Go down to the river to eat that snake.
Go on, get. Go on. Get out of here.
Little early to be quitting, ain't it, girls?
Or is it Christmas?
Girls yourself.
It ain't Christmas, neither.
It's that hell bitch.
She bit a hunk out of him.
I'm glad you got here before fall, Newt.
We've been missing you.
It's supper time.
Either that or old Bolivar's calling up bandits.
We hear you, dern it, we hear you!
'I God, Woodrow,
as long as you've worked around horses,
I'd think you wouldn't
turn your back on Kiowa mares.
You want to think something,
think that roof back up on the barn
instead of sitting in the shade.
I ain't scared to be lazy.
That don't recommend you much.
Can we eat, or are we waiting till the argument's over?
You will starve if you wait for that.
Many thanks.
If you ever get tired of loafing,
you can get work waiting tables.
I had a job waiting tables once,
on a riverboat.
Wasn't older than Newt there, but...
I had to give it up.
How come?
Well, I was too young and pretty.
The whores wouldn't let me alone.
Listening to you brag don't improve the taste
of these Mexican strawberries none.
The only way you'll get better food
is by shooting Bolivar.
And another thing, Bol.
Quit whacking that dinner bell for supper.
Whack it at noon if you want to.
A man with any sense can tell it's sundown
without you whacking that bell.
General Robert E. Lee freed the slaves.
I can whack if I want to.
Abe Lincoln freed the slaves, not General Lee.
He didn't free Mexicans anyway, Bol.
It was, uh...
Americans that he freed.
You're in over your head, Pea.
It was Africans Abe Lincoln freed,
no more American than Call, here.
I'm American, by God.
You was born in Scotland,
though you was on the teat when they brought you.
I'm as American as anybody from Tennessee.
You boys can sleep easy tonight
knowing Captain Woodrow F. Call
is guarding the river,
keeping you safe from Indians and Mexican bandits.
There ain't no Indians no more.
We cleaned them out.
How about Blue Duck?
You never got him.
No, we never got that half-breed.
Blue Duck ain't around here nowhere.
His range is further north.
How come the Captain goes to the river?
He just misses the wild old days
when he had somebody to outwit, that's all.
I'll whack that bell if I want to.
What's the matter with that knife, Bol?
Won't hold an edge?
It is like a wife.
Every night
you better stroke it.
Your wife in Mexico
must be getting rusty by now.
She don't get sharpened more than
twice a year, does she, Bol?
She is old.
Like you.
The older the violin, the sweeter the music.
You ought to bring her to meet me.
No, I know you.
You would try to corrupt her.
How about one of your daughters?
You've got nine, ain't you?
I don't see no scalps.
Good night to slip into Mexico and cross some stock.
Cross it and do what?
It ain't against the law for you to work.
Can I go to Mexico?
I'm getting old enough now.
You'll get old quick if you sit around talking.
Best go on to bed.
It's still early, Captain.
You go to bed now. We got work tomorrow.
Yes, sir.
You ought to let him set awhile.
The only education he's got is listening to me.
What kind of education is that?
You think he'll learn more
shoveling horse poop for you?
I shovel my share. It ain't hurt me.
Fine, if that's how you want to make your fortune.
I think I'll straggle down to that gin palace
see if I can't scare me up a card game.
Now, you pigs...
You don't wait up for me, now.
(KNOCK ON DOOR)
Evening, my good friend.
Mr. Gus, come in, come in.
Loan me $2.00, all right, Gus?
Why would I loan money to a loafer?
You ought to be trailing cattle.
I'm leaving next week to do just that.
I'll pay you back.
Evening, Lorie. You look fine.
Real fine.
Listen, me and Lorie are trying to talk.
Dish, you got a sour stomach?
What you need is a good game of cards.
Ain't that right, Lippy?
I didn't come in to play no cards.
How about you, Wanz?
Put that rag away.
Most people wouldn't notice dead skunks on the table.
Put you in a better mood.
Nothing else to do around here anyway.
Almost sunup.
How did anybody that pretty wind up in Lonesome Dove?
A gambler named Tinkersley
left her here a couple of years ago.
Before that, he'd had her, uh...
sparking boys in San Antone to
pay his debts.
Damn him.
She didn't mind.
She was rat-holing her tips,
trying to save to get to San Francisco.
He stole her money.
She caught him drunk and tried to shoot him.
He beat her black and blue.
Bit her lip, too.
That's how come she got that scar.
That little scar.
I kind of like her.
You been with her?
Sure, who ain't?
Even Wanz treats himself once or twice a week.
Of course,
she won't have nothing to do with Lippy.
Here's that $2.00 you wanted to borrow, Dish.
Go ahead, take it.
Wouldn't want it said I'd refuse a loan to a friend.
Much obliged, then.
I'll pay you back this fall.
No need to ride off tonight, Dish.
Throw your blanket on our front porch.
I appreciate that. I do, I...
Darn, I think I left something on the table.
Imagine that.
If it's all right with you, Dish,
I won't wait.
No need. You go on.
Get from here, you pigs.
I ain't giving you no biscuits.
Now go on, get. Go on.
(DOOR OPENS)
What's Dish Boggett doing on the front porch?
Well, sleeping, unless you woke him.
How's that horse bite?
Hell, I been bit worse by bedbugs in Saltillo.
Let me pour some axle grease on it.
Tend to your biscuits.
You up all night reading the good book?
It's hard to have fun in a place like this, but
I do my best.
Oh.
Biscuits are ready.
We come here to make money.
There wasn't nothing about fun in the deal.
You like money even less than you like fun,
if that's possible.
Wake up, Newt.
You'll poke your eye with your own fork.
See what happens when you keep him up all night talking.
Hurry, Pea.
It'll take a hacksaw to cut them eggs, the way
frying them in coffee grounds, Bol.
I don't care.
Pea eye, it's bad manners to go relieving yourself
where people are eating breakfast.
What would your mama think?
Good morning.
Morning, Dish. Have some bacon.
Thanks, Captain.
You can work it off.
Work it off?
Hey, come look who's riding up the road.
It ought to be Deets.
He's due back from San Antone.
It's Deets, but not alone.
That's Deets all right.
Who's the other one?
'I God, Woodrow, that's Jake Spoon!
Danged if you ain't right.
Lord, how long has it been?
10 years.
Well, howdy, boys.
What's for breakfast?
You're too late. We ate.
You always was a hog, Gus.
Captain. Good to see you.
Where you been all these years?
Arkansas most recently.
Your horse looks like you left in a hurry.
Yeah, that's true enough.
What you think, Captain?
Didn't I find the prodigal?
You did.
Bet it wasn't in no church house.
Pea, it's been a long time.
Thank you, Jake.
This is Dish Boggett. He just signed on.
I did?
And who's this?
Don't you remember me, Jake?
You used to buy me hard candy.
You gave me my first ride on horseback.
My God!
Well, if it ain't Newt!
Little Newt!
I growed up, huh?
You growed up good, Newt.
Thank you, Jake.
Woodrow makes sure he sleeps.
Deets, give his horse a good feed.
Probably been a while since he's had one.
Didn't Deets have that same cap before I left?
Deets wouldn't quit a garment 'cause of a little age.
We can't all be fine dressers like you.
Pea, you best get these two boys to work digging that well.
Well, now, Captain, I...
you don't mind doing a little well digging
to pay for breakfast, do you, Dish?
I don't guess so.
That old pistolero you got for a cook
has been cleaning his gun on this towel.
There's worse he wipes on it.
Where you been all these years, Jake?
Seeing the country.
I was up in Montana two years ago.
Prettier land there never was,
'specially on Milk River.
You can smell Canady from there.
Bet you can smell Indians, too.
Yeah, but it's worth it seeing all the grass.
Grass everywhere.
You wouldn't believe it.
Plenty of water, too.
I'd go today, if I could
sprout wings and fly.
Be safer to walk.
Give somebody else time to lick the Indians.
The minute they are licked,
there's going to be fortunes made in Montana.
What are you saying, Jake?
I'm saying let's us get to it first.
Round up free cattle here, drive them up.
We'd be rich.
Land like you never seen.
We ain't seen you in 10 years.
Now you want us to pack up,
go north, and get scalped.
You were never afraid of a few Indians.
We whupped them down here,
and they was Comanches.
You were never a lover of cows, neither.
Pretty whores, cards, and clean shirts
was more your line.
Yeah, but I can smell an opportunity
when it's under my nose.
What about that trouble in Arkansas?
Mule Skinner threw down on me in a saloon.
Shot back at him and killed a dentist.
Was a pure accident, but I killed him.
He stood in the wrong place?
Actually, he was outside
walking down the street.
A plank wall won't stop no .50-caliber bullet.
But a dentist will.
Dropped him dead.
It was bad luck all around.
Nobody likes a dentist anyway.
This one was the mayor.
Worse yet,
his brother's the she...
his brother's the sheriff.
Young fellow named July Johnson.
He was away at the time.
They wouldn't hang you for an accident,
not even in Arkansas.
Since they don't take much shine to gamblers,
I wasn't going to give them the option.
Good to see you boys.
I hardly thought to find you still here.
Ain't nothing changed much around here
since you left, Jake.
Little Newt sure surprised me.
Guess I thought he was still just a spud.
What about Maggie?
Maggie's been dead nine years, Jake.
Nine years.
I swear...
You've had little Newt all this time.
Wasn't a whole lot of people
scrambling to adopt a dead whore's child.
Ain't that right, Woodrow?
Well, it ain't a holiday.
Let's help them boys out there.
I swear.
It was only the Christian thing to do...
taking him in, I mean.
One of you boys is most likely his dad.
July, get out here. I want to talk to you.
Hello, Peach.
Where did you get the rooster, Peach?
It's my rooster.
July, when do you aim to start after Jake Spoon?
Well...
he'll get over to Mexico or somewhere
you sit around here much longer...
Like you been doing.
The thing is, Peach...
I mean everybody pretty much agrees it was an accident.
Stop that, rooster!
Benny was my husband and your brother
and the mayor of this town.
Now that ought to stand for something, July.
It does...
You're the sheriff, ain't you?
It's what you're paid for.
Well, that's true, but you can't...
You never should have married that woman, July.
Remember I warned you about that?
Well, what's that got to do with this, Peach?
I think you'd rather stay home than do your duty.
That's what I think.
I never said I wasn't going after him.
Oh, rooster!
Guess that will teach him to peck me.
Well, July...
What about Jake Spoon?
I expect to find him
down around San Antonio somewhere, Peach.
I hear he has friends there.
You catch him, you hear me?
I will, Peach.
Don't worry.
Now let's see how you like the cook pot.
Them friends of Jake Spoon's...
they're two of the most famous Texas Rangers
that ever lived. You know that?
I don't suppose there's a sporting woman around.
Are you so rich that's all you think about?
I think about it, rich or poor.
Get from here, you pigs.
Go hunt up another snake or something.
Get!
Sit down, Jake. Let's talk.
Folks that keep pigs ain't no better than farmers.
I'm surprised at you and Call.
I figured you'd at least stay cattlemen
after we quit rangering.
I thought you'd own a railroad by now
or at least a whorehouse.
I guess life's disappointed us both.
I may not have made no fortune,
but I never spoke to a pig, neither.
In all your world travels, Jake,
you didn't run across Clara nowhere, did you?
She's still married to that horse trader Bob Allen,
if that's what you're asking.
You saw her then?
Just for a minute
outside a store in Ogallala.
Bob was with her, so I wasn't asked for supper.
Any young'uns?
Two girls, I believe.
I heard her boys died.
How did she look?
Not as pretty as she once was.
It's been 15 years since we courted her.
Nebraska, huh?
I went by there on my way to Montana.
Bob's close to rich, did you know that?
Army gets most of its horses from him.
First he gets Clara, then he gets rich.
'I God, imagine that.
Him so dumb he can hardly walk through a door
without bumping his head.
Don't seem fair, does it?
Stop digging when you get to China.
You'll know when you're there.
The men wear pigtails.
If you hadn't loaned me that $2.00,
I'd be halfway to Matagorda by now.
No need to thank me.
Easy, now.
Easy there.
Want some help?
Not from you, I don't.
Where's Jake?
Catching a nap.
Oh, man.
He ain't changed a bit, has he?
Look who's talking. When did you change last?
Still breaking horses when there's plenty of gentle ones.
I never seen a more intelligent filly.
Look, how she's watching.
She ain't watching you 'cause she loves you.
Gus.
What?
Why not go up to Montana?
The cattleman's paradise, to hear Jake tell it.
Sounds like a damn wilderness to me.
Aren't we a shade old to start fighting Indians again?
I mean it, Gus.
Why not just...
Go north with the herd?
I tell you what.
You ride on up there, clear out the Indians,
build a little cabin,
get a nice fire going in the fireplace,
me and Jake'll come up with a herd.
I'd like to see the herd you two could get.
Herd of whores, maybe.
You ain't no more a cattleman than I am.
You know it, too.
I want to do it, Gus.
I want to see that country
before the
bankers and lawyers all get it.
Hey, you boys got any water flowing yet?
It's flowing out of me.
I lost two gallons already.
Well, quit work.
Catch a little rest.
We're going to Mexico tonight.
'I God, Woodrow.
(WHISTLING)
Where you off to, looking so pretty?
Just taking a stroll,
since we got the afternoon off.
What do you do in Mexico?
We ride around in the dark,
strike on some horses and cows,
then we steal them.
Like the Mexicans stole them from over here.
(CREAKING BEDSPRINGS)
(LAUGHING)
Come on in here, son.
Anybody digging a well in this heat deserves a drink.
Well, that's... Thanks, anyway.
Look at the Captain.
Whoo hee hee!
Going to run her out now.
Going to show whose horse she is.
Eeee!
You think the Captain will let me go tonight?
You're sure in a hurry to get shot at.
Any more horse bites?
Quit pulling on that jug.
I want you sober tonight.
Well, speaking of sober...
There's somebody who ain't.
Just leave me alone, Jake.
Go away. Let me get back on my...
I want to see Lorie.
I want to go by myself, Jake.
Dish?
Oh, hello, Captain.
What the hell happened?
I wish I could say.
Well, why can't you say?
Don't believe I can remember.
Jake, you put him up to this?
No. I found him trying to see
how fast he could drain a bottle.
I'll not have men can't do their job.
I can ride, Captain.
Ain't nothing to setting on a horse.
Better not fall off, or the Mexicans will get you.
You men want supper, best go get it.
We're leaving at sundown.
Newt, best go saddle your pony, too, I reckon.
(BELL RINGS)
If that old Mexican thinks it's the 4th of July,
I'll give him firecrackers!
(GUNSHOTS)
That was a foolish thing, Jake.
You might have hit the house
instead of old Bolivar.
No wonder you're on the run.
Evening, Joe.
How's your mama been today?
She was sick again this morning.
Don't you slosh that milk, Joe.
I'm home.
Supper's on the table.
Joe said you were feeling poorly again this morning.
It's living in this town that does it.
You want some buttermilk?
No, sir.
If he wants buttermilk, he can get it himself.
Don't wait on him hand and foot.
I been thinking.
I better go catch Jake Spoon.
Do what?
Catch Jake Spoon for killing Benny.
Now why would you want to do that?
It was an accident,
as everybody with any sense knows.
I know...
Peach been bullying you again, is that it?
Wipe your lip, July.
Joe, run fetch a bucket of water.
We been married five months.
Now you want to ride off somewhere,
and all because of Peach.
Well, that's my job, Ellie.
That's what I get paid for.
If I start now,
I expect I'd be back in a month.
Well, maybe you should at that, July.
I think I should.
Take Joe with you.
Take Joe?
Ellie, he's just a boy.
There could be a fight.
I doubt anybody'd shoot a boy, even in Texas.
I was thinking maybe I'd take Roscoe.
Take Joe.
He's got to grow up sometime.
It won't hurt him.
I don't know, Ellie.
I know.
I'll go tell him.
Better to have that if it's not needed
than to need it and not have it.
You pigs guard the place while we're gone.
They put a gun on you.
Wouldn't be surprised if they make you boss of this outfit.
Better hope not, Deets.
I'd cut your wages for always joshing me.
Big camp's just a couple of miles over that ridge.
Some might think it foolish,
stealing horses from Pedro Flores.
He's got the best-armed hundred vaqueros in northern Mexico.
They're spread all around and can't shoot anyhow.
Most of this crowd can't neither.
Dish is still half-drunk.
Newt ain't ever spilled blood.
I swear, Gus.
You'd argue with a possum.
Be easier than arguing with you, Woodrow.
How many you figure?
I'd say 40 or 50 head.
Speak up, Gus.
Talk a little louder and them vaqueros
probably bring us the horses...
While they're shooting at us.
We'll split up.
Get ready to jump some gullies, boys.
(SINGING)
Captain.
What is it?
I hear singing.
White folks singing.
White folks?
You hear anything?
Yes, I do.
I hear something, but it sounds like a bird.
Hell, Deets wouldn't stop for no bird.
No, sir, I guess he wouldn't.
Two of them.
They got a donkey and a mule.
That don't make no sense at all.
Irishmen.
When did Pedro Flores go to hiring Irishmen?
(SINGING) Oh, whiskey made me pawn me clothes
And whiskey gave me a broken nose
Whiskey-o, Johnny-o
Rise 'em up from down below
Whiskey, whiskey, whiskey-o
Open up, this jar must go
John, rise 'em up from down below
Let's eat the donkey.
What's a donkey good for?
Teach it to sit on its arse and eat sugar cubes.
You men just hold steady there.
Murderers, Allen!
Murderers! Heyaaa, mule, heyaaa!
Heyaaa! Heyaaa, heyaaa, heyaaa!
I believe that mule's hobbled, son.
That's why his legs won't work.
He's me brother, but smart he ain't.
I'm Allen O'Brien,
and that would be young Sean there on the mule.
Sir.
Newt, you run get the horses.
Yes, sir.
You know where you are?
Not Ireland. I know that much.
How far are we from Galveston, sir?
Galveston? This is Mexico.
Worse, the part you're standing on
belong to Pedro Flores.
He find you here, he'll hang you sure.
Hang us? Oh, yeah.
Mr. Gus done got the horses.
You boys best pack up and go with us.
We're packed.
We being chased?
I don't doubt it.
Jake's shooting off his pistol like a fool.
Head for home!
Big bunch of horses coming this way.
Flores and his boys?
I believe so.
No wonder we ain't been chased.
While we was in Mexico stealing Flores' horses,
he was back in Texas stealing some others.
That's it.
We'll run straight at them,
grab his herd, and kick for the river.
Be a good joke on that old bandit.
Hang onto your hat, Irishmen!
(SPEAKING SPANISH)
(RACING HOOFBEATS)
¿Qué es eso?
(HOOFBEATS GROW LOUDER)
(SPEAKING SPANISH)
Whoo-hoo!
Not bad for a night's work...
over 100 horses and two lost Irishmen.
All we need is cattle
and some more cowboys to drive 'em north.
Ain't been here but a day.
Already you've made a horse thief out of me.
That's a step up for you, ain't it, Jake?
Let's get them horses hid in that thicket up there.
Don't you even want your breakfast first, Woodrow?
I could kick you for giving him ideas about Montana.
We'll suffer all our lives.
I'd forgot how determined he gets.
How about loaning me a couple of dollars?
Early in the day to wiggle your bean.
It's for whiskey and a tub.
That girl wouldn't take money from me.
That's because she don't really know you yet.
Roscoe can help if you need anything.
I can do my own choring.
This ain't exactly a cotton plantation.
Well, you ready, Joe?
Yes, sir, I reckon.
Well, give her a kick, and let's go.
Hey, Joe!
Roscoe!
Roscoe Brown!
Morning, Peach.
Hello, Charlie.
I thought July told you to look after Elmira.
She said she don't want no looking after.
We just got back from the cabin,
and she's gone.
Gone?
Gone where?
Maybe on that whiskey boat.
You mean,
she...she left town?
Well, why would Elmira do a thing like that?
Well, who knows... A woman like her.
Maybe got her another man somewhere.
But...but she's July's wife.
She's having a baby, too.
A baby?
July never said nothing about no baby.
I doubt she ever told him,
but I seen her with the morning sickness.
My God...
On a whiskey boat?
July ain't got the sense God gave a turkey,
or he'd never have married her.
You'd best go find him and tell him
his wife's run away.
Well,
July's gone to Texas, Peach.
He left six days ago.
Well, surely you can find Texas, Roscoe.
I can find Texas,
but how do I find July?
Now, listen, Roscoe,
she ain't hardly worth it,
but July dotes on that woman.
He'll want to find her
before she gets scalped by the Indians.
Now, you see to it, you hear,
or you'll be the one gets blamed.
All right, Peach.
I don't know nothing else to do.
Charlie, don't stand in the sun
like you got no sense.
Sweet little thing. Mm-mmm!
Sure is a pretty thing, ain't she?
Aw, she's mine.
See that, did you?
What was it about?
About you.
About me?
You're the only woman we got.
He would have taken advantage of the fact.
He won't now, though, will he?
No.
You took a chance getting on a boat
with a bunch of men like us.
You the one that done it?
Big Zwey.
He done it. He fancies you.
Says he's going to marry you.
He can't marry me. I'm already married.
I'm going to Ogallala to find my husband.
Maybe you heard of him...Dee Boot?
Big Zwey, he likes you.
He's going to marry you.
Tell him I got a husband.
Give me a hand here. Here we go!
You go tell him yourself.
Grab another one, boys.
Watch...watch that!
Cut that one over there!
Get him back over in there!
How did you do?
About 50 head of steers.
No trouble with Flores?
He's dead.
Dead?
Caught one of his vaqueros.
He said old Pedro...
died about a week ago.
What did he do, choke on a pepper?
He just died. That's all.
I didn't know you liked that old bandit so much.
I didn't say I liked him.
I didn't expect him to die, I guess.
He was a rough old cob,
I'll say that for him.
Fun's all over down here now.
Fun?
What would you know about fun?
You never had fun in your whole life.
Fun is my department.
I'll ride into town and scare me up some.
We got enough to do right here.
I'm keeping everything in balance.
You do more work than you got to,
so it's my obligation to do less.
Where the hell's he going?
Hello, Jasper. Ain't seen you in a while.
Is that girl in there gone and got married?
Whenever I jingle my money,
she looks like she's ready to carve my liver.
Never was but one thing worth doing here.
Now I can't even do that!
I hear you and Call are raising a herd.
Well, you're about half-right.
Call is.
He still taking on hands?
He'd find a place for you.
Don't look like you eat much.
He's with the herd about
five miles yonder ways.
Lorie, darlin’.
Lippy.
You and me.
How about a poke?
I'm with Jake now, Gus.
You know that.
Yeah, I do know that, honey.
When I saw Jake riding up to Lonesome Dove,
I knew you and him was settling together.
But Call got him to work this afternoon,
so there ain't no reason
you shouldn't sell me a poke.
I told you the reason.
Jake takes care of me now.
Jake's never taken care of nobody his whole life.
Somebody's always taking care of him.
It was me and Call.
Now it's you.
Ain't that right?
You aiming to marry him?
We ain't talked about it.
He is taking me to San Francisco, though.
Think so, huh?
He promised. I'll hold him to it.
Jake's slippery like an eel.
My guess is he'll use the drive to leave you.
If Jake's going, I'm going, too.
You'd be welcome as far as I'm concerned,
but Call ain't tolerant of women.
I'm going.
It's a free country, ain't it?
If you work for Woodrow Call, it ain't.
I...I tell you...
I'll give you...
$50 for the poke.
$50?
I'll give you $50.
Even if you had $50, Lippy,
the answer's still no.
I tell you what.
Let's cut cards.
Now, if you're high,
you win the $50,
and you can forget the poke.
Now, if I'm high,
I'll still give you the $50,
but I get the poke.
All right?
Well, what about Jake? He's your good friend.
I ain't trying to cut Jake out.
I just want a poke,
and you might need the $50.
Hmm.
You cheated, didn't you?
Wouldn't say I did or didn't,
but a man who wouldn't cheat for a poke
don't want one bad enough.
Come on, darlin’.
(SINGING) Sleep, oh, babe
For the grave becomes
More silent
While it's full
Evil
From the grave a-comes
To wrap the world enthralled...
It's a lucky herd, ain't it?
Got a fine Irish baritone to sing to them.
He sings too sad to suit me.
Well, hello there, Jake.
Wait till I eat my stew. I'll help you down.
I ain't getting down.
Hand me a plate. I'll eat up here.
You sound plum grumpy.
I guess one day's honest work don't agree with you.
Or is it just any work at all?
You're one to talk.
Where you been all afternoon?
I was playing cards with Lorie.
The poor girl thinks you're taking her to San Francisco.
That ain't your business.
She'll go where I say
or get left behind one.
Why not bring her on the drive?
On the drive?
It's safer than you two
just striking out on your own,
especially through Indian country.
Call'd never allow women in camp.
Call ain't God, are you?
What?
I was telling Jake here you ain't God.
You ain't, are you?
Couple more drags through Mexico,
we'll be able to start up the trail Monday.
How does that suit you, Jake?
It don't need to suit me.
I don't know that I feel like bumping cows anymore.
You ain't going on the drive?
Jake's got his own fancies to cultivate.
He don't care that he caused all this.
I didn't cause anything.
Who said Montany's a cowman's paradise?
Well, it is.
You know the country.
We was counting on you to choose the way.
I ain't decided for sure yet.
Well, that's fine.
Let us know when you do.
Yeah, I will.
Think he'll go with us?
I'll tell you what I think.
I think Jake's always been too leaky a vessel
for anybody to put much hope in.
Going to town, Jake?
(SINGING) Sleep, oh, babe
For the
Grave becomes...
What's wrong, Sean?
I miss me mother.
Back in Ireland?
Well, don't worry.
I'm sure you'll see her again someday.
No. She died...
Before me and me brother left home.
Otherwise, I'd still be there.
Mine died, too, you know.
You miss her?
Like I been missing mine?
Sometimes.
Oh, yeah...
Yeah, I do miss her.
What about your pa?
I don't know nothing about him.
Me pa was a drunkard.
He fell down a well and drownded.
He only came home to beat me anyway.
At least you knew who he was.
Ah, it's me ma I miss.
Don't go up there with him.
Please. Don't.
I have to.
I'm sandy.
I should have bathed in the river.
Want me to fill you a tub?
Maybe later.
What was Gus up to today?
He didn't come back till sundown.
He was here a while.
He offered me $50.
Gus always was a fool with his money.
I turned him down, though.
I said I was with you.
I reckon he got his poke.
If I'm wrong, you can hit me back.
We cut cards for it.
I can't prove it, but I know he cheated.
Should have warned you about cutting cards with that old cud.
If it had been anybody but him,
I'd have shot you.
You going with the herd?
I ain't decided.
They don't leave till Monday.
You ain't planning on leaving me here
if you do go,
are you, Jake?
All of them cowboys in love with you?
I'd have to kill half of them
before we got to Red River.
They won't bother me.
Gus is the only one with enough guts to try.
Yeah. He'd want to cut the cards twice a day.
I'm going with you, Jake,
whether you go on the drive or not.
I'm going when you leave.
Maybe we'll go to San Antone and gamble a spell.
I've been.
I don't want to go back.
Ain't you the hard one to please?
Well, no, I ain't.
I just want to go to San Francisco,
like you promised me.
That would please me just fine.
I ain't going to run off and leave you, Lorie,
if that's what you think.
I know you ain't, Jake.
(ROOSTER CROWS)
Morning.
You're up awful early.
Jake, let's leave today.
Today?
Go and buy me a horse, will you?
One that's not too tall.
Here's $50.
This Gus' money?
It was.
Well...
I bet a nickel.
Get ready to shed a tear or two.
Ain't afraid of you.
I ain't scared, neither.
How about you, Jasper?
You going to play cards
or just sit there looking ugly?
What's he doing with that?
That's supper.
Bol will make stew with that.
I ain't eating no rattlesnake.
I guess Dish don't want no snake supper neither.
Hey, it's Jake.
And Miss Lorena.
Lorie, darlin’.
That's a fine-looking horse you're riding.
Jake bought her for me from Mary Pumphrey.
Well, I'm surprised she'd sell her.
Well, I had $50 to spend, Gus.
Money well spent, Jake...
Both times.
Howdy, Call.
You never met Lorena Wood.
No. We've not met.
Well, Jake, I see you've made your decision.
We decided to try our luck in San Francisco.
We'll enjoy the cool weather.
It's a hard trip.
Jake ain't one to be put off by hardship.
We hope to ease along with you till Denver.
It's a free country, Jake. Do as you please.
Guess we'll find a ridge to camp on,
somewhere upwind from these stinking beasts of yours.
See you boys on the trail somewhere.
Lorie.
Woodrow...
Let's go if we're going.
I was thinking of making another run to Mexico.
We got enough cattle to stock five ranches.
Let's go.
Boys, check your gear.
We'll be leaving first light in the morning.
Captain, how far is it up north?
Up north ain't a place, Newt. It's a direction.
Where we're going is about 2,500 miles that-away.
2,500 miles?
Now where are you off to?
I forgot something.
Now, if I ain't back in a month,
you girls start without me.
Ya!
You pigs take care of the place.
It's all yours now.
Nobody else's.
I see the morning rush ain't started yet.
It will never start again.
Not ever again.
Don't take it so hard, Xavier.
There's plenty of whores.
Ride up to San Antone
and recruit you another.
I would have given her money,
bought her clothes.
I love her.
Aw, hell, we all love her,
every dern one of us. You know that.
Yes...
But I would have married her.
If it helps any, it's my opinion
she made a poor bargain,
going with Jake Spoon.
Thank you.
Well...
Goodbye, my fine friend.
Goodbye to you, my good friend.
Goodbye.
What are you doing in my wagon?
Jumped off the roof. Here's where I landed.
This wagon's going to Montana.
Yes, sir, and I am, too.
Piano playing's finished around here.
Well, we got two Irishmen
and a bunch of addle-brained cowboys.
I guess we could always use a man
who wears a chamber pot on his head.
Come on, mules. Ya!
Go on, Pea! Pick it up!
Run them out, now!
Funny, ain't it?
All them cattle and 9/10 of the horses are stolen,
and yet we was once respected lawmen.
How many head you think we're starting out with?
Oh, about
2,600 cattle and two pigs.
That was dang stupid,
bringing that sign along.
You'll have us the laughingstock of this country
with that "We don't rent pigs" part.
I figure it's better to say it up front.
The man that does like to rent pigs,
he's hard to stop.
If that ain't bad enough,
you got them Greek words.
I told you
it ain't Greek, it's Latin.
What does it say, that Latin?
Well, it's a motto. It just says itself.
Yo varum, yo vara-feet.
Yo varum double feet...
You don't know what it says.
You found that in some book or something.
Maybe it invites people to rob us.
Anyone comes along that reads Latin is welcome to rob us.
I'd like the chance
to shoot an educated man once.
Jake!
Jake, stop that!
I didn't hit you, did I?
I was shooting at the turtle.
Lucky you hit the river, drunk as you are.
How's your thumb?
All this over
a little old Mesquite thorn.
Ain't that something...ow!
It's made you sick, Jake.
Why'd I get such a fancy for you?
Come on down here with me. Come on.
Why don't I make you some coffee instead?
How do, Miss?
I'm Deets.
Captain sent me ahead
to scout a good place to cross the herd.
Oh...
Mr. Jake napping, huh?
He's caught a Mesquite thorn in his hand.
Better take a look.
Mesquite thorns...
bad poison.
Deets?
Where'd you come from?
We're all right now, Lorie.
Deets will see us through.
You full of fever.
I'm going to dig this sticker out of you.
I'd soon cut off my hand as have you
dig in there with that.
You want to keep your hand.
I might need you to shoot a bandit
if one's after me.
Ow!
You best cross the river and make a camp.
Going to come a storm tonight.
Be harder to cross tomorrow.
Ow!
A storm, you say?
Mm.
The wind will hit about sundown,
blowing sand, and then lightning.
Don't tie your horses to no trees.
Ooh!
Jake's going to want to rest here a while.
He can rest on the other side.
Get...
Dern little thorn.
Now you be shuffling cards again.
All right, Miss.
Let's get you packed and across the river.
I got to get back to that herd
before that storm come here.
All right.
You sorry you on this trip, Miss?
It's going to be a lot harder than I thought.
Well,
I believe you up to it, ain't you?
I'll have to be to make San Francisco.
Well, Woodrow, here's where we find out
if we was meant to be cowboys.
I reckon.
Don't look good.
Hold them, boys! Don't let them scatter!
I don't like this, Newt.
Come on, Sean. We got to turn the cattle.
Get over there!
Sean!
Over here, Newt! Over here!
I fell off my horse. Hurry.
Look! What is it?
The herd's caught the lightning! Ride off! Get!
Jake, look!
What?
We got to get out from under this tree.
No!
Ain't no place to sit out a storm!
No! I'm staying here!
Don't worry about your dern horse!
Lorie, no! Come back here!
Heave!
It would be easier if you got down from there.
Maybe he's stuck, too.
If I had my gun, I'd unstick him.
Ain't you boys got that wagon unstuck yet?
Not yet.
We lose anybody?
Everybody's fine.
Except I ain't seen Mr. Gus nowhere.
I seen him ride off yonderways
right after sunup.
Probably hunting for his jug. How about the cattle?
I figure we lost 20, 25.
Could have been much worse.
Ain't no point in getting clean.
You'll cross the Nueces River before dark.
That's fine with Lippy.
Could use a good wash.
How many rivers will there be?
Oh, I don't know.
There's a bunch, I bet, though.
Me, I be wishing we'd go around them.
Yeah, that would suit me all right, too.
I crossed an ocean.
I don't know why I'm afraid of crossing a river.
(WHISTLING)
Gus! I found your horse.
He got away last night in the storm.
So I see.
Here you go, darling. Whoa.
I don't see young Jake around nowhere.
He rode off a minute ago
to track my horse.
Track your horse?
He couldn't track an elephant
if he was onto its tail.
I best call him back
before he gets lost himself.
What we got here?
I'll bet you got coffee boiling in there.
I do.
I swear, Lorie,
you're as pretty as the morning.
I guess traveling agrees with you.
You get any prettier, and I may be
forced to cut the cards with you again.
I'll shuffle next time.
I don't trust you.
Who invited you to breakfast?
Uh-oh.
Jake, you never was grateful for nothing.
I return a $50 horse,
and all you do is gripe about my company.
There's too much of your company.
Jake.
I swear, Jake, are you jealous?
Sure, after you tried poking
every woman I ever looked at?
Well, much as I'd like to stay and discuss
the loves I won,
I best be getting back to the herd.
Thanks for the coffee, Lorie.
Try to keep that mare hobbled at night.
She was on her way to Lonesome Dove.
I can hobble horses without you telling me.
Well, that's good to know, Jake.
Pack up. We're going to San Antone for a while.
San Antone?
Good gambling town. Won't hurt to stop a week.
We'll catch up later.
I ain't going to San Antone. I been there.
Don't buck me!
I guess you'll go where I say go.
Not to San Antonio, I ain't.
Dern it!
I wanted to gamble a little bit between here and Denver.
Go on and gamble if you want to gamble.
I never said you couldn't.
I just ain't going along.
What?
Just leave you here?
Sure. Why not?
Because Gus'll be here every morning
wanting to teach you card tricks.
Well, that's true. He might.
What was Jake up to?
Jake's just up to being Jake.
It's a full-time job.
It takes a woman to help him, don't it?
I'll get some of the boys downstream
to keep the cattle from scattering.
Ease Old Dog in.
I believe the cattle will follow.
Old Dog won't be trouble. He's like me.
Lazy?
Mature. He don't get excited
about crossing rivers no more than I do.
You don't get excited about nothing
except biscuits, maybe,
and whores.
Mm-hmm.
You was over at their camp, huh?
Yeah, me and Miss Lorena always take our morning coffee together.
I hope the weather didn't treat her too bad.
She's fine, just fine.
Good. That's good.
Yeah, we visited the better part of an hour about various things...
And people. Yeah?
Though I can't recall
she ever did, uh,
mention you, Dish.
Look at them pigs swim.
Hey, must not be too bad, huh, Sean?
I'll go first, all right?
All right.
Come on, Mouse.
That a boy, Mouse. That a boy.
Hyah!
Come on over, Sean. Try it. It's even fun.
Come on, boy.
Aah!
Aah! Water moccasins!
Aah!
Sean!
Aah!