片名：开放的美国学府
琳达，就是他 那个音响店的店员
是不是很像李察吉尔？
你有没有看到他的屁屁？
看到刚才进来的帅哥了吧！
还用你说
我现在就过去帮他收桌子
等一下，那区是史黛西的
他那么成熟
史黛西只是个初中生
吸烟区请上二楼
吸烟区上二楼左转
桃莉巴顿分红给你了吗？ 雷纳
两位有什么事吗？
你有范海伦演唱会的票？
应该有
前十排的票一张多少钱？
一张20块
原来只要12块半
那就不要买
其他的黄牛票都卖完了
黄牛？你说我卖黄牛票？
小鬼，我提供售票服务 当然要收服务费
你们到底买不买？
好吧！两张票
我刚才说多少？25块？
20
好，谢了
雷纳，我一下就赚了16块
干嘛一脸烦闷的样子？
我讨厌在电影院打工 人潮都在购物区对面
怎么了？
你要不要帮他点菜？
加油，他很可爱
问他想吃什么 看着他的眼睛
如果他说笑话 就表现出很好笑的样子
要微笑
加油
你是辛苦打工 还是辛苦打混？
你看起来像高中生
我知道，大家都这么说
你几岁？
19岁，你呢
26
你想我们还可以交朋友吗？
要点什么？
给我一个肉丸三明治
一杯中可…
还有你的电话号码
别闹了，阿布
戴夫 阿布，怎么样
我很好
大厨师回来了
我只给客人吃最好的薯条
老兄，该你请客了
今天谁身上有钱？
一块大圆
你呢？有钱人
我有一根香烟
我有一“根”五分钱
喂，你们进来的时候 有穿上衣的
老兄，衣服出事了
少来了，史考利 把衣服穿上
看到那张牌子没有？
没上衣、没鞋子…
就没的吃
没错
看好、记好、穿好
天啊！
大厨师说话就是不一样
琳达，你看 他给我一张名片
雷强森，音响顾问
我们应该把它裱起来 挂到墙上
别闹了，是你说我会在 百货公司找到男朋友的
你想他这礼拜会打来吗？
你为什么不打给他？
我不可以先打
谁说不可以 男人喜欢女的主动
真的？
当然
你还等什么？史黛西 你都15岁了
我13岁就做过了 没什么，只是做爱做的事
他是不是很帅？
要不是我未婚夫在芝加哥 我早就去了
「我是同性恋」
你知道F10教室在哪吗？
一直走到底再左转
嗨！阿布
长大了，变美了
泡妞的一年又开始了
嗨！阿布
丹丹，我的死忠崇拜者
泡妞飞车来了
谢谢
各位，再付六次贷款
这部蓝色四门豪华轿车 就是我的了
我有四张第五排的票
超低价，只卖你140元
看到那辆车了吗？
杰佛逊高二踢足球的时候 某位校友送的
我帮他选的
很酷的车
你们知道，我们很熟的
老查，兄弟 最近怎样？
车子不错啊！ 我的意思是很棒
你真的很会保养车子
别碰我的车
酷哦！他就是这样
阿诺，怎么啦？
可以跟你说句话吗？
当然可以
我真的很讨厌野马汉堡店
从他们开始卖炸鸡块起 情况就越来越糟
不但要炸一大堆油腻的食物 还要擦亮一整间厨房
偏偏经理又是个痞子 我在想…
阿诺 你想去全美汉堡店打工
我是想…
我应该有办法 让我找阿丹谈谈
-太棒了 -就这样
你们有没有听到上课铃？
-什么铃？ -我们到了
欢迎
我是韩德老师
我只问你们一个问题
你们能不缺席吗？
全勤对你们有好处…
你们做不到没关系 我有办法帮忙
每星期五会考20题的小考
你们的学期总成绩 小考的分数占三分之二
期中考和期末考的分数 占三分之一
听清楚了？
还有…
上课不准吃东西 不…准…吃…东…西
绝对禁止在课堂上吃东西
你们下课爱干嘛是你们的事
这是我一贯的要求
就像你们不希望我下课以后…
去你们家讨论美国历史一样 明白吗？
明白了，老师
那家伙三年级就开始抽大麻
有事吗？ 我选了这堂课
什么课？
美国历史课 我看到那边摆了地球仪
真的？
我可以进来吗？ 哦，请进
上课铃响了三次 可是一个学生都没出现
你不知道我有多难过
对不起，我迟到了 新的课表实在很难搞懂
我认识他
史考利…先生
那是我的名字没错
你把我的课表撕烂了 没错
喂，老先生 你发神经啊？
没发神经
我想你一定知道教务处在哪
你混蛋
我已经印了这学期的课程表
上面有小考的时间 和考试的范围
拿了就往后传
向后传
你知不知道史考利今天早上 捅了韩德老师一刀？
乱讲，他只是骂他混蛋
混蛋？天啊 事情越传越夸张
琳达，那个女的 像帕特班纳特
我知道，等一下
里奇蒙高中有三个女的 模仿帕特班纳特的打扮
香奈桑勒
穿红色紧身裤的玛丽安索尼
男生会觉得那样 比较吸引人吗？
拜托，你比她们漂亮多了
我知道，但是你认为 她们会不会比较有经验？
什么叫比较有经验 你又在犹豫什么？
不是犹豫 有些东西我就是不太会
像是哪些？
像是…你知道，口交
那有什么了不起？
我从来没做过
你从来没帮人口交过？
从来没有？史黛西 那有什么，简单的很
你们看
放松喉咙的肌肉
不能咬
然后把它塞进去
再试一次
很好，慢慢推进去再拉出来 对啦！
好
我想问你一件事 但是你绝对不能笑
问吧！
男人高潮的时候 会射多少出来？
大概一夸特
没啦！骗你的 继续练习
我才不要去殡仪馆 我会叫我妈帮我请假
没有人能让我 跟死人一个房间
你一定要去 那是期末考的一部分
我听说很恶心 你知道他们怎样吗？
-你听过吗？ -听过什么？
尸体是切开的
维格斯老师 会把里面的器官挖出来拿着
你是说他把手伸进去拿？
拿胃跟肿瘤之类的东西？
对，胃、肿瘤、内脏
午安，各位 我是维格斯老师
听着，我今天反应有点迟钝
因为我现在改喝低因咖啡 希望你们了解
好，大家注意
我们这学期用的教科书 是“生命的世界”
我恋爱了
看到没？雷纳 我要长胡子了
只要一按它就会出来
我恋爱了
你是个胆小鬼 又懦弱又婆婆妈妈
你干嘛说我是胆小鬼？ 她就是我喜欢的那一型
你在哪看到她的？
上生物课的时候
-你有她的电话号码？ -没有
-你知道她的名字？ -还不知道，太快了
才不会太快
女生只要五分钟就能决定 要跟你发展到什么地步
那我该怎么做？
跑到生物课那个女孩面前 跟她说…
你好，我想跟你上床？
我就会
我现在就知道 这次又会像去年夏天一样
你喜欢上照相馆那个女孩
你买了40块钱的底片 可是一句话都没跟她说过
你连照相机都没有
那你告诉我，麦克 我该怎么做？
你应该这样做
从你走进生物教室 的那一刻开始
我是说不要用走的进去 要潇洒的晃进去
而且不要跟她说话
你要用你的表情 用你的肢体语言
能用的都用上
我都是这样
我的意思是 只要我这样放电
根据我的经验 女人都会有反应的
我是说，事情就会发生
事情当然会发生
你对一狗票的女生放电 最后总会电到一个
这就是放电的目的 和放电的架势
架势？
你的架势让你 不会那么在乎她
不管发生什么 你还是信心十足
你有了信心 架势自然就出来了
晚安，女儿
妈，晚安
你打扮的很好看
谢谢，你也一样
你想去哪？
我不知道
去得分球场好不好？
好啊！
好，就去得分球场
你的夹克真的很好看
谢谢你的赞美
很暖和
对，真的很暖和
不知道会维持多久
那…
我有可能上一垒吗？
你真的是19岁？
对，我是 我真的是19岁
告诉我，你喜欢雷吗？
我喜欢他，可是实在很痛
别担心，我保证 习惯了就会好很多
最好如此
妈叫我们清理游泳池
你为什么不清？
是你朋友游泳弄脏的
你朋友也来游过泳
垃圾都是我丢的
「想念你，雷强森」
阿布
爸妈有没有看到这些花？
他们还没到家
阿布
干嘛？
如果我拜托你
把花放在后车厢帮我丢掉 你会怎样？
我会说 谁是他妈的雷强森？
拜托
谢谢你
莉莎很好啊！
我不明白为什么 你要跟这么好的女孩分手
我和莉莎已经交往两年了 我是很喜欢她
我是说，她是很好的床伴
但是…我是个成功的单身汉
而且我高中只剩下一年了 这可能是我一生中的黄金时光
我只是觉得我现在需要自由 你了解吗？
好了，这些是你的配料
你有蕃茄片、莴苣丝 还有秘方酱
什么是秘方酱？
千岛色拉酱
野马汉堡的秘方酱是什么？
蕃茄酱和美乃滋 原来如此
阿布，给你的点菜单
那些花真的是送给我的？
当然
你花了多少钱？
钱不是问题
今天晚上 要不要去得分球场？
去那里干嘛？
你是什么意思？ 我们已经交往两年了
我不希望把性当成一种工具
工具？什么工具？ 我们已经交往两年了
我现在不想跟你谈
可是我想谈
阿布
莉莎
阿布
你一定要翻面不然就会焦掉
C
D
F
F，F
我们花了三个礼拜 讲解普莱特修正案
你们是在干嘛？在梦游吗？
一项由参议员约翰普莱特 向国会提出的法令
在1906年获得立法通过
这项修正案对我们的宪法
产生了深远的影响，同时…
杰夫史考利在哪？
我之前在一楼厕所附近 还看到他
他还在学校里吗？ 有谁看到…戴斯蒙
我在贩卖机旁边看到他
多久以前？ 上课之前
好，把他带进来
旷课到底有什么好？
你们脑袋是有什么问题？
学校其他的老师 对旷课有不同的看法
两边都在玩捉迷藏
老师假装没看到 你们假装自己没翘课
最后倒霉的是谁？是你们
等一下 你们根本没有帮我办庆生会
嗨，韩德老师
你为什么旷课？
我没办法赶来
你是没办法，还是不想？
因为贩卖机前面 排队的人太多了
要吃东西就给我下课吃
你为什么老是上课迟到？ 史考利先生
你这样浪费我的时间 不会不好意思吗？
我不知道
我喜欢
我不知道
多好的回答
韩德老师 这堂课我会过吗？
哦，史考利先生 我不知道
多好的回答，我喜欢 你知道我要怎样吗？
我要把你的话留在黑板上 让全班同学欣赏
当然啦！史考利先生 这都是你的功劳
好耶！
妈咪
哦，糟了
到底要我等多久？
圣诞节烂透了 我讨厌圣诞节
在假期的时候工作就是这样 客人常常会大小声
我非辞职不可
再待下去我会胖到 没人肯约我出去玩
雷都没打电话来？
十月以后就没有
有什么关系？史黛西 他只是个音响推销员
难道你想嫁给他？ 跟他生一堆小孩？
你要对着一个 50岁的秃头男人
身上还挂着 太平洋音响店的名牌
是他没眼光
有没有蓝牡蛎乐团的票？
没有，我没有卖蓝牡蛎的票
我上次把票吃掉的时候 你在哪里？
我差点就去7-Eleven工作了 你知道吗？
干嘛？
-要玩双打吗？ -没问题
你有铜板吗？
什么时候会有 球风火合唱团的票？
球风火合唱团？ 嗯，我还不确定
票一进来，我会立刻通知你
我打算带我弟弟一起去
那就是你弟弟？ 他长的蛮帅的
好，查尔斯杰佛逊…
要球风火合唱团的票 还有他弟弟
我一弄到票就通知你 怎么样？
他真的住这里吗？ 我以为他过来都是为了打球
狗屁 他知道需要票的话该找谁
走吧！还不走 你在妨碍我做生意
走，雷纳 我们去帮你追妹妹
你准备好要表白了吗？
你知道我今天早上发现 我开始长青春痘…
你的借口真的快让我抓狂了
你想想，她算什么？ 她只是披萨店的服务生
看看她，看看你自己 学校的优等生
电影院助理经理的助手
要是她不知道 你的条件有多好的话
你也不用理她，对吧？
-对 -很好，你觉得怎样？
-我觉得很好 -真的？好
别拖拖拉拉的，去追她
喂，雷纳 别穿那件外套去
很好，很酷 看起来很帅
好了吗？去追她
收你1块1毛钱 找你5分钱
谢谢
我是不是在生物课看过你？
有什么事吗？
我有几个问题
客人掉在这里的夹克 你们怎么处理？
我们留着
你们留着？
省得你们回来 需要的话，你可以慢慢找
没关系，不用了 那样找太浪费时间了
我再去买件新的好了
你下一个问题是什么？
哦，我下一个问题是…
我想约你出去 能不能给我你的电话号码？
你有笔吗？这只笔没水了
很高兴认识你，史黛西 我叫马克雷纳
我该走了
「大毛屁屁」
莉莎，我有事要告诉你
你知道，我已经高三了
我还是个成功的单身汉
所以我应该对自己公平
莉莎，我需要我的自由
哦，别哭了
拜托，拜托你别哭了
可以帮我顶一下 二号收银机吗？
好吧！
-需要帮忙吗？ -对
这不是我吃过最好吃的早餐 所以我要退钱
好，可是你必须先填一份表
不，我要你现在就退钱
很抱歉，可是按照规定 我必须先填表
而且你几乎都吃光了 所以…
看到那个牌子吗？ 上面说“保证百分之百满意”
你知不知道什么叫保证？ 他们没教过你吗？
先生，如果你可以等一下…
听着，你就把手抬起来 放到收银机上
然后退2块7毛5给我 拜托你…阿布
麻烦你给我一点时间 我会把表格找出来帮你处理
我就是没时间 你已经害我迟到了
我实在很讨厌 跟无能的人打交道
上面说保证百分之百满意 你这个白痴
先生，你再不闭嘴 我保证会踢你一脚
出了什么问题？ 需要我帮忙吗？先生
当然有问题
你的店员出言不逊 还威胁说要打我
我太惊讶了，我常常来 你们以前的服务很好的
这份早餐煮的不够熟 所有我要求他退钱
没想到他居然说要打我 我要打电话给你们…
我会处理的
你有对这位客人出言不逊 或者说要打他吗？汉莫顿先生
是他先侮辱我的 阿丹，他先骂我白痴
回答我，你有威胁这位客人 或者出言不逊吗？
-有 -你被开除了
先生，真的很对不起 我现在立刻退钱给你
希望你不要放在心上
你知道现在的年轻人 是怎样的
这是你的钱 要不要再来一份早餐？
阿诺，我希望你尿的很爽
全世界顶尖的冲浪好手 今天聚集在此
挑战自1946以来 本地所出现最大的浪潮
您好，我是史都奈罕 我要为您介绍一位年轻人
他就是杰夫史考利 杰夫，恭喜你
今天的浪看起来非常大
我告诉你，史都 我还挑战过更大的浪
就像我对ABC电视台的人说的 “危险是我的座右铭”
很多人预测应该是由 “破浪”马克戴维斯…
或是“丛林老兵”巴布杰洛德 获得今年的荣誉
那些家伙是同性恋
说得好
请问你，当你冲浪的时候 会不会担心自己的安全？
冲浪不是一种运动 它不是兴趣，是一种生活方式
是一种对待浪潮的方式 然后说…
喂，老兄 我们来玩吧！
你这件夹克哪来的？
是电视台给的 请问你接下来有什么计划？
先参加澳洲国际赛 再参加夏威夷国际赛
然后和米克一块飞去伦敦 跟滚石合唱团一起表演
你们也去啊！
爸叫你起床 别吵我
爸说你又要迟到了 你这个笨蛋
别吵我
爸说你又要迟到了 你这个鼻涕鬼
爸，杰夫拿潜水换气管丢我
我们要说的是 我们不是啦啦兔女郎
我们很讨厌这个绰号 迪娜和我听到就生气
-实在很看不起我们 -没错
我们知道大家都信心十足 对不对？
我们下礼拜一定会打败 林肯高中的，对不对？
你们了解 明明知道别人会笑你
还要上来表演 是需要很大的勇气吗？
天啊！
我绝对不会再理他们了
阿诺跟戴夫的工作 还是靠我帮忙才找到的
我相信只要你跟阿丹道歉 他就会叫你回去的
叫丹尼斯去死 我才不要跟那个废物道歉
我真的很高兴我们还在一起
发生了这么多事 我今年真的很需要你
阿布，你听我说 我一直想找机会告诉你
我们就快要毕业了
今年是最后一年
我觉得我们应该 给自己一点时间
出去认识别的人
我希望我们还能当朋友
那上车以后 我要跟她说什么？
没问题，你需要的是 我的五点特别计划
别闹了，老兄 我需要实际的帮助
什么意思？ 多少人想尽办法…
就是为了得到 这项珍贵的资料
但是我免费送给你
你的五点计划是什么？
好吧！仔细听好了
首先，绝对不要表现出来 你有多喜欢她
哦，黛比，你好
第二，永远要掌握主控权
吻我，你不会后悔的
第三，不管到哪 都要表现出一副自在的样子
这里是不是很棒？
第四
点菜的时候 先问她要吃什么然后再点菜
这是漂亮的一招
小姐要一份 蛤蜊义大利面配白汁
还要一杯可乐不加冰块
第五
记住，这是最重要的
当你们调情的时候 可能的话…
放齐伯林飞船第四张专辑 A面的歌
这部车很漂亮
对，是我姐姐的
你有上乔琪老师的英文课吗？
有啊！她教的很好
对啊！她教的很好
你决定了吗？
我要叫德国香肠
不错
你在电影院工作，对不对？
那一定很棒 你可以看免费的电影
可以吃免费的爆米花
你还好吧？
哦，我很好
我先失陪一下 你不会介意吧？
不会，没关系
你们准备好要点菜了吗？
她要德国香肠
那你呢？
我也一样
要喝什么？
可乐 两杯可乐
好，谢谢
-我马上回来 -好
-喂？ -麦克，是我，马克
你的约会怎样？
正在进行当中 一切都很顺利，除了…
我把皮夹忘记在家里
你为什么不回家拿？
不行，我不能回家拿 待会就要上菜了
拜托 你可不可以帮我一个忙？
跟你妈借车，开到我家
拿我的皮夹，再帮我送来
喂？麦克？
麦克？
嗯，我现在实在有点忙
你只要帮我这个忙
我发誓我这辈子 再也不会拜托你别的事情
拜托，你一定要帮我
好吧！但是你欠我一次
没问题，谢了 真的谢谢你
你没事吧？毕佛
演到哪了？
你确定不要再叫别的东西了
你要不要再叫一杯可乐？
好吧！
再两杯可乐
嘿，你不是马克吗？ 对，你好
-你是来… -我是为了点心来的，很棒的
嘿，我前几天找到你的皮夹 你要拿回去吗？
哦，真的 难怪我找不到
麦克，这是史黛西汉莫顿
史黛西，这是麦克狄蒙
很高兴认识你
再见
对，我该走了，再见
要走了吗？
好啊！
我今天晚上玩的很开心
我也是
我很抱歉 你的汽车音响被人偷了
我没想到在那么高级的地方 也会发生这种事
我明白 你要不要进来坐一下？
-好，谢谢 -很好
你哥呢？
他跟朋友出去了
-你想喝点什么？ -不用了，没关系
那你不介意我换衣服吧？
不介意
你可不可以帮我拉开？ 它老是卡住
谢谢
你爸妈呢？
他们出城去度周末了
阿布跟我留下来看家
你这张照片很漂亮 谢谢
你可以进来我房间没关系
你…现在想做什么？
我不知道
你想看照片吗？
我保留了很多 从小到大的照片
是不是有点好笑？
好啊！我想看
真的？好
照片
这张是阿布照的
有那种双重影像的效果 你知道，就像镜子一样
这张是我在耍宝
这是我的狗，吉普赛 还有我的猫，多利欧
牠们现在已经死了
记得他吗？狄更老师
你上过他的课？
他老是穿同一套西装
他一定有五百套一样的
他吓死人了 不，我认为只有一套
你知道，我突然想到一件事
我姐姐对她的车紧张的要死
-11点前一定要还她 -要不要打电话给她？
不用了，我… 她会发神经的
她的车是她的宝贝
-我最好快点回去 -真的？
我会打电话给你 那…我们上课见
好吗？
拜拜
马克雷纳不喜欢我
他不喜欢你？别开玩笑了
真的，他表现的 对我一点兴趣都没有
马克雷纳绝对是那种 你必须采取主动的人
琳达，我有 我一直在采取主动
结果是让我自己 看起来像白痴
史黛西，你何必在意他
他只是个16岁的 电影院接待员
你跟成年男子约过会
你在购物中心 最棒的快餐店打工
而且你还是我最要好的死党
没错，但是… 我真的有点喜欢他
真的？那样的话 你最好快点转移目标
看了新的“花花公子”没？
好看吗？
波戴瑞克的咪咪
太棒了
我喜欢女人
吃镇定剂的人不应该开车
这可是我哥的车
-你说他出城去了 -他是不在
很好，那就别吵了
你疯了吗？史考利 那是红灯
之前明明是黄灯
你这样会刮到我哥的车
乱讲，我才不会
听着，我开车，你带路
这个派对到底在哪？
右转，这里转，这里…
我哥会把我给杀了 他会杀了我们
他会杀了你，他会杀了我 他会把我们给杀了
嘿，老兄 你应该高兴我反应很快
我哥会气疯掉
老兄，你要决定好
他是会气疯掉 还是会杀了我们
他会先气到疯掉 然后就会杀了我们
别紧张，好吗？ 我老爸专门修理电视的
他有一套最厉害的工具 我能修好它
你不可能修好这部车的 史考利
我能修好
「干掉林肯」
「踩烂林肯」
「里奇蒙风光，林肯输光」
-我要给你50块… -不对，不对，不对
意思是，如果你赢的话 我给你25块
如果我赢的话，你给我5块
-你稳赚的 -好吧！
我会写下来你赌5块钱
还有，别忘了14分的差距
14分的…
我不敢相信林肯那些人 把杰佛逊的车弄成这样
「林肯发威」
他们把车给撞烂了 我真服了他们
杰佛逊一定会要他们好看的
那家伙一定会干掉他们
彻底消灭 你明白我的意思吧？
妈的，他火大了
「里奇蒙去死」
被33号 查尔斯杰佛逊拦截
被杰佛逊撞倒 被杰佛逊压倒
担架，快点
又是杰佛逊
5、4、3、2、1
-这里没什么好吃的 -你是什么意思？
根本就没有我可以吃的东西 吃炸鳟鱼
算了 你们有没有不裹粉的鱼？
都是用同一种方法准备的
那就鲸鱼堡
还是蛤蜊三明治
你有没有听过青春痘？ 你要我吃油炸的东西？
那我们走吧！
我们走，这家餐厅烂死了
谢谢，下次再来 事事顺心
我今天寄信给道格 希望他能快点过来
他在芝加哥干嘛？
他替航空公司做事 你会看到他的
琳达，你一定要做这个
做什么？
评估你的伴侣
-真的？ -对
-让我来测验道格 -好
最满意的性经验发生于…
A.当你的伴侣先达到高潮
B.你先达到高潮 C.你和伴侣同时达到高潮
同时高潮
一定会成功的，雷纳
我们会掀起一阵高潮
也许我们应该先打电话 我不喜欢当不速之客
别开玩笑了 我们要让她们吓一跳
听我的，把领子弄好
放轻松，要酷 记得吗？架势
你上衣哪来的？洗衣篮？
拜托，这件是干净的
就像骑脚踏车一样 你要从跌倒的地方爬起来
约会搞砸了，就再来一次
-你们都是同时达到高潮？ -对
大概吧！
他可不是高中男生
我们过来帮你们做数学作业
大热天 你们应该会需要帮手
别担心 她们会让我们进去的
好吧！
你们要答应我 我妈一回来你们就走
好
琳达，那是麦克，这是马克
-嗨 -嗨，你好
看起来不错，试试看水温
非常好笑
下来啊！小琳 我教你跳水
你知道，我以前得过冠军
妈知道你有朋友在吗？
马克和麦克，他们是我同学
-嗨 -你好
-嗨，琳达 -嗨，阿布
你们可不可以小声点 我还有功课要做
好
他的裁缝师是谁？
天啊！他越来越沉默
对啊！我知道 他讨厌穿制服
雷纳 表演水底站立给她们看
喂，狄蒙，你在干嘛
注意啦！雷纳 别闹了，别闹
嗨，阿布
你知道 我一直都觉得你很可爱
你有棉花棒吗？史黛西 我耳朵进水了
我不知道，你去找找看
等一下
都没有人要敲门是不是？
1898年 古巴仍旧属于西班牙
想想看
古巴属于4千英哩外 一个混乱的国会
古巴处于持续的…
古巴处于持续的叛乱状态
1904年…
美国政府试图命令…
-哪位？ -送披萨的
-是谁？ -是送披萨外卖的
谁点的双层吉士加香肠？
老兄，是我
你的小费
我是不是眼花？ 你以为你在干嘛？
学习古巴历史 顺便吃点东西
史考利先生，你是在冒险
你严重打扰到我的时间
韩德老师 我一直在想这个问题
如果我在这里，你也在这里 那不就是我们的时间吗？
所以利用我们的时间 享受大餐就不能算错
你说的完全正确 是我们的时间没错
是你的、我的 和教室里其他同学的
但是这是我的课
汉莫顿、布莱特、柯菲尔 到前面来
史考利先生很好心 请大家吃点心
不用客气，自己拿
拿一片大的
-麦克…嗨 -嗨
-你好吗？ -很好，你呢？
我讨厌走路 每天都要走路，实在很烦
你为什么不搭别人的便车？
有时候我哥会载我 可是他早上要上班
然后他再开车来上学
好哥哥
你知道 马克雷纳真的很喜欢你
你喜欢他吗？
马克人很好
可是我比较喜欢你
嗯…我家到了
-你家有没有冰茶？ -当然有
进来吧！
学校的年刊快出来了
你要买吗？
我不知道
别这样
难道你不想看照片 照出来的样子？
我知道自己长什么样
我晓得
但是能有自己朋友的照片 感觉不一样
大概吧！我不知道 我觉得没什么
我应该会买
有游泳池一定很方便
你要游泳吗？
好啊！
那我去换衣服
等我一下
冰茶真的很好喝
跟我来
阿布的东西都放在更衣室
-很漂亮 -真的？
真的
这件你应该穿的下
你很会接吻
真的？
你也一样
你要把衣服脱掉吗？
你先
那我们一起脱
好
等一下
你没事吧？
我想我射了 你有感觉到吗？
我好像有吧！
我该走了，史黛西
我真的该走了
再见
琳达 道格一次能持续多久？
久到受不了
别闹了
差不多20到30分钟
我以为你说的是 30到40分钟
没错，我说错了 是30到40分钟
狄蒙维持多久？
狄蒙维持…
15到20分钟
不错嘛！以高中男生来说
麦克，嗨
嗨
我好久没看到你了
对
我在赶时间，好多事做
我也在赶时间
只是想跟你说声嗨
嗨
汉莫顿，我来负责油炸锅
IBM的人订了一堆 今日特价套餐
我告诉他们 你一小时之内会亲自送到
遵命，长官
汉莫顿，过来一下
你在干嘛？
我在换衣服
可是你把虎克船长装脱掉了
我想穿上街的衣服 开车去IBM
穿制服去不太自在
你是以虎克船长英式炸鱼店 代表的身份去那里
那套制服是我们餐厅形象 的一部分，你知道的
你真的要我把制服穿回去？
对，没错 拿出你的自信来
遵命，长官
迪娜 你是说你真的不记得了？
不记得罗宾山德的磁性 还是瑞奇尼尔逊的魅力
那是小孩子的东西
小孩子的东西？
记得那首歌吗？ 我要你爱我…
梦幻警察合唱团？
你妈还不错，你爸还不错
他们只是有点奇怪…
麦克？麦克？
我能跟你谈谈吗？
又干嘛？ 史黛西，我正在谈生意
晚上打电话给我，好吗？
不行，一定要现在谈 行吗？
别走开
你拿去看
最好是很重要的事 因为我正在谈一笔大生意
麦克，我只是…
我只是…要你知道我怀孕了
你怎么知道是我的？ 我们只做过一次
我没有跟别人在一起 我知道是你的
天啊！那是你的主意
是你想要的…你比我还想要
不是，把你的话收回去
好，好，我收回
我们要想个办法解决
我是说，我们一定要去堕胎
我哥带他女朋友去做过 很简单
很小的手术
我知道，我已经计划好了
去免费诊所只要花150块
我不觉得是免费
我猜你要我付手术费
付一半，好吗？ 还有载我去诊所
75块钱和一趟便车
可以
好，谢谢
谢谢你
天啊！
「欠我钱的人」 「支出」
瑞克 我需要你欠我的50块
我没钱
我知道经济不景气 可是我需要这笔钱
我现在没钱
拜托，你要票的时候 是我帮你弄到的
你的位子离舞台那么近 连乐团都吓到
我又不是美国商银
我知道你不是美国商银 但是我需要我的50块
星期四行不行？
那就来不及了 我今天晚上就要
我真的没钱，怎么还你
算了，当我没问过 我星期四跟你拿钱
行了吧…再见
「信任」
麦克在家吗？我是史黛西
请等一下
史黛西 他说他在车库帮他爸忙
他晚一点会打给你
阿布
阿布，等一下
「保龄球」
到了，就是这里 我们只是要去打保龄球
谢谢
-待会见 -再见
你们觉得怎么样？ 你准备要走了吗？黛比
谢谢你
史黛西，我不能让你走 除非有人来接你
我叫我男朋友在楼下等我
好
谢谢
阿布？
你什么时候开始 打保龄球的？
好吧！阿布 拜托你不要告诉爸妈
我知道…是谁的？
你不打算告诉我，对不对？
算了，我不勉强你
你还好吧？
还好
我们走
-你饿吗？ -饿
我跟你说过叫麦克付钱的 你为什么不跟他说？
琳达，他根本就没出现
那个小小鸟
我打电话到他家
他妈告诉我 他在车库帮他爸忙
史黛西 麦克狄蒙是个无脑的小小鸟
我不会放过他的
琳达，拜托你，别冲动 我根本就不喜欢这个人
史黛西，他不是个人 他是个小小鸟
「小小鸟」
嗨，麦克鸡
「小小鸟」
嗨，狄蒙
狄蒙，你跟史黛西之间 发生了什么事？
让我告诉你 有时候女生会突然兴奋
那是一个月前发生的事 我一直想找机会告诉你
我们在一起打发时间 然后事情就发生了
已经过去了，根本不算什么
我后来都没有打电话给她
她是非常主动的女孩 你明白吗？
不，我不明白
反正她也不是你女朋友
去你的，狄蒙
外面女生多的是 你就偏偏要找史黛西
你到底要证明什么？
对不起
告诉你，我总是帮你说话
只要有人说 那个狄蒙喜欢说大话
而且他们常常这样说
我都会说 那是因为你们不了解他
他们叫你白痴的时候…
我会说，狄蒙不是白痴 是你们不了解他
知道吗？ 也许是他们太了解你了
也许是我现在才开始了解你
滚开
你想打架是不是？雷纳
你是不是想打架？动手
-来啊！胆小鬼 -好啊！打就打
-我要打烂你的头 -动手啊！
说大话的家伙
你们给我住手
要打去别的地方打
别在我的体育馆惹事
干！
起床的时候好好的 搞不清楚到底怎么回事
快点，动作快
今天我们要探索这间医院 如何维护人的生命
我们会拜访这些 优秀的医生和护士
陪伴着我们出生入死 的每一层楼
每天有超过30名的婴儿 在这出生
奎曼医生请到护士站
-早安，医生 -你好
同学们，这是米勒医生
他会陪我们参观 今天行程的最后一站
请你们跟我来
我最后一次要求你们
表现出你们最成熟的态度
你是我班上的？
我今天是
什么事？桂格
他们是什么人？
他们大部分是流浪汉
他们为了钱 把身体卖给医学实验
大概30块吧？
25块
很好的收入
这位先生叫亚瑟
他上星期不幸死于心脏衰竭
我们今天很幸运能看到 他的尸体…
还处于原始状态下
这边有一道切口
肋骨已经被锯下来
很方便我们移开护胸甲
实际观察自然状态下 的人体器官
这边是肺脏
这边则是心脏 你们可以看到…
它实际的位置 是在胸腔的中间
哦，有够酷
-你没事吧？ -哦，我没事
我刚才丢脸丢大了
不，你没有
不能回去了
没关系，等他们出来 我们再偷偷混进去
他们出来了
你人真的很好
「手扳机纪念医院」
「期末考：210教室」 「六月三号」
你应该很快就有感觉了 你哈了多少？
下面的示范会告诉你
你听
那是什么？
那是我的头骨
我已经昏了
天啊！
这是什么药？
那不是会让头壳坏掉？
除非你每天哈，哈一个月
太好了
我开车去接你 然后去参加舞会
待会见
杰夫，有人找你
寇帝斯，滚出去 你要敲门才能进来
这才像话，进来
韩德老师
你今天晚上要出去？杰夫
对，去毕业舞会
这是今年学校最后一项活动
可惜我们有事情要讨论
我做错什么事吗？韩德老师
根据我的计算，史考利先生
你今年一共浪费了 我8小时的时间
而且你放心 这是大略的估计
我现在要结算一下 我们之间的帐目
今天晚上我们要 详细讨论戴维斯协议
所有相关的条约…
尤其是美国革命
如果你可以翻到课本 “真理与自由之地”第47页
我把那书放在学校
既然如此…
我很高兴我多带了一本课本
是带给你的
听我说，马克
我要为最近发生的事 向你道歉
真的对不起
我不应该那样对你
我了解，你是身不由己
你只是好色、粗鲁 讨人厌而已
-我能忍受 -借过
我们还是朋友吗？
还是
太好了
杰弗逊说的是，哇咧…
我们离开英格兰度假村 是因为它很烂
如果我们不快点 变出一套酷的规定
那我们也太逊了
很接近了，杰夫
我想我们今天晚上 就到此为止
你每年都会教到像 我这样的学生吗？
你知道 就是常被你修理的学生
你下学期就知道了 不用了
只要我一混过历史课 我绝对不会靠近你半步
混过历史课？
只要我能修过你的课
如果你能修过
你要把我当掉？
史考利，不用担心 你大概会勉强过关
再见，韩德老师
再见，史考利
亲爱的，这两位 是我最好的学生
同学们，这是我太太 维格斯夫人
你好
夏天到
答对
我写了一封信给他
告诉我你的想法
亲爱的道格，我收到你的留言说 不能来参加我的毕业典礼
道格，这种事不应该发生 在成年人之间
也许你找到了新的 更成熟的对象
但要是你问我，道格 我认为幼稚的人是你
无论如何 你别以为我会傻傻的等你
琳达敬上
你觉得怎样？
我有另外一封 是骂他混蛋的
不，这封比较好，比较…
-成熟？ -对
-我不需要降到他的水准 -没错
事实上 我可以出去跟别人约会
没错
谢谢你安慰我
我们走
嘿，兄弟，我知道这首歌
喂，给我下来
琳达，我终于想通了
我不要性 谁都可以有性关系
那你要什么？
我要浪漫的关系
我要罗曼史
你要罗曼史？在里奇蒙？
我们连第四台都没有 你居然要罗曼史
暑假又要在披萨店度过 我快受不了了
没那么糟，眼睛睁大一点
有很多男人在附近
-你最近好吗？ -很好
我很高兴你过来了
因为我想给你一张我的照片
那暑假的时候 你就会记得打电话给我
我不知道 今年暑假我会出去旅行
所以我不确定…
有时间我会打给你
那太好了
史黛西
你在全美汉堡店工作，对吧
七个月前
我就知道
你为什么不找工作？史考利
找来干嘛？
你需要钱
我只需要很棒的浪潮
很酷的大麻，我就很好
谢了 可不可以用你的厕所？
好，去用
左边第一个门
楼梯上面？
左边第一个门
拿钱，快把钱拿出来 快点
好
你在干嘛？
保险箱，在甜甜圈后面
我一直在注意这家店 你别想骗我
把它打开
好
快点
我是新来的 他们教过我步骤，但是…
让我想想
笨蛋，动作快点
不要催我，王八蛋
喂，老兄，没纸了
我捉到你了，你这个混蛋
王八蛋
你的接应跑了
厉害，实在厉害
好耶！汉莫顿
「阿布汉莫顿：六月十二日 升职担任无敌便利店的经理」
「麦克狄蒙：因贩卖 奥兹奥斯朋的黄牛票被补」
「现在7-Eleven工作」
「维格斯老师：又改喝咖啡」
「琳达布雷特 就读河滨郡某大学」
「现和她的 反常心理学教授同居」
「雷纳和史黛西 展开一场热恋」
「目前还没有发生关系」
「韩德老师 确信所有学生都抽大麻」
「杰夫史考利 救了溺水的布鲁克雪德丝」
「拿全部的酬金请 范海伦合唱团来表演庆生」
剧终
(WE GOT THE BEAT PLAYING)
See the people walking down the street
Fall in line just watching all their feet
They don't know where they want to go
They're walking in time
They got the beat
They got the beat, yeah
They got the beat
All the kids just getting out of school
They can't wait to hang out and be cool
Hang around till quarter after 12:00
That's when they fall in line
They got the beat They got the beat
Kids got the beat, yeah
Kids got the beat
Go-go music really makes us dance
Doing the Pony puts us in a trance
Do the Watusi just give us a chance
That's when we fall in line
'Cause we got the beat
We got the beat
We got the beat, yeah
We got it
We got the beat
Everybody, get on your feet
We got the beat
We know you can dance to the beat
We got the beat
Jump back, get down
'Round and 'round and 'round
We got the beat
Linda, there's that guy from the stereo store.
Don't you think he looks like Richard Gere?
See his cute little butt?
You guys, let's talk about that fox that just walked in.
BOTH: We already were.
I'm gonna go over there and change the shakers.
Cool out. That's Stacy's section.
He's too old.
She's not even in high school yet.
Smoking's upstairs to your left.
Smoking's upstairs.
Rat, is Dolly Parton giving you a percentage of the profit?
What can I do for you, gentlemen?
You the guy with the Van Halen tickets?
I could be.
How much for something in the first 10 rows?
$20 apiece.
Those tickets were only $12.50.
So don't buy them.
All the other scalpers are sold out.
Scalper? Did you call me a scalper?
Listen, gentlemen, I perform a service here, and the service costs money.
Do you want the tickets or don't you?
Okay, we'll take them.
All right. What'd I say, $25?
BOTH: $20!
All right. Thank you.
Just made $16, Rats. What's the matter? You look depressed.
I hate working the theater. All the action's on the other side of the mall.
How's it going?
You want to take his table? Yes.
Go for it. He's cute.
Just take his order, look him in the eye.
If he says anything remotely funny,
laugh like you never heard anything so funny.
And smile.
Go for it.
So, you working hard or hardly working?
You look like you could still be in high school.
I know. Everybody says that.
How old are you?
Nineteen.
How old are you?
Twenty six.
Do you think we could still be friends?
So what can I get you?
How about a meatball sandwich,
a medium Coke, and your phone number?
Hi. Hello.
Get out of here, Bradley.
Dave. DAVE: How you doing, Brad?
Cooking!
Daddy's home, boys. I shall serve no fries before their time.
This one's on you, dude.
Who's got the beaucoup dolares today?
Uno dinero.
What have you got, Mr. Buck Man?
I got a cigarette.
I got uno "nickelette."
Hey! You guys had shirts on when you came in here.
Something happened to them, man.
Come on, Spicoli, just put the shirts back on.
You see that sign?
"No shirts. No shoes. No dice."
(ALL LAUGHING)
Right.
Learn it. Know it.
Live it.
Whoa.
He's the full hot orator.
STACY: Linda, did I show you this? He gave me his card.
"Ron Johnson, Audio Consultant."
Maybe we should get a frame for this and put it up on the wall.
Come on, Linda. You're the one who told me I was gonna get a boyfriend at the mall.
Do you think he'll call this week?
Why don't you call him?
I can't.
Yes, you can.
Guys love that sort of thing.
Really? Yes!
Stacy, what are you waiting for? You're 15 years old.
I did it when I was 13. It's no huge thing. It's just sex.
He was hot, wasn't he?
If I didn't have a fiancé in Chicago, I'd go for it.
(EXCLAIMING)
Hey, how you doing? Welcome to Ridgemont.
Will it look okay?
(AMERICAN GIRL PLAYING)
Well, she was an American girl
Raised on promises
Do you know where U.S. history is?
Down the hall and turn left.
She was an American girl
(GRUNTS)
Hi, Bradley.
Grown up. Looking good.
BRAD: Another year joined at the lips.
Hi, Brad!
Denise. I'd make you see God.
Brad!
(BOYS WHOOPING)
Big Cruising Vessel!
Bradley!
Thank you.
Six more payments, gentlemen, and this beautiful
blue, four-door, luxury sedan is all mine!
DAMONE: I'll give you four tickets in the fifth row
for the low price of $140.
See that car?
Some alumni gave Jefferson that car for playing football
when he was a sophomore.
Helped him pick it out.
Slick car.
We go way back, you know.
Hey, Charles, how you doing, buddy?
Car looks great. I mean really terrific.
You're really keeping it up wonderfully.
Don't fuck with it.
Shit! That's my man.
(ALL CHATTERING)
ARNOLD: Brad?
Arnold! What's happening?
Can I talk to you a minute?
Sure, man.
I really hate Bronco Burger.
Ever since they started with the chicken nuggets,
everything went downhill.
You have to fry all their greasy food,
and you have to polish things.
And the manager's an asshole.
I was just wondering...
Arnold, do you want to work at All American Burger?
Yeah, well...
I can probably get you in. Just let me talk to Dennis Taylor.
All right. Okay.
(BELL RINGING)
STUDENT 1: Wait. Did you hear the bell ring?
STUDENT 2: What bell? STUDENT 1: We're here.
(LAUGHING)
(BELL RINGING)
Aloha.
My name is Mr. Hand.
I have but one question for you.
Can you attend my class?
It is for your own good. And if you can't make it, I can make you.
MR. HAND: We have a 20 question quiz every Friday.
Your grade is the average of all your quizzes,
plus the midterm and final which counts for one-third.
Got it?
Also...
(VOICE TRAILS OFF)
There will be no eating. E-A-T-I-N-G.
No eating in this class.
(KNOCKING AT DOOR)
You get used to doing your own business on your own time.
That's one demand I make.
Just like you wouldn't want me to come to your house some evening
and discuss U.S. history on your time, understand?
Yes, sir.
(KNOCKING CONTINUES)
This guy's been stoned since the third grade.
Yes?
Yeah, I'm registered in this class.
What class?
This is U.S. history.
I see the globe right there.
Really?
Hey. May I come in?
Oh, please.
I get so lonely when I hear that third attendance bell ring
and all my kids are not here.
Sorry, I'm late. It's just like this new schedule's totally confusing.
I know that dude.
Mr. Spicoli.
That's the name they gave me.
You're ripping my card. Yes.
Hey, bud, what's your problem?
No problem at all.
I think you know where the front office is.
You dick!
I have taken the time to print up a complete schedule
of class quizzes and the chapters they cover.
Please pass them to the desk behind you.
MR. HAND: Back, back, back.
Did you hear about this surfer guy
who pulled a knife on Mr. Hand this morning?
Oh, no! He just called him a dick.
A dick?
Oh, God. People exaggerate so much here.
Linda, that girl looks just like Pat Benatar.
I know. Wait.
There are three girls at Ridgemont
who have cultivated the Pat Benatar look.
Chanel Semlar,
Mary Ann Zlotnick in the red tights.
Do you think guys find that more attractive?
Stacy, please, give me a break! You are so much prettier!
Yeah, I know, but do you think they'd be better in bed?
What do you mean? You either do it or you don't.
No. There are like variables that I might not be good at.
Like what variables?
Like, you know, giving blow jobs.
What's the big deal?
I never did it.
You've never given a blow job?
Never? Stace, there's nothing to it. It's so easy.
Check it out.
Relax your throat muscles.
Don't bite. And slide it in.
(GAGGING)
LINDA: Try it again.
Good. Push it slowly in and out.
You got it. Okay.
Can I ask you something and you promise not to laugh?
Sure. Okay.
When a guy has an orgasm, how much comes out?
A quart or so.
No, I'm just kidding.
Just practice.
(ALL CHEERING)
GIRL: I'm not going to a morgue.
I'll get my mom to write a note.
Nobody's getting me into a room with a bunch of dead guys.
You have to go.
It's part of the final.
I hear it's really disgusting.
Do you know what they do? Have you heard?
What?
The bodies are dissected
and Mr. Vargas pulls out parts of the dead body and holds them up.
You mean, he reaches in and pulls this stuff out?
Like stomach and tumors or something?
Yeah, stomach, tumors, entrails.
Good day, everyone.
My name is Mr. Vargas.
Look. I'm a little slow today.
I just switched to Sanka, so have a heart.
MR. VARGAS: All right, now.
The World of Life.
That is the name of the textbook we will be using.
I'm in love.
See the mustache coming in, Rat?
You can almost cross it out.
I'm in love.
You are a wuss.
Part wimp and part pussy.
What do you mean wuss? This girl is my exact type.
All right.
Where'd you see her?
In my biology class.
Did you get her number?
No.
Did you get her name?
No! No! It's too soon.
It's never too soon, Rat.
A girl decides how far she's gonna let you go in the first five minutes.
What am I supposed to do?
Go up to this strange girl in my biology class
and say, "Hello. I'd like you to take your clothes off and jump on me?"
I would.
I can see it all now. This is gonna be just like the last summer.
You fell in love with that girl at the Fotomat.
You bought $40 worth of fucking film,
and you never even talked to her.
You don't even own a camera.
You tell me, Mike. What should I do?
This is what you do.
Start from the minute you walk into biology class.
I mean, don't just walk in. Move across the room.
And you don't talk to her.
You use your face. You use your body.
Use everything. That's what I do.
I mean, I just send out this vibe
and I have personally found that women do respond.
I mean, something happens.
Naturally something happens.
You put the vibe out to 30 million chicks, something is gonna happen.
That's the idea, Rat. That's the attitude.
The attitude? Yeah.
The attitude dictates that you don't care
whether she comes, stays, lays or prays.
Whatever happens, your toes are still tapping.
Now, when you got that, then you have the attitude.
Good night, Stacy.
Good night, Mom.
(DOOR CLOSING)
(SOMEBODY'S BABY PLAYING)
Just look at that girl
With lights coming up in her eyes
She's got to be somebody's baby
She must be somebody's baby
You look beautiful.
Thanks. So do you.
Where do you feel like going?
I don't know.
How about The Point?
Okay.
All right. The Point it is.
She's got to be somebody's baby
She's so fine
She's probably somebody's only light
Gonna shine tonight
Yeah
She's gonna be somebody's baby tonight
She's gonna be somebody's only light
Gonna shine tonight
Yeah
She's gonna be somebody's baby tonight
That's a really nice jacket.
Thanks. Thanks a lot.
It's warm.
Yeah, it is. It's really warm.
I wonder how long it will last.
So...
Am I gonna get to first base?
Are you really 19?
Yeah, yeah I am. I'm really 19.
She's gonna be somebody's baby tonight
I try to shut my eyes
But I can't get her out of my sight
I know I'm gonna know it
But I gotta get over my fright
I'm just gonna walk up to her
I'm gonna talk to her tonight
Gonna shine tonight
Make her mine tonight
Yeah
Gonna shine tonight
Make her mine tonight
So tell me, do you like Ron?
I like Ron, but it hurt so bad.
Don't worry. Keep doing it.
It gets a lot better. I swear.
It better.
(RAISED ON THE RADIO PLAYING)
Raised on the radio
Just an all-American boy
I got my favorite toy
I was
Raised on the radio
Yeah, I was raised on the radio
Remembering when times were bad
Love is all we need
And love was all we had
Mom says to clean the pool.
Why can't you do it?
Your friends use the pool. Your friends messed it up.
Your friends use the pool, too.
I take out the garbage.
Brad!
Brad, have Mom and Dad seen these?
They're not home yet.
Brad? What?
What would you say if I asked you
to put these in the trunk of the Cruising Vessel
and get rid of them?
I'd say, "Who the hell is Ron Johnson?"
Please.
Thank you very much.
Lisa's great.
Yeah.
I don't understand why you want to break up with a girl like that.
Me and Lisa have been going together for two years.
I love her and all.
I mean, she's great in bed.
It's just that I'm a single, successful guy.
And this is my last year in school.
This could be the best year of my life!
I just feel like I need my freedom now, you know?
Okay, here's your preparation stuff.
You got your sliced tomatoes, shredded lettuce, secret sauce.
What's the secret sauce?
Thousand Island dressing.
What's the secret sauce of Bronco Burger?
Ketchup and mayonnaise.
Gotcha.
LISA: Order for you, Bradley.
Were those flowers really for me?
Of course.
How much did they cost?
Don't worry about it.
Want to go to The Point tonight?
What's there to do at The Point?
What do you mean? We've been going out together for two years.
I don't want to have to use sex as a tool, Brad.
Tool? Tool for what? We've been going together for two years!
I don't want to talk about it here.
I wanna talk about it!
Brad?
Lisa!
Brad!
You gotta flip them or they'll burn. Great.
C.
D.
F.
F. F.
Three weeks we've been talking about the Platt Amendment.
What are you people, on dope?
A piece of legislation was introduced into Congress by Senator John Platt.
It was passed in 1906.
This amendment to our Constitution
has a profound impact upon all of our...
MR. HAND: Where is Jeff Spicoli?
I saw him earlier today near the first floor bathrooms.
Is he still on campus? Anyone? Yes, Desmond?
I saw him by the food machines.
How long ago?
Right before class.
Okay. Bring him in.
What is this fascination with truancy?
What is it that gets inside your heads?
There are some teachers in this school
who look the other way at truants.
It's a little game that you both play.
They pretend they don't see you. You pretend you don't ditch.
Now, who pays the price later? You!
Wait a minute. There's no birthday party for me here!
(CLASS SNICKERING)
Hola, Mr. Hand.
What's the reason for your truancy?
Just couldn't make it on time.
You mean, you couldn't or you wouldn't?
It was like a full crowd scene at the food lines.
Food will be eaten on your time.
Why are you continuously late for this class, Mr. Spicoli?
Why do you shamelessly waste my time like this?
I don't know.
(STUDENTS SNICKERING)
I like that.
"I don't know."
That's nice!
"Mr. Hand, will I pass this class?"
"Gee, Mr. Spicoli, I don't know!"
That's nice. I really like that. You know what I'm gonna do?
I'm going to leave your words on this board for all my classes to enjoy.
Giving you full credit, of course, Mr. Spicoli!
(BELL RINGING) All right.
(WINTER WONDERLAND PLAYING)
Sleigh bells ring are you listening
ln the lane
Mommy!
Snow is glistening
Oh, no!
A beautiful sight, we're happy tonight
Walking in a winter wonderland
How fucking long do I have to wait?
Christmas sucks. I hate it.
You gotta get used to working holidays. People are always screaming.
I have to quit this job.
I'm gonna get so fat no one's gonna want to take me out.
Ron hasn't called, huh?
Not since November.
What does it matter?
He's a stereo salesman.
What'd you wanna do, marry him? Have kids with him?
Have this guy come home 50 years old and bald?
And have that little Pacific Stereo sign on? Come on, Stace.
Hey, it's his loss.
Got any Blue Oyster Cult?
No, I don't have any Blue Oyster Cult.
I ate 34 pairs last time.
Where were you?
I was that close to working at 7-11, you know?
Whoa, bud!
What?
All right! Play me?
Totally.
You got quarters?
When are those Earth, Wind and Fire tickets coming in?
Earth, Wind and Fire? Geez, I haven't heard anything.
(STAMMERING) The minute I do, I'll let you know.
I'm planning on taking my little brother over here.
Is that your little brother? He's a good-looking kid.
Great. Charles Jefferson
for Earth, Wind and Fire and little brother.
I'll let you know when they come around, okay?
(SIGHING)
Wow! Does he really live here?
I thought he just flew in for games.
Shit! He knows where to come when he wants some tickets.
Go on. Get out of here. You're messing up my business.
Come on, Rat. Let's go get you a woman.
You ready for your moment of truth?
Damone, I noticed I was starting to get a pimple this morning...
Rat, the shyness routine is really starting to aggravate me.
I mean, who is she, anyway?
She's a waitress in a pizza parlor.
Look at her.
Look at you.
A member of the honor roll.
Assistant to the assistant manager of the movie theater.
Rat, if this girl can't smell your qualifications,
then who needs her, right? Right.
All right. How do you feel?
I feel good.
Do you? All right. Now stop fucking around and go get her.
Hey, Rat, you gotta ace that jacket.
Yeah?
Yeah. All right, that's cool.
You look good. All right? Go get her.
$1 . 10, and you get five cents back.
Thanks.
Hi. Don't I know you from biology class?
Yeah.
What can I do for you?
I had a couple of questions. I was curious.
What do you do with the jackets people leave here?
We keep them.
You keep them?
In case they come back. You can look through it if you want.
No, that's cool. It would take too long to look through all that.
I'll pick up a new one.
What was your other question?
Oh, my other question is
can I have your phone number so I can ask you out sometime?
Do you have a pen? This one's out of ink.
Yeah.
Stacy.
Nice to meet you, Stacy.
My name is Mark Ratner.
I've gotta go.
Lisa, I have something to tell you.
Look, I'm a senior now.
I'm a single, successful guy.
And I've got to be fair to myself.
Lisa,
I think I need my freedom.
Oh, don't do that.
Please, please don't do that.
ARNOLD: Brad!
Can you cover me on register two?
Okay.
May I help you? Yes.
This is not the best breakfast I ever ate and...
I'd like my money back.
Okay.
I believe you have to fill out a form.
No. I'd like my money back now.
I'm sorry. It doesn't work that way. I have to fill out a form.
Well, you ate most of it already so...
See that sign?
It says "100% guaranteed."
You know what the meaning of guarantee is?
Did they teach you that here?
Sir, if you'd just wait a minute.
Look. Just put your little hand in the cash register
and give me my $2.75 back, please, Brad.
Sir, if you'd just give me a minute. I'll find the forms.
I'll take care of everything.
MAN: I don't have a minute. You've made me late enough.
I am so tired of dealing with incompetence.
It says 100% guaranteed, you moron!
Mister, if you don't shut up, I'm gonna kick 100% of your ass.
Is there a problem here?
Can I help you, sir?
You bet you have a problem.
Your employee used profanity and threatened me with violence.
I'm surprised. I eat here all the time
and usually have good service.
All I wanted was my money back on this breakfast.
It was a little under-cooked.
And he threatens me with violence. I'm gonna call your...
I can take care of it.
Mr. Hamilton, did you threaten this customer or use profanity in any way?
He insulted me first. He called me a moron, Dennis.
Answer me! Did you threaten this customer or use profanity?
Yes.
You're fired.
DENNIS: I'm very sorry, sir. I'll refund your money right now.
I hope you won't hold this against us.
You know how these young kids are these days.
DENNIS: Here we are. Perhaps another breakfast?
I hope you had a hell of a piss, Arnold!
NAHAN: The world's finest surfers showed up today
to do battle with what's turned out to be
the biggest waves to hit this coast since 1946.
Hello. I'm Stu Nahan, and I'd like you to meet this young man.
His name, Jeff Spicoli. Jeff, congratulations.
Things looked rough out there today. (SCOFFING)
I'll tell you, Stu, I did battle with some humongous waves.
Just like I told the guy on ABC, "Danger is my business."
A lot of people expected Mark "Cutback" Davis,
or Bob "Jungle Vet" Gerard would take the honors this year.
Those guys are fags!
That's fantastic. Let me ask you.
When you get out there, do you ever fear for your life?
Stu, surfing's not a sport.
It's a way of life.
It's no hobby.
It's a way of looking at that wave and saying, "Hey, bud, let's party!"
Where'd you get this jacket?
From the network. Let me ask you, what's next for Jeff Spicoli?
Headed over to the Australian and then the Hawaiian Internationals.
Then me and Mick are gonna wing on over to London and jam with the Stones.
You guys are invited, too.
CURTIS: Jeff! Jeff!
(KNOCKING AT DOOR)
Jeff, Dad says you have to get up.
Leave me alone. Dad says you're gonna be late again,
you butthole!
Leave me alone!
Dad says you're gonna be late again, you booger!
Dad, Jeff threw his snorkel at me!
We just want to say that we're not Spirit Bunnies anymore.
We always hated that name. It bugged the heck out of Dina and me.
It's just such a put-down!
Really!
We know you've got a lot of spirit, everybody, right?
And we're gonna destroy Lincoln next week! All right!
You know, it takes a lot of courage to get up here
and do something that you know people will make fun of.
GIRL: Yeah. Man...
I'm never gonna talk to those guys again.
I'm the one who got Arnold and Dave
their jobs there in the first place.
If you'd apologize to Dennis, I'm sure he'd take you back.
Fuck Dennis Taylor! I'm not gonna apologize to that wimp.
I'm just glad we're still together
because a lot's happened, and I really need you this year.
Look, Brad, I've been trying to think of a way to tell you this.
We're almost out of school.
It's our last year.
And I think we owe it to ourselves to be free.
To go out with other people.
I still want to be friends.
What do I say to her once we get in the car?
No problem, Rat. What you need is my special five-point plan.
Come on, Damone, I need real help.
What do you mean?
Men have died trying to obtain this valuable information.
But I'll give it to you for free.
What's your five-point plan?
All right.
Now, pay attention.
First of all, you never let on how much you like a girl.
Oh, Debbie. Hi.
Two. You always call the shots.
Kiss me, you won't regret it.
Three. Act like wherever you are, that's the place to be.
Isn't this great?
Four.
When ordering food, you find out what she wants
then order for the both of you.
It's a classy move.
The lady will have the linguine in a white clam sauce,
and a Coke with no ice.
And five.
Now, this is most important, Rat.
When it comes down to making out, whenever possible,
put on side one of Led Zeppelin IV.
(KASHMIR PLAYING)
This is a nice car.
Yeah. It's my sister's.
Yeah?
Do you have Mrs. George for English?
Yeah. She's pretty good.
Yeah, she is pretty good.
Have you decided?
Um, yeah.
I'll have the knockwurst.
Excellent.
You work at Cinema Four, right?
That must be great. You get to see all those free movies.
You get free popcorn.
Are you okay?
Yeah, I'm fine.
Would you mind if I excuse myself for a moment?
Oh, no, go ahead.
Are you ready to order here?
She will have the knockwurst.
And you?
I'll have the same.
Anything to drink?
Coke.
Two Cokes.
Okay. Thank you.
I'll be right back.
Okay.
(PHONE RINGING)
(PEOPLE TALKING ON TV)
Hello? Mike, it's Mark.
What happened to your date?
MARK: It's happening right now.
Everything's fine except
(SIGHING)
I left my wallet at home.
Why don't you go home and get it?
No, I can't! I'm here. The food's coming and everything.
Look, would you do me a favor? Just borrow your mom's car.
Drive to my house, get my wallet and bring it here.
Hello? Mike?
Mike?
Geez, I'm really kind of busy, Rat.
Just do me this one favor.
I swear I won't ask you for anything again in this lifetime or any other.
But just please do this for me.
You owe me for this one.
Okay, thanks. Thanks a lot. Thanks.
Beaver, are you all right?
What happened?
Are you sure there's nothing else I can bring you?
Do you want another Coke?
Um, okay.
Two more Cokes.
Hey, Mark, is that you?
Yeah, hi.
You come here?
Yeah. I come for the strudel. It's great.
Hey, listen, I found your wallet the other day.
You want it back? Oh, wow! Yeah.
I was looking for this.
Oh, Mike, you don't know Stacy Hamilton.
Stacy, this is Mike Damone.
Hi. Hi.
Nice to meet you.
See you later.
Right. Gotta be going.
See you later.
You wanna go? Yeah.
I had a really nice time tonight.
Me, too.
I'm real sorry someone broke in and stole your tape deck.
I never thought it would've happened at such a fancy place.
I know. You want to come in for a sec?
Okay, sure. Good.
Where's your brother?
He's out tonight with some friends.
Can I get you something to drink?
(STAMMERING) No, that's okay.
Oh. Well, would you mind if I change?
No.
Okay. Could you get this for me? It always sticks.
Thanks.
Where are your parents?
My parents are out of town for the weekend.
Brad and I are watching the house.
RATNER: This is a really nice picture of you.
STACY: Thanks.
You can come in my room if you want.
So, what do you want to do?
I don't know.
Um...
You want to look at a photo album?
I keep a lot of pictures from when I grew up and stuff.
It's kind of stupid, huh?
Sure. Yeah.
Yeah? Great.
Photographs.
This is the one that Brad took.
It's like double-image type thing, you know. It's like a mirror.
This is me being stupid.
And this is my dog Gypsy, and my cat Tullio.
They're dead now.
Remember him? Mr. Degan?
You had Degan?
He always wore the same suit! The same suit!
He must've had 500 of those suits.
He was terrible!
No, I think it was one.
(LOVE RULES PLAYING)
So you go out there and you get one, too
Love rules
Yeah, love rules
You know, I just thought of something.
What?
My sister is crazy when it comes to her car.
It's gotta be back by 11:00. Want to call her?
No. Look, I... She gets crazy.
(STAMMERING) Her car is her baby. I better be going.
Really? I'll call you.
Well, I'll see you in class. Okay?
Bye.
Love rules
Mark Ratner doesn't like me.
Mark Ratner doesn't like you? You're crazy!
No, he shows absolutely no interest in me.
Mark Ratner is definitely somebody you'd have to make the first move with.
Linda, I did. I made the first move, I made the second move.
I made a complete jerk out of myself, is what I did.
What do you care about Mark Ratner for?
He's a 16-year-old usher in the movie theater.
You have dated older guys. You work at the best food stand in the mall.
And you are a close personal friend of mine.
Yeah. But I was really beginning to like him.
Yeah? If that's true, you better find somebody else fast.
(FAST TIMES AT RIDGEMONT HIGH PLAYING)
Seen the new Playboy?
Good?
Bo Derek's tits.
All right.
I like sex.
(HORN HONKING)
People on ludes should not drive.
Hey, this is my brother's car.
You said he was out of town.
And he is.
All right. Then don't hassle it.
You're crazy, Spicoli! That light was red!
It was yellow a minute ago. I'm sure.
Hey, you're gonna scratch my brother's car.
No, I'm not.
Look, I'm driving. You navigate.
Where is this party?
Make a right, right here. Here! Here! Here!
(HORN HONKING)
(GLASS SHATTERING)
(COUGHING)
My brother's gonna kill us! He's gonna kill us!
He's gonna kill you. He's gonna kill me. He's gonna kill us!
Hey, man, just be glad I had fast reflexes.
My brother's gonna shit!
Make up your mind, dude.
Is he gonna shit or is he gonna kill us?
First he's gonna shit, then he's gonna kill us!
Relax, all right?
My old man is a television repairman.
He's got this ultimate set of tools. I can fix it!
You can't fix this car, Spicoli!
I can fix it.
Ha.
Hey!
I'm giving you $50. No, no, no!
That means if you win, I give you $25.
If I win, you give me $5.
You can't lose. All right.
I'll put you down for $5.
Now, don't forget about the 14-point spread.
Fourteen-point...
BOY 1: I don't believe those guys at Lincoln did this to Jefferson's car!
BOY 2: They totaled it. I can't believe it.
Jefferson's gonna really make Lincoln pay for this.
That guy's gonna totally destroy them.
Annihilate. You know what I mean?
Shit, he is pissed off.
(WHISTLE BLOWING)
(GRUNTING)
They may well mean what they say about you
You might wander back to future friends
You may want someone just to talk to
(WHISTLE BLOWS)
Come too close and take you by the hand
'Cause now you see there's more to life than what we lovers do
Oh, shit! Hut. Hut.
(YELLING)
(WHISTLE BLOWING)
MAN: Brought down again by 33, Charles Jefferson.
Hit by Jefferson. Crunched by Jefferson.
Man! Jefferson. Jefferson. Jefferson. Jefferson.
Jefferson.
Stretcher!
Again by Jefferson.
(GRUNTING)
(CHEERING)
(GRUNTING)
CROWD: Five, four, three, two, one!
There's nothing to eat here. What do you mean?
Take a look. There's nothing I can eat.
Get a trout dog.
Forget it. Do you have any fish here that isn't breaded?
It's all prepared the same way.
Get a whaler.
Or a clamwich.
Ever hear the word blemish? Want me to eat something deep fried?
Let's get out of here.
Let's go.
Thank you. Come again, and have a nice day.
I sent a letter to Doug today.
Can't wait until he gets out here.
What's Doug doing in Chicago?
He works for the airline. You'll meet him.
(GIGGLING) Oh, Linda, you have to do this.
What?
"Rate Your Mate."
Oh, yeah? Yeah.
Let me test Doug. Okay.
"Most satisfactory love making occurs,
"A, when your mate climaxes first.
"B, when you climax first. C, you and your mate climax together?"
Climax together.
This is gonna be great, Rat.
It's like the highlight of their day.
Maybe we ought to call first.
I don't know about dropping in like this.
Are you kidding? We're gonna surprise them.
Just fix your collar, all right?
Relax. Just be cool.
Attitude, remember?
Where'd you get that, out of the hamper?
Hey, this is clean.
Look, friend, it's like riding a bike.
You fall off, you get right back on.
You mess up a date, do it again!
Do you always climax with Doug? Yes.
I think so. He's no high school boy.
(TAPPING)
DAMONE: Hey!
Came over to help you with your math homework.
You could use it on such a hot day.
Don't worry. They're gonna let us in.
Okay.
Promise you're going to leave as soon as my mother gets home.
Okay.
Linda, this is Mike and Mark.
Hi, how you doing? Good.
The water looks great.
Check it out. Yeah.
Looks fine. Wait.
Very funny! Very funny!
(SPLASHING)
STACY: Lin, come in!
DAMONE: I'll judge your dive.
I used to be a champion, you know.
(STACY LAUGHING)
Does Mom know you have company?
It's just Mark and Mike from school.
Hi. DAMONE: How you doing?
Hi, Linda. Hi, Brad.
(STACY EXCLAIMING)
Could you keep it down? I have work to do inside.
STACY: Okay.
DAMONE: Who's his tailor?
God, he hardly talks anymore.
Yeah, I know. He hates wearing a uniform.
DAMONE: Rat, show them how you can stand up underwater.
DAMONE: Come on.
(DAMONE SINGING)
RATNER: What are you doing? DAMONE: Watch out, Rat!
RATNER: (STAMMERING) Leave me alone!
All right, Damone, you're gonna get it.
Hi, Brad.
You know how cute I always thought you were.
Stacy, do you have Q-tips? I've got water in my ears.
I don't know. Check in the house.
Wait. Just a minute.
(SIGHING)
Doesn't anybody fucking knock anymore?
(STUDENTS CHATTERING)
(BELL RINGING)
In 1898, Spain owned Cuba outright.
Think about it.
Cuba owned by a disorganized parliament 4,000 miles away.
Cubans were in a constant...
Cubans were in a constant state of revolt.
In 1904,
the United States decided to throw a little weight around...
Who is it?
Mr. Pizza Guy.
Again?
Mr. Pizza Guy, sir.
Who ordered the double cheese and sausage?
Right here, dude.
(CLASS SNICKERING)
For you, dude.
Am I hallucinating? What in the hell do you think you're doing?
Learning about Cuba and having some food.
Mr. Spicoli, you're on dangerous ground.
You're causing a major disturbance on my time.
I've been thinking about this, Mr. Hand.
If I'm here and you're here, doesn't that make it "our" time?
There's nothing wrong with a feast on "our" time.
You're absolutely right, Mr. Spicoli. It is our time.
Yours, mine and everyone else's in this room.
But it is my class.
Hamilton, Brandt, Cornfeld, up front!
Mr. Spicoli, has been kind enough to bring us a snack.
Be my guest.
Help yourselves.
Get a good one.
Mike? Mike? Hi.
Hi. How you doing?
Good. How are you?
I hate walking. I have to walk every day. It's such a drag.
Why don't you get a ride with somebody?
Sometimes I ride with my brother, but he works mornings.
Then he drives himself to school.
What a guy.
Listen, Mark Ratner really likes you.
Do you like him?
Mark is really nice.
But I think I like you.
Well, this is me.
Do you have any iced tea?
Yeah, sure.
Come on in.
The annuals are coming out pretty soon.
You gonna get one?
I don't know.
Oh, come on.
Aren't you curious to see how your picture turned out?
I know what I look like.
I know.
But it's nice to have pictures of your friends and stuff.
I don't know. Maybe. It's no big deal.
I probably will.
Must be nice having a pool.
You want to go swimming?
Yeah, sure.
I'm going to go change, okay? Yeah.
Okay, great.
This is great iced tea.
Come on. Huh?
Brad keeps his stuff in the change room.
This is nice. Yeah?
Yeah.
These'll fit you.
You're really a good kisser.
Yeah?
So are you.
You want to take off your clothes, Mike?
You first.
Both of us at the same time.
Okay.
(SOMEBODY'S BABY PLAYING)
She's gonna be somebody's only light
Gonna shine tonight
Yeah
She's gonna be somebody's baby tonight
I try to shut my eyes but I can't get her out of my sight
I know I'm gonna know it but I gotta get over my fright
Wait. I'm just gonna walk up to her
I'm gonna talk to her tonight
Mike! Mike!
Are you okay?
I think I came. Didn't you feel it?
Yeah. I guess I did.
I gotta go, Stacy.
I've really gotta go.
See ya.
Bye.
Linda, how long does Doug take?
Doug takes forever.
Come on.
He takes 20 to 30 minutes.
I thought you said he took 30 to 40 minutes.
That's right. I'm sorry. I meant 30 to 40 minutes.
Why? How long did Damone take?
Damone took 15 to 20 minutes.
That's not bad for a high school boy.
(RAISED ON THE RADIO PLAYING)
Raised on the radio
Yeah, I was raised on the radio
Just like an all-American boy
Mike! Hi! Hi.
God, I haven't seen you for a while. Yeah.
Kind of in a hurry. Got stuff I gotta do.
I'm in a hurry, too.
I just thought I'd say hi to you.
Hi.
Hamilton, I'll take over the fryer for a while.
Those boys at IBM ordered a stack of those Catch-of-the-Day boxes.
I told them you would personally deliver them within the hour.
Aye, aye, sir.
Hamilton, come over here.
What are you doing?
I'm changing.
You took off your Captain Hook uniform.
I thought I'd put my street clothes on for the drive to IBM.
The uniform's uncomfortable.
You're going there as a representative of Captain Hook Fish and Chips.
Part of our image, part of our appeal is that uniform.
You know that.
You want me to put the stuff back on?
Yes, I do. Show a little pride.
Aye, aye, sir.
(WAFFLE STOMP PLAYING)
Talk on the phone Call up the coast
Call it collect Dial direct
Reverse the charges If they accept they're home
Or you can go overseas Speak Japanese
Buy a new Sony They make great TVs
Do the Watusi Watch I Love Lucy, too
But don't let nobody
Tell you that there's nothing to do
Well, well, well, well Don't let nobody
Tell you that there's nothing to do
Dina, can you honestly tell me that you forgot?
Forgot the magnetism of Robin Zander or the charisma of Rick Nielsen?
That's kid stuff. Kid stuff?
How about the tunes? I want you to want me.
(SINGING) The dream police
Your mama's all right Your daddy's all right
They just seem a little bit weird
Mike? Mike?
Can I talk to you for a sec?
Stacy, I'm doing business. Call me tonight, all right?
No. I've gotta talk to you now. Okay?
Don't go away.
Look at them.
I hope this is important because I could be blowing a big deal.
Mike, I just...
I just want you to know that I'm pregnant.
How do you know it's mine? We only did it once.
I haven't been with anybody else. I know it's yours.
Jesus! It was your idea.
You wanted to do it. You wanted it more than I did!
No. Take that back.
All right. I take it back.
Look, we gotta do something about it. I mean...
We gotta get an abortion.
My brother Art got his girlfriend one once.
It's simple. It's no big deal.
Yeah. I got that planned.
It's going to cost $150 at the Free Clinic.
Doesn't sound free to me.
I suppose you want me to pay for it.
Half, okay? And a ride to the clinic.
$75 and a ride.
Okay.
Okay. Thanks.
Thank you.
God.
DAMONE: Rick, I need that $50 you owe me.
RICK: Don't have it.
I know times are tight, but I really need it.
Don't have it now.
When you needed the tickets, I got them for you.
So close to stage you probably scared the band.
I'm not the Bank of America.
I know you're not the Bank of America, but I need my $50.
How about Thursday?
Thursday's too late. I need it tonight.
Can't give you what I don't have.
Just forget about it. I'll get it from you Thursday, okay?
All right. See you.
(SLEEPING ANGEL PLAYING)
(SIGHS)
Flowers
And the vine
Take me
Sleeping angel
Catch me when you can
Real love affairs
Are heavy spells for a woman
And a man
Is Mike there? This is Stacy.
WOMAN: Hold on, please.
Stacy, he says he's helping his father in the garage.
He'll call you later.
Brad!
Wait a second.
Yeah, this is it. We're just going bowling.
Okay. Thanks a lot.
See you later. Okay.
How we doing in here? Debbie, you ready to leave?
Yes. Thank you.
Stacy, I can't let you go unless you have a ride home.
Oh. I told my boyfriend to meet me downstairs.
Okay.
Thanks.
Brad.
Since when do you go bowling anyway?
Okay, Brad. Please don't tell Mom and Dad.
Come on! Who did it?
You're not gonna tell me, are you? No.
Okay. It'll just be your secret.
Okay.
You all right?
Yeah.
Come on.
You hungry?
Yeah.
I told you to tell Mike to pay for it. Why didn't you tell him?
Linda, he didn't show up.
That little prick!
I called his house.
His mother told me he was in the garage helping his father.
Mike Damone's a no-brain little prick, Stacy.
I'm not gonna let him get away with this.
Linda, please don't do anything.
I don't even like the guy.
Stacy, he's not a guy.
He's a little prick!
(SPEEDING PLAYING)
I can't explain the way I feel
Each time I get behind the wheel
A rush of blood comes after power surges
And my right foot urge is about to burst
Hi, Mikey!
Hi, Damone.
Damone, what went on between you and Stacy?
Let me tell you something. Sometimes girls go haywire.
It happened a month ago.
I've been trying to think of a way to tell you since.
We were out messing around, and something happened.
It's over. It's no big deal.
I never even called her again.
If you ask me, she's a very aggressive girl.
Do you understand?
No, I don't understand.
She never really was your girlfriend, Rat.
Fuck you, Damone!
There are a lot of girls out there,
and you have to mess around with Stacy?
What do you gotta prove, anyway?
I'm sorry.
I always stick up for you.
Whenever people say, "That Damone, he's a loudmouth,"
and they say that a lot,
I always say, "Hey, you just don't know Damone."
When they call you an idiot,
I say, "Damone's not an idiot. You just don't know him."
You know, maybe they do know you pretty good.
Maybe I'm just finding out now.
Get lost.
You want to do something about it, Rat?
You want to do something about it? Come on.
Come on, you wuss! Okay. Let's go, man.
I'll break your fucking head off.
Do something, man!
A big talker, man!
Knock this crap off!
Take it somewhere else.
Not in my gym, buddy.
Shit.
Woke up in a great mood. I don't know what the hell happened.
Come on. Hurry up.
Hurry up.
Today we're going to explore how this hospital preserves human life.
We'll be visiting every floor, every level where these fine doctors and nurses
take care of us in life and in death.
(WAILING)
Over 30 children are delivered here each day.
WOMAN ON PA: Dr. Kramer to the nurses' station.
Good morning, Doctor.
Hi.
Class, this is Dr. Miller.
He'll be joining us for the last part of our tour today.
Hi. If you guys will follow me, please.
I'd like to ask you one last time.
Conduct yourselves with the utmost maturity.
You in my class?
I am today.
MR. VARGAS: Yes, Greg?
Who are these guys?
Most of them are derelicts.
They sold their bodies to medicine for money.
About $30, I think?
Twenty-five.
Righteous bucks!
This gentleman is named Arthur.
MR. VARGAS: Arthur was good enough to die last week of heart failure.
We are fortunate enough today to view his body
in its pristine state.
Here an incision has been made.
The ribs have been sawed off,
allowing us to remove the breastplate
and really observe the human organs as they exist in their natural state.
Here we have the human lungs.
And here is the human heart which, you can see,
is actually located in the center of your chest.
(STUDENTS GASPING)
Oh! Gnarly!
(RETCHING)
(COUGHING)
Are you okay?
Yeah. I'm fine.
I just made a jerk out of myself.
No, you didn't.
Can't go back in there.
Sure. We'll wait until they come out, and then we'll blend in.
Here they come.
You're so nice.
(I DON'T KNOW PLAYING)
I don't know I don't know which way I should go
I don't know
I don't know, I don't know if I'm high or I'm low
I don't know
I don't know, I don't know if I'm high or I'm low
I don't know
You should be coming on pretty soon, dude. How much did you smoke?
This'll be a little demonstration of that.
Listen up.
What was that?
That was my skull.
I'm so wasted!
Oh, man! What is this stuff?
Doesn't that stuff cause brain damage?
Only if you take it every day for a month.
Bitching!
Dude, I'll pick you up in the van and go to the dance.
Later.
Jeff, you have company.
Get out of here, Curtis. I don't hear you unless you knock.
(KNOCKING AT DOOR)
That's better. Entrez.
Mr. Hand!
Well, were you going somewhere tonight, Jeff?
Yeah. The graduation dance.
It's the last school fiesta of the year.
I'm afraid we've got some business to discuss here.
Did I do something wrong, Mr. Hand?
According to my calculations, Mr. Spicoli,
you wasted a total of
eight hours of my time this year.
And rest assured, that is a kind estimate.
Now I have the unique pleasure of squaring our account.
Tonight you and I are going to talk in great detail
about the Davis Agreement,
all the associated treaties, and the American Revolution in particular.
If you can turn to page 47 of Land of Truth and Liberty.
Oh, I left that book in my locker, Mr. Hand.
In that case, I'm glad I remembered to bring an extra copy
just for you.
(LIFE IN THE FAST LANE PLAYING)
(SINGING) He was a hardheaded man He was brutally handsome
And she was terminally pretty
She held him up and he held her for ransom
ln the heart of the cold, cold city
DAMONE: Look, Mark.
I want to apologize for everything that's happened.
I'm really sorry.
A guy just doesn't do that to a buddy.
I understand. You can't help it.
You're just lewd, crude and obnoxious.
I can deal with that.
Excuse me.
Listen, are we still friends?
Huh? Okay.
All right.
SPICOLI: What Jefferson was saying was, "Hey!
"We left this England place 'cause it was bogus.
"So if we don't get some cool rules ourselves, pronto,
"we'll just be bogus, too."
Very close, Jeff.
I think I've made my point with you tonight.
Mr. Hand,
do you have a guy like me in class every year?
You know, a guy who you make an example of?
You'll find out next year.
No way!
As soon as I cruise history,
I'm not coming near your side of the building.
Cruise history?
Soon as I pass your class.
If you pass.
You're gonna flunk me?
Don't worry, Spicoli. You'll probably squeak by.
Yeah! Aloha, Mr. Hand.
Aloha, Spicoli.
Honey, these are my two star students.
Boys, I'd like you to meet my wife, Mrs. Vargas.
Hi.
(SNAPPY MUSIC PLAYING)
(CHATTERING)
SPICOLI: Summer! Yeah!
(WHOOPING) Totally!
LINDA: I wrote him a letter.
Tell me what you think. "Dear Doug.
"I received your message that you weren't coming to my graduation.
"Doug, this is not the kind of thing that occurs between adults.
"Maybe you've found someone new, someone more mature.
"But if you ask me, Doug, you're the one being childish.
"Anyhow, if you think I'm gonna sit around and wait for you, forget it.
"Sincerely, Linda."
What do you think? Uh...
I have another version where I call him an asshole.
No, that one's better. It's more...
Mature? Yeah.
I don't have to sink to his level. Yeah.
I can go out with anyone I want, practically.
That's right.
Yeah. Thanks for cheering me up.
Come on.
(WOOLY BULLY PLAYING)
Hey, dude!
I know that song.
(SPICOLI WHOOPING)
Hey, I'm not. I'm not!
(SINGING) Mattie told Hattie
About the things you do
Hey, come on down from there.
To wooly bully you
Wooly bully
Wooly bully Wooly bully
Wooly bully
Wooly bully, wooly bully, wooly bully
Wooly bully, wooly bully
Wooly bully
(CROWD CHEERING)
STACY: Linda, I finally figured it out.
I don't want sex. Anyone can have sex.
What do you want?
I want a relationship.
I want romance.
You want romance?
In Ridgemont? We can't even get cable TV here, and you want romance.
Another summer at Perry's. I can't. I swear.
It's not that bad. Keep your eyes open.
There's lots of men around here.
(SO MUCH IN LOVE PLAYING)
As we strolled by the sea
Together
Under stars twinkling high above
So in love are we two
No one else but me and you
So in love
Two so in love
So much in love
Two so in love
So in love
Two so in love
Are you and I
Two, you and I
So in love
Hi. Hi.
How you doing? Fine.
I'm glad you came over
'cause I have this picture of me that I wanted to give to you
so that you'll remember to call me over the summer.
I don't know. I'm going to be traveling a lot this summer
and I'm not sure...
I'll give you a call sometime.
That'd be great. LINDA: Stacy!
You worked at All American Burger.
Seven months ago.
(CHUCKLING)
I knew it.
Why don't you get a job, Spicoli?
What for?
You need money.
All I need are some tasty waves,
cool buzz and I'm fine.
Thanks. Can I use your bathroom?
Yeah, go ahead.
It's the first door on the left.
Like up this ramp?
First door on the left.
Money, and I want it now. Now!
Okay. Okay. Now!
What are you doing?
The safe! Behind the donuts!
I've been watching this place. I know what I'm doing.
Open it up. Open it up! Okay.
Come on! Come on!
I just started here. They just taught me the procedure and I...
Let me figure it out.
Come on, shit head! Let's go!
Get off my case, motherfucker.
Hey, no towels, man.
(SCREAMING)
I got you, you son of a bitch.
Oh, motherfucker!
There goes your ride home.
Awesome! Totally awesome!
(SCREAMING)
All right, Hamilton.
(GOODBYE, GOODBYE PLAYING)
Oh, I know something
About the ways of loving
But I could tell you, baby
That something's wrong
Look to the sky above and the mud below
Something's driving me crazy
Got to got to get away
Bye, goodbye, goodbye, goodbye goodbye, goodbye, goodbye
Without a doubt
I'm telling you I'm burned out
My tank is running on empty
For far too long I need fuel
'Cause I'm getting so low
Nothing can you give me
Makes me feel
So bad
Bye, goodbye, goodbye, goodbye goodbye, goodbye, goodbye
I need fuel
Not the kind you give me
Makes me feel so bad
Bye, goodbye, goodbye, goodbye goodbye, goodbye, goodbye
Goodbye, goodbye
Goodbye, goodbye Goodbye, goodbye
Goodbye, goodbye
Bye, goodbye, goodbye, goodbye goodbye, goodbye, goodbye
Goodbye, goodbye
I can't believe
I'm still around
Still around
It's getting kind of late
I'm gonna leave
Gonna leave
For a change of scenery
I'm going crazy
Going crazy
It's not the same
Since you've been around
I'm crazy
So crazy
You treat me like a dirty clown
You're always kicking my dog around
I never get nothing but constant abuse from you
You couldn't care less what I think or my point of view
You're always putting the make on my friends, giving them eyes
The dirty lies about me I'm through, it's the end of the line
Here's a ticket one way Cincinnati
I'm sending you home to your ma
And your daddy, so don't try to call me you'll only be wasting your time
Oh, I know something
About the ways of loving
And I tell you baby
That something's wrong
Look to the sky above and the mud below
Something drives me crazy
Got to got to get away
I need you but
Not your time Look at me
Bye, goodbye, goodbye, goodbye goodbye, goodbye goodbye
Goodbye, goodbye
SubRip: HighCode