you
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did you get a Harriette 20 I mean these
lines busy I know that character he just
left the phone off the hook again I
gotta get him you got a rush out to
Edwards Air Force Base right away the
weather's changed they put the x-15 test
flight up ahead the whole day I'll never
mind I know where I can get hello you
were just visiting Annabel hello oh good
morning mr. burns uh-huh yes sir I'll
tell Tim right away you Angela
halt mother you're not in the waves
anymore I've got to wait Tim up
oh I'll wake him up aunt larlie but
Annabel dear you not only wake him up
you'll shake him up
I forgot yes well don't forget again
dear especially in the morning when a
man's metabolism is just starting to do
you whatever it is a man's metabolism
does
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you see girls he's wide awake it's best
to be brutal Tim your editor call and he
wants you to cover the flat of the x-15
it's been moved up a day thanks Angie
Annabel no that's what I was telling you
girls about a man's metabolism do you
get dress
[Music]
come on boys stay with it 5.3 hey
there's an unknown on my radar blip on a
collision course are the x-15 and
gaining on it fast overtaking it
impossible look I'm tracking it now
Mach 5.4 whatever it is it's gone over
9,000 miles an hour oh come on it just
must be something wrong what was that
something just went past me like I was
standing still a flying saucer oh no no
not those things again summer Meier
check your oxygen supply stop babbling
that nonsense about flying saucers is
probably just a speck in your eye I'm
turning out for the landing afraid he
needs a rest lips off my scope now Oh
God shut it off darn thing only doesn't
work anyway I'm just happy that that
reporter wasn't around to start
splashing it over the papers that our
pilots are seeing flying saucers and the
radar sticking up something isn't even
there maybe was a meteorite or a piece
of a satellite a maybe
my girl my late Oh herro great so the
show's over but it was just a routine
fight you can just give me the speed I
mean to be the pilot yeah I'm sorry I
can't give you any information right now
here's your foot
am i how about then we'll wait a minute
why so much secrecy this is just a
routine flight huh why can't I interview
so why are you sweating in an
air-conditioned room now what happened
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something's going on inside
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are you throw what are you waiting for
me to say take me to your leader
who are you well I could give you some
wild tale of being a Russian astronaut
or the designer of an experimental
spacecraft but the plain fact of the
matter is I'm from Mars Mars Mars I
don't look so astonished I'm a professor
of anthropology from Mars specializing
in this primitive planet Mars I'm afraid
you got hit a little harder than you
think that idiot in your antique rocket
plane almost ran into me
you mean the x-15 and now I'm marooned
on this backward planet until I can
repair my ship no hold it hold it
you you you mean the x-15 almost almost
ran into your um that thing precisely
was lumbering along at barely 4000 miles
an hour
Ida strain my ship to get out of its way
you know how fast he was going I can
tell you to the fifth decimal place that
idiot of the controls reported me to his
base as a flying saucer oh well just
don't sit there I've been hurt go to my
car
you'll have to carry me takes me a while
to get used to the Earth's gravity I I
weigh so much more yeah yeah
but look at Mars but it's a tone now the
question is how are we gonna get you
inside without mr. Brown spotting us uh
just give me a second
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nobody will see me now but you'll still
have to carry me in alright come on come
on
would you do that it isn't easy if I
have to do it again in my condition
you're gonna have a very sick Martian on
your hand let's go let's go oh yeah
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gimme your hand Bowie I'll take care of
him
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stop gawking and get me to bed what in
the world are you doing well
it's kind of a charade I'm pretending
I'm carrying an invisible man into the
house
Oh
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how do you feel now Oh better thanks Oh
your atmosphere so rich in oxygen it's
like breathing in a thick chocolate
malted milk
follow that milk a little Marcia know
about bad now since modesty forbids my
calling attention to my superior
intellect I'll confine myself to saying
that I am the greatest living authority
on the subject of your planet I visited
here many times especially in the last
hundred and fifty years 50 years how old
are you
let's just say I'm approaching the prime
of my life but if you've been here
before how come there haven't been
headlines about you all over the world
well as long as I don't wear a sign on
my back saying I am a Martian who would
ever know and no one you met ever
suspected not even Thomas Jefferson and
he was a fairly bright fellow for
natives you know you earth people are
handicapped you only use a small portion
of your brain we Martians use all of
ours I can't believe it the trouble is
you're too intelligent to believe it you
people battle me so illogical so
emotional it's alright for a visit but I
wouldn't want to live here
well you gotta live here now whether you
like it or not I'm huh I'm afraid you're
stuck only temporarily I'll leave as
soon as I can repair my spaceship and no
one will be the wiser about you no no no
no you're not leaving until I get a
story on this and the pictures I uh I'm
gonna get the puter surprise for this
I'm sorry but you're not going to be
able to write that story well I've got
to write a lemon newspaperman
you wouldn't leave alone nobody would
believe you pick up the phone call your
editor tell him you found a real live
Martian go ahead but it's the truth
no no no they wouldn't believe you
I'll prove it I'll bring them here and
I'll show you to them I'll disappear and
you know I can do it
said how a person from them superior
planet shows his gratitude I may seem
ungrateful but I believe I know what
would happen suppose you did win the
Pulitzer Prize
you wouldn't deserve it and you wouldn't
be able to live up to it
you'd be a one-day wonder and that's all
and you wouldn't want that would you
there's a very attractive brunette
walking up your steps right now
Annabelle she's thinking very warm
thoughts about you how do you know that
I mean you can read minds unless there's
a conscious effort to shut me out for
instance I know exactly what you're
thinking about the young lady
oops
you shot me right out teeth personal
after all I'm only human I just remember
I'm more than human now answer the door
is anything I hate it's a spun out of
you Marshall
by Tim O'Hara well well gosh I'm proud
of you how nice for me
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[Applause]
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hey hey what is this Murphy the Air
Force wants no way got your information
on the x-15 flight who's this
he's a Martian on Mark Martin Martin yes
that's his name
Martin ma'am Martin ease them well he's
here after long trip and he's not
feeling very well let's go no no hold
hold uh he um what
well he might he might need something so
uh so just help yourself uncle Martin oh
and uh uh here you might need a little
cash I I know you might be short so well
and the keys are in the car
thank you uh yeah I mean I'll be back
by the time you leave so that's been
very nice seeing you hi I hope you have
a very pleasant tripping happy landing
all right taking care of him Annabelle
have an itch
he must be a pretty nice boy
he is I mean here is Uncle you ought to
know oh well I haven't seen much of him
and my home is a long long way from here
yeah we'll take care of you my aunt and
I is your aunt the woman next door who
gives bridge lessons and is taking a
course in real estate and sells
Christmas cards and beauty creams and
they're studying the stock market with a
Ouija board Newton must have talked to
you about it uh yes yes yes uh well I
will be able to take care of myself
thank you I'll be up and around tomorrow
well we'll take care of you anyway
I said no interruptions until I call you
back I don't care who it is nobody at
all now Herod this is your last chance I
don't care anything about this flying
sausage and a cropped up every year the
beginning of the hay fever season but
you are not getting out of here until I
find out which one of my men is passing
out information to the fifth decimal
place I refuse to reveal my sources of
news
why are you colonel colonel I've got to
admit that I admire this young man's
principles what now with your permission
I'd like to do something for him for
starters I'd like to thrown in jail
very happy to look at reverse them good
I'll go by and see it every month or so
my attorney please
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vo Hera lovely three-course lunch
three-course lunch it looks like
hamburger oh you got hamburger
coffee and sugar huh you got any words
for the colonel
yes yes I have several words for the
colonel but I wouldn't use any of them
in mixed company
Marcus call your pickle how'd you get in
here I arrived with a lunch I realize
you don't have visiting hours but I
wanted to thank you personally for your
kindness oh that's all right you're in a
lot of trouble because of me aren't you
Mel I'll live through it why'd you let
yourself in for it I guess I'm a little
stupid sometimes hey were you the nicest
Martian I ever met thank you and thank
you for these clothes now how are we
going to get you out of here let me
think
suppose we tell her to pick up their
control center on your car radio no
that's impossible my radio wouldn't pick
up their frequency blame it on sunspots
freak reception an ionization shift in
the upper atmosphere that's your story
and stick to it
try but excuse me a moment Eric is
coming back thank you much
excuse me who you talking to in there
one of my favorite people myself I heard
two different voices
well sure one boys would be monotonous
and besides I couldn't tell which me was
saying what doom ah voice I heard didn't
sound anything like yours why should it
Charlie McCarthy doesn't sound anything
like Edgar Bergen
you're uh you're a ventriloquist aren't
you I'm practicing throwing my voice
while I'm eating oh you know something
you're very good thank you I thank you
too we both thank you both at once
fantastic yes well that's enough for now
you know what I spend too much time on
the prisoners hello here you go and next
time don't steal my pickle what makes
you think I'd do a thing like that your
face it's got pickle sealer written all
over it
you got anything to say to the colonel
you let me know yes I may do that
goodbye Tim see you later
remember Carlo might've been a freak
thing they made the Carver you pick up
the control center that day I say it's
impossible and I'm calling your bluff
yaaaa yes if I'm in sunspots or upper
atmosphere ionization or something like
that oh well maybe it's a holiday for
sunspots later if it doesn't work
back you go right well it doesn't work
be reasonable colonel quiet hello aunt
where's hello Edwards are you still
receiving me like a pal we're ready for
the launch event a will be a test is
that great yeah how about that
we no more of that Kurt hey hey that's
my read you eat your hands off her
you've got some gadget in here that's
bringing in our frequencies and the
laboratories gonna find it
Colonel maybe we ought to keep him on
ice until we get the lab report uh won't
be necessary we know where to find him
but if there is any unauthorized
equipment of any kind in this you are
going to get free room and board in a
federal prison and don't you forget it
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you're a cougar
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well we got all of it titles
well the laboratory technicians they'll
find out exactly how this could happen
somehow I doubt it
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I simply don't understand now why didn't
you tell me you could give me got my
radio you just let me sweat it out
exactly if I hadn't you would have been
smuggling overconfident and the colonel
might have detected a fishy aroma well I
suffered it was very pain a little pain
is good for you as well your
playwright's observed pain makes man
think thinking makes man wise and wisdom
makes life endurable next problem
my little spaceship is down in the
garage and I've got to start repairing
it so I can get back to Mars we need a
number of very scarce items most of
which haven't been invented yet well
that sounds pretty expensive what are
you gonna use for money
I've been reading about an interesting
place called Las Vegas you rolling the
dice and with my special talents we
ought to do all right there no no no
I've been nothing but trouble since I
met you and I imagine that will continue
but it won't be dull and a friend who
can read minds can be of enormous help
to a young reporter I can get you a lot
of information straight from the horse's
head now what do you say it's a deal
welcome to the O'Hara family thank you
my boy
well I guess that makes me the first
Irishman from the planet MA
[Music]
you