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欢迎来到亲子关系训练课 welcome to improving parent-child 在这一期节目里 relationships in this episode will be
我们将采访里克和琳达 visiting with Rick and Linda
还有他们六岁的女儿 and their 6-year-old daughter to wanna both Rick and when they were raised by
very authoritarian parents they want things to be different with two wanna
but find it always are difficult to change as we begin
rick is talking about how he wants things to be good found along the lines
that have you been trying some things to engage her in what's going on
rather than just 10 do it during
pretty easy just the thing hear it on the little more that but not only
right anything for you or
their fire authoritarian you still are
you're not here yet tell us what you mean by that
I is but I love life going okay
and I that Armenian diet that to be done right
yeah the he do anything you mean right in the thick
to with the time okay is that there are you know
goalie your the US going wouldn't be
is that something you want to be different I would like to whether it
is just and batted and Indiana
loved it and I in argun the things are a little bit different because I think
what you're saying is that method
is inherently workable here not to challenge few
he's the type you're talented XD all can't buy me a
I'll I don't think that's true cultural being
I think the thing door but I think that that when we were children I'm a little
older than you are but when we were children
I think there was more meaning told to do something
I think that is left room now for children
you are back from
it sounds like you're tired of having to remind
yep said but not her dad
that what very that'd boy kiwanis really smart little girl
and I think that she probably walking he won he knows about what she can do
and two in the reminding propping
two or three times she probably knows when
do that'd maybe fourth time he did
too much trouble my guess is that she feels that's not a problem for you
you mean what you say and that's why she didn't think long but I'm gonna get
there are some
other thing yeah
but and just because we don't want you to feel bad we're watching their
about what those are there should try to make me feel bad for dinner
which many be tempted to give in because she's pretty
you here
over that I i the point I'm trying to make with all this is she knows both
really and children do work and that we are going to wear
because we're involved in the situation there were no dragging
you
nice one for a ride
and for you said you need new right
and then when he comfortable
table you something
polar with them is that the kinda thing you're talking about the kind where
shall
yet the casino thing
begin that they would be real should be doing more
all she knows what she needs to do
and so if you were to talk to her about this
some other time thing be you know what's expected
not at beer time them every time you believe that she could tell
but I sit down family
that would be a good thing for probably
do because always nice to know get validation
you you're right about what you think about she now and the reason I think
that confident
so important you know he knows what to do
then there would be no reason to be telling
if I act like I don't know what to do
Daniel kill me and then if I act a little more like I don't know what to do
menu tell me in resist children's invitations to remind them
you
what do you think would be a
really good your friggin when
yeah table it I think that
wonderful I think that wonderful do you think she would understanding
but I'm guessing that you would anticipate
she would create more flirting but
because I'm pretty good at them going
good so what would you do
if you establish that overrule and
she acted like she didn't believe it
Wong keep in mind have the rule
after what the rule is but early youth fair
you were kinda and on reminding than other
are I wouldn't mind now tell me why you're african
thinking get here to let their who is but
but knew it had this conversation before she knows with them
AFDC fighting a while for
Rogers Telus and go home I
okay you don't buy yeah you feeling big
what I'm after hearing the I don't thing
economy likely get his reading define
wanna reminder you know be doing this and the others
after shemale now I think he felt pain
that she would actually lead you to believe
that no or can't remember when you have reasonably
he probably can remember and now so I think that neither reminding are asking
her if going to be a thing
but what you might be in actor that credibility
and I think you may be in the right direction here that issue
fooling around maybe he's demonstrating year
or maybe she never started she's not interested so
media filter for her what would you do if you thought that
beginners over for her and
movin Brett wired you never know what you think
Great Wall yelled
that meant
I'm thing right you tell someone here
it field
and it would be true yeah
good
though he knows you're a nice per
said notified here and there
oh yeah
never did yeah so
she would here think that you're mean should report it to him
and she's gonna come to you and say mom won't give me any
your what are you going to do this is exactly the situation you wanted to
avoid
you pick out there what would you think her
had KY went with her out hey why because he thought it out already with people to
do that
me now when you ask her why water were you gold-mining
the hope I want her to tell me
wife in situation yeah you know
or she'll know in mind me askin difficult for
so that when I say whatever I got the say
if he knows why handed you follow up you ask why you get it clear you make sure
you know
me here but with her
I'm thinking that she's making much is it because with linda is well
you gotta remind me and haven't asked me if I know
in with you you have an ethnic wise
so that I can you know either way i'm interacting with you
about and I'm involving in there now
I'm gonna ask you how me do you think you'd be
if she came to you and mom took away my
you're playing where for every load up on me at hand yeah
in 30 and noon let I knew all the details in
what I am posing is that in this situation it might not be the best thing
to do because she's just stringing you out over a long period
time in getting involved in something getting you in the middle
now she's checking out well is this a reasonable thing for
for mom to be doing dad what do you think about it you have a different
position
me maybe she shouldn't talk to her about
and I think support for limited
with total confidence that if he doesn't want the plate
he wanted what the plane she probably within
and that limit probably Prix on the money when
rightly what he did
rid
have the inquiry this entry well
great yes she's ready in
he'll run her that allowed
she she has her way up wording
say you mondale
that the them and dad the ball mom to make the decision of her
they are you write the decision donor mom liked it sinatra
ephron recent saying that if he didn't like what you need right
bacteria he's taking it to a higher court authority
and what you want
is I want to be able to be credible with her and when I they
dinners over really is over go any higher court you why he did not get
involved in
between in 4 simple rules
allow the other parent to enforce rules without intervening
dead here this is a strategy
harkin
when you think about the Intelligencer summer
you couldn't you couldn't get that across life
because on the one hand he doing a highly desirable
thing he's not going but there's a problem yeah I'd
tailwind a make that being yeah
she going to it all
to if gramm net the thing
claim
he
for it may be hard
about their because what's going on here is that
she's doing something she already him
that's not problem you Paul told list of it which he often
and now she showing you maybe just couple
world and so this is
kind of my case against telling people what to do
because them more
now that I've had the last word leftward
I'm going in a situation where then you had to tell her you're scoring my
to don't do in going what do you now
think so our reputation
life people come up again what would you want
were
on yeah prolly where great my boy our 218
top and make you look at me
okay I I didn't put a
no other and put it on
stop yeah good do you want to have to your
no okay so let's try something else what do you think would happen here
in this kind of situation when you see her there
about to do I mean you probably thought where this is going he had the ball in
your hand you had your who
12 into from my getting you could feeling
Aurion he didn't on first word would become clear
naa what do you think would happen man
with with no commitment you reasoning
playing asking why beating the rule anything that have to do with parking
are yelling at the periphery
if you do homely before you I mean
you can that young before you get upset and before
any chance for revolution yes hit the ball away Poonam
she'll with them demonstrating
where with him
he probably can if mark a little bit but him now
yeah I think she would and I
yeah at one time after here
I don't think that they're reminding asking for the rule
having blame establishes credibility
I think it was established his credibility com
action without you knowing you're being
this what's gonna happen the bong I
you're demonstrating hearing that you we're not doing
hack not talk
here
huh
how do you interpret this
work highs
if not then but she's not telling you there
yeah but I know your
0 that you
you yeah not Co
you yeah play
yes yeah today today
the day you told me that today
yeah
where weird you more
shower him
right now you pro
you told me
all
I'm where all
huge yes I know this
why you
her me night rush
him who call them
where hugh nowhere
Hill no
way
it huge hole
clay you tell me
drawers hope
them
here
here daddy like good
yeah how you look when we go to a murder-for-hire
nope for
now if we didn't know better we think that she would be looking at you prefer
I'm kinda with the
because mom have been pointing out how she havin
them achieve both do and she told you that she dad
both the UN she isn't doing and now she's looking to you I think fourth
if not it this is the look that male
people head
so he's pretty good here I wonder what he expects from you
help know it but
maybe give you mean by sometime she has the potential for kinda being %um
general bir crop and I conceive
your relationship is very strong this is not going to precipitate
the board I lubinov
have playing wanted you against another in canister in 11 from a can
point of view it's very powerful
when I can demonstrate to an adult they can't make do with being
but it's also EE powerful when I demonstrate that I can bring
to adulthood they're both involve a little room
and neither one of them are able to get in the way though they've been
explaining reason and harkin do albeit
bed but I'm really demonstrate here that I am the one
you okay focus on one thing at a time
resist being drawn into argument help the other parent only when asked
resist appeals for sympathy
old
up
here
51 here
hi from
all file
when you're far about them
what are your expectations if it could be the way you think it should be how
would it be
we can make your bed before she goes in the morning which he pick up ur close
with him
what would he be doing be reasonable all
said role yet the or
inside call of bed
like get up have the closing
all the bar full the anything
that way water a mission
ball alright feiler what he did
what he said hearing bring nice time
year we can kinda predictable warm weather from now on to me
well together pick out the clothes you
thing you'll be wearing for the next mine
but get from Bach
and we're going to box up from a diff
you think you're not going and I think we can make it a little more manageable
and then here's the second part one
that we're gonna agree about what manageable
and where it will be will be in the closet will be in the drawer
okay have a few things will be back in a chair isn't you want to just have five
outfits and lay them out across the for Winfrey
days a week and I i know when it's going to be but we're gonna agree on whether
the
and then if that's not the way girl
I'll be picking but when I pick them up
they'll be gone coming
I think we offer one another gonna be allotted
bashing talking about how
herron fortune who I am doing
when I'm interested in can we agree on something
and we're both going to keep our anything and my interview agreement
would be I'm not going
mining red newer yell you anything
that mine your energy than you gonna pick up way in
do whatever we've agreed mobile and
you know we working we're gonna talk about him
and it might be that we would change your mind about what we do
because it might be bethlehem now for
might be that they got left out or whenever possible
yeah and will make a new agreement what I'm interested in here
you wanna if not so much the core or the room
the power it is between back order
and when I would think when don't agreed
anything that you don't actually thing
because I also really wanna try so important
and I think sometime you feel pressured to really think that your
and and then when you when I have trouble you agree to something
you're not good here
what you think about that kind everything all
prime well because I think it I'll
what you want Richton or not do
now so far we've talked about more mom
you I'm hoping
for a point there and here
how many deaths support you I think you'd want your ID thing
you really want report what he wanted
room all well he wanted him
that between your mother you agree that's because idea
and I play because she was them part in
yeah you know why her we go on earth would get all their
yeah partly because he's a nice guy
Aiken record for a little girl
Grainger how would it be AP shorten that a little bit
and Justin between %um yeah
what do you interpreter when do you think it would need you
the new girl in
that around a a lot over
we underestimate the
intelligent provide here and how they interpret what we say and
and weekend who around can like come on when
with kid-glove or really don't have to be
make a rule have now when the in the beginning
you referred to this kind in Gering cultural with you
the train are the turn
airplane the a a
or authority hearted a that for the typical
I'm term your confidence in yourself do you think
a different way where are you make improper
I'm and Italian if some that the call
I with me you have left good being
all nighter going with the ball in the hood you ever been
you really are making some changes year and it really looked to me like
like you yet why you would do it not on the cultural
per that what kind of relationship while
and how you want girl her
13 her wanna be a you can use these principles and skills to improve your
relationships with children
here some the main principles from this episode
avoid killing children but they are wrong
resist
assisting the other parent unnecessary resist the temptation to
Rd be firm
despite bids for sympathy
I'm in
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