It's okay.
I know.
- Yo. - Yo. 25 pounds?
- 25 pounds. No, no, no. I ordered 200. - Paid for 25.
Take it up with Lou.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
No, no, no. I mean, that's really nice of you.
Uh-huh.
Yeah. No, no, we're really grateful to still be open after everything.
Yeah. So, listen, I, um...
I'm still trying to figure this place out.
Michael was doing everything. I want to get you your money.
Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, I miss him. I miss him, too.
Yeah.
Okay.
No, it's good. Yeah.
Okay. Thanks, anyway. Yeah, yeah.
Bye.
Fuck!
Ballbreaker!
Ball broken!
- Shut up! - No, no, no, no, puta.
- Don't unplug it. - I know what it means.
You unplug it, it won't work again.
When was the last time you emptied these?
I don't know.
Hey, Chi-Chi, it's Carmy. Still got the meat connect?
You cut vegetables like a bitch.
Don't wipe your hands on your apron, Chef.
Jeff?
Chef.
We got issues. This arcuate's painted.
No shit. They conserved copper during World War II.
That's why there's no rivets?
Yes. How do you not know that?
Because I fucking don't.
This is original Big E Redline Selvedge. All right? From 1944.
You can get $1250 for that on eBay tonight.
- I'd still be five-and-a half short. - Add this.
- What am I, a Coinstar? - That's three hundo.
Three hundo plus what?
Plus a 1955 blanket-lined Type 3.
- Pleated? - Pleated.
Sold.
Hey, Sugar.
Yeah. Look, I need your help.
No. No, no, no. It's not like that.
Yeah, I need that jacket that Mike gave me.
Yeah, look, can you bring it here?
Thank you. Okay.
Yeah. Yeah. All right. All right. Bye.
Hi. Hello.
Hi.
I'm Sydney.
I called about the sous position.
- I'm staging today. - Right.
- Shit. Sorry. Yes. Carmy. - Yeah.
- Here. You can give me... Thank you. - Yes.
Uh, Alinea, Smoque, Avec... That's some serious heat.
What's...
What's UPS? That's in Chicago or?
Uh, United Parcel Service.
- Shit. That's the UPS. Yeah. - The one... The mail... Yeah.
What'd you do for them?
Drove. Paid my way through culinary school, so...
- CIA? - CIA, yeah.
Okay. So what are you doing here?
You know, this...
This was my dad's favorite spot when I was a kid.
Come here every Sunday.
Special place.
Good. Um...
Okay, so you know the drill.
We... You're going to make family. It's meat plus three.
- And we eat around 2:00. - Yeah, heard. Dope. Cool.
What's up?
Can I just, like, ask you a question, maybe?
Of course. Yeah.
I know who you are.
- Oh, yeah? - Yeah.
I mean, you're the most excellent CDC at the most excellent restaurant
in the entire United States of America.
So, what are you doing here, I guess?
Making sandwiches.
- Tina. Ebraheim. - Carmen.
- Where is beef? - In the oven.
Tina, can you start a new jardinière?
I need my fennel first, Jeff.
- Carmen. - Ebraheim.
I need my beef.
Then I do onions, then potatoes.
- We have a system. - You can punch 'em, blanche 'em,
freeze 'em, fry 'em before the beef.
- Don't mess up our place. - I'm not messing anything up.
Chef, no! Please, please do not touch that.
This is the one time you listen to me. Do not touch that.
- That's been going for 12 hours, okay? - That's my pot, Jeff.
- Everybody knows. - That's her pot.
- That's my pot. - Use another pot.
Please. Chef. All right? Corner!
Marcus, double order of bread today.
- Okay, Chef? - Come on.
I've been telling you the mixer's fucked.
I gotta do this by hand.
Tina keeps messing with the temperature, it's fucking up my rise.
- Tina, I know you speak English.
Marcus, we're not meeting dailies. Vendors are cutting us off.
I don't have the money right this second.
But I will get you a new mixer. Okay? I promise you.
- Carmen, buzzer.
That's the beef. Come on, give me a hand.
Smaller. Smaller fry scoops today, Chef.
- Behind! What is this system? - Not system.
- Michael's system. - Carmen, there's a girl.
That's Sydney. She's helping us today.
Michael's system makes no sense.
- I'm saying something. - Marcus.
You are my favorite bitch.
Your English is getting tight. Kidnap a ship captain?
Your mom teach me during sex.
Oh, that's not cool. That's how you're doing it.
Hey, yo.
Set up a compost for me today?
- After I do my thing in the place. - Very clear. Thank you.
Behind, behind.
Hey, Chef, is there, like, a family shelf or something?
- Behind. - Shelf?
Fuck off.
Gracias.
Bottom right side of walk-in.
Thanks, Chef.
- This shit looks different. - Corner!
Yo, family.
Yo. You!
Fucking with my program, cousin?
Program started four hours ago.
I had the kid all morning. Excuse me.
What is going on with Ballbreaker? My Insta's completely blowing up.
You got 30 followers.
Yeah, I got... What is that, a diss? I got 36 followers, you fucking...
We need the business. Nerds come in from Rockford to play.
Yeah, like in 1987.
When you were still in that deadbeat's balls.
- How are you? - How was the recital?
Oh, my God, she murdered it, Tina. I gotta... Hold...
Hold on. Listen, you got to run this stuff by me.
I don't have to do shit.
Hold on. Listen, let's just have a conversation for a second.
Whoa. Fuck is this?
This is Sydney. I'm staging today.
You're what-ing today?
Sydney's helping out today.
You ordered different mayonnaise?
- Gonna use these bananas? - No. All you, Chef.
Yeah, all you, Chef.
He was using them to make a giant nut muffin.
A panettone. Would've been beautiful if you'd let me finish it.
- Fuck you. - Cousin!
Richie Jeremovich. Pleasure to meet you, sweetheart.
- Don't say "sweetheart." - Sorry, Carm. You're so woke.
I meant nothing by it, Sydney.
Saying sweetheart is just our Italian heritage.
That's beautiful.
Corner!
Hey, listen, I'm trying to talk to you, okay?
Don't be rude and start doing a million things like a smartass.
I don't have time for this. Don't you fucking start...
No, don't you fucking!
I got all kinds of receipts from my divorce lawyer,
'cause I've been trying to put your family back together
'cause you're too much of a cocksucker to come home.
The guys are texting me.
You're telling them to do weird shit backwards.
Don't fucking do that, Carmy.
Don't mess with their heads, and ordering different mayonnaise,
and hiring new fucking broads without talking to me first.
This is your brother's house, okay?
Yeah? Remember? I was running it fine without you.
Why didn't he leave it to you then?
Low on olive oil, Carmen.
Heard.
Where's my knife?
Chefs, we gotta sharpen our knives when we get a sec.
We got to sharpen your brain when you get a sec.
You've been here for two weeks,
we've been having money problems for two weeks.
One plus one equals you're an asshole, Bobby Flay.
Don't call me Bobby Flay. Sydney, you stir that pot for me.
You want a cartouche?
- What's a "cartoonsh"? - What's our best day here?
- Five. - Okay, get me a pot for the jardinière.
So if we do six, that'll get us through the week, right?
- So, Ballbreaker. - Just make it easy
and make the fucking spaghetti.
Don't say spaghetti. All these knives are dull.
Spaghetti's the biggest seller. Straight-up fire.
Straight-up done now, Chef. Behind.
- Yeah, but why? - Because fucking Eleven Madison Park
dickhead here couldn't figure it out.
- Housekeeping, Chefs. - What the fuck are you saying?
Anyone understand?
Housekeeping means you have to clean your stations
because this place is fucking gross.
I refer to everybody as chef because it's a sign of respect.
I never said I couldn't figure out the spaghetti.
I said it doesn't make any sense on this menu, so it is done. The end.
Three hours to open, chefs.
Who are you yelling at, Carmy?
There's like four of us in here. Let me ask you something.
If the spaghetti didn't make any sense, how come everybody loved that shit?
Everybody doesn't have any taste.
It was an under-seasoned, over-sauced mess.
It took seven hours to prep.
What? This shit right here made you pompous and delusional,
and a fucking gayrod. These guys taught you how to cook with your hands,
but none of these fuckwads taught you how to make a pasta.
You know how to make pasta?
A, I know how to make pasta, Marcus.
B, I hate to break your hearts,
but that gooey, mushy bullshit is not bailing us out this time.
Ballbreaker is. Fak's raising plays to a dollar.
- So shut the fuck up. - Who's Fak?
Tina, did you take my knife, Chef?
Did you take my pot, Jeff?
- Fuck! - Neil Fak.
This fucking fairy's butt-buddy. He's... Whoa.
Why is the beef so hot?
'Cause we just took it out.
- Two hours late? - Two hours longer.
Wrigley didn't deliver enough meat.
- Why didn't Wrigley deliver? - Because we're out of money!
The only beef I could get was bone-in, which has to braise.
All right? It takes two hours longer.
- Call Wrigley's. - You can stretch it
by cutting bread shorter and using less gravy.
Which is not how we've ever done a beef here in 25 years, Carm.
System, baby.
- System. - You can barely afford to pay people.
- Don't talk to me about labor. - I thought this was your house.
Fuck all this.
Announcement. Listen up.
Bread stays the same, gravy stays the same.
A buck's not gonna get him anywhere, Bear. It's too difficult.
Yeah, Fak, that's the point. It's ultra-confusing.
Yeah, homie. It's a Norwegian knockoff Mortal Kombat.
Part of the reason this machine got recalled firstly,
aside from the excessive and irresponsible violence
is it's too difficult. It's a fighter and a scroller.
Also, I am sorry. I didn't make it to the funeral.
I sent flowers. And I really hope that they looked nice.
I wasn't there. How long will this take?
An hour.
Make it faster. Can you open up the windows in the back?
- Later. - Carmen, you're bleeding.
What the... Shit. Man, stupid dull-ass knife.
- Corner! - Fucking dang, Ebraheim.
- Carmen, your fault. Say "corner." - Blood!
You see? Good. Good.
You all happy now? Can I have my fucking knife back?
I swear to God, she looks fucking beautiful.
You would have lost your mind.
That's fire, Chef.
The guy's back in my face.
Hey, guys, we got to line up. We got service in an hour, all right?
I'm like, "If you'll get in my face,
- "we will have a real problem." - Cousin!
- One second. - I want to start
defining our roles more clearly.
- Hold on a second here. - Seriously, cousin!
- We're trying to get some work done. - Dude from the hot dog stand?
This is his twin brother, which I found out later. I found out later.
But at this point, I think it's the guy from the hot dog stand.
- And I'm like, "Listen, go home already.
"Get the fuck out of here."
Oh, my God. I'm like...
So I'm like, "Okay, now there's a problem. I'm trying to enjoy my tacos.
"You're ruining my date." Right?
So this guy, he pulls out a revolver.
No. Swear to God.
And I'm like, "Oh, my God, where did you get that?
"Did you steal that from the museum gift shop?"
Like, "Who are you? Mr. Bogart?" Please, what are we doing here?
Hey, Tina. I got to go see my sister.
- Hold down the fort? - Yeah, sure.
- Listen, Jeff. - Yeah.
How come your sister don't come by here?
You got to ask her.
- Hi. - Yo.
You didn't put it in a bag?
That's how you say hello to me?
- Hi. - Hi...
You smell like this place.
Sorry.
I'm sorry, I just hate seeing you here.
Yeah, well...
These labels...
- Marcus. - What?
Where are the chili flakes? Most Polish shit ever.
- Cousin organizes, it's more confusing. - Right there.
Labeled "chili flakes."
What does Sweeps stand for?
I swept St. Louis three times. My real last name is Woods.
You text Mom?
No. Uh...
- You know she'd love to see you. - No, I know. I just...
I've been trying to call you. You haven't called me back.
Yeah. No, I know. I've been busy. I've been working, so...
Uncle Jeremy wants to buy this place.
- It's not for sale. - I wanted to tell you.
That it's not for sale?
No, we should sell it to him.
So he could flip it into an Applebee's? No.
I'm trying to do something here, Sugar.
Okay. I was so excited for you to come home.
Got to go. Um...
Okay.
I'm okay.
- Okay? - Okay.
I'm gonna fix this place.
No one's asking you to.
- I really... I gotta go. Okay? - Bear.
- Yeah? - I love you.
Thank you for this.
You're welcome.
Welcome back.
Time to try the new sandwiches. Behind.
Corner.
Marcus, rolls please, Chef.
Fuck. Again.
- That's crumbly. Too dense. - Doing it by hand.
- Yeah. - It's the mixer.
It's not the mixer. It's crumbly. The oven's too dry.
Fill a baking sheet with water,
put it on the oven floor. Make another batch.
- Don't tell me how to do my job. - Just do it.
Yo.
Somebody come try this. Cousin.
Here you go, Chef.
Chef.
Go on. What do you think?
It's redundant and white, just like you.
Heard.
- Tina, salt? Meat? - Mmm.
- It's tender? It's nice? You happy? - Very good, puta.
All right.
Yo, Sydney.
Try this business.
- Oh, fuck. - Mmm-hmm.
You know that's fire.
- Yeah. Fucking fire. - Mmm-hmm.
So how you gonna pass the family test?
Delicious or impressive?
Delicious is impressive.
Word.
That dude looks like a carrot.
Is that a fucking carrot?
It's clearly a carrot.
Do you not know what a carrot looks like?
We're gonna need more bread.
It's all good until it starts making this weird sound.
That's a classic sound, with these pieces of shit.
Hey, did you know Michael?
He was like one of my best friends.
- But then it got dark at the end. - Corner.
How are we on that bread?
- Coming out soon. - Okay, watch your back.
Hey, Chi-Chi. Come get your jacket.
Yo, Fak, how we looking?
I'm gonna be able to fix this, dude.
- Do you have any stale bread? - Above the oven.
- Corner. - Corner. Behind.
- Corner. - Fak, move out.
- I'll pay you in sandwich, yeah? - Deal.
- No shit deal. - Fuck off, man.
Was Richie always an asshole?
Always and forever, dude. He's the worst.
- Yeah, he sucks. - He's not a nice guy.
- He's sad inside. - Yeah.
Fak.
Dude.
Yo. Family's up.
Yeah. Let's do this.
Oh, my God. Smelling fab.
- That looks so good. - Damn, Sydney.
Let's go.
Yeah.
Okay. What we got going on over here?
Yeah, we got a stew, rice, plantains, and a little fennel salad.
All right, I'm interested, let's do this.
I bring my own. This look like shit.
- Come on.
I don't eat pork.
- It's not pork, it's beef. - He'll have what he'll have.
- It looked like pork.
- Okay. - All right, I'll start.
I'm grateful for Philip K. Dick. Fak, you're up.
Me? I'm... thankful for my cats, Ralph.
They both named Ralph?
Yeah, it's just... Like, it's easier that way.
- Ralph and Ralph. - All right, Tina, you're up.
What's up?
I'm grateful for all of you, my friend.
Look at you, softy.
I guess I'm grateful that Richie didn't come in here
wearing that cologne that he always be wearing.
You know, it smells like a pine tree and shit.
Smell like onion under arm.
Onion under arm.
Chef, you want a plate?
All good. Thank you, Chef.
You can have mine if you change your mind.
What? I just never had platanos with like grass on it.
Cousin, cousin, cousin. Yo, it's getting crazy out there.
- Come, give me a hand. - No, bro.
This is on you.
Tina, how about these platanos, right?
- Yo, really? - Yeah, really.
You're seizing my house, remember?
I didn't say I didn't like them.
She was just saying she was gonna share it.
You didn't eat them.
Yo! Hey!
Everybody relax. Stop hitting on the fucking glass.
Yo.
Hey, stop banging on the fucking glass
- Stop hitting. - You don't need to fucking say.
Merry Christmas, lizards.
Sounds like we got a real problem out here.
Any of you incel, QAnon, 4chan,
Snyder Cut motherfuckers want to get out of line now?
Anybody?
There. Didn't think so.
Cousin.
- You all right? - Yeah.
We're gonna have a little tournament here today.
We are going to be on our best behavior.
We're not going to scare any regulars. We're not gonna touch them.
We're not going to look at them all weird, or do any of that spectral shit.
Yes?
Good.
You're going to purchase one Italian beef combo to enter.
Now, this is a single elimination tourney.
So you lose, you get the fuck out.
No two ways about it.
You win,
free Italian ice for a year.
Also... Also...
Also,
I hate litter.
So you cocks are gonna clean up after yourselves
and you're gonna goddamn recycle.
Fuck you.
Cousin, how fucking dope is that?
- Not dope at all. - What?
I brought that crowd and that's money.
We're not prepped for. Should've let those turkeys eat you.
I swear to God, today was not the day to go fucking with the system.
- System, system. Cousin... - I don't care.
I do not care what you do up in Napa
with your fucking tweezers and your foie gras.
You've got no fucking idea what you're doing here.
None. Zero.
So we'll stick with what works.
And we are gonna fucking make sure
we got enough food to feed these fucking dorks.
So get your ass back in there and you make that fucking spaghetti.
Sydney, sorry about the gun, babe.
I had to get real.
God damn.
Yo, Carm, check it.
That's good. You see that difference?
Big time. Steam tray.
- Yep. - You were right.
You could throw down.
Hey, grab me a fresh parm brick.
Heard, Chef.