What the hell are you doing? He locked me in.
I went to get more drinks, next thing I knew...
Must be his idea of a joke.
This your idea of payback, is it,
attacking him in front of my guests?
Wrecking my whole launch? It ain't wrecked.
Any one for more drinks or a spinach puff?
I don't believe you. Sharon, I'm really sorry.
No, no, actually, I do.
First, Linda, then Martin.
Three strikes, Zack.
Didn't take you long to get to the magic number, did it?
Now pack your bags.
You're out.
HE EXHALES DEEPLY
So, can we talk about Lily?
You and Martin can't just wait for her to come to her senses, you know?
This really isn't the best time for this.
Well, like it or not, Ruby, you're part of this family.
I've a lot of stuff going on right now.
You've got Lily going on too.
Don't tell me to talk to Martin
because all he can do is talk about you right now.
Meanwhile, his daughter is slipping through the cracks.
He loves you, I get it.
No, actually,
he's besotted with you.
Talking to him for two seconds, anyone can see that.
All I am asking for is a little bit of that for Lily right now.
Atiha keeps saying she don't like him, but she does.
Robi, it's so obvious.
I'm Mila now, not Robi.
Maybe best not to mention that to Mum...
..if you do come with us...
I know the two of you probably never did anything like this.
Actually, we did. Oh.
Went off on a trip once, just me and Mum.
See? She's not all bad, just...
..just old-fashioned, set in her ways.
Two weeks, yeah? What?
That's when you're going? That mean you'll think about it?
Oh, Mum's bringing me to this wicked shopping centre.
Mind you, some of the stalls out here look worth checking out too.
That's a hint, by the way.
Course.
So, Kheerat locks you in a cupboard,
you knock him into the middle of next week?
I mean, I can see how it got up your nose a bit, but, really?
All I was doing was trying to schmooze some fancy PR woman.
I was trying to help her out, I don't even work there!
Next thing, I'm the one getting grief?
HE CHUCKLES DRYLY
I'm sure you could have just called him an idiot.
Reckon Sharon would've probably agreed with you.
I thought she'd understand if anyone would.
I mean, she's not exactly shy
when it comes to teaching people lessons, is she?
Zack, her son drowned.
You was on your jack for like five minutes.
"On my jack..."
Sounds good to me.
I'm out of here.
ENGINE STUTTERS
Pretty cool.
KNOCKING
Yeah, come in, it's open.
Sparky's had to turn the electricity off to fix the cooker.
I couldn't just leave them.
That's all right. Kids go on through, go through, that's it.
I'm sure Ben's left one of them Xbox things
in the cupboard in there somewhere.
Now you, like I said, go upstairs, have a lie down.
A bath'd be handy. I stink of hospital.
You all right to have a bath with that thing on? Yeah, course I am.
Why, do you want to give me a hand? Mm, maybe later.
It's going to take me a while to rustle up the food anyway.
You're making something?Yeah.
Like I said, the pizza was just for the boys.
So what are you cooking?
Uh, jacket potato.
SHE LAUGHS
With lots of trimmings.
Which is?
Beans.
SHE LAUGHS
Proper little MasterChef, aren't you?
And cheese on ze top!
Cor, beans and cheese!
Are you sure about this?
I've got this.
Kheerat probably thought he was looking out for you.
I finally find my knight in shining armour, and it still goes belly-up.
Like that, is it?
You and him?
No. But it might be?
You know me too well.
I've missed you.
Same here.
And I know Nancy misses you too.
Don't you have your own family dramas to worry about?
Me and Zack are different.
He's still your brother.
Yeah, but I hardly know him, do I?
Not really.
Mick's had his moments with Frankie.
He's not known her that long either.
She's still blood, though.
Iqra! Iqra, look, look. Is that a line?
Dee said it was a line, but it can't be.
I've got a bone to pick with you. I'm in my prime.
We need to talk about your website.
Listen, not now, yeah? We're talking crisis here.
Everything all right?
She's not upset, is she?
You and me...
Not everything's about you and me.
I never said it was.
Just...I know, let you spend time with your sister.
Got it.
Let's get something proper to eat.
It's going to be late by the time I get home as it is.
So stay. With you?
No, out on the streets.
Mum'll never let me.
Leave Mum to me.
Breakdown truck takes an hour to get here.
Maybe it's broken down.
Look, Zack, this whole thing, it's just families, innit?
You know, they fall out, they make up.
You don't need to do a runner. I'm not doing a runner.
I'm just respecting my sister's wishes.
Sharon don't mean it, not really.
Three strikes, that was the rule.
I'm just saying... Who are you to say anything?
You can't even look at your mum
without trying to scratch her eyes out.
You're kipping on someone's sofa.
Who are you to lecture anyone about making up with family?
SHE SCOFFS
You know what my old Mum'd always say?
What's that? A lady would never do her make-up in public.
Well, that's all right cos I'm not doing my make-up,
and I'm not a lady.
Well, if you're one of them drag queens, that boozer's down the road.
What'd you say?!
Step outside. Oh, oh, sit down.
I'm only having a laugh.
MOCKING LAUGHTER
Here, there ain't nothing wrong with you, is there?
Is that why you keep peering into that mirror?
It's nothing that a time machine won't sort out.
Cos I know a good undertaker.
SHE LAUGHS
I'm not ready to start pushing up daisies just yet,
I'm only...
SHE MUMBLES
..and I don't even feel a day over 30.
Don't matter how you feel, you can't defy gravity.
Everything heads downhill from 40,
you've just got to accept it.
What's he selling?
Hand stuff, I think.
Sanitiser, soap.
Bit late to the party, if you ask me!
Why, do you want some?
Do I want some of what he's got?
I ain't dead yet.
Excuse you. Hi!
You, me. What?
Dinner, tonight.
Unless you're already spoken for.
Little lady at home, the key in her pocket for your ball and chain?
Never been lucky enough.
Really.
So, what you saying?
I thought I was the one doing the selling?
SHE LAUGHS
Well, I'll take it as a "yes" then.
SHE LAUGHS
Yeah!
I've been texting you all day.
What happened?
How's the hangover?
Rube... Well, I had the procedure.
They put a camera inside, and everyone had a peek.
How you feeling?
Prodded and poked by strangers, I've never felt better.
But, it really went OK?
Well, the consultant did have some concerns.
What concerns?
Well, as he said, it's...
..it's a lot to go through on your own.
Don't worry, I put him straight.
I told him my husband was just hungover, that's all.
I really needed you today.
And now we have to wait, again.
But there is time.
Says the man with kids on every corner.
This will never happen again.
I want exactly the same as you.
Our family.
And we will get there, I promise we will.
What happened? Did you find their mute button or something?
I've been lying in that bath for ages and haven't heard a peep.
Oh, it's Jean, innit?
She's come over and collected them.
Take a look.
They're still here?
Well, they were five minutes ago when I gave them some squash.
What did you put in it?
SHE CHUCKLES
You can keep them if you like.
Not as if Ben wants them anyway.
Don't want anything so far as we're concerned.
Well, no-one's looked at them for months anyway.
You serious?
Can we?
I said so, didn't I?
No, you can't, put them down.
What? Now.
Listen, thanks for the bath and taking care of this lot,
but we got to go. Come on, boys, let's go.
Bobby, set the table, will you?
Oh, I'm studying. You can get back to that after dinner.
So, is it three or four? Is Kioni staying for food?
Yeah, she's just in the bathroom. Four it is then.
You get on all right, do you, the two of you?
Only some sisters I've seen in my time...
Well, we get on great. Oh, that's good to hear.
Kioni's very...
..small.
And quiet.
Well, she looks like a bit of a madam to me.
The kind of girl you'd hardly even notice.
Really...if at all...
Mila...
It would only be for a couple of nights,
and she'd be out for most of the day.
You honestly wouldn't even know she was there.
Look, I did you a favour taking you in.
I know. And I was happy to do it.
And I'm really grateful.
I really am.
I just...
..I don't want her going home right now.
Oh, what, she's had a row with Mum, has she?
Listen, we've all had them in our time.
PHONE VIBRATES
I'm sorry, but I can't start
taking the rest of your family in too.
I don't care how small they are.
She's welcome to stay for dinner, then that's it.
Albie boy. Yeah!
Good boy.
Oh, Albie.
Good boy.
Karen dropped him back a little early.
Still waiting on a tow truck. I can wait outside if you want.
What I want is for you to tell me what that was all about.
You and Kheerat.
Am I missing something? I'm gone.
Three strikes, remember?
Talk to me, Zack. I just saw red, all right?
That's obvious. What I'm asking is why?
Phil was the same, and Grant.
Used to lash out for no reason. It weren't for no reason.
So what then?
It was her thing, right?
If anything happened, if she was upset, Mum would...
What?
She'd lock you up, is that what you're saying? No, no.
Then what?
ALBIE LAUGHS
Till five or six o'clock, she was the best.
Six until seven, she was even better.
After seven, it all kicked in.
Drink, the drugs when she could get hold of them.
It was like a switch.
Everything she loved about you an hour or so before...
..she now hated.
My mum had those nights.
Then I'd kick off, then my Dad would play referee.
The next morning, it was like nothing had happened.Mm.
Whenever I tried to talk to Dad, he'd say,
"Don't embarrass yourself."
Look, Kheerat didn't know, he couldn't've, but...
He said that too?
PHONE PINGS
Tow truck's here.
ALBIE LAUGHS
Zack...
So what did I do wrong,
apart from trying to be nice to your kids?
I just don't want them to get used to it, that's all.
What, someone being nice to them?
Some chancer opening a drawer
and flings pricey games consoles their way.
It might be the world you grew up in, but it's not theirs.
Well, the only time my old man opened a drawer
was to take his belt out to me, but, uh...
What you're saying is that I'm spoiling them?
It's not just that.
What?
Well, come on Kat, if you don't tell me, I won't know, will I?
Well, if you keep pulling stunts like that,
and then...and then we split up...
You'll be an even bigger witch than you are already are.
Well, you could've put it a nicer way than that,
but, yeah, nail on the head.
I can't compete, Phil.
I never have done, and I don't want to either.
So what you're saying is it's either the Slater way or the Mitchell way?
When it comes to my kids, yeah.
And if you can't handle it...
Ground rules. Ground rules.
Fair enough.
Yeah?
Yeah.
And that offer of a jacket potato still stands.
THEY CHUCKLE
With cheese?
Well, as long as you don't think I'm spoiling you.
I'm spoilt already.
But my kids ain't.
Look, Mila, this is the third message I've left you.
If I've done something wrong just...
..um, just call me back.
One crack about drag queens and you're hitting the deck.
We still need to talk about your site.
Kim, Mila and I, we just don't...
You two are one of my biggest success stories.
You know, love's young dream.
I just wanted to spread the love a little bit, that's all.
Nothing else.
And talking about spreading the love. New client?
The clients can keep their hands off this one.
Hi! What? Hang on, you and him?
SHE GIGGLES
Lamb to the slaughter.
Just how I like them, you know?
Hee, hee! Hi, Dwayne, you all right?
SHE GIGGLES
Well, if she chooses that, she's a muppet.
No, she'll make double what she pays for that.
Thank you, Arthur Negus.
Who's that? Antiques geezer.
Before your time.
DISTANT CLATTER
What was that? I didn't hear anything.
CLATTERING CONTINUES
It's probably just the pipes.
Mila...
..I burnt a hole in the duvet with your straighteners.
You got everything?
You know me, I travel light.
You never know when you might have to get escape your parents.
Take it up, yeah? I'll be there in a minute.
Hey. Hey.
So what happened?
All forgiven and forgotten?
What, me and Zack, you and Nancy, or me and you?
I've asked Zack to stay.
It's nice having Nancy home too.
Well, for now, anyway.
Well, here's to a bit of peace and quiet, huh?
No hassles, no complications.
Right, well, come on, then.
What? We've got a lot to catch up on.
You first.
OK.
Kioni really can't go home.
All right? Not right now.
Oh, so, she has had a row with Mum?
She thinks Mum's amazing.
They're even going off on holiday.
So what's the problem?
The problem is it's not a holiday.
Well, what is it then?
She's being taken away to...
What?
What? Mila?!
She's the age now... For what?!
To be...
..cut.
What are you talking about...?
You'd call it FGM.
No.
No, no, you've got this wrong...
You must have.
Look, is this some story that she's told you?
Kioni doesn't even know anything about it.
Well, so how do you know, then?
Because it's exactly what happened to me.