翻译 Cornelius
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后期&压制 Jason肖
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爱, 死亡 机器人
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第一季 第２集
"三个机器人"
第一季 第２集
"三个机器人"
第一季 第２集
"三个机器人"
第一季 第２集
"三个机器人"
第一季 第２集
"三个机器人"
第一季 第２集
"三个机器人"
第一季 第２集
"三个机器人"
第一季 第２集
"三个机器人"
我们他妈的迷路了吧 We are fucking lost, aren't we?
迷路 怎么可能 Lost? Okay, that's rich.
我看看 我们刚经过了破教堂 Let's see, we just passed the ravaged church.
这是血坑 There is the blood pit.
这边 走吧 This way. Here we go.
真让人惊艳 Breathtaking.
比宣传册上还要漂亮 It's more beautiful than the brochures.
伙计们 快跟上 我们还有好多要参观的 Come on. Giddy up, guys! We've got so much to see.
后启示录时代的城市 You've seen one post-apocalyptic city,
去过一个就够了 you've seen 'em all.
我们完蛋了
姑娘 你气色不错 说"太字节" You're looking good, girl. Say "terabyte".
加油 加油 Go, team.
大伙 别闹了 来看看这个 Hey, guys, stop goofing around and check this out.
有请 娱乐球体 Behold the entertainment sphere!
这叫球 It's called a ball.
我知道这叫球 但我想沉浸在这种 I know it's called a ball, but I'm trying to get into the whole
"我们初次体验人类生活"的感觉中 "we're experiencing these human things for the first time" vibe.
人类用这些东西做什么 And what did humans do with these things?
老哥 有什么是他们不做的 他们会拍球 Oh, man, what didn't they do? They'd bounce them.
-就这样 -对 差不多就这样 - That's it? - Yeah. That's pretty much it.
这些可是人类 These were humans.
拍打东西就几乎超出他们的认知范围了 Bouncing things was close to maxing out their cognitive range.
不 有时他们也会用棍子击打球 No, but also sometimes they would take the ball and hit it with, like, a stick.
什么 因为球犯事了吗 What? When they misbehaved?
坏球 好好反省一下 Bad ball. Think about what you've done.
来吧 试试 Come on, here. Try.
我拿这玩意儿干什么 What the hell am I supposed to do with this thing?
你懂的 拍两下 You know, boing-boing.
没门 No way.
别扭扭捏捏了 快他妈拍球 Stop being a whiny pussy and fucking bounce it.
-拜托 -老天 让你的主板冷静点 - Please. - Jeez, calm down your motherboard.
-好吧 -这可太令人兴奋了 - Okay. - Oh, man, this is so exciting.
好厉害 你感觉怎样 快告诉我 That was amazing! How was it for you? Tell me everything.
太虎头蛇尾了 It was pretty anticlimactic.
是啊 欢迎来到人类世界 Yeah, well, welcome to humans.
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让我看看你有什么本事 大家伙 Show me what you've got, big boy.
♪ 你能否帮忙拾起 ♪ ♪ Oh, won't you help pick up the pieces ♪
♪ 破碎的心 ♪ ♪ Of a broken heart ♪
我不确定 但我的理解是 他们会把这些东西 Now, I'm not certain, but my understanding is that they would shove these
塞进他们的摄入孔 以产生能量 into their intake orifices to generate power.
为什么人类需要一整个孔来做这事 Why would you need an entire orifice for that?
谁知道 他们有各种孔 Who knows? They had all sorts of orifices.
东西进进出出的 太逗了 Things were coming in, things were going out. It was crazy!
我有核聚变电池来提供能量 I mean, I have a fusion battery for power.
我们都有核聚变电池 傻子 We all have fusion batteries, dummy.
就是说啊 那还需要什么呢 对吧 That's my point. What more do you need, right?
让我把这搞清楚 So, let me get this straight.
他们把这些东西塞进摄入孔里 They would shove these into their intake orifice,
然后呢 来个人帮帮我 and then what? Somebody help me out here.
他们的摄入孔里有石钉 Their intake orifices had rocky pegs
能把东西碾成糊状 that would crush them into paste,
然后糊状物会被压进体内的酸液桶里 and then the paste would be forced into an internal vat of acid.
当然了 这下就说得通了 Well, of course. That makes perfect sense.
他们可以先把东西倒进体外的酸液桶 They could have just dumped this thing into an exterior vat of acid to begin with
这样就不用石钉了啊 太蠢了 and then they wouldn't need the rocky pegs. I mean, duh!
指望肚里装满酸液的生物讲逻辑 Expecting logic from beings who have internal vats of acid
-有点过分 -真搞不懂 他们是谁设计的 - is a little much. - It's crazy. Who even designed them?
不清楚 我们查了他们的代码 没有设计者签名 It's unclear. We checked their code - no creator signature.
这是因为他们是由一个神秘莫测的神 That's because they were made by an unfathomable deity that created them
从尘土中创造的 没有任何理由 for no apparent reason, out of dust.
开个玩笑 他们是从暖汤[羊水]里出来的 Just kidding. They came from a very warm soup.
抱歉久等了 小伙子 Sorry for the wait, champ.
这东西有什么意义 What's the point of this thing?
显然没意义 他们就养着 Apparently, there's no point. They just had them.
那你就低估了它们的影响力 Well, that's underselling their influence.
他们有一个完整的网络 专门用于 They had an entire network that was devoted to dissemination of pictures
传播这些东西的照片 of these things.
看 它在做什么动作 Oh, look, it's doing something.
它走过来了 It's coming this way.
它到底想干什么 What the fuck does it think it's doing?
-老兄 我怎么办 -放松 别乱动 - Dude, what do I do? - Okay, easy. No sudden moves.
我们就等着它自己再站起来吧 好吗 Let's just wait until it decides to get up again, okay, bud?
-我们会挺过去的 -这要多久 - We're gonna get through this. - How long will that take?
几小时 也可能几年 Hours. Perhaps years.
我可等不了几小时 更等不了几年 I don't have hours or perhaps years for this.
不如试试用手指挠它的角质纤维来刺激它 What if you try to irritate it by moving your digits across its keratinous fibers?
-说不定就能让它动起来了 -什么 为什么 - Maybe that'll make it move. - What? Why?
-我不知道 又没什么损失 -你就是瞎说的吧 - I don't know. It couldn't hurt. - You don't have any idea, do you?
那不然呢 我也是第一次见到这东西 I do not. It is my first time seeing one of these live!
不妨试试 Hey, just try it, though.
好吧 Okay, fine.
有用吗 Is it working?
什么 What?
它正在发出一种奇怪的有节奏的声音 There's a strange, rhythmic kind of noise that's emanating from it now.
-糟了 -你什么意思 - Uh-oh. - What do you mean, "uh-oh?"
我不想让你慌神 但你好像激活它了 I don't want you to panic or anything, but I think you've activated it.
什么意思 What does that mean?
我说了 我不是专家 As I said, I am no expert,
但要是这声音停了 它就会在你身上爆炸 but if the noise ever stops, it's gonna explode on you.
不会吧 It is not. Is it?
粗略的历史研究表明 Cursory historical research shows
人类有一种叫"炸猫猫"的纸牌游戏 that humans had a card game called Exploding Kittens.
所以没错 确实如此 So, yes, this checks out.
-你要死了 真倒霉 -什么 - Oh, you're gonna die now. Bummer. - What?
人类到底为什么要养这种长毛的杀人机器 Why did humans even consort with these hairy murder machines?
-臭味相投 -这也是对的 - Kindred spirits? - Also checks out.
不是 我认真的 现在该怎么办 No, seriously. Now what?
说"太字节" Say "terabyte".
滚 开
等等 它叫什么 Wait, it's called what now?
X机器人3号 人类早期的计算机娱乐系统 It's an X Bot Three, an early computer entertainment system for humans.
-跟你有关系吗 -跟我 得了吧 不可能 - Any relation? - To me? Come on. No way.
确定吗 因为从数字上看 这可能是 You sure? 'Cause numerically, it suggests that this is your ancestor
你的几千代前的祖先 maybe a few thousand generations back.
从数字上看 这肯定只是巧合 Numerically, I'm sure it's just a coincidence.
我们是机器人 没有巧合这回事 We are robots. We don't do coincidence.
来 叫爸爸 Go on, call it Daddy.
-够了 闭嘴吧 -或者叫妈妈 - Okay, stop. Just stop. - Or Mommy.
我们没有生殖器 所以叫爸叫妈都行 Either is equally applicable in as much as we don't have genitalia.
你有没有关机键 Do you have an off button?
儿子 你皮包骨头的 有没有吃饱电 Son, you're skin and bones. Are you recharging properly?
-我要拆了你小子 -你做不到的 那只猫还在呢 - I will disintegrate you! - Not with that cat with you, you aren't.
想要我们打开它吗 You want us to turn it on?
你他妈想都别想 No fucking way.
我同意X机器人4000号 I'm agreeing with X Bot 4000 here.
-就是 -开别人祖先的玩笑是一回事 - Right! - One thing is to joke about ancestry,
看着你爷爷的硬盘掉出来就是另一回事了 another to see your grandfather heaving its hard drives in front of you.
没错 尤其是当你祖先的存在 Yes, especially when your ancestor's entire existence
就是为了让一个13岁的人类男性 was defined by thirteen-year-old human males
在虚拟战争里向对手吊茶包 using it to teabag opponents in virtual battles.
[吊茶包: 游戏玩家快速蹲坐在对手的尸体上 以表示嘲讽的行为]
慢点 "吊茶包"是什么意思 Slow down. "Teabag", what does that mean?
-没什么意思 -不 一定有什么含义 - Nothing. - No, it has to mean something.
-他说了个词 我得查查 -别查 - He said a word. I'm gonna look it up. - Don't look it up.
-我正在查呢 -是的 请便吧 - I am looking it up now. - Yeah. Please do.
-你会后悔的 -你才会后悔的 - You'll be sorry. - You'll be sorry.
有了 什么 这是什么糟糕的操作 Here it is. What? What the hell is this horrible practice?
-你为什么让我查这个 -我叫你不要查的 - Why did you make me look this up? - I told you not to.
这段记忆永远烙印在我的电路中了 And the memory of this has been burned into my circuits forever
我要惩罚你 and you must be punished.
吊猫袋 Cat-bagged!
怎么能这样 你好残忍啊 兄弟 Come on! That's cold, dude.
你活该 You deserved it.
你的祖先现在一定很为你骄傲 I'm sure your ancestors are very proud of you right now.
好奇问问 你的祖先是什么 Out of curiosity, what do you trace your ancestry back to?
我很高兴你问了 I'm glad you asked.
我来自一个历史悠久的育婴机器人家族 I come from a proud, long line of baby monitors.
现在已经没什么婴儿了吧 Not many babies around anymore, right?
是啊 我们工作做得不太好 Yeah, we kind of sucked at our job.
好了 机器人们 本次旅程的最后一站 All right, mein bots, this is the last stop of the tour,
压轴来了 and may I say, the pièce of resistance.
只有我觉得它长得像阴茎吗 Is it me, or this thing screams "phallus"?
它是干什么的 What was it for?
它的功能是尽可能多地消灭人类 The idea behind these was to annihilate as many humans as possible,
而且越快越好 as quick as possible.
这次旅行突然有点沉重了 是吧 This exercise suddenly got a little dark, didn't it?
平心而论 他们只用过几次 Well, to be fair, they only used these a few times.
平心而论 几次也够了 To be fair, you would only need a few times.
-那也在理 -这就是灭绝他们的东西 - Also fair. - This is the thing that killed them all?
不 其实终结人类统治的是他们自己的傲慢 No. Indeed, it was their own hubris that ended their reign,
他们笃信自己是万物之首 their belief that they were the pinnacle of creation
于是肆意地污染水源 毒害土地 搅浑空气 that caused them to poison the water, kill the land and choke the sky.
最后 不等核战争爆发的寒冬到来 In the end, no nuclear winter was needed,
自私狂妄的人类已消逝于瑟瑟秋风中 just the long heedless autumn of their own self-regard.
-你还好吗 -抱歉 - Are you okay? - Yeah, sorry.
我以为这听起来好过 Thought that would sound better than,
"不 他们就是一群白痴 自己作死" "Nah, they just screwed themselves by being a bunch of morons."
好吧 你不能这么吓人一跳 Yeah, you can't just crack one of those off.
你得先提醒我们 You've got to warn us.
下次知道了 Tip for next time.
我懂了 I understand now.
人类灭绝于环境灾难 Humans died out from environmental disaster.
差不多吧 Yeah, pretty much.
也因为他们对他们的猫进行了基因改造 And also because at one point, they genetically engineered their cats
让它们有了一对大拇指 to give them opposable thumbs.
没错 一旦我们能自己打开金枪鱼罐头 Yes. Once we could open up our own tuna cans,
人类就差不多玩完了 that was pretty much that for the human race.
好冷血啊 Seems pretty heartless.
先生们 我可是只猫 Gentlemen, I'm a cat.
先说清楚 我们不摸你 你不会爆炸吧 Just to clarify, you are not going to explode if we stop petting you, right?
我可没这么说 I didn't say that.
为了确保万无一失 你们最好继续抚摸我 You guys better keep petting me just to be sure.
别停下来 很好 Forever. Good.
往下一点 Now, lower.
对了 我还带了几个朋友 Oh, by the way, I brought some friends.
菜单
自我毁灭
调整亮度
关闭菜单
热成像: 关闭
弹药
我操 Oh, fuck me.
热成像: 开启
侦测到敌人!
很好 真舒服 Yes. Oh, that's nice.
我说了 往下点 I said lower.
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看来我们的假期可能要延长了 是吧 I guess this means we're extending our vacation, right?