Thank you, Alice. You've been a big help.
I wish I could have tea with everyone.
I really wish I could.
Tea is for grownups, dear.
But, Mother, when will I be grown up?
Oh, be patient, Alice.
Teatime for you will come soon enough.
Now, why don't you go outside and keep your sister company?
Yes, Mother. Okay.
(BIRDS TWITTERING)
You know, I really do wish you'd tell me,
just what good is a book without any pictures?
It looks so dull. I mean, it really does.
You'll understand soon enough, when you grow up.
Look, I'm already seven and a half.
I think that's quite grown up.
And I really do wish you'd stop talking to me as though I was a child.
But you are still a child, Alice.
You can't really think that you're a grownup.
Yes, I do. Almost.
I mean, just how on Earth am I supposed to know when I'm grown up or not?
Would you mind telling me that?
There are a lot of ways to know that.
Well, then tell me. At least a hint.
Well, for one thing, you have to be much taller to be grown up.
And you won't cry as much.
You are a bit of a crybaby.
I am not.
I don't cry much at all. Hardly ever.
Well, when you've grown up, you'll cry much less than you do now.
And one of the best ways to know if you've grown up
is when Mother asks you to join the rest of the grownups for tea.
(CAT MEOWING)
Dinah, dear, you think I'm grown up, don't you?
(PURRING)
(PANTING)
Oh, dear! Oh, dear! I shall be too late.
Mr. Rabbit! Mr. Rabbit!
(THUNDER CLAPPING)
Mr. Rabbit!
(THUNDER RUMBLING)
(SCREAMING)
(CONTINUES SCREAMING)
(WHIMPERING)
(GRUNTING)
(GASPING)
Oh, my ears and whiskers, how late it's getting!
(BELL DINGS)
Mr. Rabbit! Mr. Rabbit!
ALICE: Wait! Wait!
(THUNDER CLAPPING)
(WIND HOWLING)
(CREAKING)
That's strange.
I wonder how many there are.
How am I ever gonna get home?
I can't imagine who could fit through there.
Unless it was for a mouse.
This must fit that little door.
(BIRDS CHIRPING)
ALICE: Oh, how beautiful.
This must surely be the way home.
I can't get through.
(BREATHING HEAVILY)
It's all very well to say, "Drink Me."
I'll look first and see whether it's marked poison or not.
Mmm.
Oh.
Oh, I... I feel so strange.
Oh, my.
Oh.
What's happening to me? I'm shrinking!
I'm so small.
So very small.
But now, at least, I'm the right size
for going through the little door.
(SIGHS)
Oh, how stupid! How really stupid!
I've forgotten the key way up on top of that table.
Come on now, Alice, there's no use starting to cry.
Stop it this moment. Stop! Stop! Stop!
Now, what's this?
"Eat me."
That's certainly a strange thing to write on a cake.
But I will eat it.
Perhaps it'll make me grow bigger.
And If it makes me grow bigger,
then I can reach the key.
But if it makes me grow a little smaller,
then I can creep under the door.
Bigger or smaller?
Which way?
Oh, I think I'm staying the same size.
Oh.
Oh, something is happening.
Curiouser and curiouser.
Ooh.
Now I'm opening up like a telescope.
Ooh. Goodbye, feet!
I'm so big, now I'll never get through that little door.
(CRYING) I wanna go home.
I wanna go home.
RABBIT: Oh, the Duchess, the Duchess!
Won't she be savage if I kept her waiting?
If you please, sir. Sir, Rabbit!
(SCREAMING)
(DOOR CLOSING)
What's happening now?
Ooh.
It's the fan that's making me shrink!
Oh, that was a narrow escape.
(SCREAMS)
(BIRDS CHIRPING)
Oh, now I've fallen into the sea.
But this isn't the sea.
These are my tears when I was nine feet tall!
Oh, I wish I hadn't cried so much.
I should be punished for it now,
for being drowned in my own tears.
Won't that be a queer thing?
However, everything's been queer today.
(SPLASHING) What is that?
It must be a walrus or a hippopotamus!
(DODO BIRD SQUAWKING)
(DODO BIRD CONTINUES SQUAWKING)
For goodness' sake, stop crying.
Stop crying! Don't cry anymore!
Sir?
Me?
Do you know the way out of here?
I'm a stranger here myself.
Mouse, do you know the way out?
Mouse, don't you understand English?
What?
(PANTING)
Are you French?
(SPEAKING FRENCH)
That means, "Where's my cat?" you know.
(SCREECHING)
ALICE: Oh, I beg your pardon.
I quite forgot you don't like cats.
Our family has always hated cats.
Nasty, low, vulgar things.
Don't ever let me hear that name again!
I won't. I promise.
Are you afraid of dogs?
There's a nice old terrier who kills all the rats.
(SCREECHING) ALICE: Oh! I'm sorry! I'm sorry!
I won't mention those creatures again!
All right. Come on.
Let's go to shore and I'll tell you why I hate cats and dogs.
That's a very good idea.
Excellent, Sir Mouse.
(SQUAWKING)
(ANIMALS CLAMORING)
* I hate dogs and I hate cats *
* I'm also not too fond of bats *
* I'm a helpless little fellow *
* Consequently rather yellow *
* Now, you may think that dogs are sweet *
* Since they love to snuggle at your feet *
* But to me they're oh, so large *
* That I tremble when they charge *
* Now, certain words like "big" and "small" *
* Mean what?
* Would you please tell me? *
* To me all cats are 10 feet tall *
(SQUAWKING) * So I worry when they smell me *
(ALL LAUGHING)
* I run from owls I hide from hawks *
* I scurry from whatever squawks *
* I'm a coward
* From my whiskers to my spats *
* I hate dogs and cats! *
(ANIMALS CLAMORING)
* Now, certain words like "big" and "small" *
* Mean what?
* Would you please tell me? *
* To me all cats are 10 feet tall *
* So I worry when they smell me *
* I run from owls I hide from hawks *
* I scurry from whatever squawks *
* I'm a coward
* From my whiskers to my spats! *
(ALL LAUGHING)
* But I tell you straight
* That I really hate
* Owls, dogs, hawks, bats!
* I hate dogs and cats! *
(ANIMALS CLAMORING)
ALICE: Hey, what are you running for?
Wait a minute.
Just what is going on around here?
Are you all crazy?
Won't anybody answer me?
Now, wait a minute! Hey!
(ANIMALS CLAMORING)
Now I know what it means to act like animals!
Somebody should teach you all proper manners.
(ALL LAUGHING)
RABBIT: The Duchess!
The Duchess! Oh, my dear paws!
Oh, my fur and whiskers.
She'll have me executed
as sure as ferrets are ferrets.
And where on Earth did I drop my fan and gloves?
I know, Mr. Rabbit.
I had them, but I seem to have lost them.
Mary Ann, what are you doing out here?
You go home this moment and--and fetch me a pair of gloves and fan.
Quick now, Mary Ann!
(SCOFFS)
He mistook me for his housemaid.
How surprised he'll be when he finds out who I am really.
But I'd better find his fan and gloves
and bring them back to him if I can.
(INAUDIBLE)
It seems so silly to be running errands for a rabbit.
I suppose Dinah will be giving me orders next.
Like, "Alice, come here directly
and watch this mouse hole until I get back."
There's the fan and gloves.
I know something interesting is sure to happen
whenever I eat or drink anything.
So I'll just see what this bottle does.
(THUDDING)
Now, that's quite enough.
I hope I won't grow any more.
As it is, I'm sure I won't be able to get through the door.
I wish I hadn't drunk so much.
Mary Ann! Mary Ann!
Fetch me my gloves this moment!
(EXCLAIMING)
(GRUNTS)
Pat! Pat! Where are you?
Back here digging for apples, Your Honor.
Digging for apples, indeed!
Come and get me out of here!
Your Honor, what happened? Here.
(GROANING)
RABBIT: Pat! Pat! Wha-What's that in the window?
I-I-I-It's an arm, Your Honor. An arm?
You goose!
Did you ever see an arm that size?
It fills the whole window.
PAT: It sure does, Your Honor, but--but it's an arm anyway.
RABBIT: Yeah, well, at any rate, it has no business there.
You--You go and take it away.
Oh, I don't like this at all, Your Honor. I--I don't like it at all.
Bill! Bill! Come out here and help!
PAT: And bring the ladder! Quick, Bill!
I got it.
PAT: Hurry up!
I got it.
(GROANING)
What are you doing? Come on, bring it here.
PAT: Here, tell him what to do.
Get up on the roof.
Oh, my goodness.
PAT: Hurry, Bill.
Do you think the roof will hold him? I hope so!
(BILL GRUNTING) Bill!
RABBIT: Oh, my goodness.
RABBIT: Bill! Bill, go down the chimney!
PAT: That's a good idea, Your Honor. Down the chimney, Billy!
RABBIT: Down the chimney!
Bill's got to go down the chimney, does he?
I think I can take care of that.
(GRUNTS)
PAT: Watch your step, Bill!
PAT: Down the chimney, Bill. Hurry up. Hurry up.
That's for Bill.
(BILL SCREAMING)
There goes Bill.
Goodbye, Bill!
I wonder what they're gonna do next.
You'd better not do that again.
They're such little cakes.
If I eat one, they're sure to make some change in my size.
And since it can't possibly make me grow larger.
RABBIT: Mary Ann! Mary Ann! Come back here!
RABBIT: Come back here, Mary Ann! You hear me?
Come back here!
Mary Ann! Stop running! Come back!
(BOTH PANTING)
(BIRDS CHIRPING)
(CATERPILLAR COUGHING)
Who are you?
I hardly know, sir.
I knew who I was when I got up this morning,
but I keep changing sizes.
And I'm afraid I'll never find my way home again.
Explain yourself.
I can't, sir. Because I'm not myself, you see?
No, I don't see.
Well, being so many sizes in one day
is very confusing to a little girl.
(SNICKERING) No, it isn't.
Well, perhaps you haven't found it so yet.
But when you have to turn into a chrysalis
and then a butterfly, you'll feel a little bit queer then, won't you?
Not a bit.
Well, it would feel very queer to me.
You? Who are you?
Well, I think you ought to tell me who you are first.
Why?
Well, I don't know exactly.
Besides, I think you're very rude. Goodbye!
Wait! Wait!
I've got something very important to say to you.
What?
Keep your temper.
Is that all you have to say to me?
Well, no.
I was also curious about your earlier remark.
So you think you've changed, do you?
I definitely have.
In fact, I think I've actually grown up quite a bit.
But I can't quite remember.
Why not?
Well, there are a lot of things.
Oh, like when I tried to recite one of my favorite poems,
it came out all wrong.
Well, try You Are Old, Father William,
and see how that comes out.
Do you know that poem?
Of course.
Let me see. It starts...
"You...
"You..." Wait, let me help you.
(EXPLOSION)
* "You are old, Father William," the young man said *
* "And your hair has become very white *
* "And yet you incessantly stand on your head *
* "Do you think, at your age, it is right?" *
* "In my youth," Father William replied to his son *
* "I feared it might injure the brain *
* "But now that I'm perfectly sure I have none *
* "Why, I do it again and again" *
* "You are old," said the youth *
* "As I mentioned before, and have grown most uncommonly fat *
* "Yet you turned a back-somersault in at the door *
* "Pray, what is the reason for that?" *
* "You are old," said the youth *
* "And your jaws are too weak for anything tougher than suet *
* "Yet you finished the goose with the bones and the beak *
* "Pray, how did you manage to do it?" *
* "You are old," said the youth *
* "One would hardly suppose that your eye was as steady as ever *
* "Yet you balanced an eel on the end of your nose *
* "What made you so awfully clever?" *
* "You have asked me three questions Now, that is enough" *
* Said his father, "Don't give yourself airs! *
* "Do you think I can listen all day to such stuff? *
* "Be off, boy!
* "Or I'll kick you downstairs *
* "Or I'll kick you
downstairs" *
(EXPLOSION)
(LAUGHING)
That was excellent.
Now, what size do you want to be, little girl?
Well, I should like to be a little larger, sir.
This is such a wretched height to be, you know.
Oh? It happens to be a very good height indeed,
since it also happens to be exactly my height.
I'm terribly sorry.
I didn't mean it as an insult.
(EXPLOSION)
Mr. Caterpillar, where are you?
Why, he's disappeared.
He just absolutely disappeared.
Surely someone here can tell me the way to go home.
*(FISH FOOTMAN HUMMING)
It's for the Duchess.
It's an invitation from the Queen to play croquet.
(SNORING)
There's no use in ringing,
because I'm on the same side of the gate as you are.
Then how am I supposed to get in?
Well, I don't know about you,
but as for me, I'm going to sit here until tomorrow
or the next day, maybe.
Well, I'm not.
(DISHES BREAKING)
(BABY CRYING)
(SNEEZING)
Oh, there's certainly too much pepper in that soup.
Not in my soup.
ALICE: Oh, no.
(SNEEZING)
(BABY CONTINUES CRYING)
Will you please be careful?
If everybody minded their own business,
this world would go around a lot faster than it does.
Which would not be an advantage, if you ask me.
I mean, you see, the Earth takes 24 hours to turn around its axis.
Speaking of axes, chop off her nose.
You are acting very hateful to that baby.
Am I?
Well, my dear.
* There's something to say for hatred *
* For rudeness and for spite *
* Oh, no, my friend, we can't pretend *
* That everything's sweetness and light *
* There's something to say for trouble *
* For nastiness and gloom *
* Just try to be cheerful
* And you'll get an earful of your impending doom *
(SNEEZES)
* This world is not a paradise *
* If, indeed, ooh, ooh, it ever was *
* It's a vale of tears and so, my dears *
* Throw out the chaff? Don't make me laugh *
* There's something to say for misery *
* For suffering and pain *
* Down at the bank, now, let's be frank *
* They only care for gain
BOTH: * There's something to say for frowning *
* Why must we always smile?
* Forget all your dreams, resort to schemes *
* And in just a little while
* The best-laid plans of mice and men *
* Will all come crashing down again *
* And we'll all despise each other *
* In the grandest style *
Is the baby all right?
You wanna hold him for a while?
Here.
I have to get ready. I'm playing croquet with the Queen.
(GRUNTING)
(COOK MUTTERING)
If I don't take this baby away with me, they're sure to kill it.
(BABY CRYING)
(GROWLING)
(SQUEALING)
Now, look, little baby, if you're going to turn into a pig,
then I'll have nothing more to do with you.
(CONTINUES SQUEALING)
Oh, well, if it had grown up,
it would have made a dreadfully ugly child.
But maybe a rather handsome pig, I suppose.
(GASPING)
Excuse me, Cheshire Cat.
Would you tell me please which way I ought to go from here?
That depends a good deal on where you wanna get to.
Home.
I need to get home.
I know my mother's already begun to miss me.
Oh, and my cat, Dinah, must be very hungry.
Home?
Home, is it?
Well, you listen closely, little girl.
* There's no way home
* from this strange land
* Don't even try to understand *
* You're lost in time
* without a trace
* Resign yourself to your disgrace *
* Somehow you've strayed
* and lost your way
* And now there'll be
* No time to play
* No time for joy
* No time for friends
* Not even time
* to make amends
* You are too naive
* if you do believe
* Life is innocent laughter and fun *
* There are things to fear
* So you see, my dear
* Your adventures
* have only begun
* The world's immense
* but sad to say
* It makes no sense
* in any way
* So what care I
* if you should cry?
* There's no way
* home *
I think you're a mean, old cat.
There must be a way home and I'll find it!
Where are you going?
That way.
Maybe I'll meet someone kind enough to help me.
Oh.
Well, in that direction, there's a Hatter,
and in that direction, there's a March Hare.
Visit either you like. They're both mad.
But I don't wanna visit mad people.
Well, you can't help that. We're all mad here.
I mean, I'm mad. You're mad. We're all mad.
Meow, baby.
(MEOWING)
Well, a head without a cat
is the most curious thing I've ever seen
in my whole life.
Oh, goody, I'm just in time for a tea party.
May I introduce myself?
No, you may not.
But aren't introductions proper at a tea party?
My dear child, if you want an introduction,
go and get yourself an orchestra.
They'll give you a good four-bar introduction.
(LAUGHING)
Or probably an eight-bar introduction.
I just wanted to give you my name.
Why, have you finished with it?
Did you hear that, Mr. Hare?
She wants to give us her name.
That is ridiculous. Awfully.
We already have names.
We certainly don't need hers. Yes.
May I sit down?
No room! No room! No room!
No room! No room! There's plenty of room!
There are at least nine empty chairs.
Of course there are.
We didn't say there aren't any chairs.
We said there wasn't any room.
Yeah, and there certainly isn't, you know.
We are here in the great outdoors. Of course!
And there are certainly no rooms here.
Right. There are a few in the house.
Would you like some wine?
I don't think I should drink wine.
I'm too young.
Good. There isn't any anyway.
ALICE: Then it wasn't very nice of you to offer it.
And it wasn't very nice of you
to sit down without being invited!
I didn't know it was your table!
It's set for more than three.
You know, your hair wants cutting.
You should learn not to make personal remarks.
It's very rude.
Ooh. Ooh.
Why is a raven like a writing desk?
I give up. Why is a raven like a writing desk?
I haven't the vaguest idea.
(LAUGHING) Then why did you ask the question?
Because I was hoping for an intelligent answer!
If I'd known the answer, I wouldn't have asked the question, would I?
Oh, you're hopeless.
Incidentally, how did you become a March Hare?
Well, actually, I started out being a January Hare,
and then I worked my way up.
No, I didn't mean that.
Well, then you should say what you mean!
Quite!
I do. At least, I mean what I say and that's the same thing.
It isn't the same thing at all.
I mean, you might just as well say "I see what I eat,"
is the same as "I, I eat what I see."
I give up.
Fresh cup. Move down.
Whoop-de-doo.
ALICE: Who's the stuffed animal?
I am not a stuffed animal. Really?
Not since dinner last night.
I am a dormouse.
What do you mean, "door mouse"?
You look like a plain mouse to me.
And you look like a plain little girl to me.
And if you think that there's only one kind of a mouse,
you have another "think" coming. MAD HATTER: Quite!
Do you wanna take it right now?
Take what right now?
Your other "think." You have one coming, you know.
No, I--I'm not a church mouse... No.
...because I'm too wealthy. Of course!
I'm not a field mouse, and I'm not a... Well, I'm...
(SIGHING) By the way, what time is it?
Time? Time? The time now is, let me see.
The time is precisely 7:27.
That can't possibly be right.
It seems to me it was 7:27 about two hours ago.
Young lady, are you contradicting me?
I am known as a stickler for accuracy.
A stickler? You are?
Yes, a stickler.
When people round here want accuracy,
they call me in and I stickle.
(LAUGHING)
That's what sticklers are supposed to do, isn't that right?
ALICE: But are you sure your watch is running?
Oh, of course it isn't running.
It's sitting here quite quietly in my hand.
Besides, it could hardly run, it has no moving parts.
(MARCH HARE LAUGHING) No moving parts?
Correct.
But it's absolutely correct twice a day.
Enough of this folderol! Enough of this persiflage.
Enough of this badinage.
Enough of this tomfoolery.
Enough of this banter. Enough of this saying "enough."
Oh, every tea party should have a little music.
MAD HATTER: Of course. Young lady,
would you like to sing with us?
That might be very nice.
But what shall we sing?
Do you know Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star?
Yes, I do.
* Twinkle, twinkle, little star *
* How I wonder what you are *
No, no, no, no. That won't do at all.
I prefer, "Twinkle, twinkle, little bat, how I wonder what you're at."
How about,
* Twinkle, twinkle, little skunk *
* How I wonder if you're drunk *
"Twinkle, twinkle, little ants.
"You do look strange without your pants."
(LAUGHS)
I must admit, you three do make me laugh.
Now, that's a very good idea for a song.
* Laugh at every single thing we do *
* Just laugh
* And we shall all perform for you *
* Just smile and tensions will unwind *
* And you'll find that your mind *
* Takes a kinder view
* Laugh
* yes, even when your skies are gray *
* Just laugh
* And troubles seem to float away *
* You'll find it's very true, my dears *
* Through the years that your tears *
* And your fears will fly
* Oh, there are times when crying *
* Seems the thing to do
* But keep on trying
* Till your dreams come true *
* Your heart
* I'm sure knows what is best for you *
* So laugh, little girl
* Just laugh *
Such a lovely song.
Thank you, I, I wrote it myself.
(SNORING)
Now, how would you like to tell us a story?
I'm afraid I don't know one.
Then the Dormouse shall.
The Dormouse will. Wake up!
Come on! Come on. Come along.
Wake up! La, la, la, wake up!
You've got to tell a story! Wake up!
Tell a story. Dormouse!
You're going to tell a story for the little...
Wake up. Dormouse, we want to hear a story. You're going to love it.
(LAUGHING) Come on. Time to wake up now.
Come on. Wake up.
Wake up. Come on, now. Tell us a story!
Time to make a story. Story. Going to tell a story.
We need to tell a story. Wake up.
Stop it! Stop it!
It doesn't matter if anyone tells us a story or not.
Well, that just shows you how much you know. Hmm.
Yeah. At teatime, everyone should tell a story.
Well, now that he is awake, a story would be nice.
Once upon a time, there were three little sisters
named Elsie, Lacie and Tillie and they lived at the bottom of a well.
But what did they live on?
They lived on treacle. Molasses to you.
(LAUGHING)
But why did they live at the bottom of a well?
It was a treacle well.
There's no such thing.
Oh. Oh!
If you can't keep a civil tongue,
why don't you finish the story yourself?
No, please, go on.
Well, these three little sisters,
they were learning how to draw, you know.
And what did they draw?
Treacle!
(ALL LAUGHING)
I want a fresh cup. Move down the table!
Here we go round the table!
But I don't understand.
Where did they draw the treacle from?
Well, if you can get water from a water well,
I suppose you can get treacle from a treacle well, eh, stupid?
(ALL CHATTERING)
(ALL LAUGHING)
Hello, little fawn.
Don't be afraid, I won't hurt you.
I'm so happy to find you.
You're the only normal person I've met here.
* Why do people act as if they're crazy? *
* Why do they behave the way they do? *
* Don't they understand
* that the things I've planned *
* Are dreams that I demand *
* come true?
* Why can't they be kind
* to one another
* And see the beauty of
* the golden rule?
* Will there come a spring
* when we'll know how to sing *
* that there are better things to do? *
* Will there come a day
* we'll all know how to say *
* I love you?
* I love
* you *
I wish I didn't have to go, but I really must,
so you can find your mother and I can find mine.
ALICE: That's very curious.
However, everything's curious today.
ALICE: Excuse me, sirs.
But would you tell me, please,
why you're painting those roses?
Why, the fact is...
You see, miss, this here ought to have been a red rose bush,
and we put a white one in by mistake.
Yes, and if the Queen was to find out,
she'd cut our heads off, you know.
The Queen! The Queen!
FIVE OF SPADES: Here comes the Queen!
*(PLAYING)
(PEOPLE LAUGHING)
(JESTERS EXCLAIMING)
(PEOPLE LAUGHING)
(PEOPLE CHATTERING)
(ALL EXCLAIMING)
Who is this? Who is what?
Oh!
(LAUGHING) Her. I don't know.
Idiot.
What is your name, child?
My name is Alice, may it please Your Majesty.
We'll see about that.
And who are these creatures?
How should I know? It's no business of mine.
Off with her head.
Oh, come now, now, dear, be calm...
Did you hear me? Off with her head!
Nonsense!
Nonsense?
(LAUGHS)
Just for that, off with her head in small increments.
KING OF HEARTS: Oh, no, no. Come now, dear. She's only a child.
Did you think I was under the impression
she was an alligator or a rutabaga?
Of course she's a child, and a remarkably rude one.
And if there's one thing I cannot stand,
it's insubordination and impertinence.
That's two things, Your Majesty.
What? Laughing at such effrontery!
You stop it. Stop it right now!
Ow! Ooh! Ow! Oh!
Oh, off with their heads, too!
My dear, you must not excite yourself, really.
* When there are people who annoy you *
* Or seem determined to destroy you *
* There's just one thing that must be done *
* Off with their heads!
Oh, that's rather drastic, isn't it, dear?
* When there are people who deceive you *
* Or have the nerve to not believe you *
* There's one response that's rather fun *
* Off with their heads!
(PEOPLE GASPING)
KING OF HEARTS: What about the population?
* Firm
* You must be absolutely firm when required *
I'm always firm, dear, always.
* Squirm
* That's what they'll do when they perceive they've been fired *
* Or worse
* Never mind negotiation
* You will find to rule your nation *
* All you need to keep your slaves under their beds *
* Is just to flounce about and shout *
* Off with their heads!
(CROWD GASPING)
You make it all sound so simple.
It is simple, my dear. They're all simple-minded.
Off with their heads.
* Firm
Yes, of course, dear.
* You must be absolutely firm when required *
I'm going to try to be firm about it.
Yes, darling.
* Squirm
* That's what they'll do when they perceive they've been fired *
Don't you...
* Or worse
* Never mind negotiation
* You will find to rule your nation *
* All you need to keep your slaves under their beds *
* Is just to flounce about and shout *
* Off with their heads! *
I suppose you're right, as usual.
I am always right, my dear.
It is simply...
(EXCLAIMS)
Didn't I tell you this morning that heads would roll?
Yes, indeed, you did, dear.
But, you know, it's an extraordinary thing.
Heads do not roll as they used to.
Nowadays, they just clump down on the ground and stay there.
QUEEN OF HEARTS: Ah!
There's that impertinent child.
Alice, would you come here a minute, dear?
(PEOPLE CHATTERING)
Can you play croquet?
Why, yes, Your Majesty.
Although, I shouldn't be able to if I had no head.
If you think such conditions are going to make me change my mind,
you are quite mistaken.
Your head is as good as gone.
But since you still have it, we might as well put it to some sensible use.
Come along to the game. Oh, yes.
It's a... It's a very fine day.
The Queen seems to be enjoying it.
She loves to chop off heads.
Oh, well, the Queen is very excitable.
She even ordered the execution
of a very dear friend, the Duchess.
What for?
Did you say, "What a pity?"
No, I didn't. I said, "What for?"
Oh, it was a dreadful offense.
She boxed the Queen's ears.
(SHUSHING) Oh, don't. Do be quiet.
The Queen will hear you.
See, what happened, you see, was that the Duchess came rather late
and the Queen said to her...
What is that?
Who is doing all that gibbering and jabbering back there?
Oh. Oh, dear.
Meaning no disrespect, Your Majesty.
(STUTTERING) "Gibbering and jabbering," you say?
Well, I--I--I was gibbering and the-- and the young lady was jabbering.
Well, stop it!
And take your places, all of you, for a game of croquet.
(PEOPLE CHATTERING)
(SQUAWKING)
Well, tell me, Alice, my dear,
are you a skillful croquet player?
Well, I do beat my sister, at least sometimes.
Who's the best player here?
I really don't know.
Her Majesty always manages to win.
And if anyone ever gets close, it's always the same thing.
"Off with their heads!"
(EXCLAIMS)
Excuse me, Your Majesty.
I don't see any mallets.
What are we gonna use for mallets?
These flamingoes, of course.
Of course. Of course!
And what are we to use for croquet balls?
KING OF HEARTS: Guinea pigs. He's as keen as mustard.
What are we to use for wickets?
We do have to hit the ball through something, don't we?
Wickets, assume your positions.
Oh, you oaf, you move much too slowly.
Off with his head!
It's going to be very difficult, dear, in that position.
They're dreadfully fond of beheading people here, wouldn't you say?
The great wonder is there's anyone left here with a head at all.
You, impertinent child, wipe that smile off your face.
Is that smile quite gone?
(GUINEA PIG SQUEAKING) KING OF HEARTS: It's left the young lady's face.
But it seems to have reappeared elsewhere.
It's the Cheshire Cat.
Oh, hello, Cheshire Cat.
Hello. How do you like the Queen?
Not at all. I don't like the idea of losing my head. Would you?
I could hardly afford that.
I say, what is that thing?
It's a friend of mine, a Cheshire Cat.
Allow me to introduce you.
I'd rather not, if you don't mind.
My dear, may I introduce another of your subjects?
No, you may not.
Ugh.
Off with his head, whoever or whatever it is, and off with his tail, too.
There's more than one way to skin a cat, you know.
I'm afraid he hasn't got a tail.
You can't behead something that has no body.
Well, you can try.
And exactly who is the owner of this monster?
I think it belongs to the Duchess, Your Majesty.
Perhaps you'd better ask her about it.
Oh, that shouldn't be difficult, dear.
You put her in prison.
Fetch the Duchess here and be quick about it!
When I get home, I'll have such wonderful stories to tell
about kings and queens,
strange creatures in such strange lands.
Well, as I live and breathe, and I hope to keep it up,
if it isn't the little one.
How are you, my dear?
As well as can be expected. And you?
Ah, you're thinking.
That makes you forget to talk.
Well, I can't tell you just now the moral to that, but...
Well, I'll remember in a bit.
Perhaps, it hasn't one.
Get out of here.
Tut-tut, my child.
Everything has a moral, if you find it.
Now, the moral to that is...
* 'Tis love, 'tis love
* 'Tis love that makes the world go round *
Well, well, if it isn't Her Majesty.
Well, it is.
And that being the case, would you be good enough to grovel?
Grovel? Yes.
Right here on the gravel.
Well...
Do you think I'm ready for gravel-groveling?
Now, I give you a choice.
Either you or your head must be off, and at once!
Oh, well, I accept your generous offer, Your Majesty. Yes, I do.
Ta-ta.
Get out of here.
Bad riddance to good rubbish.
(SNICKERING)
With all due respect, Your Majesty,
I think you've got that backwards.
Oh, have I?
Bad rubbish to good riddance.
No! It's "Good riddance to bad rubbish."
What mockery.
And speaking of mockery, have you met the Mock Turtle yet?
I don't think so, Your Majesty.
But then, I don't even know what a mock turtle is.
Why, it's the thing mock turtle soup is made from.
Oh, you must meet him.
Now, you just follow that path and you'll see him.
I must attend to some executions.
(GOAT BLEATING)
Whatever it is, it must be trapped in there.
Oh, that poor little goat.
There, there, don't cry.
Bye, little goat.
You hurry back to your mother.
I'm sure she misses you.
I'm sure mine does, too.
(MONKEY CLAPPING)
(CHATTERING)
Well, thank you, I'm glad someone appreciates me.
Thank you, and you hurry back to your mother, too.
(SCREECHES)
(RAZZING)
Goodbye!
(GASPS)
Who are you? Are you a mock turtle?
A mock turtle?
Do I look like a mock turtle?
Can't you tell a genuine gryphon when you see one?
I'm so sorry, Mr. Gryphon.
Her Majesty told me that I'd meet the Mock Turtle here.
Oh, you mean that "Off with his head" queen?
She's a flibbertigibbet. Flibbertigibbet, flibbertigibbet.
A "flibbiti" what?
GRYPHON: A silly ninny.
All the executions she orders, they never come about.
They're all her fancy.
Then why does she even order them? Why?
Why? Why? Why?
The eternal "why" of a child.
Ah, but enough of my gryphosophy.
I'll take you to the Mock Turtle. Come on.
Everybody says "Come on."
I never was so ordered around before in all my life.
Never! Come on!
(MOCK TURTLE SOBBING)
Come on. Come on. Come on. Come on.
There's the Mock Turtle. Right there.
Who are you?
I'm Alice.
Guess what his sorrow is?
Why, he must wanna go home.
I know why I'm so sad, Mr. Mock Turtle.
I wanna go home.
I just seem to be getting further and further away.
But why are you crying?
It's all his morbid imagination.
He really has no sorrow.
Oh, shut up, Gryphon.
Yes, Mr. Gryphon, please.
So, what is the matter, Mr. Mock Turtle?
Oh, my dear.
Once I was a real turtle.
We went to school in the sea.
My teacher was an old turtle.
We used to call him Tortoise.
But why did you call him Tortoise if he was really a turtle?
We called him Tortoise because he taught us.
Really, you are very dull.
You ought to be ashamed of yourself, asking such a silly question.
Please tell me more.
Well, we had the best of education. Reeling and writhing,
and then the different branches of arithmetic.
Ambition, distraction, uglification and derision.
Oh, shut up, Mock Turtle. Enough about your lessons.
Why don't you sing the little girl a song?
Well, if I'm going to sing anything,
I suppose a song is a good choice.
Oh, I don't know.
You could sing her a sea chantey.
That's a thought.
I used to live in a sea shanty.
Oh? But I didn't care for it much.
For the roof leaked, as I recall.
Now, really, Mr. Turtle.
Oh, you don't have to be so formal.
You can call me by my first name.
And what is that?
Mock. That's what my mother used to call me.
"Mock," she'd say...
Well, whoever you are and whatever you are,
absolutely nothing you say makes any sense at all.
Oh, that's the nicest compliment I've ever been paid.
There's too much sense in the world for me, in my humble opinion.
* Please tell me, young lady, just what is so good *
* About never once being misunderstood *
* There's far too much accurate communication *
* And if it continues
* I fear for the nation
* Nonsense! Nonsense! That's what we're terribly short of *
* Don't you love nonsense?
I'm not really sure. Well, sort of.
* We're getting lethargic from aiming at logic *
* Let's put a stop to that
* If you don't love nonsense I'll knock off your hat! *
* Nonsense! Nonsense! Simply can't do without it *
* Burn incense to nonsense and sing us a song about it *
* Let young master Billy be hopelessly silly until he is blue in the face *
* We must never be grave 'Tis nonsense will save *
* The blooming human race
* Nonsense! Nonsense! Simply can't do without it *
* Burn incense to nonsense and sing us a song about it *
* Let young master Billy be hopelessly silly until he is blue in the face *
* We must never be grave
* 'Tis nonsense will save
* The blooming human race! *
Now, tell us about your adventures.
I would tell you my adventures beginning from this morning,
but it's no use going back to yesterday
because I was a different person then.
MAN: The trial's beginning! The trial's beginning!
Come on, come on! What trial is it?
Never mind. Never mind. Come on.
Bye, Alice. Bye, Gryphon.
(PEOPLE CHATTERING)
I wish they'd get the trial done
and pass out the refreshments.
(QUACKING)
What are they doing?
They can't have anything to write down yet, before the trial's begun.
They're writing down the names
for fear they should forget them before the end of the trial.
Silence in court!
MAN: Silence in the court.
Herald, read the accusation.
"The Queen of Hearts, she made some tarts All on a summer day
"The Knave of Hearts, he stole some tarts And took them quite away!"
KING OF HEARTS: Consider your verdict.
Oh, no, no, no, no, Your Majesty. Not yet.
Not yet. There's a lot more to come. Really?
Call the first witness!
MAN: Call the first witness!
(PEOPLE CHEERING)
Oh, I beg your pardon, Your Majesty,
I was just finishing my tea when they dragged me in here.
You should have finished your tea.
When did you begin?
(STUTTERING)
The 14th of March, I think it was. 15th.
16th!
Don't be impertinent.
Give your evidence or I'll have you executed on the spot.
Oh, oh, my dear, did you hear that?
Bravo!
Oh, Your Honor, I'm a very poor man,
and I had just begun my tea not more than a week or so ago,
and what with the bread and butter getting thinner
and the twinkling of the tea.
The twinkling of the what?
It began with the tea.
Well, of course, twinkling begins with a "T."
Everybody knows that. Do you think I'm a dunce?
Your Honor, I'm a poor man,
and most things began to twinkle after that.
Only the March Hare said... I didn't.
You did.
I didn't.
You did! I didn't.
You did!
* Why deny it? Be a good sport *
* I'll explain it to all of the court *
* I offered you tea and you drank a quart *
* I didn't, I didn't
* You did!
* I didn't, I didn't! * You did! *
He denies it. Strike it out.
Your Majesty, I'm a poor man.
You're a very poor speaker, too.
(BOTH LAUGHING)
(SQUAWKING)
If that's all you know about the case, you may stand down.
Stand down, Your Majesty?
But I can hardly get any lower.
I'm on the floor as it is.
Well, then, simply go! Of course.
And just take his head off outside.
Where he goes, I go.
Call the next witness.
Call the next witness!
MAN: Call the next witness!
(MARCH HARE SNEEZING)
(ALL SNEEZING)
Give your evidence. No, I won't.
Your Majesty, you must cross-examine the witness.
Must I? Of course you must.
Why must I? Because I say so.
Oh, of course. That's different. Yes, yes.
What are tarts made of?
What? QUEEN OF HEARTS: Tarts.
What is a tart made of?
Well, tart starts with a "T."
Then you add an "A," then you add an "R," then you add...
No! What are the ingredients?
Well, pepper. Lots of pepper!
They most certainly are not!
They are made of treacle!
Pepper! Pepper! Pepper! Pepper! Pepper! Treacle! Treacle! Treacle!
(GRUNTS)
Treacle! Treacle! Pepper!
You are an idiot, it's pepper! Treacle! Treacle!
Off with his head!
And after that, pinch off his whiskers.
And off with her head, too!
Treacle. Treacle. Treacle.
Pepper.
Thank you for taking over the cross-examination, my dear.
It was giving me rather a headache.
Well, if these examinations are really supposed to be cross,
I am much better at that sort of thing than you are.
How true. How true.
Have we a verdict?
(BIRDS SQUAWKING)
You haven't got any evidence yet.
Silence!
(GROANING)
What's the matter? What's the matter?
You're growing, young lady.
But I didn't eat a piece of mushroom or drink anything.
There's no doubt about it.
You're growing up.
Can you... Can you hear me up there?
RABBIT: Alice, you're the next witness.
I can hear you.
She's a monster.
The Queen should chop her down to size right now.
What do you know about this business?
Nothing.
Nothing whatever?
Nothing whatever.
Oh, that's very important.
How could it possibly be important?
Unimportant, Your Majesty means, of course.
Unimportant, I meant, of course.
Rule 42.
All persons over a mile high are to leave the court.
I'm not a mile high.
Yes, you are.
I most certainly am not!
Nearly two miles high.
I don't mean to be rude, Your Highness,
but you really don't know what you're talking about.
Besides, it's not a regular rule.
You invented it just now.
KING OF HEARTS: Young lady, that is the oldest rule in the book.
(WHISPERING) ALICE: Then it ought to be number one.
Give me a verdict. Give me a verdict!
RABBIT: But there's more evidence to come yet.
Please, Your Majesty.
A very important envelope has just been found.
Why don't you just let the poor prisoner go?
You can see he's a nice man.
What's in the envelope?
Your Majesty, a set of verses.
Your Majesty, please. I didn't write them.
The Knave didn't sign them.
In fact, nobody signed them.
That proves his guilt. Off with his head.
It doesn't prove anything!
And you really ought to stop yelling "Off with everybody's head."
It's a terrible habit you have.
(PEOPLE CHATTERING)
Silence! Silence!
Just set the prisoner free and let him go home.
His family probably misses him very much.
And one of the worst feelings in the whole world is to be homesick.
I ought to know.
Give me a verdict. Give me a verdict!
How can they give a verdict when there isn't
a bit of meaning in this whole trial?
Oh, well, if there's no meaning,
that saves us a world of trouble.
We don't have to try and find any.
Sentence first, verdict after.
ALICE: Are you crazy?
You can't have the sentence first.
Hold your tongue.
I will not hold my tongue!
Hold yours!
Ooh! Off with her head! Off with her head!
(ALL CLAMORING)
Get her. Grab her. Grab her.
Off with her head!
I'm not afraid of you.
You're nothing but a pack of cards!
Ouch! Stop it! Stop it!
You wicked little thing!
After her!
QUEEN OF HEARTS: Faster! Faster! Get her! Catch her!
Get her!
(ALL YELLING)
(BIRDS CHIRPING)
Mother, Father, I'm back!
Mother? Father? Anybody?
(CAT MEOWING)
Dinah, I'm home! I'm home!
What are you doing on that side of the mirror?
Mother! Father! I'm here! Look!
I'm here! I'm here!
On the other side of the mirror!
Mother! Father! Help me, I'm here!
Mother! Father! I'm here!
On the other side of the mirror.
"Jabberwocky."
"Twas brillig, and the slithy toves
"Did gyre and gimble in the wabe
"All mimsy were the borogoves
"And the mome raths outgrabe
"Beware the Jabberwock, my son! The jaws that bite
"the claws that catch!
"Beware the Jubjub bird, and shun The frumious Bandersnatch!"
I can just tell this is supposed to be a scary poem.
It's a good thing I'm grown up
or I probably would be a little frightened.
(THUNDER CLAPPING)
Thunder doesn't frighten me.
And I'm not the least bit afraid.
(SCREAMING)
(GROWLING)
(GROANING)