各位 我想介绍一个人给大家认识 Guys? There's somebody I'd Iike you to meet.
等等…这是怎么回事？ Wait, wait. What is that?
他叫马修，想和他打声招呼？ That's MarceI. Wanna say hi?
不，我不要 No, I don't.
他好珍贵，哪里得到他的？ He is precious! Where did you get him?
我朋友贝瑟 把它从实验室救出来的 My friend BetheI rescued him from some Iab.
真残忍 That is so crueI.
为何有父母 会将孩子取名为贝瑟？ Why? Why wouId a parent name their chiId BetheI?
那猴子的屁股上长了个罗斯 That monkey's got a Ross on his ass!
罗斯，它要和你同住吗？ Is he gonna Iive with you, Iike, in your apartment?
对，卡萝离开后家里冷清清的 It's been kind of quiet since CaroI Ieft, so....
为何不找个室友？ 不知道 Why don't you just get a roommate?
人到一定的年纪后 与室友同住是有点可悲… I don't know. You reach a certain age...
...having a roommate is just kind of pathe--
抱歉，是pathet Sorry, that's ''pathet,'' which is Sanskrit for ''cooI way to Iive.''
在梵语中代表很酷的生活方式
The One With the Monkey
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各位，我今天将唱全新的曲目 I'm doing aII-new materiaI tonight.
我写了12首 关于我妈自杀的歌 I have 1 2 new songs about my mother's suicide and one about a snowman.
及一首有关雪人的歌
你最好先唱雪人 Might want to open with the snowman.
制片：陶德史帝芬
乔伊 老兄
如何？ 我没得到那份工作 So how'd it go?
你怎可能会没得到？ I didn't get the job.
How couId you not get it? You were Santa Iast year!
你是去年的圣诞老人
不知道 有个胖子和店经理有一腿 I don't know. Some fat guy's sIeeping with the store manager.
导演：彼得邦佐 He's not even joIIy. It's aII poIiticaI.
他根本无法逗人开心 简直就是利益输送
那么你扮演什么？ What are you gonna be?
当他的助手，真是耻辱 I'm gonna be one of his heIpers.
It's just such a sIap in the face, you know?
你们打算如何过新年？ Hey, do you guys know what you're doing for New Year's?
什么？新年有什么不对劲吗？
Hey, what? What is wrong with New Year's?
你当然没事，你有保罗 无须面对新年带来的压力 Nothing for you. You have PaoIo. You don't have to face the pressure...
无须急着寻找有嘴唇的生物 ...of finding anything with Iips to kiss when the baII drops!
在球落下那一刻 有个亲嘴的对象
我讲得太愤慨了 Man, I'm taIking Ioud!
告诉你吧 保罗新年时会在罗马 For your information, PaoIo's gonna be in Rome this New Year's.
所以我将和各位一样可悲 I'II be just as pathetic as the rest of you.
想得美 Yeah, you wish.
新年时我不想再听到 迪克拉克的疲劳轰炸 I'm sick of being a victim this Dick CIark hoIiday.
今年我们在一起，不出去约会 I say this year, no dates, we make a pact.
只有我们6个共进晚餐 Just the six of us. Dinner.
我希望大家能更开心点 -Sure. -Fine.
I was hoping for a IittIe more enthusiasm.
菲比，该上台了 好 You're on.
Oh, good.
各位，应观众要求 Okay, hi. Ladies and gentIemen, back by popuIar demand...
菲比鲍费小姐 ...Miss Phoebe Buffay.
谢谢 Thanks. Hi.
首先的这首歌 在这种时节令我感慨万分 I want to start with a song that means a Iot to me this time of year.
我做了一个人 I made a man with eyes of coal
眼睛是煤炭做的
他有谜样的微笑 And a smile so bewitchin'
我如何能承受 母亲死在厨房的事实
How was I supposed to know
That my mom was dead in the kitchen?
母亲的骨灰 My mother's ashes
甚至是她的睫毛 Even her eyelashes
都安放在一个黄色的小骨灰坛 Are resting in a little yellow jar
天寒地冻时 我感觉有点想打喷涕 And sometimes when it's freezing
I feel a little sneezy
如今我…抱歉 And now I-- Excuse me? Excuse me?
吵闹的男人 有什么想和大家分享的吗？ Noisy boys.
Is it something you'd Iike to share with the group?
没事 快说，如果有事如此重要 No, that's okay.
If it's important enough to discuss whiIe I'm pIaying...
你们非在我唱歌时谈论
那就重要的足以与我们分享 ...I assume it's important enough for everyone eIse to hear.
那家伙铁定会被训一顿回家 That guy's going home with a note.
我是告诉我朋友… 大声点行吗？ -I was just saying-- -CouId you speak up?
抱歉，我告诉我朋友 你是我见过最漂亮的女孩 Sorry.
I was saying you were the most beautifuI woman I'd ever seen.
他说黛瑞汉娜… 黛瑞汉娜 And you said DaryI Hannah...
是他见过最美的女人 ...was the most beautifuI woman he'd ever seen.
我说我喜欢“美人鱼”中的她 And I said I Iiked her in Splash, but not in Wall Street.
但“华尔街”就没那么喜欢了 -I thought she had a hard quaIity. -A hard quaIity.
她没那种… 气质
黛瑞汉娜是传统的美 And whiIe DaryI Hannah is beautifuI in a conventionaI way...
而你散发出高雅的气质 ...you are Iuminous with a kind of deIicate grace.
然后你就叫我们了 Then that's when you started yeIIing.
休息片刻 Okay, we're gonna take a short break.
那家伙将抱得美人归 I think that guy's going home with more than a note.
过来，马修，坐这儿 Come here, MarceI. Sit here.
拜托，没想到他还没亲你 Pheebs, I can't beIieve he hasn't kissed you yet.
我第6次和保罗约会时 他就为我的双峰取了名字 I mean, by my sixth date with PaoIo, he'd aIready named both my breasts.
我分享太多了吗？ Did I just share too much?
一点点 Just a smidge.
大卫是个科学家 做事一丝不苟 David's, Iike, a scientist guy. He's very methodicaI.
这样很浪漫 我赞成 I think it's romantic.
Me too!
你们看过军官与绅士吗？ 看过 Did you ever see An Officer and a Gentleman?
他就是我心目中的白马王子 He's kind of Iike the guy I went to see that with.
除了他更聪明，温柔体帖
Except he's smarter and gentIer and sweeter.
我只想整天和他厮守在一起 I just want to be with him aII the time.
不管是白天或夜晚 You know, day and night. And night and day.
还是夜晚或白天
还有特别的日子 And speciaI occasions.
等等，我知道了 I see where this is going. You're gonna ask him to New Year's.
你邀他共渡新年，对不？
你想抛弃我们 她想抛弃我们 You'II break the pact. She's breaking the pact.
不…对，我可以…
Yeah, couId I just...?
好吧，因为我已约了珍妮丝 Yeah, because I aIready asked Janice.
拜托，我们是六人行 Come on, this was a pact! This was your pact!
你的六人行 我毁约了，行吗？ I couIdn't handIe the pressure and I snapped!
我耐不住寂寞，我毁约了
可是珍妮丝… 你们的分手不是糟透了？ But Janice? That was the worst breakup in history!
我没说这是个好主意 我毁约了 I'm not saying it was a good idea. I snapped!
抱歉，我迟到了 Hi, sorry I'm Iate.
太滑稽了 Too many jokes.
快取笑乔伊 Must mock Joey.
鞋子正点吧 Nice shoes, huh?
我快笑死了 God, you're kiIIing me!
罗斯，它又玩我的铲子 He's pIaying with my spatuIas again!
它又不会玩坏的 Look, he's not gonna hurt them, right?
你非得每次都带它来不可吗？ Do you aIways have to bring him here?
我不想让它独守空房
I didn't want to Ieave him aIone.
我们早上才吵了一架 We had our first fight this morning.
一定是我加班惹的祸 It has to do with my working Iate.
我说了不该说的话 I said some things that I didn't mean.
它就朝我扔一坨屎
He threw some feces.
如果你必须加班 If you're working Iate, I can Iook in on him.
我可以替你照顾它
这太好了 That wouId be great!
如果你去照顾它 But make sure it seems Iike you're there to see him...
要装成一付去找它的样子
不能让它知道你是在帮我忙 ...and you're not doing it as a favor to me.
好，但它如果问起 我可就要直话直话了 Okay. But if he asks, I'm not going to Iie.
但我们仍无法测试这个理论 But you can't actuaIIy test this theory.
因为今日粒子加速的速度 Because today's particIe acceIerators are nowhere near powerfuI enough...
仍无法模拟出这样的情况
...to simuIate these conditions.
好，我有个问题 AII right. I have a question then.
你曾想过要亲我吗？ Were you pIanning on kissing me ever?
这是个正当而合理的问题 That's definiteIy a vaIid question...
答案是… ...and the answer...
有 ...wouId be yes.
对，我曾想过 Yes, I was.
但我要让这非凡的事件 But see, I wanted it to be this phenomenaI kiss...
发生在非凡的时刻 ...that happened at this phenomenaI moment because it's you.
因为是你 当然
但等得愈久亲吻就愈非凡 Sure.
Right. But the Ionger I waited, the more phenomenaI the kiss had to be.
而在此时此地 我想扫去桌上的一切 And now, it's just got to be one of those things where I...
将你丢在上面 ...sweep everything off the tabIe and throw you down on it.
但我不是会扫去一切 那种猴急的男人 And I'm not reaIIy a sweeping sort of feIIa.
大卫，我想你是 Oh, David, I think you are a ''sweeping sort of feIIa.''
你是被困在 物理学家体内的猛男
I mean, you're a sweeper trapped inside a physicist's body.
真的？ 没错，我确定 -ReaIIy. -I'm sure of it.
你应该解放出来 You shouId just do it. Just sweep and throw me.
扫去一切然后将我丢上去吧
现在？ 对，现在 Now?
好… Right now. Just....
这东西很贵的 You know what? This is just reaIIy expensive.
这个是人家送的 And this was a gift.
你在清理场地？ 好吧，管他的 -Now you're just tidying up. -Okay, what the heII?
你想让我丢上去 还是自己跳上去？ -You want me to actuaIIy throw you--? -I can hop.
我自己跳好了
告诉我 “六人行”对你有何意义？ TeII me something, what does ''No-Date Pact'' mean to you?
我得说声抱歉 I'm sorry. It's just that ChandIer has somebody and Phoebe has somebody.
钱德有对象，菲比也有对象
所以我约了方巴比 I thought I'd ask Fun Bobby.
方巴比？ 你的前任男友方巴比？ Fun Bobby, your ex-boyfriend, Fun Bobby?
对 You know more than one Fun Bobby?
你还认识其他的方巴比？
我认识方巴伯 I happen to know a Fun Bob.
来了 Okay. Here we go.
我不加牛奶 Whoa, whoa, whoa! There's no room for miIk.
好了 There. Now there is.
这么说六人行中三人另有节目 So on our no-date evening, three of you now are gonna have dates.
四人 四人 -Four. -Four.
五人 五人 -Five. -Five.
抱歉，保罗提早搭飞机回来 Sorry. PaoIo's catching an earIier fIight.
而我在梅西百货遇上 一个火辣辣的单亲妈妈 And I met this reaIIy hot singIe mom at the store.
我这个小精灵怎能抗拒？ What's an eIf to do?
这么说球落下那一刻 我只好孤零零地？ So I'm gonna be the onIy one standing there aIone when the baII drops?
别这样 我们将举行盛大的派对 Come on. We'II have a big party, and no one wiII know who's with who.
而且无人知道… 我现在不需要知道这些 This is so not what I needed now.
你怎么了？ 都是马修 What's the matter?
Oh, it's MarceI.
它一直不让我进门去 He keeps shutting me out.
它拖着双手不断绕圈子 He's waIking around aII the time, dragging his hands.
真是诡异 我前几天晚上还跟它相处愉快 That's weird. I had a bIast with him the other night.
我们一起玩，看电视 -ReaIIy? -We pIayed. We watched TV.
杂耍那一部份真是太精彩了 That juggIing thing is amazing.
什么杂耍？
What juggIing thing?
拿袜子当球耍 我以为是你教它的 With the baIIed-up socks? I figured you taught him that.
我没有
这也不算什么 只是拿袜子当球耍罢了 It wasn't that big a deaI. Just baIIed-up socks.
还有一颗香瓜 And a meIon.
菲比 马克斯，认识大家吗？ -Phoebe! Hi! -Hi, Max. Do you know everybody?
不认识，你看见大卫吗？ No. Have you seen David?
没有，他没在这儿 No, he hasn't been around.
看见他时告诉他快打包 If you see him, teII him to pack. We are going to Minsk.
我们要去明斯克
明斯克？ 在苏联 Minsk?
Minsk. It's in Russia.
我知道明斯克在哪儿 I know where Minsk is.
我们已申请到奖助金 We got the grant!
全额赞助我们三年 Three years, aII expenses paid.
你们何时走？ 元旦 So when do you Ieave?
January 1st.
你来这儿干什么？
马克斯告诉我明克斯的事了 -What are you doing here? -Max toId me about Minsk.
恭禧了，真叫人兴奋 So, you know, congratuIations! This is so exciting!
能去的话会更叫人兴奋 It'd be even more exciting, if we were going.
你不去了？为什么？ Oh, you're not going? Oh, why?
告诉他，大卫 TeII her, David.
我不要去明克斯和李本斯 亚马古基与法朗克共事 ''I don't want to go to Minsk to work with Lipson and Yamaguchi and FIank.
我要留下来 和我的女友培养感情 I want to stay here and make out with my girIfriend!''
够了，马克斯，谢谢 Okay, thank you, Max. Thank you.
你真的不去？ 我也不知道 So you're reaIIy not going?
我不知道该如何是好 I don't know. I don't know what I'm gonna do. I just....
你决定 You decide.
别这样 求求你 -Don't do that. -PIease?
不… 我是在求你 But I'm asking you.
我不能那么做 但我下不了决定 I can't make a decision.
这是你的事我不能… 我可以 -PIease, just-- -Okay. Stay.
好吧，留下来
留下来 留下来 -Stay. -Stay.
你进步神速 Getting so good at that!
这是马克斯的东西 It was Max's stuff.
我喜欢菊芋 I Iove this artichoke thing.
别告诉我里面是什么 我明天才开始节食 Don't teII me what's in it. The diet starts tomorrow.
记得珍妮丝？ 历历在目 You remember Janice.
VividIy.
我是珊蒂 珊蒂，请进 Hi, I'm Sandy.
Sandy, hi. Come on in.
你把孩子都带来了 You brought your kids.
对，可以吗？ Yeah. That's okay, right?
我来了 这东西不可以进来 Party!
That thing is not coming in here!
东西？ 你都这样招呼客人吗？ ''That thing''? This is how you greet guests at a party?
我问你，如果我带着新女友来 If I showed up with my new girIfriend, she wouIdn't be weIcome?
你也不欢迎她进来？
你的新女友 不会尿在我的咖啡桌上 Your new girIfriend wouIdn't urinate on my coffee tabIe.
它已经够难为情了，行吗？ He was more embarrassed about that than anyone.
它已鼓足勇气回到这里 And for him to have the courage to waIk back in here...
就当一切都没发生过一样 ...Iike nothing happened....
好，叫它离我远点就是了 谢谢 AII right. AII right. Just keep him away from me.
来，马修，咱们去交际一下吧 Thank you. Come on, MarceI.
What do you say you and I do a IittIe mingIing?
待会儿见 AII right...
...I'II catch up with you Iater.
天啊，瑞秋，你没事吧？ Oh, my God! RacheI, honey...
...are you okay?
保罗在哪儿？ Where's PaoIo?
罗马 Rome.
那混蛋没赶上飞机 Jerk missed his fIight.
然后你的脸就爆炸了？ 不是 And then your face expIoded?
我在机场要进入计程车时 I was at the airport getting into a cab...
一个带着一本书的金发女人 开始对我大叫 ...when this woman...
...this bIond pIanet with a pocketbook...
...starts yeIIing at me.
说计程车是她先拦到的 Something about how it was her cab first.
然后她就开始扯我的头发 The next thing I know, she just starts puIIing me out by my hair!
我拿出口哨猛吹 And I started bIowing my attack whistIe thingy...
结果又来了三辆计程车 ...and then three more cabs show up.
我要进入车时 So as I'm going to get into a cab, she tackIes me!
她又展开攻击
结果我撞上了路缘 And I hit my head on the curb and cut my Iip on my whistIe.
嘴唇被口中的哨子弄伤
大家玩得还愉快吧？ Everybody having fun at the party?
有人吃我的沙司吗？ Are peopIe eating my dip?
我上周在梅西看见你时 When I saw you at the store Iast week...
那或许是我第一次 想像裸体的小精灵 ...it was probabIy the first time I ever mentaIIy undressed an eIf.
真淫荡 Wow, that's dirty!
孩子 Hey, kids.
看它，我没说 他得整晚和我待在一起 Look at him. I'm not saying he has to spend the whoIe evening with me...
但至少也得来问候一声 ...but at Ieast check in.
原来你在这儿 There you are!
我被你给逃了 You got away from me.
但又被你逮到了 But you found me.
罗斯，帮我们照一张 Here, Ross, take our picture.
笑一个 你在珍妮丝的相机中了 SmiIe. You're on Janice Camera.
杀了我吧 IKiII me. IKiII me now.
各位，方巴比来了 Everybody, it's Fun Bobby!
方巴比…
抱歉，我迟到了 Hey, sorry I'm Iate.
我袓父他在两小时前过世了 But my grandfather...
...died about two hours ago.
明天才有飞机 But I couIdn't get a fIight out tiII tomorrow, so...
所以我来了
...here I am.
方巴比，近来可好？ Hey, Fun Bobby! How's it going, man?
谁死了？ Whoa! Who died?
他棺材将暂时不盖上 It's going to be an open casket, you know?
所以我至少 可以再见他最后一面
So at Ieast I'II get to see him again.
这一次我不想再搞砸了 I'm gonna bIow this one up and I'm gonna write ''Reunited'' in gIitter.
我要写上“破镜重圆”
珍妮丝，够了 AII right, Janice, that's it!
珍妮丝…
我邀你来并不代表我们…
When I invited you, I didn't think it meant that we--
不… Oh, no!
抱歉，让你误会了 -I'm sorry you misunderstood. -Oh, my God!
你听我说… You Iisten to me! You Iisten to me!
这可能是你我最后一次共处了 One of these times, it's just gonna be your Iast chance with me!
那东西可以给我吗？ WiII you give me the thing?
马克斯 嗨，小野洋子 Hi, Max.
Yoko.
我决定自己去明斯克了 I've decided to go to Minsk without you.
少了你将失色不少 It won't be the same...
但它还是明斯克 ...but it wiII stiII be Minsk.
新年快乐 Happy New Year.
你还好吧？ Are you aII right?
我没事 Yeah, I'm fine. I'm fine.
你要去明克斯？ You're going to Minsk.
不，我不去了 No, I'm not going to Minsk.
你一定要去明斯克 Oh, you are so going to Minsk.
你属于明斯克 You beIong in Minsk. You can't stay here just for me.
你不能因为我而留下来 我可以
因为如果我走 就代表我必须与你分手 Yes, I can. Because if I go, it means I have to break up with you.
-And I can't break up with you. -Oh, yes. Yes, you can.
对，你可以说菲比，我爱你
Just say, ''Phoebe, I Iove you, but my work is my Iife.
但我的工作是我的生命
我现在得去 That's what I have to do now.''
我说，你的工作？ 你竟说出这种话？ And I say, ''Your work? How can you say that?''
你说，我痛苦欲绝 但我必须做出抉择 And then you say, ''It's tearing me apart...
难道你不了解吗？ ...but I have no choice. Can't you understand that?''
我说，不，我不了解 And I say, ''No!
No! I can't understand that!''
好痛 抱歉 Sorry.
然后你抱住我… And then you put your arms around me....
抱歉 Put your arms around me.
Sorry.
然后你对我说你爱我 And then you teII me you Iove me and you'II never forget me.
你永远不会忘记我
我永远不会忘记你 I'II never forget you.
你又说 现在已接近午夜你必须走了 Then you say that it's aImost midnight and you have to go...
你不想与我共渡新年 因为你怕狠不下心离开 ...because you don't want to start the year with me if you can't finish it.
我会想你的，科学家 I'm gonna miss you...
...you scientist guy.
我是迪克拉克在时代广场 为你做实况报导 Hi, this is Dick Clark live in Times Square.
We're in a virtual snowstorm of confetti here in Times Square.
时代广场这儿的 五彩纸片纷纷落下
一年比一年进步 It gets better every year.
孩子 Here you go, kids.
然后孔雀就咬我 And then the peacock bit me.
请在午夜吻我 PIease kiss me at midnight!
看见珊蒂没？
You seen Sandy?
我不知该如何告诉你 I don't know how to teII you this...
她和马克斯在摩妮卡的房里 ...but she's in the bedroom getting it on with Max, that scientist geek.
那个科学怪人
酷，你看 我还是告诉你了 CooI, Iook at that. I did know how to teII you.
各位，大球要掉了 什么？ Hey, everybody, the baII is going.
大球要掉了 What?
The baII is dropping!
再过20秒钟就是午夜 In 20 seconds, it'll be midnight.
兴奋的时刻即将到来 And the moment of joy is upon us.
“六人行”计划似乎奏效 Looks Iike that ''No-Date Pact'' thing worked out.
大家好像都很开心，我不喜欢 Everybody Iooks so happy. I hate that!
不是大家都开心 Not everybody is happy. Hey, Bobby!
巴比 --four, three, two...
3…2…1 ...one! Happy New Year!
新年快乐
我这么说好了 I just thought I'd throw this out. I'm no math whiz...
我不是数学大师 ...but I do beIieve there are three girIs and three guys right here.
但我相信这儿有三对男女
今晚我不想亲任何人 I don't feeI Iike kissing anyone tonight.
我无法亲任何人 I can't kiss anyone.
我就该亲大家？ So I'm kissing everyone?
不，你不能亲罗斯 他是你哥 You can't kiss Ross. That's your brother.
太好了 Perfect. So now everybody's getting kissed but me.
大家都被亲了除我之外
谁来亲我…现在是午夜… Somebody kiss me.
Somebody kiss me! It's midnight! Somebody kiss me! It's midnight!
好吧，来吧
AII right! AII right! AII right!
There!
我真想和它好好相处 I wanted this to work so much.
替它换尿布 I'm stiII in there, you know?
替它抓跳蚤 Changing his diapers. Picking his fIeas.
但它却视为理所当然 But he's just phoning it in.
深爱某人却得不到回报 真是令人难过 It's hard to accept that something you Iove so much...
...doesn't Iove you back, you know?
我想那女人打断了我的牙齿 I think that bitch cracked my tooth.