- ♪ Crashing through the crowded halls ♪
♪ Dodging girls like Ping-Pong balls ♪
♪ Just to reach the bathroom on time ♪
♪ Leaping over laundry piles
♪ Diapers you can smell for miles ♪
♪ Guy's got to do what he can to survive ♪
- ♪ In the Loud House
♪ In the Loud House
- ♪ Duck, dodge, push, and shove ♪
♪ Is how we show our love
- ♪ In the Loud House, in the Loud House ♪
- ♪ One boy and ten girls
♪ Wouldn't trade it for the world ♪
- ♪ Loud Loud Loud
♪ Loud House
- Poo-poo.
[rock music]
♪
- Come on, Lori. This is a lot of laundry!
I don't think it's worth it.
- Do you want a ride to the comic book store or not?
- [sighs] Fine.
- Whoa, whoa, whoa! Where are you going?
Those are just my jeggings. Let me get the rest.
Wore this yesterday. Wore that Tuesday.
Whoops! That definitely needs to be washed.
- Lori's the only loud kid with a driver's license,
which means that, in this house...
there's no such thing as a free ride.
- In exchange for transporting me to the planetarium,
I've done your calculus homework.
Next time I would appreciate a challenge.
- Thanks for the ride to the cemetery.
I finished your poem for your ten week-iversary.
It's called "Bobby."
- Let's here it. - [clears throat]
"Bobby, I thought you were a stalker
"when you left brownies in my locker.
Bobby"-- - Hey, big sis!
I found your missing retainer in the garbage
and there was some perfectly good gum stuck to it.
- So where do you need a ride to?
- Ride? I just like digging in the trash.
- Thank you, thank you, and thank ew!
See, Lincoln? These guys respect
our arrangement.
Oh, and here are my dirty gym clothes too.
[boat horn blows]
And don't forget--I like the lavender-scented dryer sheets.
[crash] - Sorry, Leni!
[yelps]
What are you doing with all this stuff?
- I need a ride to the mall, so Lori told me to make her bed,
which is weird, 'cause I'm pretty sure
she already has one.
- Wait. Why are you doing chores for Lori?
Aren't you old enough to drive yourself to the mall?
- Yeah, but I failed the driving test 12 times.
Everyone's given up on teaching me.
Dad's still mad
about the "fire hydrant paperboy, nun" incident.
- [screaming]
- Should I leave a note?
- [sobs]
- What if I teach you to drive?
- Wow! You have your license?
- Well, no, but I do have a crazy high score
on "Total Turbo XXII,"
the world's "awesomest" racing video game.
- Fun!
Wait. Are there nuns in it?
- None that I know of. [giggles]
If I can help Leni get her license,
she'll drive us anywhere,
and Lori will have to wash her own jeggings.
- Wow! It's just like a real spinny thingy.
- Technically, it's called a "steering wheel."
So you ready to get started?
- Wait!
I need my special driving outfit!
[upbeat electronic music]
- Great. So can we get start--
- Wait!
I need my special driving smoothie!
[slurps]
It's a soy, pumpkin, cookie-crumble cream.
It's seasonal!
- Great. So now can we--
- Wait! - What is it now?
- Aren't you gonna open the door for me?
[slurps] - [sighs]
Click, creak.
- What a gentlemen.
[electronic music]
- Okay, all you have to do
is keep the steering wheel straight, and you'll--
- Like that? - Um, let's try again.
Just keep the wheel straight.
Okay, one more time.
The road is straight, so keep the wheel straight.
[tires screech]
Leni, you have to stay on the road!
- But what's the point?
We're not going anywhere fun!
- Sure we are! We're going to, uh, the mall!
- [gasps] Why didn't you say so?
- Game on!
[engine revving]
- Whoa! Go, Leni!
[beeping]
- Move it, slowpoke! Mama needs a new driving dress!
[electronic music]
- That was incredible!
- Out of my way, granny!
- Easy there, Fast and Furious.
- But I have to get to the mall!
- The mall can wait.
You've got a driving test to pass.
[rock music]
Go, Leni, go! Go, Leni, go!
Wait! The bus stop is that way!
Go, Leni, go! Go, Leni, go!
- Did you pass?
- No, she did not.
She did, however, refuse to obey the speed limit,
fail to use her turn signals, and she redirected
the test vehicle toward the mall,
where she proceeded to hip-check
and tackle Mrs. Jelinski!
- [muffled shouting]
- It's not fair!
When I did all that in the game, I won!
You guys need to get your rules straight!
[siren wailing]
- [sighs] - Lincoln, Lincoln, Lincoln.
That's your plan-- teaching Leni to drive?
She can't even drive a lawn mower.
- [screams] Make it stop!
[screams]
- Trust me, you're gonna fail-- you and Leni both.
Now, where's Lynn? She owes me a pedicure.
- This isn't over yet.
Hey, Leni. What are you doing?
- Going back to making Lori's bed.
- Nice craftsmanship!
But you can't give up on driving.
It was my fault you didn't pass the test.
- Maybe I'm just not meant to be behind the spinny thingy.
You know? - No!
See, my video-game approach was all wrong.
Let me try a different method.
Okay, lesson one-- preparing to drive.
- Ah, you're teaching Lenny to drive?
Score! Can I help?
I'm sick of sanding Lori's calluses.
Ugh, barf. - Thanks, Lynn!
- Me too. [both scream]
- I can't write another poem for Bobby.
I've run out of words that rhyme with "babe."
- [chuckles nervously] Thanks, Lucy.
- I can help! I can help!
- Me, me, me, me!
- I can be of assistance.
- All right, guys. We need to set it up
like a real car.
[indistinct chatter]
Thanks, guys!
Luna's bass drum is the brake.
And Luan's whoopee cushion is the accelerator.
[imitated flatulence]
- "Accelerator"? Don't you mean "gas"?
[giggles] Get it?
- This golf club's the gear shift.
The wreath is the steering wheel.
Car horn, turn signal...
and, oh, these keys
are, well, the keys.
Got all that?
- Sure. all: Great!
- Okay, first, fasten your seat belt.
- That was easy.
- Next, check your mirrors.
- Why? Do I look bad?
- No, no, no, no. I meant--
- Stop the car!
I can't drive in this hideous condition!
[all groan]
That's better!
- [sighs] Lesson 12--
avoiding road hazards.
There's a squirrel in the road. What do you do?
- [imitates squirrel chattering]
- [screams]
- Use your turn signal. [beats drum]
No, that's the brake. [imitated flatulence]
No, that's the gas. [slap lands]
No, that's my face! This, this is the turn signal!
- Oh, you mean the blinky-blink?
- The blinky-blink?
- Yeah, it's right by the spinny thingy.
- The spinny--
[gasps] That's the problem!
I haven't been speaking Leni.
- There's a country named after me?
- No, I mean I haven't been using words you understand.
Let me try again.
Use the blinky-blink.
Good! Now turn left.
I mean turn to your good side.
Now we're getting somewhere!
Hey, crew, we're gonna need some new car parts.
- [squeals]
- This is brake pedal.
What does the brake pedal do?
White shoes after Labor Day! - Ew, stop!
- Exactly.
- I "gas" you won't be needing this.
[imitated flatulence] [giggles]
- [growls] - This is the gas pedal.
What does the gas pedal do?
Boots from the '60s.
- Go-go! - Yes!
Leni, I think you're ready for the next level.
Remember what we practiced, Leni.
- Go-go boot! [engine revs]
White shoe! [squirrel chips]
[sighs] Go-go boot!
- Whoa! - Watch out!
- Good side!
- She's doing it! Yeah, nice job, Leni!
- I'm doing it!
- Ugh! Stupid jeggings.
[gasps, yelps]
Where is everybody?
Lynn? I'm still waiting on that pedicure!
[kids cheering in the distance]
I'm not giving up the car keys that easily.
- Night, Leni!
You're gonna do great tomorrow!
- Night, Lincoln!
Night, Lori!
- [snoring]
- Click. - Got it!
- Never check your mirrors.
Always comment on your driving instructor's weight.
In America, we drive on the left side
of the road.
- Ah! There you are.
Don't you need a ride to the comic book store?
And lavender sheets-- don't forget.
- No, thanks.
I'll think I'll wait for Leni to get back
from taking her driving test, with her new license.
- [scoffs] She's not gonna pass!
Now, get to washing.
- Actually, I'm pretty sure she will pass.
- No, she won't, because I made sure of it.
- Wait. What? - Nothing!
- Uh, no, you don't!
So help me, Lori, I will shrink your favorite
Bobby sweater in the dryer if you don't tell me what you--
- Stop! Fine.
[sighs] I might have sabotaged Leni
by giving her bad driving instructions
while she slept, but it's just because
if Leni can drive, my room will never be clean,
and no one will ever need me for anything ever again.
- Are you crazy, woman?
What if your bad driving instructions make Leni crash?
What if she gets hurt?
- I didn't think of that.
We got to get to the DMV!
[tires screech]
- Oh, thank goodness she's okay.
- And maybe she passed!
- No, she did not!
She did, however, drive on the wrong side of the road,
neglected to check her mirrors,
and commented on the driving instructor's weight!
- Well, that makes 14.
Guess I'll have to drive a lawn mower forever.
- Look, Leni, it wasn't your fault.
- Yes, it was.
You worked so hard to help me pass.
You even learned to speak Leni...
which I still can't believe
there's a country named after me.
[sighs] I blew it.
I was just thinking about all the fun places
I would drive us to--
the mall, the comic book store, the mall.
I'm sorry I let you down.
- I can't take it anymore!
It was my fault! I sabotaged your test.
- Sabo-tage?
- It's like she went and bought the dress she knew you wanted.
- [gasps] How could you?
- I'm really sorry, Leni.
But I know how to make it up to you!
- You'll buy me the dress!
- It was really nice of you to help Leni practice
for her next test.
- It's the least I could do.
- Is this the car-pool lane?
[epic music]
♪
- [slurping]
Ah, Friday night.
You survived another week of school.
Now it's time to kick back, forget your troubles,
and crack open a brand-new video game.
[sniffs]
Love that new-game smell.
[sniffs] Wait a minute.
[sniffs] Is that--
Oh, no!
- Sniff, sniff.
- Mom's expensive perfume,
which can only mean one thing...
date night...
which can only mean one other thing.
- Lori's in charge! Do as she says! Bye!
- No!
[engine turning over, tires squeal]
She gets a sick thrill from bossing us around.
In this house, we call her the Queen of--
- No!
No music! No mud pies.
No-- - Way!
That's totes cray-cray.
- No phone calls!
- And no video games!
[militaristic music]
♪
[whistle blows]
At ease.
Just kidding! Nobody is to be at ease in my presence!
As you know, Mom and Dad left me in charge.
That means you have to do as I say,
whether you're tall, short, or covered in fur
and can only understand the word "sit."
Now, here is our schedule for this evening.
6:00 to 7:00--sitting on beds with arms folded.
7:00 to 7:30--chow.
7:30 to 8:00-- thorough cleaning of mess hall.
8:00--staring at wall until falling asleep.
Everyone got that?
all: Ma'am, yes, ma'am! - Sir, yes, sir!
- Dismissed!
- Hey, Geo, want a snack, boy?
[thud]
[stomach gurgles]
- Leni, what are you doing?
- I'm not Leni. I'm wearing a scarf.
- You've got five minutes to do your business.
- This better be good.
You know how much trouble we'll be in if Lori finds out
we're not in our rooms?
- "Rooms"? More like prison cells!
Every time Lori's left in charge,
she makes our lives miserable.
Well, I say no more!
It's time to take back our Friday nights!
Luna, do you like it when Lori unplugs your amp mid-jam?
- It's way harsh.
- And, Lana, how about when Lori throws out
your mud pies?
- I work hard on those.
- And, Lily, what about when Lori
won't let you run around naked?
- [blows raspberry]
- Then let's do something about it!
all: Yeah!
[guitar chord blares]
- [giggles] Hiya.
- Lily, what are you--
[floorboards creak]
[screams]
Hey! What is going on?
- Your power trip is over!
We're taking back our Friday nights.
- Power trip?
- Just admit it.
You get a sick thrill out of bossing us around.
[all agreeing]
- You think I enjoy this?
Unfortunately, I'm the only one who can keep this house
from ending up in a pile of rubble!
It's not like any of you could do it.
- Yuh-huh, Lincoln could. - I could?
all: We're thinkin' Lincoln! We're thinkin' Lincoln!
- Lincoln in charge?
Ha! He couldn't lead Cliff to the litter box.
- [purrs and meows] [plop]
- Oh, yeah? Challenge accepted!
Take her away.
- You won't last five minutes!
[laughing maniacally]
- Lola, guard this door.
No one goes in. No one comes out.
Say good-bye to the Queen of No...
and hello to the King of Yes!
[all cheering]
[guitar music] - Yes to music!
Yes to mud!
- Seriously? - Yes to phone calls!
- And yes to video games.
- Super Mega Brawlers Turbo Fighter 24!
Round one, fight!
[girl screams, crash]
- [giggles] - Aah! Spider!
- Ha. Okay, have fun. - [screams]
- [giggles] - Just don't get too crazy.
[guitar blares]
Rad sounds! Maybe not so loud!
♪
[video game sound effects]
[smoke alarm blaring]
[yelps]
[rock music]
What was that?
- It's science. You wouldn't understand.
Aah!
- Just keep it on a leash.
[crash]
♪
- [squeals, babbling]
- [yelps] Lily!
Stop! - [giggles]
- [sighs]
Lana! You can't fish in there.
Those are pets
- [squeals]
Lynn, what are you doing?
- Can't ride a dirt bike without dirt.
- Give me that bucket!
[all giggling]
Hmm.
[whistling]
- Hi, exterminator guy! Do you do spiders?
Ew! What about water snakes?
- [giggles]
- Lucy, what are you doing with all those diapers?
- [screams]
- Incoming. - [yelps]
[whistling]
Diaper wall breach!
- [giggles]
- For those about to rock!
- Luna! No!
[guitar chord blares]
- Lincoln in charge?
[echoing] Ha! He couldn't lead Cliff to the litter box.
[plop] - [meows]
- Oh, really, Cliff?
[kettle whistling]
- No guitar playing!
No food fights!
No dirt bikes!
And no science experiments!
[explosion]
- Who do you think you are...
Lori? [laughs]
[all laughing]
[engine revving]
- No, I'm not--
Lori!
- Hey! No one goes in!
No one comes out! Boss' orders!
- Those were my orders! Let me in!
- I'm gonna need you to step back, sir.
- Sorry about this, Lola. [screams]
[smack]
[dog barks]
- Uh, no, no, no. I'm sorry, Lincoln.
Anyone else?
I didn't think so!
- [grunts]
Geo! Want a treat, boy?
They're in my back pocket.
Come on! Get 'em!
Little more.
- [chomps] - Yow! Too far.
Good boy.
[grunts] Lori! Lori!
- Ha! I knew you wouldn't last five minutes.
- It's only been five minutes?
It's a mad house down there! You got to help me!
- Nah, I'm thinkin' Lincoln. You handle it.
- I can't! You're the only one who can keep this house
from ending up in a pile of rubble...
[fireworks whistling]
Or ashes. - And?
- I couldn't lead Cliff to the litter box.
- And? - I'm sorry.
- That's all I needed to hear. Let's roll.
- I don't know how to get past her.
She's an animal.
- Glitter!
- Glitter. Nice.
- See what I mean?
[all giggling, engine revving, guitar blaring]
- Observe.
[whistle blows]
Mom and Dad are gonna be home in ten minutes!
[all shouting indistinctly]
- Brilliant.
- Yeah, you learn a few tricks as you get older.
[cell phone rings]
Hello? Uh-huh. Sure. Okay. Bye.
- Who was that? - Mom and Dad.
They're gonna be home in ten minutes.
- What are we gonna do? - I got this.
Luna, a little clean-up music?
- You got it, sis!
One, two, three!
[whistle blows]
[rock music]
♪
Good night, Loud House!
[vehicle approaching, brakes squeal]
- [gasps] The wall!
[keys jingle]
Lori, catch!
- Wow! I can't believe the house is still standing!
- What'd you expect? Lori's in charge.
- So what are you guys up to?
- Oh, we were just about to play a video game.
You can't say no all the time.
- Ooh, and look at this lovely piece of food-art
the kids made. [video game sound effects]
- [screams] What happened to my golf club?
- ♪ Cramped inside this tiny space ♪
♪ May sound bad, but ain't the case ♪
♪ In the Loud House - ♪ Loud House
- ♪ Duck and dodge and push and shove ♪
♪ That's the way we show our love in the Loud House ♪
- ♪ Loud House
♪ Laundry piles stacked up high ♪
♪ Hand-me-downs that make me cry ♪
♪ Stand in line to take a pee
♪ Never any privacy
♪ Chaos with 11 kids
♪ That's the way it always is ♪
♪ In the Loud House