- 上集回顾 "好莱坞太后规矩"...
- 你一直都对我像个婊子. 我知道, 因为你关心我.
- Kisten，你是个令人恶心的婊子.
- 我尽量不给你添麻烦
因为我知道这段时间对你很难. - Hey!
- 你正在目睹一段友情的结束.
- 我想向你道歉.我相信你说的是真的.
那...你还喜欢我嘛?
- [ sighs ] 我需要一些时间来好好想清楚.
- 我和Raquel聊过，她从来没有完全和他谈过
她的想法，她终于坦诚布公的和他聊了
他答应回去酗酒互助会.
- Raquel几乎是给我下最后通牒了.
我还没有时间去酗酒协会,
老实说，我不想去.
- Hi. - You okay? You good?
- 有点紧张 - 最重要的是
你要娶你梦中的女人了，对嘛?
- 是的.
- 我现在宣布你们正式结为夫妻.
你可以亲吻新娘了. [ cheers and applause ]
- mmm.
♪♪♪
♪ you know that it's our time ♪
♪ these are the best days of our lives ♪
♪ just raise your glasses high ♪
♪ this one's for you tonight ♪
♪ I'm ready to go ♪
♪ just take it down to the floor ♪
♪ if you got more, let it show ♪
♪ 'cause you know we've got control ♪
- 宝贝，我们正式作为合法夫妻回家了
- 我要你抱我.
♪♪♪
- 好的.
- [ hums fanfare ] - [ hums fanfare ]
- 老公和老婆. Whoo!
Mwah! - Mwah!
♪ sit back, don't look where you've come ♪
♪ I-I-I-I know that you know ♪
♪ we're, we're, we're, we're ready to go ♪
- 跟你同步一下，我明天要多准备些酒杯来.
我们酒杯已经不够了.
- 怎么样?我听说星期六很火爆
Yes?
- Hey, man. - Maximilian.
- 你还没死
- 差点就死了. - 你怎么样?
你身上酒味很浓. - 不会吧.
- Do you wanna start a tab or...
- If it can stay like this for the rest of the night,
我感觉... - Yeah.
- ...It'll be steady, but it won't be crazy.
Hi. - Hi!
Um, 快爆料.怎么样?
- 棒极了. - Kentucky太热了.
- 你能把那个kir royale拿来吗?
检查下里面有没有树莓
放颗树莓进去.
- 我想死你们了.
- 我也是. - 我想tomtom.
我在为我的蜥蜴哀悼.
我也许会为他办一个追悼泳池趴体...
- 你认真的嘛? - ...明天在mondrian.
- 哈? 蜥蜴的追悼泳池趴?
- 我的蜥蜴叫Daug,
我们仅仅相处了3周的短暂时光，但是我们很开心
我能感受到他的情绪，我很爱他.
他是我们家庭中的一员。
- 我告诉过你，我会纹一个"安息吧daug"的纹身
- [ laughs ] 不会吧. - 我是认真的.
- 我劝你放弃. 最近有什么麻烦吗?
有什么问题吗? - 额...Dayna和我...
- 你们怎么了? - 我们--额--我们闹翻了.
我觉得她好像，有点，你懂的，很沮丧
我也很内疚. - Yeah.
- 但是我也不想骗她
抱歉，但是我不知道该怎么反应
- 你和Max聊过了嘛还是怎样？...
- 我去tomtom 和他聊过而且和他道歉了.
I think that's kinda dnr, that whole situation.
随便啦
Max 没有接受我的道歉，他不想和我在一起了
我们在冷战中.
好棒棒哦.
- 你们又不是在一起几年了
你懂我的意思吗?
To where you would, like-- - 完全明白
- 其实你们都没有在一起超过一年,
你很难知道对方老不老实
毕竟你们在一起时间不长.
- Yeah. Um, 我要去给那桌送玛格丽特了.
我好开心你们回来了.
- 好的，晚点聊.
-我本来想和你聊的--
I think I'm gonna 86 danica from coming in here.
- 你要把她拉黑吗? - Danica, yeah.
- Whoa. 她越界了吗?
- Yeah, 她不尊重我，而且话超多.
而且, 她对Richardson也不礼貌.
- 我听说她在前台也很不礼貌.
- 我听到有人说我对Richardson不礼貌,
但是后来就不了了之了,
然后也没人提过
我没怎么放在心上.
- Yeah. - Max 就觉得,
"I can 86 danica." - from tomtom?
- Yeah. - [ laughs ] oh, my god.
I can't. 神经病把.
- Yeah. - 他说, "你在我背后
说我的坏话." 拜托, 我也是经理好吗.
Like, come on. - Yeah.
- 直接说你有啥问题，我们解决不就完了
- Yeah.
- 她当着我的面对我超好的?
- Yeah. - 但是她一背着我
就跑去sur说我坏话.
Danica 阴了我几次了.
说我自称是tomtom的老板--
简直荒谬
- Max是我这辈子见过的
最饥渴的人 - 谢谢.
- 我带了2位姐妹.
我告诉她们，他有一点tomtom的管理权.
- 还有"我对不起Adriana"的事
- 她30岁生日的时候，
她还和她朋友睡到一起了
- 但是他还和dayna造我的谣
这是压倒我的最后一根稻草.
- 他就像所有的危险信号集合,
所有的妹子都应该见到他就跑,
like, picking them out of the ----ing bouquet.
[ laughter ]
- 她在挑拨离间.
我完全支持你.
♪♪♪
- 真是有意思.
- 话说,Lala主动找我了,
她想见我，和我聊聊.
- 哈, 真的吗？ - Yeah.
- 你懂的, 我们有些事情要聊聊.
- Yeah. - 我就想借此机会
告诉她，她去年对待我的
态度是很不OK的
我给你看她发给我的短信,
但是基本上...
- "scheana跟我说了一点
"你和 james的事.
"我觉得我可以作为过来人
"和你聊聊
"因为我也有酗酒问题
"我可以和你聊聊怎么影响我的人际关系,
特别是我最爱的人."
我觉得你要坚定立场,
直接告诉她, "你跟我说的那些话都不ok."
- 我老爸走之前，我一直都觉得你就是个傻逼
我靠，你不会真的这么蠢吧？
- Lala，我不蠢.
不过，当然，我们不可能,
就这样成为朋友，甚至闺蜜. - Yeah.
- 但是这件事至少可以翻篇了.
♪♪♪
- oh!
- Whoa,好多包裹啊.
- 都是我们婚礼网站上选的.
我们先来开一些吧. - All right.
以我在Kentucky的婚礼烧钱的程度来看,
最好有些厉害的结婚礼物.
- 除了天气很热以外,
我觉得那天挺完美的.
- 如果我来选结婚礼物的话
我希望是汽车零件，Kings的季票
甚至是喷气式划艇之类的，一些我用的上的东西.
- 洗碗巾!
- 我好想要哦
[ yawns ]洗碗巾，呵呵.
- 大家都给我发短信说他们多开心,
那个周末多完美,
你的婚礼致辞多感人.
- 我的胃都打结了，真的.
'因为我想保证我说的话都是对的
我甚至还做了PPT.
你做PPT演讲的时候,
你就要--讲你的演讲主题--
jax 和 brittany的婚礼, 还有一些其他的事情
例如泳池趴体，这个，那个
这就是PPT的论点，对吗? 差不多了
- 我不敢相信真的结束了.
我们离开城堡的时候
我总觉得我随时会哭出来.
- Oh. [ yawns ] 我的钱包至少很开心这些结束了.
- 我有点困了. - 好的，我也是
- 你想搞定这些吗?--
- 要不留到明天早上?
- Yeah. - Yeah.我可以.
- Hey. 老公和老婆. - 老公和老婆.
We're on the same page. - Already thinking alike.
你抱我上楼梯好不好?
- 真的吗?不要把.
我能扛着你上去吗?
- 不要[ laughs ]
- oh, 我的老腰.
- [ giggles ] 好浪漫哦. 但是你在喘气.
[ laughter ]
- coming up...
- 你完全可以直接来找我聊,
但是你非要在我背后说坏话.
- 因为我在等你跟我聊,
and then just telling you you can't come in.
- That's what you want? Congratulations.
Your plan isn't gonna work.
♪- I don't know whether to laugh or be sad.
- To--to cry? Just... - Well...
- He's upset, so that's all you can do.
- I don't know how to... - Aw.
- I'm sorry for your loss.
- How's it going? - What's going on?
- Aw. [ laughs ] 2019... - Yeah.
- [ snorts laugh ] - I know.
- Sorry, it says, "2019 to 2019."
- his lifespan was, like, 15 to 20 years, you know?
So I had, like, I had, like,
our whole life together charted out.
At least for the next few weeks, you know?
From a very young age,
I had newts, salamanders, frogs, turtles.
I was born as a reptile and amphibian lover.
He was part of the family.
He was officially a schwartz, you know?
He did wrestle with depression. I mean, I'm not--I don't--
I'm not saying that jokingly.
I thought he was just acclimating.
He seemed kind of dejected or just--
he was always sleeping. He was lethargic.
But when I took him outside, he had great moments
where he would really shine.
Oh, sh--, here come the punch bowls.
- Oh, it is a celebration--
- hey, what's up, guys? - Hi.
- Hi, guys. - Hey. Hey.
- Hey, uh, I just wanna say
I miss you, and I love you, daug.
- Yeah. I love you, too, daug. - I love you, daug.
- Love you, daug.
- I was there when schwartz bought daug,
and he was chill af, just kinda like how schwartz is.
- I tried everything to resuscitate him--
hot water, cold water, everything.
Just ----ing sucks. - When it rains, it pours.
- Couldn't even find, like, a shovel to bury him,
so I had to grab a hammer.
- It's a bummer that he's-- that he's gone.
♪♪♪
- ahh. - It's piss-warm.
Dude, it's not just warm. It's hot.
You know who liked it hot? - Who? Daug.
- 110 to 120 degrees for his basking site.
- You know, sometimes things happen, man.
- I know. - And it's not your fault, so...
- I just feel like he never had any joy in his life.
- I'm sure he did. - I mean, I tried--
dude, I-I took him out-- oh, see that?
I let him run around the backyard.
Oh, I'm getting sad again. - Dude, come here, man.
- I'm okay, I'm okay. - I want you to see
what's ahead. I want you to see what's ahead.
- So I let him run around the backyard.
He would always bask in the chair.
- I know you did, man. You're a great ----ing dad.
- [ chuckles ]
- you're a great dad, dude.
♪♪♪
- hey, guys, I just-- I just wanna say a few words.
- A eulogy. - This is my lizard daug.
I know not all of you met him.
♪♪♪
I only had him, like, a week. He was part of the family.
He was like a family unit.
He was part of my morning routine,
my afternoon routine.
Oh, those are uromastyx. - Yeah.
- What the hell is that? - I've never seen one.
- Uromastyx. - I feel like a proud papa.
The next 20 years, we're gonna be together, buddy.
- [ laughs ]
- I know you could say it's just a lizard,
but I really did bond with him.
Do you think they make, like, lizard prozac, or lizard xanax?
And I loved him a lot, and, uh, yeah, man.
He just...Was gone too soon. I'm bummed out about it.
That's all I wanna say. Anyways, I love you, guys.
- To daug. - To daug.
- Later, daug. [ laughter ]
- you guys are making this so much better.
- There's beer everywhere. - You guys are.
I love you, guys. - Thanks, man.
- We love you. - I love you, guys.
- Love you, too, man. - Yeah.
- Does anybody know, is jax and brittany coming?
- They're going to lisa's today 'cause they gotta go--
lisa has a present for them. - Oh.
- I was like, "go get the present."
- yeah.
♪♪♪
- mrs. Cauchi. - Hello!
- How are you? - Good. How are you?
- Let me look at you. Do you look married?
- Do I? - Well, you look happy.
[ laughs ] I am happy. - What is this for?
- We just brought it just for you.
- It's for you. - Oh, come in.
- To add some to your house.
- Look, she's already got a bunch of orchids.
- I know. - Well, I could never
have too many flowers. - Never.
- 谢谢. - You're very welcome.
- Sit. - Oh, yes.
Fancy a glass of rosé? - Sure, why not?
- I'm okay.
- What does that mean? - [ chuckles ]
nothing. I just, uh-- - are you sure?
- I'm positive. [ chuckles ]
- you are? - Oh, I'm not.
- Oh! - No, I'm not. I'm not at all.
[ laughter ]
- are you gonna try straightaway?
- Both: Yeah.
- Jax and I wanna have a family very, very soon.
So we used to do the spray and pray,
but now we're just not praying.
- So did the funeral already happen?
- No. - It didn't?
- No. It was delayed. - I'm so thankful that you
and ken both made it out to our wedding.
- Yeah. - I'm glad we did it.
I really am, because I didn't want to miss it.
This is you. When you see the video walking down the aisle,
you're like this. [ gasps ]
- [ laughing ]
- I've never seen somebody so excited, seriously.
- Aw! - I know.
- So that was probably my-- my favorite part
of the whole thing, but you did a great job.
- 谢谢.
- You should be proud of yourself.
- 谢谢. - Oh! I have a gift for you
from tiffany. I took it all-- - whoa!
- Oh, my gosh. - I took it all the way
to kentucky. - What?
- And then I thought, "you know what?
"I'm not gonna do that. They're gonna break it.
I'm gonna bring it back." - that's kind, lisa.
- Ah, this is perfect. - This is so beautiful.
- A tiffany's tea set.
This tea set is absolutely beautiful.
If someone wants to come over and have tea someday,
they can use that.
So...Yeah, that tea set's not gonna get that much use.
- My advice to you, being married for so long,
is that you can't expect life not to throw challenges at you.
You just can't. - We have been a lot stronger
since everything that we've been through, that's for sure.
- Yeah. - We grew individually,
and we grew as a couple. - For sure.
- Aw. - Aw.
- [ giggles ] - my wife.
- Aw. - With the knowledge.
[ laughter ]
♪♪♪
- you wanna come talk to me for a second?
- Yeah.
[ indistinct conversations ]
- so what's your problem?
What's all the sh-- talking about me?
- Okay, first of all, the sh-- talking is not
coming from me first. It's coming from you first.
- I have every right to tell her...
- Dude... - ...Something that rubs me
the wrong way about you. - Dude, dayna was your friend,
and you're looking out for her? - Um, no, but I'm looking out...
- Dude... - ...For somebody
who's working for me.
- You were a complete bitch to her the first ----ing week
she worked there. - Yeah.
- And she told me all about it.
I know it was danica that told dayna all this sh-- about me,
and that's what led to dayna and I breaking up,
is danica talking sh-- once again.
I just don't understand why she keeps
continually getting into my business.
- And now all of a sudden, you're talking behind my back,
saying I'm 86'd from my sister restaurant?
My own sister restaurant.
Instead of coming to me to talk to me about it,
you've been just saying it behind my back.
- Because I'm waiting for you to try to come in one day
and then just telling you you can't come in.
- Oh, so that's how much of an asshole you are.
- Yeah. - You wanna wait...
- Yeah, yeah. - ...For me to come
into tomtom and get kicked out. - Yeah.
- That's what you want? - Oh, yeah.
- It's way easier for max to 86 me from tomtom
rather than just owning up for his sh--.
[ clapping ] you should have told me a month ago.
- Dude, don't clap at max like that, danica.
- Yeah, I don't like that she claps like that.
- That's bullsh--.
He's acting like a ----ing child.
Congratulations. Your plan isn't gonna work.
- Coming up...
Did you read those texts? Did you read them back?
You have to get help.
♪♪♪
- thanks, man. - Yeah.
- Appreciate it. - Here.
- Lot of history at the mondrian.
- Cheers, man. - Cheers, dude.
- How you doing, dude? - I'm good. Yeah, I'm fine.
[ sighs ] dude, that was intense.
Danica's energy, man, I just feel like
gotta take it down a notch. - Yeah, she was...
- Take a breather. - She seemed very combative.
- I'm, like, sensitive to this issue
'cause he explained to me what's going on more or less.
- Yeah.
- You know, she's been a disruption.
A little bit. - Hey.
- What's up, guys? - I know, dude.
Yo, what's up? You okay?
- Dude, so... - I'm--I'm not--I'm okay.
I'm just--I'm eggy. I'm rattled. It's just, like...
Danica... - Why--why was--
why is danica yelling at you? - Yeah, what's--
- because I 86'd her from tomtom.
- That's what it was--I thought it was over the dayna stuff.
How was her reaction-- - yeah, I 86'd her from tomtom
because of the dayna stuff. - Well, no...
- No. - ...There was much more
to it than that. - Well, there was more--
it was--that was the straw that broke the camel's back.
- That better not be the reason. - It's not just personal.
- That was-- - it's not just persona
- all right, let me ask you, percentage-wise,
what's the personal? - 90%.
- Well, dude, that's ----ed up, max.
- Dude, yeah. - You can't do that one.
- I'm admitting that. - Well, I wish you would have
told me that to start with, 'cause I was on your side,
'cause I thought--I thought--
I thought you were being objective.
- I'm--I'm so ----ing overwhelmed and busy there
in the first place. I don't need to be
seeing someone that's gonna make me upset.
- Look, we all have, like, our personal lives,
and then we all have our work lives,
and you have to separate the two.
You cannot do that again.
- I understand. - It's somebody that...
♪♪♪
- yes. 谢谢 so much. - You're welcome.
- So obviously kristen's not here.
She asked me to come over tonight,
and I know she's gonna ask about today.
Because I was staying in her room all weekend,
so I was getting her side of it.
- And I don't deserve to be treated like that,
and I'm sick of getting ----ing battered
because they're in a bad mood.
- I don't like that your friends are upsetting you.
So is there anything you want me to relay?
- This isn't really about carter for me.
It started like that a year ago. - Okay.
- Yeah, is your relationship issues annoying,
and is it weird and we can't talk about it? Is that annoying?
Yeah. But ultimately, it's, kristen,
you and I can't be honest with each other,
and I walk on eggshells around you,
and I don't know how to have a real friendship
when I can't-- - yeah.
- When--when half of your life is off-limits.
Kristen worships failure and relishes in defeat.
She stays in a relationship with somebody
who makes her feel like sh--.
- You're not-- - every single ----ing morning
when he's screaming at me... - What happened?
- ...He's not a ----ing morning person,
he doesn't wanna walk the dog and I'm a bitch and I'm this.
- But, kristen, you don't need to be screamed at every day.
And she pushes away the only people
who are willing to call her on her sh--.
- I think she feels like with you, specifically,
that you're unhappy about something in your life,
and you're, like, projecting that onto her.
- Her or both of us or...
- That was specifically about katie.
Like, you're, like, really busy...
- I'm sorry. I'm gonna-- - but katie's not.
And, like, she has to do all the social media and stuff
for the wine, and, like, katie doesn't,
and she just, like, has james mae
and her house renovations and all of this stuff.
- Last year, katie, kristen, and I partnered to create
a witches of weho wine.
What we should all be equally doing now
is posting about it, talking about it,
but why am I gonna promote this ----ing sisterhood
that I don't even believe in?
I can't sell something I don't believe in!
- She's, like, "katie isn't doing anything to help,
"so, like, why am I, like, running this business as well?
Stassi doesn't give a [ bleep ] about it, and katie, like--"
- do what I can. What, 'cause I'm not running a business,
I'm not busy? I'm sorry. I'm-- I'm ----ing living my life.
I'm definitely exploring options,
trying to figure out what I love doing
and what I love spending my time doing.
[ sighs ]
I have, like, so much going on.
[ sighs ]
can we just get this next part of my day over with
so I can go back to watching tv?
Um...Find new projects all the time.
That honestly pisses me off.
I could go on pinterest and, like,
take my friends' quotes and slap them on a t-shirt
and make some money, too. Like, come on.
It's not-- that's not being busy either.
- Okay.
- So full rein to parlay any of this tonight?
- I give zero ----s. I give zero ----s, scheana.
- Okay.
- And she can put that on her shirts.
♪♪♪
- how's it hangin'?
To the left, to the right. - To the right.
I'm more of a right-hanger. - What happened with danica?
- I mean, I think you know.
Like, she's been the main source of a lot of our problems.
She was rude to you from the moment you worked there,
and then out of nowhere, she pulls you aside
and tells you all my sh-- from the past.
"but don't worry. I'm looking out for you, girl."
- in my perspective, I feel like you didn't want
things to progress, and you're happy about how this turned out,
and then-- - it's not true.
- No, I mean, when I said to you, "I'm sorry.
Can we move forward?" and you're like, "no."
- right now we can't, no.
I know for a fact I've done nothing wrong
since the moment you and I locked lips with each other.
- So then why are you so worried
about what other people are saying?
- Max, we could work through this,
but it seems like you care more about blaming danica
and putting everything on her
than just confronting your own feelings
and owning where you're at.
- I just don't wanna be talked about.
Just don't say my ----ing name.
- I mean, that's gonna happen. - But it's like
no one's ever talked about me positively.
- Bullsh--. I did.
I guess that doesn't matter for you.
- Hey, guys, everyone, real quick.
I just wanna formally invite you all to my birthday party.
The theme is...
Your most extra self.
In my daily life, I feel like I'm already pretty extra.
I know this is a weird request, but would you sign my flat iron?
I'm batman-ing.
♪♪♪
I feel like you guys just, like, hate on me all the time.
'cause I'm so pretty. [ laughter ]
so for this party, I need to be extra extra.
Whatever you wanna do, just commit
and be extra as [ bleep ] like me.
♪♪♪
- there we are.
Come on.
♪♪♪
- lala!
How are you? - Hi, lisa.
Don't fall on my mess.
- How are you? - I'm so happy.
- Hi. Well... - Here.
- Catch. - [ laughs ]
- good work.
I just did some food.
- The wedding was fun. - The wedding was great.
It was exactly what she wanted. - Yeah.
Who would've thought? - Who would've thought?
[ dogs barking ]
- I didn't know they were coming in.
I'm gobsmacked.
- Hey. - Hello.
- Hi.
- I didn't know you were coming in.
- I know. We're just dropping off the little guy real quick.
- He's not a little guy anymore.
- Oh, my god. - Look at him. He's so big.
- He's like a horse. - You're so big, baby!
- He's getting big. - Didn't tell me
you were coming in. - Are you working?
- I've been volunteering my time.
Are you still good for Saturday? - Yeah. Yeah.
- Perfect. We'll just get, like, a little snack or some coffee.
- Sure. Yeah. - Have some girl talk.
- Well, sounds good. Good seeing you.
- Good. I'm excited.
- I can't talk to you now. If you want to talk to me,
come up to the house. - I'd love to, I'd love to.
I'll be there this weekend. - Okay.
There's much to discuss.
I got to the place with james
where there was nothing that I could say
that would make a difference.
Bye, lisa! See you later, everybody.
- Bye!
- So it's the old kind of classic cliché tough love,
but I literally had to cut him out of my life.
I've been so invested in his life,
I've got to a stage now where
I'm feeling stupid 'cause he sent me a text--
one of the first times ever I've not responded.
I had to make him listen by actually
me not saying anything at all.
Oh, my god. That was so awkward.
- Are you gonna talk to him? - Yeah, I'm gonna talk to him,
because he--I don't even know
where to go with it anymore, lala.
I am absolutely sick to death of trying to help somebody
that doesn't wanna help themselves.
Coming up...
- Why do we have to be so extra?
[ cheering ] - put your hands together
for the one and only tom sandoval!
♪♪♪
- hi. - Hi. Welcome to squaresville.
Let me know if you guys need anything.
- Both: Okay, cool.
- Appreciate it.
Can you not say things the same time I say them?
- Yeah, okay, sorry. - Okay.
Do you have a vision? - I have a couple ideas.
- Are we going full tom sandoval
by your standards of throwing a party?
- Uh, well...
To me, "extra" means like your most extroverted self.
You know, like, your personality, your look,
but, like, on steroids.
- I got some acrobats, flare bartenders, a magician.
What else? - That's already a lot, dude.
- Loud, flamboyant. You know... "eppervescent."
♪♪♪
- whoa. - Whoa, whoa, whoa.
- Dude, you need these. - Ass-less chaps.
They got a nice flare to 'em. These are great.
I look like urkel. I don't know where my junk is.
- What's this?
- Dude, this guy's gotta be, like, 9 feet tall.
- I have a...Confession to make. - You do?
- Yeah. Don't tell anybody, but I bought stilts.
- Did you really? - Yeah.
- Are you serious? - I'm dead serious.
- So you were in the market for stilt pants?
- Yes. - What's your budget
for this thing, man?
- I don't know. - [ laughs ]
- I made my house payment, so we're fine.
- Yeah, exactly. - Gotta bring your chair
when you come over, though. - [ laughs ]
♪♪♪
- hi. How are you? - Good. How are you?
Can I just do an iced chai latte, please?
- Yeah, of course.
- Hi, lala. - Hi. How are you?
- Good. How are you? - You look so cute.
- 谢谢. You do, too. - I already ordered my drink.
Do you want something? - Okay.
Um, can I get a chai latte? - Yeah, of course.
I'll have that right out for you.
- Thanks.
♪♪♪
- you look really cute and girly.
- 谢谢. - I love it.
- You look like a boss-ass bitch.
- Oh, 谢谢. - Here you are.
- 谢谢 so much. - Of course. Enjoy.
- "anti bitch serum." - I need that one.
This one just says "[ bleep ] mornings."
[ laughter ]
cheers. - Cheers.
- I'm really happy that you were down to come and hang out.
- Yeah. - Yeah.
- There's just one thing that I...I wanna mention.
Last summer, you, like, really put down my intelligence,
and it's, like, one thing to question my character,
but it's a completely different story
when you diminish my intelligence
and say that I'm stupid.
If you really do feel that way, then I have no problem
taking my chai to go and, like,
we don't have to have a conversation.
- My time is very precious, and I wouldn't waste it
on someone who I felt was a true idiot.
- That means so much to me, lala.
Like... [ sighs ] 谢谢. I really needed that.
It's super hard to stand up to a bully,
especially for someone like me who's not very confrontational.
But now that I've done it, it feels really good.
- I just wanted to see how you're doing.
I've heard, like, a few things about james.
♪♪♪
[ calling ]
♪♪♪
[ swans continue calling ]
- hello?
- Hello. - How are you?
- I'm okay. - Can I give you a hug?
- Sit down. - Good to see you.
♪♪♪
- so...I'm happy I'm here.
'cause I haven't gotten to talk to you much in a minute, so...
- For some reason, I feel I have a modicum of responsibility
for your welfare, and I don't know why
since you're not my child, but I do,
and I saw all these texts to your girlfriend.
"[ bleep ] you. What the [ bleep ]?"
"slut"? "whore"?
- Those are just words that come out of my mouth,
like, when I'm angry. - It doesn't matter.
To use those words to that girl that has stood by your side...
- She still does. - If you love somebody,
don't treat them like that, james.
- Yeah, I know, but I don't treat her like that
when I'm sober.
- Doesn't that tell you everything?
- It does.
- You have to get help.
- I did.
I went to an aa meeting yesterday.
My first meeting of my life, and it was a big deal for me.
- Don't ----ing lie to me. - I promise you, I'm not lying.
- Well, yesterday, I drove him to his first aa meeting.
And I walked him to the door.
He went outside, and I waited outside for him for an hour.
He came out, and he showed me his chip.
- They gave me this, 'cause I had to stand up
and I had to say my name, and I said, "I'm an alcoholic.
- I cannot even explain how... This makes me feel.
The fact that maybe there is hope for him.
- I was listening to some sad stories
about people's lives, and I didn't want--
don't want mine to end up like that.
- Is that what you saw?
And you thought, "well, I could go down that route"?
- Yeah.
- I think it's amazing that you took him.
I think that's so kind.
You know, I know what it's like to go to your first aa meeting.
My first aa meeting, I felt...
Broken, embarrassed, overwhelmed,
but I felt like for the first time
in a very long time, I saw light at the end of a tunnel.
I love this. - Yeah.
- I'm really excited for you guys.
- 谢谢. - And I'm excited
for you and me. - Me, too.
- [ sniffles ] - I want to help you.
James? - I know.
[ crying ]
- it's attainable. You can do it.
I don't mind being there that if ever you feel the need
to slip up or question the path you've decided to take,
you can call me. - 谢谢.
- I'm serious. - And that means the world to me
and I know you're busy. I'll only take a minute,
and you know, that means so much. 谢谢, lisa.
- Coming up...
- Yeah. [ slapping ]
- ow!
- [ laughs ] - oh, sh--.
♪♪♪
- what's going on?
- Kristen's coming over in a second
so we can go over our outfits for tonight.
What are you gonna wear? Do you know?
- Do I ever know? - Jax.
- It's just not my thing. [ knock on door, dog barks ]
- [ singsongy ] come in!
[ barking continues ]
kiki! - Hi, boo.
Hi! Oh, look, you brought your little bridesmaid bag.
I love it. - I sure did.
Are you wearing a wifey robe? - It says "I do."
I cannot give the wedding up. I'm so sad it's over,
but, look, our marriage license came in today. Official.
- It's signed by the judge. - And lance bass.
- I don't know where you're supposed to sign,
but here's the thing. I don't wanna end up
like schwartz and katie and not be officially married.
- No, it's on the bottom, I know.
- You're married now. - Whoo!
- We should get a copy of that, wear it,
and be like, "what's up, tom and katie"?
- "I'm extra married." - "I'm extra married."
- [ laughs ] - I'm so extra.
- That was a good one!
- Weren't we just now thinking about this?
- Make a copy of that. - Be extra married.
- I think I'm just gonna be a sports guy.
- Sandoval's probably gonna be wearing, like, briefs
that have, like... - Listen, don't ever--just be--
listen, I don't go off... - ...Briefs that have, like,
glow sticks in the penis. - ...Because of what he wears.
Why do we have to be so extra? - It's fun.
- It's fun when you're 25.
Why do we need to wear guyliner and wigs and flat irons?
Why do we need that?
- We're gonna figure out what you can wear.
- Can I have a drink? Oh, there's vodka in that.
- Tom, what are you doing in there?
Are you gonna hurt yourself?
♪♪♪
- it's warmer when you're this tall.
They're like feet, you know?
- Uh-huh. - 'cause when you, like...
♪♪♪
whoa!
♪♪♪
I wanna try peeing in the toilet with these on.
- Tom, no. [ laughs ]
- what?
- So this is what I thought for cute.
Or... - Definitely not this.
- I have--I have a gray skirt, too.
- Yeah, don't do that. - So witches of weho--
what's going on? - Mm-hmm.
- Don't you have another one coming out?
- Mm-hmm. - How is that going?
- Hopefully we do. - Have you talked to them at all
since the wedding? - Sure haven't.
Scheana came over to my house, and she told me that
she was saying to katie, like, you know,
"kristen has expressed to me she wants more help
"with the wine because she, like, feels like she has a lot
on her plate," and katie's response
was something along the lines of, "well, I can have
"a ----ing t-shirt line if I knocked off sayings
off of pinterest, too."
- she goes, "I can go on pinterest
"and get some sayings from friends
"and throw them on a t-shirt, too,
and say I have a t-shirt line."
rude.
♪♪♪
- I'm sorry, but she's jealous
'cause she doesn't have anything else going on.
- Right. - So she's being a dick.
- I think you're wrapped up in this katie-stassi thing
in your head.
I wouldn't really concentrate on what they think.
Who gives a [ bleep ] what they think?
This is life. People grow apart.
Look at what I'm going through with tom sandoval.
Same thing. I'm--I'm okay with just being okay the way it is.
♪♪♪
- oh, sh--.
- You good? - We're good, we're good.
- All right.
- I'm dressed up as chip hartley,
who is a character that tom has dressed up as in the past
because we all know tom doesn't do costumes.
He creates characters.
- You're not gonna hold the door for your lady?
- Some of tom's costumes are legendary around sur,
so it was my honor to be able to represent him
on his special day as mi-- uh, "misa vanderhump"?
I'm not sure what...
- Well, here we go. [ laughter ]
- oh, I like that. I like the font.
- I feel like I'm going to prom. - You're going to...
- Gay prom. - ...The met--the met gala prom.
- Every day I'm the most extra best version of myself,
so I just came as me-- the best version. [ laughs ]
[ laughter ]
- marie antoinette was the queen of fashion,
so, like, to me, that's, like, my most extra self.
- Yeah, because my outfit is so out there.
- Yeah, you're very extra today.
- You didn't try at all!
- The theme for my costume is I am extra annoyed
that sandoval is throwing
an "extra"-themed birthday party.
- How heavy is that cake right now?
- It's pretty ----ing heavy. - Your extra harness?
Here. Here, allow-- no, allow me.
- I talk about sex a lot. I figured, why don't I just,
like, extra put it out there? [ slapping ]
I just, like, wanted to be bad-ass.
[ slapping ] - yeah.
[ slapping ]
- ow! - Sexual.
- I'm gonna say hi to kristen. - Have fun.
- Oh.
♪♪♪
- hi.
- Um, love it, love it.
- This is very avant-garde. I don't know what's happening.
♪♪♪
[ horn honking ]
- the tampon can dance, though.
Tampon, tampon, tampon, tampon. - Bleed on me.
Bleed on me, bleed on me, bleed on me, bleed on me.
- Let me get it. - You got it?
♪♪♪
bring it out. Bring it out.
I got it. I'll step to the side.
Step to the side. Step to the side.
Dad, let the door go.
There you go.
Go ahead, dad.
[ all cheering ]
- [ amplified voice ] the one and only tom sandoval!
- Oh, my ----ing god.
[ cheers and applause ] - there he is!
- Tom sandoval! - Oh, sh--!
- 谢谢 all for coming! I love you guys!
- Tom, you're so extra! I love it!
- Whoo!
♪♪♪
- popular card in the--
oh, sh--. Oh, I knew chip was gonna fall!
- Oh, my god. I am fully gonna go home
and masturbate to the image of max falling on his ass
in those skates.
- I need your legs with this. I'm too short. I'm too small.
- No, you--you wearing this so beautifully. I love it.
- Excuse me. Can I just get a water?
Excuse me.
- How's everything going? - Good.
Everything's good. - Okay. That's great.
- Tonight he said he's not drinking,
and he hasn't drank tonight. - Yeah.
- So... - Well, I just wanted to check
because, uh, did james go to his friend's birthday party?
- Uh, yeah, for a second, yeah.
What are you doing tonight?
- I'm gonna go to a friend's party in the hills.
- Okay, you're not drinking. - No drinking.
- Better not be. - I promise you.
- Why? What happened? - Oh, I just heard that
everyone was getting ----ed up.
- Who did you hear that from?
- Logan told me that he, like, got videos of everybody.
- Why is logan, though, checking in on james?
- I don't think he's checking in on james.
I told him that I, like, hung out with you, and I was like...
- Yeah. - Logan was like,
"that's crazy. I thought he was, like, at a party
getting ----ed up."
- all right.
I just don't understand your friendship with logan.
- That's a good friend right there.
He lied for james a couple years ago
about the hooking up stuff.
- What up? - Hey, so not only did you say
that we were ----ing,
but also you said, "welcome to hollywood."
- I mean, I said it, but it's all a lie.
- But... [ sighs ]
how can we be friends after this?
- What's it say?
- 'cause you're a piece of ----ing sh--, logan.
[ cellphone beeps ]
- no, he did. He did make that up.
- You still believe that? - You don't believe that?
- I mean, I know that it's not made up.
- I thought lala was gonna be supportive of james.
- I've been there when deals have been, like,
"I get a blow job if I win,
and you have to do this if I win."
- shut the [ bleep ] up.
That is not true.
- Don't ever say, "shut the [ bleep ] up" to me again.
- Listen...
- We don't want it to pop off like that.
- If lala was genuinely concerned,
she wouldn't be trying to stir sh-- up
by bringing up this rumor.
- I know we wanna keep our head in the clouds,
but we gotta bring it down for five minutes.
- You can believe what you wanna believe.
- I wanna live in your headspace.
- Well, you should try it sometime.
♪♪♪
- coming up...
- We always had everyone's opinion
in how something should work with the wine,
which is why I don't like working
with other ----ing people.
That might make me selfish. Fine. Then I'm selfish.
♪♪♪
- I'm gonna have sex tonight in this outfit.
- Yes! Hey!
- Hey!
♪♪♪
- whoa!
- Hey! [ whack ]
bad boy!
[ whack ] bad boy!
- Whoo!
- What would an "extra" costume party be like
without an extra, extra costume?
- ♪ happy birthday, dear tom ♪
♪ happy birthday to you ♪
[ cheers and applause ]
- make a wish! Come on!
- I made my wish! - Yeah!
- 谢谢, guys. - [ cheering ]
♪♪♪
- I just wanna stand like this. I feel like I should be posing
for a portrait. - Listen.
I wanna have a girls' night. - I want a girls' night.
- I haven't had a girls' night since I moved in.
But, like, I wanna have, like, an outside girls' night.
- Okay. - A wine night. A wine night.
- Oh, my god. - I want a night like
brittany, lala, ariana.
No, I mean, it just doesn't make any sense.
- If you're okay getting in, like,
hot-ass water with kristen--
- why is it hot water? Kristen thinks I'm a bitch,
and she thinks I'm a miserable, unhappy person.
- That's true. Yes.
- You know what? Regardless of what happened--
- hi. - Hey.
- Hi. - Hi, stassi antoinette.
- 谢谢. - "s.A.S."
- gold dust woman.
- Everyone else said I was like the most witches of weho,
and I was like, I'll take it.
So that being said, I know that you guys told scheana
you don't wanna, like, be my friend
or you want a break from me, or whatever the [ bleep ] it is,
and I just wanna know if you still give a [ bleep ]
about the business, because we are in it together.
- Yeah, I'm obviously still in it.
- I am still in it as long as
our contracts are still doing it.
- Okay. - But I am ready to get out
when our contract is up.
- Even though things suck right now
between us and kristen,
I'm still hoping maybe we can find a way to be professional.
- But I will 100% do whatever I need to do,
but I am--my heart isn't in it, and it hasn't been.
- But we can't do that without stassi.
- I just feel, like, really disconnected.
- You feel disconnected? No sh--.
I think there is a massive ----ing disconnect.
I feel like it's weird for you to even have to say that.
- It is weird for me to have to say that.
- Our friendship has been weird for a year,
and we always have a difference of opinion
in how something should work with the wine,
which is I don't like working with other ----ing people.
That might make me selfish. Fine, then I'm selfish.
You're right. I am.
- That conversation with raquel...
- What happened? - ...Went left...
- Why? What happened? - ...So ----ing fast.
- What, like... - Lala's like,
"so james is sober, right?" I'm like, yes.
She's like, "but he went to his friend's birthday party
the other day." I'm like, "yeah."
she's like, "yeah, he was there, and people were getting
pretty ----ed up." I'm like... - I wasn't there that night.
- "where did you hear that from?"
and she was like, "logan."
- [ bleep ] logan. I'm done talking about him,
and I'm also not gonna order a drink right now.
Logan is not gonna be the reason to make me drink.
[ bleep ], no. It'd have to be something way worse than that.
Like, I'd have to, like... Like...
Nothing. Nothing could make me drink.
I'm gonna go, like, outside
and smoke a cigarette or something. Wanna come?
- Yeah. - You know what else is weird,
is you telling scheana that you could have a clothing line, too.
- Yes, kristen! - Then you can give me back
all my ----ing shirts.
- Sure, awesome! - You can tell 'em nordstrom--
it's so hurtful. - You think that I'm unhappy
in my life, and I'm projecting onto you?
- Acknowledge it. - I'm not acknowledging sh--!
All I've done is listen to your ass bitch, moan, whine.
You're a miserable human being.
♪♪♪
- my two "best friends," right? My two sisters.
- No, we're not your sisters. - We're not sisters.
- We're not your best friends. - We're not sisters.
We have not been sisters for a while.
- I don't know you anymore.
♪♪♪
- next time on...
- My horse has a really small wiener.
- Well, his is massive. I can get it out.
- Lisa! - My horse...
- [ laughs ]
- today I'm here with scheana.
She's a middle-aged woman who's been around the block.
Are you a [ bleep ] girl? - Don't call me that, brett.
- We found out jax taylor was having a theme birthday.
- I said, "you want a theme for your birthday?"
- I know, I know. - After not wanting to dress up
for anyone else's. - [ cheering ]
- happy birthday!
- Since today is jax's birthday...
- I'm saying... - God, this feels so good, dude.
- I'm speaking. - We're having a conversation.
That means two people can speak. - Then let me finish.
I think you've forgotten your place,
but I'm gonna remind you.
- Katie, shut up. I've never been more turned off in my life.
- Wait, wait, no, shut up! - No, wait, no, shut up!
- That's why I don't have sex with her.
- Tom.
- Come on. Let's go. - I'm not going with you.
- To see more of "vanderpump rules,"
go to bravotv.Cocom.