Okay, Liv and Maddie will be back from their driving test any second.
Ready to celebrate?
Check it.
♪ Sing it loud!
Bam! What?!
Ooh, I can't wait to get my license
and be able to go wherever I want.
( Laughs ) Within the city limits.
Before my curfew.
In a beat-up minivan that smells like Joey's feet.
Still freedom.
Whoo-hoo!
Freedom?
( Scoffs ) Try loss of freedom.
Who wants to drive when you can sit shotgun
and text until your thumbs fall off?
( Chuckles ) Not me.
I'm stoked for Maddie. Having a license...
that means she can go anywhere and do anything.
That a responsible teenager would do
after getting approval from her father.
Not that I've ever asked her not to get approval.
Why am I still talking?
( Mouthing )
Why are you in my house?
Why haven't you gotten a haircut?
We've all got questions.
( Gasps ) There she is.
- ( All cheer ) - Congratulations, Liv.
One of our two new drivers.
Yes. Hold your rah-rahs.
Only one of us passed.
Total bummer-rang.
Aw, you'll get it next time, kid.
No. I'm the one who passed.
( Laughs ) License to surprise!
Wait, if you passed, that means Maddie failed.
Maddie doesn't fail anything.
- Ooh! - Oh!
( Shouts )
Burn it! Burn it all!
( All chatter )
Well...
I failed.
Guess I know what it feels like to be a loser now.
You know what I'm talking about, Joey.
Ouch! I would call that a drive-by...
if you had your license.
( Imitates explosion )
So what happened?
I will tell you what happened.
The DMV discriminates.
Yeah. They only give their licenses
to people who can make left-hand turns.
They do come in handy when you want to go left.
Why would you purposefully turn
into oncoming traffic when you can go up one block
and make three rights?
Who needs their license anyway, am I right?
I do! I need my license!
Don't worry, Maddie. I'll drive you anywhere you want to go.
Seriously, why am I still talking?
Why am I still here?
I'll go get my hair cut.
( Theme music playing )
♪ Better in stereo
♪ b... b... better in stereo
- ♪ I'm up with the sunshine - ♪ Let's go
- ♪ I lace up my high tops - ♪ Oh no
♪ slam dunk, ready or not ♪
♪ yeah, show me what you got ♪
- ♪ I'm under the spotlight - ♪ Holler
♪ I dare you, come on and follow ♪
♪ you dance to your own beat ♪
♪ I'll sing the melody
♪ when you say yea-ah-ah
♪ I say no-oh-oh
♪ when you say stop
♪ all I want to do is go go go ♪
♪ you you, the other half of me me ♪
♪ the half I'll never be-e
♪ the half that drives me crazy ♪
♪ you you, the better half of me me ♪
♪ the half I'll always need
♪ but we both know
♪ we're better in stereo.
Sync & corrections by Alice. www.addic7ed.com.
( TV playing )
Guys! I have something really exciting to say.
How about you pause your piehole for two hours?
We'll get to you later.
We're all listening, Liv.
Okay.
There is a major film
shooting in Wisconsin this summer,
and I'm up for a big part.
How exciting! What's it about?
It's based on some book about wolves in space.
Both: "Space Werewolves!"
( Squeals ) That is my favorite graphic novel.
No way!
They want me to play Tristan.
As in Tristan Lycanth?
Yeah.
The hero?
Ha ha, but Tristan's a boy.
Technically half-boy, half-werewolf.
But he is definitely not a girl.
Right. Not yet.
But the people making the movie saw my episode of Sing it Loud!
right where I dreamt that I was on an international space station
and I saved the earth by singing the high note
that shattered the asteroid before it hit earth. Aah!
( Sings high note )
( Imitates explosion )
I love that episode.
Really? 'Cause I had some logic problems with it.
But you sparkled, honey.
They liked it so much that they're considering changing the role of Tristan
into a girl just for me.
I had to stop Liv for her own good.
Fanboys are crazy.
I should know. I'm one of them.
( Clicks tongue )
We're talking about Tristan Lycanth.
Keeper of the claw of freedom.
Does this match this?
( Mouthing )
- What's up, Diggie? - What's up, Rooney?
'Sup with your hair?
You did not get a haircut
just because my dad told you to.
( Scoffs ) No. Not at all.
I totally needed a trim. Do you think he'll like it?
Diggie, you can't let him push you around like this.
I mean, your hair was a hot mess,
but that's not the point.
I can't help it, okay? I want him to like me.
He's your dad. And you and me are...
Whatever we are.
Totally. Whatever.
Um... you just need to find something
that you and my dad both like and bond over that.
Oh, yeah, okay, great. Let's see.
He likes growling at me.
You know what else he likes...
barbecuing.
Grilling sure beats growling.
And, if he starts to like me,
I could help you prep for your driver's test.
Aww. ( Laughs, snorts )
That's so sweet.
- Hey, Dad. - ( Exclaims )
( Laughs )
Dude, I'm kidding. Ha ha.
But he won't be.
Oh! Hey, Liv, you want some chocolate pudding?
We found a big bowl of it in the fridge.
Um, boys, that's not chocolate pudding.
That's my organic face mask from Paris.
Oh, ho ho ho.
Fancy pudding.
Yeah. It's made with orangutan poop.
( Sputters )
Well, whatever that monkey ate was delicious.
Is that banana?
Okay, just...
Eww, Joey...
( clears throat )
Get this.
Somehow word has spread through the blogosphere
that I'm up for the role of Tristan in "Space Werewolves."
Not sure how that info leaked out onto the Internet.
We would never post that juicy tidbit
on the Stevens Point "Space Werewolves" fan page
in hopes of enraging local Tristanites.
( Laughs )
Liv will thank me for this later.
Let me guess.
The fanboys were none too pleased
about you playing Tristan.
You probably want to throw in the towel
and back out.
Uh, no.
I mean, why do I care what nerd nation
Because we are a powerful force to be reckoned with...
I mean, they are!
( Clears throat ) Whatever.
This weekend I have a personal appearance
at Neville's Novelty Shoppe to sign "Sing it Loud!" DVDs.
Why don't you guys come with me?
Liv, Neville's is fanboy central.
and then find out that you don't know what you're talking about
they will eat you alive.
He's a werewolf and he lives in space.
I think anything else I need to learn about him will be in here.
I can probably finish this by Saturday, yeah?
Liv, that's volume 1.
There are 64 volumes.
Hah!
No wonder they're making this into a movie.
Who would want to read all that?
Ugh!
323 pages
of "Rules of the Road,"
and not once did they admit
that turning left into oncoming traffic
is insane.
420 pages of werewolves and spaceships,
and the only thing I'm really looking is that
I think I could totally rock Tristan's space suit.
Yeah...
just wait till they get to the Battle of Mirth.
( Imitates gunfire )
That's when he meets Kytra,
and that's when the adventure really kicks off.
( Gasps )
You undercover Sci-Fi geek.
You've totally read this book.
Yeah, I've actually read them all.
I love them. And I have to admit...
I am a little on the fence about you playing Tristan myself.
Okay... one, how dare you.
And two, help me.
Okay, Liv, why are you wigging out?
Because I really want this role.
I mean, I know that I've been playing it cool,
but this is way bigger than my show
and it could send me into a completely new acting stratosphere.
I just have no idea how to impress these fanboys.
Okay, well, I would love to help you
but, Liv, my driver's test is on the same day
as your autograph signing.
And I still have no idea
how to make a stupid left-hand turn.
I have a twin-sane idea!
This Saturday, I'll be you and you be me.
- Wait, you mean like... - A switch-a-Rooney.
( Both scream )
I'll face your fanboys.
And I will take your driver's test.
Perfect! ( Laughs )
Why is this bed so squishy?
( Clears throat )
Because I am sitting on a pizza.
A girl gets hungry at 3:00 A.M.
( Muttering )
Web... and that's how I slay the dragon.
Hey, Artie, you got a minute?
Hey, Joey.
You got a girlfriend?
Burn!
How is that a burn? You took your mom to the freshman dance last fall.
So, what brings you crawling back
to the Society of Space... Space... space...
Were... were... were... Wol... wol... wol...
wol... wol... wol... ves... ves?
( Howls )
I was voted out of the Society
for suggesting that wolf tails were stupid.
Was I wrong?
People, was I wrong?
I want to talk to you about my sister Liv.
No la la la la.
We do not speak the name of that she-devil
who wants to desecrate Tristan.
Unless she sent you to ask me to prom,
in which case, let her know I say maybe.
Be gone with you.
( Yelps )
Listen, Artie.
We have a common enemy here,
and we need to work together
to defend the iconic character
that is Tristan.
We were once powerful allies, you and I.
An uneasy alliance.
My wolf ears are perked.
Liv will be down at Neville's tomorrow.
I need you to show her the real fangs
of a true "Space Werewolves" fanboy.
Fanboy?
That term is derogatory, sir.
We prefer "fantasy enthusiast."
So will you do it?
Oh, sounds great, Joey.
I'd happily waltz right into your trap.
Do you take me for a fool?!
Yes. Yes, I do.
But as Tristan himself would say...
( In a deep voice ) When an enemy
- offers his paw, lick it. - ( Mouthing along )
If only to tear off his hind leg...
Tomorrow.
Oh!
Saying no to that would be like
saying no to Tristan himself.
Well played, lone wolf.
Well played indeed.
( Howls loudly )
Aah!
Nerds!
( Blows whistle )
Pull over to talk or text.
Mmm! Gotta love a brown sugar glaze.
( Blows whistle )
No eating in the halls.
I can't help it, coach.
Just falls off the bone.
That's some solid-looking barbecue you got there.
Thank you.
I followed a recipe from "Barbecue Monthly."
Oh! Too much black pepper.
Ah, it was all so confusing.
My father's...
A vegetarian.
( Winces )
I just have no one to guide me.
Well, I don't like to brag,
but last summer I did win
the Stevens Point "Thrilla on the Grilla" cook-off.
Oh, yeah! Coach Rooney took the barbecue bait.
But seriously, not one word about the haircut?
What gives?
Hey, check it out...
I sold Liv's toothbrush to a "Sing it Loud!" Fan
and got us a bunch of gummy eyeballs.
( Mouths )
Too bad she only has one toothbrush.
Oh, please... I picked that one off the sidewalk out front.
Oh...
The switch-a-Rooney was on.
It took me four hours to do my hair
and Liv made me sleep with my head hanging off the mattress
to protect the pouf.
( Snorts )
I drooled into my own nose.
( Cheering )
( Scattered applause )
( Object shatters )
Thank you all so much for coming
to the season 4 DVD signing
of ♪ Sing it Loud!
Artie's here.
Let the games begin.
Liv Rooney.
Are the rumors true that you,
a girl, might play Tristan Lycanth?
( Clicks, drops pen )
It's true, fanboy.
What say you?
I say it's intergalactic blasphemy!
And I shall prove you're unworthy.
Be warned my minions are live blogging.
King_Artie_the_magnificent @ wolfspot dot howl.
Ha ha.
Bring it on, king Artie.
Speak for Tristan's lineage.
Who are his parents?
Liv is about to go down in flames.
His parents
are the werewolf Magrol
and queen Zira.
Bam! What?!
( Laughs )
I mean, space-tastic question.
( Laughs )
Both: Maddie.
Okay, we are good to go.
Uh, I think we're forgetting one thing.
Oh! Ha ha. Yes.
Lip gloss.
No, it says here you're required to wear glasses
to drive.
( Laughs )
Does it say that?
I thought I just needed those for the picture.
( Both laugh )
Put 'em on.
O. M. Eyeballs.
Now start the car and put it in gear.
Absolutely. ( Laughs )
If you could just... Direct me to the...
Ignition.
( Laughing )
No?
( Starts ignition )
All right. This is good.
Now merge left. There's construction ahead.
- Uh... - Go left. I said left!
- ( Tires squeal ) - ( Screams )
Okay, too far, too far.
- Okay. - Garbage can.
- I don't... - ( Tires squealing )
- ( Shouts ) - ( Thuds )
( Horn blares )
Okay.
Pull the vehicle over.
Uh, uh, okay.
Slow down. Slow down!
- I'm not... I... - Mailbox.
- Mailbox! - What?!
- ( Thuds ) - ( Both scream )
( Airbags hiss )
So... ( Sighs )
Pass?
Here we are... a couple of dudes
getting ready to do some chillin' and grillin'.
Are you okay that I just called you a dude?
Relax, we're barbecuing.
Everybody's a dude.
Okay. Let's do this.
Absolutely.
First, I need you to do a few things.
Hit me. Whatever you want.
Shuck the corn? Season the meat?
Mow the lawn.
Um, what?
And clean the gutters, rotate my tires,
grout the tub, and empty the dishwasher.
Dude.
What does that have to do with barbecuing?
I thought you came here to learn.
Let me go get the lawn mower.
( Door opens )
I knew exactly what Diggie was doing.
Using barbecue to soften up the old man?
If he wanted to get on my good side,
he was going to have to get on the good side
of my to-do list.
Finally, a little thrilla on the grilla!
All those chores made me hungry.
( Snaps )
That's mine.
What... did you forget to bring your own steak?
Maybe next time.
Next time?
I'm in! ( Laughs )
- ( Sizzles ) - Aah!
"Bring your own steak." Classic!
Why are you messing with that poor boy?
I'm just making sure he's good enough for my daughter.
And I'm done for the day.
Don't tell Maddie,
but except for that stupid name,
Diggie's all right.
Final question, girl.
When Tristan split the galactic pangaea,
what did he say to the scattering colonies?
"Run to the stars, wolves.
- ( Mouthing along ) - But always put first your families.
For their love
keeps you tethered to the universe."
( Sighs ) Wow. You've gotta admit...
Maddie's making Liv look really good.
She's not fooling anyone.
Well, except everyone here.
Well, Liv Rooney...
I'm sold.
I mean, you will make a great Tristan Lycanth.
All hail the she-Tristan!
( Howling loudly )
And, FYI...
I currently am available for le prom.
( Chuckles, roars )
But your window of opportunity
is closing.
Boop!
Artie.
Are you serious?
You can accept my sister playing Tristan?
What part of... ( Howls loudly )
Don't you understand?
Okay, so Parker and I are the only ones
that have a problem with this?
Um, speak for yourself.
She won me over too.
Artie, tail me.
( Singing stately tune )
( Howls )
( Howling )
It was at that moment that I realized
I was the crazy fanboy
that I was trying to protect Liv from.
I was untethered from my family.
I was the lone wolf.
And I should not have eaten 15 gummy eyeballs.
You know what, Artie...
tail me too.
All hail the she-Tristan!
( Howling )
Let me make one thing clear.
This was the last switch-a-Rooney.
You did it when you were 6.
And I wrote your names on your forehead
in permanent marker.
Don't make me do that again.
Ah, yes... the summer of headbands.
To be fair, though, we rocked the headband look.
( Laughs )
Ha ha fun fun.
Maddie, no license till you're 17.
Rock that look.
17?! Seriously?
You want to make it 18?
Ah, 17. Looking forward to it.
And Liv,
since you like driving so much,
you are now my personal chauffeur until further notice.
- No! - ( Laughing ) Yes.
There is no errand too small, no trip too far.
I might even have you take me down to the end of the driveway
just to get the newspaper.
I don't know.
That's right, girls.
I just dropped an atomic mom bomb.
Boom!
She can't be serious about that, right?
Do we seriously still get newspapers
delivered to our house?
Hey, whatever you did down at Neville's totally worked.
Some fanboy named lone wolf started a petition
to get me the role of Tristan.
You won over the fanboys.
Thank you.
Pretty sure lone wolf is actually lone Joey.
You should go thank him.
Wait, I thought you said that Joey
was the one trying to sabotage us.
It was a long and complicated day.
Got it.
Also I'm sorry about wrecking your driver's test.
Literally. Ha!
And I got you something.
You might want to return this to the... hoovers.
Thanks.
That reminds me.
I got you something as well.
One of Artie's wolf tails. Yeah.
Oh! Also I got you a date to the prom.
( Laughs ) Yeah.
Artie would like to know what kind of dress
you will be wearing... Wizard or Pegasus?
( Mouths )
Liv, you were absolutely right.
It is mind-blowing what I can accomplish
from the passenger seat of the car.
I paid a bill, ordered some cute tops,
and adopted a penguin.
- ( Phone chimes ) - Ooh! Incoming.
- ( Chimes ) - Oh!
Aah! ( Laughing )
That's funny.
Maddie just sent me the funniest photo.
- You boys want to see it? - Yeah. Yeah yeah.
Okay, I'll send.
( Phone chimes, makes springing noise )
( All laugh )
That's classic!
What is everybody laughing at?
What are we looking at? What's so funny?
I hate driving!
Sync & corrections by Alice. www.addic7ed.com.