翻譯：somehacker 吃貨丁小七
翻譯：幸田實果子 臉盆王子
校對：果凍鳥 somehacker
總監：somehacker
后期：松仁玉米
女性癮者
下
你找誰 Can I help you?
倒退一下 I have to go back a bit.
我十二歲 I was 12 years old
學校野游 去山上 and on a school trip in the hills.
你在逗我嗎 Are you making fun of me?
什么意思 What do you mean?
你不僅有了高潮 You have this orgasm, not only an orgasm,
-還是自發的高潮 -是高潮 - but a spontaneous orgasm. - Yes, it was an orgasm,
但是醫生認為 though the doctor described it as a--
是癲癇發作 an epileptic seizure.
高潮的時候 And during that orgasm,
你有了幻覺 you have this vision
左右各有一個女人 of these two women on each side of you?
她是不是這樣捏著面紗 Was she holding the veil with two fingers like this?
怎么了 What's the matter?
你都不 You don't even-- you don't
你都不認識那倆女人吧 even know who these women were, do you?
不認識 不過有一個像圣母瑪利亞 No, but one of them did look like the virgin Mary,
你這么一說 now that you mention it.
肯定不是她 我保證 Well, it wasn't the virgin Mary, I can tell you that.
從你的描述來看 From your description, it must've been
是瓦蕾利亞·馬薩琳娜 Valeria Messalina,
克勞迪亞斯國王的妻子 the wife of emperor Claudius,
歷史上著名的性癮者[也是黑寡婦]the most notorious nymphomaniac in history.
另一個 And the other woman,
騎著動物的那個 the one astride the creature,
肯定是巴比倫時代著名的妓女 that was no one else but the great whore of Babylon
騎著公牛形態的尼姆羅德 riding on Nimrod in the form of a bull.
你的故事 Your story is like a...
像是褻瀆版的 blasphemous retelling
耶穌山上顯圣 of the transfiguration of Jesus on the mount...
是東正教會的 Which is one of the eastern church's
一條圣路 holiest passages.
那時耶穌的人性 It's when the humanity of Christ
被永恒的神之光點化 is illuminated by the divine light of eternity.
要是別人跟我講起來 If anyone else would have told me that story,
我肯定當成是瀆神的笑話 I would've seen it as a blasphemous joke,
把你自發的高潮 spiced up with a biblical light
跟基督聯系在一起 emanating from nothing less than a spontaneous orgasm.
然后 你又得不到高潮了 And then later, you lost your orgasm altogether.
瓦格納 《萊茵河黃金》 Wagner. "Das rheingold,
深入尼伯海姆 the descent into Nibelheim."
那么糟糕嗎 Was it that bad?
想象突然之間 Try to imagine that in one fell swoop,
你沒了閱讀的欲望 you lost all desire to read
你對書信的愛和激情也都消散了 and all your love and passion for books and letters.
我也不知道能不能想象出來 I don't even know if I can imagine that.
這就是芝諾悖論 This is nothing less than Zeno's paradox.
你是阿喀琉斯 You are Achilles
追的烏龜叫高潮 and the tortoise is the orgasm.
得了吧 Oh, come on.
你在追逐 Because you were giving chase,
卻得不到滿足 這就是悖論 you couldn't reach satisfaction. That's the paradox.
不好意思 I'm sorry, but it seems
你好像沒把這當回事 as if you're not taking this very seriously.
我在告訴你我最糟糕的經歷 I'm telling you about the worst thing that's happened to me,
我在那幾秒之后 that I, at that point within seconds,
沒了性趣 lost all sexual sensation.
我的下邊麻木了 My cunt simply went numb!
可是你卻給我講起 And immediately we have to hear
什么蠢貨數學問題 about this ridiculous mathematical problem.
說實話 我都懷疑 In fact, I'm in doubt whether
你究竟聽沒聽 you're even listening.
為什么懷疑 Why do you doubt that?
我跟別的男人講起我的經歷 Whenever I've told other men about experiences,
我的性生活史 episodes in my sex life,
他們變得很興奮 it was easy to see that they became quite excited.
我也興奮了 I got excited.
是對數學問題興奮 Yes, about the mathematical crap,
不是對我的故事 not about the story.
你究竟是什么人 What kind of a person are you actually?
我 I...
你不理解的 You wouldn't know.
但我可以猜 No, but I can guess.
我怎么早沒想到 Why didn't I get that earlier?
你之所以聽了我的故事 The fact you don't get excited over my dirty stories
卻不性奮 is because you can't relate to them.
是因為你沒有過女人 You've never been with a woman.
說的沒錯 That's quite accurate.
也沒有過男人 Not with a man either.
你覺得遺憾嗎 Are you sorry about that?
有點遺憾 Well yeah, but...
不過只是少了新鮮感 Out of curiosity.
而不是欲望得不到滿足 Not out of lust, as you would think.
我覺得自己沒有性別 I consider myself...asexual.
我年輕時 Of course I...experimented
當然也自娛自樂過 不過 with masturbation when I was a teenager, but...
沒什么效果 It didn't do much for me.
我沒有性趣 So there's nothing sexual about me.
不過也沒你想的那么不尋常 It's not as uncommon as you would think.
我當然 And of course I've--
也讀過行方面的讀物 I've read a lot about sexual subjects:
《坎特伯雷童話集》 《十日談》 "Canterbury tales," "Decameron,"
《一千零一夜》 "Thousand and one nights."
我全讀過 You name it
都是帶著極大的興趣和快樂 and I've read it with great interest and enjoyment...
可只是閱讀文字的快樂 But only literary enjoyment.
不過這點也讓我 But I-- but I think maybe it makes me
更好地傾聽你的故事 a better listener to your story.
我沒有先入為主的觀點 I have no preconceived notions or--
或是偏見 or preferences.
我是你的故事最好的評判者 I'm actually the best judge you could give your story to.
至于判斷你是不是壞人 And when it comes to deciding whether you're
這件事 a bad human being or not, I'm--
我也沒有問題 I have no problems with that.
因為我不會戴著有色眼鏡看你 Because I don't look at you through the glasses
歧視性別 colored by sexuality
或是歧視你的性經歷 or sexual experience.
我是處子 I'm a virgin.
我很單純 I'm innocent.
她在看著我 She's looking at me.
是的 Yes.
是幅畫像 It's an icon.
那是俄國的嗎 Is it Russian?
是 Yes, it's--
是精仿品 it's a skilled copy,
也許是仿的盧布列夫[畫家]吧 maybe in the manner of Rublev.
畫像一般都與東正教會有關 Icons are usually connected to the Eastern Church.
東正教會 The Eastern Church?
我可能要講很多理論 I might become a bit theoretical.
講吧 You may.
給我講講這幅畫 I'd like you to tell me about your picture.
雖然公元1054年 Although the Christian Church
由于意見分歧 基督教會分割為了 was split up in 1054 because of differences in opinion
東方教會和西方教會 between the Eastern Church and the Western Church--
也就是今天的東正教會 what we today call the Orthodox Church
和羅馬天主教會 and the Roman Catholic Church.
這是典型的東正教畫像 This is a typical Eastern Church icon.
通常表現圣母瑪麗 And it usually depicts the Virgin Mary
嬰兒時期的耶穌 而很少表現 and the infant Jesus, and more rarely,
基督受難 for instance, the crucifixion,
而受難在天主教會很常見 which in the Western Church was much more prevalent.
總結起來 可以說 If you generalize, you could say that
天主教會是受難的教會 the Western Church is the church of suffering,
而東正教會是愉悅的教會 and the Eastern Church is the church of happiness.
想象你從羅馬一路東行 If you imagine a mental journey from Rome eastward,
你會覺得自己 you feel how you move away
從愧疚和痛苦走向了快樂和光明 from guilt and pain towards joy and light.
可你說不信上帝 But you say you didn't believe in God.
是不信 可宗教概念很有趣 No, but the concept of religion is interesting...
像性概念一樣 Like the concept of sex.
可我不會崇拜任何一個 But you won't find me on my knees with the regards to either.
這章就叫 Let's call this chapter,
《東正教會與天主教會》 um, "The Eastern Church and the Western Church."
不過 不過不要講 But it won't be-- it won't be a story
從羅馬東行 about traveling east from Rome
走向光明 而是反過來講 towards the light, but rather the opposite.
為了不表現得過于憂傷 So in order not to make it too sad,
我給這章加了個副標題 I've pepped up the name of the chapter with an extra title.
第六章 東正教會與天主教會 無聲的鴨子
雖然我不斷嘗試 In spite of my tireless efforts,
我的下體始終沒有感覺 my cunt totally failed to respond.
我承認 有一段時間 I have to admit there came a time
我們在一起很快樂 when we had fun together.
我給你五塊錢 I'll give you a fiver...
只要你能把這個 if you can put this
塞進你下面 up inside your cunt.
五塊錢 A fiver?
字幕 Right.
該死 Shit.
謝謝 Thank you.
不客氣 You're welcome.
-沒勺子嗎 -沒有 - Didn't get any spoons? - No, we didn't.
最奇怪的是 那段時間 The most grotesque thing was that it was during that period
我完全沒有性致 where every sexual sensation was denied me--
與此同時 a period, I must admit,
我也最有安全感和歸屬感 of secure and restful domestic comfort--
我們還搬到一起住了 we had moved in together and so on--
就在那段時間 我懷孕了 that I became pregnant,
因為我沒及時吃藥 because I was careless about my birth control pills.
不管有意無意 Consciously or unconsciously,
我覺得做剖腹產很重要 it was important for me to have a caesarean.
我還希望 I mean, I was hoping that
自己的陰道能再活躍起來 my cunt was going to fucking work again,
而且我還覺得 and I had a feeling that
自然分娩沒有作用 a haphazard birth wouldn't make things better.
可能是我的幻覺 I may have been imagining things,
不過我躺在那 器械的聲音 but as I lay there the noise from the instruments
在我聽來 像是 rang out in a chord like
小羊的叫聲 the one from the little flock.
就是那樣 Yes.
我沒有恐懼 And it wasn't fear.
更像是惡心 More like a kind of disgust.
我發誓看到他笑了 I could've sworn I saw him laughing.
笑了嗎 A laughing son?
在《浮士德博士》中 In "Doctor faustus,"
托馬斯·馬恩描述了諾亞之子漢姆 Thomas Mann describes the birth of Noah's son Ham,
笑著降生的場景 who was laughing when he was born.
又一個惡魔的預兆 Another satanic omen.
我剛好給那無辜的孩子曲名馬塞爾 Incidentally, the innocent child was named Marcel,
基于羅馬戰神馬爾斯的名字 after Mars, the Roman God of war.
做母親呢 And motherhood?
是不是母愛 I assume maternal love
沒你想得那么好 didn't quite live up to its expectations.
我什么都沒想 No, I didn't have any expectations.
母愛不是問題 And maternal love wasn't a problem.
只是每次 It was just that each time
我看著他的眼睛 I looked into the child's eyes,
都有一種 I had this unsettling feeling
被發現的失措感 of having been found out.
我知道說我的愛沒有回報很奇怪 I know it's probably a strange thing to say about a child--
因為他只是個嬰兒 that my love wasn't being returned--
可我就是這感覺 but it was my perception.
如果杰羅姆想從這 If Jerome had hoped for a break
繁重無比的體力活中偷得一絲空閑 from what was for him now mostly strenuous work,
那是他癡心妄想 he could forget about it.
填滿我所有的洞 Fill all my holes.
我不行 I can't, Joe.
抱歉 I'm sorry.
能談談嗎 Can we talk about it?
可以 Of course.
我愛你 愛你的狂野 愛你的欲望 我愛你 I love you, I love your wildness and your desire. I love you, Joe.
當時我好像 At the moment I don't seem
沒法滿足你的需求 to satisfy you in the way that I'd like to.
別沮喪 喬 Don't get upset, Joe.
我們還可以繼續性生活 It doesn't mean we won't continue with our sex life,
這對我很重要 which is very important to me.
非常重要 Very important to me.
你買了只老虎 Mmm, when you buy a tiger, right?
就要喂它 You also have to feed it.
還要滿足它 Um, satisfy it,
對嗎 right?
長話短說 Long story short:
我也有只小老虎 I have a tiger on my hands.
-你是說你承受不起 -不是 - You mean I'm too much for you. - No.
你做自己就好 You're just the way you should be.
我只是想你是不是 I was just thinking if you would consider
可以自己滿足一下需求呢 that I get a little help with the feeding, that's all.
你是說我該找別人上床 You're saying I should have sex with others as well.
這么說有點殘酷 喬 不過 That's a rather cruel way of putting it, Joe, but...
-沒錯 -沒錯 - But exact. - ...Exact.
我一直覺得 For a long time I'd been playing around
勾引男人用的打扮 with the idea that the concept of the fuck-me-now clothes
可以改進一下 could be improved...
你真美 You look nice.
于是就打扮成了鋼琴教師 ...and became the piano teacher.
你還好吧 You okay?
不好 No.
什么問題 What's the matter?
我弄不明白車 Well, I'm such an idiot with cars.
根本不知道怎么辦 幫幫我好嗎 I don't really know what to do. Do you mind helping me?
這怎么能啟動 Well, of course it won't work.
火花塞帽都沒了 Sparkplug caps have been removed.
我拿掉的 Yes, I did that.
不該這么做嗎 Was that wrong?
這是我第一次 For the first time I had
有了一輛八缸車 the pleasure of having an 8-cylinder car.
八個火花塞帽和八個火花塞 The possible combinations of eight spark-plug caps
有40320種組合 on eight spark plugs are 40,320,
如果我沒算錯的話 if I remembered my math correctly.
可只有一種組合 And only one of these
能發動汽車 will make the car run,
這給了我充足的時間 which gave me all the time I needed.
貝多芬 Beethoven, huh?
他是不錯 可是 He was certainly very good, but, you know,
-他寫不了賦格曲 -是嗎 - he couldn't write a fugue. - You think so?
那個 Well...
應該不能吧 Yeah, I think so.
應該說貝多芬 It would be more precise to say that Beethoven
革新了賦格曲 renewed the fugue...
但他十分有遠見 導致巴赫的死忠 But he was such a visionary that the old Bach purists,
都說他創作能力不行 they accused him of not mastering it.
怎么樣 Good day?
現在這部受難記 And now to reach the heart
到了核心部分 of your suffering Western church,
我得向前跳三年 I have to jump ahead three years in the story
講講那次會面 and talk about my meeting
我給它取名"危險的人" with what I would call "The dangerous men."
危險的人
我那段時間一個人陪著馬塞爾 I was alone with Marcel a lot during this period,
杰羅姆一直在外出差 as Jerome was traveling most of the time.
等他終于回了家 And when he was finally home,
就天天數落我不關心馬塞爾 he spent most of the time accusing me of neglecting Marcel,
我覺得那只是借口 他是生氣我找了情人 which in my opinion was just a cover for his anger over my lovers.
不要說高潮 哪怕是丁點的滿足感 Any sexual satisfaction, let alone orgasm,
都變得遙不可及了 was further away than ever before.
我一定要改變 I had to make a change.
而改變的關鍵居然一直 And somehow the inspiration had been right there
就在我的窗下 beneath my window the whole time.
想象兩人交合 卻不能交談 I could feel that it turned me on enormously
這種場景 to imagine a sexual situation
讓我無比性奮 in which verbal communication was impossible.
-你好 -你好 - Hello. - Hello.
我是托比亞斯 翻譯官 I'm Tobias, the interpreter.
我是喬 進來吧 Hello, I'm Joe. Come in.
聽說您精通非洲各國語言 I understand that you master the African languages.
有些基礎吧 I do have a basis.
需要我為您翻譯什么 Who and what needs interpretation?
那個人 Um, that man...
穿綠色夾克的 The one with the green jacket?
你去請他來和我做愛 You are to ask him if he wants to have sex with me.
什么 Yeah? Um...
可以嗎 Is it a go?
不好說 It's hard to say.
時間地點在這里 I've written down the time and the place,
但是 but, um...
說實話 我也不知道 Honestly I wouldn't like to take responsibility
該怎么跟他措辭 for the precise wording in this case,
這方面 which I think, uh,
剛好算是 accidentally may belong
我知識的一個灰色領域吧 to a grey zone in my profession.
地址是一家便宜的旅店 It was the address of a cheap hotel.
怎么有兩個 Why were there two?
我也這么想的 My words exactly.
N帶了他弟弟一起 Apparently N had brought his brother along.
不好意思 不好意思 Very sorry. Sorry sorry sorry.
他生什么氣 Why was he so angry?
他們之間有點恩怨 Clearly it was something personal between them,
后來我才知道雙管齊下 but later I heard that performing a sandwich
是很敏感的事 requires great sensitivity,
因為他們能互相感覺到 since the men apparently can feel each other through the tissue.
兩個黑人在樓梯上 I imagine the quarrel had already started
就一直爭論 on the stairs and that one or the other party
哪個洞歸誰 had laid claim to one or the other of my holes
但是意見不統一 in conflict with his negro brother's interests.
你不該那么說 You shouldn't use that word.
這樣政治不正確 It's not what you call politically correct--
-黑人 -不好意思 - "Negro." - Well, excuse me,
但在我的圈子里 but in my circles
大家都推崇實事求是 it's always been a mark of honor to call a spade a spade.
每禁止一個詞 Each time a word becomes prohibited,
都是在動搖民主的基石 you remove a stone from the Democratic foundation.
面對難題 Society demonstrates its impotence
使用禁言的方法 in the face of a concrete problem
是社會無能的表現 by removing words from the language.
社會應該宣揚的是 I think society would claim that--
強調政治正確的表達方式 that politically correctness is a very precise expression
是對少數群體的關注 of democratic concern for minorities.
我覺得社會 And I say that society
跟人民一樣懦弱 is as cowardly as the people in it,
而人民太蠢 不配擁有民主 who in my opinion are also too stupid for democracy.
我理解 但完全不同意 I understand your point, but I totally disagree.
我不懷疑人類的品質 I have no doubt in the human qualities.
人類的品質 The human qualities
只有這一個 can be expressed in one word:
虛偽 hypocrisy.
我們推崇陽奉陰違的人 We elevate those who say "Right" but mean "Wrong"
卻嘲笑忠言逆耳的人 and mock those who say "Wrong" but mean "Right."
我還可以告訴你 By the way, I can assure you
說黑人沒法讓自己性奮的女人 that women who claim that negros don't turn them on,
-都在說謊 -他們滿足你了嗎 - they're lying. - So did they satisfy you?
那些黑 黑人 Those ne-negros?
沒有 No.
但他們給我展示了異國風情 But they showed me that there was a world
讓我想去探索 far from mine I had to explore.
去異國 也許是地球那頭 And there, or perhaps on the other side,
找回我的生活 get my life back.
你是誰 Who are you?
我知道你是做什么的 I know what you do.
我想 I'd like to be
成為你的客戶 one of the women you see.
我沒興趣 That's of no interest.
女士 Madame.
公主 Princess,
我特意強調了五天 I specifically said five days,
現在還不到時候呢 and five days haven't gone yet.
所以 So...
你還是走吧 You'll have to leave.
不好意思 I'm sorry.
我 I, um--
我覺得你不適合這個 I don't think this is for you.
好神秘 How mysterious.
你要給出個合理的解釋嗎 Will you give me a reasonable explanation now
還是接著講 or shall we wait?
我沒法給你解釋 I can't give you an explanation,
更談不上合理 and certainly not a reasonable...
傳言他是干什么的 What exactly were the rumors about him?
他很暴力 That he was violent.
這能讓人性奮嗎 How can that be inciting?
想想我的過去 I think the easiest way to understand it
就不難理解了吧 is to refer to my rebellious nature.
K的行當 This business of K's was
是我極為反對的 something I was completely against.
我求助于他 是走投無路 So the fact that I was now contacting him was
孤注一擲 a last, desperate attempt
想要喚醒自己的身體 to rehabilitate my sexuality.
K的行當是關鍵 The system was the overriding factor with K.
暴力的行當嗎 A system of violence?
是你選的 Well, you were the one
受難的天主教會 who insisted on the Western church, right?
而且我記得 And I-- I seem to remember
崇尚追求磨難 that the systematic approach
不僅僅是暴力 to the crucifixion is of a violent
更有施虐傾向 and not to say sadistic nature.
是啊 天主教 Oh yes, the passion of Christ
有著崇尚暴力的系統 is full of systematic violence--
悲傷之路 the via dolorosa,
耶穌行刑前走過的路 the nine stations of the cross
以及39次鞭笞 and the 39 lashes.
我有點生氣了 You are beginning to irritate me.
站起來吧 Stand up.
請你坐著 I just want you to sit
完全放松 completely relaxed...
而我要打你的臉 while I hit you in the face.
沒別的 Nothing special.
就是 It's just a--
就是扇一巴掌 it's just a slap.
準備好了嗎 Are you ready?
我來告訴你規矩 Let me tell you the rules then.
第一條規矩 我不跟你上床 The first rule is that I don't fuck you
不要跟我亂糾纏 and that there isn't any discussions about that.
那你能得到什么 Then what do you get out of it?
那是我的事 That's my business
請你別再問了 and I don't want you to mention it again.
第二條規矩 沒有安全詞 The second rule is that we have no safe word.
就是說你跟我進去 Meaning that if you, uh, go inside with me,
不管你說什么 there is nothing that you can say
我做的事 that will make me stop
都不會停下來 any plan or procedure.
你要自帶皮頭的馬鞭 You must bring a brown used leather riding crop.
別去成人用品店買 And not one from a shop selling sex toys.
這不是在玩 It's not a masquerade.
第三條 Third rule:
我放你進去前 If I choose to let you in,
你都要坐在這 you have to be sitting out here.
也就是說 In other words, you--
時間不事先通知你 you won't know when.
只告訴你 Only that it will be
是在下午 sometime between...
兩點到六點 2:00 and 6:00 at night.
我不能待那么晚 I can't stay here that late.
我的保姆靠不住 My babysitter's not reliable and...
我不能撇下孩子 I can't leave my child.
你都不知道我叫什么 You don't even know my name!
我不感興趣 I'm not interested in your name.
你在這就叫 Here your name is...
費多 Fido.
馬塞爾醒了 Marcel's awake.
想跟媽媽說再見嗎 D'you want to say goodbye to your mom?
再見 Goodbye.
大衣給我吧 I'll take your coat.
請把頭發盤起來 I'd like you to have your hair up.
用這個吧 You can use this.
以防我突然需要打你耳光 Just in case it becomes necessary for me to hit you in the face.
衣服要脫嗎 Should I take my clothes off?
你干什么 什么時候干 I'll tell you what to do...
要聽我的 and when.
趴在這 Now you may bend down.
怎么趴 How?
到椅子那 Approach the chair.
彎下腰 Now bend from the hips.
看前面 看前面 Look forward. Look forward.
頭抬起來 抬起來 With your head up. Head up.
一直看前面 Keep looking forward.
看前面 Keep looking forward.
站起來吧 You may stand up.
還是用沙發吧 We have to use the couch.
這邊 Come this way.
放松 放松 Take it easy, take it easy.
趴下去 Bend over.
胳膊伸直 Lay your arms out straight.
放松 Take it easy.
下次不要穿內褲 Next time don't wear knickers.
你的屁股不夠高 Your ass is not high enough.
今天恐怕不行了 I don't think we can do this today.
什么 What?
你周四再來吧 I'd like to see you again on Thursday.
怎么回事 What's wrong?
周四過來再看看吧 I think we should see how it goes on Thursday.
你好 我現在不方便接電話 Hi, I can't come to the phone right now.
請留言 Please leave a message.
我是馬塞爾的母親 Yes, this is Marcel's mother again.
已經一點半了 Uh, it's now 1:30.
不是約好了嗎 We had an agreement.
收到留言趕緊過來 I hope you get this message and come as quickly as you can.
馬塞爾在睡覺 Uh, Marcel is sleeping.
我得走了 I have to go now.
強多了 Better.
也強多了 Also so much better.
強多了 So much better.
我要鞭打你12下 I am now going to hit you 12 times
你怎么喊都不停 no matter how much you scream...
因為沒人聽得到你 'cause no one can hear you down here.
不是 That's, uh--
不是這樣的 that's not how it goes.
一般我不打下去 客戶不會喊 Most people don't scream until I hit them.
好了 That's it.
謝謝 Thank you.
不客氣 You're very welcome.
我不知道性取向從何而來 I don't know where we get our sexuality from
也不知道施受虐從何而來 or where tendencies of this kind come from.
也許是童年買下的變態心理 Probably a perversion created in our childhood
一直沒顯露出來 that never manifested itself before.
巧的是 Well, oddly enough,
弗洛伊德認為恰恰相反 Freud says the opposite.
他討論過童年時期的多種變態心理 He talks about the polymorphic perversion of a child.
即使是孩子 Meaning that in a child,
也存在著各種變態心理 all kinds of perversions exist.
而我們的童年 And then we use the childhood
就是在磨滅和消除這些心理 to diminish or remove some of them.
孩子有多種性取向 Basically a child is sexually polymorphic
而對嬰兒來說 一切皆是性 and everything is sexuality in an infant.
可是我感覺很奇怪 And yet it was deeply bizarre
趴在那里 to lie there
尤其是有趴在那的欲望 and especially to want to lie there.
可是面對沒體驗過的痛苦 It is an interesting point that you actually lubricated
你居然也有了反應 in expectation for a pain that you hadn't experienced.
即使知道不會做愛 Your body prepared itself
你的身體還是做好了準備 for an intercourse that you knew wouldn't happen.
那種情緒只能是性奮 I can only describe the mood as sexual.
他鞭打著我 As I twisted and turned
我不斷扭動 while he was whipping me,
我發現他打的結非常聰明 I could feel how clever his knots were.
越掙扎越緊 If I fought them, they would get tighter,
如果放松 and as I relaxed,
繩結也會松 it seemed they did too.
我不知道K用的 I don't know what kind of knot
是什么結 K used...
我知道一種結 But I know of a knot
受力之后會變緊 that tightens when force is exerted
反之則會變松 and vice versa.
叫做普魯斯科結 It's called a Prusik knot.
得名于一個叫普魯斯科的人 It's after a man called Prusik.
他是一個攀巖愛好者 He was a Mountain climber.
他和一個朋友結伴攀巖 結果出事了 And he and a friend were out climbing and they had an accident
他朋友死了 and his friend died.
他吊在半空中繩子上 And he ended up hanging at the end of a rope
根本爬不上去 with no possibility of getting up.
攀巖用繩是沒法用來攀爬的 You know, you can't climb up a Mountain-climber rope.
因為太細了 It's too thin.
不過他非常聰明 But he was an intelligent man,
無路可退更是激發了他 and with his back to the wall he was a genius.
他把鞋帶從靴子上取下來 And he took the shoelaces out of his boots
卷了兩圈綁到登山繩上 and made two loops and affixed them to the rope.
這樣不用力踩的時候 And he could move these up
繩結可以上移 when they weren't under tension.
然后他就可以踩在繩結上往上爬 And then he could step into them
并最終脫困 and climb the rope and save himself.
普魯斯科 Prusik.
我覺得這是你最無聊的題外話 I think this was one of your weakest digressions.
我能繼續講嗎 May I continue?
講吧 Well, be my guest.
我有時會送出圣誕禮物 I sometimes give a Christmas present.
但這個禮物你得自己完成 But, uh, you have to do the work yourself.
這個叫做血結 This is called a blood knot.
你需要在九根繩子上各系三個血結 You have to make nine ropes with three blood knots on each.
來做一個試試 Let me see you do it.
你自己決定每個結 You decide whether to make four,
是卷四圈 五圈還是六圈 five or six turns in the various knots.
喬 Joe?
在嗎 Hello.
馬塞爾 Marcel?
馬塞爾 Marcel!
你還喜歡我嗎 Are you fond of me still?
-是的 -比起其他人更喜歡我嗎 - Yes. - More fond of me than the others?
-是嗎 -對 - Yes? - Yes.
你今晚不會又想出去吧 You're not thinking of leaving again tonight, are you?
-沒有 -沒有嗎 - No. - No?
-沒有 完全沒有 -你確定嗎 - No no. Not at all. - Are you sure?
我確定 Yeah.
你在對我撒謊嗎 喬 Are you lying to me, Joe?
-沒有 -誠實點 - No. - Be honest.
沒關系的 It's all right.
你他媽的說啊 Just fucking say it.
不 我就想呆在這里 No, I-- I just want to be here.
為什么 Why?
我不知道 I don't know.
如果你今晚再離開 If you leave tonight...
你就再也別想見到我或者馬塞爾 You'll never see me or Marcel ever again in your life.
你明白了嗎 Do you understand?
這是在說再見嗎 Is this goodbye?
你是在說再見嗎 Is that what you're saying?
馬塞爾 起來 Marcel, get up.
-別這樣 -你不就想這樣嗎 - Stop it. - Is that what you want?
現在你能看清他了 Here, so you could see him.
看著他 喬 Look at him, Joe.
清醒點吧 喬 你不適合做母親 Let's face it, Joe, you're not a mother.
我們把他叫醒吧 Let's wake him up.
馬塞爾 小寶貝 Marcel, baby boy,
跟我說 "媽媽再見" say, "Bye, mom."
-請把他放回去 -你不就想要這樣嗎 - Please put him back. - Is this what you want?
-媽咪 -聽到沒有 - Ma. - You see?
聽到沒有 他需要你 You see, he wants you.
過來 Come.
今天是圣誕節 他媽的圣誕節啊 It's Christmas. It's fucking Christmas.
這是怎么回事 What is this?
今天這位女士需要再等一等 Today it's madame who must wait.
女士 我非常抱歉 Madame, I'm very sorry,
不過有需要先跟費多說幾句話 but I have to have a few words with Fido first.
我覺得應該送你回家 I really ought to send you home.
圣誕快樂 費多 Happy Christmas, Fido.
我想要你的雞巴 I want your cock.
你說什么 What did you say?
我想要你的雞巴 I want your cock.
不 不 不行 No. No, you don't.
不 不行 別這樣 No, you don't. No.
你今天到底怎么了 What's the matter with you today?
鑒于今天是節日 再加上你今天的表現 On account of the holidays and your behavior today,
我用羅馬的刑罰 給你四十鞭 I'm going to give you the original Roman maximum of 40 lashes.
準備好了嗎 費多 Are you ready, Fido?
我準備好了 I'm ready.
一 One.
二 Two.
三 Three.
四 Four.
五 Five.
六 Six.
我看了K系繩結的手法 I'd seen through K's knot technique,
所以我能稍稍挪動身體 so I was able to loosen my position a bit to move my pelvis,
讓陰蒂摩擦書的封面 and thereby stimulate my clitoris against the cover of the book.
你回家以后 And when you came home,
杰羅姆和孩子都不見了嗎 Jerome and the child were gone?
之后我再也沒見過馬塞爾 I haven't seen Marcel since.
我討厭 The sentimentality of...
多愁善感 I hate it.
為什么 Why?
因為這是個謊言 Because it's a lie.
你確定嗎 Are you sure?
杰羅姆知道他自己也不可能 Jerome understood that he couldn't prioritize
為了孩子改變自己的生活 his life according to a child either.
所以他把孩子給人寄養 So he put him in a foster home.
我跟孩子唯一的聯系 My only contact to the boy is the thousand pounds
只有我每月存進他賬戶的一千英鎊 I put in his account every month.
匿名的 Anonymously.
作為贖罪 As a penance.
聽了這么多傷心事 我能問一下 After all this sadness, may I ask...
安靜的鴨子是怎么回事嗎 What happened to the silent duck?
該死 Oh shit.
安靜的鴨子 我完全忘記了 The silent duck. I'd forgotten all about it.
有天晚上的K One night K had been in what was for him
心情難得的好 an unusually good mood.
我不知道什么原因 I don't know what caused it,
不過他沒怎么用力打我 還開玩笑說 but he didn't hit hard and he joked
要告訴我什么是"安靜的鴨子" that he would introduce me to the concept of the silent duck.
簡直不敢想象"吵鬧的鴨子"是什么樣的 One hardly dare imagine "the quacking duck."
內心深處 K似乎是一個 Well, deep down, little K seems to have been
多才多藝的人 a jolly man with versatile talents.
不過羅馬的鞭刑 But he got that bit about
他沒有研究明白 Roman punishment and the 40 lashes wrong.
盡管四十鞭確實是最高懲罰 Because it's true that the highest punishment was 40 lashes,
可需要分三次進行 but it had to be delivered in series of three.
這就是為什么耶穌只受了三十九鞭 That's why Jesus only got 39 lashes,
因為三十九是三的倍數 because three goes into 39
四十卻不是 but not into 40.
你有一面鏡子 You have a mirror.
沒錯 Yes.
能映射出心境 對嗎 It's like a thought, isn't it?
你準備好聽下個章節了嗎 Are you ready for another chapter?
第七章
鏡 子
繼續吧 Go on.
幾年以后 受虐的不良后果出現了 Some years later, the bodily abuse began to have an effect.
一開始陰蒂偶爾出血 First, rare bleedings from my clitoris,
可是之后變得越來越頻繁 but then they became more and more frequent.
請進 Come in.
你聽說過關于你自己的流言了嗎 Have you heard any of the rumors about yourself?
他們說你每天晚上都會見男人 They say you see men every evening.
然后一起過夜 And spend all night with them.
他們說無法信任你 所有人都這么想 They say you can't be trusted-- all of them.
他們為什么會這么說 Why do they say that?
我猜他們可能是害怕 I suppose they're afraid that I...
我會對她們的男人下手 I can't keep away from their men.
有道理 Right.
-你能做到嗎 -不能 - And can you? - No.
我跟一位心理學家聊過了 I've spoken with a psychologist.
他說你是成癮了 He says you're addicted,
但不是那種可以靠藥物戒除的癮 but that it's not the kind of addiction that can't be treated.
他們有幾個小組 They have some groups.
我知道這種小組 I know about these kinds of groups.
我跟心理學家沒有什么好說的 I don't have anything to say to a psychologist.
我不是在建議你 我要求你立即治療 I'm not suggesting therapy. I'm demanding it.
即使你辭職 下份工作一樣會這么要求 Even if you leave us, it'll be the same at your next job
下下份工作也一樣 and the one after that.
我的名字是喬 My name is Joe...
你好 喬 Hi, Joe.
我是一個性癮者 ...and I'm a nymphomaniac.
性饑渴 Sex addict.
我的名字叫喬 我是一個性癮者 My name is Joe and I'm a nymphomaniac.
我們管那叫性饑渴 We say sex addict.
這里的所有人都是 Here everyone's the same.
你只想要發言了就可以自由發言 You should only speak when you feel you have to.
你的意思是 What you're saying is that
即使性欲毀了一切 no one can remove their sexuality
也沒人能夠克制自己的性欲嗎 even though it's destroying everything for them.
我不能說完全沒有 I wouldn't say no one.
但是至多百萬分之一的可能 But let's say, at most, one in a million
有人可以毫無性欲地活著 manage to live a life without sexuality.
但你的治療不能建立在這 But you can't be basing your therapy
-這百萬分之一的可能性上 -沒錯 - on that one in a million. - No.
第一也是最重要的一點 The first and most important step
是移除誘惑并減少接觸 is to remove incentive and to reduce exposure.
你需要先弄清楚你容易受到什么的誘惑 You have to ask yourself what kind of incentives you have
然后盡可能 and then make it difficult
讓接觸誘惑變得困難 for yourself to come into contact with them.
排除一切可能讓你聯想到性的東西 Basically anything that makes you think about sex.
喬有些東西想跟大家分享 Joe has something she'd like to share.
我的名字叫喬 My name is Joe...
你好 喬 Hi, Joe.
我性饑渴 and I'm a sex addict,
但我已經三個星期零五天沒有性交了 but I haven't had sex for three weeks and five days.
告訴我們你是怎么做到的 喬 Tell us how you did it, Joe.
-你帶了筆記嗎 -是的 - You brought notes? - Yes.
親愛的諸位 Dear everyone,
不要以為這很容易 don't think it's been easy,
不過我明白我們是一樣的 but I understand now that we are all alike."
你沒事吧 喬 Are you okay, Joe?
沒事 Yes yes.
你需要喝杯水嗎 Would you like a glass of water?
謝謝 Thank you.
要不下次再分享吧 Would you rather share another time?
不 我想這次就說 No, I'd like to speak.
親愛的諸位 Dear everyone,
不要以為這很容易 don't think it's been easy,
不過我現在意識到 but I understand now
我們并不一樣 也永遠不可能一樣 that we're not and never will be alike.
我跟你們不一樣 I'm not like you,
為了存在感而性交 who fucks to be validated
很容易戒掉性癮 and might just as well give up putting cocks inside you.
我跟你也不一樣 And I'm not like you.
你只是想被塞滿 All you want is to be filled up,
不管是男人還是成堆惡心的糞便 and whether it's by a man or by tons
對你來說沒有區別 of disgusting slop makes no difference.
我當然也跟你不一樣 And I'm definitely not like you.
你所謂的感情共鳴完全是謊言 That empathy you claim is a lie,
你只不過是這個社會的道德警察 because all you are is society's morality police,
你的工作就是為了把我的淫蕩 whose duty is to erase my obscenity
徹徹底底清除掉 from the surface of the earth,
這樣資產階級就不會覺得惡心 so that the bourgeoisie won't feel sick.
我跟你們不一樣 I'm not like you.
我是個性癮者 I am a nymphomaniac,
我喜愛作為性癮者的自己 and I love myself for being one.
不過最重要的是 But above all,
我愛我的陰道以及 I love my cunt
我骯臟下流的性欲 and my filthy, dirty lust.
剛剛發生了什么事 What just happened?
我沒聽明白 I didn't get that,
燒車子那部分 with the car that burned.
不好意思 No, I'm sorry.
我只是太急著開始講故事的最后一章 I was just in too much of a hurry to get to the last chapter.
我意識到這個社會容不下我 I understood that society had no room for me,
我也容不下這個社會 從來沒有 and I had no room for society and never had.
我覺得像和尚一樣布置房間 I'm sure it was quite natural for you
對你來說是件非常正常的事 to furnish your room as a monk's cell,
不過這對于我給故事的章節起名 but as an inspiration for the story chapter headings,
很難有什么啟發 it hasn't been easy.
已經沒有什么我能用的東西了 There's simply nothing left for me to use.
我對此感到抱歉 Well, I'm sorry about that.
不過如果可以的話 我能給你個建議 But if I may, I can give you a tip.
請說 Yes, please.
要知道我大部分時間都在跟文字打交道 You know, I occupy myself mostly with text,
可是有些時候文字顯得如此 but sometimes the text can seem so...
如此蒼白 如此深不可測的蒼白 So empty, so unfathomably empty.
盡管可能是最著名的作家最精彩的一段話 It could be the best text by the most famous author.
這可以通過改變你看問題的角度來解決 The solution might be to change your point of view.
我不懂你的意思 I, I don't get that.
太熟悉了 Things hide...
反而容易視而不見 when they become familiar.
可是如果你能換個角度看 But if you look at them from another angle,
你有可能會有新的發現 they might take on a new meaning.
你說的沒錯 You're right.
這個剛剛只是我丟茶杯留下的污跡 Before this was just the stain from the tea I threw.
你覺得它還像什么呢 Can you see what it could be?
一把左輪手槍 A revolver.
不 左輪手槍有一個轉輪 No, a revolver has a drum that revolves.
這是一把手槍 It's a pistol.
你能看得出是什么型號嗎 Can you see what kind it could be?
我記得文獻里 No, I don't remember
沒見過這樣的東西 anything like that from my literature.
我倒是讀過 Oh, but it's something I can remember from mine.
伊安·弗萊明 Ian Fleming.
沒聽說過 Not familiar.
要是這也沒讀過 也算是枉讀書了 If you haven't read that, you haven't read anything at all.
稍作聯想 它可以是 This could be, with a little imagination,
一把瓦爾特PPK自動手槍 a Walther P.P.K. Automatic,
就跟在邦德第一把槍"貝雷塔"卡殼后 the same gun that was issued to Bond,
再配給他的那把一樣 after his preferred pistol, the Beretta, had jammed.
這東西對你有用嗎 Is that something you can use?
是的 Oh yes, it is.
把房子燒掉 Burning down the house
第八章
槍
是我拋棄了社會 Whether I left society,
還是社會拋棄了我 我也說不清 or it left me, I can not say.
兩種說法都有道理 I suppose you could make an argument for both sides.
我準備去找一份 I was on my way to the shady side
幫人追債的工作 of the debt-collecting business,
討債的方式并不磊落 which among other things involved stuff,
比如燒掉別人的車 like burning people's cars.
我早就知道有L這個人 I had for a long time known about this man, L.
你好 我叫喬 Hi, my name is Joe.
我知道 I know that.
進來吧 Come in.
我在找工作 I'm looking for a job.
我之前在辦公室里工作 I've been working in an office,
但是一直都做不太好 and I was never really good at it.
我懂 不過 I can understand that. I mean,
你想說什么 what's the point?
我相信我擁有一些特質 I believe I possess some qualifications,
我做事還不擇手段 and that I'm rather unscrupulous.
我了解你的特質 I know all about your qualifications,
都很優秀 and they're excellent.
我建議 I would suggest
我幫你 你自己干 that you start your own little business with my help.
我知道 I understand,
你閱男人無數 you possess a great deal of insight
一眼就能看穿 about a rather broad spectrum of men.
這點應該好好利用 This could be... or should be capitalized on.
我需要一個分包商 I need sub-contractors who can put
在我的客戶對人不滿時 moderate pressure on individuals
給那人施加壓力 with whom my clients rightly or wrongly
不論客戶對錯 have a bone to pick. Understand?
就是敲詐勒索 Extortion.
不 不 不 No. No. No. No.
我更喜歡稱之為 I always prefer the term
討債 "Debt collection."
-好的 -我不會去判斷 - Yeah. - I refrain from judging
客戶的意愿 whether my clients' wishes
是不是合法 are legitimate or otherwise.
這一準則 A point of view
我建議你也要遵守 I strongly recommend you follow.
我最主要的特長 My main qualification of course
就是和男人交歡的豐富經驗 was my considerable experience with men and sex.
有時還要用到一些更專業的技巧 But even my more specialized skills came in handy.
不 不是這樣的 No, now this is not how it goes.
沒打下去之前不能喊的 You have to wait until you're hit.
我推薦的兩名幫手還不錯 The two helpers that I had recommended were okay,
但他們更傾向于模式化的套路 but they were predisposed to a rather repetitive technique,
就是用鐵棍 which consisted of creating
造成盡可能多的破壞 as much havoc as possible with a pair of iron bars.
看來打爛東西對你沒什么用 Destroying your things doesn't seem to have much effect on you.
這個男人 Here was a man
我讀不懂他的性需求 I was unable to read sexually,
于是我變得很執著 so I became persistent.
把他綁到椅子上 Tie him to the chair.
別傷害他 Don't hurt him.
我找不到你的弱點 I can't find a stain on you,
但經驗告訴我 人無完人 but my experience tells me that no man is spotless.
幸好你身上有個部位能測謊 Luckily, you're equipped with a very reliable truth-detector.
我給你講幾個故事 I'm going to tell you a few stories.
你聽著就行 All you have to do is listen.
你正在酒吧里看著一對夫婦... You're in a bar watching a couple...
我給他講各種虛構的 I now meticulously went through the catalog
有些變態的故事 of sexual deviations in fictional form.
比如性虐待 Stories about sadomasochism,
戀物癖 同性戀 fetishism, homosexuality,
能講的我都講了 you name it.
但他還是沒反應 But he didn't react.
快要放棄的時候 我說了一句 And I'd almost given up when I said:
回家的路上 你路過一個公園 On your way home, you walk through the park.
忽然你停下了腳步 And something makes you stop.
你聽見了什么東西 You hear something.
沒錯 就是它 Yes, that's it.
你聽見孩子們在操場上玩 You can hear the children on the playground.
你找了一張長凳坐下 You sit on a bench nearby,
看他們玩 and watch them play.
有個穿短褲的小男孩 There's a little boy in shorts.
在沙坑里玩耍 He's playing in the sandpit.
他的藍眼睛 He looks at you
注視著你 with his blue eyes.
他對你微笑 He smiles at you.
并向你走了過來 I think he comes to you.
他坐在你的大腿上 He sits on your lap,
抬頭看著你 and looks up at your face.
他說 He says,
他想跟你回家 he'd like to come home with you.
回到家 你們都沒忍住 At home you can't fight the idea
把衣服都脫光了 of being naked together.
他爬到你身上 He crawls all over you.
-你勃起了 -不要再講了 - You get an erection. - Won't you please stop?
他趴在地上 He lies on his stomach.
你脫下了他的褲子 You pull down his pants.
我還錢 I'll pay!
你干了什么 You did what?
我給他口交了 I gave him a blowjob.
什么 給那只豬 Why? That pig?!
-我很同情他 -同情 - I took pity on him. - Pity?
沒錯 因為我毀了他的生活 Yes. I had just destroyed his life.
沒人知道他的秘密 Nobody knew his secret,
也許連他自己都不知道 most probably not even himself.
他滿懷羞愧地坐在那里 He sat there with the shame.
給他口交 也算是向他道歉吧 I suppose I sucked him off as a kind of apology.
難以置信 That's unbelievable.
不 這是一個 No, listen to me. This is a man
成功抑制了自己欲望的男人 who'd succeeded in repressing his own desire,
一直沒有向欲望屈服 who had never before given into it,
直到我把它逼出來 right up until I forced it out.
他的生活充滿了克制 He had lived a life full of denial,
同時也沒有傷害過任何人 and had never hurt a soul.
我覺得這是值得贊賞的 I think that's laudable.
無論怎樣 No matter how hard I try,
我都覺得戀童癖沒什么好贊賞的 I can't find anything laudable in pedophilia.
那是因為你總想著 That's because you think about
真的傷害了孩子的人 也許只有5% the perhaps 5% who actually hurt children.
而其余的95% The remaining 95%
從來沒有實踐過 never live out their fantasies.
想想他們的痛苦 Think about their suffering.
性欲是人類最強的原動力 Sexuality is the strongest force in human beings.
生來就有不被認可的性向 To be born with a forbidden sexuality
肯定無比痛苦 must be agonizing.
有戀童癖的人以自己的欲望為恥 The pedophile who manages to get through life
羞愧地度過一生 with the shame of his desire,
一生不曾縱欲 這不值得贊賞嗎 while never acting on it deserves a bloody medal.
不過你沒法同情他們 But there was another reason for my sympathy,
應該還有其他原因 which you find so mysterious.
我看到這個男人跟我承受著同樣的痛苦 I saw a man who was carrying the same cross as myself.
是孤獨 Loneliness.
我們都是性的棄兒 We were both sexual outcasts.
不管怎樣 幾年過去了 In any case, some years passed,
生意不斷做大 during which my business grew,
我匿名存給馬塞爾的錢 enabling me to step up
越來越多 my anonymous deposits to Marcel.
你做得很好 Your business is doing great.
我交待的任務你都能出色地完成 You complete all the jobs I give you to perfection,
客戶也都對你贊不絕口 and I hear only words of praise from your other clients.
只是... But...
-只是什么 -我們也不年輕了 - But what? - We aren't getting any younger.
那是當然的 Oh. No, that's for sure.
你也是時候要考慮 I think you're getting to that age
給自己找個接班人了 where you have to start thinking about a successor.
-我他媽不需要接班人 -聽我說 - I don't need a fucking successor. - Listen.
即使是犯罪 也絕不能含糊 A person should take their crime seriously.
你需要一個得力助手 You need someone to be your right hand,
一個能幫到你的人 someone to help you.
一位繼承人 A crown princess.
通常的做法是 The normal process
看哪位同行 is to find out what colleagues
在吸毒或是在坐牢 are in prison or are drug addicts,
沒有辦法履行父母的職責 and thereby unable to fulfill their roles as parents.
找到他們孩子打球的地方 Then you find out where their kids play football.
然后下手 And you get involved.
無論他們干什么壞事 You cheer them on for a couple of years,
你都要鼓勵 no matter how bad they are.
干的事越壞越好 Actually, the worse, the better.
慢慢的 That way,
你就取代了他們父母的角色 gradually you take on the role of the parent,
到最后 until in the end,
他會對你忠心耿耿 為你赴湯蹈火 you have a loyal helper that will walk through fire for you.
甚至愿意替你坐牢 Even do time for you.
聽上去 It sounds like a...
像是個圈套 kind of an entrapment you're suggesting.
-一個令人厭惡的圈套 -怎么叫都行 - An unsavory entrapment. - Call it what you want.
相信你也知道 But if you believe at all,
良好的引導很重要 in the effects of good parenting,
所以有了你陪著 that kid will have much greater opportunities
他們肯定能變得更好 with you as a mentor than without.
我很器重你 And since I like you,
因此一直在幫你物色合適的人選 I've been looking around for a suitable subject.
她今年15歲 She's 15 years old,
來自一個慣犯家庭 from a family of hardened criminals,
她也經歷過許多事 and she's been through a lot.
前幾年她進了收容所 Last couple of years she's been institutionalized.
父親在坐牢 母親死于吸毒過量 Her father is in prison and her mother died of an overdose.
不過她是個聰明的女孩 She's a smart girl.
她不玩橄欖球 And although she doesn't play football,
她打籃球 非常投入 she does play basketball, very badly.
因為孤單 She's chosen a team sport
她選擇了集體活動 because she's lonely.
最重要的是 I saved the best part for last:
她的右耳有點畸形 her right ear is slightly deformed.
她感到十分羞愧 Which she's very ashamed of,
這也使得她更加孤僻 and of course this serves to isolate her even more.
因此只要稍微 It makes her an easy target
給她一點關注或是同情 for even the slightest bit of attention
就能卸下她的心防 or sign of empathy from you.
盡管我很反對 Despite my protests,
但L還是說服了我去看一看P the clever L somehow talked me into actually having a look at P.
我越看這個畸形耳朵的姑娘 The longer I watched the poor girl with the deformed ear,
就越覺得這個計劃惡心 the more repulsive I found the whole plan.
不過L仿佛能預言 But as if L had foreseen this,
見到P使我心生憐憫 感慨萬千 the meeting with P filled me with pity and emotion.
我發現自己 And without wanting to,
情不自禁地 I found myself, weekend after weekend,
每周末都來給她加油 at her games supporting the poor player.
謝謝你給我加油 Thanks for cheering me on.
不用客氣 You're welcome.
今天你真的打得很好 You played really well today.
-不 不是的 -是真的 - No, I didn't. - You did.
最近你確實進步了許多 You really improved yourself lately.
我很驕傲地向P介紹了我父親的志趣 I was proud to introduce P to my father's passion.
以及他的世界 And to his world.
實際上 It's actually
在冬天里 the souls of the trees
我們看到的是樹的靈魂 that we see in the winter.
我覺得像人的靈魂 I think they look like human souls.
你說得對 You're right.
確實像人的靈魂 They do look like human souls.
扭曲的靈魂 Twisted souls,
正常的靈魂 瘋狂的靈魂 regular souls, crazy souls.
全取決于人選擇要過怎樣的生活 All depending on the kind of lives human beings lead.
我找到了我的樹 I found my tree,
我的靈魂之樹 my soul tree.
這就是我的樹 This is my tree.
這不是白蠟樹 It's not an ash tree.
沒錯 這是一棵橡樹 No, it's an oak tree.
我父親找到了他的靈魂之樹 My father found his soul tree,
可是我還沒找到我的 but I've... I've never found mine.
"當你看到它的時候 你就會知道了" "You will know it when you see it."
他是這么說的 that's what he said.
P成年以后 When P reached the age of majority,
我成為了她的導師 and I became her personal advisor,
我讓她搬來跟我住 I asked her to move in with me.
我從未見你把頭發扎起來 I've never seen you with your hair up.
真漂亮 It's so pretty.
我好久以來沒有過性生活 All this time all my sexual activity had stopped.
以前的肉虐給我的下體 My groin was one big sore
造成了很大傷害 from my abuse that wouldn't heal,
連手淫都無法進行 and made even masturbation impossible.
我體驗到了脫癮綜合癥 I experienced definite abstinence symptoms:
發燒 痙攣 Fever and cramps.
喬 你怎么了 Joe, what's going on?
-小心 -得把碎玻璃撿起來 - Careful. - We need to clear this up.
有時候我就會這樣子 I just get this sometimes.
沒事 沒事的 It's okay, it's okay.
也許她是真的愛你 Perhaps she really loved you.
我沒法接受 I couldn't accept it.
也許是因為你也希望這是真的 Perhaps because you really wanted it to be true.
也許吧 Perhaps I hoped it.
跟P的故事真感人 It's very touching, all this about P.
那你就大錯特錯了 Then you've probably misunderstood the whole thing.
別 Don't.
我想要看看你 I wanna see you.
-不要 -為什么 - Don't. - Why?
-不行 -為什么 - Please don't. - Why not?
不 不行 我那里有傷口 No. No, I have a wound.
-我那里有傷口 -沒關系 - I have a wound. - It doesn't matter.
不 你不懂 No, you don't understand.
我的耳朵也有 I have that thing with my ear.
我真是無地自容 I'm so ashamed.
你喜歡我嗎 D'you like me?
你真美 You're so beautiful.
有件事我不明白 There's one thing I don't understand.
她知道你是做什么的嗎 Did she know what you did for a living?
P非常謹慎 P was very discreet
是個少言寡語的姑娘 and a girl of few words.
奇怪的是 雖然我工作時間很詭異 Oddly, although I worked strange hours,
她從不過問我的工作 she never asked about my work.
但是有天她問我 But one day she had a question.
喬 Joe?
你為什么來看我的籃球比賽 Why did you start coming to my basketball matches?
這不是巧合 對嗎 It wasn't a coincidence, was it?
不 不是巧合 No, it wasn't a coincidence.
我沒告訴你 是因為我... I didn't tell you because I...
我以為你會不高興 I though you'd be upset...
你會生我的氣 And that you'd get angry at me.
我不會生氣的 I won't get angry.
我的工作 What I do...
我的工作不同尋常 My job isn't a normal job.
是違法的 It's not legal.
我家就沒人干過合法的事 No one in my family does anything legal.
一個照顧過我生意的男人 A man that's helped me in my business
建議我來看你的比賽 suggested that I watched you.
原本的計劃是 The plan was that I...
我看你打球 I should look at you
看看有朝一日 to see whether one day
能不能在工作上用到你 I could use you in my work.
我該和你交朋友 I should make friends with you,
因為我知道你父母雙亡 because I knew you didn't have a mother or a father.
那有什么關系 What's wrong with that?
你沒看到這個計劃有多邪惡嗎 Don't you see how evil that plan was?
我覺得自己很討厭 I felt terrible.
別這么想 You shouldn't have.
為什么不 Why not?
因為如果你沒那么做 Because if you hadn't...
我們永遠不會相遇 We'd never have met.
下次去工作帶上我 I'd like to go with you to work next time.
不行 No.
你會考慮嗎 Will you think about it?
-不會 -考慮下吧 - No. - Yes.
不 No.
她不允許別人拒絕她 She didn't take no for an answer.
是的 沒錯 No, of course not.
海浪怎能停留在沙灘上 How do you keep a wave upon the sand?
我再來自作聰明一回 With the risk of being too clever for myself,
社會遺傳 social inheritance
是不可辨駁的事實 is an irrefutable fact.
要說到街頭法則 If anyone knew about the laws of the street,
P肯定非常熟悉 it must've been P.
這話說的對極了 You're more right than you know.
讓我一槍崩了這人渣 Let's shoot the fucker.
放手 放手 Stop! Stop!
干這行不用槍 We don't use firearms.
-把槍給我 -別人也有槍 - I'd like to have the gun. - The others have weapons too.
這我不知道 Well, I didn't know that.
但無論如何 你不能拿槍 But in any case, you're not to have one.
槍并不危險 But guns aren't dangerous.
關鍵看你怎么用 It depends on how you use them.
沒錯 Yes, exactly.
我不會沖他開槍的 I wasn't going to shoot him.
我們這樣根本要不到他的錢 We wouldn't have gotten any money out of him that way.
能把槍給我嗎 Can I have the gun?
謝謝你 Thank you.
你真討厭 You're evil.
在那之后 機緣巧合 And now I'm afraid one of those coincidences
我遇到了件麻煩事 you have such a hard time with
遇到了一個特別的人 occurred with a very special person.
P負責帶我們去找欠債的人 It was P's job to take us to the debtors,
直到我看見門牌 so until I saw the name on the door,
我才知道那是誰家 I had no idea whose house we were at.
杰羅姆·莫里斯
你確定是這里嗎 Are you sure this is the right place?
是的 Yeah.
我在想 也許這次 I was thinking maybe it's time
該你自己獨自處理了 for you to do this one on your own.
真的嗎 Yeah?
謝謝你 喬 Thank you, Joe.
我不想弄壞東西 I don't want anything destroyed
也不想任何人受傷 and I don't want anybody hurt.
好嗎 你就進去 Okay? You just show yourself
給他提個合理的付款方案 and offer him a reasonable payment plan.
那好吧 If you say so.
我就按你說的辦 Of course that's how I'll do it.
再見杰羅姆時的感情是不是愛 Whether the feeling when I saw Jerome again was love,
我也說不清 I couldn't say.
但的確有這么種感情 But it was a feeling,
強到我無法控制 and far stronger than I liked.
我穿過小巷走回家 I was actually walking home through the alley here.
兩個截然不同的社區 No two neighborhoods are totally different
卻相隔如此之近 but still so close together
從杰羅姆家到市中心的捷徑 that the shortest route from Jerome's house
就是穿過這條小巷 towards the center was through the alley.
我回來了 Hello!
怎么樣 How did it go?
棒極了 Brilliant.
非常好 Yeah, really well.
聽你的 我提了個合理的付款方案 I made a reasonable payment plan like you told me to.
他什么樣 How did he look?
很害怕 Scared.
他看起來多大年紀 How old did he look?
我不知道 I dunno.
挺老的吧 Ancient?
杰羅姆要分六次付完欠款 Jerome was to pay off his debt in six payments.
每次P去杰羅姆家收錢 Every time P went to Jerome to collect,
我都煩躁不安的走來走去 I paced around restlessly
直到她回家 until she was back home again.
我甚至把母親玩接龍的舊撲克牌找出來 I even had to find my mother's sad old Solitaire cards
只為了打發時間 in order to make the hours pass.
每到晚上 我就越來越擔心 Each night I was less reassured by her coming home
她還會不會回家 than the night before.
我不愿想是怕她愛上別人 The question of whether jealousy is the fear of sharing
還是怕失去她 才產生的嫉妒情緒 or the fear of losing was of little interest to me.
但沒錯 這種負面情緒 But yes, it was a fact that this unworthy feeling
我壓抑了許久 I had managed to suppress for so long
那時卻無法克制 was creeping up on me.
她最后一次去收賬的那個晚上 The evening she was to collect the final payment
沒有吻我 she didn't kiss me.
我想可能是忘記了 I took it to be forgetfulness,
但幾小時過去了 她沒回來 but the hours passed and she didn't return.
每次我看到車燈 Every time I saw car lights,
都以為是有人開車送P回來 I thought it was P being driven home.
我決定遠走高飛 I had decided to flee.
我沒法和他們倆待在一個鎮子上 I couldn't stay in this town with her and him.
我像個懦夫一般 逃去了南方 I had cowardly made a plan to escape and head South,
好像北方太過寒冷 like from some ice age I didn't have the guts
我沒有勇氣面對 to turn around and face.
離別很悲傷 又莫名的覺得不滿足 But the goodbye was sad and strangely unfulfilling.
有什么東西在召喚我 And something called me on
要我去山里尋找 to seek further up the mountain.
都說取人性命很難 It's said to be difficult to take someone's life.
要我說放下屠刀更難 I would've said that it's more difficult not to.
對人類而言 For a human being,
殺戮是最自然不過的本性 killing is the most natural thing in the world.
我們生來如此 We're created for it.
對極了 Wonderful.
別 快下來 No, get off!
抱歉 Sorry.
拉我起來 Fireman's grip.
請填滿我吧 Fill all my holes please.
我現在也不知道為什么會放空槍 I still don't know why the gun didn't work.
我之前檢查過 I did check to make sure
彈夾里是有子彈的 that there were bullets in the magazine.
就是出了故障 It simply malfunctioned,
就像邦德的貝瑞塔手槍一樣 just like Bond's Beretta.
我想我知道原因 I think I know enough to say that
即使你的瓦爾特PPK彈夾里有子彈 even if you had rounds in the magazine of the walther P.P.K.,
你也得先打開保險栓 and you'd taken off the safety...
不然你怎么扣扳機也開不了火 You cannot shoot until you rack the gun.
你得先拉開 再松開這個滑動裝置 You pull and release the sliding mechanism.
P沒拉開保險是因為 正如她所說 And P hadn't done it because, as she said,
她根本沒想要那人的命 she had no intention of shooting the man.
我沒看過邦德 I don't know about Bond,
但我猜有關他的書或電影里肯定提到過 but I assume it has to be apparent from his books and his films that
半自動手槍都得先拉開保險 you have to rack an automatic pistol.
原來如此 就是這樣 Of course, you're right.
我在電影里見過上千次 I've seen it in films a thousand times.
天亮了 It's morning.
雪停了 And the snow is gone.
太陽出來了嗎 So the sun must be out?
是的 太陽出來了 Yes, there is sun.
我一直不知道為什么會有那塊光斑 I've never managed to figure out where it comes from.
一定是高塔和大廈上的窗戶 It must be some interplay between windows
玩的什么把戲 and towers and high buildings.
面積不大 It's not much,
但我這只有這點陽光 but it's the sun you get here at my place.
很美 It's beautiful.
一開始你說 In the beginning you said that
你唯一的罪 就是想看更多的日落 your only sin was that you asked more of the sunset.
我想 這意味著 Meaning, I suppose,
你想從生活中索取更多對你有利的事 that you wanted more from life than was good for you.
你作為一個人 索求你的權利 You were a human being demanding your right.
不僅如此 And more than that,
你作為一個女人 索求女人的權利 you were a woman demanding her right.
這樣一切就能一筆勾銷了嗎 Does that pardon everything?
你覺得如果是兩個男人在火車上 Do you think if two men would've walked down a train
尋找艷遇 looking for women,
會引人注意嗎 do you think anybody would have raised an eyebrow?
或者一個男人過著你這樣的生活 Or if a man had led the life you had?
如果你是個男人 And the story about Mrs. H
H夫人的故事會變得索然無味 would've been extremely banal if you'd been a man
你的戰利品就會是女人 and your conquest would have been a woman.
當一個男人因為欲望 When a man leaves his children
離開他的孩子們 because of desire,
我們聳聳肩不以為然 但你是個女人 we accept it with a shrug, but you as a woman,
你必須承擔罪責 you had to take on a-- a guilt,
永遠無法釋懷的負罪感 a burden of guilt that could never be alleviated.
總而言之 所有的責難和罪過 And all in all, all the blame and guilt
積年累月的背負在你身上 that piled up over the years became too much for you,
你終于不堪重負 甚至像個男人 you reacted aggressively-- almost like a man I have to say--
奮起反擊 and you fought back.
你對一直壓迫和殘害 You fought back against the gender
你和幾十億女性的 that had been oppressing and mutilating
性別歧視奮起反抗 and killing you and billions of women.
可我想殺人 But I wanted to kill a human being.
但你并沒有殺人 But you didn't.
因為突如其來的意外 Because of a chance event.
你所謂的意外 You call it a chance event.
其實是潛意識的抵觸 I call it subconscious resistance.
表面上你想殺人 On the surface you wanted to kill,
但內心深處你歌頌人類的價值 but deep down you celebrated human worth
于是你故意去遺忘 and a veil of forgetfulness
本該知道的如何拉開槍栓 draped itself over your knowledge of how to rack a gun.
雖然你的話 Although all this sounds
像極了這個時代的陳詞濫調 frighteningly close to the cliches of our times...
雖然我很想反駁你的觀點 and I'm predisposed to knock holes in your arguments...
但我太累了 I'm too tired.
那好吧 Well, that's good.
你為什么不躺下 Why don't you lay down?
好的 Yes.
這樣說吧 講述我的故事 Let me just say that telling my story
不管是你讓我講 as you insisted,
還是你允許我講 or permitted,
都令我如釋重負 has put me at ease.
此時此刻 At this moment
我很清楚我的性癮 my addiction is very clear to me...
我決定好了 And I've come to a decision.
即使一百萬人中只有一個 Even though only one in a million,
像那個將信將疑的心理醫生說的 as my dubious therapist said,
可以成功地 succeed in...
從精神上 身體上 mentally, bodily...
從內心深處 And in her heart
擺脫性欲 of ridding herself of her sexuality,
那就是我的目標 this is now my goal.
但這樣的生活值得嗎 But is that a life worth living?
只有這樣我才能活下去 It's the only way I can live it.
不管路途多么艱險 I will stand up against all odds...
就像山上那棵奇形怪狀的樹 Just like a deformed tree on a hill.
我會用 I will muster
我全部的執著 all my stubbornness...
全部的力量 my strength...
像男人一樣的攻擊性 my masculine aggression.
但最重要的是 我想感謝你 But most of all I want to say thanks
我的新朋友 也許是第一個朋友 to my new, and maybe first friend.
謝謝你 塞利格曼 Thank you, Seligman...
把這些事都說出來 我感覺舒暢多了 Who perhaps is happy when all is said and done.
無論如何 我很開心 I'm happy at any rate
槍沒有響 that the shot didn't go off
我沒變成殺人兇手 and made me a murderer.
我現在想睡覺了 If I may, I'd like to sleep now.
保證不會有人打擾你 I'll make sure you won't be disturbed.
晚安 喬 Good night, Joe.
晚安 塞利格曼 Good night, Seligman.
不要 No!
可你睡過成千上萬個男人了 But you, you've fucked thousands of men. �