Hello and welcome to The Big Fat Quiz Of The Year 2016
where we'll be asking you lots of things
about a year you'd probably rather forget.
We hope you enjoy the show tonight because unfortunately this is
the last ever Big Fat Quiz...
AUDIENCE: Aw! ..before World War III.
OK, let's meet the teams.
First up, she's from north of the wall and he's Nerd Stark.
It's Sarah Millican and David Mitchell!
Next, not just a great team but also a hell of a score in Scrabble,
it's Romesh Ranganathan and Mel Giedroyc!
And finally one was crowned the funniest person on twitter,
the other finished fourth in Heat magazine's weird crush poll,
it's Rob Delaney and Richard Ayoade!
Rob, yeah, it's you.
- OK, good year for you, Richard? Was it... - I mean, it happened.
It was... I can't... Yeah, I mean it was all right, I mean it's over...
..now.
Well, it's been lovely chatting(!)
Rob, obviously, America...
I mean, I don't know what your politics are,
bad year, good year for you?
I mean, for America, abysmal, real bad.
A lot of people voted the wrong way, it turns out.
More people voted for Clinton as we know but a smaller number
voted incorrectly and then that person won somehow.
- So... - It's a great system you've got. - Isn't it, yes?
It's wishy-washy liberal. I'm going to hear this all night.
Let's go to Mel. Did you have a good 2016?
It was absolutely cracking. Marvellous.
Every month rolled by better than the last.
- Bloody amazing. - May, May was really good. May was a cracker.
August, even better than May.
And as for November, it was so brilliant.
- Have you just learnt the months? - I've learnt the months.
Romesh, you went to America with your mum this year. How was that?
Well, my mum coming with me is an unfortunate side-effect
of her being a success with the first series.
So it wasn't ideal, you know, I love my mum, I wouldn't, you know,
I wouldn't want to spend six weeks with her but I had to
because I want exposure so...
So, I did do that, it was annoying but we managed to get through it.
- We're still talking. - How did your dad feel about you...?
He said, "Romesh, I've been dead for three years."
EMBARRASSED LAUGHTER
It's a fair comment, I would say, yeah.
I did not know that.
What a great start to the show them.
The really great interviewers, Jimmy, like, you know,
Parkinson, they do a bit of research.
Oh, I actually feel so happy that you did that. So happy.
I jumped right in. This looks fine, there's no bear trap here...
Hang on!
Sarah, how's your year been?
I know you've been on a massive tour, haven't you?
Yeah, I was just wondering which of my relatives
you're going to guess at who is alive and who is dead?
Yeah, I've been on tour. It's been fun.
I'm glad to be in one place now.
And also it's been a good year because I didn't get pregnant
which is good.
Well, I mean, you're with David Mitchell this evening so...
Just be careful is all I'd say.
We are both married to other people
and that's not a very Christmassy suggestion.
But it's not the least Christmassy thing that's happened so far.
David, so, how's your year been?
- You played Shakespeare of course, this year. - I did, yeah.
In a sitcom. I dressed up as him.
I saw that, it must have been nice to have
a little refresh of your wardrobe.
There we go.
Given time my hair will go like that
and maybe then I'll get some respect round here.
Right, on with the show.
The first round is all about the headlines of 2016
so let's remind ourselves of some of the year's biggest stories.
Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump were the two most unpopular
presidential candidates in history.
For many Americans, it was like trying to pick between
a punch in the face and a kick in the balls.
Both are terrible options but one is clearly worse
for future generations of children.
In the end, a TV celebrity with super white teeth
who was always saying controversial things and pays no tax
has been elected to high office.
I just feel this is my time.
In June, the British public were asked decide whether
we should stay in the EU or leave. To put that in context,
that's the same British public who kept Honey G in X Factor
week after week.
Right, let's get started with some questions. OK, first up,
Donald Trump famously branded Hillary Clinton "Crooked Hillary".
But what were the nicknames he gave to his
Republican rivals Ted Cruz, Marco Rubio and Jeb Bush?
MEL: Oh, hello.
I need all three for a point.
- Man, you've got to write tiny. - You really do.
OK, next, it wouldn't be a Big Fat Quiz we didn't have the children
of Mitchell Brook Primary School
performing one of their unconventional school plays.
Have a look at this and tell me what news story they're acting out here.
WHISTLE BLOWS
All aboard to Newcastle!
THEY IMITATE TRAIN NOISES
There are no seats!
- Why are you sitting on the floor? - This train is too busy.
That's why we should have all the trains.
You are a liar.
There are lots of seats.
But they're for other people!
We want to sit together.
You can sit here.
Why did you sit on the floor?
Oh, no!
I can tell you that is not Fidel Castro.
So you've got to tell me what news story they were acting out there.
Britain voted to leave the EU in a referendum.
On the morning after the vote, what did a jubilant Nigel Farage demand?
- Demand? - Demanded. - He demanded. - Oh, yes.
The day after. OK, next question.
In a bid to improve their image of his company, Sports Direct
boss Mike Ashley took journalists on a tour of his warehouse but he
was filmed pulling out of his pocket something whilst at security.
What was it? MEL: Yeah. Yes.
THEY CONFER
OK, our final question in this round.
It's over to Professor Green.
Hello, Jimmy.
2016 was a huge year for casting a vote but there was one poll
in particular that really caught my attention -
A competition to name the UK's new polar research ship was launched
And the winning name was announced as Boaty McBoatface.
But thankfully, that wasn't the name they decided to go within the end.
Nope.
Can your teams remember what they called it instead?
- Oh, what do you think? - Uh... - What is this... What boat was it?
- What boat was it? It was Boaty McBoatface. - Yes, but what was...
...It was a boat.
That's the answer to the question is what you're asking now.
It's name the boat.
You can't go, "Which boat was it? What was the boat?".
"Can you tell me the name of the boat and I'll name the boat?"
Was it a boat on water or was it another...
What kind of fucking boat do you think it was?
It was a gravy boat!
It was a scientific research gravy boat!
Oh, I love a gravy boat.
It's nice, a gravy boat, but you go to sea in a gravy boat
and it won't end nicely because A. You'll get gravy all over you,
and B. It'll sink.
All right, are you ready for some answers?
- Yes. - OK, excellent news. All right.
So first up I asked you the nicknames Trump gave
to his Republican rivals. What have you put, Romesh and Mel?
We put for Ted Cruz put Father Ted. Father.
Marco - Polo.
Bush - Kate.
David, Sarah, what did you get?
Well, for Ted Cruz we've put "non-gay Cruz".
No, just not gay. That's the main thing.
Non-gay Cruz. Right. Good.
That's all that they're saying.
All Trump is saying is that he's not gay.
It's not a reference.
And then for Rubio, we've got Rubio's cube. See what we did?
Because he's a bit of the square.
- SHE SNIGGERS - No.
MEL: That is good.
And then for Jeb Bush, we thought '70s Bush.
- You know, just because it sounds fun. - It does sound fun.
- Thinking back to, you know, happier times. - Yeah.
When you were allowed to have pubes.
ROB: You're still allowed to. MEL: Yes, Sarah...
- It's sort of shunned. - No, it's come back in. - Has it come back in? - Yeah.
- Oh, thank God for that. - I have a pair of shorts down there.
Hair shorts. Seriously.
If you imagine what's going on here on Romesh's face...
I'm sorry, then.
I can say these things.
Oh, look at Romesh's little face.
I'm sorry, Romesh, I'm sorry.
I had no idea that Mel's vagina was Sri Lankan.
- OK, what did you guys get, Rob, Richard? - We've...
Lyin' Ted, he called him Lyin' Ted Cruz.
That's exactly right, yes. One point.
And then for Marco Rubio he called him Little Marco.
That is exactly correct. And then...
This isn't as catchy but he called Jeb Bush,
he called him low-energy all the time.
- RICHARD: And not Ronnie Corbett. - Not Ronnie Corbett.
Because Jeb Bush isn't funny.
Well, you are three for three there. Exactly correct on all three.
- Fine work, fine work. - Strong.
You did a lot of Trump trolling, didn't you?
I'll troll him from time to time, sure. Yes, I'm not a fan.
I tweeted him and he didn't reply.
I tweeted him but honestly, this is what happened,
my timeline blew up with Trump supporters sort of replying to me.
One of them said to me,
"Go blow a goat, you curry-munching prick."
And do you know the worst thing? I was eating curry.
I was actually just quite... Is he in the garden?
What the shit is going on, man?
It could have been worse, though, if you'd been blowing a goat...
You saw the children of Mitchell Brook Primary School.
What do you think they were acting out?
- Jeremy Corbyn on a train. - OK.
- Rob, Richard, were you aware of this? - Yeah.
Straight up fact. Corbyn on the train floor.
- Pretty well. Romesh, Mel, did you get this? - We did get it.
Mel crossed out because she said this was so boring,
this answer, but it is actually the correct answer. It is.
- Corbyn. - He pretended... Corbyn... - You say, you say.
- Corbyn... - He... - Present...yeah. - Yeah.
- He pretended... - Pretended to...
- He pretended... - He said... No, you say. - He didn't...
- He didn't have a seat... - Have a seat. - On a...
Quicker, Romesh, quicker, Romesh!
- On the train. - The train.
Well done, Romesh, there, you really nailed that.
I asked you what Nigel Farage demanded
the morning after the EU referendum.
- What did you put? - We put dead Poles and Asians.
You think Nigel Farage demanded the next day dead Poles...
Yeah. And then I reckon he put them all on his dining table
and he ate sushi off them.
He had a big celebration of what he'd achieved.
What a bell-end.
APPLAUSE
He clearly didn't ask for that.
Rob, Richard, did you get this?
That all laughter cease, sushi, a helicopter and mercy.
Just in case it's the correct answer,
he did say...this wasn't a demand though,
but he said..."You all laughed at me when I came in here..."
AS FARAGE: "..but you're bloody well not laughing now!"
That's my Farage.
- That that's uncanny, Rob. - Thank you. - That is really... - I've studied it.
I'm not sure if uncanny means what you think it means.
OK, well that's not right. That's not right. Did you...
We think he demanded his life back.
He did say that, but he didn't demand that.
Isn't that in the tone though?
Well, take a look at this.
June 23rd, needs to become a national bank holiday
and we will call it Independence Day.
CHEERING
Is that a demand or just, you know, a lovely off-the-cuff suggestion?
You've gone surprisingly right-wing this year.
OK, I asked you what Mike Ashley pulled out of his pocket when
talking to journalists on a tour of Sports Direct. What did you put?
We put Nazi memorabilia.
Because that's never good to fall out your pocket.
That should always be like in a secure bag.
- People immediately jump to conclusions, don't they? - They do.
- And sometimes, you just look nice in the hat. You know. - Yeah.
- OK, Rob, Richard, what did you get? - Quite a bit of co-production here.
Some of it I can't read.
Oh, the first one is an effigy of Satan.
But, yeah, I didn't have a capital.
Shot in the dark, I said, "A bag of eels".
Yeah, eels. And biscuits.
Because that would be gross.
Eels and biscuits? That's not the answer.
- Romesh, Mel? - We put, "A massive wad of cash".
A massive wad of cash? Well, let's have a look.
- A lot of cash there. - A lot of cash. - Yes, I've been to the casino.
No, don't, please, write that.
Yes, Mike actually was on a tour of his warehouse,
telling the journalists how great he was to his staff and then just,
"Yeah, there you go".
And then in explanation, "It's all right,
"I'm not dodgy I've been to the casino."
OK, finally, Professor Green asked you the name eventually given
to Boaty McBoatface. And as a clue, it wasn't Boaty McBoatface, Mel.
- What you put? - Janet.
- Is that a guess? - Yeah. - Who gives a shit?
What I mean is, pretending it was going to be a democracy,
they pretended they were going to call it Boaty McBoatface,
you know, they were going to call it whatever the people wanted.
The people spoke and then they dicked on it.
So, do you know what? Screw whatever they called it.
They're full of shit and I hope the boat sinks.
So they're not responding and listening to the people.
I hope it's Sinky McSink... Fuck off.
Rob, Richard, what did you think Boaty McBoatface was called?
I don't think this was a good idea, but it is...it's correct,
this answer and it is what the people voted for.
And again, I am shocked that the decided to go with
HMS Romesh's Dead Dad.
Hug it through. Hug it through.
Well, that would be quite an honour.
I can tell you that is not the answer.
David, Sarah, what did you go with?
We thought that it...
Well, we thought it's actually named after David Attenborough.
Or, I thought maybe Shitty McShitface.
Like maybe they just ramped it up a bit.
Well, I can tell you, you are 100% right with the first half of that.
It is the RRS Sir David Attenborough.
It's crap!
- OK. - Oh, he's kicking off. - Is he kicking off?
It's a nice name!
- I just think it's a dreadful name for a boat. - I'm 100% with you.
It's an awful name, isn't it? Janet is a great name.
- Yeah. - Until it sinks.
A lot of people have... You know, 12 seamen have gone down on Janet.
It sounds awful.
RICHARD: Why? Worse than Sir David Attenborough?
12 seamen have gone down on Sir David Attenborough sounds...
I hadn't thought it through.
My favourite episode of Planet Earth.
OK, so at the end of that first round, the scores are, well,
David and Sarah have two points, Romesh and Mel have two points,
in the lead so far, Rob and Richard with four points.
Join us after the break when we'll be asking more questions
than Keith Vaz's wife.
Welcome back to the Big Fat Quiz Of The Year 2016.
This round is all about music -
let's remind ourselves of some of 2016's greatest hits.
We lost some iconic musical heroes in 2016 -
David Bowie, Prince, Leonard Cohen -
although if you're watching, Nickelback,
don't feel obliged to hang on on our account.
Honey G was the standout act on this year's X Factor.
We've seen contestants with tragic backstories before,
but Honey G took it to the next level by having a tragic past,
present AND future.
Right, time for some more questions.
Earlier in the year, Kanye West took to Twitter
to ask Facebook founder Mark Zuckerberg for a favour.
He claimed it would be one of the coolest things Mark would ever do -
I just wanna know, what did Kanye ask Mark Zuckerberg for?
THEY WHISPER
- Yeah... - I think it's a big ask.
- A pretty big ask. - Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah...
For our next question it's over to the Channel 4 newsroom,
and the one and only Jon Snow,
who's reporting on one of this year's biggest songs.
Can you guess which one?
The World Health Organization has warned of a possible pandemic
following reports that a man in his mid-30s
was admitted to hospital with symptoms that included hot blood
and an unspecified feeling inside his bones,
and a severe burning pain in the groin region
that he compared to "having sunshine in his pocket."
Doctors describe the man's condition as "electric and wavy",
and confirmed that traces of the mystery disease
have been found in the air and in his blood.
In a statement, the man expressed his fear
that if the mystery disease is indeed airborne,
it could spread all through his city,
as well as all through his home.
Though currently in quarantine with the room on lock,
patient zero remains in good spirits,
insisting that although he is unable to stop the sensations,
he would urge fellow sufferers to keep dancing.
Tests are ongoing. Back to you, Jimmy.
Thank you, Jon.
THEY CONFER
David Mitchell, just write down which popular hit that was.
- Couldn't be simpler, this one, really. - Fine.
- Yeah. - Cos of all the clues. - Exactly, yeah.
The one he was alluding to.
- Well, regarding all the clues in the lyrics. - The song.
- So, just write that down. - Yeah.
OK, in April, a lyric from a song left everyone asking
who on earth is Becky with the good hair?
Can you remember why?
Well, the correct answer from me would be no.
Will you... Will you accept...? We'd get the point for that, right?
If this is just a test of memory, David hasn't failed.
Because if the question's "can you remember why?"...
- Mm-hm. - ..I also... I mean, I didn't know.
So, it's not like I forgot.
OK.
Hang on, Sarah's good. Sarah's good.
- Sarah, have you got...? - Sarah's good on music.
- Do you know this one? - I think I do. - OK.
Sarah's filled this screen with inexplicable words and letters,
which gives me a very optimistic feeling about our points haul.
OK.
Next, it's over to the stars of the new movie in cinemas now, Why Him?
It's Bryan Cranston and James Franco.
- Wow. - Ooh, hello!
- Hi, Jimmy! - Hello, Jimmy!
Now, we love a good sing-along as much as anyone,
and when we're on the set,
we love nothing more than blaring out the tunes and all joining in.
This year it was music to our ears when one very famous song
written in the 19th century was officially recognised
as being in public domain.
But can your teams tell us what classic tune it was?
Mm?
Bryan and James wanna know what song was officially recognised
as being in the public domain this yeaR?
Finally, I want to know who's singing this...
MAN HUMS: Dooh-dooh, dooh-dooh...
I know!
Dooh-dooh, dooh-dooh...
Keep going, I love it.
Dooh-dooh, dooh-dooh...
Hear me now!
- Yes! - Do you know?
Five correct.
All five correct, do you think, Mel?
Um... Sorry!
- Why did you say that?! - You just said, "All five correct. Yes!"
That was so smug, I'm sorry!
OK, so, you ready for some answers?
- Yes... - All right, let's have 'em.
So, I think probably over to David for this one.
What did Kanye ask Mark Zuckerberg for over Twitter?
We thought the answer was lots of money.
OK. Romesh, Mel?
- Yeah. - He asked for money to finance his creative ideas,
and he said he's in, like, $53 million of debt or something.
OK, and Rob, Richard?
- Swap T-shirts... - And also money.
But swap T-shirts.
Well... You're all right.
Kanye West asked Mark Zuckerberg for $1 billion.
MARK: As I say, lots of money.
David, are you a big fan of Kanye's music?
Um, I... I must have heard it, like, around.
- Gold Digger? Gold Digger. - Gold Digger. - You know that song?
I...
I find I've often heard a song, when people say it's a famous song,
but I'm quite bad at hearing lyrics.
So, it's just like a...a noise.
I mean - no, it's like a tune, but it's like - I don't hear the words.
I like the way that you're saying "tune"
in a totally different context to anyone in a club going, "Tune."
I... I really don't understand what you did there.
I mean, what does it mean to go, "Tune"?
Just... It means it's a good song, I guess.
It's - it's like recognition.
- Tune. - Yeah. - A good tune.
But you wouldn't say it as casually as that.
EMPHATICALLY: Tune.
- Give it more. - More significance.
I have noticed...
that there is a tune.
OK. Jon Snow reported on one of the year's biggest songs.
- Romesh, what did you think? - We think it was Justin Timberlake,
- Can't Fight... Can't Stop the Feeling. - Can't Stop the Feeling.
OK, we'll give you that. What did you get, Rob, Richard?
We went...with Airborne Love Explosion.
Based on the description.
David, Sarah, what did you put?
Well, I thought it was Justin Timberlake, the same as those guys,
Can't Stop the Feeling,
but David thought it might be something to do with Ebola.
You thought it might be something to do with the Ebola virus?
- Yes. - It seemed to be... It was quite a very strong... - Yeah.
..viral theme in the way he was talking about it.
Well, that's what we put, and he...he really mocked it.
- The man's a serious journalist, isn't he? - Yeah. - So...
Also, it said he's got sunshine in his pocket,
which suggests some sort of really hideous
sort of burning rash.
Do you know what I mean? Like, around the genital area.
Let's go back to Jon for the answer.
# Nothing I can see but you when you dance, dance, dance
# A feeling good, good, creeping up on you
# So just dance, dance, dance come on
# All those things I shouldn't do
# But you dance, dance, dance
# And ain't nobody leaving soon so keep dancing
♪ I can't stop the feeling... ♪
APPLAUSE
Tune.
OK, it was Can't Stop The Feeling by the one and only Justin Timberlake.
- Lovely. - Of course it bloody was.
OK, I asked you why everyone was talking about
Becky with the good hair.
- What have you written there, Rob? - That says - why were they asking?
Because Beyonce sang about it.
Can't get more specific than that,
don't know the name of the song, but that's the correct answer.
That - I will give you that. What did you get, Romesh, Mel?
We put Lemonade Beyonce controversy.
Basically, in Lemonade,
Beyonce refers to Becky with the good hair,
and people speculated that that was the woman
that Jay Z was cheating on Beyonce with.
Some people thought it might be Rita Ora.
- Although her name isn't Becky. - No. - That's OK.
They thought they'd use a different name,
otherwise it's massively obvious.
If you say Rita Ora,
you don't even have to specify what her hair's like.
- No... - People go, "That's definitely Rita Ora she's talking about."
- She had to deny it. - DAVID: Yeah, you could give
her first name, surname and National Insurance number,
for the avoidance of doubt.
So, Rita Ora can never be used as a metaphor.
- Never. - That's what we're saying.
- No. - It always means Rita Ora.
Oh, fuck.
- Sarah. - We've got the same as those guys.
The Lemonade album by Beyonce
had a song on that was alluding to an affair,
- and that was... So, exactly the same. - That's exactly right, yeah.
It was a lyric on the track Sorry
that read "he only want me when I'm not there,
"he better call Becky with the good hair."
It's quite nice she still says she's got good hair,
even though she's, like, banging her husband.
- It's nice, that, isn't it? - That's because he was also
banging this girl Becky that had no hair. So...
LAUGHTER
I suppose for Jay Z that means he has around 100 problems now.
- Nice. - That's very good. That is good. - Yeah.
- David... - I don't get it.
I don't get it, but I believe that it's a functional joke.
Thank you, David, that means a lot to me.
Jay Z famously has 99 problems, but a bitch ain't one...
Are you calling her...
Sorry, Jimmy, did you just call Beyonce...
- No, I called... - Buh, buh!
No, no!
- I called Becky with the good hair a bitch. - You just started a war.
You just started a war between me, B...
and you and Jay Z.
Oh, you can't HELP but rhyme.
- That's right. - Rap-a-doodle-doo! - That's right.
Bryan Cranston and James Franco asked you what very famous song
became part of the public domain this year. What did you get?
- Happy Birthday. - Happy Birthday.
Happy Birthday.
Wasn't it originally Good Morning To You?
- It was originally Good Morning To All. - To All.
It was written by two teachers, Mildred and Patty Hill.
You can have a look at them.
ROMESH: They don't look like the sort of women
that would make up that song!
They look like they'd make up a song Piss Off, I Hate You.
Yeah, so, Happy Birthday's now in the public domain.
So we can all sing it. We can all sing it for free.
You can all sing it for free - you could sing it now.
- We could sing it for free. - You would be allowed.
But suddenly, now we're allowed, where's the fun?
Yeah.
- Used to feel dangerous. - Yeah.
Used to get excited. I'd get a semi just thinking about singing it.
- Yeah. - OK, um, lastly, I asked you who was singing this little ditty.
MAN HUMS: Dooh-dooh, dooh-dooh...
Richard, what did you put?
Oh... Rob, you knew.
- David Cameron. - Yeah.
- MEL GROANS - David Cameron. - What?
What's the matter?
I thought we were gonna be the only ones that got that.
- I didn't. I... - You knew.
It is David Cameron, isn't it? We got David Cameron.
Mitchy, did you get...?
Yeah, we got David Cameron also.
- Yeah. - Yeah, yeah.
Shall we take a look? Let's take a look.
So, we'll have a new Prime Minister in that building behind me
by Wednesday evening.
Thank you very much.
Is this a sad day, Prime Minister?
Dooh-dooh, dooh-dooh...
Right...
- It's a lovely little tune. - Yes! - It's a tune that says,
"Yeah, you sort out this fucking mess I've got us in.
"Not my problem any more.
"Dooh-dooh, dooh-dooh."
So, points all round, there. You all got David Cameron.
So, at the end of that round, the scores are...
David and Sarah have seven.
Romesh and Mel have seven.
In the lead, Rob and Richard with eight.
APPLAUSE
Join us after the break when I'll be asking the question
why are celebrities so bad at quizzes?
See you in five.
APPLAUSE
CHEERING
Welcome back to the Big Fat Quiz of 2016.
Our next round is all about film and TV.
Strictly Come Dancing dominated the ratings this autumn.
Sadly, this was Len Goodman's last Strictly.
The 72-year-old judge is leaving Strictly
to spend more time with his undertaker.
Oh, God!
LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
Always jumping ship.
I've always wanted to walk off a show!
She's all tucked in, don't worry.
When the Great British Bake Off left the BBC,
some people worried they wouldn't be able to replace
Mary Berry, but there are loads of great names in the running -
Mr Kipling, Aunt Bessie, and Gregg from Greggs.
Westworld showed us a future
featuring incredibly lifelike synthetic androids.
It was almost impossible to tell real humans from us.
Sorry, them.
OK, let's remind ourselves of some of the TV highlights of the year.
On my mark, get... Nah, just go.
MUSIC: Shout Out To My Ex by Little Mix
And here he goes. Very confident.
This could be so expensive.
- The geezer's got a drawbridge. - BLEEP - hell.
APPLAUSE
OK, you just saw a snippet of Danny Dyer tracing his ancestry on
BBC's Who Do You Think You Are?
On his journey, he met a lord, visited Hampton Court Palace
and declared that he wanted to buy a ruff.
Can you name one of the unlikely, well-known historical figures
he was related to?
Pat Butcher.
You think he might be related to Pat Butcher?
AS DANNY DYER: Yeah, I do. I do think that, yeah.
OK, Pat, she's amazing.
- Did you read his 9/11 tweet? - What did he say?
He said, "I can't believe it's been 11 years since them slags...
"..flew into that building" or something like that.
"It still does my nut in to this day."
- Wow. - I can't quote exactly verbatim.
- What a lovely tribute. - Yeah. "Them slags."
OK, so who was Danny Dyer related to?
Noel Edmonds hit the headlines this year after claiming
he was able to cure disease with a special box.
He also set up another free service for the public. What was it?
Oh.
WHISPERING
He's looked exactly the same since 1980. It's quite incredible.
I think it would be disturbing to the nation if
- he suddenly changed his look, don't you? - Yeah.
You know, don't take the cock off the Corn Flakes, that's what I say.
And that's why you're not allowed to do breakfast any more!
"Hang on, this milk's off!"
SARAH GROANS
OK, next, it's over to teen heart-throbs The Vamps.
David's favourites.
Hi, Jimmy!
This year, it was impossible
to avoid popular sci-fi horror Stranger Things.
Everyone was talking about the town of Hawkins, Eggo waffles...
And, of course, the leading lady, Eleven.
Yes, but the best thing for me
was the strange parallel dimension that featured.
Can you tell us what it was called?
They've got very different core body temperatures, haven't they?
They just can't get it right.
That must be a nightmare, travelling together.
"I want the air conditioning on. It's bloody hot."
"There's something wrong with you, I think."
A new Sky 1 show this year was looking for dogs willing to
go the extra mile, willing to problem-solve and to
investigate how to work something out for themselves.
What I want to know is,
what task were the dogs in that new Sky 1 show asked to perform?
Mel, it is almost certainly not whatever you're laughing at now.
And, finally, have a look at this picture of
Mel B's guest appearance on Running Wild With Bear Grylls.
All I want to know is, what's going on here?
Bear Grylls is shitting out Mel B.
He ate her earlier on in the show, just to show that she's got
good proteins, and then he thought, "No, I'm going to pass her out now."
- Can we have a clue, please? - Yes, come on.
We haven't had a clue all night yet.
I'd say it's not sexual for everyone, but there's, you know,
certain folks.
- Right, have you all got answers? - Yep.
First up, I asked you, who was Danny Dyer related to?
Initially we put Edward III,
and then I quickly added Edward II and Edward I,
who were related to Edward III and therefore, by definition,
were also related to Danny Dyer.
That is why you're a genius. It's a very good answer.
Yeah, I'll give you that.
- Romesh, Mel, what did you put? - Thomas Cromwell.
Thomas Cromwell, also correct.
Did you get this, Rob, Richard?
We said William the Conqueror, Edward II,
and then, since it's Danny Dyer, figured probably he's related to
somebody called Geoff Dyer somewhere along the way.
- Geoff. - There's bound to be a Geoff. - He's a diamond, Geoff.
Well, you all got that. William the Conqueror, Edward III
or Thomas Cromwell, I would have accepted. You got them all.
I asked you what service Noel Edmonds was offering.
What did you think?
He drives a taxi, Noel Edmonds,
and he always has a mannequin in the passenger seat
- to make people think that he's got a passenger. - OK.
So I just put down free taxi and mannequins.
True, but not the right answer. Rob, Richard, what did you put?
- Lion taming.... - No.
Talking clock...and exorcisms.
OK, you're three-for-three wrong, there.
What did you go for, David and Sarah?
Erm, I've read this.
I think it's a radio station for pets.
But they can't turn it on, it's really sad, cos they've only got,
like, they can't...
I mean, the main thing is, they can't turn it OFF.
That's what's really cruel.
Well, let's take a look.
NOEL EDMONDS: 'What a lovely name you have, Dana.
'In addition to that wonderful Irish girl Dana who won the
'Eurovision Song contest - I hope this is working -
'there was another very famous Dana, Queen Latifah,
'the rapper-singer and film actress
'who received a Grammy for her role in Chicago.
'Her real name is Dana, just like yours, Dana.'
Would the cat know who Noel Edmonds is?
Yes, we've told her. She's aware and when we told her, she said,
- "I obviously know who that is." - 'Jeremy, Jeremy, pack it in, mate.'
- How long would you normally...? - 'That's a cheap one.
'Every animal in this country knows who I am.'
"Every animal in the country knows who I am!
"That's a cheap... Come on, Jeremy.
"Who are you trying to kid? Every...every...
"Look at a field full of sheep.
"Every one of those sheep knows who Noel Edmonds is."
I've got to say, that's the worst thing I've ever heard and I would
listen to it all day without interruption.
Next up, The Vamps asked you to name the parallel universe
featured in Netflix hit series Stranger Things.
What did you all put?
- We just answered correctly - the Upside Down. - The Upside Down? - Yeah.
Rob, Richard, what did you put?
- We put something that is very close to correct. - What was it?
The Underneath!
- The Underneath? - Yeah, the Underneath,
which I think is, like, an 80-year-old...
That's like what my grandfather, "Oh, the Underneath!"
But it isn't that.
- OK, Romesh, Mel? - We put Leatherhead.
Have you been there? Not great shops.
Easy, I was born there, so...
There you go.
I asked you what task dogs were asked to perform
on the new Sky 1 show. What did you put?
- Fly a plane. - Fly a plane.
- I think that was the end plan. - Romesh, Mel, did you get this?
I didn't want to put this, but, basically,
Mel thought she knew what the question was going to be
so she put Jamie Theakston, cos she thought you were going to ask
who presented the show, and then you asked the rest of the question
and she said, "I'm still going with Jamie Theakston", for some reason.
The dogs were asked to do Jamie Theakston? I'd have watched that!
OK, Rob, Richard.
Bake a blackberry cobbler.
No, it is weirder than that.
I also put "end racism".
That would be great.
- Did they do that? - David, Sarah, you got it right. Let's take a look.
Ooh.
Come on, Shad, good boy. Good boy.
Come on, Shad.
- That's it. - Yeah, good boy! Good boy!
INDISTINCT
OK, looks level about there.
'I think we'll all remember where we were
'the day that a dog took control of the plane.'
- Now, if that goes wrong, what's the insurance claim? - Who's at fault?
- Jamie Theakston. - Theakston. - I blame Jamie, yeah.
I did find myself hoping it would crash.
The dog wasn't doing that.
The dog was just doing that, he just had his paws.
That's how it flies a plane.
What do you want it to do, the announcements as well?
"We're 35,000 feet, the climate is pretty ropey."
"This is Captain Dog."
That was the best dog name you could come up with, there?
Did you come up with that?
- Her improv, I tell you what, second to none. - Terrible.
"This is Captain Dog."
SCOTTISH ACCENT: "That's right.
"We'll be cruising at about 38,000 feet."
- Why is he Scottish?! - They always are!
- OK, all right, so points, no points, no points. - This is going so badly.
I asked you what the deal was with this.
David, Sarah, what did you put?
Erm, well, I've written, "squeezing out some piss to drink",
cos they do drink their own wee, like,
even when he's at home he does, I think.
But David wrote "wrestling a salmon".
They could have been wrestling, cos they're next to a stream,
- they could be wrestling a salmon out. - Totally feasible.
OK. What did you think, Romesh, Mel?
Well you gave us a clue. You said, "For some people, it's sexual."
- Yep. - So we thought they were peeing.
Just weeing themselves for warmth.
- You say, "we". You. - I thought they were weeing.
Like, Mel B is weeing on... They're weeing on each other.
They're weeing on each other? OK.
- Richard? - They're at the bottom of a stack of Spice Girls.
It just keeps going up.
David Beckham on the top, selling whisky or something.
Sure.
- Points, points, no points. - What? - Let's take a look.
So there you go. Look.
So, those bits, I mean, it's slippery, but those are the...
Ow!
- It got you? - Yeah, papa!
Do you need me to pee on you?
Let me see if I can do it.
- No, I wanted to! - Ow!
Mel's kindly offered, two or three times, to provide some urine.
I had a pee about ten minutes ago, I'm out, and I'm actually getting
to the stage where I'm going to take her up on this offer.
Take my hand, guide it.
Hold on, hold on.
Are you ready?
To pee on demand when somebody's in pain is very difficult.
- It's not coming! - Come on!
Wow!
APPLAUSE
He so obviously dropped it on purpose.
Yeah, he fumbled that jellyfish. That was like, "Whoa!"
"Oh, no, now I need you to pee on me!"
"Oh, no, I've smeared the jellyfish all over me! Oh, no! Mel! Mel!
"You're going to have to... It's stung all over here!"
I also liked that he says, after he finishes weeing, "I'm out.
"I'm out. I'm out of piss."
Oh, fully lost their minds. OK, time for a special bonus round.
I'm going to show you some film posters from the year,
which have all been subtly improved.
All you need to do is tell me what the film is. Here is the first one.
- OK, just need the film. - OK. Lovely.
- OK, so there's the first one, here's the second. - Lovely.
- Oh, what's that? - Nothing the matter with that.
OK, and the third one...
Oh, hang on.
Juno? Oh, no, that wasn't this year, was it?
Juno must have been ten years ago. That must have been ten years ago.
I know - Rosemary's Baby! Put that.
Rob and Richard, what were your three answers?
- Suicide Squad. - Yeah.
- Ghostbusters. - Oh, yeah.
And The Revenant.
- Ghostbusters, you thought the second one was? - Ghostbusters.
OK, so you got... What did you get?
Suicide Squad, Arrival and then Revenant.
So, Arrival you thought was...the big-budget, American sci-fi movie
about a pregnant lady in a supermarket?
Listen, I haven't seen the film, but I just,
I put two and two together and thought,
"When a baby comes out the vajay-jay, that's an arrival."
- What did you go for, Sarah? - Suicide Squad.
I've written I, Daniel Blake, cos I didn't know
but I've realised now what it is, that it's Bridget Jones's Baby,
but it's too late to change, and then Revenant. The Revenant.
OK, let's take a look.
So the first one was me as Margot Robbie in Suicide Squad.
You all got that.
Second one was me as Renee Zellweger in Bridget Jones's Baby.
And the final one, me as Leonardo DiCaprio in The Revenant.
- MEL: Is that you? Oh, no, that's changed to him. - Well done, Mel.
That's the most flattering thing anyone's ever said to Jimmy!
"Is that you or Leonardo DiCaprio?"
And that is the worst thing that's ever been said to Leonardo DiCaprio!
OK, at the end of that round, the scores are, well,
I can tell you, Romesh and Mel have 11,
Rob and Richard have 11,
but in the lead now, David and Sarah with 14.
APPLAUSE
Join us after the break,
otherwise it's just me shouting at celebrities.
See you in five.
APPLAUSE
Welcome back to the Big fat Quiz -
our next round is all about the internet in 2016,
all the things that caught my eye online
that I'm prepared to admit to.
The video sharing platform Vine was shut down.
You might not think that's a big deal,
but without anywhere to upload six second videos,
how am I supposed to share my sex tapes?
In 2016, Pope Francis not only became the first Pope on Instagram,
but also the first guy in Italy not to have his account suspended
for posting dick pics.
Some more Big Fat questions, everyone.
- First up, it's over to the brand-new Mayor of London Sadiq Khan. - Ahh.
Hi, Jimmy.
2016 was a memorable year for me -
the highlight of which was being elected the new Mayor of London.
But it was also memorable year for a 40-year-old businesswoman,
Liz Line from New York, who woke up one day in February
to find her name unexpectedly trending on Twitter
as a result of something that happened here in London.
Can your teams remember at it was?
- Ooh! - OK, Sadiq Khan, there,
asking why a 40-year-old American called Liz Line
woke up one day to find her name unexpectedly trending on Twitter.
Is her being 40 important?
- Er...no. - OK.
- Not at all. - So...
It's just a bit of colour.
Gold medal-winning Japanese gymnast Kohei Uchimura
got into a spot of bother at the Rio Olympics
when he racked up a £3,700 phone bill.
What I wanna know is,
what was he using his phone for that proved so costly?
Oh, I don't know this.
So, a Japanese gymnast at the Rio Olympics
got a phone bill for £3,700 - why?
OK, good. I like it.
OK, have a look at this Facebook Live video starring Candace Payne
from Texas which went on to receive over 150 million views.
Hey. I'm really excited to share with you something I got!
So, you wanna see what I got?
It's so great! I can't wait to show you!
I wanna know what she got.
Is it...
clapping Tourette's?
It's kind of clapping Tourette's -
she is the most adorable, I think, of the year.
- RICHARD GASPS - Yeah, yeah.
Oh...
- Come on. - All over this.
Have you got this?
- We've got the answer. - OK.
Earlier this year, 86-year-old May Ashworth
unsuspectingly found online fame
after her grandson posted her Google search history online.
- Why? - Oh...
THEY WHISPER
DAVID: (It had "please" and "thank you" in it...)
OK.
Lastly it's over to Zach and Ryan from One Republic.
Hey, Jimmy. We love social media,
and there's nothing wrong with posing for a cheeky selfie -
but somehow we failed to pick up on a new trend
that hit Instagram this year.
Yes - apparently all the cool kids are taking pictures like this...
Some of them are actually kind of
- a little bit more like this... - Like this...
But can you tell me, Jimmy,
what is this specific particular pose called?
OK, so, people are posing on Instagram
with...
Oh, sorry...
OK. You all got something?
- Yeah. - You betty.
Oh, OK, lovely, all right.
So, Sadiq Khan asked you why Liz Line from New York
found herself trending on Twitter. What do you think?
We think it's because of the Elizabeth Line in Crossrail
- that was named after Queen Elizabeth... - Mm-hm.
..and might be shortened to Liz Line,
and then that could be mistaken for a person called Liz Line...
..in a way that, in my view, is not worthy of further note.
It's 43km of tunnelling that has taken place underneath London,
including going underneath the Thames.
I went to a Crossrail lecture.
- ROMESH: You love Crossrail? - I am obsessed with Crossrail.
- Why? - It's such a good thing.
The - the journey, currently, from West Ealing into London...
- Oh, nightmare. - I would always give it... - Such a nightmare.
- I'd always give it 45 minutes. - Yeah.
- Would you give it 50? - 45. - 50.
- When Crossrail comes... - I'd give it 50.
Ladies and gentlemen, when Crossrail comes...
- I would give it 50 minutes, though, just... - ..13 minutes.
- West Ealing into Bond Street. - 13 minutes.
How long would you give it, Romesh?
- I'd give it 15. I'd say 15. - 45.
No, but I would say - you're talking about 15 minutes, there.
13 mins? Once you're on the train?
When they put Crossrail through between Tottenham Court Road
and the... I think it was the Piccadilly Line,
it was called "through the eye of the needle", ladies and gentlemen.
- They had centimetres... - Inches. - Centimetres, centimetres...
APPLAUSE
They did.
What did you get?
New train line, QE II.
I'm the messy writer, so I... It's correct, but...
100%.
It was announced that Crossrail would be called
the Elizabeth Line when it launched.
I asked you why Japanese gymnast Kohei Uchimura
was hit with a £3,700 phone bill in Rio - what did you put?
We put phoning something expensive.
And, actually, I'm looking forward to receiving the point.
- Phoning something expensive? - Yeah.
A phone - like, you know, a chatline, or a...
Like a hot chatline for medal-winners.
Oh, like a Crossrail line,
where you can phone up and talk about Crossrail.
There is a line - there actually is a Crossrail line.
- Oh, Jesus Christ, Jimmy! - There is. - Are you shitting me, mate?
Why would you encourage?
Rob, Richard, what did you put?
Well, possibly, I thought he could have used the phone for collateral,
and then, you know, run up debt as a result of that.
If he borrowed on the phone and went into negative equity.
Or...
he used it as a weapon, and had to pay damages.
OK, what did you put?
We just guessed at Pokemon Go.
- 100% right. - Yes! - Ah! - 100% right.
He got a £3,700 phone bill for playing Pokemon Go.
Pokemon Go was obviously the game of the year -
here's the Norwegian Prime Minister playing in their parliament.
Their parliament looks a lot like a bingo hall, I think.
And here's a news reporter who was caught playing Pokemon Go
during a US State Department briefing.
As the Secretary said earlier today, though,
and I think it's an important reminder...
You're playing the Pokemon thing right there, aren't you?
It's an important reminder, we know this won't be easy,
we recognise it's a challenge,
and we're clear-eyed about the work we still have to do.
This is why we convened this important ministerial,
and will continue to work with our coalition partners to defeat Daesh.
Did you get one?
The signal's not very good.
I'm sorry about that.
So cool.
The thing is, though, it's not... it's not the fault of Pokemon Go,
it's that this athlete didn't set up a proper roaming tariff.
Yeah.
No - but it is annoying, isn't it, when you see, like,
some kid goes on holiday with their family,
they rack up, like, thousands of pounds,
and then you see them in the newspaper going,
"Absolutely disgraced by the phone bill I received."
- Don't be a knobhead! - Yeah.
If you're going abroad and then you're dicking around
- on all this stuff, you are gonna get a big phone bill. - Yeah.
You deserve it - and, in fact,
they should double it for you going to the press.
That's what I think should happen.
There'll be Wi-Fi on board Crossrail carriages.
So...
- if you want... - APPLAUSE
Thank you.
No, there will be! If you wanna catch the little characters,
it will be easier on Crossrail.
OK, I asked you what present...
I asked you what present Candace Payne bought herself.
What did you put?
Oh, a Chewbacca mask.
OK, Romesh, Mel?
- MEL MIMICS CHEWBACCA - Yeah, Chewbacca mask.
I'm sorry, never stop doing that.
SHE MIMICS CHEWBACCA
Says it all.
Rob, Richard, did you get this?
Yeah, we said what they said.
It was Chewbacca mask lady.
Yeah, it's... I mean - I think it really delivers.
I think... Have a look.
I gotta take off my glasses for it!
Ohh!
Oh, naturally!
OK, here we go.
So...
Yes!
Now, watch when my mouth actually moves.
WOOKIEE CRY
SHE LAUGHS
That's not me making that noise, it's the mask!
Here, listen!
WOOKIEE CRY
SHE LAUGHS
WOOKIEE CRY
SHE SCREAMS WITH LAUGHTER
WOOKIEE CRY
Oh, I'm such a happy Chewbacca!
I mean...
APPLAUSE
I think...
I love that, but also, I've never been that happy in my life.
I asked you why 86-year-old May Ashworth's Google search history
went viral this year. What did you put?
What do you think, Sarah?
Well, it's cos her... Is it her grandson?
Her grandson's very disrespectful
and put her Google search up on the internet -
but the main reason is cos she was very polite on it.
She said "please" and "thank you"
cos she thought it was going to an actual person.
- AUDIENCE: Aww. - Because she's really stupid.
Old, but, you know, mostly stupid.
Romesh, did you get this?
Yeah. The very polite Google search.
"Please can you tell me where to find black guys? Thank you."
Rob, Richard?
- Yeah. - Same deal.
Yeah, same. Well, points all round.
- Take a look - she was incredibly polite. - So sweet!
Google UK thanked her,
saying, "In a world of billions of searches, yours made us smile."
- Aww. - ALL: Aww.
It's just so nice! "Please!"
We heard from One Republic, who asked you to name
a new selfie pose that became popular on Instagram this year.
What did you put?
DAVID: We think that's not the right answer, don't we?
I sort of hope it's the answer.
- Yeah. - Face Fingering.
Like, sort of... You know, like...
No?
I mean, you definitely didn't need to do it,
but, yeah, it's not Face Fingering.
That's not what it's called.
What did you get, Rob?
We said Finger Mouth, we called it.
Is that right?
I think that's near enough. Mel, Romesh?
- We put Finger Mouthing, bruv. - Which is the old...
You know.
Let's take a look.
Here's the queen of Instagram, Kylie Jenner.
Finger Mouthing is 100% right.
Yeah, it's Finger Mouthing.
Right, time now to welcome the special guest -
it's Made In Chelsea's resident expert on etiquette,
Mark-Francis Vandelli.
APPLAUSE
- Hello, Mark. How are you? - Good evening.
Very well, how are you?
I'm very well. Very well indeed.
- We look like a before and after, and it's.. - Do we?
Yeah, it's plastic surgery, and obviously you're the after. Damn it.
- How's your year been? How's your...? - Er, not that bad.
- Does it show? - No, not at all, you look fabulous.
You were on the Jump this year, weren't you?
I was. That was probably not the highlight of my year.
What did you break?
Um... Oh, lots of things -
including my mind, for a period of time.
But my ankle, mostly.
You've question for us - go ahead.
- I have got a question. - Go.
So, it probably won't come as a great surprise to you,
- but I'm a huge fan of art... - Yes, you are.
..and I love discovering new iconic pieces.
- Yeah, sure you do. - Mm.
This year's Turner Prize nominations were announced in May,
and artist Anthea Hamilton's piece, Project For A Door,
received the most attention.
Can you tell me why?
Is it to do with Crossrail, Mark?
I don't know what that is.
Do you think he has ever in his life got on a train?
Come on, Mel.
I was just going to as for the question again,
cos I didn't quite understand you, cos you're so fucking posh.
That is... That is a good point. APPLAUSE
That's the wrong answer.
No, come on, let's have the question again. OK, so...
This year's Turner Prize nominations were announced in May,
and artist Anthea Hamilton's piece...
Thank you.
..Project For A Door...
- No need to be sarcastic, mate, just... - I'm not.
- ..just enunciate, all right? - A hearing aid might be on order.
..received the most attention.
I tell you what, mate, you're about to lose another ankle
you carry on giving it this shit, all right?
And what was it like finding out you were related to Danny Dyer?
I realised I was probably related to royalty at that point.
- Yeah. - Are you related to royalty? I imagine you are.
Well, clearly Danny Dyer is living proof that we all are.
Yeah, sure.
- Project For A Door... - Project For A Door, why was it controversial?
OK, so, let's have a look at your answers - what did you get?
OK, David and Sarah wrote...
It was nothing at all.
- It was nothing at all. - The artwork, we think -
it was called Project For A Door, and it was fuck all.
"Give me an award."
OK, all right.
Romesh, Mel?
- Er... - Diana Dors.
You thought it was Diana Dors.
Project For A Door was Diana Dors.
OK, Rob, Richard?
It was just a knob...
but I wrote it sideways, like art.
Cos it was just a knob.
It was just a knob.
- OK, tell us the answer. - Er, no.
I'm afraid - unbelievably - you're all wrong.
Tell us, Mark.
- It's a... - It was a watercolour of Cornwall!
- ..10m high... - Crossrail! Was it a big train?
Was it a train, Mark?
- ..pair of bottom cheeks. - Wow.
That were being parted by a pair of hands,
and you could walk through them.
OK, well, let's have a look and see what that's done to the scores.
So, I can tell you that Romesh and Mel have 15,
Rob and Richard have 15 -
in the lead, David and Sarah with 18.
APPLAUSE
We're gonna take a short break now,
but please give it up one more time for Mark-Francis Vandelli!
APPLAUSE Thanks for coming in, Mark.
- Thank you for having me. - Very good of you.
Welcome back to Big Fat Quiz Of 2016.
The next round is all about sport. 2016 was a great year for sport.
Here are some of the winners and the losers.
Russian athletes were banned from the Olympics
because of widespread drug use.
Suspicions were raised when some of the male athlete
completed the pole-vault without any equipment.
LAUGHTER
Usain Bolt cemented his reputation
with another three gold medals in Rio.
I think I speak for everyone when I say I wish Usain Bolt was Russian.
Imagine how fast he'd be on steroids.
LAUGHTER
Fifa banned footballers from wearing poppies.
If players defy the ban,
I'm not sure what the penalties will be,
but I'm pretty sure if they're penalties,
England will miss them.
LAUGHTER
Sport, everyone, some sports questions.
First up, it's over to comedy royalty.
It's Miranda Hart!
Hi, Jimmy.
Now, on-set catering when filming can sometimes be a disaster,
as Jeremy Clarkson knows only too well.
LAUGHTER
But I'm always intrigued that athletes, I thought, would be
given Michelin starred meals when they were touring the world.
However, this year, tennis champ Serena Williams
admitted to sampling a rather unusual dish
the day before a match at the Italian Open.
It sent her running to the bathroom, and she described it as,
"A little bit like a house cleaner thing."
Hmm.
What was it?
LAUGHTER
OK.
So Miranda wants to know what caused tennis legend Serena Williams
to come down with an upset stomach
during the Italian Open earlier this year?
OK?
There was trouble at the Rio Olympics
when the diving pool was forced to close.
Can you remember why?
Portugal won the European Championship final in July,
beating France one-nil, but what unexpectedly happened
to Cristiano Ronaldo after he was injured 17 minutes into the game?
He took a Crossrail train.
LAUGHTER
Never came back.
I don't know.
In May, Leicester City beat the odds
and stormed to victory to win the Premier League.
During the season, their manager, Claudio Ranieri,
revealed a motivational catchphrase he used during training.
What was it?
Crossrail! Crossrail!
LAUGHTER
OK. Here are some answers.
First up, Miranda asked you what caused Serena Williams to run to the bathroom.
What do you think it was?
Did she eat her dog's dinner?
That's a very good answer. Romesh, Mel?
Cillit Bang.
LAUGHTER
You thought she...she had Cillit Bang?
Well, because she mentioned the name of a household cleaner.
Yeah, that... I mean, that would certainly...
That would give you an upset tummy. What did you put, Rob, Richard?
Her dog's salmon.
You are 100% right. Well, let's take a look.
That is the dog's dinner that she ate.
So in the hotel but she was at, they did a dog menu.
There was salmon and rice for dogs,
and she thought, "Oh, this looks nice, I'll try some!" Take a look.
LAUGHTER
Let's fast forward to two hours.
I just ran to the toilet, like...
Like, I thought I was gonna pass out.
LAUGHTER
Like, it tastes a little bit like a house cleaner, kind of thing.
I don't know what they put in these dog food...
I don't think it's consum...consumable...
LAUGHTER
..for humans.
And... Um...
They should have wrote that!
LAUGHTER
I really don't feel so good.
Oh, no.
LAUGHTER
When did everyone start filming themselves?
LAUGHTER
It was about ten years ago.
All the time!
Even while you're about to have violent diarrhoea,
you still go...
"Let's make a record of this!"
LAUGHTER
That last one, it looks like
she's looking down at the mess she's just created.
LAUGHTER
OK, I asked you why they closed the diving pool at the Rio Olympics.
What did you get?
- The water went green. - Went green, bruv.
Yeah, the water changed colour.
Water changed colour, went green...
And what have you put there, Rob, Richard?
The part we'd like you to read
is the last part with a circle round it,
which says, "Colour, smell".
Oh, I put, "It rained blood".
LAUGHTER
You thought they'd closed the pool...because it rained blood?
Well, you've got to close the pool if it starts raining blood.
LAUGHTER
That's what's turned the pool red. It rained... Like in Carrie.
LAUGHTER
OK, point, points, points.
And here's a picture.
Yes, the water, of course, turned green.
Apparently, someone poured hydrogen peroxide into the diving well.
Via their hair?
- No, someone poured it in. - MEL: Oh, right.
Why didn't it go blonde?
LAUGHTER
- MEL: Exactly! - Yeah. Should have gone blonde.
OK, I asked you what happened to Cristiano Ronaldo
17 minutes into the European Championship final.
David Mitchell, I imagine you got that?
LAUGHTER
- Well, sport's not our strong point. - No. - No.
But you're two for two so far.
Yeah. But this is proper sport.
- Tennis players eating dog food is... - LAUGHTER
Is it sport, or is it just current affairs?
LAUGHTER
It's between the two.
- So we think maybe he shat hisself. - Yeah.
LAUGHTER
That feels like very much your answer, because of the phrasing.
My answer?
Yeah. He shat his self.
LAUGHTER
I'm entirely behind the phrasing.
LAUGHTER
Yeah, I support that phrasing.
Because what it suggests
- is that he shat his whole self. - Yeah.
LAUGHTER
APPLAUSE
OK, um...
Mel, Romesh?
Moths, moths on his face.
There was a moth on his face, wasn't there? Moths.
Moth, moth, moth, moth on his face? OK.
- LAUGHTER - Or is it Mothson?
Not John Motson.
- What? - Mothson or Motson?
Dude, seriously, can I trade?
LAUGHTER
Rob, Richard?
He got an erection that would not squash down.
LAUGHTER
Well, let's have a look.
SARAH: He's shitting himself, isn't he, there?
LAUGHTER
He's even got a little bit of shit on his face.
That's how badly he's shat himself.
LAUGHTER
- Well, I'm tempted to give you all points. - SARAH: Yes!
But no, it's a moth on his face, is the answer.
MEL: Hey, nice one!
DAVID: I'm going to remember that, if I ever get shit on my face.
I'll say, "Oh, it's a moth."
LAUGHTER
"Sorry, everyone, it's a moth. Don't look too closely, it's a moth.
"Let me just go to the loo and get rid of this moth."
LAUGHTER
OK, I asked you what motivational catchphrase Claudio Ranieri
used to guide Leicester City to victory.
What did you put?
We've put, "kick it in the goal".
LAUGHTER
Cos that would...you know, focus the minds of the players.
And make them realise what the aim of the...
I think it's the aim of football, I'm not sure.
- To kick it in the goal. - LAUGHTER
I think you've nailed it.
I think for next season, that's what they'll be picking up on.
OK, what have you gone for, Romesh, Mel?
BAD ITALIAN ACCENT: "Please don't lose."
Well, we've gone for racism.
LAUGHTER
APPLAUSE
MEL: No! No, it...
No, it wasn't!
Now, that was no worse than xenophobia. Be fair.
LAUGHTER
- I was just, I was just giving it a bit of...character. - DAVID: Yes.
- So, what was the phrase? - "Please don't lose."
Rob, Richard?
- Do we have to read this out? - Yes.
LAUGHTER
"Win, please."
LAUGHTER
You've all got a very similar theme.
So, Jimmy, which of us is right?
LAUGHTER
Well, let's go over to the man himself.
INTERVIEWER: Danny Drinkwater has said this week that
he was asked about how you are with the players,
and he says you have an imaginary bell
that you shake if you don't think you've got their full attention.
Because from the beginning, when something was wrong,
I say, "Hey, dilly-ding, dilly-dong, wake up! Wake up!"
During all the training sessions,
I am saying "Dilly-ding, dilly-dong," and...
On Christmas Day, I said, "OK."
I bought for all the players, all the staff, everybody,
a little bell.
Dilly-ding, dilly-dong!
LAUGHTER
Dilly-ding, dilly-dong!
- Dilly-ding, dilly-dong. - Dilly-ding, dilly-dong.
- SHE SPEAKS ITALIAN - ..Dilly-ding, dilly-dong!
LAUGHTER
- That's what they say. - Racist.
Look, I'm not racist for just speaking in another language!
No, you're racist for turning up at my house in a KKK outfit, all right?
That's why you're racist!
LAUGHTER
- I... I... - Throwing dog shit at my house!
LAUGHTER
SHE SNORTS
That's a very feminine snort there, Mel.
LAUGHTER
Very ladylike...
She could have been throwing that dog shit
just cos she hates you.
- Yeah, that's... That is true. - LAUGHTER
- For WHO you are. - That's a very good point.
Don't rule that out...
Never rule out the possibility
that people hate you for who you are inside.
LAUGHTER
You guys look as if you've just had amazing sex.
LAUGHTER
You just look as if you've just...
LAUGHTER
RICHARD: I like how you take your clothes off AFTER sex.
LAUGHTER
We've had sex, now I might loosen a button!
LAUGHTER
Just strapping up again.
Oh, d'you know my favourite bit?
When you threw that shit at me.
LAUGHTER
OK.
OK, time for a quick bonus round.
It's Say What You See.
I'm going to show you three Say What You Sees,
each one is an important but boring headline from 2016.
What you have to do is work them out.
OK, here's the first one.
They're all important stories, but they are boring.
LAUGHTER
TEAMS CONFER QUIETLY
- OK, you got it? - Yeah.
Next one, here you go. Say What You See.
Just say what you see, couldn't be easier.
DAVID: Oh. Pan am ah.
Shh!
Gotta get it quietly!
LAUGHTER
OK, third one.
Boring but important.
LAUGHTER
Richard, Rob, write down something.
I'm chivvying you. It is official.
You're being chivvied.
No chivvying needed here!
You're a very good boy, David. Well done, you.
- Thank you. - Sarah, you're very good.
I like to think we're unbearably smug.
LAUGHTER
You are, correct.
LAUGHTER
OK. Have you all got something?
All right, so here's the first one.
What did you put, Romesh and Mel?
We put article 50 net case.
Well, I thought it must be article 50 triggered,
but I couldn't make net and case become triggered.
LAUGHTER
Is it... Is it just a tennis net you're looking at?
Court. Court case!
LAUGHTER
Article 50 court case!
Why are you high-fiving? You didn't get it.
LAUGHTER
But we did, just then!
After Jimmy gave us the answer, we managed to figure it out!
Who gives a shit? We've lost the point.
LAUGHTER
To be fair, Jimmy actually encouraged Mel
- to make a deductive leap. - MEL: Yes!
- She made the leap... - Thank you. - ..and then you crushed her,
which I think was cruel.
LAUGHTER
Thank you.
Very weird.
We had article 50 court case.
OK. And did you get that, David and Sarah?
- Yeah. - Yes.
OK, so points, points, no points.
Oh, so close!
All right, what did you put for the next one?
Panama paper leak.
Did you get this, Rob, Richard?
Hot medieval leek.
LAUGHTER
Which... You can type that into the internet.
Oh, armour!
Because I say armour wrong.
Pan armour. But it's am-ah.
To be honest, no-one says armour
like the second two syllables of Panama.
LAUGHTER
It's a bit of the leap.
But, you know, it's...
- So, did you get this? - Panama papers leak.
OK, final one. Did you get this?
ALL: Yeah.
What did you get, Romesh?
Chilcot enquiry.
Chilcot enquiry. OK. David and Sarah?
- Same. - Yes.
OK, Rob, Richard?
Well, I didn't know what ecstasy looks like,
so I just wrote, "Some kind of village massacre".
LAUGHTER
- Some kind of village massacre? - I don't know. Yeah.
Why are you expecting me to know what E looks like?
I'm not Irvine Welsh.
LAUGHTER
All right, time for another bonus round.
It's time for the part of the show where I introduce a mystery guest.
All you have to do is guess who they are
and how they made the news this year.
But you can only ask yes or no questions.
Please welcome our mystery guest!
APPLAUSE
First things first, can I just confirm with you,
you're not in The Vamps?
LAUGHTER
No. -OK. Not in The Vamps.
OK, so you can ask him yes or no questions. Go.
Is it sport related?
Yes.
Is it Olympic related?
Yes.
Were you in Rio?
No.
Were you elsewhere?
LAUGHTER
Were you clothed?
Yes.
OK. I'm done.
LAUGHTER
Are you related to the British table tennis player Drinkhall?
LAUGHTER
Drinkhall?
Jesus Christ. It's not...
Prepare yourself for a Crossrail question.
LAUGHTER
It's coming.
Can we get a clue?
OK, it was an event that took place in Manchester.
No, it took place in Rio!
LAUGHTER
Is it a drinking game?
No.
Were you drunk at the time?
Yeah. Kind of.
LAUGHTER
Kind of.
- Oh, is something to do with bicycles? - No.
It is to do with a mode of transport.
- Bus? - It's to do with the bus.
- We've got it. - We've got it. - We've got it, bro.
- You've got it? - We've got it, bro.
OK, all right, let's have a look. What have you got, David, Sarah?
We put, he pretended to be an Olympian and crashed the parade.
OK. Romesh, Mel?
He got on the GB Olympic team bus,
pretending to be a GB Olympian.
OK. And you've got...? Rob, Richard?
I don't know, and neither does Rob.
LAUGHTER
That is undoubtedly correct.
It's my truth.
LAUGHTER
OK, tell us.
So, my name's Zac Alsop,
and I blagged my way onto the Olympic homecoming parade in Manchester.
APPLAUSE
So you're an Olympic blagger.
Olympic level blagging. -Yeah.
OK, I think we've got a little bit of footage of you.
Olympics! Olympics!
LAUGHTER
You're a couple of blaggers, aren't you?
Absolutely. Yeah.
Blag something every now and then, but...
We're going to get off at the next stop, to be honest.
LAUGHTER
APPLAUSE
It was pretty quality. -Yeah.
Pretty good. Pretty good level of blagging.
So what event did you claim to be...?
So we went with fencing,
because we figured it was one of the least recognised sports. So...
And how did you get caught out?
Cos we got on the bus with the fencers.
LAUGHTER
OK, let's see how you're all doing. OK, I can tell you that...
Well, the scores at the moment, Rob and Richard have 18,
Romesh and Mel have 20,
in the lead, David and Sarah with 24 points!
APPLAUSE
We're going to take a quick break now,
but please give it up one more time for Olympic blagger, Zac Alsop!
Thanks for coming on, Zac.
APPLAUSE
Welcome back to The Big Fat Quiz Of 2016.
Our next round is all about people.
Let's remind ourselves of some of the movers and shakers who
made 2016 so memorable.
After admitting to an affair, Ozzy Osbourne walked out on Sharon.
Well, I say walked out, he sort of shuffled off mumbling.
Mother Teresa was declared a saint by Pope Francis so, basically,
a man in charge of a made-up religion gave
a made-up award to a woman after she made up of couple of miracles.
She must've been made-up.
Teresa May became Prime Minister in July and she's
brought a much needed feminine touch to slashing benefits.
- OK. Time for some more questions. - Excellent.
Taylor Swift and Tom Hiddleston became
a couple back in June and were immediately known as Hiddleswift.
How did Tom make his affection for Taylor clear when they was
snapped frolicking in the sea on Independence Day?
It wasn't an erection that wouldn't squash?
For our next question,
it's over to one of Britain's finest thespians, Mr Charles Dance
who's reading an extract from an autobiography released
in 2016 by a much-loved star.
Who is the mystery author? Over to Charles.
Chapter Nine.
It was hashtag nerve-rack.
No full group had gone through previously.
"You're ill," I randomly exclaimed.
My head was all over the shop. I'd done it.
I was through to the next and final part of boot camp.
As I scurried off the stage,
Nicole was putting her thumbs up and smiling at me.
Something that didn't make the TV edit was the following thing
I shouted.
As I noticed her clearly showing her happiness I was through,
I went to shout out the words "Pussycat Dolls" but what
actually ended up coming out of my mouth still haunts me to this day.
I opened my mouth, put my thumbs up towards her and shouted
at the top of my voice, "Puss-y-y-y-y-y-y!"
I was mortified. Had I just shouted the word "pussy"
at the top of my voice directly at Nicole Scherzinger's face.
Yeah. Yeah, I had.
Absolute fail.
Charles Dance, there, one of the greatest actors of his generation
shouting the word "pussy".
OK, so whose autobiography was he reading from?
Which work of literature have we chosen to feature this year?
In the literature around.
Of The Big Fat Quiz.
This year, 26-year-old Ben Innes became notorious for posting
a photo whilst on a flight to Cairo.
What was so remarkable about the photo?
Is this age relevant?
Er...no.
- No. And do you know what, his name isn't that relevant. - Yeah.
This year a man on a plane...
Actually, the destination is not that important.
So this year a man on a plane...
Actually, it doesn't matter that it's a plane.
This year...a photo... It was a photo.
This year there was a photo. What was remarkable about it?
Thank you.
And, finally, it is over to
everyone's favourite synth from humans. It's Gemma Chan.
Hi, Jimmy.
Now, Humans was one of the year's biggest sci-fi dramas but
that's nothing compared to the real life sci-fi adventures of
Tim Peake who returned home in June after spending six months
aboard the International Space Station.
But can your teams remember what he described being back on Earth
as feeling like?
She said real life sci-fi.
- Rail life science fiction. - Yeah, that's a contradiction in terms.
It's fiction.
Can't have real life fiction.
Well, I suppose it's real but then all science fiction exists
in real life...
- Mel? - ..but it does not depict real life. - Mel, what are you doing?
David is wittering on about something. What are you...?
I'm paid to witter on about something.
I know, I know. I didn't want to interrupt but...
- What have you got? - I brought us both a picnic.
Why did you bring?
Two tomatoes, two custard creams, some finger sandwiches...
- What are the sandwiches? - Peanut butter. Want one?
- I'd love one. - Holy shit. This is incredible.
It's a proper school trip packed lunch.
What's this?
- Bloody hell. - What's that, Mel? - A little drinkies.
- What have you got? - Brandy.
Why have you got brandy in a...?
Well, it's nice to have a little, you know, snifter in the evening.
Well, it's Christmas. I'm sure you're drinking responsibly.
- I'll have a little slosh of the brandy. - A slosh of brandy?
I've got a little blanket as well.
I've got one for you and one for me.
All right. I asked you if you could remember how Tom Hiddleston
advertised his feelings for Taylor Swift.
What did you put? With a shirt.
And I put with an erection that wouldn't squash down.
Well, I'm sure within the privacy of their own home. Romesh, Mel?
It was a T-shirt.
And I seem to remember it said, "I heart TS on it."
- OK. And you got? - Same.
T-shirt saying, "I heart TS", yeah.
I thought that was a TS Eliot reference.
Wanted to have a look. Absolutely right. Yeah, there he is. That is not his...
That is a bad fit.
He's totally written himself out of being James Bond, hasn't he?
And is it you that makes that decision, Mel?
She'll be involved.
I'm so enjoying myself, it's great.
It looks to me now, Romesh, like this camping trip wasn't your idea but you're going along with it.
I fucking hate camping.
How does this compare to going on holiday with your mum?
This is better because my mum's not here.
Oh, bless you. OK. Points all round on that, obviously.
Charles Dance read an extract from a celebrity autobiography.
Who did you think he was reading from? So, Romesh, Mel?
- We put Zayn. - Zayn Malik from One Direction? - Exactly. - Ah, no.
- 100% wrong. Rob, what did you put? - Donald Trump.
You thought that was in Donald Trump's autobiography when he was
going through to boot camp?
It was the long shout of the word "pussy".
I don't think he would characterise shouting pussy
as a fail though, would he?
The thing with Trump that's quite odd is that he'll interrupt
himself while he's speaking to agree with himself. Have you noticed that?
It's a very odd thing.
He goes, "We've got to do this. Very important."
He actually heckles himself positively.
"Got to do it. It's very important. Thank you, doll."
- Sarah. - It's a guess. - Is it Rylan Clark?
Well, let's go back over to Charles Dance to see.
That was an extract from The Life of Rylan by Rylan Clark-Neal.
Drop me out.
HE SIGHS
Charles Dance, everyone. God bless him.
OK.
Next, I wanted to know how a picture of Ben Innes became so notorious this year.
Cos he took it with a guy that hijacked a plane.
It was a selfie. A selfie with a suspected hijacker.
OK, and what did you put, Rob?
We put the same. He was with a hijacker.
OK, David, Sarah?
We said yes. He took a selfie with a hijacker.
Well, let's have a look.
I mean, this is the photo he had taken.
And in the hijacker's defence, he just wanted to go see his
ex-wife which I think is charming and I think most of the ladies
here would agree that they'd love it if their guy did that.
You've already captured the mood.
Those were fake explosives as well.
He was bullshitting but he wanted the plane
to divert to go and see his ex-wife.
OK, so, well, you all got that. Well done. OK.
Gemma Chan asked you how Tim Peake described being back on Earth after six months in space.
- What did you put? - He...
Tim Peake remarked on the smell of the Earth, how it smelled so strong.
Bit rude. "Stinks down here.
"I prefer space. I'm amazing. It stinks down here."
That's what he's basically implying.
I've been in a tin of my own farts for six months and it was
- better than this. - Absolutely.
I think we've just about had it up to here with astronaut Tim Peake
and how he hates the planet Earth and can barely bear to set foot on it.
And, now, "Carry me around in a throne."
Yeah, absolutely. "You all smell.
"I'm going to fuck off back to the stratosphere
"as soon as I can."
"I'm Tim Peake and I'm too good for gravity. Piss off."
- What did you put, Rob, Richard? - Hangover. - I put a massive ball ache.
- What did you put, David? - Hangover. - Well, you're all absolutely right.
Yes. He said it was like the worst hangover ever
and he said it smelt very strong.
Points all round.
OK, we got a special guest coming on now. Mel, can you clean up?
Oh, sorry, love.
It's the one and only Pamela Anderson.
Hey. Hello. How are you? Nice to see you.
- Nice to see you. - Excellent. - Hi.
You think you're getting hot under the collar. Christ.
How was your 2016?
It was great. I mean, it was a good year for big animals, wasn't it?
SeaWorld stopped breeding orcas and Ringling Brothers retired their elephants.
- Did they? - Yes, they did. - Huge. - Yes, that's good news.
- That's good, right? - That's good news. - And that's your thing?
That's my thing, animals. Yeah.
But, you know, I'm watching my kids grow up now they're 19 and 20 and...
- You've got kids of 19 and 20? - Yes, I do.
And I don't know what to do with myself any more.
I'm wandering around lost all over the place.
- I guess they don't need me. - Pamela, get on Crossrail.
- It's an amazing sort of technological adventure. - OK.
I don't know how best to explain. Mel's having a sort of mini breakdown.
- But you got a question for us. Go on. What's your question? - OK.
This year Hillary Clinton, Paul McCartney, Honey G, Adele and England football team
all took part in one of the big trends of the year.
But can you tell me what it was they did?
- OK, so they all did one thing. - Yes.
- Do you know who Honey G is? - No. - Yeah, it's for the best.
Have you all written something down? Richard, Rob, what do you think?
Well, I put genocide.
You thought all of those people, Honey G
and the England football team were somehow involved in a genocide?
I didn't want to rule it out.
Richard fell down and hit his head during the break and what
he meant was the Mannequin Challenge.
- Ah, OK. And, then, Mel? What did you put? - Crossrail.
- You thought they were all involved in...? - Somehow.
- And Sarah, David? - We put the Mannequin Challenge.
Well, them the answer. What is the answer?
- It's the Mannequin Challenge. - Yay. - Points, points, no points.
We should probably attempt a Mannequin Challenge now.
Audience, are you up for this?
AUDIENCE: Yes!
- Do they know what it is? - I mean, some of them well.
They'll get it. They've just got to sit still. They've been doing that all night. They'll be fine.
OK, so pick a pose and then you've got to... Oh, Mel.
- Ready? - Yeah, I'm ready. I was born ready. I was born ready.
I sort of look half like a mannequin the whole time.
This is terrible. This is a terrible...
This is like a rubbish version of The Matrix.
- APPLAUSE Oh. - Oh!
- Why am I doing only one leg? - One leg? What were you thinking? - I don't know.
Well, I'm never going to wash again. I've never been happier.
OK, let's see what that's done to the scores.
- So, Rob and Richard, you got 22. Romesh and Mel, you got 23. - Yes!
David and Sarah, you got 29.
We're going to catch a quick break now.
Please give it up for the one and only Pamela Anderson, everyone. Yay. Thanks for comingalong.
Welcome back to The Big Fat Quiz Of The Year.
The final round is all about the water cooler moments of 2016.
Here's a reminder of what we were talking about this year.
In 2016 both America and the UK were beset by creepy killer clowns.
The difference was, we didn't put ours in charge of the country.
In March, Rupert Murdoch married Jerry Hall.
Some raised eyebrows at the age gap, but Jerry Hall says
she just likes his company, which is handy because
in about six months she's going to own it.
Our junior doctors went on strike.
The junior doctors say changes to working hours would have left
them dangerously tired, meaning during operations they'd be more
likely to hit the metal bit and make the red nose buzz and light up.
OK, final set of questions.
First up, over to Michelle Keegan who's got a question for you.
Hi, Jimmy. I love having a good clear out at home
and I always donate to charity shops whenever I do.
But this year, a branch of Oxfam in Swansea received
so many donations of one particular item that they had to ask
people not to give them any more.
But can your teams remember what that was?
So, Michelle wants to know what item of branch of Oxfam asked
people to stop donating.
I'll give you a clue.
It was a book, it's a literature question, David.
- You should get this. - You're probably right, yeah.
Have a look at this picture of Ed Sheeran.
How did he get this injury?
Oh, shit.
OK, what received a 10% reduction this year causing a national
outrage and prompting John Prescott to tweet "Brexit just got real".
I can tell you it was not Crossrail.
Am I the only person that doesn't give a shit
about the train that goes that way?
It's just like trains that go that way. Sorry. I'm not sorry.
Couldn't give a flying fuck, love.
I've been on a train with Mel and you were very excited about it.
I was. I love trains and I love infrastructure.
Imagine Acton Main Line...
Romesh... Romesh do not take your own life.
Next up, look at this picture of a Burger King employee
in South Korea clearing a table very carefully.
All I want to know is, why the protective gear?
ROB: Oh. Oh, Rob's got one.
- Good, right. - Rob is a machine.
And lastly, it's over to everyone's favourite
'80s pop star, Rick Astley.
Hi, Jimmy. Now, you've got to be tough to survive in the music
business but this year one everyday object was given a rugged makeover
meaning it could withstand a spin in the washing machine, a red wine
spillage and survive temperatures of up to 120 degrees Celsius.
Can your teams remember what it is?
Oh, come on, what is it? Household object...
What were you saying about Acton Main Line and Paddington?
No, dude, this ain't the time for that shit.
We've got to get an answer down.
- Mel, talk to me. - No, dude!
Mel. Mel! Focus. Write something down.
- What got a makeover? What household object? - Sorry.
She's writing "Acton Main Line".
There we go. I put, "Acton Main Line"...
That's silly. A household object, come on. Quickly. A glove, a glove.
It's quite early-onset, though, isn't it?
Rubber glove. Rubber glove!
- All right, everyone got some answers? - Yes.
OK, so Michelle Keegan asked you
what a branch of Oxfam stopped taking donations of this year?
What did you think? BOTH: 50 Shades Of Grey.
Ditto.
- Ditto. - Well, you're all absolutely correct.
They were so inundated they built a fort. Take a look.
That's one charity shop.
Did the pages all open or are they all a bit stuck?
That fort must absolutely reek, man.
Are you suggesting that people are literally ejaculating into the book?
- Because I haven't read this book. - I haven't read it either.
Well, read it, you'll fuck it.
That's the quote they want.
Read it. I fucked it.
OK, so points all round there.
I asked you how Ed Sheeran sustained his injury. What do you think?
We've got Princess Beatrice cut him
with a sword during a fake knighting.
- That is exactly right. Romesh, Mel, did you get this? - Yes. Princess...
- Ditto. - Ditto. - OK, fine. Rob, Richard?
We disagree. You went...
I wrote Princess Beatrice and then I drew a very good sword.
And I thought a tiny Ed Sheeran burst out of his cheek.
Incorrect. But you got Princess Beatrice, I'll give you that.
Yeah, yes, Princess Beatrice was...
She was actually pretending to knight James Blunt and Ed Sheeran
was behind her and she caught him with the sword and cut his face.
Interestingly, the sword was not "blunt".
Oh. Jesus.
Mel Giedroyc, everyone, Mel Giedroyc.
At least she's not talking about trains.
I asked you what received 10% reduction this year
causing a national outrage and prompting John Prescott
to tweet "Brexit just got real", what did you think?
I put Crossrail.
- Even though Jimmy said it's not Crossrail. - I know. I put Crossrail.
She thought that was a red herring.
- OK, what did you put, Rob? - Toblerone shrinkage. - And David?
And the answer is Toblerone, not Toblerone shrinkage.
Toblerone shrinkage experienced a 100% increase
in the last year, not a 10& reduction.
Can you just say the question again so that I can work out
whether I give a shit?
I'll do better than that. I'll tell you, you definitely don't.
You can have it, you can have it, yes. Points, points, no points.
I mean, you can see what they've done, there, that's quite sneaky.
- I don't see any difference in them at all. - Wow! - Oh, no.
- Oh, yes, I do see it. - Look at the size of that gap!
You could drive a bloody Crossrail train through that!
You could.
I asked you why a South Korean Burger King employee was
using protective gear to clear a table, what did you put?
Because they're vegan.
They didn't want to touch the meat. "Meh-meh-meh-meh-meh!"
Rob, Richard?
We thought that was a Samsung Galaxy phone...exploding phone.
- Romesh, Mel? - Samsung Seven exploding. - Well, let's take a look.
It was of course a Samsung Galaxy Note 7 burning.
And finally, Rick Astley asked you which object received
a makeover meaning it can now withstand red wine,
a spin in the wash and up to 120 degrees of heat?
- What have you all got? - Cats.
It would be good to have a cat that could go in the washing
machine because they sometimes smell a bit so...
And have red wine spilt on it and be able to
withstand 120 degree heat?
You could send them into burning buildings to fetch things.
Because they're famously easy to give instructions to, cats.
Well, it would be a start.
It's better than having a cat that would go in and just die.
OK, Well, it is a great cat rescue system you've come up with.
I'm disappointed to tell you you're 100% wrong. Rob, Richard?
- The new fiver. - The new five pound note.
- Mel, Romesh, did you definitely get it? Yes. - We put "mug,".
Oh, "mug,"? They invented a mug
- this year that could withstand red wine? - Yes.
That's all mugs. All mugs ever.
OK, so no points, no points, point. Well done, gang.
OK.
OK, the quiz is almost over, it all comes down to the big question.
OK. So I'm looking for three things here.
There's a point for each and if you get all three,
I'll give you a big, fat ten bonus points. ALL: Oh!
So we could win. Anyone can win, anyone could win.
OK, so I want to know what was the biggest selling album released
in 2016 according to the official chart company.
OK? I want to know what was the most watched TV programme of the year.
Most watched TV programme of the year and finally what was
- the word of the year according to the Collins dictionary? - Word?
A new word, yeah, word of the year.
The always pick a new word as their word of the year.
It can't be. OK, all right. Have you written something down, Mel?
- Yep. - OK, all right. Well, let's have a look at your answers.
What did you get? Rob and Richard, first, what have you got?
- Blackstar. - Yeah, Blackstar by Bowie. - And what did you get, Mel?
- Bowie, Blackstar. - OK, and what you get Sarah, David?
David Bowie's last album.
- Yeah. OK, TV programme? - Final of Bake Off?
- Or Bake Off in general. - What did you put, Mel?
- I put Bake Off. - You put Bake Off?
I did a little picture of a cake and then I put "-off".
OK, I mean, you know, check yourself before you wreck yourself.
I mean, you're right but... It's pretty big-headed is all I'm saying.
- I didn't... No, I didn't write it smugly. - Sounds like you maybe did.
- She was so arrogant, mate. The way she wrote it. - No!
I didn't!
She was like, "Yes, we absolutely smashed it."
And then she wrote it down.
- OK, Rob, Richard, did you get Bake Off? - We did, yes.
OK, highest-rated show.
Finally, I asked you what was the word of the year.
- What did you put Mel, Romesh? - Blag.
- You think blag was the word of the year? - I don't.
But that's what she put.
- OK, Rob, Richard, what did you put is the word of the year? - Brexit.
Is that what's written? That's just a scribble, isn't it?
Something happened here but that's not a word.
And then emerging from it like a birth
is the new word of the year, Brexit.
- OK, David, Sarah? - Brexit. - Brexit.
That you can quite clearly read, I think you'll find.
Yes, I mean you've got them all right.
You got them all right and you didn't get them all right.
So two points, 13 points, 13 points.
Right, that's it, time to work out your scores at home.
Let's see how this lot did. I can tell you the scores,
final scores are, with 28 points in last place,
Romesh and Mel!
Rob Delaney, Richard Ayoade with 40 points came in second but
the winners of The Big Fat Quiz Of 2016,
David Mitchell and Sarah Millican!
- Here is your beautiful trophy. Beautiful. - Oh, thank you.
A big thank you to our amazing panel, all our special guest,
and thank you for watching, that's it from us, goodnight.