"Tell your children..."
"Marijuana, America's new drug menace."
"A trained medical technician will be in attendance."
"As certain scenes, may cause undue excitement in the faint of heart."
This had better not be a stag film.
"Trained medical technician" What's in this movie?
I asked the fellow to let me watch it ahead of time,
But he said it would spoil the emotional impact.
A real showman, that one.
You haven't seen it?!
Well - You're the principal, short!
You're showing the doggone thing in your school.
What if he turns out to be some kind of huckster?
Oh, no, mr. Mayor. This guy's on the up-And-Up.
He works with some federal agency.
He had a letter and everything.
Federal, huh?
I guess it's okay, then.
E- Exactly what I thought.
Mah-Ree-Jew-Ee-Nah.
Mah-Ree-Jew...
Jew?
Mah-Ree - Oh!
Mah-Ree-Jew-A...
Excuse me, do you know how to say this word?
I don't speak mexican.
Mary-Jew...
Good evening.
Good evening. Good evening.
I want to thank you all for braving the weather.
And coming out tonight.
Over the years, your Benjamin Harrison High School...
Has hosted numerous functions.
Graduations, for example...
Your annual christmas pageants...
The drama club's recent and, so I'm told,
Highly-lauded presentation of "Green Grow the Lilacs."
But no purpose this room has ever served
is more important than that which brings myself
and my able assistant, mr. Blumsack,
To your community tonight.
I assume worthy parents like yourselves
have photos of your kids in your wallets, right?
Can you take them out now and look at them?
Fine-Looking young lad.
My, she's the spitting image, isn't she?
You all looking carefully?
Good...
For those pictures before you
are the designated targets of a deadly assassin.
An assassin of youth,
A new drug menace
destroying our children in alarmingly increasing numbers.
Marijuana is that drug.
A vile narcotic, an unspeakable scourge,
The real public enemy number-One.
♪ Creeping like a communist, it's knocking at our doors ♪
♪ Turning all our children into hooligans and whores ♪
♪ Voraciously devouring the way things are today ♪
♪ Savagely deflowering the good old USA ♪
♪ It's reefer madness ♪
♪ Reefer madness ♪
♪ Reefer madness, reefer madness ♪
♪ Oh, so mad ♪
♪ See the kids ♪
♪ Precious kids ♪
♪ Yes, their heads are on the chopping block ♪
♪ And someone's got to dare to take a stand ♪
♪ Can't ignore anymore ♪
♪ It could be your son or daughter ♪
♪ With a deadly stick of reefer in the hand ♪
♪ They're heading straight for ♪
♪ Reefer madness, reefer madness ♪
♪ Save our kids ♪
♪ Stealthy as a socialist, it slithers up our shores ♪
♪ Turning all our children into hooligans and whores ♪
♪ This smoking bowl of evil ♪
♪ Bears the choking stench of sin ♪
♪ It burrows like a weevil under tender christian skin ♪
♪ This ♪
♪ Reefer madness, reefer madness ♪
♪ Oh, so mad ♪
♪ Pull the wool from your eyes ♪
♪ We're in need of righteous soldiers ♪
♪ For this merry wonder has to be destroyed ♪
♪ Fight the urge of this scourge ♪
♪ It's destructive but seductive ♪
♪ So some drastic measures have to be employed ♪
♪ To put an end to ♪
♪ Reefer madness, reefer madness ♪
♪ Oh, so mad ♪
♪ Deadly as the democrats that empty out our stores ♪
♪ Turning all our children into hooligans and whores ♪
♪ Teenagers across the land are glazed and oversexed ♪
♪ If you fail to draw the line, your babies will be next ♪
♪ Oh ♪
♪ Reefer madness, reefer madness ♪
♪ Oh, so mad ♪
♪ Tell your children! ♪
♪ Reefer madness ♪
♪ Fight the menace! ♪
♪ Reefer madness ♪
♪ Kill the Devil! ♪
♪ Reefer madness ♪
♪ Save the country! ♪
♪ Reefer madness ♪
♪ Madness, madness, madness, madness ♪
♪ Reefers made us crazy, barking ♪
♪ Mad! ♪
Some of you may think I'm overreacting.
I'll say.
I think you've come to the wrong town, pal.
That kind of thing isn't a problem around here.
You don't know our kids.
You'd be surprised how often I hear that
What makes this particular drug so dangerous.
Is that there are no forbidding needles or snorting powders.
Children smoke a reefer stick,
Thinking it to be an ordinary, perfectly harmless cigarette.
The kind we all used to enjoy as teenagers.
And before you can say "Jack Robinson,"
They are enslaved!
But don't take my word for it.
Here are the shocking, sordid facts.
And judge for yourselves.
The filmed presentation you are about to witness.
Chronicles the harper affair,
A true story exhaustively documented.
In the fine newspapers of Mr. William Randolph Hearst.
A true story.
That took place in a town very much like your own.
Meet Jimmy Harper,
An upstanding young lad of some 16 summers...
Well-Mannered, hard-Working,
An all-Around credit to the community.
Right now, jimmy's hurrying to school,
Hoping to run into a very special young lady...
Mary Lane.
Mary was a healthy young miss of good, american breeding stock,
God-Fearing, civic-Minded, and very much in love.
Just a harmless old turtle.
See?
Off you go.
I thought it was a rat.
Can I carry your books? Thanks.
Yes, Mary and Jimmy.
Were destined to share a love that would last a lifetime.
Tragically, it would be the brief lifetime.
Of a fruit fly.
It's sweet of you to help me study "Romeo and Juliet," Jimmy.
Without your help, come exam time,
I would have been on a trip for biscuits.
Well, it's my pleasure.
Where would you like to start?
Probably the "proo-Low-Gwee."
Proo-Low-Gwee?
Oh, I think you mean "prologue."
I keep getting that confused with "mon-Tay-Gwee."
That's not even a real word.
I looked it up in two different dictionaries.
Montague... It's Romeo's last name.
You are so smart.
My mother says you're a boy who's going places.
Uh... you don't talk about me to your mother, do you?
I talk about you to everybody.
Forsooth, fair Juliet,
Would'st thou likest yon hot chocolate?
Oh, Jimmy, wherever did you learn to speak like that?
It's fancy talk from "Romeo and Juliet,"
'Cause when a guy wants to woo a girl,
He needs, you know, the right language.
Are you trying to woo me, Jimmy Harper?
♪ I need words to tell you about my pounding heart ♪
♪ $4 words that make a guy sound smart ♪
♪ Well, I guess that's why they invented Shakespeare ♪
♪ His articulations of a lover's palpitations are so keen ♪
♪ My bounty is as boundless as the sea ♪
♪ My love as deep, the more I give to thee ♪
♪ Oh, you sound so dreamy when you talk like Shakespeare ♪
♪ A big vocabulary ♪
♪ Should be customary when you fall in love ♪
♪ La la la la la la la, you're a snowy dove ♪
♪ La la la prodigious birth of love ♪
♪ La la la la la hip, hooray for Shakespeare ♪
♪ Sure as I am breathing ♪
♪ You can make elizabethan language fun ♪
♪ We are just like Romeo and Juliet ♪
♪ We're happy, young, and bubbling with love ♪
♪ I can't wait to read the ending ♪
♪ I can't, either, but I'm sure it turns out real swell ♪
♪ I bet Romeo ♪
♪ Marries his Juliet ♪
♪ They have a baby ♪
♪ and make lots of friends ♪
♪ That's probably the way the play ends ♪
♪ You dot'h teach the torches how to burn real bright ♪
♪ Hanging like a jewel upon the cheek of night ♪
♪ Hark, what light through yonder window breaks here? ♪
♪ We'll be future spouses ♪
♪ Put a plague on both our houses if we're wrong ♪
♪ Shakespeare! ♪
The sad truth is that if our schools
spent less time indoctrinating our children in the works of...
Bill Shakespeare...
And focused instead on the work of a far superior author...
Well, things might have turned out differently.
And the delicate heart of young love.
Might not have been stabbed.
Stabbed and pinned to the shameful corkboard of...
The reefer den!
Come on, Mae.
Get up off your duff.
What time is it, Jack?
Time to give this place a going-Over.
It looks like the marines have landed.
That bunch last night was high enough
To take over the marines and the navy.
Party's over, Sally.
What a night...
I was in more laps than a napkin.
Great, now the damn baby's awake.
Hold your water!
Mama's coming.
Hold your wa-Ooh!
Oh... oh...
Damn stairs.
Oh!
Yeah!
Look at all this weed!
Pastures of plenty!
Keep your ham hooks off my product.
Just checking for bugs.
Aah! Aah!
Need a better class of clientele.
At least they're old enough to know what they're doing...
Not like some of those young kids you bring up here.
Ah, stop squawking at me.
You got more static than the radio.
I'm gonna press bricks over to the five-And-Dime,
Bring back a couple more kids.
You got a problem with that?
Well, maybe I do.
You better tune me in and get my signal right.
Around here, I call the shots.
Jack...
Oh, that's right...
Almost forgot.
You can't get through the morning.
Without a little toot, can you?
See you in the funny papers.
♪ I ought to leave him ♪
♪ But something makes me stay ♪
♪ It's the stuff ♪
♪ I'd try to kill him ♪
♪ But my guy gives me love ♪
♪ And the stuff ♪
♪ Sometimes he's rough ♪
♪ He throws me down the stairs ♪
♪ But deep inside he cares ♪
♪ He buys me lingerie ♪
♪ And the stuff ♪
♪ Oh, oh, oh ♪
♪ I was a student ♪
♪ Good grades and so naive ♪
♪ 'Till the stuff ♪
♪ A handsome stranger ♪
♪ Some empty promises ♪
♪ Lots of stuff ♪
♪ But I don't get hooked ♪
♪ I'm not addicted, no ♪
♪ I just enjoy the glow ♪
♪ I like to have my fun ♪
♪ No harm to anyone ♪
♪ Though the fun sometimes escapes me ♪
♪ When Jack gets stoned and rapes me ♪
♪ Nothing numbs me better than the stuff ♪
♪ Oh, oh, oh ♪
♪ Than the stuff ♪
♪ In the latest issue of Scientific American, ♪
The Federal Bureau of Narcotics tells us that marijuana
possesses an addictive power beyond even that of heroin or cocaine.
Yes?
Are you sure about your facts there?
No, no.
Why do you ask, mr...
Kochinski.
My wife's cousin had himself a problem with the heroin,
And I done some reading, and let me tell you,
There's nothing more addictive than that stuff.
Kochinski...
Russian name...
Isn't it?
It was polish.
Actually, it's polish.
Of course.
I certainly applaud
Your brave unwillingness to believe something
Simply because it's printed in a silly magazine
With the word "American" in the title.
You stand as a shining example to your comrades...
And the rest of us.
Well, my wife might have mixed up the story.
I- I think it was marijuana that her cousin was hooked on.
It's bad - It's bad stuff.
Bad stuff, indeed.
Would that it had been mere heroin...
For, ladies and gentlemen,
Marijuana is an insidious master.
Seeking slaves not in the dark jungles of Africa,
But right here in each of our 48 states.
♪ After school has let out we just like to get out ♪
♪ To the place where Jitterbugging's always in style ♪
♪ Satchmo is a-Singing, dorsey is a-Swinging ♪
♪ A syncopated wonderland that brings on a smile ♪
♪ Come and stretch your dance abilities ♪
♪ Nobody is feeling ill at ease ♪
♪ When your toes are tapping, anything can happen ♪
♪ down at the old Five-And-Dime ♪
♪ Dancing, dancing ♪
♪ Razzmatazz that always has you sashaying, swaying ♪
♪ Buy your gal some jujubes, she'll be swooning ♪
♪ Spooning down at the old Five-And-Dime ♪
♪ If you're feeling gloomy, glide on over to me ♪
♪ Try the finest cherry fizz in all of the land ♪
♪ My After-School oasis gets the hopeless cases ♪
♪ Hopping and a-Bopping to the Five-And-Dime band ♪
♪ You can buy yourself a pack of smokes ♪
♪ Laugh at all my corny knock-Knock jokes ♪
♪ Gotta take the gang out to the local hangout ♪
♪ Where Benny Goodman is king ♪
So, you really gonna give her your school ring?
And how!
Boy, that Mary Lane is one slinky piece of homework,
An e-Flat dillinger,
A hop and a skip to Tastytown!
I sure wouldn't mind taking a bite out of that tomato!
- Hands off, Mickey! - I'm hep.
Here goes nothing.
♪ Dancing, dancing ♪
♪ Then enjoy some funny books ♪
♪ We get frisky, risky ♪
♪ Cool off with a malted milk ♪
♪ We're all bumping, come jump in ♪
♪ Down at the old Five-And-Dime ♪
Mary, I got something to ask you.
Did you hear the announcement at school today?
Next week, President Roosevelt is coming to town.
Wow! You know, my pop says.
He's a labor-Appeasing, supreme-Court packing bolshevik.
Well, I don't know about all that boy stuff.
But the important thing is there's going to be
a big dance contest in his honor.
And I want you to be my partner.
Dance contest?
Jeez, I don't know.
What's to know?
I've been working on our routine.
Feast your peepers on this.
♪ Feel the crazy rhythm in your feet ♪
♪ Everybody keep it "reet petite" ♪
♪ Blazing bright as neon, maybe we could be on ♪
♪ "Major Bbwes' amateur hour" ♪
What's the wait, Nate?
I got two left feet, and they're on backwards.
If Mary sees me dancing, I'll lose her!
Oh, yeah.
Mickey!
I'm hep.
Well, I have to change into my coveralls for 4-H Club tonight.
I'll see you there.
Hey, kid, I'm Jack.
I'm Jimmy. Pleased to meet you.
♪ Sometimes men would come to call ♪
♪ Who stank of sin and barbasol ♪
♪ They'd ask kids if they felt at all ♪
♪ Like having themselves a few kicks ♪
Jimmy - As in Jimmy Cagney?
Don't I wish.
Girl trouble, huh?
Yeah, I got just the cure.
What say you and I blow this Popsicle stand
and find ourselves a real party?
Gee, that's awfully nice, Mr. Jack,
But I'm meeting my girlfriend at 4-H Club later.
Come on, we'll have some laughs...
Half-Hour, tops.
Gee...
I don't know.
Suit yourself.
Guess you're not the hep cat I took you for.
Oh!
Wow!
You sure shake a wicked calf.
Can you teach me how to dance like that?
By the time I get through,
You'll make Fred Astaire look like Barney Google.
Come on.
Well, if you're sure it'll only be a Half-Hour.
Kid, that's a promise from me to you.
♪ Dancing, dancing ♪
♪ Charleston till your tootsies ache ♪
♪ We'll be grinning, spinning ♪
♪ Romping to the savoy stomp ♪
♪ We're rug-cutting, strutting ♪
♪ Then as a coda we drink Ice-Cream Soda ♪
♪ Here down at the old Five-And-Dime, yeah! ♪
Do your children enjoy Jazz Music?
For I am here to tell you that Cab Calloway,
Dizzy Gillespie, Duke Ellington,
And the whole Weed-Blowing, Ginger-Colored Lot
are merely masquerading as musicians.
And are, in fact, agents of evil.
Reefer slows down the smoker's sense of time,
Allowing him to squeeze in unnecessary grace notes,
Giving this voodoo music the power to hypnotize white women.
Into indulging in acts of unspeakable degradation.
Oh!
You will find this profane music
Wherever you find marijuana.
Hear that?
It's the national anthem of Sodom and Gomorrah!
Faster, Sally! Faster!
One of them...
That's it, Sally! That's it!
Ooh!
Man, I'm starving.
We got any eats?
Everybody, take it on the heel!
Come on, get the lead out of your shorts!
Am-Scray, am-Scray!
Damn cowbell.
Damn baby.
Damn... stuff.
Come in, kid.
Make yourself cozy.
Who's that?
Ralph - he was used to be a college boy.
Mae, this is Jimmy Harper.
He's okay.
Aw, Jack, this kid can't be more than 15.
Oh, 16, madam.
The name's Mae...
And a madam runs a different kind of house.
Shut up!
Good baby.
Oh, god.
Say, who's the new fish?
Oh, I'm J-J-Jmmy.
Sally, why don't you and J-J-Jimmy
Get better acquainted?
Give him the usual.
If I can't turn him on, he ain't got switches.
How tall are you, anyway?
Uh, 5'9 inches...
Let's forget the 5 feet and concentrate on the 9 inches.
Whoopsie.
No harm done... hero.
Ow!
I'm telling you, I want that Jimmy kid out of here.
He's too young! I got hooked at that age,
And I'm not doing it to anybody else.
Do I have water in my ear, or you giving me guff?
This is my house, and I say he goes!
Is everything okay?
Just fell, that's all.
Oh, let me light your cigarette for you, there, Sally.
This isn't a cigarette.
It's a real smoke...
Reefer.
Let's share it.
Oh, no, I shouldn't.
Um... it's been great meeting you folks,
But I ought to head over to 4-H Club.
I'm teaching some of the newbies how to make a potato clock.
I didn't think you were such a moldy fig.
Or maybe you're scared.
I'm not either!
Prove it.
♪ Come on, Jimmy, come on, Jimmy ♪
♪ Suck it down for Sally ♪
♪ Come on, Jimmy, come on, Jimmy ♪
♪ Suck it down for Sally ♪
Thank you, Sally,
But I honestly don't think it's such a good idea.
♪ Come on, Jimmy, come on, Jimmy ♪
♪ Suck it down for Sally ♪
♪ Come on, Jimmy, come on, Jimmy ♪
♪ Suck it down for Sally ♪
I gotta get out of here.
You've gotten me all confused.
♪ Take a toke of tea stick, take a toke of tea stick ♪
♪ Smoke it, you may choke at first, but then the worst is over ♪
♪ Don't be a chicken ♪
♪ Don't, Jimmy, don't do it, don't be a fool ♪
No!
♪ Smoke the marijuana ♪
♪ Sail the sea of sin ♪
♪ Reach a hot nirvana ♪
♪ Tremble from within ♪
♪ Serve your appetite ♪
♪ Plan to stay the night ♪
♪ I am standing ♪
♪ At temptation's door ♪
♪ I have never ♪
♪ felt this way before ♪
♪ Join the wonder dance ♪
♪ Lose the underpants ♪
No!
♪ Someone save me ♪
♪ There's no place to hide ♪
♪ From this hellacious ♪
♪ Magic-Carpet ride ♪
♪ Open up your mind, let your body soar ♪
♪ Arms and legs entwined, cry, "More, more, more!" ♪
♪ If a year goes by, it might seem a day ♪
♪ If a day goes by, it could take a year ♪
♪ Space recedes at blinding speeds ♪
♪ Your lust is on the rise ♪
♪ Moloch! ♪
♪ Tender virgin ♪
♪ Fresh as morning dew ♪
♪ I've been eagerly expecting you ♪
♪ Live the greater life ♪
♪ Live the satyr life ♪
♪ Eros beckons ♪
♪ Feel the need increase ♪
♪ Every fiber ♪
♪ Burns for sweet release ♪
♪ Llive a little dream ♪
♪ Leave a little mess ♪
♪ Everybody scream ♪
♪ "Yes, yes, yes!" ♪
♪ Can't you feel the flush of pulsing pagan fire? ♪
♪ Come and feel the rush ♪
♪ Fly higher and higher ♪
♪ Dancing naked as the sinful Adam ♪
♪ Voodoo jungle drums ♪
♪ Coupled with a wicked madam 'Till the morning comes ♪
♪ Yes, we're waiting for your business ♪
♪ In this carnal carnivale ♪
♪ Take a one-way ticket to the bacchanal ♪
♪ So come on, Jimmy, come on, give me reefer love ♪
♪ Smoke the marijuana ♪
♪ Sail the sea of sin ♪
♪ And reach a hot nirvana ♪
♪ Tremble from within ♪
♪ Yes, we're waiting for your business ♪
♪ In this carnal carnivale ♪
♪ Take a one-way ticket to the bacchanal ♪
♪ So come on, Jimmy, come on, give me reefer love ♪
Knock, knock.
Oh, therefore art thou, Romeo.
I've been looking for you everywhere.
♪ Well, I haven't been everywhere! ♪
Well, what a thing to say.
I was wondering if we could practice our steps.
For the presidential dance.
It's only a few days away,
And with you being so mysteriously busy all the time,
I wanted to make sure we could get in enough rehearsal.
Jimmy, is something wrong?
Why?
Should something be wrong?
Stop hounding me.
Stop. Hounding. Me!
I didn't think I was. I...
Oh.
It's me, isn't it?
You don't love me anymore.
You haven't even tried to kiss me in almost a week.
Kiss?
Is that what you want?
Let me show you a few new moves!
Aah!
That was your tongue!
Jimmy Harper, what's come over you?
Mercifully, Mary had no idea what had come over Jimmy.
But she feared the worst.
♪ The sermon today was really exciting ♪
♪ Yahweh was mad and did plenty of smiting ♪
♪ With locusts and plagues and little green froggies ♪
♪ All that and more thundered down from the sky ♪
♪ I reached for your hand like I always do ♪
♪ But beside me was just an empty wooden pew ♪
♪ There's hymnals and a rosary ♪
♪ But they don't keep me company ♪
♪ The wafers now don't taste so great ♪
♪ They won't transubstantiate ♪
♪ Without you near ♪
♪ The gospel choir sounds askew ♪
♪ Jimmy, come back ♪
♪ and fill my lonely pew ♪
♪ A gloomy church that you're not in ♪
♪ Can lead a girl to mortal sin ♪
♪ A lady asked, "Is this seat taken?" ♪
♪ I lied, I guess ♪
♪ I told her "Yes" ♪
♪ I pray a holy shining star ♪
- ♪ Shining, twinkling star - Will lead you home from where you are? ♪
- ♪ Where, oh, where you are? - In a fog or lost at sea ♪
♪ Or could it be you're tired of me? ♪
♪ It's a line of thought ♪
♪ I'd rather not pursue ♪
♪ Rather not pursue, Mm-Ooh ♪
♪ Jimmy, come back ♪
♪ And fill my lonely ♪
♪ Pew ♪
I've got the window open. Give me a boost!
- Shh! - Ow!
Shh!
How much you think is in there?
If Jack don't get his green, we don't get ours!
Cool your jets!
Hear that? We got more scratch than a sandpaper factory.
This'll keep us in the straw for at least a week!
That's good! That's good!
Frankincense - Wow!
Reefer...
Madness...
Welcome to Club Celestial!
I am your host, Joan of Arc.
No Christian Martyr works it harder.
The many voices in my head tell me that we have
A special guest in the house tonight, James Fenimore Harper!
Tonight Jimmy will be taught the error of his ways.
By the brightest star in our heavenly firmament...
The Lord of Hosts, the Stranger from the Manger,
The Hardest-Working man in the Afterlife,
Give it up for Jesus!
Aw, Jesus...
I got a great high cooking here.
Don't bring me down.
On the contrary, Jimmy...
I'm here to bring you up with dope.
No, not your brand of dope,
But the straight dope.
You think those reefer fiends are cool?
I don't think you realize how cool God can be.
♪ I floated down from Heaven ♪
♪ When I heard a lamb had strayed ♪
♪ Look at you here ♪
♪ Your brain has turned to marmalade ♪
♪ I'm here to help you, Jimmy ♪
♪ And return you to the fold ♪
♪ Try filling your lungs with God ♪
♪ And not jamaican gold ♪
♪ Satan's bold ♪
♪ Loves to lie ♪
♪ Don't reply ♪
♪ Do you want to make the angels cry? ♪
♪ Cry-y-y? ♪
♪ Listen to Jesus, Jimmy ♪
♪ Just say "no" to the marijuana ♪
♪ Listen to Jesus, Jimmy ♪
♪ This comes straight from the Madonna ♪
♪ Listen to Jesus, Jimmy ♪
♪ I'm the face on the shroud of turin ♪
♪ Llisten to Jesus, Jimmy ♪
♪ Do I need to test your urine? ♪
♪ Satan went and conned you ♪
♪ He conned you, Jimmy ♪
♪ Ustn't touch his evil ganja ♪
♪ Jimmy, don't turn your back on God ♪
♪ Dona eis requiem ♪
♪ Numquam fumes cannabis ♪
♪ Aut incendes ibi inferno ♪
♪ You'll burn in Hell ♪
♪ I've cured a lot of lepers ♪
- ♪ And I've risen from the dead? - How you doing? ♪
♪ Is that what it's gonna take to get this through your head? ♪
You can touch.
♪ If you insist on smoking to indulge those teenage kicks ♪
♪ Soon you'll be floating naked in the river Styx ♪
♪ What a fix ♪
♪ Sulfur pools ♪
♪ Torture tools ♪
♪ Separation from your family jewels ♪
♪ Rama-Lama, they're gonna cut your dingdong ♪
♪ Listen to Jesus, Jimmy ♪
♪ Gotta give it up for lent, boy ♪
♪ Listen to Jesus, Jimmy ♪
♪ Or wind up as Satan's Rent-Boy ♪
♪ Listen to Jesus, Jimmy ♪
♪ Don't let reefer get your keister ♪
♪ Llisten to Jesus, Jimmy ♪
♪ I'm the poster boy for easter ♪
♪ Jimmy, let me see you ♪
♪ Want to see you, Jimmy ♪
♪ Kick the sin and sinsemilla ♪
♪ Jimmy, don't turn your back on God ♪
♪ For the Lord God Omnipotent ♪
♪ Hateth marijuana, marijuana ♪
♪ Listen to Jesus, Jimmy ♪
♪ Thou shalt heed this holy omen ♪
♪ Listen to Jesus, Jimmy ♪
♪ Stop indulging like a roman ♪
♪ Listen to Jesus, Jimmy ♪
♪ All the cherubim say you gotta ♪
♪ You gotta listen to Jesus, Jimmy ♪
♪ Trust the man with the stigmata ♪
♪ Jimmy, don't you turn your back on God ♪
♪ On God! ♪
You rock, Jesus!
Jimmy...
Take a hit of God instead.
You think you can handle the high?
I got a new god now.
Ooh...
Hey! That's my Mary Jane!
Think so?
You don't own the Mary Jane.
The Mary Jane owns you.
Listen up, kid, and listen good.
Get out now and don't look back.
It's too late for us, but you...
You're young.
You still got a chance.
Why do you got a steak on your eye?
Just fell, that's all.
I'm serious, Jimmy.
It's dangerous here.
These days, I got me a taste for danger!
Back off! You're heaped to the gills!
And you - Zip it!
You'll wake Sally's baby.
That's okay, Mae. Don't worry about it.
Sally, how come I haven't heard your baby crying tonight?
Huh...
I don't know.
It is a matter of public record.
That the addict will sell anything,
Anything at all,
To obtain the decadent rush of that next fix.
You'll take good care of him, right?
I mean, it's not true what they say.
About you people eating babies, is it?
Care to stay for dinner?
You're just kidding, right?
You didn't sell your baby for reefer money, did you?
It's okay.
I got another one on the way.
Light?
'Cause that kind of joke ain't...
So where'd you get this packard?
Oh, I boosted it from my girlfriend.
Girlfriend?
You expect me to believe some Bobby-Soxer's got what it takes
To chop your suey?
Sally, you're getting me steamed up like a pants presser!
That's the idea, baby.
Tonight, you and me are gonna break out like the measles!
Sally?
Sally! Sally!
Keep your eyes on the road, Sally!
Serves him right for trying to jump over the car like that.
Hey, mister, are you okay?
We didn't see you there.
I... I...
I think he's dead.
I was never here.
Okay.
Damn lamppost.
I'm so sorry.
I'm so sorry...
♪ There's blood on my hands and mud on my name ♪
♪ My id threw a party, and everyone came ♪
♪ My innocence ravaged, my virtue devoured ♪
♪ I can't count the strangers with whom I have showered ♪
♪ I've taken a life ♪
♪ Been stripped to my essence ♪
♪ And to think all I wanted was Swing-Dance lessons ♪
Police! Freeze!
♪ Local police are on the lookout for a late model packard ♪
♪ Spotted leaving the scene of a Hit-And-Run homicide! ♪
Mae was right about the Mary Jane.
It owns me.
♪ Mary Jane, oh, Mary Jane ♪
♪ You crumpled me like cellophane ♪
♪ You stir me up like beef chow mein ♪
♪ You wreck me, Mary Jane ♪
♪ Mary Jane, oh, Mary Jane ♪
♪ You've conquered me like charlemagne ♪
♪ Pleasure intertwined with pain ♪
♪ You wreck me, Mary Jane ♪
♪ Your toxic kisses make my heart race ♪
♪ faster than a cheetah ♪
♪ I've been stapled and spindled ♪
♪ My willpower's dwindled ♪
♪ You melt resistance down like hot velveeta ♪
♪ Mary Jane, oh, Mary Jane ♪
♪ You flushed my future down the drain ♪
♪ Smeared me like a ketchup stain ♪
♪ But I need you ♪
♪ I love you ♪
♪ And I'm loved by Mary ♪
♪ Loved by Mary, loved by Mary, Loved by Mary Lane ♪
♪ Loved by Mary, loved by Mary, I'm loved by Mary Lane ♪
There's only room for one Mary in my life...
Mary Lane! With an "L", for "Love."
I love Mary Lane!
♪ Loved by Mary, loved by Mary, Loved by Mary Lane ♪
Jimmy, what are you doing here in the middle of the night?
It's almost 9:00 p.m.
♪ Mary Lane, oh, Mary Lane ♪
♪ Two words that fall like gentle rain ♪
Did you take my car?
♪ You touch my hand and kill my pain ♪
♪ I love you, Mary Lane ♪
Jimmy, I'm in my nightgown.
♪ You flood my world with all the colors of the sunday funnies ♪
♪ The innocent splendor of kisses so tender ♪
♪ Softer than a pillow stuffed with bunnies ♪
Bunnies?!
I don't know what you're talking about,
But I like the sound of it!
♪ Mary Lane, oh, Mary Lane ♪
♪ Will help you sing a new refrain ♪
♪ With you beside, we'll start again ♪
♪ Just me and Mary ♪
- ♪ You and Mary - Me and Mary Lane ♪
♪ When life becomes a rollercoaster ♪
♪ And I can't keep my footing ♪
♪ I'll love you completely ♪
♪ Steady me sweetly ♪
♪ You're sweet as Shirley Temple dipped in pudding ♪
- ♪ Sweet as Shirley Temple pudding ♪ - ♪ Yeah, yeah, Mary Lane, Yeah, yeah! ♪
- ♪ Mary Lane - Oh! Mary Lane ♪
♪ Our hearts pound like a diesel train ♪
♪ The world may crumble, we'll remain ♪
- ♪ Just me and Mary - You and Mary ♪
- ♪ Loved by Mary - Loved by Mary, Loved by Mary Lane ♪
♪ Loved by Mary, loved by Mary, Loved by Mary Lane ♪
- ♪ Loved by Mary, noodled Mary - Love Mary Magdalene by Lane ♪
- ♪ Loved by Mary, loved by Mary - Mary Lane lai moi wooo ♪
♪ Loved by Mary, loved by Mary, Loved by Mary Lane ♪
- ♪ Loved by Mary - Yeah, I love you ♪
- ♪ Loved by Mary - You got to, got to, got to love me ♪
- ♪ Loved by Mary ♪ - Hoo!
- ♪ Loved by Mary Lane - I love you, Jimmy, yeah ♪
♪ Loved by Mary, loved by Mary, Loved by Mary Laaaaaane ♪
♪ We'll sing to the rafters of happily afters ♪
♪ I love you ♪
♪ You're loved by ♪
♪ Mary Laaaaaaaaaane ♪
Who can name for me the one, All-Abiding,
All-Powerful force in the world?
Hmm?
Principal Short?
What is the human condition so powerful.
It can stave off all that is black and evil
In these confusing times?
Love?
Oh!
In a time in which our children are subjected.
To a daily diet of depravity
in their film and popular music?
Ha ha!
In a time in which the entire world
is aligned against the American Way of Life,
A time when our economy is in a state of total collapse.
And a reckless lunatic sits in the White House,
I am relieved to hear.
Our fatuous friend is so confident
that love will carry the day...
The correct answer is, of course, "Vigilance."
Sirens.
There's been something I've been meaning to give you,
And I may not get another chance.
Oh, Jimmy! Your school ring?
Is your finger swollen?
Are you putting on weight?
Maybe.
Lately, I seem to be hungry all the time.
A moment on the lips, forever on the hips.
Wait.
What you do mean, you may not get another chance?
I have to run away - Far away.
- Well, then, I'm coming with you. - No!
It'll only ruin your life. You have no idea what I've done.
It doesn't matter.
I'm wearing your school ring now...
Or at least I will be, as soon as you get it off your finger.
And if Romeo has to run away, then so does Juliet.
Okay.
Go put on some clothes, pack a bag - I'll wait.
That's more like it.
I believe in you, Jimmy Harper!
Even if you do have pudgy fingers.
Goodbye, Mary. You deserve better.
Hey, kid.
How's tricks?
How'd you find me?
It's all over the radio.
Cops are looking for you and the packard.
I drove around your neighborhood, 'till I found it.
I can't have you telling the cops
where you get your stagger-Leaf.
So, what's say we head back to Mae's,
Where it's safe and cozy?
This will calm you down for the ride.
You're talkin' on a dead phone.
I'm through with reefer, and I'm through with you.
Don't think you can pull any tricks, 'cause it won't work.
I see.
Well, then, I guess there's only one thing left to do.
You like brownies?
Baked them myself.
Well, I am kind of hungry.
Thank you.
♪ This brownie is yummy ♪
♪ It's the greatest brownie known to man ♪
♪ It's chewy, it's nutty ♪
♪ This brownie's really good ♪
♪ Don't offer me a macaroon ♪
♪ My brownie suits me fine ♪
♪ There's frosting on the top ♪
♪ And, best of all, it's mine ♪
♪ Eat the brownie, bro-brownie Eat the brownie, bro-brownie ♪
Let's go home.
Okay.
♪ I shimmer electric ♪
♪ I'm a one-man marching brownie band ♪
♪ I love it My brownie ♪
♪ And my brownie loves me too ♪
♪ It's smooth, it's sweet, it's chocolaty ♪
♪ It forms a perfect square ♪
♪ And the bestest part of all ♪
♪ is I don't have to share ♪
♪ Doesn't have to share! And the bestest part of all is I don't have to share ♪
♪ Eat the brownie, eat the brownie Eat the brownie, eat the brownie ♪
♪ Yeah! ♪
Come on, kid. Get in the car.
Where we're going, Jack?
Back where you belong.
You're one of us now.
That's nice.
Jimmy...
Wait.
Careful, Jimmy. Not too fast.
Oh, yeah. Yeah!
This weed is a triple scream and one big yell.
Aaah!
I need more, I tell you. More!
Always happy to oblige a customer.
Whoa!
Make that a paying customer. Pony up, kid.
I'm busted flat, Jack. You bled me dry.
Not quite.
It doesn't come off, so don't waste your - Ow!
I was saving that ring for Mary!
Where else you gonna get your fix...
From the coloreds down the jazz quarter?
Those Chow-Chows over at Madame Ling's?
They'd bounce you like a lead dime.
Real gold.
Smoke up, Pip-Squeak.
This will get you through the entire weekend.
See you in the funny papers.
He's really a nice guy, once you get to know him.
Oh, Jimmy.
What have you gotten yourself into?
Good boy. Ha-Tcha!
Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.
Oh, yeah.
Hey, Diddle-Diddle, a cat for my fiddle.
One moment, please.
I need the room!
I got company. You mind taking it upstairs?
Don't mind taking it anywhere.
Oh, yes. Oh, yeah.
Hey, there. I'm Ralph.
Hello. My name's Mary Lane.
I followed my boyfriend here - Jimmy Harper.
Have you seen him?
Huh, well, he just stepped out...
...to, uh, pick up some bibles for our prayer breakfast.
That's my Jimmy.
Say, is this a fraternity sweater?
Is Jimmy hanging out with college boys?
Why, yes.
Yes, he is.
We at Phi-Beta... Cannabis.
Were so taken with Jimmy.
That we decided to pledge him early,
While he's still in high school...
Avoid the rush.
That's the bee's knees.
Wait 'till that Susie Mayberry hears about this.
Let's celebrate... with a smoke.
Hold on.
This isn't that reefer I've read about, is it?
Oh, no. Of course not.
This is a special cigarette,
All the rage with the college girls...
In Paris.
P- Paris?
Oh, yes.
Well...
If I'm going to be dating a fraternity man...
♪ Little Mary Sunshine ♪
♪ With her hem cut so low ♪
♪ Little Mary Sunshine ♪
♪ With her ducks in a row ♪
It burns my lungs.
♪ Little Mary Sunshine ♪
♪ Needs a change in her life ♪
My head feels funny, Ralph.
♪ Little Mary Sunshine ♪
♪ Needs a man ♪
Oh!
♪ Now, come on, Mary Sunshine ♪
♪ It's time that you learned to be bad ♪
♪ You make a charming armful ♪
♪ So snuggle up, my buttercup ♪
♪ 'Cause you've been had ♪
Ralph, I think you tricked me.
♪ Now smoke it, Mary Sunshine ♪
♪ Dissolve in the sweet, burning glow ♪
♪ Come lose yourself in pleasure ♪
♪ When the Bambalacha's gotcha ♪
♪ You'll forget the word "no" ♪
Oh, I can't. What about... Jimmy?
♪ Jimmy's a rube ♪
♪ Provincial and dull ♪
♪ Don't be tricked, he's strictly quadrilateral ♪
♪ Jimmy's a boy ♪
♪ I'm ready for men ♪
♪ Let's go up and down and up and down ♪
♪ And down again ♪
Mary Sunshine, you are Ultra-Ultra!
♪ I feel a little naughty ♪
♪ Baby, I'll help you relax ♪
♪ I'll tie you up with phone cord ♪
♪ We'll play with whips and nipple clips ♪
♪ And candle wax ♪
♪ Now, hold on, Mary Sunshine ♪
♪ Let's not get carried away ♪
♪ Just call me "Mary Wanna" ♪
♪ And Mary got some scary little games to play ♪
- ♪ I'll lather you up - Who, me? ♪
- ♪ And give you a shave - Shave! ♪
♪ A paddling while straddling my little slave ♪
Hey, now!
♪ Down on your knees ♪
♪ It's pointless to fight ♪
♪ Save your strength ♪
♪ It's gonna be a lengthy night ♪
Help!
This crazy tomato's rapin' me!
♪ Goodbye to Mary Sunshine ♪
♪ Reefer has blown out her mind ♪
♪ She's now a Hot-Hay hussy ♪
♪ Don't you run, I'm not done ♪
Can't you tell we've just begun?
What's your rush? You're not having fun?
No, I'm really not!
♪ Mary, Mary Sunshine ♪
♪ Burns for, yearns for ♪
♪ Dirty Loooooove ♪
Shut up, bitch! Ugh!
I'm not buying any of this.
You ask me, this guy's getting his jollies.
Showing us blue movies.
I'm sorry, Mr. Kochinski,
Do you have something to share with the group?
Huh, no.
We're very interested to hear what you have to say.
Look, it's just...
One puff, and the girl goes wacky?
It's kind of Far-Fetched. That's all I'm saying.
Not according to Mr. William Randolph Hearst.
A recent edition of his San Francisco Examiner
Tells us that "3/4 of the crimes of violence
in this country today are committed by dope slaves."
That is a matter of cold record.
Well, you can't believe everything you read.
And that don't make me a commie!
Mr. Hearst is a very wealthy man
who attended Harvard Uuniversity.
Where did you matriculate?
"Ma-tric-u-late"?
It means, where did you go to college?
I didn't.
I see.
Well, regardless, Mr. Kochinski,
I'm sure everyone here takes your opinions.
Very seriously.
Given the extremity of your views,
It would be unpatriotic not to.
Mary?!
Jimmy.
Kid, it's not what it looks like.
Huhrrrr...
Holy socks!
Billy, don't go.
Don't you want to learn to dance?
Ah, eh, ah, oh!
He's... killing... me!
Oh!
Jeez, that stupid little weed freak.
Is everybody okay?!
I think I've been shot.
She fell down!
Mae, get me some smelling salts.
All right, you two blow. Don't talk to nobody.
I will handle this.
Go!
Give me that.
Mary?
Mary.
What - What happened?
You shot her dead, kid.
Jack, no.
Jimmy, I don't feel so good.
Shh. It's - It's gonna be okay.
I promise.
I feel so cold.
Give me the ring!
Well, looky here.
Casper Milky-Toast is givin' me orders.
I shot Mary.
What makes you think I won't shoot you?
Oh, Jimmy... your school ring...
Oh, it glitters, like a star.
♪ We are just like Romeo and Juliet ♪
♪ We're happy, young, and... ♪
♪ Hemorrhaging blood ♪
♪ Did you get to read the ending? ♪
♪ Was it perfect? ♪
♪ Did they love until they got old? ♪
It was beautiful.
They grew up,
And everyone they knew came to the wedding.
Did they have babies?
Yeah... six of them.
That's good.
I love babies.
♪ It makes me happy ♪
♪ Knowing that we loved like Romeo and... ♪
Juliet.
Mary, how could I have shot you?
Coppers.
Jimmy, out the back. Hurry!
No, Mae, I pulled the trigger.
I have to face my punishment.
Don't you get it? Jack was holding the gun.
He's planning to frame you.
Nobody move!
Officer, thank god.
This kid burst in here with a gun.
And started shooting - Shooting and laughing!
I think he might have been smoking that... reefer!
Just like you read about in the papers.
No, that's a lie!
Tell them what really happened, Mae.
Ma'am, do you have anything to say?
Well, I...
Jimmy, I...
Oh.
Officer, I...
Mae, please!
No.
The kid burst in shooting...
Just like the man said.
Mae... no!
Kid's gonna burn for this.
Pity - Attractive girl.
After a swift trial,
James Fenimore Harper was found guilty
of the murder of Mary Lane.
And sentenced to death row.
In his thought-Provoking book,
"Marijuana, Weed of Madness,"
Earle Albert Rowell explains How marijuana causes prison inmates.
"To fall desperately in love with each other...
Just as they would with women outside prison walls."
♪ Hello, Mr. and Mrs. America and all the ships at sea. ♪
♪ Let's go to press. Flash! ♪
♪ Tonight, Jimmy "The Cannabis Killer" Harper ♪
♪ walks the last mile to the electric chair, ♪
♪ Convicted of murder while under the influence ♪
♪ of the new drug menace, Marijuana. ♪
Shut up. Shut up!
We can't just let Jimmy die.
Shut up! Shut up!
Look, the kid's yesterday's headlines,
And there's nothing we can do about it.
When's Jack bringing some new boys home?
Shut up! Shut up!
You shut up! What are you, nuts?
I'm... fine.
Perfectly in control.
♪ Remember me, Ralph? I'm about to fry ♪
Shut up!
♪ While you and your friends stand idly by ♪
- ♪ My life is now a ticking bomb ♪ - Shut up!
♪ I'm gonna miss my senior prom ♪
Shut up! Shut up!
♪ You murdered me, Ralph ♪
Shut up!
- ♪ Murdered me - Murdered you ♪
- ♪ Murdered me - Murdered him ♪
Everything okay up there?
It's the kid! He's in the toilet!
Just flush him, Ralph.
Aaah!
Whoa.
You better cool off on the muggles, there.
Just a little hungry. That's all.
♪ Remember me, Ralph I've been sent to Hell ♪
♪ A pubescent edition of Jezebel ♪
♪ It hurts a lot to bend ♪
♪ But at least I've made a friend ♪
Shut up!
♪ You murdered her, Ralph ♪
♪ Murdered me ♪
- ♪ Murdered you - Murdered me ♪
♪ Murdered them ♪
What's eating him?
Jack, I saw Satan! And the kid!
And Satan! And the girl! And Satan!
That mug's wound up like an 8-Day clock.
One too many giggle sticks.
You'd better put your flaps down before you take off.
Go get some air.
No, Jack! Not out there, Jack!
No! No!
Jack! Jack!
Just a little too much weed. That's all.
Aaaah!
Just an ordinary scarecrow.
Aaaah!
Aaah!
♪ Open the gate and abandon hope ♪
♪ With the ghosts of the kids that got hooked on dope ♪
♪ Way down where it's hot ♪
♪ They are saving us a spot ♪
♪ You murdered them, Ralph ♪
♪ Murdered them, murdered them ♪
Bad zombies! Shoo! Yah! Yah!
♪ He's losing it, Jack ♪
♪ Gee, you don't suppose ♪
♪ He's liable to crack and spill all he knows ♪
- ♪ He's really - Acting weird? ♪
♪ Perhaps it's time he disappeared ♪
♪ He'd never be missed ♪
♪ I could ♪
♪ Murder him, murder him ♪
Jack, no! You fire that bean-shooter,
You'll have the police right back here.
All right, we'll play it your way... for now.
Aah!
He bit me!
Jack, I got me the munchies real bad.
He's giving me the creepin' Heebie-Jeebies!
Come on, let's go get Ralph a bite.
He's liable to wake the neighbors with that racket.
You stay. Keep an eye on him.
I don't like the way he's looking at me.
Shake a leg with that grub!
Leg... grub...
Aaaah! Aaaaaaaaah!
Yoo-Hoo, Ralph!
We have Take-Away from Dim Foo's!
Sally? Ralph?
Where'd they go?
They'd best not have skipped town.
Sally! Ralph!
Yah!
Aah! Aaah!
Blumsack.
Aww.
♪ I found me a snack, it was nice and fresh ♪
♪ The weed made him hungry for human flesh ♪
♪ Step away, you mug ♪
♪ 'Cause that's a brand-new persian rug ♪
♪ He's not gonna stop ♪
♪ Murder him, murder him murder him, murder him ♪
Hah!
Yah!
Oh!
Ralph...
Ha ha!
Oh, God. Oh, God.
Mae! Don't get queer on me, now.
Ow.
Damn body.
♪ Open the gate and abandon hope ♪
♪ With the ghosts of the kids that got hooked on dope ♪
♪ Now I see them, Jack ♪
♪ And they all want their childhoods back ♪
♪ We murdered them, Jack ♪
♪ Murdered them, murdered them ♪
♪ Open the gate and abandon hope ♪
♪ With the ghosts of the kids that got hooked on dope ♪ - Pull it together!
- ♪ Now I see them, Jack? - Don't flip your skirt ♪
♪ You do the things you gotta do ♪
- ♪ In this dog-Eat-Dog-Eat-Dog world - They all want their childhoods back ♪
♪ We murdered them, Jack! ♪
- ♪ So you murder them - Survival of the fittest! ♪
- ♪ Before they murder you - Murdered them ♪
- ♪ Murder, murder, murder - Murdered them! The winner is ♪
- ♪ Murder, murder, murder - The last one left ♪
- ♪ Aahhhhh - Aliiiiiiiiiiiiive! ♪
Well, on the bright side,
It looks like we finally got the place to ourselves.
Ralph and Sally.
And little... What's-Her-Name are dead!
Jimmy's on his way to the electric chair,
And you couldn't care less!
I may be a monster, but you, Jack...
You're the devil!
So long as I'm the number-one guy.
♪ The kid's a goner ♪
♪ They're gonna make him pay ♪
♪ For the stuff ♪
Here. Simmer down, will ya?
♪ I've seen my honor ♪
♪ Rolled up and burnt away ♪
♪ With the stuff ♪
♪ Well, it's gotta stop ♪
Let go of me!
What? I'm trying to comfort you here.
I said, let go!
♪ I should show him the door ♪
♪ He treats me like a whore ♪
♪ I don't need Jack no more ♪
♪ Or the stuff ♪
You dumb slut!
That was half a jay of good mooter you just wasted.
I know.
Hey, what do you think you're doing
With that garden hoe?
Taking care of a big, fat weed.
Oh, that's it.
Say "Goodnight," Gracie.
Goodnight, Gracie.
Oh!
♪ So, this is it, Jack ♪
♪ Last night of Ballyhoo ♪
♪ For the stuff ♪
Get away from me, you crazy skirt!
♪ This one's for Ralph, Jack ♪
♪ Here's one for Sally, too ♪
♪ Had enough? ♪
♪ Yeah, you're not so tough ♪
♪ You once had all the brains ♪
♪ Now they're just carpet stains ♪
♪ You're in no shape to fight ♪
♪ My bid to make things right ♪
♪ 'Cause there's blood upon your necktie ♪
♪ Your corpus is delecti ♪
♪ And I have been delivered ♪
♪ From the stuuuuuuuff ♪
Ohh.
Good lord, man. You've sent Thelma into shock!
Your wife's lack of fortitude.
Is no fault of this presentation.
I daresay our hardy pioneer women.
Would have shared a good laugh at her expense.
So, what of Mae Coleman?
With jack out of the picture,
Mae was determined to rescue the seemingly doomed Jimmy.
But fate was about to intervene in a most dramatic fashion.
♪ And from my vantage point, ♪
♪ I see the presidential motorcade ♪
♪ Turning onto Halford Street. ♪
♪ The crowd is going wild! ♪
Mr. President! Mr. President!
Mr. President!
I need to talk with you.
Step back, ma'am.
But... But...
Hyah!
It is a known scientific fact.
That when under the influence of marijuana,
The user becomes insatiably violent.
And capable of staggering feats of strength.
Unfortunately for Mae Coleman...
She was no longer under the influence.
Ugh!
Oop! Aah. Mmmph.
Oh.
I'm... so terribly sorry.
I don't know what came over me.
Please, help me up.
Hyah!
Mr. President!
An innocent boy is about to be executed!
Listen to me, please!
Hold on, boys!
I, for one, would like to hear
What the blood-spattered young lady has to say.
James Fenimore Harper,
You have been convicted of the murder of Mary Lane.
And sentenced to death by electrocution.
In accordance with the laws of this great state.
Any last words?
Huh...
Well-Put.
Pull the switch.
Stop the execution!
We have a presidential pardon!
Mae, am I ever glad to see you!
And you, too, Mr. President.
Ha ha ha!
I knew you wouldn't let me die!
Though I was kind of hoping.
You wouldn't cut it quite so close.
I'm sorry, kid.
But now we're gonna be okay!
So, Jimmy, I've heard a lot about you.
Oh, and we've read about you in school, Mr. President.
Thank you so much for coming!
I promise never to touch the reefer again.
Oh, that is simply grand.
You know, a little orphan girl once told me
That the sun would come out tomorrow.
Her adopted father was a powerful billionaire,
So I suppressed the urge to laugh in her face.
But now, I think she might have been on to something!
♪ The tragic victim of drug abuse ♪
♪ Has now been spared for a higher use ♪
♪ They were ready to cook my goose ♪
♪ But God had other plans ♪
He works in mysterious ways, Jimmy.
♪ I feel like something inside has stirred ♪
♪ At long, long last may the truth be heard ♪
Go forth, Jimmy, and spread the word!
- ♪ From sea to shining sea ♪ - You have been set free
Free to tell the truth about the wisdom we have learned
♪ Gonna tell 'em the truth, truth, truth Ev'rybody gotta know, oh, oh ♪
♪ All about the demon weed How it grows from a demon seed ♪
Indeed!
♪ That pungent smoke will rot your brain Till you're incurably insane ♪
♪ Trust us to tell them About the Thuth ♪
♪ Gonna tell 'em the truth, truth, truth Ev'rybody gotta know, oh, oh ♪
♪ With voices raised in song We're banishing the bong! ♪
So long!
♪ Our children teeter on the brink We need to teach them what to think ♪
♪ Trust us to tell them about the truth ♪
♪ We've got to capture the nation's ear Spread the word 'cross the hemisphere ♪
♪ But there are only four people here ♪
♪ And one of us is lame! ♪
Not to worry, Jimmy!
♪ We'll use the papers of Mr. Hearst Flood the airwaves until they burst ♪
- ♪ With catchy slogans we've all rehearsed - And iconography! ♪
♪ It's Uncle Sam... ♪
♪ George Washington... ♪
♪ And Lady Liberty! ♪
♪ Gonna tell 'em the truth, truth, truth Ev'rybody gotta know, oh, oh ♪
♪ Just who to demonize What politics to despise ♪
Get wise!
♪ We're taking down the fingerprints of Jazz musicians and immigrants ♪
♪ Trust us to tell you, Gonna tell 'em The truth, truth, truth ♪
♪ Ev'rybody gotta know, oh, oh ♪
- ♪ The A-B-C's of spin - And turning your neighbors in ♪
Or kin!
- ♪ It's all comes down to apple pie - George Washington would never lie ♪
♪ Trust us to tell you, Gonna tell 'em The truth, truth, truth ♪
♪ Ev'rybody gotta know, oh, oh ♪
♪ Let ev'ry sir an ma'am Obey their Uncle Sam ♪
Hot damn!
- ♪ That famous finger's set to point: - I want you to drop that joint! ♪
♪ Trust us to tell you, gonna tell 'em The truth, truth, truth ♪
- ♪ Ev'rybody gotta know, oh, oh ♪ - ♪ Give me your tired ♪
♪ Give me your poor Give me your huddled masses ♪
♪ Yearning to breathe free of reefer smoke! ♪
♪ Freedom! Freedom! Freedom! ♪
- Yeah, Yes! - No, no!
♪ I Love You, Romeo ♪
- ♪ Please, wait for me, Juliet - Okay. ♪
♪ One day I'll get cancer or hit by a train ♪
♪ And we'll be reunited in heaven ♪
♪ It's time for parents to take a stand For the preservation of our sweet land ♪
♪ 'Till the things that scare us are burned or banned ♪
♪ Or smashed to smithereens! ♪
♪ And once the reefer has been destroyed We'll start on Darwin and Sigmund Freud ♪
♪ And sex depicted on celluloid And communists and queens ♪
♪ When danger's near, exploit their fear ♪
♪ The end will justify the means! ♪
♪ Creeping like a communist, it's knocking at our doors ♪
♪ Turning all our children into hooligans and whores ♪
♪ Voraciously devouring the way things are today ♪
♪ Savagely deflowering the good old USA ♪
♪ It's reefer madness ♪
♪ Reefer madness ♪
♪ Reefer madness, reefer madness ♪
♪ Oh, so mad ♪
♪ See the kids ♪
♪ Precious kids ♪
♪ Yes, their heads are on the chopping block ♪
♪ And someone's got to dare to take a stand ♪
♪ Can't ignore anymore ♪
♪ It could be your son or daughter ♪
♪ With a deadly stick of reefer in the hand ♪
♪ They're heading straight for ♪
♪ Reefer madness, reefer madness ♪
♪ Oh, so mad ♪
♪ Stealthy as a socialist, it slithers up our shores ♪
♪ Turning all our children into hooligans and whores ♪
♪ This smoking bowl of evil ♪
♪ Bears the choking stench of sin ♪
♪ It burrows like a weevil under tender christian skin ♪
♪ This ♪
♪ Reefer madness, reefer madness ♪
♪ Oh, so mad ♪
♪ Pull the wool from your eyes ♪
♪ We're in need of righteous soldiers ♪
♪ For this merry wonder has to be destroyed ♪
♪ Fight the urge of this scourge ♪
♪ It's destructive but seductive ♪
♪ So some drastic measures have to be employed ♪
♪ To put an end to ♪
♪ Reefer madness, reefer madness ♪
♪ Oh, so mad ♪
♪ Deadly as the democrats that empty out our stores ♪
♪ Turning all our children into hooligans and whores ♪
♪ Teenagers across the land are glazed and oversexed ♪
♪ If you fail to draw the line, your babies will be next ♪
♪ Reefer madness, reefer madness ♪
♪ Oh, so mad ♪
♪ Tell your children! ♪
♪ Reefer madness ♪
♪ Fight the menace! ♪
♪ Reefer madness ♪
♪ Kill the Devil! ♪
♪ Reefer madness ♪
♪ Save the country! ♪
♪ Reefer madness ♪
♪ Madness, madness, madness, madness ♪
♪ Reefers made us crazy, barking ♪
♪ Mad! ♪
♪ Mary Lane, oh, Mary Lane ♪
♪ Will help you sing a new refrain ♪
♪ With you beside, we'll start again ♪
♪ Just me and Mary ♪
- ♪ You and Mary - Me and Mary Lane ♪
♪ When life becomes a rollercoaster ♪
♪ And I can't keep my footing ♪
♪ I'll love you completely ♪
♪ Steady me sweetly ♪
♪ You're sweet as Shirley Temple dipped in pudding ♪
- ♪ Sweet as Shirley Temple pudding ♪ - ♪ Yeah, yeah, Mary Lane, Yeah, yeah! ♪
- ♪ Mary Lane - Oh! Mary Lane ♪
♪ Our hearts pound like a diesel train ♪
♪ The world may crumble, we'll remain ♪
- ♪ Just me and Mary - You and Mary ♪
- ♪ Loved by Mary - Loved by Mary, Loved by Mary Lane ♪
♪ Loved by Mary, loved by Mary, Loved by Mary Lane ♪
♪ Loved by Mary, loved by Mary, Loved by Mary Laaaaaane ♪
♪ We'll sing to the rafters of happily afters ♪
♪ I love you ♪
♪ You're loved by ♪
♪ Mary Laaaaaaaaaane ♪