- Hey. - Good to see you.
- You too. - Hi.
And just say, "This is me,
and I don't care what anyone else thinks,"
then you'll never be the person you were meant to be.
You'll never be free.
Are you...
crying?
Shut up, man!
Look, I'm in the musical at Bayside.
It's--it's all good, man. You do you.
Mm-hmm.
Take off the damn hat!
Okay, everything is set with Post Malone.
His requests were hot tea with lemon
and that I always stay 50 feet away from him.
Uh, what happened?
Um, I guess I sort of lashed out,
and the whole dance committee quit.
So I thought maybe I can do it all myself.
What even is this?
Did you put Christmas lights in a fishbowl?
It's an elegant accent piece, you dick.
I saw it on someone's Pinterest.
Okay, fine! It was my Pinterest!
I got to act like a rich person for one day--one day!
And I turned into the worst version
of an entitled Bayside monster.
So you're saying that being rich is just as hard,
even harder than being poor?
No, of course being rich is way easier than being poor.
When you're poor, you're worried all the time,
even if you're a kid.
Like, last year I was all excited
about myquinceañera.
I even kept a folder where I'd cut out
fancy pictures from magazines,
but then I overheard my mom on the phone
talking about how worried she was,
and we were drowning in bills.
So when she asked me what I wanted for myquince,
I said they were stupid, and I didn't want one.
I'm sorry, Daisy.
That really sucks.
Just to clarify--
aquinceañerais some kind of spicy meat pie?
I got to go to class.
I guess this is as good as it's gonna get.
Right, 'cause that's what I was thinking.
I never told him.
Hey, Lexi.
I'm sorry about what I said.
You're not a joke.
You're cool.
Okay, I actually don't hate this so far.
Go on.
And you were right.
I was scared.
But I don't want to be scared anymore.
I want to be the person that I was meant to be.
What are you trying to say?
What I'm trying to say is...
I think it's time for the Big Kahuna
to surf on out of here!
But, Kahuna...
what if I never see you again?
What if you get shot?
The world would lose a surf champion,
but I--I'd would lose my heart.
Oh, but I'm not Kahuna anymore.
I'm just Private Bernard Kahoonski,
and my train is leaving.
That wasn't so bad, right?
Uh, actually, that was total garbage,
but we'll work on it.
So what do you think?
Oh, my God. How did you do all this?
Let's just say I had a little help.
You told the volunteers I was sorry
and convinced them to come back?
No, I gave them my dad's floor seats to the Clippers.
Oh.
And I promised them that you wouldn't be here for setup.
Anyway, congrats.
Wait, but isn't this too easy?
I acted horribly, and I just get to get away with it?
Yeah. Look, you were right.
Having money can make you act like a jerk,
but, fortunately, you can just use more money
to clean up the mess you made.
It's the circle of wealth.
But it just doesn't seem right.
You look conflicted.
Let me give you some money.
Sorry.
This is fun.
Remember all the dances we went to in this gym?
Ever wish you could go back?
Sure do.
When I think about all the damage
we were doing to the gym floor back then--
ugh, makes me sick.
Is anyone wearing their booties?
For God's sake.
- Hey, handsome. - Oh, hey, Lexi.
I see you decided to roll solo, like me.
Oh, no, actually, uh, I have a date.
Oh, and I owe you a thank-you
because you're the one who gave me the idea to ask a friend.
- Oh, Aisha. - Yeah.
- That's great. - Right? Thanks.
- Have so much fun. - You too, you too.
Very cool dress. You look like a cupcake.
Daisy, this is the fanciest dance I've ever been to.
Well, I don't deserve all the credit.
Oh, faux humility--that's rich as hell.
You're becoming a real Bayside kid.
Oh, okay, I got to go. Jamie just saw a scarecrow.
Hey, everybody, could I get a "Happy autumn, bitches"?
Now, I know you didn't come here to hear me.
You came here to hear Post Malone.
First, I want to give a big shout-out to the person
who made all this happen.
Let's hear it for Daisy. Come on up, Daisy.
- - Daisy...
- all: Daisy, Daisy! - Come on, Daisy.
all: Daisy, Daisy, Daisy, Daisy, Daisy, Daisy, Daisy!
Daisy, Daisy, Daisy, Daisy, Daisy!
Now, ladies and gentlemen, Post Malone--
- Stop, no! - What are you doing?
I'm sorry, everybody,
but I didn't make this dance happen.
In fact, my attitude almost ruined it,
so I want to say thank you to all the hardworking volunteers
who put up with me.
I should have done better.
And I want to make a surprise announcement.
Principal Toddman?
Huh? Oh, I'm sorry.
Would you like me to leave?
Uh, what are you doing, Daisy?
Tonight's musical guest
will not be Post Malone as scheduled.
No, no, no.
Please put your hands together for...
the Birchwood Boys!
No, no, no, no. Keep your hands apart.
Keep your hands apart. Do not put them together.
No, no, no.
Stop, stop, stop.
* If you like piña coladas *
* And getting caught in the rain *
* If you're not into yoga *
* If you have half a brain *
Oh, I love this song.
It was played at my first wedding.
Okay, great. Maybe I'll see you in class.
* I'm the love that you've looked for *
* Run to me and escape *
Hey, sorry I ruined the dance.
I just had to do the right thing.
It's okay.
We don't need another entitled Bayside monster.
So was Post Malone mad?
No, he was never even here.
What?
He's a platinum recording artist.
He's not gonna play a dance at a school gym.
So what would you have done if I didn't interrupt you?
Huh.
I don't know. Good thing you did.
* I thought it wasn't half bad *
* Yes, I like piña coladas *
* And getting caught in the rain *
* I'm not much into health food *
* I am into champagne *
* I've got to meet you by tomorrow noon *
* And cut through all this red tape *
* At a bar called O'Malley's *
* Where we'll plan our escape *
* So I waited with high hopes *
* Then she walked in the place *
* I knew her smile in an instant *
* I knew the curve of her face *
* It was my own lovely lady *
* And she said, "Aw, it's you" *
* And we laughed for a moment *
* And I said, "I never knew *
* That you liked piña coladas *
* And getting caught in the rain"... *