That's the old one, sir.
You can see it's Spanish.
Yeah, I can see.
I don't know Spanish.
Do you?
It's still just a map.
Look, there's a town circled in a dress.
There's the border.
Colorado River, California, Arizona.
It's not really drawn to scale because the Continental Divide and the Sangre de Cristo...
The map, asshole.
Can we use it?
Yeah.
The map will get us there.
Didn't you tell me that the gold mine was in Mexico?
That's what old Juan said.
Well, this map will take us to a place in New Mexico.
Not Mexico.
What's the difference, Professor?
One is old, one is new.
Oh, yes.
You know how long I've been waiting to smoke one of these, man?
Old Juan said that these are the best in the world, man.
He said they're from Tuba.
Not Tuba, Lewis.
Cuba.
Whatever.
Retard bitches.
You know what this is like?
Mm-hmm.
This is like the best pussy in the world.
Except it's a cigar.
Would you share the best pussy in the world?
Not yet.
She'll be out soon with it, though.
Mind if I sit with you?
No.
Mind the smoke?
No.
You like bowling?
Never did much bowling.
My team's got a big tournament tonight.
Nice picture.
almost yeah tell you what you ain't got the goods fine
you give me back the advance i gave you and the girl i'll split
maybe we can do business some other time
i gotta go
look i don't have it
i don't have it with me
i mean who carries 10 grand with him on the street
hey come on come on just pack off buddy
okay we spent it
uh i spent it in vegas
She wasn't real happy about it either.
Yeah.
Where'd you break down at?
Um...
The interstate?
On...
The interstate?
You break down on the interstate?
Maybe on the old highway.
Did you break down on the old...
How you doing?
It's a little cold out there.
You like flowers?
God damn, you're beautiful.
Hey, you like a nice hot cup of coffee?
Hang here a minute.
Brought you a sandwich.
This is going to be a long trip.
If I'm going to travel, I want to look my best.
This is America.
To be well-groomed is synonymous with success.
You'll want to be a success, don't you, Lewis?
Hello.
Howdy, cowboy.
Just let me handle this.
Go for it.
God bless you, son, for interrupting my godforsaken journey.
I'm a little lost,
and it seems my air conditioner is taking a shit on me,
leaving me exposed to the devil's breath.
Something wrong?
No.
No, I just wanted to tell you what a neat car you're driving here.
I love this car.
Oh, well.
Bless you again, boy.
You're a minister.
Well, yes, I am, son.
Reverend Red, the cowboy preacher.
But you, you can call me Lucky Red.
Boy, you pay an arm and an asshole for these things.
Nice hat.
What size do you wear?
Me?
Well, this here's a six and seven-eighths.
What the hell are you doing?
Come on, man, just let me waste them.
Louis.
Pussy!
Louis!
You know, the guys in the exercise yard used to laugh at you all the time.
Hey, nobody laughed at me, buddy.
Five years for computer crime?
That's a pussy crime, man.
At least I was in for a man's crime.
Murder.
Innocent bystander.
Armed robbery.
Praise the Lord.
God is watching us, boys.
Tell me.
Why did you ask me to come with you?
I have absolutely no fucking idea.
You brought me along because I can read and you can't.
Fuck you, man.
I can read.
Prove it.
So you can't read.
Nothing to be ashamed of, you know.
I still think you're pushy.
Would you say your name was again?
Nefertiti.
Pink or blue?
Pink.
Nefertiti.
It's Egyptian.
He from Egypt?
Cleveland.
What?
I know you, cowboy.
I've never seen you before, baby.
Yeah, but I know you.
You cute thing.
It's my first time in here, baby.
You're famous.
Famous?
Uh-huh.
You've seen me?
Uh-huh.
On TV.
TV?
Uh-huh.
You're one of them boys that escaped from the state prison.
Oh, sugar.
No wonder you got so much energy.
Something wrong, sugar.
With hail to paint.
It sucks.
I went in there to buy some stuff,
and when I came out, my car and my rental trailer were gone.
You got insurance, don't you?
Yeah.
Well, then it's cool.
No, it's not.
You're going to be okay, Betty.
Don't worry about it.
You're nice.
You've been around here.
No, no.
Just passing through.
Yeah.
Me too.
Yeah.
God, this is so awful.
Awful.
Now, now, now.
It's just a car and trailer.
Your mama's gonna understand.
No, she won't.
Of course she will.
She's your mama.
That's what they're for.
No, you don't understand.
My mama was in the trailer.
In the trailer.
What was she doing in the trailer?
She was dead.
Dead?
We were on vacation in Hollywood.
And mama just died.
The funeral home set was gonna cost a lot of money to fly her body home,
and I can't afford that.
So I rented a trailer and drove her home myself.
Cops.
I gotta go, okay?
You've been very kind.
Thank you.
Just keep smiling, all right?
and shoot him.
Lewis!
Chill out.
I hate cops.
You know, I can always tell when you're thinking.
I can?
Really?
Like, just then, you was probably thinking where the dumbass Lewis is.
Was I right?
I was right.
Mexico.
Live like a fucking king, man.
I'm gonna buy myself a big fucking house with a big motherfucking stereo
that I can crank it up so loud
that all the neighbors call up the cops.
Except there ain't no neighbors because I own all the land and the town.
Shit.
It's the American dream.
Except it's in Mexico.
You got it all figured out, huh?
Uh-huh.
What about you, man?
What are you gonna do?
You know what the samba is, Lewis?
The samba, it's a dance.
Oh, man.
What?
You, man, you're always asking stupid questions like that.
I mean, weird shit.
The samba's a Brazilian dance.
Really?
So fucking what, man?
Lewis, the samba's a Brazilian dance.
Brazil, Lewis.
Brazil.
Shut the fuck up.
You know, you are crazy as shit.
Just shut the fuck up, man.
Put that fucking thing away.
You think you're so...
You're fucking smart, right?
What are you gonna do now, dummy?
Fuck you!
You shot me!
No shit, I hate cops.
I'm not a cop!
I'm a mailman.
There's not only a screw loose, there's an entire motor missing!
You really don't have a clue, do you, Lewis?
You just don't know the difference between right and wrong.
Hold this.
Me?
How many people did you screw out of their money with your fucking computer, huh?
Yeah, but I never shot anybody.
Didn't anybody ever teach you you don't shoot people?
You can't teach me, because I can't read.
Give me the gun, Lewis.
Give me the gun, Lewis, now.
Oh, okay.
Why?
Because I'm gonna save your butt, that's why.
Come on!
Such a...
Okay Bastard mailman fucked up wrong place wrong time definitely wrong guy
It's awful violence
It's okay you're safe
in the wrong setting.
I said pig fucker.
I gotta admit, boy, you got a set of balls you could go bowling with.
I bet you like to fuck sheep, huh?
If not sheep, then dogs.
Puppies.
If you can't find a puppy to fuck,
or a sheep,
or a pig,
or a hole in the ground,
or even a dead guy,
then finally, after all that...
There's always your wife.
Slammy little piece of shit.
How does he breathe?
Sorry,
she?
How does she breathe?
Oh.
Is she poisonous?
You had her for long?
What you want?
To tell you the truth, I'm, uh, I'm lost.
Uh-huh.
You want a beer?
Yeah, buddy.
Well, sit down.
What is it?
Bibles?
Ma 'am.
There may be a lot of things, but believe me, I'm not a ma 'am.
My name's Tammy.
With two E's.
It's French.
Bibles, huh?
Insurance.
That's it, ain't it?
Life insurance.
You think I'm trying to sell you something?
Well, ain't you?
Only reason anybody ever comes out here is to sell something, sugar.
No, ma 'am.
No, Tammy.
No, I ain't selling nothing.
Well, you could, you know.
You could sell sand to the Arabs.
What you think, J .R.?
J .R.?
Don't you want your brew?
Shoot.
It froze.
I'll just keep it up for a minute.
He's watching the TV.
You sure you don't want to sell me something?
What is it you want to buy?
All right, look, I am confused.
You asked me to get in the car with you, didn't you?
You overheard me and Lewis in the parking lot.
Oh?
My mama warned me about girls like you.
Look, you gotta trust somebody, right?
Me and my buddy Lewis, the psycho in the parking lot,
we just escaped from Claymore Prison.
Lewis had this buddy in the joint, Juan,
and a long time ago, Juan won a claim to a lost gold mine in a poker game.
Before he went to jail, he hid a map to the mine.
I guess he knew he'd die inside because he told Lewis where it was.
Oh, the map?
Oh, I don't have it.
Lewis does.
Knowing Lewis.
He'll probably eat it before he lets the cops have it.
What'd you do?
Did you cut yourself shaving there, sailor?
Come here.
Damn, Tammy, give it up, baby.
I'm gonna fuck your brains out, cowboy.
Thank you.
To kill a friend.
I lost my glasses and I can't read the name of the town right there.
What's it say?
Silly me.
I don't have my glasses in either.
J .R.!
What's that say?
Here.
Ladlo.
It's J .R. from here.
Well, you ain't the cutest killer I ever seen.
Good place for gold mining.
No one would ever suspect.
That stinking cop!
I'm gonna kill you.
You are not gonna kill anybody.
Well, I'm gonna kill you.
Louis, Louis, just listen to me!
What, you smiley snake, what?
I didn't think they'd catch you.
I was just trying to get another car for us.
We couldn't leave in the caddy.
Everybody had seen it.
Louis!
Bullshit.
You don't believe me?
Guess not.
You're the most honorable...
untrustworthy dude I've ever met, man.
Fuck!
What am I talking to you?
I'm gonna kill you.
I'm gonna crush you into ashes, and then I'm gonna piss on your ashes.
Stop.
Drop it.
Here.
Shoot me.
Go on.
You think I deserve to die for trying to help us, you and me?
Shoot me.
Fuck this!
Who's the babe, Clark?
Lewis.
I'd like to introduce you to George.
Fine.
Yeah, right.
You got the key?
Come to papa.
Go on, what do you say?
Spanish.
Hold it there, cutie.
Who said you were in on this?
Can you read Spanish?
Well, guess we don't have much of a choice if you want to find a line, huh?
But if...
If you get a share, it's smaller than mine and his.
Smaller.
She can read it.
She can't speak it.
Oh, great.
Great.
One of us reads and talks.
One of us reads but can't talk.
And one of us talks but can't read.
Great!
Sort of like those three monkeys.
Monkeys?
What the fuck do monkeys have to do with this?
Nothing.
You're right.
Good.
This, uh, says the final map is in a village, Puerto.
Bingo.
Maybe it's in Mexico after all.
Puerto's pretty near the Mexican border.
It says Gomez.
Gomez.
Take the key, unlock the box, and ask the old dog.
Dog.
Ask him what?
Where is the gold mine?
Bitchin'.
Fox.
Killer.
Yeah, well, I didn't think it would ever happen to me, but it has.
Ooh.
Baby, baby, baby.
Hey, what the fuck does she have in that bag, anyway?
She hasn't shown you?
Snake is very sacred.
Comes from China.
Very, very rare.
Worth a fortune.
What's the deal with Georgia anyway, man?
What's she want?
She's on her way to see her mom in Dallas.
I mean, what's she want from us?
She wants me.
And a little gold.
Man, she has got you by the pinball, dude.
Don't she know there ain't no such thing as a little gold?
I can't say as I blame you, huh?
We'll give her 10%.
Ain't as if she ain't working for it, is it?
Very poisonous.
The venom gets into your bloodstream.
You're dead within two minutes.
My great uncle I sing he got bit on the foot by such a snake they had to cut it off to save him
Can't back right now
What you got us a murder charge that's what
Probably more than one more than one.
Yeah, don't think I don't know how you got your hands on the caddy
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Look, just promise me something.
What?
No more killing, okay?
Just keep the gun in your pants.
Tell you what.
Call me later.
Where will you be staying?
Puerto.
Yeah.
You guys want to hear a really sad story?
This babe that was sitting outside the supermarket the other day,
she was bringing her dead mama home in a rented trailer,
all right?
Somebody stole it.
The car, the trailer, and her mama.
Jesus.
Stop right there.
Stop there, man.
Dude, I'm gonna be a good boy.
I got money, okay?
All these, honey?
That's right.
How about this hat, too, there, doll?
cute face doing on the front page what is it that you did cowboy
you can't read
of course i can read what you think i am anyway
i'm sorry about that
i'll tell you sure girl
i'm a movie star
oh shoot why would my picture be on the paper
you really a movie star
that's right
This is what you owe me.
All right.
You keep the change.
Oops!
Nearly forgot.
Law says you gotta register these guns.
Swear that you won't kill nobody with these guns.
I swear.
because we'll never get us now, man.
Where's the monkey?
You don't know, dude?
No.
Cons, man.
Feels great.
It's a real buddy who's always there when you need him, man.
Just snap the safety, pull the trigger, and bam!
He spits out death.
With this, I'm even with any other dude on the planet, man.
I'm just as big and bad as anybody.
Total power, man.
Power of life and death at your fingertips.
As long as you got the ammo, as long as you keep shooting, man, you stay hard as a rock.
You just keep pumping and coming.
Pumping and coming, pumping and coming.
You never stop.
Never, ever.
It's weird, man.
I've never known a dude who'd give him the right place.
The right time, the right babe.
Wouldn't use a gun to kill, man.
You know me.
You wouldn't?
Never.
You know what they say, man.
People with guns don't kill.
Guns, people...
Guns with people.
Whatever.
I'm going to sleep y 'all.
Don't you ever say anything?
What's this?
Just play it, Lewis.
It'll make me smile.
No, that's great.
You look terrific.
Look at that.
The moon's coming out.
Oh, my.
I've never seen that before.
A real cowboy.
Oh, he's cute.
Harry, look, a real cowboy, Harry.
Hey, cowboy.
Nice butt.
Guess where we're from.
Bet you can't guess.
New York.
Oh, we're just...
crazy about it out here in the west you know
let me tell you everything out here is so i don't know it's so uh quaint
i mean it's a little boring maybe but adorable
like you stop it marlene
the boy doesn't even know where new york is much less give a shit do you
I fucked up, okay?
It's not gonna happen again.
Okay?
Mark, you can't leave me here, man.
I'm not going back to the slammer.
Well, neither am I.
Is it worth it?
see any names.
Claim to the mine.
Fuck it, Eddie!
We still don't know where the mine is.
You don't say?
No, it's just the name of the mine, the registration date.
Fuck!
Some claim survey numbers.
Ask the old dog.
Do you know where the gold mine is?
Great.
Patience, Lois.
Patience.
First time you noticed my tattoo?
Hey, where are you going?
You ain't getting married or something, are you?
What if we did, Lewis?
You ever see a married dude, Clarky?
What's your point?
I'm saying it ain't natural.
You're not thinking anymore, all right?
There's none of that wise-ass shit.
You ain't told me to fuck off in like four days, man.
Fuck off.
I like this, man.
I miss it.
Who is it that warned me that none of it's for free?
None of what?
Babes.
Chicks, man.
Women, Clark.
Whatever.
Chang.
Hi, Fred.
I'm looking for the broad with the snake.
I told you on the phone.
She was here, but she left.
You saw the snake?
Yes, I saw the snake.
Where did the broad go?
I told you on the phone, Fred.
She left.
Where did she go?
Holy shit man.
Come here you.
Oh, gracias.
Have you seen a broad brunette?
Don't say much.
Brunette.
Girl.
Oldsmobile.
Si.
Grande.
Muy grande.
Dior oh Hey Lewis, we're gonna have to learn Spanish
what George can teach
She speaks Spanish.
Lewis, she can't talk.
Oh, yeah.
They got cops in Mexico?
Give me some more.
Clark, man, I don't think you can handle Abe with it.
Just a job, now.
Whoa!
She's so fucking hot.
You know me.
I'm young and horny.
And I'm drunk, man.
I could fuck in a car crash, Clark, man.
What would you do?
Be honest.
Shut up.
Clark, man, I just want to...
The fuck is this?
You don't expect me to go without a gun.
I mean, what am I supposed to do?
Throw rocks?
Come on, Clarky.
I mean, can't you see she's trying to split us up, Clark, man?
Bitch her.
Clark, don't fucking do it.
Brazil with me.
Can you shut the d-
You asshole.
Where's the claim, cutie?
Huh?
Lewis, goddammit.
Shut the fuck up.
What else you got in this fucking little purse, huh?
Oh, great.
Give me the gun.
Give me my fucking hat, you fucking bitch.
Goddammit.
Lewis.
Fucking right, man.
She had the goddamn claim.
I gave it to her.
Give me the gun.
Look, she was just keeping it safe for us, weren't you, baby?
Bullshit!
We almost left you, baby.
Are you all right?
Where's your snake?
See?
She was off letting the snake have its freedom.
That's my girl.
Lewis, give me the gun.
Oh, you're gonna get the gun, buddy.
Hey, what are you doing?
You're gonna get the fucking gun, man.
Where the hell are we going?
Oh, I'll show you where we're going.
What's the deal with that guy with her?
Go on, ask her.
Look, we've got the claim, you stupid shit.
Don't you see anything?
The guy's gonna be there.
Who?
The guy with the dog, man.
I saw him with her.
But she's here, Lewis, with me.
He's gonna be waiting for us.
He's gonna kill us and take the claim.
Look, there's no guy.
There's no dog either.
Oh, man, don't do this.
Don't fucking do this, all right?
All I'm saying is that she fucked us.
And we gave her the grease to deal with.
You know, you're a scumbag, Lewis.
You never did like George, did you?
We don't need her, Clarkie, man.
Don't be stupid.
Leave her and come with me, man.
Come on.
She's taking 10% of the gold that you want, isn't she, Lewis?
She's so beautiful.
So pure.
Pure, all right.
Pure shit.
You sold us out, right, you lying bitch?
Admit it.
It made it all fucking kill you.
Who's stupid now, you fuck?
Shut up.
You think you can kill me that easy?
You're gonna have to do a hell of a lot more than that.
You don't know how bad you fucked up.
Lewis!
Get your hands off her.
Cutie, you ain't nothing but a slut with brains.
I bet you fucked the whole state of Arizona.
Not just the guys with the fucking mules.
This is the most fun I've ever had.
Baby?
He was right.
You are stupid.
Why didn't you talk before?
I'm not a verbal chick.
The Lewis was right.
You...
After...
I'd like to stay and chat and all, but I gotta get back on the road.
You were right, buddy.
I was stupid.
I fucked up.
He was wrong about one thing, though.
Oh, what's that?
I didn't sell you out.
Oh, you didn't?
I may be bad, but...
I'm not a bitch.
Shut it.
Set it in the back.
Good.
This ain't gonna be so good for my game.