熟女镇
第五季 第九集
鲍比 你在我店里吃卡萨先生家的外卖 Bobby, you brought Senor Casa take-out into my bar?
我这儿也卖吃的好吗 I serve food.
你这儿又不卖卷饼 卷饼多好吃 You don't serve burritos, g-man, and burritos are delicioso.
我这里的东西也好吃啊 My food is delicious.
-那个 -干什么 - Mm... - What?
抱歉 亲爱的 你卖的食物很难吃 Sorry, baby, your food is terrible.
我还以为你们都喜欢吃呢 I thought you all loved my food.
你把香辣鸡翅都吃完了啊 I mean, you ate all my buffalo wings.
事实上 Actually...
-不是吧 -稍等一下 - What? - Wait a minute.
金奖券 The golden ticket!
我中了一张金奖券 I've got the golden ticket!
一年免费卷饼 今天简直酷毙了 Free burritos for a year! It's the best day of my life!
你中了金奖券 You got the golden ticket!
你们干什么这么高兴 Why are you so excited?
鲍比啥时候中过奖啊 When is the last time Bobby won anything?
我中了一张金奖券 Yay! I got the golden ticket!
金奖券啊 Whoo! The golden ticket!
卷饼日 Burrito time!
你终于告诉格雷森咱们都不喜欢他那的吃的了 You finally told Grayson that we hate his food?
我没办法 我可不想再洗我的包了 I had to. I can't keep going through purses like this.
如果他卖蛤肉杂烩 我还得装两层才行 If he serves clam chowder, I have to double bag.
早餐吃卷饼简直太赞了 Man, I love the breakfast burrito.
为午餐卷饼打好了坚实的基础 It's a great lead-in to the lunch burrito.
我听说你中金奖券了 I heard that you got the golden ticket
还是卡萨先生家的 from Senor Casa!
卡萨先生 著名墨西哥卷饼品牌
简直帅呆了 That is so awesome!
我有一次差点中了金奖券 The closest I ever came to a golden ticket
结果发现乳酪饼里其实是个脏的创口贴 was when I found that dirty band-aid in my calzone.
吃到金奖券的时候 我都激动死了 Yeah, when I got that ticket, I was so amped,
还高兴地到广场上跑了好几圈 I ran happy laps around the plaza.
差点撞倒汤姆的女儿 I almost took out Tom's daughter.
-汤姆还有个女儿 -是人类吗 - Tom has a daughter? - A human daughter?
应该是的 她来镇上有几天了 Seems that way. She's here for a couple days.
他怎么不给咱们介绍一下 Why wouldn't he introduce us?
我们也算是他的好朋友了 We're, like, his best friends.
两秒钟之前 你都不知道汤姆有个女儿 Two seconds ago, you didn't even know that Tom had a daughter.
他又没结过婚 Not like he's ever been married.
他结过 然后他老婆死了 He was. Then she died.
你干嘛 写小说啊 What are you, writing a book?
汤姆为什么不想让咱们见他女儿 Why wouldn't Tom want us to meet his daughter?
我是说 他觉得咱们丢人吗 I mean, is he ashamed of us?
各位 系好安全带 茱尔斯过山车开始了 Okay, everyone, strap yourself in for the Jules spiral.
也许他觉得他女儿不好 Maybe he's ashamed of her.
要不然就是他觉得他自己不好 or he's ashamed of himself.
或者他其实暗地里讨厌咱们 Or maybe he secretly hates us.
这太扯了 Oh, this is crazy.
太可疑了 Crazy suspicious!
我得去问问怎么回事 I'm gonna get some answers.
我还以为她得没完没了呢 I thought that would last longer.
我们的免费咖啡来了 亲爱的 And here are our free coffees, baby.
嗨 上班小虫 What's up, corporate sell-out?
卖咖啡感觉怎么样 How's it feel slinging beans for the man?
没错 新巴克是个全球 True, Coffee Bucks is a multinational
雨林破坏者 但不关我的事 destroyer of rainforests, but I have dental.
我还有一个特别好的活儿 And I get to do cool stuff like this.
复印东西吗 Make photocopies?
筹办即兴表演之夜 Starting an Open-Mike Night.
台下观众自愿上台即兴表演
让海湾港不得志的艺术家们 It's a place for Gulfhaven's undiscovered artists
聚在一起来交流他们的作品 to come and share their craft.
给我一个 Oh, I'll take one.
我就是想看看是哪天 我好不去 I just want to see what date it was so I know not to come.
格雷森 是你吗 怎么了 Grayson, is that you? What happened?
我刚刚就是伸伸腰 I was just flexing
然后在窗户旁看看我自己 and looking at myself in the window
然后就掉到车底下了 and, uh, must have fallen under the car.
伙计 帮我一把 好不 Help me out, will you, buddy?
我换个角度啊 Let me just get an angle.
汤姆 你搞什么名堂 Tom? What the heck?
你女儿来镇上了 我想见见她 Your daughter's in town? I want to meet her.
-小公主在哪呢 -海莉二十五岁了 - Where is that little princess? - Haylee's 25.
-谁是海莉 -我女儿 她刚走 - Who's Haylee? - My daughter. She just left.
她今天早晨回纽约了 She went back to New York this morning.
纽约 她觉得那里怎么样 New york? How does she like it?
我是说 从那些T恤衫来看 I mean, based on the T-shirts I've seen,
人们好像还挺喜欢那里的 people seem to really love that place.
你怎么不把她介绍给我们呢 Why wouldn't you introduce us?
-我不知道你想见她 -我当然想啦 - I didn't know you'd want to meet her. - Well, of course I would!
-那么下次海蒂再来 -海莉 - Now, the next time Haiti comes... - Haylee.
我知道 I know.
她下次再来镇上 你可得介绍我们认识 Next time she comes into town, you introduce us.
-我们得互相了解了解 -是吗 - We should know everything about each other. - Really?
既然这样 你想不想看一下 Well, in that case, I've got some pretty airtight proof
我有能证明外星生命存在的铁证 of alien life if you want to see it.
我闪了 Pass.
鲍比 客人们总是点卷饼 Bobby, people keep ordering burritos
就因为他们看你吃 because they see you eating them.
可是我这里不卖卷饼 I don't even serve burritos.
你能不能点一个我这里的三明治 Can you order one of my sandwiches?
三明治也是一年无限免费供应吗 Are they free and unlimited for an entire year?
当然不是 No.
那哥可没兴趣 Not interested.
哦 宝贝 Mm. Oh, baby.
一口比一口好吃 Each bite gets better than the last.
你也许应该少吃点卷饼 You might want to slow down on the burritos.
如果你没完没了地吃 If you keep plowing through them,
总有一天你会见了卷饼就恶心 you're gonna get sick of them.
见了卷饼就恶心 你不了解 Sick of burritos? I don't think you understand.
这是世界上我最喜欢吃的东西 This is my favorite thing in the entire world,
而且我想吃多少就有多少 and I get as much as I want.
我和你们讲个小故事吧 Let me tell you guys a little story.
我过去特别喜欢听辣妹组合的 I used to love that Spice Girls song,
那首《想要》 超级喜欢 "Wannabe," more than anything.
我单曲循环了整整15天 I played it on repeat for 15 days in a row,
直到有一天 Until one day,
我发现我受够这首歌了 I literally hated it more than anything ever.
直到现在 如果听那首歌超过两秒钟 Even now, if I hear even two seconds of it,
我就会发疯 I go insane.
那可不一样 Well, that's different.
你脑子里有一首歌 肯定一直在那 A song gets stuck in your head, and it just stays there.
可是卷饼就像是一个好吃的访客 A burrito's just a delicious visitor,
穿过我的肚肚 passing through tummytown.
其实我还挺喜欢那首《想要》的 I always liked that "Wannabe" song.
* 如果-- * If -- ?
你没听我刚刚说什么吗 What did I say?!
哇哦 好吧 Whoa. Okay.
我真想象不到 那么多人需要 I can't believe so many people need
观众和麦克风来抒发他们的情感 an audience and a microphone to work out their feelings.
最终 性别的诅咒解除了 And finally, the curse of gender was lifted
地球上的人们也自由了 and the earth was free.
别忘了给咖啡师小费 Remember to tip your baristas.
劳瑞 我筹办了这个聚会 I started something here, Laurie.
当地艺术家终于有了自己的一片天 Finally, a place for local artists.
我觉得避风湾的当地文化开始复兴了 I feel like this may be Gulfhaven's cultural awakening.
大家好 新巴克的朋友们 Hello, Coffee Bucks!
好啦 我直入主题吧 All right, uh, so I'm just gonna get right into it.
为什么人们不生产尼龙内衣 Why don't they make velcro bras?
-哦 不 -昨晚我和妻子吵了一架 Oh, no. So, my wife and I, we had a disagreement last night.
我输了 于是现在比分是 I lost, which makes the score,
一亿六千五百万比零 oh, 165 million to zero.
女人都是疯子 Bitches be loco!
海伦·凯勒打来电话 Uh, Helen Keller called...
你有没有想过这些人都是谁 Do you ever wonder who these people are
或者有着怎样的故事 or where they're going or what their story is?
-没 -那就好 我也没有 - No. - Good. Me neither.
看 是汤姆 Oh, look, it's Tom. Hey!
茱尔斯 你没去上班啊 Jules, uh, you're not at, uh, work,
我 我以为你去上班了呢 Where I -- I thought you'd be.
我得走了 I have to go.
走吧 爸爸 我买到票啦 Ready, dad? Got the tickets.
爸爸 你不是说你女儿走了吗 Dad? I thought you said your daughter left?
呃 其实 茱尔斯 我 Uh, the thing is, uh, Jules, I --
等等 这就是茱尔斯 Wait. This is Jules?
我以为你在查特怒加开房地产大会呢 I thought you were in chattanooga at a real-estate convention.
真不敢相信我终于见到我爸的女朋友了 I can't believe I finally get to meet my dad's girlfriend.
这场好戏之旅可不容错过啊 Oh, I am definitely going on this ride.
真不敢相信汤姆跟他女儿说我是他女友 I can't believe Tom told his daughter I was his girlfriend.
你觉得他的意思是不是女性朋友呢 Or do you think he meant that I was a girl that's just a friend?
不是 我觉得他的意思就是在一起啪啪啪 No. I think he meant you two were boom-chicka-wow-wow.
茱尔斯 谢谢你没有揭穿我 Jules. Thanks for not saying anything to Haylee.
至于她为什么把你当成我女友了 There's a simple explanation
其实有个很简单的解释 for why she thought you were my girlfriend.
-原因就是你这样说的 -很简单吧 - Yes, because you told her I was your girlfriend? - See? Simple.
海莉在纽约过的很好 Haylee's got a good life in New York --
有好工作 好朋友 amazing job, great friends.
但她总是担心我 But she worries about me.
要是让她知道我还是一个人 If she thought I was all alone,
她肯定要放弃一切搬回来过 she'd drop everything and move here,
-所以我告诉她说我们 -啪啪啪 - so I told her we were -- - Boom-chicka-wow-wow!
我 我很抱歉 I'm -- I'm sorry.
我会告诉她真相的 I'll tell her the truth.
爸 你在这呀 Dad, there you are.
怎么啦 What's going on?
海莉 其实 就是 我 Uh, Haylee, um, it's -- it's just -- I -- I've been --
正和他的女人打情骂俏呢 Giving his lady some grade-A Lovin',
少儿不宜的那种 you know, the sex kind.
你俩好甜蜜呀 I can really feel the love here.
他俩接吻的时候才甜蜜呢 亲一个吧 You should see them kiss. Why don't you guys kiss?
我 我的嘴唇太累了 Oh, my lips are really tired.
因为昨天我们的 You know, from all the making out
亲亲抱抱什么的 we did yesterday with our mouths and our tongues.
嘿 格雷森 Uh, oh, hey, Grayson.
这就是格雷森吗 Oh, this is Grayson?
你好 格雷森 你真好 Hi, Grayson. It's so sweet
愿意照顾受伤的弟弟 you take care of your brother after his accident --
被曲棍球打中脑袋 他真是可怜 hockey puck to the head? Poor thing.
我爸都跟我说了 Dad told me all about it.
我怎么不是很懂 I'm confused.
-你不懂就对了 -我女儿多善良 - Aww, of course you are. - My baby's a saint.
我才刚刚见到你们 I can't believe I'm just now meeting all of you,
可是马上就要走了 and I have to leave so soon.
就是 我们应该一起吃个午饭 I know. We should all go to lunch.
了解了解对方 You know, get to know each other,
好好谈谈 just talk more about this.
这主意真棒 That is a great idea!
可是我还要练曲棍球 I have hockey practice.
就是穿着球衣绕着操场跑 I let him suit up and run around the yard.
托瑞斯夫人 我需要您的帮忙 Mrs. Torres, I need your help
没兴趣 Not interested.
您丈夫来参加我的即兴表演之夜了 Your husband came to my open-mike night.
-说了单口相声呢 -这下有兴趣了 - He did stand-up. - Very interested.
即兴表演的初衷是 Open mike is supposed to be
表达创意的安全舞台 a safe place for creative expression,
不是一个来大叫女人是疯子的地方 not a place to repeatedly yell, "Bitches be loco!"
给我描述一下 Paint me a picture.
刚开始屋里的都是些前沿的 Well, it started with a room full of daring,
有创造力的艺术家交流思想 original artists pouring their hearts out
结果高潮成了一个讨厌的古巴喜剧 and climaxed was an obnoxious Cuban comic
讨论女孩为什么结伴去卫生间 covering hot-button issues like
这种敏感话题 "Why do girls always go to the bathroom in pairs?"
刚刚看了茱尔斯和汤姆的假恋爱 Between the budding Jules/Tom
现在还有这样的好戏 fake relationship and this,
我要快乐得死掉了 I may have died and gone to heaven.
我在试图打造一个 I'm trying to establish myself
避风湾高端文化制造人的形象 as gulfhaven's cultural taste maker.
像个白痴一样说话并没有帮助 Talking like a douche is not helping your case.
告诉我他讲了那个 Please tell me he trotted out his
你知道什么东西有两个拇指的笑话好吗 "You know what has two thumbs" Jokes.
你知道他的下场表演坐在前排的 You know what has two thumbs and is gonna be
是哪位有两个拇指的人吗 sitting front seat at his next show?
帮大忙了 谢谢 Hugely helpful, as always.
所以汤姆告诉他女儿我头部受伤 So, Tom told his daughter that a head injury
成了一个智商捉鸡 turned me into a simple, good-natured man-child
穿衣服都需要帮忙的傻孩子 who needs help dressing himself.
这太过分了 That's humiliating.
你可以当做是你梦寐以求的角色 Or is it the role of a lifetime?
对哦 Oh, right.
这就是我的阿甘正传啊 This could be my "Forrest Gump."
-越来越精彩了 -为什么你也要来 - Oh, this just keeps getting better. - Why are you even here?
茱尔斯要和她的新男友汤姆吃饭 Jules is about to have lunch with her new boyfriend, Tom,
她的白痴弟弟也要跟着一起 and her idiot brother, Grayson, is tagging along?
-难道我不该来吗 -别跑题行吗 - Where else would I be? - Can we focus?
汤姆需要帮助 所以我们只能坚持了 Tom needs our help, so we're just gonna have to tough it out.
再说我 我才是那个做出牺牲 Besides, I'm the one who has to cozy up
坐在那个瘦长的 嗨 亲爱的 next to that gangly pile of -- hey, honey bear!
你俩真亲密 You guys!
我们得找个消防水管来给你俩降降温 We're gonna have to get a fire hose for you two.
你应该庆幸你不住他们身边 You should be glad you don't live next to them.
卧室的吵闹声都没法忍受 I mean, the noises that come from that bedroom.
你在农场住过吗 Have you spent any time on a farm?
绵羊自己长毛衣 Sheeps grow their own sweaters,
母牛的咪咪像手指 and cows have finger boobs.
茱尔斯 你俩怎么认识的呢 So, Jules, how did you two meet?
-一见钟情吗 -当然是啦 - Was it love at first sight? - Obviously.
是她对我一见钟情啦 我对她则是欲擒故纵 Well, it was for her. I played hard to get.
但我一直没有放弃 But that didn't stop me.
我像个跟踪狂似的呆在他窗户外面 I would just stand outside of his window like some lunatic,
说着一些脑子里冒出来的胡话 just saying as many creepy things that popped into my head.
我觉得那很性感 I found that so sexy.
窗户是没有穿衣服的小门 Windows are baby doors with no clothes on.
上帝啊 你够了没 Oh, my god. Would you shut up?
他是在试探我 我们得约束着他 He's just testing me. I have to set boundaries.
你知道谁最不受约束吗 You know who doesn't have boundaries?
他俩 These two.
茱尔斯 你不用因为 Jules, you don't have to hold back
海莉在这就有所顾忌 just because Haylee's here.
没事的 I'm cool.
-我不介意你俩秀恩爱的 -谢谢 - If you guys are into pda, I'm great with that. - Oh, good.
那就秀秀好了 I think I'll get some right now.
宝贝 这真好 Oh, baby, that feels so good.
简直如同木琴美妙的声音 You know, like a xylophone.
那就不要停 宝贝 Oh, keep playing, baby.
马上就要到高音部分了 You're about to hit the high note.
通常你都坐在他腿上吧 Isn't this the part where you usually sit on his lap?
-不是 -是 - No. - Yes.
真好 你穿的还是短裤 Oh, good. You're wearing shorts.
见鬼 Oh, damn it!
我得走了 I have to go.
我有个战后事故现场要处理 I have dueling train-wreck situations happening.
非常感谢你们所做的一切 Thank you so much for everything.
别 该谢的是你 No, thank you.
-天 怎么到处都是你的膝盖 -抱歉 - Oh, my god, how many knees do you have? - Sorry.
我觉得膝盖超性感 Because knees are so sexy to me.
膝盖就是腿的肘关节 Knees are like elbows for the legs.
好了 我想把你丢进车里了 Okay, I'm putting you in the car.
真是首催人泪下的歌 That was the saddest song.
我原以为是个口香糖机的故事 结果不是 I thought it was just about a gumball machine, and then bam!
他的女友死于舞会之夜 The guy's girlfriend dies on prom night?
-怎么会这样 -就这样 相当感人 - What? - Exactly. It's moving.
这正是我想要做的... That's what I wanted to do here --
给镇子注入一些文化韵味 Bring some cultural flavor to town.
但现在... But now...
新巴克的朋友们 大家好 Hello, Coffee Bucks!
女士们 要那么多鞋做什么呢 Um, ladies, what is with all the shoes?
我只需要两只鞋 一只左脚一只右脚 I mean, I only need two -- the left and the right.
我是外科医生拉里 我得先尿上一泡 This is Larry, the surgeon, who has to really pee.
谢天谢地 我赶上了 Oh, thank goodness I made it.
-手术刀 -你是真的不想错过啊 - Scalpel. - Didn't want to miss this, huh?
你妈坐在汤姆的腿上都阻止不了我过来 I left your mom sitting on Tom's lap to be here.
今天是我享受超级杯赛的日子 Today is my super bowl!
今天第一刀就要开始了 All right, I'm gonna do my first incision.
为什么我把那种柠檬水全喝光了 Ooh, why did I drink all that lemonade?!
崔维斯 对于搞活动我全力赞成 Travis, I'm all for supporting the arts,
你说过这能提高营业额 but you said this was gonna bring in business.
可客人都跑了 Everyone's leaving.
那边有位女客人看起来相当地享受啊 There's one woman that seems to really be enjoying it.
你指的是往咖啡杯里 Are you referring to the woman
倒酒的那位女客人吗 who's pouring wine into a coffee cup?
要么把这蠢货拉黑 Either ban this clown
要么我要叫停这个即兴活动了 or I'm shutting down open-mike night.
好 我现在要做即兴表演 Uh, okay, I'm gonna do some improv now.
随便哪位说个名人的名字 Please, someone shout out the name of a famous person.
第十一任美国总统 致力于领土扩张的民主党人士
詹姆斯·K·波尔克总统 President James k. Polk!
好的 Um, okay. Uh...
能成为总统偶真的很开森 oh, really do enjoy being president.
还是美国总统哟 Of America?
玉米煎饼啊 Okay, burrito.
我会努力把你吃下去的 I got to try to get you into my tummy,
分分钟就能吃干净 which shouldn't be a problem
你可是世上最好吃的卷饼啊 because you are the best thing ever!
鲍比 你在干嘛 Bobby. What are you doin'?
你不是要把我吃干净的吗 Aren't you goin' to finish me?
会说话的卷饼巨人 You're a giant talking burrito!
正是在下 吃我吧 That's right. Eat me.
我不想吃 Uh, I don't think I want to.
-谢谢了 -你是爱我的啊 - Thanks. - You love me.
现在不确定了 I don't know anymore.
我得走了 I have to go.
没我你走不了的 我是你的一部分 Not without me! I'm part of you!
不 玉米卷饼 滚开 No, burrito! Go away!
我可是免费的 你个混蛋 I'm free, you son of a bitch!
只是做梦 It was just a dream.
不 Noooo!
中午那餐饭我们对付过去了 We nailed that lunch!
除了坐在汤姆瘦得皮包骨的大腿上 Well, besides the bruises on my ass
让我屁股磨得有点疼 from sitting on Tom's bony lap
和不得不吃你做的炸鱼和薯条之外 and having to choke down your fish and chips,
一切都很完美 it was perfect.
要演好脑袋受伤的格雷森这个角色 You know, the role of brain-injured Grayson
需要细致入微的表情和多层次的演技 was so nuanced and multi-layered,
而我毫无压力 but I killed it.
茱尔斯我想和你商量个事 Jules, I want to run something by you.
我们不会搬到洛杉矶 We are not moving to L.A.
现在他女儿对爸爸放了一百个心 Now his daughter gets to go back to New York
然后回她的纽约去 feeling good about her dad.
和自己弟弟亲嘴是不是有点奇怪 Ooh. Was it weird that I just kissed my brother?
虽然奇怪 但很撩人 Ooh, weird and hot.
可不是 欲火焚身啊 来给我点爱的种子 Oh, yeah. So hot. Give me some of that DNA PDA.
-艾米 -什么艾米 - Amy! - Amy?
海莉 Haylee!
我只是想来谢谢你们招待我午餐 I just came by to say thank you for lunch.
我简直不敢相信 I can't believe you would
你居然背着我爸和自己的同性恋弟弟搞在一起 cheat on my dad with your own gay brother.
等下 我是同性恋吗 怎么没人告诉我 Wait, I'm gay? Why didn't anybody tell me?
这可以让我的角色更丰满 That totally rounds out the character.
汤姆的女儿觉得我背着她爸爸 Tom's doughter thinks I'm cheating on her dad
和我脑子有伤的同性恋弟弟搞在一起了 with my brain-damaged, gay brother.
难以置信 我演的是《阿甘正传》 I can't believe I was playing "Forrest gump"
一位艾滋病患者用法律维护自己权益的故事
但其实应该演《费城故事》才对 when I should have been playing "Philadelphia."
-你能帮我想想办法吗 -抱歉 - Can you help me out here? - Sorry.
我们去找汤姆 We need to go find Tom
让他告诉海莉事情的真相 and get him to tell Haylee the truth.
你觉得告诉海莉你被花生噎住了 What if we tell Haylee that you were choking on a peanut
那时我正在给你做心肺复苏怎么样 and I was giving you CPR?
心肺复苏可不是这么做的 That's not how CPR works.
那我们姐弟俩在分享最后一块薄荷糖呢 What if we were two siblings sharing my last mint?
要不就说这其实是我们家族 Or that this is the way our family
治疗打嗝的偏方 just cures hiccups, you know?
听听你自己说的什么话 Can you even hear yourself?
好吧 我们去找汤姆 Fine. Let's go talk to Tom.
我被蛇咬到嘴了 这个理由怎么样 Ooh! What if a snake bit me in the mouth?
够了 茱尔斯 我们走吧 Jules, enough. Let's go.
这台相机是要见证我这位发起人的灭亡吗 Is that camera to capture my demise as a promoter?
某种程度上来说是的 Partially.
而且当我垂垂老矣的时候 But, also, when I'm old and senile,
我会希望能记得这些永恒的瞬间 I just want to remember these timeless moments
我丈夫在广大群众面前出大糗 where my husband made a giant, public ass of himself.
我万分不愿打破你的想象 但我经理说了 I hate to ruin it, but my manager said
别让安迪上台 否则他就停办即兴演出 get rid of Andy or he's canceling open mike.
-他在这吗 -看这里 - Is he here? -Check it out!
十五年前我自觉有希望 I got this prop box 15 years ago
成为一名专业喜剧演员时就买了这个道具箱 when I thought I might be a professional comic,
直到现在我才有机会用到它 and I never got a chance to use it -- until now!
有谁看一只鸡跑到这附近吗 Anyone see a chicken run around here?
它赴约迟了 He's late for an appointment.
它在这呢 Oh, here he is.
托瑞斯先生 关于... Look, Mr. Torres, a-about --
我知道我知道 上次我是有点拖台了 I know, I know, I went a little long last time,
我准备把时间严格控制在二十分钟内 but I'm gonna set down to a tight twenty
这次一定会大受欢迎的 and this has been such a blast.
就像梦想成真一样 It's like a dream come true.
这都要归功于你 And I owe it all to you.
期待今晚你的表演 Looking forward to seeing you tonight.
给我滚开 我恨你 混蛋 Get out of here! I hate you, man!
你是很好吃 但你毁了我的生活 You're delicious, but you ruined my life!
鲍比 停车 你在搞什么飞机 Bobby! Stop! What are you doing?!
我要甩掉这些万恶的奶酪豆子混合袋 Getting rid of these evil bean-and-cheese pockets!
我讨厌死它们了 I hate them!
别丢我了 Stop it!
你定这么多干嘛 Why did you order so many?
因为我爱吃 我到底怎么了 because I love them! What's happening to me?!
你把自己给吃"伤"了 Oh, you've hit rock bottom.
我能体会 我也干过这种事 I know. I've been there.
只不过我真的会"伤"人 Except my bottom had actual rocks.
醒来后我发现自己脸朝下满眼灰躺在沟里 I woke up face-down in a ravine, eyes crusted over,
耳机差点把我勒死 而那些辣妹还在唱 headphones half strangling me, spice girls still blasting.
-鲍比 -怎么了 - Bobby. - Huh?
你必须处理掉那张票 You have to get rid of the ticket.
不如直接丢给你旁边的人 You know what? Just hand it to the next person you see.
你说的没错 喂 伙计 Oh, you're right. Hey, buddy.
那个人偷了我的票 That guy stole my ticket!
过来 Come here!
劳里 帮帮我 Oh, Laurie, help me.
我到底该怎么办 What am I gonna do?
我们必须毁掉它 We have to destroy it.
汤姆 海莉来过吗 Tom? Oh, hi. Has Haylee been here?
因为 我们有点事儿想告诉你 Because, uh, we have something to tell you.
关于我的女朋友跟她的傻子兄弟 That my girlfriend was just tongue wrestling
舌吻的事吗 with her idiot brother?
所以说她来过了 Okay, she's been here.
我真的很抱歉自己这么有魅力 This is all my fault for being so irresistible.
天生就长了这么性感的嘴唇我也没办法 I mean, I can't help that I was born with lips this luscious.
我只好跟海莉坦白了一切 I had to tell Haylee the truth about everything.
她刚走 好像挺失落的 She just took off. She was pretty upset about it.
现在告诉她格雷森是在帮我吸蛇毒 Is it too late to tell her that Grayson was
会不会太晚了 sucking snake venom from my mouth?
我觉得太晚了 I think so.
真对不起 I'm so sorry.
有什么我们能帮忙的吗 Is there anything we can do?
不用了 我来收拾自己的烂摊子 No, this is my mess to clean up.
你们已经帮了很大的忙了 You guys have already done more than you should.
多谢了 格里森 Thanks for trying. Hey, Grayson.
顺便提一句 你的表现真出色 Top-notch performance, by the way.
谢谢 Thank you!
我才知道我的角色是个同性恋 And did you know I just found out that my character was gay?
如果我能在原先的基础上再加入一些 If I had been able to layer that level of complexity on top of --
-天啊 -天啊 我就不找你麻烦了 - Oh, my god. - Oh, my god. Yeah, we'll leave you alone.
快点 我们该走了 All right. Get out of here.
我做到了 I did it!
我走到那个烧烤架旁边 I walked right up to that grill,
然后把票直接扔到火里 and I chucked that ticket right into the flames.
就像那部电影里的毛脚矮子 It was like that movie where that furry-footed dude
把戒指扔到火山里的时候一样 Threw the ring in a volcano.
"魔戒" "Lord of the rings."
我也不知道那是什么 Mnh-mm-mnh, I don't know what that is.
我真的为你感到骄傲 鲍比 I'm really proud of you, Bobby.
多谢你的帮忙 Thank you for helping me through this.
瞧 炸玉米卷 兄弟 Ooh! Look at that quesadilla, man.
里面有牛肉 芝士 热的薄饼 It's got steak, cheese, warm tortilla.
鲍比 那跟卷饼差不多啊 Bobby, that's basically just a burrito.
是啊 可是形状完全不一样 Yeah, in a completely different shape.
我可以一直吃这个到死 I can eat those for days!
这个人还要这样跳多久 How much longer is this guy gonna go on?
他完全不知道大家其实不喜欢看这个 He has no idea people hate this.
他完全没察觉到 Completely oblivious.
是啊 有些人就是感觉不到 Yeah. Some people just don't get it.
是时候扔个笑弹到那些白痴的头上了 Time to drop a funny grenade on these chuckle heads.
-祝我好运 -好运 - Wish me luck. - Good luck.
表现得就像你最后一次登台一样 Hey, perform like it's your last show ever.
真是个温馨提示 我会的 多谢小崔 That's really sweet advice. I will, trav. Thanks.
你们好 辛巴克的朋友们 Hello, coffee bucks!
我的天皇就是你的天皇 Mi kado es su-kado.
喂 伙计 Hey, pal.
我很确定我和你说过如果他继续这样 Pretty sure I told you if he goes on again,
我就不办这个活动了 I'd shut this down.
我宁愿毁了这活动也不想毁我朋友的梦想 I'd rather blow this up than crush my friend's dreams.
等他表演完你就可以把开关关了 You can pull the plug when he goes off.
这真是 极好的 That is... incredibly noble.
不知道你的魔豆 Not sure how long you're gonna last
还能撑多久 但是我很欣赏 in this cutthroat bean biz, but very noble.
天啊 是条鲭鱼 holy mackerel!
你是来这看他最后的耻辱演出吗 Hey, you here to see his final swan song of shame?
崔维斯 这个表演对你真的很重要吗 Travis, is this open-mike night really important to you?
我的意思是 我以为这是个好主意 I mean, I thought it was a cool idea,
我曾经坚信如此 and I believed in it.
-希望你喜欢我的表演 -订货啦 - I hope you appreciate this. - Order up! Order up!
喂 道具箱猛男 Hey! Stud with the prop box.
离开舞台 带我回家 然后跟我干柴烈火 Get off the stage, take me home, and sex me up.
我时间到了 朋友们 That's my time, folks.
下次演出再见 See you at the next open mike.
我不觉得会再见 因为从今以后 I doubt it, because open-mike night
即兴表演之夜将是我们固定的爱爱之夜 is now our permanent sex night.
我知道这个表演价值连城 I knew this prop trunk was gold!
-你欠我一个人情 -什么 - You owe me. - What?
我说 你 干我 I said, "You, bone me!"
你会让汤姆为你进行大脑手术吗 Would you let tom perform brain surgery on you?
也许 Maybe.
我的意思是 我知道他是个很厉害的医生 I mean, on one hand, I'm sure he's pretty good.
但是他曾经为了帮我打开一个啤酒罐 on the other hand, he did once leave someone
而把病人丢在了手术台上 on the operating table to help me open a jar.
-大家好 -凯蒂 - Hey, guys. - Katie!
-海莉 -我知道 - Haylee. - I know.
很抱歉我们骗了你 I'm sorry we lied to you.
我们从来没想过要伤害你 We never meant to hurt you.
我一开始的时候很生气 但是我意识到 I was upset at first, then I realized
如果你为了我父亲能做那么多的话 If you went through all that for my dad,
你肯定非常关心他 You must really care about him.
是的 我们会为了汤姆做任何事 Yeah. We'd do anything for tom.
我知道 瞧瞧你为了他付出了多少 I know. I mean, the lengths you went to.
又调情又抚摸 The flirting and the touching.
而且酒吧里的食物吃起来 The food at gray's pub even tasted
真的像是脑子有病的家伙做的一样 Like it was made by someone with a head injury.
你们全都疯了 You all are crazy.
有人千里迢迢为我的薯条而来 People come from miles for my fries.
我的乡村色拉酱是自己做的 My ranch is made in-house,
并且避风湾公报说我鸡翅做得不错 and the gulfhaven gazette said that my wings are fine.
谢谢你做的一切 茱尔斯 Thanks for everything, jules.
不客气 海莉 Aw, sure thing, haylee.
我说对了 I said it right.
我的两个女孩 My two girls.
我真希望格雷森死了 I wish grayson was dead.
-什么 -嘘 - What? - Shh.
你觉得怎么样 So what do you think
恩 非常好 这次都是液体了 Humm, pretty good, all liquid this time.
终于找到我们的滤纸了 Found where we keep the filters.
真为你感到自豪 努力工作 Ha, I am so proud of you man, working hard,
养家糊口 你妹的 bring home that chees. Son of-
我以为我早就干掉你了 I thought I'd defeated you man
你到此为止了 This ends now.
你觉得他为什么会这样 What do you figure that's about?
他肯定有自己的理由 Sure there's gonna be a perfectly good reason.
去死吧 You gonna die-o man! �