1 00:00:23,132 --> 00:00:30,732 Dr. Strangelove - 45th Anniversary Edition 1964 English 2 00:00:39,456 --> 00:00:41,538 [WIND BLOWING] 3 00:00:41,708 --> 00:00:45,372 [NARRATOR] For more than a year, ominous rumours had been privately circulating 4 00:00:45,546 --> 00:00:47,787 among high-level Western leaders 5 00:00:47,965 --> 00:00:51,799 that the Soviet Union had been at work on what was darkly hinted to be 6 00:00:51,969 --> 00:00:55,587 the ultimate weapon: a doomsday device. 7 00:00:55,764 --> 00:00:59,553 Intelligence sources traced the site of the top-secret Russian project 8 00:00:59,726 --> 00:01:02,309 to the perpetually fog-shrouded wasteland 9 00:01:02,479 --> 00:01:05,767 below the Arctic peaks of the Zhokhov Islands. 10 00:01:05,941 --> 00:01:07,272 What they were building, 11 00:01:07,442 --> 00:01:11,151 or why it should be located in such a remote and desolate place, 12 00:01:11,321 --> 00:01:13,608 no one could say. 13 00:01:16,952 --> 00:01:19,489 [♪♪♪♪] 14 00:03:11,024 --> 00:03:13,766 [JET ENGINE ROARING] 15 00:03:34,548 --> 00:03:36,835 [BUZZING] 16 00:03:43,890 --> 00:03:47,258 General Ripper, sir. Group Captain Mandrake speaking. 17 00:03:47,728 --> 00:03:50,436 This is General Ripper speaking. Yes, sir. 18 00:03:50,605 --> 00:03:52,471 Do you recognize my voice, Mandrake? 19 00:03:52,649 --> 00:03:54,310 I do, sir. Why do you ask? 20 00:03:54,484 --> 00:03:56,145 Why do you think I ask? 21 00:03:56,361 --> 00:03:59,820 Well, I don't know, sir. We spoke just a few moments ago on the phone, didn't we? 22 00:03:59,990 --> 00:04:05,156 You don't think I'd ask if you recognize my voice unless it was pretty damned important, do you, Mandrake? 23 00:04:05,328 --> 00:04:06,489 No, I don't, sir, no. 24 00:04:06,663 --> 00:04:08,995 All right. Let's see if we can stay on the ball. 25 00:04:09,666 --> 00:04:12,454 Has the wing confirmed holding at their fail-safe points? 26 00:04:12,627 --> 00:04:15,335 Yes, sir. The confirmations have all just come in. 27 00:04:15,505 --> 00:04:18,918 Very well. Now, listen to me carefully. 28 00:04:19,092 --> 00:04:21,629 The base is being put on condition red. 29 00:04:21,803 --> 00:04:24,261 I want this flashed to all sections immediately. 30 00:04:24,431 --> 00:04:27,640 Condition red, sir, yes. Jolly good idea. Keeps the men on their toes. 31 00:04:27,809 --> 00:04:29,971 Group captain, I'm afraid this is not an exercise. 32 00:04:31,313 --> 00:04:32,929 Not an exercise, sir? 33 00:04:34,357 --> 00:04:39,147 I shouldn't tell you this, Mandrake, but you're a good officer and you have a right to know. 34 00:04:39,321 --> 00:04:41,278 It looks like we're in a shooting war. 35 00:04:42,115 --> 00:04:44,026 Oh, hell. 36 00:04:44,201 --> 00:04:47,193 Are the Russians involved, sir? Mandrake, that's all I've been told. 37 00:04:47,412 --> 00:04:50,516 It just came in on the red phone. My orders are for this base to be sealed tight, 38 00:04:50,540 --> 00:04:52,702 and that's what I mean to do, seal it tight. 39 00:04:52,918 --> 00:04:56,707 Now, I want you to transmit Plan R, 40 00:04:56,880 --> 00:04:58,712 R for Robert, to the wing. 41 00:04:58,882 --> 00:05:02,170 Plan R for Robert. Is it that bad, sir? 42 00:05:02,344 --> 00:05:04,711 Looks like it's pretty hairy. Yes, sir. 43 00:05:04,930 --> 00:05:06,841 Plan R for Robert, sir. 44 00:05:07,015 --> 00:05:10,224 Now, last, and possibly most important, 45 00:05:10,435 --> 00:05:13,223 I want all privately-owned radios to be immediately impounded. 46 00:05:13,438 --> 00:05:14,473 Yes, sir. 47 00:05:14,648 --> 00:05:18,186 They might be used to issue instructions to saboteurs. 48 00:05:18,360 --> 00:05:21,728 As I have previously arranged, Air Police will have lists of all owners. 49 00:05:21,905 --> 00:05:24,217 And I want every single one of them collected without exception. 50 00:05:24,241 --> 00:05:25,572 Yes, sir. 51 00:05:25,742 --> 00:05:27,904 And after you've done that, report back to me. 52 00:05:28,078 --> 00:05:29,159 Yes, sir. 53 00:05:33,250 --> 00:05:36,914 [SIREN WAILING] 54 00:05:55,105 --> 00:05:57,722 [NARRATOR] In order to guard against surprise nuclear attack, 55 00:05:57,899 --> 00:05:59,765 America's Strategic Air Command, 56 00:05:59,985 --> 00:06:02,727 that maintains a large force of B-52 bombers 57 00:06:02,904 --> 00:06:05,396 airborne 24 hours a day. 58 00:06:05,782 --> 00:06:10,401 Each 5-52 can deliver a nuclear bomb load of 50 megatons, 59 00:06:10,871 --> 00:06:16,037 equal to 16 times the total explosive force of all the bombs and shells 60 00:06:16,209 --> 00:06:19,952 used by all the armies in World War ll. 61 00:06:20,130 --> 00:06:22,747 Based in America, the Airborne Alert Force 62 00:06:22,924 --> 00:06:25,882 is deployed from the Persian Gulf to the Arctic Ocean. 63 00:06:26,052 --> 00:06:29,090 But they have one geographical factor in common: 64 00:06:29,264 --> 00:06:33,132 They are all two hours from their targets inside Russia. 65 00:07:20,190 --> 00:07:21,976 [BEEPING] 66 00:07:53,014 --> 00:07:55,972 Major Kong, I know you'll think this is crazy, 67 00:07:56,142 --> 00:07:59,726 but I just got a message from base over the CRM 114. 68 00:08:00,855 --> 00:08:04,814 It decodes as wing attack Plan R. R for Romeo. 69 00:08:07,904 --> 00:08:12,114 Goldie, did you say wing attack Plan R? 70 00:08:12,492 --> 00:08:13,857 Yes, sir, I have. 71 00:08:17,580 --> 00:08:20,698 Goldie, how many times have I told you guys 72 00:08:20,875 --> 00:08:23,867 that I don't want no horsing around on the air-plane? 73 00:08:24,045 --> 00:08:26,707 I'm not horsing around, sir, that's how it decodes. 74 00:08:26,881 --> 00:08:29,873 Well, I've been to one world fair, a picnic and a rodeo, 75 00:08:30,051 --> 00:08:33,385 and that's the stupidest thing I ever heard come over a set of earphones. 76 00:08:33,555 --> 00:08:35,387 You sure you got today's code? 77 00:08:36,891 --> 00:08:37,926 Yes, sir, it is. 78 00:08:38,101 --> 00:08:40,559 Ah, there's just gotta be something wrong. 79 00:08:40,729 --> 00:08:43,061 Wait a second, I'm coming back. 80 00:09:17,307 --> 00:09:20,891 Maybe you'd better get a confirmation from base. 81 00:09:21,061 --> 00:09:22,677 Yes, sir. 82 00:09:43,583 --> 00:09:46,996 Major Kong, is it possible this is some kind of loyalty test? You know, 83 00:09:47,212 --> 00:09:50,500 give the go code and then recall to see who would actually go? 84 00:09:50,715 --> 00:09:54,299 There ain't nobody ever got the go code yet. 85 00:09:54,469 --> 00:09:56,585 And old Ripper wouldn't be giving us Plan R 86 00:09:56,763 --> 00:09:59,346 unless them Russkies had already clobbered Washington 87 00:09:59,516 --> 00:10:01,974 and a lot of other towns with a sneak attack. 88 00:10:02,143 --> 00:10:03,178 Yes, sir. 89 00:10:03,353 --> 00:10:05,811 Major Kong, message from base confirmed. 90 00:10:06,940 --> 00:10:09,853 [♪♪♪♪] 91 00:10:10,485 --> 00:10:13,523 Well, boys, I reckon this is it. 92 00:10:13,863 --> 00:10:17,606 Nuclear combat toe-to-toe with the Russkies. 93 00:10:17,784 --> 00:10:18,819 [♪♪♪♪] 94 00:10:32,465 --> 00:10:37,335 Now, look, boys, I ain't much of a hand at making speeches. 95 00:10:38,388 --> 00:10:41,972 But I got a pretty fair idea that something dog-gone important 96 00:10:42,142 --> 00:10:43,724 is going on back there. 97 00:10:43,893 --> 00:10:48,558 Now, I've got a fair idea of the kind of personal emotions 98 00:10:48,731 --> 00:10:51,223 that some of you fellows may be thinking. 99 00:10:51,401 --> 00:10:54,359 Heck, I reckon you wouldn't even be human beings 100 00:10:54,571 --> 00:10:59,031 if you didn't have some pretty strong personal feelings about nuclear combat. 101 00:10:59,492 --> 00:11:01,699 But I want you to remember one thing: 102 00:11:01,870 --> 00:11:04,532 That folks back home is counting on you, 103 00:11:04,706 --> 00:11:07,198 and by golly, we ain't about to let them down. 104 00:11:08,334 --> 00:11:10,666 Tell you something else. 105 00:11:11,546 --> 00:11:16,165 If this thing turns out to be half as important as I figure it just might be, 106 00:11:16,342 --> 00:11:20,757 I'd say that you're all in line for some important promotions 107 00:11:20,930 --> 00:11:24,048 and personal citations when this thing's over with. 108 00:11:24,225 --> 00:11:27,092 And that goes for every last one of you, 109 00:11:27,270 --> 00:11:30,888 regardless of your race, colour or your creed. 110 00:11:31,065 --> 00:11:34,729 Now, let's get this thing on the hump. We got some flying to do. 111 00:11:42,619 --> 00:11:44,781 [PHONE RINGING] 112 00:11:48,416 --> 00:11:50,578 Buck, should I get it? 113 00:11:50,752 --> 00:11:52,618 MAN: Yeah, you have to. 114 00:11:58,426 --> 00:12:00,087 Hello? 115 00:12:00,261 --> 00:12:04,755 Yes, General Turgidson is here, but I'm afraid he can't come to the phone at the moment. 116 00:12:04,933 --> 00:12:07,140 Well, this is his secretary, Miss Scott. 117 00:12:08,311 --> 00:12:10,427 Freddie, how are you? 118 00:12:10,605 --> 00:12:12,767 Fine, and you? 119 00:12:12,941 --> 00:12:17,060 Oh, we were just catching up on some of the general's paperwork. 120 00:12:17,654 --> 00:12:20,316 Well, look, Freddie, he's very tied up at the moment. 121 00:12:20,490 --> 00:12:23,323 I'm afraid he can't come to the phone. 122 00:12:23,493 --> 00:12:24,733 Well, just a minute. 123 00:12:24,911 --> 00:12:28,074 General Turgidson, a Colonel Puntrich calling. 124 00:12:28,248 --> 00:12:30,080 Tell him to call back. 125 00:12:30,250 --> 00:12:34,494 Freddie, the general says could you call back in a minute or two? 126 00:12:34,671 --> 00:12:36,833 Oh. He says it can't wait. 127 00:12:37,006 --> 00:12:40,249 Ah, for Pete's... Find out what he wants. 128 00:12:40,426 --> 00:12:44,169 Freddie, the thing is, the general is in the powder room right now. 129 00:12:44,389 --> 00:12:46,630 Could you tell me what it's about? 130 00:12:47,850 --> 00:12:48,850 Just a second. 131 00:12:49,018 --> 00:12:52,136 Apparently they monitored a transmission about eight minutes ago 132 00:12:52,313 --> 00:12:55,180 from Burpelson Air Force Base. 133 00:12:56,526 --> 00:13:01,646 Right. It was directed to the 843rd bomb wing on airborne alert. 134 00:13:03,408 --> 00:13:06,821 It decoded as wing attack Plan R. 135 00:13:06,995 --> 00:13:12,456 Well, tell him to call what's-his-name, the base commander. Ripper. 136 00:13:12,625 --> 00:13:14,305 Do I have to think of everything around...? 137 00:13:14,460 --> 00:13:18,954 The general suggests you call General Ripper, the 843rd base commander. 138 00:13:19,132 --> 00:13:22,375 Oh. All communications are dead. 139 00:13:22,552 --> 00:13:25,886 Bull! Tell him to do it himself. 140 00:13:26,055 --> 00:13:30,470 Freddie, the general asks if you could possibly try again yourself. 141 00:13:31,060 --> 00:13:35,645 I see. He says he's tried personally several times, but everything is dead. 142 00:13:35,815 --> 00:13:39,183 Even the normal phone lines are shut down. 143 00:13:41,904 --> 00:13:43,565 [TURGIDSON GRUNTS] 144 00:13:45,825 --> 00:13:48,658 Fred? Buck. What's it look like? 145 00:13:50,246 --> 00:13:51,702 Yeah? 146 00:13:53,082 --> 00:13:56,074 Well, are you sure it's Plan R? 147 00:13:57,253 --> 00:14:02,919 Huh. What's cooking on the threat board? Nothing? Nothing at all? 148 00:14:05,094 --> 00:14:07,586 Don't like the look of this, Fred. 149 00:14:08,598 --> 00:14:11,056 All right. Tell you what you better do, old buddy. 150 00:14:11,225 --> 00:14:14,593 You better give Elmo and Charlie a blast. Bump everything up to condition red. 151 00:14:14,771 --> 00:14:17,058 And stand by the blower. I'll get back to you. 152 00:14:17,231 --> 00:14:19,393 What's up? Nothing, nothing. 153 00:14:20,985 --> 00:14:24,228 Where's my shorts? On the floor. Where are you going? 154 00:14:24,405 --> 00:14:26,066 No place. No place. 155 00:14:26,240 --> 00:14:30,859 I just thought I might mosey over to the war room for a few minutes, see what's doing over there. 156 00:14:31,037 --> 00:14:32,744 It's 3:00 in the morning. 157 00:14:32,914 --> 00:14:34,746 The Air Force never sleeps. 158 00:14:34,916 --> 00:14:38,784 Buck, honey, I'm not sleepy either. 159 00:14:41,464 --> 00:14:44,206 I know how it is, baby. 160 00:14:44,384 --> 00:14:46,375 Tell you what you do. 161 00:14:47,428 --> 00:14:51,296 You just start your countdown, and old Bucky will be back here 162 00:14:51,474 --> 00:14:55,012 before you can say, Blastoff! 163 00:14:56,270 --> 00:15:01,310 [RIPPER OVER LOUDSPEAKER] Your Commie has no regard for human life, not even his own. 164 00:15:01,526 --> 00:15:04,439 And for this reason, men, I want to impress upon you 165 00:15:04,612 --> 00:15:07,400 the need for extreme watchfulness. 166 00:15:07,573 --> 00:15:11,612 The enemy may come individually or he may come in strength. 167 00:15:11,786 --> 00:15:14,448 He may even come in the uniform of our own troops. 168 00:15:15,289 --> 00:15:17,826 But however he comes, we must stop him. 169 00:15:18,000 --> 00:15:21,743 We must not allow him to gain entrance to this base. 170 00:15:22,296 --> 00:15:26,130 Now, I am going to give you three simple rules. 171 00:15:26,300 --> 00:15:30,669 First: trust no one, whatever his uniform or rank, 172 00:15:30,847 --> 00:15:33,305 unless he is known to you personally. 173 00:15:33,474 --> 00:15:36,182 Second: anyone or anything 174 00:15:36,352 --> 00:15:41,188 that approaches within 200 yards of the perimeter is to be fired upon. 175 00:15:41,357 --> 00:15:46,852 Third: if in doubt, shoot first and ask questions afterwards. 176 00:15:47,071 --> 00:15:50,314 I would sooner accept a few casualties through accident 177 00:15:50,491 --> 00:15:54,530 than lose the entire base and its personnel through carelessness. 178 00:15:54,704 --> 00:15:59,289 Any variation on these rules must come from me personally. 179 00:15:59,876 --> 00:16:02,664 Now, men, in conclusion, 180 00:16:02,837 --> 00:16:06,796 I would like to say that in the two years 181 00:16:06,966 --> 00:16:10,675 it has been my privilege to be your commanding officer, 182 00:16:10,845 --> 00:16:13,678 I have always expected the best from you, 183 00:16:13,848 --> 00:16:15,964 and you have never given me anything less than that. 184 00:16:16,142 --> 00:16:17,632 [MUSIC PLAYS ON RADIO] 185 00:16:17,810 --> 00:16:21,895 Today the nation is counting on us. 186 00:16:22,190 --> 00:16:24,978 We are not going to let them down. 187 00:16:25,151 --> 00:16:27,188 Good luck to you all. 188 00:16:27,737 --> 00:16:30,229 [♪♪♪♪] 189 00:16:57,767 --> 00:17:00,384 Here's the attack profile, sir. 190 00:17:27,755 --> 00:17:30,213 This is your attack profile. 191 00:17:30,383 --> 00:17:33,546 To ensure that the enemy cannot monitor voice transmission 192 00:17:33,719 --> 00:17:35,756 or plant false transmission, 193 00:17:35,930 --> 00:17:40,925 the CRM 114 is to be switched into all the receiver circuits. 194 00:17:41,102 --> 00:17:44,470 The emergency base code prefix is to be set 195 00:17:44,647 --> 00:17:46,934 on the dials of the CRM. 196 00:17:47,108 --> 00:17:51,602 This will block any transmission other than those preceded by a code prefix. 197 00:17:53,239 --> 00:17:55,321 Stand by to set code prefix. 198 00:17:55,491 --> 00:17:57,823 Roger. Ready to set code prefix. 199 00:17:57,994 --> 00:18:00,452 Set code prefix. 200 00:18:09,505 --> 00:18:12,588 [GOLDIE] Code prefix set. Lock code prefix. 201 00:18:15,261 --> 00:18:16,626 Code prefix locked. 202 00:18:16,804 --> 00:18:20,263 Switch all receiver circuits to CRM discriminators. 203 00:18:21,809 --> 00:18:24,642 All circuits switched to CRM discriminators. 204 00:18:24,812 --> 00:18:27,349 Check auto-destruct circuits. 205 00:18:28,024 --> 00:18:29,765 [BUZZES] 206 00:18:29,942 --> 00:18:31,853 Auto-destruct circuits checked. 207 00:18:37,283 --> 00:18:41,618 [PRIMARY TARGET] the ICBM complex at Laputa. 208 00:18:41,787 --> 00:18:48,033 Target reference: Yankee-Golf-Tango, 360. 209 00:18:48,210 --> 00:18:54,206 Thirty-megaton nuclear device fused for airburst at 10,000 feet. 210 00:18:54,383 --> 00:18:58,798 Twenty-megaton nuclear device will be used if first malfunctions. 211 00:18:58,971 --> 00:19:01,508 Otherwise, proceed to secondary target: 212 00:19:01,682 --> 00:19:05,641 Missile complex seven miles east of Borchov. 213 00:19:05,811 --> 00:19:09,679 Target reference: November-Bravo-X-ray, 214 00:19:09,857 --> 00:19:12,189 108. 215 00:19:12,360 --> 00:19:17,651 Fused airburst at 10... Check, 12,000 feet. 216 00:19:19,533 --> 00:19:22,366 [POPULAR MUSIC PLAYING ON RADIO] 217 00:19:28,918 --> 00:19:32,752 Excuse me, sir. Something rather interesting has just cropped up. 218 00:19:32,922 --> 00:19:35,755 Listen to that. Music. Civilian broadcasting. 219 00:19:37,218 --> 00:19:41,553 I think those fellows in the Pentagon have given us some sort of exercise to test our readiness. 220 00:19:41,722 --> 00:19:43,700 Personally, I think it's taking things a bit too far. 221 00:19:43,724 --> 00:19:46,887 Our fellows will be inside Russian radar cover in about 20 minutes. 222 00:19:47,061 --> 00:19:50,554 Listen to that. Chock-a-block full of stations, all churning it out. 223 00:19:51,899 --> 00:19:53,560 Mandrake? Yes, sir? 224 00:19:53,734 --> 00:19:56,897 I thought I issued instructions for all radios on this base to be impounded. 225 00:19:57,071 --> 00:20:01,311 Well, you did indeed, sir, and I was in the process of impounding this very one when I had to switch it on. 226 00:20:01,450 --> 00:20:05,222 I thought to myself, our fellows hitting Russian radar cover in 20 minutes, dropping all their stuff, 227 00:20:05,246 --> 00:20:09,581 I'd better tell you. Because if they do, it'll cause a bit of a stink. 228 00:20:09,750 --> 00:20:13,709 Group captain, the officer-exchange program 229 00:20:13,879 --> 00:20:17,417 does not give you any special prerogatives to question my orders. 230 00:20:17,591 --> 00:20:21,710 I realize that, sir, but I thought you'd be rather pleased to hear the news. 231 00:20:21,887 --> 00:20:24,549 I mean, after all... Well, let's face it. 232 00:20:24,724 --> 00:20:28,638 We don't want to start a nuclear war unless we really have to, do we? 233 00:20:29,645 --> 00:20:33,229 Please sit down. And turn that thing off. 234 00:20:33,399 --> 00:20:34,434 Yes, sir. [MUSIC STOPS] 235 00:20:34,608 --> 00:20:39,444 What about the planes? Surely we must issue the recall code immediately. 236 00:20:39,613 --> 00:20:42,321 Group captain, the planes are not gonna be recalled. 237 00:20:42,491 --> 00:20:45,984 My attack orders have been issued and the orders stand. 238 00:20:47,413 --> 00:20:51,498 Well, If you'll excuse me saying so, sir, that would be, to my way of thinking, rather... 239 00:20:51,667 --> 00:20:53,749 Well, rather an odd way of looking at it. 240 00:20:53,919 --> 00:20:56,160 You see, if a Russian attack was in progress, 241 00:20:56,380 --> 00:21:00,169 we would certainly not be hearing civilian broadcasting. 242 00:21:00,384 --> 00:21:03,126 Are you certain of that, Mandrake? I'm absolutely positive. 243 00:21:03,304 --> 00:21:05,511 And what if it is true? 244 00:21:06,140 --> 00:21:09,132 I'm afraid I'm still not with you, sir, because, I mean... 245 00:21:10,686 --> 00:21:12,973 If a Russian attack was not in progress, 246 00:21:13,147 --> 00:21:18,313 then your use of Plan R... In fact, your orders to the entire wing... 247 00:21:21,489 --> 00:21:22,945 Yeah. 248 00:21:24,992 --> 00:21:30,203 I would say, sir, that there was something dreadfully wrong somewhere. 249 00:21:31,332 --> 00:21:33,619 Now, why don't you just take it easy, group captain. 250 00:21:33,793 --> 00:21:36,535 And please make me a drink of grain alcohol and rainwater 251 00:21:36,712 --> 00:21:39,204 and help yourself to whatever you'd like. 252 00:21:47,973 --> 00:21:52,012 General Ripper, sir, as an officer in Her Majesty's Air Force, 253 00:21:52,186 --> 00:21:55,349 it is my clear duty under the present circumstances, 254 00:21:55,523 --> 00:22:00,063 to issue the recall code upon my own authority and bring back the wing. 255 00:22:00,236 --> 00:22:02,227 If you'll excuse me, sir. 256 00:22:10,871 --> 00:22:15,707 I'm afraid, sir, I must ask you for the key and the recall code. Have you got them handy, sir? 257 00:22:15,876 --> 00:22:18,243 I told you to take it easy, group captain. 258 00:22:18,420 --> 00:22:20,878 There's nothing anybody can do about this thing now. 259 00:22:21,048 --> 00:22:23,380 I'm the only person who knows the three-letter code group. 260 00:22:23,551 --> 00:22:26,669 Then I must insist, sir, that you give them to me! 261 00:22:35,187 --> 00:22:39,181 Do I take it, sir, that you are threatening a brother officer with a gun? 262 00:22:40,442 --> 00:22:45,528 Mandrake, I suppose it never occurred to you 263 00:22:45,698 --> 00:22:49,191 that while we're chatting here so enjoyably, 264 00:22:49,368 --> 00:22:53,111 a decision is being made by the president 265 00:22:53,289 --> 00:22:56,407 and the joint chiefs in the war room at the Pentagon. 266 00:22:57,501 --> 00:23:03,042 And when they realize there is no possibility of recalling the wing, 267 00:23:03,215 --> 00:23:06,549 there will be only one course of action open: 268 00:23:07,428 --> 00:23:09,419 Total commitment. 269 00:23:11,724 --> 00:23:17,140 Mandrake, do you recall what Clemenceau once said about war? 270 00:23:17,438 --> 00:23:20,146 No, I don't think I do, sir. No. 271 00:23:21,817 --> 00:23:24,809 He said war was too important to be left to the generals. 272 00:23:25,946 --> 00:23:29,814 When he said that, 50 years ago, 273 00:23:29,992 --> 00:23:32,484 he might have been right. 274 00:23:32,661 --> 00:23:34,948 But today, 275 00:23:35,122 --> 00:23:38,456 war is too important to be left to politicians. 276 00:23:38,626 --> 00:23:42,995 They have neither the time, the training 277 00:23:43,172 --> 00:23:46,164 nor the inclination for strategic thought. 278 00:23:49,845 --> 00:23:53,304 I can no longer sit back and allow 279 00:23:53,474 --> 00:23:58,514 Communist infiltration, Communist indoctrination, 280 00:23:58,687 --> 00:24:01,099 Communist subversion 281 00:24:01,774 --> 00:24:05,517 and the international Communist conspiracy 282 00:24:05,694 --> 00:24:08,482 to sap and impurity 283 00:24:08,656 --> 00:24:11,990 all of our precious bodily fluids. 284 00:24:18,165 --> 00:24:19,643 [PRESIDENT] Staines, is everybody here? 285 00:24:19,667 --> 00:24:22,284 [STAINES] Mr. President, the secretary of state is in Vietnam. 286 00:24:22,461 --> 00:24:26,204 The secretary of defence is in Laos, and the vice president is in Mexico City. 287 00:24:26,382 --> 00:24:29,295 We can establish contact with them at any time, if it's necessary. 288 00:24:29,468 --> 00:24:31,228 The undersecretaries are all here, of course. 289 00:24:31,387 --> 00:24:34,470 Right. Now, General Turgidson, what's going on here? 290 00:24:34,848 --> 00:24:38,512 Ahem. Mr. President, 291 00:24:38,686 --> 00:24:42,224 about 35 minutes ago, 292 00:24:42,398 --> 00:24:46,312 General Jack Ripper, the commanding general 293 00:24:46,485 --> 00:24:48,817 of Burpelson Air Force Base, 294 00:24:48,988 --> 00:24:52,151 issued an order to the 34 B-52s of his wing, 295 00:24:52,324 --> 00:24:54,361 which were airborne at the time, 296 00:24:54,535 --> 00:24:58,529 as part of a special exercise we were holding called Operation Dropkick. 297 00:24:58,747 --> 00:25:03,366 Now, it appears that the order called for the planes 298 00:25:03,544 --> 00:25:06,832 to, um, attack their targets inside Russia. 299 00:25:07,006 --> 00:25:08,041 [CHATTERING] 300 00:25:08,215 --> 00:25:11,082 [TURGIDSON] The planes are fully armed with nuclear weapons 301 00:25:11,260 --> 00:25:14,719 with an average load of 40 megatons each. 302 00:25:14,888 --> 00:25:19,348 Now, the central display of Russia will indicate the position of the planes. 303 00:25:20,644 --> 00:25:23,932 The triangles are their primary targets. 304 00:25:24,148 --> 00:25:27,937 The squares are their secondary targets. 305 00:25:28,110 --> 00:25:33,401 The aircraft will begin penetrating Russian radar cover within 25 minutes. 306 00:25:35,451 --> 00:25:38,694 General Turgidson, I find this very difficult to understand. 307 00:25:38,871 --> 00:25:41,704 I was under the impression that I was the only one in authority 308 00:25:41,874 --> 00:25:44,241 to order the use of nuclear weapons. 309 00:25:45,419 --> 00:25:49,413 That's right, sir. You are the only person authorized to do so. 310 00:25:49,590 --> 00:25:53,800 And although I hate to judge before all the facts are in, 311 00:25:53,969 --> 00:25:57,462 it's beginning to look like General Ripper exceeded his authority. 312 00:25:57,681 --> 00:26:02,426 It certainly does. Far beyond the point I would have imagined possible. 313 00:26:02,603 --> 00:26:06,141 Well, perhaps you're forgetting the provisions of Plan R, sir. 314 00:26:06,607 --> 00:26:08,097 Plan R? 315 00:26:09,485 --> 00:26:12,944 Plan R is an emergency war plan 316 00:26:13,113 --> 00:26:15,605 in which a lower-echelon commander may order 317 00:26:15,783 --> 00:26:18,821 nuclear retaliation after a sneak attack, 318 00:26:18,994 --> 00:26:22,407 if the normal chain of command has been disrupted. 319 00:26:22,581 --> 00:26:25,448 You approved it, sir. You must remember. 320 00:26:26,960 --> 00:26:30,123 Surely you must recall, sir, when Senator Beaufort 321 00:26:30,297 --> 00:26:33,790 made that big hassle about our deterrent lacking credibility. 322 00:26:33,967 --> 00:26:38,586 The idea was for Plan R to be a sort of retaliatory safeguard. 323 00:26:38,764 --> 00:26:40,630 A safeguard? 324 00:26:40,808 --> 00:26:43,971 Well, I admit the human element seems to have failed us here. 325 00:26:44,144 --> 00:26:47,432 But the idea was to discourage the Russkies from any hope 326 00:26:47,606 --> 00:26:50,018 that they could knock out Washington, and yourself, sir, 327 00:26:50,192 --> 00:26:52,149 as part of a general sneak attack 328 00:26:52,319 --> 00:26:56,358 and escape retaliation because of lack of proper command and control. 329 00:26:56,532 --> 00:26:59,149 Well, I assume, then, that the planes will return automatically 330 00:26:59,326 --> 00:27:02,034 once they reach their fail-safe points. 331 00:27:02,287 --> 00:27:06,872 Well, no, sir, I'm afraid not. The planes were holding at their fail-safe points 332 00:27:07,042 --> 00:27:08,658 when the go code was issued. 333 00:27:08,836 --> 00:27:13,455 Now, once they fly beyond fail-safe, they do not require a second order to proceed. 334 00:27:13,632 --> 00:27:15,552 They will continue until they reach their target. 335 00:27:15,759 --> 00:27:19,844 Then why haven't you radioed the planes, countermanding the go code? 336 00:27:20,139 --> 00:27:23,382 Well, I'm afraid we're unable to communicate with any of the aircraft. 337 00:27:23,559 --> 00:27:25,141 Why? 338 00:27:25,853 --> 00:27:28,185 As you may recall, sir, 339 00:27:28,355 --> 00:27:31,848 one of the provisions of Plan R provides 340 00:27:32,025 --> 00:27:36,519 that once the go code is received, 341 00:27:36,697 --> 00:27:39,906 the normal SSB radios in the aircraft 342 00:27:40,075 --> 00:27:42,487 are switched into a special coded device, 343 00:27:42,661 --> 00:27:45,403 which I believe is designated as CRM 114. 344 00:27:45,581 --> 00:27:47,572 Now, in order to prevent the enemy 345 00:27:47,749 --> 00:27:50,081 from issuing fake or confusing orders, 346 00:27:50,294 --> 00:27:54,083 CRM 114 is designed not to receive at all, 347 00:27:54,298 --> 00:27:56,505 unless the message is preceded 348 00:27:56,675 --> 00:27:59,713 by the correct three-letter code group prefix. 349 00:27:59,887 --> 00:28:05,098 Then, do you mean to tell me, General Turgidson, that you will be unable to recall the aircraft? 350 00:28:05,309 --> 00:28:08,176 That's about the size of it. However, we are ploughing through 351 00:28:08,353 --> 00:28:11,095 every possible three-letter combination of the code. 352 00:28:11,315 --> 00:28:16,401 But since there are 17,000 permutations, 353 00:28:16,570 --> 00:28:20,063 it's going to take us about two and a half days to transmit them all. 354 00:28:20,240 --> 00:28:22,920 How soon did you say the planes would penetrate Russian radar cover? 355 00:28:23,076 --> 00:28:24,908 About 18 minutes from now, sir. 356 00:28:25,078 --> 00:28:26,598 Are you in contact with General Ripper? 357 00:28:26,622 --> 00:28:31,412 No, sir, no. General Ripper sealed off the base and cut off all communications. 358 00:28:31,585 --> 00:28:33,121 Where did you get all this information? 359 00:28:33,295 --> 00:28:34,751 General Ripper called 360 00:28:34,922 --> 00:28:39,416 Strategic Air Command headquarters shortly after he issued the go code. 361 00:28:39,593 --> 00:28:42,961 Have a portion of the transcript of that conversation, if you'd like me to read it. 362 00:28:43,138 --> 00:28:45,049 Read it. 363 00:28:45,224 --> 00:28:46,635 [TURGIDSON COUGHS] 364 00:28:46,850 --> 00:28:49,387 The duty officer asked General Ripper 365 00:28:49,561 --> 00:28:53,600 to confirm the fact that he had issued the go code and he said: 366 00:28:53,774 --> 00:28:58,143 Yes, gentlemen, they are on their way in and no one can bring them back. 367 00:28:58,570 --> 00:29:01,062 For the sake of our country and our way of life, 368 00:29:01,240 --> 00:29:03,777 I suggest you get the rest of SAC in after them. 369 00:29:03,951 --> 00:29:08,787 Otherwise, we will be totally destroyed by Red retaliation. 370 00:29:08,956 --> 00:29:14,167 My boys will give you the best kind of start: 1400 megatons' worth. 371 00:29:14,336 --> 00:29:17,795 And you sure as hell won't stop them now. 372 00:29:17,965 --> 00:29:20,753 So let's get going. There's no other choice. 373 00:29:20,926 --> 00:29:25,671 God willing, we will prevail in peace and freedom from fear 374 00:29:25,847 --> 00:29:29,135 and in true health through the purity 375 00:29:29,309 --> 00:29:33,098 and essence of our natural... 376 00:29:33,272 --> 00:29:34,637 fluids. 377 00:29:35,649 --> 00:29:37,640 God bless you all. 378 00:29:39,611 --> 00:29:41,352 Then he hung up. 379 00:29:42,322 --> 00:29:45,815 We're still trying to figure out the meaning of that last phrase, sir. 380 00:29:45,993 --> 00:29:50,203 There's nothing to figure out, General Turgidson. This man is obviously a psychotic. 381 00:29:50,414 --> 00:29:55,375 Well, I'd like to hold off judgment on a thing like that, sir, until all the facts are in. 382 00:29:55,544 --> 00:30:00,038 General Turgidson, when you instituted the human reliability tests, 383 00:30:00,215 --> 00:30:02,547 you assured me there was no possibility 384 00:30:02,718 --> 00:30:05,050 of such a thing ever occurring. 385 00:30:06,138 --> 00:30:10,132 Well, I don't think it's quite fair to condemn the whole program 386 00:30:10,309 --> 00:30:12,846 because of a single slip-up, sir. 387 00:30:13,020 --> 00:30:15,478 I wanna speak to General Ripper on the telephone, personally. 388 00:30:15,647 --> 00:30:17,058 I'm afraid that's impossible, sir. 389 00:30:17,441 --> 00:30:21,025 General Turgidson, I am becoming less and less interested 390 00:30:21,194 --> 00:30:24,732 in your estimates of what is possible and impossible. 391 00:30:25,907 --> 00:30:28,239 General Faceman. [FACEMAN] Yes, sir? 392 00:30:28,452 --> 00:30:30,910 Are there any Army units stationed near Burpelson? 393 00:30:31,079 --> 00:30:33,161 I'll, uh... I'll just check, sir. 394 00:30:35,751 --> 00:30:37,492 [BEEPING] 395 00:30:37,711 --> 00:30:39,418 Hello? 396 00:30:41,006 --> 00:30:44,215 [IN HARSH WHISPER] I told you never to call me here. Don't you know where I am? 397 00:30:46,386 --> 00:30:49,219 Well, look, baby, I can't talk to you now. 398 00:30:49,389 --> 00:30:51,881 My president needs me. 399 00:30:52,059 --> 00:30:54,037 What do you think about civil defence? [TURGIDSON] Of course Bucky 400 00:30:54,061 --> 00:30:55,597 would rather be there with you. 401 00:30:56,730 --> 00:30:59,768 Of course it isn't only physical. 402 00:30:59,983 --> 00:31:02,350 I deeply respect you as a human being. 403 00:31:02,527 --> 00:31:05,565 Someday I'm gonna make you Mrs. Buck Turgidson. 404 00:31:06,740 --> 00:31:09,607 Oh, listen, you go back to sleep. 405 00:31:09,785 --> 00:31:12,618 Bucky will be back there just as soon as he can. 406 00:31:12,788 --> 00:31:17,407 All right. Listen, sug, don't forget to say your prayers. 407 00:31:24,424 --> 00:31:28,258 Apparently, the 23rd Airborne Division 408 00:31:28,428 --> 00:31:31,136 is stationed seven miles away at Alvarado. 409 00:31:31,306 --> 00:31:35,470 General Faceman, I want them to enter the base, locate General Ripper 410 00:31:35,644 --> 00:31:37,931 and put him in immediate telephone contact with me. 411 00:31:38,105 --> 00:31:39,641 Yes, sir. 412 00:31:39,815 --> 00:31:42,807 Mr. President, if I may advise. 413 00:31:42,984 --> 00:31:47,399 Under a condition red, it is standard procedure that the base be sealed off 414 00:31:47,572 --> 00:31:50,234 and the base defended by base security troops. 415 00:31:50,409 --> 00:31:54,744 Any force trying to enter there would certainly encounter very heavy casualties. 416 00:31:54,913 --> 00:31:58,656 General Turgidson, with all due respect for your defence team, 417 00:31:58,834 --> 00:32:01,747 my boys can brush them aside without too much trouble. 418 00:32:02,671 --> 00:32:07,461 Mr. President, there are one or two points I'd like to make, if I may? 419 00:32:08,468 --> 00:32:09,924 Go ahead, general. 420 00:32:11,430 --> 00:32:16,015 One: our hopes for recalling the 843rd bomb wing 421 00:32:16,184 --> 00:32:20,348 are quickly being reduced to a very low order of probability. 422 00:32:20,564 --> 00:32:23,306 Two: in less than 15 minutes from now, 423 00:32:23,483 --> 00:32:26,521 the Russkies will be making radar contact with the planes. 424 00:32:26,695 --> 00:32:28,652 Three: when they do, 425 00:32:28,822 --> 00:32:32,656 they are gonna go absolutely ape and strike back with everything they've got. 426 00:32:32,826 --> 00:32:36,319 Four: if, prior to this time, 427 00:32:36,496 --> 00:32:39,955 we have done nothing further to suppress their retaliatory capabilities, 428 00:32:40,125 --> 00:32:42,662 we will suffer virtual annihilation. 429 00:32:42,836 --> 00:32:44,702 Now, 430 00:32:46,465 --> 00:32:48,706 five: 431 00:32:48,884 --> 00:32:51,376 if, on the other hand, 432 00:32:53,221 --> 00:32:58,136 we were to immediately launch an all-out and coordinated attack on all their airfields and missile bases, 433 00:32:58,310 --> 00:33:01,678 we'd stand a damn good chance of catching them with their pants down. 434 00:33:01,855 --> 00:33:04,017 Hell, we've got a 5-to-1 missile superiority as it is. 435 00:33:04,191 --> 00:33:07,058 We could easily assign three missiles to every target 436 00:33:07,235 --> 00:33:10,853 and still have a very effective reserve force for any other contingency. 437 00:33:11,031 --> 00:33:15,992 Six: an unofficial study which we undertook of this eventuality 438 00:33:16,161 --> 00:33:20,997 indicated that we would destroy 90 percent of their nuclear capabilities. 439 00:33:21,166 --> 00:33:23,203 We would therefore prevail 440 00:33:23,376 --> 00:33:27,870 and suffer only modest and acceptable civilian casualties from their remaining force, 441 00:33:28,048 --> 00:33:30,915 which would be badly damaged and uncoordinated. 442 00:33:31,134 --> 00:33:34,252 General, it is the avowed policy of our country 443 00:33:34,429 --> 00:33:36,716 never to strike first with nuclear weapons. 444 00:33:36,890 --> 00:33:41,509 Well, Mr. President, I would say that General Ripper has already invalidated that policy. 445 00:33:41,686 --> 00:33:46,055 That was not an act of national policy and there are still alternatives left open to us. 446 00:33:47,067 --> 00:33:48,774 Mr. President, 447 00:33:49,736 --> 00:33:52,068 we are rapidly approaching a moment of truth, 448 00:33:52,239 --> 00:33:55,072 both for ourselves as human beings and for the life of our nation. 449 00:33:55,242 --> 00:33:57,779 Now, truth is not always a pleasant thing. 450 00:33:57,953 --> 00:34:00,411 But it is necessary now to make a choice. 451 00:34:00,580 --> 00:34:03,242 To choose between two admittedly regrettable, 452 00:34:03,416 --> 00:34:06,784 but nevertheless distinguishable, postwar environments. 453 00:34:06,962 --> 00:34:11,627 One, where you got 20 million people killed, and the other, where you got 150 million people killed. 454 00:34:11,800 --> 00:34:14,713 You're talking about mass murder, general, not war. 455 00:34:14,886 --> 00:34:18,379 Mr. President, I'm not saying we wouldn't get our hair mussed. 456 00:34:18,557 --> 00:34:23,097 But I do say no more than 10 to 20 million killed, tops. 457 00:34:23,270 --> 00:34:25,136 Depending on the breaks. 458 00:34:25,313 --> 00:34:29,227 I will not go down in history as the greatest mass murderer since Adolf Hitler. 459 00:34:29,401 --> 00:34:31,921 Perhaps it might be better, Mr. President, if you were more concerned 460 00:34:31,945 --> 00:34:35,279 with the American people than with your image in the history books. 461 00:34:35,448 --> 00:34:40,318 General Turgidson, I think I've heard quite sufficient from you. Thank you very much. 462 00:34:40,996 --> 00:34:43,488 [STAINES] Mr. President, they have the ambassador upstairs. 463 00:34:43,665 --> 00:34:44,826 Oh, good. Any difficulty? 464 00:34:45,000 --> 00:34:47,162 They say he's having a fit about that squad of MPs. 465 00:34:47,335 --> 00:34:49,897 Yes, well, that can't be helped. Have him brought down here straight away. 466 00:34:49,921 --> 00:34:51,332 Yes, sir. 467 00:34:51,506 --> 00:34:53,964 Is that the Russian ambassador you're talking about? 468 00:34:54,134 --> 00:34:56,216 Yes, it is, general. 469 00:34:58,305 --> 00:35:01,138 Am I to understand the Russian ambassador 470 00:35:01,308 --> 00:35:03,640 is to be admitted entrance to the war room? 471 00:35:03,810 --> 00:35:06,643 That is correct. He is here on my orders. 472 00:35:09,524 --> 00:35:11,765 I don't know exactly how to put this, sir, 473 00:35:11,943 --> 00:35:15,186 but are you aware of what a serious breach of security that would be? 474 00:35:15,363 --> 00:35:19,482 I mean, he'll see everything. He'll see the big board. 475 00:35:20,452 --> 00:35:25,037 That is precisely the idea, general. That is precisely the idea. 476 00:35:26,625 --> 00:35:30,493 Staines, get Premier Kissoff on the hot line. 477 00:35:31,296 --> 00:35:33,879 [♪♪♪♪] 478 00:35:38,011 --> 00:35:41,504 [KONG] Survival kit contents check. 479 00:35:41,681 --> 00:35:46,391 In them, you will find one .45-calibre automatic, 480 00:35:46,561 --> 00:35:49,019 two boxes of ammunition, 481 00:35:49,189 --> 00:35:52,477 four days' concentrated emergency rations, 482 00:35:52,901 --> 00:35:55,814 one drug issue containing antibiotics, 483 00:35:55,987 --> 00:36:00,276 morphine, vitamin pills, pep pills, 484 00:36:00,700 --> 00:36:04,159 sleeping pills, tranquillizer pills, 485 00:36:04,579 --> 00:36:09,039 one miniature combination Russian phrase book and Bible, 486 00:36:09,501 --> 00:36:12,038 $100 in rubles, 487 00:36:12,212 --> 00:36:14,374 $100 in gold, 488 00:36:14,589 --> 00:36:16,751 nine packs of chewing gum, 489 00:36:16,925 --> 00:36:19,212 one issue of prophylactics, 490 00:36:19,386 --> 00:36:23,095 three lipsticks, three pair of nylon stockings. 491 00:36:23,306 --> 00:36:28,096 Shoot, a fella could have a pretty good weekend in Vegas with all that stuff. 492 00:36:33,566 --> 00:36:36,354 You don't have any fresh fish? I'm afraid not, sir. 493 00:36:36,528 --> 00:36:38,610 Your eggs, then, they are fresh? Oh, yes, sir. 494 00:36:38,780 --> 00:36:42,614 I will have poached eggs. And bring me some cigars, please. Havana cigars. 495 00:36:42,826 --> 00:36:44,567 And that will be all for you, sir? Yes. 496 00:36:44,744 --> 00:36:46,109 Then I'll see to it right away. 497 00:36:46,287 --> 00:36:49,405 Try one of these Jamaican cigars, ambassador. They're pretty good. 498 00:36:49,582 --> 00:36:52,916 Thank you, no. I do not support the work of imperialist stooges. 499 00:36:53,086 --> 00:36:55,578 Oh, only Commie stooges, huh? 500 00:36:56,047 --> 00:36:57,958 Psst. Mr. President. 501 00:36:59,134 --> 00:37:02,752 You're gonna let that lousy Commie punk vomit all over us like this? 502 00:37:02,929 --> 00:37:04,135 Mr. President? 503 00:37:04,347 --> 00:37:07,743 They haven't been able to reach Premier Kissoff in the Kremlin. They say they don't know where he is, 504 00:37:07,767 --> 00:37:10,759 and he won't be back for another two hours. 505 00:37:10,979 --> 00:37:13,311 Try B86543 Moscow. Yes, sir. 506 00:37:13,481 --> 00:37:15,918 You would never have found him through his office, Mr. President. 507 00:37:15,942 --> 00:37:19,731 Our premier is a man of the people, but he is also a man, if you follow my meaning. 508 00:37:19,904 --> 00:37:22,487 Degenerate, atheistic Commie. What did you say? 509 00:37:22,657 --> 00:37:26,116 I said, Premier Kissoff is a degenerate, atheistic Commie! 510 00:37:26,286 --> 00:37:29,119 Have this ignorant fool... I'm sorry! 511 00:37:29,289 --> 00:37:33,157 [STAINES] Mr. President, I think they're trying the number. 512 00:37:36,588 --> 00:37:39,171 [GRUNTING AND MUMBLING] 513 00:37:43,845 --> 00:37:46,928 Gentlemen, you can't fight in here. This is the war room! 514 00:37:47,098 --> 00:37:49,806 What is going on here? I demand an explanation. 515 00:37:49,976 --> 00:37:54,140 This clumsy fool tried to plant that ridiculous camera on me. 516 00:37:54,314 --> 00:37:56,806 You bet your sweets, Mr. Commie! Look at this, Mr. President. 517 00:37:56,983 --> 00:38:01,398 This lousy Commie rat was taking pictures with this thing, of the big board! 518 00:38:01,654 --> 00:38:03,440 Mr. Ambassador! 519 00:38:03,823 --> 00:38:07,987 This clumsy fool attempted to plant that ridiculous camera on me. 520 00:38:08,161 --> 00:38:10,869 That's a damn lie! I saw him with my own eyes. 521 00:38:11,039 --> 00:38:15,158 This is outrageous. I have never heard of such behaviour in the war room before. 522 00:38:15,335 --> 00:38:18,669 Mr. President, I think they're getting him on the line. 523 00:38:24,552 --> 00:38:27,214 [ENGINES ROARING] 524 00:38:45,824 --> 00:38:47,690 You sure gotta hand it to those Commies. 525 00:38:47,867 --> 00:38:49,357 Yeah. 526 00:38:49,536 --> 00:38:52,244 Gee, those trucks sure look like the real thing, don't they? 527 00:38:52,455 --> 00:38:54,241 I wonder where they got them from. 528 00:38:54,457 --> 00:38:57,700 Probably bought them from the Army as war surplus. 529 00:39:00,380 --> 00:39:04,465 Okay, open up at 200 yards. 530 00:39:44,799 --> 00:39:47,757 [MACHINE GUNS FIRING] 531 00:40:01,649 --> 00:40:05,462 [PRESIDENT] Tell him where you are and that you'll enter the conversation if I say anything that's untrue, 532 00:40:05,486 --> 00:40:08,649 but please don't tell him anything more than that. 533 00:40:09,324 --> 00:40:13,488 Alexi? Alexi, please. I beg you. 534 00:40:13,786 --> 00:40:16,323 But I don't have a phone. 535 00:40:16,497 --> 00:40:18,534 Give him the phone, Frank. 536 00:40:20,835 --> 00:40:23,577 [SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN] 537 00:40:45,818 --> 00:40:50,187 I've done as you asked. Be careful, Mr. President. I think he is drunk. 538 00:40:53,201 --> 00:40:57,616 Hello? Hello, Dimitri? 539 00:40:57,789 --> 00:40:59,496 Listen, I can't hear too well. 540 00:40:59,666 --> 00:41:03,375 Do you suppose you could turn the music down just a little? 541 00:41:03,586 --> 00:41:05,372 Oh, that's much better. 542 00:41:05,672 --> 00:41:08,289 Yeah. Yes. 543 00:41:09,550 --> 00:41:12,292 Fine. I can hear you now, Dimitri. 544 00:41:12,470 --> 00:41:15,838 Clear and plain and coming through fine. 545 00:41:16,015 --> 00:41:20,350 I'm coming through fine too, eh? Good. Then... 546 00:41:20,520 --> 00:41:24,354 Well, then, as you say, we're both coming through fine. Good. 547 00:41:24,524 --> 00:41:28,688 Well, it's good that you're fine and I'm fine. 548 00:41:28,861 --> 00:41:31,148 I agree with you. It's great to be fine. 549 00:41:31,322 --> 00:41:32,357 [LAUGHING] 550 00:41:32,991 --> 00:41:35,073 Now then, Dimitri, 551 00:41:35,243 --> 00:41:40,864 you know how we've always talked about the possibility 552 00:41:41,040 --> 00:41:43,702 of something going wrong with the bomb. 553 00:41:45,086 --> 00:41:47,043 The bomb, Dimitri. 554 00:41:48,089 --> 00:41:50,831 The hydrogen bomb. 555 00:41:51,009 --> 00:41:53,876 Well, now, what happened is, um, 556 00:41:54,053 --> 00:41:58,172 one of our base commanders, he had a sort of... 557 00:41:58,349 --> 00:42:01,432 Well, he went a little funny in the head. 558 00:42:01,644 --> 00:42:04,602 You know, just a little funny. 559 00:42:04,772 --> 00:42:09,266 And he went and did a silly thing. 560 00:42:09,444 --> 00:42:13,779 Well, I'll tell you what he did. He ordered his planes... 561 00:42:15,283 --> 00:42:17,900 to attack your country. 562 00:42:18,077 --> 00:42:20,409 Well, let me finish, Dimitri. 563 00:42:21,414 --> 00:42:23,280 Let me finish, Dimitri. 564 00:42:23,458 --> 00:42:26,576 Well, listen, how do you think I feel about it? 565 00:42:26,753 --> 00:42:29,586 Can you imagine how I feel about it, Dimitri? 566 00:42:31,132 --> 00:42:35,421 Why do you think I'm calling you? Just to say hello? 567 00:42:36,471 --> 00:42:38,803 Of course I like to speak to you! 568 00:42:38,973 --> 00:42:41,431 Of course I like to say hello! 569 00:42:41,601 --> 00:42:43,638 Not now, but any time, Dimitri. 570 00:42:43,811 --> 00:42:47,770 I'm just calling up to tell you something terrible has happened. 571 00:42:47,940 --> 00:42:50,807 It's a friendly call. Of course it's a friendly call. 572 00:42:50,985 --> 00:42:55,274 Listen, if it wasn't friendly, you probably wouldn't have even got it. 573 00:42:57,575 --> 00:43:02,285 They will not reach their targets for at least another hour. 574 00:43:02,455 --> 00:43:05,447 I am... I am positive, Dimitri. 575 00:43:05,625 --> 00:43:07,957 Listen, I've been all over this with your ambassador. 576 00:43:08,127 --> 00:43:10,494 It is not a trick. 577 00:43:10,671 --> 00:43:12,002 Well, I'll tell you. 578 00:43:12,215 --> 00:43:15,958 We'd like to give your air staff a complete rundown on the targets, 579 00:43:16,135 --> 00:43:19,298 the flight plans and the defensive systems of the planes. 580 00:43:19,472 --> 00:43:24,308 Yes, I mean, if we're unable to recall the planes, 581 00:43:24,477 --> 00:43:27,094 then I'd say that, uh, well... 582 00:43:28,481 --> 00:43:32,816 we're just gonna have to help you destroy them, Dimitri. 583 00:43:32,985 --> 00:43:35,818 I know they're our boys. 584 00:43:35,988 --> 00:43:38,480 All right, well, listen. Now, who should we call? 585 00:43:40,326 --> 00:43:45,446 Who should we call, Dimitri? What...? The peop... Sorry, you faded away there. 586 00:43:45,832 --> 00:43:49,826 The People's Central Air Defence Headquarters. 587 00:43:50,002 --> 00:43:52,164 Where is that, Dimitri? 588 00:43:52,338 --> 00:43:54,454 In Omsk. Right. 589 00:43:55,508 --> 00:43:56,714 Yes. 590 00:43:56,884 --> 00:44:00,878 Oh, you'll call them first, will you? Uh-huh. 591 00:44:01,055 --> 00:44:04,173 Listen, do you happen to have the phone number on you, Dimitri? 592 00:44:04,851 --> 00:44:09,061 Wha... What? I see. Just ask for Omsk information. 593 00:44:10,857 --> 00:44:15,192 I'm sorry too, Dimitri. I'm very sorry. 594 00:44:15,361 --> 00:44:19,195 All right, you're sorrier than I am. But I am sorry as well. 595 00:44:21,492 --> 00:44:23,699 I am as sorry as you are, Dimitri. 596 00:44:23,870 --> 00:44:25,702 Don't say that you're more sorry than I am, 597 00:44:25,872 --> 00:44:28,739 because I'm capable of being just as sorry as you are. 598 00:44:28,916 --> 00:44:32,284 So we're both sorry, all right? All right. 599 00:44:33,546 --> 00:44:37,790 Yes, he's right here. Yes, he wants to talk to you. Just a second. 600 00:44:39,844 --> 00:44:43,053 [SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN] 601 00:44:50,897 --> 00:44:52,558 What? 602 00:45:10,416 --> 00:45:13,534 What? What is it? What? 603 00:45:13,711 --> 00:45:16,703 The fools. The mad fools. 604 00:45:17,924 --> 00:45:19,881 What's happened? 605 00:45:20,051 --> 00:45:22,588 The doomsday machine. 606 00:45:22,762 --> 00:45:25,254 The doom...? The doomsday machine? What is that? 607 00:45:25,431 --> 00:45:30,722 ALEXI: A device which will destroy all human and animal life on Earth. 608 00:45:30,895 --> 00:45:33,102 [PRESIDENT] All human and animal life? 609 00:45:34,649 --> 00:45:37,141 [MACHINE GUNS FIRING] 610 00:45:47,662 --> 00:45:50,279 Mandrake? Yes, Jack? 611 00:45:51,374 --> 00:45:54,912 Have you ever seen a Commie drink a glass of water? 612 00:45:55,086 --> 00:45:59,626 Well, no, I can't say I have, Jack. 613 00:46:00,800 --> 00:46:05,636 Vodka. That's what they drink, isn't it? Never water. 614 00:46:05,805 --> 00:46:10,094 Well, I believe that's what they drink, Jack, yes. 615 00:46:10,268 --> 00:46:13,636 On no account will a Commie ever drink water, 616 00:46:13,813 --> 00:46:16,100 and not without good reason. 617 00:46:17,149 --> 00:46:19,766 Oh, yes. 618 00:46:19,944 --> 00:46:25,940 I, um, can't quite see what you're getting at, Jack. 619 00:46:26,117 --> 00:46:29,826 Water. That's what I'm getting at, water. 620 00:46:30,830 --> 00:46:34,323 Mandrake, water is the source of all life. 621 00:46:35,835 --> 00:46:39,373 Seven-tenths of this Earth's surface is water. 622 00:46:39,547 --> 00:46:41,914 Why, do you realize that... 623 00:46:42,967 --> 00:46:45,880 70 percent of you is water? 624 00:46:46,053 --> 00:46:47,384 Oh, good Lord. 625 00:46:47,555 --> 00:46:52,641 And as human beings, you and I need fresh, pure water 626 00:46:52,810 --> 00:46:56,303 to replenish our precious bodily fluids. Yes. 627 00:46:56,480 --> 00:46:59,188 Are you beginning to understand? 628 00:47:01,235 --> 00:47:02,235 [LAUGHING] 629 00:47:02,653 --> 00:47:04,519 Mandrake... 630 00:47:06,532 --> 00:47:11,698 Mandrake, have you never wondered why I drink only distilled water 631 00:47:11,871 --> 00:47:16,206 or rainwater, and only pure grain alcohol? 632 00:47:16,375 --> 00:47:19,584 Well, it did occur to me, Jack, yes. 633 00:47:20,713 --> 00:47:25,423 Have you ever heard of a thing called fluoridation? Fluoridation of water? 634 00:47:25,760 --> 00:47:29,549 Uh, yes, I have heard of that, Jack, yes. Yes. 635 00:47:29,722 --> 00:47:31,554 Well, do you know what it is? 636 00:47:31,724 --> 00:47:34,716 No. No, I don't know what it is, no. 637 00:47:34,894 --> 00:47:38,728 Do you realize that fluoridation 638 00:47:38,898 --> 00:47:41,606 is the most monstrously conceived 639 00:47:41,776 --> 00:47:45,235 and dangerous Communist plot we have ever had to face? 640 00:47:45,571 --> 00:47:47,437 [MACHINE GUNS FIRING] 641 00:47:51,243 --> 00:47:53,780 Two can play at that game, soldier. 642 00:47:58,084 --> 00:48:00,792 That's nice shooting, soldier! 643 00:48:25,277 --> 00:48:27,268 Mandrake, come here. 644 00:48:27,613 --> 00:48:29,320 You calling me, Jack? 645 00:48:29,532 --> 00:48:31,944 Come over here and help me with this belt. 646 00:48:33,244 --> 00:48:34,780 I, uh... 647 00:48:34,954 --> 00:48:37,912 I haven't had very much experience, 648 00:48:38,082 --> 00:48:40,790 you know, with those sort of machines, Jack, 649 00:48:40,960 --> 00:48:44,453 I've only ever pressed a button in my old Spitfire. 650 00:48:44,630 --> 00:48:48,652 Mandrake, In the name of Her Majesty and the Continental Congress, come here and feed me this belt, boy. 651 00:48:48,676 --> 00:48:53,170 Jack, I'd love to come, but what's happened, you see, 652 00:48:53,347 --> 00:48:56,135 the string in my leg's gone. 653 00:48:57,184 --> 00:48:59,767 The what? The string. I never told you, 654 00:48:59,937 --> 00:49:05,103 but, you see, I've got a gammy leg. Oh, dear. Gone. Shot off. 655 00:49:07,111 --> 00:49:10,775 Mandrake, come over here. The redcoats are coming. Come on! 656 00:49:11,866 --> 00:49:15,985 When it is detonated, it will produce enough radioactive fallout 657 00:49:16,162 --> 00:49:17,994 so that in 10 months, 658 00:49:18,164 --> 00:49:21,156 the surface of the Earth will be as dead as the moon. 659 00:49:21,333 --> 00:49:24,041 Ah, come on, de Sadesky! That's ridiculous! 660 00:49:24,211 --> 00:49:26,202 Our studies show that even the worst fallout 661 00:49:26,380 --> 00:49:28,462 is down to a safe level after two weeks. 662 00:49:28,632 --> 00:49:32,296 You've obviously never heard of cobalt thorium G. 663 00:49:32,470 --> 00:49:33,710 Well, what about it? 664 00:49:33,888 --> 00:49:37,677 Cobalt thorium G has a radioactive half-life of 93 years. 665 00:49:37,850 --> 00:49:40,842 If you take, say, 50 H bombs in the 100 megaton range 666 00:49:41,020 --> 00:49:43,307 and jacket them with cobalt thorium G, 667 00:49:43,481 --> 00:49:48,021 when they are exploded, they will produce a doomsday shroud, 668 00:49:48,194 --> 00:49:50,356 a lethal cloud of radioactivity, 669 00:49:50,529 --> 00:49:54,864 which will encircle the Earth for 93 years! 670 00:49:55,034 --> 00:49:58,572 What a load of Commie bull. I mean, after all... 671 00:49:59,663 --> 00:50:02,030 I'm afraid I don't understand something, Alexi. 672 00:50:02,541 --> 00:50:06,034 Is the premier threatening to explode this if our planes carry out their attack? 673 00:50:06,212 --> 00:50:08,419 No, sir. It is not a thing a sane man would do. 674 00:50:08,631 --> 00:50:11,874 The doomsday machine is designed to trigger itself automatically. 675 00:50:12,051 --> 00:50:13,917 But surely you can disarm it somehow. 676 00:50:14,094 --> 00:50:17,928 No. It is designed to explode if any attempt is ever made to un-trigger it. 677 00:50:18,098 --> 00:50:19,259 Automatically? 678 00:50:19,433 --> 00:50:22,078 It's an obvious Commie trick, Mr. President! We're wasting valuable time! 679 00:50:22,102 --> 00:50:25,265 Look at the big board! They're getting ready to clobber us! 680 00:50:25,439 --> 00:50:29,854 But this is absolute madness, ambassador. Why should you build such a thing? 681 00:50:30,027 --> 00:50:31,755 There were those of us who fought against it. 682 00:50:31,779 --> 00:50:35,363 But in the end, we could not keep up with the expense involved in the arms race, 683 00:50:35,533 --> 00:50:38,616 the space race and the peace race. 684 00:50:39,078 --> 00:50:41,240 At the same time, our people grumbled 685 00:50:41,413 --> 00:50:43,905 for more nylons and washing machines. 686 00:50:44,083 --> 00:50:46,575 Our doomsday scheme cost us just a small fraction 687 00:50:46,752 --> 00:50:49,790 of what we had been spending on defence in a single year. 688 00:50:49,964 --> 00:50:52,752 The deciding factor was when we learned that your country 689 00:50:52,925 --> 00:50:56,384 was working along similar lines. And we were afraid of a doomsday gap. 690 00:50:56,554 --> 00:50:59,797 This is preposterous! I've never approved of anything like that. 691 00:50:59,974 --> 00:51:02,716 Our source was The New York Times. 692 00:51:03,644 --> 00:51:06,978 Dr. Strangelove, do we have anything like that in the works? 693 00:51:07,189 --> 00:51:09,977 A moment, please, Mr. President. 694 00:51:12,403 --> 00:51:15,771 Under the authority granted me 695 00:51:15,948 --> 00:51:19,816 as director of weapons research and development, 696 00:51:19,994 --> 00:51:24,283 I commissioned last year a study of this project 697 00:51:24,456 --> 00:51:26,572 by the Bland Corporation. 698 00:51:26,750 --> 00:51:29,492 Based on the findings of the report, 699 00:51:29,670 --> 00:51:35,165 my conclusion was that this idea was not a practical deterrent, 700 00:51:35,342 --> 00:51:39,301 for reasons which at this moment must be all too obvious. 701 00:51:39,471 --> 00:51:42,805 Then you mean it is possible for them to have built such a thing? 702 00:51:46,812 --> 00:51:51,807 Mr. President, the technology required is easily within the means 703 00:51:51,984 --> 00:51:56,273 of even the smallest nuclear power. 704 00:51:56,447 --> 00:52:01,157 It requires only the will to do so. 705 00:52:01,368 --> 00:52:04,861 But how is it possible for this thing to be triggered automatically 706 00:52:05,039 --> 00:52:07,497 and at the same time impossible to un-trigger? 707 00:52:07,666 --> 00:52:11,660 Mr. President, it is not only possible, 708 00:52:11,837 --> 00:52:13,669 it is essential. 709 00:52:13,839 --> 00:52:18,174 That is the whole idea of this machine, you know. 710 00:52:18,344 --> 00:52:23,464 Deterrence is the art of producing in the mind of the enemy 711 00:52:23,641 --> 00:52:26,133 the fear to attack. 712 00:52:26,310 --> 00:52:31,146 And so because of the automated and irrevocable decision-making process, 713 00:52:31,315 --> 00:52:35,058 which rules out human meddling, 714 00:52:35,277 --> 00:52:39,145 the doomsday machine is terrifying. 715 00:52:39,323 --> 00:52:41,314 This is simple to understand. 716 00:52:41,492 --> 00:52:44,575 And completely credible and convincing. 717 00:52:44,745 --> 00:52:47,737 Gee, I wish we had one of them doomsday machines, Stainesy. 718 00:52:47,915 --> 00:52:52,159 But this is fantastic, Strangelove. How can it be triggered automatically? 719 00:52:52,336 --> 00:52:56,045 Well, it's remarkably simple to do that. 720 00:52:56,215 --> 00:52:59,583 When you merely wish to bury bombs, 721 00:52:59,802 --> 00:53:02,043 there's no limit to the size. 722 00:53:02,221 --> 00:53:08,263 After that, they are connected to a gigantic complex of computers. 723 00:53:08,435 --> 00:53:14,226 Now, then: a specific and clearly-defined set of circumstances, 724 00:53:14,400 --> 00:53:17,768 under which the bombs are to be exploded, 725 00:53:17,945 --> 00:53:21,904 is programmed into a tape memory bank. 726 00:53:22,074 --> 00:53:25,863 A single role of tape can store... Strangelove. 727 00:53:26,036 --> 00:53:29,199 What kind of a name is that? That ain't no Kraut name, is it, Stainesy? 728 00:53:29,373 --> 00:53:31,580 He changed it when he became a citizen. 729 00:53:31,750 --> 00:53:34,287 It used to be Merkwurdichliebe. 730 00:53:34,461 --> 00:53:39,126 Well, a Kraut by any other name, huh, Stainesy? 731 00:53:41,051 --> 00:53:45,295 Is that the whole point of the doomsday machine 732 00:53:45,472 --> 00:53:48,965 is lost if you keep it a secret. 733 00:53:49,143 --> 00:53:51,225 Why didn't you tell the world, eh? 734 00:53:51,395 --> 00:53:55,639 It was to be announced at the Party Congress on Monday. 735 00:53:55,858 --> 00:53:59,101 As you know, the premier loves surprises. 736 00:53:59,278 --> 00:54:01,315 [GUNS FIRING] 737 00:54:47,659 --> 00:54:49,866 Stay with me, Mandrake. 738 00:54:54,875 --> 00:54:57,708 All right, Mandrake, now feed me. Feed me bullets. 739 00:55:25,531 --> 00:55:26,987 [LAUGHING NERVOUSLY] 740 00:55:27,574 --> 00:55:32,569 Jack, don't you think we'd be better off in some other part of the room, away from all this flying glass? 741 00:55:32,746 --> 00:55:34,828 No, we're okay here. 742 00:55:36,083 --> 00:55:40,077 Mandrake, do you realize that in addition to fluoridating water, why, 743 00:55:40,254 --> 00:55:43,713 there are studies underway to fluoridate salt, flour, 744 00:55:43,882 --> 00:55:48,843 fruit juices, soup, sugar, milk, ice cream? 745 00:55:49,012 --> 00:55:50,423 Ice cream, Mandrake. 746 00:55:50,597 --> 00:55:52,929 Children's ice cream. Good Lord. 747 00:55:53,100 --> 00:55:55,216 You know when fluoridation first began? 748 00:55:56,603 --> 00:55:58,264 Uh, no. No, I don't, Jack. 749 00:55:58,438 --> 00:56:00,725 1946. 750 00:56:00,899 --> 00:56:02,355 1946, Mandrake. 751 00:56:02,526 --> 00:56:03,561 [TSKING] 752 00:56:04,027 --> 00:56:07,895 How does that coincide with your postwar Commie conspiracy, huh? 753 00:56:08,073 --> 00:56:11,282 It's incredibly obvious, isn't it? 754 00:56:11,451 --> 00:56:16,912 A foreign substance is introduced into our precious bodily fluids 755 00:56:17,082 --> 00:56:20,245 without the knowledge of the individual. 756 00:56:20,419 --> 00:56:23,036 Certainly without any choice. 757 00:56:24,089 --> 00:56:27,423 That's the way a hard-core Commie works. 758 00:56:27,593 --> 00:56:28,628 [GUNS FIRING] 759 00:56:28,802 --> 00:56:31,965 Look, Jack. Listen, tell me... Tell me, Jack. 760 00:56:32,139 --> 00:56:37,634 When did you first become...? Well, develop this theory? 761 00:56:38,770 --> 00:56:40,932 Well, I, uh... 762 00:56:41,106 --> 00:56:44,565 I first became aware of it, Mandrake, 763 00:56:44,735 --> 00:56:47,477 during the physical act of love. 764 00:56:48,447 --> 00:56:52,657 Yes, a profound sense of fatigue, 765 00:56:52,826 --> 00:56:55,284 a feeling of emptiness followed. 766 00:56:55,954 --> 00:56:59,948 Luckily, I was able to interpret these feelings correctly. 767 00:57:00,626 --> 00:57:03,744 Loss of essence. [WHISPERS] Yes. 768 00:57:04,129 --> 00:57:07,497 I can assure you it has not recurred, Mandrake. 769 00:57:07,674 --> 00:57:11,759 Women sense my power, 770 00:57:11,929 --> 00:57:14,591 and they seek the life essence. 771 00:57:15,265 --> 00:57:18,508 I do not avoid women, Mandrake. 772 00:57:18,685 --> 00:57:21,473 But I do deny them my essence. 773 00:57:21,939 --> 00:57:24,476 Yes, yes, Jack. 774 00:57:37,162 --> 00:57:39,278 [SOLDER] Cease fire! 775 00:58:00,560 --> 00:58:02,176 My boys must have surrendered. 776 00:58:02,354 --> 00:58:04,561 Well, there it is. 777 00:58:04,731 --> 00:58:06,517 Now, Jack, listen. 778 00:58:06,692 --> 00:58:09,980 While there's still time, I beg you, let's recall the wing and... 779 00:58:12,114 --> 00:58:15,357 Those boys were like my children, Mandrake. 780 00:58:16,576 --> 00:58:20,240 Now they let me down. No, no, Jack, not a bit of it. 781 00:58:20,414 --> 00:58:23,156 No, I'm sure they all gave it their very best. 782 00:58:23,333 --> 00:58:25,745 And I'm equally sure they all died thinking of you, 783 00:58:25,919 --> 00:58:28,536 every man jack of them, Jack. 784 00:58:29,089 --> 00:58:31,205 Supposing a bit of water has gone off, eh? 785 00:58:31,383 --> 00:58:33,861 And certainly one can never be too sure about those sort of things. 786 00:58:33,885 --> 00:58:36,673 But you look at me. Do I look all rancid and clotted? 787 00:58:36,847 --> 00:58:39,555 You look at me, Jack, eh? Look, eh? 788 00:58:39,725 --> 00:58:43,719 And I drink a lot of water, you know. I'm what you might call a water man, Jack, that's what I am. 789 00:58:43,895 --> 00:58:47,104 And I can swear to you, my boy, swear to you, 790 00:58:47,274 --> 00:58:52,064 that there's nothing wrong with my bodily fluids. Not a thing, Jackie. 791 00:58:52,237 --> 00:58:54,399 Mandrake, were you ever a prisoner of war? 792 00:58:54,573 --> 00:58:58,111 Well, now, Jack, the time's running very... 793 00:58:58,285 --> 00:59:01,277 What? Were you ever a prisoner of war? 794 00:59:01,455 --> 00:59:03,446 Uh, yes, I was, as a matter of fact, Jack. I was. 795 00:59:03,623 --> 00:59:06,615 Did they torture you? 796 00:59:06,793 --> 00:59:10,206 Yes, they did. I was tortured by the Japanese, Jack, if you must know. 797 00:59:10,380 --> 00:59:13,122 Not a pretty story. Well, what happened? 798 00:59:13,300 --> 00:59:17,464 Oh, well, I don't know, Jack. It's difficult to think of under these conditions, but... 799 00:59:17,679 --> 00:59:19,795 Well, what happened was, 800 00:59:19,973 --> 00:59:23,261 they got me on the old Rangoon-Inchinawa Railway. 801 00:59:23,435 --> 00:59:27,724 I was laying train lines for the bloody Japanese puff-puffs. 802 00:59:27,898 --> 00:59:31,107 No, I mean, when they tortured you, did you talk? 803 00:59:31,276 --> 00:59:34,769 Uh, oh, no... 804 00:59:34,946 --> 00:59:39,110 Well, I don't think they wanted me to talk, really, I don't think they wanted me to say anything. 805 00:59:39,284 --> 00:59:42,276 It was just their way of having a bit of fun, the swines. 806 00:59:42,454 --> 00:59:45,947 The strange thing is they make such bloody good cameras. 807 00:59:47,834 --> 00:59:49,950 You know, those clowns outside are gonna give me 808 00:59:50,128 --> 00:59:53,462 a pretty good going-over in a few minutes for the code. 809 00:59:53,799 --> 00:59:55,085 Yes... 810 00:59:56,301 --> 00:59:59,839 Yes, well, you may have... May have quite a point there, Jack. 811 01:00:00,806 --> 01:00:03,673 I don't know how well I could stand up under torture. 812 01:00:03,850 --> 01:00:07,013 Well, of course, the answer to that is, boy, no one ever does. 813 01:00:07,229 --> 01:00:11,268 And my advice to you, Jack, is to give me the code now. 814 01:00:11,441 --> 01:00:14,183 And if those devils come back and try any rough stuff, 815 01:00:14,361 --> 01:00:17,820 we'll fight them together, boy, like we did just now on the floor, eh? 816 01:00:17,989 --> 01:00:21,152 You with your gun and me with a belt and the ammo, feeding you, Jack. 817 01:00:21,326 --> 01:00:24,284 Feed me, you said, and I was feeding you, Jack. 818 01:00:24,454 --> 01:00:26,786 You know, Mandrake, 819 01:00:26,957 --> 01:00:30,166 I happen to believe in a life after this one... 820 01:00:31,670 --> 01:00:35,038 and I know I'll have to answer for what I've done. 821 01:00:36,883 --> 01:00:38,339 And I think I can. 822 01:00:38,510 --> 01:00:41,844 Yes, well, of course you can, Jack. Of course you can. You can. 823 01:00:42,013 --> 01:00:44,175 I'm a religious man myself, you know, Jack. 824 01:00:44,349 --> 01:00:48,058 I believe in all that sort of thing and I'm hoping, you know, Jack... 825 01:00:48,228 --> 01:00:51,016 You've dropped your gun, Jack. Yes... You know what...? 826 01:00:51,189 --> 01:00:54,682 No, Jack, let me take that for you. I'll take that for you, Jack. 827 01:00:54,860 --> 01:00:59,024 You know what I'm hoping, Jack? I'm hoping you're going to give me the code, boy, that's what I'm hoping. 828 01:00:59,197 --> 01:01:02,656 And, uh... Well, you're going to have a wash and brush up, are you? What a good idea. 829 01:01:02,826 --> 01:01:05,471 Always did wonders for a man, there, Jack, a little wash and brush up. 830 01:01:05,495 --> 01:01:08,237 Water on the back of the neck makes you feel marvellous. 831 01:01:08,415 --> 01:01:11,176 That's what we need, Jack, water on the back of the neck and the code. 832 01:01:11,209 --> 01:01:14,668 Now, supposing I play a little guessing game with you, Jack, boy. 833 01:01:14,838 --> 01:01:16,420 I'll try and guess what the code is... 834 01:01:16,590 --> 01:01:17,671 [GUN FIRES] 835 01:01:17,841 --> 01:01:19,832 [THUDDING] 836 01:01:23,555 --> 01:01:26,593 [♪♪♪♪] 837 01:01:34,566 --> 01:01:38,935 Co-pilot to navigator. I'm ready with the fuel figures now. 838 01:01:39,112 --> 01:01:42,025 We have 109,000 total, 839 01:01:42,199 --> 01:01:44,907 79,000 in the mains 840 01:01:45,076 --> 01:01:47,784 and 30,000 in the auxiliaries. 841 01:01:47,954 --> 01:01:49,786 And that works out to roughly 842 01:01:49,956 --> 01:01:53,324 seven hours, 15 minutes endurance from this time. 843 01:01:54,544 --> 01:01:59,129 DSO to captain. I have an unidentified radar blip. 844 01:02:00,550 --> 01:02:03,133 Distance, 60 miles. 845 01:02:04,304 --> 01:02:07,422 Approximate speed, Mach 3. 846 01:02:07,599 --> 01:02:09,966 Looks like a missile tracking us. 847 01:02:12,437 --> 01:02:16,601 Confirmed, definite missile track. Commence evasive action right. 848 01:02:22,864 --> 01:02:25,777 Missile still closing range. 849 01:02:26,618 --> 01:02:30,486 Distance, 50 miles. Continue evasive action. 850 01:02:30,664 --> 01:02:32,780 CO-PILOT: Lock ECM to target intercept mode. 851 01:02:32,958 --> 01:02:36,997 ECM locked to target intercept mode. 852 01:02:37,170 --> 01:02:39,502 Missile still tracking and closing distance. 853 01:02:39,673 --> 01:02:43,667 Range, 40 miles. Continue evasive action. 854 01:02:46,972 --> 01:02:50,806 Electronic Guidance Scrambler to blue grid. 855 01:02:50,976 --> 01:02:54,344 Missile still tracking steady and closing distance. 856 01:02:54,521 --> 01:02:56,432 Range, 30 miles. 857 01:02:58,692 --> 01:03:02,936 Missile still closing true and steady. Continue evasive action. 858 01:03:10,495 --> 01:03:12,361 Range, 20 miles. 859 01:03:12,539 --> 01:03:16,328 Missile still closing distance and tracking steady. 860 01:03:16,501 --> 01:03:18,833 Attack range gate on maximum scan. 861 01:03:19,004 --> 01:03:21,336 Range gate on maximum scan. 862 01:03:21,506 --> 01:03:24,294 Range, 10 miles. 863 01:03:24,467 --> 01:03:28,335 Missile track deflecting. Continue evasive action. 864 01:03:28,513 --> 01:03:31,676 Deflection increasing. Range, eight miles. 865 01:03:31,850 --> 01:03:35,684 Deflection still increasing. Range, six miles. 866 01:03:35,854 --> 01:03:38,516 Missile still deflecting. Range, four miles. 867 01:03:44,321 --> 01:03:47,404 Range, two miles. Missile still deflecting. 868 01:03:47,574 --> 01:03:49,861 Range, one mile. Missile detonated! 869 01:03:50,201 --> 01:03:51,817 [YELLING INDISTINCTLY] 870 01:03:56,541 --> 01:03:58,578 Start lever to cut-off! Cut-off! 871 01:04:02,047 --> 01:04:03,458 Essential power! 872 01:04:11,890 --> 01:04:14,177 Re-select essential power! 873 01:04:14,351 --> 01:04:16,342 Essential power re-selected. 874 01:04:23,485 --> 01:04:24,896 The hatch is stuck! 875 01:04:28,448 --> 01:04:30,405 Hit emergency power! Roger! 876 01:04:32,410 --> 01:04:35,243 Extinguishers! Roger! 877 01:04:41,961 --> 01:04:45,124 Transfer switches! Transferred! 878 01:04:45,298 --> 01:04:47,585 Boost pumps off! Cut off! 879 01:04:59,312 --> 01:05:01,303 Fuel valves three, four and six! 880 01:05:13,827 --> 01:05:16,410 Give me full power! Roger. 881 01:05:19,082 --> 01:05:21,619 [♪♪♪♪] 882 01:05:28,633 --> 01:05:32,297 [MANDRAKE] Peace on Earth. Peace on Earth. 883 01:05:32,804 --> 01:05:35,171 Peace on Earth. 884 01:05:35,348 --> 01:05:38,010 P-O-E. 885 01:05:38,184 --> 01:05:40,972 Purity of Essence. 886 01:05:41,146 --> 01:05:44,639 O-P-O-E. 887 01:05:44,816 --> 01:05:45,851 O-P-E. 888 01:05:46,025 --> 01:05:48,437 [GUN FIRES] 889 01:05:55,785 --> 01:05:57,321 Put your hands over your head. 890 01:05:57,495 --> 01:06:00,704 What the devil do you think you're doing, shooting your way in here? Who are you? 891 01:06:00,874 --> 01:06:02,660 I said, put your hands over your head. 892 01:06:03,626 --> 01:06:06,334 What kind of suit do you call that, fella? 893 01:06:06,504 --> 01:06:08,370 What do you mean, suit? 894 01:06:08,590 --> 01:06:10,877 This happens to be an RAF uniform, sir. 895 01:06:11,092 --> 01:06:13,208 And I am Group Captain Lionel Mandrake. 896 01:06:13,386 --> 01:06:15,343 I am General Ripper's executive officer. 897 01:06:15,513 --> 01:06:16,878 Where's General Ripper? 898 01:06:17,599 --> 01:06:19,840 He's dead, in the bathroom. 899 01:06:20,560 --> 01:06:23,643 Where's the bathroom? Next to you. 900 01:06:31,070 --> 01:06:32,811 [WHISTLES] 901 01:06:32,989 --> 01:06:35,629 Look, I don't know what sort of stupid game this is you're playing, 902 01:06:35,700 --> 01:06:38,067 but I've got a very good idea what the recall code is, 903 01:06:38,244 --> 01:06:40,604 and I have to get in touch with SAC headquarters immediately 904 01:06:40,705 --> 01:06:44,369 I said, put your hands over your head and keep them there. Go on. 905 01:06:44,542 --> 01:06:46,078 Got any witnesses? Witnesses? 906 01:06:46,252 --> 01:06:48,493 What are you talking about, witnesses? He shot himself! 907 01:06:48,671 --> 01:06:50,753 While he was shaving, huh? 908 01:06:50,924 --> 01:06:56,010 Now, look, Colonel Bat Guano, if that really is your name, 909 01:06:56,179 --> 01:06:59,922 may I tell you that I have a very, very good idea, 910 01:07:00,099 --> 01:07:03,057 I think, I hope, I pray, what the recall code is. 911 01:07:03,228 --> 01:07:05,122 It's some sort of recurrent theme he kept repeating. 912 01:07:05,146 --> 01:07:09,105 It's a variation on Peace on Earth or Purity of Essence. E-O-P, O-P-E, it's one of those. 913 01:07:09,275 --> 01:07:13,064 Put your hands up on top of your head. Start walking. 914 01:07:13,530 --> 01:07:16,363 Don't you know that General Ripper went as mad as a bloody march hare 915 01:07:16,533 --> 01:07:19,776 and sent the whole wing to attack the Soviets? Don't you know that? 916 01:07:19,953 --> 01:07:23,412 What are you talking about? I'll tell you what I'm talking about. 917 01:07:23,581 --> 01:07:27,575 I'm gonna pick up this red telephone, which is connected to SAC, 918 01:07:27,752 --> 01:07:29,618 and I hope... 919 01:07:30,713 --> 01:07:32,795 Blast. Blast. 920 01:07:32,966 --> 01:07:37,676 Shot away, I expect, by one of your men during this ridiculous fighting! 921 01:07:38,388 --> 01:07:40,299 Right. 922 01:07:40,473 --> 01:07:43,807 All right, Charlie, I've been wasting too much time on you. 923 01:07:43,977 --> 01:07:47,686 I got a lot of wounded men outside. Start walking. 924 01:07:51,276 --> 01:07:53,187 [♪♪♪♪] 925 01:08:10,003 --> 01:08:13,667 All the radio gear is out, including the CRM 114. 926 01:08:13,840 --> 01:08:17,003 I think the auto-destruct mechanism got hit and blew itself up. 927 01:08:21,639 --> 01:08:24,802 The fire is out. The emergency power is on. 928 01:08:24,976 --> 01:08:28,344 Everything seems to check out all right. Will advise. 929 01:08:28,521 --> 01:08:30,137 Roger. Navigator? 930 01:08:30,315 --> 01:08:35,481 I've worked out our rate of fuel loss at approximately 162 per minute. 931 01:08:35,653 --> 01:08:38,520 This gives us a radius of action sufficient to take out 932 01:08:38,740 --> 01:08:41,983 primary and secondary targets, but we will not, 933 01:08:42,160 --> 01:08:46,825 repeat, not be able to make it back to any base or neutral country. 934 01:08:46,998 --> 01:08:52,539 However, we would have enough fuel to ditch at weather ship Tango Delta, 935 01:08:52,712 --> 01:08:55,955 grid coordinates 003691. 936 01:09:00,762 --> 01:09:03,049 Well, boys, we got three engines out, 937 01:09:03,264 --> 01:09:06,723 we got more holes in us than a horse trader's mule, 938 01:09:06,893 --> 01:09:09,134 the radio is gone and we're leaking fuel. 939 01:09:09,312 --> 01:09:12,555 And if we was flying any lower, why, we'd need sleigh bells on this thing. 940 01:09:12,774 --> 01:09:15,641 But we got one little budge on them Russkies. 941 01:09:15,818 --> 01:09:17,729 At this height, why, they might harpoon us, 942 01:09:17,904 --> 01:09:20,817 but they sure ain't gonna spot us on no radar screen. 943 01:09:20,990 --> 01:09:23,072 [♪♪♪♪] 944 01:09:32,043 --> 01:09:33,909 The other way. 945 01:09:34,087 --> 01:09:36,419 Where are you taking me? To the main gate. 946 01:09:36,923 --> 01:09:38,254 Colonel! 947 01:09:38,424 --> 01:09:41,917 Colonel, I must know what you think has been going on here. 948 01:09:42,095 --> 01:09:43,927 You wanna know what I think? 949 01:09:44,097 --> 01:09:46,714 I think you're some kind of deviated pervert. 950 01:09:46,891 --> 01:09:49,508 I think General Ripper found out about your perversion 951 01:09:49,686 --> 01:09:54,055 and that you were organizing some kind of mutiny of perverts. Now, move! 952 01:09:54,524 --> 01:09:57,607 On top of that, I don't know anything about any planes attacking Russia. 953 01:09:57,819 --> 01:10:01,733 All I was told to do was get Ripper on the phone with the president of the United States. 954 01:10:01,906 --> 01:10:06,446 Now, just one second. You just said, The president. 955 01:10:06,619 --> 01:10:08,735 What about the president? 956 01:10:08,913 --> 01:10:11,951 Now, the president wants to speak to General Ripper, doesn't he? 957 01:10:12,125 --> 01:10:14,583 Now, General Ripper is dead, is he not? 958 01:10:14,752 --> 01:10:16,959 I am General Ripper's executive officer, 959 01:10:17,130 --> 01:10:19,963 so the president will bloody well want to speak to me, won't he? 960 01:10:20,133 --> 01:10:23,797 There's a telephone box over there and the line may be open. 961 01:10:23,970 --> 01:10:26,632 You wanna talk to the president of the United States? 962 01:10:26,848 --> 01:10:29,590 I don't want to talk to him, colonel, I've got to talk to him. 963 01:10:29,767 --> 01:10:33,305 And I can assure you if you don't put that gun away and stop this stupid nonsense, 964 01:10:33,479 --> 01:10:37,438 the court of inquiry on this will give you such a pranging, 965 01:10:37,608 --> 01:10:41,602 you'll be lucky if you end up wearing the uniform of a bloody toilet attendant! 966 01:10:41,779 --> 01:10:44,737 [JET ENGINE ROARS] 967 01:10:45,450 --> 01:10:47,282 Okay. Go ahead. 968 01:10:47,452 --> 01:10:50,865 Try and get the president of the United States on the phone. 969 01:10:52,790 --> 01:10:56,249 If you try any perversions in there, I'll blow your head off. 970 01:11:09,474 --> 01:11:12,091 Operator? This is Group Captain Lionel Mandrake. 971 01:11:12,268 --> 01:11:14,350 I'm speaking from Burpelson Air Force Base. 972 01:11:14,520 --> 01:11:18,400 Look, something very urgent has come up and I want you to place an emergency person-to-person call 973 01:11:18,524 --> 01:11:22,438 with President Merkin Muffley in the Pentagon, Washington, D.C. 974 01:11:22,987 --> 01:11:26,150 Burpelson 3-9180. 975 01:11:27,366 --> 01:11:32,361 No, I'm perfectly serious, operator, the president. Yes, the president of the United States. 976 01:11:32,538 --> 01:11:35,326 Oh, I'm sorry, I haven't got enough change. Um... 977 01:11:35,500 --> 01:11:38,913 Could you, uh...? Could you make this a collect call, operator? 978 01:11:50,848 --> 01:11:53,215 Just one second, operator. 979 01:11:53,392 --> 01:11:56,180 They won't accept the call. Have you got 55 cents? 980 01:11:56,354 --> 01:12:00,518 Well, you don't think I'd go into combat with loose change in my pocket, do you? 981 01:12:01,943 --> 01:12:04,731 Operator, look. 982 01:12:04,946 --> 01:12:08,359 Is it possible to make this an ordinary trunk call? 983 01:12:08,533 --> 01:12:11,195 Well, what do you call it? You know, um... 984 01:12:11,369 --> 01:12:14,327 Oh, uh, station-to-station. 985 01:12:18,417 --> 01:12:21,910 Oh, blast! I'm still 20 cents short. 986 01:12:23,756 --> 01:12:27,169 Operator, hold on. I shan't keep you a second. 987 01:12:27,343 --> 01:12:31,382 Colonel, that Coca-Cola machine. I want you to shoot the lock off it. 988 01:12:31,556 --> 01:12:33,547 There may be some change in there. 989 01:12:37,103 --> 01:12:38,559 That's private property. 990 01:12:38,729 --> 01:12:41,562 Colonel, can you possibly imagine what is gonna happen to you, 991 01:12:41,732 --> 01:12:44,394 your frame, outlook, way of life and everything, 992 01:12:44,569 --> 01:12:48,904 when they learn that you have obstructed a telephone call to the president of the United States? 993 01:12:49,073 --> 01:12:50,939 Can you imagine? 994 01:12:51,117 --> 01:12:53,905 Shoot it off! Shoot with the gun! 995 01:12:54,078 --> 01:12:56,695 That's what the bullets are for, you twit! 996 01:12:56,873 --> 01:13:00,036 Okay. I'm gonna get your money for you. 997 01:13:00,209 --> 01:13:03,689 But if you don't get the president of the United States on that phone, you know what's gonna happen? 998 01:13:03,713 --> 01:13:04,953 What? 999 01:13:05,131 --> 01:13:08,499 You're gonna have to answer to the Coca-Cola Company. 1000 01:13:17,268 --> 01:13:20,306 MAN: This is SAC Communications Control. 1001 01:13:20,521 --> 01:13:23,809 The recall code O-P-E 1002 01:13:23,983 --> 01:13:30,275 is being acknowledged roger by elements of the 843 bomb wing. 1003 01:13:30,948 --> 01:13:32,814 These are the details: 1004 01:13:33,034 --> 01:13:37,494 Missions 12, 22, 30 and 38 1005 01:13:37,663 --> 01:13:41,122 are reported destroyed by enemy action. 1006 01:13:41,292 --> 01:13:45,331 All other missions have acknowledged recall code. 1007 01:13:45,963 --> 01:13:48,330 This is SAC Communications Control, over and out. 1008 01:13:48,507 --> 01:13:49,507 [WHISTLES] 1009 01:13:49,675 --> 01:13:51,507 Gentlemen, gentlemen. 1010 01:13:51,677 --> 01:13:53,964 Ah, gentlemen. 1011 01:13:54,138 --> 01:13:55,970 Mr. President. 1012 01:13:56,140 --> 01:13:58,131 I'm not a sentimentalist at all by nature, 1013 01:13:58,309 --> 01:14:01,472 but I think I know what's in every heart in this room. 1014 01:14:01,646 --> 01:14:05,355 I think we ought to all just bow our heads 1015 01:14:05,566 --> 01:14:09,104 and give a short prayer of thanks for our deliverance. Lord... 1016 01:14:10,321 --> 01:14:14,656 we have heard the wings of the Angel of Death 1017 01:14:14,825 --> 01:14:17,487 fluttering over our heads from the Valley of Fear. 1018 01:14:17,662 --> 01:14:20,495 You have seen fit to deliver us from the forces of evil... 1019 01:14:20,665 --> 01:14:22,201 Excuse me, sir. 1020 01:14:22,375 --> 01:14:25,367 Premier Kissoff's calling again and he's hopping mad. 1021 01:14:26,003 --> 01:14:28,461 [♪♪♪♪] 1022 01:14:32,218 --> 01:14:36,052 Fuel flow on active engines and leakage has increased. 1023 01:14:36,222 --> 01:14:40,216 Now works out at 205. 1024 01:14:41,352 --> 01:14:47,724 Estimate remaining fuel at 8790. 1025 01:14:50,653 --> 01:14:54,396 Roger. Confirm 205 per minute 1026 01:14:54,573 --> 01:14:58,532 and remaining fuel 8790. 1027 01:15:05,167 --> 01:15:09,206 No, no, Dimitri, there must be some mistake. 1028 01:15:09,380 --> 01:15:11,337 No, I'm certain of that. 1029 01:15:11,507 --> 01:15:14,499 I'm perfectly certain of that, Dimitri. 1030 01:15:15,761 --> 01:15:18,423 Just a second. You know what he says? 1031 01:15:18,639 --> 01:15:20,880 He says that one of the planes hasn't turned back. 1032 01:15:21,058 --> 01:15:23,846 He says according to information forwarded by our air staffs, 1033 01:15:24,020 --> 01:15:26,637 it's headed for the missile complex at Laputa. 1034 01:15:26,939 --> 01:15:28,771 [CHATTERING] 1035 01:15:28,941 --> 01:15:30,602 Wha...? Wha...! 1036 01:15:30,776 --> 01:15:34,440 That's impossible, Mr. President. I mean, look at the big board. 1037 01:15:34,613 --> 01:15:37,856 Thirty-four planes, 30 recalls acknowledged and four splashes, 1038 01:15:38,034 --> 01:15:40,867 and one of them was targeted for Laputa. 1039 01:15:43,789 --> 01:15:47,077 Dimitri, look, we've got an acknowledgement from every plane, 1040 01:15:47,251 --> 01:15:49,959 except the four you've shot down. 1041 01:15:50,129 --> 01:15:53,542 Oh. Oh. 1042 01:15:56,969 --> 01:15:59,631 He... Hang on a second, Dimitri. 1043 01:15:59,805 --> 01:16:03,423 He says their air defence now only claims three aircraft confirmed. 1044 01:16:03,601 --> 01:16:05,968 The fourth may only be damaged. 1045 01:16:08,189 --> 01:16:12,478 Mr. President, I'm beginning to smell a big, fat, Commie rat. 1046 01:16:12,651 --> 01:16:16,269 I mean, supposing Kissoff is lying about that fourth plane, 1047 01:16:16,447 --> 01:16:18,654 just looking for an excuse to clobber us. 1048 01:16:18,824 --> 01:16:21,987 I mean, if the spaghetti hits the fan now, we're in trouble. 1049 01:16:25,331 --> 01:16:27,823 Dimitri, look, if this report is true 1050 01:16:28,000 --> 01:16:31,584 and the plane manages to bomb the target, 1051 01:16:31,754 --> 01:16:35,839 is this...? Hmm... Is this gonna...? Ho... Is this gonna set off the doomsday machine? 1052 01:16:39,178 --> 01:16:41,135 Are you sure? 1053 01:16:42,348 --> 01:16:46,842 Well, I guess you're just gonna have to get that plane, Dimitri. 1054 01:16:47,019 --> 01:16:49,977 Dimitri, I'm sorry they're jamming your radar and flying so low, 1055 01:16:50,147 --> 01:16:54,015 but they're trained to do it, you know? It's... It's initiative. 1056 01:16:55,611 --> 01:16:58,524 Look, Dimitri, you know exactly where they're going, 1057 01:16:58,739 --> 01:17:03,028 and I'm sure your entire air defence can stop a single plane. 1058 01:17:04,245 --> 01:17:06,862 Listen, I mean, it's not gonna help either one of us 1059 01:17:07,039 --> 01:17:10,157 if the doomsday machine goes off, now, is it? 1060 01:17:11,168 --> 01:17:16,379 Dimitri, there's no point in you getting hysterical at a moment like this! 1061 01:17:16,549 --> 01:17:20,668 Dimitri. Keep your feet on the ground while you're talking, Dimitri. 1062 01:17:20,845 --> 01:17:23,007 I am not... I am not getting... 1063 01:17:23,180 --> 01:17:27,515 No, Dimitri, I'm just worried, that's all. 1064 01:17:27,685 --> 01:17:30,643 Now, look, if our air staff say its primary target is Laputa 1065 01:17:30,813 --> 01:17:34,681 and its secondary target is Borchov, I mean, it's true, Dimitri. 1066 01:17:34,859 --> 01:17:36,145 You've gotta believe it! 1067 01:17:36,318 --> 01:17:39,982 Look, can I...? Dimitri, can I give you just one word...? 1068 01:17:40,156 --> 01:17:43,365 Can I give you just one word of advice, Dimitri? 1069 01:17:43,534 --> 01:17:45,070 Listen, Dimitri. 1070 01:17:45,244 --> 01:17:48,703 Put everything you've got into those two sectors, and you can't miss! 1071 01:17:49,665 --> 01:17:51,906 [♪♪♪♪] 1072 01:17:55,212 --> 01:17:58,750 Sir, if we continue to lose fuel at the present rate, 1073 01:17:58,924 --> 01:18:02,667 I estimate we only have 38 minutes flying time, 1074 01:18:02,845 --> 01:18:05,553 which will not even take us as far as the primary. 1075 01:18:06,056 --> 01:18:09,515 Dog-gone it, Sweets, you told me that you could get me to the primary! 1076 01:18:09,685 --> 01:18:13,428 I'm sorry, sir. That estimate was based on the original loss rate factor, 1077 01:18:13,606 --> 01:18:15,267 not at 205. 1078 01:18:15,441 --> 01:18:17,682 I don't give a hoot in hell how you do it, 1079 01:18:17,860 --> 01:18:19,897 you just get me to the primary, you hear? 1080 01:18:20,404 --> 01:18:23,396 I'm sorry, sir, but those are the figures. 1081 01:18:23,574 --> 01:18:26,737 We'll be lucky to reach weather ship at Tango Delta. 1082 01:18:26,911 --> 01:18:28,948 Well, shoot! 1083 01:18:29,121 --> 01:18:32,864 We ain't come this far just to dump this thing in the drink. 1084 01:18:33,417 --> 01:18:35,408 What's the nearest target of opportunity? 1085 01:18:44,303 --> 01:18:46,965 Sir, if the rate of loss does not increase, 1086 01:18:47,139 --> 01:18:50,803 we have a chance to reach target 384, 1087 01:18:50,976 --> 01:18:55,721 grid coordinate 003691, 1088 01:18:55,898 --> 01:18:59,641 and possibly make it from there to the Tango Delta weather ship. 1089 01:18:59,818 --> 01:19:01,809 What kind of a target is that, anyhow? 1090 01:19:01,987 --> 01:19:05,821 Sir, that's the ICBM complex at Kotloss. 1091 01:19:05,991 --> 01:19:11,612 All right. Designating new target: 384. 1092 01:19:11,789 --> 01:19:14,829 Give me a heading on that just as soon as you can get it worked out, will ya? 1093 01:19:26,971 --> 01:19:31,807 Well, we'll keep our fingers crossed, Dimitri. And remember, there's just one thing, we're all in this together-. 1094 01:19:31,976 --> 01:19:35,389 We're right behind you, Dimitri, we're with you all the way. 1095 01:19:35,854 --> 01:19:39,142 Yes. Well, we'll keep the line open. 1096 01:19:39,483 --> 01:19:41,019 All right, Dimitri. 1097 01:19:43,821 --> 01:19:48,156 General Turgidson, is there really a chance for that plane to get through? 1098 01:19:49,868 --> 01:19:52,200 Mr. President, if I may speak freely. 1099 01:19:52,413 --> 01:19:55,951 The Russki talks big, but frankly, we think he's short of know-how. 1100 01:19:56,125 --> 01:20:00,494 I mean, you just can't expect a bunch of ignorant peons to understand a machine like some of our boys. 1101 01:20:00,671 --> 01:20:02,662 And that's not meant as an insult, Mr. Ambassador. 1102 01:20:02,840 --> 01:20:05,485 I mean, you take your average Russki, we all know how much guts he's got. 1103 01:20:05,509 --> 01:20:08,843 Hell, look at all of them the Nazis killed off, and they still wouldn't quit! 1104 01:20:09,013 --> 01:20:10,845 Can't you stick to the point, general? 1105 01:20:11,015 --> 01:20:14,679 Well, sir, if the pilot's good, see... 1106 01:20:14,852 --> 01:20:18,891 I mean, if he's really sharp, he can barrel that baby in so low. 1107 01:20:19,064 --> 01:20:23,479 You ought to see it sometime. It's a sight! A big plane, like a '52, vroom, 1108 01:20:23,652 --> 01:20:26,565 its jet exhaust frying chickens in the barnyard! 1109 01:20:26,739 --> 01:20:29,822 Yeah, but has he got a chance? Has he got a chance? 1110 01:20:29,992 --> 01:20:32,950 Hell, ye... He's... 1111 01:20:38,751 --> 01:20:41,914 [♪♪♪♪] 1112 01:20:56,894 --> 01:20:58,225 [NAVIGATOR] Navigator to captain. 1113 01:20:58,395 --> 01:21:02,855 Approaching target at distance 10 miles. 1114 01:21:03,025 --> 01:21:06,234 Switch from green grid to target orange. 1115 01:21:06,403 --> 01:21:09,395 Roger. Ready for final bomb run check. 1116 01:21:09,573 --> 01:21:10,904 Take over, Ace. Roger. 1117 01:21:16,246 --> 01:21:18,704 DSO ready. Bombardier ready, sir. 1118 01:21:18,874 --> 01:21:20,956 Bomb fusing, master safety on. 1119 01:21:21,126 --> 01:21:24,118 Electronic, barometric, time and impact. 1120 01:21:24,296 --> 01:21:26,537 Bomb fusing, master safeties on. 1121 01:21:26,715 --> 01:21:29,628 Electronic, barometric, time and impact. 1122 01:21:29,802 --> 01:21:33,295 [KONG] Fuse for ground burst. Delay factor yellow three. 1123 01:21:33,514 --> 01:21:36,051 [ZOGG] Fuse for ground burst. Delay factor yellow three. 1124 01:21:36,225 --> 01:21:38,887 Bomb fusing circuits one through four, test. 1125 01:21:39,061 --> 01:21:42,554 Bomb fusing circuits one through four, test. Lights on. 1126 01:21:42,731 --> 01:21:48,477 Bomb arming test lights on, one through four. 1127 01:21:48,654 --> 01:21:51,271 Engage primary trigger switch override. 1128 01:21:51,448 --> 01:21:54,440 Primary trigger switch override engaged. 1129 01:21:54,618 --> 01:21:59,613 Track indicators to maximum deflection. 1130 01:21:59,790 --> 01:22:02,828 Detonator set to zero altitude. 1131 01:22:03,043 --> 01:22:05,660 Detonator set to zero altitude. 1132 01:22:05,838 --> 01:22:07,499 Release first safety. 1133 01:22:11,468 --> 01:22:13,755 First safety released. 1134 01:22:15,139 --> 01:22:18,507 First safety. Release second safety. 1135 01:22:21,979 --> 01:22:24,016 Second safety released. 1136 01:22:25,065 --> 01:22:26,146 Second safety. 1137 01:22:33,699 --> 01:22:36,316 Check bomb door circuits one through four. 1138 01:22:47,129 --> 01:22:53,000 Uh, bomb door circuits, negative function, lights red. 1139 01:22:53,177 --> 01:22:55,669 [KONG] Switch in backup circuits. Roger. 1140 01:22:57,055 --> 01:22:59,717 Backup circuits switched in. Still negative function. 1141 01:22:59,892 --> 01:23:03,635 Engage emergency power. Roger. 1142 01:23:04,062 --> 01:23:06,474 Uh, emergency power on. Still negative function. 1143 01:23:08,525 --> 01:23:10,516 Operate manual override! 1144 01:23:12,154 --> 01:23:13,690 Roger. 1145 01:23:23,248 --> 01:23:25,660 Still negative function. 1146 01:23:25,834 --> 01:23:28,496 The Teleflex drive cable must be sheared away. 1147 01:23:28,670 --> 01:23:32,709 Fire the explosive bolts! Roger. 1148 01:23:45,270 --> 01:23:46,635 Um... 1149 01:23:47,272 --> 01:23:50,936 Still negative, sir. The operating circuits are dead, sir. 1150 01:23:56,406 --> 01:23:59,524 Stay on the bomb run, Ace. I'm going down below and see what I can do. 1151 01:23:59,701 --> 01:24:00,941 ACE: Roger. 1152 01:24:13,257 --> 01:24:14,622 Stay on the bomb run, boys. 1153 01:24:14,800 --> 01:24:18,964 I'm gonna get them doors open if it harelips everybody on Bear Creek! 1154 01:25:12,524 --> 01:25:15,357 Target orange grid reference checks. 1155 01:25:15,527 --> 01:25:17,768 Target distance, eight miles. 1156 01:25:17,946 --> 01:25:19,857 Roger. Eight miles. 1157 01:25:20,032 --> 01:25:24,868 Telemetric guidance computer into orange grid. 1158 01:25:33,545 --> 01:25:36,037 Target distance, seven miles. 1159 01:25:36,214 --> 01:25:39,457 Correct track indicator, minus seven. 1160 01:25:39,635 --> 01:25:43,128 ACE: Roger. Seven miles- Set GP! acceleration factor. 1161 01:25:43,305 --> 01:25:45,296 GPI acceleration factor set. 1162 01:25:48,685 --> 01:25:51,052 [NAVIGATOR] Target distance, six miles. 1163 01:25:51,271 --> 01:25:55,731 Roger. Six miles. Pulse ident transponder active. 1164 01:25:55,901 --> 01:25:57,517 Pulse ident transponder active. 1165 01:26:04,576 --> 01:26:07,568 Target distance, five miles. 1166 01:26:07,746 --> 01:26:11,580 ACE: Five miles. Homing alignment factor to zero mode. 1167 01:26:11,792 --> 01:26:13,783 Homing alignment factor to zero mode. 1168 01:26:17,381 --> 01:26:19,839 Target distance, four miles. 1169 01:26:20,008 --> 01:26:21,590 Roger. Four miles. 1170 01:26:21,760 --> 01:26:24,548 Auto CDC into manual Teleflex link. 1171 01:26:24,721 --> 01:26:27,304 Auto CDC into manual Teleflex link. 1172 01:26:37,567 --> 01:26:40,025 [NAVIGATOR] Target distance, three miles. 1173 01:26:40,195 --> 01:26:42,562 Roger. Three miles. 1174 01:26:42,739 --> 01:26:46,403 Target in sight! Where in hell is Major Kong? 1175 01:26:54,459 --> 01:26:57,451 [METAL SCREECHING, WIND BLOWING] 1176 01:27:02,926 --> 01:27:05,293 [CHEERING] 1177 01:27:10,225 --> 01:27:11,431 Hey, what about Major Kong? 1178 01:27:39,629 --> 01:27:43,247 Mr. President, I would not rule out the chance 1179 01:27:43,425 --> 01:27:46,383 to preserve a nucleus of human specimens. 1180 01:27:46,970 --> 01:27:49,428 It would be quite easy... 1181 01:27:51,808 --> 01:27:56,848 at the bottom of some of our deeper mineshafts. 1182 01:27:57,022 --> 01:28:01,767 The radioactivity would never penetrate a mine some thousands of feet deep. 1183 01:28:01,943 --> 01:28:06,107 And in a matter of weeks, sufficient improvements in dwelling space 1184 01:28:06,281 --> 01:28:08,113 could easily be provided. 1185 01:28:08,283 --> 01:28:10,524 How long would you have to stay down there? 1186 01:28:10,702 --> 01:28:13,615 Well, let's see now, uh... 1187 01:28:15,040 --> 01:28:18,408 Cobalt thorium G. Uh... 1188 01:28:23,924 --> 01:28:26,006 [GRUNTS] 1189 01:28:27,928 --> 01:28:31,717 Radioactive half-life of, uh... 1190 01:28:33,850 --> 01:28:38,560 I would think that... Possibly 100 years. 1191 01:28:40,899 --> 01:28:44,858 You mean people could actually stay down there for 100 years? 1192 01:28:45,028 --> 01:28:47,144 It would not be difficult, mein Fuhrer. 1193 01:28:47,322 --> 01:28:49,404 Nuclear reactors could... 1194 01:28:49,574 --> 01:28:51,861 I'm sorry, Mr. President. 1195 01:28:52,035 --> 01:28:55,744 Nuclear reactors could provide power almost indefinitely. 1196 01:28:55,914 --> 01:28:58,656 Greenhouses could maintain plant life. 1197 01:28:58,834 --> 01:29:02,202 Animals could be bred and slaughtered. 1198 01:29:02,379 --> 01:29:04,336 A quick survey would have to be made 1199 01:29:04,506 --> 01:29:06,838 of all the available mine sites in the country. 1200 01:29:07,050 --> 01:29:10,588 But I would guess that a dwelling space 1201 01:29:10,762 --> 01:29:14,426 for several hundred thousand of our people could easily be provided. 1202 01:29:14,599 --> 01:29:17,591 Well, I... I would hate to have to decide 1203 01:29:17,853 --> 01:29:20,595 who stays up and who goes down. 1204 01:29:20,772 --> 01:29:24,561 Well, that would not be necessary, Mr. President. 1205 01:29:24,734 --> 01:29:27,522 It could easily be accomplished with a computer. 1206 01:29:27,696 --> 01:29:29,903 And the computer could be set and programmed 1207 01:29:30,073 --> 01:29:33,031 to accept factors from youth, health, 1208 01:29:33,201 --> 01:29:36,239 sexual fertility, intelligence 1209 01:29:36,413 --> 01:29:38,780 and a cross-section of necessary skills. 1210 01:29:39,040 --> 01:29:41,202 Of course, it would be absolutely vital 1211 01:29:41,376 --> 01:29:45,244 that our top government and military men be included 1212 01:29:45,422 --> 01:29:50,212 to foster and impart the required principles of leadership and tradition. 1213 01:29:50,594 --> 01:29:52,710 [YELLS] 1214 01:29:56,099 --> 01:29:59,091 Naturally, they would breed prodigiously, eh? 1215 01:29:59,269 --> 01:30:03,058 There would be much time and little to do. 1216 01:30:03,648 --> 01:30:08,484 But with the proper breeding techniques and a ratio of, say, 1217 01:30:08,653 --> 01:30:11,315 10 females to each male, 1218 01:30:11,531 --> 01:30:16,071 I would guess that they could then work their way back to the present gross national product 1219 01:30:16,244 --> 01:30:18,656 within, say, 20 years. 1220 01:30:18,830 --> 01:30:23,495 [PRESIDENT] But look here, doctor. Wouldn't this nucleus of survivors 1221 01:30:23,668 --> 01:30:27,002 be so grief-stricken and anguished that they'd, 1222 01:30:27,172 --> 01:30:30,585 well, envy the dead and not wanna go on living? 1223 01:30:30,759 --> 01:30:33,547 No, sir. Excuse me. 1224 01:30:42,646 --> 01:30:46,685 No, sir. When they go down into the mine, everyone would still be alive. 1225 01:30:46,858 --> 01:30:48,849 There would be no shocking memories, 1226 01:30:49,027 --> 01:30:53,612 and the prevailing emotion will be one of nostalgia for those left behind 1227 01:30:53,782 --> 01:30:59,949 combined with a spirit of bold curiosity for the adventure ahead! Ha! 1228 01:31:03,708 --> 01:31:06,370 [GRUNTING] 1229 01:31:16,638 --> 01:31:18,549 Doctor, 1230 01:31:20,725 --> 01:31:26,141 you mentioned the ratio of 10 women to each man. 1231 01:31:26,314 --> 01:31:29,352 Now, wouldn't that necessitate the abandonment 1232 01:31:29,526 --> 01:31:33,190 of the so-called monogamous sexual relationship? 1233 01:31:33,363 --> 01:31:36,901 I mean, as far as men were concerned? 1234 01:31:37,075 --> 01:31:38,361 Regrettably, yes. 1235 01:31:38,535 --> 01:31:43,746 But it is, you know, a sacrifice required for the future of the human race. 1236 01:31:43,915 --> 01:31:49,536 I hasten to add that since each man will be required to do prodigious... 1237 01:31:50,547 --> 01:31:52,379 service along these lines, 1238 01:31:52,549 --> 01:31:56,417 the women will have to be selected for their sexual characteristics, 1239 01:31:56,594 --> 01:32:00,258 which will have to be of a highly stimulating nature. 1240 01:32:00,432 --> 01:32:04,221 I must confess, you have an astonishingly good idea there, doctor. 1241 01:32:05,395 --> 01:32:06,760 Thank you, sir. 1242 01:32:07,397 --> 01:32:11,766 I think we ought to look at this from the military point of view. I mean, uh... 1243 01:32:12,736 --> 01:32:16,604 Supposing the Russkies stashed away some big bombs, see, and we didn't? 1244 01:32:16,781 --> 01:32:19,569 When they come out in 100 years, they could take over! 1245 01:32:19,743 --> 01:32:21,279 [STAINES] I agree, Mr. President. 1246 01:32:21,453 --> 01:32:25,373 In fact, they might even try an immediate sneak attack so they could take over our mineshaft space. 1247 01:32:25,457 --> 01:32:29,792 [TURGIDSON] Yeah, I think it'd be extremely naive of us to imagine that these new developments 1248 01:32:29,961 --> 01:32:32,953 are gonna cause any change in Soviet expansionist policy! 1249 01:32:33,173 --> 01:32:35,631 I mean, we must be increasingly on the alert, 1250 01:32:35,800 --> 01:32:36,800 [CAMERA CLICKS] 1251 01:32:36,968 --> 01:32:38,654 To prevent them from taking over other mineshaft space 1252 01:32:38,678 --> 01:32:40,518 in order to breed more prodigiously than we do, 1253 01:32:40,680 --> 01:32:43,718 thus knocking us out through superior numbers when we emerge! 1254 01:32:43,892 --> 01:32:47,886 Mr. President, we must not allow a mineshaft gap! 1255 01:32:48,063 --> 01:32:49,804 Sir! 1256 01:32:49,981 --> 01:32:52,439 I have a plan. 1257 01:32:53,818 --> 01:32:55,980 Mein Fuhrer! 1258 01:32:56,237 --> 01:32:58,820 I can walk! 1259 01:32:59,574 --> 01:33:02,236 ♪ [VERA LYNN'S WE'LL MEET AGAIN PLAYS] ♪