好了 过来 跟哥们儿走一趟 Okay, let's go. Fun friend walk.
弄疼人家手臂了 That's... that hurts my arm.
查理 弄疼人家手臂了 Charlie, that hurts my arm.
你究竟在干什么 What the hell are you doing?
别激动 好吗 乔丹就是让我 Just chill, all right? Jordan just wanted me
证明你做无法制怒 to prove that you can't control your anger
这样一来也许你能更认真接受治疗 so maybe you would take therapy a little more seriously.
你干什么听她摆布 Why would you go along with that?
我得哄着点她 好吗 I need bonus points, all right?
这样我才能逃过那些恶心人的情侣小恩爱 It gets me out of doing the sappy couple's stuff.
比如去植物园什么的 Like going to the Botanical Gardens.
如果你去了的话 别忘了看看 If you do have to go, make sure you check out
植物园后面的日本茶园 the Japanese Tea Garden in the back.
你怎么知道那里有茶园 Why do you know that?
我结婚那会儿 总做错事 When I was married, I messed up a lot.
我差不多就住那茶园里 I practically lived in that garden.
这不是丑八怪大傻缺 Well, if it isn't ugly and stupid
和肖恩吗 and Sean.
-乔丹让你这么叫我的吗 -不是啊 - Did Jordan ask you to say that? - No.
-她给你钱让你这么叫我的吗 -对啊 - Did she pay you to say that? - Yeah.
50美金呢 混蛋 $50, dick.
这不又赚了10美金 I just made another 10.
乔丹雇了这么多人来激怒我吗 So did Jordan hire anybody else to get me angry?
我不清楚 I don't know,
但她好像认准了你有问题 but she seemed pretty set on proving that you have a problem.
你好啊 呆子 Hey, dork.
-她给了你多少钱 -20美金 - How much she paying you? - 20 bucks.
-不错啊 谢谢 -别客气 - Cool, thank you. - No problem.
你还没告诉我 So you never told me
你为什么扇了咖啡师耳光 why you slapped that barista.
因为她做的咖啡简直太难喝了 Because she gave me the worst cup of coffee I ever had.
咱们还是喝果汁吧 Let's have juice instead.
没事的 查理 It's okay, Charlie.
你也没在杯子上写"妓女"两个字 You didn't write "Ho" on the side of my cup.
我得看看 Let me see this.
还好 这不是我的圣诞杯 Good, good. It's not one of my Christmas mugs.
我马上回来 I'll be right back.
来啦 Coming.
您好 有事吗 Hi. Can I help you?
-你是查理·谷德森吗 -没错 - Charlie Goodson? - That's right.
我是美国心理协会的范图拉先生 I'm Mr. Ventura from the American Psychological Association.
这次来是和你讨论你的愤怒情绪问题 I'm here to discuss your ongoing anger problem.
真的吗 Really?
这个看来花了点心思啊 Clearly a little more thought went into this one.
我也谢谢你没进来 And I give you credit for not just walking in
直接喊我"混蛋" and calling me a "Dick".
我们很少这样做 No, we seldom do that.
这是我的名片 我可以进来吗 Here is my card. May I come in?
你的名片 Your card.
没少下工夫的啊 You really went all out.
里诺·范图拉 Reno Ventura.
你给自己取了这么个二逼名字 That's the stupid name you came up with?
这其实是我父母给我取的名字 Actually, it's the name my parents came up with.
真的啊 You don't say.
你妈妈是叫乔丹吗 Is your mother's name Jordan?
不是啊 她叫玛格丽特 No, it's Margaret.
都是以前的事了 她上个月去世了 It was Margaret. She passed a month ago.
你就接着编吧 Yeah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
好吧 我不想浪费时间 Okay, I'm not going to waste anymore time.
我是不会生气的 I'm not going to get angry.
还有 无冒犯之意 And, no offense,
你长得一点都不像学识渊博的心理学家 but you don't look smart enough to be a psychologist.
-你说什么 -这不赖你 - Excuse me? - It's not your fault,
只是你的两只眼离得太近了 but your eyes are really close
看起来稍微有点像近亲结婚生的傻儿子 and it gives you a slightly inbred look.
我想你没明白这件事有多严重 I don't think you realize how serious this situation is.
没有 我没明白这件事有多严重 Oh, no. I don't realize how serious the situation is.
先生 我再和你说一次 Sir, may I remind you,
如果我给你负面的评价 the wrong recommendation
那么你的执照就会被吊销 from me and your license will be suspended.
听着 里诺·范图拉 宠物侦探 Look, Reno Ventura "Pet Detective,"
源自影片《神探飞机头》 主人公艾斯·范图拉是一位宠物侦探 以帮人寻找丢失的宠物为生
如果你不马上给我出去 if you don't get the hell out of here right now,
我就用你的内裤把你勾到阳台上去 I am going to suspend you by your underwear off that balcony.
把你的手拿开 Get your hands off me.
那你赶紧给我出去啊 Then get the hell out of here!
查理 你在做什么 Charlie! What are you doing?
我正要把你派来的这个 I'm getting rid of one of your anger shills
自称是美国心理协会的骗子赶出去 who says he works for the APA.
也许是美国拜托协会吧 Maybe the American "Pa-lease" Association.
那是里诺·范图拉 道德委员会的新会长 That is Reno Ventura, the new chairman of the Ethics Committee.
记得当时选举的时候 Remember when he got elected
你问我 是谁当选了新会长 and you asked me, "Who's the clown that's running ethics?"
我告诉你是里诺·范图拉 And I said, "Reno Ventura."
你说了什么宠物侦探之类的话 And you said something about a pet detective?
完了 我刚刚又说了一遍 Oh, boy. I just used that one again.
听着 范图拉先生 我非常... Look, Mr. Ventura, I am so...
不用了 谷德森 Don't bother, Goodson!
我来是看你是否稳定 I came here to determine whether you were stable enough
能够继续工作 to continue to have a practice.
我想我知道答案了 I think I have my answer.
祝你有美好的一天 Have a nice day.
-这都是你的错 -又不是我派他来的 - This is all your fault. - I didn't send him here!
但是其他人是你派来的 But you sent the others,
然后我以为他也是 it made me think that he was in on it, too!
我知道 所以我来了 I know. That's why I'm here.