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你自尊心强吗？你喜欢自己吗 do you have low self esteem do you like yourself
你认为自己很有信心还是觉得 do you consider yourself a confident person or do you wish you had more
需要对自己更自信？ confidence in yourself
当别人批评你时，会不会让你觉得 when other people are critical of you does it make you feel
对自己感觉特别糟糕 really badly about yourself
本集我将要谈谈人对自尊的需求 this video I want to talk about people's esteem needs
我们用什么办法能变得更加自尊 and talk about ways that we can have more self respect
怎样变得对自己更满意 and just in general be happier with ourselves we've done several videos
关于人类心理和马斯洛需求层次理论 talking about humanistic psychology and Maslow's hierarchy of needs
其中一种就是自尊心的需求 in one of those needs is the esteem needs
所以今天我们来看看更多关于 so today we want to look a little more in detail
人的自信，自尊与需求层级有什么样的联系 at how the hierarchy of needs relates to our self-confidence
这就是马斯洛需求层级理论的原版 and our self-esteem this is Maslow's original hierarchy of needs
我想说，实际上它并不是人类行为的完美模型 now I want to emphasize that it isn't necessarily the most perfect model
但是它确实是经过准确观察得到的 of human behavior but it's certainly an observable model
不难发现，人们很容易被这些需求驱使 and that we can easily observe that people are motivated by wanting to
不自觉想要去实现它们 fulfil these various needs
但我们并不需要一个完美的模型 but we don't necessarily need a perfect model
只需要一个有用的模型即可 in order to have a useful model and Maslow's hierarchy is
马斯洛理论是很有用的 a very useful model
看看我们的行为和驱使我们做出此行为 and looking at our own behavior and things that motivate us
以及那些驱使别人做出他们的行为的事 as well as what motivates other people to behave the way that they do
这是对马斯洛需求层级理论的拓展 this is Maslow's expanded hierarchy of needs
其中添加进去三种不同层级 three different levels have been added
就是：对理解的需求，对美的需求 that is a need to understand and a need for beauty
和最顶端一种超越自我的需求 and at the top a need to transcend the self
这就是需求层级体现的心理真相 now this is the psyche truth hierarchy of needs
未来我们会讲到更多关于新添的这几条 and in a future video we will go into more detail into the levels we've added
我们在最低端添加了生理需求 but we've added an underneath the physiological needs
避开痛苦和体验快乐的需求 need to avoid pain and experience pleasure
在自尊需求和理解需求二者之间 and between esteem needs and the need for understanding
我们添加了一种做出贡献的需求 we've added in a need to contribute back to the official Maslow's
回到初始的马斯洛层级理论 hierarchy
马斯洛需求层级理论的前四种 the first four levels of Maslow's hierarchy of needs
生理需求，安全需求 are the physiological needs the safety needs
爱或归属感需求，自尊需求，他说这四种 love or belonging and the esteem needs and he referred to those four levels as
是缺陷性需求 the deficiency needs
如果你缺乏其中任何一种需求 meaning that you're if you're ever deficient in any of those needs it'll
你就会被趋使去实现这种需求 motivate you into action to fulfil them
有些很简单的例子，比如饿了就吃东西 some really easy to see examples might be I feel hungry so I eat
感觉孤独时就给朋友打电话 I'm feeling lonely so I call up a friend
情绪低落，自我感觉很糟糕 I'm feeling low self esteem or feeling badly about myself
就从他人那里寻求肯定.其他例子比如 so I seek approval from other people another example might be
感觉害怕时就锁好门，买只狼牙棒 feeling fearful so you're locking your doors or purchasing mace
马斯洛理论称这些 Maslow also referred to
人们实现这些需求为应对行为 people fulfiling these needs as coping behavior
其他的需求，比如理解的需求 now the rest of the needs a need to understand
对美的需求，自我实现的需求 a need for beauty and self-actualization needs
超越自我的需求等高层次的需求他称为 and needs to transcend the self these higher needs he referred to as the
人之所以成为人的需求 being needs or the be needs
和为实现这些需求做出的努力 and attempts to fulfil these various needs
他称之为表达行为 was called expressive behavior it's important to make a distinction between
区别应对行为和表达行为很重要 coping and expressive behavior
通常，应对行为是指 in general coping behaviors are
为了弥补不足做出的努力 an attempt to satisfy
所以，他们也就是一种获得和消耗 a deficiency and in this way they're an attempt to
而从另一方面来看，表达行为 receive or consume expressive behavior on the other hand
通常是一种为了表达自我做出的行为 is generally an attempt to express the self
由此来看，它更倾向于付出或者创造 and in this way it's generally more geared towards giving
所以正好相反，应对行为 or creating something so where the coping needs
是在尽力创造一种内化的事物以供消耗 are often trying to produce an inflow of things to consume
表达行为是在自我之外创造一种外化的事物 the expressive behavior is actually producing and
应对行为的例子有很多比如 outflow from the self some examples of coping behavior might be
当你渴的时候就拿一杯水喝 you're thirsty and so you get a glass of water and you have a drink
当你自我感觉很糟糕，感觉没有自尊 or you're feeling bad about yourself you're feeling low self esteem
你可能就会寻求赞美或者与人打一架 so maybe you fish for compliments or maybe you pick up a fight with someone
仅仅以此来揪出别人的错误 just so you can make them wrong
另一个例子比如当你感觉孤独时 another example might be that you feel lonely
你可能会做出一些叛逆的行为 and so maybe you by a prostitute or engage in promiscuous behavior
反过来，表达行为是指 whereas the expressive behaviors might be
为自己和所有的朋友做一顿饭 cooking a meal for you and all of your friends or
或者制定一个目标或你一直想完成的事 setting a goal or something you've always wanted to achieve
然后努力去实现目标 and then achieving it or something
或者你可以创作绘画或音乐 like creating maybe you're creating art or music
或者你可以造一间房屋来实现自尊 maybe you're building a house in order to achieve self-respect
应更多的关注表达需求而不是应对需求 it's important to focus on the expressive means
现在让我们回过头来再看看 more so than the coping needs so let's go back to Maslow's original hierarchy
原始的马斯洛需求层级理论 of needs
这一理论的基本工作原理是 basically that theory worked like this
在最底端人们有自己的生理需求 at the very bottom you had your physiological needs and if you got to a
如果你已经实现了所有的生理需求 point in life where you were satisfying all of your physiological needs
比如吃饭睡觉等等类似的事 eating sleeping things like that then you could move on
你就可以进一步去实现你的安全需求 to your safety needs and begin addressing your safety needs
然后你就可以去实现爱和归属感的需求 once you fulfil both you could start addressing
当你实现了这些需求之后 love and belonging needs and once you fulfil those
你可以实现你的自尊的需求 you could start addressing your esteem needs
当你实现了以上这些需求你就可以看向 and once you for felt bows needs you could start looking at the higher needs
更高层次的自我实现的需求 the self actualization needs now maybe this is where Maslow's hierarchy is
这就是马斯洛理论错误之处 somewhat fault
因为在我看来 because in my personal opinion
我认为在实现自尊需求时 I don't think it's possible to fully be fulfiling our esteem needs
不同时实现自我实现的需求是不可能的 without addressing some of those self actualization needs
简言之，我们在实现自尊需求的同时 so in essence we can't truly be satisfying our self esteem needs
一定会实现自我实现的需求 without addressing our self actualizing needs
现在我们来更仔细地谈谈 in so let's talk about that in a little more detail
马斯洛曾经发表他的结论 Maslow actually published his own list
关于哪些品质有助于人实现自我 of qualities help by self actualizing people
现在我想跟你们分享一些 and I wanna share some of those with you now
第一，自我实现的人自觉，简单，自然 number one the self actualizing person has spontaneity
换句话说，这一类人都不会受制于人 simplicity and naturalness in other words this kind of person is not hung up
不会成为别人想要的人 on being as others think he should be
第二，离开人群的品质 number two the quality for detachment
需要一些隐秘空间避开社交环境 the need for privacy for all his social mindedness
自我实现的人需要一个人独处 the self actualizing person has a need to be by himself
需要孤独，他喜欢自己安静地思考 or need for solitude he enjoys times for quiet reflection
不会希望一直有人在身边 and doesn't always need people around him he can be with a few people
有时他会与人在一起却不一定与他们交谈 that he would be close to and not even need to communicate with them
只要他们出现就足够了 their presence is sufficient itself
第三，人际关系 number three interpersonal relations
自我实现的人比其他成年人 self actualizing people have deeper and more profound
有更深厚的人际关系 interpersonal relations than other adults
他们会更有爱和更完美的自我认知 they're capable of fusion greater love and more perfect identification
其他人几乎想都想不到 that other people could consider possible they generally tend to have
他们会有相对更少的朋友 relatively few friends
但是这些仅有的关系会深厚而有意义 but those relationships are deep and very meaningful
换句话说，自我实现的人 in other words self actualizing people
一般不会在人群中大受欢迎 usually aren't running around trying to win a popularity contest
他们不会有一大群朋友 they don't have a whole lot of friends but the friends they do have a close
但是确会有少数亲密朋友 friends
他们很明白其他人在想什么 and while they're very socially aware of what other people are thinking
却并不像其他人那般介意别人怎么想自己 they don't care as much as other people what people are thinking of them
重要的是，他们就是这样的人 so why is all this important thinking about someone
他们不介意别人想什么 who doesn't care what other people think
当别人对他无礼或者刻薄时 or doesn't take things personally when people are rude to them or
他不会太过在意 mean to them
如果我们真的努力去让所有人喜欢自己 how workable is it for us to really try and make
或者担心别人怎么想我们 everyone like us hard to worry about what everyone thinks about us
或者把所有的自尊都建立在别人的想法上 and is that workable for us to have our entire self esteem
这样做现实吗 vested in what other people think
在如今这样的社会 and how in this day in age where
我们很自然地有这种想法 we as humans really kind of have this natural
担心别人怎么是怎么想的 you know worry of what other people think we naturally would like
想要每个人喜欢自己 for other people
想要不被别人对你的态度影响 to like us how was it possible to get to a point where
这样是否可能做到 we don't let the way other people treat us
当别人无礼或者刻薄时 affect us we don't take it personally when other people are mean to us
我们不要太在意 or rude to us
问题就在于，我很努力地想实现自尊 so the problem is I'm running around trying really hard to fulfil
其他的任何人也都在努力想实现 my self esteem needs and everyone else on this planet is also running around
他们的自尊 trying to fulfil
有时候你会不会感觉到 their self esteems so have you ever felt like
你的品质没有被人认识或者注意到 there's really cool things about your personality
这是很残酷的事 that nobody's ever really acknowledged or noticed
有时候你对某件事工作特别努力 have you ever worked really really really hard on something
可能你的老板都没有跟你说谢谢 and maybe your boss doesn't even thank you
不跟你说你做的不错，只是要求更多 doesn't tell you good you did a good job they just demand more from you
有时候你帮了别人他们没说谢谢 have you ever help someone and they didn't say thank you
人们并没有应有的那样充满感激 well unfortunately people aren't always as appreciative
所以我们也没有因为我们所做的事情 as they should be and we don't always get validated
获得应该得到的认可 as much as we should for the things that we do and accomplish
另一种复杂情况是 another complication
当人们缺乏自尊时 is that people who are deficient
或者尽力想要实现自尊需求时 in their own self-esteem or are trying to fulfil their own self esteem needs
他们会损害到别人的自尊 who often do so to the detriment of other people's
通常他们会过分批评别人 self esteem needs so often they're over critical
通过指责别人的过错来让自己感觉好受 and they make themselves feel better by making other people
另外的一个例子是 wrong or less than they and an example might be
因为我比谁谁更好看所以我很开心 I feel good about myself because I'm prettier than so-and-so
或者我有一个更有吸引力的男朋友 or I have a more attractive boyfriend than so-and-so
或者我更有钱，我的衣服比别人的贵 or I have more money or more expensive clothes
或者是我很聪明而别人愚蠢 than another person or even something as
诸如此类的事 I'm smart and everyone else is stupid
所以我们看到，如果我们把自尊建立于 so we can see then that it's very dangerous to
别人对待我们的方式上 vest our own self-esteem and the way that other people treat us
或者别人赞同我们的方式上是很危险的 or in the way that other people approve of us because they're definitely
因为他们是外界的人 people out there
他们通过让我们自我感觉糟糕 that well make us feel bad about ourselves so that
使他们感觉自己很不错 they could feel better about themselves and if you're seeking approval from
想从一个富有批判性的人那里获得认可 a really critical person
结果你可能会感觉自己糟糕透顶 then you're just gonna feel miserable about yourself
要意识到我们想自我感觉良好 so it's one thing to realize that if we want to feel better about ourselves
就应该少担忧别人的想法是一回事 we should care less about what other people think about us
而实际做到少担忧别人的想法又是另一回事 and it's quite another to actually not care what people think about us
这样是非常困难的 it's very very difficult
那么我们来更详细地谈谈怎样学会 so let's talk a little bit more about how we can actually achieve a state
不担忧别人的想法 of not worrying what other people think so let's look back again
回头再来看需求层级的心理真相 at the psyche truth hierarchy of needs we've added in
我们在自尊需求和理解需求之间 a need to contribute in between the esteem needs and the need for
添加了做贡献的需求 understanding
做贡献的需求可以这样理解 now a need to contribute you could look
即一种帮助别人，为别人服务的需求 at that as um a need to help or be of service to others
一种创造出事物的需求 a need to produce or be productive
感觉到对社会有价值 and a need to feel like you have some value to society
能对社会做贡献的需求 or that you're contributing to society
再来看看更高层次的需求 and looking again at the higher order of needs
当你真正帮了别人时是什么感觉 how do you feel when you've really
当你学到了新的东西或者 truly helped someone how do you feel
终于理解了你之前认为自己理解不了的 when you learn something new or you finally understand something that you
是什么样的感觉 never thought you would understand before
当你创造了一件东西无论是一件艺术品 how do you feel when you create things whether it's an artistic creation
或者只是在工作中有了收获 or just being productive at work
或者做了一顿饭是什么感觉 or cooking a meal how do you feel when you achieve goals that you set for
当你实现了自己的目标是什么感觉 yourself
这些让你成长，让你自我感觉不错 generally these things build you up they make you feel good about yourself
所以马斯洛将它们称为成长需求 so Maslow also referred to these as the growth
我认为意识到这一点是很重要的 needs and I think that it's important to realize that
这些帮助我们提高自尊 these things generally help us to improve our self-esteem
让我们自我感觉很不错 make us feel better about ourselves rather than making us feel worse about
而不是自我感觉糟糕 ourselves
简单来说，如果你想要实现自尊需求 so in essence what we're saying is that if you want to fulfil
你应该要看向那些更高层次的需求 your esteem needs you should really take a look at those higher order needs
如果你实现其中一种需求 and see if by fulfilings one of those needs
你并没有同时实现自尊需求 you don't also fulfil your esteem needs
正如我前面说到，我们都在努力 as I mentioned before we're all running around trying to fulfil
实现自尊需求，所以通常情况是 our esteem needs so what often happens is that people are so
人们总是太多地关注自己 self-interested so concerned with themselves
却没有注意到你的好品质和你的成就 but they don't even notice your good qualities or your accomplishments
所以对我们来说认可自己和自己的成就 so it's really important for us to validate
就显得非常重要 and acknowledge ourselves and our accomplishments
要明白认可自己做过的事 to really consciously make a point
认可自己实现的目标是很重要的 to recognize what we've done or recognize that we fulfil a goal
让我们自己对自我感觉良好 and recognize that we feel good about that after all we're the ones
毕竟我们才是那个 who have to live with ourselves
陪伴自己度过每一天的人 day in and day out every single day
所以我们必须是自己最忠实的粉丝 so it's really important for us to be our own biggest fan
继续来看看自信和自尊 continuing to think about self confidence and self respect
马斯洛认为自我实现的人 another quality that Maslow recognized in self actualizing people
还具备有一种道德 was morality so
要理解道德，举个例子 in thinking about morality we can think about
当我们做了一件错事或者本身知道不该做的 how we feel when we do something that we
我们是什么感觉 we know is wrong or we know we were supposed to do
如果你因为这件事觉得很内疚 if you've ever felt guilty about doing something
内疚时我们当然不会自我感觉良好 you know that feeling guilty doesn't make you feel very good about yourself
我并不是在说你应该有什么样的宗教道德 so while I'm not trying to tell you that you need to have these morals or these
或者你应该符合别人的道德标准 religious morals or live up to anyone else's moral standards
我只是说我们通常都有关于是非的概念 I'm just pointing out that we all kind of have a general
当我们违背了这种是非概念时 understanding of what's right and wrong and when we violate that
我们会对自我感觉很不好 we usually feel pretty bad about ourselves
所以简单总结来说，第一 so to summarize all this number one
每一天你必须跟自己生活24小时 you have to live with yourself 24 hours
所以你自己对自己的感觉 of every single day so it's actually more important
比别人对你的感觉更重要 how you feel about yourself than how other people feel about you
第二 number two
感谢和认可将是很少的 acknowledgement and validation can be very scarce
所以我们认可和感激自己和自己的成就 so it's important that we recognize and acknowledge
是很重要的 our own accomplishments
第三，我们的自我价值很大程度上 number three our self-worth is largely reliant
取决于我们对别人做了多大贡献 on how much we contribute to other people
所以我们会从实现表达需求 so we're going to get a lot more joy out of
或创造出某种事物 fulfilling our expressive needs of creating things
或实现自己的目标获得更多的快乐 of warning of accomplishing our goals
而不是仅仅只是从应对需求或 than we are just by dealing with our coping needs or trying to
呆板的赞美之声获得快乐 attract idle compliments
第四，你必须陪伴自己生活一生 number four you have to live with yourself
所以你对自己的道德观价值观要诚实 so it's important to be true to your moral values
不要去做你认为不该做的事 and not do things that you don't think you should do
第五，其他人如果对自己没有自尊心 number five other people with low
将会常常指责别人的错误 self-esteem will often make other people wrong
或贬低别人或使别人自我感觉糟糕 or less than them or make them feel bad about themselves
以此使他们感觉自己很不错 and into temps to feel better about themselves
所以当有人对你具有很强的批判性 so it's important to realize that if somebody is being
或者对你说了很刻薄很伤人的话 really critical of you or saying mean or hurtful things to you
那很可能只是反映了他们对自己的感觉 that it's probably more a reflection on how they feel about themselves
而与你没有太大的关系 it has a lot less to do with you and shouldn't be affecting the way that you
所以你不应该受到影响而改变自己的想法 feel about yourself
对于我提到的这些建议，你很可能会说 now for any of these recommendations you could easily say
说起来简单做起来难 easier said than done and certainly it's not
这并不是简单下决心不担忧别人的想法 as simple as just deciding not to care what other people think of you or
或者下决心自我感觉良好就行 just deciding
我认为有一点很重要，我们必须意识到 to feel really good about yourself but I think it's important to realize that
我们有足够的力量控制自己对自己的看法 we do have a lot of power in the way that we feel about ourselves
我们也有足够的力量控制自己 and a lot of control in whether or not we take personally the ways that other
不受别人对我们的态度的影响 people treat us
我们已经谈了很多关于自我实现的 so I've talked a lot about self actualization
那人际关系的实现又怎么样呢 but what about relationship actualization in a future video
未来一集我们将谈谈马斯洛需求层级理论 we're going to look at how Maslow's hierarchy of needs could be used
对于人与人之间的关系有什么样的作用 to have a healthy say in a relationship with another person
另一集我将深入探讨心理疾病问题 and in another video I'm going to delve deeper
同时讨论 into mental illnesses and ask
心理疾病是不是生物性疾病 our mental disorders really biological diseases
你们可能会对我做过的研究的结果感兴趣 well I did some research and you might be interested to see what I found out
非常感谢收看今天的节目 thank you so much for watching this video today
我希望它对你有帮助或者能引起你的兴趣 I hope that it was useful to you or interesting to you
我将感激你们的评论，不论是好还是坏 I'd appreciate your comments good or bad and give me thumbs up if you like this
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