1 00:03:09,800 --> 00:03:12,869 Excuse me, miss. There seems to be a mistake. 2 00:03:13,157 --> 00:03:15,555 I ordered the large cappuccino. 3 00:03:15,843 --> 00:03:17,665 Hello! 4 00:03:18,049 --> 00:03:20,735 -Look at the size of this. -It's a bowl. 5 00:03:21,022 --> 00:03:23,133 It's like Campbell's cup-o-ccino. 6 00:03:23,612 --> 00:03:27,353 My sides. Please. Aidez-moi. 7 00:03:30,518 --> 00:03:32,053 So Tony... 8 00:03:33,012 --> 00:03:34,739 ...what's with your clothes? 9 00:03:35,506 --> 00:03:36,945 What? 10 00:03:37,232 --> 00:03:39,918 You look like you're in Starsky and Hutch. 11 00:03:40,302 --> 00:03:42,700 -I look hip. -No, no, no. 12 00:03:42,988 --> 00:03:45,577 More like an undercover cop trying to be. 13 00:03:46,345 --> 00:03:49,798 -I am a cop trying to look hip. -Can you do me a favour? 14 00:03:50,277 --> 00:03:54,018 When you go to my parents' don't dress like a 1 970s pimp. 15 00:03:54,498 --> 00:03:57,087 My parents are a little eccentric. 16 00:03:57,759 --> 00:04:02,075 This poem is called, "An Apology To The Aliens Who Abducted Me... 17 00:04:02,555 --> 00:04:04,761 ...and Whom I lnflicted Destruction Upon... 18 00:04:05,049 --> 00:04:07,830 ...While Having a Panic Attack Aboard the Ship." 19 00:04:08,118 --> 00:04:09,844 Autobiographical. 20 00:04:12,434 --> 00:04:15,408 -What are you gonna do tonight? -Well... 21 00:04:16,079 --> 00:04:18,669 ...l'm gonna do a poem about Sherri. 22 00:04:21,451 --> 00:04:24,232 -The "Woman, Woe Man, Whoa Man" poem. -Yeah. 23 00:04:25,959 --> 00:04:29,795 Tell me again. Why did you break up with Sherri? 24 00:04:30,275 --> 00:04:32,865 Tony, I told you already, she's a thief. 25 00:04:33,152 --> 00:04:36,606 -You don't honestly believe that? -Tony, she's a klepto. 26 00:04:36,989 --> 00:04:40,442 To this day I still don't know where my cat is. 27 00:04:41,305 --> 00:04:44,279 Charlie, every time you meet a nice girl... 28 00:04:44,663 --> 00:04:47,828 -...you get paranoid and break up. -That's not true. 29 00:04:48,116 --> 00:04:50,418 -I broke up for good reasons. -Really? 30 00:04:50,897 --> 00:04:53,199 -Yes. -What about Jill? 31 00:04:54,158 --> 00:04:55,597 She was in the Mafia. 32 00:04:56,940 --> 00:04:59,914 -She was in the Mafia? -Yes, the Cosa Nostra. 33 00:05:00,297 --> 00:05:04,230 -I never knew how she made a living. -She was unemployed. 34 00:05:04,518 --> 00:05:07,203 -She didn't work. -That's a perfect cover. 35 00:05:07,683 --> 00:05:10,752 All right. What about Pam? 36 00:05:13,726 --> 00:05:15,644 She smelled like soup. 37 00:05:18,330 --> 00:05:21,399 -What does that mean? -Like beef-vegetable soup. 38 00:05:21,879 --> 00:05:23,797 -Paranoid. -You weren't there. 39 00:05:24,181 --> 00:05:25,715 It's all in your head. 40 00:05:26,003 --> 00:05:27,346 It is. 41 00:05:31,183 --> 00:05:33,581 -I'm up. Wish me luck. -Good luck. 42 00:05:39,144 --> 00:05:44,132 Ladies and gentlemen, let's hear it for our own Mr. Charlie MacKenzie. 43 00:05:58,327 --> 00:05:59,670 Woman 44 00:06:00,054 --> 00:06:01,493 Woe man 45 00:06:01,780 --> 00:06:04,274 Whoa man 46 00:06:05,042 --> 00:06:08,015 She was a thief You gotta believe 47 00:06:08,399 --> 00:06:11,276 She stole my heart and my cat 48 00:06:12,140 --> 00:06:13,482 Betty 49 00:06:13,866 --> 00:06:15,113 Judy 50 00:06:15,401 --> 00:06:18,470 Josie and those hot Pussycats 51 00:06:18,758 --> 00:06:22,019 They make me horny Saturday morny 52 00:06:22,403 --> 00:06:25,472 Girls of cartoons Won't leave me in ruins 53 00:06:25,760 --> 00:06:28,637 I want to be Betty's Barney 54 00:06:29,213 --> 00:06:33,145 Hey, Jane, get me off This crazy thing... 55 00:06:33,721 --> 00:06:35,831 ... called love 56 00:07:33,765 --> 00:07:35,972 -Hi. -Hi. 57 00:07:36,355 --> 00:07:37,698 Can I help you? 58 00:07:38,274 --> 00:07:43,261 -Yes, do you have haggis? -Yes, we do. One? 59 00:07:43,741 --> 00:07:45,084 Yes, please. 60 00:07:45,372 --> 00:07:47,482 My parents are Scottish. 61 00:07:52,182 --> 00:07:54,676 That will be $1 9.75. 62 00:07:56,594 --> 00:07:58,129 Here you go. 63 00:07:59,951 --> 00:08:01,294 Thank you. 64 00:08:02,541 --> 00:08:05,514 -Will there be anything else? -No, thanks. 65 00:08:08,200 --> 00:08:09,543 Thanks. 66 00:08:47,814 --> 00:08:49,732 May, get in here! 67 00:09:09,779 --> 00:09:12,848 All right, May, turn off the Bay City rollers! 68 00:09:13,136 --> 00:09:15,630 The soccer game's about to begin! 69 00:09:21,769 --> 00:09:23,975 -Hello. -Hi! 70 00:09:26,085 --> 00:09:27,716 We're in here, son! 71 00:09:28,003 --> 00:09:30,018 -Charlie. -How's it going, William? 72 00:09:30,305 --> 00:09:33,759 Give your mother a kiss, or I'll kick your teeth in. 73 00:09:34,142 --> 00:09:35,869 Hi. Hey! 74 00:09:39,993 --> 00:09:41,816 May. Shut it! 75 00:09:43,734 --> 00:09:45,460 -How you doing, Dad? -Fine. 76 00:09:45,844 --> 00:09:49,201 -Come on, Charlie. -Away you go with your mother. 77 00:09:49,681 --> 00:09:52,654 Why don't you try one of her bras on, wee girl? 78 00:09:52,942 --> 00:09:54,956 Flaunt away, you fairy! 79 00:09:55,244 --> 00:09:56,203 Hey, Mom. 80 00:09:56,875 --> 00:09:58,985 I brought you guys a haggis. 81 00:09:59,560 --> 00:10:02,822 That's sweet of you, son. Thank you. 82 00:10:03,205 --> 00:10:06,658 I haven't seen one of these for years. 83 00:10:06,946 --> 00:10:10,015 Actually, I hate them. But your father will-- 84 00:10:11,070 --> 00:10:16,058 Look. He's giving Tony all that Lyndon H. LaRouche rubbish again. 85 00:10:16,921 --> 00:10:20,470 It's a known fact, Sonny Jim, that a secret society... 86 00:10:20,854 --> 00:10:24,499 ...of the five wealthiest people, known as the Pentavirate... 87 00:10:24,883 --> 00:10:28,623 ...run everything in the world, including the newspapers... 88 00:10:29,007 --> 00:10:33,036 ...and meet tri-annually at a secret mansion in Colorado known as... 89 00:10:33,611 --> 00:10:36,681 -..."The Meadows." -Who's in the Pentavirate? 90 00:10:37,064 --> 00:10:40,325 The Queen, the Vatican, the Gettys, the Rothschilds... 91 00:10:40,709 --> 00:10:43,587 ...and Colonel Sanders, before he went tits-up. 92 00:10:44,450 --> 00:10:47,711 I hated the Colonel, with his wee beady eyes... 93 00:10:48,095 --> 00:10:52,891 ...and that smug look on his face. "You're gonna buy my chicken. Oh!" 94 00:10:53,466 --> 00:10:56,248 Dad, how can you hate the Colonel? 95 00:10:56,631 --> 00:10:59,221 He puts addictive chemicals in chicken... 96 00:10:59,509 --> 00:11:02,195 ...making you crave it fortnightly, smart-ass! 97 00:11:02,578 --> 00:11:04,593 Interesting. Cuckoo. 98 00:11:06,607 --> 00:11:08,717 Charlie, would you like a juice? 99 00:11:10,827 --> 00:11:14,184 Look at what I've bought myself, a Juice Tiger. 100 00:11:14,568 --> 00:11:17,733 -A Juice Tiger? -Yes, I juice everything now. 101 00:11:18,213 --> 00:11:19,556 I'm on a new diet. 102 00:11:19,748 --> 00:11:23,009 I'm on a Weekly World News Garth Brooks Juice Diet. 103 00:11:23,488 --> 00:11:24,735 Scores! 104 00:11:25,023 --> 00:11:28,188 -Margin, one-nil! -Magic goal! 105 00:11:28,572 --> 00:11:30,778 Let's have a look at the replay. 106 00:11:31,162 --> 00:11:33,272 William, move your head. 107 00:11:35,190 --> 00:11:37,492 Look at the size of that boy's head. 108 00:11:37,780 --> 00:11:40,082 It's like an orange on a toothpick. 109 00:11:40,466 --> 00:11:43,631 -You'll give him a complex. -That's a huge noggin. 110 00:11:44,015 --> 00:11:47,851 It's a virtual planetoid. Has its own weather system! 111 00:11:48,427 --> 00:11:50,921 Head! Move! 112 00:11:52,551 --> 00:11:55,813 -Your Sherri's late. -Mom... 113 00:11:56,196 --> 00:11:58,115 ...Sherri and I broke up. 114 00:11:58,978 --> 00:12:00,704 Not Sherri? 115 00:12:01,951 --> 00:12:03,678 I liked Sherri. 116 00:12:03,966 --> 00:12:07,035 I didn't like the other girls you brought home. 117 00:12:07,419 --> 00:12:11,831 -Don't make it any harder for me. -Why should I make it easier, son? 118 00:12:12,215 --> 00:12:15,668 You were good together, you and Sherri. 119 00:12:16,051 --> 00:12:19,984 -I thought you'd marry. -You know I'm terrified of marriage. 120 00:12:20,751 --> 00:12:23,245 I know that, son. I know that. 121 00:12:24,588 --> 00:12:28,233 Maybe it's better not to marry. Did you read the paper? 122 00:12:28,616 --> 00:12:31,110 -No. -No? Where did I put it? 123 00:12:31,398 --> 00:12:34,084 Stuart! Bring in the paper! 124 00:12:34,563 --> 00:12:36,002 All right, hon! 125 00:12:36,290 --> 00:12:38,688 Head! Paper! Now! 126 00:12:39,071 --> 00:12:41,661 Move that melon of yours if you can. 127 00:12:41,949 --> 00:12:45,018 Hauling that gargantuan cranium about. 128 00:12:45,402 --> 00:12:47,800 No kidding. His head's like Sputnik. 129 00:12:48,088 --> 00:12:50,294 Spherical, but pointy in parts. 130 00:12:51,157 --> 00:12:52,980 That was offside, wasn't it? 131 00:12:53,267 --> 00:12:57,008 He'll be crying himself to sleep tonight on his huge pillow. 132 00:12:58,639 --> 00:13:01,708 Mom, why do you refer to Weekly World News... 133 00:13:01,996 --> 00:13:05,641 ...as "the paper"? The paper contains facts. 134 00:13:06,600 --> 00:13:08,806 This paper contains facts. 135 00:13:09,190 --> 00:13:14,177 And this paper has the eighth-highest circulation in the whole wide world. 136 00:13:14,561 --> 00:13:18,110 Plenty of facts. " Pregnant Man Gives Birth." 137 00:13:18,494 --> 00:13:20,316 That's a fact. 138 00:13:21,371 --> 00:13:23,865 Here it is, look. Read this. 139 00:13:24,632 --> 00:13:28,085 " Mrs. X. The honeymoon murderer." 140 00:13:29,236 --> 00:13:34,224 She marries men under fake identities and then she murders them. 141 00:13:35,183 --> 00:13:39,979 She's murdered three men already. Victim number one was a lounge singer. 142 00:13:40,363 --> 00:13:44,775 Victim number two, a Russian martial arts expert. 143 00:13:46,022 --> 00:13:50,338 And she's also killed a plumber named Ralph Elliot. 144 00:13:52,832 --> 00:13:55,997 And her whereabouts are unknown. 145 00:14:25,732 --> 00:14:29,281 Give us a kiss, Tony, and cheer me up. Good night. 146 00:14:35,228 --> 00:14:38,969 Wow, you've turned into a sexy wee bastard. You know that? 147 00:14:39,256 --> 00:14:40,695 Thanks, Mrs. MacKenzie. 148 00:14:40,983 --> 00:14:42,901 -Hasn't he? -I think so. 149 00:14:43,573 --> 00:14:45,875 -Good night, Mom. -Good night, Charlie. 150 00:14:46,162 --> 00:14:50,671 -Good night, Dad. -Fine, go. You've stayed your hour. 151 00:15:00,646 --> 00:15:01,989 Ooh, yes. 152 00:15:41,987 --> 00:15:44,193 -Morning, Charles. -Morning, sir. 153 00:15:47,262 --> 00:15:49,948 Are you working on the forms for the vendor--? 154 00:15:50,331 --> 00:15:51,482 Yes, captain. 155 00:15:51,674 --> 00:15:54,264 Tony? Tony? 156 00:15:58,388 --> 00:16:01,650 I don't want to intrude, but you seem a little down. 157 00:16:02,801 --> 00:16:06,254 Well, captain, it's about my job. 158 00:16:08,172 --> 00:16:10,474 I'm having doubts about being a cop. 159 00:16:11,241 --> 00:16:13,927 It's not like how it is on TV. 160 00:16:14,215 --> 00:16:17,380 I fill out forms and paperwork all day. 161 00:16:18,915 --> 00:16:22,656 Point well taken, but even though it's not exciting... 162 00:16:23,039 --> 00:16:24,382 ...it's very important. 163 00:16:24,574 --> 00:16:27,835 Yeah, but of all my times as a cop, I've never.... 164 00:16:28,219 --> 00:16:31,096 I never chased a guy across a crowded square. 165 00:16:31,384 --> 00:16:35,892 I've never hung onto that part of the helicopter. You know that part? 166 00:16:36,276 --> 00:16:37,907 -You know? -I know it. 167 00:16:38,194 --> 00:16:41,935 I've never hung onto that or even commandeered a vehicle. 168 00:16:42,319 --> 00:16:46,155 -That sounds like a lot of fun. -That's the other thing. 169 00:16:46,539 --> 00:16:47,882 You're too nice. 170 00:16:49,608 --> 00:16:52,006 -I'm too nice? -Yes, you're too nice. 171 00:16:52,294 --> 00:16:55,076 Why not be like a Starsky and Hutch captain? 172 00:16:55,364 --> 00:16:58,817 Where you haul me in your office and bawl me out... 173 00:16:59,200 --> 00:17:03,229 ...because you're tired of defending me from the commissioner. 174 00:17:03,612 --> 00:17:07,066 The truth is, I report to a committee. 175 00:17:07,449 --> 00:17:10,998 Some are appointed, elected, or co-opted biannually. 176 00:17:11,286 --> 00:17:14,259 -It's a quorum, so to speak. -A quorum? 177 00:17:14,643 --> 00:17:17,904 I thought I was gonna be Serpico... 178 00:17:18,192 --> 00:17:21,645 ...but instead I'm like Fish from Barney Miller. 179 00:17:22,220 --> 00:17:24,139 Hey, somebody needs a hug. 180 00:17:25,578 --> 00:17:26,441 Captain. 181 00:17:32,771 --> 00:17:34,690 Okay, coming up. 182 00:17:46,200 --> 00:17:48,694 -Hi. -Haggis, right? 183 00:17:48,982 --> 00:17:51,667 Yeah, I'm the guy who ordered the haggis. 184 00:17:52,626 --> 00:17:54,641 -Can I ask you a question? -Sure. 185 00:17:54,928 --> 00:17:57,806 -Do you like haggis? -No, it's repellent. 186 00:17:58,094 --> 00:18:01,067 I think Scottish cuisine is based on a dare. 187 00:18:01,451 --> 00:18:03,369 -I'm next. -You're next. 188 00:18:03,753 --> 00:18:05,000 Yes, can I help you? 189 00:18:05,192 --> 00:18:09,796 I'll tell you how you can help me. All I want is one New York steak... 190 00:18:10,179 --> 00:18:13,632 ...a quarter-inch thick. That's all. No more, no less. 191 00:18:14,016 --> 00:18:17,757 -Get it and let me out. -I'm really busy. Be right back. 192 00:18:21,114 --> 00:18:23,704 -It's busy, hey? -It's insane today. 193 00:18:23,991 --> 00:18:28,212 My dad's a butcher, and I used to work at his shop. 194 00:18:28,596 --> 00:18:31,377 -I can help you. -I'd love some help. 195 00:18:31,761 --> 00:18:33,967 -Great, what's your name? -Charlie. 196 00:18:34,351 --> 00:18:35,789 -Harriet. -Hi, Harriet. 197 00:18:36,077 --> 00:18:38,667 -Could you get four porterhouses? -Okay. 198 00:19:31,230 --> 00:19:32,764 Just kidding. 199 00:19:33,052 --> 00:19:34,395 Hi. 200 00:19:50,797 --> 00:19:53,003 So do you live in New York? 201 00:19:53,387 --> 00:19:54,538 Really? 202 00:19:55,017 --> 00:19:59,621 Just tell me if that's too tense. You guide me. You guide me. 203 00:20:04,801 --> 00:20:07,679 Mom, can you get the school nurse? 204 00:20:08,062 --> 00:20:10,076 Get the school nurse! Help me! 205 00:20:10,364 --> 00:20:13,050 It was an accident in shop. 206 00:20:14,201 --> 00:20:17,366 Get me a tourniquet? Anything. 207 00:20:28,013 --> 00:20:30,891 Thanks for helping me out at the butcher shop. 208 00:20:31,178 --> 00:20:33,864 -You were really nice. -Oh, I was nice? 209 00:20:34,248 --> 00:20:38,180 " Nice." Evidently you think of me as a woman friend. 210 00:20:38,564 --> 00:20:41,537 -And what is wrong with being nice? -Nothing. 211 00:20:42,209 --> 00:20:42,976 -Charlie? -Yes? 212 00:20:43,360 --> 00:20:46,621 -Name a bad thing you've done. -I've done bad things. 213 00:20:46,909 --> 00:20:50,746 Tell me one bad thing you've done, and it better be evil. 214 00:20:53,431 --> 00:20:55,637 -How evil? -Really evil. 215 00:20:56,021 --> 00:20:59,570 So evil that you would say it was "e-vil." 216 00:20:59,954 --> 00:21:03,407 Like it's "the fruits of the De-vil." " E-vil." 217 00:21:04,941 --> 00:21:08,586 For example, how many people have you brutally murdered? 218 00:21:10,792 --> 00:21:13,094 " Brutal" is a very subjective word. 219 00:21:13,382 --> 00:21:18,370 What's brutal to one person might be reasonable to somebody else. 220 00:21:36,786 --> 00:21:38,513 Excuse me. 221 00:21:52,996 --> 00:21:54,914 Do you know Russian? 222 00:21:56,641 --> 00:21:58,176 Yeah. 223 00:21:58,655 --> 00:22:02,204 Oh, this hurts. No, this is hard. 224 00:22:02,492 --> 00:22:05,465 Not only are you extremely good-looking... 225 00:22:05,945 --> 00:22:09,494 ...but you're also very smart and that's no fair. 226 00:22:09,878 --> 00:22:12,563 -That's hard. -Bright women intimidate you? 227 00:22:12,851 --> 00:22:15,057 No, no. Not at all. 228 00:22:15,825 --> 00:22:18,990 But it's a shame I'm going to have to destroy you. 229 00:22:25,608 --> 00:22:28,006 -Charlie, come here! -Nadia... 230 00:22:28,294 --> 00:22:29,733 ...l am coming. 231 00:22:34,912 --> 00:22:37,790 Expand, contract, expand. 232 00:22:38,653 --> 00:22:41,435 What do you look for in a woman you date? 233 00:22:43,065 --> 00:22:46,614 I know everyone always says sense of humour... 234 00:22:46,902 --> 00:22:49,492 ...but I have to go with breast size. 235 00:22:51,026 --> 00:22:52,177 Oh, my God. 236 00:22:52,561 --> 00:22:55,534 Come! Let us dance like children of the night. 237 00:23:04,647 --> 00:23:08,100 -Here we are. -Wow! What a great place. 238 00:23:08,867 --> 00:23:10,977 -Some tea? -Sure. 239 00:23:11,265 --> 00:23:13,279 Well, show yourself around. 240 00:23:17,883 --> 00:23:22,871 You know what this place needs? A large poster of Atlantic City. 241 00:23:24,406 --> 00:23:26,708 Oh, look, you got one! 242 00:23:26,995 --> 00:23:29,681 I used to live there. I have herbal teas: 243 00:23:30,065 --> 00:23:32,271 Cubby Wubby Womb Room tea... 244 00:23:32,559 --> 00:23:35,820 -...and Morning Thunder. -I'll go with Cubby Wubby. 245 00:23:36,395 --> 00:23:38,122 All right, thanks. 246 00:23:45,028 --> 00:23:47,138 What's this? 247 00:23:47,810 --> 00:23:49,344 Oh! 248 00:23:54,236 --> 00:23:57,977 I had a friend who was a martial arts expert and.... 249 00:23:58,361 --> 00:24:01,718 -Oh, you had a friend? -It's a martial arts thing. 250 00:24:02,005 --> 00:24:04,499 I thought it would look good on the wall. 251 00:24:04,979 --> 00:24:06,801 It does. 252 00:24:07,185 --> 00:24:09,967 You know, Scotland has its own martial arts. 253 00:24:10,254 --> 00:24:11,693 It's called " Fuck You!" 254 00:24:13,803 --> 00:24:17,640 It's mostly head-butting and kicking people on the ground. 255 00:24:29,630 --> 00:24:32,507 -It's late. -Not for me. 256 00:24:33,083 --> 00:24:36,248 -Who for, then? -Who for, then, what? 257 00:24:36,632 --> 00:24:39,701 If not for you, I wonder who it is late for. 258 00:24:40,085 --> 00:24:43,538 Not me, no. I like the nightlife. 259 00:24:43,921 --> 00:24:45,072 I like to boogie. 260 00:24:47,087 --> 00:24:48,717 I'll make the tea, then. 261 00:25:01,666 --> 00:25:03,201 You know... 262 00:25:06,846 --> 00:25:08,476 ...maybe it is late. 263 00:25:08,860 --> 00:25:12,409 I'll be honest with you. I had a great time tonight... 264 00:25:13,464 --> 00:25:16,342 ...and I'd really love to kiss you. 265 00:25:16,629 --> 00:25:21,617 But if I kiss you, we'll end up on the couch, and if we end up there... 266 00:25:22,001 --> 00:25:25,550 ...chances are we'll kiss in the bedroom... 267 00:25:26,029 --> 00:25:28,907 ...and that's the part I always rush into. 268 00:25:29,291 --> 00:25:33,223 It's not a good idea to rush into spending the night together. 269 00:25:33,703 --> 00:25:35,237 I want to. 270 00:25:35,813 --> 00:25:37,923 I have no problem with that. 271 00:25:39,937 --> 00:25:41,280 You're it. 272 00:25:43,390 --> 00:25:44,254 Come here! 273 00:25:44,446 --> 00:25:46,172 Oh, no! Oh, God! 274 00:25:54,325 --> 00:25:56,339 Yes. 275 00:25:59,505 --> 00:26:01,615 Yes. 276 00:26:04,205 --> 00:26:06,698 Ralph! 277 00:26:08,425 --> 00:26:11,015 I will. I will. 278 00:26:11,974 --> 00:26:14,084 Wait, not now! Not now! 279 00:26:14,468 --> 00:26:16,770 Ralph! Ralph! 280 00:26:18,688 --> 00:26:19,743 Harriet. 281 00:26:21,662 --> 00:26:23,388 You were having a dream. 282 00:26:25,690 --> 00:26:28,376 And you kept saying the name " Ralph." 283 00:26:33,268 --> 00:26:36,721 -Ralph? -Yeah, you kept saying " Ralph." 284 00:26:42,668 --> 00:26:44,778 She's my friend. 285 00:26:46,217 --> 00:26:49,765 She's your friend. Ralph. 286 00:26:50,821 --> 00:26:54,849 "She" is your friend. Ralph. 287 00:26:55,233 --> 00:26:56,863 Ralph. She. 288 00:27:30,818 --> 00:27:33,600 I'm sorry! I thought you were somebody else! 289 00:27:50,961 --> 00:27:52,783 Hi. 290 00:27:53,838 --> 00:27:54,702 Hi. 291 00:27:55,277 --> 00:27:59,881 I'm Harriet's friend, Charlie. You must be Ralph? 292 00:28:00,457 --> 00:28:02,375 I'm Harriet's sister, Rose. 293 00:28:03,047 --> 00:28:06,500 -She gave me a note to give to you. -Great. 294 00:28:06,883 --> 00:28:10,049 " Dear Charlie, I didn't want to wake you. 295 00:28:10,432 --> 00:28:14,269 Make yourself at home and thanks for the... 296 00:28:15,420 --> 00:28:16,763 ...hot dog. Harriet." 297 00:28:18,873 --> 00:28:21,079 That's a very nice note. 298 00:28:21,846 --> 00:28:26,642 -Let me make you some breakfast. -I'd love to, but I'm running late. 299 00:28:27,026 --> 00:28:29,328 How do silver-dollar pancakes... 300 00:28:29,616 --> 00:28:33,548 ...fresh orange juice, bacon and Kona coffee sound? 301 00:28:34,028 --> 00:28:35,275 It sounds great. 302 00:28:40,454 --> 00:28:43,620 Sorry. I didn't have those other things. 303 00:28:44,099 --> 00:28:47,361 That's fine. That other stuff will kill you. 304 00:28:47,648 --> 00:28:52,444 Whereas Froot Loops are light and reasonably high in fibre. 305 00:28:53,499 --> 00:28:56,760 -I care for Apple Jacks a great deal. -Got them. 306 00:28:57,144 --> 00:28:58,199 Good. 307 00:28:59,350 --> 00:29:02,803 So, is this your place? 308 00:29:03,283 --> 00:29:06,832 No, this is our place. Harriet's and mine. 309 00:29:07,120 --> 00:29:10,669 She sort of comes and goes but always ends up here. 310 00:29:12,299 --> 00:29:13,738 She didn't speak of me? 311 00:29:14,889 --> 00:29:17,575 No, she didn't "speak of you." 312 00:29:17,862 --> 00:29:22,275 She mentioned a martial arts guy, and there was discussion about Ralph? 313 00:29:23,330 --> 00:29:26,207 Oh, really? She spoke about them? 314 00:29:26,975 --> 00:29:31,962 She talked about the martial arts guy and kind of shouted Ralph. 315 00:29:40,883 --> 00:29:44,911 -Well, you know Harriet. -Actually, I don't. 316 00:29:45,391 --> 00:29:48,652 -But you did have sex with her. -Hello! 317 00:29:49,899 --> 00:29:51,338 I'm gonna go now. 318 00:29:54,695 --> 00:29:57,572 I won't tell Harriet that anything happened. 319 00:29:58,052 --> 00:30:00,354 Well, Rose. 320 00:30:02,656 --> 00:30:04,862 Nothing did happen. 321 00:30:05,438 --> 00:30:08,891 Don't worry, Charlie. Just be careful. 322 00:30:15,029 --> 00:30:16,948 "Just be careful." 323 00:30:20,688 --> 00:30:23,854 I had the greatest night of my life last night. 324 00:30:48,888 --> 00:30:53,109 -Sounds like you really like her. -I'm smitten. I'm in deep smit. 325 00:30:53,492 --> 00:30:56,849 She is wonderful. But we shouldn't talk about it. 326 00:30:57,137 --> 00:30:59,919 I'll start analysing it, and that's no good. 327 00:31:00,302 --> 00:31:03,755 That is good. You should just let it happen. Relax. 328 00:31:04,427 --> 00:31:07,784 I am a park ranger, and I will lead you on the tour. 329 00:31:08,264 --> 00:31:12,100 All the rangers at Alcatraz were once guards, myself included. 330 00:31:12,580 --> 00:31:15,937 My name is John Johnson, but everyone calls me Vickie. 331 00:31:16,225 --> 00:31:17,568 Please follow me. 332 00:31:18,527 --> 00:31:21,596 -I love Vickie. He's great. -He's the best. 333 00:31:22,747 --> 00:31:25,337 This is the main cellblock area. 334 00:31:25,721 --> 00:31:28,502 Home to such famous criminals as AI Capone... 335 00:31:28,886 --> 00:31:31,572 ...Mickey Cohen, Joseph " Dutch" Cretzer... 336 00:31:31,859 --> 00:31:36,080 ...and Robert Stroud, the famous Birdman of Alcatraz. 337 00:31:36,463 --> 00:31:41,355 This time will be different. If something happens, I'll let it go. 338 00:31:41,739 --> 00:31:44,521 It's not my business. For example, " Ralph." 339 00:31:44,904 --> 00:31:47,014 She says " Ralph" in her sleep. So what? 340 00:31:47,302 --> 00:31:48,357 Ralph? 341 00:31:48,549 --> 00:31:50,755 This cell's for solitary confinement... 342 00:31:51,043 --> 00:31:53,825 ...that's come to be known as "Times Square." 343 00:31:54,304 --> 00:31:56,510 Make sure everyone gets a look. 344 00:31:58,812 --> 00:31:59,963 So who's Ralph? 345 00:32:00,155 --> 00:32:03,608 I don't know. More importantly, I don't want to know. 346 00:32:03,992 --> 00:32:05,718 That's good. 347 00:32:06,869 --> 00:32:09,459 Did you and Harriet, you know, last night? 348 00:32:09,843 --> 00:32:11,090 Okay, dirtbag. 349 00:32:11,377 --> 00:32:15,406 All you have to know is that Harriet's a sweet and loving person. 350 00:32:15,886 --> 00:32:18,475 Well, that's good. That's nice. 351 00:32:18,763 --> 00:32:21,257 -And yes, we did. -All right! 352 00:32:22,024 --> 00:32:24,902 Close it up, close it up, close it up. 353 00:32:27,300 --> 00:32:31,808 This is something the other tour guides won't tell you. 354 00:32:32,288 --> 00:32:34,877 In this cellblock, Machine Gun Kelly... 355 00:32:35,261 --> 00:32:39,577 ...had what we call in the prison system, a " bitch." 356 00:32:39,961 --> 00:32:44,949 One night, in a jealous rage, Kelly took a makeshift knife, or "shiv" ... 357 00:32:45,812 --> 00:32:49,169 ...and cut out the bitch's eyes. 358 00:32:49,840 --> 00:32:52,814 -Another thing about Harriet I love-- -No, no. 359 00:33:00,775 --> 00:33:04,036 And as if this wasn't enough retribution for Kelly... 360 00:33:04,516 --> 00:33:09,408 ...the next day he and four other inmates took turns pissing... 361 00:33:09,791 --> 00:33:13,436 ...into the bitch's ocular cavities. 362 00:33:17,081 --> 00:33:19,479 This way to the cafeteria. 363 00:33:20,918 --> 00:33:23,028 Tony, I'm really happy. 364 00:33:23,316 --> 00:33:26,097 Please, don't let me screw this one up. 365 00:33:26,481 --> 00:33:28,495 -I'll try. -Alrighty. 366 00:33:28,783 --> 00:33:33,099 -That ocular cavity thing was-- -When he mentioned pissing into.... 367 00:34:31,130 --> 00:34:34,487 Okay, I got another one. What's worse? 368 00:34:34,774 --> 00:34:38,707 The cable goes out and you're left with synchronized swimming... 369 00:34:39,091 --> 00:34:40,721 ...or-- 370 00:34:41,009 --> 00:34:42,064 Okay. 371 00:34:42,256 --> 00:34:44,846 You're stuck on the Bay Bridge in traffic... 372 00:34:45,325 --> 00:34:50,025 ...and you've just had two strong cups of coffee and three bran muffins. 373 00:34:52,711 --> 00:34:56,260 -No, wait. I have a good one. -Hello! Hello! 374 00:34:56,548 --> 00:34:59,617 What's worse? You go to your favourite restaurant... 375 00:35:00,001 --> 00:35:02,303 ...order your favourite meal, take a bite... 376 00:35:02,591 --> 00:35:06,331 ...and under the steak is a scabby Band-Aid. 377 00:35:06,715 --> 00:35:07,674 Or.... 378 00:35:12,278 --> 00:35:14,293 Or being electrocuted. 379 00:35:18,417 --> 00:35:19,952 And? 380 00:35:20,143 --> 00:35:24,843 That's it. I was electrocuted once. It was horrible. 381 00:35:25,323 --> 00:35:28,105 -Oh, well, that's.... -That's a crying shame. 382 00:35:30,503 --> 00:35:33,668 Can we get our check, please? Thanks a lot. 383 00:35:34,435 --> 00:35:36,066 Electrocuted. 384 00:35:36,258 --> 00:35:37,313 That was funny. 385 00:35:37,600 --> 00:35:39,327 -I'll get that. -No, I got it. 386 00:35:39,615 --> 00:35:43,164 -I'll get it. Charlie. -No, it's mine. No, no, no. 387 00:35:43,451 --> 00:35:47,192 -I got it. I insist. -No, no, no. 388 00:35:47,576 --> 00:35:48,919 -" No" infinity. -Come on. 389 00:35:49,302 --> 00:35:54,194 -Negatory, good buddy. -You're embarrassing me. 390 00:35:54,578 --> 00:35:56,592 -I'll pick up the check. -Okay. 391 00:36:00,813 --> 00:36:02,347 You want to catch a cab? 392 00:36:02,731 --> 00:36:05,513 -I'd like to walk. -Come on, it's raining. 393 00:36:05,896 --> 00:36:08,486 -I'd like to walk. -Me too. 394 00:36:08,774 --> 00:36:11,076 -All right. See you later. -Bye. 395 00:36:11,364 --> 00:36:13,282 Nice meeting you. 396 00:36:18,557 --> 00:36:21,819 -Well, it's officially raining. -It's just a drizzle. 397 00:36:22,298 --> 00:36:27,190 You know, I love that you wanted to walk in the rain. 398 00:36:27,765 --> 00:36:30,643 I'm glad you're meeting my parents tomorrow. 399 00:36:31,027 --> 00:36:32,561 You know what, Charlie? 400 00:36:32,849 --> 00:36:36,110 It's strange, but I feel really safe with you. 401 00:36:36,494 --> 00:36:39,851 Like in old movies when people never left each other. 402 00:36:40,235 --> 00:36:42,920 I mean, they stayed together forever. 403 00:36:58,651 --> 00:36:59,994 It's a great house. 404 00:37:00,282 --> 00:37:02,679 They moved in the day they were married. 405 00:37:03,063 --> 00:37:06,324 I'm throwing them a 30th wedding anniversary party. 406 00:37:14,190 --> 00:37:15,916 Mom, Dad, we're here. 407 00:37:16,204 --> 00:37:17,930 Stuart! 408 00:37:23,877 --> 00:37:25,796 Charlie! 409 00:37:26,083 --> 00:37:30,687 Is this the wee Harriet? She's absolutely beautiful. 410 00:37:31,071 --> 00:37:33,853 And you're very, very welcome. 411 00:37:34,236 --> 00:37:36,155 I hope you hold on to this one. 412 00:37:36,443 --> 00:37:39,704 You have the face of a wee angel, do you know that? 413 00:37:41,047 --> 00:37:44,020 I give! I give! I'm Charlie's father. 414 00:37:44,787 --> 00:37:48,240 Sorry. I'm sorry. You surprised me. I'm sorry. 415 00:37:48,720 --> 00:37:52,653 I like this one, Charlie. She's quite a filly. 416 00:37:53,036 --> 00:37:55,530 Charlie tells me you're a butcher. 417 00:37:55,818 --> 00:37:57,640 Yes, I am a butcher. 418 00:37:57,928 --> 00:37:59,942 Do you link your own sausage? 419 00:38:00,806 --> 00:38:01,765 I do. 420 00:38:02,148 --> 00:38:05,506 -Why don't you put your trousers on? -Hold your horses. 421 00:38:05,793 --> 00:38:08,863 Head! Pants! Now! 422 00:38:10,973 --> 00:38:12,699 Why don't you come with me? 423 00:38:12,987 --> 00:38:16,344 I have wonderful photos of when he was a wee baby. 424 00:38:16,728 --> 00:38:19,989 Like one of him shitting his pants at Niagara Falls. 425 00:38:20,277 --> 00:38:22,483 Come on, don't show her the pictures. 426 00:38:22,771 --> 00:38:27,567 Lighten up, Charlie. You've got a pickle up your ass again. 427 00:38:32,458 --> 00:38:34,473 I'm going to the washroom, okay? 428 00:38:34,856 --> 00:38:37,830 Evidently, I have a pickle up my ass. 429 00:38:38,214 --> 00:38:42,242 -You'll be okay if I leave you? -Fine. Don't worry about me. 430 00:38:44,256 --> 00:38:46,271 Make sure there's enough paper. 431 00:38:46,558 --> 00:38:49,820 And Charlie, light a match! 432 00:38:50,203 --> 00:38:53,081 Are you away to crap, again? 433 00:38:58,932 --> 00:39:01,905 What a cute baby Charlie was! 434 00:39:02,193 --> 00:39:05,166 You okay in there? You didn't fall in there, did you? 435 00:39:48,138 --> 00:39:51,591 I can't believe the resemblance between you and Charlie. 436 00:39:51,878 --> 00:39:52,933 Thank you. 437 00:39:53,221 --> 00:39:57,729 That's enough about us. Tell me something about yourself. 438 00:39:58,113 --> 00:40:00,799 Have you always lived in San Francisco? 439 00:40:02,046 --> 00:40:05,499 No, actually I moved around quite a bit. 440 00:40:19,311 --> 00:40:22,572 I had a really great time with your family tonight. 441 00:40:26,888 --> 00:40:28,519 Oh, great. 442 00:40:30,821 --> 00:40:34,658 You know that martial arts expert friend you had? 443 00:40:40,509 --> 00:40:43,002 Was that here in San Francisco? 444 00:40:44,153 --> 00:40:47,319 No, actually it was Miami. 445 00:40:48,278 --> 00:40:50,676 Your family's really great, Charlie. 446 00:40:51,060 --> 00:40:55,664 -When your mother took out-- -Was that before Atlantic City? 447 00:40:56,047 --> 00:41:00,076 It's a period in my life that I really don't like talking about. 448 00:41:02,186 --> 00:41:03,721 Charlie. 449 00:41:04,296 --> 00:41:07,653 I hated Atlantic City, Charlie. 450 00:41:08,133 --> 00:41:11,490 It's a town full of gamblers and lounge singers. 451 00:41:24,535 --> 00:41:25,974 Ralph? 452 00:41:26,261 --> 00:41:28,563 No. No. 453 00:41:29,235 --> 00:41:31,537 Oh, Ralph. 454 00:41:37,676 --> 00:41:39,786 Have you heard of this? Mrs. X. 455 00:41:40,073 --> 00:41:44,390 She murders her husbands, then changes her identity and marries again. 456 00:41:44,869 --> 00:41:47,267 I never heard of it. So what? 457 00:41:49,473 --> 00:41:52,063 I think I'm dating Mrs. X. 458 00:41:53,790 --> 00:41:55,420 Charlie. 459 00:41:57,722 --> 00:42:00,888 Two words. Therapy. 460 00:42:03,477 --> 00:42:06,067 She told me she dated a martial arts expert. 461 00:42:06,451 --> 00:42:10,288 It says that one of the victims was a martial arts expert. 462 00:42:10,671 --> 00:42:14,604 Last night, she put a move on my dad and tried to break his neck. 463 00:42:14,987 --> 00:42:18,249 About 1 000 people have tried to break his neck. 464 00:42:18,728 --> 00:42:22,757 If they also say " Ralph" in their sleep, it's a good start. 465 00:42:23,140 --> 00:42:24,867 Look here, " Ralph Elliot. 466 00:42:25,155 --> 00:42:29,471 Plumber from Dallas. Missing since his honeymoon." 467 00:42:29,855 --> 00:42:32,732 -Charlie, you're just getting scared. -Yes. 468 00:42:33,116 --> 00:42:34,938 -Harriet could be the one. -Yes. 469 00:42:35,226 --> 00:42:38,679 You suspect her, because you're scared you'll marry her. 470 00:42:39,159 --> 00:42:40,598 And to you that's death. 471 00:42:41,461 --> 00:42:43,571 Come on, just read it, okay? 472 00:42:43,859 --> 00:42:47,312 Read it. For me, just read it? 473 00:42:53,738 --> 00:42:56,136 -" Larry Leonard, the croner..." -Crooner. 474 00:42:56,424 --> 00:42:58,055 " ...made a name for himself... 475 00:42:58,342 --> 00:43:01,891 ...being able to sing, in six languages, 'Only You."' 476 00:43:02,275 --> 00:43:04,961 Does Harriet know the words to "Only You"? 477 00:43:05,824 --> 00:43:08,030 We haven't reached that critical... 478 00:43:08,318 --> 00:43:11,003 ..." Do you know the words to 'Only You"' phase. 479 00:43:11,291 --> 00:43:14,361 -So I'm afraid I'm not much help. -Charlie! 480 00:43:14,744 --> 00:43:16,758 You gotta move past this! 481 00:43:17,046 --> 00:43:20,979 I'm worried. You're living according to the Weekly World News. 482 00:43:21,363 --> 00:43:26,350 It's the 8th highest circulating paper in the world, I'll have you know. 483 00:43:26,926 --> 00:43:28,748 Look, Tony, Mrs. X. 484 00:43:29,132 --> 00:43:31,434 Please, look it up, okay? 485 00:43:31,722 --> 00:43:34,407 For me? lndulge me? 486 00:43:35,654 --> 00:43:37,573 There's no record of deaths. 487 00:43:37,860 --> 00:43:42,273 All three were reported missing, but so were their wives. 488 00:43:42,656 --> 00:43:46,877 No picture of any brides. For all we know, they just moved away. 489 00:43:47,260 --> 00:43:50,330 That's true. You're gonna have to realize that. 490 00:43:50,617 --> 00:43:55,126 I would lie to you, but Kathy always tells the truth. 491 00:43:55,509 --> 00:43:56,948 Understood. 492 00:43:57,236 --> 00:43:58,579 You feel better now? 493 00:43:58,866 --> 00:44:02,032 -I guess so. -Good, good. Come on. 494 00:44:07,019 --> 00:44:10,376 I'm Maureen O'Boyle. Welcome to A Current Affair. 495 00:44:10,760 --> 00:44:13,734 Tonight.: Amy, did she or didn't she? 496 00:44:14,021 --> 00:44:16,995 Then, the reptile that took Hollywood by storm. 497 00:44:17,283 --> 00:44:19,393 "Iguana be in pictures. " 498 00:44:19,680 --> 00:44:23,517 But first, the Justice Department reports an alarming rise... 499 00:44:23,901 --> 00:44:26,970 ... in the number of poisoning murders. 500 00:44:27,354 --> 00:44:31,478 And that 87%%% of the murders occur within the family... 501 00:44:31,862 --> 00:44:35,891 ...a scourge which seems to be reaching into every home. 502 00:44:36,274 --> 00:44:39,535 Steve Dunleavy examines poisoning murders. Steve. 503 00:44:39,919 --> 00:44:42,893 The most common poisonings occur between couples. 504 00:44:43,276 --> 00:44:46,633 For reasons as varied as insurance fraud, jealousy... 505 00:44:46,921 --> 00:44:49,703 ...and pure psychopathic behaviour. 506 00:44:54,690 --> 00:44:56,705 I have a surprise for you. 507 00:44:56,992 --> 00:44:58,048 What is it? 508 00:44:58,335 --> 00:45:00,254 It's a health shake. 509 00:45:01,501 --> 00:45:03,611 I made it especially for you. 510 00:45:03,899 --> 00:45:05,145 Try it. 511 00:45:08,215 --> 00:45:10,229 Thank you, no. Thanks. 512 00:45:11,188 --> 00:45:14,162 You'll like it, Charlie. Just take a sip. 513 00:45:14,545 --> 00:45:18,478 I have kitten breath. I'm just gonna go brush my teeth. 514 00:45:18,862 --> 00:45:20,876 Why don't you just taste it? 515 00:45:21,164 --> 00:45:23,274 It's got strawberries. Taste it. 516 00:45:23,562 --> 00:45:25,288 I spent 20 minutes making it. 517 00:45:25,576 --> 00:45:29,509 -One little sip. It wouldn't hurt-- -I'm just gonna go. 518 00:45:37,086 --> 00:45:39,484 Fine. Forget it. Forget it. 519 00:46:20,825 --> 00:46:22,551 I'm sorry. 520 00:46:23,127 --> 00:46:24,757 That's okay. 521 00:46:25,333 --> 00:46:28,690 I'm just sensitive. 522 00:46:29,169 --> 00:46:33,390 I mean, you didn't drink my shake. So what? Right? 523 00:46:33,773 --> 00:46:37,802 Look, you spent a half an hour on it. I understand. 524 00:46:38,186 --> 00:46:39,816 -Let's scratch. -It's depressing. 525 00:46:40,008 --> 00:46:41,255 -Scratch. -Scratch? 526 00:46:41,543 --> 00:46:42,406 Scratch. 527 00:46:42,598 --> 00:46:45,379 Come on. Let's do a little scratching. 528 00:46:46,243 --> 00:46:48,161 There you go. Scratching. 529 00:46:48,449 --> 00:46:50,367 -Golden Gate Bridge. -Golden. 530 00:46:50,655 --> 00:46:53,341 -Presidio. Union Square. -Got it. 531 00:46:53,628 --> 00:46:55,067 -Little Japan. -Got it. 532 00:46:55,355 --> 00:46:56,985 Union Square. 533 00:46:57,369 --> 00:47:00,726 -Oakland. Oakland. -Oakland. 534 00:47:01,110 --> 00:47:03,700 Can you reach around and get Coit Tower? 535 00:47:04,083 --> 00:47:05,906 -San Andreas Fault. -Charlie. 536 00:47:06,098 --> 00:47:08,592 You know what I like best about you? 537 00:47:08,975 --> 00:47:12,428 I can tell you anything, and you don't judge me. 538 00:47:14,730 --> 00:47:17,704 Have you ever stood at the edge of a cliff... 539 00:47:18,087 --> 00:47:21,061 ...or subway platform with someone... 540 00:47:21,349 --> 00:47:24,706 ...and you thought just for a split second: 541 00:47:25,953 --> 00:47:27,775 What if I pushed him? 542 00:47:28,063 --> 00:47:31,995 I follow the Judeo-Christian ethic of "Thou shalt not kill." 543 00:47:32,379 --> 00:47:35,832 -But that's just me. -I'm just making a point... 544 00:47:36,120 --> 00:47:39,477 ...of how many times we trust people with our lives. 545 00:47:39,861 --> 00:47:41,108 I mean, look at us. 546 00:47:41,299 --> 00:47:44,081 Look how vulnerable we are, sleeping. 547 00:47:44,465 --> 00:47:47,726 I could do anything to you in your sleep. 548 00:47:48,110 --> 00:47:49,357 Like what? 549 00:47:49,644 --> 00:47:51,275 Anything. 550 00:47:51,563 --> 00:47:54,920 You're on your side, asleep, I could... 551 00:47:55,303 --> 00:47:58,277 ...stick a needle in your-- 552 00:48:02,881 --> 00:48:04,416 Charlie! Jesus! 553 00:48:04,607 --> 00:48:07,869 I'm showing you we have a good relationship! 554 00:48:08,348 --> 00:48:10,938 I'm sorry, but I have an ear thing. 555 00:48:11,322 --> 00:48:15,062 In an episode of Night Gallery, this guy gets an earwig. 556 00:48:15,446 --> 00:48:18,324 They said the good news is, we got the earwig... 557 00:48:18,707 --> 00:48:21,489 ...but the bad news is, it was a female. 558 00:48:21,873 --> 00:48:23,311 -I'm sorry. -Good night. 559 00:48:23,503 --> 00:48:25,326 -I have an ear thing. -Good night. 560 00:48:25,613 --> 00:48:27,820 I'm sorry. 561 00:48:28,107 --> 00:48:32,424 -I'm a human blanket. -Get off. Just, good night. 562 00:48:36,260 --> 00:48:37,795 Well, good night. 563 00:49:00,240 --> 00:49:01,678 Can I help you? 564 00:49:01,966 --> 00:49:03,981 I'd like to place an announcement. 565 00:49:04,364 --> 00:49:06,858 It's my parents' 30th anniversary. 566 00:49:07,146 --> 00:49:09,160 That's $4.50 per word... 567 00:49:09,448 --> 00:49:12,613 ...and you've got a choice of standard or bold. 568 00:49:12,997 --> 00:49:15,203 You having a busy week, Frank? 569 00:49:15,587 --> 00:49:19,519 No, just these two. It's been dead around here. 570 00:49:21,150 --> 00:49:24,603 I got this tourist, heart attack on a cable car. 571 00:49:24,986 --> 00:49:27,768 Guy left his heart in San Francisco. 572 00:49:30,933 --> 00:49:34,386 That's a real person you're talking about. 573 00:49:34,770 --> 00:49:36,784 All right, I'm sorry. 574 00:49:37,168 --> 00:49:41,292 There's another one. San Francisco plumber: Elliot, Ralph. 575 00:49:42,827 --> 00:49:44,937 Disappeared four months ago. 576 00:49:45,225 --> 00:49:47,719 The body was found in a sewer. 577 00:49:48,199 --> 00:49:51,748 Guy takes his job too seriously, life goes down the drain. 578 00:49:55,584 --> 00:49:57,790 Did they mention his wife? 579 00:49:58,078 --> 00:50:02,490 I know that we're talking about real people here, so I'm sorry. 580 00:50:02,874 --> 00:50:05,176 Seriously, did they mention the wife? 581 00:50:05,464 --> 00:50:09,684 I'm sorry. I didn't mean to joke about other people's lives. 582 00:50:10,068 --> 00:50:12,370 I'm serious. Did they mention--? 583 00:50:12,658 --> 00:50:15,727 You win, okay? I'm a bad person. 584 00:50:16,015 --> 00:50:18,796 -Take it easy. -No, he's saying I'm a shit. 585 00:50:19,180 --> 00:50:20,619 Did they mention the wife? 586 00:50:20,811 --> 00:50:22,345 Did they mention the wife! 587 00:50:22,633 --> 00:50:26,662 No! They didn't mention the wife! You happy? 588 00:50:27,045 --> 00:50:30,498 Yes, I'm insensitive! I'm a very insensitive man! 589 00:50:30,882 --> 00:50:35,870 Stop! Look at the insensitive man! That's why they pay you! 590 00:50:38,747 --> 00:50:40,282 He was my ride home. 591 00:50:42,584 --> 00:50:44,214 Understood. 592 00:50:47,284 --> 00:50:50,353 Why did you have to see me so urgently? 593 00:50:50,737 --> 00:50:52,463 You couldn't come to my place? 594 00:50:52,751 --> 00:50:54,765 It's just safer here. 595 00:50:55,149 --> 00:50:57,355 What? Charlie. 596 00:51:00,137 --> 00:51:01,767 I'm sorry. 597 00:51:02,247 --> 00:51:04,741 I think you're a terrific woman. 598 00:51:06,180 --> 00:51:09,249 I just don't think we should see each other. 599 00:51:12,222 --> 00:51:15,004 Why? And tell me the truth. 600 00:51:17,402 --> 00:51:20,280 I'm afraid that you're gonna k-- Leave me. 601 00:51:21,047 --> 00:51:23,157 I'm gonna cleave you? 602 00:51:23,733 --> 00:51:26,322 -What does that mean? -No, leave me. 603 00:51:26,706 --> 00:51:28,433 That you'll reject me. 604 00:51:28,624 --> 00:51:32,365 So I just thought I'd do a preemptive strike. 605 00:51:32,749 --> 00:51:35,339 So you're rejecting me? 606 00:51:36,298 --> 00:51:38,600 I didn't mean to hurt you. 607 00:51:39,367 --> 00:51:41,573 I never wanted to hurt you. 608 00:51:44,067 --> 00:51:45,985 Don't worry, you haven't. 609 00:51:46,369 --> 00:51:48,383 At least you left early on. 610 00:51:52,028 --> 00:51:55,289 So that's it, then? 611 00:51:59,702 --> 00:52:02,196 Because I gotta get back to work. 612 00:52:43,632 --> 00:52:46,701 Woman Woe man 613 00:52:47,085 --> 00:52:49,579 Whoa man 614 00:52:49,963 --> 00:52:53,128 We had love not just sex ls she Mrs. X? 615 00:52:53,607 --> 00:52:57,156 I had to run for my life 616 00:53:05,885 --> 00:53:09,722 Jane, get me off of this crazy thing 617 00:53:10,105 --> 00:53:11,832 Called love 618 00:53:46,938 --> 00:53:47,705 Hello! 619 00:53:47,993 --> 00:53:51,925 Not that it matters, but I thought you'd like to know... 620 00:53:52,309 --> 00:53:54,515 ...somebody admitted murdering Ralph. 621 00:53:54,803 --> 00:53:56,817 What about the others? 622 00:53:57,105 --> 00:53:59,119 She just confessed to the one. 623 00:53:59,407 --> 00:54:02,956 Anyway, crime to stop. Gotta go. Catch you later. 624 00:54:23,195 --> 00:54:25,305 -It's me, Charlie. -Go away. 625 00:54:25,593 --> 00:54:29,909 I gotta talk to you. I made a big mistake. I'm an idiot. 626 00:54:30,388 --> 00:54:32,211 I'll go into therapy, okay? 627 00:54:32,499 --> 00:54:37,294 I'll go twice a week. I don't know if insurance will cover it, but.... 628 00:54:40,268 --> 00:54:41,419 What is it? 629 00:54:42,186 --> 00:54:43,817 Hi, Charlie. 630 00:54:54,080 --> 00:54:55,615 I don't want to lose you. 631 00:54:56,382 --> 00:54:58,013 You didn't. You rejected me. 632 00:54:58,300 --> 00:55:01,753 Okay, I'm un-rejecting you. 633 00:55:04,151 --> 00:55:07,604 You'll do it again, Charlie. You'll do it again. 634 00:55:08,180 --> 00:55:10,962 No, I'm not gonna do it again. 635 00:55:13,168 --> 00:55:15,566 Look, I got scared, okay? 636 00:55:15,949 --> 00:55:20,457 Things were going really good and then I just got scared. 637 00:55:26,404 --> 00:55:27,939 I love you. 638 00:55:29,474 --> 00:55:31,584 I love you too. 639 00:55:36,763 --> 00:55:39,929 But you blew it, Charlie. You blew it. 640 00:56:01,990 --> 00:56:04,675 Harriet, Harriet 641 00:56:04,963 --> 00:56:08,512 Hard-hearted harbinger of haggis 642 00:56:08,992 --> 00:56:12,061 Beautiful, bemuséd 643 00:56:12,349 --> 00:56:15,131 Bellicose butcher 644 00:56:15,610 --> 00:56:18,392 Untrusting 645 00:56:18,871 --> 00:56:21,365 Unknowing 646 00:56:21,941 --> 00:56:24,722 Unlovéd 647 00:56:31,532 --> 00:56:34,410 He wants you back He screams into the night air 648 00:56:34,794 --> 00:56:38,726 Like a fireman going to a window That has no fire 649 00:56:42,947 --> 00:56:46,016 Except the passion of his heart 650 00:56:46,783 --> 00:56:48,798 I am lonely 651 00:56:49,757 --> 00:56:52,155 It's really hard 652 00:56:53,306 --> 00:56:55,512 This poem sucks 653 00:57:35,222 --> 00:57:37,236 I'm sorry I didn't trust you. 654 00:57:38,771 --> 00:57:41,936 Harriet, somebody's downstairs to see you. 655 00:57:43,375 --> 00:57:47,883 She'll be down in a moment. And could you bring the car around? 656 00:57:48,267 --> 00:57:50,089 Thank you so much. Bye-bye. 657 00:57:50,377 --> 00:57:53,734 Charlie, come here. I want you to meet a friend. 658 00:57:54,118 --> 00:57:55,748 This is Ralph. 659 00:57:56,803 --> 00:58:00,160 Ralph? Ralph? This is Ralph? 660 00:58:00,544 --> 00:58:02,175 This is Ralph? 661 00:58:07,066 --> 00:58:08,313 This is Charlie. 662 00:58:08,889 --> 00:58:11,958 -Great to meet you. -No, it's great to meet you. 663 00:58:12,246 --> 00:58:14,740 Yes, I love you so much. 664 00:58:15,124 --> 00:58:16,370 Oh, God! 665 00:58:20,015 --> 00:58:21,358 I'm naked, aren't l? 666 00:58:21,550 --> 00:58:25,579 Yes. Yes, you are naked. 667 00:58:34,787 --> 00:58:37,952 I was just naked then. Very nude. 668 00:58:40,829 --> 00:58:44,091 Nice to meet you and call me? 669 00:58:44,378 --> 00:58:46,009 I will. 670 00:59:14,593 --> 00:59:15,648 Shut it! 671 00:59:19,772 --> 00:59:22,746 I'd like to propose a toast. 672 00:59:23,897 --> 00:59:26,007 To my wife, May. 673 00:59:27,733 --> 00:59:31,762 Thirty years ago today, May and I were married. 674 00:59:32,050 --> 00:59:35,407 Some of you were there. Some weren't born. 675 00:59:35,790 --> 00:59:37,901 And some of you are now dead! 676 00:59:38,188 --> 00:59:43,080 But we both said, " I do," and we haven't agreed on a thing since. 677 00:59:44,615 --> 00:59:46,437 That's true. 678 00:59:46,725 --> 00:59:48,835 But I'm glad I married you... 679 00:59:49,219 --> 00:59:52,288 ...because it could have been worse. 680 00:59:55,262 --> 00:59:57,180 And besides... 681 00:59:58,139 --> 00:59:59,770 ...l still love you. 682 01:00:08,019 --> 01:00:08,978 Thank you. 683 01:00:15,308 --> 01:00:18,378 Tony, would you like to dance? 684 01:00:21,735 --> 01:00:23,461 Let's dance. 685 01:00:30,463 --> 01:00:32,957 It must be a great feeling to have.... 686 01:00:34,588 --> 01:00:35,739 You okay? 687 01:00:36,027 --> 01:00:37,369 No, I'm not. 688 01:00:41,206 --> 01:00:42,645 Marry me. 689 01:00:44,467 --> 01:00:45,427 No. 690 01:00:47,920 --> 01:00:49,071 Please? 691 01:00:50,606 --> 01:00:52,333 Why not just live together? 692 01:00:52,620 --> 01:00:56,169 We could live together first. Let's just live together. 693 01:00:56,457 --> 01:00:59,526 Because I love you. We should get married... 694 01:01:00,006 --> 01:01:03,555 ...and spend the next 30 years of our life together. 695 01:01:03,939 --> 01:01:08,926 I want you to have my children. And I want you to have your children. 696 01:01:09,310 --> 01:01:12,859 That sounds like an awful lot of children, but.... 697 01:01:14,969 --> 01:01:16,312 I love you. 698 01:01:17,655 --> 01:01:19,381 I need you. 699 01:01:20,628 --> 01:01:23,218 Let's just get married. Okay? 700 01:01:23,698 --> 01:01:25,232 Harriet... 701 01:01:26,096 --> 01:01:27,247 ...be my wife. 702 01:01:27,630 --> 01:01:30,700 All right, everyone, shut your cake hole! 703 01:01:31,371 --> 01:01:35,592 I'd like to make a toast to my son, Charlie. 704 01:01:36,359 --> 01:01:38,853 Thanks for throwing this great party. 705 01:01:39,428 --> 01:01:43,169 I hope you have the same great 30 years that we've had. 706 01:01:43,649 --> 01:01:45,663 To Charlie! 707 01:01:51,226 --> 01:01:52,665 Yes. 708 01:01:52,857 --> 01:01:53,816 You will? 709 01:01:54,104 --> 01:01:56,214 Let's get married, Charlie. 710 01:02:03,312 --> 01:02:07,340 Now, Mr. MacKenzie, if you will take this woman to be your wife... 711 01:02:07,820 --> 01:02:12,040 ...through thick and thin, for better or for worse... 712 01:02:12,424 --> 01:02:14,055 ...please say " I do." 713 01:02:14,822 --> 01:02:15,877 I do. 714 01:02:16,069 --> 01:02:20,481 Now, Harriet, if you will take this man through good times and bad... 715 01:02:20,961 --> 01:02:25,661 ...forever and ever as your husband, please say " I do." 716 01:02:39,569 --> 01:02:40,816 I do. 717 01:02:42,542 --> 01:02:45,899 Now, Charlie, kiss the beautiful bride. 718 01:03:09,687 --> 01:03:12,564 Let's get pissed! 719 01:03:49,780 --> 01:03:51,603 Hang a solo! 720 01:04:11,458 --> 01:04:15,774 We have a piper who's down. It's all right, he's just pissed. 721 01:04:16,158 --> 01:04:20,186 We have a piper down. I repeat, a piper is down. 722 01:04:24,598 --> 01:04:26,517 This is such a great party. 723 01:04:26,996 --> 01:04:28,723 -It is. -The marriage was beautiful. 724 01:04:29,011 --> 01:04:30,162 -It was. -It was great. 725 01:04:30,449 --> 01:04:32,656 Yeah. She's great, isn't she? 726 01:04:33,039 --> 01:04:35,149 She's the best. She's incredible. 727 01:04:35,437 --> 01:04:38,986 You've been such a chicken, and finally, you met the one. 728 01:04:39,274 --> 01:04:41,384 How could you think she was a killer? 729 01:04:58,649 --> 01:05:02,966 Come here, Charlie. Come stand by me, Charlie. 730 01:06:13,753 --> 01:06:17,206 Wait till you see this place. It's called Poets' Corner. 731 01:06:17,590 --> 01:06:19,892 A lot of the Beat poets used to go there. 732 01:06:27,949 --> 01:06:29,291 You're really quiet. 733 01:06:30,347 --> 01:06:32,745 Oh, I'm just thinking. 734 01:06:33,032 --> 01:06:34,759 Oh, okay. Well.... 735 01:06:35,238 --> 01:06:38,883 Why don't I do the talking for you, all right? 736 01:06:39,267 --> 01:06:41,089 Hi, my name is Harriet. 737 01:06:41,377 --> 01:06:45,118 Hi, Harriet. How's it going? Good, good, I suppose. 738 01:06:45,502 --> 01:06:48,763 I think you're great, Charlie. Everything you do is art. 739 01:06:49,242 --> 01:06:53,463 You're a sex machine. Get on the scene with the sex machine. 740 01:06:53,846 --> 01:06:58,259 Thank you very much. You're the best husband I ever had-- 741 01:06:58,642 --> 01:07:00,657 Why did you just say that? 742 01:07:01,424 --> 01:07:02,767 It was a joke. 743 01:07:03,055 --> 01:07:05,069 Why did you say it? 744 01:07:05,452 --> 01:07:07,083 I thought it might be funny. 745 01:07:07,371 --> 01:07:10,824 Nothing, I just think you're a great person. That's all. 746 01:07:11,879 --> 01:07:13,126 What? 747 01:07:13,797 --> 01:07:17,442 -You're the best. -No, no, no! Watch out! 748 01:07:26,363 --> 01:07:29,144 I hear you've been working the Ralph Elliot case. 749 01:07:29,816 --> 01:07:31,830 -Yes, captain. -Don't "yes" me. 750 01:07:32,309 --> 01:07:34,036 This is strictly homicide. 751 01:07:34,516 --> 01:07:35,667 I got a friend-- 752 01:07:35,954 --> 01:07:38,928 We all got these friends. I'm warning you. 753 01:07:39,407 --> 01:07:43,148 Back off, ltalian boy. Keep away from this. It's too big. 754 01:07:44,203 --> 01:07:45,450 Wait a minute. 755 01:07:45,930 --> 01:07:49,766 Trust me. I know what I'm talking about. What's the news? 756 01:07:50,150 --> 01:07:52,740 You want to hear news? Here's the news. 757 01:07:53,124 --> 01:07:56,097 The lady that confessed to Elliot's murder has... 758 01:07:56,385 --> 01:07:57,824 ...confessed to other crimes. 759 01:07:58,111 --> 01:07:59,262 I knew she would. 760 01:07:59,550 --> 01:08:01,852 To the murders of Abraham Lincoln... 761 01:08:02,140 --> 01:08:05,977 ...Warren G. Harding, and Julius Caesar. She's a nutcase. 762 01:08:06,456 --> 01:08:08,566 Oh, my God! I gotta go. 763 01:08:10,676 --> 01:08:15,281 Screw this up, and you'll be writing parking tickets forever. 764 01:08:16,432 --> 01:08:19,693 Captain, I won't let you down. 765 01:08:25,160 --> 01:08:27,270 Good for you. That was better. 766 01:08:27,558 --> 01:08:29,285 -Yeah? -It was fantastic. 767 01:08:29,572 --> 01:08:31,874 -The beginning felt good. -It was great. 768 01:08:32,258 --> 01:08:33,505 Too much in the end. 769 01:08:33,793 --> 01:08:35,040 No, it was terrific. 770 01:08:35,327 --> 01:08:38,109 -I need to save a life. -I'll work on it. 771 01:08:38,397 --> 01:08:40,123 Work on it, it was terrific. 772 01:08:40,411 --> 01:08:42,137 It was a big improvement. 773 01:08:42,425 --> 01:08:43,576 Thanks. 774 01:09:02,952 --> 01:09:04,966 That is Ralph Elliot's wife. 775 01:09:05,254 --> 01:09:08,419 Of course her hair was much shorter then. 776 01:09:10,241 --> 01:09:12,639 She's gained weight since then... 777 01:09:12,927 --> 01:09:15,421 ...but it's definitely her. 778 01:09:15,709 --> 01:09:19,258 Yeah, that's her. He was really in love with her... 779 01:09:19,641 --> 01:09:23,286 ...but I tell you, she was fun, and smart. Doll-face too. 780 01:09:38,633 --> 01:09:40,360 Thank you very much. 781 01:09:44,196 --> 01:09:45,731 This is really cool. 782 01:09:47,362 --> 01:09:48,513 Hi. 783 01:09:49,184 --> 01:09:51,678 Mr. and Mrs. MacKenzie, enjoy your honeymoon. 784 01:09:51,966 --> 01:09:54,555 When you leave, it'll be far too soon. 785 01:09:54,843 --> 01:09:56,090 That's great. 786 01:09:56,953 --> 01:10:00,406 Four nights. Your dinner reservations are at 9:00. 787 01:10:00,886 --> 01:10:01,749 Sounds great. 788 01:10:01,941 --> 01:10:05,202 Put candles by the bed. With a storm, we lose power. 789 01:10:05,682 --> 01:10:08,176 That's cool. Did you hear that? A storm. 790 01:10:08,463 --> 01:10:11,053 A storm. We'll be snugly inside and.... 791 01:10:12,300 --> 01:10:13,259 You okay? 792 01:10:15,465 --> 01:10:20,165 I have a headache. Excuse me, do you have a drugstore? 793 01:10:20,549 --> 01:10:24,194 -I need aspirin. -Up the stairs, Mrs. MacKenzie. 794 01:10:26,400 --> 01:10:28,031 Don't move. 795 01:10:32,347 --> 01:10:34,457 -You think she has a headache? -What? 796 01:10:34,745 --> 01:10:38,102 Nothing. Here's your key. The Robbie Burns room. 797 01:10:38,486 --> 01:10:40,404 Oh, thanks. Thank you. 798 01:10:47,022 --> 01:10:49,900 -The circuits are down. -Keep on trying. 799 01:10:50,284 --> 01:10:53,353 Tell the chief I chartered a plane. 800 01:10:55,559 --> 01:10:57,573 -Hey, paisan! -What? 801 01:10:57,861 --> 01:11:01,410 Screw up, I'll kick your spaghetti butt back to Milan. 802 01:11:01,890 --> 01:11:03,232 Not now. Not now. 803 01:11:03,424 --> 01:11:06,973 -Too many ethnic slurs? -It's not paisan, it's paisan. 804 01:11:09,275 --> 01:11:10,714 Hey! Paisan. 805 01:11:41,887 --> 01:11:45,053 How long is it gonna take us to get there? 806 01:11:45,436 --> 01:11:48,314 It shouldn't take very long. 807 01:11:49,848 --> 01:11:52,438 Actually, I have no concept of time. 808 01:11:54,261 --> 01:11:55,891 Jesus, is this dangerous? 809 01:11:56,179 --> 01:12:00,303 No. Well, there's chance in everything. 810 01:12:02,030 --> 01:12:04,236 You've done this before, right? 811 01:12:04,620 --> 01:12:08,361 Oh, yeah, yeah. I do this all the time. 812 01:12:08,744 --> 01:12:11,334 I've never done it at night. 813 01:12:26,009 --> 01:12:28,311 Mr. and Mrs. MacKenzie, glad to see you. 814 01:12:29,654 --> 01:12:30,517 Follow me. 815 01:12:42,028 --> 01:12:44,042 How do you know where you're going? 816 01:12:44,330 --> 01:12:46,056 Instruments. Instruments. 817 01:12:46,440 --> 01:12:48,646 Oh, yeah? Yeah? What's that? 818 01:12:49,413 --> 01:12:53,921 That's the artificial horizon, which is better than the actual horizon. 819 01:12:56,223 --> 01:13:00,732 You know, I'm gonna wash my hands. All right? I love you. 820 01:13:24,807 --> 01:13:25,958 Good evening. 821 01:13:46,868 --> 01:13:48,403 Wake up! 822 01:13:48,690 --> 01:13:52,335 Oh, man, I was having an amazing dream. 823 01:13:52,623 --> 01:13:55,213 I don't care about your dream! Land the plane! 824 01:13:57,994 --> 01:14:02,407 I was just born, and I was eight-and-a-half months premature. 825 01:14:02,790 --> 01:14:05,284 -The doctors were freaking out. -Shut up. 826 01:14:05,668 --> 01:14:07,682 Did I already tell you this dream? 827 01:14:10,080 --> 01:14:13,629 Can I have your attention? I have a few announcements. 828 01:14:14,013 --> 01:14:16,602 Celebrating their 25th anniversary tonight... 829 01:14:17,082 --> 01:14:19,384 ...Mr. and Mrs. Seymour Levenstein. 830 01:14:19,672 --> 01:14:21,782 How about a hand for them? 831 01:14:22,645 --> 01:14:23,988 Thank you, thank you. 832 01:14:24,276 --> 01:14:26,962 Twenty-five years ago, they were here. 833 01:14:27,249 --> 01:14:31,182 Speaking of new couples, Charlie and Harriet MacKenzie. 834 01:14:31,566 --> 01:14:34,923 -They look great. -There's a phone call for you. 835 01:14:35,402 --> 01:14:36,649 It is quite urgent. 836 01:14:36,841 --> 01:14:40,966 Oh, thank you. Sorry. Hello. 837 01:14:41,349 --> 01:14:44,802 -Charlie, you okay? -Couldn't be better. 838 01:14:45,282 --> 01:14:48,351 Charlie, listen to me. Harriet is Mrs. X. 839 01:14:48,831 --> 01:14:51,421 She killed those men. I got a picture. 840 01:14:51,900 --> 01:14:54,682 It's her, Charlie. She's the murderer. 841 01:14:54,970 --> 01:14:57,176 I called the police. It'll take a while. 842 01:14:57,751 --> 01:14:59,478 Just stay where you are. 843 01:15:01,300 --> 01:15:02,547 Charlie? 844 01:15:02,739 --> 01:15:05,425 Hold on one second. What should I do? 845 01:15:05,904 --> 01:15:07,822 When the time comes, you'll know. 846 01:15:08,014 --> 01:15:10,029 Thanks, thank you. 847 01:15:12,906 --> 01:15:14,633 Hello, hello, hello?! 848 01:15:15,880 --> 01:15:18,757 Charlie? Charlie?! 849 01:15:19,141 --> 01:15:20,580 -Hello! -What happened? 850 01:15:20,963 --> 01:15:23,361 The phone died! I was talking, and it died. 851 01:15:23,745 --> 01:15:27,294 It's common. It will be out until tomorrow. 852 01:15:27,965 --> 01:15:29,116 What happened? 853 01:15:29,500 --> 01:15:31,898 Nothing. The phone lines went dead. 854 01:15:32,282 --> 01:15:34,296 We wish a long and beautiful life. 855 01:15:34,679 --> 01:15:38,132 We want to play The Platters, "Only You." 856 01:15:40,339 --> 01:15:44,271 You can't go. You have to wait for the wedding dance. 857 01:15:44,655 --> 01:15:46,957 We got a lot of traditions here. 858 01:15:54,055 --> 01:15:58,371 Stop! Excuse me. I'm with the San Francisco Police Department. 859 01:15:58,755 --> 01:16:01,632 I need to commandeer this vehicle. 860 01:16:03,743 --> 01:16:04,702 No. 861 01:16:05,085 --> 01:16:06,332 What do you mean, " No"? 862 01:16:06,524 --> 01:16:10,840 I know you don't have the right to commandeer my vehicle. 863 01:16:11,704 --> 01:16:13,910 Please, can I commandeer this vehicle? 864 01:16:15,636 --> 01:16:16,595 No. 865 01:16:17,746 --> 01:16:20,528 You're not gonna bend on this thing, are you? 866 01:16:22,255 --> 01:16:23,214 No. 867 01:16:27,434 --> 01:16:28,873 -Please. -Go ahead. 868 01:16:29,257 --> 01:16:31,271 No, I don't want to. Charlie. 869 01:16:44,987 --> 01:16:46,810 Help me! I've married a... 870 01:16:48,344 --> 01:16:52,277 ...wonderful person who I love and adore. Who I want-- 871 01:16:52,661 --> 01:16:54,675 They've had enough of this crowd. 872 01:16:55,058 --> 01:16:56,977 They have better things to do. 873 01:16:57,265 --> 01:16:59,758 Let's put them in the honeymoon chair. 874 01:17:04,650 --> 01:17:07,624 -We did it on our honeymoon. -It's just fun. 875 01:17:09,926 --> 01:17:12,228 No, I haven't had my dessert yet. 876 01:17:14,913 --> 01:17:17,311 To the room! To the room! 877 01:17:30,836 --> 01:17:32,370 Have a good night. 878 01:17:34,289 --> 01:17:35,728 Stay for a nightcap? 879 01:17:36,303 --> 01:17:38,030 No. You two want to be alone. 880 01:17:38,317 --> 01:17:40,907 No, really. Stay for a nightcap. 881 01:17:41,195 --> 01:17:42,730 I really shouldn't. 882 01:17:44,744 --> 01:17:46,758 Stay for a nightcap! 883 01:17:55,678 --> 01:18:00,091 Charlie, there's something I've been meaning to tell you. 884 01:18:01,146 --> 01:18:02,201 Harriet, l, l.... 885 01:18:03,064 --> 01:18:07,189 Charlie, I've been married before. 886 01:18:07,668 --> 01:18:11,601 -Harriet, I already know that. -You know about my husbands? 887 01:18:11,984 --> 01:18:13,519 Yes. 888 01:18:14,382 --> 01:18:16,589 -Stay away from me! -What are you doing? 889 01:18:16,876 --> 01:18:18,699 Come on. Stay away from me. 890 01:18:18,986 --> 01:18:21,672 You don't understand. Give me the axe! 891 01:18:23,111 --> 01:18:24,646 -Don't go! -Get off me! 892 01:18:25,317 --> 01:18:27,331 -Charlie! Don't go! -Get off! 893 01:18:39,033 --> 01:18:41,527 Would you mind not doing that? 894 01:18:41,911 --> 01:18:43,254 This bothers you? 895 01:18:43,445 --> 01:18:47,282 No, it's one of my favourite things. 896 01:18:51,503 --> 01:18:54,764 Don't go! Charlie! Charlie! 897 01:18:59,464 --> 01:19:01,478 Hello? Hello?! 898 01:19:07,329 --> 01:19:10,686 " Dear Harriet. I just can't handle the commitment. 899 01:19:12,125 --> 01:19:15,578 It's too hard. I'm leaving you. 900 01:19:15,866 --> 01:19:18,839 Love, Charlie"? I didn't write this. 901 01:19:20,086 --> 01:19:21,717 What the fuck?! 902 01:19:22,100 --> 01:19:23,347 Rose! 903 01:19:23,539 --> 01:19:25,745 What's happening?! Charlie, open the door! 904 01:19:26,033 --> 01:19:27,951 -Rose tried to kill me. -What? 905 01:19:28,335 --> 01:19:30,925 Shut up! I wrote this note! 906 01:19:31,308 --> 01:19:33,323 You're not to be here when... 907 01:19:33,610 --> 01:19:36,488 ...this note has been placed on the desk! 908 01:19:36,872 --> 01:19:40,612 Do you understand me? You took her away from me, Charlie. 909 01:19:40,996 --> 01:19:42,147 Like all the rest. 910 01:19:42,435 --> 01:19:43,874 I have had it! 911 01:19:45,216 --> 01:19:49,437 You are going to die. 912 01:19:52,890 --> 01:19:54,329 Would you mind waiting? 913 01:19:54,616 --> 01:19:57,302 I may need you to help if I make an arrest. 914 01:19:57,782 --> 01:19:59,125 I'll need a ride-- 915 01:19:59,412 --> 01:20:01,331 Shucks. Thank you. 916 01:20:03,249 --> 01:20:07,086 What are you doing?! Charlie, be careful. 917 01:20:15,143 --> 01:20:16,582 Run, Charlie! 918 01:20:17,253 --> 01:20:20,898 Stop it! Stop this, Rose! Help! 919 01:20:21,569 --> 01:20:23,488 Somebody! Help! 920 01:20:26,461 --> 01:20:27,708 Charlie! 921 01:20:31,737 --> 01:20:35,094 Is that you? Help! Hurry. 922 01:20:47,467 --> 01:20:50,345 Hurry! I'm in here! Who is it?! 923 01:20:51,112 --> 01:20:53,606 Help! Who's there?! Charlie?! 924 01:20:55,716 --> 01:20:59,457 I'm in the closet. Come here. Tony! Open the closet. 925 01:21:01,951 --> 01:21:03,773 Charlie! 926 01:21:10,871 --> 01:21:12,118 Where are you going? 927 01:21:12,406 --> 01:21:15,667 We gotta go on the roof. Charlie and Rose are on the roof. 928 01:21:15,955 --> 01:21:17,106 Charlie's on the roof! 929 01:21:17,393 --> 01:21:19,216 -What're you doing? -Shut up! 930 01:22:00,269 --> 01:22:02,475 Let's just take this down a notch. 931 01:22:04,585 --> 01:22:08,230 What you're saying is that Rose killed your husbands... 932 01:22:08,613 --> 01:22:11,395 ...forged notes to make you think they left? 933 01:22:11,683 --> 01:22:16,287 Yes. Listen, that's them up on the roof. Listen! 934 01:22:17,726 --> 01:22:19,644 You don't get it, do you? 935 01:22:21,946 --> 01:22:25,687 We can talk here, or we can talk about it downtown. 936 01:23:23,333 --> 01:23:25,635 -Charlie, I'm coming up! -Hang on! 937 01:23:27,554 --> 01:23:28,992 Charlie. 938 01:23:40,598 --> 01:23:42,325 Charlie, be careful! 939 01:24:14,266 --> 01:24:15,225 Rose! 940 01:24:30,188 --> 01:24:31,339 San Francisco police! 941 01:24:33,833 --> 01:24:35,751 I got her, Charlie. I got her! 942 01:24:37,765 --> 01:24:39,684 Don't let me fall! 943 01:24:40,643 --> 01:24:41,602 Oh, sorry. 944 01:25:01,457 --> 01:25:03,663 rose, jailbird 945 01:25:05,486 --> 01:25:09,035 Happy in her cage No longer full of rage 946 01:25:09,514 --> 01:25:10,857 She roosts 947 01:25:16,708 --> 01:25:20,065 Harriet, sweet Harriet 948 01:25:20,737 --> 01:25:22,079 You acted cuckoo 949 01:25:22,271 --> 01:25:25,820 'Cause you thought I would leave you Sweet bird 950 01:25:32,343 --> 01:25:34,932 Harriet, sweet Harriet 951 01:25:36,563 --> 01:25:40,975 So knowing, so trusting 952 01:25:42,030 --> 01:25:44,236 So lovéd 953 01:25:49,320 --> 01:25:52,965 Harriet, sweet Harriet 954 01:26:04,000 --> 01:26:05,560 Subtitles by SDI Media Group