#Bah bah-bah #
# Bah bah-bah-bah #
“超强性高潮”
# Bah bah-bah #
“罗密欧与朱丽叶”
# Bah bah-bah-bah #
我欲火焚身了 I want you so bad!
天啊 Oh, man!
-来吧 -好啊 - Yeah. - Oh, yeah.
很赞吧 Pretty awesome, huh?
天啊 Oh, my God!
- 等一下，怎么了？ - 妈啊 - Wait! What's the matter? - Oh, my God!
是不是我的阴毛有分叉？ 我可以绑成玉米辫 Is it my split ends? I can corn-row it!
绑成玉米辫... Corn-row it! Corn-row it!
起床吧 #Get up #
因为我已经醒来几小时 # 'Cause I been up for hours #
我相信 # I bet #
今天我会有机会认识她 # Today I'm gonna know her#
然后 # Then again #
我的小弟弟又站起来了 # I am thinking with a boner #
片名：41处男
搭帐篷 # Morning wood #
早安啊，你看起来容光焕发 # Good morning. You look so good #
“编剧：一个黑人与一个白人”
撑帐篷 # Morning wood #
早安啊，你看起来容光焕发 # Good morning. You look so good #
撑帐篷 # Morning wood #
“制片：一个烂咖”
早安啊 # Good morning #
早安，帐篷 # Good morning, wood #
“剪接：一个卷毛毒虫”
生活艰苦 # It's hard #
“主演：一群素人 一群不是犹太人的素人” 在梦里我的人生有方向 # In dreams I have direction #
我一醒来 # I awake #
小弟弟就会像这样“站起来” # With this erection #
我的人生 “导演：布莱特雷纳” # My life #
在遇见她的那天变得完整 “导演：布莱特雷纳维兹” # Completes the day I meet her#
附注，我希望 # P.S. I hope #
她喜欢模型人偶 # She likes action figures #
翻页 - Page. - # Morning wood #
这几个正妹特地叫我们请她们喝酒 “...只看电影就可以了” Listen, these bitches specifically asked us to get them alcohol.
根本是自动送上门 I mean, it's a no-brainer.
我们带酒去参加派对就可以把到全校最辣的正妹 We bring booze to the party and we're getting laid by the hottest chicks in school.
她们很容易上的 They're D.T.F.- down to fuck!
安迪，酸奶油加得好 Mmm! Andy, nice touch with that sour cream, man.
我没有加酸奶油 I didn't use sour cream.
相信我，派对结束后你跟她肯定会搞上床 Trust me, you will have your D. I.H.E.-dick in her ear
她会让你欲仙欲死 T. I.H.A.- toe in her ass - and my B.O.Y.C.
而你会替我口交 balls on your chin.
乔纳，听起来很可怕耶 That just sounds horrible, Jonah.
什么？你的意思是你宁愿只替我口交？ What? Are you saying you would just rather have my balls on your chin?
- 你干嘛？ - 没什么，头发跑进眼里了。这不是重点 - What are you doing, man? - Nothing. Hair in your eye. Look, it doesn't matter.
重点是我们要找人帮我们买酒 What's important here is that we find someone who can get us alcohol...
这样我们才能在十八岁生日前跟女人上床 so we can get some "P" in the motherfuckin' va-"G" before our 18th birthday.
就是这样 That's it.
嘿 Hey.
叽喀叽喀耶 Chicka-chicka-yeah!
看我昨晚弄到了什么 Look what I picked up last night! Huh?
“正统犹太教学校，麦搁爱”
- 麦搁爱？ - 没错 - "McAnalovin"? - Yeah.
一个假名？真的吗？ 这到底是什么？ - One frickin' name? For realsies? - What the hell is that?
- 这张身份证很棒 - 超赞的 - It's a great I.D. - It's fuckin' awesome, man!
- 可以帮我弄一张吗？ - 没问题 - Could you get me one? - Yeah, I can hook you up.
- 太棒了 - 因为我是麦搁爱 - Nice. - 'Cause I am McAnalovin.
犹太教学校2010年度的学生 Yeshiva class of 2010!
叽喀叽喀耶！假身份证，好正点啊 Chicka-chicka-yeah! Fake I.D.! Fake I.D.!
小声点 Keep it down, bitches!
平常我不是这么挑的 Look, normally I wouldn't give a shit...
但我表哥说这种大麻有严重的副作用 but my cousin said that there's some serious side effects with this herb.
非常严重 I mean serious.
搞什么？你少在那边耍娘 What's wrong with you? You're such a pussy.
这会是你吸过最棒的大麻 It'll be the best shit you've ever smoked.
他们告诉你它有副作用是因为他们想独吞 They're just telling you it's got side effects so they can keep it all for themselves.
好，那你自己吸吧 All right, then you smoke some.
没兴趣，我正在戒大麻 Not interested. I'm on a diet.
不如这样吧 I'll tell you what.
如果你连续一星期吸这种大麻，我就替你付半年房租 You smoke this shit for one week straight, and I'll pay your rent for six months.
- 真的？ - 没错 - Serious? - Uh, yeah.
- 一言为定，贱货 - 你知道我怎么发现你是同志的？ - You're on, bee-yatch! - You know how I know you're gay?
- 怎么发现的？ - 你刚才叫我贱货 - How? - Uh, you just called me "bee-yatch. "
-你知道我怎么发现你是同志的？ -怎么发现的？ - You know how I know you're gay? - How?
- 你屁股插了一根“假屌” - 什么？ - You have a dildo stuck in your ass. - What?
是啊，你自己确认一下 Yeah. Check it out.
费南多，终于找到你了 Oh, there you are, Fernando.
闻起来有咖哩味 Hey, this smells like curry.
测试一、二 Check one. Check two.
天啊，这麦克风闻起来好像吉米的小弟弟 Ohh! Oh, my God, this microphone smells like Jimmy's balls!
- 嘿，曼纽 - 不，那是... - Hey, Manuel. - No, that's mean.
不好意思，我对脱口秀表演超有兴趣 Excuse me. I so badly want to do stand-up comedy.
如果有人肯教我我愿意不惜代价 I'd do anything for somebody to teach me how.
我觉得你问错人了 You know, I'm actually probably not the person to ask...
我不是最佳人选，因为我资历尚浅 'cause I'm not very seasoned.
但这里有很多资深的前辈 But there are several comics here that you could ask.
你开玩笑吧 Oh, no, you don't.
这里有很多人可以帮你的忙 There are a number of people here who could actually help you.
小姐，麻烦请你回避一下 Excuse me for a minute, young lady.
然后她怀孕了 Then she got pregnant. Um
- 帅哥，你吃错药啦 - 干嘛？ - Biscuit, what the hell's the matter with you? - What?
她想邀你上床，而你却无动于衷 She wants your ass, and you're standing there with your dick in your hand!
得了吧，她没有这个意思，你太扯了 Give me a break. She doesn't want me. That's just stupid.
拜托，帅哥，相信我吧 Come on, Biscuit. Trust me!
我是过来人 Take it from a man who's been around.
虽然我患有少年衰老症 I may have the Benjamin Button disease...
但我一出娘胎就开始把妹了 but I've had experience with women since childbirth.
三天前，砰 Three days ago- bam!
谢谢你的经验之谈，但她对我没兴趣 Okay, thank you very much for sharing, but believe me, she doesn't want me.
对吧？ “安迪，我要你” Okay?
老弟，你无药可救了 You are a lost cause, my brother.
但你知道吗？我跟你不一样 Well, Blaqguy, I'm not like you. Okay?
我不了解女人，我对这种事并不在行 I'm not some wizard at reading women. I don't know how to do this.
至少你是个正常人 At least you're normal.
我一个25岁的人，却拖着八十五岁的身体 I'm a 25-year-old in an 85-year-old body.
你知道这种感觉有多悲哀？ Do you know what that shit's like? Huh?
去年的这个时候，我爱上了... This time last year I was in love...
我那个同志叔父所放的屁 with the best fart my gay uncle laid.
我昨晚跟一个女人做爱 Oh, dude, last night I was fuckin' this chick.
做到一半的时候，我... We were in the middle of fucking, and I
我们两个人都满身大汗 And we're getting all sweaty...
后来我才发现那不是汗水，而是尿 and then I realize it's not sweat- it's pee.
这个贱女人尿在我身上 This bitch peed all over me!
我听出来了，你这是处男的笑声 I know that laugh. That's a virgin's laugh.
什么？你乱讲什么？ What? What are you talking about?
现在我终于搞懂了 It all makes sense now!
- 原来安迪是处男 - 你还是处男 - Andy's a virgin! - You're a fucking virgin?
我不是 No, I'm not!
他绝对不是处男，不可能的 My man is not a virgin! It's impossible!
是吗？那他为何穿这件屌丝衫？ “处男” Oh, yeah? Well, then why is he wearing this shirt? # Virgin #
这只是一个玩笑，这是一件烂衣服 That's a joke! It's just a joke, a stupid shirt.
就这样 That's all!
我绝不是... “我可能也有阴道” I'm not a
这只是衣服而已，我不是处男 They're just shirts! I'm not a virgin!
那这又是什么？ Then what is this shit, my friend?
“滚开，臭女人！安迪的妈妈”
这该死的处男真欠揍 Oh, let's beat his fuckin' virgin ass!
我们该上你才对 We should have sex with your ass!
各位，冷静点，冷静点！先放他一马吧，他可是安迪耶 Guys, come on, calm down. Give him a break, all right? It's Andy.
你一定要大展雄风才行 You gotta get a set of nuts, bro.
你要敞开自己，享受人生 You gotta get out there and experience life.
拿出你的霸气，对女人为所欲为 Be aggressive. Do what you want with them.
要是她们说：“不要，不要进来，会伤害我...” If they say, "No, stop, not in there, you're hurting me"...
别管她们 you do it anyway.
不要就是要 No means yes.
这个年代怎么还会有处男？ How does anyone stay a fucking virgin all these years?
现在毛没长全的中学生都会网交了 I mean, there are shaved middle-schoolers having sex on the Internet right now.
真够呛 What the fuck?
我不是说我亲身经验过 Uh, not- not that I know that from... experience.
我的意思是我曾经听过 I mean, that's what I heard...
从我遇到的人那里 from people that... I met...
在网路上 on the Internet.
呃- Uh
我是青蜂侠 I'm the Green Hornet.
是啊 Yeah.
帅哥，我真是搞不懂 I just don't get it, Biscuit.
你怎么有办法过四十年无性的生活？ How in the hell could you go 40 years and not have sex?
我不知道，我只是停止尝试了 I don't know. I just kinda stopped trying.
没关系的，反正润滑剂可以大派用场 That's okay, man. That's what Simonizing your disco stick is for.
- 什么？ - 就是自己搞定的意思 - What? - You know. Buttering your peppercorn.
自己浇熄欲火 Skinnin' your smoke wagon.
用万能的双手满足自己 Fillin' the sock with something other than your foot.
噢，好的，你是指自慰 Oh. Okay. You mean masturbation.
我不懂那些专有名词，我是指手淫 I don't know what all that shit means, man. I'm talkin' 'bout whackin' off.
- 我从没做过那种事 - 什么？ - Yeah, well, I've never done that. - You what?
你没有过性高潮？ You've never busted a nut?
你四十年来都没射过精？ So you got 40 years of creamer all built up in there?
- 是啊 - 该死 - Yeah. - Damn!
我知道，最糟的是我觉得自己是异类 I know. And the worst part is, I just feel so left out.
除了我之外，大家都在做爱 I feel like everybody's having sex but me.
不必有压力，哪可能每个人都在做爱呢 Ah, no pressure, Biscuit. Not everybody's sexin' it up.
是吗？那么那样算什么？ Oh, yeah? What do you call that?
没有性交不算是真正的做爱 I say sex is not sex without penetration.
天啊，那是什么情形？ Oh, my God. What is that?
我的屁股 My hip!
该死！真是淫荡啊 Damn! That's some nasty shit, Ma!
我的妈啊 Sweet mother of Mary.
我喜欢 Me likey.
我非常喜欢 Me likey a lot!
走慢一点 Walk slower.
该死！天啊，她好美啊 Damn! God! She was so pretty.
看吧，我就是这么倒霉 Oh. See, that's just my luck, Blaqguy.
哈-哈，快看啊！ Ho-ho-ho-ho! Look, look, look, man!
她没事 She's okay!
你的机会来了 That's all you, dog!
不，那些帮派分子真该死 No! Damn it! Those gangs!
或许她不是你的机会 Maybe not.
等一下... Wait, wait, wait!
她的生命力好强，她充满了激情和活力 She's so resilient. She's so full of... verve and vigor.
嗯嗯 Mm-hmm.
喔，不 Oh, no! Man
那些人是混蛋 That's such assholes.
该死，你的女人运真差 Damn, Biscuit, you do have some bad sex karma.
一定要彻底改运一下，就从你的“毛衣”开始吧 We gon' have to change your whole vibe, startin' with that fur carpet.
好，你们先问自己，你们的动机是什么？ “烈酒” All right, just ask yourself, what's your "why factor"?
动机？没错，你一副泊车小弟的样子 当然要先想清楚动机 - My "why factor"? - Yeah, you valet attendant-looking motherfucker!
你为什么要违法买酒？ Why are you buying alcohol illegally?
因为你要利用酒来把妹 Because you get some pussy in exchange for it.
- 真的只为了这个？ - 当然 - Is this really what this is all about? - Of course!
- 当然啦，除非... - 你干嘛？ - That is, unless - What are you doing, man?
没什么，你脸上有一点芥末 Nothing. Just a little mustard on your face.
听好了，我们弄到酒的话今晚就可以跟女人做爱了 Look, guys, we get alcohol, we'll be sac-deep by midnight.
麦搁爱，快进去搞定一切 So, McAnalovin, get your fuckin' ass in there and get us our "why factor. "
- 白痴，脱掉这件背心 - 背心？ - Give me that fuckin' vest, you faggot! - The vest?
对，快脱掉，它让你看起来像牛排馆的泊车小弟 Yeah, take it off, dickhead. Looks like you're parking cars at Morton's.
它让我看起来比较老，你这个死玻璃 Makes me look older, you fucking gay Garth Brooks!
你欠揍啊！快把背心给我，然后滚进去 I'm gonna fucking kill you! Give me that fucking vest and get the fuck in there!
好讨厌他 Fuckin' hate him.
- 这次会成功的 - 最好如此 - It'll be fine. - Better fucking work.
- 放心，会成功的 - 死混蛋 - It'll work. It's fine. - Fucking asshole.
有好多种选择 So many things
天啊 Oh, my God.
好 Mmm. Okay.
现在听得见吗？ Can you hear me now?
很好 Good!
好，千万不要引人注目 Okay, don't draw attention to yourself.
哦 Oh!
好 Okay
惨啦 Oh, shit!
未成年，滚回家找你妈，快滚 Under age! Go! Go home to your mother! Go!
下一个，出示身份证 Next, next. I.D. I.D.!
快点 Come on!
非本州居民 Ah! Out of state.
不准买酒。下一个！ No good here. Next!
快点...快点... Come on, come on, come on!
身份证 I.D.
你嘴巴真甜啊，年轻人 That's very flattering, young man...
但我是1930年出生的老年人 but I was born in the year 1930.
从你皱到不行的双手我就看出来了 Yes, I can see that you are old by your leathery hands...
- 而且你的咪咪已经垂到底了 - 到哪里？ - and your breasts that sag to your "WUPA." - What's a "WUPA"?
皱皱的上阴部 Wrinkled Upper-Pussy Area.
没有身份证就不能买酒 No I.D., no alcohol.
下一个 Next!
全都是死疯子 These crazy motherfuckers.
我要去休息一下 I'm going on break.
身份证 I.D.
快点，我不是跟你开玩笑的 Let's go. This isn't vacation.
麦搁爱 McAnalovin.
这是什么烂名字？ What kind of bitch-ass name is this?
- 你是怎样看出来的？ - 给我看你的奶头 - H-How'd you read it? - Show me your nipples!
- 什么？ - 奶头 - What? - Nipples.
我要你露出那两点。让我看看 Bitch tits. Little pinks. Lemme see 'em.
- 我的奶头？ - 对，我有口吃吗？ - My nipples? - Yes. Please. Do I s-s-stutter?
啊？哦？ Huh? Eh?
- 很好，柔软又紧实 - 哦 - All right. Supple and taut. - Ow!
我猜你十五岁，最多只有十六岁 I'd say 15, maybe 16 at the most.
什么？不会吧，太扯了 What? No way! That's crazy!
不要骗我 Don't fuck with me.
该死，你穿了皮草？ Damn, Biscuit! What are you wearing, a fur coat, dog?
不，我... Oh, no. My
我爸有巴尔干半岛的血统，所以毛发超旺盛 My father's from the Balkans. They're hairy.
你不该继续吸这种烂大麻，你表哥手上的那些才是上等货 Don't waste your high on that weak shit, bro. Your cousin's shit is the bomb.
真的？你没有任何副作用？ Really? You don't feel any side effects?
一点也没有，我早说过那是好东西 Not a one, my friend. I told you that was pure bullshit.
你终于知道自己有奶头，对吧 You realize you have tits, right?
耶，全新的经验 Yee! New experience.
- 嘿-呀！ - 死中国妹 - Hyah! - Chinese bitch!
印第安妹、犹太妹和黑妹 Indian girl. Jew. Black.
好吧，但你的毛发真是超多的 Okay, but you're one hairy motherfucker!
一共有好几层毛呢 Even your hair is growing hair.
所以我要用特粘的除毛贴布，成吧？ Yeah, I need to use the extra-sticky flak jacket. Okay?
你准备好了吗？ You ready?
- 上面好像有很多粘胶，会不会痛啊？ - 不会痛的 - This seems like a lot of glue. Is this gonna hurt? - It's not gonna hurt, man.
她非常专业。不会痛的，对吧？ She's a professional. It's not gonna hurt, right?
当然会痛啊，你这个白痴 Yes, of course it's going to hurt, you stupid idiot.
- 天啊 - 做个男子汉，不要做胆小鬼，好吗？ - Oh, God. - You ready? You be a man, okay? Don't be a pussy.
准备好啦，一、二 Okay? You ready? A- one, a-two!
- 1-2-3，搞定 - 不要啊，不要啊 - Get set! - No, no, please!
好像不算太痛 It doesn't... hurt that much.
如果那是你的奶头，我肯定会昏倒 Dude, if those are your nipples, I'm gonna pass out.
有没有搞错啊，当然是他的奶头，不然呢？ Of course they his nipple! What you think?
看吧，墙上贴满了我的收藏，你们看到没？ Look. They all on the wall. I got a collection over there. You see?
糟了 Shit.
娘炮...娘炮...娘炮...娘炮... Pussy, pussy, pussy, pussy!
- 我不是同志，怎么会是娘炮呢？ - 非常谢谢你们 - How does it make me a pussy if I'm not gay? - Domo arigato, bitches!
很感激你们愿意载我一程 I really appreciate you guys giving me a lift and everything...
但我在这里下车就行了 but I think I can walk from here.
这是应该的，你被那个海伦凯勒揍成这样 Man, it's the least we could do, considering what Helen Keller did to your ass back there.
是啊，她真是太过分了 Yeah, that was totally uncalled for, I know.
麦搁爱 "McAnalovin"?
这是什么烂名字？ What the fuck type of name is that?
我是爱尔兰...G片男星 Irish... gay... porn?
你这副德性怎么见人？我们要带你去血拼 How y'all expect to get anywhere looking like that? We need to take you shopping.
你要买点东西，衣服、饰品之类的 Get you some things, some clothes, some style.
- 另外也要买点酒 - 没错，要用什么买呢？ - Alcohol, maybe? - Absolutely. And how do you get that?
- 用身份证？ - 放屁，是用钱 - My I.D.? - No, motherfucker. Money!
- 懂吗？你要怎样弄到钱？ - 工作？ - All right? Now, how you get money? - Uh, work?
- 太离谱了 - 他头脑有问题 - That's crazy talk, son. - That shit is crazy, dog.
现在的年轻人就是这样 That's what's wrong with the young people, Yo Ass.
- 他们只会乖乖做功课和负责任 - 嘿 - They all wanna do homework and be responsible. - Hey!
- 天啊 - 他们只会奉公守法 - Oh, my - They all wanna grow up
怎么可能高中念到一半就辍学 Whatever happened to droppin' out of high school...
搞大别人的肚子，或开始出来玩音乐？ get a bitch pregnant, start a music career?
全是狗屁 Preach, nigga, preach!
嘿 Hey.
麦搁爱 Well, McAnalovin...
这里是美国，我们要走怀旧风 this is America and we 'bout to bring things back to the good old days.
我们两个要用最传统的方法帮你弄到钱 Beat and Yo Ass about to get you some money the old-fashioned way, homeboy.
- 什么方法？ - 我们要去抢劫 - What? - We gon' steal it.
学着点，小子 Hold on, white boy.
好啊 Ah, yeah!
“麦搁爱，幼齿警官，葛屁警官”
这是生命仪？ Is that a life meter?
对，现在是绿色的，变成红色就表示你挂了 Yep, and it's green. When it turns red, your ass is dead.
快穿上 Put this shit on.
我们要把自己当成电动游戏里的抢劫犯 We fixin' to go G.T.A. up in this bitch.
- 呼 - 天啊 - Whoo! - Oh, shit!
- 噢 - 我们去血拼吧 - Oh. - Let's go shoppin'.
法西斯 Fascists!
嘿，给我 Hey, what
怎样？ What? Huh?
混蛋 Asshole!
朋友，来买柳橙吧 Hey, my man! Oranges!
柳橙两块钱 Naranjas. Each 2 Dollars.
- 你刚才做了什么？ - 不会吧 - What'd you just do? - Oh, no, he didn't!
怎么了？我抢到现金了 What? I got the cash money, dude!
- 你刚才抢了一个墨西哥人？你在开玩笑吗？ - 怎么了？ - Did you just rob a Mexican? Are you kidding me? - What?
你知道在这个游戏中抢劫墨西哥人会怎样吗？ Do you know what happens when you rob a Mexican in this game?
抢劫白人，你会得到钱 Dog, when you rob a white guy, you get the money.
抢劫黑人的话，整场游戏他都会一直追杀你 When you rob a black guy, he'll chase after your ass the whole dang game.
但如果你抢劫墨西哥人 But if you rob a Mexican
整个拉丁族群都不会放过你的 Dog, you get the entire Latin community after your dumb ass!
所有拉丁人，包括了年轻人 小男孩、玩音乐的乐团 Every ese, muchacho, nino, Menudo, Santana and Rob Thomas...
餐车上的人...他们全都会跑出来追杀我们 the motherfuckers from the catering truck, they gon' all try to kill us!
快点逃吧 Bring your ass over here!
快开车... Go, go, go, go, go!
我们今天要帮你找个女人 We gon' find your ass a woman today.
哎唷，小心点，很痛耶 Ow! Careful. I'm sore.
看起来怎样？ How do they look?
看起来像杀人魔的奶头 You look like Hannibal Nipples.
- 这边请 - 说得好 - Right this way. - Got 'im.
“欢迎光临速配约会中心 一小时有二十人配对成功”
你应该喜欢游泳和摘苹果吧 - Well, you should like swimming and apple picking and
我喜欢高大的男人，但我不要怀孕，你懂我的意思吧 You know I like a really large man, but he's gotta shoot blanks. You know what I'm sayin'?
- 妈咪，我口渴 - 啊 - Mommy, I'm thirsty! - Bla
嘿，妈咪正在勾引男人，你别来烦我 Hey! Mommy's trying to get some penis right now. Suck it up.
我爱我的孩子 I love my kids.
我们喜欢简单的方式 We'll keep it simple.
他一边替你舔蛋蛋，我一边帮你手淫 He'll toss your salad while I give you the reach-around.
好吗？ Okay?
不好，我... No, I'm
我喜欢享受蒸汽浴 So, yeah, I like sitting in saunas...
待在澡堂，玩拍球游戏 being in bathhouses, playing racquetball.
我喜欢... I like, uh...
露营、搭帐篷 camping, pitching tents
- 她不适合你 - 什么？ - She's not the one. - What?
她是个万人迷，你在胡说什么？ She's a knockout. What are you talking about?
身材高大、头大，下巴轮廓有阳刚味 Tall, big head, masculine jaw.
- 有点不对劲 - 哪里不对劲？ - Something's not right. - What's not right?
- 天啊，看看她的手 - 她的手有什么问题？ - Motherfucker, look at her hands. - What's wrong with her hands?
我很挑剔的，你懂吗？ I'm pretty picky. You know?
- 被那一根搞砸了 - 嗯 - That ruins everything. - Mmm.
尝过这味才算尝过墨西哥料理 “拉肚子，就是靠这种屎味” You ain't tasted Mexican until you taste this shit, white boy.
这个超赞的 Shit's the bomb, dog.
- 来吧 - 耶 - Ahh. There we go. - Yeah!
- 那扇窗为何有个F？ - F？ - Why is there an "F" in the window? - "F"?
- 那是B - 笨蛋 - Man, that's a "B." - Stupid motherfucker.
如果这里的卫生是F级，我还会带你来吗？ You think I would take you somewhere if it was an "F"?
三份加屎卷饼， 一份淋屎玉米卷饼 We got three ass-piss burritos, one crap splatter enchilada
- 那是我的 - 全都齐了 - That's mine. That's mine. - We got it all!
谢啦 racias, hombre!
糟糕 Oh, shit.
- 我早说过会这样吧，你们看 - 糟了 - I told you this was gonna happen! Look! - Oh, shit!
- 流氓来了 - 他们在那里，嘿 - Here come the gangbangers! - There they are! Hey!
最近有人去过动物园吗？ Has anybody been to the zoo lately?
之前去了动物园 I went to the zoo and, uh, I w-w
我走到企鹅的笼子前面 walked up to the penguin cage...
我想知道其他动物有没有在注意它们 and, um, I was, like, I wonder if the other animals are looking at them going...
天啊，真高兴我是人 "God, I'm glad I'm me. "
因为这些企鹅... Because they, uh, you know
如果我前世是没有腿，又不会飞的企鹅该怎么办？ It's like, I wonder what I did in my past life to be reborn a legless, flightless bird...
生活在北极的中央 in the middle of the North Pole
是南极才对，抱歉 South Pole. Sorry. Um
闭嘴吧 Close!
- 呃 - 没人想听 - Uh - Nobody cares, buddy.
各位观众，我现在要做搞笑的苹果酱 Now, ladies and gentlemen, I will attempt to make comedy applesauce.
喷到你们的话很抱歉 I'm sorry if I hit you.
谢谢合作，你们是好观众 Thank you very much. You've been a great audience.
你好烂 You suck!
给安迪一点掌声，好吗？ Hey, give it up for Andy, huh?
他的表演很精彩 He was great!
- 嘿 - 嗨 - Hey there. - Hi.
你是那天正在过马路的那位小姐 Oh! Hi! You're from the other night, crossing the street!
- 对，那就是我 - 你的脖子还好吗？ - Yeah, that would be me. - How are you? How's your neck?
- 没事了 - 头部的伤势呢？ - It's fine. - Yeah? Bludgeoned head?
- 好些了 - 你的刀伤呢？ - Better. - Stab wounds?
- 正在愈合中 - 被砍伤的大腿？ - Healing. - And that mangled leg?
比以前好多了 Actually, it's better than before.
现在还可以这样 I can do this now.
我很遗憾 Oh! Oh, I'm- I'm sorry.
我知道颜色不搭，但店家只有白色和黑色 I know it's not a good color match. They only had white or black.
我选了白色，这样我算是种族主义者吗？ I chose white. Does that make me racist?
- 当然不算 - 谢谢 - No, absolutely - Thanks!
- 你的表演好搞笑 - 喔，拜托 - You were really funny up there. - Oh, please.
- 你很搞笑，我刚才在心里面狂笑 - 非常谢谢你 - You were hilarious. I was laughing on the inside. - Thank you very much.
我只是想说...你做得很好 Okay, well, I just- Good job!
- 你想跟我约会吗？ - 好啊，今晚吗？ - Do you wanna go out sometime? - I'd love to. Tonight?
今晚？好啊 Tonight? Yeah.
- 没问题 - 太好了。约会过后再上床吧 - Sure. Absolutely. - Great. Maybe we'll have some sex after.
你说什么？ Excuse me?
什么？ What?
我的意思是...你刚才...你刚才有说什么吗？ I mean- What- What- You said- What did you
- 我没有说什么 - 好吧 - I didn't say anything. - Okay.
给我你的电邮地址吧，这样我就能告诉你你要到哪里接我 So send me your e-mail address. I can tell you where I live and you can pick me up.
我们用简讯交换号码，我回电后，你再用简讯传地址给我 Maybe you should text me, then I'll call you and you can text me your address.
一定要这样吗？ 不然我也可以用Twitter告诉你我的Facebook Is there an app for that? If not, why don't I just Twitter you my Facebook page...
你可以在我的涂鸦墙上留下电话，我再用语音信箱留下地址 and then you can wall-to-wall me your number, I'll call and leave my address on your voice mail.
还是我用即时通告诉你我的MySpace，你在那可以留下你的 It might be better if I I. M. you my MySpace page, then you can leave me your address there...
我再发日志留我电话 或者等我给你还剩的免费通话时间，你可以打给我 I'll blog my cell phone on it, you can call me when I give you my T-Mobile rollover minutes...
这样我们就能免费通话，你可以直接告诉我你的地址 put you on my fave five- that way you can give it to me live over the phone.
- 你会让我成为你的五大联络人？ - 当然 - You'd put me in your fave five? - Oh, yeah. Sure.
请等我一下 Oh, excuse me one second.
- 好 - 嗯 - Oh, yeah. - Okay.
喂，嗨 Hello? Oh, hi.
是，当然啦，这是个好消息，我会的 Yes. Yes, I am. Of course. That's great news. Yeah, I will.
谢谢，好，再见 Thank you! Okay, bye.
我半年前在夏威夷应征一份工作，刚才的电话说我被录取了 I applied for this job in Hawaii six months ago, and I just found out I got it!
- 天啊，那太好了，太棒了 - 我好兴奋喔 - Oh, my God! That's great! That's awesome! - I'm so excited!
- 但我今晚就要走了 - 今晚？ - But I have to leave tonight. - Tonight?
- 是啊 - 好吧 - Yeah. - Oh. Okay.
- 抱歉晚餐和上床都没机会了 - 不，工作要紧 - I'm sorry about dinner and sex. - Listen, work is work.
谢谢你的谅解 Thank you for understanding.
不客气 Yeah, sure. No problem.
- 噢，好的 - 恭喜，真是太好了 - Oh! Okay. - Congratulations. That's great.
- 再见，抱我一下吧 - 好 - Okay, bye! Give me a hug. - Okay.
天啊，你忘了带走你的脚 Um, oh, my God. You forgot your, um, leg.
你怎么会不知道地址？ How do you not have an address?
你是联络人耶 This is your freakin' contact.
别再骂我了，我很抱歉 那个笨蛋还骗我说我们可能会被抓走 Stop riding me. I'm sorry. That dipshit fucked me up with the whole getting arrested thing.
我们会找到的，别担心 We'll find it. No worries.
等一下 Wait!
那是什么声音？ What the hell is that?
听起来像是“蟑螂歌” Sounds like "La Cucaracha. "
- 天啊 - 赶快逃啊 - Holy fucking shit! - Let's get the fuck outta here!
惨啦，罗伯汤玛斯？ Oh, shit! Rob Thomas?
- 快上车 - 什么？ - Get in the car. - What?
快上车 Get in the car!
好吧 Okay.
这是常有的事 This shit happens all the time, man!
女人总是这样难搞 Girls just be doin' that shit, and it's fucked up!
是啊，不过这件只是小事 Oh, yeah, dude. That shit doesn't even matter. All right?
因为你今晚将会摆脱处男的身份 'Cause tonight you're gonna fuckin' lay down the hammer, fucker.
我不懂你在说什么，一点儿没用 I don't know what that means and it's not helpful.
我只希望自己能够认识一个朴实又正常的人 I just wanna meet somebody for once who's down to earth and just a normal person.
这故事真是特别啊 What they have is special.
我可以叫你诺亚吗？ Can I call you Noah?
你哪根筋不对？ What is wrong with you?
竟然把自己变成一副女人的样子 You're turning into a real, certified bitch!
现在又哭 着看《深情日记》 Now you cryin' over The Notebook?
还把自己的咪咪搞大 Got these things right here.
- 噢 - 这是...奶头 - Ow. - These... tits.
该死，摸起来真爽啊 Damn, those feel kinda- those feel kinda good.
你们这几个人真恶心 Okay, you know what? You guys are disgusting.
我受够了，我要去喝一杯秀兰邓波儿 I'm going to get a Shirley Temple.
- 嗨 - 你真可爱 - Hi! - You're cute.
- 帅哥，你贵姓大名？ - 我名叫安迪，嗨 - What's your name? - I'm Andy. Hi.
安迪，每周四晚，我们两姊妹都会在酒吧找个人上床 Well, Andy, every Thursday night my sister and I randomly pick someone from the bar to have sex with.
今晚我们选中你了 And tonight we choose you!
恭喜 Congratulations!
- 安迪，你喜欢搞3P吗？ - 一晚高潮五或六次？ - You like 3P, Andy? - Five or six times a night?
还是说你比较喜欢双人接力赛？ How about double Dutch expressways? You enjoy those?
- 果酱甜甜圈？ - 乌克兰爆米花？ - Jelly doughnut? - Ukrainian popcorn?
口交？ Mouth fucking?
两位不介意的话，我想失陪一下 Would you excuse me a second, or a moment, if you don't mind?
好好考虑吧 Think about it!
不好意思 Um, excuse me.
麻烦你 Excuse me?
不好意思 Excuse me.
我为什么不能成为众人瞩目的焦点呢？ Why can't I be the center of attention?
他曾经跟重达345磅的女人做爱 He once had sex with a 345-pound woman...
只为了帮助她做运动 just to help her get some exercise.
他的大便闻起来像经过四十天熟成的肋眼牛排 His craps smell like a 40-day aged bone-in rib eye.
他对自己的雄风很有自信 He's so secure with his masculinity...
不介意小便时的偷窥狂 that he doesn't mind urinal peekers.
他是这世上最有意思的男人 He is the most interesting man in the world.
我不会经常跟胖女人做爱 I don't always fuck fat bitches...
但每当我这样做的时候，我都会选择喝... but when I do I prefer to be plastered on
随时保持饥渴，朋友们 Stay thirsty, my friends.
需要什么？嘿 Can I help you? Hey.
- 你需要什么？ - 啊？ - Can I help you? - Huh?
- 你想要喝什么？ - 对不起 - To drink. What do you want to drink? - Sorry.
给我一杯秀兰邓波儿 May I have a Shirley Temple, please?
那是我最爱的饮料 That's my favorite drink.
我也是 Mine too.
这是命运的安排 This is fate.
我也这么认为，我叫莎拉 I think so. I'm Sarah.
抱歉，我叫安迪 Oh! Sorry. I'm Andy.
抱歉 Sorry.
- 那很... - 可爱？ - That was - Cute?
是啊，很大声 Yeah. Loud.
你是说《秘密档案》？名人偷拍秀？ So, MTZ, the paparazzi show?
对，这份工作我已经做两年了，今天刚升职 Yeah, I've been working there for two years and just got my promotion today.
- 太棒了，恭喜你 - 谢谢 - That's so cool. Congratulations. - Oh, thank you!
- 我真的好兴奋 - 真是太好了 - I'm so excited! - That's really neat.
嗨，那边的男生们请你喝的 Hey-hey-hey! Compliments of the boys!
其实我不会喝酒 You know, actually, I don't drink.
我曾经喝过一小口，但仅此而已 I sipped some wine once, but that was it.
- 不喝也没关系 - 不行 - Oh, that's fine. - No.
快喝吧，喝一杯无伤大雅的 Come on, girl. One shot ain't gonna hurt you.
你喝我就陪你喝 I will if you do.
- 好吧 - 干杯 - Okay! - Okay. Cheers.
难喝死了 Oh! That was horrible.
我搞错了，那是我的精液，来，尝尝这杯吧 Oh! My bad, girl. That was my genetic sample. Here, try this one.
我不确定是否喜欢，可以再喝一杯吗？ I'm not sure if I liked that one. Can I try another one?
你知道吗？ Um, you know- you know what?
喝太快的话很容易会醉 That's a lot of booze... to have... quickly.
喔啊 Whoo!
莎拉！莎拉！莎拉！莎拉！ Sarah! Sarah! Sarah! Sarah!
耶 Yeah!
# Drunk girl Gettin' up her fun now #
# It's cool All of her friends around #
# Drunk girl, drunk girl #
# Drunk girl Oh, my God, embarrassing #
# No way This is not happening #
# Drunk girl, drunk girl #
# Drunk girl #
# The time is now #
# You say don't stop #
# That you're super loud #
# Drunk girl Can't believe the things I did ##
你喝了酒不该开车吧 Um, do you think that you should be driving?
这不是我能控制的 Oh, I can't help it.
- 我的阴道有自己的想法 - 噢 - My vagina has a mind of its own. - Oh.
天啊，真是太奇怪了 Oh, my God. Okay, yep. That's weird.
安迪，我喜欢你 I like you, Andy.
- 我也喜欢你 - 我非常喜欢你 - I like you too. - I like you a lot.
或许我们应该... Okay, we should maybe- Let's
不，这是...我来帮你找一些... Okay, no, that's, um- We have to get you some
这样应该足够让我表现了 Oh, that could have done the trick.
- 我现在就蹲下去为你服务 - 什么？这应该不是个... - I'm gonna go down on you now. Okay? - What? I don't think that's
天啊，拜托不要 Oh, God, no! Please!
感觉好热啊 Oh, my God, that's so warm.
天啊，我真的很抱歉 Oh, my God, I am, like, so sorry
不要啊，求求你 No! No! No, please!
安迪！安迪！ Andy! Andy!
我在这里 Aah! Aah! I'm right here!
- 我在这里 - 谢天谢地 - I'm here! - Oh, God. Thank goodness.
我还以为你被淹死了 I thought that I lost you.
拜托你别再吐了，我不擅长游泳 Can you stop throwing up, please? I'm not a very strong swimmer.
我已经吐完了 I think that I'm done.
我刚才小便了，尿液好温暖啊 Oh, I just peed. It's so warm.
天啊，你要进来吗？ Oh, my God. Do you want to come in?
- 好啊 - 好 - Oh, I'd like that. - Okay.
各位，这位是麦可 Everyone, meet Michael.
真高兴你来了，麦可 We're glad you're here, Michael.
我们正需要一位裁判 We need an umpire.
为什么要我当裁判？ What am I gonna be an umpire for?
- 爱德华，你没告诉他？ - 我正想说 - Edward, you didn't tell him? - I was getting to that.
我们只能在刮暴风雨的时候才可以玩这个游戏 Let's just say it's something we can only play during thunderstorms.
好 Okay.
什么游戏？ What is it?
我们都患有乳糖不耐症 We're all lactose intolerant.
对不起 Sorry.
- 嘿 - 天啊，你吓我一大跳 - Hey there. - Holy shit! You scared me.
我很抱歉，你没事吧 My apologies. Are you okay?
对不起，刚才有一群墨西哥人无缘无故追着我跑 I'm sorry. I was being chased by a bunch of Mexicans for no reason.
其实我只是想买酒，好让我能跟全校最辣的正妹上床 AII I'm trying to do is get some alcohol so I can have sex with the hottest chick in school.
我想我可以帮你 I think I can help you out.
- 真的？ - 没错，你看到那边有一间房子吗？ - Really? - Yeah. You see that house over there?
他们会赠送免费的酒 They're practically giving away free booze!
- 你找丽莎就行了 - 真的？ - Just ask for Lisa. - Seriously?
骗你的话我就没命 If I'm lyin', I'm dyin'.
来，拿着这个袋子 Here, take this bag.
怎么可以空手去参加派对呢 Never want to go to a party empty-handed.
饼干，还有保险套？ Cookies? And condoms?
这两样永远不嫌多，对吧 You can never have enough of either, right?
- 我同意 - 快去拿酒吧 - Agreed. - Now go get your alcohol.
谢啦，你是个大好人 Thanks, man. You're an awesome dude.
我的确是 Yes, I am.
哈啰？ Hello?
有人在吗？ Is anyone home?
请进，我替你准备了饮料 Come on in. I made you a drink.
请自便 Just help yourself.
好酷啊，谢谢 Cool! Thanks!
- 赞啊 - 嘿 - Sweet! - Hey there.
嘿，老兄 Oh. Hey, bro.
你不就是那出电视剧里专门抓性侵犯的那个主角？ Dude, aren't you that guy from the show that catches the molesters?
- 那正是我 - 那出戏真精彩 - That would be me. - That show's so fuckin' awesome!
你演得很好 You're great on that!
记得其中一集有个牧师想掩饰自己的罪行吗？ Remember that one with the priest and he was trying to weasel his way out of it...
但最后你用来自 未成年少女的电邮将他定罪 but you ended up nailing him with the e-mails from the underage girls.
正当他想逃跑时，在前院被壮硕的警察给撞上了 Once he hightailed it and hit the front yard, he got hit by Shawne Merriman-looking cops.
- 我记得 - 那场戏超精彩的 - I do. - That was so fuckin' awesome!
你怎会在这里？难道这是你家？ What are you doing here? Is this your house or something?
不，其实我正在录节目 Uh, no. I'm actually taping the show.
真的？在这里？好棒啊，我可以看吗？ Really? Here? That's awesome. Can I watch?
- 你已经在看了 - 什么？ - It looks like you already are. - What?
袋子里有什么？ What's in the bag?
什么？这是你刚才给我的。饼干和保险套 What? Just the stuff you gave me. Just... cookies and condoms.
- 我没有给过你任何东西 - 啊？ - I didn't give you anything. - Huh?
你今晚过来这里的动机是什么？ What did you think was gonna happen by coming over here tonight?
我不是性侵犯 Whoa, whoa, whoa! I'm not a molester.
我会来这里完全是因为你告诉我这里有免费的酒 The only reason I'm here is because you told me there'd be alcohol here.
- 你叫我过来找丽莎 - 真的？ - You said to ask for Lisa! - Really?
所以你并没有要跟未成年少女性交的企图 So you had no intention of having sex with an underage minor.
什么？当然没有。我听不懂你在说什么 Wha- No! I-I-I don't know what you're talking about!
你不记得你说过这段话？ So you don't remember saying this?
我要在你的屁股上涂满枫糖浆 I wanna spread your butt cheeks with real maple syrup...
把巧克力饼干放进你的肛门，再把它吃掉 and then eat chocolate chips out of your cornhole.
什么？我没说过！天啊，我对巧克力饼干过敏 What? Cor- No! I'm allergic to chocolate chips, for Christ's sakes!
而且我最讨厌枫糖浆的味道了 And I don't even like real maple syrup.
我不知道这是怎么一回事 I don't know what's going on.
- 你从实招来的话，事情会简单得多 - 我说的是真话 - You could make things easier if you'd just tell us the truth. - I am telling the truth.
我不认识这个女孩 I don't know who this girl is.
我只是想拿到酒，好让我能跟全校最辣的正妹上床 I'm just trying to get alcohol so I can have sex with the hottest girl in school.
- 真的？ - 只是这样而已 - Really? - That's all!
糟了 Oh, fuck.
等一下，先生，我想跟你谈一谈 Hold on. Wait. I wanna talk to you. Sir?
我该怎么办？ What am I gonna do?
放开我，我不是性侵犯，你这个笨蛋 I'm not a molester, you fucking dickhead!
来吧 Here we go.
- 嗯 - 让我来帮你 - Mm-hmm. ## - Get a little of this debris...
把脸擦干净 off your face.
你为什么对我这么好？ Why are you being so nice to me? Hmm?
我不知道，可能是因为你没有拒绝我吧 I don't know. I guess 'cause you're letting me.
好了，不... Okay. No, no, no. No, no, no, no.
- 你要先喝一点这个 - 我要你 - You gotta drink some of that. - Oh, I want you.
不管事 “漂白剂” Not working. Ahh!
啊~噢 Ahh. Ohh.
啊 Aaah!
先闭上嘴巴，让它在口腔内停留一下子 Yeah, that's it. Let that sit on your tongue for a second.
那只是杀菌剂 That's just an antibacterial. Okay.
我想吞下更令人舒服的东西 I'm gonna slip into something more comfortable.
- 好吗？我到卧房等你 - 好吧 - Okay? I'll meet you in the bedroom. - Okay.
好 Okay.
不 Ohh! No!
不，天啊 No! Oh, my God.
贱货，你想上床吗？ You wanna lay down some pipe, bitch?
可不可以...等我一下子？我马上回来 Um, can you just- Could you give me a minute? I'll be
胆小鬼 Pussy!
赞啊！好爽啊 Oh, yeah! Oww! Oh! Oh, yeah!
喔，我的天啊 Okay. Oh, Jesus
- 嘿 - 嘿，嘿！ - Okay. Hey. - Hey. Hey.
- 对不起 - 我正在搞这个玩意 - Sorry. - I was just screwing this warm pie right here.
- 听说它跟真人的感觉很像 - 太棒了 - I heard it feels like the real thing. - That's cool.
- 十六岁是性欲很强的年纪 - 是啊 - You know, 16's a real horny age, man. - Yes
- 你有什么事吗？ - 哦 - So, uh, what- what you doin'? - Whoa.
没什么，很抱歉打断你了 Nothing. I- I'm sorry to interrupt you.
莎拉在房间内，她把自己绑在床上了。她想跟我上床 Sarah's in the other room. She's tied to the bed. She wants to have sex with me.
- 该死 - 我不知道该怎么办 - Oh, shit! - I don't know what to do.
- 你说真的？ - 没错 - Are you serious? - Yes.
天啊，这是你的重要时刻 My man! This is the big moment!
- 你即将要... - 你们两个自私鬼 - It's about to go down! - You inconsiderate pricks.
小声一点好吗？ Will you please keep it down?
我现在头痛得要命 I have such a massive headache.
对不起，只是这件事太令人兴奋了 Sorry, brother. It's just, you know, so exciting.
我们这位朋友将要破处了 Our boy's about to get laid!
- 是啊 - 老兄，你正在流血 - Yeah. - Brother, you bleedin'?
什么？ What
这种大麻的确有副作用 Oh! There are side effects to this weed!
该死！谁有多余的卫生棉吗？ Damn! Anyone have an extra tampon?
- 最好是加长型的 - 我没有 - Preferably super-wide? - No.
你要在她不省人事之前回房 You need to get your ass back in there before she passes out.
- 万一我出错了怎么办？ - 出错？ - I know. But what if I do it wrong? - Do it wrong?
你只要把你的小弟弟塞进她的阴道就行了 All you doin' is stickin' your dick in her coochie!
不可能会出错的 There's no wrong way of doing that!
不过有一次我把我的小弟弟塞进了娜欧蜜透纳的猫咪体内 Well, there was this one time I stuck my thing in Naomi Turner's cat.
当时房间很暗，我们两人在双人床上挤成一团 It was dark in there, we was huddled up in a twin bed...
猫咪偷偷溜进被窝，睡在我们中间 and the cat just snuck up in between the sheets.
那种感觉就像是...你知道吗？ It just felt like- Hey! You know? Uhh!
- 我们都是受造之物，对吧 - 没错 - We all's the Lord's creatures, right? - Yes.
快点进房，好好大干一场吧 Man, just get your white ass in there and get to fuckin'!
- 大干一场 - 大干一场吧 - Get to fuckin'! - Let's do some fucking.
- 大干一场 - 没那么难，大家都会的 - Just do some fuckin'! - It can't be that hard. Everybody does it.
- 好，我要大干一场 - 大干一场 - Okay, I'm gonna do some fucking! - Fuck-Fuckin'!
我做不到，做不到 I can't. I can't, I can't.
我做不到，我干不了这档事 I can't do it. I can't do some fuckin'.
我不知道自己哪里不对劲了 I'm- I don't know what's wrong with me.
我已经四十岁，而我却...我从来没有跟女人上过床 I'm 40, and I'm- I'm- I'm never gonna be with a woman.
我就是不会 I'm just not.
你一直这样畏畏縮縮的，当然干不了 Not with that sniveling attitude, you won't!
- 塞斯，你怎么了？ - 闭嘴 - Seth, what are you doing? - Shut up!
我要出来... I'm going out.
出来喝奶昔 Out to get a milk shake.
奶昔？ A milk shake?
没错 Yes, boy!
你看吧，我... You see, I...
有奶昔 have a milk shake...
而你也有奶昔 and you have a milk shake.
但我有吸管 But I have a straw.
你看到了吗？很好，你要盯紧看喔 You see? Huh? There it is. Watching!
我的吸管要伸过来 My straw reaches...
穿过房间 across the room...
插进你的奶昔了 and into your milk shake.
我看不懂你在干嘛 I don't understand what you're doing.
如果你是想用比喻的话，我实在... - Okay, if you're doing a metaphor, I don't really
我的奶昔... My milk shake...
把男孩全都... brings all the boys...
吸引过来了 to the yard.
没错，我的比你的好喝多了 Damn right it's better than yours!
没错 Damn right.
我要喝你的奶昔 I drink your milk shake!
我要把它喝光 I drink it up!
我根本搞不懂，真是太奇怪了 I don't even know what that means. That's so weird.
安迪，没有人会对处男有兴趣的 No one wants a virgin boy, Andy.
嘿，不要...你干嘛？不要这样，冷静点 Hey! Don't- What are you What are you- Don't do that! Calm down!
我不会冷静下来的 I will not calm down!
- 我不会冷静下来的 - 住手！塞斯，住手 - I will not calm down! - Stop it! Seth, stop it!
住手 Stop it!
快点停止 Just stop it.
我很抱歉，老兄，我吸了大麻之后太过兴奋了 Dude, I'm so sorry, man. I'm so fuckin' high right now.
听着，听着 Uh, look, look.
你的下面已经装满精液了 You got an ocean of cum under there, all right?
只有你能够把它释放出来 The only person that's gonna be able to get to it is you...
你要利用你的小弟弟来达成目的 and you gotta use your cock to do that.
- 我懂了，请你不要再... - 什么？ - Okay, I get it. Please don't, you know - Okay?
- 你做得到的 - 我应该做得到 - You can do it. - I know. I feel like I can do it
- 不，你一定行的 - 我应该做得到的，我只要放胆去做就行了 - No, you can do it! - I feel like I can do it. I just need to do it.
- 对，你一定行的 - 我的想法改变了，我做得到的，对吧 - Then go do it already! - My mind is changing, and I can do this, can't I?
- 那就快去做啊 - 我知道我行的，我已经... - Yes, you can do this! - I know I can! You know what?
厌倦了... I am sick
我脱光了 I'm naked!
哇，真的好雄伟喔 Wow, he is beautiful.
- 安迪，你好棒喔 - 继续疯狂做爱吧 - Oh, Andy, you're so good! - Bang that shit up!
- 你在干嘛？ - 安迪，你好棒喔 - What the fuck are you doing? - Oh, Andy, you're so good!
- 快点滚开 - 喔，安迪 - Get off of her! - Andy! Oh!
- 快点滚开 - 不要停啊 - Get off of her. - Don't stop! Oh!
爽啊 Oh, yeah!
- 滚开 - 继续啊 - Get off! - More! More!
你去哪里了？ Where'd you go?
- 混蛋 - 滚开 - Son of a bitch! - Get off!
宝贝，你在干嘛？ What are you doing, baby?
耶 Yeah.
我喜欢这种叫声 Oh, I like that sound.
我喘不过气了 Oh! I can't breathe!
你这个混蛋 Ah! You son of a
惨啦 Oh, shit.
那份卷饼肯定有问题 Oh, that burrito definitely was the meat.
我快要拉出来了，天啊！快点靠边停，我感觉不舒服 I'm crowning. Oh, my God. Guys, we gotta pull over here. I don't feel too good.
警官？ Guys?
你们两个混蛋 You fucking assholes!
否则我就要在你们的车上拉屎了 Pull this shit over before I shit all over your fucking Corinthian leather!
糟了，小心啊 Oh, shit! Look out!
该死的，我的天啊 Oh, shit. Oh, my God.
我很快就会回来 Uh- This won't take long.
天啊 Ah! My God!
搞什么？ What the fuck!
里面有人吗？ What the f- Is someone in there?
有人吗？天啊 Hello! Oh, God!
我快要拉在裤子上了 I'm gonna shit my fucking pants.
我快要拉在裤子上了！天啊，什么？ I'm gonna shit my fucking pants. Oh, my God. What?
现在听得见吗？很好 Can you hear me now? Good.
天啊 Oh, my God.
真该死 Oh, fuck.
搞什么？该死的马桶呢？ What the fuck? Where's the fucking toilet?
天啊，太恶心了 Oh, my God. That's disgusting.
天啊，我快要拉出来了 Oh, God! I gotta go! Oh, fuck.
天啊，真爽啊 Oh, God. Yeah. Fuck.
嗯？ Huh?
“葛屁和幼齿”
- 小子，你在哪里？ - 我快好了 - Yo, where are you, white boy? - I'm almost done.
听好了，全是因为你，这些墨西哥人才会追杀我们的 Listen, it's because of you these Mexicans are trying to kill us!
- 什么？ - 快点 - Huh? - Come on!
什么？搞什么？ What? What the fuck?
天啊 Oh, my God.
天啊，我不想这么做，我不要 Oh, God. I don't want to do it! I can't do it!
我豁出去了 Fuck it! Oh, God.
- 好，我回来了 - 回来得正是时候，小子 - Okay! I'm here. Let's go. - Well, it's about goddamn time, white boy.
哪来的屎臭味？ What the fuck is that smell?
我不知道 I don't fuckin' know, dude.
- 走吧 - 快点开车 - Let's go, dude! - Come on, let's go, Beat.
莎拉，嗨 Sarah. Hi!
嗨 Hi.
就这样而已？你没注意到什么特别的吗？ That's it? You don't- You don't notice anything?
噢，嗯 Oh, um
你买了新的夹脚拖鞋？ Did you- You got new flip-flops?
- 呃，不是这个 - 踝关节肿胀？ - Uh, not the flip-flops. - Ankles swollen?
- 再高一点 - 你的膝盖好像变胖了一点 - Higher. - Oh, you carry a little weight in your knees.
再高一点 Higher.
天啊！我知道了，你的肚脐是凸出来的 Oh, my God. Aha! Of course. You have an outie.
我之前都没有注意到 I never even realized you had an outie.
你昨晚上我的时候也没有发现？ Not even when you were bangin' me last night?
没有，不是...我昨晚没有上过你 Nope? Okay. So, no, I wasn't- I didn't bang you last night.
你当然没有上过我 Of course you didn't bang me.
你只是像拳王击打沙包一样，一直用力插我 You just had your dick pounding my liver like Floyd May weather's punching bag...
现在我怀孕了 and now I'm pregnant!
- 糟糕，你怀孕了？ - 当然，宾果 - Oh, shit. You're pregnant? - Oh, bingo!
- 你中大奖了 - 小心你的肚子 - Give the man a fuckin' prize! - Be careful with that.
我没有...没错，你的肚子确实变大了 I don't, um- That's- Yeah, you are. You're very pregnant.
- 我只是搞不懂，怎么会一天之内就变这么大 - 我有一半墨西哥人的血统 - I'm just wondering how that happened in a day. - I'm part of half Mexican.
真的？ Really?
安迪，你知道像你这样... Andy, do you know how hard it is...
一个就能抵得上五个的男人，有多难找吗？ to find a guy who can make you feel like you're getting nailed by five guys?
不，我不知道那有多困难 Mmm. No, I don't- I don't know how hard that would be...
但这个宝宝不是我的 but that's not my baby.
天啊，当然是 Oh, God. Of course.
你果然是不负责任的中年男人 Typical response from an irresponsible, middle-aged guy...
而且又跟一群好色的年轻人同住 who lives with a bunch of sex-crazed teenagers!
拜托！我的朋友不是好色的年轻人 Okay. Come on. My friends are not sex-crazed teenagers.
虽然他正在抚摸甚至是玩弄你的咪咪 Okay, yeah. He's cupping and maybe juggling your breasts a little bit.
听我说...你介意回避一下吗？ Look- Do you mind?
真扫兴 Oh, awkward.
谢谢 Thank you.
我以为你有戴保险套 I thought you were wearing a condom.
我没有戴保险套，因为我根本没有跟你上过床 No, I wasn't wearing a condom because I didn't have sex with you.
若你不愿意接纳这个孩子 If you don't accept this child...
我会把你踢到密西根州佛林特 I am gonna go so Flint, Michigan on you...
这样你就会陷入经济拮据的窘境 that you are gonna go into a deep economic depression...
受汽车工业没落所害 caused by the demise of the auto industry.
然后就会有个胖子替你拍纪录片 Then some fat guy's gonna do a documentary on you!
我根本听不懂 I don't understand what that means.
如果你还是不肯认帐的话 If that doesn't work
这个宝宝就要受苦了 then this baby is gonna suffer!
- 只不过是个宝宝而已...不要抽烟 - 可能会导致先天缺陷 - It's just a baby, so- Don't smoke that. - May cause severe birth defects.
别耍这种老把戏，拜托你不要这样 That's very 1970s. Don't do that, please.
- 你还是不认这个宝宝？ - 不，那是... - Still not your baby? - No, that's
- 你希望宝宝的肺部发育不良吗？ - 我不希望 - Wanna go for underdeveloped lung capacity? - I don't want to go for that.
而且这是违法的，拜托你... It's illegal also, so please don't
我知道你很生气，但不要喝了 Okay. I know you're upset, so please don't drink that...
这样会害宝宝无家可归 because that's how you make a baby homeless and- Oh!
不要这样，妈咪 Mommy, Mommy! No, Mommy!
我们结束了，安迪，玩完了 We're done, Andy. It's over, jerk-off.
莎拉，莎拉，别这样 Sarah. Sarah! Come on!
我以为我们是有感情的，我曾经让你往我嘴里呕吐呢 I thought we had something! I mean, I let you throw up in my mouth!
噢 Oh!
嘿，你没必要这么难过 Hey, come on, Biscuit!
她只不过是个贱货 You're talkin' 'bout a hood rat.
她只是你的练习对象 - “秘密档案” Hey, she's just for practice, you know?
你不可以对那种人付出真感情 You can't get all emotionally involved all up in that shit.
我不知道，我只是很想暂时离开一下 I don't know, Blaqguy. I just feel like I need to get out of here...
重新充电，出去度个假 recharge my batteries, go on vacation.
但我不知道该去哪里才好 But I don't- I don't know where to go!
莎拉马歇被人发现与英国当红摇滚巨星艾多斯布莱特 Sarah Marshall was found canoodling with British rock sensation Aldous Bright...
在夏威夷的茂宜岛当众亲热 in Maui, Hawaii.
这对情侣似乎非常恩爱，甚至不顾其他人的眼光当众炒饭 The couple seemed very much in love as they frolicked about without a care in the world.
这个季节哪里比较温暖？ What's warm this time of year?
茂宜岛是许多名人最喜爱的旅游胜地 Maui, which is a favorite hot spot for many celebrities...
似乎也是艾多斯的首选目的地 seems to be the place of choice for Aldous...
因为过去几个月，他已经带过好几位情人到此一游 as we've seen him with multiple love interests just in the past few months.
- 澳洲好吗？ - 茂宜岛... - Maybe Australia? - Maui
- 不，太远了 - 是最温暖且距离最近的热带度假胜地 - No, that's too far. - is one of the warmest and closest of the tropic getaways.
- 墨西哥呢？ - 白痴，你是聋子吗？ - How 'bout Mexico? - Fuck face, are you deaf?
你的贱货正跟别的男人在茂宜岛度假 Your whore is here in Maui with another guy.
我之前累积了不少哩程数，但我还拿不定主意 I have frequent flyer miles, but I- I don't know.
混蛋，难怪你还是处男，你很猪头耶 Hey, asshole! No wonder you're a virgin. You're a fucking retard.
- 把电视开大声一点 - 你觉得茂宜岛怎样？ - Turn the TV up. - Hey, you know what? How 'bout Maui?
好啊，茂宜岛，好主意 Oh, ha, ha! Hey, Maui. Good call.
只要远离所有跟莎拉有关的事物，你马上就能忘记她了 You'd be so far removed from anything Sarah, you'll get over her ass in no time.
没错 Yeah. Yeah.
“蓝斑马，成人夜总会”
休想逃跑，你这个死变态 Don't move, you sick fuck.
笨蛋，我这样还能逃去哪里？ Where am I supposed to go, you fucking dickheads?
曼蒂，不要磕光所有的药 Hey, Mandy, quit takin' up all the drugs.
好 Yeah.
搞什么？天啊 What the fuck? Holy shit!
麦搁爱 McAnalovin!
麦搁爱！麦搁爱！ McAnalovin! McAnalovin!
麦搁爱！ McAnalovin!
不要乱动 Hold on there, bitch.
- 让我上车 - 天啊 - Let me in! - Holy shit!
麦搁爱，快让我上车 McAnalovin! Let me in the fuckin' car!
天啊，乔纳 Dude! Jonah!
- 快让他上车 - 你的朋友就是我们的朋友 - Let him in the car, dude. - Any friend of yours is one of ours.
- 上车吧，胖小子 - 嗨，宝贝 - Get on in, fat white boy! - Hi, baby!
我的天啊，你竟然弄到啤酒了 Holy fuckin' shit! You got fuckin' beer!
- 还真弄到了 - 当然，我可是麦搁爱耶 - You got the fuckin' beer! - Of course I did. I'm McAnalovin!
- 太赞啦 - 叽喀叽喀耶 - Fuckin' in credible! - Chicka-chicka-yeah!
而且车上还有大咪咪，我的天啊 And you got fuckin' tits in your car! Holy fucking shit!
- 耶 - 喔 - Yeah! - Whoo!
“阿啰哈”
“阿啰哈接驳车”
- 嗨 - 你好 - Hi. - Aloha.
噢 Oh.
嗨，我是安迪史宾塞，我要办理入住登记 Hi. I'm Andy Spitzer. I'm checking in.
史宾塞先生，你好，我们为你保留了一间经济房 Oh, Mr. Spitzer. Hello! We have you in one of our econo rooms.
太好了，一晚五十元，对吧 Great. Yeah. That's $50 a night?
五十元，没错 Fifty dollars. Of course.
另外再加百分之八的州税，百分之七的城市税 Then there's an eight percent state tax, a seven percent city tax...
百分之十二的机场税，三成二的刺激经济税和停车费 a 12% airport tax, a 32% stimulus tax and, of course, the valet fee.
停车费？不，我没有开车 Oh, valet. No, I didn't drive, so
- 每位房客都要付停车费的，这是标准收费 - 标准收费？ - Everyone pays the valet fee. It's standard. - Standard?
你一晚的住宿费用总共是485元 The grand total on your room will come to $485 per night.
除了枕头上的薄荷之外，食物都要另外付费 Food is extra except the mint on your pillow at turndown.
485元？太离谱了 $485? That's... ridiculous.
- 那是上等的薄荷 - 我知道 - It's a very good mint. - I know. I-I
麻烦你，我想跟经理谈一谈 I'd like to speak to a manager, please.
经理请到前台...经理请到前台... Manager to the front desk. Manager to the front desk.
一线有一个小气鬼，一线有个小气鬼 We have a cheap bitch in line one. Cheap bitch in line one.
如果他不是小气鬼，那就肯定是穷光蛋 If he's not a cheap bitch, he's a broke-ass motherfucker.
一线有一个小气鬼兼穷光蛋 Cheap bitch broke-ass motherfucker in line one!
- 你能不能... - 闭嘴，我要休息了 - Okay. Can you - Uh-uh. Piehole, I'm goin' on break.
- 安迪 - 金 - Andy? - Kim.
- 你怎会在这里？ - 我来这度假，这真是太...哇 - What are you doing here? - I needed a vacation. This is so- Wow.
太巧了，我在这里工作，我可以让你免费住宿 This is crazy. Well, I work here. I'm gonna hook you up.
我让你住总统套房吧 I'm gonna give you the presidential suite.
好，谢谢你，你真是个大好人 Oh, okay. Thank you. That's so nice of you.
- 但我有一个条件 - 说吧 - Under one condition. - Okay.
你要跟我约会，弥补我上周错失的机会 You take me on that date we were supposed to go on last week.
一言为定，没问题。今晚吗？ Deal. I'd love to. Okay. T-Tonight?
- 今晚八点？ - 好的，八点没问题 - At 8:00 p. m.? - 8:00 p. m.'s great.
好的 Okay.
好，真谢谢你 Okay. So, thank you so much.
再见，我的脚装上去了，这次我没有忘记它 Bye! I have my leg on. I didn't forget it this time.
如果你再不开门，我就会叫经理过来 If you don't open this door, asshole, I am gonna get the manager...
请他把你这个低贱的酒鬼赶走，你这个无赖 and have him throw your drunk, lowlife ass out on the street, you prick!
莎拉 Sarah?
孩子他爸 Oh! My baby daddy.
这真是太奇妙了，我来这里度假 This is weird. Um, I came here on vacation...
我朋友替我安排了这个房间 and my friend gave me this room.
- 真是奇妙 - 一点也不奇妙 - This is weird. - It's not weird at all.
你是来找我的，真浪漫啊 You came here to find me. That's so romantic.
不，我不是...这只是巧合 No, I didn't come- No, this is a coincidence, really.
这真的只是巧合 This is really just a coincidence.
你仍然不肯认你的骨肉？ So you're still not gonna claim your love child?
宝贝，为什么这么吵？ Baby, what is all the noise?
你该不会还在生我的气吧 You're not still mad at me, are you?
你说过生孩子之前不能做爱 Right. I thought you said no sex till after the baby.
那肯定是你其他约会对象说的，因为我们现在就要做 That must be some other lady you're dating, 'cause we are gonna do it right now.
再见了，安迪 Bye, Andy.
“使用床铺请刷卡”
“此冰箱装设了安全系统 喝酒前一定要先打电话报备”
混蛋，他的房间里肯定有女人 Son of a bitch. He must have a girl over there.
来吧，把我当成妓女尽情狂欢吧 Oh. Take it. Take it! Take it like a dirty whore!
没错，快点上我吧 Oh, yeah! Give me your man stick!
把我当成痛恨美国人的英国人吧 Oh, take it like a Brit who hates everything American!
我没办法，因为我可以看到宝宝正在动 No, I can't, 'cause I can see the baby moving.
- 是的 - 别看就好 - Yes. - Don't look.
快让我尝尝英国男人的雄风 Oh, yes! Give me your big limey lizard!
赞啊，你为“香肠加马铃薯泥”创造了新的定义 Oh, yeah! You're giving new meaning to "bangers and mash"!
天啊，你的好大 Oh, God! You are so huge!
- 现在说你爱我 - 我爱你 - Say you love me right now. - I love you right now.
- 大声一点 - 我爱死你了 - Fuckin' louder, bitch. - I love you right now!
艾多斯，我也爱你，我们可以用你的名字为宝宝取名 I love you too, Aldous! Of course we can name the baby after you!
- 我不赞成让宝宝... - 闭嘴，你当然赞成 - No. I don't want to name the baby - Shut up! Yes, you do!
现在就上我吧 Get inside me now.
好啊 Oh, yes!
太爽了... Oh, yes!
爽啊，爽啊！ Yes, yes! Oh, yes! Oh, yeah! Yes!
- 有东西抓住了我的小弟弟 - 什么？ - Something's got a hold of me willy. - What?
有东西抓住了我的小弟弟，感觉好像是...宝宝的手 Something's got a hold of me willy! It feels like... baby hands.
天啊，宝宝抓住了我的命根子 Oh, good God, Lord! The baby's got a hold of me wanker!
闭嘴，哦耶 Shut up! Oh, yeah!
好啊，像这样就对了 Oh, yes! Like that!
- 爽啊，爽啊 - 小恶魔，你在干嘛？ - Yes, yes! - What did you fuck, the devil?
爸爸，陪我玩 Daddy! Daddy! Play!
天啊，救命啊 Oh, good Lord! Help me, Jesus Christ!
- 这女人的肚子里怀着一个恶魔 - 爽啊 - This woman's got a demon in her sex! - Oh, yeah!
天啊 Oh, God!
好爽啊 Oh, yes!
- 这个地方真不错 - 是啊，我很喜欢 - This place is really nice. - Yeah, I love it here.
这里会让我想起小时候，我叔叔经常带我去的餐厅 It reminds me of a restaurant my uncle used to take me to when I was a little girl.
他总是会点一杯威士忌 我讨厌他亲我之后所留下的那种酒味 He'd always have a scotch. I hated the taste of it after he kissed me.
- 那张照片里的人是你吗？ - 啊？ - Is that- Uh, is that you? - Huh?
- 是啊 - 哦 - Oh, yeah. - Oh.
餐厅老板是我的前男友 You know what? My ex-boyfriend owns this restaurant.
有一晚我喝得烂醉之后被他拍下来的 He took those of me one night when I was really toasted.
你有前男...你来这里工昨才三天而已 You have- Ex-boy- You've been here three days.
就已经有前男友了，哇 You already have an ex-boyfriend. Wow.
将酒精和提神饮料混着喝 Once you start mixing alcohol and Red Bull...
感觉就像坐在驾驶座上高速狂飚，但其实是无人驾驶的 it's like you're behind the wheel of a car going 100 miles an hour, but nobody's driving.
是啊，那真是... Yeah. It's...
哇，你的筋骨很软 Wow. You're really flexible.
这是遗传来的，我的祖先都很会劈腿 Oh, yeah. It's genetic. I come from a long line of leg spreaders.
是啊，因为你看起来很爱脱光衣服 Yeah. Because you seem to really like being naked.
你在鄙视我，安迪，是这样吗？ A- Are you judging me, Andy? Is that what's going on here?
- 不是的 - 如果是的话，我就要马上离开了 - No. No! - 'Cause if you are, I will walk out of here right now.
不是的，金，我并没有鄙视你的意思 No, no, no. Kim, I'm not judging you. Please, I'm not judging you.
我自己喝醉之后，也曾经做过疯狂的事 You know, I've gotten drunk and done some pretty wild things myself.
把照片的事忘了吧，安迪，好吗？ Just drop it, Andy, okay? Put the photos behind us?
- 我赞成 - 太好了，谢谢 - Yeah. Okay. I'm all for that, yeah. - Great. Thank you.
- 要点餐了吗？ - 好的，我饿了 - Shall we order? - Yeah. I'm starving.
那是...那是大猩猩吗？ Is that a- Is that a gorilla?
是的，那是大猩猩 Yeah, Andy. It's a gorilla.
- 不然难道像长颈鹿吗？拜托 - 不， - What does it look like, a giraffe? Come on. - No. Yeah.
- 我喜欢你，安迪，非常喜欢 - 我也喜欢你 - I like you, Andy. I like you a lot. - I like you too.
好玩的是通常我只想跟我的约会对象上床而已 The funny thing is that usually I like to get really physical with the guys I date.
但我跟你在一起的感觉不同 But with you, it's different.
- 我还想要别的东西 - 是啊 - It's like I need something more. - Yeah.
我感觉跟你有更深一层的心灵交流 I feel like I'm connecting with you on such a deeper level.
你就像我的哥哥一样 You're like a brother to me.
这种没有性爱的氛围非常吸引人 You've got this asexual vibe that's so hot.
我猜我们可以结婚五年，却不曾接吻 It's like I could see us married for five years and not even kissing.
- 真的吗？ - 没错 - Oh, really? - Yeah.
我们应该先交往一阵子，先不要上床 I really think we should just go a while without having sex.
先交往一段比较长的日子再说 Like a long, long while, you know?
- 放慢脚步 - 好的 - Just take things really slow. - Okay.
你懂我的意思吗？ 我们不该激起彼此的性欲，并为对方带来烦恼 You know what I'm saying, Andy? 'Cause I don't think we should get each other hot and bothered.
我们应该将性爱这件事抛到九宵云外 I really think we should just let sex be the furthest thing from our minds.
- 好 - 我不会舌吻你的耳垂 - Okay. - I won't tongue your ear...
或是将我自然... or rub my natural...
又丰满的乳房靠在你的胸膛上 perky breasts up against your chest...
或是从你的大腿内侧一直舔到你的... or lick your inner thigh all the way up to your c...
一直舔到你的... up to your- to your c...
- 我的小... - 没错 - My c... - Yeah.
- 我很想说出口，但小弟弟这几个字让我好害羞 - 我明白你的意思 - I really want to say it, but I feel shy saying the word "cock. " - I think I know what you mean.
- 一直舔到你的小弟弟 - 是啊 - Up to your cock.. - Yeah.
这是你的小弟弟？天啊 Is that your cock? Oh, my God!
你现在的表情好奇怪 You're making a weird face right now.
- 是吗？真的？ - 是啊 - I am? Really? - Yeah.
好搞笑，你现在好像一个疯子 It's funny. You look like a- like a crazy person.
噢，噢 Oh. Oh!
我跟你在一起真的好开心 I had such a good time with you.
我感觉我们心灵相通 Oh, I just- I feel like we're connected or something.
我觉得你是我的灵魂伴侣 I feel like you might be my soul mate.
从后面上我吧 Ooh! Take me from behind. Yeah.
好 Oh. Okay.
那是什么？ Uh, what the hell is that?
什么？那是我的刺青 What? Oh. Oh, it's my tattoo.
我十二岁时我叔叔帮我纹的 My uncle inked it on me when I was, like, 12.
它算是我们的家徽，很酷吧？我从来没看过它的全貌 It's like a family crest. It's kind of cool, right? I never got a full look at it.
- 你是美洲原住民？ - 什么？不是 - Are you Native American? - What? No.
我要你现在就上我 I want you inside me right now.
- 安迪，拜托你 - 好的 - Please, Andy. - Okay, okay.
安迪，住手！不要摧毁我们携手所建立的一切 Don't do it, Andy! Do not throw away everything that we have built together!
- 这个人是谁？ - 莎拉，你想干嘛？ - Who the hell is this? - Sarah, what are you doing?
听着，是我犯了错，好吗？我不该让你离开我的 Look, I made a mistake, okay? I never should have let you go.
我只想跟你在一起 You're the one that I want to be with.
我和我们的宝宝都想清楚了 I know it, and our baby knows it.
宝宝不是我的，好吗？宝宝不是我的 That is not my baby, okay? That is not my baby.
我知道你一时难以接受，没关系的 I know that this is a lot for you to process, and that's okay.
欧普拉说所有男人面对怀孕这事 起初都会经历否认这个阶段 Oprah says that all men go through this first phase of denial with pregnancy...
我们可以一起撑过去的 and we can go through it together.
等一下，她说这是你的宝宝？ Hold on a second. Am I hearing that this is your baby?
- 这不是我的宝宝 - 当然是，他是我宝宝的爸爸 - That is not my baby! - Of course it is. He's my baby's daddy.
我不是你宝宝的爸爸，小黑才是 I'm not your baby's daddy! Blaqguy's the baby's daddy.
你竟然把责任推给有色人种 Leave it up to the man to put the blame on the coloreds.
我并没有推卸责任，你蒙住眼睛时，跟你做爱的人是小黑 I'm not blaming anybody! Blaqguy had sex with you when you were blindfolded!
好吧，安迪，我会让你心服的 Okay, Andy. I'll humor you, all right?
只有一个方法可以查出真相，帮个忙吧 There's only one way to find this out for sure. A little help, please!
“鼓掌喝采”
各位观众，安迪宣称... Ladies and gentlemen, Andy claims...
他的室友在莎拉蒙住眼睛时跟她炒饭 that his roommate diddled Sarah while she wasn't lookin'.
噢 Ooh!
莎拉宣称这个宝宝生出来之后会又白又多毛 Sarah claims that this baby is gonna come out all white and hairy...
就跟他的爸爸安迪一样 just like his daddy Andy.
Aw!
为了平息这个纷争 So, to end all of this right now...
我们可以做最新的DNA测试 we have an amazing new D.N.A. test...
在宝宝出生之前就可以判断出谁是孩子的爸爸 that can determine the father of a child before the baby is born.
噢 Ooh!
混蛋，你过来吧 Come here, you grisly little bastard.
我非常厌倦 I am so sick and tired
你这种欠揍的混蛋 of you deadbeat motherfuckers...
让我们白人看起来像坏蛋 makin' us white guys look bad!
好惨 Oh, shit!
如果它变成蓝色，就表示我们替宝宝找到爸爸了 If it turns blue, ladies, we've got your baby's daddy.
我很抱歉，年轻人，我刚才出手好像太用力了 I'm sorry, son. I may have been a little too hard on you right there.
你可以靠猎犬找到水源 You can take a hound to water...
但你不能用水来灌溉猎犬 but you can't water a hound.
莎拉，你是个荡妇 Sarah, you're a bitch.
各位，晚安，我是比尔博士 Good night, folks. I'm Dr. Bill.
他早说过了，贱货 He told you, bitch.
你现在看起来好蠢喔 Now you look stupid.
蠢？臭女人，你现在是在骂谁蠢啊？ Stupid? Who you callin' stupid, bitch?
- 骂你啊，笨蛋 - 笨蛋？你这个贱货 - You, trick. - Trick? You the ho.
我是贱货？你才是一副贱相 I'm the ho? You the ho with that ho mouth.
你用你的贱货嘴巴咬我的奶头吧 Should be eatin' out this peach with that ho mouth.
我一定会咬的 Oh, I will eat that peach.
我会咬到它变成紫红色为止 I will eat that peach until it turns into a prune, bitch.
你以为我会害怕吗？我会怕你咬我的奶头？ You think I'm scared of you turning my peach into a prune?
- 你不怕我？ - 不，我一点也不怕你 - Oh, you're not scared of me? - Nah, I ain't scared of you.
你不怕我吸它吗？ You're not scared of me suckin' it?
- 我会把它吸掉，就像我对我的安迪所做的一样 - 你刚才说什么？ - I'm gonna suck you off like I did my man Andy. - What you say, bitch?
- 你明明听到 - 你说你对我的安迪怎样？ - You heard me. - What you say about my man Andy?
- 你的男人？ - 开战吧，贱货 - Your man? - It's on, bitch.
好，你准备好了？ All right. Are you ready?
你准备好了？开始吧 Are you ready? Let's get it on!
“女子搏斗”
放马过来吧 Let me see what you can do.
贱人，去死吧 Fucker!
我“挫屎”了，真是抱歉 Oh, I think I just farted. I'm sorry, you guys.
来吧，臭女人，快点出招啊 Come on, smelly snatch. Come on! Come on! Fuckin' do it!
“爆米花”
你竟敢毁掉我全身最大的本钱 Oh, you did not just fuck with my best asset.
里面好像变冷了？ Oh, did it just get cold in here?
- 来吧，贱货 - 你还想继续打？ - Let's go, bitch. - You want to go again? You want to go again?
噢 Oh!
- 噢 - 这一招叫做“残而不废” - Oh. - This is what I like to call the "Heather Mills," bitch.
拜托，住手吧 Please! Don't.
安迪，你知道吗？ You know what, Andy?
我搬来这里，就是为了远离这种纷扰 This is exactly the kind of drama I wanted to get away from by moving out here.
你到底要谁？我还是她？ So who's it gonna be- me or her?
你们两个都是非常特别的人，而我... You're both, like, incredibly special people, and I
你知道吗？我真的对你有感觉，但我们结束了 You know what? It's been real, but it's over.
- 金，拜托你 - 把脚还给我 - Kim, please - Give me my leg!
快还给我 Give it to me!
嘿，你准备好要领教我的拳头了吗？ Hey. You ready for some of this?
- 该死 - 胆小鬼 - Aw, shit. - Pussy!
年轻小子，跟着我的脚步踏上你命运的道路吧 Young white one, follow me to the path of your destiny.
什么？ What?
快点站起来跟我走，混蛋 Motherfucker, get yo' ass out of that lounge chair and follow me, bitch.
该死 Damn!
嗨，你是谁？ Hi. Who are you?
这个人的生命力很强 The force is strong with this one.
- 你是处男 - 你真的是... - Virgin you are. - Are you
处男？没错，我已经当处男140年了 A virgin? Yes. 140 years for me.
你有140岁？我不相信，没有人可以活到140岁的 Okay. You're 140 years old? I doubt that. Nobody's 140 years old.
只要不播种，你自然就能活很久 By not spilling your seed upon the sand, many years do you live.
精液是生命力大小的关键 Splooge is the key to life force, it is.
他的意思是说，不要自慰就能活得久一点 He's saying if you don't jerk it, you live longer.
- 真的？ - 嗯 - Really? - Mmm.
我现在81岁了 I'm 81 myself.
等一下，所以我一直以来的坚持是对的？ So, wait. I've been doing the right thing this whole time?
没错 Yes have you.
对不起，那是你的阴囊吗？ Um, I'm sorry. Is that your ball sac?
你真是观察入微 Observant you are.
阴囊是非常有弹性的 Scrotum very stretchy.
它很有弹性 Yes, yes. Very stretchy.
- 是啊 - 你到了41岁，阴囊就会装满了 - Yeah. - At age 41, your balls will fill up.
它们变得愈大，你的力量就会愈强 The bigger they get, the more force you'll have.
我不在乎力量，不想要它们大 I don't care about the force. I don't want big balls.
看吧，这就是处男的力量 Behold, the power of the virgin force.
这不是我想要的 Oh! No! This is not what I...
我不想再当处男了 I don't want to be a virgin anymore!
又被黑暗势力抢走一个了 I fear we have lost another one to the dark side.
帮我抓一抓阴囊的后面，好吗？ Scratch the back of my balls, will you?
我自己抓不到痒处 Reach them I cannot.
天啊 Jesus Christ.
你好性感，天啊，笑一个 That's so hot. Oh, my God. Smile on this one.
不对，不要露出牙齿 No, no. Don't use your teeth. Ah, that's
嘿，嘿！傻子，你干嘛拿走我的照片？ Hey, hey, hey, fuck snort! What are you doing with my photos?
她是我的女朋友，这些照片是我的 She's my girlfriend, and these are mine!
别叫我傻子，你没资格称呼我 And don't call me a snort fuck or whatever it is you called me.
该死的神经病，离我远点，继续拍，来吧 What a fuckin' hunyak! You, back at me right now. There we go.
像你这么好的女人不该... It just isn't right that a woman as wonderful as you...
让一间四星级的餐厅挂满你的露点裸照 has her shaved... chunch plastered all over a four-star restaurant.
我知道我们不是情侣， 但如果是的话，我绝不愿意跟任何人分享你的裸照 I know we're not together, but if we were I wouldn't want to share your growler with anyone.
除了大猩猩之外吧，那张照片让我欲火焚身 Except for maybe the gorilla. That kind of turned me on.
安迪，那不是真正的大猩猩，是人假扮的 It wasn't a gorilla, Andy. It was a guy in a fuzzy suit.
我不知道耶 Oh. I didn't know that.
我没有把我真正的感受告诉你，是我大错特错了 Look, I made a mistake back there by not telling you how I really feel.
我选择你，金，你是我的 I choose you, Kim. I choose you.
#Now I know #
# My one mistake was not telling you #
# Memories #
# Wicked scenes #
# I can't escape or erase from the end #
我注定会孤独终老 I'm doomed!
我会变成一个老人，拖着这个巨大的阴囊 I'm gonna be this old man with this giant nut sac...
没有人会管我的死活 and nobody to carry it around for me!
该死，天啊 Oh, damn! Oh, my God.
天啊 Oh, my God.
该死 Holy fuck! Oh!
安迪！ Andy!
- 天啊，安迪，你没事吧？ - 还好 - Andy! Oh, my God! Andy, are you okay? - Yeah.
我很抱歉对你说了那些话 I'm so sorry I said all those things to you.
我真的好后悔，对不起 I feel horrible about it. I'm sorry.
- 没关系，金，你听好 - 真的？ - It's okay. Listen, Kim. - Yeah?
我要告诉你一件事 There's something I wanna tell you, okay?
你也患有B型肝炎，和感染了无药可治的披衣菌？ You, too, have hepatitis "B" and an incurable case of burning Chlamydia?
- 不是，什么？ - 什么？ - No. What? - What?
- 我很抱歉 - 不是的 - Oh. I'm sorry. - Nothing. No. No.
- 我要说的是另一件事 - 噢 - There's something else, okay? - Oh.
听着 Look.
我是处男 I'm a virgin.
真的？ Really?
这个消息真令人振奋 Oh, Andy, that is so refreshing.
我自从八岁起就没有跟处男上过床了 I haven't been with a virgin since I was, like, eight.
- 等一下，什么？ - 我说自从八岁起 - Wait. What? - Since I was, like, eight.
好吧 Oh. Okay.
你知道吗？ You know what?
我爱你，你被车撞倒之后仍然可以站起来 I love you. You got hit by a car, and you're still standing up.
你是打不倒的 You're just undefeatable.
好，莎拉，继续用力 All right, Sarah! Just keep pushing!
头快要露出来了 Got some crowning action going on over here.
我已经看到头了，但它还没出来，继续用力 I can see the head, but the head can't see me. Here we go!
- 我想看一眼 - 不要看比较好 - I'm gonna take a look. - No, don't look! Don't look!
天啊，我不该看的 Holy Christ! I shouldn't have looked.
该死，快点出来啊 Oh, shit! Get it out! Get it out!
生出来了 Here it comes.
噢！噢！ Oh! Oh!
现在听得见吗？ Can you hear me now?
不行 No.
现在呢？ What about now?
很好 Good.
- 噢！ - 等一下，我看到头了 - Oh! - I see the head.
- 该死！烂人、贱人 - 用力啊 - Shit! Ah, cocksucker, motherfucker! - Push.
噢 Oh!
恭喜啊，你生了一个漂亮的儿子 Congratulations on your beautiful baby boy!
你现在有玩伴了 You got a playmate now.
我认识你吗？ Do I even know you?
- 还有一个 - 什么？天啊 - We got another one. - What? Oh, God!
- 宝宝要出来了 - 该死 - Here we are. It's coming. - Fuck!
噢 Oh!
我猜这个应该是你的吧 Uh, I'm gonna assume this one is yours?
噢，他好漂亮 Oh, he's beautiful!
- 嘿！ - 还有一个 - Hey! - Here's another one.
努力，要出来了 Come on. Here it is.
噢 Oh!
这是你的，恭喜 It's for you. Congratulations.
噢，哇 Oh, wow.
你跟几个人上过床？ How many people did you have sex with?
快要出来了，出来了 It's coming! Here it is.
是真的吗？ Is it- Is it
我的小乖乖 My little rice ball.
谢谢你，护士 Oh. Thank you, Nurse.
#Love #
# Love #
- 嘿，安迪，恭喜你 - 恭喜 - Hey, Andy. Congratulations. - Congratulations.
今晚你要同时上我们 Tonight you get to do both of us.
但我们只想知道一件事 But we were just wondering one thing.
- 你有玩过土耳其转木游戏？ - 一箭双雕？ - Have you ever had a Turkish log jammer? - Double clam slam?
- 玻利维亚摩天楼？ - “鲶鱼大餐”？ - Bolivian skyscraper? - Sweaty catfish sampler?
粉红洗礼？ Pink glass shower?
口交？ Mouth fucking?
闹够了，快点滚出去 Okay. Get the fuck out of here!
你准备好了吗？ Are you ready for this?
大概吧 Yeah. I-I think so.
你不必花任何力气，我会负责一切 I'm gonna make it really easy on you. I'm gonna do all the work.
好 Oh. Okay.
- 噢，噢 - 哇 - Oh. Oh! - Wow.
这种感觉...棒呆了 Oh, that feels- That's good.
你现在正式告别处男了 You're officially not a virgin anymore.
没错 Oh. Yeah.
这种感觉真的很棒 Oh, that's really- That feels good.
感觉非常棒 That feels, like, really good.
你的表情怎么这样？ Why are you making that face?
- 抱歉 - 没关系 - Aw, sorry. I'm sorry. - That's okay. It's all right.
看着我的眼睛 Just try to look into my eyes.
没错，好了，会痛啊 Okay. Yeah. That's- Ah, there. There, that hurts.
有一点痛，不过感觉很好 This hurts. Little bit hurts. Good though. In a good way.
- 这样就对了 - 好啊，噢 - Oh, yeah. Yeah. - Okay. Oh.
再用力一点 Do it harder.
你最好不要动了，有点不对劲，不对劲 You shouldn't move. Something's going on now. Something's going on.
你怎么了？ What's happening?
快点闪开，闪开！ Ah! Get out of me! Get out!
金，对不起 Kim, I'm Sorry!
金，对不起 Sorry, Kim!
森林大火已经完全熄灭了 Apparently, the wildfire has been completely extinguished.
但在同一时间 But in related news...
路易斯安那州却变成了水乡泽国 Louisiana is now completely flooded.
大量不知名的含盐液体... A torrential downpour of an unknown salty liquid...
涌入该区 has filled the area...
不断造成河川溃堤 breaking the levees once again in the process.
哈，啊哈！ Ha! Aha!
# She's a ho #
# Every night you take her out she starts acting crazy #
# Freaking every guy in the club who wants to play #
# She's a ho #
# You should know that you can't turn a ho into a housewife #
- # She will screw you over and make a joke of your life # - # She's a ho #
# She's a ho #
- # She's a ho #
# Every time she comes around the guys you get embarrassed #
# She's a ho and that's a fact You just may want to wear this #
# Her vag is just a factory that pumps a lot of children #
# She has so many others that you might just want to kill them #
Uh-uh. I don't think you said that.
- # She's a ho # - I ain't no ho! You know what?
- It was your baby daddy that did that shit to me. - # She's a ho #
- Fuck you! Uh-uh! - # She's a ho #
- # For real # - # She's a ho #
- # Enchiladas # - # She's a ho #
- # Quesadillas # - # She's a ho #
# And taco supreme #
# She likes the taste of Matzo balls curry and Asian #
# Fried chicken, carnitas and she's into Caucasians #
# She's a ho #
# She blew him, she's on the mend Just blowin' for the cameras #
# Smile so big while those tightened asses are in slammers #
- # She's a ho # - Balls on her chin! She'll toss your salad!
- # She's a ho # - She's also into Cleveland steamers!
- # She's a ho #
# She's a ho #
#She's a ho #
# She's a ho #
- # A ho # - # She's a ho #
# She's a ho #
# She'll suck your friends off ##
是 Yes.
是 Yes!
是！是！是！是！ Yes! Yes! Yes, yes!
是！是！你这个愚蠢、没脑袋、残忍的... Yes, yes, you stupid, lame-brained, relentless...
鼻涕虫，鸡巴脸，欠插，欠捅的 snot-nosed, dickface, cocksucker, cock knocker...
混蛋，是！ motherfucker, yes!
是！你什么时候放弃？ Yes! Now, don't you ever give up?
你没感觉么？没脑子么？ Don't you have a conscience? Have you no fucking soul?
该死的混蛋 You unflinching bastard!
你这个愚蠢，残忍，没脑袋的... You stupid, relentless, lame-brained...
欠操货 fucking cocksucker!
欠操，真他妈的欠操 Fuck burger, fucking, fucking fuck burger!
现在听得见吗？ Can you hear me now?
是 Yes.
是！ Yes!
是！是！ Yes. Yes.
# Everybody knows you're a douchebag #
# Why you such a douchebag #
# Frostin' your tips #
# Shakin' your hips #
# Dressed in drag #
# You walk around with your dick out #
# Dancin' like a fool #
# Lookin' like a tool #
# What a fag #
# And when you walk around with your pink shirt#
# And your spiky hair#
# It makes me want to give you a wedgie #
# By pulling on your underwear#
# Douchebag #
# Everybody knows you're a douchebag #
# Ooh, why you such a douchebag #
# Everybody knows you're a douchebag #
# Ooh, why you such a cock smoker#
# Wearin' Speedos while you swim #
# Rockin' spandex at the gym #
# All the time #
# Why you shavin' off your mustache #
# Grow some handlebars #
# And maybe you'll be a star#
# I don't know #
# Ooh, a douchebag #
# Let me hear you sing it #
# Everybody knows you're a douchebag #
# Everybody knows Everybody knows #
噢 Uh.
你正想着该结束了吧 Just when you thought it was over...
我们又来了 we come back.
给你屁屁加点儿料 Some mo' dick fo' your ass.
耶，说定了 Yeah. Not a deuce.