Oh, good morning, parents!
Good morning, sofa.
Habari, za asubuhi, African mask.
That's Swahili.
Oh, it feels so wonderful to be back home in Baltimore.
Guess you didn't see that triple homicide on the news this morning.
Dad, you're harshing my mellow.
Well, báy èdè è c b kon ko j-ow.
That's a loose translation in Uraba
for sit your butt down, eat your breakfast.
But, Mommy, I'm too excited to eat.
I got to go surprise Spirit and Arnaz and tell them that I'm back
and that their boring little lives
are going to be meaningful again.
All right, now that the child is gone
can we discuss the house rules for squatters, vagabonds
and the generally undesirable?
Rule number one: no more whale music at night.
What is with that?
[makes whale sounds]
The soothing sound of a killer whale is what helps me sleep.
So could a well-placed harpoon.
Well, if I can recall that's the sound that you used to make
when you used to reach your romantic peak.
Just tell me when you're going to get a job.
Well, Flex, as you know.
Baltimore's a water-based society with various points
gracing the Chesapeake Bay.
You know, you used to be so hot
before all that book learning.
And you used to be even hotter when I was ignorant.
Now focus.
Now, I'm going to be circulating my resume
to all the places befitting a woman with a Ph.D.
And then I'm going to find a very big, fabulous place to live.
Oh, how about fabulous and far away?
Come on, Flex. You're lucky. You don't have to start all over again.
No, no, I don't.
They've been keeping my seat warm down at WYNX
and do you want to know why?
Because I have something called "likeability."
See, when people like you, they want to keep you around.
And when they don't...
Well, you've lived the rest.
♪ Sometimes in this life ♪
♪ You can feel all by yourself Check one, two ♪
♪ But I have a partner ♪
♪ When I can't trust no one else ♪
♪ So don't isolate yourself ♪
♪ When there's nobody around Uh-huh, oh, yeah ♪
♪ I'll be there through thick and thin What a true love we have found ♪
♪ Me and you against the world ♪
♪ Living one on one ♪
♪ One on one ♪
♪ Can't nobody break this bond Living one on one ♪
♪ Life has just begun Now we're having fun ♪
♪ Living one on one ♪
♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah One on one ♪
Hey, Captain, your fla-dap man is back.
And now that I've got the sheen of a guy who almost made it to the pros again,
we need to renegotiate.
But don't worry. I ain't going to stick it to you.
That's awfully nice of you, little Flexie.
Give me a chance to stick it to you first.
Oh, you're no longer lead sports anchor.
You've been bumped.
What? By who?
Hey, Flex, you're in my spot.
Visitor parking is on level two.
Visitor parking?
You can't fire me.
Oh, technically, I can, but I haven't.
You see, when you went off to pursue your hoop dreams
you left the WYNX team without its star player.
But Stacey said I could have the time off.
That's right. That's why I've given Stacey some time off.
With Danny? Why him?
Because he's ruthless, he's hardworking
and he's my wife's little brother.
When he got wind of "The oldest rookie in the NBA" story
he was on the first plane to L.A.
That story was about me.
Flex, don't worry
the irony wasn't lost on us, either.
But, hey, maybe you could fill in for me on a day or two.
I call in sick on spa days.
Ciao, bella.
I don't have to take this.
Every station in Baltimore
is going to be knocking on my door
because I have likeability.
Yeah, you also have a non-compete clause, yeah.
See, your contract states that you can't work
at a local media outlet for a year if you quit.
I'm not intimidated by your binding contracts,
your legal technicalities.
My million-dollar lawsuits.
A man dares to pursue his dreams and loses his job?
This is not the America that I want to live in.
But it's still the land of opportunity, pal.
And lucky for you, our weatherman is retiring.
El Nino Gonzalez?
I thought he died months ago.
Yeah, we did, too.
You never shake the sound of a man screaming in his own coffin.
Hey, man, I do sports. I don't do weather.
And I'll never do weather.
So if there's no position open in sports
then there's no position for me.
This is where you say
"I'm sorry. You're back in sports."
Oh, I'm sorr... Just kidding!
Hank!
Hank?
Breanna, I can rock this Gucci purse
and you can rock this Prada purse.
Oh, you are the worst Breanna ever, Ray-Ray.
You need to go inside and practice.
Then remember, it's "You know."
You know.
[both squealing]
Girl, what are you doing here? I missed you! I thought you left!
My mom quit her job and we're staying in Baltimore!
[both scream]
This is so exciting!
I mean, we can go back to school together again
and you and Arnaz can start your new life as a couple!
[fading scream]
Oh, no. I kissed him.
I can't ever see Arnaz again after a kiss like that.
Why?
Because that was our "good-bye forever" kiss.
Our Titanic kiss.
The music swells, he slips into the ocean,
he dies with the band and my heart goes on.
He lives next door to me. You'll see him sooner or later.
But everything has changed.
I rocked one on him.
No, two. And I don't think you learned that practicing on your pillow.
So, I at least need to know
how he feels about our kiss.
So, what are you going to do?
Uh-uh, no, no.
What are we going to do?
Oh, girl, I missed your scheming ways so much!
Not one lawyer in Baltimore can get me out of that non-compete contract.
Well, there's one
but I got to rear-end somebody and wear a neck brace for a week.
And I've checked everywhere.
Nobody's hiring.
I can't believe I quit my job.
At least we're not like other unemployed people.
We got skills.
You know what? You right.
I mean, we can find a job in no time.
- No doubt. - Phone's gonna be ringing off the hook.
[mimics ringing]
Is it on?
Si-di-di-dah, bah!
Okay, this is it. Here comes Arnaz.
Now, when he gets here, be sure to be real subtle about the kiss.
Okay.
- Hey, Arnaz. - Hey.
So how about that kiss yesterday, huh?
That was the kiss I've been dreaming about my whole life.
Oh!
I miss Breanna so much
sometimes I think I'm seeing her.
You got it bad.
Maybe she's closer than you think.
A lot closer.
Yeah. Well, I got to go. See you around.
Okay.
How come you didn't come out?
Girl, are you kidding?
I'm going to make him miss me more so he'll want me more.
Now that I know Arnaz can't function
without the soft touch of my tender kiss.
[laughs]
Where are you going?
Nowhere... yet.
But I'm acting as if.
You see, if I dress for work, I'll get work.
It's called Manifest Destiny.
[phone rings]
And that's Destiny calling right now.
Nicole Barnes, Ph.D.
Hello. Destiny calling for Ms. Carol Barnes, Ph.D.
That is not funny, Flex.
This is hard for me.
I've always had a job.
Even when I was 18 and pregnant with Breanna,
I was paid to be the poster girl for "Babies Having Babies."
"Don't let it happen to you."
Hey, girl, you need to get over it.
You knew there was no job security in whale watching.
They're an endangered species, for God's sake.
They go, you go.
Well, what about you, Mr. Fla-dap Man?
Nobody want you, do they?
- Do they? - Whatever.
- Do they? No.
Oh, how the bourgeoisie have fallen.
[laughs]
For once, you two are down and out
and I am the symbol of success and prosperity.
- Then why aren't you at work? - Well, my boss down at the used car lot
gave me a couple days off to prepare for my annual evaluation.
I'm sorry. That's employed-people talk.
See, in layed-off-people terms,
I'm just studying to become the lot manager.
Dang, Nicole, we suck.
Duane's doing better than us.
It's okay, honey.
Things will get better.
You want a hug?
Uh-huh.
Okay. I'll give you a little hug.
Aw, look at you two comforting each other.
You two stay jobless much longer,
I won't be surprised if I'm the best man at your wedding again
and there's another bundle of joy running around up in here.
Where are you going?
To let El Nino back in his casket.
Bring your umbrellas to work tomorrow.
It might rain.
Today's weather question comes from Margaret Kurtz of Towson.
"Flex, my bridge club loves watching you do the weather..."
Oh, why, thank you.
"Could we see if your back is as sexy as your front?"
What does that have to do with the weather?
That's your local weather forecast and I'm your weatherman, Flex...
[fingers snapping]
Chocolate Thunder.
[thunder rumbling]
Very funny, Charlie.
That was nice work, Flex. Really.
Top of the next hour wear spandex.
All right, you've won.
I've accepted my position as weather slut.
Hey, weather slut...
could you tidy up the desk a little?
See, I got to go. I'm off to play 18 holes with Tiger Woods and Michael Jordan
at some charity thing today...
Wait, wait, wait. I set that up.
They're supposed to be teeing off with me.
Uh, no, actually, they're supposed to be teeing off
with the lead sports anchor
and that would be, um... me!
Smite him!
[thunder rumbling]
Ooh, girl, what's so important I had to run over here?
You need to get over there and claim your man.
Look at her. Crawling all over him like a spider with a big old butt.
See, that's what you see.
All I see is part two of my plan.
Arnaz being so into me, he rebukes the hoochie.
Now, all I have to do is get over there
and hear it for myself.
Hey, I got an idea.
Hey, Ray-Ray...
Oh. That Ph.D thing on my resume...
Yeah, that's a typo.
It's supposed to be GED.
Yeah, I'm as dumb as a stump.
I needs me a job!
Hello?
Oh, I have been up all night studying.
Nicole, look, ask me any question out of this book.
Duane, I really don't have time for this.
See, all that at-ti-tude gonna keep you from getting a job.
At least Flex has likability.
Make me... like you.
Make me... not smack you.
Come on, Nicole, you're my best friend's ex-wife.
Let's not get freaky.
What's up, D?
You get a job yet, Nicole?
No... Chocolate Thunder.
And it's sunny. You said that it was going to be raining.
I've got a forecast for you.
Get a job.
Ooh, it's Hurricane Flex.
Batten down the hatches, board up the windows.
There's a lot of hot air blowing.
- Right you your... - Whoo!
There it is, right there. That old passion.
You two keep this up and angry sex is sure to follow.
- Shut up! - Shut up!
Duane, you got a crappy job, right?
How do you get up every morning without wanting to
- throw yourself in front of a train? - Easy, all right.
See, I get up every morning knowing that by the end of the day,
I'm going to make somebody smile.
By selling them a Pinto with a backseat made of Legos?
Flex, you got a job. You're a weatherman.
You get to lie to millions of people every day
and they keep coming back. Dawg, that's the American dream.
Girl, this cart's so funky I'm about to black out from the fumes.
Suck it up. We're on a mission.
You know there's a fair going on at Druid Hill.
And I heard the haunted house is real dark and scary.
And I need someone to hold on to.
So, you want to go?
I'm not really in the mood for big crowds.
See? He's rebuking, he's rebuking.
Ever since Breanna left, I've been kind of down.
Me, too!
I miss her so.
But at least we have each other.
Thanks, Ginger.
You're a good friend.
Let's go hang out at the mall.
Breanna loved the mall.
See? Now he's passed my test.
Uh-oh.
Wish Ray-Ray wouldn't leave his cart in front of my building.
So let your smiles be your umbrellas because there aren't any clouds in sight.
And for Maggie Kurtz and her bridge club...
I am Chocolate Thunder.
[thunder rumbling]
Thanks, Charlie.
And thank you.
We'll be back at the top of the hour.
And we're out.
Flex, that's one of the best weather broadcasts I've ever seen.
Oh, thanks, Hank.
I am just happy to be part of the team.
Hey, bro-in-law, a word.
I just got this memo that you're sending me
to that fishing contest on Sharp's Island.
Oh, yeah, yeah.
The Tunament.
That should be a blast.
I cover athletes... not fish.
Hey, hey, why don't I do the weather from the Tunament.
It might be kind of fun
to have the winner of the contest cohost with me.
I mean after all, I am "bass" man for the job.
[laughing]
I like your attitude.
Unlike Danny here.
Danny, let's go talk about your future in my office.
Uh, Danny...
Likability.
Hey, who's in here cooking? Chef Boy-ar-dee?
Close. It's Chef Bro-ar-dee.
Very funny.
This is an apology to your mother.
Wait a minute.
Cooking and apology all in one day?
Did the doctor call? Am I dying?
Very funny.
But thanks to our good friend Duane, I got a new attitude
and my old job back.
- Congratulations, Daddy. - Thanks, baby.
Hey, don't waste all those hugs over there.
Mommy's got a new job, too.
You're looking at the new research director
for the Save the Oceans United League.
S-O-U-L... Soul.
See, now I'm helping marine life
by going straight to the source.
So, everything is going to be perfect.
Congratulations, Mom.
Oh, thank you. Ooh, and I've got even better news.
Breanna and I are going to be living it up
in a spacious apartment in Bolton Hill.
Hold up, hold up. You and Breanna are getting an apartment?
We never talked about that.
You actually thought that since I got a job in Baltimore
that the living arrangements weren't going to change?
- Yeah. Things are great the way they are. - No, no, they're not.
But, Flex, I'm not going to argue with you.
We'll let Breanna decide.
Baby...
Now who would you rather live with, Mommy or Daddy?
Now, take your time.
You know, nobody's going to get upset.
Okay. Daddy.
But I gave you life!
No, no, it's fine.
It's fine. I'm fine.
You know, if you'd rather live here
then here is where you'll stay.
We could spend the weekends together.
Oh, thank you, Mommy, for understanding...
and for giving me life.
- See ya. - See you later, baby.
Oh, wow.
Nicole, that was probably the most mature thing
that you've ever done. Our relationship is moving to a new level.
I hate you!
You turned my daughter against me.
Nicole, be reasonable.
Look, see, you're like broccoli,
healthy, good for you,
but people have to pour cheese all over you just to choke you down.
See, I'm like chocolate cake.
I go down pretty easy
and I'm good for your hips.
Don't feel so sure of yourself, Flex. The only reason why I went along with this
is because I didn't want to end up being "mean mom."
I know a trap when I see one.
Oh, please, Nicole, ain't nobody trying to trap you.
Oh, I beg to differ.
I'm on to you, Flex.
See, you're the fun parent.
But not for long, okay?
This is my chance to be the fun parent.
So while you're setting curfews and imposing punishments,
I'm going to be Mommy Good Guy.
[cackling]
You see, I'm having fun already.
This place you're moving into, padded walls, right?
Here I am, Arnaz. Surprise!
Breanna, I'm so happy to see you!
I've been lost without you! When did you get back?
Well, it's a long story
but all that matters is that I'm here now.
And that you never went anywhere. Breanna, I know you never left.
Breanna, why do you keep playing games with my heart?
It wasn't a game.
It was a test.
Breanna, I'm a musician.
Elvis wasn't good at tests, and neither am I.
I think it best we stay friends.
- But... - You ready to go, boo?
Boo?
Yeah. I'm with Ginger now.
She doesn't play games.
Welcome back, Bre-Bre.
Are you okay?
Yeah. Yeah.
Oh, I blew it, Spirit.
I am never going to like another boy again, Daddy.
I wish all boys were more like you.
There's nobody like me, sweetie. I'm an original.
I thought Arnaz was an original.
[both wailing]
Stop messing with me!
[laughing]
Okay, well... this is the last of it.
- I'll walk you out, Mom. - Okay.
Well, take care, Nicole.
I wish you well.
Whatever, Flex.
Bye-bye, Tina Turner!
I'm going to miss her so much.
♪ One on one ♪
♪ Uh-huh yo Ooh ooh ♪
♪ One on one ♪
♪ One on one we're just ♪
♪ One on one ♪
♪ Uh-huh yo Ooh ooh ♪
♪ One on one ♪
- I love you, Daddy. - Love you, too, Nellie.