[music plays]
- [giggling, cooing] - There. That's better.
- [# Seals & Croft: Summer Breeze] - [laughing]
- # Summer breeze # - All clean.
- [giggling] - # Make me feel fine #
- # Blowing through the jasmine in my mind # - [sighs]
# He sees you when you're sleepin' #
- # He knows when you're awake # - What are you doing here?
- What are you talking about? - I'm talkin' about Santa Claus!
There's only 159 days left till Christmas, so you better be good.
I'd better be good? How 'bout this? You better be scarce. Now go on.
I don't care about Christmas.
- # Jingle bells, jingle bells Jingle all the way # - Ah!
- Donkey! - 51 days left till Christmas.
Get your green butt in gear and go get your marshmallows,
because without marshmallows, sweet potatoes are nothin'!
Aggh! Enough! I don't care about any of this nonsense.
- Now shoo! - OK, OK. But don't say I didn't say I told you so.
[sighs]
- # Smashing through the snow # - Ah!
- # And laughin' all the way # Ha-ha-ha! - [sighs]
It's finally here. Tomorrow's Christmas Eve! You got everything ready?
- [Shrek] No. - Trimmed stockin's
- or hung your chestnuts or roasted the tree? - No!
- Or figgified your puddin'? - Donkey!
Will you get it through your thick head?
No one here gives a hoot about Christmas!
A white Christmas! Oh, how perfect.
And it's our first one together as a family. Isn't this exciting?
Uh, oh, yeah! How 'bout that?
There's somethin' Shrek needs to tell you.
Don't ruin the surprise for her, Donkey.
Surprise? Oh, I love surprises!
You're the best. Come on, let's go make some cookies.
[door closes]
OK, you a dead man. You know that, right?
Um, hold that thought. I'll be right back.
[# Carl Orff: Carmina Burana]
- [ringing] - Oh, good, you're still open.
No, no, uh, we're closing now. Merry Christmas.
Wait, wait, wait! I need your help. I have to make a Christmas,
and I have no idea what it is or how to do it!
Why didn't you say so? That's super.
I know all about Christmas, and I have just the book for you.
Christmas for Village Idiots. It's all spelled out. See?
One: decorate house. Two: the stockings by the fireplace.
Step three: the Christmas feast. Mmmm!
- What's that? - Step four? That's the Christmas tree!
The tree goes inside the house?
Anyway, step five:
The telling of the Christmas story.
This is the step that says I created the perfect Christmas
for my perfect family perfectly. See? Family by the fire,
everyone cozy and warm. Happy, happy. Voila!
- Um, sure. - Look, long story short,
it's all right here. It's no problem.
- Oh, perfect. - I mean, how hard can it be?
- [shouting] - I didn't get the eggnog!
- Closed?! What do you mean? - We're closed.
- Dwight the Knight action figure? - Marshmallows!
- Sweet potatoes are nothing without marshmallows! - Bye-bye.
- Have a super Christmas. - [moaning]
- [rattling] - Wha...? Oh.
- [Shrek] Ooh! - Honey, is that you?
- [Shrek] Ah! Oh! - [gasps]
Fiona! What are you doing up so early?
- [grunts] - Wait, are you OK?
- I'm all right. [chuckles] - What are you...?
- Uh, I... - Are you decorating?
Uh, yeah, that. Surprised?
- Yes. [giggles] - Well, this is our first Christmas together as a family,
and, you know, I just want to make sure that it's perfect.
Shrek, I think... it's beautiful.
- It's passable. - It's horrible!
- Oh! Donkey! - They usually toilet paper and run away.
Whoever did this means business! Get rid of all this junk
and get some tinsel and doilies and ribbons
- and maybe some of those plastic reindeer. - What is it you wanted today?
Come on, it's Christmas Eve! And I've brought you a little somethin'.
Go ahead, take a couple. I bought plenty for everybody!
Oh, isn't that... nice.
Well, thanks for stopping by for that brief visit, but as you can see,
there's a lot of work to do.
Just like him to wait till the last minute.
Don't worry, if there's one thing I know, it's Christmas.
Shrek's gonna want help, my advice, and he's definitely...
Actually, I think what he really wants is a nice family Christmas.
Oh, a family Christmas.
Yeah. It's the first one with the kids.
Don't say another word. I know exactly what you mean.
- I got a lot to do now, so I better get movin'. - Thank you, Donkey!
- Uh, and Merry Christmas! - All right. Merry Christmas!
# Love and joy come to you and to me some waffles too #
Donkey's right. It's Christmas Eve.
How am I ever gonna get this done in time?
This is gonna be the best Christmas ever. And we're going to do it together, so come on.
[# The Waitresses: Christmas Wrapping]
# 'Cause it is my favorite holiday #
# All this year's been a busy blur #
[belches]
# On with the boots Back out in the snow #
# To the only all-night grocery #
# When what to my wondering eyes should appear #
# In the line is that guy I've been chasing all year #
# Then suddenly we laughed and laughed #
# Caught on to what was happening #
# That Christmas magic's brought this tale #
- # To a very happy ending # - Everything looks so good!
Oh, nice job, honey.
Well, we all did it together.
And now what would the perfect Christmas be without a Christmas story?
- [giggling] - Ahem.
'Twas the night before Christmas and all through the house
- Not a creature was stirring... What? - [crashing]
- Merry Christmas, Shrek! - Oh, not you!
We're here to smother you with Christmas love!
Absolutely not! Bad Donkey! Go home!
How are you gonna have Christmas without family?
- Seasons greeting! - Happy Holidays!
- Merry Christmas! - Well, what a nice surprise!
Oh, yeah. Ooh!
[cooing]
OK, I will assume the position.
[squealing, laughing]
- I am the joy-filled swine! - Yay for the season of love!
Don't you know this is where stockings go? You can't be hanging laundry up!
Donkey! Don't touch anything.
- [shouting] - How we gon' roast chestnuts on this little bitty fire?
Hey, baby, you mind?
- Oh, boy! - This way, gents.
[laughs] That was our supper!
Ow! Hey! Ow!
Did you hurt yourself when you fell out of heaven?
- [pig] Where are we going to put it? - I don't know.
Let's put it over here. No, that is not with the feng shui.
Come on, everybody, let's dance!
# Yes, we can, can, can Can, can, can, can dance #
[dance music plays]
- [indistinct chatter] - [Shrek] Occupied!
It's me. Shrek?
- [Shrek] Yes? - Come back to the party. Please?
[Shrek] I don't think that'd be such a good idea.
Come on. It's not that bad.
OK, I know you're not a party person, but...
But what? This is not the kind of Christmas I had in mind.
They're our friends, Shrek. They all mean well.
- [glass shatters] - [pig] How many babies did Fiona have?
- [pig 2] She has babies? - [pig 1] Don't know.
I better get back to the house.
I'm surprised we have a house to go back to.
- Are you coming? - Oh, I can hardly wait.
- Ah, finally! - [crashing]
- [humming Ride of the Valkyries] - Ja, look at him go!
- Excuse me. Excuse me! - Excuse you for what?
I don't feel very good. [gagging]
- Ahh, I feel better now. - Ooh, a chocolate chip! Mm!
- Sweetheart? [giggles] - [# Journey: Don't Stop Believin']
- Mind if I cut in? - Oh!
# Don't stop believing #
# Ooh, up and down the boulevard #
[giggling, cooing]
[Pig] I am a little Christmas angel!
- Hey there, my sweeties. - [belches]
Aw. Would you like Daddy to finish the story for you?
- [squeals] - Yeah?
The children were nestled all snug in their beds
- Visions of sugarplums... - Were you tellin' 'em
The Night Before Christmas? That's the best Christmas story ever!
- And I'm the best teller ever! - Donkey...
I got it committed to memorization!
- Gather round! - Donkey! Wait!
I'm supposed to tell the Christmas story.
'Twas the night before Christmas and I spent all the day
Finishin' up on my Christmas display
Now, missin' all this would be nothin' but tragic
So just follow me and I'll show you the magic
Now, out in the yard in a glorious clutter
Is a spectacle there that'll make your heart flutter
With 20-foot cheese balls and a big eggnog fountain
And yodelin' elves on an ambrosia mountain
A stage where acrobats jump, leap and prance
And honor the day through interpretive dance
- [all shout] - But just when you think the display is complete
The Christmas parade comes right down the street
With holiday floats all in silver and blue
With sugarplum fairies and a reindeer or two
There's a baton-twirlin' snowman all happy and perky
Magical peacocks and a dancin' roast turkey
- # Everybody dance now # - [# C+C Music Factory: Gonna Make You Sweat]
[Donkey] And right when you think that you've just seen it all
Comes a huge waffle Santa that's 50 feet tall
Ho, ho, ho!
With syrup and butter the sight just amazes
As it's flanked by a choir all singin' his praises
# Oh, Santa #
# Oh, Santa Oh, Santa #
- # Santa # - Donkey.
- # Oh, Santa # - Santa?
- Donkey! - Santa!
- Donkey! - Oh.
Very inappropriate, amigo. Please, allow me.
- Oh, Puss, not you too. - In my homeland,
we tell a very different tale of the Santa Nicholas.
He's not made of waffles.
- This Santa was suave He was nothing like that - [giggling]
The Santa I know was a hot Latin cat
He was dressed all in fur from his head to his paws
And he stood there heroic A real Santa... Claws
Red are his boots
- And so is his cape - Olé!
His sword is a cane that tastes like crab cake
He wears a fine belt and a leather cravat
And there's a cute fuzzy thing which hangs down from his hat
[jingles]
[purring]
- [crickets chirping] - I have shamed myself.
- [all] Olé! - All right, everybody,
if you leave now, you can beat the holiday traffic.
Aw, phooey with all your sunshine and lollipops!
Where I come from, Christmas is a nightmare.
- [sighs] - [clears throat]
'Twas the night before Christmas and the prettiest sights
Were my sweetheart beside me in the bright Christmas lights
...until they got home.
When they looked at the car door handle, and they found a hook!
- [shrieking] - [laughing]
Gingy, cut it out! You're really givin' me the creeps!
Oh, come on, I was just teasin'.
- Come here, you. - [chuckles]
(giggles) Oh, Gingy, I couldn't stay mad at you.
- [rustling] - What was that?
Oh, no, you don't. I'm not fallin' for that again.
No, I'm really, really seriously not kidding.
- Whoa! - Oh, Gingy!
- [makes Godzilla shriek] - Oh!
[shouting]
- [screaming] - Oh! Suzie!
- [crunching] - No! No! No!
That's the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard.
- You know that's not how it goes. - You weren't there!
All right, everyone, I've had just about enough!
All I wanted was a nice Christmas with my family.
And that's exactly why we're all here! Now, come on, let's finish tellin' my story.
Oh, no, Donkey, that's not what I meant. And get out of my chair.
- Oh, hey, what's this? - Donkey, let go of the book.
- Why are you whisperin'? - I'm not kiddin', Donkey. Give me the book!
- Heimlich! - Ja?
- No, Heimlich! - Oh, ja!
- [shouting] - Uh!
Whoa! Ah!
- [gasping] - Ow! My eye!
- Ow! - Oh, boy!
- Oh! - Ah!
- [shouting] - [giggling]
- Ah! - Drop and roll, Shrek!
- Somebody get some water! - I got it! I got it!
Don't worry, Shrek, everything is under control!
- Oh, boy. - [kettle whistling]
- Ooh! The tea is ready. - [Shrek] Out!
- I want everybody out of my house right now! - [shouting]
Ah! Ow!
Yeah, well, that's a real nice way to treat your guests on Christmas!
And if you think I'm gonna give you a present now, you are sadly mistaken!
You want to give me a present? Then go away!
- That's all I wanted! - Fine! I'm going!
- Good, then go! - You go and have yourself a merry Christmas,
- Ebenezer Shrek! - And a "Bah, humbug" to you too!
- We could come to our house. - Ja, we have plenty of schnitzel.
Now maybe we can...
Fiona? Where you going?
Shrek, you just kicked everybody out on Christmas.
Well, that wasn't Christmas. That was chaos!
Look, I know it didn't go like you wanted.
What I wanted was a perfect Christmas for me and my family.
- That was our family. - You call that a family?
That was a natural disaster!
On Christmas, that's how it works. Yes, it was crowded.
Yes, it got a little out of hand.
- Fiona, they lit me on fire! - Shrek...
I had everything under control until they showed up and ruined my Christmas!
- Your Christmas? - I mean our Christmas.
- For you, and the babies. - [sighs]
Christmas is not just about you or me. Or even the babies.
You just don't get it.
I have to go. I need to apologize to our friends.
Fiona, wait.
[sighs]
[# eels: The Stars Shine in the Sky Tonight]
# December is a lonely month #
# In a year of lonely days #
# It's hard to tell which way is up #
# Or down or out or through the haze #
# It's not where you're coming from #
# It's where you're going to #
I still don't understand why Shrek had to be so mean and cranky.
We were tryin' to do what you wanted us to do!
- What are you talking about? - What you said this mornin'.
You know, you and Shrek wanted to have a big old noisy family Christmas.
No, I said it was our first Christmas together as a family.
A family, right. That's me and everybody else.
Then he lost his temper like that.
You know, Donkey, none of us really asked Shrek what he wanted.
Well, I must agree with the Princess. And you, especially, were no Christmas angel.
- You know, I don't remember askin' you anything! - Donkey.
[sighs] I'm sorry, Princess. You're right.
- Even still, Shrek didn't have to be so... - What?
- [yelling] - [meowing]
Pigheaded? Stubborn? Mean?
Well, maybe I am all those things, but I'm an ogre, OK?
So here's the thing. [clears throat]
I'm sorry you took getting kicked out of my house the wrong way.
No, wait. What I meant to say is
I know you're all just trying to be helpful in your own irritating fashion...
- Ay, caramba! - Uh, some people can't help being annoying.
- Shrek! - Look,
I shouldn't have lost my temper back there.
- Apology accepted. Let's eat. - Wait a minute.
Now, there's somethin' more to this. Come on now, what's goin' on?
Look, all I wanted was to make this perfect for my family,
but I don't even know what Christmas means.
The thing is, this is my first Christmas too.
Whoa, hold up, Shrek! You mean to tell me that you never had...
- No. - Not even one?
- No! - You mean no chestnuts,
no Santa, no presents, no stockings?
- [gasps] No nut cakes?! - Donkey!
No, none of that.
Ogres don't celebrate Christmas.
Ogres don't celebrate anything.
Oh, man, now I'm all emotional.
- Come here, Shrek, gimme a hug! - All right, that's close enough.
OK, all right, I just... guess I got... a little
excited about Christmas and all the presents and mistletoe
and [sniffs] everything, and I forgot that it's...
It's about us all bein' together, and I'm... I'm sorry, Shrek.
I know, Donkey, and... and I'm sorry it ended up in a great big fight.
Oh, Christmas is all about big fights.
My mama used to say, "Christmas ain't Christmas till somebody cries."
- Usually that someone's me. - Boss,
- there is no right way to do Christmas. You just do it. - Ja, with schnitzel!
- [laughing] And eggnog! - [all] And cheese!
- And family. - Yeah. And family.
So despite the fact that you drive me crazy at times...
Yes, Donkey, I'm lookin' at you.
...it would mean a lot to me if you'd all come back and join us.
[chuckling] OK, I guess I deserved that.
- Don't push your luck. - [laughing]
They got you good, Shrek!
That wasn't even funny! Who did that?
[babies cooing]
[Fiona] Well, that's the last of the spare blankets.
Uh, sorry, but this is my spot. I never get the good spots, so I specifically...
[shrieks]
So we are pigs, pigs in the blanket, ja?
- Ja. - Ja.
- So this is funny then, ja? - Ja, ja.
- This is funny. - Ja.
- Yep, that's a good one. - Good night, everyone.
- It's time for lights out. - Lights out? We can't go to sleep yet.
We haven't heard a bedtime story. Right, everybody?
- Shrek, yeah! - [all shouting]
All right. All right.
- [sighs] Don't need this. - [babies giggle]
OK.
'Twas the night before Christmas
Not a swamp rat did creep
As mother and babe played kazoo in their sleep
[kazoo sounds]
Now, the sight of the house would make any ogre droop
For 'twas sickeningly sweet as unicorn poop
Yet who was arriving to help this lost cause?
The foul, the vile and handsome Ogre Claus
Hey. How's it goin'?
He looked all around and scratched at his beard
And said...
This place is worse than I thought... uh, feared.
So he grabbed up his belly and screwed up his face
- And let loose a... - [loud belch]
That transformed the place
With a gleam in his eye His work here was done
And then to the babies he gave One by one
A festering bottle of stinky swamp juice
And for mommy a kiss and a good Christmas goose
- Ooh! - 425 degrees, 20 minutes per pound.
Then digging a finger inside of his nose
And giving a nod Up the chimney he rose
And I heard him exclaim as he drove out of sight
"Smelly Christmas to all, and to all a gross night"
- [bells jingling] - Ho, ho, ho!
Ho, ho, ho!
- Ho, ho, ho! - Santa?! Ah!
Ho, ho, ho!
[# The Fairy Tale Creatures: Deck the Halls]
# Shrek the halls with Puss and Donkey #
# Fa-la-la-la-la La, la, la, la #
# Christmas time can be so wonky #
# Fa-la-la-la-la La, la, la, la #
# As we all descend on Shrek's place #
# Fa-la-la, La-la-la La, la, la #
# Fill his swamp with tinsel and lace #
# Fa-la-la-la-la La, la, la, la #
# Christmas time can be such a hassle #
# Fa-la-la-la-la La, la, la, la #
# When your friends invade your castle #
# Fa-la-la-la-la La, la, la, la #
# Join us here for Christmas leisure #
# Fa-la-la, la-la-la la, la, la #
# Trashing Shrek's house is our pleasure #
# Fa-la-la-la-la La, la, la, la #
# Push the chairs back cranks the dance tunes #
# Fa-la-la-la-la La, la, la, la #
# We'll be house guests until next June #
# Fa-la-la-la-la La, la, la, la #
# Eat the turkey and the cheese log #
# Fa-la-la-la-la La, la, la, la #
# Guzzle punch and tea and egg nog #
# Fa-la-la-la-la La, la, la, la #
# Hail be Shrek through Christmas season #
# Fa-la-la-la-la La, la, la, la #
# Seems to be against all reason #
# Fa-la-la-la-la La, la, la, la #
# Christmas time we're sure to be here #
# Fa-la-la-la-la La, la, la, la #
# Filling Shrek with lots of good cheer #
# Fa-la-la-la-la La, la, la, la #
[# I'm From Barcelona: Here We Come Wassailing]
# Love and joy #
# Come to you #
# And to you #
# Your wassail too #
# Love and joy #
# Come to you #
# And to you #
# Your wassail too #
# And here we come a-wassailing #
# Among the leaves so green #
# And here we come a-wandering #
# So fair to be seen #
# Our wassail cup is made of #
# The rosemary tree #
# And so is your beer #
# Of the best barley #
- # Love and joy # - # Love and joy #
- # Come to you # - # Come to you #
- # And to you # - # And to you #
- # Your wassail too # - # Your wassail too #
# Love and joy come to you #
# And to you your wassail too #
# And we wish you #
# A happy new year #
# We are the daily beggars #
# That beg from door to door #
# But we are neighbors' children #
# Whom you have seen before #
# Good master and good mistress #
# As you sit by the fire #
# Pray, think of us poor children #
# Wandering in the mire #
- # Love and joy # - # Love and joy #
- # Come to you # - # Come to you #
- # And to you # - # And to you #
- # Your wassail too # - # Your wassail too #
- # Love and joy # - # Love and joy #
- # Come to you # - # Come to you #
- # And to you # - # And to you #
- # Your wassail too # - # Your wassail too #
# Love and joy come to you #
# And to you your wassail too #
# And we wish you #
# A happy new year #
[# The Donnas: Chrstimas Wrapping]
# "Bah, humbug!" No, that's too strong #
# 'Cause it is my favorite holiday #
# But all this year's been a busy blur #
# Don't think I have the energy #
# To add to my already mad rush #
# Just 'cause it's 'tis the season. #
# The perfect gift for me would be #
# Completions and connections left from #
# Last year, ski shop #
# Encounter most interesting #
# Had his number but never the time #
# Most of '81 passed along those lines #
# So deck those halls trim those trees #
# Raise up cups of Christmas cheer #
# I just need to catch my breath #
# Christmas by myself this year #
# Calendar picture frozen landscape #
# Chilled this room for 24 days #
# Evergreens, sparkling snow #
# Get this winter over with! #
# Flashback to springtime saw him again #
# Would've been good to go for lunch #
# Couldn't agree when we were both free #
# We tried, we said we'd keep in touch #
# Didn't, of course till summertime #
# Out to the beach to his boat Could I join him? #
# No, this time it was me #
# Sunburn in the third degree #
# Now the calendar's just one page #
# And, of course I am excited #
# Tonight's the night but I've set my mind #
# Not to do too much about it #
# Merry Christmas! Merry Christmas! #
# Could've missed this one this year #
# Merry Christmas! Merry Christmas! #
# Could've missed this one this year #
# Merry Christmas! Merry Christmas! #
# Could've missed this one this year #
# Merry Christmas! Merry Christmas! #
# Could've missed this one this year #
Subtitles by LeapinLar