-大家好 -大家好 -Hello. -Hello, everybody!
非常感謝 Thank you so much.
-謝謝 -太感謝了 -Thank you! -Thank you.
各位好 Greetings!
謝謝大家 謝謝 Thank you, thank you, thank you.
謝謝各位的掌聲 Thank you, everybody. Thank you.
歡迎大家 謝謝你們 And welcome, and thank you all
在這樣天氣下依然來到這裏 for braving these treacherous conditions to get here.
我今早走來 花了將近9分鐘 It took me nearly nine minutes this morning.
他的拖鞋都濕透了 His slippers got all soggy on the way.
我差點摔了一跤 但還是趕來了 I nearly fell over once, but I made it.
別擔心 And don't worry,
因為我們為大家準備了一份大禮 because we have an incredible reward for you all.
在今天這期激動人心的節目裏 Because, in this action-packed show...
詹姆斯穿了一件紅色的外套 ..James wears a red anorak...
理查德盯著一根類似管子的東西 ..Richard looks at a pipe of some sort...
而我泡了一杯茶 ..and I make a cup of tea.
絕對是精彩不斷 It is non-stop action.
絕對精彩 但現在我要從人類說起 Non-stop. But... but we begin with mankind.
-好大的話題 -確實是個大話題 -Wow! Big start! -It is a big start.
是這樣的 作為一個物種 You see, the thing is, as a species,
人類對自己很滿意 we are very pleased with ourselves,
因為我們造出了像保時捷918 because we have the Porsche 918
以及法拉利LaFerrari and the Ferrari TheFerrari:
這些時速超過340公里的傑作 cars that can travel at 212mph, an incredible speed.
這點牛和螞蟻都做不到 Whereas cows and ants and...
-你想說什麼 -你要這麼想 -What are you going on about? -Well, think about it, OK.
現在的牛和一百萬年前的牛 A cow is exactly the same now
沒什麼不同 as it was a million years ago.
當然現在的可能更好吃 Well, maybe a bit more delicious now,
但基本相同 but basically the same.
每天除了在地裏吃草 It still stands around all day long
就沒事幹了 in a field eating grass.
然而我們人類卻自認為進化了很多 Whereas we think that we've improved.
但真的如此嗎 But have we?
-是的 -沒錯 -Yes. -Yeah, we have.
話是沒說 Well, now, you say that,
但在25年前 我們就已經造出 but we were travelling at way more than 212mph
時速遠超過340公里的車了 in our cars 25 years ago.
這是捷豹XJ220 This is the Jaguar XJ220.
車牌"220 VAN": TopGear中曾出現的福特全順版XJ220
最高時速達到了349公里 And with a top speed of 217mph,
在當時是世界上最快的車 it was the fastest car in the world.
幾乎在5分鐘後 For about five minutes.
就被下面這台取代了 And then this came along.
時速350公里的布加迪EB 110 SS The 218mph Bugatti EB 110 Super Sport.
兩台車都是在80年代構思的 Both these cars were conceived in the '80s,
當時戈登·蓋柯正胡所非為 when Gordon Gekko was running amok,
戈登·蓋柯: 電影《華爾街》中的角色
整個世界充斥著資金 and the world was awash with money.
但在90年代初 他們問世時 But by the time they went on sale in the early '90s...
這是華爾街難以置信的一天 An incredible day on Wall Street.
大盤跌幅超過400點 The market has fallen over 400 points.
股票市場崩潰了 ...the stock market had crashed.
只有一個詞能形容當前的局面 There's only one word to describe what's happening,
那就是"恐慌" and that is "panic".
所以當時能買得起它們的人 So, the only people who might have bought them
正忙著從他們位於華爾街的辦公室裏 were too busy hurling themselves out of their office windows
跳窗自殺 on Wall Street.
於是這兩台車 他們誕生 他們征服 So, these cars, they came, they conquered,
但卻無人問津 and no-one noticed.
直到今日 在25年以後 Today, though, 25 years later,
只有3款現役量產車 there are only three cars in current production
比它們兩個快 that are faster than this.
然而 即便這兩輛車的性能出眾 However, while there is a lot of performance,
動力傳遞的方式卻很傳統 the way it's delivered is... quite old-fashioned.
你把油門踩下去 然後就等著吧 You put your foot down, and then you wait
等待渦輪的轉速提起來 while the turbo-chargers spool up.
時間會比較久 因為有4顆渦輪 It takes quite a while, cos there are four of them.
你們先忙著 Talk among yourselves.
然而 當這台3.5升V12發動機 However, when the 3.5l V12
終於獲得了充足養分 is finally getting all the food it needs...
噢我的天哪 Oh, God!
足以引發混亂 ..all hell breaks loose.
切進彎角 Through the corner.
有點可怕 Mild terror.
這速度難以置信 The speed is hilarious!
也很嚇人 And terrifying.
怪不得他們 That's probably why they fitted it
在這裏鋪上塑料片 而不是地毯 with this plastic sheeting rather than carpets,
因為他們知道總有一天你會被嚇出翔來 because they knew that one day you would soil yourself.
你必須要有出色的技術 You did have to be good
才能真正駕馭這頭野獸 to get the best out of this thing.
這讓我想到了邁克爾·舒馬赫 Which brings me on to Michael Schumacher.
舒馬赫1994年購買 2003年賣出 祝車王早日康復
在當時 他可以擁有他想要的任何一輛車 He could have had any car he wanted back in the day,
但他卻買了一輛這個 but he had one of these.
然而奇怪的是 Weirdly, however,
主要是因為覺得它更好看 and mainly because I think it looks better,
我會選擇捷豹 I'd have chosen the Jag.
這本應該是一輛四驅V12的車 It was supposed to have been a four-wheel drive V12,
就像布加迪一樣 like the Bugatti,
但捷豹覺得那樣做太麻煩了 but Jaguar found that much too complicated.
所以他們直接從MG Metro 6R4拉力賽車上 So, they gave it the turbo-charged V6
拆下了渦輪增壓V6發動機 from a Metro rally car,
改成後輪驅動 又裝上了Rover 200的尾燈 rear-wheel drive, the rear lights from a Rover 200,
然後說了一句"搞定了" and then they said, "That'll do,"
轉身就去酒吧開喝了 and went to the pub.
那麼這是否意味著在直線加速賽中 So, does that mean the Jag is embarrassed by the Bugatti
捷豹會被碾壓呢 in a drag race?
在開始之前 Right, before we do this,
我得先把卡帶機粘牢 I have to tape the cassette player in place,
因為上次我開著XJ220 從靜止開到全速 because the last time I did a full-bore standing start in an XJ220,
加速非常猛烈 the acceleration was so vivid,
卡帶機從儀表盤上飛出來了 the stereo shot out of its slot in the dashboard,
掉到了換擋桿上 ricocheted off the gear lever,
撞上了我的左側蛋蛋 and then speared into my left plum.
非常難受 It was very uncomfortable.
噢這個旋鈕掉了 Oh, the end's come off.
搞定 好的 把玻璃搖上去 That's good. Right, window up.
好了 開始吧 Right, let's do this!
我不知道該什麼時候換擋 Don't know when to change gear,
因為轉速表壞了 because the rev counter's broken.
很接近 This is close.
噢我的天哪 Oh, my word!
捷豹拿下一分 Score one for the Jag!
這才叫速度 That was some speed!
在0-400米加速中 After a quarter of a mile,
粗製濫造的捷豹尾速達到了217km/h the badly-made Jag was doing 135mph,
現在的蘭博基尼Huracan都無法達到 and a modern day Lamborghini Huracan couldn't do that.
這也證明我們在過去的25年裏一事無成 Which proves that in the last 25 years, we've come nowhere.
但卻並非如此 Except, we have.
想想看 回到1992和93年 You see, back in '92 and '93,
那時沒有無線網絡 沒有PS遊戲機 there was no Wi-Fi, there was no PlayStation,
還沒有發明DVD DVD hadn't been invented,
賈斯汀·比伯還沒有出生 Justin Bieber hadn't been born.
Google還沒有成立 亞馬遜還只是條河 There was no Google, Amazon was a river.
也沒有網上成人電影 There was no internet pornography.
這可能算好事 Well, that's probably a good thing,
因為那時也沒偉哥 cos there was no Viagra, either.
90年代初是一段黑暗時期 The early '90s were the dark ages,
當你開上這兩輛車時 就能得到體現 and when you drive these cars, it shows.
這輛車沒有轉向助力 In here, there's no power-steering.
沒有空調 No air conditioning.
沒有ABS No anti-lock brakes.
很明顯 也沒有任何駕駛輔助系統 And obviously, no driver aids of any kind.
只有我身後的一台525匹發動機 Got a 525bhp engine back there.
噢我去 Ooh, shi...
配有一顆垃圾箱那麼大的渦輪增壓器 Being fed by a turbo-charger the size of a wheelie bin.
這些都要靠我一個人來馴服 And all there is in here to tame it is me!
開上幾圈之後 After a couple of laps in this thing,
你會渾身酸疼 you really are aching.
汗流不止 And sweating.
而且肯定會被嚇得夠嗆 And you're frightened. You really are.
因為這輛車不允許你犯錯 Cos this is not a car that's just gonna forgive you.
如果你玩大了 你就會撞樹 If you overdo it, you're gonna hit a tree,
再就沒有然後了 and that's just an end of it.
總的來說 So, there we are.
當今的超跑或許沒有 A modern supercar may be no faster
這些老一輩神獸跑得快 than these monsters from the past,
但這些新車讓飆車變得更有趣 也更輕鬆 but a modern supercar makes the speed fun and easy,
而不是淹沒在恐懼 汗水 和排泄物的混合液裏 not terrifying and bathed in an unholy mix of sweat and faeces.
說得好 Well done.
我總結得很全面 Covered it all there.
確實說得好 No, seriously, well done,
因為之前從來沒有人 because nobody's ever finished a road test
用"排泄物"來結束評測 with the word "faeces" before.
確實我是第一個 No, that was a first.
我不禁在想 But I'm just thinking,
不僅僅是現在的超跑變慢了 it isn't just supercars that are getting slower,
你們還記得蓮花Sunbeam嗎 because you remember the Lotus Sunbeam?
-哪年的來著 1979還是78 -記得 -When was that, 1979, '78? -Yeah.
那玩意的百公里加速時間是6.6秒 That did 0-60 in 6.6 seconds,
即便是現在的小鋼炮 and there aren't many hot hatches
也沒有多少比它快 that would keep up with that, even today.
還有火車 野鴨號 那台蒸汽機車 And then you've got trains. The Mallard, the steam train,
LNER 4468 Mallard在1938年創下了時速203公里的記錄
比大部分電氣火車都快 is quicker than most electric trains.
SR-71 黑鳥 天上沒有比它飛得更快的了 SR-71 Blackbird, nothing in the skies as fast as that.
SR-71黑鳥偵察機 能夠以3倍音速飛行
這樣想 我們以前可以 I suppose, if you think about it, we used to be able to
指已退役的協和客機
用三個小時跨過大西洋 get across the Atlantic in three hours,
-但現在卻需要7個小時 -沒錯 -and now it takes us seven. -Exactly.
現在我們需要用數字來論證我們的觀點 And now we must put some numbers on our argument
看看布加迪能在埃博拉賽道上跑多快吧 by sending the Bugatti round the Eboladrome.
老傢伙 加油 Come on, old-timer!
她出發了 And she's off.
起步很平穩 A smooth start.
在濕滑的地面上 四輪驅動系統 Four-wheel drive system maintaining traction
沒有讓車輪打滑 in these wet conditions.
今天賽道上真是濕透了 It really is soaking out there today!
精確的走線 通過第一個彎角 Right, a measured line through the first curve,
小心地控制油門 and then carefully working the throttle
才不會讓它失控 to keep things in check.
像一陣風 駛向留你名彎 Approaching the sweep down to Your Name Here,
非常平順 and smoothly done.
哎呀 即便在這種濕滑的賽道上 Crikey! Managing to get the tyres squealing,
還是能讓輪胎發出響聲 even on this damp section.
V12發動機咆哮著 And then winding up the little V12
衝回了不直道 to fire it back onto the Isn't.
孤零零的一根雨刷在努力工作 Single wiper batting away the drizzle,
她勇敢地殺入了剎車區 as she hustles it towards the braking zone
準備對付老奶房的複雜組合彎 for the tricky Old Lady's House complex.
在這裏表現如何 How will it get on here?
很流暢 Very neat.
控制得很好 Very controlled.
現在把油門踩下衝向變電箱彎 And now back on the gas for the run to Substation.
你甚至能聽到四顆渦輪 And you can hear the fizz
在猛烈運轉時發出的嘶嘶聲 from those four furiously spinning turbos.
漂亮地通過了這個彎 Keeping it together there nicely.
只剩下綿羊坡了 Field Of Sheep to go.
稍微有些打滑 然後衝過終點 Glides through there, and across the line.
看看它能在榜上排到哪裏 So, let's see where it goes on the board.
我有預感會很靠前 I'm imagining pretty high up.
-並不是很快啊 -確實不太快 -That's not very fast. -No, it isn't very fast.
但我們讓捷豹也跑了一圈 But we put the Jag round, as well,
它的圈速是 and that did it in...
稍等 圈速在我這裏 Hang on, I've got the time here. Just bear with me.
1分35秒1 ..one thirty-five one.
所以比布加迪還慢 So... slower than the Bugatti?
是的 Yes.
事實上比所有車都慢 Slower, in fact, than everything
除了一輛又小又便宜的大眾兩廂車 except a small, cheap Volkswagen hatchback,
同樣是在濕滑賽道上做出的圈速 which also went round in the soaking wet.
是的 Yes.
所以和你之前說的恰恰相反 So, contrary to what you were saying earlier on,
超跑在這25年裏 supercars have got much faster
確實變得越來越快了 over the last 25 years.
是的 Yes.
好了 繼續吧 Right! Moving on!
因為現在我們該在嘮嗑街的閒聊咖啡廳 Because now it's time to order some doughnuts of debate
點上幾個爭論的甜甜圈 from the Chat Cafe, on Conversation Street
-我都嚇死了-是啊 -I was terrified. -Yeah.
好了現在 Right, good. Now...
-你們知道寶馬Z4嗎 -嗯 -you know the BMW Z4? -Yes.
順便提一下 這是唯一一款內外飾都由女人設計的車 The only car, incidentally, designed on the interior and the exterior by women.
-是麼 -沒錯 -OK? -It was.
這車要停產了 替代者是這個 Well, they're dropping it, and replacing it with this.
這顯然是男人設計的 所以 This has been designed by a man, so...
嗯 你接下來想說什麼啊 傑裏米 Mm-hm. And where are you going with this one, Jeremy?
所以 它不能這樣手臂交叉 So, it won't be able to take its jumper off
把套頭衫脫下來 by folding its arms.
-什麼 -你到底在說什麼 -What? -What are you on about?
男人不能像女人那樣脫套頭衫 Men can't take their jumpers off like women do,
-手臂交叉著脫 -我能啊 -crossing their arms. -I can do that!
-你又不是男人 -行吧 -You're not a man. -Oh, right.
我就是這樣啊 I take my jumper...
就是這樣的脫的啊 That's how you take a jumper off, like that.
你怎麼會知道 How do you know?
你只要在事故後等著救護員過來 You just wait for the paramedics to come along,
把衣服剪開 cut it off after your accident.
好吧 但套頭衫就是這麼脫的 Yes, but that's how you take a jumper off.
-我不懂你說的 -你給我脫 -I don't know what you're talking about. -Take your jumper off.
把你套衫脫了 你們瞧瞧他怎麼脫的 Just take your jumper off. Watch this. How does he take it off?
呃 像這樣 Er, like this.
你瞧 像個爺們 There, you see? Like a man.
在場有女士想脫... Are there any women wanna take...
不行 不能那樣 Oh, no, we can't do that.
真的 女士們都明白我的意思 Seriously, women, do you know what I'm on about?
對 Yes.
女士交叉... Women cross...
我要是這樣脫衣服 肩膀就脫臼了 If I tried to do that, I'd dislocate my shoulder!
謝謝你的廢話 傑裏米 Thank you for that nonsense, Jeremy.
我們能回到寶馬嗎 來聊聊車 Can we maybe get back to the BMW now, which is a car?
好的 我得說 Yes, it is. Now, I have to say,
-老款的開著總沒看著好 -我完全贊成 -the old one was never as good to drive as it was to look at. -I know what you mean.
開著不行 有點鬆散 對吧 No, it wasn't. It was sort of baggy, wasn't it?
對 而且也沒M版本 Yeah, and there was never an M version.
就感覺完全不刺激 You know, it was all just unexciting.
但我希望新款 But I'm hoping this new one
開著會和看著一樣好 is as good to drive as it looks,
而且它看起來很棒 and it does look very good,
-就算它脫套衫很痛苦 -好吧隨便吧 -even though it will struggle with its jumper. -Yeah, whatever.
不過 要是我想買新款寶馬Z4 Anyway, if I was looking for a new BMW Z4,
我實際上會去買這個 actually, I'd have one of these,
這是新豐田Supra because this is the new Toyota Supra.
我知道 簡直太好看了 I know, it looks phenomenal!
內核其實就是Z4 And that underneath is basically a Z4.
-一樣的發動機 -相同的底盤 -Same engine and everything. -Same chassis.
這是Z4 但你看這外型 It is a Z4, but with that body.
這外型 我得說 真是太美了 And that body, I have to say, looks amazing.
而且最棒的是 And do you know the most amazing thing is,
它們的定價在4萬到6萬英鎊之間 they're talking about a price between 40,000 and 60,000,
這可比看起來便宜多了 which is much less than it looks like.
我覺得這填補了市場空缺 See, I think that is actually filling a gap in the market.
現在中等定價的跑車 市場上有需求 There is a need right now for a mid-price sportscar,
因為可選項真不多 because there really aren't many, if any.
有奧迪 There's the Audi TT RS.
好吧 那車絕對能這樣把套衫脫了 對吧 Well, that'll definitely take its jumper off like that, won't it?
本季第4集中的空姐之車梗
然後放在頭頂的行李箱裏 And then stow it in the overhead lockers,
還能告訴你機門在哪 tell you where the doors are.
大眾美國的法規部頭頭 Now, Volkswagen's US Head of Regulation -
這是他的頭銜 他叫奧利弗·施密特 that was his job title - a guy called Oliver Schmidt.
他為排放門獻身了 He's just been done for his part in Dieselgate.
被判了入獄7年 And they've given him seven years in jail.
或者是 他眼中的4.2年 Or, as he would put it, 4.2 years.
還被罰了40萬英鎊 And a fine of ￡400,000,
或者是大眾標準下的多少錢 or whatever that translates into VW money.
27萬英鎊 Two hundred and seventy thousand.
最有意思的是 逮捕令是在美國簽發的 The fascinating thing is, there was a warrant out for his arrest in America,
但他人在德國 but he was in Germany.
但不知怎麼了 And then, for some reason,
他決定到弗羅裏達去度年假 he decided to take his annual holiday in Florida,
然後在機場被捕了 and got arrested at the airport.
"嗷 糟勒" "Oh, nein!"
-他為什麼這麼干 -因為他是傻子 -Why did he do that? -Because he's a moron?
-哦對 -肯定沒錯了 -Oh, yeah. -Well, he must be!
他肯定是傻子 我唯一能想到的解釋是 He must be! The only thing I can think of
大眾因為排放門 需要有人來背鍋 is that Volkswagen needed someone to do some jail time
-進去蹲一段時間 -然後他自告奮勇了麼 -for what had happened. -And he volunteered to do it?
不 我猜實際的對話是 No, I reckon they probably said,
"你系本月最佳員工哦 施密特先森 "You are ze employee of ze month, Mr Schmidt,
獎勵你兩周的假期去迪士尼玩吧" and you have won a fortnight's holiday in Disney World!"
-"啊 靴靴" -然後他就去了 -"Ah, danke!" -And off he toddled.
"噢糟勒 我被捕啦" "Oh, no, they have arrested me!"
實際上是7年的假期 施密特先生 That's actually a seven-year holiday, Mr Schmidt,
伙食還很差 and the catering is terrible.
好的 還記得本季第1集裏的Rimac嗎 Now, do you remember the Rimac we had in programme one of this season?
就是這個 There it is. Yeah.
他們宣佈要推出新款了 Well, they've announced there is a new one coming out.
哦 原來那輛怎麼了 Well, what happened to that one?
別這樣 老款叫Concept One No, that was called the Concept One.
-嗯 -他們實際上只造了8輛 Mm-hm. -And they only made eight of those, actually.
-現在還剩幾輛 -7輛 閉嘴 -How many are left? -Seven. Shut up!
哈蒙德 那1輛出什麼事了 What happened to the other one, Hammond?
別再說了 Just stop saying things!
新款叫做Concept Two The new one is gonna be called the Concept Two,
神奇的是 他們說新款還會更快 and amazingly they're saying it's gonna be even faster,
舊款已經快到不行了 and that was blindingly fast.
我不相信車子能這麼... I actually don't believe that you can make a car go...
他們宣稱新款會更快 Well, they say it's gonna be faster,
內部空間也更大 and it's a bit bigger inside.
確實得大點 舊款實在太擠了 Which you did need, cos that one was quite cramped.
-你能塞進新款裏了 -舊款我就能 -You can fit in this one. -I could fit in the last one.
這樣要是出事故翻車 You'd be less like Spam, though,
你至少不會變成一塊午餐肉 if you rolled it over and over and over.
那確實更危險 It should be more dangerous, you're right.
實際上我們有新款的照片 We've actually got a picture of the new Concept Two.
就是它 哈蒙德你會喜歡的 Here it is, Hammond. You'll like this.
天啊 Oh, God.
好了 這是新出的邁凱倫 Ooh, now, there's a new McLaren, OK?
我這有圖片 I've got a picture of it here.
看著很贊吧 我這還有些介紹 This is staggering. OK? I've got some of the details.
他們的新旗艦 有點像是P1的替代者 It's their new flagship, kinda replaces the P1.
超級硬核 789匹發了瘋的馬力 Super hard-core. 789 horsepower mentalist that thing.
他們管它叫 我覺得這名字真是太好了 And they've called it... And this is a tremendous name, I think.
-叫它"賽納" -太酷了 -They've called it the Senna. Ooh, cool.
這樣的車配這個名字實在太酷了 I mean, that is a really cool name for a car like that.
我很慶幸他們沒叫它曼塞爾 I'm glad they didn't call it the Mansell.
調侃前F1車手尼格爾·曼塞爾
-就不酷了 -聲浪肯定會含糊不清 -No, less cool. -With its droning engine note.
車牌上還會有很蠢的小鬍子 And it would have a stupid moustache above its number plate.
如果是敞篷版 還會有花呢布頂 And if it were a convertible, a tweed roof.
邁凱倫用"亨特"也行 他也夠酷 McLaren Hunt could work, cos he was quite cool.
調侃前F1車手詹姆斯·亨特
那樣車會狂飲不止的 A terrible thirst, though, it would have.
沒錯 還會冒出很多煙 Yeah, a lot of smoke coming out.
時不時還想和別的車啪啪啪 確實酷 Every now and again it would try and mount another car. But it'd be cool.
權衡下來 賽納應該是他們能想到 On balance, I think Senna's probably the best name
最好的名字了 they could have come up with.
好了 還有別的嗎 還有別的嗑能嘮麼 Right. Now, what else? What more conversation have we got?
-我有我有 -你要嘮嗑 -I have some conversation. -You have some conversation?
你還記得 上周你說過 You know last week, you were talking about
你跟蹤了鴿子 how you ended up following a pigeon?
-你說它飛得多快 -56km/h -How fast did you reckon it was going? -Thirty-five?
56 我記得是 Thirty-five, I think you said.
有天我在鄉下開著車 The other day, I was going down a country lane
跟蹤了一隻黑鳥 and I ended up following a blackbird,
它只能飛到45km/h and that only does 28.
很有意思 這就說明黑鳥在水平飛行時 And that's interesting, cos that means a blackbird, in level flight,
比鴿子還要慢 is slower than a pigeon.
你們兩個什麼毛病 What is wrong with you two?
為什麼都要跟蹤鳥 Why are you following birds?
幹嘛不跟蹤俄國間諜或者出軌男啊 Why not follow Russian spies or straying husbands?
不 你好好聽著 哈蒙德 No, listen, Hammond. Pay attention.
-天啊 -我確實做了點功課 -Oh, God. -I did some research on this.
你可知道 鴿子的極速 You know the top speed of a pigeon,
要是鴿子地板油 平飛 能飛145km/h if it really puts its foot down, is 90, in level flight.
-145 -這麼快 -Ninety miles an hour! -Ninety? That is amazing,
你肯定會覺得 鴿子的翅膀掀不起那麼多空氣 cos you wouldn't think a pigeon's wings could shift enough air.
-不我根本不會去想 -別 你停下 -No, I wouldn't think about it! -No, no, stop!
你可知道 蜂鳥飛得比鵝快 You say that: a hummingbird can fly faster than a goose.
-真的麼 -即使它長成這樣 -Can it? -Even though it's like that.
-沒人在乎啊 -有人啊 -Nobody cares! -They do!
別給鳥分基了 Stop ranking birds!
音近wank 意為擼管
啥 What?
分級 級級級 R-r-r-ranking.
我覺得鳥的極速會是新的當紅大劇 Anyway, I think that the top speed of birds is a new hit show.
你和我能主持 And you and I can host it,
你就會像威文劇院的灰姑娘裏那Buttons一樣 and you'll end up as Buttons in panto in Swindon.
最終在普瑞米爾酒店的客房裏掏槍自殺 And then you'll shoot yourself in a room in a Premier Inn one night.
-嗯 -外面只有一輛警車 -Yeah. -There'll only be one police car outside,
還是輛沃克斯豪爾Astra and it'll be a Vauxhall Astra.
這是你的未來 That's your future!
總之 本周嘮嗑街就到此結束了 Anyway, that is enough Conversation Street this week, so let's move it on.
謝謝大家 Thank you very much.
眾所周知 Now... Now, as I'm sure you know,
創造速度記錄這種事向來很危險 trying to set a speed record is very, very dangerous,
創造水上速度紀錄就更危險了 and especially if you try to do it on water.
事實上 這些年來 這真不是騙你 In fact, over the years, and this is a true fact,
85%的試圖打破水上速度記錄的人 85% of everyone who's tried to break a speed record on water
都獻出了自己的生命 has been killed in the process.
-85%啊 -沒錯 -Eighty-five percent! -Yeah.
但我們可不會被這種數字嚇到 But that's not the sort of figure that puts us off!
沒錯 就因為有這15%的生還率 Exactly. Because there was a 15% chance of surviving it,
我們決定嘗試打破英國兩棲車速度記錄 we decided to try and break the UK speed record for amphibious vehicles.
沒錯 但首先 我們要造一輛車 Yeah, first, though, we had to build a car
這車不僅要能合法上路 that could be driven legally on the road,
在水上也得開得非常快 but that would also go very quickly on the water.
嗯 這有何難 Mm. And how hard can that be?
既然我們是要 Since we were trying to break
打破兩棲車的速度記錄 an amphibious speed record,
顯然應該從這裏開始 the obvious starting point...was here.
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哈德斯菲爾德國際機場 At Huddersfield International Airport.
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哈德斯菲爾德國際機場
我們來哈德斯菲爾德國際機場幹嘛 Why are we at Huddersfield International Airport?
對啊 為什麼不去河邊 Yeah, why aren't we at a lake?
因為我是項目負責人 Because I'm project leader,
而且博學的我知道 and one of the many, many things that I know
要想在水上跑得快 is that to go fast on water,
就需要巨量的馬力 you have to have a lot of power.
為了讓他們看看我什麼意思 To demonstrate what I was on about,
我準備了一個測試 I'd set up a test,
用到了英國皇家空軍Nimrod的噴氣式引擎 using the jet engine from an RAF Nimrod.
-這些都是你做的嗎 -是的 -Did you build all this? -Yes.
-我問一下 -怎麼了 -Can I just ask... -What?
現在兩棲車的速度記錄是多少 ...what is the current speed record for amphibious vehicles?
62.9km/h Thirty-nine point one miles an hour.
那這是不是有點太過了 Well, isn't this rather overkill?
聽著 飛人博爾特在陸地上可以跑出43km/h的速度 Listen, Usain Bolt can run at 27mph on land, OK?
可如果他下半身沒在水裏 If he were waist-deep in water,
他最多能到1.6km/h he'd have a top speed of about one.
水的阻力真的很大 馬力必須要足 Water's really sticky, you need loads of power.
我對此只有一個詞 "不切實際" I've got a word in my head for all this, and it's "impractical".
我也有一個詞 "閉嘴" I've got a word, it's "shut up".
-好吧 -走著 -All right. -We're going.
-很吵嗎 -非常吵 -Is it loud? -Very.
那個發動了 That's fired up.
它會將空氣送入這個大引擎 That's gonna drive air into the big engine.
我們得等這些都變成綠的 We've gotta get those in the green.
我討厭是你來控制按鈕 I hate it when you've got buttons.
我什麼也聽不到 I can't hear anything.
開始點火 Ignitors, on.
我要給它一點推力了 I'm gonna give it some thrust now.
要馬力全開了 Gonna go up to 100% power.
你個傻叉 You are a witless dodo!
看你幹的好事 Look at it!
好消息是 還是有好消息的 On the upside - there is an upside here -
如果它有這般殺傷力 if it's capable of doing that,
想像一下我們在湖上能跑多快 imagine how fast we're gonna go on the lake.
-你就是個白癡 -我贊成 -You're a cretin. -Yes. Yes, yes, yes.
你弄的這些根本毫無科學依據 None of this is based on any scientific reasoning whatsoever.
你說 "這個馬力超大" You say, "It's got a lot of power."
"馬力有多大" "超大" "How much thrust has it got?" "A lot!"
看看它幹得好事 吹翻了倆架飛機 Look what it's done, it's blown two aeroplanes over
賬單肯定是天文數字 and given us a massive bill...
在向我心存懷疑的同事們證明了 Having proved to my sceptical colleagues
噴氣機的動力才是正道之後 that jet power was the way forward,
我們來到了的我們的技術中心 we moved to our technology centre.
偉大的旅程理工學院
在這 我們要把這個俄國噴氣發動機 Here, we would fuse together this Russian jet...
偉大的旅程理工學院
這艘快艇 ..this speedboat...
和這輛鈴木吉姆尼焊到一塊 ..and this Suzuki Jimny,
然後這台英國史上最快的兩棲車 and we'd end up with the fastest amphibious vehicle
就會橫空出世 Britain had ever seen.
-我們有一台老鈴木車 -對 -We have an old Suzuki car. -Yes.
一艘塑料小破船和一個噴氣機引擎 A small, old, plastic boat and a jet engine.
你的意思是我們能將這些神奇組合在一起 And you're suggesting that somehow we unite them all
奏出一曲成功與榮耀的交響樂嗎 into some sort of symphony of success and glory?
對 Yes.
這是我這輩子幹過最愚蠢的事 This is the stupidest thing I've ever been involved with.
蠢破天際 It's idiotic.
在我再次說服將信將疑的同事們 Having convinced my sceptical colleagues once more
這是個可行的計劃後 that my plan was a good one,
我們開工了 we set to work.
不久 我們驚世駭俗的作品出世了 And soon, our amazing creation was ready.
低成本製作
好的各位 如你所見 Right, as you can see, everyone,
這輛車上路是絕對合法 this is fully road legal.
大燈 轉向燈 號碼牌 Lights, indicators, number plate.
以及身後還有個巨大的噴氣機引擎 And a massive jet engine just behind us.
沒錯 Yes.
然而更大的問題 More of an issue, though,
是乘客座椅的佈局 was the passenger's seat layout.
我要換擋了 I've gotta change gear,
它就在你丁丁的地方 and it's right where your penis is.
我一點都不想讓你的手靠近我的肉棒 I never want your hand that near my gentleman's sausage!
我們頭頂上那玩意是什麼 What are these things above our heads exactly?
這些是浮筒對吧 These are the stabilisation tanks, yeah?
下水後 把它們放下去 能保證我們浮起來 When we go in the water, you lower them down and they keep us afloat.
我懂 裝這個的時候我就知道 I've got that. I've got that when we fitted them,
但現在我們卻發現 but what we're now discovering is
它能讓我們在水裏更穩定 they make us more stable on water,
但在陸地上卻正好相反 but a lot less on land!
詹姆斯 你怎麼一言不發 James, why are you being so quiet?
我在坐等翻車 I'm waiting for it to fall over.
你能不像個小孩子一樣亂叫嗎 Will you stop making stupid, childish noises!
我覺得我們這次的任務完成得很完美 I think we've done an incredible job,
我這次的項目負責人也當得非常稱職 and I think I've been a remarkable project leader.
為什麼之前從沒人想過這麼干 Why has no-one thought to do this before?
這貨看上去是多麼的合理 It's so logical when you look at it.
車這部分是沒問題 但人家本來就是輛車啊 The car bit of it's working, but it was already a car.
這算不上你的功勞 That's not much of an achievement.
我來做一個剎車測試 I'm gonna do a brake test.
-怎麼了 -等下 -What? -Wait.
難道是你的... Is that that...
是的 Yeah.
終於 我們來到了湖邊 Eventually, we arrived at the lake.
開始第一次高速測試 For our first high-speed test run.
一上來 哈蒙德就慫了 And immediately, Hammond chickened out.
你咋沒穿防火服呢 Why aren't you wearing a fire suit?
額 噴氣機引擎不是我的菜 Um, jet engines just aren't my thing.
我在岸上看看就好 I'm gonna watch this from the bank.
你真的不來嗎 Are you really not coming in it?
不了 我就... 我就當個觀察員好了 No, I'm gonna watch-- I'm gonna be the observer.
船準備好了 She's ready.
我最害怕的是 謙虛一點說 My big fear is, let's be modest
假如我們到了130km/h and let's say we reached 80.
從這起跑 在撞上對面河岸之前 So from here, we've got to just use drag to slow us down
只能靠阻力停下來 before we hit the far bank.
我們確實得未雨綢繆才行 Well, we have to think ahead, yes.
過中線就要開始減速 Start decelerating when you pass that mid-point,
-這樣你應該沒事 -我覺得他說得對 -you should be all right. -I think he's right.
中線是關鍵點 The middle is the critical point.
過了馬上松油門 Then just back off the throttles.
-然後我們靠浮筒的阻力來減速 -嗯 -And then we'll use the drag of the pontoons to slow us down? -Yeah.
好了 Right.
很快 我和詹姆斯準備好開始測試了 Soon, James and I were ready for the test,
並且絲毫不緊張 and not at all nervous.
等我們點著了引擎 這塊我裝的有機玻璃 When we fire up the jet, this Perspex that I put in here,
是我裝上去的 I put it in.
如果它直接脫落了怎麼辦 So what if that just goes?
你就不該告訴我 You shouldn't have said that.
你記得在虎膽龍威2里面 You know in Die Hard 2 ,
有個很壯的哥們被引擎吸進去了 when the enormous soldier is sucked into the engine?
對哦 那我們就和他一樣了 Oh, yeah. Yeah, that's like that.
真的會是一樣的下場了 對吧 It will be like that, won't it?
準備好了嗎 Ready?
要下水了 We are going in.
我感覺到浮力了 Oh, I feel buoyancy.
我為我的同事們感到驕傲 I am proud of my two colleagues.
這會被載入史冊的 This is...this is historic.
我們現在要打開噴氣機引擎了 We are now gonna fire up the jet engine.
把你那玩意戴上 這個很吵的 Right. Put your thing on, it's gonna be bloody loud.
-什麼玩意 -這個啊 -What thing? -These things.
有道理 That's a good point.
-好了 -通訊檢查 通訊檢查 -Right. -Comms check, comms check.
表盤正常 Dials are engaged.
這是時速表 This is the speedometer.
好 點火器打開 艙底排水泵關閉 OK, we've got ignitor on, bilge pump off,
油門設置為怠速 throttle set at idle.
-開始吧 -啟動引擎 -Go. -Starting jet.
我的天 Holy shit!
它開始轉... 別回頭 It's going... Don't look at it!
別看後視鏡 Don't look in the rear-view mirror.
這太壯觀了 Oh, this is phenomenal!
加大馬力 拉到50% Taking up the power now. Fifty percent.
這是50%嗎 Is that 50%?
對 差不多 但70就是100% Yeah, that's about 50, but 70 is 100.
什麼叫"70就是100%" What do you mean, "70 is 100"?
我找不到能和它的轉速完全匹配的表盤 I couldn't find a dial that exactly matched the revs,
所以這裏的70就是100%推力 so 70 on here is 100% thrust.
馬力全開 走起 I'm going full power. Here we go.
抓穩了 你真得抓個東西 Hold tight. You wanna hold on to something, seriously.
好了 走著 Right, go.
這是100%的推力了 That's 100% thrust.
好吧 我們現在時速3km Right, well, we're doing 2mph.
加把勁啊 Come on!
到5km/h了 We're doing three!
為什麼這麼慢 Why is it so slow?
這引擎可是俄羅斯戰鬥機的啊 I mean, that jet is from a Russian fighter!
它能讓一架俄羅斯戰鬥機在天空中翱翔啊 That is capable of keeping a Russian fighter in the air.
為什麼只能讓我們開到5km/h呢 Why won't it make us go more than three?
重點是人家在天上啊 In the air, that's the point - the air!
哈蒙德都能跟上我們了 Hammond is keeping up with us.
就這 That's it?
快啊 Come on!
-我能說件事嗎 -我們在往下沉 -Can I just say something? -We're sinking.
不 是我這邊在往下沉 No, my half is sinking.
天吶 我們真的要... 我要上岸了 Oh, God! We really do need... I'm gonna go in to shore.
我覺得他們其實不需要頸托 I don't think they needed the neck braces in the end.
然後松油門 And throttle back.
-最高時速 -5km -Speed? -Three.
-5km/h -沒錯 就是5km/h -Three? -Yeah, it does three.
5km/h就是你的極速了 That's your top speed, it's three?
動手劃也能到這個速度好嗎 You could row at 3mph.
好消息是 這其中還是有好消息的 On the upside, and there is one,
我們都還活著 neither of us were killed.
這是好消息嗎 And that's an upside?
不是 現在的問題是 No, the issue at hand is...
-這貨不能用 -是的 -It doesn't work. -Yes.
為什麼不能用呢 Why doesn't it work?
主要原因有這車的外型 Well, it's mainly to do with the shape of the car,
以及這個鋸下來粘上去的破爛船體的形狀 the shape of the sawn-up bits of tatty old boat that you've Blu-Tacked to it.
還有浮筒的阻力 The drag of the pontoons,
引擎的大小 馬力和位置 the size and power and position of the engine,
它所需的油量 the amount of fuel it will run,
以及基礎物理學吧 the basic physics.
水的密度是空氣的750倍... The fact that water is 750 times as dense as air...
是時候回爐重造了 It was time to go back to the drawing board.
這次 我們給傑裏米分配了一個他能勝任的工作 And this time, we gave Jeremy a job he could actually do.
好 這就是那台兩棲車最高速度記錄的保持者 Now, this is the car that currently holds the record for amphibious vehicles.
這是一台Gibbs的Humdinga It's the Gibbs Humdinga,
大家可以看到 這可不是什麼老鈴木 and, as you can see, it is not an ancient Suzuki
背著一個陳舊的俄羅斯噴氣機引擎 with an old Russian jet engine on the back.
不 它是一輛帶著船殼的輕質塑料車 No, it's a light, plastic car with a hull,
同時可以看到 還有可收折的輪子 and, as you can see, retractable wheels.
沒錯 這就是為什麼我們選了 Exactly. And that's why we have chosen,
我們項目的底子 就是這個 as the basis for our project, this.
是一台1970休閒套件的萬金羅賓 Which is a Reliant Robin in a 1970s leisure suit.
不 這是一台邦三輪 No, it is a Bond Bug:
由被萬金收購的邦德汽車公司出品 萬金羅賓的前身
70年代最酷的車之一 one of the coolest cars from the '70s.
哈蒙德 我能明白你為什麼選這一輛了 And I can see why you chose this particular one, Hammond.
車牌上是你的名字 It's got your name on it.
CUNT
閉嘴 這車當年沒火的唯一原因 Shut up. The only reason these things never really caught on
就是因為從沒人想過把它變成兩棲車 was because nobody thought of making them amphibious.
嗯 但是我們想到了 Yes, but we have, you see.
所以我們要給它裝上可收折的輪子 跟Gibbs一樣 So we're gonna fit it with retractable wheels, same as the Gibbs,
而且我們要用這個的引擎 and we're gonna use the engine from one of these.
-噴氣式引擎 -對 但不太一樣 -A jet engine. -Yes. Sort of, but different.
這是我的主意 It's my idea.
噴氣式引擎不是你的主意 The jet engine was not your idea.
是 噴氣式不是我想出來的 No, the jet engine isn't my idea,
但造兩棲車用噴氣式引擎是我想出來的 but the idea of making an amphibious car using a jet engine was my idea.
這是一台噴水式推進器 可不一樣 This is a water jet, it's different.
甭管怎樣 這是個天才之舉 And anyway, this is genius,
因為你可以在世界上的任何一處沙灘 because you can rent one of these
都能租到一輛這個 from pretty much any beach in the world,
一上來就能開到80km/h that will do 50mph out of the box.
-這輛可以到108km/h -沒錯 它可以 -This one will do 67. -It will. Exactly.
這可不慢了 Well, that's plenty.
所以我們要做的就是把這個 So, all we've gotta do is incorporate this
裝到這台可以上路的邦三輪外殼裏 into the roadworthy shell of the Bond Bug,
這樣我們就能將一輛很快的車和一艘很快的車融為一體了 and we've got a very fast car and a very fast boat in the same thing.
跟我之前做的有什麼區別 Which is exactly what I was doing.
於是 我們就讓傑裏米回家了 At this point, we sent Jeremy home
開始著手打造我們的傑作 and set to work on building our masterpiece.
我不知道你們鼓的哪門子掌 I don't know why you're applauding.
他倆根本不懂船 They know nothing about boats.
一點也不懂 Absolutely nothing.
老飛機 行 直升機 行 Old planes? Yes. Helicopters? Yes.
老摩托車 很行 但要說船 根本不行 Old motorcycles? A lot. But boats? Nothing!
但是等下我們會看到他倆搞出了個啥 But, we shall see what they came up with later on.
但現在 我們要開始明星面面碰環節 Now, though, it is time for Celebrity Face-Off.
這周的問題很簡單 It's a simple question this week.
誰才是世界最快的魔術師 Who is the world's fastest magician?
為了找到答案 有請迪納摩 To find out, would you please welcome Dynamo,
還有佩恩和他少言寡語的夥伴 泰勒 and Penn and his silent partner, Teller.
好神奇 Amazing!
我已經被驚艷到了 I'm already amazed!
說實話 魔術是我的最愛 I've gotta be honest, magic is my favourite thing in the entire world.
除了在法國南部划船 Apart from boating in the south of France.
但我們還是得從車談起 But we must begin with cars, obviously.
畢竟這是一檔汽車節目 至少偶爾是這樣 This being a car show, occasionally.
據我所知 你們起初都是開四驅車的 You both started with 4x4s, as far as I can work out,
或者你們都擁有過四驅車 or they have featured in your life.
你是奔馳G級的粉絲 對嗎 You are a G-Wagen man, yeah?
沒錯 Yeah, yeah.
最初 在我的節目剛剛火起來的時候 So, at the beginning, when my TV show got a bit of success,
奔馳來找我 贊助車給我開 Mercedes came and they would give me cars to drive.
但之後 我參演了菲亞特的廣告 But then, I did a commercial with Fiat,
奔馳對此不是很開心 and Mercedes weren't too happy about that.
我用拍菲亞特廣告的錢 I used some of the money from Fiat to...
我還喜歡著奔馳G級 所以我就買了一輛G級 I still love the G-Wagen, so I bought one.
所以你用菲亞特的錢買了一輛奔馳 So, you used Fiat money to buy a Mercedes?
-是的 -挺好的 但你有一輛福特Bronco -Yeah. -That is quite good. But you had a Ford Bronco.
那只是因為我看到OJ·辛普森逃逸時開的... But only because I watched OJ do the...
OJ·辛普森: 著名美國橄欖球運動員 曾駕駛白色Bronco逃逸
我當時想 "他個頭也挺大的 And I said, "He's kind of a big guy.
嘉賓佩恩身高兩米
也許我開這車會比較合適" Maybe I'd fit in that car."
拿到車之後 我覺得它風格太陽剛 And I got the whole thing, and it was all too masculine,
所以我就把它漆成了拉斯維加斯脫衣舞女粉 so I painted it stripper pink for Vegas.
你開車上班的時候 他們不會以為你是個脫衣舞女嗎 When you're driving to work, do they think you're a stripper?
我倒希望是這樣 I hope so.
你是不是曾經有過一輛福特獵鷹 Didn't you have a Ford Falcon at some stage?
嗯 在我上高中的時候 Well, when I was in high school...
我來自偏僻的小地方 I'm from a rural area.
我母親讓我開她的車 那輛車就是福特獵鷹 ..my mother gave me her car, which was a Ford Falcon.
但對我來說 那車就是我高中時期的移動炮房 But for me, that was just a place to have sex in high school.
之後你們倆就開始一起巡迴演出了 And then you started touring together.
-沒錯 -也就是說你們需要一輛 -Mm-hm. -So you presumably needed some kind of tour...
你懂的 我們是垃圾雙騙 You know, we're carny trash.
我在狂歡節上表演 做室外演出 諸如此類 We did carnivals and outdoor shows and all of that.
我們是最不招人待見的一夥人 We're the worst kind of people.
我們必須得開車跑遍整個美國 And we had to drive all over the United States of America.
所以我們去了拍賣會場 So, we went to an auction place
買了一輛日產210旅行車 and bought a Datsun 210 station wagon,
放倒後座 把所有的東西都放進箱子裏 with the back seat down, and then our trunks in there with all our stuff.
我們非常怕有人會偷道具 We were so terrified of having our props stolen,
我們在車外放了一張磁力貼 that we had a magnetic sign we put on the side
上面寫著 "亞特蘭大疾控中心 that said, "Atlanta Centre for Disease Control
標本運輸小分隊" Specimen Transfer Unit."
我們把它貼到外面 把大箱子放進後備箱 We put that on the side, with the big boxes in the back,
問題輕鬆解決 and that worked really well,
直到有人偷了那塊磁力貼 until the sign was stolen.
我想談論車的事情 I wanna talk about cars,
但有人想看看魔術嗎 but who would rather here see some magic?
想 Yes!
我知道應該討論汽車的 I know we're supposed to do cars.
但你可以現場來段魔術表演嗎 Would you mind awfully if you now do some?
你隨身帶了道具嗎 Have you actually-- You've brought something with you?
我要在你身上試試 I'm gonna try something with you.
請把你的手伸出來 Just hold your hands out for me.
-兩隻手嗎 -對 就像這樣 -What, both? -Both, like this.
-這樣嗎 -再稍寬一些 -Like that? -A little bit wider.
你是左撇子還是右撇子 Are you left or right-handed?
右撇子 不過射擊的時候就是另一回事了 Right-handed. Unless we're talking about shooting.
-握拳 -像這樣嗎 這只呢 -Close it in a fist. -Like that? That one?
對 然後把手掌翻過來 Yeah, then turn this left one over.
我在這兒畫個小十字 I'm gonna put a little cross right there.
你能給大家看一下嗎 Can you show that to everyone?
-給每個人看一下小十字 -這兒有個十字 -Show the cross to everybody. -I've got a cross there.
大家看一下 Let's have a look.
筆跡一定要干 So, make sure it's dry.
用記號筆寫的 應該不會掉色 It's Sharpie, so it shouldn't come off.
對 十字還在 Yeah, it's still there.
我想 The idea...
讓它 ..is to make it...
從這裏消失 ..disappear from there...
如果它在這隻手里 我肯定... If it's in this hand now, I'm going to be...
天呀 sake!
怎麼做到的 How is that?
再來一個吧 大家想再看一個嗎 Go on, do another one. Who'd like to see another one?
想 Yes!
-來吧 還有什麼把戲 -你這兒有紙嗎 -Come on, what have you got? -Have you got a piece of paper there?
有的 Yes.
我這兒有只筆 I've got a pen here.
我先做幾個標記 I'm just gonna just do some markings for you.
我們從這裏開始 We'll start here.
拿上筆 Take the pen.
-拿上筆 -好的 -Take the pen. -Yeah.
說一個數字 1到10選一個 Give me a number from, say, one to ten.
9 Nine.
9 把它寫到紙上 Nine. Write it down.
-9 -很好 -Nine. -Great.
我們選一個 讓我看看 We'll go for, let's see,
那邊帶著眼鏡的女士 the lady right there with the glasses.
沒錯 請再給我一個數字 從9到19 Yeah. I need another number, from 9 to 19.
11 11.
-11 寫下來 -我覺得那是位男士 -Eleven, write that down. -I think it was a man.
有點尷尬 That's a bit embarrassing.
我們的世界有些混亂 We may be in a world of trouble here.
趕快 我們繼續 Let's move it on, quickly!
好的 Yes.
-理查德 -到 -Richard! -Yes?
從11到21選一個數字 A number from 11 to 21.
19 Nineteen.
-19 你確定嗎 -確定 -19. Are you sure? -Yes.
-19 把它寫到紙上 -寫這裏 對嗎 -Nineteen, write it down. -There, yeah?
完美 沒錯 Perfect. Yes
這位穿藍夾克的男士 We'll go for this guy here in the blue jacket.
-你好嗎 -其實那是位女士 -How you doing? -Actually, that's a woman.
男女太難辨別了 It's so hard to tell.
請從19到29選一個數字 A number from 19 to 29, please.
27 27.
27 把它寫下來 Twenty-seven, write that down.
剛好是吉耶·維倫紐夫的舊賽車編號 Gilles Villeneuve's old number.
這位穿著白T恤的先生 We'll go for this gentleman right here with a white t-shirt.
-這位性別不明的先生 -沒錯 是的 -The gender-fluid gentleman. -Yes. Yes!
從27到37選一個數字 A number from 27 to 37.
33 Thirty-three.
33 寫下來 Thirty-three, write that down.
最後 請後面那位長髮女士 Finally, the lady at the end with the long hair.
請從33到49選一個數字 Can we have a number between 33 and 49?
-42 -42 -Forty-two. Forty-two.
那麼就是 9 11 19 27 33和42 So, 9, 11, 19, 27, 33 and 42.
這些是我們今天隨機選出來的數字 These are the numbers we randomly generated today.
幾年前 A couple of years ago,
我自己選了六個數字 I picked six numbers myself.
它們就像是我的幸運數字一樣 They're like my lucky numbers,
我走進一家商店 買了一張彩票 and I went to a shop and I bought a lottery ticket.
後來我中獎了 And I won.
只有十英鎊 但你懂的 多少贏了些東西 Only a tenner, but, you know, I won something.
我現在就帶著那張彩票 就在我錢包裏 And I actually keep that ticket in my wallet.
我們來看看 There we go.
-一直放在錢包裏 保我好運 -不 不可能 -Keep it in my wallet for good luck. -No, no, no. No!
攝像機在哪裏 Where's the camera?
能看到嗎 Can you see that?
這兒是張彩票 There's one ticket there.
-這是彩票 -你會發現裏面數字挺有意思的 -This is a lottery ticket? -I think you'll find the numbers quite interesting,
你可以大聲讀出來 if you wanna read them out loud.
也就是說你... So, you...
我得帶上眼鏡 I'll need my glasses on a lottery ticket.
那麼 我們來看... So, let's just...
-第一個數字是什麼 -9 -What was the first number? -Nine.
9 就在這兒 Nine, right there.
-11 -11 -Eleven. -Eleven.
-19 -理查德的19 -Nineteen. -Nineteen for Richard.
-27 -27 Twenty-seven. Twenty-seven.
-33 -33 Thirty-three. Thirty-three.
最後一個 42 The last one? Forty-two.
這真的是一張彩票 這真的是... That's actually a lottery ticket. It is a lott...
我無語了 I'm... Well, I'm staggered.
好吧 但我們還沒完 But anyway, look, we haven't finished yet.
要不要看看美國魔術師的本事 Shall we see what the Americans can do?
要 Yes!
來吧 你們要表演什麼 Come on, you two, let's have a look. What have you got?
嗯 我問了迪納摩 Well, you know, I was asking Dynamo,
你是魔術圈的一員 對嗎 you're a member of the Magic Circle, right?
魔術圈: 魔術界世界級權威組織
-是的 -但我們不是 -Yeah. -We are not.
泰勒和我有名聲在外 Teller and I have a reputation,
不是不夠格 而是因為喜歡揭穿魔術秘訣 not ill-deserved, for giving away magic secrets.
確實 你們總會揭秘 You do. You always say how your tricks work.
因此 他們不給我們會員資格 We have done that, so they will not let us be members.
我們就想 So that got us thinking
我們能不能變一個魔術 不讓魔術圈發覺 Could we do a trick that would fool the Magic Circle,
同時把... while giving away...
所有手法都展示給觀眾 ..all the very principles we've given away?
我們展示的第一個訣竅 是在很久以前 1985年 And the first thing we gave away, in 1985, way back then,
我們上了大衛·萊特曼的節目 we're on the David Letterman programme,
揭穿了假眼罩的秘密 and gave away the idea of fake blindfolds
很多魔術師都用假眼罩 that are used by magicians.
我們說 "魔術師用的每個眼罩都是假的" We said, "Every blindfold used by a magician is fake," which we've stood by.
我們會用一個絕非假冒的眼罩 也就是迪納摩本人 We're gonna have a blindfold that can't be faked, which is-- Dynamo.
泰勒站在這裏 Teller's gonna stand up here,
迪納摩要確保讓泰勒什麼都看不見 and, Dynamo, just make sure that Teller can't see.
過來 讓泰勒... Come over there and just make sure that Teller...
不是永久失明 只是暫時讓他看不見 Not permanently, but just for now.
把你的手蓋在他的眼睛上 這樣他就看不到了 Just put your hands right over his eyes there so he can't see.
不用溫柔 反正不是我 No need to be gentle, it's not me.
-好 -一定不要讓他看見東西 -Cool, cool. -All you've gotta do is make sure he can't see.
看我手勢 這是幾 How many fingers am I holding up?
有人說我們 Now, we've been accused
揭穿了標記牌的手法 of giving away the idea of marked cards.
標記牌是很難掌握的道具 Marked cards are very hard to try
就算是職業賭手 Even professional gamblers
有時也分不清牌上有沒有標記 sometimes can't determine if they're marked.
但迪納摩會保證牌上一定沒有標記 But Dynamo's gonna make sure they're not marked.
牌面朝下 放在泰勒的右手 The cards will be dealt face-down in Teller's right hand.
就算牌上有標記 If the cards were marked, which they're not,
泰勒想看也看不到 Teller would have to see,
因為迪納摩用手摀住了他的眼 and Dynamo's making sure he can't see.
-他看不見 -另一個秘訣是 -He can't see. -The other thing we gave away
是我們在約翰尼·卡森的節目上揭穿的 was on the Johnny Carson programme.
我們揭秘了選牌的操作 We gave away the idea of a card force:
就是事先知道哪張牌會被選中 that it's easy to do a trick
這樣魔術就變得輕而易舉了 if you know in advance what card's gonna be picked.
完成選牌的一種方式是 傑裏米 And one of the ways you can do a force like that, Jeremy,
就是讓所有的牌都一樣 is to have all the cards be the same.
-好的 -然後再選牌 -Yeah. -Then just have a card selected,
這樣你就知道選上的是什麼牌了 where you know what's it's gonna be.
-請站起來一下 傑裏米 -好的 -Stand up for a second, Jeremy. -Yeah, I can become vertical.
你瀏覽一下這些牌 I want you to make sure you look over these,
確定它們都是不一樣的 and make sure they are not all the same.
-我來給你把牌展開 -沒錯 這就是一副牌 -I'll try to fan them all out. -No, that's a pack of cards.
是的 就是一副牌 Yeah, it's a pack of cards.
另一種選卡的操作是 Now, another way you can do a card force
用手上的技巧 is you can use sleight of hand
只讓最上面 或最下面 to force the bottom card or the top card,
甚至是中間的牌被選中 or even a card in the middle.
但用你的手就不存在這種技巧了 I'm gonna eliminate sleight of hand by using your hands.
好嗎 OK?
我把大部分牌都先給你 So, I'm gonna give you most of the deck right there.
然後 And I'm gonna...
像這樣把它們展開 Just fan them out like this. Fan them out.
不要讓我看到 想一張牌 And don't let me see, but just think of one.
不用指 不用切 Don't even point to it, don't cut to it.
瀏覽一遍所有的牌 大部分牌都在你手裏 Just look over all the cards. You have most of the deck.
在腦海裏選一張牌 And then just think of one card.
不用看 想就可以了 Don't look at it, just think of it.
最後把牌合起來 你做什麼我都看不到 Then close them up so I can't see what you're doing.
然後好好地洗一下牌 And then give those cards a good shuffle.
或者像你這樣洗牌 Or give them that kind of shuffle.
好 挺好的 Good. That's good.
讓牌面朝下 這樣我就不知道你是怎麼洗的了 But face-down so I can't tell what you're shuffling.
-所以你已經想好了一張牌了嗎 -想好了 -So you've thought of one card? -Mm-hm.
-你完全不知道這張牌在哪裏 對嗎 -不 不知道 -You have no idea where it is in the deck? Is that right? -No. No.
通常 魔術師會在現在讓你搞混 Now, magicians often want you to misremember
步驟的順序 the sequence of events.
但我們希望你把順序記得清清楚楚 We want you to very much remember the sequence.
那張牌現在只在你的腦海裏 對嗎 The card is only in your head, is that right?
-是的 -別的地方都沒有嗎 -Yeah. -It's nowhere else?
-都沒有 -現在牌都混起來了 你不知道牌在哪裏 -Nowhere else. -The cards are all mixed up, you have no idea where it is.
現在我把牌放你手裏 Now, I'm gonna put these in your hand.
牌的順序不變 之後也不會變 Now, the order of these will not change. It will not change.
我不會再碰它們了 I'm not gonna touch them again.
不會再碰了 好嗎 I will no touch them again, OK?
我的手離開牌 我不會再碰它們了 Now that my hands are off, and I won't touch them again,
告訴我那張牌的名字 what was the name of the card?
-紅桃K -好的 -King of Hearts. -OK.
現在你去那邊 把牌發到泰勒的手裏 Now, you're gonna go over there and you're gonna deal the cards, one at a time,
從最上面的牌開始 牌面朝下 一次一張 好嗎 from the top, face-down, to Teller's right hand, OK?
-放到他的手裏嗎 -放他的右手裏 -Into his hand? -Into his right hand.
-牌面朝下 -對 -So face-down? -Yeah.
迪納摩 不要讓他看見 Dynamo, make sure he can't see.
他什麼也看不見 He can't see nothing.
迪納摩 替罪羊又是我們 See, we are just being whipping boys again, Dynamo,
我們英國人 us English.
-好的迪納摩 他全程都看不見嗎 -什麼也看不到 -OK, Dynamo, was he able to see, even for a moment? -Nothing.
-傑裏米 你的牌是什麼來著 -紅桃K -Jeremy, what was the name of your card? -King of Hearts.
看下一張卡 Look at the next card.
-天吶 -從洗好的牌裏找出腦海中的牌 -Oh, for Christ's sake. -Thought of card out of a shuffled deck.
好吧 Well...
你們來這兒 是為了跑單圈的 You came here, of course, to do your laps.
我們可以看到 在日光轉瞬即逝的冬日 And, as we can see, in the rapidly fading light,
天氣一點也不友好 the weather has not been clement.
其實早上我們到賽道的時候 In fact, when we arrived at the track this morning,
賽道看起來是這樣的 it looked like this.
你們能看出哪裏不對勁 And then... You can see the problem.
那一塊兒 有賽道的那一塊兒 That bit, you can sort of see where the track goes.
我們還有另一個機位 有一個移動的鏡頭 But if we've got another shot-- I think we've got a moving shot.
在這片雪之下的某處 就是我們的賽道 Now, somewhere in there is a racetrack.
我想 你們看清自己要開的路 Which makes it quite tricky, I should imagine, to see
可有點棘手 where you were going.
-是你先上場的 對嗎 -對 -You did it first, didn't you? -Yeah.
有一個格外精彩的鏡頭 我不得不說 And there was a particularly fine moment, I have to say, on the...
在干的時候本應是全速彎的那個地方 It's supposed to be a flat-out corner when it's dry,
但事實上完全不是 but it really wasn't.
天氣在變好 雪在融化 The weather was improving, it was thawing.
這個失控格外精彩 And it all went, really, brilliantly wrong.
誰想看迪納摩開車打轉的片段 Who'd like to see Dynamo going round in a few circles?
-大家都想看嗎 -想 -Yeah, we all wanna see that? Yes!
我們來看看 Let's have a look at this.
這是全速彎 This is a flat-out corner,
你能看到車子正跑著 and then you just can see it's going,
然後就 and then...
這是個實打實的大側滑 確實是 That's a properly big slide-off, that one is.
大家為他鼓掌 Round of applause for that, though.
我們很喜歡 We like that.
-你當時害怕嗎 -不 挺有意思的 -Was that scary? -No, it was well fun!
我當時想 "我可以玩一整天 I was like, "I could have done this all day,
太有意思了" it's so much fun."
誰想看迪納摩最後的圈速 Who'd like to see the lap that eventually resulted?
怎麼樣 來看看 Yeah? Let's have a look.
迪納摩的圈速 Dynamo's lap, here it comes.
地已經解凍了 Thawed out.
起步很順滑 他出發了 A nice, smooth, quiet start. And he's away.
好了 來吧 Right, let's do this!
好的 OK, that's...
喔 可真快 Ooh, that's quick through...
直接切彎而過 做得好 Oh! Yes, that's cutting that corner, but nicely done.
控制得很好 Nicely held.
一般來說接下來是砂石路段 但... And now we go on to what is normally gravel, but...
現在是什麼樣 只有泥漿 What does it look like now? It's just mud and slush.
天 看起來真不容易 God, that looks tricky!
但你還是控制住了 But you're keeping it...
那裏走線有一點寬 但沒問題 Ooh, a bit wide through there, but not bad at all.
還是沒問題 Again, not bad.
雖然不快 但... Not fast, but...
兄弟 我覺得我已經駛離賽道了 I don't think I'm on the track any more, guys.
沒出去 還在泥漿裏 No, it's still brown...
那是詹姆斯·梅的過彎速度 No, that is a James May cornering speed through that one.
車子的動力都傳輸到路面了嗎 Is the car putting traction down all right?
沒有 車子到處亂跑 No, it was all over the place!
看起來還是挺好的 No, that's nice.
掠過最後一段 Yeah, splashing through the last bit.
我們把它叫做難點二 Difficult Bit 2 as we call it.
簡直就像在水上開車 It's driving on water, this is.
嗯 簡直是上帝難度 It is, yeah. It's almost Jesus-esque.
現在重新回到柏油路段 And then now we get back onto the tarmac.
大把的抓地力突然間 Ooh, I say, that was tonnes of front-end grip there
就都到前輪了 all of a sudden.
快看車頭拐入的方式 And look at the way the front's turning in.
不可思議 That's unbelievable!
現在我們來到了通常情況下非常快的路段 Now, we go onto the really fast bit, ordinarily.
來吧 我們上 Come on, then. Here we go.
剛才你就是在這兒失控的 This is where you lost it in the practice.
但這次你沒有 But you haven't lost it this time.
車頭忽然間就緊緊抓著路面 That front is suddenly sticking really well!
來到最後一個彎 Coming up to the last corner.
有點轉向不足 但控制得很好 And a little bit of understeer through there, but nicely tamed.
然後衝過終點 各位 And there we are, across the line, everybody!
非常棒 真心不容易 Nicely done. Not easy.
不容易 Not easy.
他開過以後 現在輪到你們了 Now then, after you'd had a go, it was your turn.
-是 -你玩得開心嗎 -Yes. -Did you enjoy yourself?
我玩得非常開心 泰勒坐我旁邊 幫了我很大的忙 I had a very good time, yeah. And I had Teller as a passenger, which was helpful.
確實 平衡車的重量 Oh, that would help! Balance it out nicely.
沒錯 Sure.
你也有一個失控的鏡頭 You also had a moment, shall we say.
確實 我有 I did. I did, yeah.
有人想看佩恩的失誤嗎 Would anybody like to see this moment?
-想 -我們來看 -Yes! -Let's have a look.
進入最後一彎 有些太快 This is quick coming into the last corner.
轉向不足 That's understeer.
有人已經在這裏失控過了 Oh, somebody's been off there already,
地上有胎印 但沒你跑得遠 you can see the tyre marks, but not as far you went.
真壯觀 That is impressive.
那是偏離賽道最遠的一次 That's the furthest anybody's been off that track,
偏得非常遠 by a long way.
你肯定是最遠的 到目前為止 毫無疑問 You're definitely winning that, so far. Definitely.
離賽道最遠 就是我 Furthest off the track, I got that.
-之後你們倆一起做了一個圈速 -是的 -But then you got a lap together, both of you. -I did.
我們來看看他們的單圈 Let's have a look at this lap.
又一次乾淨利落的起步 Yeah, another nice, tidy start.
呼嘯駛過第一彎 Roaring off down to the first corner.
我們起步了 泰勒 你感覺到了嗎 So, we're going, Teller. Can you feel that?
那兒沒什麼可害怕的 It's not at all scary in there.
利落的走線 Right, that's tidily done through there,
把車控制得很好 keeping it really on the island,
不像迪納摩 有些毛躁 unlike Dynamo, who was a bit mad.
進入碎石路段 And onto the gravel.
其實是泥漿路段 或者爛泥 Well, the mud. Well, the slush.
隨便你怎麼叫 Whatever you wanna call it.
我在那兒開得很快 I'm going quickly there.
-那裏控制得很好 -謝謝 -That was well held there. Thank you.
精湛的駕駛技術 That's nice driving.
一切盡在掌握 閉嘴泰勒 我能行 I'm under control. Shut up, Teller! I got it!
他讓你分心了是嗎 Is he putting you off?
現在來到了... Now, this is...
有時看起來慢 實際上卻很快 Sometimes, when it appears to be slow, it's fast,
有時看起來快 實際上卻很慢 and sometimes, when it looks fast, it's slow.
這段看起來很快 說實話 This is looking fast, I'm gonna be honest,
但是有很多側滑 but there's a lot of sideways action,
側滑肯定不會讓你變快 which, of course, isn't forward motion,
這是一個問題 好的... which is a problem. Right, now...
但看起來還是很棒的 But it looks really good.
看起來棒極了 很有節目效果 It looks tremendous. This is great television.
你聽著兩升引擎的轟鳴 And you can hear the bark of the two-litre there
駛上了直道 as you hit the straight.
我們在全速前進 We're going!
就是現在 Now! Boom!
接下來是 And coming up to the...
這就是 不 不是這個 是下一個 This is the corner - not this one, but the next one,
你練習時的失誤是在下一個彎 that caught you out practising.
你試著在那裏做一個斯堪的納維亞式飄移 Ooh, you're trying to get a Scandi flick going there,
但開始得有些早 but a bit too soon.
又是轉向不足 Understeer again,
但這一次你控制住了 but you've held it this time.
然後衝過終點 各位 And there we are, yeah, across the line, everybody!
好的 我這裏有圈速 Right, I have the times here.
好的 OK.
先從你的圈速開始 迪納摩 We'll start with you, Dynamo.
1分39秒3 One thirty-nine point three.
-還好 -真的很慢 -That's all right -That's really slow.
但是你有冰雪路面的標識 But you've got the snow symbol.
目前為止 你是最快的 So far, you're the fastest person ever
在冰雪路面上駕駛的明星 to go round our track in the snow.
但你比佩恩和泰勒快嗎 But are you faster than Penn and Teller?
其實還是有點小激動的 不是嗎 There's actually excitement here, isn't there?
是的 有些小緊張 Yeah. There's nervousness.
你的成績是一分... You did it in one...
三十... ..thirty...
...三點八 ..three point eight.
壞天氣 Bad weather.
表示同情 Commiserations. Commiserations.
祝賀你們 祝賀 Congratulations, gentlemen. Congratulations.
非常厲害 That was fantastic!
感謝大家 感謝你們 And thank you so much, all of you,
遠道而來 給我們表演魔術 for coming along and doing all this magic.
但我們現在必須道別了 再見迪納摩 But we must now say goodbye to Dynamo
還有世界上最快的魔術師 佩恩和泰勒 and the world's fastest magicians, Penn and Teller!
世界最快的魔術師 World's fastest magicians!
今晚 我們試著打破 Now, tonight, we are attempting to break
英國的兩棲車水上速度記錄 the British water speed record for amphibious cars.
之前 傑裏米嘗試了一些新事物 Now, earlier on, Jeremy had a go at making something,
然而他的成果 老實說 很爛 and his effort was, frankly, terrible.
-才不是 -就是的 -No, it wasn't. -It was.
對 所以 哈蒙德和我接管大權 Yeah, so, Hammond and I took control of the project,
我們決定用一輛70年代的可拆頂三輪車 and what we decided to do was take a 1970s three-wheeler with a removable roof
名為"邦三輪" called a Bond Bug...
它就長這樣 Here's a picture of it.
讓它和水上摩托合體 ..and mate that with a jet ski,
造出一輛我們所謂的"塘三輪" to create something that we had christened the Pond Bug.
當它完工之後 And then, when it was finished,
我們把它帶到了湖區 take it to the Lake District,
Lake District: 英國西北部Cumbria地區 湖區國家公園
那裏正在舉行柯尼斯頓速度周 and something called Coniston Speed Week.
幾十年來 很多不要命的冒失鬼 Over the decades, many fearless daredevils
在這八公里長的水上賽道狂飆 have powered across this five-mile stretch of water,
只為創下新記錄 in the pursuit of new records.
其中之一就是傳奇的 唐納德·坎貝爾 One was the legendary Donald Campbell.
他1967年葬身於此 Who was killed here in 1967,
因嘗試突破482公里每小時的速度記錄 whilst trying to break the 300mph barrier.
如今在速度周 冒險精神依然延續 Today, in Speed Week, that spirit of adventure lives on,
來自世界各地的選手們 as people from all over the world
將他們的賽艇 引擎 come to push their boats, their engines,
以及他們自己 推向極限 and themselves to the absolute limit.
這裏是速度天堂 This was speed heaven,
我很確信 這輛可以合法上路的"塘三輪" and I felt sure our fully road legal Pond Bug
一定能完美融入 would blend in perfectly.
早啊 Morning!
看看這些 Look at all this!
停好車後 我去找哈蒙德和克拉克森 Having parked up, I went off to find Hammond and Clarkson,
本以為他能帶點好東西來 who reckoned he'd come up with something better.
你們準備好了嗎 Are you ready?
你不會相信這個的 You're gonna not believe this.
好 OK.
見識我的天才吧 Behold my genius!
哦喲 Oh, hello!
哦耶 Oh, yeah!
這確實有點厲害 That is actually quite surprising.
當你靠近岸邊 履帶就會降下來 So, the tracks drop down when you're near land.
很機智 Oh, very clever!
抱歉 I mean, I'm sorry...
我還是退後一點 I'm gonna stand back a little bit.
我是不是造出了什麼不得了的東西 ..have I, or have I not created something brilliant?
不 不是你造的 No. You didn't build it.
很酷 但是你不能用這個 And it's very cool, but you can't use it.
-為啥不行 -因為不能合法上路啊 -Why not? -Because it's not road legal!
貼個號碼牌就行啊 Well, put a number plate on it.
這不是兩棲車 這是船 It's not an amphibious car, it's a boat.
就是一條長了腿的船 That's a boat with legs on it.
沒資格參加我們的挑戰 It's not eligible for what we're doing.
-那你們的車呢 -啊 -Well, where's your car? Ah!
-你覺得咋樣 -哦耶 -What do you think? -Oh, yeah!
看看它 Look at it!
這可是高品質工藝 That is a quality job.
你為啥那副表情 Why are you pulling that face?
這是我有生之年見過的最智障的東西 It's the stupidest thing I've ever seen in my life.
這是我見過最酷的 It's the coolest thing that has ever been!
-看看這個 -這是啥 -Look at it! -What are they?
-這是門 -對 起落架的門 -These are the doors. -Yes, undercarriage doors.
啥門 What doors?
縮回起落架 You retract the undercarriage.
前輪就收回去了 然後門一關 The front wheel goes up, then these doors shut,
平滑的船身就有了 you've got a smooth hull.
那這些 後輪怎麼辦 So those... What do the back wheels do?
輪罩怎麼辦 What about the chine?
什麼叫 "輪罩怎麼辦" What do you mean, "What about the chine"?
看看後面這一塊 Look at the chine at the back.
這是要挑戰水上速度紀錄的 This is to attempt a water speed record.
-我知道 -這是你高速行駛時需要的 -I know! -This is what you need for a high-speed run,
一塊平滑的圓潤側邊 a smooth, rounded chine.
但是到了這裏 這裏是尖的 When this is up here, it's sharp.
所以當你往前開 水流一衝 So, as you're going along, you catch that,
就飛了 and it's gonna go.
我們得讓它貼合輪子 否則就不能上路 We had to make it fit round the wheel, otherwise it wouldn't work on the road.
你們可以把它做成圓形的啊 You could have made it round!
那樣加工難度大 弄成這樣簡單多了 That was a difficult fabrication job. It was much easier to do it like that.
廢話肯定簡單 但是這個會害死你們的 I'm sure it's easier, but you've created a death trap!
加配重 讓船頭向下 Weight. Keep the nose down.
-我知道這是啥 -那不就行了 -I know what it's for. -Well, there you go then.
這玩意不會像海豚一樣忽上忽下嗎 Isn't this thing just gonna porpoise?
-不知道 -大概不會 -We don't know. -No. Probably.
所有坐進去的人 Anyone who gets in that
-基本就是宣佈自殺了 -才不是 -is effectively committing suicide. No, they're not!
那個人肯定是全場最酷 這才是事實 Anyone who gets in that is gonna look the coolest person here, that's fact one.
你們倆誰來開 Which one of you two's driving it?
這有點意思 因為... Now, that's interesting, because...
我們想了一下 必須是 We've had a think about that. It's gotta be somebody with
有賽艇執照的人來開 a speedboat, powerboat racing licence.
-對 但是你有嗎 -我沒有 -Yes. Have you got one of those? -I haven't got one.
我也沒有 但是我知道好像有人 I haven't got one. Do I know anybody who does have one?
是的我確實有賽艇執照 Yes, I do have a racing licence.
-那就交給你了 -這就是你的賽艇了 -Well, there you go, then. -And here is your racing boat.
看看我們的傑作 Look what we've built for you.
-我是不會坐進去的 -是的你會的 -I am not getting in that. -Yes, you are.
不 我絕不 No, I'm not doing...
-我不 -你必須進去 -No! Well, you have to.
-你必須開 -我拒絕 -You have to. -I am not.
好了 讓我們回到演播帳篷 And with that, back to the tent.
-這玩意壞了 -不 把它對準... -This is broken. -No, line it up with the...
這個壞了 不然它會... It is broken, otherwise it would...
你以前用過快拆方向盤的 You've used a removable steering wheel before.
對準那個... 走你 Line up the... There you go!
我修好了 I've mended it.
得知85%嘗試突破速度紀錄的人都喪命了 Knowing that 85% of people who attempt speed records are killed,
而且這船還是倆智障設計的 and that the boat had been designed by imbeciles,
我強烈希望這玩意好歹操作方便些 I was fervently hoping that it would, at least, be easy to operate.
然而 However...
你要先把它開進水裏 現在還是道路模式 You have to drive it into the water first. It's still in road mode.
你要用這個 輕輕操作它 And you do that using this. That just teases it in.
輕輕推 輕輕推 就下水了 A little push, a little push, and it goes in.
一旦你下水了 你需要收起車輪 Once you're in the water, you have to retract the wheels,
然後要鬆開風扇和離合器 and then you disengage the fan and the clutch.
然後關上前輪的門 Then you have to close the nose wheel doors...
這個按一次 是空擋 If you push it down once, you're in neutral.
你還會繼續旋轉 因為引擎還在運轉 You'll still rotate round, cos the jet's still running...
推上去 在這裏看到電流值 Push it up, you'll see the current will flow on the ammeter.
當你看到電流突然變大 When you get a current surge...
引擎推力調節 Jet thrust trim is here,
也會在屏幕顯示 and it will appear on your screen here...
按住這個 然後就有 Hold that, and that goes...
這個桿 拉到最後 This one, you pull it fully back.
如果你們知道 顯然一直都知道 If you knew, and you obviously did know all along,
將會是我來開這玩意 that I was gonna be driving this,
為什麼還設計得這麼複雜 why have you made this thing so complicated?
-不複雜啊 -我們已經簡化過了 -That's not complicated. -We've simplified it.
這些設備原來是摩托艇上的 These instruments are from the jet ski.
很安逸 Comforting.
安逸得很 就像你在度假 Comforting. When you're on holiday,
看了一眼 然後想 you've looked at those and thought,
"我正在享受美好時光" "I'm having a lovely time."
這就是今天要做的 只是水可能更冷 That's what you're doing today. The water will be colder.
-帶上這個清單 -這玩意 -Why don't you take the checklist with you? -Because it will blow...
-這會告訴你該怎麼做 -很簡單 -It tells you the things you've got to do. It's so easy!
我們花了好幾小時做這個呢 We've spent hours on that!
你要記住 The thing to remember is that it's...
63km/h已經很快了吧 Thirty-nine miles an hour is really fast.
-非常快 -真的很快 It is quite fast. -It is really fast.
但如果你開到64 就破世界紀錄了 But if you do 40, then you're a world record holder.
-爬出艇... -不是世界紀錄 是全英紀錄 -Step out of here... Not world. It's a British record.
-那你還想破什麼 -還有別的紀錄你能破嗎 -What better record to break? -What other sort of record would you want?
為了突破記錄 To set a speed record,
需要先開過起跑線浮標 you have to drive past the start line marker buoys.
計時衝刺一公里 You're then timed over a kilometre,
那之後掉頭 after which, you turn round...
再開一次 ..and do exactly the same thing
朝相反的方向 in the opposite direction.
你的成績是兩段速度的平均值 Your result is an average speed taken from the two runs.
聽起來很嚇人 It all sounded very terrifying.
請像石頭一樣沉下去吧 拜託了 Please sink like a stone. Please sink!
沉 沉 Sink! Sink!
沒沉 臥槽了 No, it isn't. Damn it!
-看起來不錯 -棒極了 -It looks good. -It looks brilliant!
我們對你有十足的信心 We have every faith in you.
-我們沒啥信心 -對的 -We don't have every faith. -No.
完全沒 No faith.
輪子收起來 Wheels!
正在收起 Wheels coming up.
是時候看看清單了 It was now time for the checklist.
離合器咋辦來著 我忘了 What do I do with the clutch? I've forgotten that.
門 門 這樣對不 Doors. Doors. Is that right?
我怎麼弄出來 等下 艙底 How do I get it out... Wait a minute. Right, bilge.
不 不是艙底 這不對 No, that's bilge, that's not right.
這真是 No, it's just...
哇 這玩意爛透了 Oh, this is terrible!
哈蒙德 梅 你們兩個傻子 Hammond! May! You idiots!
為啥他一直原地打轉 Why is he just going round and round?
有原地打轉的紀錄嗎 Is there a record for going round and round?
不知道 如果有 他肯定贏 Don't know, but if there is, it's in the bag.
也對 我們該換個觀賽點 Right. I think we need to go to a better viewing position to see his run.
去那邊吧 Let's go over there.
終於完成了那個愚蠢的清單 With the ridiculous checklist completed,
我要加點速度 I had to get some speed up,
這樣才能全速通過起點 so I could cross the start line at full chat.
放下面罩 Visor down.
現在很平穩 如履平地 It's on the plain now. We're on the plain.
好多水霧 It's very spray-y.
這船體設計真爛 It's a badly-designed hull.
但是我主要的問題不在這 But the hull was the least of my problems.
我的天啊 這個操控 Jesus Christ! This steering!
真特麼是噩夢 It's a (BLEEP) nightmare!
我沒法轉向 I can't steer it!
我根本沒法控制 I literally cannot steer it!
我覺得他在做實驗 I think he's experimenting with it.
應該是某種嘗試 I think he's sort of testing.
我的天啊 Oh, my God!
看起來真不錯 太完美 It looks pretty good. It looks fabulous!
我打賭 操控肯定棒極了 I bet it handles like a dream!
得了吧 Oh, come on!
我要撞上那個安全艇了 I'm gonna crash into the bloody safety boat!
-看 他在轉彎 -對 看起來棒極了 -Look, he's making turns. Yes! -That looks tremendous!
我嘗試操縱"塘三輪"三次 Three times I tried to get the Pond Bug
朝向正確的方向 pointing in the right direction.
根本不可能 Absolutely impossible!
然後我想 去他的吧 腳狠狠踩下去 And then I thought, "Sod it," put my foot down,
拼一把 and went for it.
我的天啊 Oh, Christ!
只有靠我的技術 才能讓它保持直線行駛 It's only my skill that is keeping this pointing in a straight line.
對競速賽挑戰者來說 最慘的是 And, to make matters worse for a man on a speed run,
我完全不知道時速多少 I had no idea how fast I was going.
這有一個GPS速度表 但完全沒法用 I've got a GPS speedo, but I can't read it,
根本搜不到GPS because there isn't any GPS.
為什麼給我一個這麼劣質的作坊貨 Why have they given me such shoddy workmanship?
天啊 Oh, heavens!
我的媽啊 Oh, Christ!
這是最可怕的體驗了 沒有之一 That's the worst thing I've ever done, ever.
現在 我需要掉頭再來一次 And now, I've gotta turn round and do it again.
我要等尾流的水浪平復下來 I've gotta wait for my own wash to die down.
這是坎貝爾的教訓 他折返太快了 That's what did for Campbell. He went back too quickly.
走起 Here we go.
我踩死地板油了 That is my foot pinned to the floor!
老天 它開始抖了 Jesus! It's starting to chain lock!
真的不妙 It's really bad.
然後 And then...
我的天啊 Oh, my God!
不不不 我們遇到動力問題了 Oh, no, we've got a power problem!
我正在失去動力 I'm losing power!
梅和哈蒙德給我造了個什麼垃圾玩意 May and Hammond have built a piece of shit here.
聽起來有點 不連續 It sounds a little bit inconsistent.
可能是他在調整油門 That's maybe him feathering the throttle.
可能在調節平衡 保持水平 He is possibly finessing it to keep it on the plain.
哦不 加油啊 Oh, no! Come on!
天啊 好多煙 Jesus! A lot of smoke.
真是一場災難 Well, that was a disaster!
我沒有GPS 不知道我開得多快 I've got no GPS, so I don't know how fast that was.
引擎也時不時地無力 And the engine is cutting out all the time.
基本上 是時候板著臉 Basically, it was time for a stern word
對工程部門訓話了 with the engineering department.
-你們倆 -怎麼 -Right, you two... Yeah?
你們不僅造了個 Not only have you built something
-醜陋 複雜的東西 -並不 -ugly and complicated... -It's not...
而且還垃圾 還害人 No, it's rubbish and lethal.
-怎麼了 -最可怕的就是操控 -In what way? The worst thing is the steering.
你根本沒法保持直線前進 You cannot get it going in a straight line.
轉向這方面是個糟糕的妥協 The steering is a horrible compromise,
因為要兼顧車輪和船舵 cos it's gotta work the steering wheel and steer the boat.
"糟糕的妥協"是一種說法 "Horrible compromise" is a way of describing it.
另一種說法就是"致命" "Lethal" is another way.
-看起來很棒啊 -對啊我們看起來很棒 -It looked great! -Looked great out there.
-是嗎 -對啊 -Did it? Yeah.
-我大概只有6公里每小時 -那只是個開始 -I was doing about 4mph. -Well, that's a start.
然後 喇叭裏播報了 Then, an official came on the Tannoy
官方給出的成績 to announce my result.
"邦三輪" 駕駛員: 傑裏米·克拉克森 ...Bond Bug, pilot: Jeremy Clarkson,
去程76km/h 反程77m/h voyage, 47.362, return, 48.274
平均77km/h average 47.81, which is a new national record.
看吧 There you go!
我們成功了 We did it!
什麼叫"我們"成功了 What do you mean "we" did it?
要不你游過去啊 Would you have swam it?
-明明是"我" -是我們成功了 -I did it! -We did it!
謝謝 Thank you so much.
謝謝 謝謝 Thank you, thank you.
謝謝你們給我鼓掌 Thank you! Thank you all for applauding me!
不 等等 他們在給我們這個團隊鼓掌 No, wait, they're applauding us as a team.
你看 雖然我不想這樣說 Listen! I'm sorry to go on about this,
但是羅傑班·內斯特是第一個突破四分鐘一英里的人 but Roger Bannister was the first to break the four-minute mile.
Roger Bannister: 英國前運動員 1954年首度突破四分鐘一英里大關
而不是他的鞋匠 Not the man who made his shoes.
埃德蒙·希拉裏是第一位爬上珠峰的 Edmund Hillary was the first to go up Everest.
Edmund Hillary: 新西蘭登山運動員 1953年首次登頂珠峰
而不是給他做背包的人 Not the man who made his rucksack.
-所以 -所以我是第一個 -So? -So, I was the first...
我是第一個做到的 I was the first to do that!
我破了紀錄 不是你們倆 I broke the record, not you two!
是的 事實是 老實說 我們失敗了 Yeah, the truth is, to be honest, we failed.
你們也不是失敗 You didn't fail.
如果你少花點時間搞髮型 I mean, if you'd spent less time getting your hair cut
多花時間研究引擎 它就能正常運轉了 and more time working on the engine so that it ran properly,
我本以為它能開到96或者112公里每小時 I reckon that thing would probably do 60 or 70.
靜水上 肯定可以的 On flat water, it definitely would.
對 但事實是 我們用了方形的輪蓋 Yeah, but the thing is, we gave it the square chines,
十分糟糕的轉向系統 that really terrible steering,
還有超級複雜的擋桿按鈕之類的 the fantastically complicated knobs and buttons and things.
說白了 我們埋好了殺人陷阱 卻沒成功 Basically, we built a death trap, and it didn't work.
所以你們 我就直說了 Well, so you're... Let me get this straight.
你們希望我會變成那85%的 You were hoping I would become one of the 85%
死於嘗試突破記錄的人 who died trying to break a record?
對 Yes.
就是說 我們就是在打算互相捅刀子了 So we're now actively trying to kill each other?
對 但我們這都沒做到 Yes, and we can't even do that properly!
在這糟糕的失望中 是時候結束了 And on that terrible disappointment, it's time to end.
謝謝你們的觀看 Thank you so much for watching.
-再會 -拜拜 -Goodbye! -Bye-bye.