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-她来了 -姐妹们你们好 - There she is. - Hi, guys.
好了小宝贝 来吧宝贝 All right, baby girl. You go, baby girl.
加油宝贝 加油 你能命中 You go, baby girl. You go, you go get it.
太棒了 Yes!
你是我的宝贝 宝宝宝宝宝 You're my baby... Ba, Ba, Ba, Ba, Ba...
别别别 别进 No, no, no, don't make it.
该死 Oh! Damn it!
太棒了 Oh... Yes!
-不行 我绝对 -我来 我来 - Nope. I absolute... - I got this. I got this.
-我绝对不行了 -加油 杰西 - I absolutely can't do it. - Come on, Jess!
但记住这只是个愚蠢的兄弟会仪式 But remember, this is a stupid frat boy ritual, so...
对 得给他们点教训尝尝 Yeah, but kick their ass!
-对 操翻他们 -嗨 - Yeah, fuck 'em up! - Hey.
-我们一起的 -没门 - We're together. - No.
好吧好吧好吧 Cool, cool, cool.
太棒了 Yes.
棒极了 杰西 Yeah, go, Jess!
老兄 Dude!
只剩两个杯子了 Only two cups left.
不 只有一杯了 你看重影了 No, there's one cup. You're just seeing double.
天哪 只剩一杯了 Oh, God! There's only one cups left.
-我不行了 压力太大了 -什么 - Oh, I can't do it. It's too much pressure. - What?
-我不行了 杰西 -听着... - I can't do it, Jess. - Look...
-看着我 看着我 -什么 - Look at me. Look at me. - Mmm-hmm?
之前你用我那没挡风只有三个轮胎的车 You got us through the Wendy's drive-through
开到了温蒂汽车穿梭餐厅 when my car had no windshield and three tires.
你可以做到任何事 You can do anything.
对 但是现在大家都盯着我 Yeah, but everybody's watching me,
我疯狂出汗 and I'm sweating like crazy.
我看着像公主 闻着却像农民 I look like a princess, but I smell like a peasant.
来吧 脚活女孩 Let's go, foot job girl!
拜托 人家有名字的 叫爱丽丝 Excuse me, she has a name! It's Alice.
她是我的闺蜜 人很好很善良 And she's my best friend, and she's good and kind.
没错 Yeah!
谢谢 但我的确用脚给他室友打过飞机 Thank you, but I did jerk off his roommate with my feet.
我 我知道 I... I know.
诀窍就是 先用右脚轻轻蹭几下 The key is, right foot only for, like, a while.
-懂吗 让他求你把左脚也用上 -左脚 - You know? Make him beg for... - The left one.
我知道 专心点 I know. Focus!
如果赢了 我们会成为万圣节比赛史上 If we win this, we will be the only girls
唯一赢过的女生 to ever win the Halloween tournament.
我们会成功的 We've got to do this.
为了女同胞们 For womankind.
别让我这么饥渴难耐了 快点 Stop making me horny, and shoot!
我们赢了 我们赢了 我们赢了 We did it! We did it! We did it!
-我想骑你脖子 -你应得的 - I want up! I want up! I want up! - You deserve it.
你挣来的 You've earned it.
来吧 好的 好的 棒极了 Here we go. All right. All right, yes!
我是世界之王 I'm the king of the world!
又这样 Oh. Again?
-姐们 -天哪 杰西 - Dude. - Oh, God. Jess?
你没事吧 Are you all right?
-天哪 你还好吧 -姐们 拜托快起来 - Oh, my God, are you okay? - Dude. Come on. Come on.
-我没事 妈妈 -天哪 - I'm fine, Mom. - Oh, my God.
发生了什么事 What happened?
说实话 我不知道干嘛要去这些愚蠢的派对 Honestly, I don't even know why we go to these stupid parties.
我只是想跟你们一起玩 I just want to hang out with you guys.
-我知道 我也是这个感觉 -没错 - I know. I feel the same way. - Yes!
这个学校其他的人都又糙又恶心 Everyone else at this college is sloppy and gross.
-水 -等等 给我 - Water. - Wait, come here.
很不错 Ugh! Mmm. Not bad.
谁更恶心 Who's grosser?
那是什么 What is that?
-那是什么 -怎么回事 - What is that? - What's happening?
我的按摩棒 时不时就关关开开的 Oh, it's my vibrator, it randomly turns on and off.
天哪 大家 下个学期我会很想你们的 Oh, my God, you guys, I'm gonna miss you so much next semester.
我不想说这件事 太伤心了 I don't want to talk about it. It's sad.
-不不不不 -姐们 - No, no, no, no. - Dude,
埃尔·格尔下学期有客座讲座 Al Gore is guest-lecturing next semester.
或许你不想去澳大利亚 我不知道 Maybe you don't want to go to Australia. I don't know.
对 不过我21岁生日那天 Yeah. On my 21st birthday, though,
我爸爸要给我们包直升机 my dad's getting us the chopper.
我说过我不想说这件事 I said I don't want to talk about it.
所以我不知道发生了什么 So I don't know what's happening.
我甚至都不想去 我只是... I don't even want to go. I just...
想进政治科学项目实在是太难了 It was so hard to get into the political science program.
而且我的体育课是蹦极 所以... And plus, my gym class is bungee jumping, so...
天哪 穿件好点的胸罩 Oh, my God, wear a good bra.
听着 我们的大四都是一起度过的 Well, look, we'll have all of senior year together,
而且以后还会一起 所以没关系 and then we'll have the rest of our lives together, so it's fine.
-是啊 -你保证吗 - Yeah. - You promise?
姐妹们 我们的孩子也得一起玩 You guys, our kids are gonna play together.
-天哪 -天哪 - Oh, my God! - Oh, my gosh!
-我们太幸运了 -过来 过来 - We're so lucky! - Get in here! Come here.
好吧 第二个振动器 我有几个呢 Okay, that is a second vibrator. Yeah, I have a few.
就那儿...就是 对 Just... Just, yeah.
不 珍妮 不 No! Janine, no!
不不不 珍妮 出去 No! No! No! Janine, get out!
快点 珍妮 Come on. Janine!
天哪 打住 Oh, my God! Stop!
-厕所在隔壁 -简直不敢相信 - Bathroom is next-door! - Cannot believe!
-每周末都这样 打住 -她在尿了 - Every damn weekend with this! Stop! - She's already peeing.
珍妮 Janine!
仓皇一夜
十年后
你们好 我是杰西卡·塞耶 Hi. I'm Jessica Thayer,
正在竞选州参议员 and I'm running for state senate.
犯罪 学校拿不到资助 下水道事宜 Crime, underfunded schools, sewage.
我们的社区正面对着许多真实存在的问题 These are real problems that our community is facing.
11月3号 期待您的宝贵一票 Looking forward to your vote on November 3.
谢谢 Thank you.
-很好 -有60%的焦点小组 - It's great. - Well, 60% of the focus group
都说觉得你不可能成功的 did say that it seemed like you wouldn't put out.
什么 为什么这么问他们 What? Why are they being asked that?
不知道 但60%这比率很高了 Don't know, but 60% is, like, a lot.
对 我们票数还是很接近 Yeah. We're still so close.
我不明白 韦森可是在推上发了屌照 I don't understand, Wesson literally tweeted out a dick pic.
他道歉了 He apologized.
他说 抱歉 发错鸟照了 Yes. He said, "I'm sorry, wrong dick pic,"
然后就又发了一个 and then he tweeted out another one.
听着 如果韦森赢了 他真的会砍掉 Look, if Wesson wins, he's literally gonna cut
所有能真正帮助大家的项目 every single program that actually helps people.
我们都知道 对吧 We know that. Right?
但人们总喜欢投票给那些跟他们有联系的人 But people want to vote for someone they can relate to.
他们投给韦森觉得很安心 They feel safe with Wesson.
他们想跟他喝啤酒 They want to have a beer with him.
我不确定 是不是有人想跟这个喝啤酒 I'm not sure anyone wants to have a beer with that.
嗨 爱丽丝 Hey, Alice.
嗨 这趟旅途我可太激动了 Hey. I am so excited for this trip.
为了迈阿密我把宫内避孕器都拿掉了 I got my IUD taken out for Miami.
那算个好主意吗 Um, is that a good idea?
当然 那可是你的单身女子周末啊 Uh, yeah. It's your bachelorette weekend.
杰西 韦森又发了一张鸟图 Jess, Wesson tweeted out another dick pic,
已经有一万个转发 and it's already got 10,000 retweets.
爱丽丝 回头打给你 Alice, I... I got to call you back.
塔鲁姆 把她的电纸书还回去 Tulum, give her back her Kindle!
-干嘛呢 -嗨 - Hey. - Mmm. Hey.
抱歉 办公室有事耽搁了 I'm so sorry. I got stuck at the office.
没关系 It's okay.
-我给你买了腰果鸡丁 多加腰果 -不是吧 - I got you chicken cashew nut, extra nut. - Oh, no.
我在办公室 I ate an apple
吃了一个苹果和非常不新鲜的椒盐卷饼 and a bag of very, very stale pretzels at the office.
想要到额外的腰果太难了 It was so hard to get extra nut.
那女人太小气了 她一直冲我大吼大叫的 That woman is so mean. She yells at me all the time.
她以为我挂断了 但我听到她说我是蠢货 She thought I hung up, but I heard her call me a dipshit.
-你给了多少小费 -20%的 - How much did you tip? - 20%.
-我就知道 我知道 -好像 我不能...我... - I know. I know, I know. - Yeah. Like, I couldn't. I...
你是这么好的一个人 You're just such a good person.
是爱丽丝 我忘记给她回电了 Oh, it's Alice. I forgot to call her back.
-没问题 我懂 -不行 我不行... - It's okay, get it. - No. I can't, I can't, I can't.
受够了什么单身女子旅程规划了 Enough with my bachelorette itinerary.
她是前半小时才计划好的 Like, she's planned it to the half hour.
是啊 我觉得这周的时机真是太差了 Yeah, I feel like this weekend has come at the worst possible time.
我简直精疲力竭 I'm so stressed out.
你能看到你的朋友 你们会很开心的 You'll see your friends, you'll have fun.
会让你恢复元气 It'll be restorative.
就像我们吃阿普唑仑睡了16小时一样 Like that time we took Xanax and slept for 16 hours.
天哪 当时真棒 Oh, God, that was good.
我爱那些姐妹 You know, I love those girls,
但我真的不想现在开一个周末派对 but I really just don't want to have a party weekend right now.
我想跟你共度一个周末 I want to have a weekend with you.
-我很想你 -我也是 - I miss you. - Mmm-hmm. I miss you, too.
-你一直在办公司 就没闲过 -我知道 - You've been at the office, like, nonstop. - I know.
等等 等一下 如果我们一直亲 Wait, wait, one... If we keep kissing,
我就想跟你滚床单了 I'm gonna want to have sex.
这我没意见 I'm okay with that.
-我可以 -好吧 - I'm down. - Okay.
但是在那之前我还有四件事要做 But I have, like, four things I have to do before.
我得把市议会会议的旅游活动日程打印出来 I just have to print out those itineraries for the city council meeting.
还要给《先驱报》发邮件 And I have to email the Herald.
还有个25分钟左右的采访 I have, like, a 25-minute-ish interview.
好吧 我... Ooh. Okay. I...
这样吧 你把这些都做完 I tell you what, I'm gonna let you do all that,
我冲澡顺便自己解决然后睡觉 and I'm gonna go masturbate in the shower and go to sleep.
-真的吗 -对 - Really? - Yeah.
-你最棒了 -这个嘛... - You're the best. - Well...
-爱你 -我也爱你 - I love you. - I love you, too.
-我把地址短信发你了 杰西 -喝酒喝酒喝酒 - So, I texted you the address. - Jess! Shots! Shots!
喝酒喝酒喝酒喝酒喝酒喝酒 Shots, shots, shots, shots! Shots! Shots!
喝酒喝酒喝酒 Shots, shots, shots!
-耶 -棒极了 - Yay! - Yes!
天哪 Oh, my God.
-我头上是什么 -就是这个 - What's on my head? - This is it.
你的单身女子周末 Your bachelorette weekend.
我自从大一新生第一天开始 I have been waiting for this moment
就在等待这一刻了 since the first day of freshman year.
-过来 -是吗 - Get in here. - You have?
天哪 迈阿密肯定有很多小鲜肉 Oh, my God, there's gonna be so many hot Miami babes.
我们要在大雕的海洋遨游了 姐们 We are gonna be swimmin' in dick, girl!
你好 爱丽丝 Hi, Alice.
-皮特 你好 -你好 - Peter. Hi. - Hey.
赶紧走吧 现在她是我的了 And get out of here, she's mine now.
别惹太多麻烦 好吗 Don't get in too much trouble, okay?
-好 不会的 -走吧 我们走吧 - Yeah, I won't. - Let's go, let's do it.
安全驾驶 单身男子派对玩的开心 好吗 Drive safe. Have fun at your bachelor party, okay?
会的 Will do.
爱丽丝 在大雕里遨游的时候小心点 Hey, Alice, be careful swimming in all that dick.
-你在说什么... -好了 再见 - What are you...? - Okay, bye.
见到你太高兴了 I'm so happy to see you.
这个周末会很有趣的 Oh, this weekend's gonna be so much fun.
迫不及待见姐妹们了 Can't wait to see my girls!
等到胡椒喷雾剂喷在你脸上 When the pepper spray hits your face,
你躲不过的 and it will,
一定要把嘴闭上 keep your mouth closed tight.
我们是和平的抗议者 是的 We are peaceful protestors. Yes!
但是我们要战斗 我们是强大的 Yet we fight, you know? Yet we are strong!
-是的 是的 -这是场战争 - Yeah! Yeah! - This is war!
好了 我得去一个单身派对了 Okay, I got to head to a bachelorette.
但是如果你们发现有人消失了 But if anybody from the group disappears from the protest,
马上给我发短信 you text my cell phone immediately.
你有手机吗 You have a cell phone?
-没有啊 -你也是他们中的一员 - Uh, no. - You're one of them!
周一放学后我来接你 好吗 亲爱的 I'll pick you up after school on Monday, okay, sweetie?
妈妈 你一定要去迈阿密吗 Mommy, do you have to go to Miami?
是的 我要走了 Yes, I really do.
但我会很想你的 But I'm gonna miss you so much.
准确地说 Technically,
我的监护时间20分钟前就开始了 my time started 20 minutes ago,
所以 我会在监护权听证会上 so, going to note this for
强调这一点的 the custody hearing.
我爱你 I love you.
再见 Bye.
看看谁来了 Well, well, well.
该死 Damn.
你是怎么做到的 How do you do it?
刚从飞机上下来还美若天仙 How do you look this flawless getting off a plane?
简直就是无礼 It's honestly rude.
怎么 你在跟我调情吗 What, are you flirting with me?
我不会和一个伤透我心 I would not flirt with a happily
还幸福已婚的女人调情的 married woman who broke my heart.
天哪 是你提的分手 还好意思说 Oh, my God, you broke up with me, don't even start with that.
抱歉 现在是你在和我调情了 好吗 Excuse me, now you are flirting with me, okay?
很高兴见到你 It's good to see you.
也很高兴见到你 It's good to see you, too.
姐妹 我今天也是够惨的 Girl, I have had a day.
头等舱没位了 我只能做商务舱 First was full, I had to ride business.
太恶心了 It was disgusting.
-真恶心 -你是认真的 可以的 - Gross. - You're serious. Okay. Cool.
天哪 你听说没 Oh, my God, did you hear Alice is
爱丽丝想让我们去参加一个泡沫派对吗 making us go to a foam party?
听说了 Ugh! I know.
她现在闲的可怕 She has a scary amount of time on her hands.
尽管她是个全职教师 Even though she's a full-time teacher,
但我觉得她和待业一样 I'm still like, "Get a job."
你有工作吗 Do you have a job?
行动主义也是一项全职工作 但 Activism is a full-time job, but...
也不算 Also no.
看看她们 魔力依存啊 Look at them, the magic is still there.
姐妹们 Hello! Hello!
你好啊 太好了 Hi! Hi! Yes! Yes!
天哪 这是真的嘛 Oh, my God! It is all happening!
天哪 你闻起来真香 Mmm! God, you smell so good.
我的胸罩里有半磅大麻 I have, like, half a pound of weed in my bra. Ah.
爱丽丝 你妈妈怎么样 Hey, Alice, how's your mom?
老年痴呆不太好受 但她还不错 Well, Alzheimer's is tough, but she's good.
很好 Good.
华莱士五楼女孩们重聚了 The Wallace 5th Floor Girls are back together again!
老天 我们上次聚在一起是什么时候了 God, when was the last time we were all together?
我想是两个夏天前了 I think it was two summers ago
一起去你的树屋拜访你的时候 对吧 when we came to visit you in your tree, right?
不 不 不 那次杰西没时间 是 No, no, no, 'cause Jess couldn't make it, it was, uh,
新年前夜 布莱尔分娩时 New Year's Eve, when Blair was in labor.
-天哪 太可怕了 -那是三年前的事了 - Oh, my God. - Crazy. God, - that was three years ago, then.
是啊 我们只有55个小时 Yeah. Well, we only have 55 hours,
所以我们别再浪费时间了 so let's stop wasting our motherfucking time
让我们开始狂欢吧 and let's get the party started.
是的 爱丽丝 你太牛逼了 Yes! Alice, you rock!
派对现在开始 The party starts now.
天哪 那是个坏主意 Oh, my God. That was a bad idea.
-是的 我们还在机场 -那很糟糕 - Yeah, we're in an airport. - That was bad.
-听起来像是枪声 -是啊 - That sounded like a gunshot. - Yeah.
-走吧 -好的 - Let's go. - Yep.
对不起 我们的错 Sorry. Our bad.
抱歉大家 单身周末派对 Sorry, everyone, bachelorette weekend.
我从来没来过这里 从未 让开 I was never here! Never! Move!
-迈阿密的房子不错啊 -很不错啊 - Nice Miami house, mami. - Very nice.
谢谢 Oh, gracias. Um...
我们应该去邻居家取钥匙 We are supposed to pick up the keys from the neighbors.
你带泳衣了吗 Did you bring a bathing suit?
-有人吗 -好漂亮的沙滩 - Hello? - The beach is nice.
你好 Hi.
抱歉 有人留了一些钥匙给 Sorry, somebody left some keys for...
-天哪 -对不起 我们一会儿再来 - Oh, my goodness. - Oh, sorry, we'll come back.
-很抱歉 -你们好 姑娘们 - So sorry. - Oh, hi, girls.
不 不 是我很抱歉 No, no, I'm sorry.
让我戴个眼镜穿点衣服 Let me put something on.
-进来吧 -真有意思 - Come on in. - Very funny.
-认真的吗 -我喜欢 - Is it really? - I love it.
你好 Hello. Hi.
谢谢您 Thank you. Oh. Hi. Oh.
好的 Okay.
什么风把你们吹到迈阿密了 What brings you to Miami?
公事 娱乐 Business? Pleasure?
娱乐业 The business of pleasure?
单身周末派对 Oh, bachelorette weekend.
杰西要结婚了 Jess is getting married.
-祝贺你 -谢谢您 - Congratulations! - Thank you.
是开放婚姻吗 This marriage, will it be open?
这个嘛 我们还没有讨论过 You know, we haven't discussed it.
但是 基本上已经封闭了 紧闭 But, probably closed. Yeah.
紧闭 非常紧 Tightly, tightly closed.
她没提醒你 Lea, does she not remind you
有个来自特克斯和凯科斯的法国女孩吗 of our French girl from Turks and Caicos?
是哦 She does.
谢谢您 谢谢 Thank you. Thanks.
好吧 我们会尽量安静一点的 Well, we're gonna try to keep it down.
好的 我们会尽量折腾的 Oh, well, we'll try not to.
是啊 Ah! Yes!
-他们是认真的 -走 走 下楼 - They're serious. - Go. Go, go, downstairs.
她真可口 She is delicious.
我想要她 I want that.
不错啊 Ooh, yes.
真实世界 宝贝 迈阿密 Oh, Real World, baby! Miami!
真恶心 这房子代表了我所讨厌的一切 Ew. This house represents everything I hate.
我要去拉坨抗议翔 I'm gonna go take a protest dump.
我先预定杰西隔壁的房间 I call the room next to Jess! Ah.
那个房间好像是双层床 Oh, I think that room has bunk beds,
所以你得和皮帕分享了 so you're gonna have to share with Pippa.
那是谁 Uh, who that?
皮帕 我留学时的澳大利亚朋友 Pippa, my Australian friend from semester abroad.
我每封邮件都提到了她 She's been CC'd on, like, every single email.
是哦 Oh, right.
好吧 如果我的打鼾打扰到她 Well, if my snoring bothers her,
她可以睡沙发 she can take the couch.
或者她干脆就先睡沙发然后再说吧 Or she can just start on the couch and we'll go from there.
我们会解决的 她先睡沙发 We'll figure it out. She'll start on the couch.
-布莱尔 -怎么了 - Blair. - What?
白地毯上喝红酒小心好吗 Can you be careful with the red wine on the white carpet, please?
我最大也是唯一的捐款人 My biggest and only donor
慷慨地把这房子借给我们过周末 generously lent us this house for the weekend.
-所以 务必小心 -好的 - So, please be careful. - Okay.
我告诉你 如果她想以340万的价格 I'm telling you, she's got bigger problems than a wine stain
出售这个地方 她有比酒渍更大的问题 if she wants to sell this place for 3.4 in this market.
-你怎么知道的 -Zillow[房产网站] - How do you know that? - Zillow.
-我Zillow所有人 -真的 - I Zillow everybody. - Really?
你知道我的房子值多少钱吗 Like, do you know how much my house is worth?
-知道 -好的 集中注意力 - Mmm-hmm. - Okay, atención.
单身派对套装时间 Bachelorette kit time.
都看过来 Let me get your attention.
都准备好了 We got it all.
为我们可爱的准新娘杰西准备的浴袍 Bride-to-be bathrobe for our lovely Jess,
鸡鸡吸管 鸡鸡墨镜 penis straws, penis sunglasses,
鸡鸡喷剂 鸡鸡口香糖 penis sprinkles, penis gum,
鸡鸡帽 鸡鸡意大利面 penis hats, penis pasta.
是的 我确实喝酒干吃了一点儿 And yes, I did get a little drunk and ate some of that dry.
-别批判我 -不会的 - Don't judge. - No judgment.
另外 我给你写了一张卡片 Also, I wrote you a card.
但现在不要看 以后再看 But don't read it now, read it later.
-谢谢 爱丽丝 -不客气 - Thanks, Alice. - Yeah.
弗兰基 Frankie?
弗兰基 弗兰基 Frankie? Frankie.
我滴老天爷 Oh, my God!
什么 What?
-天哪 -是的 老妈 - Oh, my God. - Oh, yes, mami.
那是个性爱秋千吗 Is that a sex swing?
你的捐款人是个怪胎 杰西 Ooh, your donor is a freak, Jess.
拜托 她把这房子租出去了 Please. She rents this house out.
我肯定是别人不小心把它落在这里了 I'm sure somebody else left it here accidentally.
还一不小心安装了承重梁 And installed a load-bearing beam to support it accidentally.
-是啊 -天哪 杰西 - Yeah. - Oh, my God, Jess.
我想试穿一些今晚的衣服 I want to audition some dresses for tonight.
我带了14件 快点 I brought 14. Come on!
杰西 如果你在工作 Jess, if you are working,
-我就要扇你了 -我没有 没有 - I'm gonna smack you in the face right now. - I'm not. I'm not.
一秒钟 我要扇你了 One second. I'm gonna smack your face.
-等等 让我发出去 发送 -放下它 - Wait, wait, let me send it. Send, send, send. - Put it down.
好的 来吧 我们照张相 All right, come on, let's take a picture.
-说 永远迈阿密 -永远 - Say, um, "Miami forever." - Uh, forever.
你们不想让我们在照片里吗 You want us in the picture or not?
我们不能在照片里吗 Do you guys want us in the photo...
-我们还在呢 -天哪 - We're here, too. - Oh, my gosh,
我们太上镜了 酷 we both look killer in that. Cool.
我太失望我不能在脸书上给你贴标签 I'm so bummed I can't tag you in this, on Facebook.
你为什么删除你的帐户 Why did you delete your account?
我不得不这么做 你给我贴的标签 I had to. You were, you were tagging me
可能真的会毁了我的事业 on things that could literally ruin my career.
是啊 Yeah.
是皮帕 她来了 It's Pip! She's here!
-什么 那是谁 -你好吗 - What? Who's that? - Hi!
皮帕 Pip!
对不起 Sorry. Whoops.
抱歉 I'm sorry. Whoops. Hey.
你好 你好 你好 Hello, hello, hello.
天哪 天哪 Oh, my God. Oh, my God.
你是女神 你真是个女神 You're a goddess. You're literally a goddess.
-姐妹们 -你们好 - Guys... - Hi.
这是皮帕 This is Pippa.
-你们好 -传说中的 - Hello. - The famous...
弗兰基 布莱尔 爱丽丝 Frankie, Blair, Alice.
你好 Hey, what's up?
天哪 你们第一次见面 真令人兴奋 My God, you guys are meeting for the first time, this is so exciting.
-我知道 -很高兴认识你 - I know. - Nice to meet you.
这太奇怪了 因为你们这些家伙就像是 This is so weird, you guys, because it's sort of like
杰西最好的朋友 我是杰西最好的朋友 you're all Jess's best friends, I'm Jess's best friend.
所以我们都是最好的朋友 你知道吗 And so it's sort of like we're all already best friends, you know?
不能混为一谈 抱歉打断一下 Well, it's a little different for us, sorry to interrupt,
但是 杰西和我是大一的室友 but, uh, Jess and I were freshman year roommates,
所以我们像家人一样 so it's kind of like family. Eh.
-我知道 我知道 -好的 我去拿把椅子 - I know, I know. - Um, okay, I'm going to grab a chair.
你随意 Feel free to gel.
我就坐在我的手提箱上吧 Just gonna sit on my suitcase here.
我要饿死了 Ooh. I'm famished.
-你要我的剩菜吗 -该死 我们刚刚吃完 - Do you want my leftovers? - Oh, shoot. We just finished.
不 我要打包带走 No, I was gonna wrap that up and take it to go.
我想我们吃完了 结账 I think we're done. Check, please!
没关系 It's okay.
我从面包筐里拿些面包吃 I'm just gonna take some of this bread from the bread basket.
有面包加澳洲臭豆腐酱 你就可以开饭了 When you got bread and Vegemite, you got yourself a meal.
什么 啥臭豆腐酱 What? Vegemite?
他们应该叫你布谷鸟而不是猕猴桃 They should call you cuckoos instead of Kiwis.
我说得对吗 Am I right?
爱丽丝 我的天 Alice. Oh, my God.
你的话有好几层笑点 That's funny on several levels,
因为我是澳洲人 而新西兰人才被叫猕猴桃 because I'm actually Australian and a Kiwi is a New Zealander.
被叫做猕猴桃其实没什么 我们都爱猕猴桃 There's nothing wrong with being a Kiwi, we all love Kiwis,
但是吧 这有点像称呼一个中国人为日本人 but, um, it's sort of like calling a Chinese person Japanese.
就有一丢丢种族歧视的感觉 It's just sort of like, little bit racist
没有区分两地的文化差异 你懂我的意思吧 to not recognize the cultural differences there, you know?
我的天 Oh, my gosh.
猕猴桃不就是一种水果嘛 Eat me out. It's a fruit, Kiwi.
我无所谓的啦 I'll take it.
皮帕 你做什么工作 Pippa, what do you do?
我的梦想是成为唱作歌手 Well, singer-songwriter is the dream.
但现实中我其实是派对小丑 Uh, party clown is the reality.
-嗯嗯 -结账 来个人结账 Hmm. Check. Just, anyone, a check.
椅子来了 A chair.
椅子来了 Oh, a chair.
我真的很开心见到你 太久没见了 I'm so excited to see you. It's been so long.
和我讲讲你最近的情况 Tell me everything.
我快死了 我的航班真的太棒了 I'm dying. The flight was literally amazoir.
现在我们该干杯了 Uh, it's toast, toast time.
举起你的酒杯 杰西 Raise your glasses, Jess.
天哪 我真不敢相信你要结婚了 Gosh, I can't believe you're getting married.
一切好像不过是昨天发生的一样 Feels like just yesterday you were showing me
还记得你教我用遮瑕膏遮住脸上的猫抓印 how to hide that cat scratch on my face with that cover-up.
我也记得 I remember that.
虽然我们不常见到你 And even though we don't get to see you all the time
因为你不是跟皮特在一起就是在忙竞选 because you're so busy with Peter and the campaign and
更换净水器或是做白人爱做的那些事 changing your Brita filters or whatever it is you white people do
我爱你 你是我最好的朋友 I love you, and you're my best friend.
为我和杰西干杯 Uh... To me and Jess.
- 干杯 - 干杯 - Be-cheers. - Cheers. Again.
爱丽丝我爱你 谢谢你 I love you, Alice. Thank you.
不过你今晚最多敬三次酒 不能再多了 Three toasts is the limit tonight, though. You're cut off.
如果你想再敬一次酒 现在就来吧 If you're gonna do another one, do it now,
因为我正好要去洗手间 'cause I'm gonna go to the bathroom.
- 你要一起来吗 - 我为什么要和你一起去 - Do you want to come? - Why would I come with you?
这只是女生们爱做的一件反常的事 It's a heteronormative thing that girls do.
好吧 各位 没人回复我 Okay, guys, no one responded to my emails
关于我们要去哪个俱乐部的邮件 about which club we were gonna go to,
所以打印了大众点评上的前十名 so I printed out the top 10 according to Yelp.
我有我自己的最爱 但我不想影响你们 所以 I have my personal favorite, but I don't want to sway anyone, so...
-是那个用红笔圈出来的吗 -是的 - Is it the one that's circled in big red? - Yeah.
我有点希望我们能早点回房睡觉 I was kind of hoping that we could make it an early night.
哈哈是啊 等下你说啥 Yeah, right. What?
-这感觉不太好 -不 我只是太累了 - That doesn't feel right. - No, I'm just so exhausted.
我是说 我最近工作太忙了 I mean, I've been so overworked...
宝贝 别想了不可能的 好吗 No, not gonna happen, baby girl, all right?
因为这是我们人生中最盛大的周末 好吗 'Cause this is the biggest weekend of our lives, all right?
啊哈 姐妹们 Ooh, girls. Ooh, girls.
我刚从勤杂工那里搞了些可卡因 I just got some coke from the busboy.
- 你他妈的拿了什么 - 什么 - You fucking what? - What?
这很美国 America. Already?
太真实了 Sort of right on the nose.
-好的 我们现在正式进入正题 -哦耶 - Yes, okay, now we're talking. - Ba-bam! Booyah!
让我插句话 Now, okay, I'm in. I'm in.
姐妹们 我不能吸可卡因 Okay, guys, I can't do any cocaine.
我在竞公职 I'm running for office.
啥 没人会发现你吸了一点可卡因的 What? No one's gonna find out you did a little coke...
-别说了 -在你的单身派对上 - Stop. - Did a little coke at your bachelorette.
我很久没有嗑药了 因为我有点 I haven't really done drugs myself since I sort of...
我抽了一点日本货 I smoked this bit of shoji root
在一次沙漠旅行中 然后我死了 on an excursion in the desert, and I died.
总之 我现在还没太倒过来时差 Anyway, I'm very jet-lagged,
所以我想吸可卡因 so I will do cocaine, yes.
所以大家都来对吧 So everyone's in? Yep?
你们等一下 我不知道要不要来 You guys, hold on. I don't know.
别他妈矫情了 赶紧的吸点可卡因 Stop being a stupid fucking cunt and do a little fucking cocaine!
我的天哪弗兰基 Jesus, Frankie.
抱歉 我刚吸了一点 Sorry, I did a little bit of it.
杰西 Jess.
这对我来说 It would mean...
这对我来真的很重要 It would mean so much to me,
如果我们能一起吸点可卡因 if we could do a little bit of cocaine together.
真恶心 So disgusting!
再多给我点 Let me get a little more. Yep.
我刚超级累 现在超级清醒 Before, I was very tired, and now I'm sort of very awake.
那可是可卡因啊 That's the cocaine.
我猜是的 I figured. Yeah.
我喜欢这个 我爱迈阿密 I love this. I love Miami!
是的 姐妹们 迈阿密 Yeah, girl! Miami!
好了 现在快戴上这些肩带 Okay, now put on these fucking sashes.
♪ 麻烦 ♪ ♪ Trouble ♪
♪ 我可不想惹麻烦 但麻烦就是要找上我 ♪ ♪ I don't look for trouble, but trouble looks for me ♪
♪ 它从我17岁起就一直缠着我 ♪ ♪ And it's been waiting around corners since I was 17 ♪
♪ 他们说 飓风来了 麻烦是她的中间名 ♪ ♪ They say, "Here comes a hurricane Trouble is her middle name" ♪
♪ 但我可不想惹麻烦 是麻烦要找我 ♪ ♪ But I don't look for trouble, yeah, trouble looks for me ♪
♪ 我只想过平静的生活 ♪ ♪ I just want to live a quiet life ♪
♪ 我会成为一个优秀的妻子 ♪ ♪ I'll make an excellent wife ♪
♪ 我发誓我真的尽力了 ♪ ♪ Man, I swear I really try ♪
♪ 但是有些男孩他们就是无法接受 ♪ ♪ But some boys, they just can't eat it whole ♪
♪ 麻烦就是我的名字 ♪ ♪ Trouble is my name, you know ♪
谢谢 Thank you!
我的天哪 Oh, my God!
我的天 这不能喝 Oh, my God! No, no, no.
姐妹 这闻起来像呕吐物 Man, it smells like barf over here.
让我们快离开这里 Let's get the fuck out of here. God!
♪ 击退他们 一 二 ♪ ♪ Knock 'em back, one, two ♪
♪ 但视线开始模糊了 ♪ ♪ But it's gettin' kinda blurry ♪
♪ 开始变得模糊 ♪ ♪ Get blurry with it ♪
♪ 我在盯着你了 ♪ ♪ Got my eyes on you ♪
♪ 但你看起来有点模糊 别着急 ♪ But you're gettin' kinda blurry, no hurry with it
♪ 摆动你的身体 一切就都好了 ♪ ♪ Rock your body, and it all makes sense ♪
♪ 让我在你的影响下起来 ♪ ♪ Got me up under your influence ♪
我去给我们拿喝的 I'm getting us drinks.
♪ 击倒模糊 不用担心 ♪ ♪ Knockout blurry, no worries ♪
姐妹们 我们给杰西找个脱衣舞男吧 You guys, you guys, let's get Jess a stripper!
-对哦 -好啊 -好啊 - Yes! - Oh, yeah. - Okay.
对吧 Right?
姐妹姐妹 不过我们找男人还是女人啊 You guys, you guys, you guys, male or female, though?
-男人 -我觉得应该给她找男人 - Male. - I'm thinking male for her.
好的 我明白了 Okay, I got it.
弗兰基 你有卫生棉条吗 Frankie, do you have a tampon?
-我需要一个 -嗯有的 - I need one. - Uh-huh, yup.
-谢了 -搞定一个 走起 - Thank you. - Got one. Here we go.
你今天是第几天啊 What day of your flow are you on?
哦不是不是 这是我们的暗号 Oh, no, no. It's our code.
在大学时 我们假装互要卫生棉条 In college, we would ask each other for tampons
如果有男的在贴着我们而我们需要人来救 if some guy was skeezing us out and we wanted to be saved.
你只要说 卫生棉条 他们就跑了 You just say "tampon," and they run.
我的天 我喜欢这个暗号 Oh, my God, I love that.
我以前用卫生棉条的 但现在我用戴维杯 I used to use tampons, but now I use David cups.
-你是说月事杯吧 -不不 戴维杯 - You mean DivaCups. - No, no, David.
它们是我的邻居戴维设计的 They were designed by my neighbor, David,
他正在为他的一个艺术装置收集血液 to collect blood for an art installation he's doing.
我们别再谈论经期了吧 Let's stop talking about periods now.
好 Cool.
各位 我们收到一个特殊请求 Alright everybody, we have a special request
来自拥有高加索名字的爱丽丝 from a Caucasian named Alice!
那是我 我是高加索人爱丽丝 That's me. I'm Caucasian Alice.
把你的姐妹都带到这里来 Bring all your girls up here. Grab 'em.
杰西 来吧 Jess, come on. Come on.
把饮料给她 姐妹 我们上台 Give her the drinks. Go on. Girls, get up there.
我们大一的时候用这个舞蹈赢了才艺秀 We won the talent show freshman year with this little routine.
我劝你往别掺和 不是 是说你站远点 Might want to stand back. No, physically, get back!
好的 Okay.
你没和我们一起上大学 If you didn't go to college with us
所以你不能跳这舞 you're not in the routine.
大家站好位 Okay, get into places.
♪ 姐妹们撑开你的桃花源 ♪ ♪ All you ladies pop your pussy like this ♪
♪ 摆动你们的身体不要停 ♪ ♪ Shake your body, don't stop, don't miss ♪
♪ 姐妹们撑开你的桃花源 ♪ ♪ All you ladies pop your pussy like this ♪
♪ 摆动你们的身体不要停 ♪ ♪ Shake your body, don't stop, don't miss ♪
♪ 只管做 做就好了 赶快做 ♪ ♪ Just do it, do it, do it, do it, do it now ♪
♪ 舔好了 尝好了 ♪ ♪ Lick it good, suck this pussy ♪
♪ 这是你应该的 ♪ ♪ Just like you should ♪
♪ 我的脖子 我的背 舔我下面 ♪ ♪ My neck, my back, lick my pussy and my crack ♪
♪ 我的脖子 我的背 舔我的那里和那里 ♪ ♪ My neck, my back, lick my pussy and my crack
♪ 我的脖子 我的背 舔我的那里和那里 ♪ ♪ My neck, my back, lick my pussy and my crack ♪
你们太棒了 You're doing so good!
♪ 现在好好舔 ♪ ♪ Lick it now, lick it good ♪
♪ 这是你应该的 ♪ Lick this pussy just like you should
♪ 现在好好舔 ♪ ♪ Right now, lick it good ♪
这些是我的新朋友 These are my new friends.
♪ 我的脖子 我的背 舔我的那里和那里 ♪ ♪ My neck, my back, lick my pussy and my crack ♪
杰西 杰西 Jess, Jess, Jess!
有人看见我摔倒吗 Did anybody see me fall?
-大家都看到了 -没有啦 - Everybody saw. Everybody saw. - No. Well, yeah.
爱丽丝 你摔倒了 Alice! You fell!
跳的太棒了 It was be-gorgeous!
杰西 你应该抓住我的 Jess, you were supposed to catch me.
我忘了那部分了 真的对不起 You know, I forgot that one part. I'm so sorry.
这可是一个相当重要的部分啊 It's a pretty important part!
我们再来点可卡因会让你感觉好点吗 Would some more cocaine make you feel better?
会 Yes!
这个蒙特布查诺酒很威严叛逆 This Montepulciano is majestic and rebellious.
告诉我 你尝到了什么味道 Tell me, what are you tasting?
胡椒的味道 Pepper.
我先不说了 我要再感受一下 Pass. I need more time.
森林的表面 Forest floor.
甘草 Licorice.
感觉有点怀旧 There's a nostalgia to it, you know?
你们说的都对 You are all correct!
是的 我需要再感受一下 Yes! I need more time.
是杰西 It's Jess.
-接电话啊 -好的 喂 - Take it. - Okay. Hello.
我喝醉了 我已经丢了两张信用卡 I'm drunk! I lost two credit cards already.
我的天 Oh, no. Okay.
我们这里其实也开始疯狂起来了 Well, it's getting pretty wild over here, too.
真的吗 Really?
我尝到了很淡的蜂蜡的味道 I'm getting, like, a light beeswax.
哇我喜欢 Oh, I like that. Oh.
杰西 这个人说我们可以开他的兰博基尼 Jess, guy says that we can drive his Lambo.
-宝贝我得挂了 -好的 - I, um, I... Babe, I got to go. - All right.
安全到家后记得给我打电话 Call me when you're home safe.
-我会的 我爱你 -我也爱你 - I will. I love you. - Love you, too.
挂了电话吧 Get off the phone.
我们准备好来点刺激的了吗 Are we ready to get crazy?
是的 必须的 Yeah. Sure.
这瓶朗布鲁斯 This Lambrusco is served...
是冰镇的 Chilled!
你们还记得米歇尔吗 Do you guys remember Michelle?
米歇尔啊 记得她很迷硬币背面 Oh, Michelle, she was obsessed with Nickelback.
硬币背面 加拿大摇滚乐队
秀啊 杰西 Ooh, beauty, Jess!
-我知道这晚会需要什么 -什么 - I know what this soiree needs. -What?
披萨 Pizza!
没错 Yeah!
披萨 披萨 是的 是的 Pizza! Pizza! Yes, yes, yes.
太棒了 好开心 Yes! Nice! Sweet!
好 我爱她 Okay, I love her.
-真的吗 -对 - Right? - Yes.
她很 惊人 我不知道她如何形容 She is... Be-mazing? I don't know how she would say it,
但她很不可思议 but she is incredible!
我告诉你 她和我们是一路人 I am telling you, she is one of us.
-她太放飞自我了 -一点没错 - She is so free-spirited. - Totally.
-我 我爱她 -我没注意到 - I just... I love her. - I don't know about that.
-我完全感觉到了 -你们觉得吗 - I totally feel it. - Do you guys feel like
她是持工作签证来这的 she's here on a work visa,
还是旅游签证 也许是非法入境 or, like, a tourist visa or, like, illegally?
-她是怎么情况 -什么 伙计 - Like, what's her deal? - What, dude?
-她是来参加单身派对的 -这很疯狂 - She's here for a bachelorette party. - That is crazy.
别告诉她 我 好像 不 Build a wall. I just, like, don't...
我今晚不想作法律的死 I don't want to do anything illegal tonight.
什么 你不想 What? You don't?
你刚吸了一堆可卡因 You just snorted a mound of cocaine.
-就刚才 -那其实 是以杰西之名 - Simultaneously. - That was, like, in the name of Jess.
那是 为了杰西 That was, like, for Jess.
-别赖在我身上 -你看看你 - Don't put that on me. - Oh, check you out.
你真是个沙雕 You're literally cuckoo.
我只是 道出了某些人的心声 I'm just, like, voicing what some people are thinking,
你懂我的意思吗 you know what I mean?
你有困难吗 Do you have snags?
好吧 一切正常 Okay, no snags.
这是家披萨店 对吧 Um, is... This is a pizza shop, yeah?
天啊 水真暖 God, it is so warm.
你们也下来吧 You guys have to get in. Mmm,
我来了 I am coming.
现在我要提前说一声 I am gonna warn you now.
有段时间没蜜蜡除毛了 Uh, did not have time to self-wax,
所以那里像个丛林 so it is like a jungle down there.
-自助蜜蜡除毛 -是的 - Self-wax? - Yeah.
就是 那些奇怪的纸条吗 Like, with those weird little, like, paper strips?
是啊 姐妹 Yikes, dude.
我都想说 是啊 姐妹 Even I'm like, "Yikes, dude."
看看你们 我不明白 Look, you guys, I don't understand.
为什么这么讨厌 Why all the hate?
好的 我去开门 我去 Mmm. Okay, I got it, I got it.
这么早就到了 但是 说真的 Well, that was fast. But, seriously,
我们晚点再说自我润滑的事吧 we're gonna talk about this self-wax thing later.
好的 赶快 Okay, come on. Ooh.
-你好 -还不赖 - Hey... - Oh, not bad.
跳脱衣舞的来了 Stripper's here!
你们 棒 You guys! Yes!
我不要脱衣舞男 I don't want a stripper!
你带了唱片之类的吗 Did you bring a CD or anything?
比如流行歌合辑之类 Like, Now That's What I Call Music! or anything?
-不 我没带 -没带 没事 - No. No, I didn't. - No? It's all right.
我手机上有些非常污污的音乐 I got some pretty filthy music on my phone.
-我要撩你 -谢谢 - I'll hook you up. - Thanks.
我 我要尿尿 Hey, um, I, uh, I got to take a piss.
行 那儿有卫生间 Oh, yeah, there's a bathroom down there.
好吧 All right.
就在 那儿 It's, like, down there.
我打赌他要洗白白 I bet he's going to fluff his junk!
我给他腾出空间 搭个舞台 Let's give him room, let's make a stage
姐妹们 我不要脱衣舞男 You guys, I don't want a stripper.
我觉得他好像有事 I think he looks like he's on something.
他肯定有事 比如浴盐 He's definitely on something. Like bath salts.
天啊 他会吃了我们的 Oh, my God, he's gonna eat our faces.
天啊 他会的 Oh, God, he would!
这个老式遥控器真让人困惑 Ugh, this vintage remote is so confusing.
我从没跳过脱衣舞 我是说 I've never even had a striptease. I mean...
不 好吧 以前跳过一次 Nope. Well, there was that one time.
也许其他人应该去跳 Maybe somebody else should go.
-脱衣舞男 舞男 -这是杰西 - Stripper. Stripper, stripper. - So, this is Jess,
准新娘 你的服务对象 知道吗 the bride-to-be, your subject, okay?
你很幸运 太幸运了 And lucky for you, so lucky,
你能为所欲为 you get to do whatever you want.
上了她 Fuck her!
-爱丽丝 -天啊 - Alice! - Jesus.
-太过分了 -什么 如果真要这样 - Too much. - What? If it happens.
好 来吧 上 Okay, whoo! Here we go. Do it.
第一件 脱掉 First layer, off.
我要自摸了 I touch myself
哇 来了 Oh, shit. Yeah!
-好 -加油 杰西 - Okay. - Come on, Jess!
他来了 他在看我 Here he comes. He's looking at me.
节礼日快乐 Ooh, happy Boxing Day.
好 Yes!
我越来越兴奋了 但我真的要尿尿 It's kind of turning me on, but I really have to pee,
这很 令人疑惑 so it's, like, so confusing.
迎男而上 小婊砸 对 Mansploitation, bitch! Yes!
摸豆豆 摸豆豆 Let's get to the beans, let's get to the beans.
上吧 Yeah, just do it.
搞定他 搞定他 Get it over with. Get it over with!
-太棒了 -爱她 - So good! - Love her.
就给她独一无二的感觉 Make her feel special.
好的 开始了 Yes! Get that!
他很暖和 Oh, he's warm.
好的 我喜欢这样 Ooh, all right. I like it.
好的 Okay.
我知道你想要 你这个小骚货 I know you want it, you little slut.
天啊 恶心 Oh, God! No! Ew.
下流 你给我坐下 Gross. You sit down.
太莽撞了 So aggressive.
-我百分百弯的 -好 轮到我了 - I'm definitely gay. - Okay, my turn!
草 Oh! Oh, shit!
天啊 Holy shit.
我没事 I'm good! Hey.
你还好吧 Are you okay?
他吗 他很好 你没事吧 兄弟 Oh, him? He's fine. You're okay, right, bud?
天哪 Oh, God.
天哪 天哪 Oh, my God. Oh, my God.
靠 那是血 Oh, shit! That's blood!
这都什么鸟事 天啊 What the fuck? Oh, God.
天啊 他没气了 Oh, my God, he's not breathing!
草 有人懂心肺复苏吗 Shit! Does anybody know CPR?
天啊 我去油管上查一下 Oh, my God. I'll look it up on YouTube!
我们要想想办法 We got to do something!
去你妈的 全是卫生纸广告 Bugger! It's playing an advert for toilet tissue.
杰西 想想办法 Jess, do something!
草 不 不 不 Shit. No, no, no.
天啊 Holy shit!
拜托 天啊 千万别死了 Oh, please, God, please don't let this happen.
他一直在出血 我止不住 He's bleeding out. I can't stop the blood!
我有一些布洛芬 我去包里拿出来 I have some Advil. I'll get it out of my bag.
布洛芬有什么用 布洛芬 What's Advil gonna do, Alice?
-它非常有效 -来个人叫救护车 - It's extra-strength, bitch! - Somebody call an ambulance!
四 五 六 七 八 Four, five, six, seven, eight...
他脉搏停了 He doesn't have a pulse.
他死了 He's dead.
草 草 Oh, shit. Oh, shit.
把这该死的音乐关掉 Turn off the fucking music!
妈的 对不起 Oh, shit. I'm so sorry.
我不是故意的 I didn't mean to.
天啊 天啊 对不起 Oh, my God. Oh, God, I'm so sorry.
真对不起 I'm so sorry.
-不 不 不 -天啊 这血 - No, no, no. - Oh, God, the blood,
血流得到处都是 it's going everywhere.
纸巾 快去拿纸巾 Paper towels! Somebody get paper towels!
你为什么不出点力呢 布莱尔 Why don't you do something, Blair!
我在发号施令 I'm delegating!
-我杀了个人 -放轻松 - I killed a guy. - It's okay.
天哪 Oh, God.
别用浴巾 靠 Oh, not the bathroom towels. Oh, shit.
你在说什么啊 What are you talking about!
眼下谁还有心思管毛巾 Who cares about towels right now?
我不知道 我不知道该怎么办 Well, I don't know! I don't know what to do!
我杀了个人 I killed a guy!
天啊 Oh, God!
-我今天杀了人 -好了 好了 - I killed a guy today. - Okay, okay.
-深呼吸 深呼吸 -你会怎么做 - Deep breaths, deep breaths. - "What'd you do?"
-深呼吸 -我杀了人 - Deep breath. - "I killed a guy."
你还指望什么 "What have you been up to?"
死吗 "Death."
-别吐出来 -这样好多了 好多了 -Keep it in there. - That's better. That's better.
该叫警察了 好吗 Time to call the police. Yeah?
不 不 不 别报警 No, no, no, don't call the police.
我们都上头了 We're all high.
我们先处理掉毒品 然后再报警 Let's get rid of the drugs, and then we'll call the police.
是的 我们不过要 Yeah, we'll just,
清理一个死脱衣舞男罢了 we'll clean up a dead stripper, cool.
准确地说 他是个男妓 Well, technically, he's a prostitute.
-他是男妓 -不 - He's a prostitute? - No.
我是从免费广告上找到他的 I got him from Craigslist.
他是个脱衣舞男 但也是个三陪 He is a stripper, but then also an escort.
你找了个小白脸吗 You hired a gigolo?
别对性工作者说三道四 布莱尔 Don't judge sex work, Blair!
-天啊 - 弗兰基 - Oh, my God! - Frankie!
你知道我在应竞选公职的 You know I'm running for public office!
你怎么能这么对我 How could you do this to me?
对我而言更糟糕 我已经有两次前科了 It's worse for me. I have two strikes.
如果再犯一次 If I get a third,
我要坐25年牢直至无期徒刑 I could go to jail for 25 to life.
我现在甚至不该离开这个州 I'm not even supposed to be out of the state right now.
我用鞋拔取下脚踝监视器才来得这 I had to pry my ankle monitor off with a shoehorn to get here!
天啊 Oh, God.
都怪椅子 It's the chair's fault.
草泥马的椅子 Fuckin' shit chair!
等等 你们几个 等等 Wait a minute. You guys, wait a minute!
这是个意外 对吧 It was an accident. Right?
因此 我们不该因意外而惹祸上身 So, like, we're not gonna get in trouble for an accident.
我们在佛罗里达州 爱丽丝 We're in Florida, Alice.
一个白人小伙子死在一群女人手里 A white dude is dead at the hands of a bunch of women.
是的 白人女性 Yeah, white women.
怕你们忘了 我可是黑人 I'm black, in case any of you have forgotten.
我觉得只有你才忘了吧 I think the only person who's forgotten that is you.
谁给你的胆子 How dare you.
我讲完了 I rest my case.
我知道这周末不是个好主意 I knew this weekend was a terrible idea.
什么 不 What? No.
这仍是我们操蛋生活中最美妙的周末 This can still be the best weekend of our fucking lives!
我们来笑一个 好吗 再笑一个 Let's just smile a little bit about it. Right? Smile more.
好 我们会没事的 Okay, we're gonna be fine.
我们要报警 但杰西说的一点没错 We're gonna call the cops, but Jess is right. Definitely.
我们要让我们看起来尽可能无辜 We need to make this seem as innocent as possible,
所以我们把毒品都处理了吧 so let's get rid of all the drugs.
我来 I'm on it.
爱丽丝 不是让你这样来解决 Alice, not by doing them!
随便来个人告诉我该怎么办 Okay, someone tell me what to do,
我都会照做的 and I will do it.
什么情况 What the...
靠靠靠 麻烦大了 Oh. Oh. Shit, shit, shit.
送披萨的 It's pizza.
大姐们 现在怎么办 You guys, what are we gonna do?
这房子到处都是玻璃 他能看到里面 The house is made of glass. He can see in.
我们得把尸体搬开 姐妹们 We got to move him, you guys.
动起来 快快快 Do it, do it, do it.
快快快 Go, go, go.
别着急 别着急 Wait, wait, wait, you guys.
姐妹们 姐妹们 慢点 别着急 You guys, you guys, you guys, wait, wait, wait. One second.
小心别碰到沙发 Watch the couch.
靠 就没人先去应门吗 Shit. Somebody answer the door.
谁有给小费的零钱 Does anyone have cash for a tip?
我有澳元 I have Australian dollars.
比美元还好用哦 They're stronger than American dollars.
-这是啥 -你赶紧走 - What's this? - Leave.
-我天 -真险 - Oh, God. - Oh, fuck.
我刚才很自然 I was natural.
打开盒子 Okay, open it.
赶紧打开 Open it up.
太爽了 Oh, yes.
你现在居然还吃得下 How can you eat right now?
吃是缓解压力最好的方法 懂吗 Eating is the number one way people deal with stress, okay?
不懂就闭嘴 Don't give me shit.
你们不来点儿吗 You guys want some?
-我来一片 -一会儿吧 -我也来一片 - Oh, yeah, I'd go for a slice. - One second. - I'll have a slice. Yeah.
好了 我觉得现在可以报警了 对吧 Okay, I think now it's time for us to call the cops, yeah?
别别别 我认为应该先找律师 Wait, wait, wait. I think we should call a lawyer first,
这样我们就能知道审讯的时候该怎么说了 so we know exactly what to say during the interrogation.
-也对 -等会儿 我没听错吧 - Okay. - Wait, I'm sorry, what's going on?
我们会被抓去审讯 We're gonna be interrogated?
我们当然会被审讯 We are 100% gonna be interrogated.
有人莫名其妙地死了 Somebody died in a sketchy way.
警察会把我们分开关在不同的小隔间里 They're gonna separate us into little cells,
你知道吗 用灯不停在你脸上晃 you know, with swinging lights.
他们会竭尽所能让我们崩溃 死猪猡 The coppers are gonna try to crack us, fucking pigs!
好了 看来确实应该先找律师 Okay, let's definitely call a lawyer, then.
我想到一个人 我叔叔杰克 Oh, my God. My Uncle Jack.
他以前是伯纳德·麦道夫辩护团队里的 He was on the team that defended Bernie Madoff.
伯纳德·麦道夫：前纳斯达克主席，美国历史上最大的诈骗案制造者
-谢天谢地 -有救了 - Ah, thank God. - Thank God.
等会儿 我们应该用一次性手机打 Wait. We should use a burner phone
这样就不会留下记录了 so there's no record.
好主意 这一点确实很重要 Good idea. That's actually a good point.
-我靠 -怎么了爱丽丝 - Shit! - What, Alice?
泡沫派对 The foam party!
我是不是应该把票卖了 Should I sell our passes?
你是对的 我们见机行事就好 You're right. Let's play it by ear.
还是你聪明杰西 Smart, Jess.
坏了 是皮特 Oh, shit! Peter!
-好吧 -我到家的时候忘记给他打电话了 - Okay. - I forgot to call him when I got home.
-别接啊 -我得接 - Do not answer that. - I have to.
杰西 别 快停下来 No! Jess. Jess, stop.
你好呀 Hello!
-你好 宝贝儿 -你那边一切都好吧 - Hey, babe. - Hi. How's it going?
-别聊了 -你安全到家了吗 没接到你电话 - Stop. - Are you home safe? You never called.
-赶紧挂了 -我安全到了 - Hang up. Hang up. - Yeah, I am.
一切顺利 Yeah, everything's great.
你又吸笑气了吗 怎么听上去怪怪的 Did you do whippets again? You sound really weird.
-你说啥 -没出什么事儿吧 - What? - Is everything all right?
快挂电话 快快 别再说了 别别 Hang up. Hang up. Hang up. Stop, stop, stop.
-皮特 我遇到大麻烦了 -别啊 - Peter, something really bad happened. - No.
-怎么了 -有个男的过来 - What? - No, this guy came over.
他是个脱衣舞男 就像男妓那种 He was a stripper, like, a prostitute.
-一个男妓 -然后我们都喝大了 - A prostitute? - And we were drunk,
并且还磕了药 然后我也不知道该怎么办了 and coked up, and I don't know what to do.
你指的是什么 婚礼吗 About what? The wedding?
杰西你到底还想不想结婚的 Jess, do you still want to get married?
-不能再说了 -不 - You can't, you can't... - No!
杰西 Jess!
你们怎么能这样对我 I can't believe you just did that.
我们现在不能和任何人说这事儿 We can't talk to anybody
我们得先找律师商量 until we consult with a lawyer.
她说得对 这样吧 She's right. You know what,
所有人把手机交给我 直到我们想出方案 I'm collecting everyone's phones until we know what the plan is.
-同意吗 -可以 没问题 - Agreed? - Yes. Agreed
交出来吧 Fine.
-手机上有我的放松游戏 -拿来吧 - Well, I have a game on it that relaxes me. - Give it.
谢谢 Thank you.
我们必须去便利店买个一次性电话 Okay, so we got to get this burner phone from a convenience store.
-聪明 -好主意 - Smart. - Yeah, good idea.
我跟弗兰基可以去 Frankie and I can go.
-没错 -那个 - Great. - Um...
-其实可以是其他人 -为啥 - Or, like, anybody else could go. - Why?
-我们会吵架吗 -我们那个叫斗嘴 - Do we argue? - We bicker. Yeah, we bicker.
-就是这样 -我们其实是在辩论 - It's true, but... - No. I think that we debate,
是一种常规的交流方式 which is a normal part of talking.
其实这是一回事儿 辩论和争吵 That's funny. That's the same thing, debating and arguing.
-在语义学的角度上 -语义学 - It's semantics. - "Semantics."
原来我正在和一个语言大师说话呢 Wow, I didn't realize I was talking to a wordsmith.
-她们曾经是一对 对吧 -三个音节 - They used to be lovers, yeah? - Three syllables.
我是语言大师因为我天天看报纸 I'm a wordsmith 'cause I read the news regularly.
有这么明显吗 Is it that obvious?
对于这种事我有一种第六感 I have a sort of a sense of these things
而且她还一直盯着她的胸部 Also, she's been fixated on her nips.
只是因为我不用"我的汤姆"香体露吗 Just because I don't use Tom's of Maine deodorant, which,
何况那玩意儿还没啥用 by the way, does not work...
我也不用他们家的香体露 I don't use Tom's deodorant...
这么看上去还挺暧昧的 不是吗 It's kind of nasty to watch, isn't it?
这样的 我打电话过去 她接起来了 Yeah, so, I call. She picks up.
她听上去非常怪 She sounds very strange.
我立刻就感觉到不对劲了 I know something's wrong immediately.
后来她果然就承认了 And then, finally, she admits it.
她说遇到了大麻烦 还提到一个男妓 She says something really bad happened with a prostitute.
-带劲儿 -这也不能说明她劈腿了 - Ooh! - That does not mean she cheated.
但是如果她想劈腿 这就是时候了 But if she was going to cheat, this is when she would do it.
-我天哪 -迈阿密 单身派对 - Oh, God. - Miami, bachelorette party.
又不是新鲜事 It's pretty classic.
严格说来 和男妓不能算劈腿 It's not cheating if it's with a prostitute. Technically.
-啥 -什么玩意儿 这当然算 - What? - What? Yes, it is.
哥几个 在身体专一这方面 Look, guys, we have to have realistic attitudes
我们得现实一点 about sexual exclusivity.
随便吧 都无所谓了 因为 Whatever. It doesn't even matter, because...
我问她到底还想不想结婚 I asked her if she still wanted to get married.
结果她大叫了一声 不 She screamed "no"
就把电话挂了 and then she hung up!
所以说 哥几个 So, guess what, guys,
没有婚礼了 可以把礼服退了 there's no wedding for you to go to, so return your tuxes.
别啊 No!
-不能这样 -想留着礼服随你们 - No. Hell, no. - Fine, keep your tuxes,
不过我的婚礼取消了 but my wedding's off.
其实这也不是什么大新闻 对吧 It's not a shock, right?
你是我最好的兄弟之一 但我想说的是 I mean, buddy, I love you, you're one of my best friends,
你只是个屌丝 而她 but you're a six and she's a...
完全是个女神 Twenty.
-我的天哪 -他能听到 - Oh, my God. Oh, my God. - He can hear you.
我觉得撑不住了 Oh, I'm feeling... I'm feeling weak.
我觉得头好晕 I'm feeling dizzy, I'm...
老弟 老弟 我的天 Hey, hey, hey, hey. Oh, my God.
我就应该和社团里的妹子在一起 I knew I shouldn't date out of my league, I knew it.
她一开始约我的时候我就觉得是个恶作剧 When she first asked me out, I thought it was a prank.
我能感觉到她在疏远我 I could feel her pulling away,
我还以为是工作上的原因 but I thought it was work.
-我想吐 -我的天哪 - I'm gonna be sick. - No, no, no.
-快给他拿点高度的 -来了 来了 - Give him some Madeira. - Yeah, yeah, yeah.
皮特 来了 抿一小口 Yeah. Peter, that's it. Just take a sip.
-慢点喝 -对了 我去拿一块软奶酪 - Bup-bup-bup-bup. - Oh, I'll get you a soft cheese!
快去 Yes!
我们看上去太二了 This is so stupid.
但这样就没人能认清我们的脸了 Yeah, but this way no one can definitively ID our face.
是老年人 太好了 Old people. Perfect.
随便什么牌子都可以 Any brand is fine.
你们的脸上是什么 What's that on your face?
排毒泥面膜 A detoxifying mud mask.
我们就需要一个一次性电话 明白吗 Look, we need a burner phone, okay?
-给你们钱 -再强调一遍 一次性电话卡 - Here's some cash. - Again, a burner phone,
在收银台后面就能找到 and you can find that behind the counter.
-我们听得见 -去吧 - Okay. We heard you. - Inside.
你们这些80后就会提要求 You baby boomers are so demanding.
我知道 I know.
-走吧 老伴儿 -我真受不了这些年轻人 - Jesus. Come on, Ma. - I'm sick and tired of this shit.
不敢相信他就这么挂了 I can't believe he's dead.
-而这都是我造成的 -别这么想 - And it's, like, all my fault. - No, no.
这真是个悲剧 It really is a tragedy, you know?
他或许可以成为一个科学家 He could have been a scientist
去攻克癌症或者为人类做出别的贡献 that was gonna cure cancer or something.
-你能这么说真好 -唉 - It's nice of you to say. - Yeah.
姐妹们 他是不是在盯着我 Guys, is he looking, like, straight at me?
-我的天哪 -你说得对 - Oh, my God, he's... - Yeah. Yeah.
他就是在盯着我 对吧 He's looking at me, right?
可怜的小鲜肉 Hi, baby boy.
哈伯德妈妈[童谣中的慈母]在这儿 Mummy Hubbard's here.
她会带你回家 She's gonna send you home.
乖乖地 Okay.
安息吧 Sleep now.
- 我的上帝啊 -天哪 我受不了了 - Oh, no. Jesus, no. - No, no, no.
-我觉得我们可以 -我受不了了 - Okay, why don't we... - I don't like it, I don't like it,
-我受不了了 -姐妹们我找到了 - I don't like it. - Guys, I got it.
我找到了 来戴上 I got it. I'm done.
这样就好多了 There we go.
看上去不差 你们觉得呢 He looks good, right?
同意 Totally.
-天哪 杰西 -怎么了 - Oh, my God, Jess. - What?
好漂亮的钻戒 Look at this ring.
比从视频上看还要大 It's even bigger in real life than it is on Skype.
是啊 他眼光不错 Yeah, he did a good job.
你们还视频聊天呢 You guys Skype?
-对啊 -我们有吗 - Yes. - Oh, do we?
当然有了 Yes.
当你聊天的时候可以直接看到对方 It's really nice to just sort of, you know, see the person
那种感觉很不错 when you're talking to them.
这我还真不知道 I didn't know that.
你不知道Skype吗 You don't know Skype?
Skype是一款免费的视频聊天软件 Skype is a free video calling app.
我知道什么是Skype No, I know what Skype is.
杰西 你说你忘记Skype的密码了 Jess, you said you couldn't remember your password.
我可花了好大功夫才登上去 Well, it is really hard to sign in.
我靠 糟糕 Oh, shit! Shit!
-这是谁家的狗 -快让开 走 - Whose dog is that? - Go away! Go away!
-快走开 -查理你在哪儿 快过来 - Go! Go, go. - Charlie? Here, boy!
-狗主人过来了 -上帝啊 - The owner is coming towards the house. - Oh, God.
镇定点 你们太吵了现在 No, no, no. You're being too loud.
我可以和动物对话 我们能互相理解 I can speak to animals, we have a deep understanding,
-交给我来处理 -查理你在哪儿 - so I got this. - Charlie?
-交给我就行了 -好吧 小心点 - Just go! - Okay, be careful, though.
-知道了 -到这儿来小家伙 - Okay. - Here, boy!
查理 过来 Okay, Charlie. Come on.
你好呀 过来 Come on, come on.
我勒个去 Oh, shit!
查理 Charlie!
你在这 我把他带来 You stay. I'm bringing him to you.
这不可能 谁都能从海滩上望见屋里 This is impossible, anybody can see into the house from the beach.
-这太疯狂了 -我知道 - This is crazy. - I know.
在解决前如果有人报警 我们就死定了 If someone reports it before we do, we're dead.
我们得把尸体从视线中移开 就这样 Well, we just... We have to get the body out of sight, that's all.
是的 好的 好吧 Yeah, okay. All right.
-好吧 -你还好吧 - Okay. - You all right?
没事 Good.
天哪 皮帕 我都能看到他的牙印 Oh, my God, Pip, I can see all of his teeth marks.
看起来真的很糟 That looks really bad.
不 不 不 这不过 No, no, no. This is...
那不是 我很好 That's not... I'm good.
没错 她挺好 看她的眼睛 Yeah, she's fine. Look at her in the eyes.
好吗 让我们把尸体移出视线 Okay? So let's just get the body out of sight,
然后在报警之前把他放回去 好吗 and then we'll put him back before we call the cops. Yeah?
我们开始吧 好吗 Let's do it. Right?
-动起来 -走起 - Let's go! - Let's do it.
可以 Okay!
撑住门 等一下 Hold the door. Hang on one sec.
-知道了 -这里有两个台阶 等等 - Got it. - There's two steps here. Hold on.
-好的 知道了 -有两个台阶 - Yeah, we got it. - Ow. Oh, there's two steps.
-把他放下 -刚刚是我 - Put him down. - That was me.
谁能把灯打开吗 Can somebody turn the lights on?
-我去开 -好了 - I'll get it. - Oh, there we go.
天哪 Oh, God!
倒霉 爱丽丝 把尸体盖上 Shit! Alice, cover the body!
为什么 为什么 为什么 Why? Why? Why?
皮帕 你做了什么 Pippa, what did you do?
这是见鬼了 This is a poltergeist situation.
我什么都没做 I'm not doing anything.
好吧 这里一定有个供电箱 All right. There's got to be a fuse box.
天哪 来了辆出租车 Oh, God. There is a taxi.
这里来了辆出租车 There is a taxi right here.
不 不 不 不 No! No, no, no.
不用了 谢谢 No, thank you.
-把尸体盖上 -藏起来 藏起来 - Cover the body. - Hide me. Hide me.
糟糕 上帝啊 Balls! Jesus Christ.
找床被子 他妈的找床被子 Find a quilt. Find a fucking quilt.
搞什么 天哪 What the... Jesus!
-哦不 我羊水破了 -什么 - Oh, no. My water broke! My water broke! - What?
不 不 是我刚刚尿了 No, no, I just peed.
我根本控制不了 I have no control over this.
关上 你他妈的 Close, you fuck.
给你钱 先生 谢谢 Here you go, sir. Thank you.
我以为我尿了 但其实没有 Thought I peed. I didn't pee.
非常感谢你载我们 谢谢 Thank you very much for the ride. Thank you.
一路顺风 Safe home!
这他妈的到底怎么回事 What the fuck is going on in here?
我们想组建车库乐队 你们会弹贝斯吗 We're starting a garage band. Do you guys play bass?
我们在藏尸体 你们以为我们在做什么 We're hiding a body. What do you think we're doing?
不要老说 "尸体" 这个词 Stop saying "body" so many times.
-爱丽丝 你到底在干什么 -抱歉 - Alice, what the hell are you doing, man? - Sorry.
拜托 天哪 Come on. God!
用你的腿把他抬起来 用腿使劲 Lift him up with your legs. Lift with your legs.
我向上天发誓 每次都变得更重了 I swear to God, he's getting heavier every time.
等一下 Just hold one second.
这里有两个台阶 不 There's two stairs up here. No!
-知道了 -让我们休息一下 休息一下 - I got it. - Let's take a break. Let's take a break.
休息 休息 休息 Break, break, break.
-不 不 不 -好的 - No, no, no. - Okay.
我都累走样了 I am out of shape.
-真是好 -快速提问 - Really good. - Quick question.
我们为什么要移动死掉的脱衣舞男 Why are we moving the dead stripper?
整个房子都是用玻璃做的 The whole house is made out of glass.
这行不通 任何方向都能看到里面 This is impossible. You can see in everywhere.
我们能把他放哪 才能让他不被看见 Where could we put him that he's not gonna be seen?
杰克叔叔 你怎么说 So, what do you think, Uncle Jack?
他们可以指控你过失杀人 They could charge you with involuntary manslaughter,
但这并不容易证明 but it's not that easy to prove.
-感谢上帝 -好吧 那还不算坏 - Ah, thank God. - Well, that's not bad.
-没关系 -只是千万别碰尸体 - That's okay. - Just don't touch the body
-或是现场 你们就没事的 -什么 - or the scene, and you'll be fine. - What?
好吧 事实上 我们已经把他 Okay, so actually, we have already
转移到性爱秋千上了 法官大人 moved him to a sex swing, Your Honor.
什么 What?
我说 事实上 我们已经把他 I said, "Actually, we have already
转移到了性爱秋千上了 法官大人 moved him to a sex swing, Your Honor."
我听到了 I heard you.
你们蓄意篡改事发现场 You knowingly tampered with the scene,
这意味着你们犯有事后同谋罪 which means you're guilty of accessory after the fact,
他们就有了一个必赢的过失杀人案 and they'll have a strong case for involuntary manslaughter.
等等 那是什么意思 Wait, what does that mean?
最高15年监禁 Up to 15 years in prison.
-什么 -15年 - What? - Fifteen?
好吧 那我们能做些什么 Well, what can we do?
我们用的是公共线路吗 姑娘们 Are we on an open line here, girls?
-是一次性手机 -很好 - It's a burner phone. - Good.
正如我和罗伯·卢说的那样 Like I told Rob Lowe,
没有尸体 就没有案子 if there's no body, there's no case.
我们不能就这么把他大卸八块 We can't just chop him up.
这样吧 我就告诉警察是我干的 You know what? I'll just tell the cops it was just me.
不 我们都动了尸体 No, we all moved the body.
这是犯罪 It's a crime.
好吧 是的 但如果我们 Well, yeah, but if we just,
比如 解释一下情况 like, explain the situation...
你说的"解释"是什么意思 What are you talking about, "Explain"?
去年 坦帕的一个家伙威胁要杀他的妻子 Last year, a guy in Tampa, he threatened to kill his wife,
所以她开了一枪以示警告 so she fired a warning shot,
然后她被判了20年 and she went to jail for 20 years.
这个国家应该被夷为平地 This country should be burned to the ground!
倒霉 Shit.
我本来已经要成功了 皮特 I was so close. Peter.
我的事业 My career.
一切都结束了 就这样 It's all over, just like that.
我可是会坐穿牢底的 I'm gonna do real time.
也许是终身监禁 Maybe life.
你们几年后就能出来 You guys are gonna get off with a few years.
我一年都不行 我正在争取监护权 I can't do any years. I'm in the middle of a custody battle.
-什么 -什么 - What? - What?
什么 What?
马尔科姆和我六个月前分居了 Malcolm and I separated six months ago.
你没告诉我 You didn't tell me.
是的 你之前没什么空 杰西 Yeah, you've been a little preoccupied, Jess.
你为什么不告诉我 Why didn't you tell me?
我不想你对我有看法 I didn't need your judgment.
布莱尔 我决不会因为那样的事而批判你 Blair, I would never judge you for something like that.
天哪 我的学生们 Oh, my God, my students.
他们崇拜我 They idolize me.
他们认为我他妈的是整个世界中 They think I'm, like, the best fucking adult
最棒的成年人 in the whole fucking world.
他们会变成罪犯的 They'll turn to crime.
我不能进监狱 I can't go to jail.
我连第一集《女子监狱》 I couldn't even make it through
都没看完 the first episode of Orange Is the New Black.
我们谁都不能 None of us can.
剧情太狗血了 对吧 It's too soapy, right?
不 我是说谁都不能进监狱 No, I meant none of us can go to jail.
等等 大家伙 Wait, you guys.
即使我们没有被指控篡改证据 Even if we don't get charged with this
我们都不知道这人是谁 tampering with evidence thing,we don't know who this man is.
他的家人可能会来报仇 His family could come seek revenge.
他可能是贩毒集团的一员 He could be part of a cartel
他们会切断我们脚趾贴在我们屁股上 that's gonna cut off our toes and stick them up our bums.
她说得对 She's right.
我们的余生都将不得不小心翼翼 We'll have to look over our shoulders for the rest of our lives.
他倒是说过 He did say that
没有尸体 it would be hard to convict
很难定罪 with no body.
我是说 这是个意外 I mean, it was an accident.
他没有经纪公司 知道吗 And he's not part of an escort company, you know?
所以我觉得没有人知道他来这里 So I don't think anybody knows he's here.
我们得把尸体处理掉 We got to get rid of him.
-我们必须这样 对吧 -是啊 - We gotta, right? - Yeah.
-我们得做 -我们必须这样做 - We do. - We have to.
我是说 我们内心并不想做 I mean, we don't want to.
不 我们当然不想 No, of course we don't want to.
我们不想杀他 We didn't want to kill him.
但我们别无选择 But we have to.
-当然我们必须做 -是啊 是的 是的 是的 - Of course we have to. - Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
必须 Must.
我是布莱尔 请不要留言 Hey, it's Blair. Don't leave a message.
好吧 就是这样 她们谁都不接电话 Okay. That's it. None of them are picking up.
这意味着发生了非常糟糕的事情 That means something really bad happened.
伙计 这是第三个对你不忠的女朋友了 Dude, this is, like, the third girlfriend that's cheated on you.
什么情况 到底怎么了 伙计 What is that? What's going on, buddy?
你鸡巴变硬时 会变弯吗 Does your dick bend weird when it gets hard?
不 No.
-好吧 -没关系 - All right. - Doesn't matter.
我们现在就把你弄到陌陌上 Let's get you on Tinder right now,
这样你就重新开始了 so you can start on a rebound.
-不 我不想上陌陌 好吗 -拜托 - No, I don't want to be on Tinder, okay? - Come on.
其他姑娘你都释怀了 这个你也可以的 You've gotten over other girls, you can get over her.
可是这不是普通姑娘 是杰西 Yeah, this isn't some girl, this is Jess.
我根本忘不掉她的 I'm not gonna get over her,
知道吗 我也不想忘了她 you know? And I don't want to get over her.
那么 这一次做点什么 皮特 Then, this time, do something about it, Peter.
你说得对 You're right.
你说得对 我要去迈阿密 You're right, I got to go to Miami,
让她回心转意 and I got to win her back.
是的 伙计 Yes, dude.
好的 好的 Okay, okay.
对 好样的 Yes. Awesome.
从查尔斯顿起飞的第一班飞机 The first flight out of Charleston
是明天上午10点 gets in at 10:00 a.M. tomorrow morning.
-不 -哦 有一列火车 - No. - Oh. There is a train
明天下午到那里 that gets there tomorrow afternoon
而且静音车厢有位置 and there's room in the quiet car.
不够快 你让宇航员伤心了 Not quick enough. You got to sad astronaut.
-说啥 -啊 - What? - Huh?
他不得不让宇航员伤心 He has to sad astronaut.
-好吧 什么意思 -对我来说没什么 - Okay, what is that? - That's nothing to me.
-让宇航员悲伤 -那个新闻报道 - Sad astronaut? - That news story?
好吧 Okay.
丽萨·玛丽·诺瓦克 是一名宇航员 Lisa Marie Nowak was an astronaut.
她和另一个叫威尔的宇航员相爱了 And she was in love with another astronaut named Will.
现在 威尔和某个辣妹空军上尉出了轨 Now, Will cheated on Lisa with some hottie Air Force captain.
丽萨发现了 很生气 Lisa found out and was pissed.
所以 丽萨决定处理这件事 So, Lisa decided to deal with it.
一劳永逸 Once and for all.
她搞了一堆成人尿不湿 And she got a bunch of adult diapers,
这样她就不用在途中上厕所了 so she wouldn't have to piss on the way,
她从休斯顿直奔奥兰多 and she drove straight from Houston to Orlando
绑架空军 故事很快就变黑暗了 to, like, kidnap the Air Force... It's... The story gets dark quick.
重点是她用了那个疯狂天体物理学家的大脑 Point is, she used that crazy astrophysicist brain
找到去佛罗里达最快的路 to find the quickest way to Florida.
-你 你想让杰西回你身边 对吧 -是啊 - You... You want to get Jess back, right? - Yeah.
那你就得让宇航员悲伤了 兄弟 Then you got to sad astronaut, bro.
我们去买尿不湿 Let's get some diapers.
不能买这个牌子 会漏 Not this brand! These leak!
♪ 沿着这该死的街道广告 ♪ ♪ Straight off the fuckin' streets of C-P-T ♪
♪ 驾驭节奏之王 ♪ ♪ King of the beats, you ride to 'em ♪
♪ 弗利特伍德脚下跨 ♪ ♪ In your Fleet Fleetwood ♪
♪ 凯迪拉克威尔靠边停 ♪ ♪ Or Coupe de Ville rollin' on dubs ♪
♪ 就问你是不是感觉倍儿爽 ♪ ♪ How you feel? ♪
♪ 嚯呼嚯呼 老弟你说啥 ♪ ♪ Whoopty-whoop, nigga, what? ♪
♪ 又是全新一章 ♪ ♪ It's the next episode... ♪
天哪 应该不会更糟了 Jesus Christ. It's not that bad.
我觉得是因为尸体在上面 I think it's the body on top.
好的 很好 就这样 Okay, okay, okay, okay. Okay.
好的等下 有人知道如何开这个吗 Okay, wait, does anyone know how to actually drive this thing, or...
我可以开它 I could do it.
我从小到大一直开这个去学校 I, uh, I took one to school every day growing up,
所以我很有自信 so, I feel pretty confident.
-很好 -太棒了 - Great. - Perfect.
-你们好啊 -该死的 - Hello! - Oh, shit.
-你们好 -哦豁完蛋 - Hello! - Oh, my gosh. Shit!
邻居夫妇来了 快把他放下去 快点 The neighbors! Get him off. Get him off.
-好的我天 -天哪 我们该怎么办 - Okay, oh, my God. - Oh, my God, what do we do?
-不要啊 -好的 没事的 - No, no...no, no! - Okay. All right.
-见到你真高兴 -好的 - So happy to see you. - Okay, uh...
-不行 -姑娘们你们好啊 - Nope. - Hey, girls.
你们最好是要去裸泳 We hoped you were skinny-dipping.
不是的 No. No.
-没有 -好吧 - Nope. - Okay.
-哦呀哦呀 -我看到了什么 - My, my. - What do we have here?
我觉得他们只是想 Um, you know, I think they just wanted to
在异国他乡一起为爱鼓掌 make love in international waters.
-没错 -或许他们需要帮助 - Ah, yeah. - Maybe they need our help.
不用了 我觉得我们或许 Uh, no. I think we should probably
该给他们一点私密空间来办事 let them do their thing, you know?
所以我们就 So, let's just...
这让我想起了蜜月的时光 Well, this certainly gets me in the mood.
-布莱尔 -咋啦 - Hey, Blair. - Oh. Uh-huh?
-你需要棉条吗 -也许吧 - You need a tampon? - Um, maybe.
我们开了一瓶教皇新堡酒 We just opened a bottle of Chateauneuf Du Pape,
听着重新灌录的Fleetwood Mac and we're listening to some remastered Fleetwood Mac.
-听上去真不错 -是的 爽爆了 - Oh, that's so nice. - Oh! It is so good,
你可以从斯迪威的嗓音里听出一股可卡因味 you could hear the cocaine in Stevie's voice.
我确信我们会很欢迎你的加入 I bet. We'd love for you to join us.
-那真太好了 -不必感到压力 - Oh, that's so sweet. - Um, no pressure.
除非是非来不可的 Unless it's asked for.
好了啦 Okay.
我都有些精疲力尽了 I am fully exhausted.
-要累成狗了 -理解理解 - So tired, you know? - Oh, understood.
我们懂很多体位 We're fluent in body language.
我确信你们很懂 Oh, I bet you are.
-晚安 -晚安 - Goodnight. - Goodnight.
好了 All right.
我的天哪 Oh, God.
皮帕他们走了 Pippa. They're gone. Pippa. They're moving out.
-怎么回事 -皮帕 - What is going on there? - Pippa!
-皮帕 -什么 - Pippa! - What?
这就完了 Oh, my God. Wow.
好的 很好 Yeah. Okay.
-不好意思 -真行啊老兄 - Sorry. - Wow, dude.
-咱们来丢他吧 -好 把他扔到海里 - Let's dump him, yeah? - Yeah, let's dump him.
扔就完事了 Let's do the dump.
好的 还有西班牙语的唱片 Okay, Spanish language CDs.
要是杰西和一个西班牙人搞上了 Uh, if Jess hooked up with a Spanish speaker,
-你也可以跟他讲道理 -感谢 - you're gonna want to reason with him. - Gracias.
对了 我拿到了一种俄罗斯产三无药物 Oh, um, and I got this generic Russian Adderall.
我弟弟在网上买的 My little brother ordered it online.
这可以帮你集中精力 It will help you focus.
药性很猛但是期效短 所以 It's super strong, but it is expired, so...
-太感谢你了 -别客气 - Thank you so much. - Hey.
-老子爱你 -老兄我也爱你 - I love you. - I love you, too, dude.
-把她追回来 -谢谢 - Get her back. - Thanks.
你尿裤子了 You are peeing.
我好害怕 I'm so scared.
我总觉得我们该说点什么 I feel like we should say something.
是的 好主意 Yeah. Good idea.
我们很抱歉 We're really sorry.
你本来不会落得这个下场 You deserved better.
是的 Yeah.
我们用尽办法却无力回天 There's nothing we could do to bring you back, but...
我们保证会在余生中试着变得更好 We promise to spend the rest of our lives trying to be better people.
我们欠你的 We owe that to you.
上帝 我们真的很抱歉 God, we're so sorry.
真抱歉 So sorry.
太对不起了 老弟 So sorry, man.
我们就是个烂人 We suck.
好的 你现在可以把他扔了 Okay, you can dump him now!
遵命 船长 Aye, Captain!
什么都没发生过 对吗 This never happened. Right?
不 发生过 Nope. It... It happened.
对吗 Right?
-不我们不会再说这个了 -明白明白 - No, we're not gonna talk about it. - Oh, got it, got it.
好的 再见了您嘞 Okay, bye.
不应该更优雅一些吗 That could have been more delicate, huh?
她开得好快啊 She's going really fast.
我做到了 I did it!
-额滴神啊 她在干嘛 -她在干嘛 - Oh, my God, what the fuck is she doing? - What is she doing?
卧了个大槽 Holy shit!
天哪 你还好吗 Oh, my God! Are you okay?
我很好 好得不能再好 I'm good. I'm really good.
确定 因为你"咻"的一声以脖子着地 Are you sure？ 'cause you " wu" landed right on your neck.
是的我只是笔直冲出 然后以脖子着地 Yeah, I just did a sort of straight shot, landed on the neck...
对折一下 然后就回来了 ...snap, and we're back up.
那就好 怎么回事 It was good. What happened?
我以为你会驾驶那玩意呢 I thought you knew how to drive those things.
是的 我的确会 Yeah, no, I definitely do, but,
但我觉得这里的燃料和刹车和澳洲的不同 um, I think the gas and the brake are different in Australia,
所以我有点没搞懂 so I got confused.
-你是怎么活到现在的 -我也不知道啊 - How are you alive right now? - I don't know.
但是我会知道的 But I'll take it.
抛尸完毕 姐妹们都活者 Well, body dumped, girl's alive.
-然后呢 -我们该离开这鬼地方 - What's next? - We should get the fuck out of here.
-绝妙的主意 -我附议 - Great idea. - Yeah, I like that.
-走吧 -你真的没问题吗 - Let's do that. - You sure you're okay?
大家伙 Guys?
或许她应该拍个X光照片 She should probably get a CAT scan.
好的 Okay.
她很好 She's fine.
-还有披萨吃吗 -应该没了 - Is there any more pizza left? - I don't think so.
不 No!
天哪 老兄 我们可以再点的 Jesus, dude, we can order more.
不是这个 是那个 No, not that. That!
-什么 -那对性感夫妇 - What? - The sexy neighbors!
他们拍到了我们抛尸的全部过程 Oh... They have footage of us dumping the body.
我们是不是该去自首 We should just turn ourselves in, right?
-我们完了 -不 - We're fucked. - No.
我们已经搞定了尸体 现在去搞定录像带 We got rid of the body. We just have to get rid of the footage,
就这样 that's all.
-对吗 -没错 - Right? - Yes.
是的 好的 没错 Yep. Yep. Yeah, okay.
是的 那怎么办呢 Yes. Well, how?
不行 No.
绝对不行 Absolutely not.
谢谢你 Thank you. Oh.
你们的房子真 Your house is so, um...
-时髦 -谢谢你 - Funky. - Thank you.
你该看看我们的密室 You should see our panic room.
我是否能 May I?
这样子 天哪 你让我有些欲火焚身 It's happening. God, you make me red-hot.
你知道什么才是最刺激的吗 You know what would be really, really sexy?
请务必告诉我 Please tell me.
我们可以拍片 If we got this on tape.
你个坏女孩 Oh, you naughty girl.
实际上我注意到你们在外面也有摄像头 Actually, I noticed that you guys have these cameras outside
对我来说 and it's always been
被安全监控摄像头拍到是种奇妙的体验 a fantasy of mine to get caught on a security camera, so...
好的 好的 Oh, okay. Okay.
谢谢你 Thank you.
好的 Okay.
好的 Oh, okay. Yeah.
我们在这旁观真的没关系吗 Is it okay that we're watching this?
当然 我们是在看布莱尔 Yeah, we're watching for Blair.
为了她的安全着想 我们才要监视 You know, for her safety. We're monitoring.
老兄 布莱尔看上去真是棒极了 Man, Blair looks great.
是的 她超棒的 Yeah, she looks great.
准备好了吗 You ready?
是的 应该 好了 Yeah, think so. All right.
放轻松 Relax.
我抓着你呢 I've got you.
-妈呀 -这真的太 - Holy shit! - Oh, my...
有点意思 她上道了 Interesting. She's showing off.
-好爽 好爽 -带劲儿 - Yes! Yes! - Whoa.
给我看看 给我看看 Give me those. Give me those.
你好 我是杰西 有事请留言 Hey, it's Jess. Leave a message.
杰西 我是皮特 Jess, it's Peter.
你还好吗 How are you? Um...
请回电话好吗 天哪 Just calling again. Okay. Oh, man.
想想会是什么样的 What a story this'll be, huh?
如果我们结婚了 会有很多子子孙孙 For the grand kids. If we get married.
给个机会 请回电话 告诉我你很好 Um, do me a favor, call me back. Let me know you're okay.
我超爱你的 请回电话 拜拜 I love you so much. Please call me. Bye.
你好 我是杰西 有事请留言 Hey, it's Jess. Leave a message.
桔子杰西 Jess!
是的 Yes!
我很想要一个录像带的复印本 Um, I would love a copy of the tape, you know,
就像是等会再来一发啥的 for, like, jerking off later, whatever.
我也想再来 但是什么录像带 Me, too. What's the tape?
录像带 就是我们刚刚的色情录像带 The tape. The, uh... The naughty tape we just made.
你知道光盘或者 You know, the DVD or the...
那些摄像头拍的 You know, from the cameras.
那些都没有运行 Oh. Those don't work.
不好意思 你说什么 Excuse me, what?
是的 如她所说 没有运行 Yeah, they don't work, like she said.
但是我们都知道这无关紧要 But we know that's not what this was about.
是吧 全程都很美妙 Right? This was fantasy fulfillment.
-再来一次现场直播 -不好意思 - Creating a mise en scène. - I'm sorry. Why, um...
为什么会有人安装没用的安全摄像头 Why would someone have security cameras that don't work?
头三个月那些就没电了 They didn't charge us for the first three months.
后来我们也不想再为此付费 After that, we didn't want to pay for the service.
它们能吓住那些地痞流氓 You know, they keep out the riffraff.
你只能像意大利人一样打飞机了 You'll just have to jerk off as the Italians do.
全凭想象 To your memories. Mmm.
等一下 布莱尔 所以是没有录下来 Wait, so, Blair, so there's no footage?
没有 No.
哦 老天 所以我们没事了 Ah! Oh, my gosh. So we're in the clear!
那 那太好了 That is... That's great.
她全凭感觉 Yeah. She was so intuitive.
她进入了我 She was inside me.
然后又出来 And then she was outside me.
然后我们合二为一 And then she was me.
所以我们没事啦 So, we're good.
还没呢 我可能感染上了乳头瘤病毒 Almost, except I probably have HPV now.
管他呢 我们都有乳头瘤病毒 Whatever. We all have HPV.
我没有乳头瘤病毒 Oh, uh, I mean, I don't have HPV.
爱丽丝 据说如果你在1991年后做了爱 Alice, they say if you had sex after the year 1991,
你就有乳头瘤病毒 you have HPV.
那我肯定有乳头瘤病毒了 Then, I mean, I definitely have HPV then.
一堆又一堆 I have, like, clumps and clumps of it.
那很好 我们清理一下 Cool. Uh, let's clean up
然后离开这个地方吧 and get the hell out of here.
好的 Okay.
每周末的家务活 Every weekend Housework
好的 看起来真不错 Okay. Looks pretty good.
我们做得真好 We did good.
知道 Got it.
漂亮 击个掌 大家 真棒 Yes. Nice. High five, everyone. Lovely.
这个小孩不是我儿子 This child is not my son.
别啊别啊别啊 No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
该死 我裤子呢 Shit. My pants.
我没时间了 I don't have time for this.
晚上好 警官 Good evening, Officer.
我能为你做什么 How can I be of service to you?
-先生 你喝酒了 -完全没有 - Sir, you been drinking? - Absolutely not.
晚上早些时候确实品过酒 I did do a wine tasting earlier this evening,
都是意大利红酒 Italian reds mostly,
但没有真正喝 都是抿 but you don't really drink it, you mostly spit.
抿一小口 然后吐到桶里 You take sips and you spit into a bucket.
搞什 好的 先生 What the... All right, sir,
我要请你从车里出来 I'm gonna ask you to get out of the vehicle.
-别啊 -马上 - No. - Now!
-警官 -马上出来 - Officer. - Now!
双手举起 慢慢出来 Hands. Move slow.
警官 我能解释 Officer, I can explain.
她是女神 She's a 20!
好的 在我们走之前 Okay, before we go,
我们要做人体朋友蜈蚣 对吧 we got to do human friendtipede, yeah?
啥 爱丽丝 What? Alice.
没门 No way.
是的 Yes.
这是传统 It's tradition.
爱丽丝 快速问答 Alice, quick "Q."
什么是人体朋友蜈蚣 What is a human friendtipede?
就是我们像电影人体蜈蚣里一样拍张照片 It's a photo we always take that's like the movie Human Centipede.
他们是嘴和肛门缝在一起 Where they're sewn together, mouth to anus,
但我们是和朋友一起 but it's with friends,
所以很特别 so it's special.
算了吧 爱丽丝 Come on now, Alice.
我不知道 I don't know about that.
我觉得不太合适 I feel like not the appropriate...
大伙儿 如果我不发很多这周末的照片 Guys, if I don't post a ton of pictures from this weekend,
看起来就很可疑 it's gonna look suspicious.
像我们杀了人 Like we killed someone.
好吧 我真不相信我会这样说 Okay. I can't believe I'm saying this,
但我觉得我们应该做人体朋友蜈蚣 but I think we should do the human friendtipede.
太棒了 Yes!
但是我们不能拍到犯罪现场 But we cannot photograph the crime scene.
好的 我要站中间 Okay. I get the middle.
你为什么要站中间 Why do you want the middle?
好的 哦 我的天 很好 Okay. Oh, my God, amazoir.
说 朋友蜈蚣 Say "friendtipede."
朋友蜈蚣 Friendtipede!
真好看 Cute.
太好了 Yes!
让我们看一下 有点荒唐 Let's see it. It's ridiculous.
爱丽丝 停下来 你看起来很漂亮 Alice, stop. You look really pretty.
不会吧 No,
看吧 look!
天哪 不 别这样 不 Oh, my God. No! Come on! No!
糟糕 那是我们扔的那个人吗 Oh, shit! Damn it! Is that our guy?
你是在开玩笑吧 Are you kidding me?
哦 真糟 Oh, shit!
哦 天哪 哦 天哪 Oh, my God, oh, my God!
天哪 我以为你让他沉下去了 God, I thought you weighed him down.
我做了啊 我在他的口袋里放了石头 I did. I put rocks in his pockets.
我猜他的裤子掉了 I guess his pants fell off.
男人要穿腰带 Men need to wear belts.
是啊 我们谋杀了他 他竟敢不沉 Yeah. How dare they not sink when we murder them.
10 9 8 7 6 Z, y, x, w, v, u, t, s, r, q, p, o,
5 4 3 2 1 N, m, l, k, j, i, h, g, f, e, d, c, b, a.
好的 Okay.
你看到了吧 Did you see that?
你只需要走一条直线 You only had to walk a straight line.
我知道 我只是让我的身体自由发挥 I know. I just followed my body.
-你是跳舞的还是 -不是 - Are you a dancer or... - No.
我之前从来没这样做过 I've never done anything like that before in my life.
我还是要给你一张超速罚单 I still got to give you a speeding ticket.
请吧 那太好了 Please. That's great.
开慢点 Slow down.
-谢谢你 警官 -我差点开枪打你 - Thank you, Officer. - I almost shot you.
我知道 那有点疯狂 I know. That was nuts.
但还是别开枪打任何人 Also, don't shoot anybody.
我们不能在大白天处理他的尸体 大伙 We can't get rid of his body in broad daylight, you guys.
我们必须要想法 想啊 We have to think of something. Come on.
有什么主意 Ideas?
猕猴桃 你睡醒了吗 Kiwi! You up?
醒了 醒了 Yeah. Yeah.
我们需要每个人都想想 We need everyone's brain on this, so...
是的 是的 好的 Yeah. Yeah. Okay.
所以 我接下来要这样做 So, um, here's what I'm gonna do.
我要去沙滩 I'm gonna go to the beach
冥想一下 and do a bit of mindful meditation.
当我回来的时候 And, um, when I come back,
我就有天才的主意了 I'm gonna have a be-genius idea.
是吧 好的 Yeah? All right.
我们知道了 We got it.
我们永远无法处理掉他的尸体了 We're never gonna get rid of his body.
他会跟随我们一辈子的 He's gonna follow us around for the rest of our lives.
哦 天哪 哦 不 Oh, God. Oh, no.
警察 开门 Police!
糟糕 天哪 哦 天哪 Shit. Oh, my God. Oh, my God.
你认为是邻居报的警吗 Do you think the neighbors called them?
他们可能起疑心了 Maybe they got suspicious.
-哦 天哪 -警察 开门 快 - Oh, my God. - Police! Open up! Now!
女士们 这是我的地盘 Women, this is my world.
我来处理 有我在 I will handle this. I got you.
关灯 躲起来 Turn out the lights and hide.
哦 晚上好 警官 Oh, good evening, Officer.
靠边站 女士 Step aside, miss.
这是怎么回事啊 What's this all about?
把你的手放在我能看见的地方 Put your hands where I can see them.
警官 我在配合 你看 Officer, I am cooperating. You see? Hello.
把你的手放到墙上 Get your hands against the wall.
-我不 -把你的手放到墙上 - I am not... - Get your hands against the wall!
我现在是被动立场 I am taking a passive stance.
我的身体都没法站直 My body is limp for you!
岔开 Spread them.
你在干什么 别 What are you doing? No.
别 别 No! No!
-操 -天哪 - Fuck! - Jesus!
弗兰基 弗兰基 哦 我的天 Frankie! Frankie! Oh, my God.
我们现在有一个死人和一个昏迷的警察 Now we have a dead guy and an unconscious cop?
-你在搞什么 -你在开玩笑吧 - What is wrong with you? - Are you kidding me?
他明显是个强奸警察 他们就要这么做 He's obviously a rape cop. This is what they do!
当他们抓住你的把柄 他们就性骚扰你 When they have dirt on you, they sexually assault you,
知道你不会报案 knowing you won't report it.
丹尼尔·霍尔兹克劳 俄克拉荷马城 Daniel Holtzclaw, Oklahoma City?
谁 Who?
他性骚扰了八个女人 He sexually assaulted eight women.
像撞车里面的马特·迪伦 Like Matt Dillon in Crash.
天哪 太可怕了 噩梦一般 Oh, my God, that was horrendous. What a nightmare.
信息就是力量 大伙儿 Information is power, guys.
我是说真的 真的 I mean it. I mean it.
好的 冷静一下 你来自布伦特伍德[富人区] Okay, chill out. You're from Brentwood,
你爸爸曾经是约翰·梅尔的会计 and your dad used to be John Mayer's accountant.
好的 你不是你父亲的女儿 Okay. "You are not your father's daughters
而是你自己的母亲 but mothers unto your own."
等等 那是约翰·梅尔说的吗 Wait, is that John Mayer?
是马尔科姆·X说的 It's Malcolm X.
肯定是约翰·梅尔说的 Pretty sure it's John Mayer.
父亲 父亲 Fathers, fathers
好了 大伙儿 大伙儿 我们必须 Okay, you guys, you guys, we have to move this guy
在邻居回来找布莱尔之前把这家伙搬走 before the neighbors return to eat Blair out again.
我没意见 I'd be fine with that.
好的 操 All right. Fuck.
准备 1 2 3 All right, one, two, three.
弗兰基 你叫了几个脱衣舞郎 Frankie, how many strippers did you order?
就叫了一个 Just the one.
那这个家伙是谁 Then who's this guy?
-让我快速看下他的大屌 -好主意 - Let me see his dick real quick. - Good call.
等等 什么 Wait, what?
我叫的脱衣舞郎有张屌的照片 The stripper I ordered had a dick pic
在他的广告里 没有脸 in his ad. No face.
但我能通过他的弟弟辨认他 But I can ID him by his member.
厉害 好的 Cool. Okay.
我不太确定 I'm not sure.
他的广告里是勃起的 He had a boner in his ad.
现在是软的 This one's soft.
我能让他硬起来 来吧 我的脚丫丫 I can get it hard. Let's go, feet.
什么 别别别 What? No. No, no, no, no.
停下 不 等等 请停下 Stop. No, wait. Stop, please.
好吧 是的 这是我叫的脱衣舞郎 Okay, yes. This is the stripper I ordered.
这是有身体的斯科蒂 This is Scotty with the Body.
那么我们杀了谁 Then who did we kill?
-你好 -这是北方银行 - Hello? - This is Banknorth.
我们检测到你账户的异常活动 We have detected unusual activity on your account.
如果你尝试在圣露西港的 If you have attempted a purchase at
快速加油站购物 请按1 Quickie Stop in Port St. Lucie, please press one.
谢谢你按了2 Thank you for pressing two.
你的卡由于不正常活动已被锁定 Your card has been suspended due to unusual activity.
不 不 No. No.
哦 不 不 不 不 不 Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
-这怎样 -恩 很好 - How's that? - Yeah, that's good.
如果你是在找我们的手机 If you're looking for our cell phones,
我锁在这个抽屉里 I locked them in this drawer
而且我是不会打开的 知道吗 and I'm not gonna open it, okay?
请至少让我给皮特发条信息 我感觉 Please let me at least text Peter. I feel like he's totally freaking
他现在已经完全吓坏了 out right now.
在所有事都解决之前是不行的 Not until everything is sorted out.
这是我们的计划 We made a plan.
爱丽丝 Um, Alice.
还好吗 哥们 What's up, dude?
-什么 -你在干什么 - What? - What are you doing?
我只是在检查没什么损坏吧 Oh, I'm just making sure nothing's broken.
我觉得他很好 I think he's fine.
是的 他是真的很不错 Yeah, he's really fine.
我的天哪 Jesus. Oh, my God.
你得多自慰了 你看起来 太饥渴了 You need to masturbate more. You're, like, severely horny.
我知道 I know.
我只是不想在我的鸡尾鹦鹉面前自慰 I just don't like to do it in front of my cockatiel.
她非常聪明 She's very smart.
你为什么不把她放在笼子里 Why don't you put her in a cage?
她在笼子里 She is in a cage.
我声音很大 我喜欢呻吟 But I'm loud. I'm a screamer.
-我想起来了 -我忘了那碴了 - I remember. - Oh, yeah, I forgot about that.
而且我叫起来有点像她的声音 And it kind of sounds like her.
所以她以为我在跟她说话 So she thinks I'm talking to her.
然后我说 不 我在自慰呢 I'm like, "No, I'm just fucking touching myself."
然后告诉它 滚蛋 Like, "Back off."
好的 那回到这个事关人生的紧急事件 Cool, so back to our life-changing emergency?
好的 脱衣舞郎在这里 他还活着 Okay, the stripper's here, he's alive.
-很好 对吧 -是啊 - That's good. Right? - Yeah.
壁橱里还是有一个死人 所以 There is still a dead guy in the closet, so...
-那家伙是谁 -我们要是有一辆车 - Who is that guy? - We could get rid of him
就可以摆脱掉他了 知道吗 if we just had a car, you know?
天哪 这家伙是怎么到这里的 Oh, my God. How did this guy get here?
完美 Oh, yeah.
会成功的 Gotta work.
-感谢上帝 -能成吗 - Thank God! - Will it?
好的 我们要开车去鳄鱼沼泽 All right, we're gonna drive to the alligator bog,
把尸体抛了 dump the body.
然后归还这小破车 We're gonna return the Smart car,
叫醒穿丁字裤的那家伙 wake up the G-string guy,
告诉他他的头被撞得很厉害 tell him he hit his head really hard.
-布莱尔会给他很多现金 -等等 什么 - Blair's gonna give him a ton of cash. - Wait, what?
然后我们就可以自由回家了 And then we're home free.
我喜欢 是的 I love it. Yeah.
鳄鱼沼泽 Alligator bog.
您将在45分钟内到达目的地 You will arrive at your destination in 45 minutes.
是啊 Yeah.
需要我 需要我帮忙吗 Can I do your... Do you mind if I do your thing?
不要乱扔垃圾 Don't litter.
不错 All right.
非常感谢 兄弟 Hey, thanks a lot, man.
-给你的 -非常感谢 - For you. - Thank you so much.
话说 我有冰毒 So, I got meth.
你要吗 40美元 You looking? 40 bucks.
不 非常感谢 我只需要汽油钱 No, thank you so much. I just need gas money.
听着 你想给我口一下赚15美元吗 Hey, listen, do you want to suck my dick for 15 bucks?
-不 -好吧 - No. - Okay.
谢谢你 Thank you.
祝你好运 兄弟 Good luck, man.
谢谢 伙计 Thanks, man.
您将在25分钟后到达 You will arrive in 25 minutes.
这太不舒服了 This is so uncomfortable.
我是说 这东西能开快点吗 I mean, does this thing go any faster?
等等 不不不不不不不 Wait! No, no, no, no, no, no, no!
所以确实能开快点 So it does go faster?
你好 先生 我能 Hi, sir. May I...
他妈的离我的车远点 Whoa! Get the fuck away from my car.
好的 对不起 对不起 Okay. Sorry, sorry, sorry.
天哪 God.
让我帮你口一下 很快的 Let me suck your dick real fast.
什么 What?
-拜托 -不 这地方怎么回事 - Please? - No. What is with this place?
好吧 听着 Okay, listen...
你有冰毒吗 Do you have any meth?
我可以卖给你冰毒 是的 I could sell you meth, yeah.
-80美元 -80美元 - 80 bucks. - 80, uh, dollars...
给你 There you go.
兄弟 Hey, man.
我想买些冰毒 Um, I want to buy some meth.
但唯一的问题是 Only thing is, though,
你得做点小动作 让我知道你不是警察 you got to do a little bump, though, so I know that you're not a cop.
算了吧 伙计 拜托 我不是警察 No, man. Please. I'm not a cop.
你要不要冰毒 You want the meth or not?
好吧 Okay.
来吧 Here we go.
-一个给熊爸爸 -好烧 好了 And one for Papa Bear. It burns. All right.
40美元 不是警察 来吧 40 bucks. Not a cop. Come on.
-好了 -棒 - Yes. Great.
-谢谢您 -不客气 - Thank you. - You're welcome.
所以 还是不给口一个 或者 So, uh, still a no-go on the BJ, or...
不了 我不用了 谢谢 No, I'm good. Thanks.
没关系 That's fine.
事实上 Actually,
我想给你介绍一个人 there's somebody I want to introduce you to.
-就这样 -很高兴见到你 - Right on! - Very nice to meet you.
-很高兴见到你 -这太完美了 - Good to meet you, too. - This is so perfect.
可以了 走吧 拜托 走吧 Yeah, go. Please, go.
好的 好的 Okay. Okay.
你必须得这么做 兄弟 那是真爱 You got to do it, man. That's true love.
伙计们 我睡着了 Guys, I fell asleep.
我睡着了 I fell asleep.
我做了个噩梦 梦见我们杀了一个人 I had this nightmare where we had all killed a guy.
-这是现实 -不 我们杀了人 - That is a reality. - No, we killed somebody.
什么 不 What? No!
天哪 时差反应太疯狂了 各位 Oh, my God! Jet lag is insane, you guys.
这不是玩笑 It's no joke!
别开玩笑 No joke!
该死的 Damn it!
你有没有想出一个天才的主意 Did you happen to come up with a be-genius idea out there?
是的 事实上我想到了 Yeah, I did, actually.
在我梦中 我记得在澳大利亚有一个人 In my dream, I remembered that there was this guy in Australia
煮了女朋友然后吃了她 who cooked his girlfriend and ate her.
-猕猴桃 -我不行 因为我是素食主义者 - Kiwi. - I can't 'cause I am vegan.
天哪 我太累了 Oh, God, I'm so tired.
我们应该自首 我们有罪 We should turn ourselves in. We're guilty.
不 我们是无辜的 No, we are innocent,
因为这是个意外 各位 because this was an accident, you guys.
别再说了 Stop saying that.
也许如果你没那么致命地饥渴 Maybe if you hadn't been lethally horny,
我们就不会陷入这样的困境 we wouldn't be in this mess.
我上头了还不是因为你给我们买了毒品 I was coked up because you bought us drugs.
我没有强迫你吸毒 爱丽丝 I didn't force you to do the drugs, Alice.
你知道吗 没人说布莱尔怎么 And you know what, nobody's talking about how it was
一开始就找了一个脱衣舞男 Blair's idea to get a stripper in the first place.
是的 但肯定不是你的锅 对吧 Yeah, but you're never to blame, right?
快看我 我是弗兰基 "Look at me, I'm Frankie.
我住在一个储藏室里 I live in a storage unit.
-我在拯救世界 -你知道吗 "I'm saving the world." You know what?
你表现得好像 只要不做像你一样 You act like everybody's so stupid
冷酷无情的混蛋就是个蠢货 for not being a merciless asshole like you.
我是混蛋 I'm the asshole?
我是说 你们两个都是混蛋 I mean, you're both kind of assholes.
-不要掺合 -我认真地 - Stay out of this. - Seriously.
也许你是个混蛋 爱丽丝 Maybe you're the asshole, Alice.
该死 Oh, shit.
你说啥 婊子 Excuse me, bitch?
我他妈是甜心 I'm a fucking sweetheart.
那你为什么坚持叫我猕猴桃 Well, then why do you insist on calling me Kiwi
即使我告诉过你 这是不尊重我的文化 even though I told you it was culturally insensitive?
为什么你觉得有必要 And why did you feel the need to
在到这里来的出租车上 reach over and try to undo my seat belt
伸手去解开我的安全带 in the taxicab on the way here?
-天啊 -是啊 - Jesus Christ. - Yeah.
那是美国套路 That's an American bit.
我们这样只是开个玩笑 好吗 We do it as a joke. Okay?
我们都这么做 对吗 We all do it. Right?
快点 说出来 Come on, say it.
-爱丽丝 -天哪 请停下来 - Alice! - Oh, my God, stop it, please.
已经够糟了 你们还吵 It's bad enough without you two going at it.
我还以为你的婚前派对够噩梦了 And I thought your bridal shower was a nightmare.
你在说什么 她没开婚前派对 What are you talking about? She didn't have a bridal shower.
不 她没有 No, she didn't.
你有开婚前派对吗 You had a bridal shower?
其实 我是说 Well, not really. I mean...
都是工作上的朋友 没什么大不了的 It was, like, work friends. It wasn't a big deal.
但布莱尔去了 But Blair went?
那甚至都不是开幕酒会 It wasn't even open bar.
开幕酒会：酒水已付的开放式聚会
怎么了 不是的 What? It wasn't.
你怎么能不邀请我 How could you not invite me?
爱丽丝 求你了 拜托 我们能不谈它吗 Alice, please. Please, can we drop it?
拜托 我告诉你 Please. I'm telling you,
只是 是给皮特家人办的 it was just... It was for Peter's family.
-没什么大不了的 伙计 -彼得 - It wasn't a big deal, man. - Oh, Peter.
他真烦人 He is so annoying.
我知道他为什么不喜欢我 And I know why he doesn't like me.
因为他非常嫉妒 'Cause he's, like, so freaking jealous.
彼得不嫉妒你 Peter is not jealous of you.
那么 你为什么不邀请 Well, then, why would you not invite
你最好的朋友参加你的婚前派对呢 your best friend to your bridal shower?
天哪 你真的想知道为什么吗 Oh, my God, you really want to know why?
对 我愿意 Yes! I do!
因为我知道如果我邀请你 Because I knew that if I invited you,
你不会让我和别人说话的 you wouldn't let me talk to anybody else.
这就是为什么 That's why.
好吗 你独占了我的时间 Okay? You monopolize my time
然后你让我因为没陪你而感到内疚 and then you make me feel guilty about not spending time with you.
我进退俩难 How can I win?
你在开玩笑吧 Are you kidding me?
我不会独占你的时间 杰西 I do not monopolize your time, Jess!
我只是尽量充分利用它 I just try to make the most of it,
因为你都不主动见我了 'cause you don't even make an effort to see me anymore.
-那不是真的 -这是真的 - That's not true! - It is true.
是的 It is.
对不起 你一直在工作 I'm sorry, but you are always at work,
或者在和皮特做计划 or you're making plans with Peter.
或者和其他人一起视屏聊天 Or you're Skyping with other people.
我学不来你那愚蠢的口音 I can't do your stupid fucking accent.
-是的 你不能 -是的 是的 - No, you can't. - Yes, yes.
我们已经不在大学了 We're not in college anymore,
事物都会改变 and things do change.
唯一改变的是你 The only thing that's changed is you.
你被你完美的新生活 You've become obsessed with your perfect
和你的竞选迷住了 new life and your campaign
你抛弃了我 and you ditched me.
很抱歉 我不想谈 Oh, I am sorry that I don't want to talk about
10年前我们在酒吧喝醉的时候 the time that we got drunk at O'Flaherty's 10 years ago!
你知道吗 Well, you know what?
我想我就不该为你安排这么好的周末 I guess I never should have planned such a nice weekend for you.
你知道吗 你 You know, you...
天哪 你太忘恩负义了 God, you are so ungrateful.
-你刚才说我忘恩负义 -对 - Did you just say I was ungrateful? - Yes!
你是个忘恩负义的人 You're an ungrateful person.
你没有为我计划这个周末 You didn't plan this weekend for me.
你为你自己计划了这个周末 You planned this weekend for yourself,
这样你就可以传一堆照片了 so that you could post a bunch of photos
让你的生活看起来没那么可悲 and not make your life seem so sad!
对不起 杰西 Wow I'm sorry Jess.
我不会 I'll leave you...
从现在起我不会打扰你了 I'll leave you alone from now on.
爱丽丝 Alice.
杰西 那真是太严厉了 Jess, that was really harsh.
天哪 我不能 Oh, my God, I can't.
我不能变得内疚 拜托 I can't with the guilt. Please.
我不能再忍受这些了 I can't with any of this anymore.
杰西 别这样 伙计 Jess, come on, dude.
不 我们整晚的所作所为 No. All we have done all night
就是让情况更糟 好吗 is make this situation worse, okay?
我们要去自首 这就是结局 We are turning ourselves in and that's the end.
现在 我要上楼 Now, I'm going upstairs
去把我脸上的这些东西擦掉 to wipe this shit off my face,
我至少可以在犯罪照片上看起来很可爱 so I can at least look cute for my mug shot.
自助蜜蜡除毛并不奇怪 And self-waxing is not weird.
我不能理解你脱体毛 丢人 I don't appreciate your body-hair-removal shaming.
你真丢脸 和你 Shame on you! And you!
你很好 You've been fine.
你听到了吗 那是什么 Did you hear that? What is that?
那是什么 哪儿的声音 What is that? Where is it?
哪里发出来的 Where's it coming from?
-不是这些枕头 -操 不 - Not these pillows. - Aw, fuck. No.
操 是他的电话 Fuck, it's his phone.
正在执行手机追踪
-有人在找这个人 -天哪 - Someone is looking for this guy. - Oh, my God.
- 关掉它 - 我在关 - Turn it off. - I'm trying!
- 发生什么事 -停下来 天哪 - What's going on? - Stop! Oh, my God.
有人在追踪脱衣舞男的手机 Someone is trying to track the stripper's phone
看起来他们 and it looks like they're...
到这里了 Here.
-你好 -迈阿密警察局 - Hello? - Miami PD.
你见过这个人吗 Have you seen this man?
该死 Oh, shit.
我们追踪他的电话到这所房子 We tracked his phone to this house.
我们知道他在里面 We know he's in there.
结束了 It's over.
完蛋了 The jig is up.
他死了 He's dead.
你们真幸运 You ladies are lucky.
这个人很危险 This man is very dangerous.
这家伙抢了家珠宝店 杀了一名保安 This guy robbed a jewelry store and killed a security guard.
-有很多人在找他 -天哪 什么 - Lot of people looking for him. - Oh, my God. What?
是的 他在逃亡中 Mmm-hmm. Yeah. He was on the run.
可能是想来这躲一阵子 Probably came here looking for cover.
长官 我很抱歉 Sir, I'm... I'm sorry.
我是外国人 不太清楚本地的法律 Um, foreigner here. Just sort of want to be clear on the local law.
那么我们是不是 So, are we
不怎么需要负法律责任了吧 sort of, like, no longer in trouble?
看起来像是正当防卫 对吧 Sounds like self-defense to me, right?
是啊 检察院也不想 Oh, yeah, no, D.A.'s not gonna want to
对这种案子提起诉讼 你们没事了 press any charges on something like this. You're good.
-我的天哪 -你在开玩笑吧 - Oh, my God. - No, you're kidding.
-我的天啊 -你没在耍我吧 - Oh, my God! - Are you shitting me?
我的天啊 Oh, my God!
天啊 我的天啊 Oh, my God! Oh, my God!
我们是英雄 我们是美国英雄 We're heroes! We're heroes. We're American heroes.
-感谢苍天大地 -老天啊 - Thank you, universe. - Jesus!
我们杀了一个人 而且是正当的 We killed a guy! And it was right!
我们杀他是正当的 We were right to kill him!
太他妈好了 Fuck, yeah!
杰西 Jess.
嘿 杰西 我们不会坐牢了 Hey, Jess. We're not going to jail.
我可能还会因为别的事坐牢 I still might be, for unrelated things,
但你不用 你平安无事了 but you're not, you're safe.
杰西 Jess?
你应该看看我们一开始的样子 You should've seen us at the beginning.
我们就像在演喧嚣之城一样 We were like Squabble City.
我们不喜欢对方 We didn't like each other.
现在我都赶不走她了 我也不想赶走她 Now I can't get her away from me. And I don't want to.
他有没有提到过钻石 Did he happen to mention the diamonds?
没有吧 如果他提过的话我会记得的 Um, no, I think I would have remembered that.
他也没说几句话 He didn't say much of anything.
女士们 这是 Ladies, it's...
你们一定要尽量回忆起所有细节 It's really important that you try to remember any details.
他就是个普通男人 He was cis male.
像是那种平常喜欢自己洗车的人 Looked like he could, like, wash his car as a hobby activity.
珠宝店抢劫案 在逃嫌疑犯
-好吧 -他还有个纹身 - Okay. - Oh, and he did have
就像深V一样 this, like, deep "V."
有点像两条大蛇指向他的鸡鸡 Sort of like two large snakes pointing down to a penis.
这房子这么大 This is a big house.
他有没有可能在哪里藏了东西 Any place he might've been able to stash something?
我们打扫了整个房子 Well, we did clean the entire house
也没发现他的外套或者手机 and never came across his coat or phone,
所以有你说的这个可能 so it's definitely a possibility.
卫生棉条 Tampon!
-什么 -布莱尔 - What? - Blair.
-什么啊 -我需要一根卫生棉条 -What? - I need a tampon.
你不是用的是戴维的杯子吗 I thought you use David cups.
-是啊 -不 从来不用 去你的 - Yeah. - No, never. Fuck off.
我只用卫生棉条 最好的卫生棉条 Only tampons, the best of tampons!
你拿走了我们的卫生棉条 You took them from us.
-什么 -然后锁在了那里 - What? - And locked them in there,
-钥匙在你那里 -你在说什么啊 - and you have the key. - What are you talking about?
我没有把卫生棉条锁起来 锁起来的是 I didn't lock away our tampons. I locked away our...
我们想法一致了吗 布莱尔 Are we on the same page, Blair?
是的 Yes.
女士 你要去给你朋友拿根卫生棉条吗 Lady, you want to get your friend a tampon or whatever?
好吧 一根卫生棉条马上就来 Okay. One tampon coming up.
好的 Okay...
马上回来 Just be right back with that.
反正我没来例假 Well, I'm not on my period.
知道了 谢谢 It's good to know. Thanks.
钥匙 Key.
该死 该死 Shit. Shit.
安静 安静 安静 Quiet, be quiet, be quiet.
我只是要拿我的手机 好吗 I just need to get my phone, okay?
-那是他妈什么声音 -那是谁 - What the fuck is that? - Who's that?
没什么 我也不知道 Nothing. It's... I don't know.
那他妈是怎么回事 What the fuck was that?
有个男的 这是另一回事了 This guy, it's another thing.
-这还有其他人吗 -真正的脱衣舞男 - There's more people here? - The real stripper.
是的 那个才是真正的脱衣舞男 Yeah. That's the real stripper in there. The actual guy...
-我只是要拿手机 -退后 退后 - I just need to get to my phone. - Get back! Get back!
我不会帮你们运毒的 I will not be your drug mule!
什么 安静 停下来 What? Shh! Stop. Stop. Stop.
-你最好退后 -停下来 安静点 - You better get back. Yeah. - Stop. Shh!
插播突发新闻和一些最新消息 Breaking news and some updated information for everybody.
这些抢劫犯持有武器 他们很危险 These assailants are armed and they're dangerous.
电视上那个没什么 那是 No, it's nothing, that's...
所以如果你们在家的话 So if you're inside your home,
请一定要关好你们的门窗 make sure your windows and your doors are locked.
-金发女 给老子滚过来 -不不不 - Hey, Blondie! Come here! - No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
-原来是卫生棉条啊 -是啊 - Oh, the tampon. - Yeah, I know.
我刚才就是 我是在打暗语 That's what I was... I was using the code.
-我只想拿到我的房产证 -闭嘴 - I just want to get my real estate license! - Shut up！
别动 Freeze!
闭上你们的嘴 不许动 Shut the fuck up! Don't move!
这他妈是怎么一回事 What the hell's going on here?
来吧 我们走 走吧 猛男 Come on. Let's go, move it. Let's go, tough guy.
美国真的是人人都持枪啊 Everyone in America really does have a gun!
快走 你也是 动起来 Let's go! Come on. You, too. Move it.
-我的天哪 -欢乐时光结束了 -Oh, my God. Playtime's over.
我们现在就要那些该死的钻石 We want those fucking diamonds now.
听着 我知道你不满意百分之一的分成 Look, I know you're mad at the 1%.
-我也不满意 -什么 闭嘴 -I am, too. - What? Shut up!
-把他们绑起来 -乖乖配合点 - Tie them up now. - Let's go!
杰西 Jess,
在我小的时候 我没什么朋友 when I was growing up, I didn't really have many friends.
当我去上大学的时候 我妈妈很担心我 And when I left for college, my mom was worried about me.
我也很担心 And so was I.
但后来我们认识了 But then we met,
然后在我们出去玩的第一个晚上 and the first night we went out,
你向别人介绍说我是你的朋友 you didn't introduce me to people as your roommate,
而不只是你的室友 you introduced me as your friend.
我就知道一切都会好起来的 And I knew everything was gonna be okay.
那个暑假我回到家 When I went home that summer
给妈妈看了我们在一起的照片 and I showed my mom the photos of us hanging out,
她特别开心 she was so happy.
她不是每次都能认出我来 She doesn't always recognize me anymore,
但是每当我给她看看这些老照片的时候 but when I show her those old photos,
她就说 那是我女儿和她所有的朋友们 she says to me, "That's my daughter with all her friends."
她记忆中的我就是那样的 That's how she remembers me.
多亏了你 Thanks to you.
我等不及要给她看这个周末拍的照片了 I can't wait to show her all the photos from this weekend.
你陪我度过了那些年 You were there for me,
现在我会永远在这陪着你 and I will always be here for you.
爱你的 爱丽丝 Love, Alice.
另外 信里面有些地方湿了 P. S. There are some wet wipes in here,
因为我点了个冰淇淋蛋糕 because I ordered an ice cream cake
我知道你对乳品消化不好 and I know you have issues with dairy.
给你的灿烂笑脸 Smiliest face.
过来 快点 过来 Come here. Let's go. Come here.
她们在分类广告上找到的我 They found me on Craigslist.
我跟她们都不是一块儿的 I'm not even with them!
真是见鬼了 God damn it.
该死 Oh, shit.
杰出卖了我们 Jay double-crossed us,
他拿着我们的钻石跑了 and he took off with our score.
现在 告诉我 So, tell me,
他把它们藏哪儿了 where'd he put it?
我跟你说过 我们不知道 I told you, we don't know.
先生 如果你让我们走 Sir, I could wire you $50,000 right now
我可以马上给你汇5万美元 好吗 if you just let us go, okay?
5万什么 Whoa, whoa, whoa. 50, 000 what?
这房子里有价值200多万美元的钻石 There's over $2 million worth of diamonds in this house,
我会找到它们的 and I am going to find them.
谁敢乱动你就开枪 You shoot anyone who moves.
-我的天哪 -求你了 - Oh, my God. - Please.
操 Fuck!
他妈的 操 Damn it! Fuck!
别出声 否则我就杀了你 Don't make a fucking sound or I will kill you.
什么 What?
把你自己铐在水槽上 Handcuff yourself to the sink.
-去你妈的 -现在就动手 - Fuck you. - Now.
好吧 好吧 Okay. Okay.
你他妈要干嘛 What the fuck?
不 No...
你什么都不知道是吗 You don't know anything, huh?
听起来就像在胡说八道 Well, that smells like bullshit.
老兄 动作快点 Hurry up, man!
你当我是傻子吗 Do I look stupid to you?
你以为我会相信你是不小心杀了杰吗 You expect me to believe that you killed Jay by accident?
那真是好巧不巧 That's a bad accident.
真他妈的巧了 It's a big fucking accident.
我快要失去耐心了 I am about to lose my fucking shit.
你们杀了杰 还想说服我 Jay's dead, and you expect me to believe
你们什么都不知道吗 that you guys don't know anything? Hmm?
换个办法 你会看着彼此死去 New plan. You're gonna watch each other die,
直到你们中的一个人开口 until one of you opens your fucking mouth!
-先从你开始 -不 - And I'm gonna start with you. - No!
天哪 我爱你 弗兰基 Oh, God. I love you, Frankie.
我也爱你 I love you, too.
杰西 杰西 Jess! Jess!
好样的 Yes!
-别打她那漂亮的脸蛋 -加把劲杰西 - Not her beautiful face! - Come on, Jess!
-你个死变态 -喂拜托 - You perv! - Come on.
不 嘿 嘿 No, hey, hey, hey!
大家伙 那把枪 You guys! The gun!
摇一摇 摆一摆 摇一摇 摆一摆 Shimmy. Shimmy, shimmy, shimmy, shimmy.
好了 好了 Okay. Okay.
-就在那里 -对 - Right there. - Okay. Yeah.
一 二 One. Two.
-三 -好了 - Three! - Okay.
天啊 蹲下来 Oh, God. Squat.
-天哪 天哪 -你拿到了吗 - Oh, God. Oh, God. - Do you have it?
拿到了 Yes.
让我对着他的方向 Point me in his direction.
我没法开枪 你的腿挡住枪口了 I don't have a shot! Your leg is in the way!
-不 不 求你了 -起来 - No, no. Please. - Up!
不 求你了 No, please.
我打中了一个人 I shot a guy!
-太好了 -我又杀了个人 - Yes! - I killed another person.
你他妈的 You fucking...
好样的 Yes!
天哪 你们大家真是 Oh, my God, you guys!
你做的太棒了 That was awesome.
爱丽丝 我很抱歉 Alice, I'm so sorry.
不 该道歉的是我 No, I'm sorry.
不 我说了一些违心的话 No. I said things that I didn't mean.
我觉得可能是因为杀人的压力 I think it was just the stress of killing somebody
还有尝试抛尸那事 and then trying to dispose of his body.
-等等 什么 -没错 - Wait, what? - Totally.
-那是件很困难的事 -而且你说对了 - That's a hard thing. - Yeah, you're right.
我确实变了 I have changed.
我以为我在改善人们的生活 I thought that I was making people's lives better,
但我忘了那些让我的生活变得更好的人 but I forgot about the people that make my life better,
那就是你们大家 and that's you guys.
我爱你 我很抱歉 And I love you, and I'm sorry. We love you, too.
我们也爱你 We love you too.
-我们爱你 杰西 -我也很抱歉 - We love you, Jess! - I'm sorry, too.
你知道吗 我很了解我自己 And you know what? I know that I'm a lot.
你是对的 我需要停止生活在过去 And you were right, I need to stop living in the past
-找个爱好 -至少这会有帮助 and get a hobby, you know? Well, it could help, right?
下次我们见面时 可以创造新的记忆 Next time we see each other, we can make new memories
而不只是谈论旧的 instead of just talking about the old ones.
这些领带嘞的开始疼了啊 Um, these zip ties are really starting to hurt.
我对皮特很抱歉 好吗 And I'm sorry about Peter, okay?
他不烂 你应该和他结婚 He does not suck. You should totally marry him.
-我会的 -很好 你应该 - Well, I will. - Good. You should.
我是说 我还做了一个有关他的春梦 I mean, I had a sex dream about him,
我甚至都没有告诉你 and I didn't even tell you.
不 你说了 No, you actually did tell me.
你告诉了所有人 You told everybody.
你还建了一个群 You started a group text.
故事从他给我梳头开始 It started with him brushing my hair...
你知道吗 我要把你们都解开 You know what? I'm gonna untie you guys now.
-真好 -是啊 好的 很好 Awesome. Yeah. Okay, great.
-把枪给我 -那是个早上 - Here, give me the gun. - It was morning...
放下枪 Drop the gun!
放下它 该死 Drop it. Damn it.
钥匙就粘在手铐上 你个白痴 The keys were taped to the handcuffs, you fucking idiot.
你们都死定了 你们所有人 You're all dead. All of you.
-不 -不 杰西 - No. - No, Jess.
认真的吗 随便了 Oh, really? Come on. Whatever.
什么 什么 什么 What? What? What?
什么 What?
天哪 那是皮特吗 Oh, my God! Is that Peter?
天哪 是他 Oh, my God. Is he...
-皮特 -伙计们 后面发生了什么 - Peter! - You guys, what's happening back there?
我看不见 I can't see.
皮特 皮特 Peter? Peter.
皮特 Peter.
-杰西 -你没事吧 - Jess. - Are you okay?
你不喜欢我的老二吗 Do you not like my dick?
什么 What?
当它变硬的时候 会变得很奇怪吗 Does it bend weird when it gets hard, or, like...
我不知道 是不是 I don't know, is it...
什么 不 我很喜欢 What? No, I love it.
你还想结婚吗 So, you still want to get married?
比以往任何时候都想 我爱你 Yes. More than ever I want to get married. I love you.
我酸了 I want that.
皮特 Peter...
我们结婚吧 我们这个周末就结吧 Let's just get married. Let's get married this weekend.
那竞选呢 你不是想等到 Well, what about the campaign? Didn't you want to wait
选举结束吗 till after the election, and...
我不想等了 我爱的每个人都在这里 I don't want to wait. Everyone I love is right here.
这才是最重要的 That's all that matters.
你父母呢 What about your parents?
我父母不会在乎的 他们是私奔的 Oh, my parents aren't gonna care. They eloped.
不过我妈妈确实说要尽快定下这门婚事 I mean, my mom did say to lock that down as soon as possible.
-是吗 -她喜欢你 - She did? - She loves you.
-我爱你 我们结婚吧 -我们结婚吧 - I love you. Let's do it. - Let's do it.
太好了 Yes!
我想到一个完美的地方 Oh, I have the perfect place.
你 杰西卡 Do you, Jessica,
愿意接受皮特为你的丈夫吗 take Peter to be your husband?
我愿意 I do.
皮特 你愿意娶杰西卡为妻吗 And do you, Peter, take Jessica to be your wife?
当然愿意 I definitely do.
现在 以getordainednow.net Now, by the power vested in me
赋予我的权力 by GetOrdainedNow.Net,
我宣布你们为夫妻 I pronounce you husband and wife.
你可以吻新郎了 You may kiss the groom.
很高兴我没有把泡沫派对的通行证给卖了 So glad I didn't sell our passes to the foam party.
-是啊 -是吧 - Yeah! - Right?
你们没麻烦吗 So, you guys are just not in trouble?
不 我们完全自由了 No, we're, like, completely free.
我们犯下了在佛罗里达州所谓的 We've committed what in Florida is
正义谋杀罪 known as a "good murder."
这是迈阿密警察局的亲口所述 That's a direct quote from the Miami PD.
所以 我们不仅不必坐牢 So, not only do we not have to go to jail,
而且还得到了一张 but we got a sick coupon
罗曼诺通心粉烧烤的优惠券 to Romano's Macaroni Grill.
-你想跳舞吗 皮帕 -好啊 - Do you want to dance, Pippa? - Yeah, okay.
但叫我猕猴桃 好吗 But call me Kiwi, okay?
我所有最好的朋友都这么叫 All my best friends do.
-嘿 -你好 - Hey. - Hi.
我能给你拿杯饮料吗 Can I get you a drink?
不了 No.
因为我在和别人约会 所以 'Cause I'm on a date with someone else, so...
-嘿 -真火辣 - Hey. - Hot.
你是个帅哥 酷 You're a hot guy. Cool.
给 Here you go.
天哪 Oh, my God.
有人告诉过你你的脚有多漂亮吗 Has anyone ever told you how beautiful your feet are?
从来没有 No one's ever said that to me before.
你应该被告知无数次 You should've been told that a million times.
你想 Do you want to...
-为爱鼓掌吗 -鼓掌 - Fuck? - Fuck?
继续走 我们是拉 Keep it moving. We're a thing.
爱情胜利 Love wins.
你刚才说什么 What'd you just say?
我不知道 我是说 I don't know. I mean,
谁知道我们能不能成呢 who knows if it will work out?
而且我不知道你要怎么去纽约 And I don't know how you're gonna get to New York.
我猜搭便车吧 I guess hitchhike,
但是 but...
我已经打包好了 所以 I already have my bags packed, actually, so...
只不过总是我四处奔波 Well, just 'cause I'm between places...
闭嘴 Shut up.
可以 是啊 Okay. Yeah.
宝贝 找你的 Babe. It's for you.
-你好 -杰西 是我 - Hello? - Jess, it's me.
你和你的朋友击败那些罪犯的故事 That story about you and your friends taking out those criminals
现在到处都是 is everywhere!
好吗 我们不断受到捐款和志愿者 Okay? We're getting donations and volunteers.
-什么 -杰西 你会赢的 - What? - Jess, you're gonna win this thing.
你是认真的吗 太棒了 Are you serious? That's amazing.
是的 我们收到了大量媒体的采访请求 Yeah, we're getting a ton of media requests.
均为美国著名电视节目
早安美国 艾伦秀 Okay, Good Morning America, Ellen.
你得马上回来 Okay, you have to get back here right now.
我帮你订下一趟飞机 I'm gonna get you out on the next flight.
你喜欢靠窗还是靠过道 Do you prefer window or aisle?
我自己更喜欢坐中间 但是 I'm more of a middle seat guy myself, but...
你知道吗 我其实要结婚了 You know what? I'm actually getting married.
但这会是我星期一早上的第一件 But, um, I'll be there first thing Monday morning.
你要结婚了吗 杰西 我爱上你了 You're getting married? Jess, I'm in love with you.
-给我们拍张照 -是的 是的 - Take a picture of us? - Yeah, yeah, yeah.
酷 Cool!
-我爱你们 -我们也爱你 - I love you guys. - We love you.
三 Three.
我能看看吗 Can I see?
不 我的胳膊看起来太粗了 No. My arm looks too thick.
-再来一张吗 -再来一张 - Another one? - One more.
好的 好的 好的 Okay, okay, okay.
我喜欢 我喜欢 Ooh. I love it. That, I love.
-爱丽丝 你可以给我贴标签了 -终于 - Alice, you can tag me. - Finally.
终
祝贺州参议员杰西·塞耶 Congratulations to State Senator Jess Thayer!
谢谢您 Thank you.
我的头号老板婊子 My number one boss bitch! Whoo!
现在为了庆祝她的胜利 And now to celebrate her win,
我们有一个特别的要求 we have a special request.
我吗 Me?
非常感谢 Thank you so much.
我给你们准备了一个惊喜 I actually have a surprise for all of you. Um...
我写了一首歌 I've written a song
我希望能展现 that I hope can sort of encapsulate,
我们之间的友谊 um, the bond of friendship that we all have.
所以 我现在就想为你们演奏 And so, I want to play it for you now.
有时 Sometimes
你杀了一个人 You kill a man
当他为你脱衣服的时候 When he's taking off his clothes for you
你杀了一个人 You kill a man
你和你的朋友一起杀了他 You kill him with your friends
他死了 And he dies
天哪 很好 Jesus, it's good.
其他时候 Other times
当你杀了一个人 When you kill a man
你得把他的尸体扔进海里 You need to toss his body in the ocean
你不在乎 And you don't care
因为你的朋友在你身边 'Cause your friends are there by your side
他们让它变得有趣 They make it fun
我爱你 姑娘们 I love you, girls
我爱你 皮帕 I love you, Pippa!
我们杀了一个人 We killed a man
我们制定了一个计划 We made a plan
你是我的朋友 You are my friends
我永远不会忘记 And I'll never forget
这个单身派对 This bachelorette
结束了 That's the end.
你们想上来吗 Do you guys want to come up? Um...
不 不 不 别上来 别上来 No, no, no. Don't come up. Don't come up.
-因为我得做些事情 -什么 - 'Cause I got to do stuff. - What?
所以 我10点在努斯鲍姆等你 So, I will see you at Nussbaum's at 10:00.
不 12:30 No, no. 12:30.
-可以 -我不想早起 - Okay. - I don't want to get up.
好吧 你们走吧 走 走 走 Okay, you guys, go. Go, go, go.
我们要确认你安全回家 We want to make sure that you get in okay.
-你对我太痴迷了 -我们爱你 - You're obsessed with me. - We love you.
我爱你 I love you.
瞎扯 Bullshit.
太好了 Yes!