In this video, I am going to share with you three ways to start a conversation with anybody anywhere.
And I'm doing this because people often ask me for situational conversation starters.
They want to know, "Charlie, how do I start a conversation at a networking event?"
or "how do I start a conversation at a bar? How do I start a conversation at a house party?"
And the truth is, yes, you can have very specific
ways to speak to people in each of those scenarios but
if you get locked into that, what tends to happen is you've got all these things floating in your head
and the moment when it comes to speak and there's too much going on, you say nothing.
I find it much easier if you've got three things you know you can take with you anywhere,
it just becomes reflex and you actually will speak up and you'll get in the conversation and maybe meet some cool people.
So here are the things that you should be thinking about.
The first one is more of a mindset and I call it Human Google.
The reason I do this is because Google is where we go to ask questions nowadays.
If you want to know how to get from point A to point B, you go to Google.
If you want to know what restaurant is really good in your area, you probably go to Yelp but maybe you type it in first on Google.
The point is that we go to our technology and the power of this first thing
is in taking all those questions that maybe we go to technology for
or maybe we don't even voice and asking the people around us
especially the people we don't know and not just a friend group so a few examples of this just to get you thinking in this mode...
I was out at the gym on the day of the Floyd-Connor fight
and it occurred to me that I had no idea where I was going to watch the fight
and so I just said to the person nearby me, "Oh, my god. The fight is tonight. Are you gonna see it?"
He said, "Yes," I said, "Where are you gonna watch it?"
Conversation started; we spoke for five minutes. Now, this is someone that when I see him, I say hello and we can chat.
Another example — I just moved to Santa Monica, I absolutely love it here, it's amazing and
the question that I probably asked dozens of people was,
"Do you live here?" first and if you were new here,
"What would you go do and see to decide if he wanted to stay?"
and I asked, like I said, dozens of people but probably met a handful of friends
and I can't even remember because there's so many that I've come in and out but
definitely one group of girls that were at a bar, we asked them this they gave us some great tips
and now they're people that I see out probably once every 7 to 10 days.
They tend to hang out in the same area, we can chat and talk and we're friendly with each other now.
Another example — if I see people speaking or hear people speaking with an accent
or foreign language that maybe I recognize, I might just ask them where they're from, if they're visiting, or are they tourists.
Now, you might be recognizing, "Okay, those are all rather silly and dumb questions," and that is exactly the point.
What matters is not so much what you say first
but if you want to have a conversation, it's what you follow it up with.
And that goes beyond the purview of this video but I don't want to leave you hanging I want to give you something so
the second part of this conversation once you're going —
you tend to want to drive it towards the question, "How do you feel?" in all of its forms
so take that first question where I asked the guy about the fight.
We're talking. Now, when we start having a conversation at the point where I say,
"Are you excited?" or "how do you feel about this?" right? That's where the conversation goes
The other example — I asked people about things I need to see. We start really conversing at the point where I go,
"How do you like it here? What's your favorite thing?" when you ask them a feeling question
or even the people who are visiting, I say, "What are your impressions of Santa Monica? Are you liking it?"
When you get down to how they're feeling, that's when
the ping pong starts back and forth and now we're talking about how to keep the conversation going, flowing and interesting
rather than how to get it started in the first place so
that is the first one — human Google. The second one, very similar, is what I call Human Twitter.
If Google is where we go to ask questions, Twitter is where we go to make
statements so a simple example — I was out at the bar the other night
and a dude walked in, and I swear to God, dressed in full cowboy gear —
hat, bandana, and I think he might even had a lasso.
And I was dumbfounded I just grabbed the person next to me and I said, "Hold on. You need to see this. A cowboy just walked into the bar."
And that was it. Now we're talking. We don't even know what we talked about but the conversation got started.
Now, the point with this human Twitter and Google
is that you're not coming in with a pre-planned question; you're not coming in with a pre-planned line.
And the difficulty here is when people go and they try to find,
"Okay, what do I say?" and have one thing they know, for instance, is they want to give a compliment to someone.
The problem is, "Okay, I got to compliment, compliment..." they walk up to someone dressed like me
and they go, "Okay, I got to compliment this guy on his dress,"
and there's nothing to say; I'm wearing a black t-shirt and it can come across as lack in genuineness.
But when you actually put that to the side for just a second and think,
"What are the genuine thoughts going on in my head?"
There's always something and while they might be silly and dumb, I hope I've made it clear that it's not the first thing that you say.
People are starving to get in conversation believe it or not.
So when you say something like, "Oh my god, it's so hot out here. I'm sweating like a pig," — human Twitter —
you're likely to get three people near you to go, "Oh my god, it's so bad, right?"
and now you can begin and as soon as you get— Now you're driving towards the field,
"Isn't it insane? It's just sweltering out here. I can't stand this. I don't know if I can want to continue to live in this area or maybe I'm thinking of moving somewhere else,"
When you get into that feeling part, now you're having a conversation.
Again, I'm taking this off Conversation Starters but I want to give you a little bit more.
That said, there is one more thing that you can use and this one is more of a line
and it works really well in closed social settings like bars, corporations,
like any sort of an area, so bars, corporations, universities,
friend groups if you're at a party with someone — any sort of thing where
these people do kind of have a reason to speak to one another — you're expected to be social
and this one is you just walk up to someone you say,
"Hey, I don't think I've met you yet. I'm..." say your name and you stick your hand out for a handshake.
So, "Hey, I don't think I've met you yet. I'm Charlie."
This works wonders because it sub-communicates amazing things.
First off, it sub-communicates that people are supposed to be mingling here.
I don't think I've met you yet; we're supposed to have met at this point.
Second, it sub-communicates that you are a social person since you're starting the conversation.
They will follow you, stick your hand out right away and they'll reflexively shake your hand
and again, dive into the feeling — how do you like it here, what brings you here, are you enjoying yourself.
That's going to get the conversation going so
I don't need to make this more complicated than it is; you take any of these out, you are done.
You don't need to worry about how to start a conversation.
Now we're talking about different things like continuing the conversation
and I'm gonna link up some videos that will help you with that.
If you are interested in more DETAILED stuff about this, like first impressions,
we happen to have a course on the subject and we also have a free video that we give away
to see if you're interested that covers the four emotions that make amazing first impression.
If you can create these emotions in the person that you're speaking with,
they will walk away with an amazing first impression of you.
So if you're curious what those are, go ahead click the link in the description below
or the card or wherever we'll get something to pop up here
and you can check that video out after dropping your email into the little email slot.
Second, I know that a lot of people were asking, "Charlie, where were you? Who's this other guy?"
Ben, if you guys did not see the original announcement, is my best friend;
he has been my business partner since the beginning of Charisma on Command.
I am still doing all the Monday videos; we're just adding a Thursday video now that
we kind of had the business going to a point where he can step out
from behind the camera and share some stuff with you so twice as much content;
I am NOT going anywhere.
I hope that you guys enjoyed this video. If you did, make sure to subscribe to the channel
and of course I will see you in the next one.