[Music]
hey everyone and welcome to top tink
today we're going to learn about 12
warning signs of a toxic relationship
now let's begin number one feeling
ashamed of your personality your partner
loves to go dancing they go with their
friends almost every weekend but for
some reason you've never gone together
so that weekend you asked if you can tag
along
dancing with your partner is supposed to
be fun right but they don't seem very
excited
in fact they try convincing you not to
go so what's the problem your partner
might be ashamed of you
they're worried you'll embarrass them in
front of their friends this kind of
shame is a huge problem but not because
there's anything wrong with you shame is
a sign of something much deeper your
partner may be avoiding a piece of your
personality they find something about
you embarrassing so they pretend that it
just doesn't exist many people will say
oh it doesn't matter but it does it
matters a lot it's especially important
for your self-esteem shame tells you
there's something your partner can't
accept but how can you feel confident
when your best friend isn't proud of you
if this sounds like your relationship it
might be time to make a change but
before you do keep this in mind everyone
does something embarrassing every once
in a while you might say something
stupid or trip over your own feet hey
it's okay if your partner's embarrassed
by some random thing you did that
happens to everyone but shame is a whole
different animal your partner should
never be embarrassed about your
personality if they are your
relationship might be more toxic than
you realize
number two belittling your
responsibilities a good friend of yours
runs his own company it took off a few
years back and you've been nothing but
supportive one day he calls you while
you're at work he says he needs a favor
you tell him you can't because you're at
the office but he doesn't take no for an
answer
he tells you to blow off your work and
help him instead this is a classic
example of a toxic friendship because of
his recent success your friend starts
belittling your job in his mind your
work is less important than his the
problem is he doesn't respect your
priorities he thinks your friendship is
all about him so he starts acting like
your boss you can't let these
disrespectful friends control your life
these relationships get incredibly toxic
incredibly fast so either face the issue
head-on or spend your time with someone
else
number three reckless oversharing every
couple has their own private world you
have your own jokes
you have your own secrets you tell each
other things that no one else knows but
what if your partner spills all those
secrets to their parents or their
friends most people don't realize how
toxic oversharing really is every time
they give up a secret they're betraying
your trust you told them something in
confidence and they chose not to respect
your privacy this is a huge warning sign
in a relationship if they can't keep
your secrets how can you trust them down
the road number four making you the last
to know
in any relationship communication is key
but some toxic partners will make you
feel like you're always the last one to
know do they take trips without giving
you a heads up do they make major life
decisions without even asking for your
opinion sometimes it's on purpose they
may not care about your opinion or maybe
they feel indifferent toward the entire
relationship other times toxic partners
don't realize what they're doing wrong
but if you tell them and they still
don't change well that's a big red flag
couples need communication and it has to
be a two-way street if your partner
won't communicate your relationship
probably won't survive
number five settling for unhappiness
let's say you buy a new pair of
headphones you take them home you open
them up and you find out they're broken
do you pretend everything's fine or do
you try to get your money back when a
relationship starts falling apart people
get scared to ask for their money back
you claim you're fine with the way
things are yeah you could make a change
or even in the relationship but instead
you settle for someone that doesn't make
you happy and that's never a good idea
people settle for a bunch of different
reasons maybe you think your partner is
the best you can do you might be
terrified of being alone but the most
popular reason is you're scared of
breaking up no one wants to be the bad
guy but settling isn't the answer
settling means the relationship has lost
its magic it isn't based on love anymore
you're not there because you care for
this one specific person you're there
because you're avoiding something else
unfortunately it isn't always an obvious
problem unhappy relationships may look
strong on the outside while crumbling on
the inside but over time settling will
lessen your investment in the
relationship and damage your partner's
self-esteem so if you're unhappy do
something about as bad as breakups are
stuffing down your feelings is never the
answer
number six overwhelming emotional stress
does your partner make you feel
emotionally drained you might be in a
toxic relationship every conversation
shouldn't push you to the limit
emotional extremes like sadness and
anger should never be everyday
occurrences you want to spend most of
your time feeling relaxed being in each
other's company should almost always be
a positive experience and if it's not
there's something wrong in the
relationship the hard part is it may not
be anyone's fault sometimes you can be
healthy as individuals but a disaster as
a couple it could come from pent-up
anger or maybe you both feel unsatisfied
whatever your reason is emotionally
exhausting relationships do more harm
than good
number seven diverging priorities your
partner has always been a hard worker
they love their job so much so that it
gets in the way of the relationship if
you're the same way than you to sound
like a perfect match but if not you
might have a bigger problem
one person shouldn't be putting in
significantly more effort than the other
it creates a vicious cycle of neglect
and frustration so when it comes to your
relationship make sure that you and your
partner have similar priorities number
eight
barbed humor there's nothing wrong with
teasing your partner as long as you keep
things light and respectful it's almost
like a game you poke fun at them they
poke fun at you and then you both laugh
about it you're not seriously
criticizing each other but toxic
partners cross that line they use
something called barbed humor it's when
someone makes jokes to tear people down
barbed humor is especially painful
coming from a partner or close friend
they know you on a very personal level
so they know what you're sensitive about
the best thing you can do is stand up
for yourself now of course that doesn't
always work
toxic partners often pretend that it's
your fault they might say why are you
being so sensitive or why can't you take
a joke but you're not the
this kind of barbed humor means your
relationship has gotten toxic so don't
sit around and wait for things to get
any worse number 9 identity fusion
couples should be close just not too
close you're not the same person you
should always have your own separate
passions and goals for example if they
really like sports that doesn't mean you
have to
lots of insecure couples make this same
mistake they get scared of falling apart
so they merge their lives together they
share everything likes dislikes hobbies
even their opinions but these couples
are volatile a tiny disagreement can
easily turn into a massive fight you're
working so hard to stay together that
you're driving each other away the truth
is differences are healthy the best
couples can enjoy each other as the
individuals that you are number 10 two
faced complaints let's say you do
something that annoys your friend
instead of telling you they pretend
everything's fine but right after you
leave they immediately complain to
someone else they can't stop talking
about how annoying you are until you
come back then suddenly everything's
fine again
chances are they're not interested in
fixing these problems they're just
looking for attention even if it comes
at your expense number 11 relentless
criticism is your partner hyper critical
of everything you do some relationships
are so toxic that people are scared to
act like themselves there's a constant
air of judgment and tension you're
always worried about what they're going
to say next but that's not how a healthy
relationship works you should rely on
your partner for support you need them
to build you up they should give you the
confidence to embrace who you are and
not the other way around
number twelve insecure manipulation
relationships should be a choice you
have the freedom to stay just like you
have the freedom to leave but what if
your partner isn't letting you choose
emotional manipulation is a surefire
sign of a toxic relationship your
partner might be insecure so they make
you feel guilty or they attack your
character even if they're just scared of
losing you
manipulation is never healthy it shows
that they don't trust you otherwise they
wouldn't worry about you leaving so
don't let this kind of manipulation
slide not only is it toxic for you it's
toxic for them too hey thank you for
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