1 00:00:00,015 --> 00:00:10,268 That's a really good point. And did you consider -- hey, listen. Hi. James, from EngVid. A 2 00:00:10,269 --> 00:00:15,339 lot of times, students want to learn conversational skills so they can start a conversation. But 3 00:00:15,339 --> 00:00:20,039 when they do start these conversations, they tend to find that they're not included. Today's 4 00:00:20,039 --> 00:00:24,999 lesson is how to include yourself. So it's a conversational skill about how to take a 5 00:00:25,007 --> 00:00:29,609 conversation or -- yeah. Take your part in a conversation. Are you ready? It's going 6 00:00:29,609 --> 00:00:35,551 to be fun. I'm going to teach you two techniques that have two different uses, all right? So 7 00:00:35,563 --> 00:00:40,230 you can see here, E is saying, "Wow, Bob. That's a good point, but --". And the second 8 00:00:40,229 --> 00:00:45,246 point he says is just, "Listen!" All right? Let's go to the board. 9 00:00:45,911 --> 00:00:51,390 The "listen" one is called a "single-word imperative". All right? Why do we use it? 10 00:00:51,390 --> 00:00:55,631 Well, you're in a conversation with somebody, and they're saying things you don't necessarily 11 00:00:55,655 --> 00:01:01,210 like, and they're talking, and they're talking fast and loud and being, you know, very demonstrative 12 00:01:01,210 --> 00:01:06,290 and showing their hands and talking. And you want to get in there, but you don't know how 13 00:01:06,290 --> 00:01:10,990 you can break into the conversation to say something or comment because maybe you don't 14 00:01:10,989 --> 00:01:15,489 like what they're saying. You do something like this: [snaps fingers] "Stop." What did 15 00:01:15,489 --> 00:01:20,629 I do? I just said, "Stop." One-word imperative. An "imperative" is an order. And the funny 16 00:01:20,629 --> 00:01:24,835 thing about the human brain is we've been trained since we were children to listen. 17 00:01:24,875 --> 00:01:29,164 Remember when you were running, and your parents would go, "Stop!" Or they would go, "Listen!" 18 00:01:29,210 --> 00:01:36,228 Or they would say, "No!" They didn't say sentences; they said one word. So we've been trained 19 00:01:36,228 --> 00:01:41,299 for this. But it's very blunt, and we use for children or even dogs. Okay? I'm not saying 20 00:01:41,299 --> 00:01:45,259 people are dogs. They're children. But it's very effective because we're conditioned for 21 00:01:45,260 --> 00:01:50,320 one-word imperatives. As you get older, we learn to be more polite. So you say, "Listen 22 00:01:50,319 --> 00:01:55,789 to me, please. Can you stop saying that, please?" We add politeness. But in a situation where 23 00:01:55,790 --> 00:01:59,720 you need to stop someone immediately, the one-word imperative works because it gets 24 00:01:59,719 --> 00:02:05,085 right to the point; it gets directly to the person. And what it does is -- look. It draws 25 00:02:05,132 --> 00:02:11,259 attention to the intended action. "I don't want you to stop talking. I want the conversation 26 00:02:11,259 --> 00:02:16,600 to go, but I want you to stop." Got it? So when I say "stop", you will stop speaking 27 00:02:16,671 --> 00:02:20,269 because you're going to be, in your brain, "Stop what? What am I doing?" And that gives 28 00:02:20,269 --> 00:02:27,269 an opening for me to come into the conversation. Or, "No." People are like, "No? No what?" 29 00:02:27,620 --> 00:02:31,468 Because you don't explain, it raises their curiosity, and they're like, "Why did you 30 00:02:31,468 --> 00:02:37,019 want them to stop? Why did you say 'listen'? Why did you say 'no'?" That stop in the conversation 31 00:02:37,019 --> 00:02:42,777 allows you to step into the conversation and say what you need to say, okay? See? Stops 32 00:02:42,824 --> 00:02:47,560 conversation. Words you can use as examples are "no", "stop", and "listen". And don't 33 00:02:47,560 --> 00:02:53,889 explain it. Because when you do say, "Listen to me, please. Listen to me", it's almost 34 00:02:53,889 --> 00:02:57,778 like you're saying, "You're not listening. It's not fair" and you're being a baby. 35 00:02:58,156 --> 00:03:02,028 Now, I'm telling you; this is kind of rude. So don't think I'm telling you this is a good 36 00:03:02,028 --> 00:03:07,908 way to start friends. That's why I said when you're in a situation where the person saying 37 00:03:07,908 --> 00:03:14,093 something you may not agree, like, "All women should not work", you might say, "Excuse me?" 38 00:03:14,126 --> 00:03:18,957 Don't say "excuse me"; just say, "Stop." They'll go, "What?" And then you go "boom". You say 39 00:03:18,957 --> 00:03:23,018 your part right there. Right? You can say it for almost anything. It's immediate, and 40 00:03:23,019 --> 00:03:27,008 it stops action. But it might be considered rude. 41 00:03:27,262 --> 00:03:31,498 So what's an alternative? You don't want to be rude, but you want to be heard, and you 42 00:03:31,498 --> 00:03:36,668 wanted people to come to your side, maybe agree with you. I've got another way of doing 43 00:03:36,669 --> 00:03:43,620 it. This is called the "compliment and steal", okay? We use a compliment and a conjunction. 44 00:03:43,620 --> 00:03:47,378 Notice I said "imperative" here. Well, we use a conjunction. What does a conjunction 45 00:03:47,378 --> 00:03:52,899 do? It brings two statements together, right, and joins them. So the ideas are kind of linked 46 00:03:52,900 --> 00:03:58,998 together. "I am happy, and I am nice." "And" makes the two come together. "I'm happy, and 47 00:03:58,998 --> 00:04:04,239 I'm nice." Well, we're going to use this method to take the conversation from someone. Well, 48 00:04:04,270 --> 00:04:09,609 why? People love compliments. Have you ever had someone say to you, "You look nice today, 49 00:04:09,609 --> 00:04:14,819 and --"? And then you wait. "And what? And what? I look nice and what?" Or, you know, 50 00:04:14,818 --> 00:04:21,519 "And I really love your car, and --." It grabs your attention, right? So when someone gives 51 00:04:21,519 --> 00:04:27,060 you a compliment about you, naturally, you like it, so you listen, you focus. And when 52 00:04:27,060 --> 00:04:31,728 they say "and", usually, we're waiting for more of a compliment. Right? This is why it's 53 00:04:31,728 --> 00:04:33,545 kind of a bit sneaky. 54 00:04:33,733 --> 00:04:38,829 So when you use the compliment, it draws attention from the speaker. So the speaker goes, "Huh? 55 00:04:38,829 --> 00:04:45,029 What did you say about me? Aw, that's so nice." Right? But it also draws the attention of 56 00:04:45,029 --> 00:04:50,529 the audience. Remember: Whoever's speaking, people are listening to. So if the speaker 57 00:04:50,529 --> 00:04:55,747 stops speak and looks at you to say, "Thank you", then everybody else will look to see, 58 00:04:55,896 --> 00:05:00,918 "Who are you talking to? Who is the speaker speaking to?" So now, you have the speaker 59 00:05:00,918 --> 00:05:07,341 and the audience looking at you. Now it's time to lower the boom, as we say. Hit 'em. 60 00:05:07,512 --> 00:05:11,810 Because of this, they've got all their focus on you. They're focusing on your conjunction. 61 00:05:11,810 --> 00:05:18,500 So you could say something like, "Gee, Bob. That's a good point." He'll go, "Yes." "But 62 00:05:18,500 --> 00:05:22,399 did you consider --." Now, they're focused. They have to respond to what you said. And 63 00:05:22,399 --> 00:05:26,529 the audience is looking because he gave you it. So you've taken -- you didn't even take 64 00:05:26,529 --> 00:05:32,698 it. The speaker gives you the conversation, okay? Because when they give you attention, 65 00:05:32,699 --> 00:05:36,090 they give you the conversation for you to do what you like. And because you gave them 66 00:05:36,089 --> 00:05:40,560 a compliment, they open the door with a smile and wait. And then, when you hit them, they 67 00:05:40,560 --> 00:05:45,687 have to respond to that. Cool, huh? You get to say your piece, and everybody's looking, 68 00:05:45,687 --> 00:05:51,212 and you've been nice about it. Over here, you're just saying, "Stop". They stop. You 69 00:05:51,259 --> 00:05:51,993 have to go. 70 00:05:52,016 --> 00:05:56,098 Now, we're going to take a second. And in the next point, I'm going to finish off what 71 00:05:56,098 --> 00:05:58,536 we're doing here, okay? Ready? 72 00:05:58,600 --> 00:06:03,300 So we talked about the two techniques. They seem very simple, but I'm telling you, they're 73 00:06:03,300 --> 00:06:08,250 powerful. Because one, you might want to use it to demonstrate that you're an individual, 74 00:06:08,250 --> 00:06:13,788 you have opinions, and you want to be respected; or -- sounds bad, but you don't respect the 75 00:06:13,788 --> 00:06:18,568 person who's speaking; you don't want to give them -- you know, be polite. 76 00:06:18,569 --> 00:06:24,468 The second one is a bit more polite, showing respect. So when we look here, okay, the single-word 77 00:06:24,468 --> 00:06:32,889 imperative -- it's a pro: It's direct. "Listen" "stop." "No." It's direct, and it's honest. 78 00:06:33,218 --> 00:06:37,539 People know that you're not happy or you don't agree, and you're saying it directly. You're 79 00:06:37,538 --> 00:06:41,089 not trying to make friends; you're trying to make a point. So use it when you have to 80 00:06:41,089 --> 00:06:46,192 be strong in a meeting or something. Right? Even with friends. "Let's go drinking." "No." 81 00:06:46,233 --> 00:06:49,759 Don't say, "No. I don't want to." Just say, "No." They will as you questions and give 82 00:06:49,759 --> 00:06:52,499 you the attention, all right? 83 00:06:52,499 --> 00:06:57,479 Problem, con. It can be seen as rude because you're not the treating them as equals. You're 84 00:06:57,478 --> 00:07:01,526 treating them as an "I'm stepping away from you. I'm saying this. And that's the way it 85 00:07:01,550 --> 00:07:06,819 is." The second thing is it takes respect away from the speaker because you're not engaging 86 00:07:06,819 --> 00:07:10,780 or you're not speaking to the speaker like, "Hey. You know, I was just they thinking -- you 87 00:07:10,779 --> 00:07:15,788 were saying --." No. This is it. It's done. My respect for whatever you said or where 88 00:07:15,788 --> 00:07:20,949 you're going: It's not there. So know that you're doing that, okay? It's a fine line 89 00:07:20,949 --> 00:07:25,419 we walk, which means you have to be careful. Okay? You don't want to be rude, but you do 90 00:07:25,418 --> 00:07:27,139 want to be honest and direct. 91 00:07:27,139 --> 00:07:31,840 How about the "compliment and steal"? Using conjunctions with a compliment, remember? 92 00:07:31,839 --> 00:07:39,355 "And" or "but" to take a person one way and then take it away. Well, number one, pro: 93 00:07:39,841 --> 00:07:43,658 gives you the conversation. Literally. The speaker will go, "Oh, thank you. I'm glad 94 00:07:43,658 --> 00:07:48,478 you appreciate my point. Or you agree with this?" Because I could say something like, 95 00:07:48,478 --> 00:07:55,478 "Hey. I really like what you said when you said this. However --." And boom, you just 96 00:07:55,514 --> 00:08:00,610 hit them. Okay? The audience listens to you. Remember? The audience, it was listening to 97 00:08:00,610 --> 00:08:05,069 the speaker. As soon as the speaker addresses you -- which means says, "Really? And what 98 00:08:05,069 --> 00:08:09,569 did you like?" -- as soon as they do that, not only do they give it to you, they bring 99 00:08:09,569 --> 00:08:13,810 the audience to you. You don't have to go, "Please, everybody. Listen to me." They give 100 00:08:13,810 --> 00:08:15,375 it to you. Cool? 101 00:08:15,422 --> 00:08:20,611 Here's what we call a "con". A "con" means "not good". It can be seen as manipulative 102 00:08:20,649 --> 00:08:25,339 because you're giving a compliment just to take the conversation. So as much as this 103 00:08:25,339 --> 00:08:30,589 is rude, you have to be careful how you use this. Some people think, "Oh, you didn't really 104 00:08:30,589 --> 00:08:34,639 mean what you said. You just wanted to --." "No. I meant it. That was a good point." So be 105 00:08:34,639 --> 00:08:40,509 honest when you say it if you do like something they're saying. Or my favorite is to say this. 106 00:08:40,618 --> 00:08:46,600 "I agree that you said that." And if you listen carefully, I didn't say anything. All I said 107 00:08:46,600 --> 00:08:51,279 is "I agree that you said this statement." It doesn't mean I agree with anything you 108 00:08:51,279 --> 00:08:55,452 said, okay? And I can say that. "Hey. I didn't say I liked that. I just agree that you said 109 00:08:55,476 --> 00:09:01,019 that, and you think it's true. It had nothing to do with me. However --." All right? 110 00:09:01,019 --> 00:09:05,509 So on that note, I've given you two powerful techniques for conversation. You can try it 111 00:09:05,509 --> 00:09:09,740 at work or at play with your friends or at home with your mom, all right? "Mom, dinner's 112 00:09:09,740 --> 00:09:15,480 really good. However, portion size is not to my liking." All right? Anyway, look. Have 113 00:09:15,480 --> 00:09:22,399 a great day. Listen. We have to go. See? That was wrong. I should just say, "Listen." And 114 00:09:22,399 --> 00:09:27,480 then he stops. "We must go. We must go." See? Use those imperatives, people. Also, there's 115 00:09:27,480 --> 00:09:32,690 another lesson on how to make imperatives nice. We really work with you at -- where? 116 00:09:32,690 --> 00:09:40,660 Www.engvid.com, "eng" as in "English", "vid" as in "video", where you can take this lesson, 117 00:09:40,682 --> 00:09:47,000 take the test, right, and other lessons. Fantastic teachers -- we have Ronnie, and we have Valen 118 00:09:47,000 --> 00:09:52,192 and Alex, and -- I can't remember them all. Have a good one.