Cordelia?
No way!
You're safe.
A little bit. They made me ruler.
- But this is fantastic! - Well...
...my throne could use a few extra cushions.
But I'm really not going to complain.
You can order them to release us.
- I can. - Shall we gut them now, so you...
...can eat them, Most High?
You're most high for thinking that.
Besides, shouldn't there be some groveling first?
Cordelia.
Okay. Off with their heads!
Kidding!
Your Majesty, I must protest.
Freeing criminals in your presence?
You're gonna make me use my important voice, aren't you?
Leave us!
- Thank God! - Yes!
Food! I thought we'd never see food again.
What happened?
They jabbed me with hot pokers for a while...
...then made me princess!
It doesn't make sense.
In a world where humans are slaves, why would they make one monarch?
- You had a vision, didn't you? - Yeah.
Can I just say: visions, not getting any easier.
I'm still vibrating.
- That could be from the pokers. - See?
- A vision. That explains it. - It does?
- Well, see, there's this prophecy. - Great.
Those always go well.
The priests that have been in charge, the Covenant of Trombli--
Anyway, they teach of a coming messiah:
The Cursed One. A being with the Pure Sight...
...who will restore the monarchy.
- Pure sight? - A direct link to The Powers That Be.
I mean her.
- She's the messiah? - It could happen.
It has. That's what the Trombli believe.
We might stand a chance of surviving long enough to find a way out.
- How did you get in? - Via portal, with the book.
We seem to have misplaced it.
- The portal or the book? - Both.
They've got books here.
Those Trombonal guys, they used some when they swore me in.
I've got to see those.
To get back to the "Cordelia isn't a princess" dimension?
Don't we still need an inter-dimensional hot spot?
Yes, that's true.
Angel....
He's reflecting!
The metaphysical laws which govern our world don't apply here.
- He can walk in the sun too. - Okay.
- This is from entering the portal? - No. It always looks like that.
Angel, while we find the proper incantation, go with the Host.
See if you can document any portal activity.
- I don't get it. - Well, we need to ascertain--
No, I mean why didn't anybody tell me about this?
You look good.
- You're not just saying that? - Angel, please. Go with the Host.
Track down Landok. Speak to his family--
Back up. Back up.
You want me to talk to my family? On purpose?
It's that, or face never returning to our own dimension again.
Come. Stare at yourself in my grandmother's glass eye.
Call me Lorne. In Pylea, a "host" is one more thing to lay your eggs in.
Yeah, fine. Hey, can we get my coat?
The books. Can we get access?
Am I not the princess?
Letting her wear the crown is a sacrilege.
She is cursed. She has the Sight. We all agree.
Not all. Why would The Powers choose this craven beast?
It doesn't matter.
She's our sovereign and must not be harmed. Not until after the com-shuk.
If the princess survives the com-shuk...
...then you may have her head, Barshon. But not before.
Boy, I'd give my left horn to not have to do this.
Hi-dee-ho!
Guess who's back.
Krevlornswath?
Can it be true?
I've prayed that I might see you aga;n.
You're in luck then.
- You've shamed and betrayed our clan. - Thanks, Mom.
Each morning before I feed, I go out into the hills where it's parched...
...beat my breast and curse the birth of such a cretinous boy!
My mother!
Your father was right. We ate the wrong son.
Enough of this reminiscing. A few questions, then I'll go.
Remember five years ago, when I disappeared?
Did you notice anything odd?
Feasting and celebration.
Your brother Numfar did the Dance of Joy.
Numfar! Do the Dance of Joy.
Actually, what I meant was more like strange flashing...
...kind of a weird pulsating--
They don't have music here. I wish it was the same for dancing.
Lights. You couldn't have missed it. Big, bendy, swirly--
Stop doing the Dance of Joy, Numfar!
Nothing like that at all?
Take your cow and get off my lawn.
That's no cow.
My friend. It's good to see you again.
I'd have died in your world, were it not for you.
You know Krevlornswath's cow?
- He's Angel, the brave Drokken killer. - Just Angel....
He's a valiant and courageous warrior.
We shall welcome and honor him.
- Numfar, do the Dance of Honor! - Landok, hi...
...we have a few portal queries, and then we'll--
We shall adorn him like a warrior...
- ...so all may know of his valor. - No wire hanger. That's leather!
Guys. You know, this really isn't....
Nice!
You'll be guest of honor at the feast.
There, you'll tell of your bravery against the vicious Drokken.
Now, about the hair. Do you think that...?
Why, it's the homecoming I always dreamed of.
Can you actually read this stuff?
It resembles some demonic languages with which I'm...
...familiar, but...
...whole passages are missing.
Fascinating. A hart.
It's not a heart, it's Bambi. We expect him to read this tiny print?
No, not H-E-A-R-T, H-A-R-T. A male red deer or staggard...
...often linked with mysticism.
They all got animals on them. Probably demon bedtime stories.
Of course! The holy books are written in trionic.
What?
No one volume is complete without the other two.
It's one book broken up into three pieces.
- Like a trilogy. - No.
Much more complex than that. See this passage?
It continues in this volume, here...
...then concludes in this one.
The sentence structure indicates when to go from book to book.
Any portals?
I'm not sure. It takes time to decipher.
Starting to bore the princess.
But I am finding references to The Cursed One.
Really? There's stuff about Messiah Me?
"Com-shuk"....
Huh?
Contextually, a verb.
- Something I'm going to do? - With a Groosalugg.
- What does that mean? - I have no idea.
- Sounds dirty. - Nobody asked you.
Let's just ask somebody what it means.
Like who?
One of them priests. These belong to them.
Yeah.
Look, you're the princess.
- Can't you make them translate it? - I guess I could.
Yeah! Why not?
Princess not taking a vote, is she?
I'll make a decree.
Wolf.
Ram.
And Hart.
I'm not sure the priests can be trusted.
--the scroll was just tipping from his fingertips.
And his eyes-- The fighting was fierce!
I chopped off the evil lawyer-beast's hand, and he screamed...
...and then I left.
You're a regular Hans Christian Tarantino.
We should get back to the palace.
I hate to disappoint the kids. They enjoy it.
Nice to be a hero without the moral ambiguities like back home?
Yeah. Maybe it is, a little.
You start to see yourself the way they do.
You become that image. I get it. I know how they see me. Can we go?
Just one more--
Tell us again of the sorcerer who could remove his limbs at will.
Right, because that's a good one.
It is time for the Bach-nal.
- Angel, you shall swing the crebbil. - Yeah? Okay.
The crebbil? Angel, Angel, Angel....
- Cordelia, you must listen to me. - No, I think I've heard enough.
You want me to go back where we'd be slaves? Sorry, not good.
There are forces at work here.
You don't know who these priests are or what they serve.
Look, you can go.
But I must stay here and be a princess.
- And com-shuk with a Groosalugg. - Better than shoveling horse poo.
Majesty.
You all right?
- Yeah. - No.
Priesty, what's with this Groosalugg?
- What's that about? - You had a vision, Majesty?
Yes.
Yes, she has had a vision.
So you may as well be candid with her...
...or she'll know.
No lying to the messiah.
Clearly, Majesty has seen the Groosalugg.
It was summoned from the Scum Pits.
Scum Pits?
- It'll arrive before nightfall. - So the really close Scum Pits.
Everyone is very anxious for Her Majesty to com-shuk with it.
Of course. Why wouldn't they be?
These two, they didn't know what the com-shuk was. You tell them.
The com-shuk is a mating ritual.
I told you it was dirty.
Yes!
Exactly. The mating ritual. Which is great.
It's been a really long time since I've had a good com-shuk.
So, um....
I'm just gonna run out for a minute...
...because I wanted to get it a gift. And you know...
...Groosaluggs are hard to buy for. So I should hurry.
You mustn't leave the palace, Majesty.
The rebels are out. There are rumblings.
Rebel rumblings?
- We've doubled the palace guard. - Doubled?
- Tell me when the Groosalugg is here. - Yes, Your Majesty.
Okay. Well, then you can go.
Thank you, Your Majesty.
Let's get the hell out of here.
- Swing the crebbil! - Swing the crebbil!
Swing the crebbil!
Angel....
Angel!
Swing the crebbil!
Strike quickly and true. Then we can eat.
Swing the crebbil!
- You expect me to-- - Sever the cow's head!
Make it quick, make it quick, make it quick.
It is a great honor to swing the crebbil.
What is he doing?
- You want me to kill her? - The cow's a runaway!
It sneaks down and plunders our food stores.
- She was probably hungry. - You won't swing the crebbil?
Only if you force me to.
Here we go.
We'll back up slowly, and these good folks are gonna...
- Stop them! - ...kill us!
Stop...
...in the name of love
Before you break my heart
For, baby, I'm aware
What strange sorcery is this?
Each time you leave my door
It burns! It burns!
Knowing you're all the love You'll meet
Come on!
Think it-- Oh, shit!
Okay.
Hurry up!
If we ever get out of here...
...find me a dimension where demons don't want to impregnate me.
Is it too much to ask? What is it about me?
Do I put out a com-shuk-me vibe?
I mean, you'd tell me, right?
Okay, smells like I'll be mating with the Groosalugg.
You can do this.
The sewage system is our only sure bet.
- Just hold your breath. - Why can't we use the front door?
- Your booty getting through the door? - Hey.
- That booty. - Oh.
I wanted something to remember my reign by. Is that so wrong?
- Oh, God. - Here you go.
You first.
We've been looking for Your Majesty.
The servants must have left that door open.
Yeah.
It's kind of whiffy in here.
I just thought I would have this stuff appraised.
Your Majesty, the Groosalugg approaches.
Oh, good.
- She didn't make it. - Now what?
We find Angel.
I don't think we've been followed.
We should probably stay on foot, in case they try to track us down.
You okay?
Handsome man saved me from the monsters.
Bye.
Hey! Wait a minute!
Hello?
Great place.
You don't have to be afraid of me, really.
You know I'd never...
...hurt you.
So....
- So you don't want to talk to me? - Yeah.
Why won't you?
Because...
...you're not real. Or I'm not real.
Somebody here isn't real. I think it's you.
If you're not real, then it means my head was chopped off. I'm dead now.
Dead. And with me being dead and you being not real...
...I can't have a conversation with you.
It's just too much, all right?
Okay.
What's that you're doing?
I think I saw it in a dream.
You've been here a long time.
Always.... Not always.
I had a dream that I had a name.
"Winifred."
- You're the girl in Cordy's vision. - What?
"Fred."
- You were studying to be a physicist. - That's my dream.
You vanished in Los Angeles 5 years ago.
Stop it.
- It's not a dream. - It's not?
No.
- And my head's still on? - Yeah.
You're real?
No.
- No, I don't want you to be real. - Why?
Because you're nice and you saved me.
Bad things will happen to you here. They always do.
No, nothing bad will happen. It'll be okay.
- We'll take you out of here. - We?
- Me and my friends are going back. - No, can't get back. There's no back.
We'll open a portal--
- The portal. She fell through it. - Who?
That other girl. I couldn't save her.
- They've got her. She'll die! - Cordy?
- She's fine. They made her princess. - They--
Really?
When I got here, they-- They didn't do that.
Well, that's nice for her.
I'm wearing this for a first date?
I don't want to seem too easy. I was thinking a nice tailored suit...
...of armor.
I figured we'd start slow. A few dinners, some light conversation...
...then, in three or four years, if we're still hitting it off--
- Your Majesty. - Yeah?
The Groosalugg.
You think it would add some feminine mystery if I were to not be here?
Kill me now.
Just put those anywhere.
Majesty.
I've never been to the palace.
I've seen it up there, on that hill, watching me.
We've just got to find my friends.
Get down!
You may see something scary, but I'm your friend.
Bad things always happen here.
An animal...
...a beast. To my people, I was nothing more than this.
Why?
- Can you not see why? - Not exactly. You seem good to me.
You are truly beneficent. Such compassion...
...to ignore the flaws of my polluted birth.
Well-- Huh?
The strange curve of my mouth.
The odd bulging of my limbs.
The heart beating in the wrong place.
As I matured, these defects became more apparent.
The Covenant soon determined there could be no mistake.
There was cow's blood in my veins.
So?
Heck, I'm all cow-- Human.
No, no, no. You are beyond cow or god. You...
...you are the transcendent one.
I am?
You're cursed by The Powers.
- Tell me about it. - For my people...
...to be part cow is to be less. I couldn't prove my worth.
I was incapable even of performing husbandly duties...
...with my tribe's females.
- You're-- - Equipped to mate only with a human.
- Good to know. - I was cast from my village...
...cut off from my life-givers, forced to make it on my own.
My parents were busted for tax fraud. My trust fund dried up.
I sought to end my suffering.
Get out.
No. Wait!
He can stay.
Go on.
You sought to end your suffering.
I entered every contest of skill and daring...
...in an attempt to snuff out my pathetic life.
But, even at this, I failed.
You did?
I won every match. I vanquished every Flame Beast.
I defeated every Drokken.
Nothing could stop me.
The Covenant had no choice but to bestow upon me the name Groosalugg...
...the brave and undefeated.
Wow!
- Majesty. - What?
There was trouble at the Bach-nal.
The prisoner is ready for your cruel punishment.
Handle it, will you? I'm busy.
Execute the prisoner.
Wait!
Hang on!
Pardon him! I pardon him!
Pardon him.
Release him now!
Oh, baby.
Are you okay?
Not as good as you, obviously.
Do you want to borrow their cuffs?
Listen, I'll get right back to you.
You're pardoned. Shoo!
- Where's Wesley and Gunn? - I'm sure they're fine.
- We're lost. - Nonsense.
Follow the sun. We'll head towards the village.
- Which one? - Which village?
Which sun? There are two of them. Alternate dimension. We're lost.
You having a Blair Witch moment?
Something's hunting us.
- Palace guards? - I don't know.
What the hell is it?
Move! Move!
Move!
It's Angel!
Angel! Can you hear me?
Angel?
You're hurt.
What just happened?
That strange wild girl saved us from Angel.
Something very freaky is going on here.
I may know what.
Angel's vampire self has been sublimated somehow by this dimension.
It's okay.
- Only his human side has surfaced. - Being in the sun...
- ...seeing his reflection. - Yes.
Now somehow he's accessed his demon...
...but he can't find the balance.
His demon self has overcome his human side.
That's what the thing inside of him looks like?
In its purest form.
It's nasty.
- Can you walk? - Yeah.
We've got to help him.
- All right? - Yeah.
Oh, good. More fun.
And that, my princess, is my story in full.
When they summoned me, I was killing a beast in the Scum Pit of Ur.
It's a great story. And you're a great Groosalugg.
But...
...I'm not your princess.
The truth is, I'm not anybody's princess.
- Have you not the Curse? - The visions?
Yeah, I've got visions coming out of my ears.
But that doesn't make me a princess.
That just makes me kind of weird.
I do not understand.
Where I come from, who I really am...
...is so far from being a princess. You have no idea.
I'm an actress.
- I do not know this word. - Actress?
It means when I'm lucky enough to get the gig...
...people tell me what to do, where to stand, how to move, what to say--
You're the concubine of your village.
Felt like one sometimes.
Last job, I wore this horrible outfit.
It was this tiny, skimpy, exploitative--
Nothing like this.
- Have they no eyes in this village? - What do you mean?
Can they not just look upon you and see that you are a princess?
I'm not.
Well, pardon my impudence, Majesty, but you're wrong.
The Covenant has declared it so.
It doesn't matter what they say.
Then you declare it so.
You declare it with your bearing and with your beauty...
...and the mercy you bestowed upon your subject today.
He was a friend of mine.
If you treat all of your subjects this way, you will do much good.
It's a beautiful dream.
Really, it is.
But it's not real.
Why not?
Parchment. She's asked for parchment.
- Some strange cow-mating ritual? - No.
- She wants to make proclamations. - Proclamations?
She's decided she can do some good.
Then the com-shuk hasn't happened.
It's time to send our princess a message.
I know how we send a message to the princess. We storm the palace.
It'd be suicide. We'd be wiped out in minutes.
- Yeah, but it'd be a message. - Excuse me.
- I couldn't help overhearing. - Wesley!
It's all right. We can help these brave men.
Shut up, reconnaissance scum.
I've told you already, we're not reconnaissance cows.
We tracked you coming from the palace. Don't lie.
I'm not lying. If you want to send a message to her...
- ...then I know we can help. - Shut up, Wesley.
How?
We just happen to be close personal friends with the princess.
They know her!
- Close friends? - I can prove it!
In my wallet--
The leather holder in the back of my leg coverings.
That's it.
It's true. They know the princess.
If you'd draw up a list of demands...
...we'll be happy to present it to Her Majesty.
- Let's do it. Write a list of demands. - You see?
Put the list and their severed heads...
...on display outside the princess's window.
I'm glad I left my people behind in L.A...
...so I can come here to die.
Are you feeling any better?
It's okay. You don't have to talk.
I'm used to it.
They saw it. They looked right at it.
Saw what?
The monster. They saw what I really am.
I can't go back.
Not now. I can never go back.
Never.
It's okay.
You....
You could stay here.
This will free the slaves and outlaw polyester.
It hasn't been invented here yet...
...but I'm a forward-thinking monarch.
We didn't order anything.
Get out, cow.
You can't call him that.
He is Groosalugg, the brave and undefeated.
- He is that only because I say he is. - Groo! Where are you...?
He just left.
He understands the way of things.
Yeah? Well, "the way of things" is going to change around here.
Is that right?
Way.
I've got proclamations.
- Foolish girl. - Who's wearing the tiara here, pal?
The Powers have placed their gift in you.
- Got that right. - But let us be clear...
- ...you have no authority. - I'm the princess.
You, like the Groosalugg, are a tool of the Covenant.
You will do what we tell you.
If we tell you to mate, you shall mate.
You can't force us to--
If we tell you "silence," YOU shut your cow mouth!
Pardon me?
Pardon, Your Majesty?
Don't you feel you've done enough pardoning...
...for one day?