First time I saw this country,
it had buffalo grass and blue-joint up to the stirrups.
By the second year we had 8,000 Texas half-bred cattle,
and over 3,500 volumes of English literature in my library.
Hell, we just cut out the unbranded stock
and divided them up even handed between the outfits.
There was no arguing over mavericks like today.
You've got it good today.
Two percent annual loss then.
Now it's seven percent from rustling alone, not to mention winter kill,
calving loss, miring down in the spring.
How many are you?
Mr. Braxton, did you notice how these guys sew their old boot tops on the saddle
to hold ammunition?
Pete, don't pester him if he doesn't want to be pestered.
Well, it'd just be awful nice to know the whole story.
Well, it's beautiful country.
Yes, sir. It sure is.
You especially feel that now?
Yeah.
I sure hope them sporting ladies don't get sunburned.
I like them white as a pastry.
Ladies.
Are you all set here?
All set, Pete.
Shall we start the horse or will you?
I will, sir.
- Goodbye, Tom. - Well, that's one of them.
His name was Sandy Chase
and he came here from Rhode Island with the Army.
He was 24 years old.
We lost Seven percent of our stock
between spring roundup and shipment in the fall last year to rustlers.
You always mention the percentage.
I wonder why you do that.
This is my fourth frontier and I know how they run.
I was in the California gold fields before I was 18.
I was at the rush at Golden Gulch
and I went with the Grazing Committee to South America.
These long ropers in the Missouri Breaks are a mixed bag.
Barbers from Minneapolis,
failed grangers, Scandinavian half-breeds,
wolfers and woodcutters, dishonest apprentices,
raftsmen, poisoners.
You give them a chance and they'll waste everything.
You're astonished at my arrogance. At not even having a trial, aren't you?
Then why don't you get over it?
Our situation has become nearly as bad as it could be.
Honey, pull down Tristam Shandy again for me, would you?
Daddy.
Excuse me.
Get that gate.
Come on.
How did she go, Tom?
Everybody else been back a day.
Brought in about 14 head of the first-class order.
Yeah.
- How was Wyoming? - It was fine.
Spent a couple of days in K.C.
trying to keep from associating with criminals.
Why, they hit the Union Pacific down there so many times
the place has begun to look like a lawmen's convention.
They got two Pinkertons in K.C.
and I do believe that one of them was the legendary Charlie Siringo.
Did he claim to be a border cowboy?
I can't remember.
- Said he could talk Mexican. - Yeah, that's him.
How'd you know it was a detective?
Rancher's wife wanting to go to bed with him.
He kept giving her a no.
Damned if I can understand that.
Well, I took care of her, Cal.
- You did that, huh? - You're damn sure.
- Had a good time, too, thank you. - Did you?
Spent the night in Martinsdale.
Couldn't get no credit at the whorehouse,
so I picked up this chubby little girl off some sodbuster's outfit.
Yeah. How was she?
About like a Swiss clock.
Same exact movement over and over again.
Yeah.
- It was Sandy, huh? - Yeah.
Yeah.
Sandy's gone. He's dead.
David Braxton's foreman, what's his name, Cary?
Pete Marker.
Pete Marker caught him, and they hung him.
Damn it!
I knew somebody's bunch wasn't in that corral.
Little Tod was in town. Everybody was at the hanging.
- How'd Sandy go out? - Pretty good.
Pretty good. Yeah.
They hung him up on a cottonwood though, and he sort of...
He sort of what?
Sort of strangled for a while.
Braxton was there dressed in a suit looking like God.
God damn!
Boy, I'll tell you, the first time I met Sandy...
Now, listen to this, now.
First time I met Sandy he was rustling on his own.
He had a stolen cavalry pony and he kept this dog.
As soon as he'd kill the steer,
why he'd cut the brand off and feed it to the dog.
He said before they'd get enough evidence to convict him,
they'd have to lock that dog up, and pick through his shit for a week,
before they can find the brand.
My aunt ran a laundry in St. Paul.
Got strangled by a Chinaman while she was washing her dog.
It's easy to die. Easy.
Well, they sure killed Sandy.
He was the only comedian in this outfit.
- Well, you can't... - Every outfit ought to have a comedian.
You can't run that many rustled horses across open ground.
Now, I know I've been saying that but you can't, is all.
What are we supposed to do, Tom?
Open up a stand and sell stolen horses over the counter?
No, we gotta get a relay ranch halfway across,
so as we got somewheres where we can relay them at.
- That's right. - Well, that's just...
That's just really fucking great.
Only we ain't got a ranch.
We ain't got no money! The only horses we got are out there!
We can't move the bastards across the Breaks
without everybody knowing.
Let's just stick up the N.P. Railroad and buy a ranch.
Hell, let's rob a bank.
I mean, if we're gonna get hung for rustling horses,
we ought to be robbing trains.
Why don't you boys just move on down with that hole-in-the-wall bunch
and you'll be around people that think like that.
Boy, a couple of years ago they'd have put Sandy
in Red Lodge Penitentiary weaving bridles.
Seem like there's something new in the air.
I'll bet you Marker'll bait crows with Sandy for a week before he'll cut him down.
I worked for that son of a bitch once on the reservation roundup.
And he will leave Sandy in the trees.
Hell, when we was fighting in Kansas, we had relays all over the damn place.
We relayed a cousin of mine
all the way from Medicine Tree to the hot springs in New Mexico.
He beat the telegraph.
It took the detectives two years
to cover the same ground he covered in a week.
And when they got there he was in his grave up on the Chama.
Why was you having to move this cousin around so much?
He did card tricks.
I get it.
So he done a card trick for this nigger up on the Chama
and the nigger throttled him.
I see.
Say, Cal?
Why don't we put that relay in Braxton's backyard?
Yeah.
It sure beats sending three or four horses at a time out into Kansas.
The law there is pretty effective now.
I get a kick out of Little Tod. He says we ought to rob a train.
No...
I'm tired, Cal.
I'm gonna turn in. Tomorrow we have a nice day.
Too bad about Sandy.
All right, move over there! Move, move!
All right, I want you to uncouple that car.
- Hurry up! - I can't do it.
I'm not sure I'm able to do it.
Just get down there and pull the pin out! Go on!
- I'm a clerk, I'm not mechanically inclined. - Hurry up!
Okay, get the money out.
- What's your name? - Nelson.
Nelson, you're doing all right.
You do this right, you can say you seen Jesse James and lived to tell the story.
You're not Jesse James.
You ain't Charlie Siringo. Just give me the money, Nelson.
- I'm not permitted to touch this. - Give me the God damn money.
Don't start blaming me.
I am blaming you!
This is it on trains! This is it!
God Almighty!
This is it!
No more trains, Tod!
I just don't wanna get blamed!
We got it!
You need some help?
Just pick up the money, God damn it.
But they're all ones! Tom, they're all ones!
Where am I gonna put them all?
I don't want to hear that now, just...
God, isn't this just terrible?
Yeah, and the next time you mention trains it's gonna get worse!
You boys new at this?
Appreciate your concern, Nelson.
Look, there's tens in the water. Get in there, Tod.
Get in the water! Get those tens!
One more time.
Get out of my way!
Come on now, let's get out of here with what we've got.
Morning, my little darling.
Easy, Si, or you'll see them in church.
I think all of you working men and women
have had time now to consider this case before us.
There's Braxton.
And I have reviewed its details
and now I feel secure enough to pronounce sentence.
Subject, of course, to your scrutiny and support.
Make him confess first. We wanna hear him confess.
I think the kindest thing we can do to this bird
is to send him up to the territorial prison.
He's been about as cooperative as any prisoner we've tried around here.
Cecil's always cooperative.
And I see no direct cause to hang him.
Don't he look like God?
Now, who's got an opinion about how long you might think of sending him up?
- I think it's clearly indicated. - He'll take anything.
- How would 10 to 20 sound to you? - Sounds about right to me.
- How soon would I be eligible for parole? - In about two weeks.
Two weeks!
Anything further you'd like to say to the Court
before we send you to your just deserts?
And if I may speak for the Court,
we would prefer that it be something colorful.
Life on the frontier being what it is.
Just that...
It may seem to you boys
like a hard way to make the papers.
But I'm not ashamed of robbing that train,
of blowing bridges, sticking up banks,
or for my careless, devil-may-care gunplay.
I'm not ashamed of pissing away the money on hard living either
because I'm that kind of guy.
But as a concession to me for my cooperation,
I would like you all to refer to me from now on
as The Lonesome Kid.
Especially in front of outsiders here in the West.
That's enough of that!
Let's all go up to the bar and make fools of ourselves.
I haven't danced liked that since Chicago.
I'm Tom Logan.
I'd like to congratulate you, sir on your treatment of that imposter.
- My daughter, Jane. - Hello.
People have told me that I should talk to you, Mr. Braxton.
I just sold a family implement business up in the Shonkin Range
and I'm thinking of buying a small ranch.
You done so well, I'd like a piece out by you for good luck.
Well, the Cannon Ranch is for sale.
Isn't much, four sections and a cabin.
Pole corrals around it.
But it's well watered and pretty fair shelter.
The owner's living in town now,
has a cooperage down at the end of Main, past the livery.
I understand you had some rustling problems.
Seven percent losses per annum.
You should know about that. First year, that might just break you.
I understand you had to hang someone here.
I did that.
That's tough.
What was this, some kind of a desperado?
No. He was a thief.
With probably a million good reasons for being on hard times.
The main thing is that we put him out of his misery.
Don't you believe in hanging thieves, miss?
No, sir, I don't, do you?
Well, I surely do.
How in the world else are we gonna have law and order?
Well, what do you know?
Maybe you can buy that Cannon Ranch, get yourself started in the cattle business.
'Cause with an attitude toward human life like you have,
you may yet get to be one of the barons of this prairie
and have your picture up on page one,
or page three anyway, of the Chicago papers.
And for your birthday you can have a big barrel of fresh oysters on ice,
just the way the other hangmen up this way do.
You sound bitter, lady.
You should've seen that young man's face.
- He did not die quickly. - I don't want to hear about it, miss.
I don't think that you can really picture the man's face.
I don't want to hear about it, miss.
Thank you for your information, Mr. Braxton.
I'll go over at the cooperage and ask Mr. Cannon about them four sections.
Pleasure to meet you too, miss.
It's up to Tom now.
Damn, I feel better now.
- Damned if I don't. - Me, too.
I see him. Hold it.
- Oh, God! You didn't cut him down, yet. - We did!
- Oh, God! - Oh, Pete.
Oh, my God, they've killed my man.
Where the hell you clodhoppers been at?
- File that. - What is it?
Get the guns. Let's go for a ride.
I wanna go to a whorehouse.
I wanna play some cards. I wanna get drunk.
We can go to the whorehouse and do all that later.
What's the matter with you? Ain't you got no pride of ownership?
I buy you a brand new ranch,
don't you even wanna ride out and look at it?
- Hell, we own it. We can go anytime. - Yeah?
Let's go for a drink.
Let's play some cards and get some woman.
Let's go to the whorehouse.
Well, you're gonna have to pick and choose on that
because the money's about all gone.
Hell, the money can't be gone.
- Well, it is and I'm glad. - And I'm glad, too.
- Why? - Because robbing trains...
We start a pattern of robbing trains and we're gonna get detectives.
From that moment on, you can just back the calendar down till they hang us.
That's why.
I still think we should rob a bank.
Rob trains, rob a bank.
- All right, let's go to the whorehouse. - Yeah.
You here for a party?
- That's right. - What kind of a party?
Well...
You got any girls?
Go on, Si.
The girls here can show you to the party rooms.
- I like them ribbons. - No, shit.
Anybody want anything to eat?
Well, he's the one that I want.
You just come right on upstairs with me.
- Come on now. - Where's the chubby one?
Take it easy, will you? Give me a kiss.
Oh, yeah.
Ain't that a match up?
Just like you and your horse, Little Tod.
Well, that one got away.
You'll pay for that.
In my hometown I'm considered a dangerous person.
Yeah? In your home town a man can get a bad reputation
for smoking corn silk.
Coil under a rock.
Well, Cary'll stay up at the Breaks, but somebody's gotta tend this place.
Well, I can tell you one damn thing, it isn't gonna be me.
I got you! I'm gonna get you, son of a bitch!
Here, how about this, guys?
I like this place, Cal.
Yeah, I like it quiet.
Cary, don't throw them tools down there like that, please.
I spent my first 18 years on one of these God damn things
working for my uncle that raised me.
And I worked myself cross-eyed, too.
About the only thing I had for distraction was this dog.
And I'd had the dog since I was 10 years old.
And he shot it
for sticking it's tongue on a pat of butter.
So I stayed one more night,
then I killed his seed bull.
I rustled every damned horse he had,
including a racer that I sold as a cow pony to an Indian rancher.
And I took the whole damn remuda.
And I come within a hair's breadth of sending his sorry hide to kingdom come.
I mean, I was that close to shooting that son of a bitch in the brainpan.
Well, I never did have that kind of background.
Never had nothing, neither.
My folks always wanted a place.
They was good people so I always sort of saw it with their eyes, you know.
Yeah, I see that.
But when you think about it,
you wouldn't want the weight of a damn place like this.
Do you do alterations, too, ma'am?
Nope.
And I don't do your wire ripped shirts, neither.
There you go.
Si, you're beginning to sound like a real old lady.
What do you say we just jump this piss-ass seamstress?
You guys are soon gonna learn to treat me nice.
Come on, I'll kill you!
And everybody's so scared of the damn Mounties that nobody even tries.
These horses ain't even half guarded.
Are you gonna talk to me about Canada again?
You're God damn right I am.
Them Mounties scares me, Cal.
Why, hell, they scare everybody.
That's why it's gonna be so easy.
The Indians won't even touch them horses.
We can take all 60 of them ponies at a walk.
All Canadian government brand?
Until we can get them down to the Breaks for modification
and then down here to relay.
Well, that doesn't quite settle it, though, does it?
No, it don't.
Somebody's gonna have to stay here.
Well, it isn't gonna be me.
Well, it's gotta be one of the two of us.
And I'll tell you one God damn thing...
You had all the fun on that train while I had to baby-sit these savages.
And I'm going to Canada for sure. That's settled. Now, that's it.
I gotta stay on this God damn piece of ground.
God damn! I can't even believe this.
Shit, that's pitiful.
You assholes will just get lost.
He was the best foreman in the entire territory.
He's the only foreman I ever had.
- Pete Marker was a hard man. - Amen.
Surely he was, David.
He could break out a good stride horse better than the bronc fighters.
He could do every job he asked you to do.
He was a great ramrod.
Yes, he was.
He personified the American West in the days of its rowdy youth.
Sure did.
Excuse me.
Lee Clayton.
Oh, my God, you gave me a scare. All I could see was your horse.
Well, that was all you were meant to see.
Is the owner about?
Who may I say is calling?
Lee Clayton.
I just said that.
I have a short memory.
Well, I'll tell Daddy that you're here
and then I can get back to what I was doing before the horse trick.
Tell him Lee Clayton, from Medicine Hat, Wyoming,
here on business.
- You got it? - Yes.
- Come in. I've been expecting you. - Sir.
I don't know why it would not have tired me more than it did
to have traveled all this distance without more than a cat nap.
You know, you've a wonderful set of books here, sir.
- Yes, I have. - Truly, truly beautiful.
I don't spend the time with them I should.
Well, I'm of the opinion,
I would only claim books
that was about right from wrong.
Otherwise, how are we to find our paradise among the stars?
True. Please.
Sir, I'm sorry for your trouble.
I wasn't aware.
Gentlemen, Robert E. Lee Clayton.
I understand that you hung a thief
and that you neglected to find out where they were caching the stock.
How was that?
He didn't want to talk and he was about to die.
I see.
- Well, then you pampered him. - No!
- That's an outrage. - We hung that man.
- You pampered the man!
You pampered the man and the result of that
is the loss of this poor man's life!
But please, this is outrageous.
Please take your hands off!
And realize the fact
that as a result of that this poor man has lost his life!
And if you'd invited me into the neighborhood before,
it wouldn't have happened.
What kind of a man is he?
You've got to give me some thoughts.
I'm gonna turn my horse out.
Then I'll wash my body.
And miss,
the only thing not on my diet
would be the green top of the beet
and okra.
Ladies and gentlemen, excuse me,
but I'm under a severe attack from a tooth.
Sir.
Miss.
- Where'd he come from? - What was all that about?
I got unequivocal recommendations for this man
from all the Wyoming outfits he's worked for.
- I've been assured that he's a top regulator. - That clunk, regulator?
You mean to say you asked him up here?
You're damn right I did.
They killed my ramrod and I want them to pay for it.
You know, I always did wonder what Lee Clayton looked like.
And smelled like.
I always figured he would be a little fellow.
He's supposed to have a Creedmoor rifle he carries as a saddle gun.
Supposed to be able to hit out to 500 yards.
Mr. Rate!
He never carries a sidearm,
so you know the son of a gun is a dry gulcher.
He smells like a wet tub.
He don't have no life but he sure does keeps himself spruced up.
Many a rustler's said his prayers
when he got a whiff of them lavender bath salts and sagebrush.
- Daddy, I wanna know how you... - Not now, dear.
- Vern, scat, out of here, go. - I will. You betcha, I will.
Adios, buddies.
Send you a postal card from Canada.
Cal, why can't I go to Canada?
'Cause you gotta tend to the cabin in the Breaks, Cary.
You don't hear Tom complaining, do you?
See you in a few weeks, Tom!
They'll be back, Buck. Don't you worry about it.
Well, by gosh! Good morning to you, miss.
Good morning to you, Mr. Logan.
- You bought this place already, huh? - Yes, ma'am.
Well, I guess that kind of makes us neighbors then, doesn't it?
Where are you headed?
I'm gonna go over on the table.
- Well, may I accompany you? - No.
Why not?
No good reason. I just don't want any company.
Well, come on, give me a chance.
Give you a chance? Give you a chance for what?
You know, miss, I'm gonna take this opportunity
to be just a little damn bit offended.
'Cause if there's anybody in this district got a right to think of theyselves
as wholesome companionship, why, it's yours truly.
Well, if you're such a wholesome companion
what were you doing at the whorehouse?
Who in the world told you that?
Mary O'Connell, that little blonde you paid for.
Well, I hope that's all she told you.
She told me everything.
We're kind of starved for news out here. All I ever hear about is grass.
What's the matter with grass?
Samuel Johnson said, "A blade of grass is a blade of grass,
"now tell me something about a human being."
- I don't understand that at all. - It just means
that Samuel Johnson was as bored as I am with nature.
We had a famous painter out here last year, natural scenes.
That man must have painted 10 square miles of canvas,
not one human face.
And I wish he could have been here to paint that boy, Sandy,
hanging up so decoratively against the mountains.
Because his pink tongue, and his white face
would have just set off the green of Montana splendidly.
I mean, it would have made the damndest bank calendar you ever saw.
Well, you succeeded.
This was where I was coming to and you're still with me.
The persistence of the young rancher.
Well, I know what I want, is all.
What do you want?
I mean, I know what it is when I want something.
Come on.
Come on what?
Why don't you just say what you mean?
This is what I mean.
Do you want me?
What does that mean?
I mean that you're following me around on your damn horse.
- What have you got in mind? - Me?
Sexual intercourse?
- Oh, my. - Well, all right.
All right.
Come on. Get down off your horse.
Now, I'm not gonna have any hesitation from you.
Not from a frequenter of whores. Now, get down from your horse.
All right, just back off.
I'm gonna step down with my own speed.
All right.
I'm going to lose it right here.
In all these blades of grass.
Do I have to come to you?
- All right. - Hold it.
- What? - Who asked you to do all this?
- Well, your entire behavior is... - Never mind that.
I didn't ask you. You said that you wanted it.
- Well, do you? - No.
- Well, then, you're not gonna get it. - Good.
Keep the dang thing, I don't want it.
I forgot. You do have your whores, don't you?
Sure do. Like them, too.
Well, I'll tell you something,
- if you want them more... - I keep telling you,
I want them a lot. I don't want you at all.
Well, why are you being so mean to me?
People have been neglecting to tell you what a nasty little bitch you are
and I'm just having to make up for their negligence.
I just seem mean. I'm only being thorough.
Well, if you're gonna start that,
I'm just gonna go home and shovel steer manure on the pansies.
Well, you just wait a minute because I'm gonna stop.
You gonna talk nice?
I will do my best,
you bastard.
- Can I have a kiss? - No, I hardly know you.
Why don't we just take walk and we'll just talk about the Wild West
and how to get the hell out of it.
Well, all right. I can talk about that.
Cal, you know, I forgot how to tie a diamond hitch.
A squaw hitch. That's all you need for a load that light, anyway.
- You'll be gone for a couple of weeks. - Give or take a few days.
Start to move some of this stock down to make way.
- No more than two or three... - Three at a time.
Hell, I been doing this for a while, you know.
Yeah, I reckon you have. Let's go.
Keep low, boy.
Hell of a damn way to ride off.
Stay with your horse.
Stay with your horse, Si!
Si, let go of the ropes.
Help!
He's gonna drown!
Help! Give me a hand!
We did it. We crossed that son of a bitch, didn't we?
- I couldn't swim, but... - Yeah, I know.
But I was swimming, right?
I can, I did it!
We deserve a lot of damn credit.
I mean, we crossed the Mighty Mo and I want some damn credit!
Most of them catfish in that son of a bitch could eat a pig!
Or a chicken.
Get up.
- Easy now. - Tom.
You're the only rancher around here who hasn't met the new regulator.
Tom Logan, Robert E. Lee Clayton.
It's a pleasure to make it your acquaintance, sir.
Damn near sucked my boot off.
Pleasure to meet you, Regulator.
Ain't that like a dry gulcher?
That's not the softest term you could use, I'd say.
Well, Regulator, correct me now if I'm wrong.
Isn't a regulator one of these boys
that shoots people and don't never get near them?
That's it.
Well...
What about the binoculars? What are they for?
Well, I've taken to watching funny-looking birds.
I see.
Well, hell, I don't know.
I suppose if you didn't get away off a mile or so to do the job,
you'd just get messy like I done here.
Easy, Tom. Don't let me down.
I've just had to hear this from all the other dreamers trying to ranch around here.
Lee, did you ever hit a man from a mile off
while he was carrying a pail of water?
A mile, well...
But I don't remember the pail.
No, sir.
When you hang a man, you usually... He has a chance to talk
or say goodbye, write a letter.
Besides, a Creedmoor.
That's a Creedmoor, isn't it?
It is a Creedmoor, sir, and a beautiful one.
Must make a pretty good mess of a human.
When you hit a guy from 500 yards out,
say, why, the suddenness of it,
he don't even have a few seconds to make his Act of Contrition.
Not only that, but you never have to look him in the eye.
Right there, that makes all the difference.
I would disagree with you, sir.
The thing that makes all the difference in the world, I believe,
is the fact that it accomplishes the task, you see.
This old boy in Wyoming...
This old boy in Wyoming, he sat down on the ground,
just to pull sandburs out of his trousers
and his skull just suddenly flew into pieces
about the size of your thumbnail.
That was the first time I ever heard the term "regulator."
That was the first time?
First time.
What would be your line of work, sir?
I used to be in the implement business up in the Shonkin Sag,
but I started back in to ranch south of here.
When you started back in, it was before?
My family used to have a place but when they lost it I hired out.
I see.
Well, I certainly wish you good fortune, Mr. Logan.
You know, the times are hard. I'm a small operator.
And I hope the damn horse thieves leaves you something.
I hope so, too.
- Good day to you, sir. - Bye-bye, now.
I think this colt of yours will be all right if you can find a wet mare.
- Is the mother dead? - Yeah.
She got bogged down in a mire about a mile from here.
See you later, Tom. Thanks.
- All right, Mr. Braxton. - Damn those hands of mine.
Good luck, Old Sloppy.
Must have smelled something.
Closer you get towards Canada the more things eat your horses.
Probably smelled a bear or a cat or some damn thing.
Either one of them just go ahead and eat your horses up.
Easy.
Damn!
I don't why they had to put Canada way the hell up here.
Well, hello, Jane.
Hello, Tom.
I didn't think I'd find you here.
Why'd you think that?
'Cause I haven't seen you.
You thought I was gonna come courting, didn't you?
Maybe so.
You was too harsh to me last time. I never kick a dead horse, lady.
That sure is some garden you've started here.
Have you had one before?
No. My aunt had one and I kind of took it over.
I ain't half bad at it, though.
No.
Why don't you get down off your horse?
I will, thank you.
You're a lot nicer than you was before. Why is that?
Well, you didn't come courting me like I figured you would and I...
You what?
I'm trying to revive your interest.
Yeah?
Come here a minute, and I'll show you something.
All right.
Now, lift that up.
Close her down. Garden's watered.
I admire you.
Come on in the house.
I'll make you cup of Chinee tea.
Chinee tea?
Northern Pacific Railroad? Where did you get these?
Just souvenirs.
How long does the tea take?
Five or ten minutes.
Can I come over there?
I'll come over there if you ask me to.
Let's go over there.
You sure about that?
That's right.
How do you know you're sure about that?
Well, why do you think?
'Cause that's the reason why you come out here in the first place.
That's right.
This here tea's gonna get black as ink.
We'll write somebody a letter with it.
Let's write your father a letter.
Tell him that you're the prisoner of the Chinee Tea Slavers.
Would you like to do this?
Yeah.
I would like to.
That's what I would like to do.
I'm sorry.
God.
God damn. That's pretty.
Yeah. They're neat little bastards, ain't they?
Boy, there's more of them than I expected.
Yeah. Do you suppose them catfish ever look up?
- Piss on them. - From up here?
Supposed to be the best police in the world.
- They don't scare me. - Me, neither.
Come on, let's take these horses to the home of the brave
- and land of the free. - Not today.
- What do you mean? - Not today.
I'm gonna have an awful lot of explaining to do when I get home.
But I'm not going to lie my way out of this one.
Yes, I am.
- Which one? - I'm gonna lie my way out of it.
- Where did she go? - Who?
Your ma.
Well, she listened very carefully to my father for about three years,
weighed every word,
and then she up and ran off with the first unreasonable man that she could find.
Wait a minute. Stop.
Look, this is a nice way to ride, but I know a much better way.
- What? Where you going? - Just wait.
- Well, that is clever. - Yeah, isn't it?
Would you say that this is lewd conduct?
Well, I couldn't say for sure.
My father has a library full of law books, 'cause he believes in the law.
And he says that we haven't got any law up here, yet.
What brings that to your mind?
Because in one of those law books of his
there's a whole section on lewd conduct.
What about it?
It's against the law.
Are you an outlaw?
I'm a jackpot rancher with a milk cow
and a 100 square foot of root vegetables. Why?
Why do you have so many guns?
Because I'm a sportsman.
Why do you have a sawed-off shotgun?
Well, because, I'm a sawed-off sportsman.
Well, something has sure started in my thinking,
I don't know why we should go on, if you're just gonna end up dead.
Can we get down here for a while?
- Yeah, okay. - You can make it?
Now, they've locked in with Jesus. Let's do it.
Makes me feel real safe and peaceful.
Well, that's what Sunday's are for.
For the best police in the world them Mounties are dumber than sticks.
- We just walked them backwards. - Pipe down. Cut it.
Damn.
Shouldn't crawl up on people like that.
Well, I'm not the crawling kind.
I was just passing by.
I thought I'd ask you a question or two.
There was a family of Logans out at K.C. Wyoming.
There was four brothers.
The youngest was a kid by the name of Lonnie.
They was all pretty quick, you know.
Except for Lonnie, he was a fiddle player,
and they killed him off right quick.
'Cause some of the ranchers found him thieving or something like that.
Anyway, I was wondering, would they be kin to you?
No.
Well, I didn't think so, because you don't carry a gun.
No, I never carry a gun.
I never wear a gun, neither.
Once in a while I carry this little darling around.
She's almost like a poem.
You know, it's all hand done. Etched, you know.
Scratched in silver. She's a beauty.
Made for the President of Mexico. I diverted it for a $100 bill.
But it doesn't shoot worth a damn.
Some damn fool came along and filed off
the top of the front sight there.
And, you have to sort of play with it.
It isn't easy.
Have a look at the rope.
Not bad. There's one left.
I doubt it.
You're smart.
Farmers ain't smart.
I don't know just exactly where you came from
or what you were doing, but I think you ought to go back to it
because you can't farm worth a spit.
Unless...
You lost your nerve.
And in that case, cabbages is just what the doctor ordered.
Is your nerve gone?
Easy, easy.
We're home, boys. We'll bed down soon.
How're we gonna get them to swim across the Mighty Mo?
If we get one or two to go, they'll all go.
Here's the Breaks!
Back in the USA. What a relief.
Boys.
- Mounties! - They can handle weapons.
Come on, move!
Let's get out of here.
I wonder where Little Tod got himself off to.
I don't know.
I don't know where my finger is, either.
Them Mounties.
Followed us right into the United States of America,
got their horses back.
It's not even legal!
We'll tie that hand up and let's move.
Maybe we'll catch up with Little Tod at the Snake's Cross.
Hey, there.
Do you always get off your horse that way?
I'm not chasing you.
Who in the hell did you think was after you?
This is supposed to be the haunt of thieves and killers.
Shit. Here.
This ain't the haunt of nothing but diamondbacks and old farts like me.
Who are you?
Well, my name's Jim Ferguson.
I'm pleased to meet you, what's your name?
Tod La Frambois.
La Frambois?
- What's your trade there, Mr. La Frambois? - Trade?
Well, I've been in the farm implement business.
Now I'm looking to get on with a ranch. Maybe down around Absaroka.
That'd be over that way.
I'll tell you what. I got a nice hare on a stick over here.
Come on, let's go have a bite to eat.
Come on.
Life is like
A mountain railway
With an engineer that's brave
We must make this run successful
From the cradle to the grave
Heed the curves
Build the tunnels
Never falter, never quail
Never quail.
Keep your hand upon the throttle
And your eye upon rail
- Sweet song. - Yeah.
Do you believe that life is like a mountain railroad, Mr. La Frambois?
All I know, Jim, is that
life is not like anything I ever seen before.
You know, it's really strange running into a preacher out here in this hellhole.
I believe that life is like a mountain railway.
But not for the reasons in the song.
I think life is like a mountain railway 'cause you don't have no idea
what sleazy son of a bitch has got his hand on the throttle.
That's a real strange attitude for a preacher.
I ain't no preacher.
Well, what do you do?
I'm about a quarter-ass horse thief.
Anything to get some grits in my stomach.
Not doing too good at it, neither.
Otherwise, I wouldn't be eating hare.
I'd be in Dodge City,
playing with them big asses, drinking champagne.
What about yourself there, Tod? What do you do?
Well, there's really nothing to say.
I'm a single man. Implement business.
Where you got this implement business?
It's in Big Sandy.
No, I mean the Shonkin Sag. No, I mean Big Sandy.
Yeah, Big...
Sandy.
I was raised up in Big Sandy
and there ain't a teeny weeny implement business in Big Sandy
and not in Shonkin Sag, neither.
Mr. Ferguson,
I'm really grateful to you for your hospitality and everything,
but my line of work is none of your damn business.
I'm sorry, Tod, I didn't mean to get you all riled up like that.
I'll tell you what...
Maybe one of these days,
I'll get a chance to cook your supper for you.
Hooray! A free dang meal.
Good. Thank you, Tod.
I hope you'll keep my business to yourself, too.
- You got my word. - That's good enough.
What the hell's going on here?
God damn.
What the hell's the matter with you?
I don't know, something...
Trying to get some sleep here.
Now I want you to cinch up good on the knot there.
Yeah, I did.
All right, now don't have fear.
That's the way my daddy taught me now.
Easy aces, now. Come on.
Come on.
Put that down.
This is the part I hate. I can't swim a lick.
Don't fight it, get it? That's just what I'd do.
Okay, now slide off. Slide off, let her go.
Let her go. Let the horse walk on. Hold on, that's it.
Now we're doing it.
I got you now. I'm holding on. Let's float the boat.
Beautiful!
- This was easy. - Hop on that beast now.
Well, we're half way to the barn now, laddie.
Come on. We cut that son of a bitch.
We cut that god damn thing slicker than butter.
Now, listen. You go on ahead now.
You go on over there and I'll secure the rope here.
- You got a good hold on that? - Yeah.
- All right, you just go on now. - Over there?
Yeah, and then you pull me in case something happens to me. Understand?
Let her go now.
I don't know about this.
That's it. Go ahead.
- In you go. - The damn horse won't swim. Come on.
- Dig your heels in now. - This isn't bad.
Not bad at all.
Bring me in!
You dirty tricker, are you gonna talk to me?
You gonna tell me something now?
Listen, son, you got two choices, now.
Are you gonna drink this muddy son of a bitch
or are you gonna tell me about Tom Logan and your God damn rustlers?
I'm gonna give you one!
Mr. La Frambois, one.
That's Little Tod's horse.
Damned if it ain't.
What happened? Did he get bucked off or what?
- I don't know. - Cal?
- What is it? - What the hell's going on?
Just get inside.
- What's happening? - Lee Clayton.
Come here, Sandy, old girl. We're going to a picnic.
He never will close that gate, will he?
It wasn't near as gloomy around here when we only had just rustlers.
Never seen nothing like that, never. Come on.
I never thought Mr. Braxton would call in a man like that.
I presume you've had an enlightening trip.
Well, what kind of trip did you have?
What did you learn?
You'll have to lower you voice for that.
I feel an attack of gas and that could be perilous to both of us.
That's good.
What did you learn?
That the one man that could have told me something didn't tell me nothing.
And then he upped and drowned himself in the Missouri River.
You've got no further than we did without you.
I can track a bluebottle fly right up your nose.
And I've taken to tracking what people are thinking.
Where's your wife?
What has that got to... Damn it!
I detest your impertinence!
You stay out of my private life you lilac-smelling son of a bitch!
Well, you ain't the first mental wizard I ever met, you know.
I met ranchers, outlaws, stock detectives
who thought they was mental wizards like yourself.
And there was one thing I could never understand, and that was...
Why can't they hang onto their women?
Well, you're beginning to rave. And you're beginning to bore me.
So you're gonna stop.
You're gonna stop spying on me, and on my family.
You were never hired to do that. I do not, and Jane does not
and the dozen dotes who work for me do not steal horses!
But somebody does, don't he?
Well, there's a sight for sore eyes.
- Cal! - Long time, Logan.
Cal, I want you to meet a good friend of mine. Jane Braxton.
How do?
Pleased to make your acquaintance, ma'am.
She was born and bred here, Cal, and ready for city lights.
Well, pretty ladies should have what they want.
How's the ranch coming, Tom?
Well, you want a tour?
Sure do.
Cal, come on, I'll show you the orchard. Come on, buddy.
This little bastard was in sorry shape before I got to it.
These trees wouldn't have turned out a peck of apples apiece.
No wonder that guy was making barrels in town.
He sure wasn't running this place right.
The tree here was all full of scale and blight
and these limbs I dug out of here had bores all in them
and insect eggs all over everything
I mean, it was...
Little Tod didn't come home.
What the hell are you doing? I mean, just for instance,
what difference does it make whether scale, blight or bores
eats up this whole God damn ranch?
Well, Cal, I just have to say it.
I'd prefer that they didn't ruin the orchard.
Poor Little Tod.
Give me that cartridge.
That girl's old man hired Lee Clayton, didn't he?
Yeah, he did.
What about her, where's her husband at?
She don't have a husband, she don't need one.
Don't need one?
Boy, you're pretty far gone, ain't you?
That's the way it happens, isn't it, Cal?
I wouldn't know.
Not since that dog of mine put his tongue on the butter.
- Where's Lee Clayton? Is he here? - You betcha.
Moved right in. Made himself at home.
Robert Lee?
You know, the old man built this tub for the old lady
and she run out on him.
Wasn't that you calling me out there?
Yeah, son, that was me.
Well, there's no way you can win, you know.
What?
- There's no way you can win. - Win?
Well, it's kin of mine is all that's what calls me Robert Lee.
I'm gonna bust your fat ass.
Well, I hope I can get my nourishment spending my dinner hour here with you.
You ain't gonna get no nourishment. You're gonna dry up and blow away.
But it just ain't in the cards, angel.
I mean, can't you see that the list is as long as my arm?
And you come under the heading of what I do for a living.
Now step outside, for as my stomach has commenced to growl.
Are you scared?
Shaking all over.
It's almost like I don't have a prayer.
But I can't lose this appetite. What ails me?
You're just floating there in your confirmation dress,
waiting for God to save you.
Did it ever bother you sitting up there in that cabin drinking coffee,
while that fiddler's wife was screaming in the sand wash?
Well, first off, I don't drink coffee.
Now can I climb out? I'm hungry for my supper.
Where's your Creedmoor at, Robert Lee?
Where's your cabbage-shooting Mexican pistola,
with flowers on the handle, Robert Lee? Why don't you go get it?
Well, that settles it.
I'm not that hungry, and I'll stay here
till someone fetches me who cares about my welfare
and deplores...
Get up, you dry gulching piece of floating slime.
Get up!
I want to lie here and lose. No dinner. No nothing.
Well?
My God, you ain't even there!
Did you kill him?
No, I just emptied his tub.
Somebody's gonna have to do something about that.
What's become of Tom?
- Isn't he on his place? - No, he's not.
Well, that's not what I call ranching, and I know what you're driving at.
All I can tell you, my darling,
is that things have been nearly as bad as they could be around here.
And if those two men have some reason to be looking for one another,
it's not my place to interfere.
You find Lee Clayton and you stop him!
No!
You can't.
I won't.
I hope that you choke on that.
You don't mean that, darling!
I would never have hired Lee Clayton if those rustlers hadn't killed Pete Marker.
This has nothing to do with Pete, or law, or stealing horses, and you know it.
- Then what does it have to do with? - Tom Logan.
Tom Logan.
Well, I never even think about him.
You can't bear me being with him, can you?
Now, Daddy, God damn it, you find Lee Clayton and you stop him!
You think I couldn't bear living here alone, don't you?
Stop Lee Clayton? No.
No, I won't.
What the hell are you doing?
Cal's got me looking out for Lee Clayton.
Come on down. Old Buck come up lame.
- Give me a hand, God damn it. - Easy, Buck.
Come on, now.
The only God damn intelligent horse...
Easy, boy.
I had him.
You think anybody could do it? I mean...
An ordinary fellow?
I don't know.
It seemed like somebody ought to be able to get the job done.
Just watch it, is all.
I'll tell you one thing, though...
Don't start talking to him.
I don't care what the plan is, as long as you get us the hell out of here.
Yeah, that's what I'd like. Let's just pull our socks up and get out.
We're gonna hit Braxton.
We're gonna take everything he's got. Blooded stock and all.
I think that's the least we can do.
And maybe flush us a regulator.
Yeah, well, I would love to include the old man.
A.44.40 in the brainpan would be my sentence for him.
Now I don't know why you don't want to go along with that, Tom.
I'd just as soon we didn't, Cal.
I want to know on what grounds you don't wanna shoot Braxton like he deserves?
We ain't gonna do it because I said we ain't gonna do it!
Now, am I perfectly clear on that, Cal?
God damn it, let's not start that stuff.
Yeah, really.
Tom, it's only gonna wreck the whole job.
Cal.
Hey, Woodruff, Braxton's got you nighthawking.
Hey, Mr. Logan, what you doing out of bed at this hour?
Looking for a better life, Woodruff.
What do you know that's new and exciting?
Same old thing.
What have you got in here?
.37. And I got the horse bit.
You're gonna take them?
You bet. Want to get down now
and reach me over that bird's head Colt you got stuck in your shirt there.
Butt first, if you please, Woodruff.
You think you're smart, don't you?
Yeah, well, I ain't dumb, and I ain't tied up.
You just lay on that soft spot.
Tom, you're slicker than snot on a doorknob.
Why, thank you, Cary.
I'll tell you one God damn thing,
old Braxton's gonna be one surprised-ass son of a bitch, ain't he?
You know, I regret Pete Marker wasn't here to get the news,
that sorry bag of shit.
We'll see him in hell, that son of a bitch, if he don't turn out to be the Devil himself.
Shut up, Si, you're gonna put these damn horses
all the way down to Kansas without us!
Let's push, boys. I feel eyes all over us.
That relay ranch is dead.
- Anybody got a preferred district? - Hells Gate for me.
Big Hole? I'll meet you there. Cal?
I suppose. Shit, that's all that's left.
All right, we'll meet back at the old cabin. Cary?
Yeah, all right.
Remember, I want to get $20 dollars a head for these, or we'll be doing this job...
Well, I could have picked off one or two of them, maybe
but we'd have lost the rest for sure.
Well, now, supposing you had a barn full of nasty old bats
and you wanted to get rid of them.
Well, the worst thing you could do is just get your gun
and just start shooting and banging around
and what good would it do you? It wouldn't do a damn bit of good.
They'd all leave and then they'd be back by 7:30 in the morning.
Now, if you want to get rid of a whole lot of evil bats,
there's only one way.
And the way is this...
You wait till the dawn comes.
About 4:30, and you're waiting outside by the barrels there.
And then, you close the door real quick and all of the bats are inside
and then while they're sleeping, the lovely little sweethearts,
you have every one of the dirty little buggers at your mercy.
And that's the only way you can do it.
Well, that's all very informative.
But every horse I own is gone.
And the only way you're gonna get paid is if I get them back.
I don't care a damn about that.
I always finish the work.
And I don't give a damn whether or not I get paid.
And talking about horses,
I think I know the horse that you're worrying about.
- He wears a black hat, he's two legged... - Shut up!
And I think I know where he stands at stud.
Shut up! You're out of control, you're through!
I want you off the place. Now, git!
Well, it is your place, sir.
But the work is mine and I'll have the say about that.
Come on now, Jess, we know when we're not wanted.
Let's go out to the manhunt now.
You lazy no-good bastards, get back to work
or I'll fire every damn one of you.
They call this country Hells Gate.
When my dad came in here it was nothing but a bunch of savage Indians...
And Jesuits.
Old Thomas Jefferson said that he was a warrior
so his son could be a farmer,
so his son could be a poet.
And I raise cattle so my son can be a merchant,
so his son can move to Newport, Rhode Island and buy a sailboat
and never see one of these bastard-ass son of a bitching mountains again.
Who was Thomas Jefferson?
A guy back East.
I'll bet you're about done in. You had a long day.
That's true.
Mother, you want to show our boy the bunkhouse?
Surely.
I'll bring him a blanket.
I'll see you before you start out in the morning.
Fine.
And let me thank you again for selling me those horses.
It's my pleasure.
And my compliments to the artist who changed those brands.
Was it you?
I learned it from a nice boy from Newport, Rhode Island with no sailboat.
They hung him in a cottonwood, south of the Shonkin Sag by the neck,
until dead, that would be.
You've got five minutes.
Wait, it would help
- if you got out of your drawers altogether. - No!
What good is it keeping them on one leg?
Why don't you shut up?
You've only got four of your minutes left.
And besides, I'm beginning to chafe.
Honey.
Kid. Here.
Here's a buck. Go get me a whiskey, and the rest is yours.
Good stuff. Go on, hurry up.
Thanks.
Hold these, Junior.
I won't be but a minute, then we'll go get us something to eat.
I ain't got but $54 dollars, mister.
But I want all three horses. Or nothing.
What have you got to trade?
A clarinet.
All right, I'll take it.
I can't use it.
Here, let me try it on.
Put your arm in. You can't tell till it's on.
- It fits perfect... - I don't want the God damn thing.
Smoked meat.
Old smoked meat.
Where's Tom Logan?
I couldn't get him to come out.
God.
Too proud, huh?
I reckon.
I'd like about anything but getting burnt up.
Well, you're about the last of your kind, old man.
If I was a better businessman than I am a man hunter,
I'd put you in the circus.
You know, about this time of year, Indian summer,
it's getting there,
they say you can see the Star of Bethlehem,
if you look real good.
I seen it once or twice.
But you gotta look away and then you gotta look at it, see,
and you gotta look just a minute like that.
See what I mean?
Well, old Granny's getting tired now.
Cal?
Si?
Oh, my God.
No, kiss first.
You've the lips of Salome
and the eyes of Cleopatra.
I dedicate this song to the only woman I ever loved.
I'm too shy to turn around and say it to your face.
But I mean it from my heart.
I don't love you, you harlot.
I'm not even speaking to you. Do you know that?
Come on. Would you?
That for you, and your disloyalty and your treachery.
Dear heart.
Say good night to Granny.
I'll play you a tune.
Well, that's a fine thing.
You pissed right in the middle of my love song.
God, pissing on my song.
Well.
You know what woke you up?
Lee, you just had your throat cut.
Where is he?
He's in there.
All the rest of the hands left a couple days ago except for Vern here.
- I'm staying. You betcha. - It's all right, Vern.
I told him I was leaving last night
and he sort of came unraveled.
He's just lost himself.
Well, all I can say is he'd better leave the room
'cause I'm gonna do it regardless.
- Get out of the way, Vern. - No.
You recognize this?
- You recognize it? - No.
Please don't shoot him.
What the hell are you caterwauling about, Vern?
Get out of the way, Vern, before I put one into you!
You might as well. He's all I got. No.
Just go ahead, he's all I have.
Yes, sir. Shoot me.
Shoot me, yes, shoot me!
Get out of here! Get that son of a bitch away!
- Vern, will you get away? - I will. You betcha.
- I'm sorry, Tom! - What for?
For everything.
Your friends, are they...
Yeah.
- What were you gonna do, just take off? - Yes.
What did you expect?
To see you, for one thing.
- Did you think I'd be above ground? - Well, of course.
Why of course?
Because I just can't imagine you dead.
My God, are you gonna make me say it?
Tom!
You just about done it?
Just about.
Well, I think I found a buyer for the ranch.
I'm going into Absaroka now to see about it,
and find a place for Vern.
I'm glad.
You know, I don't want to spend the rest of my life
trying to get back at somebody.
Why'd you say that?
No reason.
Why, hell, neither do I.
But where do you think you'll be
in about six months?
Well, if I was to guess, I'd say
north of the Breaks,
there's the little Rockies up there,
and a lot of little valleys are supposed to have water year around.
Sounds like a real good guess.