Will this count against us, sir?
I've been here at the academy many wonderful years...
and I'm very fond of it.
-The new cadets are doing well? -Yes, sir.
-We are going to succeed now, aren't we? -Yes, sir.
Good.
One more ping out of you, Jonesey, I'll tape your lips permanently together.
Listen, everybody.
I want you to forget today. You don't have to be ready for the field yet.
-We sure proved that. -It wasn't a total loss.
Of course it wasn't.
One police car and two civilian cars completely totaled...
three citizens' complaints...
two members of the evaluation committee under heavy sedation.
I wouldn't call it a total loss, would you? No.
Bartender, how about some champagne for me and my associate?
We're celebrating. Come on, Proctor.
-Let's just get out of here. -No.
Boy, that's a waste of champagne, sir.
Now, what is that crack supposed to mean, Mahoney?
It means we don't think you can tell the difference between beer and champagne.
You know something? You two are brain dead.
Bet you can't. Loser pays.
-You're on, Mahoney. -Can I have a beer in the same glass?
-Mind if we blindfold you, sir? -Why?
-We wouldn't want you to peek. -Right.
-See anything? -No.
-Sure? -No, I can't see.
Okay. Round and round and guess the drink.
Champagne!
You win! He always wins!
All right, we'll pay up. Let's get out of here.
-You two jerks. -You really showed them, sir.
-Proctor. -Yes, sir?
Give me a hand with this. Take it off.
No, don't go slow. Go fast, so it doesn't hurt.
That hurt. Am I okay?
It's nice. There's a mirror right here, sir.
I got no eyebrows.
-Where are my eyebrows? -Right here, sir.
-This is going very well. -Yeah?
Yeah. That's great. It's coming.
That's great. That's nice. You're gonna like that, sir.
Let me see it.
Look at that. Look at this, this angle over here, every angle.
-I can't see it! -It's yours.
What do you think, sir?
I think I like it.
Commissioner Hurst was very upset.
He used many bad words to describe our academy.
Some were even foreign.
Italian or Irish, I think.
This is survival of the fittest...
and after what happened downtown...
it seems we're not very fit.
-Sir, you're not giving up, are you? -Of course not.
I have no doubt we shall be victorious.
I have a little doubt, but, basically, I'm an optimist.
Now, I know the committee will be observing us here...
and in the field, and at the Policepersons Ball...
so we must do nothing to dishonor the uniform.
-What was I saying? -Dismissed!
Right.
This map will pinpoint trouble spots...
over a 10-square-mile area.
This dispatch unit has a 200-mile range...
and a computerized city grid.
This computerized city grid tracks police vehicle movement.
-Is that clear, everyone? -Yes, ma'am!
Yeah, why not?
In tear gas training, the manual says you should have your mask on.
Be out of here 30 seconds after the canister comes through the window.
Any questions?
Good luck.
-Nice throw, Hightower. -It went in, didn't it?
All right, everybody out!
Everybody present and accounted for?
I feel good. I'll be in there if you need me.
Look, I know you people have had a tough week...
but there's something you should know.
You may be the last class to attend this academy.
I don't know if this means anything to you, but it sure does to us.
That's why, we not only want you to keep up the good work...
we want you to work harder.
Because we think that you people...
can be the best class this academy has ever seen.
You can do it. Believe me.
Once, even I was a screw-up.
Let's go out there and win one for Comdt. Lassard, okay?
Okay? Yeah, come on.
Attention!
Dismissed.
Did you hear that?
No? Of course not. How silly of me to ask.
You're too far from the window.
-Look sharp, Mahoney. -Right.
-Sgt. Mahoney. -Yeah.
I was really impressed by what you said.
You really care.
Yeah. Just don't spread it around. It might ruin my rep.
I owe you an apology for the way I acted. You were just trying to be cute.
Trying? On a cuteness scale of one to ten, I'm an eight.
-Five. -You're right, I am a five.
Listen, I'll accept your apology if you accept mine.
-Deal. -All right. You know something?
Have you ever felt, after meeting someone for ten minutes...
-you've known them for two, three years? -No.
-Thanks, Mahoney. -Welcome, sir.
Excuse, please. Shall I come back when all is well with your mind?
My mind is as well as it gets, but you look a little tense.
You see, I have great confusions...
about Sgt. Callahan.
You've come to the right place, brother.
Grab yourself pad and pencil because...
the love doctor is about to speak.
In my country, it is written...
only kiss of beautiful woman...
can compare to petal of a rose...
babe.
In America, talk is cheap.
I love America.
Hi, there. Remember me?
Yes, of course. How could I forget?
Who was that?
Just an old friend.
Why are we celebrating? It's Mauser, 42. Lassard, zip.
You think we're doing that well?
How's tricks? Not to worry.
Your friend forgot to wear her "for rent" sign.
She's such a sweet kid. My aerobics instructor.
Mahoney, see this ear? It's a finely tuned crap detector.
And a lovely ear it is. If I blow in it, will you follow me anywhere?
I'm surprised you had the nerve to show up...
after your cadets humiliated the Police Department.
Personally, it makes me sick.
How about you guys? Don't you guys think....
Coming, Commissioner.
Will you think less of me if I call him a slime bucket?
In fact, I'll have my aerobics instructor confirm it. I'll be right back.
-So, how you doing? -Terrific. I need one of your special favors.
Right here?
I just love a man that eats shrimp that way.
-You do? -Oh, yes.
Come on.
-How does he do that? -The question is, why does he do that?
It is a power of the mind.
Allow me.
What kind of idiot klutz are you?
Come on, dumpling.
I witnessed the entire attack, sir. My apologies, Mrs. Hurst.
May I say Copeland is not one of my cadets. He is a member of Lassard's staff.
You look different, Mauser. Are you putting on weight?
Come on, dumpling. We'll get you cleaned up.
That's Lassard's staff, sir. Send me the cleaning bill on that, sir.
You want the last shrimp?
-There's only one thing that I want. -What? I'll call room service.
Don't be silly.
What I want is for you to wait in there, in the bathroom...
while I get ready.
-Why can't I wait in here? -We just met.
Come on, can't a girl be a little bit old-fashioned?
I'll call you just as soon as I'm ready.
Come on, it's kind of drafty.
I'll get some help.
A little patience. I'll be out in a minute.
Hurry up. Somebody wants to use the....
Come on, let me in! Hurry up!
You should be ashamed of yourself.
I'll make up your room in a minute.
Where you going with my cart?
-My cart. -Let me borrow it.
I'm a police officer--
It's mine.
Warm tonight.
How's it going?
...hands him the ticket, and the driver said--
That's real funny, sir. Great joke teller, the Commissioner.
Are you enjoying yourselves? Are you comfortable?
Waiter, round of drinks. On me.
Drinks are free, you idiot.
Yes, sir. How stupid of me.
If you don't mind my saying so, Mrs. Hurst...
that fruit punch stain dried real nicely.
You are not going to influence this evaluation committee.
So will you please stop all this slobbering?
I think I can get it under control if I could only find out who's winning.
Let's just say that Lassard's cadets have not exactly impressed them.
Thank you very much, sir.
Get hold of yourself, man.
Good Lord! You're falling apart.
-Excuse me. Commissioner? -What the hell do you want?
We've had reports of a naked man terrorizing the hotel.
He's obviously not at this table.
-Mauser! -Yes, sir.
Would you take care of this naked person?
Naked person, yes, sir! I'll get right on top of him!
Proctor!
Glad to see you enjoying yourselves, men, despite the bad news.
Bad news? There's been bad news?
Well, bad news for you, good news for me.
Your cadets have been doing their usual fine job...
so it looks like I've got this one in the bag.
Congratulations! I'm so happy when someone I know wins.
I always think these contests are fixed.
Wait a minute.
-If you're winning, then.... -You're losing.
Sorry to spoil your fun.
-It's not fair. -Any ideas?
I could twist off Mauser's shiny head and roll it down the street.
Hold that thought, Hightower.
Come on. Damn it!
Governor, Commissioner--
Ladies and gentlemen...
may I introduce you to a very special man, Comdt. Mauser.
As you know, the committee's been evaluating both of our academies...
and they're very close to a decision.
And you know what this man said about that?
It's a fact....
It's a "facahamahoma."
Does this man have a way with words?
He said you can't judge an academy by rushing its cadets out into the field...
or by seeing whose cadets marched the straightest, no.
Do you know what the man, I like to call "Mr. Policeman," said?
"Forget any mistakes cadets have made over the last few weeks.
"They were just learning.
"It's these last days of competition that should determine the winner."
Comdt. Mauser, I salute you.
We all salute you!
This is the final day of the evaluation competition...
and though Comdt. Mauser's academy is in the lead...
it's how you perform today that will determine our winner.
Police personnel will monitor your performance...
at crime locations.
My advice is to treat this exactly as if it were real.
Attention!
Dismissed!
I'm going to accompany the Governor to the charity regatta.
He wants one cadet from each academy to go with us.
But the competition, sir.
The Governor thought it would be nice to evaluate cadets in a social situation.
Proctor, what is this? Hurst said one from each academy.
They're just as good as one man, almost.
The phone's got my quarter and the operator won't give it back to me.
I'll handle this, ma'am.
-Operator, this is Sgt. Tackleberry. -So?
-Please relinquish this lady's quarter. -I told her we'll send her a refund.
-You'll pay her now! -I'm sorry, sir, would you like to speak to--
Stand back, ma'am.
Can you identify your quarter, ma'am?
Sgt. Hooks, we got a 10-48 in Sector 1.
Send in Tackleberry.
Tackleberry? He's across town. Hightower's only three blocks away.
Send in Tackleberry.
You heard him. Do it.
-Sweetchuck! -What a lobby.
Secure the elevator. I'll take the stairs.
Easy.
Sgt. Hooks, there's a 10-48!
All right. Send in car 46.
Car 46.
Hightower, there's a roving gang in the Gower district.
Oh, boy, this is it.
Right, right.
Take a left.... No, you're going towards the expressway!
Take a U-turn on....
Make a U-turn on Flint Street....
No, you're going towards the expressway! What is that?
No, wait, make a U-turn!
-Where are we going? -Just relax.
Not a word.
...then you go around. Stop! Don't....
We're with the Governor at the trophy.
The purpose of the regatta, of course...
is we're hoping to raise about $20,000 for my campaign.
I was going to--
-Good luck, Governor. -We're moving toward the punch bowl.
Hello, Judge. Pick a winner.
We've stopped.
-Would you back off? -We're backing off.
What are you trying to do, injure him?
Comdt. Mauser's cadets never abandon their posts, sir!
Unlike some cadets I might mention, sir!
Holy cow!
Mahoney, somebody, I need help.
Listen, the busboys...
are shooting my nose.
Did you read that? Was that for real?
We heard it. Sir?
-Maybe we better check it out. -What about the evaluation?
One of my boys may be in trouble. Screw the evaluation.
I love it when you talk dirty, sir.
Mahoney must think he's as dumb as we are.
-We're not gonna fall for that stuff. -Yeah.
He must be getting desperate, trying to sucker us with that crap.
Come on, let's go.
Get your hands in the air. It's a stickup!
If there was trouble, Baxter would let us know.
Take them, boys.
Don't you touch that.
No, not the one for bravery.
There's the Yacht Club.
How are we gonna get there, Sergeant?
How do you look in a wet suit?
Hand over your money and jewels and nobody gets hurt!
You'll never get away with this. I'm the Governor.
The Governor? Did you hear that, boys? We got the Governor.
You must be breaking your mother's heart.
Why don't you ask her? She's right over there.
She looks like you.
Gather our boys. We got trouble coming!
Spread out.
I can't get Baxter.
Something's going on at the marina. Right over there. Take the next right.
Just relax. You've got the right to remain silent.
-You passed it. -They're not yielding.
-Pull over to the right. -Yield!
You're missing it. There goes the right.
We're in a police car and they're not yielding.
Move!
Stop. Hold it. Mahoney!
Police officer. Stop right there!
Karen, I'm going after the Governor.
-Are you okay? -Yes.
-You do look good in a wet suit. -So do you.
Freeze!
Drop it!
Go ahead. Make my day...
punk!
Freeze, cop!
Trouble.
Banzai!
I didn't mean to hit you.
I hate you.
Pull over.
Mahoney, you all right?
I'm okay. Just keep going.
Get out of my way, old man.
Mahoney's in trouble. Let's go!
You got it.
Proctor, you're an idiot.
You were born an idiot, you'll always be an idiot.
Dive.
Move it, Proctor.
I got this side, you paddle on the other side.
Hold it!
You okay, sir?
Look out.
Let's talk.
-You okay? -You need help?
-Where's the Governor? -Governor!
Don't move, dirtbag!
All right! Can we go again?
I'd like to thank all the members of my racing team for their assistance.
I couldn't have won....
...without the help of my many wonderful instructors...
and my many fine cadets.
Thanks to all...
this academy will carry on its fine tradition.