The missile, bough, the one with the tear gas warhead.
但他们只是自行车选手 长官 我们等一会儿就过去了 But they're just cyclists, sir. We'll get past in a minute.
他们是法国选手 鲍夫 They're French cyclists, bough,
还有他们妨碍了女王陛下的特工任务 and they're obstructing her majesty's secret service.
雨刷已武装 长官 Wiper stalk is armed, sir.
抱歉 Sorry.
非常抱歉 深感歉意 Terribly sorry. We do apologize.
别说了 鲍夫 你应该鼓励他们 Stop it, bough, you'll only encourage them.
- 我们现在怎么办 长官？ - 耐心点 鲍夫 - What are we gonna do now, sir? - Patience, bough.
开那么快 她的电池随时都会没电 Driving like that, her battery will be dead any moment.
然后她就会尴尬地停下 And she'll roll to a humiliating stop.
鲍夫 保持车里有油是你的工作 Bough, it is your job to keep an eye on the fuel Gauge.
真是令人惊艳的车技 请问阁下是... Very impressive driving, Mr...
戈莱特利 Golightly.
巴兹尔·戈莱特利 Basil golightly.
你也表现得不错 小姐贵姓... And you're rather useful yourself, miss...
布鲁托娃 奥菲利亚·布鲁托娃 Bhuletova. Ophelia bhuletova.
哦 Hmm.
这位是... And this is...
柯林 Colin.
我以为我们在用假名 I thought we were using fake names.
这就是假名 That is a fake name.
哦 好吧 Oh, right.
没错 这位是柯林 Yes, this is Colin,
所以我是... and I'm...
“达兹尔” "Dasil."
达兹尔 Dasil.
巴兹尔 Basil.
好吧 巴兹尔 Well, basil,
也许有个更简单的方法处理这件事 Maybe there is a simpler way of doing this.
喝点酒 或许？ Over a drink perhaps?
那真是 乐意之极 Well, that would be lovely.
我们八点在 滨海卡涅酒吧见好吗？ Shall we say the bar at the hotel de Paris in cagnes-sur-mer? 8:00?
好极 一言为定 Mmm. It's a date.
好吧 Well,
我想我的“耗光燃油”策略很奏效 I think my "running out of fuel" ruse worked pretty well.
可不是嘛 Mmm.
又怎么了？ What?
新人医生 他们在罢工 Er, junior doctors. They've confirmed they are going on strike
地铁司机也跑出来支持 and the tube drivers are coming out in support.
哦 天哪 反对派那些人 他们又死灰复燃了？ Oh, god. Leader of the opposition, has he come round from his heart surgery?
是的 首相大人 Yes, prime minister.
哦 上帝啊 什么时候我才能轻松点！你又是什么事？ Oh, Jesus Christ, when will something go right for me? What do you want?
他们又攻击我们了 首相大人 They've hit us again, prime minister.
- 什么？ - 入侵了中央交通控制系统 - Huh? - Hacked into the central traffic control system.
没错 他们把伦敦的交通信号灯都变成了红色 Yes, they've turned every traffic light in London to red.
我那该死的饮料在哪儿？ Where's my bloody drink?
你是在开玩笑吧？伏特加通宁 不加冰 不加通宁水 You've got to be joking? Vodka tonic, no ice, no tonic.
- 好的 马上来 - 哦 沃尔塔先生已经到了 夫人 - Yes, ma'am. - Oh, and Mr. Volta has arrived, ma'am.
沃尔塔先生 欢迎来到唐宁街 Mr. volta, welcome to downing street.
我读过许多关于这幢美妙建筑的书籍 I have read so much about this wonderful building.
这是威廉·肯特设计的三级楼梯吗？ Is this the stone triple staircase designed by William Kent?
呃 没错 也许是 我并不确定 Um, yes, it probably is. I can't swear to it.
- 我们是否可以拍张... - 图像正在处理 - Can we do a quick... - Needs Photoshop.
哦！那还真是... 呃 这边请 Oh! This way. hmm... this way.
我来的有些晚 非常抱歉 I am horribly late, I do apologize.
交通问题 这是我不喜欢伦敦的地方 It's the traffic, it's the one thing I don't love about London.
是的 没错 我必须承认我们在灯光方面有点小问题 不是很严重 Yes, well, I must admit we are having a slight problem with the lights at the moment. Nothing major.
如果你想 我可以看看能否解决？这有点像我所在的行业领域 If you wanted, I could take a look? It is kind of what I do.
我认为这实际上要比你所在的领域更复杂... I think it's actually a little bit more complex than...
Xander 找个伦敦交通控制中心的网址 Xander, get a web address for London's traffic control center.
这是登录页面 杰森 你持有密码吗？ Here is the login page, Jason. Do you have a password?
呃... Um...
- 我不会透露 如果你也睁一只眼闭一只眼 - 好吧 - I won't tell if you won't. - Right you are.
正在绕过安全检测 安全检测已跳过 Bypassing security. Security bypassed.
哦 技术大佬 Oh, that's terrific.
- 有人正在攻击你们 - 哦 我不那么认为 - Someone is hacking you. - Oh, I don't think so.
DoS攻击 没错 原始但绝对有效 Denied service attack. Yeah, primitive but effective.
你知道其实我们可以尝试 重新分配服务请求到我们在内华达州的服务器农场 You know what we could try, rerouting all service requests to our server farm in Nevada.
- 呃 - 我.. - Um... - I.
重新分配 杰森 Rerouting, Jason.
重分配 完成 Rerouting complete.
给力！ Crikey.
所以 你想和我谈的是什么？ So, what was it you wanted to talk to me about?
你 杰森 You, Jason.
出去 Get out.
我想谈谈你 I want to talk about you.
出色极了 鲍夫 马上就到 Excellent, bough. Nearly there.
就差一点 Nearly there.
这真是家不错的酒店 鲍夫 This is actually a really nice hotel, bough.
我要朝右转了 I'm turning to the right.
我们一个人拖住布鲁托娃小姐 另一个人搜索她的房间好吗 长官？ Shall one of us keep miss bhuletova busy while the other searches her room, sir?
好主意 如果你发现了什么警告我 Good idea, bough. Alert me if you find anything.
戈莱特利先生 Mr. golightly.
哦... Oh...
就是我 Indeed.
我还以为你大概不会来 I thought perhaps you weren't coming.
恰恰相反 野马也拦不住我 On the contrary, wild horses couldn't keep me away.
女士 先生 Madame? Monsieur?
晚上好 你想来杯什么？ Evening. What would you like?
我今晚有点思乡 就来杯莫斯科旅子吧 I'm feeling a little homesick tonight. I'll have a Moscow mule.
那我就来杯伦敦... And I'll have a London...
旅鼠吧 多谢 Lemming, please.
我不确定 你点的是？ I'm not sure, what...
就是 呃... 杜松子、伏特加、达马尼亚克、雪莉... It's, uh, gin, vodka, darmagnac, sherry,
我就静静地看你装... O x O
加上一点帕尔马干酪... with just a little bit of parmesan.
所以 什么让你来到了法国南部？ So, what brings you to the south of France, miss...
比利...波利... Bhilli... bholly...
布鲁托娃 Bhuletova.
我只是拜访一个朋友 I'm just visiting a friend of mine.
哦~ Hmm.
这位朋友是 Dot CALM号游艇的主人吗？ And would this friend be the owner of the Dot CALM?
哼 Hmm.
没错 他是的 Yes, he would.
那么你呢？ And what about you,
巴兹尔 basil?
哦 我只是因为生意上的事到这儿 Oh, I'm just here on business.
不过 它很快就变成了一种乐趣 Although, it's rapidly turning into pleasure.
哦！我喜爱这些小零食 Ooh! I love these.
它们真的很辣 They're really hot.
你还好吗？ Are you all right?
嗯呐 还行 Yes, fine.
哼 Hmm.
干杯 Cheers.
我不确定我以前有没有遇到过像你这样的男人 巴兹尔 I'm not sure I've ever met a man quite like you, basil.
让我明确告诉你吧 Let me clear up the uncertainty for you.
你从未 You haven't.
抱歉 巴兹尔 我明天还要早起 I'm sorry, basil. I have to get up really early tomorrow morning.
哦 那可真可惜 Oh, that's a shame.
情况如何 长官？ How did you get on, sir?
哦 天啊 多么美妙的一位女性 美妙极了 Oh, gosh, what a wonderful woman, bough. Wonderful.
好好 Right.
迷人 知性美 Charming. Intelligent.
可爱的幽默感 很明显是完全无辜的 Lovely sense of humor. And obviously entirely innocent.
尽管如此 我闯入她的房间发现了三本护照 长官 Although, I broke into her room and she does have three passports, sir.
罗马尼亚人 保加利亚人 俄国人 每本上面都是不同名字 Romanian, Bulgarian, Russian. Different name in each.
所以她嫁过三次不同的人 So she's been married to three different people.
在她这个年纪可不常见 鲍夫 Not unusual in this day and age, bough.
除此之外 我还发现了一些绞线和两盒炸药 And I also found some garroting wire and two boxes of ammunition.
好吧 一个女人 单身旅行 不能不没点防备 Well, single woman, traveling alone, you can't be too careful.
你不觉得她可能是个特工 长官？ You don't think she might be a spy, sir?
特工？ A spy?
我想我知道特工长什么样 鲍夫 I think I know what a spy looks like, bough.
唉 Oh.
长官？ Sir?
长官！ Sir!
我刚和伦敦打过电话 I just got off the phone to pin London.
那艘船主人的身份查明了 He's found out who the owner of that yacht is.
杰森·沃尔塔！ Jason volta!
这世界上最有权势的互联网亿万富翁 长官 The world's most powerful Internet billionaire, sir!
并且他现在就在伦敦 And he's in London, right now.
首相正在亲自和他谈判一项贸易协议 The prime minister is personally negotiating a trade deal with him.
好吧 那我们该出发了 Well, what are we waiting for?
你不觉得我们可以稍微慢一点吗 长官？ Do you think we might slow down a little, sir?
什么？ What?
没什么！ Never mind!
随着又一次网络攻击 首相面临的压力也越来越大
- 英格兰的每辆火车？ - 是的 长官 - Every train in england? - Yes, sir.
它们都想停在 布里斯托尔寺院草原站 They're all trying to terminate at Bristol temple meads.
早安 长官！ Morning, sir!
- 你看这个了吗 英格力士？ - 看了 - You see this, English? - Yes!
请坐 Please.
哦！ Ooh!
告诉我你们都发现了什么？我好告知首相大人 Tell me you've got something I can take to the prime minister.
对这一切该负责的人的名字吗？长官 Would the name of the man responsible do, sir?
出色至极 英格力士 说吧 Excellent, English, yes.
他是 杰森... It's Jason...
沃尔塔 长官 是杰森·沃尔塔 Volta, sir. Jason volta.
什么？ What?
你在问罪穿着闪亮铠甲的午夜骑士？ You're accusing the pm's knight in shining armor?
我需要强有力的证据！ I'd need hard evidence!
那会是... Which...
所以英格力士特工建议 对沃尔塔在萨里郡的乡村别墅进行渗透 Is why agent English is proposing a penetration of volta's country estate in surrey.
对 对 对... Yes, yes, yes, yes...
好吧 做你需要做的 英格力士 Well, do what you have to do, English.
但看在上帝份上！一定要谨慎行动 But for god's sake! be discreet about it.
哦... Oh! Oh.
醒了 Good.
明白 Oh. Oh.
虚拟现实？ "Virtual reality"?
是的 先生 That's right, sir.
P 建立了沃尔塔别墅内部的计算机模型 P's built a computer model of the inside of volta's mansion.
当您戴上这个头部设备 会让您视听感官上像是到了别墅里面一样 When you put on this headset, it will look and feel as if you are inside the house.
您可以开关门 上下楼梯 You'll be able to open and close doors, walk up and down staircases,
完整地去熟悉适应它的建筑布局 completely familiarize yourself with its layout.
这块板可以向任何方向移动 所以你可以走动... This floor moves in any direction. So you can walk...
在虚拟世界里走多远都不用离开这个房间 You can walk as far as you want in the virtual world without ever actually leaving this room.
唯一要注意的是 长官 One thing though, sir.
这种体验可能会让你迷失方向 The experience can be very disorientating.
这是完全的沉浸式体验 It's completely immersive
有些人会完全忘记 自己实际身处的环境 and some people lose all track of their actual surroundings.
我想我们可以非常确定这种情况不会发生 I think we can pretty much guarantee that's not gonna happen.
我需要您在 健康和安全声明上签字确认 I'll just need you to sign the health and safety releases.
请允许我去找一台 iPad Would you excuse me while I find an iPad.
哦 陪他去吧 鲍夫 如果我们不催着点他 一整天都会耗在这儿 Oh, go with him, bough. If we don't chivvy him along we'll be here all day.
哼.. Hmm.
啊~ Ah.
看着点路！ Watch out!
目标
搞什么！？
正在关门
下楼中...
你好 今天怎么样？
嘿！ Hey!
抱歉 先生 但我想恐怕您得离开了 I'm sorry, sir, but you're going to have to leave.
噢！ Ow!
三小！？ What the...
噢！ Ow!!
所以我们马上就要抵达海军部大楼了 So, we'll shortly be arriving at admiralty house.
以及 那实际上曾是 奥利弗·克伦威尔自己的房子 And, er, that actually used to be Oliver cromwell's own house. Um...
呃... Uh...
然后我们将去参加皇家骑兵卫队的游行 And then we'll be going to horse guards parade.
也许你想坐下 这位先生？ Perhaps you'd like to sit down, sir?
尽管如此 我相信我们这次任务的特工正在取得重大进展 However, the agent we have on this mission is confident he's making major progress.
以及 呃 是的 我们找到了一个潜在嫌疑犯 已经被确认 And, uh, yes, we have a potential suspect, he's been identified.
进一步的调查正在秘密进行之中... And further covert investigations are now ongoing.
没错 都冷静点 Yes, quite.
所以我期待这方面有更多消息能宣布 So I expect to have more to announce on this front
在短期内... shortly.
长官？ Sir?
嗯？ Mmm?
- 一切都还正常吧 长官 - 是的 我已经完成了 鲍夫 - Is everything all right, sir? - Yes, I've done it, bough.
小孩子过家家 不知有什么可大惊小怪的 Child's play. Don't know what all the fuss was about.
很高兴再次会面 首相大人 Pleasure to see you again, prime minister.
这是全息影像的会话 很常见 您只是普通点交流就好 It's a hologram. Apparently you just speak to it normally.
这是我的荣幸 The pleasure's all mine.
不想催促你 但有什么是你特别需要的吗？ Hate to rush you, but was there something in particular you needed?
实际上 我只是来电想问下你是否有认真考虑下 Actually, I was just calling really to see if you had had a chance to think things over.
我有 I have.
但问题是 菲奥娜 我实际上并不关心人们的安全问题 But the thing is, Fiona, I just don't really do other people's security.
不是我不在乎 而是你的基础设施很陈旧 Not that I don't want to. But your infrastructure is old.
此外 唯一能保持你安全的方法就是将你的数据储蓄在我个人的服务器上 Plus the only way I could keep you secure in the meantime would be by storing all your data on my own servers.
- 很显然那是... - 可以 杰森！ - Obviously, that would be... - Yes. Jason,
我真正想做的是在G12峰会上宣布这次合作 What I really want to do is announce this tie-up at the G12 meeting.
我们达成共识了吗？ Do we have a deal?
祝你好运 长官 Good luck, sir.
嘿 Hey.
怎么了 老板？ Sir?
我说过在那里准备好直升机 I said to get the chopper ready. Right there.
老板 马上去办 Sir. Right away, sir.
“多谢”你 Thank you.
- 泰勒 在吗 - 在 - Tyler, come in. - Copy.
泰勒 你能现在准备一台直升机吗？ Tyler, can you prepare the chopper now?
我们总是这样不期而遇 戈莱特利先生 We can't keep meeting like this, Mr. golightly.
好吧 的确 Oh, yes.
还是你打算不再说谎 告诉我你的真实姓名？ Or do you want to end this charade and tell me your real name?
走 Go.
你对自己所涉入的这个世界 有太多不知道的事了 There's so much you don't understand about this world you've got caught up in.
别再瞎扯了 你是英国特勤局的人 Spare me the idiot act. You're British secret service.
顺便一提 你在法国的表现令人印象深刻 什么时候发现我是特工的？ Impressive work in France, by the way. When did you realize I was a spy, too?
哦 差不多一见面就看穿了 Oh, pretty much straight away.
这样... Hmm.
我花了两年时间卧底 本来任务简单 直到你出现 I've spent two years undercover. Simple operation until you showed up.
不过我喜欢将事情简单化 And I like to keep things simple.
简单是我的中间名 "Simple" is my middle name.
看来你需要做个选择了 It would seem you've got a choice to make.
- 暂停立场上的敌对关系？ - 成为短期搭档？ - Temporary suspension of hostilities? - A short-term partnership?
同意 - Agreed. - Hmm.
政治家比风投资本家更容易上当 Politicians are even more gullible than venture capitalists.
说的没错 That is correct.
给我一份目标名单的拷贝 Get me a copy of the target list.
保险起见 我们再对他们发起一次攻击 We'll hit them once more just to be on the safe side.
- 把你的手机借我 - 你没有手机？ - Give me your phone. - You don't have a phone?
一台手机可以告诉任何人你的精准位置 A phone will give anyone your precise location.
但它们对联系他人很有用 And yet they're so useful for making phone calls.
出色的见解 不过我并不打算打电话给任何人 Excellent. I'm not phoning anyone.
我要用它收集证据 I'm gathering evidence.
这是目标列表 杰森 四个标志性的伦敦坐标 The target list, Jason. Four iconic central London landmarks.
- 请选择一个 - 三号 - Make your selection. - Number three.
伦敦眼 摩天轮 The London eye.
这次网络攻击潜在可能影响到1万6千名游客 This cyber attack could potentially impact 16,000 visitors.
我发现他在楼梯那边偷窥 I found him snooping around upstairs.
所以你是谁？ And who are you exactly?
我不会告诉你任何信息 I'm not telling you anything.
好吧 Hmm.
脸部识别软件已启动 Face recognition software launched.
乔尼·英格力士是林肯郡的一名地理老师 Johnny English is a geography teacher from lincolnshire.
更愿意全副武装地来上一堂欧洲资本课 英格力士先生 Rather heavily armed for a lesson on European capitals, Mr. English.
有什么想法吗 亲爱的？ Any thoughts, sweetheart?
他是英国特工 He's British intelligence.
我们想法一样 他所在的机构真是虚有其名 And there you have I, two words that have no right being in the same sentence together.
你真的认为我是孤身一人来这里的？ Do you really think I came here alone?
我有一整只突击队在外面守候 时刻准备突击进这里 I have a team of crack operatives out there, right now, just waiting to strike.
好吧 Uh-huh.
长官！ Sir!
这国家到底发生什么了！？ What has happened to this country?
这在一个世纪前是绝对不可能的 How is it possible that less than a century ago
那时的大英帝国统治着四分之一世界 现在却依靠着某一个人 the British empire ruled a quarter of the globe and now it's relying on someone
像是你这种？ Like you?
嘿 站住！ Hey! Stop!
谁去拦住他？ Stop him?
行动 Go.
- 把门关上 - 遵命 老板 - Close the gates. - Yes, sir.
救命 停下！ Help! Stop!
前方有障碍 特兰特纳太太 Obstacle directly ahead, Mrs. trattner.
检查你的后视镜然后停车 Check your mirrors and bring the car to a stop.
不好意思 嘿！ Er, excuse me. Hey.
多谢 Thank you.
飙车吧！ Drive!
不好意思 Excuse me.
你...你知道自己在做什么吗？ What... what do you think you're doing?
不好意思 你不是个持证的教练 Excuse me! You are not a qualified instructor.
- 我的教练怎么办？- 左转 - But what about my instructor? - Turn left.
右转 Turn right.
为了以后参考 我坐你的左边 For future reference, I'm on your left.
请停下 别踩油门了 我没法再开了！ Please, stop. I can't do this anymore!
我现在什么都看不清了！ I can't see anything now!
好极 Good.
当我说“转”的时候 迅速往右边转弯 When I say "go," turn sharp right.
好 Uh-huh.
三、二、一 Three, two, one.
转！ Gol
回正、回正、回正... and straighten up, straighten up, straighten up.
接着开！ And go!
动起来 追上去！ Let's go, let's go.
哦 这应该勉强过得去 Oh, now just bear left a little. Good.
开直点 开直点 Straighten up, straighten up.
赞啊！ Good!
说真的 刚才开的不错 特兰特纳太太 Well, that was very good, Mrs. trattner.
我觉得你今天真的进步了许多 I think you made some real progress today.
你没在听我说什么 英格力士 You're not hearing me, English.
鉴于首相和沃尔塔的新友谊 目前情况已经变了 Given the prime minister's new friendship with volta, the situation has changed.
但事实并非如此 这场袭击是沃尔塔发起的 But the facts haven't, sir. That attack is volta's responsibility.
只是根据你的个人判断 而不是其他任何人的 According to you, but not according to anyone else.
他在这里吗？ Is he here yet?
下午好 首相大人 所以他就是 呃... Good afternoon, prime minister. So, this is, uh...
英格力士 首相大人 乔尼·英格力士 English, prime minister. Johnny English.
你有什么需要明确说明的吗？ What exactly do you have to say for yourself?
实际上还不少呢 Rather a lot, actually.
总而言之 像我这样的人不会口腹蜜剑 首相大人 However, men like me don't deal in prevarication, prime minister,
所以让我们直接切入重点吧 So let me get straight to the point.
杰森·沃尔塔就是这一连串袭击背后的始作俑者 Jason volta is the man behind these attacks.
同时我还有强力证据证明 And I have the evidence to prove it.
我在沃尔塔的犯罪老巢记录下了这些罪证 I managed to record this inside volta's country lair.
但我需要警告您 首相大人 But I should warn you, prime minister,
你所要见到的将是邪恶的化身 that what you're about to see is evil incarnate.
好吧 Hmm.
现在我们在 菲菲的三岁生日聚会！ Here we are at Fifi's third birthday!
真是令人兴奋的一天！ And it's a very exciting day!
吐舌 万岁 吐舌 万岁！ Hip hip, hooray! Hip hip, hooray!
祝你生日快乐 Happy birthday to you
祝你生日快乐 happy birthday to you
谢了 Thank you.
我能否问一下 你到底有什么毛病？ Can I just ask, what is wrong with you?
国家正处于完全混乱的状态 The country is in a state of complete chaos.
新闻界煽风点火 唯一一个能拯救我们的人 你却指控他叛国罪 The press is wetting itself, and the only person capable of saving us is the man you're accusing of high treason.
他发出袭击命令时 我就在那个房间 首相大人 I was in the room myself when he gave the order, prime minister!
但这这... But there was a...
你知道我在房间里做什么吗？英格力士 Do you know what I was in the room with, English?
读你的文件 全部都看了一遍 所以我有几个问题 Your file, which I've read, in its entirety, and I have a few questions.
你是不是把科特迪罗餐厅烧成灰烬？ Did you or did you not burn the cote de roc restaurant in antibes to the ground?
呃... Um...
还有你是否向法国自行车选手发射了催泪飞弹？ And did you or did you not fire a guided missile at a peloton of French cyclists?
这个嘛... Well...
你有没跑到巴士车顶将导游扔下车？ Before commandeering an open-top bus and tossing the tour guide off the top deck
然后跑到面包店袭击一位坐着轮椅的82岁老妇人？ and then assaulting an 82-year-old grandmother in a sandwich shop
还用两条法棍面包疯狂抽打了面包店员工？ before battering the employee of said sandwich shop with two organic sourdough baguettes?
呃 我不记得有... Uh, I don't remember the...
你知道这一切让我有多困扰吗？ Do you have any idea how hard it is to be me?
- 呃... - 不知？ - Uh... - Hmm?
面对事件、真相和选民 还有那股被称之为“国家媒体”的海啸 Do you have even the foggiest notion of how virtually impossible it is to get anything done
在这些事面前 你难道连最基本“不能做的事”的模糊概念都没有吗！？ in the face of events and facts and voters and that Tsunami of tosspots we call "the national press"?
好不容易 我能为我的国家做些好事 然后发生什么了？ Finally I get the chance to do something good for my country, and what happens?
宇宙把我送到你面前 The universe sends me you.
好吧 你知道我会说什么吗？ Well, do you know what I say?
我会说 去他喵的宇宙！! I say, up the universe's arse!!
当然还有这句—— 你被开除了！ And do you know what else I say? You're fired.
川普：Give Me A High-Five~
此刻起立刻生效 现在给老娘我滚！ With immediate effect. Now get out!
还有确保我以后再也不会见到这个傻瓜 永远的！ And make sure I never clap eyes on that imbecile ever again!
你要去哪里 长官？ What are you doing, sir?
你觉得我能去哪儿？回家呗 What do you think I'm doing, bough? I'm going home.
但首相正在完成她和沃尔塔的交易 But the prime minister is finalizing her deal with volta.
她说要带上他作为特邀嘉宾参加G12峰会 She's taking him to the G12 summit in Scotland as her special guest.
一切都结束了 鲍夫 我们对这一切根本无能为力 It's over, bough. And there's absolutely nothing we can do about it.
但 长官 我有个计划 But, sir, I have a plan.
记得我妻子吗？ Remember my wife?
收起你的挡板！ Clear your baffles!
- 穿山甲说什么？ - 主意头顶 长官 - What? - Mind your head, sir.
噢！ Owl!
这表上说我们正在下沉 this says we're sinking.
她是有点老旧了 但她可以献上一场地狱般的烟火表演 She's old and a little rusty, but she can put on a hell of a fireworks display.
G12政界峰会 加洛什城堡
出色的表现 指挥官 Excellent work, commander.
杰里米对您评价一直很高 英格力士特工 Jeremy has always spoken very highly of you, agent English.
谁？ Who?
哦 Oh.
哦 是的 没错 Oh, yes, yes.
我一直不太喜欢那些文职人员 所以 I'm no fan of the pen pushers myself, so
当命令为了首脑峰会时把我们派驻到这里时 When orders came through stationing us here for the summit,
我想 那至少我也能知道地点在哪儿 Well, I thought a lift was the least I could do.
好极 让我们动身出发吧 鲍夫 Right, let's get a move on, bough.
对了 你们应该不介意把手机一直关机吧 直到你们安全后再开 Oh, if you wouldn't mind keeping your mobiles off until you're well clear, gentlemen.
这里的导弹发射系统有点像80年代的 The launch systems on the missiles are a bit 1980s.
对微波辐射有点敏感 Gets a tad twitchy around microwave radiation.
没问题 指挥官 我们会用旧式经典风格来完成这次任务 No problem there, commander. We're doing this mission old-school.
这个地点完美极了 This spot is perfect.
来吧 Come on.
抱歉 长官 Sorry, sir.
快过来 隐蔽起来... Come on, come on...
好了 鲍夫 我们的任务很简单 Right, bough. Our mission here is simple.
机智地潜入沃尔塔的房间 带走他 Gain access to volta's bedroom and take him out.
你打算怎么进到那里面？长官 How are you going to get up there, though, sir?
轻松至极 只要你有外骨骼装甲 A walk in the park for the exoskeleton.
可以远程操纵的 氯丁橡胶紧身衣 Remotely operated neoprene bodysuit.
增强穿戴者100倍的力量 Increases the wearer's strength 100 times.
好了 启动它 把软盘插进去然后出发 Right, power it up. Stick in the floppy disk and let's go.
稍等下... Just...
天呐 长官 Crikey, sir!
武器什么时候能准备好？ When will the weapon be ready?
只要首相今晚一签署协议 As soon as the prime minister signs the agreement, tonight.
我该如何发射？ How do I fire it?
按一次攻击就会触发 Press once and the attack is launched.
随后 每个参加 G12峰会国家的数据都将传送到 Dot CALM号上的服务器里 After which, the data of every G12 country will be transferred to the servers onboard the Dot CALM.
完美 Perfect.
啊 Ah.
干杯 Cheers.
你一开始就为俄国情报部门工作 You're working for Russian intelligence and you have been from the start.
这就是我为什么有你戒指里毒药的解药 Which is why I've taken an antidote to the poison you keep in your ring,
就是你下到这杯饮料里的毒药 and which you've poured into this drink.
还取掉了你拿把枪里的击针 And removed the firing pin from that pistol.
每个人都得 为了自己的人生努力生活 Everyone has to make a life for themselves.
而你的令人悲伤 因为马上就要... It's just sad that yours is
结束 over.
哼嗯... Hmm.
刚从我的3D打印机里做好 100%的纯塑料制成 Fresh from my 3D printer. Hundred percent plastic.
并且 100%致命 And 100% deadly.
杀掉我并不能救你 Killing me won't save you.
别那么肯定 Don't bet on it.
讲真？这不可能发生 Seriously, this cannot be happening.
哦 但这确实发生了 Oh, but it is.
扔掉枪 Drop the gun.
双手举到空中 Get your hands in the air.
你也是 And you.
没时间搞这套 乔尼！ There's no time for this, Johnny!
哦 这不可能吧 Oh, it isn't possible.
你不可能和这个英格力士蠢蛋合作 You cannot be working with this English idiot!
把你的白日梦话 留到监狱里念叨吧 沃尔塔 Save the pillow talk for your prison cell, volta.
- 你到里面了吗 长官？- 是的 没错 小鲍 你可以把电源关了 - Are you inside, sir? - Yes, yes, bough, you can power down.
一切尽在我的控制之中... Everything is under control.
好吧 你说关就关呗 Shut down.
现在我们更难进去了 长官 How do we get in now, sir?
有什么妙招？ What's the plan?
嘿 你！ Hey, you!
站住！ Hey!
非常感谢你们 我希望你们得到了需要的一切 Thank you very much. I hope you have everything you need.
噢... Owl!
我代表着整个英国 On behalf of the United Kingdom,
请允许我欢迎你来到这个古老的会议厅 May I welcome you here today to this ancient meeting chamber
伟大的苏格兰民族 他们曾解决诸多纷争 建立了新联盟 Where the great Scottish clans once settled their differences and forged new alliances.
一个我为了发布特别信息 而精心挑选出的场所 A place I have specifically chosen in order to make a very special announcement.
长官？ Sir?
- 你还好吧 长官？ - 不 我一点也不好 扶我起来 鲍夫 - Are you all right, sir? - No, I'm not all right. Get me up, bough.
- 这可真重啊 长官 - 我知道这有多重 鲍夫 - It's very heavy, sir. - I know how heavy it is, bough.
我们必须赶到会场... We've got to get to the conference...
抢先到那里 避免沃尔塔... To the conference room before volta...
避免沃尔塔启动武器... Before volta triggers his weapon.
所以 随着我在这份协议上签名... And so, with my signature on this agreement...
这给了我无比的喜悦 哦... It gives me great pleasure, oh,
向你们介绍 我的嘉宾及朋友 杰森·沃尔塔 to welcome to you, my guest, my friend, Jason volta.
随时准备发动攻击 杰森 Standing by to launch attack, Jason.
- 见鬼 把我弄出这身破玩意儿 - 乔尼？ - Damn it, get me out of this stuff. - Johnny?
我看不见结合处 长官 这是扣环式的 I can't see the join, sir. It's the clasp.
松开扣环 这样上下就分开了 Release the clasp and the top and the bottom separate.
一定是在你倒下时卡住了 长官 Must have jammed when you fell over, sir.
- 这种危急时刻链子不掉 - 等下 试试这个 - For goodness sake. - Wait. Try this.
这真是...喷了不少油啊 长官 That is quite a lot of oil, sir.
哦 快点！快点 快点！... Oh, come on! Come on, come on...
你们能否想象如果苹果公司接管运行这个世界？ Can you imagine what the world would look like if it was run by apple?
又或者 谷歌，又或者... Or Google? Or...
我？ Me?
你们认为还会存在失败的学校吗？ Do you think you'd have failing schools?
还会存在医院里无止境的等待？ Do you think you'd have endless waiting in your hospitals?
不 No.
觉得你们的机场还会有超长的排队吗？ Think you'd have such long lines in your airports?
- 不 - 并不会 - No. - No.
没错 不会发生的原因源于所有这一切 其实都是简单的数据管理问题 No, because all of these are simple data management problems.
最终人们会像我一样 共同热爱数据！ And people like me, We love data!
我们生活在数据中... We live for data.
哈！我... Ha! My...
你知道我为了什么而活吗？沃尔塔 Do you know what I live for, volta?
上帝啊... God.
消除你这样满嘴谎言 危害国家安全的恶棍！ Eliminating the threat that lying villains like you pose to this country!
唉 额滴神啊 Oh, for god's sake.
他是谁？ Who is he?
逮捕这个重家伙 Arrest this whack job.
这里唯一能下逮捕命令的人就是我 The only person ordering an arrest around here will be me.
没必要担心 女士们 先生们 There's no cause for concern, ladies and gentlemen,
你们现在在 女王陛下特勤局的可靠掌控局势之下 You are now in the capable hands of her majesty's secret service.
而你 我的朋友 正在经历一场不愉快的旅行 And you, my friend, are in for an uncomfortable ride.
噢呜~~~ Owww Ooh...
我说到哪儿了来着？ Where was I?
生活在数据流中 Living for data.
正是如此 Exactly.
我的运算程序可以解决你们中每一个人的问题 只要我还有一样东西—— My algorithms can solve every one of your problems as long as I have one thing.
控制权 Control.
那也正是你们现在要给我的 And that is what you are about to give me now.
杰森 我好奇你是否能澄清一下... Jason, I wonder if you could just clarify...
闭嘴 Shut up.
嘿 你小子给我等下 Now, hold on.
城堡现在已封锁 Castle now locked down
一切尽在你的掌控之下 杰森 and under your control, Jason.
这个无知的人刚才签下的协议 The agreement this ignoramus just signed
不只给予我访问英国所有数据的权限 didn't just give me access to all the UK's data.
还允许我接入北艾尔郡的一个接线盒 It also gave me access to a junction box, in north ayrshire
它连接着整个全球互联网 that connects the entire world wide web.
禁用那个盒子里的光纤电缆 互联网将会不复存在 Disable the fiber-optic cables in that box and the Internet will cease to exist.
乔尼？你还好吗？ Johnny? Are you okay?
你带手机了吗？我们需要呼叫外援 Have you got a phone? We need to call for backup.
现在没时间搬救兵了 我要直接去找沃尔塔 There's no time for backup. I'm going after volta.
别把这部也搞丢！ And don't lose that one!
你们能明白全球互联网关闭的后果吗？ Do you understand what it means if I turn the Internet off?
城市将黯淡无光 飞机会从天空坠落 Cities will go dark. Planes will fall out of the sky.
列车会相撞 法律和秩序也将奔溃 Trains will collide. Law and order will break down
最后你们所熟悉的世界将会彻底结束 and the world as you know it will be over.
压轴节目 别剧透 对吧？ Show, don't tell, right?
开始发起攻击 杰森 Initiating attack, Jason.
取得接线盒控制权限 Taking control of junction box.
暂停英国和欧洲的互联网及供电 Suspending Internet and electricity supply across britain and Europe.
攻击阶段一 完成 Stage one of attack complete.
女士们 先生们 我随时可以停止攻击 Ladies and gentlemen. I can stop the attack
只要你们每个人都在协议上面签名授权 as long as each of you signs the same agreement as the prime minister,
给我完整的控制权 Giving me complete control.
你们决定 Your call.
- 欢迎致电英国特勤局 - 给我接 珀加索斯！ - Welcome to British intelligence. - Get me Pegasus!
军情五处请按1 军情六处请按2 For MI5, press one. For MI7, press two.
军情七处 请按3 For MI7, press three.
已获得8位 G12峰会首脑签名 Eight G12 signatures now acquired.
通知直升机 这边快完事儿了 Signal the chopper, we're almost done here.
账户服务 请按5 For accounts, press five.
- 儿童托管 请按6 - 拜托 快点行不！ - For childcare services, press six. - Oh, come on!
更多选项 请按7 For more options, press seven.
什么？ What?
还需要两个签名才能对G12国家数据进行控制 Only two further signatures required to achieve control of G12 national data.
所有英国数据 All UK data
已成功传输到 Dot CALM主机 Now successfully transferred to the Dot CALM.
阿芙罗狄蒂 古希腊神话中爱与美的女神
阿芙罗狄蒂 请按1 珀加索斯 请按2 - For Aphrodite, press one. - For Pegasus, press two.
哦 上帝啊 Oh, my god.
准备下潜 重复 准备下潜 Dive the submarine. Repeat, dive the submarine.
- 这里是主管办公室 - 我是乔尼·英格力士 Director's office? This is Johnny English.
我需要立刻和珀加索斯通话 事关国家危机！ I need to speak to Pegasus immediately. It's a national emergency!
稍等一下 先生 One moment, please, sir.
这是复仇者潜艇号 This is hms vengeance.
我们有一串启动码 重复 启动代码已被锁定 We have a full launch code. Repeat, launch code is locked.
请问我有发射许可吗？ Do I have your permission to fire?
哦 天呐 请你稍等一下下 拜托 Oh, my god. Could you hold on one moment, please?
长官？长官！ Sir? Sir!
你好？ hello?
在吗？ Hello?
长官 这里是复仇者号 我是否被授权发射许可？ Sir! Hms vengeance here. Do I have your permission to launch?
什么？听着 我们必须发起攻击 What? Listen, we have to call in an attack.
你刚才说发起“攻击”了吗？长官？ Did you say "attack," sir?
没错 发起攻击 消灭敌人！ Yes! and a Atttack, Atttack!
潜艇所有作战人员注意！我们要准备发射导弹了 General quarters, we are go for launch.
目标已锁定！指挥官 Target coordinates locked, commander.
你好？ Hello?
雷嚎？ Hello?
指挥官 导弹正在重新定向 Commander, the missile is being redirected.
看上去像是锁定了一个新的敌对目标 It seems to be locking on to a new hostile target.
恍然大悟 √
“果露泉”是什么？... What's a "sherbet f"?
- 哦不！ - 那是什么声响？ - Oh, no. - What was that?
Dot CALM号已下线 杰森 Dot CALM appears to be offline, Jason.
网络攻击已经停止 The cyber attack has been halted.
你有没... Did you
距离潜艇很近打电话？ make a call quite close to the submarine, sir?
呃... Um...
因为... Because...
你办到了 长官！ You did it, sir!
任务完成！ Mission accomplished!
没错 当然是我啦 Well, exactly!
我在重新评估我们的选项 杰森 I am re-evaluating our options, Jason.
乔尼！乔尼！ Johnny! Johnny!
沃尔塔准备跑路了 他正赶往他的直升机 Volta is getting away! He's heading for his helicopter!
别急 鲍夫 No, bough.
这家伙是我的！ This one's mine.
小心 长官 小心脚下 Careful, sir. Sir?
看守者感受到了自己体内 荣耀战魂的力量！... :q
最后两阶台阶 长官 Last two steps, sir.
别想溜 沃尔塔！ Not so fast, volta!
我应该被此吓到吗 兰斯洛特爵士？ Is this supposed to scare me, Sir Lancelot?
找好掩护 鲍夫 Take cover, bough.
别担心 他的枪里只有六发子弹 Don't worry, he's only got six bullets in that thing.
好吧 那玩意儿本身也能砸人 And, of course, the thing itself.
这些无路可逃了 沃尔塔 You've run out of options, volta.
哦 你还觉得自己赢了是吧？ Oh, you think you've won?
差不多 Mmm.
在我们内华达州的服务器上重新部署攻击 杰森 Rerouting the attack to our Nevada servers, Jason.
这世界注定要陨落 英格力士 然后我会成为那个笑到最后的人 The world's going down, English. And I'll be the last man standing.
再见 英格力士 拜拜了 互联网 Goodbye, English! Goodbye, Internet.
我知道了！那是一家 瞪羚341轻型攻击直升机 I've got it. That's a Gazelle 341 light attack helicopter.
如果我们能黑进它的操作系统 就能禁用它的驱动功能 If we can hack into its operating system, we can disable the drive function.
让我看看 Here.
瞧瞧你！你想使用你所信赖的东西 但却又做不到！ Look at you! You couldn't use that thing if your life depended on it!
哈哈... ha ha ha...
让我们离开这破地方吧 Let's get outta here.
把这铁鸟开到... Get this steel bird in the...
重部署已完成 攻击程序已安装在我们位于美帝的服务器农场里 Rerouting complete. Attack data now installed at our Nevada servers.
我应该发起攻击吗？ Should I initiate?
杰森？ Jason?
我应该发起攻击吗？ Should I initiate the new attack?
尝尝这个！ Initiate this!
杰接姐节结界街洁... 杰森 JJJJJJJJ... Jason.
好吧... 女士们 先生们 Well, uh, ladies and gentlemen.
我想我们都一致同意 那并不是我们原本所期待的那个夜晚 I think we can all agree, that wasn't quite the evening we were expecting.
啊... 啊蛤蛤 蛤蛤 ah ahaha, ahaha...
我原本希望今晚呈现给你们... I had hoped to present to you tonight...
谢谢你
一个关于未来英国的展望 A vision of what britain might be.
但 正如所发生的一般 一个男人将我们所有人从这个夜晚拯救了出来... But, as it happens, the man who saved us all this evening,
这个男人 也许我该补充一点 是我十分信任 亲自指派负责这次的事件 the man who, I might add, I personally assigned to this case,
也另辟蹊径地为我们呈现了 另一种与众不同的愿景 has presented us with a different kind of vision.
一个生动活现的英国优良品质化身 如果你允许我这么说 A living embodiment, if you like, of those fundamental British qualities
这些品质确保了我们所心爱的国家能够长久地繁荣昌盛 that have ensured that our beloved island nation endures.
赴汤蹈火的勇气 无穷无尽的足智多谋 Courage under fire, endless ingenuity
在这一切之上 是一种低调而又—— and above all, a quiet
坚不可摧的人格尊严 unassailable dignity.
你们是魔鬼吗！？... |･ω･｀)
多谢啦 Thank you.
欢迎回来 英格力士先生 Welcome back, Mr. English.
多谢你 校长 Thank you, headmaster.
感谢你愿意参加我们的客座演讲 Thank you for agreeing to be our guest speaker.
现在州长和工作人员都在花园那边等我们 Now the governors and staff are all waiting for us in the rose garden.
好的 不过请你稍微给我几分钟 校长 Yes, if you could just excuse me for a few minutes, headmaster.
好吧 oh
早安 先生！早安！ Morning, sir! Hello, sir!
欢迎回来 老师！ Welcome back, sir!
惊喜不？ Surprise!
谢谢你们 Thank you.
话说 斯特雷克那小子呢？ Where's straker?
- 在这儿 先生 - 好极 - Here, sir. - Good.
以及你在这儿 巴格利 And, of course, baggaley.
That was very good. Very good.
没事儿 真的很棒 所有人 聚过来 All right, gather round, everyone. Gather round.
我给你们带了些秘密♂玩具 I've got some toys to show you.
好 放心看吧 Ooh! There we go.
我们有 这个 还有这个 There we are. There we are.
- 面包棒吹管 谁想试试？ - 我！ - Breadstick blowpipe, anyone? - Me!
就决定是你啦 There you go.
苹果手雷？ Granny Smith hand grenade?
- 那么绞杀手表呢？ - 老师 47该换新的了 - And what about a garroting watch? - Here, sir.
拿好了 There you go.
这个 还是让我来保管吧 Here, let me take that.
别担心 只是种轻微镇静剂 Don't worry, it's only a mild sedative.
哦！那是根拔开后五秒就会爆炸的保险丝 Oh! That's just a five-second fuse.
行了行了 别耍了 小心47叔叔来找你 Yes, all right, we all know what garroting looks like.
你准备好了吗 英格力士先生？ Whenever you're ready, Mr. English.
哦 抱歉 校长 我一分钟内就好 Oh, I'm sorry, headmaster, I'll just be one moment.
- 收好那些 好的 - 哦！ - Just take those. Thank you. - Ooh!
让我们把这些收起来吧 就像这样... Put those away, shall we? There we...
呃... Um...
我一直很喜欢果冻软糖！... :q I always did love a jelly baby.