mr jasper and i stood at opposite ends
of the hallway in the best tradition of
the western movies hate and confidence
could be seen in our eyes a piece of
paper rolled across the floor like a
tumbleweed terrified students were
looking out of their classrooms because
they knew there was going to be a life
or death battle mr jasper had dared to
challenge me the terror of the school hi
my name is tessa and i'm proud to say
that i've managed to get 10 principles
out of my own school but the 11th mr
jasper has become a real problem for me
i never enjoyed studying it seemed to me
that getting up early in the morning
going to all the classes and doing
homework were activities for fools and
sneaky and brave people like me don't
need school at all i only went to that
boring place because my parents pestered
me about it every day
tessa you have to study tessa you won't
get anywhere tessa you won't get a job
my mother used to tell me wow what a
problem not getting a job that's awesome
actually i wasn't planning on working
because i was pretty sure that one day i
would meet my prince charming we'd start
the coolest rock band in the world and i
wouldn't need any education i didn't
want to be like my parents hard workers
who came home late at night just to eat
and sleep they didn't even have time for
their own daughter who needs such a life
i had no friends at school and i didn't
suffer much because i was surrounded by
idiots and they were as shy as mice and
scattered into corners if i shouted at
them by the way this was true not only
for my peers but also for adults 10.
that was exactly how many principals
wrote their resignations after a
showdown with me it always started the
same way the new principal would come to
the school found out about my existence
smugly grinned into his mustache if he
had one and told the vice principal
she's going to be a straight a student
in a week the rest was a question of my
sick imagination sometimes it took me
too far if only you knew what serious
looking men do in their spare time one
principal secretly kept a page on
instagram where he read love poems of
his own composition his tearful opus was
heard by the whole school because i
played it at the end of school year
party the other loved cosplay and
secretly went to comic-con as wolverine
from x-men secretly well that's what he
thought but the truth always comes out
so did his outfit photos of the
principal in the costume adorned the
school lobby the next morning i
destroyed the third principal's
collection of kitten figurines i sprayed
paint on an expensive custom-made desk
of the fourth principle i slipped a note
to the fifth on behalf of our chemistry
teacher and his grandiose love
confession turned out to be rejected and
he was humiliated let me remember what i
did to the sixth and seventh principles
the sixth tried to find common ground
with me by tearfully telling me about
his difficult childhood spent in the
ghetto i told the school psychologist
about this strange conversation and soon
the new principal was asked to vacate
the office the seventh like the eighth
by the way could not stand my prank with
disrupted classes throughout the school
and the ninth didn't like the fact that
i called the police and told them that
his car looked suspiciously like the one
that had been stolen from my neighbor i
was supposed to have a harder time with
the 10th because we got assigned a
former navy seal but then i decided to
speak to the principal in his language i
called him a wimp and suggested an
obstacle course in the school's backyard
he was stupid and arrogant and he didn't
know that no one but me could overcome
those obstacles i knew all the tricks
ledges and manholes as a result i came
to the finish line first and the brave
soldier almost cried as he gathered his
things because the whole school was
laughing at him and his pathetic
performance and then they sent us the
11th principle have you seen him yet a
guy from a group of underachievers asked
me your brain
it doesn't exist i glared at him angrily
accompanied by the cackling of the other
losers strangely enough the guy smiled
in response to my quip the new principal
he's already here
a new victim delivered straight to the
house i was eager to do something nasty
to this daredevil this time i was sure
to use my imagination so that the city
government wouldn't think of sending
anyone else to us miss belford to the
principal's office the secretary
squeaked from the speakers in the
ceiling
game on i winked at my fellow students
and went to get acquainted to be honest
i didn't know how to react at first
because behind the principal's desk was
a puny old man with a bushy white beard
a sort of a poor man's dumbledore his
lively black eyes squinted intently and
grandpa pointed to the chair across from
him have a seat miss belford is this a
joke are you the new principal i flapped
down in my chair looking at my new
victim with interest that's right my
name is mr jasper i've heard a lot about
you oh my fame has reached hogwarts i
threw my legs up on one of the armrests
without a second thought mr jasper
meanwhile stood up and came toward me
i've heard about your antics tessa and i
want to tell you right away you can
forget about them from this day forward
the old man's voice was so quiet and
calm that his words seemed even funnier
i have heard it 10 times before mr
dumbledore and it all ended the same way
with a resignation letter you'll write
it i think i rolled my eyes
tomorrow the principal just smiled
softly at me and then shrugged his
shoulders we'll see now get to class i
obeyed for the first time and only
because i was not interested in hanging
out with this old man he might start
talking about his youth i did not delay
and on his first day at our school
decided to sabotage the classes the
easiest thing i could do was to climb
into the attic set a book on fire and
hold it up to the smoke detector three
two
one the howl of the fire safety system
was so deafening that i almost threw the
burning book on the floor within minutes
the whole school was evacuated to the
soccer field i watched from the attic as
mr jasper stepped onto the field looked
around at the crowd of children and then
suddenly turned exactly in my direction
miss belford is staying after class to
clean the assembly hall i looked outside
and this is how you thank me for saving
your worthless lives you should be
thanking me for the unscheduled
rehearsal what if it was a real fire
you'd be crawling like turtles thank you
miss belford i'll see you in the
assembly hall if you don't come i'll
have the entire school in detention the
crowd howled in displeasure
i didn't care if they made me clean up
the school but i sure as hell couldn't
handle a few hundred angry students on
my own good job the old man winked at me
as i staggered out of the assembly hall
it's not over i hissed back indeed our
rivalry had only just begun it was time
to fight back at three in the morning i
climbed out of my bedroom window and
headed for school oh no i wasn't hungry
for knowledge i had a better plan after
entering the principal's office through
the window i looked around the old man
must have weak points and it didn't take
me long to find them there was a picture
on principal jasper's desk mr jasper a
young woman and a girl my age a daughter
and a granddaughter
checkmate i took a snapshot of the photo
crapped it and very quickly found both
of their pages on the internet it was
time to get out of here i spent the rest
of the night looking through the
profiles i found and was about to decide
that all my efforts were in vain when
suddenly i saw this
my face turned into a grinch mask it's a
disaster mr jasper if you only knew what
a couple of hundred dollar bills stolen
from a parent's wallet could do in my
case it opened up access to the school
server and just imagine at precisely 9am
a photo of our dear school was replaced
by an even more beautiful photo on the
school website it showed principal
jasper dressed in a fairy costume
dancing at a family halloween party
what a rascal laughed one student whose
name i couldn't remember although my
uncle nigel does a lot more than that
after two or three beers i don't care i
shouted that was my triumph now the old
man would be out of a job but mr jasper
appeared in the hallway of the school as
if nothing had happened and as if he
hadn't noticed the laughter that seemed
to come from every corner the principal
kept his cool until he saw me at the end
of the hall our eyes met in the best
tradition of a classic western he knew
who was behind this little hacker attack
the old man suddenly turned around and
headed for the stairs strangely i
thought he was going to lecture me in
front of everyone but apparently the
principal decided that revenge was a
dish worth serving cold in mr jasper's
case it was as icy as a polar cap i was
doing the best i could i took out the
electrical panel i led a few dozen mice
into the principal's office decorated
his door with offensive writing but mr
jasper remained calm the 10th principal
the one from the navy seals could learn
a lot from this zen buddhist that's when
i went extreme i got a few boxes of
firecrackers from the back of the school
left over from the 4th of july
celebration it wasn't easy to sneak
those heavy boxes in and put them under
the window of dumbledore's office i had
to break into school in the middle of
the night again the no-name student was
very surprised when i caught him at
recess and shoved fireplace matches and
50 bucks in his hand here's the deal
tessa you won't get him the kid shrugged
can't you see this old man's unbreakable
we'll see about that here's 50 for you
in exactly 15 minutes light up the
fireworks under the principal's office
window and you won't set me up have you
have we seen each other today i winked
and he went into the courtyard all i had
to do was cause another mess so that mr
jasper would call me to his office i
wanted to see him turn gray with my own
eyes oh well he was already gray never
mind i spotted a huge aquarium in the
school lobby grabbed a chair and threw
it right at it the thick glass cracked
and the aquarium exploded a moment later
tessa fell far to the principal's office
the secretary yelled from the
loudspeakers
great the director greeted me with his
usual calm he opened his mouth to start
lecturing me but a deafening roar and
whistle forced him to postpone his
speech my buddy had worked his fifty
dollars fair and square bright lights
and sparks flew in all directions
very cool how do you like the surprise
mr jasper i laughed hysterically and
then i noticed that the principal looked
strange the color of his face blended
with his gray beard the old man was
holding his heart and trying to say
something uh mr dumbledore what are you
doing we did not agree on this oh no the
old man didn't seem to like the
fireworks very much for the first time
in my life a man was fainting in front
of me and i got confused i ran out into
the hallway and started screaming for
help fortunately the school nurse came
quickly and our principal's life was no
longer in danger my prank provoked a
heart attack in the elderly man a real
one
when mr jasper got better though he
whispered to me one point for me
naive i decided not to bother the
principal just yet he's too weak we can
sort it out later have you ever had any
conflicts at school share your stories
in the comments