Hi, my name is Rebecca from www.engvid.com. In today's lesson, you'll learn how to function
effectively in a cross-cultural environment - in North America, in Britain, and so on
-, and what you should not do. This is actually one of two videos that I've recorded. The
other one is on good manners, and this one is about bad manners. This one is about what
you should not do when you're in North America or in England. Okay? So I've divided it between
what you should not say and what you should not do. Let's have a look.
So, in terms of speaking: when you're speaking in a group or in a public place, try not to
speak in a very loud voice. Don't speak too loudly; keep your volume relative to other
people's volume. All right? Listen. Now, again, everything that I'm going to say to you here
remember always take it with a pinch of salt. What does this expression mean? Understand
that it's not 100% like that, but generally speaking it's like that. Okay?
Next one: in a public situation such as a party, try to avoid controversial subjects.
What does that mean? A controversial subject is something where people have strong views
such as religion or politics. We try to avoid these subjects, for example: at a social occasion,
at a wedding, or a party because if you get into a discussion with someone on these subjects
it can become a little bit aggressive, it can become a little bit angry, and perhaps
that's not very kind to your host or hostess that are planning a pleasant kind of event.
So remember to keep that in mind. Of course, with your own friends or people you know well
or people you see often, you do share your views on these subjects and that may be perfectly
okay. All right? Next: we also avoid speaking about money.
I know that money is, of course, of great interest to everyone, but we usually do not
ask people that we don't know well or acquaintances or people we've just met, we don't ask them
questions like: "How much do you make?", "How much do you earn?", "How much did you pay
for your house or your car?" or something else. We don't ask that because it's not polite.
Okay? Of course, again, with people you know well, you may share that information. And
if somebody decides to share that with you, that's fine, but you try to avoid asking it.
Next is not to ask personal questions. What do I mean by personal questions? You don't
usually ask people how old they are or how much they weigh or something like that, or
how many... If they're married or if they have kids. Now, again, if you're a married
person and you have children and you meet another married person and it's clear that
he or she has children, it's perfectly fine to talk about how old your children are because
it's obvious that you all have children. So I don't mean to never ask them, but if you
meet just one person you don't want to start asking them: "Oh, why don't you have children?"
or something like that because that's giving advice very early when you barely know somebody
and people don't like that kind of advice usually.
Next is avoid talking about yourself because that can sometimes seem like you're boasting.
Now, of course, that doesn't mean not to give information about yourself, but not to talk
too much about yourself. When you talk too much about yourself then people feel that
you're... you just care about yourself. Instead of that, show, tell a little bit about yourself,
and then turn the conversation and turn the focus and the attention onto the other person;
ask them about themselves. Okay, the next point is not to interrupt people.
In many different cultures there're many different rules about this, but in North America generally
when one person is speaking we try to wait until they finish speaking and then we say
what we want to say. Try not to interrupt while other people are speaking.
Last point here is about speaking when your mouth is full. Don't do it. In other words:
don't eat and talk at the same time. Eat - if you're at a dinner -, eat, finish eating,
and then speak. Nobody likes to see all that food inside your mouth and neither can we
understand you very clearly when you have something in your mouth, so avoid that.
Next: let's look at some things which you should not do. Don't stare at people. Don't
stare at women, also. I know that when I had some students from other countries, they said
to me that when they came to Canada, they didn't understand when men were interested
in them because in their country, men normally looked at them when they walked down the street,
and here men don't usually do that. They look, but they don't look... show that they're looking.
So the women, the woman said to me: "I don't know when anybody likes me because nobody's
looking at me." So I explained to her that - because she was a very attractive girl -, that
I'm sure a lot of people like you and like the way you look, but they're not going to
show it. So in a North American environment, usually we don't try to stare at strangers.
Okay? So keep that in mind. Next point is when you meet someone for the
first time, it is not the custom to kiss. All right? Even the polite kiss on the cheek,
we don't do that. In some countries, it is perfectly acceptable and in fact that's part
of the custom, but in North American... in North America - no. Just shake hands and that's
enough. Later, when the relationship becomes friendlier, warmer then sometimes we do give
each other a little kiss on the cheek but be a little... Better to be careful about
that rather than to do it too soon. Okay? Next is to avoid touching people too much
when you're talking to them or don't touch them at all; if it's a stranger, try to avoid
touching them. Again, it's a general rule. Sometimes men when they meet, they will slap
each other on the back or something like that. But on the whole, if you're not certain, it's
better not to do that and just a shaking of hands or something like that is enough. Also,
if you bump into someone, try... When you're walking down the street, try to avoid bumping
into people, it's not expected and if it happens, apologize.
Next: avoid any kind of what could be considered sort of uncultured behaviour -- which would
mean things like spitting in a public place, or scratching your head, or scratching yourself
in some private place, or burping, or farting, or anything like that. Avoid all of those
things. That is not considered polite at all. Next is when you're walking -- even when you're
walking down a street -- if you see two people coming and it's clear they're talking to each
other, try to avoid walking right between them; walk around them. If you have to walk
through two people who are speaking to each other or who are clearly together then make
sure you say: "excuse me", "I'm sorry", something like that as you pass. But otherwise, avoid
that; find a way around them. Next: don't be impatient in your speech or
in your body language. When someone is talking to you, don't go: "Yes, uh huh, uh huh, right,
yes, yes. And then?" So when you do things like that, people understand that you're trying
to rush them, you're trying to hurry them like you're boring them, like you already
can read their mind and you know what they want to say, so don't do that. Wait patiently,
listen. Sometimes we do these things with people we live with and it's probably not
very nice there either, but it may be okay at home to do that. It's not really okay to
do that with others. The next thing is going to be tricky and you're
going to ask me: "Like what are you talking about? There are so many cologne and perfume
companies." But I have written here in an office situation, in a business environment,
don't wear cologne or perfume. Yes, I am saying that. Why? Because in many office environments
in North America today, they are considered sort of fragrance-free zones. Because of the
fact that many people have allergies, it is recommended that people don't use cologne.
If you have to use cologne, use very, very little or just have... just be clean, but
don't use cologne or perfume. Certainly don't drench yourself in that; don't use too much.
Now, if you go to a party, again, yes you can use cologne or perfume, but don't use
too much; don't overpower people because somebody who might be sensitive to smell will actually
not like that at all -- which is not your intention. Okay?
And the last one which is part of that is about body odor. Don't smell bad. Now, you
might wonder: "Well, that's why I use the cologne." No, you don't want to use the cologne
to hide your body odor, no. What you want to do is you want to be clean. That means
your mouth should be fresh: brush your teeth, use breath freshener if you need to, especially
if you've just eaten food with a lot of spices in it. Also make sure you use deodorant. We
are not accustomed to the smell of sweat here, so use deodorant or antiperspirant so that
you don't smell. Also make sure you take a shower regularly. And make sure your clothes
don't smell of wherever you've been -- because clothes can hold on to the smell of food,
or tobacco, or marijuana, or alcohol, and all kinds of things. So make sure that your
clothes are clean and that they don't smell of something, particularly if you're going
to an interview or something like that or if you're going to a party as well. Okay?
So I believe that if you do these 15 things, or rather if you don't do these 15 things,
you will be very effective in a North American culture. Thank you very much for watching.
If you'd like to subscribe to my channel on YouTube, please do that. And if you'd like
to do a quiz on this subject, please go to our website: www.engvid.com. Thank you very much.